The Essence of Gratitude: Cultivating Joy and Resilience in Jewish Life

Embark on a transformative journey with Manya Lazaroff, a beacon of wisdom in the Jewish educational sphere, as she unfolds the tapestry of gratitude within our daily lives. Together, we unravel the intimate connection between thankfulness and personal fulfillment, traversing the terrain from familial bonds to the very essence of our purpose. Manya, a mother and seasoned shlucha, illuminates our conversation with heartfelt narratives, illustrating the profound shift in perspective that gratitude can engender, especially within the unique challenges of raising children in isolated environments and finding joy in simplicity.

Gratitude extends its roots deep into the human soul, touching upon our innate tendency to dwell on life's hurdles. Manya and I confront the daunting specter of toxic positivity, cutting through the facade to unveil the authenticity of genuine happiness. We dive into the mind's neurological landscape, where the negativity bias resides, and equip you with the tools to cultivate an intentional gratefulness that stands as a bulwark against the tumult of everyday chaos. Our dialogue bridges the gap between enduring Jewish traditions and modern mindfulness practices, fostering a sanctuary of appreciation that can weather any storm.

This episode is not just a mere reflection; it's a call to action, a blueprint for integrating gratitude into the fabric of our existence. Manya shares the subtle yet powerful impact of acknowledging the mundane, transforming routine into ritual and grounding us in the present moment. As we close, our hearts brim with the life-altering potential of these conversations, inviting you to embrace the promise that tomorrow can hold a new dawn of gratitude. Join us on this soul-stirring adventure, where we promise that the seeds of thankfulness we plant today will bloom into a future rich with contentment and grace.

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Episode Transcript

rivky (00:05):
Good morning and welcome to Bodies and Souls, the space
in which you hear authenticconversations from real Jewish
women talking about topics thatare relevant to you.
You're going to walk away fromthe conversation inspired,
connected and feeling uplifted.
Today we have Manya Lazaroffwith us.
Manya is going to talk to usabout gratitude, what that means
, where the basis is in Judaism,what the science tells us about

(00:29):
gratitude and how we're goingto implement this in our lives
in a way that is much morefar-reaching and practical than
what we usually associategratitude with a gratitude
journal.
This is a conversation that'sgoing to be meaningful and
attainable for you.
So, without further ado, hereis Manya.

(00:51):
Good morning and welcome to thisepisode of Bodies and Souls.
Your host for today is RivkiBoyarsky.
Today we have Manya Lazaroffjoining us all the way from
Texas.
Manya is a shlucha on campusout in Aggieland I don't
remember the name of heruniversity, but I remember it's
Aggieland.
She is a mother, she speaksabout topics that are pertaining
to Jewish women, and she ispassionate about living a Torah

(01:14):
life and learning and growingand improving us as Yidden.
So today we're actually goingto talk about a topic that's
near and dear to Manya's heart,which is gratitude.
But before we do that, manya,tell us a little bit about
yourself and what brought youtowards this topic.

manya (01:32):
So I'm a girl who was raised in Crown Heights and then
, in Muncie, found myself livingin the wonderful little place
yes, it's called Aggieland, it'sactually College Station, texas
.
I'd say centrally isolated,because I most often get asked
oh, is it Dallas, is it Houston,is it San Antonio, is it Austin
?
And really we are smack in themiddle of all those and we are

(01:53):
here together for 17 years.
My husband and I were inShluchas for 25, but in college
campus Shluchas primarily for 17years, and here we're working
hard to raise children thank God, eight wonderful children
ranging from a year old to 24years old.
So we've quite the range.
And I noticed when I got here Ithink there's one of these most

(02:18):
fascinating gifts of being onShluchas and adulting is that
you get a chance and opportunityto really revisit ideas that
you kind of just made rote orautomatic in your life.
And when you start to see themthrough the lens of other
people's experience, like wait,what is that tradition and what
is that custom, and explain thatto me and why do we do that,
then it actually puts you onthis beautiful journey that I've

(02:40):
learned so much from mybeautiful journey, to really
rediscover and re-explore andkind of take a deep dive into
ideas that were just part of mylife.
Right, and that's really whereit started.
It started with kind of beingthrust into the mode of teaching
, even though that wasn'tsomething I anticipated.
I was very comfortable withpreschool and Hebrew school and
all these things.
Suddenly, adult education istaking a real primary like focus

(03:03):
in my life and I'm thrust intothis place of teaching and now I
have to really own andre-examine a lot of fundamentals
.
And so how did I specificallyget into this talk, into this
kind of subject?
So, along the road and thejourney of life, as we all know
it takes us in many, many placesand a lot of what I discovered

(03:25):
is so much of my experiences canbe seen in so many different
ways or felt, seen, processedthrough many different lenses
and I obviously we know and Idiscovered really on a very
personal level, it all startshere.
It all starts with my mindsetand how I perceive the situation
, so I can perceive the exactsame situation through two
different lenses and thecircumstances don't change, the

(03:47):
experience doesn't change, buthow I see them really affects me
.
So you have, let's say, certainchildren that are maybe
challenging your dynamics inyour marriage that are not
simple, or dynamics, with yourshlokahs, or the place you're
living, or the place Hashem sentyou, and every single one of
those layers can be seen verydifferently and I started to
really pay attention to mymindset when it came to things.

(04:07):
So I would say it's I'd startoff with experiencing, kind of
going through life and trying tobe more conscious and aware and
have better experiences, Iwould say coupled with when
you're raising your kids with noschools, with no friends, the
middle of nowhere.
You have to truly believe you'rein the best place that you're
meant to be, because otherwisethe guilt and the shame and the

(04:28):
pain that you can feel for yourchildren, and the uncertainty,
the guilt, all these toxic,negative emotions, maybe even
resentment, can really reallyripple and trickle into very
unhealthy places for yourself,for your family, and then
obviously to your shluchas, toyour students, to your community
.
So to do it better, we have to,like, stay in the healthiest
mindset.
And also, how do I make sure toraise you know, thank God

(04:51):
children with all thosechallenges, without feeling like
, oh, I'm a victim, there'ssomething wrong with me, my life
of shluchas leaves me miserable.
So, whether it's personal orfor my children.
I would say that's like thelaunch pad of where my mindset
starts to take such a stronglead.
Now how that leads to gratitudeis another layer to the story,
which I'll share a little bitthroughout.

