July 18, 2025 • 19 mins
This episode is the joyful, slightly reckless little sister to episode 72, “The Freedom of a Hard No.” Because once we get clear on what doesn’t serve us…we open up all kinds of space in our brain, our schedule, and our sense of safety for possibilities and new ideas that can expand our life.
This past month I had a series of invitations from folks I didn’t know that well to visit them in different states. Before I knew it, those invitations had strung themselves together into a necklace of adventure— it was the possibility of a two-week road trip in an electric car, zigzagging across state lines by myself with two kids, to visit people I barely knew, and sleep in houses I’d never seen.
I didn’t ignore the red flags—like range anxiety for an EV car with kids in the backseat, driving through states without many chargers and through wide open national park spaces that require all day trip. I also didn’t discount my concerns about taking my kids to stay environments I didn’t know with people I’d met once, or maybe even never met.
I didn’t ignore those things, but I got curious about them. What followed was one of the most magical, spontaneous, soul-sparking journeys I’ve had yet.
That trip was only possible because I said yes.
Yes to a possibility.
Yes to the discomfort of not having control.
Yes to new people, new rhythms, and new roads.
What happens to our brains, bodies and our lives when we say yes to new ideas? That’s what we’ll find out today.
What you’ll learn in this episode:
- The difference between a gut no, and a reactive no
- How research and data gathering can turn a no into a hell yes
- How every great idea starts with doubt
- How saying yes to things that stretch our comfort zone supports overall well being
- How saying yes to new things impacts hormones, nervous system and brain function
- How saying yes to things we initially resist builds our resilience and self-trust
- When saying yes is out of the question
- A simple practice to increase the yes in your life
Mentioned in this episode:
How to connect with Marie:
- On the Web | The Local Bloom
- Instagram: @the.bloom.coach
- All Things Marie on LinkTree
JOIN THE BLOOM ROOM!
We'll take all these ideas and apply them to our lives. Follow me on Instagram at @the.bloom.coach to learn more and snag a spot in my group coaching program!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome to the Bloom your Mind podcast, where we take
all of your ideas for what youwant and we turn them into real
things.
I'm your host, certified coachMarie McDonald.
Let's Well.
Hello, everybody, and welcometo episode number 136 of the
(00:32):
Bloom your Mind podcast.
I'm going to talk today aboutthe yes trip.
I'm going to tell a story,which I love to do to illustrate
a concept, give you a littlebit of data behind what we're
talking about today and thengive you a practice that you can
use to practice the yes trip.
This episode is a companionepisode to an episode that I
(00:58):
recorded called the freedom of ahard no.
We sometimes talk about a hardno and a hell yes and the
difference between those two,and I'm going to explore a
little bit, using some of thedata and some of these anecdotal
experiences, and to talk aboutwhat happens in our brain and
body when we say yes, and Ithink it's super important to
(01:19):
also, although I will touch onthe freedom of no, I think it's
also important to go and listento that episode in combination
with this one.
As always, our content isdirected at turning ideas into
real things.
So, while my example fortoday's podcast is based in a
(01:40):
life experience, that is a tripthat I took.
That is an example of what Icall an idea.
I have an idea for a trip Imight take.
Everything starts as a glimmerof possibility.
This trip started, and I willtell you the story of how it
started.
It was birthed as a glimmer ofpossibility, and so I use the
(02:01):
word idea to describe anythingthat begins as possibility in
our mind until we take a seriesof actions, until we have a
series of thoughts and feelingsthat then begin to turn the idea
into a real thing.
And, of course, we are allabout choosing ideas that are
(02:23):
both regenerative for us and arein line with our values and our
authentic expressions of who weare, what we want and what we
want to contribute in the world.
So that's what we're all abouttoday, and this episode I'd like
to think about as like a maybejoyful, slightly reckless little
(02:45):
sister to our last conversationin the freedom of a hard no,
last conversation about thistopic, because when we get
really clear on what does notserve us, we open up all kinds
of space for what does.
So a few months ago, I startedsaying yes to a few things.
(03:05):
There were some casualinvitations.
There were some ideas thrownout by other people.
A few different people that Iknew not very well and some
people that I knew really wellthrew out invitations for myself
and my kids, for my family, tocome and see them and to come
(03:26):
and stay with them.
