June 6, 2025 • 26 mins
There is a goldmine of hacks and inspiration to learn from a specific population of people living in the world right now, and this episode is all about it.
Maybe because we grew up in the 90’s, when body image culture caused eating disorders in myself and half of the young people around me. We grew up in a world that thought it had been liberated by the movements of the 60’s and 70’s, but that hadn’t yet publicly recognized multiple systems of oppression that were/are still woven through the fabric of the culture that we lived and breathed. Some of us were eating Special K and gummy bears to stay skinny, some were people pleasing and deferring as we lived up to expectations of the patriarchal systems we ate and slept and loved in. And we thought we were free, back then.
But wait until you see us now.
There is a generation of women who are more uniquely powerful, free, open and joyful than any one population of people that I’ve experienced before. And it’s the women who are exploring the middle decades of their life. They are owning hormonal and identity changes. They are collaborating and inspiring one another rather than competing and judging. And they are bringing unprecedented levels of joy and connection to the space they are in.
What you’re learn in today’s episode:
- How finding a group of people going through the same moment of life can be the most empowering thing you can do
- The qualities that middle decade women are bringing to life in this culture, and why it’s such good medicine
- Why walking away from a conversation and listening deeply both come from the same well of confidence
- How connection over competition, and inspiration over judgement leads to deep connections and belonging
- Why hormonal changes are relevant for everyone to know and talk about
Referenced on this podcast:
How to connect with Marie:
- On the Web | The Local Bloom
- Instagram: @the.bloom.coach
- All Things Marie on LinkTree
JOIN THE BLOOM ROOM!
We'll take all these ideas and apply them to our lives. Follow me on Instagram at @the.bloom.coach to learn more and snag a spot in my group coaching program!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome to the Bloom your Mind Podcast, where we take
all of your ideas for what youwant and we turn them into real
things.
I'm your host, certified CoachMarie McDonald.
Let's get into it.
Well, hello everybody, andwelcome to episode number 130 of
(00:33):
the Bloom your Mind podcast,where we're going to talk about
one of my favorite currentthings in the world, which are
big women, women who are living,big women who are doing the big
life that they have in mind.
Because I've had these twoexperiences lately with these
groups of women that were sospectacular to me, really
(00:54):
breathtaking to me, and Inoticed some things about them
that are qualities that I thinkwe all strive for and that are
qualities that have kind ofcreated a little secret code to
this generation of women andkind of show what is so special
about them and what is so freeand powerful about them.
(01:16):
So I'm going to share thattoday.
But first it's about to besummer over here in the McDonald
House and you know, if you'velistened to this podcast for a
while, that every summer wecreate a bucket list, we have a
chalkboard and we all gatheraround and list on the bucket
list all the things that we wantto do over the summer, and so
(01:36):
that might be like ride a horse,go to Montana, see a specific
friend.
It also might be like eat pennepasta, you know, find a
butterfly.
Anything that is an experiencethat we want to have goes on the
list.
Now, this is your annualreminder.
That is bucket list time,because the bucket list is so
fun.
And also we were talking aboutit in the bloom room and had a
(01:59):
pretty funny discussion abouthow one fabulous member of the
bloom room made her bucket list,but it was all about the things
she needed to do over thesummer, so like areas of the
house to declutter and that kindof thing.
And we talked about thedifference between that bucket
list and a family bucket list.
That's like up in the house ona chalkboard that's co-created
(02:22):
and that it doesn't matter whatyou get done on it and what you
don't.
Of course, the game is to doeverything on the bucket list,
but there is no consequence ifyou don't do everything on the
bucket list.
It is a thing where every timeyou it's an inspiration right,
where every time you do one ofthose things, you cross it off
and see what's left, and everytime you're like, what do we do
(02:43):
cross it off and see what's left, and every time you're like
what do we do with ourselvestoday?
Or the kids are like I'm bored.
You look at the list whatshould we do?
And you get inspiration fromthe list for the things and
experiences that you're going tohave over the summer.
So she was like I'm going backto the drawing board with my
list, and we also decided thatshe could treat her decluttering
(03:05):
list like the bucket list asinspiration for what to get done
, but also there's no problem ifshe doesn't get it all done
over the summer.
That was pretty fun.
And then another thing thathappened in the bloom room that
I thought might be fun for youall to hear about is we are
doing time whispering people inthe bloom room.
(03:26):
My courses that are availablefor purchase to the outside
world are always free to thebloom room group, and so the
time whispering course issomething that they're all kind
of going through together andasking questions about.
And in that course, if you'veheard the podcast about time
whispering, that's kind of asneak peek into some of the
content, the course.
If you've heard the podcastabout time whispering, that's
kind of a sneak peek into someof the content.
(03:47):
The course has, you know,instructions and screenshots and
templates to use.
But one of them was doing hisweekly review and in his weekly
review he showed it to us and itsaid prep morning reading.
And I said what is this?
And he said, oh yeah, I like toread something inspiring every
day.
