July 11, 2025 • 18 mins
I was with a group of friends, when one of them approached me and said “Your daughter just said something that blew my mind. She said that you told her that when she has a crush on someone, it’s just for her.”
“Yes,” I said, “I sure did tell her that- don’t you agree?”
“Well I’ve never thought of it like this. She said that you told her that she can just have the feeling of a crush on someone, and she doesn’t have to tell the person, because it’s actually none of their business! And that when she felt the feeling of a crush on someone she doesn’t ever have to tell them or anyone else, she doesn’t ever have to act on it in any way, and it doesn't mean anything about her or the other person except that some part of her really likes some part of them…so there’s never a problem with having a crush, it’s always a positive thing!”
“You told her that her crush on them is not FOR them. It’s for HER.”
She looked at me with wide eyes, and the other adults standing around us started saying how much they loved this idea.
“And”, she said, “I just thought about how much I wish someone had explained it to me like that when I was younger, and how different my experience of my own life would have been back then if I thought my crushes were for me. And how that would be true of other things too. That if I knew they were happening for me, it would all be different.”
And the adults standing around us all nodded in agreement, and shared their own stories.
Our crushes are not the only thing happening for us. Every single other feeling we have about someone else is really and truly just for us too. And each thing that happens in our life is only for us, when we see it that way.
In today’s episode you’re learn:
- One way to speed the process of accepting life’s challenges and seeing the end value in them right away
- A single sentence to help ground you in the perspective that all your feelings are truly just for you, and to help you let go of holding others accountable for them
- Why unconditional love is always available and better for our health on multiple levels
- The single thing that’s necessary in order to turn negative feelings around and convert them to love
- A tool that can be used for two separate uses, that helps every time
Mentioned on this episode:
- The practice
- Boundaries baby
- Ram Das
How to connect with Marie:
- On the Web | The Local Bloom
- Instagram: @the.bloom.coach
- All Things Marie on LinkTree
JOIN THE BLOOM ROOM!
We'll take all these ideas and apply them to our lives. Follow me on Instagram at @the.bloom.coach to learn more and snag a spot in my group coaching program!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome to the Bloom your Mind podcast, where we take
all of your ideas for what youwant and we turn them into real
things.
I'm your host, certified CoachMarie McDonald.
Let's.
Hello, everybody and welcome toepisode 135 of the Bloom your
(00:32):
Mind podcast.
As you listen to this, I am onthe road.
I know because I recorded thispretty far in advance a couple
weeks in advance of releasing itbecause I'm going on a two-week
road trip with my children justme and my kids in an electric
car for a long trip all the wayup California, all the way up to
(00:54):
Washington, through Oregon, toWashington, then around Oregon
and then over to Montana and toYellowstone and back home.
I love it, it's so much fun.
I got books on YellowstoneNational Park, on Oregon, and
then I got like a roadmap bookand got my kids each journals
and they have been drawing mapsand looking up sightseeing
(01:17):
things that they're interestedin and I've been having them do
math by figuring out how manymiles we have on a single charge
in our car and where we'regoing to have to stop and then
planning out places to stop tocharge the car.
That will be cool places to eator places where we want to see
things.
(01:37):
So it's been really fun to planit all and we'll see what
happens on the road.
Will it all go according toplan?
Who knows?
We're staying with a bunch offriends all over Oregon and in
Montana friends everywhere,going to weddings, doing all
kinds of fun stuff, and myhusband's going to fly and meet
us for like three days out ofthe two weeks.
So I will have stories for you,I'm sure, when I'm back, but
(02:00):
that's where I am right now asyou're listening to this.
But that's where I am right nowas you're listening to this.
And I wanted to record thispodcast on a tool that I use all
the time.
It's really a sentence.
It's a thought framing sentencethat I use for two different
things.
So it's like, if you think of atool that has multiple uses,
(02:22):
this is one of those.
I use it in two very distinctand different ways and it is
really incredible and helpful.
And the sentence is it'shappening for you.
And the first I want to tell alittle story to describe the
first of the two ways that I usethis and my clients love this
tool.
We use it all the time.
(02:43):
So first, I was hanging out witha group of people and it was a
bunch of adults, and my daughter, who's almost 13, really tends
to get along well with adultsand adults love her.
They're like I love talking toyour daughter, I want to be
friends with her.
