July 30, 2025 • 44 mins
Sy Kirby takes a deeply personal turn in this episode, inviting his business partner and wife of 11 years, Sara, to kick off a special four-part series on the challenges of marriage in entrepreneurship. Their raw conversation offers an intimate glimpse into how blue-collar business owners can protect their most important partnership while building something extraordinary together.
The couple doesn't hold back as they share their journey from newlyweds to business partners, raising three children. "Being married in business can be extremely tough," Sy admits early on, setting the tone for their transparent discussion about prioritizing intimacy when the business constantly demands attention. Sara reveals how their understanding of connection has evolved: "At the beginning, intimacy was just very physical... now it's the emotional intimacy, the connection that we share, and it's just a much deeper thing."
Their conversation tackles head-on the unique challenge of working together professionally while maintaining their personal bond. "When you close down the office and come home, you are still with that same person," Sara explains, describing the delicate balance of switching contexts. The Kirbys share practical strategies they've developed, including their "48-hour rule" for physical intimacy and the importance of brief, intentional check-ins during hectic periods.
Perhaps most powerfully, they discuss the breaking points that nearly derailed them and the commitment that kept them together. "Divorce is not on the table," Sara shares about their foundational agreement. "It's not an option for us." This commitment allowed them to push through difficult seasons, especially when rediscovering their faith provided a new framework for their partnership.
Whether you're already in business with your spouse or considering this path, this episode offers both cautionary wisdom and practical hope. The Kirbys' journey proves that with intentional effort, the right priorities, and a lot of grace, you can build both a thriving business and a fulfilling marriage, even when the same person sits across from you at the dinner table and the conference room.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Hey guys, welcome to the Blue Collar Business Podcast
, where we discuss the realest,rawest, most relevant stories
and strategies behind buildingevery corner of a blue collar
business.
I'm your host, cy Kirby, and Iwant to help you in what it took
me trial and error and a wholelot of money to learn the
information that no one in thisindustry is willing to share.
Whether you're under that shadetree or have your hard hat on,
(00:30):
let's expand your toolbox.
Welcome back, guys, to anotherepisode of the Blue Collar
Business Podcast.
Today we are doing somethingdrastically different my
beautiful guest here joining me.
Today.
We are kicking off a four-partseries and I've got a little
co-host and I'll introduce youin just a moment.
(00:50):
You've met her before, butessentially, being married in
business can be extremely,extremely tough and we're going
to kick off a four-part seriesfor you guys, acting somewhat
like a day night, because, beinga business owner and mama bear
and papa bear, we don't reallyget much time to spend with each
(01:10):
other, literally one-on-one, nophones, no job talk maybe a
little we're probably going toget into some job talk today but
literally just us sitting down,connecting, showing you, you
guys, that the struggle is realand not trying to hide behind
(01:31):
any screen.
But we want you guys to jump inwith us into several meaty
conversations that you know whatwe all deal with and somebody
needs to talk about them.
Somebody needs to talk aboutthem.
But if you're, like us, runninga business with your spouse
juggling kids, deadlines,clients it's easy for the
marriage to always take the backseat, and when it's your best
(01:53):
friend, you truly don't want tohurt their feelings.
But you understand, on thisside of the table you're wanting
to provide and protect and theother side is trying to nurture.
So finding that cohesionbetween the two while mixing in
business can be very tough.
But in each episode we're goingto be diving into a part of
(02:14):
marriage that matters.
We're going to start withintimacy today, work over to
time, work through conflicts andvisions and just breaking it
down kind of like a full coursemeal, start with a little
appetizer and and as theconversation gets real good,
we'll get into the meat andpotatoes haha, no pun intended
and hopefully finish up with alittle bit of dessert and uh,
(02:37):
really, guys.
Furthermore, if you guys areexcited, if you wouldn't mind,
drop on a, a share, a like, afollow it really helps the show
out and if you are super excitedfor this series as much as I am
, drop that like so.
Furthermore, guys, I have mybeautiful wife and business
(03:00):
partner and mother of threebeautiful children, wife of 11
years this year, miss SarahKirby.
So, like I said, guys I knowthe intro is a little bit long.
There we're going to be workingon prioritizing intimacy and
emotional closeness and actuallythis is kind of funny for a
(03:24):
first topic for us because it'sboth one we both struggle in for
each other and a lot of timesover the years we have missed
signs, misread some things, andwe're going to kind of talk
about how we got through it andhow we're still married today
with three beautiful babies anda crazy life.
Married today with threebeautiful babies and a crazy
(03:45):
life oh my gosh.
And you know there is so manyspecial partnerships that are
out there, just like me andSarah, that I know need a
resource and need something toconnect to and go.
Oh my gosh.
We're not the only one, becauseyou can get very isolating when
(04:06):
you just have your one partnerto not only vent, but they take
emotional beatings we both do.
We don't even realize we'redoing it, we're just trying to
talk to our friend Definitelytake its toll if it's not dealt
with.
Sat down and just remind you howmuch I love you, and sometimes
(04:30):
you do the same with me.
And I promise you guys, thebusiness, all the media, none of
it would be without yoursupport.
So it means so much to me tohave your support.
Really, that's the only thingthat's really drove me to get to
(04:50):
where I think I am in today'sworld.
But being those babies, daddy,and being your husband is my
number one duty.
But, man, it's a beautiful dutyand I love it so much and I
just can't thank you enough foryour support.
I just wanted to start therewell, thank you so, furthermore,
I guess we'll fire off with theold appetizer questions.
(05:13):
Huh, okay, what is intimacy?
Intimacy I think I spelled thatwrong.
She makes me nervous, guys.
It's a little weird.
You guys are like why is Cyacting all weird?
Because I got this long andhard day with me tonight, guys.
So, uh, what does intimacy meanto you now versus when we first
got married?
Speaker 2 (05:34):
yeah, well when we well, let's just start from the
beginning.
I mean, we really like went onour first date and basically
moved in with you that night, soyou know.
And then we were engaged a yearlater, six months later no, now
(05:59):
now we went on our first dateon september 23rd and we got
engaged on August 23rd.
So here we go fair enough yeah,and then we got married a year
later and so it was very quickand I think that, you know, at
the beginning intimacy was justlike very physical yeah, and now
(06:22):
that we are married and beenmarried for almost 11 years and
have three kids, it just means alot more.
It's just it's more.
It's more than just thephysical part of the
relationship.
It's the emotional intimacy,the connection that, like, we
share and that I mean you knowthe most like intimate parts of
(06:44):
my life and my feelings, andit's just a much deeper thing
than you know when you first getmarried.
And it's awesome, you know,like I mean, it's vulnerable and
scary and you have to, you know, really trust your partner to
be able to get there.
(07:05):
But I mean it's important and alot that we push through all the
walls, you know, oh my, gosh,truly I don't yeah, I don't even
want to think about not pushingthrough the walls.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
I mean and I need to be upfront with you guys I
promise you, every day has beena roller coaster.
Don't get me wrong.
We've had a lot of good years,but we've had some bad years.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
And it was two imperfect people trying to
produce a perfect life together.
And I expected perfect out ofher and she expected her version
of perfect out of me.
And and I think you know,speaking directly on intimacy,
(07:50):
yeah, a lot of it's juststraight up physical, straight
off the bat.
Obviously any relationship is,but in an actual relationship
you need more than just that.
You need that emotional.
And, honestly, guys, you'dprobably be sitting here going,
oh, sarah's the emotional one,but I probably wear the
(08:12):
emotional more than the two ofus.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
And what I mean.
Right from the beginning, likebefore we even got married, we
both sat down and just said,like, divorce is not on the
table, it's not something thatwe're going to talk about, it's
not going to be something thatwe consider on a um, you know,
five by five basis, like it'sjust a very taboo subject.
(08:39):
We're not going to talk aboutit, it's not an option for us.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
I think that laying that foundation down from the
beginning really allowed for usto you know hone in focus yeah,
well, and to like break throughthe walls, because it was just
you know, you're with me untilyou're in the box, so we and and
it and speaking on that word,it was so funny and you know
(09:04):
your folks have been through, oh, 33 years married right, and
you know I didn't I wasn'traised in a whole home how that
affected me and I came from um.