(05:12):
So, incidentally, when you're onChalchis in campus and are the
closest cities a hundred milesaway, so it's an hour and 45
minutes and one of our friends,her son, had a bar mitzvah and
it was my very good friend'sson's bar mitzvah and we went to
the bar mitzvah and the boyMendel, spoke all about
gratitude and all about thepower of gratitude and he tied
it really into moda'ani and Icame back and every Friday night

(05:39):
to give it to Martora, becauseI feel like it's really
essential that my students don'tonly know that I can make a
good kugel right and have cutebabies.
They need to understand thatfor a Jewish woman, especially
as a Chabad woman, the emphasisthat the Rebbe put on L'matera
and really living a very mindful, intentional life where Hasidus
and Torah is so front andcenter like we have to take our

(06:03):
seat at the table with Lema,tyra and, incidentally, on a
sidebar.
I've spoken to many groups thatare women from across different
backgrounds and they're alwaysfascinated, as a Chabad woman,
how do you know all this?
And I'm like, no, we learn likestraight up.
The Rebbe pushed Chabad womento take their seat at the table
with Lema Tyra, and you know itwas not.
Oh well, you just make a goodkugel and have two babies or a

(06:24):
nice Shabbos table which allthose things are important,
right?
So I started speaking on Fridaynights.
It actually happened veryaccidentally.
I showed up at a Shabbaton inFlorida.
My students came running to meand said oh, you're on the
program, and I'm gonna be honest, I don't even think I know what
Parsha was.
I was not teaching at all.
I was not learning at all.
I was panicked.
I ran to the room, went onChabadorg, got up in front of a

(06:47):
room of like a thousand peopleand that was it.
The rest is history.
Every Friday night I was like,okay, I got to share my Torah.
And so that Friday night I spokeabout this and I just saw the
emotion in the room and I sawthat this message resonated,
clicked a light bulbs went onacross the room and at the same

(07:09):
time now this is something thatwe see across the world, but
specifically on college campusesthe mental health crisis is
tremendous.
Pre-covid, pre-october 7th, thestatistic was that 72% of
American college students areeither on anti-anxiety meds or
antidepressants, which was sucha jarring number.
And, along with really lookingafter our students um spiritual

(07:31):
well-being and nourishing themand their their actual
well-being like you know, welaugh.
There's a students have afender right there.
They call us.
We go quickly to.
You know answer so it's one ofthe cops that are you guys, do
you just go to all accidents anddown?
We're like no, no, no, no, no,no, we're not ambulance chasers,
we're just helping ourcommunity.
So, as campus, you're calledupon to do many things.
But I have to be honest, asidefrom the multiple soups and that

(07:51):
like deliver to your door whenyou're sick, and the warm,
loving Shabbat and the hug andthe home away from home, really
give them tools that we can.
And when I heard this talk atthe bar mitzvah, like whoa, this
is ours, this is our mentalhealth tool.
Why are we not doing this?

(08:12):
So I actually, after speakingabout that Friday night, I threw
myself into research what wasthe link between gratitude and
how it affected our mindset, andwhat was the link between that
and the modani?
So that's how I got into thisbecause I'm a little bit of a
nerd and, while I wasn't thebest student in school, I'm very

(08:34):
curious and I need tounderstand things from a deeper
perspective.
So that's what threw me intothis like research project I
love that.

rivky (08:42):
So you fell into this topic and into teaching
accidentally, but then it becamethis really intentional, really
factually based thing that youthen really connected to and you
feel really passionate about it.
So you kind of started off theconversation with saying
gratitude is important,especially in my context, which
is your lived experience, whichis very important.

(09:04):
But I think that, no matterwhat the context is, whoever is
living whatever life, withwhatever blessings they have,
this is an extremely relevantconversation, whether everything
is going right or whethereverything is going wrong, like
it's still the same relevant,which is so fascinating.
I think that's an importantthing for people to know.

(09:26):
So someone's like oh yeah, I'mgrateful, I'm okay, hashtag
blessed, right Like I'm good,guess what.
We still have to connectintentionality to our gratitude.
So how does one find gratitudein the chaos and stress?
Okay?

manya (09:41):
I want to pause your question about how do we find
gratitude in the chaos and thestress in a minute I want to
speak to your point that youmentioned first, because your
first point was so, so strong.
You know, we hear all aboutthis toxic positivity
Everything's fine and we live ina world where social media,
where everyone else's Chabad isdoing better, everyone else's
fitness routine is better Newyear, new me, everyone else's
kids, I mean like what they'redoing for Mother's Day, like we

(10:03):
could go on and on of what theworld seems like and feel like.
Let alone post-October 7th, theworld has really really taken a
very intense shift and a veryuncomfortable shift.
Now I think it's felt globally.
I think on a college campus,we're feeling it very, very,
very strongly.
We're front and center withthis, and so there is no doubt

(10:25):
that you know I laugh when yousaid that everything is going
right.
There's no such thing aseverything going right, cause
that's actually not the story oflife.
It just doesn't.
That's not how life works,right?
So I always like baggageWelcome.
You're human, you've got issues.
That means you're alive, right?
So to think that like okay,today things are going well, but
then there's going to bestruggles along the way.
Of course, that's part of thehuman lived experience.