I'm like, I get it.
Me too, I love being friendswith her.
And one of these women came upto me and said I was talking to
(03:10):
your daughter and your daughtertold me the most amazing thing.
And I said what was it?
She said she told me that youtaught her that the feeling of
having a crush on someone isjust for her and for nobody else
.
And it blew my mind and I waslike oh yeah, well, we talk
about this, you know, as an idea, this idea of crushing.
(03:31):
She said yeah, well, she saidthat you told her.
And we're sitting here in agroup of adults and she's
bringing this up.
She says, marie, she said thatyou told her that she can just
have that feeling of having acrush on someone, her, that she
can just have that feeling ofhaving a crush on someone and
she doesn't have to tell theother person because it's
actually none of their business.
And I said, yeah, that's right,it's none of their business
(03:55):
unless she wants it to be.
It's none of anybody's business, unless we want it to be their
business.
She said yeah.
And then she said that when shefelt a crush on someone that
she wished, if she wished didn'thave a crush on that person,
that you said, well, if youdon't have to tell them ever and
you never have to tell anyoneelse and you don't have to act
(04:17):
on it in any way, and it doesn'tmean anything about you or them
, except that some part of youlike some part of them, then is
there really a problem, becausethat crush that we have on
somebody else is not for them,it's for us.
If she has a crush on someone,it's not for that person, it's
for her, it's hers, it's hersfor her to enjoy and it's nobody
(04:42):
else's business unless shewants it to be somebody else's
business.
And the woman was just likeblown, her mind was blown.
I was like, well, yeah, don'tyou feel the same way?
And she said, well, I justthought about how much I wish
someone had explained it to melike that when I was younger and
how different my experience ofmy life would have been back
(05:02):
then if I thought my crusheswere for me and if someone told
me that's nobody else's business, it's happening for you, you
get to have it.
And she said you know?
Somebody else in the circlesaid yeah, and that if you
thought of crushes like that,you'd think of other things like
that.
And the other adults were likenodding their heads and saying
my life would have beendifferent too If I thought that
(05:23):
other things were happening forme.
I would be be focused on themdifferently instead of thinking
I had to share things or meetexpectations.
And it was a really coolconversation and I remember
describing this feeling, this,this idea, to my daughter and
she was like, oh, thank God.
(05:43):
She was like, so relieved and Ireally believe this Like I love
the feeling of crushing onsomeone.
It's actually like one of myfavorite feelings and I I asked
my daughter what does thatfeeling feel like in your body?
And I asked myself what doesthat feel like in my body?
And my body it's excitement andglitter and glow and buzz and
electricity and hope and warmthand fun.
(06:05):
It's excitement and glitter andglow and buzz and electricity
and hope and warmth and fun.
It's like the best feeling,crushing on someone.
But what's amazing is that whenI have a crush on someone.
The person that I have a crushon doesn't get to feel any of
that.
Only I do.
They don't get to feel theglitter or glow or buzz or
electricity or hope and warmthand fun of my crush on them.
(06:28):
I feel that.
So if I have a crush on someone, it's for me.
I get to ride that like funglitter wave, like catching a
wave.
I get to ride it for as long asit's there.
It's the best.
I get to enjoy the glitter,buzz and the butterflies and the
electricity, and it's for me,it's happening best.
I get to enjoy the glitter,buzz and the butterflies and the
electricity, and it's for me,it's happening for me.
And I have had so many crusheson people in my life.
(06:50):
I love crushing and now I haveone on my husband, even after 15
years, and I pull it up into mybody as often as I can, because
now I know how to pull up thatfeeling of crushing on someone
on purpose, on him, on myself.
Like that feeling and I thinknow of crushing on people as
(07:12):
like I can crush on my kids tooLike just that feeling of like
being so excited about theexistence of a person you know,
and I love that feeling, I lovehaving friend crushes, I love
all of it.
But this phrase it's happeningfor me applies to all the other
feelings in our life too.
(07:32):
So when we're feelingresentment or anger we're
feeling angry at someone oranger with someone we often feel
hesitant to let go of thosemore bitter feelings because the
person doesn't deserve it.
It's because something they'vesaid or done.
From our perspective, it's likewe have to hold them
accountable by feeling anger orresentment or frustration with
(07:54):
them.
