August 1, 2025 • 23 mins
Have you ever outgrown a version of yourself— and gotten stuck in that awkward liminal space between one identity and another?
In this episode of the Bloom Your Mind Podcast, I’m taking you on a wild ride that starts with a free-range hermit crab named Hermie (yes, really) and ends with a three step reflection to help you identify where you are in your identity shift. We’ll explore what it feels like to be in the awkward, raw, beautiful space between who you were and who you’re becoming—and how to navigate it with more self-compassion and clarity.
What you’ll learn in this episode:
- How we’re always making ideas real, but articulating them puts us in the driver’s seat of how we’re growing
- How self concept is the container for our current ways of thinking, feeling, acting and being
- The three awkward (and magical) stages of leveling up your self concept
- How a 90’s housepet trend can give us answers from the natural world
- Why the strategies that got you here won’t get you there
- How to work with old versions of yourself instead of pushing them away
- A guided reflection to help you identify your next self concept leap
Whether you're launching a business, changing relationship dynamics, healing old patterns, or just leveling up, this episode normalizes the discomfort of growth—and will help you move forward as the change maker that you are.
Resources and episodes mentioned:
How to connect with Marie:
- On the Web | The Local Bloom
- Instagram: @the.bloom.coach
- All Things Marie on LinkTree
JOIN THE BLOOM ROOM!
We'll take all these ideas and apply them to our lives. Follow me on Instagram at @the.bloom.coach to learn more and snag a spot in my group coaching program!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome to the Bloom your Mind podcast, where we take
all of your ideas for what youwant and we turn them into real
things.
I'm your host, certified coachMarie McDonald.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Let's get into it well, hello everybody, and
(00:39):
welcome to episode number 138 ofthe pulling your mind podcast.
Did any of you grow up in thelike 80s 90s general time period
?
If you did, there was thisthing that was going on, this
weird craze where a lot ofpeople had pet hermit crabs, and
my family was no exception.
We had, like many 90s families,we had hermit crabs.
(01:00):
It was a thing like acrustacean trend or something.
I don't know where it came from, but I know that when I talk to
other people and I tell them wehad hermit crabs, they're like
oh yeah, that was a thing.
Like when did this start andhow?
I don't know.
Well, we had these hermit crabs, and they were not only hermit
(01:20):
crabs, they were free rangehermit crabs, as in they roamed
across our entire house.
Our house was multi-level andthey were just kicking it all
around.
They had names, they were ourpets and there was this one
hermit crab in particular, alittle bit of an eccentric
(01:40):
hermit crab named wait for it,hermie.
Hermit crab named wait for it,hermie.
Hermie the hermit crab andHermie had something really
remarkable about them, this wildhabit that when they got
thirsty, hermie would scuttleacross the house past, you know,
(02:04):
the sun drenched stairs.
We lived in this little Ramonatown in the mountains of
Southern California.
And across the carpets and intothe bathroom, across the tile,
with like dark brown grout thesecream tile and up to the
bathtub with a like dark browngrout these cream tile and up to
(02:30):
the bathtub, and this littlehermit crab would bang their
shell on the side of the bathtubin this rhythm like knock,
knock, knock, knock, untilsomeone came into the bathroom
to give them water.
Seriously, over and over, thislittle hermit crab did this
Hermie.
So we'd make Hermie a littlebeach in the tub and they'd
(02:53):
drink as much as they wanted todip in and out of the water and
then off they'd go across thehouse until the next time.
No leash, no tank, just crabenergy running around the house.
No leash, no tank, just crabenergy running around the house.
And we didn't think this wasweird.
And sometimes I reflect back onit and I just crack up at how
funny of a pet experience thisis.
(03:14):
And if you've been around thepodcast for a while, you've
heard me talk about this house.
It was this multi-leveled housethat my dad built all around
the granite boulders in Ramona.
There were lots of levels, lotsof stairs.
It was sort of built around thegranite boulders in Ramona, so
there were lots of levels, lotsof stairs.
It was sort of built around thenatural environment.
It was one of the houses thatburned down up there.
You can listen to the fullstory back in episode two.
(03:34):
But it is just amazing to methat these hermit crabs survived
.
So you're probably wonderingwhere I'm going with this.
I was coaching a client theother day and she's in this
really tender space between whoshe has been so far that's
gotten her to where she is, thisincredibly successful woman who
has created a life she's superproud of, and who she's ready to
(03:58):
be next.
We were talking about this andwe were describing how it kind
of feels like a shell the shellthat she's been in for a while,
that she's breaking out of, andthis new shell that she's going
into.
