December 12, 2025 • 24 mins
Self-doubt is one of the biggest dream-killers on the planet.
Not because it means anything about who we are, but because we believe it does.
In Episode 155: The Self-Doubt Hack, we break down a simple, powerful three-step process to work with self-doubt in a way that stops it from derailing your ideas, your confidence, and your forward momentum. Instead of spiraling or shutting down the moment doubt pops up, you’ll learn how to meet it with clarity, curiosity, and strategy.
This is a practical episode you can return to every time you feel yourself wobble.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
- Why self-doubt is a completely normal brain response—not a red flag
- The importance of learning the language your body speaks to give you information
- The process of allowing your doubt without fusing with it
- How to look underneath your doubt to understand what it’s protecting, what it’s afraid of, and whether any action is actually needed
- How to collect intentional evidence and support building your self doubt tolerance
- How evidence interrupts the doubt cycle and builds new, regenerative belief
- When to do nothing, when to do something, and how to tell the difference
- Why this process keeps your ideas alive long enough to become real
Self-doubt doesn’t disappear on its own, and it doesn’t need to.
But when you know how to work with it, you stop letting it steer your behavior.
You regain access to your creativity, your courage, and the version of you who takes brave, aligned action.
Try the hack.
Use it this week.
And watch what shifts.
Mentioned in this episode:
- Intentional Evidence Collection (Ep 152)
- The Practice (Ep )
- The Bloom Room + Moxie Mastermind — for women making their ideas real
How to connect with Marie:
- On the Web | The Local Bloom
- Instagram: @the.bloom.coach
- All Things Marie on LinkTree
JOIN THE BLOOM ROOM!
We'll take all these ideas and apply them to our lives. Follow me on Instagram at @the.bloom.coach to learn more and snag a spot in my group coaching program!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:08):
Welcome to the Bloom Your Mind Podcast, where we take
all of your ideas for what youwant and we turn them into real
things.
I'm your host, certified coachMarie McDonald.
Let's get into it.
Hello everybody, and welcome toepisode number 155 of the Bloom
(00:34):
Your Mind podcast.
Dang, y'all, there is so muchgoing on in my world right now,
and it's so exciting.
First of all, I'm looking aroundme and there are a bunch of
holiday-colored flowers aroundme, little carnations, wild
green things popping out fromthe edges.
This is one of my self-carethings that I do.
(00:55):
I go to Trader Joe's in myneighborhood where they have the
cheapest and most like durableflowers.
Durable meaning they arelong-lasting.
They usually last like a week ortwo, which is so awesome.
And they're not expensive.
And I buy a few bundles and Iarrange them, and it is like my
therapy.
It is my total happy place.
Every single week I have flowersin my house.
(01:17):
It's my splurge for myself.
And right now they are red andwhite and green, and it's making
me really happy.
And they're very wild.
So that's going on in my world.
What's going on in your world?
Are you celebrating the seasonthat you're in in any way?
Don't let it pass withoutchecking it out.
The other things that are goingon is there's this huge influx
(01:40):
of new people into the Bloomcommunity.
Lots of people on Instagram andin the email list.
And people are joining the MoxieMastermind, which is so
exciting.
I talked about it last week.
Um, but reach out to me becausethat group is filling up with
the most amazing women.
And then the Bloom Room is alsostarting off for 2026 with some
(02:00):
new faces and folks in thatgroup.
And we're launching January witha whole bunch of brand new
recorded content that is betterthan ever.
So I'm going to be announcingthe enrollment for that and that
new material in the next coupleweeks, too, on Instagram, I
guess next week.
So if you're on Instagram, checkthat out or reach out to me if
you want more information,because there's just so much
movement happening in thismovement to help people and
(02:25):
specifically women to turn theirideas into real things.
Well, one thing that we knowwhen we're turning ideas into
real things, if the idea issomething that we really care
about or that's new for us, orthat's sort of a growth edge, if
it's something that we'reputting out there into the world
where we're really passionateabout it, where it's answering
(02:45):
something that we want to changein our lives, in our
communities, or in the world,we're gonna have some self-doubt
pop up.
Let's say you're about to putout an email announcing your new
business or inviting people intoyour community or inviting me
people to this big event thatyou planned and you're like so
excited, and then you have thisfeeling come over you.
(03:08):
Maybe it feels a little buzzy orlike the jitters, and you're
doubting this whole thing.
Who do you think you are thatyou can pull this off?
What if people think you'relame?
What if it's cringe when peoplesee it?
What if you spelled somethingwrong or like got the date
wrong?
Is that just me or do otherpeople do that?
What if it's just notinteresting enough to get their
(03:30):
attention?
All these thoughts pop up,right?
All these thoughts and theself-doubt feeling, it happens
to all of us.
It is, in fact, a necessary stepin our evolution and our
progress as individuals, ashuman beings, in this whole
timeline of our life as we growand change and become more and
(03:51):
more of who we want to be.
But our system, unfortunately,does not see this as a necessary
step.
It's not like, okay, self-doubt,perfect, we're on the right
path.
Instead, our system misreads thesituation entirely.