But in reality, that bitterresentment and anger are
happening for us, not them.
We are the ones who experienceall of that in our body.
They never do, and so like dowe want it?
We're like holding onto itbecause they didn't, you know,
(08:17):
rectify the situation or repairor whatever, but like that just
means we stay in the happy state, physically and psychologically
longer Ourselves.
They're not even impacted bythat.
Really, whatever they think andfeel creates what they get to
experience, not us, right?
So that's something that we candecide to change too, and just
(08:40):
like we can turn up the dial onthat feeling of having a crush
on crushing on someone, we canalso turn down the dial on that
feeling of having a crush oncrushing on someone.
We can also turn down the dialon a feeling that's causing us
harm.
I use this tool all the time,like radio dials, like volume
knobs we can turn the volume upon a feeling and we can turn the
volume down on a feeling.
I do it with people all thetime when we're coaching and
(09:03):
doing subconscious workspecifically, and then we can
look at our thoughts, use thepractice listen to that episode
If you haven't yet the episodecalled the practice to
metabolize our feelings andshift them.
We can use one of so many toolsthat are available Many of them
that I have shared on thispodcast to shift a feeling state
(09:23):
, because we are the only onethat ever actually experiences
it and that can be our biggestmotivation to let go of things,
to let go of whatever we'reharboring towards someone else,
and the key to doing that is toset boundaries, boundaries that
(09:45):
represent our authentic yesesand our authentic no's and you
can again listen to the episodethe Beauty of a Hard no or the
Freedom of a Hard no Boundariessaying no opens us up to feel
love.
I have seen it time and timeand time and time again,
hundreds, hundreds of times withmy clients and experienced it
(10:07):
over and over and over withmyself.
When I just stopped showing upto things that don't feel good,
I stopped spending time aroundpeople that don't make me feel
amazing when I'm around them,then I feel all this love for
them again and compassion.
When we feel love for someone,we're the one who experiences it
.
It causes beautiful hormones torelease in our bodies.
(10:29):
It gives us all kinds of goodpsychological benefits health
benefits, longevity benefits andit just feels amazing, right,
the feeling of love.
But that love is available forus instead of the anger or
resentment.
When we set boundaries hardcoreboundaries, lots of them we got
to find our authentic voice,listen to it and have it tell us
(10:50):
what those boundaries are so wecan set them.
Boundaries open us up to beable to love people.
I see it again and again.
So the first thing, the firstway that this sentence is
happening for you can serve usis by remembering that every
single feeling, good or bad, isactually happening for you can
serve us is by remembering thatevery single feeling, good or
bad, is actually happening foryou and nobody else.
You can generate more of theones you love.
(11:13):
You can convert the ones thataren't serving you, but more
than anything else, justremember you're the only one
that your feelings impact.
Now, the words you say, theactions you take based on those
feelings, then impact otherpeople.
They get to decide how to thinkand feel about the actions you
take.
You don't control that, butdefinitely you can like, say
(11:35):
things and do things and usebody language to communicate in
a way that feels good and feelsbad for other people Right.
But they're never going to feelyour feelings.
Your feelings are not theirbusiness, unless you want them
to be.
They're for you to enjoy andfor you to do what you want Turn
up, turn down, convert, do whatyou want with, or they just
(11:59):
never know what you're actuallyfeeling.
We think people know what we'refeeling and they don't, or they
get it wrong a lot, or justbecause they just don't feel the
experience that you're havinginside.
Only you do.
Okay, that's the first one.
You get it.
The second way that I love touse this concept of it's
happening for you is when thingsare happening in my life, when
(12:23):
things are happening in thelives of my clients that don't
feel helpful, that feel hardwhen we're ready, and it doesn't
feel gaslighting to us whenwe're not in the middle of
trauma or pain or reallyprocessing hard emotion.
It can be an incredible tool tosay how is this happening for
me?
And the reason I love this isbecause every single thing that
(12:46):
has happened in my own life,that I look back on the decades
of my life, all of it happenedfor me in some way.
It all, every single thing,built who I am today and I love
who I am today.
It built the life I have and Ilove my life.
It built the skills that I have.
It built the heart and thegenerosity and the vulnerability
(13:08):
and the work ethic and thesilliness that are who I am, you
know.
And so I can look back and Isee for every single thing, no
matter how terrible it felt atthe time, I can see how it
happened for me.