Now, what I want to say aboutthis is most of these people
were people I didn't know thatwell.
So my initial reaction wheneach of the first two families
said come and stay with us, comeand visit us, was an internal.
That won't work.
It wasn't a hard no, it was ahabitual, reactive no, because
(03:54):
the place is far, because Idon't know you that well,
because you're not my child'sbest friend.
And then, when otherinvitations came up friend, and
then when other invitations cameup, the initial reaction was no
, because hey, that's too far,how would I get there?
How would this work?
But because there were multipleglimmers of possibility, two of
(04:16):
them in a row, that I startedto play around with.
And then another idea I startedstringing together the
possibility into this necklaceof adventure.
It was a two-week road trip inan electric car, zigzagging
across eight states, to visitsome people I barely knew sleep
(04:38):
in houses I'd never seen.
Try this with an electric car,which all I had read about was
range anxiety.
So and do it myself with my twokids, just me Not knowing if
they were going to be road wornand weary from the road dog
experience or if they were goingto enjoy it right.
(05:01):
So there's all kinds of doubtsthat came up in my mind and I
didn't ignore those red flags.
But I did just ask myself thequestion what, if?
What would this lead to if Ijust said yes, and what would
have to be in place in order forme to feel like this is a like?
(05:26):
I read about the range anxietyand I had to do some thinking
about that.
I thought about the fact we'dbe staying with you know,
friends that we didn't know toowell, kind of acquaintances, and
I started doing some researchand planning.
I started thinking about thepossibility of a road trip with
my kids and thinking why is thiscoming up for me?
(05:47):
Number one it's absolutely inline with my values to be
present with my children in thesummer.
Number two, to expose them tomore natural environments.
Number three to bond by nothaving something that's super
easy to do, but to develop theskill for them in flexibility
(06:07):
and iteration.
When something goes wrong, howto handle it on the road, how to
set ourselves up to be flexibleand to actually teach them the
skill of trip planning byintroducing our design
constraints from this idea,which are the amount of miles we
have to drive, how many placesdo we need to stop, how often
(06:30):
will we need to charge our car?
What are the things that wewill need in order to make
ourselves successful, no matterwhat we encounter on the road,
and I love to leave and trysomething challenging myself.
So I was like, okay, beautifulplaces, quality time with
children, making new friends,having some time with close
(06:51):
beloved friends and making theeffort to go and see them.
All of these things are in linewith my values.
And so I began to do theresearch to see if my gut know
was something I wanted to payattention to.
And as I did that, as I lookedup all the EV charging stations,
as I gave that assignment to mydaughter to find out what the
(07:14):
range of the model of our car isand if we change the charge
setting to 100%, like, how farcan we get?
Are there any factors thatmight limit that distance, like
traffic or whatever else?
It started to become thisreally cool project.
We went and got books about thestates we were going to, about
Oregon, about Washington, aboutMontana and Wyoming and
(07:37):
Yellowstone, and we startedstringing together the
possibilities.
It turned out that, to the bestof my knowledge, based on my
research, I was not tooconcerned about the range
anxiety.
I thought it would probablywork.
And then I started thinkingabout all of the unknowns we
might encounter and we starteddoing some trip planning to
(07:58):
outline all the things we mightneed to be comfortable even if
things got wild.
We had towels, we had sunscreen.
I had a little pharmacy in ahidden trunk in my car in case
there were allergies or we needaloe or whatever else like this
kid pharmacy.
I had all of this healthy foodthat I made sure could last for
(08:21):
the two weeks.
So if we were in places wherethere weren't options that would
make our bodies feel happy, Iwould have things that my kids
would eat and things that Iwould eat.
I had all kinds of things.
We downloaded books, we madeplaylists for the car and it was
all so fun.
We researched the things thatwe might want to see along the
way and which ones of thosethings were in line with the
(08:44):
stops we would have to make tocharge our car, and what ended
up happening was we had the mostamazing two-week adventure, my
children and I.
It was easy, there were noproblems.
There were unexpected thingsthat came up, but we were in
such a flow state and had all ofthe resources we needed in
(09:05):
order to solve those problemsthat we just solved them and the
kids really developed someknowledge and some skill around
problem solving.
When you get to the Airbnb andit's the wrong one, they
actually accidentally give youan Airbnb with one bed and
there's not enough space foreveryone to sleep what do you do
, right, when it smells liketerrible chemicals?