So on my weekly review, whenI'm planning my week, I'm going
(04:09):
to plan something relevant tothe week.
That's going to be short,little snippets of inspiration
or something to get me into thefeeling state or the mindset
that I want to be in this week.
And I was like you're a genius,I love it.
So maybe you want to prep yourmorning reading, maybe you want
(04:30):
to do some morning reading,maybe you don't want to prep it
but you want to do it.
Maybe you want to prep it anddo it.
I don't know, but may you takethat suggestion with you.
Maybe you're going to add prepmorning reading to your summer
bucket list.
Whatever you do, I hope thatyou enjoy it.
All right.
So, big women, I went to twoseparate events lately.
(04:51):
One was a camping trip that Itold you about.
That was in April, I believe.
So a few, you know, quite a fewepisodes ago and because it's
June right now, maybe you'relistening to this at a wildly
different time of the year, butit's a few months later.
A couple months later and I wassurrounded by a group of women
(05:14):
during that trip and a differentgroup of women this past
weekend at a friend's annual50th birthday party.
How fun is that?
First of all, that she'sdecided last year she had a 50th
birthday party and we had ablast.
First of all, that she'sdecided last year she had a 50th
birthday party and we had ablast.
And so she said let's do thisevery year.
So she said we're going to havean annual 50th birthday party,
and just that concept isemblematic of the things that
(05:39):
I'm going to describe to you,that I have found so
significantly powerful and freeabout these women that I've been
around lately.
So these women spanned a fewdecades of life, with a large
concentration of them being intheir forties or some of them in
(06:01):
their early fifties, but mostof them in their forties and a
lot of them in their thirtiesand some in their twenties, most
in thirties and forties, andthe ones in their forties, a lot
of them are in perimenopause,which, if you don't know, can
last for 10 years or more, Idon't know, but it's about 10
years and can have all kinds ofwild symptoms, and we are living
(06:23):
in an age where it's startingto get normalized to talk about
the symptoms of perimenopauseand menopause, which to me, is
bananas that this hasn't beentalked about before but, of
course, is very you know, notsurprising when we think about
the patriarchal structure of oursociety and our history of our
(06:46):
society, our history.
So right now we can talk aboutthose things.
But what I noticed in both ofthese groups was that being in a
group of women that was talkingabout that journey through the
end of your cycle, this likehormonal change that women go
through, that is sort of a newthing to talk about in such a
(07:07):
normalized way.
Right, we haven't really hadthis much information about it
before, and if you're nevergoing to go through menopause,
please keep listening, becausethis is all about the big women
in your life and it's not onlyspecifically about menopause.
And so one of the things thatwas so amazing about it is that
any time in the first group, thecamping group, anybody was
(07:30):
having a conversation about thisage of our life, about the
years between 30 and 50, or 30and 55, whatever, and the
hormonal changes that happen,the identity changes that happen
when your children are nolonger little, if you have
children, if you don't havechildren, watching the people
around you, the families aroundyou, change and for yourself,
(07:52):
the changes that you go through,based on just the identity of
this different decade and beingin this middle passage of life
work changes, if you work,relationship changes.
You know all these differentthings that happen.
After we've passed the story ofthe foundational, I like to
think of, like you know, the 10s, 20s, 30s to mid 30s as, like
(08:15):
we're creating this foundationfor our life.
Where are we going to live?
Are we going to get married ornot?
Are we going to have kids ornot?
Are we going to travel or not?
What are we going to do for aliving?
And then you move into this now, what right?
This next phase where, likemost of the big foundational
(08:36):
decisions are done.
So now you just get to like, bein the world and express
yourself and play.
And during the next, you know,sometime after that, 10, 15, 20
years after that, for women, wego through menopause and we go
through a huge second change.
And for me, what it reminded meof on this camping trip,
because every time someonetalked about what they were
(08:59):
learning about hormone changesor longevity for the men that
were there too, peopleidentified as men too there was
like or people born as menpeople were talking about
longevity practices and all thethings we're learning about.
Anytime someone started aconversation about that, other
people that were not in theconversation would pause what
(09:19):
they were doing and come over tolisten, be like I want to be a
part of this, I want to learnabout this, and it happened over
and over again and it remindedme about when I was a new mom,
right after I had my daughter,and there was so much confusing
stuff happening and whether itwas actually confusing or just
new, it was all just like whatmy body was changing, my world
(09:42):
was changing, my sleep waschanging, my whole sense of my
compass was changing for my liferight and starting to point at
this little human and about afamily, towards a family unit
rather than just towards myself.
And I remember anytime I wasaround other groups of other
young moms that were talkingabout what was changing in their
(10:04):
body how to solve a problem,sleep, training, nursing, like
anything.
How do you work with a kid?
What is childcare like?
How do you get in summer camps,like, how do you find a sitter?
All these mysteries thatthere's not really a training
camp for.
Everyone would stop and go,listen and ask questions.