If you listen to the lastepisode, episode 154 on
outthinking the motivationaltriad, you know that self-doubt
(04:14):
will come up when we're doingsomething that matches our
vision for who we want to be.
When we're doing something thatis in line with our values and
what we most want to contributeand create in the world, the
impact that we most want to havein these precious moments that
we have here with our uniqueface, our unique voice, our one
(04:38):
of a kind contribution that wecan make to the world.
Self-doubt comes up when we'retrying something new.
So we know it will come up whenwe're taking action that's in
line with what we want.
And yet, our system reads it asa big stop sign.
Instead of reading it as a yep,we're on the right path.
(04:59):
The little jitters are comingup.
We're doing something big inline with our goals.
Our system reads it as a big redstop sign.
Stop light.
Do not pass.
Our system reads it as a reasonto quit, to turn around.
It's a big danger ahead.
Falling rocks.
Stop, drop, and roll.
Anybody else know thatreference?
(05:21):
That's how our system sees thefeeling of self-doubt.
So today we're talking aboutwhat to do to hack that
self-doubt experience.
How to tell the differencebetween self-doubt and your gut
know.
And then I'm going to share thethree steps that you can take to
work with that self-doubt.
Get information from it, honorit, allow the feelings in your
(05:43):
body, be okay with self-doubtinstead of obeying that old
nervous system faulty wirethat's telling us to go back
home and get in our bed and getunder the covers.
Right when we're about to get tothe good part of putting
ourselves out there in a waythat we're proud of.
Okay, so before we get intothese three steps, I just want
to ask you the question (06:03):
what does self-doubt feel like in
your body?
So I want you to think about atime, maybe in the last month,
if you have it, when you hadthat feeling of self-doubt come
up when you were doing somethingthat you were excited about or
that was important to you.
What did it feel like in yourbody?
(06:26):
And what did you do with it?
So I'm gonna say that for me,that self-doubt feeling feels a
little bit like a jittery buzz.
It feels a little bit likenervousness.
Like, what will they think?
Will I be able to pull this off?
What if I mess up?
Is what if this doesn't landwith them?
(06:48):
That self-doubt feeling is kindof buzzy for me.
All right, so I want to ask you,what is it like for you?
And then when you have that, youcan pause the episode if you
want to think about what that isfor you.
And then when you have that, Iwant you to think of this next
thing.
Think of sometime in the pastmonth when you had a gut no
(07:12):
feeling, a response to somethingthat was like, absolutely not.
This is not okay with me.
This is a no.
What was that like in your body?
What was the circumstance andwhat was that gut no in your
body?
And then what did you do withthat?
So for me, that gut no is reallydifferent.
(07:35):
It's like a really heavy stonein my belly, and it felt like
fear, like deep, heavy fear,like a sliding backward or a
sinking feeling.
Really different than thatjittery buzzy.
Ah, are they gonna like this?
(07:56):
Am I gonna pull this off?
What's gonna happen?
Right, so different than theself-doubt.
So again, pause if you'd liketo.
This is super important that youlearn the language that your
body speaks when it'scommunicating to you.
So I'm sharing the language mybody speaks when it's
communicating to me aboutself-doubt.
It's like jittery buzzy, right?
My brain is like thinking fast.
(08:18):
When my body communicates to me,a gut, no, it's a sinking pit of
my stomach, like heaviness andit's a fear, it's slow, it's
heavy, it's really different.
So when we begin to know those,when we articulate them to
ourselves, when we speak themout to somebody else, when we
write them down, whatever, usingany kind of mnemonic device that
(08:38):
helps to anchor an experiencefor you, then our brain will
recognize them more easily inthe future.
We'll be able to tell thedifference between that buzzy
self-doubt that probably meanswe're on the right track and we
want to push past it, and thatheck no, hell no, gut no feeling
that's super important for us tounderstand and honor.
(09:04):
All right.
So here are some examples frommy students when we all talked
about this.
Something that brought upself-doubt feelings, a few
different things, is uh one ofmy clients was doing book
releases, book launches for afew of her books.
And she had that self-doubtfeeling when she was about to
(09:25):
kind of go out to these largeaudiences and share about her
book.
The self-doubt feeling felt likekind of when she talked about
it, she got a smile on her face.
Like it was kind of amusing.
She knew it was kind of there togive her some information and
that she should listen to it.
But it was kind of like late.
(09:46):
And when she talked about it,she realized that the self-doubt
was there because she wrote herbooks about 10 years ago and she
just was like, things havechanged.
And the self-doubt was therejust to remind her hey, make
sure you're being real withpeople when you talk about the
books.
Let them know some things mayhave changed.
Talk about it authentically andopenly, and then it just totally
went away and it was fine.
(10:06):
Whereas her gut no feeling wasvery clear in response to some
communication someone sent toher that things were not ready
to act on, things were not in agood spot, things didn't feel
quite right.
It was a very clear gut no.
And when she was talking aboutthese things, her face was
serious and her brow furrowedwhen it was a gut no.
(10:31):
So her energy, her body languagereally communicated the
difference between the two.
What does your body language do?
When I have some self-doubt, Imight move faster.