And we started cracking uptogether about how this is just
like the hermit crabs that wegrew up with in the nineties,
(04:19):
and that space between who shehas been in all the ways that
she's been thinking and feelingand acting and doing that have
gotten her to where she is, andthat liminal space between that
and the new ways of thinking andfeeling and acting that are
going to need to be a little bitdifferent to get her to the
next stage of life.
It's like this hermit crabswitching shells, because as we
(04:42):
grow we outgrow the ways we'vemoved through the world our
thoughts, our habits,relationships, how we
communicate, how we seeourselves.
We start to feel that tightness, the squeeze of outgrowing
these old ways, and we have anidea for who we're becoming, an
idea for something new that wewant to do in the world,
(05:04):
something we want to create,something we want to change
about our lives, an idea thatwe're trying to make real.
But in order to make that ideareal, we have to grow, we have
to change and, just like Hermie,we got to ditch that shell.
So I see it time and time againin myself and my coaching
clients.
We all go through thisthree-stage transformation when
(05:25):
we're shedding an old version ofourselves and stepping into
something new.
And of course I had to bring inthis ridiculous analogy because
it made me laugh.
We have to transition from oneself-concept to another as we
make these ideas real, and aself-concept is totally
necessary.
A self-concept meaning ouridentity necessary.
(05:47):
A self-concept meaning ouridentity how we think about
ourselves.
You know, a lot of that can beunconscious.
We might not even know how wethink about ourselves, and when
we make it conscious, then wehave agency.
We can make an intentionalself-concept about ourselves,
but sometimes it's just runningin the background.
But whatever that is, whetherit's conscious or not, it allows
us to make decisions quicklyLike who are we, this is what I
(06:10):
want, this is what I don't.
It really helps us know whatthose wants are, what our true
desires are, that aren't comingfrom other people's expectations
of us, but are coming from ourheart's deep longing what we
like, what we don't.
Where our yeses and our nos are, where our boundaries are.
Our pillars are part of thatself-concept.
Pillars are those values thatwe've decided on, that are our
(06:32):
core values, that hold up ourlife, like the table legs
underneath everything that we'rebuilding and doing and being.
Our self-concept is related towhat we're up to in the world,
the ideas that we're making real, what we think we are capable
of and what we actually have toup-level our thinking to be able
(06:53):
to do, because we are alwaysworking to make ideas real,
whether we know it or not.
And when we decide what thoseideas are on purpose.
When we name them, articulatethem as goals.
It puts us in the driver's seat.
We're creating our life onpurpose.
We're putting into the worldexactly what we want to see
(07:15):
there in the world, instead ofletting other people do it.
We're not living inside theworld that other people created.
We are actors creating, insteadof recipients of, what's
happening to us in our life.
That is what making ideas realis all about.
That is what the consciousprocess of making ideas real is
(07:38):
all about.
But in order to make ideas realthat we haven't made real before
, we have to think differentlythan we've thought before.
We have to feel differentlythan we've felt before and act
differently than we've acted inthe past.
Those three changes are whatwill give us different results
than the results we've createdin the past.
We have to change our conceptof ourselves, our identity, the
(08:01):
shell that we're in ourself-concepts, so that can hold
those new ways of thinking andfeeling and being.
It's all about that shift.
So today's episode is all aboutthat shift between our old
shell that holds our old ways ofthinking, feeling and acting
(08:25):
that created our old results,and that shift into the new
shell, the new self-concept thatholds our new ways of thinking,
feeling and acting that we willhave to put in place in order
to create different results,create new things in our life,
in our communities and in theworld.
Create new things in our life,in our communities and in the
(08:48):
world.
So let's look at what thatshell switch is like, why it can
feel so damn awkward and whatwe can do about it.
All right, three stages first.
Three stages of the shellswitch.
Stage one is the shell is toodamn tight.
So this is the part where you'restill in your old patterns, but
you're aware that they don'tfit anymore.
Maybe you can think about atime when this has been true or,
(09:11):
right now, a way that it's truefor you.
How are you still doingsomething, thinking, feeling or
acting in a way that you've kindof outgrown but you haven't
changed yet?
Maybe it's a way, a healthhabit, maybe it's a way of
(09:31):
communicating, or maybe it's away of leading or something.
You're still stuck in a place,you're still living a job,
you're still in Holding patternthat you're in instead of
starting to make an idea real inthe world.
It's this senioritis phase ofyour former self.
You think I can't do it thisway anymore.
(09:51):
I'm done.
Maybe you've just launched abusiness or you're navigating
this new leadership at work ortaking your first solo trip.
Maybe it's deeper, maybe you'rebreaking generational patterns
or rewriting your relationshipwith your health or your body or
your time.