We all wanted to know and itwas so beautiful to go through
(10:26):
the process with other peoplethat were in that moment of life
and share what was working forus and share the differences and
be there for each other.
And this is happening again nowin these tribes of women who are
here experiencing changes inour bodies and our lives and our
identities and our children andour work and our communities,
(10:48):
these changes in these middledecades of life.
It's so empowering andbeautiful to be a part of these
conversations because the womenare breathtaking.
I am truly floored with thewomen that I am around that are
(11:09):
in these middle stages of life.
They are wildly unapologetic,they are powerful and they have
exhibit this freedom.
That is really something Ihaven't seen collectively in a
group before, unless they'relike teenagers that think
they're going to live forever,you know, but groups of adults.
(11:29):
There's a joy for life, there'sa confidence.
It's really amazing and onephilosophy that I have is maybe
because we all grew up in thistime where it was like the
semblance of the realconservatism of the 50s, you
know, was like over and the 60shad happened and maybe we all
(11:51):
thought we were free and we wereliberated had happened, and
maybe we all thought we werefree and we were liberated and
in reality, when I was ateenager, you were pressured to
be like 90 pounds, we were allanorexic, nobody ate anything.
You were supposed to be skinnyas a stick.
There was so much body shamingand we were inside a patriarchal
(12:12):
structure, societal structurethat wasn't named yet, it hadn't
been called out yet.
So there's all thisconstriction on us as young
women, and what I'm seeing rightnow is as the society that
we're living in is opening upthis conversation about hormones
and normalizing hormones andnormalizing the wild things that
(12:35):
your body goes through that arejust like you're by yourself,
and these things are happeningto you as a woman and you are
expected to continue justfunctioning.
There's no excuse of like beingto continue to function
according to all of the metricsfor women's success as you're
(13:00):
going through these hugehormonal changes.
Now there's a conversationabout that.
There's a like, uh-uh, I ain'tdoing that.
This is what I'm going through,and body shaming is like out
man.
Body shaming is like out man.
We are in not only body positiveculture, but more of a body
neutral culture.
Where we're in, like notdefined by our bodies, there's a
(13:21):
lot I mean a lot ofconversation and what it feels
like to be in it and what ittakes to break those
internalized systems ofoppression.
So, as this group of women thatis now in our middle decades of
(13:48):
our life, we are being likeliberated by these normalized
conversations about these things, and it is awesome to watch and
to be in the middle of thistribe of women.
It's wild because it's likethis bottled up passion and
freedom that's just gettinguncorked in these women around
(14:11):
me.
And so here are some of thethings that they can inspire us.
This group of women can inspireus, these characteristics that
inspire us to be and pursue andbecome in ourselves, and
characteristics that I think areaspirational.
You know for myself, definitelythis is how I want to live.
(14:34):
It's good living to be theseways, and I'm seeing them more
often in this population ofpeople women in the middle
decades of their life right now,than in anybody else, and how
badass is that?
All right.
So, number one, they are owningit, owning imperfections, owning
(14:55):
their body in whatever statetheir body has been in, owning
whatever things they're needingto do to acclimate to what their
body needs.
Owning what they want to wear,owning how they want to wear
their hair, and owning what theywant to say and what they want
to do.
(15:15):
There's this self-possessionand, followed by this complete
lack of apology.
They do not apologize for theirstory.
They don't apologize for wherethey've been or where they're
going.
This is this quality that I'mexperiencing over and over and
over again.
(15:36):
They're not apologizing aboutwhat they do for a living, about
what they don't do for a living.
They share their stories soopenly and what you can see is a
total congruence between theirwords and their body language.
And if you listen to the lastpodcast and learn about that,
(15:58):
you can hear about how 93% ofour communication is nonverbal
and that when we are verbally incongruence with what we are
thinking and feeling, then ourbody language comes across as
authentic.
We come across as thinking andfeeling.
Then our body language comesacross as authentic.
We come across as authenticbecause our words and our body
(16:19):
are saying the same thing.
These women have that congruence, they are owning it and they
are not apologetic.
They are not shrinking, theyare not trying to hide as they
talk about who they are, andit's spectacular.
Another thing they do is theywalk away.
When they're not interested,they just straight up leave.
(16:40):
It's like if they're in a groupor a conversation or an
experience that they don't wantto be in, they walk away.
That's a hell.
No, that's a.
I'm out.
I'm not spending the moments ofmy life doing this thing right
now, because there aren't aninfinite number of those moments
.
I'm not into this anymore.
And they do it kindly.
A lot of them do it with humor,they're just like I'll see you
(17:01):
later.
You know, there's no judgment,they're just not here for it.
And we again, we have been, youknow, socialized to sit and nod
when we want to leave, to stay,so no one gets their feelings
hurt.
To be polite, and I feel likethere's this moment that we're
in this set of women that's likeoh yeah, I was doing that, I
(17:27):
ain't doing that anymore andit's really fun to watch them
walk away.