You know, for me, it's thejittery, so I might move faster,
do more faster.
That's when I might make thespelling mistakes because maybe
I'm moving too fast.
Or when I like write the wrongdate or whatever.
(10:51):
And when it's a gut no, I kindof move slower.
I have that sinking feeling.
For her, I noticed a kind ofamusement with a self-doubt and
a heaviness or a frown orseriousness with a gut no.
What is it for you?
One of my other students wasbringing up self-doubt, the
feeling of self-doubt and a gutno in her whole processing
(11:12):
through of how to share someimportant information with her
kids, in doing it in a way thatwas true to her and was true to
them and that worked for them.
She was able to have a gut nowhen other people were giving
her advice that didn't feelright to her.
And she was able to push pasther self-doubt when her fears
came up about having theconversation with her kids at
all.
(11:33):
Because she knew that it's inline with her values to be
honest and real with her kids.
So the difference there, herself-doubt came up and she was
able to identify it because thething that's in line with her
values is a thing she's doing.
Just because it's scary, justbecause self-doubt comes up,
doesn't mean she's not gonna doit.
The other part was that gut nowas like, nope, nobody else is
(11:53):
gonna tell me what to do with mykids.
I know.
I know them, I know me, I knowit's important to me.
And then lastly, another studentshared that self-doubt buzz,
that kind of light vibey energywas kind of in his upper torso
when he was gonna share a newtrack on a record with a
collaborator.
And that he's like, I've hadthis feeling before, this kind
(12:16):
of comes up when I'm gonna putmy art out there.
I get this, and he was able toidentify it and push past it and
move on, kind of write it out,feel it for a minute, and be
like, all right, I'm gonna playthis track anyways.
And it went great.
And then the gut no was inresponse to a request for him to
(12:39):
go out at the end of a reallylong day.
And he had this FOMO that waslike, I want to go out, but his
gut no was telling him he neededa rest and have some alone time,
even for 10 or 15 minutes andrecharge.
And he heard the gut no, whichwas like a deep knowing.
It was just like a you knowwhat's up, buddy, in his body.
(13:03):
Different than the buzz in historso, and he listened to it.
All right, so your first step isto identify the difference in
those two feelings for you andallow them.
Allow the self-doubt to bethere.
Get curious, feel it.
What's the vibration in yourbody?
Use the practice and go back tothat episode of the practice if
you need it.
(13:23):
If it's a gut no, where is thatfeeling in your body?
What is the feeling?
For me, it feels like fear, orit did the last time I had a gut
no.
It was kind of like, oh, no,uh-uh.
Backsliding, fear.
So that's your first step is tojust be with the feeling for a
moment.
Identify it.
The second step is to see what'sunder the feeling and decide
(13:46):
what to do.
So for me, when my self-doubtcame up, what was under the
feeling was what will theythink?
What will I be able to pull off?
Will I let people down?
Will this resonate with them?
My thoughts that were all aboutlike doubt in myself.
So I listened to the thoughtsand I I was like, okay, well,
(14:07):
first of all, I'm gonna changethese thoughts to I can
absolutely do this.
This is not about me at all.
This is about helping people.
And I got some information fromthem that I might actually need
to plan a few more things intomy calendar so that I know I'm
gonna follow through.
That will make that doubt of amI gonna follow through go away.
(14:30):
So I plan some things in mycalendar.
So it's not just that self-doubtis something to push past, it's
something that tells us oftenthat we're on the right track
and it might tell us someactions we need to take.
In my case, I wanted to supportmyself by planning a few more
things in my calendar.
The self-doubt was there becauseI was doing something new and
big, but also it was telling me,hey, set yourself up for success
(14:53):
a little bit more.
And I did it and it went away.
The other one, though, what wasunder the deeper, the fear of
the gut no was that backslidingfeeling for me, that sliding
backward sinking feeling.
And it was because I had workedreally hard for a couple of
years to set new boundaries thatwere hard for me to set, worked
(15:15):
super hard on them, and then Istarted to loosen those
boundaries up over time.
And I started having thatfeeling of gut no, sliding
backward.
I worked so hard to set theseboundaries.
I have been so much healthierand happier since setting these
boundaries.
So that gut no really told meclearly to tighten back up my
(15:36):
boundaries.
I can keep an open heart, buttighten up my boundaries.
And it was super important andsuper clear.
So that second step is to seewhat's under them and decide
what to do.
Sometimes you'll do something,sometimes you'll do nothing.
Sometimes with self-doubt, it'sjust to allow the self-doubt and
keep on moving on.
(15:57):
So to review, your first step isto feel the feeling, identify
the feeling and allow it.
Your second step is to seewhat's under the feeling and
decide what to do.
Do something, do nothing.
And then the third and mostmagical step is to collect
evidence.
So every time you do this, everytime you take the time to
reflect on your self-doubt oryour gut know, to identify the
(16:21):
feeling, allow it, and then actin an informed way that's not
fueled by the blind, sort oflike melding with the emotion,
but you're feeling the emotion,then looking at it and deciding
what you want to do from yourhigher mind.