You know that was emotional initself and for our children.
(09:35):
We made the decision, not justfor them, but we choose
emotional intimacy, maybewriting a note on her mirror,
because I know she's going tohave a tough day and I know her
love language, although I couldsit there and write this giant
long text and tell her and tellher, but until she sees the
effort of an action then she'llbelieve the words that I'm like
(09:59):
truly.
And so that's the top ofemotional intimacy, and I know
that word can go straight toother things, but it's the small
things, it's.
You know, the texts I get fromyou on a really crappy day
(10:19):
because you know I need them andit's not some long deal, but
it's just hey, I love you andjust a little bit more today
than yesterday.
Yeah, and I know today sucks,but when we get home we're going
to have a good dinner andalways keeping me focused on the
family because business istough and early on.
You know it was so hard.
(10:42):
There was no separation,work-life balance, it was all
work all the time.
When you're building a businesstogether, it is like you have
to focus on it, like it'sanother baby.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
And that frustrated you.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
And I understand why.
Now I didn't.
Then no, and guys, you'resitting there and you're going,
oh yeah, and.
I understand why.
Now I didn't.
Then no, and guys, you'resitting there and you're going
man, why can't you focus on?
This is what I'm trying toprovide, this is where I'm
trying to go, this is all thesethings.
Well, on the other side of thetable, she's trying to do the
exact same thing for you andprovide a family, and you've
(11:24):
really got to check yourpriorities there.
I I've got to say and I do notrecommend building family,
building a business, building ahouse all at once, as fast as
you can, but you know what Ipromise you?
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I wouldn't, I wouldn't do any other way, you
know but it tests you and I mean, we've been through it all, I
don't know.
It's like you know, and so Ishould knock on something,
because it's like I don't we'vebeen through some stuff.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
You know it's every couple acts, though, and if
you're, if you're sitting there,going well, we have two.
Well, as long as you're notgiving up on each other, you're
pretty one and that, yeah, trulygo another day right and do
something a little bit differenttomorrow that you did today, if
you want a different result ohyeah, that's a big thing for me.
(12:15):
Uh, speaking on my front, youknow, guys, you get trapped up
here and you just set theseexpectations.
You don't want to verbalizethem.
Well, well, you kind ofstruggle with that too, setting
expectations on in the earlyyears for me to clearly grab a
hold of, because I'm just like,just tell me what you want and
I'll do it.
But guys, it's not always, no,necessarily, especially stacking
(12:39):
business on it In the businessmode.
You are all fixer and all beall, and it's really hard to
differentiate that.
Hey, this is my wife speaking tome, and year one, and just
wants me to listen yeah and thatthat was tough to figure out,
(13:01):
and make sure you didn't crushthe emotional side of you during
that time when I really didn'teven realize what I was doing.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
But I was trying to show you my love through
providing, through this business, man, whatever, well, that's
perfect, because my question foryou is how does working
together um affect our emotionalconnection?
So that's kind of perfect,because man, there's no lie to
this.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
There's no.
We've had some really tough.
There's even a Mr Dillon in ouroffice and business
conversations, as he labeledthem.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
We'll be sitting there in front of five or six
folks and we'll have that onenot yelling screaming, but yeah,
we're gonna get up and we'regonna make sure our point gets
across and it's heard to theentire room when it's hard
because it's like there's onepart of you that is running a
(14:01):
business and you want thebusiness to succeed and you want
you know things to go the waythat you think that they should,
and then on the flip side ofthat is the person that you're
trying to run a business with isalso your life partner, and so
when you close down the officeand you come home, you are still
(14:27):
with that same person, and soyou know it's hard to pull the
plug from one to the other orvice versa.
You know you have a really badnight or you get into an
argument, you're not seeing eyeto eye on how you're raising the
kids, whatever the case may be,and then you have to come in
(14:48):
and do a billing meeting and ohmy gosh, it's so hard, and so
it's like both sides of it itpulls, and so it's a constant
juggling act and trying to stayin the right moment for where
(15:10):
and what you're dealing with.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
I have used a little motto prioritize the moment.
And, as business owners, reallyhard when your kiddo's
screaming they just want yourlove yeah, and it's 4 o'clock on
Friday and they ain't seen youall week.
(15:33):
But at the same time, you'redealing with a huge problem that
, if you don't get dealt with inthe next hour before Monday,
monday is just you're going tostress all weekend and really be
disconnected from the hourbefore Monday.
Monday is just you're going tostress all weekend and really be
disconnected from the familybefore Monday.
And it's those things that Istruggle with to stay
(15:56):
emotionally connected.
It's not because I don't wantto, it's that I'm suffering from
prioritization.
It's that I'm suffering fromprioritization.
I need to find some type ofmotto about prioritizing
Prioritization of God, family,faith I'm sorry.
Faith, family and then business.
(16:19):
I said God and faith twice but,hey, at least I'm thinking of
that one twice.
But it is a struggle and I'vegot to make a conscious effort
to speak her love language tomake sure that she still knows
that even behind all thetornadoes of the day, even
behind the oh my gosh, the kidsare just being so much today,
(16:42):
all of those moments that shestill knows that I'm still that
22 year old boy chasing youaround to make sure she knows
that she's still.
There's one thing, to feelneeded, but it's another thing
to feel wanted, and I think thatgoes right along with the
(17:04):
emotional connection is yeah,you're needed and you feel
needed.
Well, maybe sometimes you don'teven feel needed, but if you
don't feel needed and wanted,that's a terrible feeling.
And to go home to a peacefulplace.
I would encourage you guys, whenit gets to those moments, grab
her hand, give her a big old hugand go hey, in a very soft
(17:29):
monotone.
This is what I was trying toget across.
I understand how my deliverywas not right in the moment or
hey, uh, my tone of voice or thepeople we did it in front of.
There's so many emotionalthings that you don't normally
(17:49):
deal with as a normal employeeor partner.
That's outside of your marriageor that you're not pulling into
what you're fixing to lay outthere.
But I would encourage you guys,grab her hand, apologize and
start over and then move on andliterally don't let those family
(18:15):
nights get ruined because of atwo o'clock billing meeting,
because we're just stealingmoments from each other.
Yeah, we're just stealingmoments from each other.
Yeah, we're just stealingmoments from the kids now, year
one to five.
I can't say that.
I did that straight up.
It was just build a businessand, um, how old was the
(18:38):
business from when?
Colt colt's eight and thebusiness was nine.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Mm-hmm nine.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Fixed to be 10.
And so we've always beenraising babies through this, all
behind the scenes, and I don'tknow if I would have ran so hard
without them.
I would have done it for you.
There's no doubt about it.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Oh no, I still don't understand.
No, I would have done it foryou.
There's no doubt about it.
No, no, I still understand, no,I understand.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
When that colt hit the ground, everything changed,
and you guys with kiddos youknow exactly what I'm saying.
The risk felt heavier,everything felt heavier
immediately.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
First time I saw his eyeballs and he's my best buddy,
but I hope there's someencouraging value there for you.
Take 10 minutes.
Don't make it a big, long,drawn-out deal.
Hey, I love you.
I'm sorry, I don't know, andthere's a lot of times you don't
even understand why she's madat you.
Straight up, boys, I get itTruly, but just be the first to
(19:44):
apologize.
I would, if there's somethingI'm trying to say there, just
try to be the leader, and ifyou're the man in the house, you
are the leader, so you've gotto act like it.
Even when you're so freakingpissed off you can't see
straight.
You're replacing a door becausesome kid ran a freaking
hoverboard into it, or you knowwhat I mean and it is what it is
(20:07):
.
But have there been momentswhere our work stress killed our
connection at home?
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Absolutely, yeah, absolutely.
I think that it took us a longtime to figure out the
work-life-home-life balance andwe let it really eat us up, um,
(20:36):
but like I said, like we justkind of decided from the very
beginning that, like, divorcewas not the option and I think
we let it go as long as wepossibly could, like I mean,
like I think that we let itbuild until we were at a place
that, like I am unhappy, you areunhappy, we are what are we
(20:58):
doing Constantly at odds, likewhat are we doing?