Another thing that I love aboutthis age, this set, is that they
listen so well.
They are the best activelisteners.
They listen intently for aslong as they want to.
(17:51):
They are not threatened byanother person's story.
They're not threatened byanother person taking up space.
If they're curious, they askfollow-up questions.
They ask follow-up questionsand comment on the whole
experience without turning itaround to be it about themselves
.
They don't offer advice unlessit's solicited or they check in
(18:16):
to ask first if they can offeradvice.
They're not self-referential.
They don't interrupt each otheror cut each other off unless
they're like having a wild goodtime, and then they do.
But for the most part they'reso aware about creating space
for one another and it is sorefreshing and magnificent.
(18:36):
A couple other things they knowthat I guess there's this sense
of presence and gratitude.
It's like right now is as goodas it gets.
There's just a sense ofawareness that we are in a
precious life, a sense ofpresence that is just really
(18:57):
wonderful and along with that,this fearlessness and this joy.
I see them in these eventsexpressing themselves wildly,
but not too wildly, like not foranybody else's sake, just for
themselves, and leaving whenthey want to leave right, leave
the whole leaving.
When they want to leave right,leave the whole event when they
want to leave, not just theconversation and having so much
(19:21):
joy in the experience that theyare having.
And you know, the last thingthat I want to say about this
group is they are not threatenedby one another.
They are empowered by beingconnected to others that are
like them and to learn aboutanyone that's different.
Instead of looking at oneanother through a lens of
(19:44):
competition, they look at oneanother through a lens of
inspiration.
If there's something aboutanother woman that is
spectacular, I want to learnabout it, I want to know, I want
to talk to her, I want to takethat on for myself, because when
I look at her and I seesomething I admire, it's a
mirror of myself, of somethingthat's in me, instead of looking
(20:09):
at someone else and seeingsomething spectacular and being
threatened by it.
They're not confused by thathierarchical thinking.
They're inspired by eachother's power and joy and
fearlessness and presence.
And, of course, all of thesebeautiful things that I'm saying
(20:31):
.
They are thematic.
Nobody's perfect, nobody's.
It's not like no one's everinterrupting each other, of
course, but these are thesethematic things that I am seeing
resonant in woman after womanafter woman that I meet.
They're like a collective setof characteristics that I'm just
so enjoying the other thingthat I want to just say before I
(20:54):
close out here.
I want to say two more thingsOne about finding your group,
which I'll get to, and the otherone is going back to the
hormone conversation.
I just want to say that, as awoman who is in one of these
mid-decades of life, it has beenso cool to talk about this
stuff to my kids, to talk abouthormones, because my kids are 9
(21:17):
and 12.
They're going through hormonalchanges too.
So to normalize in our homethat we're all going through
hormonal shifts and I'm sure ourdad is in ways that are not
named and discovered yet eitherright, and so it has opened up
these conversations about whenyou feel sad and you don't know
why, that's okay.
We don't have to know why.
(21:38):
When you feel anxious or whenyou're a little snippy, we even
have a safe word for each other.
If one of us is a little snippyor impatient, we can say the
word cactus and the others.
It just is a little signal.
Oh, I'm being a little pricklyright now, let me check myself.
We call each other in becausewe know we're supporting one
another.
It also is an opening in themoments when we are feeling like
(22:04):
that.
I had a moment the other daywhen somebody was feeling
anxiety and feeling sad, reallysad, and didn't know why.
So we used a practice from thenew book by Martha Beck that
I've been listening to and it isjust so cool and it's called
Beyond Anxiety, and in one ofthe chapters she gives a process
(22:28):
for a tool to use where, ifyou're feeling really anxious or
you're feeling a strongnegative feeling, you think
about three things that you loveto see and to look at.
I can't really remember whichone.
She says three or five, but wewent three.
So three things that you loveto look at and imagine looking
(22:48):
at them, actually do it.
So we'll do that together.
And then three things that youlove to smell, three of your
favorite things that you love tosmell.
And then we imagine smellingthem.
And then three things that youlove to taste and we giggle and
we all share what we love totaste, or the person who's
feeling the big feelings shareswhat they love to taste.
We imagine tasting them.
(23:09):
And then three things that youlove to hear and imagine it.
And three things that you loveto touch and imagine it.
And then the last part of this,after you take the time to go
through those 15 things is tocreate an imaginary scenario
where you're experiencing all ofthem at once, or at least one
(23:29):
from each category, and then youactually imagine being there,
experiencing that and in themoments when we've applied that,
the anxiety or the sadness goesaway because it can't really be
present in the presence of thatexperience of joy and happiness
(23:50):
.
But I don't know if I would haveknown to use that tool if the
person hadn't come to me andshared how they were feeling,
because they knew there waspermission to do that, because
we don't have to be perfect andwe're here for each other.