(13:32):
Now I teach this concept ofnostalgia for now, of how we
look back and we feel all thisappreciation and gratitude and
love and nostalgia for thingsafter the fact.
But we can actually bring thatglowy, warm, like fuzzy,
wonderful feeling of nostalgiainto our moment that we're
living right now.
We can practice nostalgia forwhat we have right now, that
longing for what we're actuallyexperiencing, and it's a
(13:55):
beautiful gratitude, like timesa million hack, and the same
applies here.
We don't have to wait untilyears later to understand how
something was happening for us.
We can actually ask ourselvesthe question right now, which
helps us get back into ourprefrontal cortex and think
creatively about problems.
(14:16):
We can think how is thishappening for me?
Or we can finish the sentencethis is the part when we can say
, if I could just fast forward ayear, what would future me say
I learned from this?
What would future me say I gotfrom this that I can't
necessarily see right now, andsome examples of this are that I
(14:38):
have experienced.
Or when I had a big financialloss.
I could say this is the partwhere I learned to make
different decisions financiallyin terms of investment and
savings.
Or this is happening for mebecause it's creating way
(14:59):
stronger communication betweenmy husband and I around finances
, with relationships.
I've had moments where it feltso terrible in the moment, but I
could tell myself this is thepart where I learn that I will
not spend any more moments of mylife or my precious energy or
(15:21):
my beautiful love that is soavailable for people.
I am really good at lovingpeople and really good at seeing
people and believing in themand I will not waste one more
drop of that on someone whodoesn't treat me with love and
respect and those.
That moment felt horrible,right.
But then it really changed mylife.
(15:42):
Some of those moments of beingaround and with people that
didn't deserve their actionswere not deserving of the love
and attention I was giving themwhen I had an injury that felt
so difficult.
I've talked about it a lot onthe podcast.
It was happening for me becauseit was helping me learn that my
body needed something differentthan I used to give it.
(16:03):
I had to change how I wastreating my body because I'd
been doing it for too long, I'dbeen working it out too hard in
a certain way and I needed tochange With my business.
I I oh my gosh learn this everyday, all the time it's
happening for me when somethinggoes wrong, because I learn how
to do it again.
It's all iteration and knowingwhat doesn't work shows me what
(16:27):
does.
So it's happening for you iswhat I offer to you today on
today's episode, in two ways,because when you're having a
crush on someone, that feelingis just for you, baby, nobody
else, and every other feeling ishappening for you too.
And secondly, it's a lensthrough which we can make sense
of the wild, challenging partsof our life with a little bit
(16:50):
more grace and kind of hack thattransition into problem solving
a little bit more easily.
I was about to record this foryou when I opened a book and saw
this quote by Ram Dass.
That said, when I opened a bookand saw this quote by Ram Dass
that said you can do it likeit's a great weight on you or
(17:14):
you can do it like it's part ofthe dance.
That's what I've got for youtoday.
Come and join us in the BloomRoom.
This is a year-round membershipwhere we take all of these
(17:34):
concepts and we apply them toreal life in a community where
we have each other's backs andwe bring out the best in each
other.
We're all there to make ourideas real, one idea at a time.
I'll see you in the Bloom Room.
Welcome to the Bloom your Mind podcast, where we take
all of your ideas for what youwant and we turn them into real
things.
I'm your host, certified CoachMarie McDonald.
Let's.
Hello, everybody and welcome toepisode 135 of the Bloom your
(00:32):
Mind podcast.
As you listen to this, I am onthe road.
I know because I recorded thispretty far in advance a couple
weeks in advance of releasing itbecause I'm going on a two-week
road trip with my children justme and my kids in an electric
car for a long trip all the wayup California, all the way up to
(00:54):
Washington, through Oregon, toWashington, then around Oregon
and then over to Montana and toYellowstone and back home.
I love it, it's so much fun.
I got books on YellowstoneNational Park, on Oregon, and
then I got like a roadmap bookand got my kids each journals
and they have been drawing mapsand looking up sightseeing
(01:17):
things that they're interestedin and I've been having them do
math by figuring out how manymiles we have on a single charge
in our car and where we'regoing to have to stop and then
planning out places to stop tocharge the car.
That will be cool places to eator places where we want to see
things.
(01:37):
So it's been really fun to planit all and we'll see what
happens on the road.