But you're in that part whereyou see that the old ways aren't
working and something's got togive.
(10:12):
But you're still in that shell,that old self-concept, that old
identity.
So it's kind of itchy, kind ofcramped, kind of suffocating and
it's time to get out.
So you move into stage two,where you're kind of naked and
shell-less.
We've all been there, we allhave.
You finally ditch the old shell, the old self-concept, and for
(10:33):
a hot minute you're walkingaround, exposed, raw, vulnerable
.
There's no hiding, you're out.
You've kind of left the pastbehind, the old ways of doing
things.
I remember walking in on ourhermit crabs mid-shell change
and just seeing this one hermitcrab, naked, mid-transfer, and
it was pretty intense.
Sorry for that visual, butthat's like how it feels when we
(10:55):
make a real shift.
We're not comfortable yet in thenew place, but we've decided to
leave the old ways of thinkingor feeling or doing behind.
We don't yet have our newidentity fully formed, but we
can't go back either, and thisis where sometimes we get scared
.
We question if we made theright call.
We look around and think who amI without that old identity?
(11:20):
Even if it was painful, it wassafe because it was known.
But we keep on trekking intostage three, the new shell, the
new awkward.
We've chosen the new shell, butit's still clunky, a little bit
roomy.
We haven't grown into it yet.
A little bit too grown.
We're practicing new behaviors,trying new ways of
(11:41):
communicating, working with anew mindset, maybe experiencing
some imposter syndrome.
Like who am I to think that Icould make this shift and do
this new thing, make this change?
It does not feel natural yet itfeels hella awkward.
This is where integration beginsand we start getting used to
things.
So let's talk about why thatintegration phase feels so weird
(12:04):
, why all the stages feel soweird, because understanding
them can help us identify wherewe are in the process and move
through it with a little bitmore grace.
So there's a classic model thatyou may have heard of, where
these are all the stages oflearning and you can.
I've referenced multipleepisodes on this episode, but
(12:27):
this one is how to try newthings, how to learn new things.
There's an episode that talksall about this, where you go
from a stage of unconsciousincompetence, where you don't
know what you don't know, toconscious incompetence where you
know what you can't do yet.
So that conscious incompetenceis where we are.
When our shell is too tight andwe're about ready to move.
(12:50):
We know that we need to get out, but we don't quite know how to
do it yet.
Then there's this consciouscompetence where you can do it,
but you have to focus reallyhard and make a lot of mistakes.
So that's like that secondstage we're transitioning into
the big shell.
And then we're getting used tothe big shell, awkwardly
clunking around in a new lifeand a new identity that's still
(13:13):
a little too big for us.
And finally, when we do thatlong enough and we fail and we
iterate, we move intounconscious competence, where
it's kind of second nature.
When we're growing, we're stuckin that awkward middle, and it's
totally normal because our pastselves don't just disappear
According to internal familysystems, which is an incredible
(13:35):
resource if you'd like to lookit up.
We've got these different partsof us that develop to get
through different chapters oflife.
They served us, but they're notalways meant to drive anymore,
to make decisions.
So when we're moving betweenthese different versions of
ourselves, we can see that theold self doesn't fit us anymore
(13:57):
and we can know that we're readyto move on and that that's
totally normal.
Because we can kind of lookbackwards down the timeline of
our life and maybe you can thinkabout your life and all the
times when you've made bigtransitions.
Of course there are like theones we all make in childhood
(14:18):
Maybe, when we go from being atoddler to like a kid, and then
a kid to a teenager, and then ateenager to adult.
Those are all like shell shifts, identity shifts, right, and
what other ones were there foryou?
You can look back to theversions of you that inhabited
(14:38):
those smaller shells and see allthe shifts that you've made and
you can kind of look forwardinto the future and just know
how many shell shifts will be inthe future as well.
So when you're in the middle ofone of these transitions, when
you're changing how you thinkabout yourself, your identity,
(14:59):
your ways of thinking andfeeling and acting, you can just
know that it's normal.
You've done it before andyou'll do it again.
When I think about those oldselves, I love to picture kind
of each one of them and whatthey're wearing.
At that time of my life, youknow and just remember all these
shifts that I've made and howimportant they all were.
(15:22):
So we're in the middle of oneof those.
Right now we can know we'vedone this before.
We've outgrown the shells.
They're all a part of the story.
But our future is going to bedifferent, and the reason that
we need to keep shifting shellsis because the exact ways of
(15:43):
thinking and feeling and actingthat got us to where we are
right now are not going to getus to where we're going.