You're gonna collect theevidence that trusting your gut
know and allowing the feeling ofself-doubt and then moving on
(16:42):
and doing the thing that pushesyou to grow and contribute is a
good thing.
That it helps you thrive, thatit helps the world around you be
its best.
So you're gonna reflect back,that's the third step, and
notice what happens.
The good things that happen whenyou trust your gut, no.
And when you listen toself-doubt, you validate it, but
(17:05):
you do the thing that'simportant to you anyway.
You're gonna collect theevidence.
And the reason you want tocollect the evidence is because
every time you do, you'll getbetter and more natural at
moving past self-doubt andhonoring your gut know in the
future.
You get more and more familiarwith what those feelings are in
(17:27):
your body, and you're more andmore aware of the payoff of
speaking your body's language bylistening to your gut know and
honoring it, and by allowing thefeeling of self-doubt and moving
forward anyway, with whateverinformation you need from it.
So the more familiar you arewith those signals, the better.
So, for example, my student saidself-doubt is a buzz in my arms
(17:49):
and my torso.
I know now over the years,having pushed past this enough
times, I know it's gonna come upwhen I put new material out
there.
So now, when it comes up, I justfeel it and I actually know I'm
on the right track.
I've trained myself to know thatbuzz, that self-doubt's gonna
come up every time I putsomething new and exciting out
there.
(18:09):
Y'all, when my student saidthat, this is what I thought.
That is an example of a personwho is mastering the art of
honoring the information that anoutdated nervous system is
giving them, but not letting thelizard brain drive the car.
That student has learned thelanguage that his nervous system
speaks to communicate with him.
(18:30):
He listens to it, he validatesit, and he moves on.
Damn, that is some grown work.
That's amazing.
All right, another example.
One of my students wasexperiencing self-doubt about
honoring a nighttime screen timerule with their kids.
The self-doubt came up, thestudent honored it and then
(18:53):
decided to keep that rule.
No screen time in the evening.
After that, that decision tokeep the rule intact, to let the
self-doubt pass, all thatself-doubt we have about
parenting.
Am I making the right decision?
Am I being too hard on my kids?
Whatever that self-doubt is,this student honored their
nighttime rule and it led toamazing connection time without
(19:17):
screens with their kid.
Super valuable conversationswith their kid instead of being
plugged into a screen.
And even a moment where theywere able to talk to their kid
and teach them about how it'seasier to want to watch TV and
zone out than talk through whatwas challenging in the day.
So I'm going to reiterate theexample of self-doubt coming up
(19:38):
when we're pushing ourselves tostart something new or put
something big out there, justput something out there at all.
A lot of the thoughts that comeup for me and that I hear in
other people are thoughts likeWill I be able to keep up with
this?
I maybe will, maybe I won't.
Will I let myself down?
I might not finish this.
I might let people down, otherpeople down.
(20:00):
I might not be able to stayfocused on this and follow
through.
I might drop all of this whenother things come up.
I might get scared and run away.
People have all of thesethoughts, and all of this
self-doubt is brought into thebody with these thoughts when
they're trying something new,when they're putting out an idea
(20:20):
out there that's new, pushingthemselves to grow, to make an
impact in the world.
And it's totally okay that thisself-doubt comes up.
What we do when that self-doubtcomes up is we honor it, we
allow the feeling, and then weput systems of accountability in
place.
If folks are afraid that they'renot going to follow through,
that they're going to lose theirway, they're going to lose their
(20:42):
nerve, they'll let people down.
We just make sure they have anaccountability system.
In the Bloom Room, in the MoxieMastermind, we check in every
week.
We are the accountability systemfor each other.
Then that self-doubt can comeup, but it's not going to get
the best of you because you'rereporting to your group.
You're 95% more likely toachieve your goals if you have a
(21:02):
weekly touch base with a groupthat keeps you accountable.
So all that self-doubt, allthose thoughts can come up.
We can honor them.
We can know that they're not areason to keep moving, and we
can put systems in place to makethings a little bit easier.
If the self-doubt and the gutknow, any of those things come
up, we can listen to them, wecan get the information from
(21:25):
them.
With a gut know, it's oftenboundaries that need to be set.
A lot of the time, a gut no istelling us where our boundaries
are.
So very different informationthan what self-doubt gives us.
If the core learning from thisis a sentence in each in each
bucket, self-doubt is a reasonwe're probably pushing ourselves
(21:45):
to grow and we're on the righttrack and it's going to give us
some information.
A gut no is an indicator ofwhere our boundaries need to be.
All right.
They both give you superimportant information.
So now it's your turn.
Self-doubt versus a gut no.
What are examples for you?
What's an example of the lasttime self-doubt came up or
(22:06):
multiple times that it came up?
What's an example of one of thelast times that you had a gut no
reaction?
Then follow the three steps.
Think through how you wouldhandle it again with these three
steps so that you're prepared tohandle it next time in this way.
Number one, allow the feeling.
Number two, see what's under thefeeling and decide what to do.
(22:31):
Do something or do nothing.
What are the thoughts that areunder the feeling?
What's the information you canget from the self-doubt or the
gut no?
And how is it going to informyour action?