When you get to the Airbnb,what do you do?
(09:26):
Like we had road bumps, butthey felt like adventure because
we had prepared to have someroad bumps.
The range anxiety was not athing.
It was so easy.
Each of the people that westayed with we were prepared to
make ourselves comfortable, sowe had what we needed for that.
It was delightful and new.
The relationships that we builtwere so beautiful.
(09:48):
Surprises ended up happening.
That are adventures andexperiences I will never forget,
including reaching out to oneof our very closest friends and
saying let me bring our kids toyou in Portland, and finding out
that that very best friend itwas my husband's best friend for
his whole life was actuallyplanning a secret wedding the
day we were up there.
(10:08):
So, because he found out wewere coming, they ended up
inviting like 15 or 20 peopleand making it a small event
where my husband got to play themusic.
We ended up hanging with themfor a couple of days and
spending this beautiful timedriving to Montana and getting
to know the childhood homes andfamily town of one of our
dearest other friends.
(10:30):
Driving through Yellowstone andhaving this adventure of looking
, you know, searching forwildlife binoculars all of this
adventure with my children andthen heading Vegas on the way
home because, you know, weneeded to rest.
All of the rivers that wejumped in, all of the lakes that
we swam in, all of thechallenges we solved together,
(10:51):
were unforgettable and sovaluable.
The time we had, talkingthrough what life is like for
all three of us right now andseeing my husband, he came and
joined us for three days.
It was incredible, but the onlyreason it happened is because I
pushed past that little voiceinside us that wants to say, no,
this ain't going to happen.
This isn't realistic.
(11:11):
I've never done this before.
How would this even work?
I've heard this is hard Pushingpast it to ask the question
where's that no coming from?
And do I want to listen to itor not?
So let's first look at the databehind saying yes.
Here's what the science sayswhen we say yes, we experience
(11:34):
novelty and exploration, whichare two key ingredients that
come from this yes.
That, of course, comes fromsaying yes scored much higher in
resilience, optimism andvitality.
So, being able to handle things, having an outlook, a sunny
(12:05):
outlook, and just that feelingof aliveness.
Outlook and just that feelingof aliveness.
Also, saying yes to socialinvitations, which this trip did
include a lot of, even whenyou're tired or unsure, it has
been linked with betteremotional wellbeing, lower rates
of depression and strongersocial ties, especially in women
(12:25):
, but for everybody, in women,but for everybody.
So here's some basic data aboutwhat saying yes does for us.
So translation saying yesbuilds the kind of life your
future self thanks you for right, and that's definitely true of
the experience I just had.
Now let's look specifically atwhat yes does physiologically
(12:50):
for us.
When we say yes, especially tosomething outside of our comfort
zone.
Our brain gets a chemicalreward Isn't that interesting?
Dopamine is released inanticipation of this experience.
That has some novelty to it.
It's new, it's different, it'swild.
Right.
Our prefrontal cortex activates, helping us plan and problem
(13:12):
solve and adapt, which is funfor the brain.
That's the brain playground,right?
Instead of same old, same old,routinized behavior, our
prefrontal cortex gets to play,which is really good for us as
well as being fun, and ournervous system learns to
tolerate uncertainty more easilyover time.
(13:33):
If you want to dig in more tothis, listen to the podcast how
to Learn New Things I thinkthat's it.
Or how to Try New Things.
I talk about the red, theyellow and the green zone and
how to expand our green zones bytrying and learning new things.
So saying yes is actuallytraining your brain to grow, and
when you support it with goodplanning and rest and safety,
(13:57):
that yes becomes rocket fuel foryour own nervous system's
resilience.
So amazing, right?
All right, let's look now atwhat yes does for us
physiologically.
So, physiologically, saying yesis a vote for your own
aliveness.
It's an act of self-trustbecause you're saying I can
(14:17):
figure this out, I got me.
It's an act of agency I get tochoose my experiences.
I choose when I say hell yesand hell no.
And curiosity it's an act ofcuriosity Like, well, let's see
what happens, I'm down, let's dothis.
So it shifts us out ofperfectionism and like the uber
(14:38):
hyper control and that rigiditythat's like fear-based, and it
shifts us into something waymore powerful, which is growth.
