November 21, 2025 • 20 mins
This week, we’re getting practical.
In Episode 153: Problem Solving, I walk you through a real-life example of using multiple tools I’ve taught before on the podcast—and show you exactly how to apply them when life throws you a curveball.
Here’s the setup: I’m hosting a three-day Lovefest in the desert for 80 people—an outdoor celebration that’s been months in the making. And three days before it begins, the forecast calls for…rain. Buckets of it. No indoor venues, no easy backup plan, and a lot of people flying in from all over the world. Meanwhile, I’m still working full time, parenting, and running life as usual.
In this episode, I show you exactly what I did when my brain wanted to spiral into overwhelm—and how I used my problem-solving toolkit to navigate the chaos calmly, strategically, and creatively.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
- Why the first tool we reach for isn’t always the right one for the job.
- How to know which kind of problem-solving approach to use—depending on whether you’re in the emotional, strategic, or tactical phase of processing.
- Three categories of tools you can choose from:
- Mindset reset – shifting your thinking when your brain goes negative.
- Obstacle prediction & strategy – anticipating challenges and creating grounded plans.
- Emotional processing & curiosity – handling your inner experience before taking external action.
- The critical reminder that we never use tools and teachings against ourselves—no self-blame, no “shoulds.”
- Why making requests of others is often the final step, not the first one—after we’ve done our own emotional and cognitive work.
- How to reflect after the storm passes—so every challenge becomes a blueprint for your next success.
By the end of this episode, you’ll see how these tools come together in real time—and you’ll leave with a clear map for how to move from overwhelm to empowered action, no matter what kind of problem life serves up.
How to connect with Marie:
- On the Web | The Local Bloom
- Instagram: @the.bloom.coach
- All Things Marie on LinkTree
JOIN THE BLOOM ROOM!
We'll take all these ideas and apply them to our lives. Follow me on Instagram at @the.bloom.coach to learn more and snag a spot in my group coaching program!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:08):
Welcome to the Bloom Your Mind Podcast, where we take
all of your ideas for what youwant and we turn them into real
things.
I'm your host, certified coachMarie McDonald.
Let's get into it.
Well, hello everyone, andwelcome to episode number 153 of
(00:33):
the Bloom Your Mind Podcast.
Today we are taking an examplethat's an actual application of
multiple of the tools that I'vetaught on this podcast to share
an example of triaging aproblem.
I'm going to use a problem frommy own life that popped up this
(00:53):
last week.
And this actually came from theBloom Room discussion where I
was coaching the group that isin the Bloom Room.
And one of them asked, you know,we were kind of all sharing wins
and celebrations.
And someone asked me, whathappens when your brain wants to
sort of go doomsday aboutsomething where a problem comes
(01:15):
up and your brain is just likewanting to freak out and take it
to the worst possible casescenario.
And I had an example that waskind of like that this week.
And so I wanted to use that asan example to teach sort of an
application of a lot of thetools that I teach in problem
solving, in obstacleanticipation and strategy
(01:38):
generation, and in uh sort ofmental management and emotional
processing around big problems,around big challenges that pop
up.
So that is what we are up totoday.
And I will get right into it.
So I'm going to give you alittle context for what this
example is based in.
And I've talked about in thelast couple of podcasts, just
(02:01):
briefly telling you that myhusband and I are celebrating
our 10-year anniversary byrenewing our vows.
We've been together for 15years.
We kind of had an alternativepath to our story where we got
together and had a two-yearlong-distance relationship that
we loved that part of it.
And then we came together anddecided we wanted a child first.
(02:24):
We didn't want to get marriedyet.
Or if we ever got married, we weweren't sure what we were going
to do.
We just knew we wanted a kid.
So we did that.
Then a few years in, ourdaughter was three years old and
we got married.
So we've been together for 15years and we've been married for
10, and we really uh wanted tomake new promises to each other,
to not get complacent in theinstitution of marriage and take
(02:47):
each other for granted in anyway, and to kind of double down
on choosing each other andcommitting who we want to be to
one another, and to celebratelove and celebrate that
recommitment and really owningand being in integrity with one
another, taking thatresponsibility really seriously
of loving a person and beingtheir person, being the one that
(03:11):
gets to see them and all theirups and downs, and the one that
gets to celebrate them, and theone that's that's there for them
to celebrate how we can do thatreally intentionally and to come
together in community tocelebrate love.