Self-doubt is often a reason tokeep moving forward.
Means you're on the right track.
A gut no is often a sign thatthere's a boundary you need to
(22:52):
set.
Step three, collect evidencethat you're on the right track.
Look back over your shoulder andnotice how when you push past
self-doubt, set yourself up fora little bit more success, but
keep on moving, good thingshappen.
Look back over your othershoulder and see that when you
honor your gut no, good thingshappen.
(23:13):
All right, my friends, that iswhat I've got for you this week.
Come join us in the Moxie.
Come join us in the Bloom Room.
We love you.
We got you, and we will see younext week.
If you like what you're hearingon the podcast, you gotta come
(23:35):
and join us in the Bloom Room.
This is a year-round membershipwhere we take all of these
concepts and we apply them toreal life in a community where
we have each other's backs andwe bring out the best in each
other.
We're all there to make ourideas real.
One idea at a time.
Welcome to the Bloom Your Mind Podcast, where we take
all of your ideas for what youwant and we turn them into real
things.
I'm your host, certified coachMarie McDonald.
Let's get into it.
Hello everybody, and welcome toepisode number 155 of the Bloom
(00:34):
Your Mind podcast.
Dang, y'all, there is so muchgoing on in my world right now,
and it's so exciting.
First of all, I'm looking aroundme and there are a bunch of
holiday-colored flowers aroundme, little carnations, wild
green things popping out fromthe edges.
This is one of my self-carethings that I do.
(00:55):
I go to Trader Joe's in myneighborhood where they have the
cheapest and most like durableflowers.
Durable meaning they arelong-lasting.
They usually last like a week ortwo, which is so awesome.
And they're not expensive.
And I buy a few bundles and Iarrange them, and it is like my
therapy.
It is my total happy place.
Every single week I have flowersin my house.
(01:17):
It's my splurge for myself.
And right now they are red andwhite and green, and it's making
me really happy.
And they're very wild.
So that's going on in my world.
What's going on in your world?
Are you celebrating the seasonthat you're in in any way?
Don't let it pass withoutchecking it out.
The other things that are goingon is there's this huge influx
(01:40):
of new people into the Bloomcommunity.
Lots of people on Instagram andin the email list.
And people are joining the MoxieMastermind, which is so
exciting.
I talked about it last week.
Um, but reach out to me becausethat group is filling up with
the most amazing women.
And then the Bloom Room is alsostarting off for 2026 with some
(02:00):
new faces and folks in thatgroup.
And we're launching January witha whole bunch of brand new
recorded content that is betterthan ever.
So I'm going to be announcingthe enrollment for that and that
new material in the next coupleweeks, too, on Instagram, I
guess next week.
So if you're on Instagram, checkthat out or reach out to me if
you want more information,because there's just so much
movement happening in thismovement to help people and
(02:25):
specifically women to turn theirideas into real things.
Well, one thing that we knowwhen we're turning ideas into
real things, if the idea issomething that we really care
about or that's new for us, orthat's sort of a growth edge, if
it's something that we'reputting out there into the world
where we're really passionateabout it, where it's answering
(02:45):
something that we want to changein our lives, in our
communities, or in the world,we're gonna have some self-doubt
pop up.
Let's say you're about to putout an email announcing your new
business or inviting people intoyour community or inviting me
people to this big event thatyou planned and you're like so
excited, and then you have thisfeeling come over you.
(03:08):
Maybe it feels a little buzzy orlike the jitters, and you're
doubting this whole thing.
Who do you think you are thatyou can pull this off?
What if people think you'relame?
What if it's cringe when peoplesee it?
What if you spelled somethingwrong or like got the date
wrong?
Is that just me or do otherpeople do that?
What if it's just notinteresting enough to get their
(03:30):
attention?
All these thoughts pop up,right?
All these thoughts and theself-doubt feeling, it happens
to all of us.
It is, in fact, a necessary stepin our evolution and our
progress as individuals, ashuman beings, in this whole
timeline of our life as we growand change and become more and
(03:51):
more of who we want to be.
But our system, unfortunately,does not see this as a necessary
step.
It's not like, okay, self-doubt,perfect, we're on the right
path.
Instead, our system misreads thesituation entirely.
If you listen to the lastepisode, episode 154 on
outthinking the motivationaltriad, you know that self-doubt
(04:14):
will come up when we're doingsomething that matches our
vision for who we want to be.
When we're doing something thatis in line with our values and
what we most want to contributeand create in the world, the
impact that we most want to havein these precious moments that
we have here with our uniqueface, our unique voice, our one
(04:38):
of a kind contribution that wecan make to the world.
Self-doubt comes up when we'retrying something new.
So we know it will come up whenwe're taking action that's in
line with what we want.
And yet, our system reads it asa big stop sign.
Instead of reading it as a yep,we're on the right path.
(04:59):
The little jitters are comingup.
We're doing something big inline with our goals.
Our system reads it as a big redstop sign.
Stop light.
Do not pass.
Our system reads it as a reasonto quit, to turn around.
It's a big danger ahead.
Falling rocks.
Stop, drop, and roll.
Anybody else know thatreference?