(10:45):
For all of us, it's part ofbeing human.
We always say that, you know,angels are omdim, they're
stagnant, and humans aremahachim.
We're going, we're evolving,we're moving, we're doing and
we're created as human beingsright, we're supposed to learn
how to be, but really we'recreating it in the image of
Hashem, and Hashem is alwaysdoing and therefore we are
actually at our best when we'rebeing productive.
And part of that up and down oflife, you know, if you look at

(11:08):
a life, a person's, who's alive,who's attached to a heart
monitor, that very sign of lifeis the up and down right and
like the flat line, is a sign ofstagnation.
So, and and it's not a sign oflife, it's a sign of death.
So we know that as human beings, we are meant to be going,
doing, being, and we know thatpart of that operating system is
the ups and downs.
So the question is, what toolsdo we have to do so?

(11:32):
And how do we navigate thosedowns and appreciate those ups?
Like, how do I use this withoutgoing into this toxic
positivity or this fake realityor what other generations did?
Was suppression, like we justemotions.
There's no time space, you know, for any of that.
So how do we find this mediumand where does judaism come into
it?
Where do the basic practices wehave come into it?

(11:52):
And that's really where thecrux of this comes from.
So at this bar mitzvah, thisyoung boy, mendel, my good
friend's son, and he had, youknow, like the medical condition
and he really understood thegifts of each day.
And you know most bar mitzvahboys that get up and their
speech is like today I'm a manand if you look at them they're
squeaky, their voice, like whatman you know?
Like you're barely scratchingfive feet right.

(12:13):
His talk was so different andit moved me, which is why I
shared it with the students.
He did research a little bit onModa and then, when I came home
and I spoke about it, I sawthat it clicked with the
students and it was such a gamechanger.
I threw myself into researchingit and it took me down this
fascinating road, understandingthe psychology and neurology of
human behavior, which is notusual.
I'm not a psychologist, I'm nota neurologist, I'm just a

(12:36):
curious Jew who loves to learn,who loves to dive deeper into
things and who loves tounderstand things from a lens
that is like a healthier,stronger lens.
So what I discovered is thatour brains are actually
hardwired.
It's called the negativity bias.
You can research it.
If anyone's curious like this,all these things you can go find
online.
You know, like the research isnot, you know, I can't say.

(12:57):
I went into a lab and tookneurology classes right, and the
negativity bias is like, let'ssay, you're having a really,
really great day andeverything's going well and
everything's smooth, and then,like one thing happens your
brain is going to hold onto thatnegative experience, kind of
like Velcro, whereas thepositivity will slide off like
Teflon, like a Teflon frying pan.

(13:17):
And I actually had thisexperience once, fascinating.
I was going to give thisworkshop a hundred miles away in
a Monarch Docs middle school orhigh school.
It was a high school and myfriend asked me to come and do
it.
I was like sure, no problem,I'm on my way.
And that day I was just feelingvery tired, very drained, and I
said to myself you know what,like, I'm really like, I'm
dreading the drive, you know.
Basically, two hours there, twohours back.

(13:38):
And he's like you know what, myday's not so heavy, I'm happy
to drive you and, okay, thatpoint, our triplets.
Thank God we have triplets,they're 14 at that point.
You know it was a while ago andthey were nine or 10 and
there's no schools here, sothey're all in school.
But if we left for too longthey wouldn't have school.
So last second we like hey,which is kind of miraculous,

(14:04):
there was no devices distractingthem and suddenly, like five
minutes before we got there, wehit a bit of traffic.
Now what happens as the carpulls up?
Now I'm like going to berunning to just make it for that
little time slot that she hadfor the workshop.
What comes out of my mouth assoon as she says how was your
drive?
Was it the hour and 50 minutesI went?

(14:26):
I went really, really, reallywell, where my husband dropped
everything, drove me there,drove me back.
I took a nap.
The kids didn't fight.
What do you think I said thatit was awful, it was just a
horrible.
Oh my god, the traffic.
You know, probably part of itwas trying to like I don't know,
maybe justify like why I wasrushing or maybe I was feeling
the stress.
Like you know, when feel stress, attention rises up in our body
and it's not comfortable.
So I basically, as those wordswere coming out of my mouth,

(14:50):
because I was aware of thisstate of our brain, I laughed at
myself and I told her,ironically, this is going into
the workshop, and so I saw thathappen to myself where, like wow
, your brain held onto the fiveminutes of stress as opposed to
that.
So we're hardwired that way.
Interestingly enough, there'sanother theory called the like,
the missing tile syndrome, andan interesting thing, mona Lisa
was missing for, like I think II don't know how long.

(15:13):
Actually, she was stolen.
She was the Mona Lisa paintingand more people came to look at
the empty space where Mona Lisawasn't.
Then, the whole time, mona Lisawas.
So we have this like weirdphenomenon of like things that
aren't right, that or themissing towel you look at
something and there's a missingtowel.
That's where your eye is goingto be drawn.
Okay, so I'm trying tounderstand.
Why are we created that way?
Like, we know that howeverwe're created is how Hashem

(15:34):
wants us to be created.
So there's a reason.
So it takes proactive in orderto help our brain operate to its
best capacity.
It's not a mistake, right, andwhenever I'm having this
conversation with students, I'llbe like, well, why do you think
that?
And they come up with greattheories like, well, we wouldn't
advance or we would be scaredor we would, you know, avoid

(15:54):
conflict, like they come up withgreat reasons as to why we're
hardwired that way.
But it gave me an understandingof the mindset of understanding
other people myself, like, okay, you could hold on to the
negative.
And once we know something, wecan, it can come to our
consciousness and we can be like, oh, let me see what I could do
about that, to override that orto put that in its place or to
utilize that tool where it'smeant to be.