In our highs and our lows we'reall going through changes,
(24:14):
changes are always happening,and so the permission to talk
about those hormones came frombeing in the society at this
time right, because I know abouthormones now, because the
information is available and Iconstantly am being inspired by
the women around me in thesemiddle stages of life that are
(24:36):
normalizing all of thesediscussions and creating so much
big beauty and bold healing inthe world.
So my invitation for you todayis to find your group that helps
you remember that you're notalone, that they're right there
beside you walking this samepath or their own parallel path,
(24:56):
because we can hold space forone another.
As we walk side by side, we canremember we're not alone.
We can find our people and ifyou need some people, come into
(25:16):
the Bloom Room.
We got you.
That's what I've got for youthis to come and join us in the
Bloom Room.
This is a year-round membershipwhere we take all of these
concepts and we apply them toreal life in a community where
(25:40):
we have each other's backs andwe bring out the best in each
other.
We're all there to make ourideas real, one idea at a time.
I'll see you in the bloom room.
Welcome to the Bloom your Mind Podcast, where we take
all of your ideas for what youwant and we turn them into real
things.
I'm your host, certified CoachMarie McDonald.
Let's get into it.
Well, hello everybody, andwelcome to episode number 130 of
(00:33):
the Bloom your Mind podcast,where we're going to talk about
one of my favorite currentthings in the world, which are
big women, women who are living,big women who are doing the big
life that they have in mind.
Because I've had these twoexperiences lately with these
groups of women that were sospectacular to me, really
(00:54):
breathtaking to me, and Inoticed some things about them
that are qualities that I thinkwe all strive for and that are
qualities that have kind ofcreated a little secret code to
this generation of women andkind of show what is so special
about them and what is so freeand powerful about them.
(01:16):
So I'm going to share thattoday.
But first it's about to besummer over here in the McDonald
House and you know, if you'velistened to this podcast for a
while, that every summer wecreate a bucket list, we have a
chalkboard and we all gatheraround and list on the bucket
list all the things that we wantto do over the summer, and so
(01:36):
that might be like ride a horse,go to Montana, see a specific
friend.
It also might be like eat pennepasta, you know, find a
butterfly.
Anything that is an experiencethat we want to have goes on the
list.
Now, this is your annualreminder.
That is bucket list time,because the bucket list is so
fun.
And also we were talking aboutit in the bloom room and had a
(01:59):
pretty funny discussion abouthow one fabulous member of the
bloom room made her bucket list,but it was all about the things
she needed to do over thesummer, so like areas of the
house to declutter and that kindof thing.
And we talked about thedifference between that bucket
list and a family bucket list.
That's like up in the house ona chalkboard that's co-created
(02:22):
and that it doesn't matter whatyou get done on it and what you
don't.
Of course, the game is to doeverything on the bucket list,
but there is no consequence ifyou don't do everything on the
bucket list.
It is a thing where every timeyou it's an inspiration right,
where every time you do one ofthose things, you cross it off
and see what's left, and everytime you're like, what do we do
(02:43):
cross it off and see what's left, and every time you're like
what do we do with ourselvestoday?
Or the kids are like I'm bored.
You look at the list whatshould we do?
And you get inspiration fromthe list for the things and
experiences that you're going tohave over the summer.
So she was like I'm going backto the drawing board with my
list, and we also decided thatshe could treat her decluttering
(03:05):
list like the bucket list asinspiration for what to get done
, but also there's no problem ifshe doesn't get it all done
over the summer.
That was pretty fun.
And then another thing thathappened in the bloom room that
I thought might be fun for youall to hear about is we are
doing time whispering people inthe bloom room.
(03:26):
My courses that are availablefor purchase to the outside
world are always free to thebloom room group, and so the
time whispering course issomething that they're all kind
of going through together andasking questions about.
And in that course, if you'veheard the podcast about time
whispering, that's kind of asneak peek into some of the
content, the course.
If you've heard the podcastabout time whispering, that's
kind of a sneak peek into someof the content.
(03:47):
The course has, you know,instructions and screenshots and
templates to use.
But one of them was doing hisweekly review and in his weekly
review he showed it to us and itsaid prep morning reading.
And I said what is this?
And he said, oh yeah, I like toread something inspiring every
day.
So on my weekly review, whenI'm planning my week, I'm going
(04:09):
to plan something relevant tothe week.
That's going to be short,little snippets of inspiration
or something to get me into thefeeling state or the mindset
that I want to be in this week.
And I was like you're a genius,I love it.
So maybe you want to prep yourmorning reading, maybe you want
(04:30):
to do some morning reading,maybe you don't want to prep it
but you want to do it.
Maybe you want to prep it anddo it.
I don't know, but may you takethat suggestion with you.
Maybe you're going to add prepmorning reading to your summer
bucket list.
Whatever you do, I hope thatyou enjoy it.
All right.
So, big women, I went to twoseparate events lately.
(04:51):
One was a camping trip that Itold you about.
That was in April, I believe.
So a few, you know, quite a fewepisodes ago and because it's
June right now, maybe you'relistening to this at a wildly
different time of the year, butit's a few months later.