Maybe we're exciting, way morefun, and it's also one of the
most effective ways to repatternhabitual avoidance.
Okay, so if we don't make aneffort to say yes when our gut
(15:05):
instinct is to say no, thenwe're going to stay in that rut
of habitual avoidance.
It takes effort.
So the more we say yes withcare, the more we can kind of
just like expand the experienceswe're having and that sort of
like multicolored rainbow of theexperiences in our life,
(15:26):
instead of doing the things thatare just within our comfort
zone.
Now, before we move on to anexercise that I want to give to
you today, before we wrap, Iwant to really touch back on
when a yes is really a no.
Not every yes is wise and, infact, like I think it's 50-50,
right.
So we won't say yes when ourgut is screaming no when our
(15:48):
values are being compromised.
When the yes is coming from anobligation who we think we're
supposed to be, orpeople-pleasing, we're saying
yes.
When we're just trying to makepeople happy, or when our body's
in distress or thinking ourbody's telling us this is not
safe.
We never would say yes in thosecircumstances.
(16:08):
So it's important todifferentiate, not to override
intuition, but discern betweenthat type of fear that protects
us and that type of fear that'sjust trying to keep us in a
predictable, habituated box.
So a little guideline that Ilike to use is when my gut says
no, I pause and I honor it.
(16:29):
When my gut says maybe or Ican't quite tell what the no is,
is it a real no, like Idescribed in the in the trip
planning, my gut says maybe butmy fear says no.
That might be the moment togently and intentionally say yes
by starting to do some research.
Is this in line with my values?
(16:50):
Is this?
Why do I want to say yes?
Why do I want to say no?
All right, and here's a threequestions saying yes practice.
Number one a quick reflectivetool you can use anytime.
Number one where in my life amI saying an automatic or
habitual no?
Number two what's one thing Isecretly wish I could say yes to
(17:13):
, but haven't yet.
Maybe that's a trip, aconversation, a creative risk, a
new friend, a new path, a movewho knows?
Go big.
Write them all down.
And number three what would Ineed, either logistically or
emotionally, to feel safe enoughto try?
Is it information, support,preparation, permission, a
(17:34):
thought partner, a miniadventure?
First, let these three questionsmaybe just crack open the door
a little bit.
Open the window even.
First.
The door is too big.
You don't have to let a bustwide open, just maybe let a
little breeze in, because sayingyes isn't about being reckless,
it's about being awake andalive and willing to expand our
(17:57):
green zone so that that greencan encompass more and more of
the beautiful variety of theexperience of life.
Let that yes surprise you alittle bit and delight you,
maybe even let it scare you alittle.
And if you want help turningthat yes into a real thing that
(18:19):
you get to experience in life,come join us in the Bloom Room.
We got you, that's what I'vegot for you this week and I will
see you next week.
If you like what you're hearingon the podcast, you've got to
(18:39):
come and join us in the BloomRoom.
This is a year-round membershipwhere we take all of these
concepts and we apply them toreal life in a community where
we have each other's backs andwe bring out the best in each
other.
We're all there to make ourideas real, one idea at a time.
I'll see you in the bloom room,thank you.
Welcome to the Bloom your Mind podcast, where we take
all of your ideas for what youwant and we turn them into real
things.
I'm your host, certified coachMarie McDonald.
Let's Well.
Hello, everybody, and welcometo episode number 136 of the
(00:32):
Bloom your Mind podcast.
I'm going to talk today aboutthe yes trip.
I'm going to tell a story,which I love to do to illustrate
a concept, give you a littlebit of data behind what we're
talking about today and thengive you a practice that you can
use to practice the yes trip.
This episode is a companionepisode to an episode that I
(00:58):
recorded called the freedom of ahard no.
We sometimes talk about a hardno and a hell yes and the
difference between those two,and I'm going to explore a
little bit, using some of thedata and some of these anecdotal
experiences, and to talk aboutwhat happens in our brain and
body when we say yes, and Ithink it's super important to
(01:19):
also, although I will touch onthe freedom of no, I think it's
also important to go and listento that episode in combination
with this one.
As always, our content isdirected at turning ideas into
real things.
So, while my example fortoday's podcast is based in a
(01:40):
life experience, that is a tripthat I took.
That is an example of what Icall an idea.