So that has happened many timesin the past when we've shifted
from one identity and set oflife circumstances and
responsibilities before.
When we shift from one set toanother, we have to up-level.
(16:06):
So the ways that we'resuccessful at creating the life
that we had are going to have tochange, even though they worked
really well, in order to createdifferent results in the future
.
So let's break down how you acthas to change.
Maybe being hyper-responsiblegot us through one stage of our
(16:27):
life, but our next stagerequires more delegation and so
we have to shift, and that's anexample of that shifting shells
taking on more leadership ratherthan being great at executing
and doing and taking care ofeverything ourselves.
We have to make this awkwardtransition into a bigger show
(16:51):
where we're learning to trackprogress, delegate to other
people, support them toaccomplish things and manage the
big vision ourselves of aproject, of a family, of a job,
of a community.
Here's another example.
Maybe we're looking at how wecommunicate.
(17:11):
Maybe you avoided conflictbefore to keep the peace.
Maybe you have kind of been apeople pleaser, avoided conflict
and just made everybody happyand it worked really, really
well because you had a lot offriends and everybody loved you
and you could go with the flow.
But it's just not quite fittinganymore, because you're
(17:34):
realizing that you're goingalong with things that you're
not actually okay with, orbecause you just want to speak
up a little bit more.
You want to lead, you want tohave your own opinion.
That's an example oftransitioning from one
self-concept to another from theself-concept of I'm the one
(17:56):
that harmonizes, I keep thepeace, to the self-concept of I
help to lead, I have opinionsand thoughts that matter, that
influence, and I'm going toshift my whole way of thinking
and feeling and acting andinteracting in order to speak up
and to lead more.
(18:18):
Maybe one of these ways that weshift is in managing our mind.
Maybe overthinking used to keepyou prepared.
It used to, you know, beingable to plan every contingency
for anything that might go wrongor anything that might happen,
or to review everything in apast interaction.
(18:39):
Maybe that really helped you beready for anything and kept you
prepared for anything, and nowmaybe it's keeping you stuck.
Maybe overthinking is keepingyou in thinking all the time and
you're not actually takingaction.
So you need to move and letthings go and stop ruminating on
(19:00):
how things went and starttaking more bold action to make
your ideas real and make adifference in the world.
That's another way where wemight have to shift self-concept
and change our shells.
Your self-concept itself isanother one, just the very way
that you think about yourselfthat shell.
(19:21):
Maybe you saw yourself as ahelper and you always support
other people.
Maybe you're always somebodythat can be of service to others
.
But now you're ready to be alittle bit more of a visionary,
to be the one that shakes thingsup, to be the one that has the
idea that rallies everybody.
That requires you to thinkdifferently, feel differently
(19:44):
and definitely to actdifferently.
Each of these shifts requires anew shell how we act, how we
communicate, how we manage ourminds, our self-concept.
So let's do a little reflectionexercise on how we can ditch
the show All right, grab anotebook if you need to, or
(20:04):
pause and come back when you can.
When I listen to a podcast and Ilike to do the exercise as we
go along if I don't havesomething to write on, if I'm
driving or something, I like tojust listen to the question and
then pause, answer the questionin my own head and then press
play again.
So I invite you to do that ifyou'd like to.
The first question is what hasworked for you so far to get you
(20:27):
to where you are right now?
That might need to shift, thatyou might need to let go of in
order to get you to the nextplace that you want to go, even
if it served you well, okay.
Number two what kind of supportdo you need as you make that
leap?
And a couple of hints are tomanage your mind daily, to stick
to your schedule, to getcoaching from someone who sees
(20:50):
your next shell before you evencan.
And number three what helps youto level up so that, when
you're in that transition, thatliminal space between one shell
and another, how can youanticipate the obstacles and
support yourself?
Maybe that's by surroundingyourself with people who are
already living with what you'restepping into right Examples of
(21:11):
who you're becoming, notexamples of what you're trying
to leave behind.
Maybe that's about filling yourmind with content that
nourishes your growth.
Check out the Brain Bucketsepisode for a deep dive into
that concept, because we are theideas and the people that we
surround ourselves with, andremember to measure the gains,
not the gap.
You can listen to the episode.
(21:31):
Look how Far You've Come for adeep dive on that one.
So growth is awkward,transformation is vulnerable,
but damn it's worth it.
So growth is awkward,transformation is vulnerable,
but damn it's worth it.
So here's your permission to belike Hermie, that little herb of
crab, and Ramona that knockedits shell on the bathtub.
Choose a bigger shell, take offtoward the next version of you
(21:52):
and do it intentionally.
Support yourself as you go.
You're going to do it one wayor another.