A couple months later and I wassurrounded by a group of women
(05:14):
during that trip and a differentgroup of women this past
weekend at a friend's annual50th birthday party.
How fun is that?
First of all, that she'sdecided last year she had a 50th
birthday party and we had ablast.
First of all, that she'sdecided last year she had a 50th
birthday party and we had ablast.
And so she said let's do thisevery year.
So she said we're going to havean annual 50th birthday party,
and just that concept isemblematic of the things that
(05:39):
I'm going to describe to you,that I have found so
significantly powerful and freeabout these women that I've been
around lately.
So these women spanned a fewdecades of life, with a large
concentration of them being intheir forties or some of them in
(06:01):
their early fifties, but mostof them in their forties and a
lot of them in their thirtiesand some in their twenties, most
in thirties and forties, andthe ones in their forties, a lot
of them are in perimenopause,which, if you don't know, can
last for 10 years or more, Idon't know, but it's about 10
years and can have all kinds ofwild symptoms, and we are living
(06:23):
in an age where it's startingto get normalized to talk about
the symptoms of perimenopauseand menopause, which to me, is
bananas that this hasn't beentalked about before but, of
course, is very you know, notsurprising when we think about
the patriarchal structure of oursociety and our history of our
(06:46):
society, our history.
So right now we can talk aboutthose things.
But what I noticed in both ofthese groups was that being in a
group of women that was talkingabout that journey through the
end of your cycle, this likehormonal change that women go
through, that is sort of a newthing to talk about in such a
(07:07):
normalized way.
Right, we haven't really hadthis much information about it
before, and if you're nevergoing to go through menopause,
please keep listening, becausethis is all about the big women
in your life and it's not onlyspecifically about menopause.
And so one of the things thatwas so amazing about it is that
any time in the first group, thecamping group, anybody was
(07:30):
having a conversation about thisage of our life, about the
years between 30 and 50, or 30and 55, whatever, and the
hormonal changes that happen,the identity changes that happen
when your children are nolonger little, if you have
children, if you don't havechildren, watching the people
around you, the families aroundyou, change and for yourself,
(07:52):
the changes that you go through,based on just the identity of
this different decade and beingin this middle passage of life
work changes, if you work,relationship changes.
You know all these differentthings that happen.
After we've passed the story ofthe foundational, I like to
think of, like you know, the 10s, 20s, 30s to mid 30s as, like
(08:15):
we're creating this foundationfor our life.
Where are we going to live?
Are we going to get married ornot?
Are we going to have kids ornot?
Are we going to travel or not?
What are we going to do for aliving?
And then you move into this now, what right?
This next phase where, likemost of the big foundational
(08:36):
decisions are done.
So now you just get to like, bein the world and express
yourself and play.
And during the next, you know,sometime after that, 10, 15, 20
years after that, for women, wego through menopause and we go
through a huge second change.
And for me, what it reminded meof on this camping trip,
because every time someonetalked about what they were
(08:59):
learning about hormone changesor longevity for the men that
were there too, peopleidentified as men too there was
like or people born as menpeople were talking about
longevity practices and all thethings we're learning about.
Anytime someone started aconversation about that, other
people that were not in theconversation would pause what
(09:19):
they were doing and come over tolisten, be like I want to be a
part of this, I want to learnabout this, and it happened over
and over again and it remindedme about when I was a new mom,
right after I had my daughter,and there was so much confusing
stuff happening and whether itwas actually confusing or just
new, it was all just like whatmy body was changing, my world
(09:42):
was changing, my sleep waschanging, my whole sense of my
compass was changing for my liferight and starting to point at
this little human and about afamily, towards a family unit
rather than just towards myself.
And I remember anytime I wasaround other groups of other
young moms that were talkingabout what was changing in their
(10:04):
body how to solve a problem,sleep, training, nursing, like
anything.
How do you work with a kid?
What is childcare like?
How do you get in summer camps,like, how do you find a sitter?
All these mysteries thatthere's not really a training
camp for.
Everyone would stop and go,listen and ask questions.
We all wanted to know and itwas so beautiful to go through
(10:26):
the process with other peoplethat were in that moment of life
and share what was working forus and share the differences and
be there for each other.
And this is happening again nowin these tribes of women who are
here experiencing changes inour bodies and our lives and our
identities and our children andour work and our communities,
(10:48):
these changes in these middledecades of life.
It's so empowering andbeautiful to be a part of these
conversations because the womenare breathtaking.
I am truly floored with thewomen that I am around that are
(11:09):
in these middle stages of life.
They are wildly unapologetic,they are powerful and they have
exhibit this freedom.
That is really something Ihaven't seen collectively in a
group before, unless they'relike teenagers that think
they're going to live forever,you know, but groups of adults.
(11:29):
There's a joy for life, there'sa confidence.