And we had to just like and like.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
And instead of band-aiding situations and like
go through some really hardmoments with each other, but I
think that it took like us kindof finding Jesus again.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
You know a little bit .
Speaker 1 (21:18):
No doubt.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
And putting something of even ourselves at the
forefront of our marriage toreally actually start dealing
with it and start really facingthe problem.
You know it was.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
You're not wrong, it wasn't but got a lot easier
after we started heading to thatchurch house every sunday
that's for sure I mean straightup, guys.
We were both looking foranswers and we were just lost at
all odds.
And this was about three, fouryears ago, and Sarah attests
(22:00):
that I found Jesus again in adozer.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Building our house and building the land.
I spent about a year and a halfby myself on a track on a dozer
after hours and on weekends anddidn't see a lot of folks
during that time.
But it's pretty cool what webuilt together Absolutely no, I
have to say I can think of somecrucial moments that I'm sitting
(22:27):
here going.
Why did I make that such a bigdeal?
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
It wasn't even that big of a deal, yeah, but I got
to tell you, tell you, I think,guys, if you're sitting there
one to three years, you're like,is this ever gonna get easier?
My answer's gonna be head tothat church house, head out.
It'll start the connection andthat you, neither one of you,
can find to plug in you and youfeel like you know everything
about each other, but you feellike you're so far, yeah, at the
(22:53):
same point and you're like man,but bouncing back.
We have ignored it for too longsometimes yeah and, but we
always bounce back oh yeahwhether it's you, whether it's
me, and apologizing, seeing itfrom each other's side, and I
(23:18):
think experience seat time, aswe were talking in our interview
, yeah, it's literally operatorseat time and we're sitting here
.
What I mean by that is man.
Education is expensive, butexperience is priceless.
That is man, education isexpensive, but experience is
priceless.
I say it all the time on theshow, but literally with
(23:42):
navigating a marriage and abusiness, it just takes time to
figure out.
Oh my gosh, not every littlething is worth ruining dinner
over.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Not over?
Speaker 2 (23:59):
oh yeah, not.
Well, let me tell you, likemost business, things are not
even remotely close to worthrunning a baseball game, dinner,
family time like most of thetime it's business.
Stuff is like out of ourcontrol anyway, and so like
carrying those emotions and thathurt or frustration into our
(24:20):
home life, like it's just we'veit happens still today.
Like I say that, like we'reperfected, just like, oh, we
walked through the door, nolonger business partners, but
like we've learned that most ofthe stuff that you know happens
(24:41):
with the company doesn't, youknow, supersede our family and
our family time, you know.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
It's taken me a lot longer to figure that out, and
guys I couldn't have.
I didn't have it figured outuntil about three or four years
ago, when God really humbled meat my knees and made me realize
that of course sorry businesshas literally been this.
I have waged strive to geteverything taken care of before
(25:18):
this evening, but it never fails, never fails.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
I have a juicy question for you, nick.
Okay, go ahead.
Okay, how do we protectphysical intimacy from becoming
just another task when we'reboth burnt out at the end of the
day?
Speaker 1 (25:40):
kiss you good night and make sure you know you're
loved.
I don't know.
I mean, that's a tough one guyslike if you're trying like sex
is really yeah's there, but it'ssomething that when you're in
this deep connection business,obviously marriage, yes, it does
(26:03):
just become a task, but likeit's very few and far between
date nights.
You know what I?
Speaker 2 (26:08):
mean, oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
There's still.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
We have a very young family though, too.
I mean we have a six month old,a six year old and an eight
year old, so we have a veryyoung family too.
I mean we have a six-month-old,a six-year-old and an
eight-year-old, so we have avery young family, and so like
it's busy, yeah, like we don'tget a lot of like adult time no,
no, no but you know, I thinkthe 48-hour rule yeah was
definitely a game changer, youknow uh, basically, I'll explain
(26:35):
a little bit more, uh, sincesarah's throwing me a softball
here.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
Thank you very much because, uh, I was squirming on
that one.
But, uh, we've got a little 48hour rule of hey, if I initiate,
you know, one of us initiates.
Um, we understand that we'reboth obviously involved in
87,000 things for each other.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
It's not like we can just drop and do everything you
want to do every day, yeah, butwithin that 48 hours you have to
find time to make sure theday's done.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Re-spark the flame, yeah, the flame, yeah, and I
mean honestly, like when you'renot only running a business, but
when you're raising a familylike it's impossible.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
That was a course question, right, because that's
heavy.
Okay, that was second course.
Yeah, that's main course yeah,yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
but I mean like when you're running a business, your
head is spinning, especiallylike the beginning years of it
your head spinning.
But when you're raising afamily, like I'm sorry, but like
I have a kid attached to me-92% of the day.
Yes, like constantly, all thetime, and it's not that I don't
(27:51):
love you, but sometimes when youcome at me, I'm just not ready.
I cannot handle one more persontouching me, and so you know.
But it puts the ball in theother person's court.
You know what I mean.
Like you have initiated, you'vesaid like hey, I have needs,
and here they are, and it putsthe ball in the other person's
(28:15):
court to pick that up when thetime is available and right, and
so you know.
I think that that's somethingthat was very important for
where we are in marriage and youknow where we are at in life.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Because, oh man, the other thing is is you know we'd
be sitting there at dinner?
Is you know we'd be sittingthere at dinner?
And I can if?
If you're a visionary andentrepreneur and you're obsessed
with it, you can be sittingthere at dinner and just freeze.
I forgot this.
I forgot that I did this.
I didn't do that.
Oh, I didn't call this guy back, I didn't catch that call and
just.
And then I read a text messageand lost my thought.
(28:51):
But what I'm saying is it justcan completely encompass you.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
I would just you know .
My next question here, babe,for you is you know how do we
ensure that we pause, reconnector break tension during
high-stress days?
But during those high-stressdays, mama Bear does her best to
ensure that the little extra isdone.
And she knows the days when Ijust can't.
(29:24):
Last night was one of them.
Dad gum on my cry, emotional Iam.
I am, if you guys didn't know,so you're getting the true
vulnerable.
I hope this is bringing youguys a little bit of value.
But, man, there's days I wassitting in a long chair in our
living room last night becausemy jeans were so dadgum dirty I
(29:45):
didn't want to sit on the couch,but we had to have some
conversation last night.
Business not nothing like you'relike throwing down, like we got
no I know nothing like likethat, but we just I had a heavy,
heavy day yesterday.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
For our future.
For all sorts of reasons,things didn't do good during the
day we had to.
It was just the cruise Foundout we had to do some more
rework on it.
It was just all stackedtogether and those days hurt her
the worst, because she's tryingso hard to ensure that I don't
(30:22):
end up that way has zero to dowith her control or her ability
to ensure that my day didn't goawry.
But even like last night, youknow, mama bear said so, you're
down in the dumps.
I said no, I just need tooffload, I just need to get this
.
I need you to hear what I'msaying and why I'm feeling.
But I communicated that withher.
(30:44):
No, I'm not down in the dumps,I'm just.
I literally can't take anotherstep.
This is nine o'clock at night,guys.
I walked through the door.
I've been having some late dayshere as of late and good late
days though beneficial and greattime utilization.
(31:04):
If I'm going to sacrifice timewith family, it has to be a
vital emergency.
So, um, but for you, mom, howdo we, how do we break that
tension?
I I try to figure out whenyou're super, super stressed,
but you hide it better than I do.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
You know, I think I don't think there's like a
certain way that we can say thatwe like figure out how to break
the tension, whatever it's.
Just we've been married for 10years, so like I know when
(31:38):
things are building and thatthey're heavy and they're crazy,
and so I just make a point.
You know what I mean.
Like, hey, and I know that youare an overthinker and so
sometimes you just need asounding board and that's.
I'm not good at that.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
Neither one of us are , because we love each other so
much.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Yeah, and well, and I'm just, I'm not a good
sounding board, I'm not anemotional person.
I'm like, ok, here's yourproblem, let me logistically
figure out how to fix it for you, and I'll fix it and we can
move past this emotional Thingthat is happening.