(16:15):
So then I'm keep, I keep goingfurther into this research about
neurology of the brain.
I'm like, well, that'sinteresting.
And then I find that basicallyyour brain you know brainwaves
is the science of understandingwhat frequency your brain is
operating on while you're like,whatever you're doing.
So if you're sleeping, you'redoing, your brain wave is on one

(16:36):
frequency like alpha, beta,gamma, delta.
That's your brain frequency.
And what I discover is thatexperienced meditators try to
get their brain into alpha mode.
Now, what's alpha mode?
It's basically where you'rekind of barely awake, you're
very, very calm.
I'm actually going to read thedefinition because I think it
will be more clear.
You're awake but relaxed,You're not processing much

(16:57):
information, it's right.
When you get up in the morningand right before you go to sleep
you're actually naturally inthat state of being.
And it's the goal ofexperienced meditators because
and they try to enter that stageit's basically the most
receptive and absorbent brainstate, mental state for us as
human beings.
So it's great for self-hypnosis, it's great for mental

(17:20):
reprogramming and what'sfascinating is okay.
Well, the same Hashem who madeour brain with this negativity
bias or this missing childsyndrome or the way our brain
developed, the Teflon effect,also made our brain that right
when we wake up and right beforewe go to bed, our brain is in
this alpha mode.
Well, what's the function ofthat?
What do we do about that?
How do we utilize that?
Again, consciousness andawareness of this reality, of

(17:42):
what's going on neurologically,is tremendous risk.
So when we kind of go into thismore and I'm trying to
understand, so two things aregoing on simultaneously.
I'm trying to understand thisBar Mitzvah boys talk about
gratitude and modani.
I'm trying to understand why itmoved my students so much more

(18:04):
than the regular weeklydevartura and I'm also trying to
understand where it interplayswith how we're hardwired as
human beings, while I'm, at thesame time, simultaneously trying
to really take a deeper senseof responsibility into my
husband, are trying to reallysay, like, how can we help our

(18:25):
students with their mentalhealth and their wellness?
Because this is such a plagueon our campuses and in society.
It's, it's immobilizing for somany.
So how do we, how do we takethat seriously?
And so all this is kind ofcoalescing at the same time.
Right, it's all like comingtogether.
And then I'm researchinghappiness and I'm researching
what are, what are the thoughtsout there on happiness?

(18:46):
Because I I've learned all mylife about happiness.
So, you know, chassidim wereknown as the happy ones and
always increase in joy and andand how.
Yes, you know, I'm like, youknow all these things that I've
learned all my life.
They're catchphrases, they'regreat, they're part of our
yachagos, they're fundamentals,but like, okay, but now I'm a
human being, and it's 2020,whatever, and and.

(19:08):
Life is chaotic and I'moverwhelmed.
And, and and and.
How do I utilize these tools?
How do they become real,integral parts of my life?
So all of this is kind of comingtogether and what I discover is
that basically, there was thisvery, very famous psychologist
who got to Harvard universityand he noticed that most of the

(19:32):
people who were there were likemiserable.
They were depressed.
And he's like well, this isinteresting, cause, like anyone
who made it to Harvard, it wason your bucket list Like you
want to go?
You didn't like, oops, bymistake, get into Harvard.
Oops, by mistake, get into acommunity college.
But you don't oops, by mistake,right.
So he't like oops, if I mistake, get into Harvard.
Oops, if I mistake, get into acommunity college.
But you don't oops, if Imistake, right.
So he's like something doesn'tadd up.
These people want to be hereand they're miserable.
He actually gets permission fromthe university to live amongst

(19:53):
the students for 10 years intheir dorms, not in a creepy way
, but in a way of like what'sgoing on here, and he delivers
the talk that is given.
That is actually the.
It gives a talk called thehappiness advantage and his um
and it's basically you can findthat, I mean online.
It was the largest attendedspeech at harvard university.

(20:15):
So I would say pre-october 7thharvard was really known for
prestige um, so we're going tostill go with that for now.
And in his talk.
He basically says that the keyto happiness is gratitude Done
Full stop.
I mean, we can go into hisresearch and all that, but it

(20:35):
was rigorous, it was a longstudy and that's what his main
thing is.
The conclusion is that whenthat, when you wake up in the
morning, when you start your daywith happiness and you not only
start your day with it but youverbalize, express verbally what
that happiness is and whatyou're grateful for, it's a key
to happiness.

(20:55):
Now, what I found fascinating isthat, if you fast forward,
there is a beautiful beautifulfrom a mimer of the Rebbe Marash
, and I'm going to quote itbecause I really would not want
to not share this in its fullwords, because the richness of
the words itself.
But basically, the Rebbe Marashis writing that when we have

(21:17):
emotions and we feel them verystrongly and we ignore them,
then they'll dissipate.
Right, let's say, you're really, really angry at someone, but
you hold off and you don'texpress it right away.
How about this?
When's the last time you wereyou expressed it right away in
the moment?
Positive emotions or toxicemotions, it grows, Maybe you

(21:37):
know, like the time you, youmaybe it doesn't happen to you
in your house.
Every once in a while I saythings I don't mean, or I say
things I mean you know, I'mperfect, manya, I never everyone
knows, so it's only by Manya.

rivky (21:49):
Okay, only in our house, yeah, our house.

manya (21:52):
Um, sometimes I will lose it and say things I should not
say in the heat of the momentand what happens is that ripple
effect of that toxic energy justspreads and grows.