It's really amazing and onephilosophy that I have is maybe
because we all grew up in thistime where it was like the
semblance of the realconservatism of the 50s, you
know, was like over and the 60shad happened and maybe we all
(11:51):
thought we were free and we wereliberated had happened, and
maybe we all thought we werefree and we were liberated and
in reality, when I was ateenager, you were pressured to
be like 90 pounds, we were allanorexic, nobody ate anything.
You were supposed to be skinnyas a stick.
There was so much body shamingand we were inside a patriarchal
(12:12):
structure, societal structurethat wasn't named yet, it hadn't
been called out yet.
So there's all thisconstriction on us as young
women, and what I'm seeing rightnow is as the society that
we're living in is opening upthis conversation about hormones
and normalizing hormones andnormalizing the wild things that
(12:35):
your body goes through that arejust like you're by yourself,
and these things are happeningto you as a woman and you are
expected to continue justfunctioning.
There's no excuse of like beingto continue to function
according to all of the metricsfor women's success as you're
(13:00):
going through these hugehormonal changes.
Now there's a conversationabout that.
There's a like, uh-uh, I ain'tdoing that.
This is what I'm going through,and body shaming is like out
man.
Body shaming is like out man.
We are in not only body positiveculture, but more of a body
neutral culture.
Where we're in, like notdefined by our bodies, there's a
(13:21):
lot I mean a lot ofconversation and what it feels
like to be in it and what ittakes to break those
internalized systems ofoppression.
So, as this group of women thatis now in our middle decades of
(13:48):
our life, we are being likeliberated by these normalized
conversations about these things, and it is awesome to watch and
to be in the middle of thistribe of women.
It's wild because it's likethis bottled up passion and
freedom that's just gettinguncorked in these women around
(14:11):
me.
And so here are some of thethings that they can inspire us.
This group of women can inspireus, these characteristics that
inspire us to be and pursue andbecome in ourselves, and
characteristics that I think areaspirational.
You know for myself, definitelythis is how I want to live.
(14:34):
It's good living to be theseways, and I'm seeing them more
often in this population ofpeople women in the middle
decades of their life right now,than in anybody else, and how
badass is that?
All right.
So, number one, they are owningit, owning imperfections, owning
(14:55):
their body in whatever statetheir body has been in, owning
whatever things they're needingto do to acclimate to what their
body needs.
Owning what they want to wear,owning how they want to wear
their hair, and owning what theywant to say and what they want
to do.
(15:15):
There's this self-possessionand, followed by this complete
lack of apology.
They do not apologize for theirstory.
They don't apologize for wherethey've been or where they're
going.
This is this quality that I'mexperiencing over and over and
over again.
(15:36):
They're not apologizing aboutwhat they do for a living, about
what they don't do for a living.
They share their stories soopenly and what you can see is a
total congruence between theirwords and their body language.
And if you listen to the lastpodcast and learn about that,
(15:58):
you can hear about how 93% ofour communication is nonverbal
and that when we are verbally incongruence with what we are
thinking and feeling, then ourbody language comes across as
authentic.
We come across as thinking andfeeling.
Then our body language comesacross as authentic.
We come across as authenticbecause our words and our body
(16:19):
are saying the same thing.
These women have that congruence, they are owning it and they
are not apologetic.
They are not shrinking, theyare not trying to hide as they
talk about who they are, andit's spectacular.
Another thing they do is theywalk away.
When they're not interested,they just straight up leave.
(16:40):
It's like if they're in a groupor a conversation or an
experience that they don't wantto be in, they walk away.
That's a hell.
No, that's a.
I'm out.
I'm not spending the moments ofmy life doing this thing right
now, because there aren't aninfinite number of those moments
.
I'm not into this anymore.
And they do it kindly.
A lot of them do it with humor,they're just like I'll see you
(17:01):
later.
You know, there's no judgment,they're just not here for it.
And we again, we have been, youknow, socialized to sit and nod
when we want to leave, to stay,so no one gets their feelings
hurt.
To be polite, and I feel likethere's this moment that we're
in this set of women that's likeoh yeah, I was doing that, I
(17:27):
ain't doing that anymore andit's really fun to watch them
walk away.
Another thing that I love aboutthis age, this set, is that they
listen so well.
They are the best activelisteners.
They listen intently for aslong as they want to.
(17:51):
They are not threatened byanother person's story.
They're not threatened byanother person taking up space.
If they're curious, they askfollow-up questions.
They ask follow-up questionsand comment on the whole
experience without turning itaround to be it about themselves
.
They don't offer advice unlessit's solicited or they check in
(18:16):
to ask first if they can offeradvice.
They're not self-referential.
They don't interrupt each otheror cut each other off unless
they're like having a wild goodtime, and then they do.
But for the most part they'reso aware about creating space
for one another and it is sorefreshing and magnificent.
(18:36):
A couple other things they knowthat I guess there's this sense
of presence and gratitude.
It's like right now is as goodas it gets.