(32:26):
But you know that's not you,and so sometimes, like I've
learned that you have to offloadevery thought that's in your
head, not for a response and notfor a fix or a solution, but
just to get it out of your mindbecause, like, as soon as you
have it in the air, it's goneand not gone.
But you know, like hey, um thisis going on.
(33:04):
That's going on.
I need two minutes of your time.
You know um, and so that reallyhelps no 100, those, those
quick check-ins.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
Guys, I'm going to jump over real quick.
Blue Collar PerformanceMarketing is our sponsor of the
show today.
They have been a valuable partof the marketing campaign and
stay tuned for Episode 2 and 3when we start talking about time
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(33:37):
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Sorry, guys, blue collarperformance marketing, that Ike
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(34:00):
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But Ike has truly helped meestablish an entire marketing
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(34:22):
Click the link in thedescription below.
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So get with them, guys.
Now that the main course man,the main course, really
definitely.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
Gotcha, didn't it yeah dude.
Hey, do you remember when theybrought us our dessert, when you
were proposing?
Speaker 1 (34:46):
That's a good one, mama.
Yes, I do.
I remember that meal like itwas yesterday.
I didn't eat a freaking thingand then you were like we're not
getting dessert, we're notbuying dessert.
That's crazy.
You didn't even eat your dinner.
We're eating dessert, do youunderstand me?
(35:07):
We've got to get the dessert,we're getting the cheesecake and
little did she know.
And then I did it at all.
Of course that's probably thearkansas thing, but uh, it was
brand new here in town innorthwest arkansas and a buddy
of mine was a manager and backthen it was standing room wait
(35:30):
hour and a half back before theyhad tapped to check in and all
the stuff.
You just had to sit and wait ata restaurant.
And we got there and thesidewalks were packed and the
front door was packed.
She looked at me all weird andlike just go.
We walked right in, got satright down.
I think she forgot that by thetime dessert rolled around, but
(35:52):
the whole garden staff wassitting on the back row.
Yeah, I remember that dessertlike it was yesterday, there
ain't no doubt about it, andthat was 2013?
.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
Yeah, 2013.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
It's crazy 13 years ago.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
Thanks for choosing me every day, Mama.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
That's in our bathroom.
I will choose you over and overand, over and over again, every
day, every day.
Well, when life and work arenonstop, what's one real
low-pressure way couples like uscan reconnect without needing a
big talk or a fancy night out?
(36:34):
And I think, throwing this, Ikind of took over her question
here.
I'm gonna finish up thequestions today okay, sorry but
I think the reason I asked is Ithink you just hit on it a
minute ago is we've gottenreally good about those
touch-ins.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
Yeah, I agree 100%.
And you know, life is nevergoing to stop Like.
It seems like we are constantlylike, hey, when life gets less
busy, let's go on a date night.
Like hey, when life gets lesscrazy, let's go on a date night.
Like, hey, when life gets lesscrazy, let's do this or that.
(37:15):
But you know, I think that it'smore about just the day to day.
Like hey, I have two minutes,how are you doing?
Like what, how's it going?
(37:35):
What can?
Speaker 1 (37:38):
I help you with you know I think things, everything
and truly mean it.
Yeah, no, just say it, to sayyeah, absolutely and we're not
like we're not.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
we've said in our marriage it's not a 50 5050
marriage, it's 100-100.
And every day I try to dosomething to serve Sai.
And if that means just like,hey, I got two minutes, unload
your brain.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Or hey, I know you're at the office.
You've been at the office allday.
You've been in meetings.
You're going to be in meetingsthe rest of the day.
Let me bring you some lunchsome food, oh, it's best you
know, like just little thingslike that, and I think those
things are what keeps yourmarriage going in the non-stop
(38:30):
and the high stress and thechaos is just trying to serve
each other and trying to, youknow, at least put your marriage
at the forefront for a fewminutes a day.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
You have to.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
All right, guys, I got a little bit of challenge
for you guys to finish up theshow today.
Pick one night this week, sitdown with your spouse,
especially if you guys arefeeling like you're distant,
because I know those moments andI don't want to be distant from
(39:08):
you ever.
Yeah, just adds to the stress,but it literally oh no, it's the
number one stressor for me.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Like I can't think you got me all.
You get me all messed up in myhead.
Mama, I'm like trying to readyour mind and like, oh my God,
what did I do?
What was so important to her?
And and I'm thinking of thesebig, major things and it may
just because you know somethingsmall that was important to her
that she had shared three orfour times I just completely
smooth forgot about and I'mstill forgetting about it.
(39:36):
And then I'm like what did I doso wrong?
You know, I've definitely hadto figure that out.
But my challenge, guys, is pickone night this week, stay on,
talk with your spouse Tenminutes, no phones, no work talk
, no kid talk.
Just ask how they're reallydoing.
And what's one thing that madetoday hard and one thing that
(40:00):
made it good Talk with eachother.
Don't talk over each other.
Bite on a pen.
If you got to, literallysometimes I'll stick my.
You'll probably see me do it onthe show.
When I've got something, I'llliterally stick my hands in
front of my mouth to ensure thatI don't open my mouth.
Because, husbands, we're fixers, that's what we do.
(40:21):
Right, she got a problem?
All right, babe, I got it andI'm gone.
And I didn't even listen tohalf of what she's gotta say,
and really she's probablyalready got it fixed by herself
because she's the best fixer.
But she just needed to.
Hey, do you think this is thinkthis is right?
Do you think, am I showing lovein this situation?
(40:42):
Am I just trying to seekrevenge because this person
pissed me off, or this personreally did us wrong, and
whatever the case may be?
But just sit down, grab eachother by the hands and if you
are faith-filled, I encourageyou to pray.
We pray, pray.
(41:03):
What do you say the last yearand a half?
Speaker 2 (41:06):
it's been over a year .
Speaker 1 (41:07):
Don't get me wrong, we've missed some days
traditionally when I like tosleep in summertime summertime,
but especially school days, whenwe're all separating me and
Sarah pray every morning yeahand at night we pray with our
kids, sit there at their doorsand just pray for their health
(41:32):
and good rest so that we canwake up with joy in our faces
tomorrow.
And I got to agree with youearlier what you said Jesus has
definitely changed our lives andchanged our marriage oh, yeah,
absolutely wish I gave in a lotsooner because it wasn't for you
praying and bridging that gapfor all those years of me
(41:53):
running and being a hooligan.
And, yeah, guys, I truly hopethe vulnerability today has
shared a little insight and gotyou guys hooked in for a couple
more episodes, because we'redefinitely going to be going off
more onto the business side.
But, guys, that's what we talkabout all the time.
I wanted those other marriagesout there to have an episode to
(42:21):
themselves and know that, tohave an episode to themselves
and know that.
Yeah, no, I really didn't lovecoming on public and I know you
didn't either and talking aboutour intimacy issues.
I really didn't love that.
And I saw these show notes andI'm like and you know I'm
normally I'm the host here, Iask the questions and Mama Bear
(42:43):
brought some good ones today andI just challenge you guys to
check on each other.
Doesn't have to be big fan.
I think this is literally ourfirst time alone discussing
something other than work yeahlike true date night, and so I'm
loving every minute of it.
I hope you guys are too.
Um thanks for joining our datenight but you're not alone out
(43:10):
there and I just wantedeverybody to understand that
that is a couple.
There are other couples outthere choosing this life.
That is so stressful andchaotic, but it's worth it.
And we're not quite there yet,to the worth it stage yet either
.
We're still transitioning.
We're not to the worth it stage.
Business wise oh, I'm sorry.
(43:32):
Marriage and kids, that's thankGod.
Yeah, we are past, way past,way way past the the worst stage
in that regard, but in thebusiness stage it's still really
hard.
Oh yeah, it's harder now thanit's ever been.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
But if we didn't choose to keep choosing each
other, I think it would havebeen different.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (44:00):
Guys, next week's episode is time management and
setting boundaries.
They call it Ha-bom-bom-bom One.