(05:21):
That's how our system sees thefeeling of self-doubt.
So today we're talking aboutwhat to do to hack that
self-doubt experience.
How to tell the differencebetween self-doubt and your gut
know.
And then I'm going to share thethree steps that you can take to
work with that self-doubt.
Get information from it, honorit, allow the feelings in your
(05:43):
body, be okay with self-doubtinstead of obeying that old
nervous system faulty wirethat's telling us to go back
home and get in our bed and getunder the covers.
Right when we're about to get tothe good part of putting
ourselves out there in a waythat we're proud of.
Okay, so before we get intothese three steps, I just want
to ask you the question (06:03):
what does self-doubt feel like in
your body?
So I want you to think about atime, maybe in the last month,
if you have it, when you hadthat feeling of self-doubt come
up when you were doing somethingthat you were excited about or
that was important to you.
What did it feel like in yourbody?
(06:26):
And what did you do with it?
So I'm gonna say that for me,that self-doubt feeling feels a
little bit like a jittery buzz.
It feels a little bit likenervousness.
Like, what will they think?
Will I be able to pull this off?
What if I mess up?
Is what if this doesn't landwith them?
(06:48):
That self-doubt feeling is kindof buzzy for me.
All right, so I want to ask you,what is it like for you?
And then when you have that, youcan pause the episode if you
want to think about what that isfor you.
And then when you have that, Iwant you to think of this next
thing.
Think of sometime in the pastmonth when you had a gut no
(07:12):
feeling, a response to somethingthat was like, absolutely not.
This is not okay with me.
This is a no.
What was that like in your body?
What was the circumstance andwhat was that gut no in your
body?
And then what did you do withthat?
So for me, that gut no is reallydifferent.
(07:35):
It's like a really heavy stonein my belly, and it felt like
fear, like deep, heavy fear,like a sliding backward or a
sinking feeling.
Really different than thatjittery buzzy.
Ah, are they gonna like this?
(07:56):
Am I gonna pull this off?
What's gonna happen?
Right, so different than theself-doubt.
So again, pause if you'd liketo.
This is super important that youlearn the language that your
body speaks when it'scommunicating to you.
So I'm sharing the language mybody speaks when it's
communicating to me aboutself-doubt.
It's like jittery buzzy, right?
My brain is like thinking fast.
(08:18):
When my body communicates to me,a gut, no, it's a sinking pit of
my stomach, like heaviness andit's a fear, it's slow, it's
heavy, it's really different.
So when we begin to know those,when we articulate them to
ourselves, when we speak themout to somebody else, when we
write them down, whatever, usingany kind of mnemonic device that
(08:38):
helps to anchor an experiencefor you, then our brain will
recognize them more easily inthe future.
We'll be able to tell thedifference between that buzzy
self-doubt that probably meanswe're on the right track and we
want to push past it, and thatheck no, hell no, gut no feeling
that's super important for us tounderstand and honor.
(09:04):
All right.
So here are some examples frommy students when we all talked
about this.
Something that brought upself-doubt feelings, a few
different things, is uh one ofmy clients was doing book
releases, book launches for afew of her books.
And she had that self-doubtfeeling when she was about to
(09:25):
kind of go out to these largeaudiences and share about her
book.
The self-doubt feeling felt likekind of when she talked about
it, she got a smile on her face.
Like it was kind of amusing.
She knew it was kind of there togive her some information and
that she should listen to it.
But it was kind of like late.
(09:46):
And when she talked about it,she realized that the self-doubt
was there because she wrote herbooks about 10 years ago and she
just was like, things havechanged.
And the self-doubt was therejust to remind her hey, make
sure you're being real withpeople when you talk about the
books.
Let them know some things mayhave changed.
Talk about it authentically andopenly, and then it just totally
went away and it was fine.
(10:06):
Whereas her gut no feeling wasvery clear in response to some
communication someone sent toher that things were not ready
to act on, things were not in agood spot, things didn't feel
quite right.
It was a very clear gut no.
And when she was talking aboutthese things, her face was
serious and her brow furrowedwhen it was a gut no.
(10:31):
So her energy, her body languagereally communicated the
difference between the two.
What does your body language do?
When I have some self-doubt, Imight move faster.
You know, for me, it's thejittery, so I might move faster,
do more faster.
That's when I might make thespelling mistakes because maybe
I'm moving too fast.
Or when I like write the wrongdate or whatever.
(10:51):
And when it's a gut no, I kindof move slower.
I have that sinking feeling.
For her, I noticed a kind ofamusement with a self-doubt and
a heaviness or a frown orseriousness with a gut no.
What is it for you?
One of my other students wasbringing up self-doubt, the
feeling of self-doubt and a gutno in her whole processing
(11:12):
through of how to share someimportant information with her
kids, in doing it in a way thatwas true to her and was true to
them and that worked for them.
She was able to have a gut nowhen other people were giving
her advice that didn't feelright to her.
And she was able to push pasther self-doubt when her fears
came up about having theconversation with her kids at
all.
(11:33):
Because she knew that it's inline with her values to be
honest and real with her kids.