(22:28):
No-transcript, that panic stateof being I could see with more,
you know, mindfulness and in ahealthier place.
So in this moment, the reverendmarash basically describes that
when we say emotion, when weexpress verbally emotions
positive ones he actually saysin the nice way that when we say
emotion, when we expressverbally emotions positive ones,
he actually says in the niceway when we express positive

(22:49):
emotions of love and feelings ofaffection verbally, then it
grows that love and itstrengthens that emotion.
And he says and the opposite istrue for the negative, okay.
So then I'm like whoa, here'sthis big mocker in the field of
psychology who's coming up withthis like this.
Like god, express gratituderight away and not just express.
We got to verbalize it.
And now I'm like, wow, okay,cool, I gotta keep researching

(23:13):
and I do it was so interestingthat there's a correlation
between the hasidus and thescience here, that the science
is saying you have to notice thegratitude.

rivky (23:23):
Gratitude is key, but you also have to verbalize it.
And then the rabbi maharash who,by the way, for whoever's
listening, who was not about therabbi maharash was one of the
labavitcher, uh rabbe of past,and what he says is basically
the exact same thing, probablylike years and years prior to
all the science catching up,which is take a break when you

(23:43):
need to do it, focus on thegratitude and really take the
time to express it.
So we're seeing a correlationboth in science and in terror,
saying the exact same thing, butwhat does this?

manya (23:53):
mean Okay.
So I want to.
I want to add one more layer tothis, because I think with your
mirage wasn't thinkingspecifically about gratitude.
The regular mirage was aboutexpressing emotions, verbalizing
your emotions.
It wasn't about the gratitude.
It was about, not necessarily.
It was about where does theintersection between emotions
that I'm feeling to the wordsthat are coming out of my mouth?
How do they intersect?
What's the advantage ofexpressing them or not

(24:15):
expressing them?
Suppressing them or notsuppressing them?
Um, so, which I think is veryfascinating in and of itself, so
that we can like take a deepdive into that alone.

rivky (24:23):
For another, that's a whole different recording,
especially in the context ofwhat like generationally correct
.

manya (24:31):
This is not like a generation of let's talk about
your feelings, correct, okay.
So that is that that's to benoted, okay.
So now I'm like still goingdown this I'm not going to say
rabbit hole, but I'm stilltaking this dive into
understanding this and I findthis other really brilliant mind
in the positive psychologyfield and his name is Brian
Tracy and he basically his wholething is basically that your

(24:55):
first thoughts in your morningare and he brings the signs and
then not all of it are like arudder of a ship.
They steer the direction ofyour ship.
So you know the captain's therewith the steering wheel, but
really it's that little rudderin the back that's actually
determining which way it goes.
Now that rudder isn't shiny andit isn't glorious.
It's kind of usually murky andnot very visible.
It's in the water, maybecovered in moss.

(25:16):
And what his main thought wasthat be aware of what crosses
your subconsciousness, yourconsciousness, what crosses your
mindset right when you wake up,because that is going to steer
you.
So how many of us wake up andwe pick up our phone, we check
the news or we check whathappened overnight, and his
literal suggestion is don't wakeup and take your time and think

(25:38):
of what's going through yourmind, because that's going to
affect your outlook and yourattitude and it will affect, it
will steer your ship for the day.
So I'm like, wow, this is wild,because again now I'm seeing
this intersection between theHasidus and the neurology and
the Torah and I'm like this isjust phenomenal.
This is what's going on here.
And I continue on, of course,because I'm not yet fully

(26:02):
satisfied with the deeperunderstanding of it and I
actually took a dive intounderstanding what happens when
we sleep and the cellularregeneration and, like we always
learned that the neshama standson high is 60th of death, and
now it comes back into our guffand understanding that it's
paralleling this fundamentalbiological phenomenon where our
cells get regenerated, literallyplugged in and regenerated.

(26:24):
So it makes sense, if it'shappening on a physical level,
it's also happening on anashamah level, because things
parallel and they align, whichwe all know how we feel when
we're not refreshed, we all knowwhen we don't have enough sleep
.
If it's happening physically,on our cellular level and it's
happening on an ashamah level,it's also happening on an
emotional level as well.
So, okay, now I'm understandingall these different stages of

(26:44):
sleep and I'm like, yeah, I'mkind of a little bit down a
rabbit hole, but that's how mybrain works when I like get
fascinated with something.
And again I'm like my mind isblown by all this and how it's
just so aligned and then I gointo understanding a lot more of
the chassidus of my dhani andwhat I really discover is that
when we wake up in the morning,right, the first thing we do

(27:07):
we're Yehudim from the wordHoda'a gratitude.
And the first thing we do is wesit up, bow our head,
acknowledging some sort ofhumility, and we start off with
Modeh Hoda'a gratitude, firstword.
And we start off with modahoda'a gratitude, first word.
And what's amazing is thatreally, this very, very simple

(27:30):
12-word tefillah encapsulatessuch four fundamental beliefs.
Now I'm going to be honest withyou.
I've been saying you know whendid you start saying Maidani?
Before you spoke?
Your mother held you and saidMaidani with you.
I've been saying you know whendid you start saying my Donnie
Before you spoke?
Your mother held you and saidmy Donnie with you.

(27:50):
As a matter of fact, when mytriplets were in the NICU.
They were born at 32 weeks andfive days and they were in the
NICU for a month, which was inand of itself a miracle, and
before they were released,baylor School of Psychology and
Medicine did a study on them.
Okay, and one of the firstthings she said to me now, just
so you understand, there are 32,33, 34, 35, 36.
These babies would not yet beborn for another at least three

(28:13):
to four weeks.
Okay, and they're out in theworld for four weeks.
And she says to me the firstthing she says you can tell,
these babies were held andspoken to daily.
What do you think we weresaying to them?
Oh, they've been saying myDonnie.
Thanks, shema.
That's what Yiddish mamas do.
We've been saying my Donniesince before we said it.

(28:36):
We've always spoke.
We know my Donnie.
So here's this tefillah thatwe're singing.
Since we're verbal ornonverbalbal, we're hearing.
It's part of our conscious,it's subconscious, it's part of
our daily routine and in it Inever knew all these like.
When I started unpacking, I waslike whoa.
So many core, fundamentalprinciples of our belief, of

(29:00):
philosophy, of foundationalideas in Yiddishkeit, are in
this very simple 12-wordtefillah that doesn't even have
Hashem's name in it.
So I want to do, if you're okay, I want to unpack it together
and I want to then share somemore of the rest of the story,
if that's okay with you.
Are we good for that?
A hundred percent, okay.
So we started with the model,which is hoda'ah, obviously

(29:23):
gratitude expressing, againgratitude, what am I grateful
for?
And then we start.
The next thing is anmi lefanaha, me before you, and what we're
really doing with that.
It seems so simple, but we'rereally establishing there's me
and you, me and you.
Who's the me?
Me?
The mother, the sister, thefriend, the rich person, the

(29:44):
poor person, the smart one, thenot smart one, the one who I
don't know has this amount of my401k, the one who's this size,
who's the me?
No definition or me, essentialme, no layers, no trappings, no,
nothing, not societal, notspirit, me, me and you.