Do it intentionally.
Support yourself as you go.
You're going to do it one wayor another.
If this episode resonated withyou, share it with someone who's
mid-identity shift, mid-shellswap, and if you're ready to
make big moves in your life oryour work, come check out the
Bloom Room, my coaching programdesigned to help you ditch your
(22:13):
old patterns and help you bloominto the next level.
That's what I've got for youthis week, and I will see you
next week.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
If you like what you're hearing on the podcast.
You got to come and join us inthe bloom room.
This is a year-round membershipwhere we take all of these
concepts and we apply them toreal life in a community where
we have each other's backs andwe bring out the best in each
other.
We're all there to make ourideas real, one idea at a time.
(22:53):
We'll see you in the bloom room.
Welcome to the Bloom your Mind podcast, where we take
all of your ideas for what youwant and we turn them into real
things.
I'm your host, certified coachMarie McDonald.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Let's get into it well, hello everybody, and
(00:39):
welcome to episode number 138 ofthe pulling your mind podcast.
Did any of you grow up in thelike 80s 90s general time period
?
If you did, there was thisthing that was going on, this
weird craze where a lot ofpeople had pet hermit crabs, and
my family was no exception.
We had, like many 90s families,we had hermit crabs.
(01:00):
It was a thing like acrustacean trend or something.
I don't know where it came from, but I know that when I talk to
other people and I tell them wehad hermit crabs, they're like
oh yeah, that was a thing.
Like when did this start andhow?
I don't know.
Well, we had these hermit crabs, and they were not only hermit
(01:20):
crabs, they were free rangehermit crabs, as in they roamed
across our entire house.
Our house was multi-level andthey were just kicking it all
around.
They had names, they were ourpets and there was this one
hermit crab in particular, alittle bit of an eccentric
(01:40):
hermit crab named wait for it,hermie.
Hermit crab named wait for it,hermie.
Hermie the hermit crab andHermie had something really
remarkable about them, this wildhabit that when they got
thirsty, hermie would scuttleacross the house past, you know,
(02:04):
the sun drenched stairs.
We lived in this little Ramonatown in the mountains of
Southern California.
And across the carpets and intothe bathroom, across the tile,
with like dark brown grout thesecream tile and up to the
bathtub with a like dark browngrout these cream tile and up to
(02:30):
the bathtub, and this littlehermit crab would bang their
shell on the side of the bathtubin this rhythm like knock,
knock, knock, knock, untilsomeone came into the bathroom
to give them water.
Seriously, over and over, thislittle hermit crab did this
Hermie.
So we'd make Hermie a littlebeach in the tub and they'd
(02:53):
drink as much as they wanted todip in and out of the water and
then off they'd go across thehouse until the next time.
No leash, no tank, just crabenergy running around the house.
No leash, no tank, just crabenergy running around the house.
And we didn't think this wasweird.
And sometimes I reflect back onit and I just crack up at how
funny of a pet experience thisis.
(03:14):
And if you've been around thepodcast for a while, you've
heard me talk about this house.
It was this multi-leveled housethat my dad built all around
the granite boulders in Ramona.
There were lots of levels, lotsof stairs.
It was sort of built around thegranite boulders in Ramona, so
there were lots of levels, lotsof stairs.
It was sort of built around thenatural environment.
It was one of the houses thatburned down up there.
You can listen to the fullstory back in episode two.
(03:34):
But it is just amazing to methat these hermit crabs survived
.
So you're probably wonderingwhere I'm going with this.
I was coaching a client theother day and she's in this
really tender space between whoshe has been so far that's
gotten her to where she is, thisincredibly successful woman who
has created a life she's superproud of, and who she's ready to
(03:58):
be next.
We were talking about this andwe were describing how it kind
of feels like a shell the shellthat she's been in for a while,
that she's breaking out of, andthis new shell that she's going
into.
And we started cracking uptogether about how this is just
like the hermit crabs that wegrew up with in the nineties,
(04:19):
and that space between who shehas been in all the ways that
she's been thinking and feelingand acting and doing that have
gotten her to where she is, andthat liminal space between that
and the new ways of thinking andfeeling and acting that are
going to need to be a little bitdifferent to get her to the
next stage of life.
It's like this hermit crabswitching shells, because as we
(04:42):
grow we outgrow the ways we'vemoved through the world our
thoughts, our habits,relationships, how we
communicate, how we seeourselves.
We start to feel that tightness, the squeeze of outgrowing
these old ways, and we have anidea for who we're becoming, an
idea for something new that wewant to do in the world,
(05:04):
something we want to create,something we want to change
about our lives, an idea thatwe're trying to make real.