So the difference there, herself-doubt came up and she was
able to identify it because thething that's in line with her
values is a thing she's doing.
Just because it's scary, justbecause self-doubt comes up,
doesn't mean she's not gonna doit.
The other part was that gut nowas like, nope, nobody else is
(11:53):
gonna tell me what to do with mykids.
I know.
I know them, I know me, I knowit's important to me.
And then lastly, another studentshared that self-doubt buzz,
that kind of light vibey energywas kind of in his upper torso
when he was gonna share a newtrack on a record with a
collaborator.
And that he's like, I've hadthis feeling before, this kind
(12:16):
of comes up when I'm gonna putmy art out there.
I get this, and he was able toidentify it and push past it and
move on, kind of write it out,feel it for a minute, and be
like, all right, I'm gonna playthis track anyways.
And it went great.
And then the gut no was inresponse to a request for him to
(12:39):
go out at the end of a reallylong day.
And he had this FOMO that waslike, I want to go out, but his
gut no was telling him he neededa rest and have some alone time,
even for 10 or 15 minutes andrecharge.
And he heard the gut no, whichwas like a deep knowing.
It was just like a you knowwhat's up, buddy, in his body.
(13:03):
Different than the buzz in historso, and he listened to it.
All right, so your first step isto identify the difference in
those two feelings for you andallow them.
Allow the self-doubt to bethere.
Get curious, feel it.
What's the vibration in yourbody?
Use the practice and go back tothat episode of the practice if
you need it.
(13:23):
If it's a gut no, where is thatfeeling in your body?
What is the feeling?
For me, it feels like fear, orit did the last time I had a gut
no.
It was kind of like, oh, no,uh-uh.
Backsliding, fear.
So that's your first step is tojust be with the feeling for a
moment.
Identify it.
The second step is to see what'sunder the feeling and decide
(13:46):
what to do.
So for me, when my self-doubtcame up, what was under the
feeling was what will theythink?
What will I be able to pull off?
Will I let people down?
Will this resonate with them?
My thoughts that were all aboutlike doubt in myself.
So I listened to the thoughtsand I I was like, okay, well,
(14:07):
first of all, I'm gonna changethese thoughts to I can
absolutely do this.
This is not about me at all.
This is about helping people.
And I got some information fromthem that I might actually need
to plan a few more things intomy calendar so that I know I'm
gonna follow through.
That will make that doubt of amI gonna follow through go away.
(14:30):
So I plan some things in mycalendar.
So it's not just that self-doubtis something to push past, it's
something that tells us oftenthat we're on the right track
and it might tell us someactions we need to take.
In my case, I wanted to supportmyself by planning a few more
things in my calendar.
The self-doubt was there becauseI was doing something new and
big, but also it was telling me,hey, set yourself up for success
(14:53):
a little bit more.
And I did it and it went away.
The other one, though, what wasunder the deeper, the fear of
the gut no was that backslidingfeeling for me, that sliding
backward sinking feeling.
And it was because I had workedreally hard for a couple of
years to set new boundaries thatwere hard for me to set, worked
(15:15):
super hard on them, and then Istarted to loosen those
boundaries up over time.
And I started having thatfeeling of gut no, sliding
backward.
I worked so hard to set theseboundaries.
I have been so much healthierand happier since setting these
boundaries.
So that gut no really told meclearly to tighten back up my
(15:36):
boundaries.
I can keep an open heart, buttighten up my boundaries.
And it was super important andsuper clear.
So that second step is to seewhat's under them and decide
what to do.
Sometimes you'll do something,sometimes you'll do nothing.
Sometimes with self-doubt, it'sjust to allow the self-doubt and
keep on moving on.
(15:57):
So to review, your first step isto feel the feeling, identify
the feeling and allow it.
Your second step is to seewhat's under the feeling and
decide what to do.
Do something, do nothing.
And then the third and mostmagical step is to collect
evidence.
So every time you do this, everytime you take the time to
reflect on your self-doubt oryour gut know, to identify the
(16:21):
feeling, allow it, and then actin an informed way that's not
fueled by the blind, sort oflike melding with the emotion,
but you're feeling the emotion,then looking at it and deciding
what you want to do from yourhigher mind.
You're gonna collect theevidence that trusting your gut
know and allowing the feeling ofself-doubt and then moving on
(16:42):
and doing the thing that pushesyou to grow and contribute is a
good thing.
That it helps you thrive, thatit helps the world around you be
its best.
So you're gonna reflect back,that's the third step, and
notice what happens.
The good things that happen whenyou trust your gut, no.
And when you listen toself-doubt, you validate it, but
(17:05):
you do the thing that'simportant to you anyway.
You're gonna collect theevidence.
And the reason you want tocollect the evidence is because
every time you do, you'll getbetter and more natural at
moving past self-doubt andhonoring your gut know in the
future.
You get more and more familiarwith what those feelings are in
(17:27):
your body, and you're more andmore aware of the payoff of
speaking your body's language bylistening to your gut know and
honoring it, and by allowing thefeeling of self-doubt and moving
forward anyway, with whateverinformation you need from it.
So the more familiar you arewith those signals, the better.