So we have this big event, andit has turned into quite a big
event.
It is three days long in thedesert.
The first night we rented abeautiful venue that is open to
(03:33):
the stars.
And this is all leadingsomewhere.
So listen carefully.
This venue is open to the stars,no roof, full of candles and
audio equipment.
And it was like one of thethings I was looking forward to
the most.
One of my favorite things inlife is to see people that I
know and love play live music.
(03:54):
I love it.
Live music's like my favoritething ever, and especially when
I know the person.
So, you know, I married amusician.
And we have tons of musicians inour life.
And so we rented this beautifulplace called the bathhouse in
this place called Hokoomba,which is an incredible resort
(04:15):
that uh is built around anaturally occurring mineral hot
springs.
So we rented this open-air placefor Friday night.
Saturday night, we uh have afriend who owns a retreat center
nearby, and we're doing ourwhole vow renewal ceremony
outside in a circle of boulders,just like where my parents got
married.
And we then have a whole eveningof fire pits and karaoke and DJs
(04:41):
and toasts.
And it's all outdoors.
So we made, I spent hours andhours and had friends come help,
and we made giant paper flowersthat are gonna be a ceiling
above the tables that werehanging from the rafters, and
then all these paper flowerarrangements, and everything is
outdoors.
Rugs and seating lounge areasoutdoors under big oak trees.
(05:04):
And it was all so great.
All of this is so great.
We have all of this planning,people coming, someone's coming
from Germany, people are comingfrom Hawaii, Tennessee, people
flying in, they just want tohang, and then a bunch of people
from closer by from Santa Monicaand San Diego and Orange County
and stuff.
So we're working through all ofthe details that are a part of
(05:27):
this kind of event for ourclosest friends and our family
to come and be with us.
And it ended up there's a lot ofpeople that said yes.
So we were at an RSVP count ofabout 80.
And then all of a sudden,something that never happens in
San Diego happened, and theforecast changed and rain was
(05:47):
coming.
Every day the forecast changedas it does, right?
And every day it got worse.
So that eventually, two nightsago, the forecast said it is
gonna pour rain both Friday andSaturday night.
Poor rain.
So when I really found this out,I was right in the middle of so
(06:12):
many things that I was doing.
So I was gluing paper flowers, Iwas, you know, finalizing
outfits, all these things, allthese things, helping people
with arrangements, helpingpeople with rooms they were
staying in, all this stuff.
And I also had not been sleepingvery well for a few different
reasons.
So I was just not on a whole lotof sleep, like five hours, and I
(06:34):
am like an eight or nine hourperson uh the night before.
So I was not on a lot of sleep.
I was kind of fighting off asore throat, you know, all
different things happening.
Full work days, and I find outabout this rain, you know, four
days, three days before theevent.
And so my mind is likeoverwhelmed.
The first feeling that I had wasjust daunted because people are
(06:57):
flying in from everywhere.
And first of all, Friday nightsout because it's gonna be
pouring rain and there's noceiling on that place.
So I have all these peopleplanning on this, and that's
out.
But the bigger problem is the 80people coming Saturday, because
that's the day that most thateverybody's coming to.
80 people.
(07:18):
And the venue that we're at doesnot have a lot of indoor space.
It is not a place where you caneasily host 80 people.
Plus, the entire event was theentertainment, the activities
were based in out in theoutdoors, fires, you know,
lounges, paper flowers that areall gonna melt.
Can we even use any of thedecorations now?
(07:39):
There's nowhere to like it wasjust a lot.
Everything was gonna need tochange, every part of the plan.
And it needed to change in likethree days that were already
fully booked for me with my allmy clients and all my work and
everything else, board meetings,everything I had to do.
So, this is the problem thatwe're looking at today.
(08:01):
And at first, my brain was justdaunted.
I was just like, uh, no.
What am I gonna do?
I have people texting me saying,like, the retreat center owner
that is my good friend is like,hey, do you have a rain plan?
Do you want a brainstorm?
You know, I'm talking through itwith my husband.
We have we're trying to makedinner for the kids, and there's
(08:22):
giant paper flowers all over.
It just felt like chaos.