I struggled ridiculously badwith and I'm excited to
definitely share some insightsthat we both have used to get
(44:20):
time management and boundariesset so we can keep on keeping on
in our marriage and businessand hopefully both are
successful at the end of the day.
Speaker 2 (44:29):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (44:30):
Guys, thanks so much for tuning in.
Till next one.
Be kind, be safe, be humble.
If you've enjoyed this episode,be sure to give it a like,
share it with the fellers.
Check out our website to sendus any questions and comments
about your experience in theblue collar business.
Who do you want to hear from?
Send them our way and we'll doour best to answer any questions
(44:51):
you may have.
Till next time, guys.
Hey guys, welcome to the Blue Collar Business Podcast
, where we discuss the realest,rawest, most relevant stories
and strategies behind buildingevery corner of a blue collar
business.
I'm your host, cy Kirby, and Iwant to help you in what it took
me trial and error and a wholelot of money to learn the
information that no one in thisindustry is willing to share.
Whether you're under that shadetree or have your hard hat on,
(00:30):
let's expand your toolbox.
Welcome back, guys, to anotherepisode of the Blue Collar
Business Podcast.
Today we are doing somethingdrastically different my
beautiful guest here joining me.
Today.
We are kicking off a four-partseries and I've got a little
co-host and I'll introduce youin just a moment.
(00:50):
You've met her before, butessentially, being married in
business can be extremely,extremely tough and we're going
to kick off a four-part seriesfor you guys, acting somewhat
like a day night, because, beinga business owner and mama bear
and papa bear, we don't reallyget much time to spend with each
(01:10):
other, literally one-on-one, nophones, no job talk maybe a
little we're probably going toget into some job talk today but
literally just us sitting down,connecting, showing you, you
guys, that the struggle is realand not trying to hide behind
(01:31):
any screen.
But we want you guys to jump inwith us into several meaty
conversations that you know whatwe all deal with and somebody
needs to talk about them.
Somebody needs to talk aboutthem.
But if you're, like us, runninga business with your spouse
juggling kids, deadlines,clients it's easy for the
marriage to always take the backseat, and when it's your best
(01:53):
friend, you truly don't want tohurt their feelings.
But you understand, on thisside of the table you're wanting
to provide and protect and theother side is trying to nurture.
So finding that cohesionbetween the two while mixing in
business can be very tough.
But in each episode we're goingto be diving into a part of
(02:14):
marriage that matters.
We're going to start withintimacy today, work over to
time, work through conflicts andvisions and just breaking it
down kind of like a full coursemeal, start with a little
appetizer and and as theconversation gets real good,
we'll get into the meat andpotatoes haha, no pun intended
and hopefully finish up with alittle bit of dessert and uh,
(02:37):
really, guys.
Furthermore, if you guys areexcited, if you wouldn't mind,
drop on a, a share, a like, afollow it really helps the show
out and if you are super excitedfor this series as much as I am
, drop that like so.
Furthermore, guys, I have mybeautiful wife and business
(03:00):
partner and mother of threebeautiful children, wife of 11
years this year, miss SarahKirby.
So, like I said, guys I knowthe intro is a little bit long.
There we're going to be workingon prioritizing intimacy and
emotional closeness and actuallythis is kind of funny for a
(03:24):
first topic for us because it'sboth one we both struggle in for
each other and a lot of timesover the years we have missed
signs, misread some things, andwe're going to kind of talk
about how we got through it andhow we're still married today
with three beautiful babies anda crazy life.
Married today with threebeautiful babies and a crazy
(03:45):
life oh my gosh.
And you know there is so manyspecial partnerships that are
out there, just like me andSarah, that I know need a
resource and need something toconnect to and go.
Oh my gosh.
We're not the only one, becauseyou can get very isolating when
(04:06):
you just have your one partnerto not only vent, but they take
emotional beatings we both do.
We don't even realize we'redoing it, we're just trying to
talk to our friend Definitelytake its toll if it's not dealt
with.
Sat down and just remind you howmuch I love you, and sometimes
(04:30):
you do the same with me.
And I promise you guys, thebusiness, all the media, none of
it would be without yoursupport.
So it means so much to me tohave your support.
Really, that's the only thingthat's really drove me to get to
(04:50):
where I think I am in today'sworld.
But being those babies, daddy,and being your husband is my
number one duty.
But, man, it's a beautiful dutyand I love it so much and I
just can't thank you enough foryour support.
I just wanted to start therewell, thank you so, furthermore,
I guess we'll fire off with theold appetizer questions.
(05:13):
Huh, okay, what is intimacy?
Intimacy I think I spelled thatwrong.
She makes me nervous, guys.
It's a little weird.
You guys are like why is Cyacting all weird?
Because I got this long andhard day with me tonight, guys.
So, uh, what does intimacy meanto you now versus when we first
got married?
Speaker 2 (05:34):
yeah, well when we well, let's just start from the
beginning.
I mean, we really like went onour first date and basically
moved in with you that night, soyou know.
And then we were engaged a yearlater, six months later no, now
(05:59):
now we went on our first dateon september 23rd and we got
engaged on August 23rd.
So here we go fair enough yeah,and then we got married a year
later and so it was very quickand I think that, you know, at
the beginning intimacy was justlike very physical yeah, and now
(06:22):
that we are married and beenmarried for almost 11 years and
have three kids, it just means alot more.
It's just it's more.
It's more than just thephysical part of the
relationship.
It's the emotional intimacy,the connection that, like, we
share and that I mean you knowthe most like intimate parts of
(06:44):
my life and my feelings, andit's just a much deeper thing
than you know when you first getmarried.
And it's awesome, you know,like I mean, it's vulnerable and
scary and you have to, you know, really trust your partner to
be able to get there.
(07:05):
But I mean it's important and alot that we push through all the
walls, you know, oh my, gosh,truly I don't yeah, I don't even
want to think about not pushingthrough the walls.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
I mean and I need to be upfront with you guys I
promise you, every day has beena roller coaster.
Don't get me wrong.
We've had a lot of good years,but we've had some bad years.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
And it was two imperfect people trying to
produce a perfect life together.
And I expected perfect out ofher and she expected her version
of perfect out of me.
And and I think you know,speaking directly on intimacy,
(07:50):
yeah, a lot of it's juststraight up physical, straight
off the bat.
Obviously any relationship is,but in an actual relationship
you need more than just that.
You need that emotional.
And, honestly, guys, you'dprobably be sitting here going,
oh, sarah's the emotional one,but I probably wear the
(08:12):
emotional more than the two ofus.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
And what I mean.
Right from the beginning, likebefore we even got married, we
both sat down and just said,like, divorce is not on the
table, it's not something thatwe're going to talk about, it's
not going to be something thatwe consider on a um, you know,
five by five basis, like it'sjust a very taboo subject.
(08:39):
We're not going to talk aboutit, it's not an option for us.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
I think that laying that foundation down from the
beginning really allowed for usto you know hone in focus yeah,
well, and to like break throughthe walls, because it was just
you know, you're with me untilyou're in the box, so we and and
it and speaking on that word,it was so funny and you know
(09:04):
your folks have been through, oh, 33 years married right, and
you know I didn't I wasn'traised in a whole home how that
affected me and I came from um.
You know that was emotional initself and for our children.
(09:35):
We made the decision, not justfor them, but we choose
emotional intimacy, maybewriting a note on her mirror,
because I know she's going tohave a tough day and I know her
love language, although I couldsit there and write this giant
long text and tell her and tellher, but until she sees the
effort of an action then she'llbelieve the words that I'm like
(09:59):
truly.
And so that's the top ofemotional intimacy, and I know
that word can go straight toother things, but it's the small
things, it's.
You know, the texts I get fromyou on a really crappy day
(10:19):
because you know I need them andit's not some long deal, but
it's just hey, I love you andjust a little bit more today
than yesterday.
Yeah, and I know today sucks,but when we get home we're going
to have a good dinner andalways keeping me focused on the
family because business istough and early on.
You know it was so hard.
(10:42):
There was no separation,work-life balance, it was all
work all the time.
When you're building a businesstogether, it is like you have
to focus on it, like it'sanother baby.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
And that frustrated you.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
And I understand why.