But in order to make that ideareal, we have to grow, we have
to change and, just like Hermie,we got to ditch that shell.
So I see it time and time againin myself and my coaching
clients.
We all go through thisthree-stage transformation when
(05:25):
we're shedding an old version ofourselves and stepping into
something new.
And of course I had to bring inthis ridiculous analogy because
it made me laugh.
We have to transition from oneself-concept to another as we
make these ideas real, and aself-concept is totally
necessary.
A self-concept meaning ouridentity necessary.
(05:47):
A self-concept meaning ouridentity how we think about
ourselves.
You know, a lot of that can beunconscious.
We might not even know how wethink about ourselves, and when
we make it conscious, then wehave agency.
We can make an intentionalself-concept about ourselves,
but sometimes it's just runningin the background.
But whatever that is, whetherit's conscious or not, it allows
us to make decisions quicklyLike who are we, this is what I
(06:10):
want, this is what I don't.
It really helps us know whatthose wants are, what our true
desires are, that aren't comingfrom other people's expectations
of us, but are coming from ourheart's deep longing what we
like, what we don't.
Where our yeses and our nos are, where our boundaries are.
Our pillars are part of thatself-concept.
Pillars are those values thatwe've decided on, that are our
(06:32):
core values, that hold up ourlife, like the table legs
underneath everything that we'rebuilding and doing and being.
Our self-concept is related towhat we're up to in the world,
the ideas that we're making real, what we think we are capable
of and what we actually have toup-level our thinking to be able
(06:53):
to do, because we are alwaysworking to make ideas real,
whether we know it or not.
And when we decide what thoseideas are on purpose.
When we name them, articulatethem as goals.
It puts us in the driver's seat.
We're creating our life onpurpose.
We're putting into the worldexactly what we want to see
(07:15):
there in the world, instead ofletting other people do it.
We're not living inside theworld that other people created.
We are actors creating, insteadof recipients of, what's
happening to us in our life.
That is what making ideas realis all about.
That is what the consciousprocess of making ideas real is
(07:38):
all about.
But in order to make ideas realthat we haven't made real before
, we have to think differentlythan we've thought before.
We have to feel differentlythan we've felt before and act
differently than we've acted inthe past.
Those three changes are whatwill give us different results
than the results we've createdin the past.
We have to change our conceptof ourselves, our identity, the
(08:01):
shell that we're in ourself-concepts, so that can hold
those new ways of thinking andfeeling and being.
It's all about that shift.
So today's episode is all aboutthat shift between our old
shell that holds our old ways ofthinking, feeling and acting
(08:25):
that created our old results,and that shift into the new
shell, the new self-concept thatholds our new ways of thinking,
feeling and acting that we willhave to put in place in order
to create different results,create new things in our life,
in our communities and in theworld.
Create new things in our life,in our communities and in the
(08:48):
world.
So let's look at what thatshell switch is like, why it can
feel so damn awkward and whatwe can do about it.
All right, three stages first.
Three stages of the shellswitch.
Stage one is the shell is toodamn tight.
So this is the part where you'restill in your old patterns, but
you're aware that they don'tfit anymore.
Maybe you can think about atime when this has been true or,
(09:11):
right now, a way that it's truefor you.
How are you still doingsomething, thinking, feeling or
acting in a way that you've kindof outgrown but you haven't
changed yet?
Maybe it's a way, a healthhabit, maybe it's a way of
(09:31):
communicating, or maybe it's away of leading or something.
You're still stuck in a place,you're still living a job,
you're still in Holding patternthat you're in instead of
starting to make an idea real inthe world.
It's this senioritis phase ofyour former self.
You think I can't do it thisway anymore.
(09:51):
I'm done.
Maybe you've just launched abusiness or you're navigating
this new leadership at work ortaking your first solo trip.
Maybe it's deeper, maybe you'rebreaking generational patterns
or rewriting your relationshipwith your health or your body or
your time.
But you're in that part whereyou see that the old ways aren't
working and something's got togive.
(10:12):
But you're still in that shell,that old self-concept, that old
identity.
So it's kind of itchy, kind ofcramped, kind of suffocating and
it's time to get out.
So you move into stage two,where you're kind of naked and
shell-less.
We've all been there, we allhave.
You finally ditch the old shell, the old self-concept, and for
(10:33):
a hot minute you're walkingaround, exposed, raw, vulnerable
.
There's no hiding, you're out.
You've kind of left the pastbehind, the old ways of doing
things.
I remember walking in on ourhermit crabs mid-shell change
and just seeing this one hermitcrab, naked, mid-transfer, and
it was pretty intense.