As sometimes things do, right?
And we had a rain plan forFriday night, but it turns out
that their secondary venuesprung some leaks.
So they no longer had analternative for us.
(08:44):
And uh yeah, it was pretty,pretty tricky situation.
So try not to beat myself up fornot giving more viability to
needing a rain plan based onwhat everybody that you know who
lives out there told me, nah,it's not gonna rain.
It's not gonna, we don't evenhave to worry about that.
I should have just thought itthrough myself, like I usually
do for contingency plans.
(09:05):
So let that one go, first ofall.
And then I started utilizing afew of the tools that I teach on
this podcast.
And here's what I want to walkyou through.
There's first a tool that I useall the time, where I recognize
that our brains are great atcreating problems.
We create problems out ofeverything.
(09:28):
And nothing is actually aproblem without our brain making
it a problem.
It's either happening and weneed to accept it and it's
outside of our control, or it'sa perspective thing.
So, like, for instance, rain,water falling from the sky.
It's not a problem unless ourbrain is like, this is a
(09:48):
problem, right?
So with many things in life, usbeing late, uh us getting a
change in career, um, us havingbody changes, us like so many
things that we make problems inour head, we can decide they're
not a problem.
So my first step was is thisactually a problem?
(10:12):
I could decide.
It's just decide that it's not aproblem.
But when I offered myself thattool, I was like, hell no.
That feels like I'm gaslightingmyself.
And that tool is not helpful tome right now.
So I chose to not use it.
And that's the first thing.
I chose like, nope, this feelslike a big problem.
(10:32):
I feel overwhelmed.
I feel daunted by this.
I I my emotions like feel biggerthan the question, is this
actually a problem?
And so I decided not to use thattool.
I use that tool all the time inother situations.
That one felt gaslighty.
So I was like, nope.
(10:53):
So the next tool I asked myselfwas can this obstacle be a
strategy?
So this is from the practice ofstoicism from Marcus Aurelius
and Seneca and all these greatthinkers where every, you know,
and they use these in much moredire situations than rain on a
party, right?
Uh they use this in militaryscenarios and all kinds of
(11:14):
things, political scenarios.
So the question is, and youknow, these are all on different
podcast episodes, so you canlook up the obstacles and
strategies episode, or you canread the obstacles the way.
But I asked myself, okay, so ifevery obstacle is a strategy
waiting to happen, if theobstacles and challenges that
arise in life presentopportunities that weren't there
(11:35):
before for a new pathwayforward, how might that be true
of this scenario?
And again, my brain said, Nope,I'm not ready for that yet.
And that one was a little bitmore accessible to me, right?
It didn't feel like as gaslightyas a tool for where I was at in
that moment, but it still feltout of reach.
(11:58):
So I said, okay, both thequestion of can I make this not
a problem is not applicable tome right now.
It does not feel in reach forme.
And secondly, seeing thisobstacle as a new path forward
and a way to have a newpossibility of an experience
(12:18):
that wasn't available beforesounds like an exercise, a
mental exercise for tomorrow.
Not yet.
I knew that eventually I wasgonna be able to see it that
way, but I needed some time.
It was not time yet.
And so I said, okay, let me askmyself that again tomorrow.
Sure, maybe I'll have thisexperience where I'm like, oh,
it's actually more intimate.
We're all inside, it's cozy,whatever.
(12:40):
I am not there yet.
Maybe tomorrow.
So I deferred that tool.
And I asked myself again, thefirst tool was a no, second tool
was a no.
Let me use my fundamentalproblem-solving tool or way of
thinking about this, which isthat every problem has two
buckets.
One is the emotions to processand get curious about, and the
(13:03):
second is the actual logisticalproblem.
And that tool felt right on forwhat I needed in the moment.
First, I needed to process theemotions.
So I checked them out.
I was feeling daunted.
I was like, okay, where's thatin my body?
What does it feel like?
I used the practice to just walktowards that because it was a
big feeling in the moment.
(13:25):
And when I got really curiousabout it, I noticed it was like
this feeling of being dauntedwas like overwhelm, but like a
specific flavor of overwhelm.
It was like, wow, like really,really overbearing overwhelm.
That was kind of that feeling ofdaunting.
It feeling so daunting.
And I, and so I spent some timewith it.