Now I didn't.
Then no, and guys, you'resitting there and you're going,
oh yeah, and.
I understand why.
Now I didn't.
Then no, and guys, you'resitting there and you're going
man, why can't you focus on?
This is what I'm trying toprovide, this is where I'm
trying to go, this is all thesethings.
Well, on the other side of thetable, she's trying to do the
exact same thing for you andprovide a family, and you've
(11:24):
really got to check yourpriorities there.
I I've got to say and I do notrecommend building family,
building a business, building ahouse all at once, as fast as
you can, but you know what Ipromise you?
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I wouldn't, I wouldn't do any other way, you
know but it tests you and I mean, we've been through it all, I
don't know.
It's like you know, and so Ishould knock on something,
because it's like I don't we'vebeen through some stuff.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
You know it's every couple acts, though, and if
you're, if you're sitting there,going well, we have two.
Well, as long as you're notgiving up on each other, you're
pretty one and that, yeah, trulygo another day right and do
something a little bit differenttomorrow that you did today, if
you want a different result ohyeah, that's a big thing for me.
(12:15):
Uh, speaking on my front, youknow, guys, you get trapped up
here and you just set theseexpectations.
You don't want to verbalizethem.
Well, well, you kind ofstruggle with that too, setting
expectations on in the earlyyears for me to clearly grab a
hold of, because I'm just like,just tell me what you want and
I'll do it.
But guys, it's not always, no,necessarily, especially stacking
(12:39):
business on it In the businessmode.
You are all fixer and all beall, and it's really hard to
differentiate that.
Hey, this is my wife speaking tome, and year one, and just
wants me to listen yeah and thatthat was tough to figure out,
(13:01):
and make sure you didn't crushthe emotional side of you during
that time when I really didn'teven realize what I was doing.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
But I was trying to show you my love through
providing, through this business, man, whatever, well, that's
perfect, because my question foryou is how does working
together um affect our emotionalconnection?
So that's kind of perfect,because man, there's no lie to
this.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
There's no.
We've had some really tough.
There's even a Mr Dillon in ouroffice and business
conversations, as he labeledthem.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
We'll be sitting there in front of five or six
folks and we'll have that onenot yelling screaming, but yeah,
we're gonna get up and we'regonna make sure our point gets
across and it's heard to theentire room when it's hard
because it's like there's onepart of you that is running a
(14:01):
business and you want thebusiness to succeed and you want
you know things to go the waythat you think that they should,
and then on the flip side ofthat is the person that you're
trying to run a business with isalso your life partner, and so
when you close down the officeand you come home, you are still
(14:27):
with that same person, and soyou know it's hard to pull the
plug from one to the other orvice versa.
You know you have a really badnight or you get into an
argument, you're not seeing eyeto eye on how you're raising the
kids, whatever the case may be,and then you have to come in
(14:48):
and do a billing meeting and ohmy gosh, it's so hard, and so
it's like both sides of it itpulls, and so it's a constant
juggling act and trying to stayin the right moment for where
(15:10):
and what you're dealing with.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
I have used a little motto prioritize the moment.
And, as business owners, reallyhard when your kiddo's
screaming they just want yourlove yeah, and it's 4 o'clock on
Friday and they ain't seen youall week.
(15:33):
But at the same time, you'redealing with a huge problem that
, if you don't get dealt with inthe next hour before Monday,
monday is just you're going tostress all weekend and really be
disconnected from the hourbefore Monday.
Monday is just you're going tostress all weekend and really be
disconnected from the familybefore Monday.
And it's those things that Istruggle with to stay
(15:56):
emotionally connected.
It's not because I don't wantto, it's that I'm suffering from
prioritization.
It's that I'm suffering fromprioritization.
I need to find some type ofmotto about prioritizing
Prioritization of God, family,faith I'm sorry.
Faith, family and then business.
(16:19):
I said God and faith twice but,hey, at least I'm thinking of
that one twice.
But it is a struggle and I'vegot to make a conscious effort
to speak her love language tomake sure that she still knows
that even behind all thetornadoes of the day, even
behind the oh my gosh, the kidsare just being so much today,
(16:42):
all of those moments that shestill knows that I'm still that
22 year old boy chasing youaround to make sure she knows
that she's still.
There's one thing, to feelneeded, but it's another thing
to feel wanted, and I think thatgoes right along with the
(17:04):
emotional connection is yeah,you're needed and you feel
needed.
Well, maybe sometimes you don'teven feel needed, but if you
don't feel needed and wanted,that's a terrible feeling.
And to go home to a peacefulplace.
I would encourage you guys, whenit gets to those moments, grab
her hand, give her a big old hugand go hey, in a very soft
(17:29):
monotone.
This is what I was trying toget across.
I understand how my deliverywas not right in the moment or
hey, uh, my tone of voice or thepeople we did it in front of.
There's so many emotionalthings that you don't normally
(17:49):
deal with as a normal employeeor partner.
That's outside of your marriageor that you're not pulling into
what you're fixing to lay outthere.
But I would encourage you guys,grab her hand, apologize and
start over and then move on andliterally don't let those family
(18:15):
nights get ruined because of atwo o'clock billing meeting,
because we're just stealingmoments from each other.
Yeah, we're just stealingmoments from each other.
Yeah, we're just stealingmoments from the kids now, year
one to five.
I can't say that.
I did that straight up.
It was just build a businessand, um, how old was the
(18:38):
business from when?
Colt colt's eight and thebusiness was nine.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Mm-hmm nine.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Fixed to be 10.
And so we've always beenraising babies through this, all
behind the scenes, and I don'tknow if I would have ran so hard
without them.
I would have done it for you.
There's no doubt about it.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Oh no, I still don't understand.
No, I would have done it foryou.
There's no doubt about it.
No, no, I still understand, no,I understand.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
When that colt hit the ground, everything changed,
and you guys with kiddos youknow exactly what I'm saying.
The risk felt heavier,everything felt heavier
immediately.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
First time I saw his eyeballs and he's my best buddy,
but I hope there's someencouraging value there for you.
Take 10 minutes.
Don't make it a big, long,drawn-out deal.
Hey, I love you.
I'm sorry, I don't know, andthere's a lot of times you don't
even understand why she's madat you.
Straight up, boys, I get itTruly, but just be the first to
(19:44):
apologize.
I would, if there's somethingI'm trying to say there, just
try to be the leader, and ifyou're the man in the house, you
are the leader, so you've gotto act like it.
Even when you're so freakingpissed off you can't see
straight.
You're replacing a door becausesome kid ran a freaking
hoverboard into it, or you knowwhat I mean and it is what it is
(20:07):
.
But have there been momentswhere our work stress killed our
connection at home?
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Absolutely, yeah, absolutely.
I think that it took us a longtime to figure out the
work-life-home-life balance andwe let it really eat us up, um,
(20:36):
but like I said, like we justkind of decided from the very
beginning that, like, divorcewas not the option and I think
we let it go as long as wepossibly could, like I mean,
like I think that we let itbuild until we were at a place
that, like I am unhappy, you areunhappy, we are what are we
(20:58):
doing Constantly at odds, likewhat are we doing?
And we had to just like and like.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
And instead of band-aiding situations and like
go through some really hardmoments with each other, but I
think that it took like us kindof finding Jesus again.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
You know a little bit .
Speaker 1 (21:18):
No doubt.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
And putting something of even ourselves at the
forefront of our marriage toreally actually start dealing
with it and start really facingthe problem.
You know it was.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
You're not wrong, it wasn't but got a lot easier
after we started heading to thatchurch house every sunday
that's for sure I mean straightup, guys.
We were both looking foranswers and we were just lost at
all odds.
And this was about three, fouryears ago, and Sarah attests
(22:00):
that I found Jesus again in adozer.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Building our house and building the land.
I spent about a year and a halfby myself on a track on a dozer
after hours and on weekends anddidn't see a lot of folks
during that time.
But it's pretty cool what webuilt together Absolutely no, I
have to say I can think of somecrucial moments that I'm sitting
(22:27):
here going.
Why did I make that such a bigdeal?