I have an idea for a trip Imight take.
Everything starts as a glimmerof possibility.
This trip started, and I willtell you the story of how it
started.
It was birthed as a glimmer ofpossibility, and so I use the
(02:01):
word idea to describe anythingthat begins as possibility in
our mind until we take a seriesof actions, until we have a
series of thoughts and feelingsthat then begin to turn the idea
into a real thing.
And, of course, we are allabout choosing ideas that are
(02:23):
both regenerative for us and arein line with our values and our
authentic expressions of who weare, what we want and what we
want to contribute in the world.
So that's what we're all abouttoday, and this episode I'd like
to think about as like a maybejoyful, slightly reckless little
(02:45):
sister to our last conversationin the freedom of a hard no,
last conversation about thistopic, because when we get
really clear on what does notserve us, we open up all kinds
of space for what does.
So a few months ago, I startedsaying yes to a few things.
(03:05):
There were some casualinvitations.
There were some ideas thrownout by other people.
A few different people that Iknew not very well and some
people that I knew really wellthrew out invitations for myself
and my kids, for my family, tocome and see them and to come
(03:26):
and stay with them.
Now, what I want to say aboutthis is most of these people
were people I didn't know thatwell.
So my initial reaction wheneach of the first two families
said come and stay with us, comeand visit us, was an internal.
That won't work.
It wasn't a hard no, it was ahabitual, reactive no, because
(03:54):
the place is far, because Idon't know you that well,
because you're not my child'sbest friend.
And then, when otherinvitations came up friend, and
then when other invitations cameup, the initial reaction was no
, because hey, that's too far,how would I get there?
How would this work?
But because there were multipleglimmers of possibility, two of
(04:16):
them in a row, that I startedto play around with.
And then another idea I startedstringing together the
possibility into this necklaceof adventure.
It was a two-week road trip inan electric car, zigzagging
across eight states, to visitsome people I barely knew sleep
(04:38):
in houses I'd never seen.
Try this with an electric car,which all I had read about was
range anxiety.
So and do it myself with my twokids, just me Not knowing if
they were going to be road wornand weary from the road dog
experience or if they were goingto enjoy it right.
(05:01):
So there's all kinds of doubtsthat came up in my mind and I
didn't ignore those red flags.
But I did just ask myself thequestion what, if?
What would this lead to if Ijust said yes, and what would
have to be in place in order forme to feel like this is a like?
(05:26):
I read about the range anxietyand I had to do some thinking
about that.
I thought about the fact we'dbe staying with you know,
friends that we didn't know toowell, kind of acquaintances, and
I started doing some researchand planning.
I started thinking about thepossibility of a road trip with
my kids and thinking why is thiscoming up for me?
(05:47):
Number one it's absolutely inline with my values to be
present with my children in thesummer.
Number two, to expose them tomore natural environments.
Number three to bond by nothaving something that's super
easy to do, but to develop theskill for them in flexibility
(06:07):
and iteration.
When something goes wrong, howto handle it on the road, how to
set ourselves up to be flexibleand to actually teach them the
skill of trip planning byintroducing our design
constraints from this idea,which are the amount of miles we
have to drive, how many placesdo we need to stop, how often
(06:30):
will we need to charge our car?
What are the things that wewill need in order to make
ourselves successful, no matterwhat we encounter on the road,
and I love to leave and trysomething challenging myself.
So I was like, okay, beautifulplaces, quality time with
children, making new friends,having some time with close
(06:51):
beloved friends and making theeffort to go and see them.
All of these things are in linewith my values.
And so I began to do theresearch to see if my gut know
was something I wanted to payattention to.
And as I did that, as I lookedup all the EV charging stations,
as I gave that assignment to mydaughter to find out what the
(07:14):
range of the model of our car isand if we change the charge
setting to 100%, like, how farcan we get?
Are there any factors thatmight limit that distance, like
traffic or whatever else?
It started to become thisreally cool project.
We went and got books about thestates we were going to, about
Oregon, about Washington, aboutMontana and Wyoming and
(07:37):
Yellowstone, and we startedstringing together the
possibilities.
It turned out that, to the bestof my knowledge, based on my
research, I was not tooconcerned about the range
anxiety.
I thought it would probablywork.