(13:46):
And as so often happens, Ilooked underneath it, under the
overwhelm.
There's usually a different,deeper feeling.
And sure enough, under that wasfeeling alone.
That's why this was feeling sodaunting.
So I got curious about that.
And I was present with thatfeeling of like loneliness, of
(14:06):
feeling alone.
And I processed that feeling.
And what it was all about was Iam the big planner in my life.
I'm the planner.
My husband is the doer.
He is so amazing at taking careof things.
Like, we'll be talking and I'llbe like, there's this and this
and this and this that we needto consider.
And he just like massively moveswhatever it is that we need to
(14:28):
work on right then.
And what I was feeling was, I'malready planning all of this.
I'm already holding all thepieces for all of this in my
little work plan for this vowrenewal and in my head.
But this is my brain is sort ofalready overflowing with holding
all of it.
And now this is a whole notherlayer.
(14:49):
It's like pouring liquid into acup that's already overflowing
for me to have to hold all ofthe thinking and the strategic
planning and the communicationand the contingency plans for
rain, also.
So it was just this feeling ofI'm alone holding all of this,
like an atlas moment.
(15:10):
So first I just was like, oh,that's what this is.
And I felt it for a moment.
And I just felt present insteadof trying to run away from that
feeling of it being overwhelmingand the feeling of being alone.
And then I was like, what do Ineed?
What does this feeling need?
What do I need?
And what I needed was to takethe piece of that that was a
(15:32):
request for my husband and sayit out loud and say, I can't
hold all of this myself.
I need us to be thought partnersat this point.
I need us to plan all thistogether, make that request of
him, and then move on to thesecond part of the problem
solving, which is the logistics.
So, what I needed was to nothold it all myself and for my
husband and I to sit downtogether and think through
(15:56):
what's our contingency if itdoes rain?
At what point do we make a call?
Are we gonna rent a big asstent?
What do we do with all thisstuff?
What do we do with all thesepeople?
At what point do we just call itoff?
And we just went through thesescenarios and partnered together
to think it through.
And the last thing that I did isI gave myself time.
(16:17):
I waited to think that throughand talk that through with my
husband until I had processedenough where I was feeling like,
okay, this feels lessoverwhelming.
I'm good.
I have had a few minutes to likecome down from my very full
workday and childcare day andprocess this.
And now I can feel the emotionsand then get into problem
(16:38):
solving mode.
But I didn't make myself problemsolve right away because I
needed a minute, y'all, to be init.
A minute to be in it.
And then I also told the peoplewho were trying to support, like
the retreat center lead, who waslike, you know what, you want to
hop on the phone and brainstormtogether?
Let me know.
I said, you know what?
I'm kind of in the daunted moderight now and I will take you up
(16:59):
on that, but not quite yet.
So I gave myself the time to bewhere I was at instead of
forcing myself into problemsolving or making it better.
Now we have come all the waythrough this and we have all the
plans and everything's in agreat place.
And now I can see how this isn'tactually a problem because we've
(17:20):
created enough solutions, andalso how the obstacle did become
the way for the way forward, anew way forward, a new path
because of all the things wefigured out.
I'm actually like, this isgreat.
This is actually a great, we'rein a great place.
It's not gonna rain on Saturdaynight, probably.
Like it's much less likely.
Friday is all rained out and wehave a contingency plan, but
(17:42):
Saturday is not as dauntingbecause of both all of our
planning and mental andemotional management, and also
because the weather haslightened a little bit in the
forecast.
So we'll see.
But at the end of the day, Ithought this was a really
helpful example for how tochoose between the tools that
feel applicable to you andchoose the ones that are right.
(18:03):
Because we never use any ofthese tools or any of this work
against us.
If something feels gaslighty orout of reach, it's not the right
tool for the job.
These are all in our tool belt.
We choose the right tool for thejob.
I so often pull out the firsttwo tools I described.
Is this actually a problem?
How could it not be a problem?
(18:24):
I asked myself questions likehow could this be happening for
me?
How could this be perfect for meright now?
This is the part when what?
When I'm learning what?
None of those were right forthat moment.
I use them all the time, but notright then.
Because it just wasn't right.
It wasn't time yet.
The second tool of obstacles andstrategies, I use all the time.