Will it all go according toplan?
Who knows?
We're staying with a bunch offriends all over Oregon and in
Montana friends everywhere,going to weddings, doing all
kinds of fun stuff, and myhusband's going to fly and meet
us for like three days out ofthe two weeks.
So I will have stories for you,I'm sure, when I'm back, but
(02:00):
that's where I am right now asyou're listening to this.
But that's where I am right nowas you're listening to this.
And I wanted to record thispodcast on a tool that I use all
the time.
It's really a sentence.
It's a thought framing sentencethat I use for two different
things.
So it's like, if you think of atool that has multiple uses,
(02:22):
this is one of those.
I use it in two very distinctand different ways and it is
really incredible and helpful.
And the sentence is it'shappening for you.
And the first I want to tell alittle story to describe the
first of the two ways that I usethis and my clients love this
tool.
We use it all the time.
(02:43):
So first, I was hanging out witha group of people and it was a
bunch of adults, and my daughter, who's almost 13, really tends
to get along well with adultsand adults love her.
They're like I love talking toyour daughter, I want to be
friends with her.
I'm like, I get it.
Me too, I love being friendswith her.
And one of these women came upto me and said I was talking to
(03:10):
your daughter and your daughtertold me the most amazing thing.
And I said what was it?
She said she told me that youtaught her that the feeling of
having a crush on someone isjust for her and for nobody else
.
And it blew my mind and I waslike oh yeah, well, we talk
about this, you know, as an idea, this idea of crushing.
(03:31):
She said yeah, well, she saidthat you told her.
And we're sitting here in agroup of adults and she's
bringing this up.
She says, marie, she said thatyou told her that she can just
have that feeling of having acrush on someone, her, that she
can just have that feeling ofhaving a crush on someone and
she doesn't have to tell theother person because it's
actually none of their business.
And I said, yeah, that's right,it's none of their business
(03:55):
unless she wants it to be.
It's none of anybody's business, unless we want it to be their
business.
She said yeah.
And then she said that when shefelt a crush on someone that
she wished, if she wished didn'thave a crush on that person,
that you said, well, if youdon't have to tell them ever and
you never have to tell anyoneelse and you don't have to act
(04:17):
on it in any way, and it doesn'tmean anything about you or them
, except that some part of youlike some part of them, then is
there really a problem, becausethat crush that we have on
somebody else is not for them,it's for us.
If she has a crush on someone,it's not for that person, it's
for her, it's hers, it's hersfor her to enjoy and it's nobody
(04:42):
else's business unless shewants it to be somebody else's
business.
And the woman was just likeblown, her mind was blown.
I was like, well, yeah, don'tyou feel the same way?
And she said, well, I justthought about how much I wish
someone had explained it to melike that when I was younger and
how different my experience ofmy life would have been back
(05:02):
then if I thought my crusheswere for me and if someone told
me that's nobody else's business, it's happening for you, you
get to have it.
And she said you know?
Somebody else in the circlesaid yeah, and that if you
thought of crushes like that,you'd think of other things like
that.
And the other adults were likenodding their heads and saying
my life would have beendifferent too If I thought that
(05:23):
other things were happening forme.
I would be be focused on themdifferently instead of thinking
I had to share things or meetexpectations.
And it was a really coolconversation and I remember
describing this feeling, this,this idea, to my daughter and
she was like, oh, thank God.
(05:43):
She was like, so relieved and Ireally believe this Like I love
the feeling of crushing onsomeone.
It's actually like one of myfavorite feelings and I I asked
my daughter what does thatfeeling feel like in your body?
And I asked myself what doesthat feel like in my body?
And my body it's excitement andglitter and glow and buzz and
electricity and hope and warmthand fun.
(06:05):
It's excitement and glitter andglow and buzz and electricity
and hope and warmth and fun.
It's like the best feeling,crushing on someone.
But what's amazing is that whenI have a crush on someone.
The person that I have a crushon doesn't get to feel any of
that.
Only I do.
They don't get to feel theglitter or glow or buzz or
electricity or hope and warmthand fun of my crush on them.
(06:28):
I feel that.
So if I have a crush on someone, it's for me.
I get to ride that like funglitter wave, like catching a
wave.
I get to ride it for as long asit's there.
It's the best.