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
It wasn't even that big of a deal, yeah, but I got
to tell you, tell you, I think,guys, if you're sitting there
one to three years, you're like,is this ever gonna get easier?
My answer's gonna be head tothat church house, head out.
It'll start the connection andthat you, neither one of you,
can find to plug in you and youfeel like you know everything
about each other, but you feellike you're so far, yeah, at the
(22:53):
same point and you're like man,but bouncing back.
We have ignored it for too longsometimes yeah and, but we
always bounce back oh yeahwhether it's you, whether it's
me, and apologizing, seeing itfrom each other's side, and I
(23:18):
think experience seat time, aswe were talking in our interview
, yeah, it's literally operatorseat time and we're sitting here
.
What I mean by that is man.
Education is expensive, butexperience is priceless.
That is man, education isexpensive, but experience is
priceless.
I say it all the time on theshow, but literally with
(23:42):
navigating a marriage and abusiness, it just takes time to
figure out.
Oh my gosh, not every littlething is worth ruining dinner
over.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Not over?
Speaker 2 (23:59):
oh yeah, not.
Well, let me tell you, likemost business, things are not
even remotely close to worthrunning a baseball game, dinner,
family time like most of thetime it's business.
Stuff is like out of ourcontrol anyway, and so like
carrying those emotions and thathurt or frustration into our
(24:20):
home life, like it's just we'veit happens still today.
Like I say that, like we'reperfected, just like, oh, we
walked through the door, nolonger business partners, but
like we've learned that most ofthe stuff that you know happens
(24:41):
with the company doesn't, youknow, supersede our family and
our family time, you know.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
It's taken me a lot longer to figure that out, and
guys I couldn't have.
I didn't have it figured outuntil about three or four years
ago, when God really humbled meat my knees and made me realize
that of course sorry businesshas literally been this.
I have waged strive to geteverything taken care of before
(25:18):
this evening, but it never fails, never fails.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
I have a juicy question for you, nick.
Okay, go ahead.
Okay, how do we protectphysical intimacy from becoming
just another task when we'reboth burnt out at the end of the
day?
Speaker 1 (25:40):
kiss you good night and make sure you know you're
loved.
I don't know.
I mean, that's a tough one guyslike if you're trying like sex
is really yeah's there, but it'ssomething that when you're in
this deep connection business,obviously marriage, yes, it does
(26:03):
just become a task, but likeit's very few and far between
date nights.
You know what I?
Speaker 2 (26:08):
mean, oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
There's still.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
We have a very young family though, too.
I mean we have a six month old,a six year old and an eight
year old, so we have a veryyoung family too.
I mean we have a six-month-old,a six-year-old and an
eight-year-old, so we have avery young family, and so like
it's busy, yeah, like we don'tget a lot of like adult time no,
no, no but you know, I thinkthe 48-hour rule yeah was
definitely a game changer, youknow uh, basically, I'll explain
(26:35):
a little bit more, uh, sincesarah's throwing me a softball
here.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
Thank you very much because, uh, I was squirming on
that one.
But, uh, we've got a little 48hour rule of hey, if I initiate,
you know, one of us initiates.
Um, we understand that we'reboth obviously involved in
87,000 things for each other.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
It's not like we can just drop and do everything you
want to do every day, yeah, butwithin that 48 hours you have to
find time to make sure theday's done.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Re-spark the flame, yeah, the flame, yeah, and I
mean honestly, like when you'renot only running a business, but
when you're raising a familylike it's impossible.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
That was a course question, right, because that's
heavy.
Okay, that was second course.
Yeah, that's main course yeah,yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
but I mean like when you're running a business, your
head is spinning, especiallylike the beginning years of it
your head spinning.
But when you're raising afamily, like I'm sorry, but like
I have a kid attached to me-92% of the day.
Yes, like constantly, all thetime, and it's not that I don't
(27:51):
love you, but sometimes when youcome at me, I'm just not ready.
I cannot handle one more persontouching me, and so you know.
But it puts the ball in theother person's court.
You know what I mean.
Like you have initiated, you'vesaid like hey, I have needs,
and here they are, and it putsthe ball in the other person's
(28:15):
court to pick that up when thetime is available and right, and
so you know.
I think that that's somethingthat was very important for
where we are in marriage and youknow where we are at in life.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Because, oh man, the other thing is is you know we'd
be sitting there at dinner?
Is you know we'd be sittingthere at dinner?
And I can if?
If you're a visionary andentrepreneur and you're obsessed
with it, you can be sittingthere at dinner and just freeze.
I forgot this.
I forgot that I did this.
I didn't do that.
Oh, I didn't call this guy back, I didn't catch that call and
just.
And then I read a text messageand lost my thought.
(28:51):
But what I'm saying is it justcan completely encompass you.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
I would just you know .
My next question here, babe,for you is you know how do we
ensure that we pause, reconnector break tension during
high-stress days?
But during those high-stressdays, mama Bear does her best to
ensure that the little extra isdone.
And she knows the days when Ijust can't.
(29:24):
Last night was one of them.
Dad gum on my cry, emotional Iam.
I am, if you guys didn't know,so you're getting the true
vulnerable.
I hope this is bringing youguys a little bit of value.
But, man, there's days I wassitting in a long chair in our
living room last night becausemy jeans were so dadgum dirty I
(29:45):
didn't want to sit on the couch,but we had to have some
conversation last night.
Business not nothing like you'relike throwing down, like we got
no I know nothing like likethat, but we just I had a heavy,
heavy day yesterday.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
For our future.
For all sorts of reasons,things didn't do good during the
day we had to.
It was just the cruise Foundout we had to do some more
rework on it.
It was just all stackedtogether and those days hurt her
the worst, because she's tryingso hard to ensure that I don't
(30:22):
end up that way has zero to dowith her control or her ability
to ensure that my day didn't goawry.
But even like last night, youknow, mama bear said so, you're
down in the dumps.
I said no, I just need tooffload, I just need to get this
.
I need you to hear what I'msaying and why I'm feeling.
But I communicated that withher.
(30:44):
No, I'm not down in the dumps,I'm just.
I literally can't take anotherstep.
This is nine o'clock at night,guys.
I walked through the door.
I've been having some late dayshere as of late and good late
days though beneficial and greattime utilization.
(31:04):
If I'm going to sacrifice timewith family, it has to be a
vital emergency.
So, um, but for you, mom, howdo we, how do we break that
tension?
I I try to figure out whenyou're super, super stressed,
but you hide it better than I do.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
You know, I think I don't think there's like a
certain way that we can say thatwe like figure out how to break
the tension, whatever it's.
Just we've been married for 10years, so like I know when
(31:38):
things are building and thatthey're heavy and they're crazy,
and so I just make a point.
You know what I mean.
Like, hey, and I know that youare an overthinker and so
sometimes you just need asounding board and that's.
I'm not good at that.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
Neither one of us are , because we love each other so
much.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Yeah, and well, and I'm just, I'm not a good
sounding board, I'm not anemotional person.
I'm like, ok, here's yourproblem, let me logistically
figure out how to fix it for you, and I'll fix it and we can
move past this emotional Thingthat is happening.
(32:26):
But you know that's not you,and so sometimes, like I've
learned that you have to offloadevery thought that's in your
head, not for a response and notfor a fix or a solution, but
just to get it out of your mindbecause, like, as soon as you
have it in the air, it's goneand not gone.
But you know, like hey, um thisis going on.
(33:04):
That's going on.
I need two minutes of your time.
You know um, and so that reallyhelps no 100, those, those
quick check-ins.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
Guys, I'm going to jump over real quick.
Blue Collar PerformanceMarketing is our sponsor of the
show today.
They have been a valuable partof the marketing campaign and
stay tuned for Episode 2 and 3when we start talking about time
utilization and they're wearingyou out today, aren't they way?
(33:37):
Call from the ipad, see whereyou at.
Sorry, guys, blue collarperformance marketing, that Ike
and his team get with them.
Um, the value they provide tothe marketing campaign of what
we're trying to do is next tonone and been a big part of the
(34:00):
YouTube and the reason you'rewatching me right now is
obviously podcastvideoscom andtheir beautiful studio.