(18:47):
And again, I just wasn't thereyet.
The third tool had a lot ofgrace.
I didn't have to press myself toget into any different space.
It was about meeting myselfwhere I was at.
So this is an example ofmultiple tools, a reminder, a
refresher on those tools thatI've presented before in the
(19:07):
podcast, and a practicalapplication of how to pull from
your tool belt the right toolfor the job, depending on your
mind, your body, and your needs.
So that's what I've got for youtoday.
I will see you on the other sideof this VAWs weekend.
I'm sure I will haveentertaining stories and who
(19:30):
knows what else on the otherside of it to share with you.
But that's what I've got foryou.
Enjoy, and I will see you nextweek.
If you like what you're hearingon the podcast, you gotta come
(19:51):
and join us in the Bloom Room.
This is a year-round membershipwhere we take all of these
concepts and we apply them toreal life in a community where
we have each other's backs andwe bring out the best in each
other.
We're all there to make ourideas real.
One idea at a time.
Welcome to the Bloom Your Mind Podcast, where we take
all of your ideas for what youwant and we turn them into real
things.
I'm your host, certified coachMarie McDonald.
Let's get into it.
Well, hello everyone, andwelcome to episode number 153 of
(00:33):
the Bloom Your Mind Podcast.
Today we are taking an examplethat's an actual application of
multiple of the tools that I'vetaught on this podcast to share
an example of triaging aproblem.
I'm going to use a problem frommy own life that popped up this
(00:53):
last week.
And this actually came from theBloom Room discussion where I
was coaching the group that isin the Bloom Room.
And one of them asked, you know,we were kind of all sharing wins
and celebrations.
And someone asked me, whathappens when your brain wants to
sort of go doomsday aboutsomething where a problem comes
(01:15):
up and your brain is just likewanting to freak out and take it
to the worst possible casescenario.
And I had an example that waskind of like that this week.
And so I wanted to use that asan example to teach sort of an
application of a lot of thetools that I teach in problem
solving, in obstacleanticipation and strategy
(01:38):
generation, and in uh sort ofmental management and emotional
processing around big problems,around big challenges that pop
up.
So that is what we are up totoday.
And I will get right into it.
So I'm going to give you alittle context for what this
example is based in.
And I've talked about in thelast couple of podcasts, just
(02:01):
briefly telling you that myhusband and I are celebrating
our 10-year anniversary byrenewing our vows.
We've been together for 15years.
We kind of had an alternativepath to our story where we got
together and had a two-yearlong-distance relationship that
we loved that part of it.
And then we came together anddecided we wanted a child first.
(02:24):
We didn't want to get marriedyet.
Or if we ever got married, we weweren't sure what we were going
to do.
We just knew we wanted a kid.
So we did that.
Then a few years in, ourdaughter was three years old and
we got married.
So we've been together for 15years and we've been married for
10, and we really uh wanted tomake new promises to each other,
to not get complacent in theinstitution of marriage and take
(02:47):
each other for granted in anyway, and to kind of double down
on choosing each other andcommitting who we want to be to
one another, and to celebratelove and celebrate that
recommitment and really owningand being in integrity with one
another, taking thatresponsibility really seriously
of loving a person and beingtheir person, being the one that
(03:11):
gets to see them and all theirups and downs, and the one that
gets to celebrate them, and theone that's that's there for them
to celebrate how we can do thatreally intentionally and to come
together in community tocelebrate love.
So we have this big event, andit has turned into quite a big
event.
It is three days long in thedesert.
The first night we rented abeautiful venue that is open to
(03:33):
the stars.
And this is all leadingsomewhere.
So listen carefully.
This venue is open to the stars,no roof, full of candles and
audio equipment.
And it was like one of thethings I was looking forward to
the most.
One of my favorite things inlife is to see people that I
know and love play live music.
(03:54):
I love it.
Live music's like my favoritething ever, and especially when
I know the person.
So, you know, I married amusician.
And we have tons of musicians inour life.
And so we rented this beautifulplace called the bathhouse in
this place called Hokoomba,which is an incredible resort
(04:15):
that uh is built around anaturally occurring mineral hot
springs.
So we rented this open-air placefor Friday night.