(30:05):
And we're starting to say is Iam start of my day with
gratitude and establishing thisrelationship between me and
Hashem, the purest me, theuntaintable me, the neshama me.
And we say what?
Who is this gratitude beforethe living and eternal king?

(30:28):
And what's fascinating is thatthere are many, many struggle
with the belief in Hashem.
Okay, their whole movement'smade out of it, right.
And many believe yeah, hashemcreated the world.
Fine, I'm cool with that, I getthat, but he's involved in my
life, no, no, he like set theworld in motion, like step back

(30:49):
out, sitting front row with amargarita and, you know, a bowl
of popcorn, because this isgonna be fun.
Except we know that the more welearn, the more we understand
that Hashem is involved, a king,but by the kind, living and
eternal, involved in me, littleold me, my life, and then when
you go forward, it gets stronger.

(31:10):
Shechazarta b'nishmasi.
Now Hashem chose, while I wasasleep, that my neshama that
ascended on high, it got pluggedin, repolished, he gave back to
me.
And whose neshama, whosereality, whose circumstances
Mine, repolished, he gave backto me.
And whose neshama, whosereality, whose circumstances
mine.
Often, I think in life, part ofthe trappings of, of of

(31:32):
struggles, is where I'm lookingat myself in comparison to what
I think other people's realityis.
It's a huge one, huge in themommy field, huge in the female,
huge, it's like the proportionof Very natural.

rivky (31:49):
It's a natural tendency that we have.

manya (31:52):
Yes, well, that's how we learn about ourselves.
Right, that's how we see wherewe could improve.
I will only challenge thatoften we're only comparing
ourselves to what we think weknow about someone else.
I would tell students I'm likeyou.
Look at everyone else's socialmedia and everyone else had a
better spring break and everyoneelse was in a better
relationship.
And everyone else's life youknow, their closet and pantry is
organized Like everyone elsehas it together except me.

(32:14):
So what we need to say is Nishmasees me.
My Nishma comes with all of its, its tafket, its reason for
existence, its story.
The Nishma, that it's reasonfor existence, it's story.
The neshama said it's connectedto.
So my spouse, my children, myreality, all of my stories, my,
even my trauma, everything ismine and it's hand selected for
me by a living and eternal kingthat I am deeply connected to on

(32:38):
a very, very primal,fundamental level.
And so hashem is choosing togive it back to me.
Because Hashem, why?
And we say Bechemla now, I findBechemla to be fascinating,
because Bechemla, really what isfundamentally Bechemla?
So there's different ways tounderstand Bechemla, but it's

(33:01):
it's kind of like a graciouscompassion that Hashem is giving
us back on Hashem.
So where does this come in?
So, first of all, okay, it'shumbling and it's a good thing
to start our day with a littlehumility and a little gratitude
and understand that.
But the other thing that isreally, really interesting about
Bechemla is maybe yesterdayit's really for us to know, like

(33:22):
maybe yesterday I wasn't mybest self and maybe yesterday,
kind of I don't know, was itdead.
We all have those days wherewe're like whoa, what just
happens here?
Who was that today?
Right, um, and what we'resaying is that Hashem has
compassion and he gets it.
He gets us, he created us.
The neshama that we have is ahelic outcome is a literal piece

(33:43):
of Hashem above.
Have is a literal piece ofHashem above.
Therefore, when Hashem gives itback to me with compassion,
with graciousness, and then itleads to the next part, why?
Because great is yourfaithfulness.
Now, when I was researching, Ifound the classic, classic
explanation was that if wereally realize, if we really

(34:05):
wrap our brain around the ideathat we have my own Hashem and
my own circumstance and I'mconnected eternally to Hashem
and I have gratitude and Hashemgave me every day as a gift,
then it's going to increase myfaith in Hashem.
It's a beautiful explanation.
Then I found a beautifulexplanation from the Rebbe,
where the Rebbe basically goeson to say the Bava Tribba goes

(34:26):
on to say that basically, hashemhas faith in me and Hashem
understands that.
Me with my own little superpower, with my own little issues, my
own little baggage, I have whatto bring to the world and I feel
like this.
This message is so importantbecause I think Again back to
this whole.
I look at everyone else's worldand what they're accomplishing.

(34:48):
Maybe I feel inadequate andmaybe I feel like I'm comparison
.
Or and we have to rememberthere's no scrap material Every
single one of us is here for areason and maybe I feel like I'm
comparison, and we have toremember there's no scrap
material.
Every single one of us is herefor a reason.
Every single one of us has aunique neshama, a unique set of
circumstances, and the truth isthe world needs all of us.
When I realized that the masterof the universe, who created

(35:09):
all souls from eternity, fromthe beginning of time and
pre-time, gave me my neshama andthis this day, I can take it on
differently Now.
What's wild about this, orfundamental ideas, is I never
knew my Dhani encapsulated.
That I never.
It just never like I said it.
I said every day.
I didn't challenge it.
It was great Gratitude, thankGod, perfect, I'm here, great

(35:31):
day.
But when I started to go intothis, I'm like whoa, it's like
huge, this is amazing.
This is like this stuff isamazing.
Now, what I found fascinatingand said it's just a simple 12
words.
Now, when I was doing myresearch about mindset and
happiness, I also discoveredsomething wild.
Okay, we've all had this day.
I'm going to give you anexample for my day.
Maybe you don't relate, but ifyou do, cool, it's a Friday.