I get to enjoy the glitter,buzz and the butterflies and the
electricity, and it's for me,it's happening best.
I get to enjoy the glitter,buzz and the butterflies and the
electricity, and it's for me,it's happening for me.
And I have had so many crusheson people in my life.
(06:50):
I love crushing and now I haveone on my husband, even after 15
years, and I pull it up into mybody as often as I can, because
now I know how to pull up thatfeeling of crushing on someone
on purpose, on him, on myself.
Like that feeling and I thinknow of crushing on people as
(07:12):
like I can crush on my kids tooLike just that feeling of like
being so excited about theexistence of a person you know,
and I love that feeling, I lovehaving friend crushes, I love
all of it.
But this phrase it's happeningfor me applies to all the other
feelings in our life too.
(07:32):
So when we're feelingresentment or anger we're
feeling angry at someone oranger with someone we often feel
hesitant to let go of thosemore bitter feelings because the
person doesn't deserve it.
It's because something they'vesaid or done.
From our perspective, it's likewe have to hold them
accountable by feeling anger orresentment or frustration with
(07:54):
them.
But in reality, that bitterresentment and anger are
happening for us, not them.
We are the ones who experienceall of that in our body.
They never do, and so like dowe want it?
We're like holding onto itbecause they didn't, you know,
(08:17):
rectify the situation or repairor whatever, but like that just
means we stay in the happy state, physically and psychologically
longer Ourselves.
They're not even impacted bythat.
Really, whatever they think andfeel creates what they get to
experience, not us, right?
So that's something that we candecide to change too, and just
(08:40):
like we can turn up the dial onthat feeling of having a crush
on crushing on someone, we canalso turn down the dial on that
feeling of having a crush oncrushing on someone.
We can also turn down the dialon a feeling that's causing us
harm.
I use this tool all the time,like radio dials, like volume
knobs we can turn the volume upon a feeling and we can turn the
volume down on a feeling.
I do it with people all thetime when we're coaching and
(09:03):
doing subconscious workspecifically, and then we can
look at our thoughts, use thepractice listen to that episode
If you haven't yet the episodecalled the practice to
metabolize our feelings andshift them.
We can use one of so many toolsthat are available Many of them
that I have shared on thispodcast to shift a feeling state
(09:23):
, because we are the only onethat ever actually experiences
it and that can be our biggestmotivation to let go of things,
to let go of whatever we'reharboring towards someone else,
and the key to doing that is toset boundaries, boundaries that
(09:45):
represent our authentic yesesand our authentic no's and you
can again listen to the episodethe Beauty of a Hard no or the
Freedom of a Hard no Boundariessaying no opens us up to feel
love.
I have seen it time and timeand time and time again,
hundreds, hundreds of times withmy clients and experienced it
(10:07):
over and over and over withmyself.
When I just stopped showing upto things that don't feel good,
I stopped spending time aroundpeople that don't make me feel
amazing when I'm around them,then I feel all this love for
them again and compassion.
When we feel love for someone,we're the one who experiences it
.
It causes beautiful hormones torelease in our bodies.
(10:29):
It gives us all kinds of goodpsychological benefits health
benefits, longevity benefits andit just feels amazing, right,
the feeling of love.
But that love is available forus instead of the anger or
resentment.
When we set boundaries hardcoreboundaries, lots of them we got
to find our authentic voice,listen to it and have it tell us
(10:50):
what those boundaries are so wecan set them.
Boundaries open us up to beable to love people.
I see it again and again.
So the first thing, the firstway that this sentence is
happening for you can serve usis by remembering that every
single feeling, good or bad, isactually happening for you can
serve us is by remembering thatevery single feeling, good or
bad, is actually happening foryou and nobody else.
You can generate more of theones you love.
(11:13):
You can convert the ones thataren't serving you, but more
than anything else, justremember you're the only one
that your feelings impact.
Now, the words you say, theactions you take based on those
feelings, then impact otherpeople.
They get to decide how to thinkand feel about the actions you
take.
You don't control that, butdefinitely you can like, say
(11:35):
things and do things and usebody language to communicate in
a way that feels good and feelsbad for other people Right.
But they're never going to feelyour feelings.
Your feelings are not theirbusiness, unless you want them
to be.
They're for you to enjoy andfor you to do what you want Turn
up, turn down, convert, do whatyou want with, or they just
(11:59):
never know what you're actuallyfeeling.