But Ike has truly helped meestablish an entire marketing
campaign and structure.
So get with those guys overthere.
Check outbcperformancemarketingcom
backslash BCB podcast.
(34:22):
Click the link in thedescription below.
You guys are going to get afree discovery call and a free,
full, comprehensive look in towhat you got going on for
marketing.
So get with them, guys.
Now that the main course man,the main course, really
definitely.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
Gotcha, didn't it yeah dude.
Hey, do you remember when theybrought us our dessert, when you
were proposing?
Speaker 1 (34:46):
That's a good one, mama.
Yes, I do.
I remember that meal like itwas yesterday.
I didn't eat a freaking thingand then you were like we're not
getting dessert, we're notbuying dessert.
That's crazy.
You didn't even eat your dinner.
We're eating dessert, do youunderstand me?
(35:07):
We've got to get the dessert,we're getting the cheesecake and
little did she know.
And then I did it at all.
Of course that's probably thearkansas thing, but uh, it was
brand new here in town innorthwest arkansas and a buddy
of mine was a manager and backthen it was standing room wait
(35:30):
hour and a half back before theyhad tapped to check in and all
the stuff.
You just had to sit and wait ata restaurant.
And we got there and thesidewalks were packed and the
front door was packed.
She looked at me all weird andlike just go.
We walked right in, got satright down.
I think she forgot that by thetime dessert rolled around, but
(35:52):
the whole garden staff wassitting on the back row.
Yeah, I remember that dessertlike it was yesterday, there
ain't no doubt about it, andthat was 2013?
.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
Yeah, 2013.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
It's crazy 13 years ago.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
Thanks for choosing me every day, Mama.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
That's in our bathroom.
I will choose you over and overand, over and over again, every
day, every day.
Well, when life and work arenonstop, what's one real
low-pressure way couples like uscan reconnect without needing a
big talk or a fancy night out?
(36:34):
And I think, throwing this, Ikind of took over her question
here.
I'm gonna finish up thequestions today okay, sorry but
I think the reason I asked is Ithink you just hit on it a
minute ago is we've gottenreally good about those
touch-ins.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
Yeah, I agree 100%.
And you know, life is nevergoing to stop Like.
It seems like we are constantlylike, hey, when life gets less
busy, let's go on a date night.
Like hey, when life gets lesscrazy, let's go on a date night.
Like, hey, when life gets lesscrazy, let's do this or that.
(37:15):
But you know, I think that it'smore about just the day to day.
Like hey, I have two minutes,how are you doing?
Like what, how's it going?
(37:35):
What can?
Speaker 1 (37:38):
I help you with you know I think things, everything
and truly mean it.
Yeah, no, just say it, to sayyeah, absolutely and we're not
like we're not.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
we've said in our marriage it's not a 50 5050
marriage, it's 100-100.
And every day I try to dosomething to serve Sai.
And if that means just like,hey, I got two minutes, unload
your brain.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Or hey, I know you're at the office.
You've been at the office allday.
You've been in meetings.
You're going to be in meetingsthe rest of the day.
Let me bring you some lunchsome food, oh, it's best you
know, like just little thingslike that, and I think those
things are what keeps yourmarriage going in the non-stop
(38:30):
and the high stress and thechaos is just trying to serve
each other and trying to, youknow, at least put your marriage
at the forefront for a fewminutes a day.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
You have to.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
All right, guys, I got a little bit of challenge
for you guys to finish up theshow today.
Pick one night this week, sitdown with your spouse,
especially if you guys arefeeling like you're distant,
because I know those moments andI don't want to be distant from
(39:08):
you ever.
Yeah, just adds to the stress,but it literally oh no, it's the
number one stressor for me.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Like I can't think you got me all.
You get me all messed up in myhead.
Mama, I'm like trying to readyour mind and like, oh my God,
what did I do?
What was so important to her?
And and I'm thinking of thesebig, major things and it may
just because you know somethingsmall that was important to her
that she had shared three orfour times I just completely
smooth forgot about and I'mstill forgetting about it.
(39:36):
And then I'm like what did I doso wrong?
You know, I've definitely hadto figure that out.
But my challenge, guys, is pickone night this week, stay on,
talk with your spouse Tenminutes, no phones, no work talk
, no kid talk.
Just ask how they're reallydoing.
And what's one thing that madetoday hard and one thing that
(40:00):
made it good Talk with eachother.
Don't talk over each other.
Bite on a pen.
If you got to, literallysometimes I'll stick my.
You'll probably see me do it onthe show.
When I've got something, I'llliterally stick my hands in
front of my mouth to ensure thatI don't open my mouth.
Because, husbands, we're fixers, that's what we do.
(40:21):
Right, she got a problem?
All right, babe, I got it andI'm gone.
And I didn't even listen tohalf of what she's gotta say,
and really she's probablyalready got it fixed by herself
because she's the best fixer.
But she just needed to.
Hey, do you think this is thinkthis is right?
Do you think, am I showing lovein this situation?
(40:42):
Am I just trying to seekrevenge because this person
pissed me off, or this personreally did us wrong, and
whatever the case may be?
But just sit down, grab eachother by the hands and if you
are faith-filled, I encourageyou to pray.
We pray, pray.
(41:03):
What do you say the last yearand a half?
Speaker 2 (41:06):
it's been over a year .
Speaker 1 (41:07):
Don't get me wrong, we've missed some days
traditionally when I like tosleep in summertime summertime,
but especially school days, whenwe're all separating me and
Sarah pray every morning yeahand at night we pray with our
kids, sit there at their doorsand just pray for their health
(41:32):
and good rest so that we canwake up with joy in our faces
tomorrow.
And I got to agree with youearlier what you said Jesus has
definitely changed our lives andchanged our marriage oh, yeah,
absolutely wish I gave in a lotsooner because it wasn't for you
praying and bridging that gapfor all those years of me
(41:53):
running and being a hooligan.
And, yeah, guys, I truly hopethe vulnerability today has
shared a little insight and gotyou guys hooked in for a couple
more episodes, because we'redefinitely going to be going off
more onto the business side.
But, guys, that's what we talkabout all the time.
I wanted those other marriagesout there to have an episode to
(42:21):
themselves and know that, tohave an episode to themselves
and know that.
Yeah, no, I really didn't lovecoming on public and I know you
didn't either and talking aboutour intimacy issues.
I really didn't love that.
And I saw these show notes andI'm like and you know I'm
normally I'm the host here, Iask the questions and Mama Bear
(42:43):
brought some good ones today andI just challenge you guys to
check on each other.
Doesn't have to be big fan.
I think this is literally ourfirst time alone discussing
something other than work yeahlike true date night, and so I'm
loving every minute of it.
I hope you guys are too.
Um thanks for joining our datenight but you're not alone out
(43:10):
there and I just wantedeverybody to understand that
that is a couple.
There are other couples outthere choosing this life.
That is so stressful andchaotic, but it's worth it.
And we're not quite there yet,to the worth it stage yet either
.
We're still transitioning.
We're not to the worth it stage.
Business wise oh, I'm sorry.
(43:32):
Marriage and kids, that's thankGod.
Yeah, we are past, way past,way way past the the worst stage
in that regard, but in thebusiness stage it's still really
hard.
Oh yeah, it's harder now thanit's ever been.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
But if we didn't choose to keep choosing each
other, I think it would havebeen different.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (44:00):
Guys, next week's episode is time management and
setting boundaries.
They call it Ha-bom-bom-bom One.
I struggled ridiculously badwith and I'm excited to
definitely share some insightsthat we both have used to get
(44:20):
time management and boundariesset so we can keep on keeping on
in our marriage and businessand hopefully both are
successful at the end of the day.
Speaker 2 (44:29):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (44:30):
Guys, thanks so much for tuning in.
Till next one.
Be kind, be safe, be humble.
If you've enjoyed this episode,be sure to give it a like,
share it with the fellers.
Check out our website to sendus any questions and comments
about your experience in theblue collar business.
Who do you want to hear from?
Send them our way and we'll doour best to answer any questions
(44:51):
you may have.
Till next time, guys.
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