(35:55):
I'm going to give you anexample from my day.
Maybe you don't relate, but ifyou do, cool, it's a Friday.
You have more to do and lesshours, less help, less sleep.
To-do list is large and you'refeeling tension, you're feeling
stressed, you're not comfortable.
So my natural reaction sometimesis to snip at people.
And I was having one of thosesnippy days and I remember one
of my daughters standing infront of me and she said you're

(36:16):
in a bad mood.
And what's the most naturalreaction to a child saying
you're in a bad mood?
I am not in a bad mood.
Right, like very logical, rightMakes a lot of sense.
And she just looked at me she'slike you're in a very bad mood.

(36:42):
But when I had done all thisresearch, understanding human
behavior and nature, I actuallydiscovered that it takes 12
seconds of intentional rewiring,the minimum of 12 seconds, to
get your brain in a differentplace, your mood, your mindset,
your emotions to realign.
So I actually did the classicparenting technique of timeout,
but it was for me, not for thekid.
I remember I stepped into therestroom I was like 12 seconds
right.
I got this.
Who doesn't have 12 seconds tocalm themselves down, to

(37:05):
recalibrate, to not react.
Well, I had to react but torealign.
And I remember thinking okay,what kind of energy do you want
in your home on a Fridayafternoon?
What kind of energy do you wantin your home on a Friday
afternoon?
How do you want your childrento experience our Shabbos?
How do you want your childrento perceive your perspective on

(37:28):
hosting 75 people every Fridaynight?
And with that consciousrewiring of the 12 seconds, I
literally went back into thefront room to the kitchen,
turned on blasting music and itwas better.
So I don't think.
I think that what was wild to meis I was also discovering
correlation, that these 12simple words they're just 12

(37:49):
words the wiring and the mindset, the mindfulness, which we know
is trending, mantras andmindfulness.
Well, you know, I always tellpeople I'm like, oh, we've been
doing it for thousands of years,mantras and mindfulness, right,
but yet, as a Jew who's beendoing this, there's doing it as
a checklist, because that's whatI do.
And there's like no wait, likehow do I really do this?

(38:12):
How do I create the impact thatit needs?
And it is, um, there was thisneuropsych conference in europe
and a doctor that were likediscussing this phenomenon of
people passing out.
Once they like woke up, jumpedout of bed and passed out.
Now, I never had that problembecause I don't wake up and jump
out of bed, but I actually,when I was giving this workshop
to tens and tens of people in aclass, in a workshop setting and

(38:34):
and I actually twice had peoplesay, oh, I know, I actually my
cousin, that happens too Likeit's a phenomenon that exists
and part of the research the keyresearch presentation was one
of the top neuropsych people gotup and basically said that
they've discovered that part ofit is a blood flow issue and if
you sit up in bed for 12, 12seconds, that allows your blood

(38:55):
to flow from your top to yourbottom and your bottom to your
top and it recalibrates so youcan not pass out.
So this doctor who's wearing ayarmulke goes up to the
presenter.
She's like I don't know how totell you this, but as jews we
have a 12 word prayer that wesay before we jump out of bed.
All of this coming together isjust like so mind boggling,

(39:18):
because I think often we takefor granted a lot of the things
that are fundamental to us andcore principles, and obviously
they're there for a reason andthey're our gift that we have as
Jews and they're the gifts thatTorah gives us to optimize who
we are and how we navigate life.

(39:38):
And to add one more layer tothis which I found absolutely
fascinating is it was a youngman named uh nachum stillerman
and he was a.
He used to deliver groceriesfor um, his father, at a grocery
store and he would deliver forhis father to groceries to the
rabbits and khana to therabbit's mother's house, and he
said you know, he got brother,was very motherly and nurturing

(39:58):
to him, and then one week hesaid to the rabbit's on khana,
like what's the reverend'sfavorite prayer, tefillah.
After he left he's like oh mygosh, I'm mortified, like she's
gonna go out there like well,I'm a teenager, like what am I
bothering?
what am I doing?
You know, it was like a littlebit.
And he said, though, the nextweek he was like he hopes you
forgot about it, you know, likedelete.
And the next week he went inand she said she asked the Rebbe

(40:21):
.
And the Rebbe said my Dami,because it is something that is,
this great neutralizer, the oldman, the rich man, poor man,
the young person, everyone, nomatter where you're holding in
life, this is ours.
And really I found that themore I took a look at this, the

(40:44):
bigger gift this mediani becameto me and to those I shared it
with.
And I had a student whose sisterpassed away suddenly.
It was pretty tragic, and shehad taken on.
She never had a bat mitzvah, soshe had a bas mitzvah by the
hotel and she had taken onMaidani.
I remember I went to visit herUnfortunately no formal shiva,
but I went to visit her and shesaid what if I can't say Maidani

(41:08):
, I just can't, I can't talk toHashem now, can I think it?
And what came out years laterwith her was that this Maidani
was such a gift to her daily shecouldn't say at that point.
She was in so much pain but itwas her gift and she never knew
that Judaism had those gifts.

(41:28):
And I think that it's not justthe American college student who
doesn't know Judaism has thatgift.
Sometimes the Manya who's beensaying Maidani all her life
doesn't know the gift of myda'ani.
So I'm doing all this researchand unfortunately, shortly after
this young man's bar mitzvah,he actually falls into a coma

(41:49):
from complications, from hiscondition, and I go back and I
tell my students I'm sharing thefollowing up with the students
and then, unfortunately, beforeSukkot, his whole neshama
returned to Hashem and this ismy son's very good friend, so I
have to pull my son into theroom and I have to share with
him.
His friend is no longer with us.