Sorry for that visual, butthat's like how it feels when we
(10:55):
make a real shift.
We're not comfortable yet in thenew place, but we've decided to
leave the old ways of thinkingor feeling or doing behind.
We don't yet have our newidentity fully formed, but we
can't go back either, and thisis where sometimes we get scared
.
We question if we made theright call.
We look around and think who amI without that old identity?
(11:20):
Even if it was painful, it wassafe because it was known.
But we keep on trekking intostage three, the new shell, the
new awkward.
We've chosen the new shell, butit's still clunky, a little bit
roomy.
We haven't grown into it yet.
A little bit too grown.
We're practicing new behaviors,trying new ways of
(11:41):
communicating, working with anew mindset, maybe experiencing
some imposter syndrome.
Like who am I to think that Icould make this shift and do
this new thing, make this change?
It does not feel natural yet itfeels hella awkward.
This is where integration beginsand we start getting used to
things.
So let's talk about why thatintegration phase feels so weird
(12:04):
, why all the stages feel soweird, because understanding
them can help us identify wherewe are in the process and move
through it with a little bitmore grace.
So there's a classic model thatyou may have heard of, where
these are all the stages oflearning and you can.
I've referenced multipleepisodes on this episode, but
(12:27):
this one is how to try newthings, how to learn new things.
There's an episode that talksall about this, where you go
from a stage of unconsciousincompetence, where you don't
know what you don't know, toconscious incompetence where you
know what you can't do yet.
So that conscious incompetenceis where we are.
When our shell is too tight andwe're about ready to move.
(12:50):
We know that we need to get out, but we don't quite know how to
do it yet.
Then there's this consciouscompetence where you can do it,
but you have to focus reallyhard and make a lot of mistakes.
So that's like that secondstage we're transitioning into
the big shell.
And then we're getting used tothe big shell, awkwardly
clunking around in a new lifeand a new identity that's still
(13:13):
a little too big for us.
And finally, when we do thatlong enough and we fail and we
iterate, we move intounconscious competence, where
it's kind of second nature.
When we're growing, we're stuckin that awkward middle, and it's
totally normal because our pastselves don't just disappear
According to internal familysystems, which is an incredible
(13:35):
resource if you'd like to lookit up.
We've got these different partsof us that develop to get
through different chapters oflife.
They served us, but they're notalways meant to drive anymore,
to make decisions.
So when we're moving betweenthese different versions of
ourselves, we can see that theold self doesn't fit us anymore
(13:57):
and we can know that we're readyto move on and that that's
totally normal.
Because we can kind of lookbackwards down the timeline of
our life and maybe you can thinkabout your life and all the
times when you've made bigtransitions.
Of course there are like theones we all make in childhood
(14:18):
Maybe, when we go from being atoddler to like a kid, and then
a kid to a teenager, and then ateenager to adult.
Those are all like shell shifts, identity shifts, right, and
what other ones were there foryou?
You can look back to theversions of you that inhabited
(14:38):
those smaller shells and see allthe shifts that you've made and
you can kind of look forwardinto the future and just know
how many shell shifts will be inthe future as well.
So when you're in the middle ofone of these transitions, when
you're changing how you thinkabout yourself, your identity,
(14:59):
your ways of thinking andfeeling and acting, you can just
know that it's normal.
You've done it before andyou'll do it again.
When I think about those oldselves, I love to picture kind
of each one of them and whatthey're wearing.
At that time of my life, youknow and just remember all these
shifts that I've made and howimportant they all were.
(15:22):
So we're in the middle of oneof those.
Right now we can know we'vedone this before.
We've outgrown the shells.
They're all a part of the story.
But our future is going to bedifferent, and the reason that
we need to keep shifting shellsis because the exact ways of
(15:43):
thinking and feeling and actingthat got us to where we are
right now are not going to getus to where we're going.
So that has happened many timesin the past when we've shifted
from one identity and set oflife circumstances and
responsibilities before.
When we shift from one set toanother, we have to up-level.
(16:06):
So the ways that we'resuccessful at creating the life
that we had are going to have tochange, even though they worked
really well, in order to createdifferent results in the future
.
So let's break down how you acthas to change.
Maybe being hyper-responsiblegot us through one stage of our
(16:27):
life, but our next stagerequires more delegation and so
we have to shift, and that's anexample of that shifting shells
taking on more leadership ratherthan being great at executing
and doing and taking care ofeverything ourselves.
We have to make this awkwardtransition into a bigger show
(16:51):
where we're learning to trackprogress, delegate to other
people, support them toaccomplish things and manage the
big vision ourselves of aproject, of a family, of a job,
of a community.