Saturday night, we uh have afriend who owns a retreat center
nearby, and we're doing ourwhole vow renewal ceremony
outside in a circle of boulders,just like where my parents got
married.
And we then have a whole eveningof fire pits and karaoke and DJs
(04:41):
and toasts.
And it's all outdoors.
So we made, I spent hours andhours and had friends come help,
and we made giant paper flowersthat are gonna be a ceiling
above the tables that werehanging from the rafters, and
then all these paper flowerarrangements, and everything is
outdoors.
Rugs and seating lounge areasoutdoors under big oak trees.
(05:04):
And it was all so great.
All of this is so great.
We have all of this planning,people coming, someone's coming
from Germany, people are comingfrom Hawaii, Tennessee, people
flying in, they just want tohang, and then a bunch of people
from closer by from Santa Monicaand San Diego and Orange County
and stuff.
So we're working through all ofthe details that are a part of
(05:27):
this kind of event for ourclosest friends and our family
to come and be with us.
And it ended up there's a lot ofpeople that said yes.
So we were at an RSVP count ofabout 80.
And then all of a sudden,something that never happens in
San Diego happened, and theforecast changed and rain was
(05:47):
coming.
Every day the forecast changedas it does, right?
And every day it got worse.
So that eventually, two nightsago, the forecast said it is
gonna pour rain both Friday andSaturday night.
Poor rain.
So when I really found this out,I was right in the middle of so
(06:12):
many things that I was doing.
So I was gluing paper flowers, Iwas, you know, finalizing
outfits, all these things, allthese things, helping people
with arrangements, helpingpeople with rooms they were
staying in, all this stuff.
And I also had not been sleepingvery well for a few different
reasons.
So I was just not on a whole lotof sleep, like five hours, and I
(06:34):
am like an eight or nine hourperson uh the night before.
So I was not on a lot of sleep.
I was kind of fighting off asore throat, you know, all
different things happening.
Full work days, and I find outabout this rain, you know, four
days, three days before theevent.
And so my mind is likeoverwhelmed.
The first feeling that I had wasjust daunted because people are
(06:57):
flying in from everywhere.
And first of all, Friday nightsout because it's gonna be
pouring rain and there's noceiling on that place.
So I have all these peopleplanning on this, and that's
out.
But the bigger problem is the 80people coming Saturday, because
that's the day that most thateverybody's coming to.
80 people.
(07:18):
And the venue that we're at doesnot have a lot of indoor space.
It is not a place where you caneasily host 80 people.
Plus, the entire event was theentertainment, the activities
were based in out in theoutdoors, fires, you know,
lounges, paper flowers that areall gonna melt.
Can we even use any of thedecorations now?
(07:39):
There's nowhere to like it wasjust a lot.
Everything was gonna need tochange, every part of the plan.
And it needed to change in likethree days that were already
fully booked for me with my allmy clients and all my work and
everything else, board meetings,everything I had to do.
So, this is the problem thatwe're looking at today.
(08:01):
And at first, my brain was justdaunted.
I was just like, uh, no.
What am I gonna do?
I have people texting me saying,like, the retreat center owner
that is my good friend is like,hey, do you have a rain plan?
Do you want a brainstorm?
You know, I'm talking through itwith my husband.
We have we're trying to makedinner for the kids, and there's
(08:22):
giant paper flowers all over.
It just felt like chaos.
As sometimes things do, right?
And we had a rain plan forFriday night, but it turns out
that their secondary venuesprung some leaks.
So they no longer had analternative for us.
(08:44):
And uh yeah, it was pretty,pretty tricky situation.
So try not to beat myself up fornot giving more viability to
needing a rain plan based onwhat everybody that you know who
lives out there told me, nah,it's not gonna rain.
It's not gonna, we don't evenhave to worry about that.
I should have just thought itthrough myself, like I usually
do for contingency plans.
(09:05):
So let that one go, first ofall.
And then I started utilizing afew of the tools that I teach on
this podcast.
And here's what I want to walkyou through.
There's first a tool that I useall the time, where I recognize
that our brains are great atcreating problems.
We create problems out ofeverything.
(09:28):
And nothing is actually aproblem without our brain making
it a problem.
It's either happening and weneed to accept it and it's
outside of our control, or it'sa perspective thing.
So, like, for instance, rain,water falling from the sky.