We think people know what we'refeeling and they don't, or they
get it wrong a lot, or justbecause they just don't feel the
experience that you're havinginside.
Only you do.
Okay, that's the first one.
You get it.
The second way that I love touse this concept of it's
happening for you is when thingsare happening in my life, when
(12:23):
things are happening in thelives of my clients that don't
feel helpful, that feel hardwhen we're ready, and it doesn't
feel gaslighting to us whenwe're not in the middle of
trauma or pain or reallyprocessing hard emotion.
It can be an incredible tool tosay how is this happening for
me?
And the reason I love this isbecause every single thing that
(12:46):
has happened in my own life,that I look back on the decades
of my life, all of it happenedfor me in some way.
It all, every single thing,built who I am today and I love
who I am today.
It built the life I have and Ilove my life.
It built the skills that I have.
It built the heart and thegenerosity and the vulnerability
(13:08):
and the work ethic and thesilliness that are who I am, you
know.
And so I can look back and Isee for every single thing, no
matter how terrible it felt atthe time, I can see how it
happened for me.
(13:32):
Now I teach this concept ofnostalgia for now, of how we
look back and we feel all thisappreciation and gratitude and
love and nostalgia for thingsafter the fact.
But we can actually bring thatglowy, warm, like fuzzy,
wonderful feeling of nostalgiainto our moment that we're
living right now.
We can practice nostalgia forwhat we have right now, that
longing for what we're actuallyexperiencing, and it's a
(13:55):
beautiful gratitude, like timesa million hack, and the same
applies here.
We don't have to wait untilyears later to understand how
something was happening for us.
We can actually ask ourselvesthe question right now, which
helps us get back into ourprefrontal cortex and think
creatively about problems.
(14:16):
We can think how is thishappening for me?
Or we can finish the sentencethis is the part when we can say
, if I could just fast forward ayear, what would future me say
I learned from this?
What would future me say I gotfrom this that I can't
necessarily see right now, andsome examples of this are that I
(14:38):
have experienced.
Or when I had a big financialloss.
I could say this is the partwhere I learned to make
different decisions financiallyin terms of investment and
savings.
Or this is happening for mebecause it's creating way
(14:59):
stronger communication betweenmy husband and I around finances
, with relationships.
I've had moments where it feltso terrible in the moment, but I
could tell myself this is thepart where I learn that I will
not spend any more moments of mylife or my precious energy or
(15:21):
my beautiful love that is soavailable for people.
I am really good at lovingpeople and really good at seeing
people and believing in themand I will not waste one more
drop of that on someone whodoesn't treat me with love and
respect and those.
That moment felt horrible,right.
But then it really changed mylife.
(15:42):
Some of those moments of beingaround and with people that
didn't deserve their actionswere not deserving of the love
and attention I was giving themwhen I had an injury that felt
so difficult.
I've talked about it a lot onthe podcast.
It was happening for me becauseit was helping me learn that my
body needed something differentthan I used to give it.
(16:03):
I had to change how I wastreating my body because I'd
been doing it for too long, I'dbeen working it out too hard in
a certain way and I needed tochange With my business.
I I oh my gosh learn this everyday, all the time it's
happening for me when somethinggoes wrong, because I learn how
to do it again.
It's all iteration and knowingwhat doesn't work shows me what
(16:27):
does.
So it's happening for you iswhat I offer to you today on
today's episode, in two ways,because when you're having a
crush on someone, that feelingis just for you, baby, nobody
else, and every other feeling ishappening for you too.
And secondly, it's a lensthrough which we can make sense
of the wild, challenging partsof our life with a little bit
(16:50):
more grace and kind of hack thattransition into problem solving
a little bit more easily.
I was about to record this foryou when I opened a book and saw
this quote by Ram Dass.
That said, when I opened a bookand saw this quote by Ram Dass
that said you can do it likeit's a great weight on you or
(17:14):
you can do it like it's part ofthe dance.
That's what I've got for youtoday.
Come and join us in the BloomRoom.
This is a year-round membershipwhere we take all of these
(17:34):
concepts and we apply them toreal life in a community where
we have each other's backs andwe bring out the best in each
other.
We're all there to make ourideas real, one idea at a time.
I'll see you in the Bloom Room.
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