And then I started thinkingabout all of the unknowns we
might encounter and we starteddoing some trip planning to
(07:58):
outline all the things we mightneed to be comfortable even if
things got wild.
We had towels, we had sunscreen.
I had a little pharmacy in ahidden trunk in my car in case
there were allergies or we needaloe or whatever else like this
kid pharmacy.
I had all of this healthy foodthat I made sure could last for
(08:21):
the two weeks.
So if we were in places wherethere weren't options that would
make our bodies feel happy, Iwould have things that my kids
would eat and things that Iwould eat.
I had all kinds of things.
We downloaded books, we madeplaylists for the car and it was
all so fun.
We researched the things thatwe might want to see along the
way and which ones of thosethings were in line with the
(08:44):
stops we would have to make tocharge our car, and what ended
up happening was we had the mostamazing two-week adventure, my
children and I.
It was easy, there were noproblems.
There were unexpected thingsthat came up, but we were in
such a flow state and had all ofthe resources we needed in
(09:05):
order to solve those problemsthat we just solved them and the
kids really developed someknowledge and some skill around
problem solving.
When you get to the Airbnb andit's the wrong one, they
actually accidentally give youan Airbnb with one bed and
there's not enough space foreveryone to sleep what do you do
, right, when it smells liketerrible chemicals?
When you get to the Airbnb,what do you do?
(09:26):
Like we had road bumps, butthey felt like adventure because
we had prepared to have someroad bumps.
The range anxiety was not athing.
It was so easy.
Each of the people that westayed with we were prepared to
make ourselves comfortable, sowe had what we needed for that.
It was delightful and new.
The relationships that we builtwere so beautiful.
(09:48):
Surprises ended up happening.
That are adventures andexperiences I will never forget,
including reaching out to oneof our very closest friends and
saying let me bring our kids toyou in Portland, and finding out
that that very best friend itwas my husband's best friend for
his whole life was actuallyplanning a secret wedding the
day we were up there.
(10:08):
So, because he found out wewere coming, they ended up
inviting like 15 or 20 peopleand making it a small event
where my husband got to play themusic.
We ended up hanging with themfor a couple of days and
spending this beautiful timedriving to Montana and getting
to know the childhood homes andfamily town of one of our
dearest other friends.
(10:30):
Driving through Yellowstone andhaving this adventure of looking
, you know, searching forwildlife binoculars all of this
adventure with my children andthen heading Vegas on the way
home because, you know, weneeded to rest.
All of the rivers that wejumped in, all of the lakes that
we swam in, all of thechallenges we solved together,
(10:51):
were unforgettable and sovaluable.
The time we had, talkingthrough what life is like for
all three of us right now andseeing my husband, he came and
joined us for three days.
It was incredible, but the onlyreason it happened is because I
pushed past that little voiceinside us that wants to say, no,
this ain't going to happen.
This isn't realistic.
(11:11):
I've never done this before.
How would this even work?
I've heard this is hard Pushingpast it to ask the question
where's that no coming from?
And do I want to listen to itor not?
So let's first look at the databehind saying yes.
Here's what the science sayswhen we say yes, we experience
(11:34):
novelty and exploration, whichare two key ingredients that
come from this yes.
That, of course, comes fromsaying yes scored much higher in
resilience, optimism andvitality.
So, being able to handle things, having an outlook, a sunny
(12:05):
outlook, and just that feelingof aliveness.
Outlook and just that feelingof aliveness.
Also, saying yes to socialinvitations, which this trip did
include a lot of, even whenyou're tired or unsure, it has
been linked with betteremotional wellbeing, lower rates
of depression and strongersocial ties, especially in women
(12:25):
, but for everybody, in women,but for everybody.
So here's some basic data aboutwhat saying yes does for us.
So translation saying yesbuilds the kind of life your
future self thanks you for right, and that's definitely true of
the experience I just had.
Now let's look specifically atwhat yes does physiologically
(12:50):
for us.
When we say yes, especially tosomething outside of our comfort
zone.
Our brain gets a chemicalreward Isn't that interesting?
Dopamine is released inanticipation of this experience.
That has some novelty to it.
It's new, it's different, it'swild.
Right.
Our prefrontal cortex activates, helping us plan and problem
(13:12):
solve and adapt, which is funfor the brain.
That's the brain playground,right?