It's not a problem unless ourbrain is like, this is a
(09:48):
problem, right?
So with many things in life, usbeing late, uh us getting a
change in career, um, us havingbody changes, us like so many
things that we make problems inour head, we can decide they're
not a problem.
So my first step was is thisactually a problem?
(10:12):
I could decide.
It's just decide that it's not aproblem.
But when I offered myself thattool, I was like, hell no.
That feels like I'm gaslightingmyself.
And that tool is not helpful tome right now.
So I chose to not use it.
And that's the first thing.
I chose like, nope, this feelslike a big problem.
(10:32):
I feel overwhelmed.
I feel daunted by this.
I I my emotions like feel biggerthan the question, is this
actually a problem?
And so I decided not to use thattool.
I use that tool all the time inother situations.
That one felt gaslighty.
So I was like, nope.
(10:53):
So the next tool I asked myselfwas can this obstacle be a
strategy?
So this is from the practice ofstoicism from Marcus Aurelius
and Seneca and all these greatthinkers where every, you know,
and they use these in much moredire situations than rain on a
party, right?
Uh they use this in militaryscenarios and all kinds of
(11:14):
things, political scenarios.
So the question is, and youknow, these are all on different
podcast episodes, so you canlook up the obstacles and
strategies episode, or you canread the obstacles the way.
But I asked myself, okay, so ifevery obstacle is a strategy
waiting to happen, if theobstacles and challenges that
arise in life presentopportunities that weren't there
(11:35):
before for a new pathwayforward, how might that be true
of this scenario?
And again, my brain said, Nope,I'm not ready for that yet.
And that one was a little bitmore accessible to me, right?
It didn't feel like as gaslightyas a tool for where I was at in
that moment, but it still feltout of reach.
(11:58):
So I said, okay, both thequestion of can I make this not
a problem is not applicable tome right now.
It does not feel in reach forme.
And secondly, seeing thisobstacle as a new path forward
and a way to have a newpossibility of an experience
(12:18):
that wasn't available beforesounds like an exercise, a
mental exercise for tomorrow.
Not yet.
I knew that eventually I wasgonna be able to see it that
way, but I needed some time.
It was not time yet.
And so I said, okay, let me askmyself that again tomorrow.
Sure, maybe I'll have thisexperience where I'm like, oh,
it's actually more intimate.
We're all inside, it's cozy,whatever.
(12:40):
I am not there yet.
Maybe tomorrow.
So I deferred that tool.
And I asked myself again, thefirst tool was a no, second tool
was a no.
Let me use my fundamentalproblem-solving tool or way of
thinking about this, which isthat every problem has two
buckets.
One is the emotions to processand get curious about, and the
(13:03):
second is the actual logisticalproblem.
And that tool felt right on forwhat I needed in the moment.
First, I needed to process theemotions.
So I checked them out.
I was feeling daunted.
I was like, okay, where's thatin my body?
What does it feel like?
I used the practice to just walktowards that because it was a
big feeling in the moment.
(13:25):
And when I got really curiousabout it, I noticed it was like
this feeling of being dauntedwas like overwhelm, but like a
specific flavor of overwhelm.
It was like, wow, like really,really overbearing overwhelm.
That was kind of that feeling ofdaunting.
It feeling so daunting.
And I, and so I spent some timewith it.
(13:46):
And as so often happens, Ilooked underneath it, under the
overwhelm.
There's usually a different,deeper feeling.
And sure enough, under that wasfeeling alone.
That's why this was feeling sodaunting.
So I got curious about that.
And I was present with thatfeeling of like loneliness, of
(14:06):
feeling alone.
And I processed that feeling.
And what it was all about was Iam the big planner in my life.
I'm the planner.
My husband is the doer.
He is so amazing at taking careof things.
Like, we'll be talking and I'llbe like, there's this and this
and this and this that we needto consider.
And he just like massively moveswhatever it is that we need to
(14:28):
work on right then.
And what I was feeling was, I'malready planning all of this.
I'm already holding all thepieces for all of this in my
little work plan for this vowrenewal and in my head.
But this is my brain is sort ofalready overflowing with holding
all of it.
And now this is a whole notherlayer.