Here's another example.
Maybe we're looking at how wecommunicate.
(17:11):
Maybe you avoided conflictbefore to keep the peace.
Maybe you have kind of been apeople pleaser, avoided conflict
and just made everybody happyand it worked really, really
well because you had a lot offriends and everybody loved you
and you could go with the flow.
But it's just not quite fittinganymore, because you're
(17:34):
realizing that you're goingalong with things that you're
not actually okay with, orbecause you just want to speak
up a little bit more.
You want to lead, you want tohave your own opinion.
That's an example oftransitioning from one
self-concept to another from theself-concept of I'm the one
(17:56):
that harmonizes, I keep thepeace, to the self-concept of I
help to lead, I have opinionsand thoughts that matter, that
influence, and I'm going toshift my whole way of thinking
and feeling and acting andinteracting in order to speak up
and to lead more.
(18:18):
Maybe one of these ways that weshift is in managing our mind.
Maybe overthinking used to keepyou prepared.
It used to, you know, beingable to plan every contingency
for anything that might go wrongor anything that might happen,
or to review everything in apast interaction.
(18:39):
Maybe that really helped you beready for anything and kept you
prepared for anything, and nowmaybe it's keeping you stuck.
Maybe overthinking is keepingyou in thinking all the time and
you're not actually takingaction.
So you need to move and letthings go and stop ruminating on
(19:00):
how things went and starttaking more bold action to make
your ideas real and make adifference in the world.
That's another way where wemight have to shift self-concept
and change our shells.
Your self-concept itself isanother one, just the very way
that you think about yourselfthat shell.
(19:21):
Maybe you saw yourself as ahelper and you always support
other people.
Maybe you're always somebodythat can be of service to others
.
But now you're ready to be alittle bit more of a visionary,
to be the one that shakes thingsup, to be the one that has the
idea that rallies everybody.
That requires you to thinkdifferently, feel differently
(19:44):
and definitely to actdifferently.
Each of these shifts requires anew shell how we act, how we
communicate, how we manage ourminds, our self-concept.
So let's do a little reflectionexercise on how we can ditch
the show All right, grab anotebook if you need to, or
(20:04):
pause and come back when you can.
When I listen to a podcast and Ilike to do the exercise as we
go along if I don't havesomething to write on, if I'm
driving or something, I like tojust listen to the question and
then pause, answer the questionin my own head and then press
play again.
So I invite you to do that ifyou'd like to.
The first question is what hasworked for you so far to get you
(20:27):
to where you are right now?
That might need to shift, thatyou might need to let go of in
order to get you to the nextplace that you want to go, even
if it served you well, okay.
Number two what kind of supportdo you need as you make that
leap?
And a couple of hints are tomanage your mind daily, to stick
to your schedule, to getcoaching from someone who sees
(20:50):
your next shell before you evencan.
And number three what helps youto level up so that, when
you're in that transition, thatliminal space between one shell
and another, how can youanticipate the obstacles and
support yourself?
Maybe that's by surroundingyourself with people who are
already living with what you'restepping into right Examples of
(21:11):
who you're becoming, notexamples of what you're trying
to leave behind.
Maybe that's about filling yourmind with content that
nourishes your growth.
Check out the Brain Bucketsepisode for a deep dive into
that concept, because we are theideas and the people that we
surround ourselves with, andremember to measure the gains,
not the gap.
You can listen to the episode.
(21:31):
Look how Far You've Come for adeep dive on that one.
So growth is awkward,transformation is vulnerable,
but damn it's worth it.
So growth is awkward,transformation is vulnerable,
but damn it's worth it.
So here's your permission to belike Hermie, that little herb of
crab, and Ramona that knockedits shell on the bathtub.
Choose a bigger shell, take offtoward the next version of you
(21:52):
and do it intentionally.
Support yourself as you go.
You're going to do it one wayor another.
Do it intentionally.
Support yourself as you go.
You're going to do it one wayor another.
If this episode resonated withyou, share it with someone who's
mid-identity shift, mid-shellswap, and if you're ready to
make big moves in your life oryour work, come check out the
Bloom Room, my coaching programdesigned to help you ditch your
(22:13):
old patterns and help you bloominto the next level.
That's what I've got for youthis week, and I will see you
next week.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
If you like what you're hearing on the podcast.
You got to come and join us inthe bloom room.
This is a year-round membershipwhere we take all of these
concepts and we apply them toreal life in a community where
we have each other's backs andwe bring out the best in each
other.
We're all there to make ourideas real, one idea at a time.
(22:53):
We'll see you in the bloom room.
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