So, for example, my student saidself-doubt is a buzz in my arms
(17:49):
and my torso.
I know now over the years,having pushed past this enough
times, I know it's gonna come upwhen I put new material out
there.
So now, when it comes up, I justfeel it and I actually know I'm
on the right track.
I've trained myself to know thatbuzz, that self-doubt's gonna
come up every time I putsomething new and exciting out
there.
(18:09):
Y'all, when my student saidthat, this is what I thought.
That is an example of a personwho is mastering the art of
honoring the information that anoutdated nervous system is
giving them, but not letting thelizard brain drive the car.
That student has learned thelanguage that his nervous system
speaks to communicate with him.
(18:30):
He listens to it, he validatesit, and he moves on.
Damn, that is some grown work.
That's amazing.
All right, another example.
One of my students wasexperiencing self-doubt about
honoring a nighttime screen timerule with their kids.
The self-doubt came up, thestudent honored it and then
(18:53):
decided to keep that rule.
No screen time in the evening.
After that, that decision tokeep the rule intact, to let the
self-doubt pass, all thatself-doubt we have about
parenting.
Am I making the right decision?
Am I being too hard on my kids?
Whatever that self-doubt is,this student honored their
nighttime rule and it led toamazing connection time without
(19:17):
screens with their kid.
Super valuable conversationswith their kid instead of being
plugged into a screen.
And even a moment where theywere able to talk to their kid
and teach them about how it'seasier to want to watch TV and
zone out than talk through whatwas challenging in the day.
So I'm going to reiterate theexample of self-doubt coming up
(19:38):
when we're pushing ourselves tostart something new or put
something big out there, justput something out there at all.
A lot of the thoughts that comeup for me and that I hear in
other people are thoughts likeWill I be able to keep up with
this?
I maybe will, maybe I won't.
Will I let myself down?
I might not finish this.
I might let people down, otherpeople down.
(20:00):
I might not be able to stayfocused on this and follow
through.
I might drop all of this whenother things come up.
I might get scared and run away.
People have all of thesethoughts, and all of this
self-doubt is brought into thebody with these thoughts when
they're trying something new,when they're putting out an idea
(20:20):
out there that's new, pushingthemselves to grow, to make an
impact in the world.
And it's totally okay that thisself-doubt comes up.
What we do when that self-doubtcomes up is we honor it, we
allow the feeling, and then weput systems of accountability in
place.
If folks are afraid that they'renot going to follow through,
that they're going to lose theirway, they're going to lose their
(20:42):
nerve, they'll let people down.
We just make sure they have anaccountability system.
In the Bloom Room, in the MoxieMastermind, we check in every
week.
We are the accountability systemfor each other.
Then that self-doubt can comeup, but it's not going to get
the best of you because you'rereporting to your group.
You're 95% more likely toachieve your goals if you have a
(21:02):
weekly touch base with a groupthat keeps you accountable.
So all that self-doubt, allthose thoughts can come up.
We can honor them.
We can know that they're not areason to keep moving, and we
can put systems in place to makethings a little bit easier.
If the self-doubt and the gutknow, any of those things come
up, we can listen to them, wecan get the information from
(21:25):
them.
With a gut know, it's oftenboundaries that need to be set.
A lot of the time, a gut no istelling us where our boundaries
are.
So very different informationthan what self-doubt gives us.
If the core learning from thisis a sentence in each in each
bucket, self-doubt is a reasonwe're probably pushing ourselves
(21:45):
to grow and we're on the righttrack and it's going to give us
some information.
A gut no is an indicator ofwhere our boundaries need to be.
All right.
They both give you superimportant information.
So now it's your turn.
Self-doubt versus a gut no.
What are examples for you?
What's an example of the lasttime self-doubt came up or
(22:06):
multiple times that it came up?
What's an example of one of thelast times that you had a gut no
reaction?
Then follow the three steps.
Think through how you wouldhandle it again with these three
steps so that you're prepared tohandle it next time in this way.
Number one, allow the feeling.
Number two, see what's under thefeeling and decide what to do.
(22:31):
Do something or do nothing.
What are the thoughts that areunder the feeling?
What's the information you canget from the self-doubt or the
gut no?
And how is it going to informyour action?
Self-doubt is often a reason tokeep moving forward.
Means you're on the right track.
A gut no is often a sign thatthere's a boundary you need to
(22:52):
set.
Step three, collect evidencethat you're on the right track.
Look back over your shoulder andnotice how when you push past
self-doubt, set yourself up fora little bit more success, but
keep on moving, good thingshappen.
Look back over your othershoulder and see that when you
honor your gut no, good thingshappen.
(23:13):
All right, my friends, that iswhat I've got for you this week.
Come join us in the Moxie.
Come join us in the Bloom Room.
We love you.
We got you, and we will see younext week.
If you like what you're hearingon the podcast, you gotta come
(23:35):
and join us in the Bloom Room.
This is a year-round membershipwhere we take all of these
concepts and we apply them toreal life in a community where
we have each other's backs andwe bring out the best in each
other.
We're all there to make ourideas real.
One idea at a time.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Bobby Bones Show
Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.