There's just a sense ofawareness that we are in a
precious life, a sense ofpresence that is just really
(18:57):
wonderful and along with that,this fearlessness and this joy.
I see them in these eventsexpressing themselves wildly,
but not too wildly, like not foranybody else's sake, just for
themselves, and leaving whenthey want to leave right, leave
the whole leaving.
When they want to leave right,leave the whole event when they
want to leave, not just theconversation and having so much
(19:21):
joy in the experience that theyare having.
And you know, the last thingthat I want to say about this
group is they are not threatenedby one another.
They are empowered by beingconnected to others that are
like them and to learn aboutanyone that's different.
Instead of looking at oneanother through a lens of
(19:44):
competition, they look at oneanother through a lens of
inspiration.
If there's something aboutanother woman that is
spectacular, I want to learnabout it, I want to know, I want
to talk to her, I want to takethat on for myself, because when
I look at her and I seesomething I admire, it's a
mirror of myself, of somethingthat's in me, instead of looking
(20:09):
at someone else and seeingsomething spectacular and being
threatened by it.
They're not confused by thathierarchical thinking.
They're inspired by eachother's power and joy and
fearlessness and presence.
And, of course, all of thesebeautiful things that I'm saying
(20:31):
.
They are thematic.
Nobody's perfect, nobody's.
It's not like no one's everinterrupting each other, of
course, but these are thesethematic things that I am seeing
resonant in woman after womanafter woman that I meet.
They're like a collective setof characteristics that I'm just
so enjoying the other thingthat I want to just say before I
(20:54):
close out here.
I want to say two more thingsOne about finding your group,
which I'll get to, and the otherone is going back to the
hormone conversation.
I just want to say that, as awoman who is in one of these
mid-decades of life, it has beenso cool to talk about this
stuff to my kids, to talk abouthormones, because my kids are 9
(21:17):
and 12.
They're going through hormonalchanges too.
So to normalize in our homethat we're all going through
hormonal shifts and I'm sure ourdad is in ways that are not
named and discovered yet eitherright, and so it has opened up
these conversations about whenyou feel sad and you don't know
why, that's okay.
We don't have to know why.
(21:38):
When you feel anxious or whenyou're a little snippy, we even
have a safe word for each other.
If one of us is a little snippyor impatient, we can say the
word cactus and the others.
It just is a little signal.
Oh, I'm being a little pricklyright now, let me check myself.
We call each other in becausewe know we're supporting one
another.
It also is an opening in themoments when we are feeling like
(22:04):
that.
I had a moment the other daywhen somebody was feeling
anxiety and feeling sad, reallysad, and didn't know why.
So we used a practice from thenew book by Martha Beck that
I've been listening to and it isjust so cool and it's called
Beyond Anxiety, and in one ofthe chapters she gives a process
(22:28):
for a tool to use where, ifyou're feeling really anxious or
you're feeling a strongnegative feeling, you think
about three things that you loveto see and to look at.
I can't really remember whichone.
She says three or five, but wewent three.
So three things that you loveto look at and imagine looking
(22:48):
at them, actually do it.
So we'll do that together.
And then three things that youlove to smell, three of your
favorite things that you love tosmell.
And then we imagine smellingthem.
And then three things that youlove to taste and we giggle and
we all share what we love totaste, or the person who's
feeling the big feelings shareswhat they love to taste.
We imagine tasting them.
(23:09):
And then three things that youlove to hear and imagine it.
And three things that you loveto touch and imagine it.
And then the last part of this,after you take the time to go
through those 15 things is tocreate an imaginary scenario
where you're experiencing all ofthem at once, or at least one
(23:29):
from each category, and then youactually imagine being there,
experiencing that and in themoments when we've applied that,
the anxiety or the sadness goesaway because it can't really be
present in the presence of thatexperience of joy and happiness
(23:50):
.
But I don't know if I would haveknown to use that tool if the
person hadn't come to me andshared how they were feeling,
because they knew there waspermission to do that, because
we don't have to be perfect andwe're here for each other.
In our highs and our lows we'reall going through changes,
(24:14):
changes are always happening,and so the permission to talk
about those hormones came frombeing in the society at this
time right, because I know abouthormones now, because the
information is available and Iconstantly am being inspired by
the women around me in thesemiddle stages of life that are
(24:36):
normalizing all of thesediscussions and creating so much
big beauty and bold healing inthe world.
So my invitation for you todayis to find your group that helps
you remember that you're notalone, that they're right there
beside you walking this samepath or their own parallel path,
(24:56):
because we can hold space forone another.
As we walk side by side, we canremember we're not alone.
We can find our people and ifyou need some people, come into
(25:16):
the Bloom Room.
We got you.
That's what I've got for youthis to come and join us in the
Bloom Room.
This is a year-round membershipwhere we take all of these
concepts and we apply them toreal life in a community where
(25:40):
we have each other's backs andwe bring out the best in each
other.
We're all there to make ourideas real, one idea at a time.
I'll see you in the bloom room.
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