Instead of same old, same old,routinized behavior, our
prefrontal cortex gets to play,which is really good for us as
well as being fun, and ournervous system learns to
tolerate uncertainty more easilyover time.
(13:33):
If you want to dig in more tothis, listen to the podcast how
to Learn New Things I thinkthat's it.
Or how to Try New Things.
I talk about the red, theyellow and the green zone and
how to expand our green zones bytrying and learning new things.
So saying yes is actuallytraining your brain to grow, and
when you support it with goodplanning and rest and safety,
(13:57):
that yes becomes rocket fuel foryour own nervous system's
resilience.
So amazing, right?
All right, let's look now atwhat yes does for us
physiologically.
So, physiologically, saying yesis a vote for your own
aliveness.
It's an act of self-trustbecause you're saying I can
(14:17):
figure this out, I got me.
It's an act of agency I get tochoose my experiences.
I choose when I say hell yesand hell no.
And curiosity it's an act ofcuriosity Like, well, let's see
what happens, I'm down, let's dothis.
So it shifts us out ofperfectionism and like the uber
(14:38):
hyper control and that rigiditythat's like fear-based, and it
shifts us into something waymore powerful, which is growth.
Maybe we're exciting, way morefun, and it's also one of the
most effective ways to repatternhabitual avoidance.
Okay, so if we don't make aneffort to say yes when our gut
(15:05):
instinct is to say no, thenwe're going to stay in that rut
of habitual avoidance.
It takes effort.
So the more we say yes withcare, the more we can kind of
just like expand the experienceswe're having and that sort of
like multicolored rainbow of theexperiences in our life,
(15:26):
instead of doing the things thatare just within our comfort
zone.
Now, before we move on to anexercise that I want to give to
you today, before we wrap, Iwant to really touch back on
when a yes is really a no.
Not every yes is wise and, infact, like I think it's 50-50,
right.
So we won't say yes when ourgut is screaming no when our
(15:48):
values are being compromised.
When the yes is coming from anobligation who we think we're
supposed to be, orpeople-pleasing, we're saying
yes.
When we're just trying to makepeople happy, or when our body's
in distress or thinking ourbody's telling us this is not
safe.
We never would say yes in thosecircumstances.
(16:08):
So it's important todifferentiate, not to override
intuition, but discern betweenthat type of fear that protects
us and that type of fear that'sjust trying to keep us in a
predictable, habituated box.
So a little guideline that Ilike to use is when my gut says
no, I pause and I honor it.
(16:29):
When my gut says maybe or Ican't quite tell what the no is,
is it a real no, like Idescribed in the in the trip
planning, my gut says maybe butmy fear says no.
That might be the moment togently and intentionally say yes
by starting to do some research.
Is this in line with my values?
(16:50):
Is this?
Why do I want to say yes?
Why do I want to say no?
All right, and here's a threequestions saying yes practice.
Number one a quick reflectivetool you can use anytime.
Number one where in my life amI saying an automatic or
habitual no?
Number two what's one thing Isecretly wish I could say yes to
(17:13):
, but haven't yet.
Maybe that's a trip, aconversation, a creative risk, a
new friend, a new path, a movewho knows?
Go big.
Write them all down.
And number three what would Ineed, either logistically or
emotionally, to feel safe enoughto try?
Is it information, support,preparation, permission, a
(17:34):
thought partner, a miniadventure?
First, let these three questionsmaybe just crack open the door
a little bit.
Open the window even.
First.
The door is too big.
You don't have to let a bustwide open, just maybe let a
little breeze in, because sayingyes isn't about being reckless,
it's about being awake andalive and willing to expand our
(17:57):
green zone so that that greencan encompass more and more of
the beautiful variety of theexperience of life.
Let that yes surprise you alittle bit and delight you,
maybe even let it scare you alittle.
And if you want help turningthat yes into a real thing that
(18:19):
you get to experience in life,come join us in the Bloom Room.
We got you, that's what I'vegot for you this week and I will
see you next week.
If you like what you're hearingon the podcast, you've got to
(18:39):
come and join us in the BloomRoom.
This is a year-round membershipwhere we take all of these
concepts and we apply them toreal life in a community where
we have each other's backs andwe bring out the best in each
other.
We're all there to make ourideas real, one idea at a time.
I'll see you in the bloom room,thank you.
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