(14:49):
It's like pouring liquid into acup that's already overflowing
for me to have to hold all ofthe thinking and the strategic
planning and the communicationand the contingency plans for
rain, also.
So it was just this feeling ofI'm alone holding all of this,
like an atlas moment.
(15:10):
So first I just was like, oh,that's what this is.
And I felt it for a moment.
And I just felt present insteadof trying to run away from that
feeling of it being overwhelmingand the feeling of being alone.
And then I was like, what do Ineed?
What does this feeling need?
What do I need?
And what I needed was to takethe piece of that that was a
(15:32):
request for my husband and sayit out loud and say, I can't
hold all of this myself.
I need us to be thought partnersat this point.
I need us to plan all thistogether, make that request of
him, and then move on to thesecond part of the problem
solving, which is the logistics.
So, what I needed was to nothold it all myself and for my
husband and I to sit downtogether and think through
(15:56):
what's our contingency if itdoes rain?
At what point do we make a call?
Are we gonna rent a big asstent?
What do we do with all thisstuff?
What do we do with all thesepeople?
At what point do we just call itoff?
And we just went through thesescenarios and partnered together
to think it through.
And the last thing that I did isI gave myself time.
(16:17):
I waited to think that throughand talk that through with my
husband until I had processedenough where I was feeling like,
okay, this feels lessoverwhelming.
I'm good.
I have had a few minutes to likecome down from my very full
workday and childcare day andprocess this.
And now I can feel the emotionsand then get into problem
(16:38):
solving mode.
But I didn't make myself problemsolve right away because I
needed a minute, y'all, to be init.
A minute to be in it.
And then I also told the peoplewho were trying to support, like
the retreat center lead, who waslike, you know what, you want to
hop on the phone and brainstormtogether?
Let me know.
I said, you know what?
I'm kind of in the daunted moderight now and I will take you up
(16:59):
on that, but not quite yet.
So I gave myself the time to bewhere I was at instead of
forcing myself into problemsolving or making it better.
Now we have come all the waythrough this and we have all the
plans and everything's in agreat place.
And now I can see how this isn'tactually a problem because we've
(17:20):
created enough solutions, andalso how the obstacle did become
the way for the way forward, anew way forward, a new path
because of all the things wefigured out.
I'm actually like, this isgreat.
This is actually a great, we'rein a great place.
It's not gonna rain on Saturdaynight, probably.
Like it's much less likely.
Friday is all rained out and wehave a contingency plan, but
(17:42):
Saturday is not as dauntingbecause of both all of our
planning and mental andemotional management, and also
because the weather haslightened a little bit in the
forecast.
So we'll see.
But at the end of the day, Ithought this was a really
helpful example for how tochoose between the tools that
feel applicable to you andchoose the ones that are right.
(18:03):
Because we never use any ofthese tools or any of this work
against us.
If something feels gaslighty orout of reach, it's not the right
tool for the job.
These are all in our tool belt.
We choose the right tool for thejob.
I so often pull out the firsttwo tools I described.
Is this actually a problem?
How could it not be a problem?
(18:24):
I asked myself questions likehow could this be happening for
me?
How could this be perfect for meright now?
This is the part when what?
When I'm learning what?
None of those were right forthat moment.
I use them all the time, but notright then.
Because it just wasn't right.
It wasn't time yet.
The second tool of obstacles andstrategies, I use all the time.
(18:47):
And again, I just wasn't thereyet.
The third tool had a lot ofgrace.
I didn't have to press myself toget into any different space.
It was about meeting myselfwhere I was at.
So this is an example ofmultiple tools, a reminder, a
refresher on those tools thatI've presented before in the
(19:07):
podcast, and a practicalapplication of how to pull from
your tool belt the right toolfor the job, depending on your
mind, your body, and your needs.
So that's what I've got for youtoday.
I will see you on the other sideof this VAWs weekend.
I'm sure I will haveentertaining stories and who
(19:30):
knows what else on the otherside of it to share with you.
But that's what I've got foryou.
Enjoy, and I will see you nextweek.
If you like what you're hearingon the podcast, you gotta come
(19:51):
and join us in the Bloom Room.
This is a year-round membershipwhere we take all of these
concepts and we apply them toreal life in a community where
we have each other's backs andwe bring out the best in each
other.
We're all there to make ourideas real.
One idea at a time.
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