(42:09):
And my son said something Idon't think I'll ever, ever
forget.
He looked at us with tearspouring down his face and he
said you know, when you told mehe fell into a coma, I was very
scared and I said, okay, why?
He said because his bar mitzvahmessage it wasn't your regular
bar mitzvah message, mommy, itwas his goodbye message to the
world.

(42:30):
And in conversation with my very, very good friend Ita
afterwards, we were talkingabout you know, what is it we
can do for his neshama?
This kid was so much light, somuch goodness.
Live each day with gratitude,personify this gratitude.

(42:51):
And I said to her, I said youknow the lesson of my da'ani, of
gratitude the whole world needs.
And I actually tell her everytime I teach, I say to her you
know, I feel like I live all thetime with Mendel.
I can't wait till Moshiachcomes till I get to share with
him how I got to share hismessage with the world.
So Menachem, mendel, ben Daniel, his mishamashalav Analia, and

(43:14):
I know that every time I get toshare this idea and these
thoughts, I wake up differenttomorrow morning and I know that
the power of gratitude issomething I've been then able to
bring into my life in otherways understanding it, knowing
it, living it, and I've seen.
I've seen how this message hasliterally changed lives.

rivky (43:40):
I love that he continues to have the power to shift the
way we think about so manythings.
12 small words.
You keep saying it's 12 smallwords, 12 small seconds and I
think most of us we wake up andwe mumble Like we're like, our
kids are already at the door,we're sleeping out, we're late,
we're already calculating.

manya (43:58):
One second, that's if we don't like, freak out because we
woke up late and there's not analarm.

rivky (44:04):
Or I also think like an alternate way that this happens,
like if someone doesn't havekids or they're at a different
stage, is that, especially now,after October 7th, the first
thing I do, like, if it's quiet,is I'm reaching for my phone to
see what happened overnight.
Did the hostages come home?
Like I'm checking, like whathappened, are soldiers okay?
And I think that, especiallyright after October 7th, I was

(44:24):
absolutely doing this before mydining, like I was like in my
sleep reaching for my phone,because I was like, and I think
this pause is so important, thispause it's life shifting,
because in the, in that pause,you're grounding yourself in
this other space, not the spaceof chaos and not the space of
worry and not the space of whatwill be, but it's the space of

(44:45):
I'm okay because I'm grounded ingodliness.
I'm okay because hashem decidedtoday is going to be okay.
No, no matter what.
So we talk a little bit aboutthe hard right, like let's say
you know today is going to bethis hard day, Today is going to
be this day that you know itstarted off hard.
It's going to probably continuehard.
Now, how am I grounding myself,both at the beginning of the

(45:08):
day?

manya (45:09):
and maybe in the middle of the day, I'm not saying my.

rivky (45:10):
Donnie at three o'clock when my kids are already.
It's like been a chaos daysaying my Donnie at three
o'clock when my kids are alreadyit's like been a chaos day and
I still have to get through fouror five hours.
What am I doing?

manya (45:19):
for that.
I heard a great line that whenyour children are young, the
years fly but the day goes onforever.
You're like think well, I getto bedtime safe, sane and
healthy, right, I mean, I don'tthink that's exclusively
reserved for those with children, I think all of us.
That's a very, very humanexperience and I think that
knowing how the brain works andhuman nature, and knowing that,

(45:44):
focusing on gratitude,expressing gratitude, knowing
that I can, I am empowered torewire and create alignment
between my emotions and myintellect.
You know, one of thefundamental principles in the
Chabad Chesedos is, I always sayit's like the first tool of
algebra gave us right that yourmind can control your emotions.

(46:04):
And here we're saying, yeah, itcan.
And now it takes work.
I don't think anything that wedo that's going to change our
operating system or add moreintentionality or more
mindfulness into our day-to-dayroutine is an easy thing to do.
But I think that once we knowhow to so, breathing is huge.

(46:24):
It literally slows down yournervous system and brings your
brain from the fight or flightmode to the conscious, the place
where I can think process.
So I find it's very empowering,like even a toddler can learn
this.
Are you really upset, you wantto yell.
Okay, I know I see you'refeeling that way.
What can you do?
What can you say?
If we can do that for ustwo-year-olds, we can do it for

(46:46):
ourselves.
The two-year-old within myinner child, I do think being
aware of your patterns, is huge,like what triggers me to react
that way, what gets me unhappy.
That's like deeper work thattakes a little bit longer.
Again, that inner child needs alot of healing and I think that
focusing on those things andknowing the power of gratitude

(47:06):
like I have, it's in my hand, Ican't change my circumstances,
but I can change how I processthem.
I feel that, experience themand I think our mindsetets
trying to see.
You know, on a very personallevel, my triplets were born
when I was 29 years old and wehad, thank God, six kids.
It's quite a blessing.
What a gift from 29 to 41.

(47:27):
I, for some reason other than Idon't know, I had a plan.
I did not get pregnant and Idid not have any more children.
Now I want to pause here foranyone who is not yet blessed
with children.
Hashem should not withhold thisblessing.
Share with the world.
There's souls on high that needto be born and there are
families in the world that wantto bring souls into the world,
so Hashem could just make thatmatch happen and help them flow

(47:47):
down in a smoother, speedy way.
Uh, everyone should be blessedin a revealed way.
Anyway, I spontaneously, at 41and through a very like just
really spontaneously, I foundthat I was expecting um, and
then, thank god, I had anotherbaby very shortly after, like 19
months later, which was veryclose for me.

(48:08):
I never had kids that close inage and, god willing, I'm due in
june, which is 15 months later.
You can't.
You can't get scan top fromzoom now I feel very excited for
you.
Okay, very nice um and I have totell you my, my doctor is a
religious man, he's not jewish.
He said to me I know you,you're going to say this is
god's will.
I said yes, it is.
But I was sure I was reallylike thinking like what's the

(48:31):
difference in the experiencingthis at this point, at you know,
41, 42, 44, like 43, like veryclose right and what?
What crossed my mind is what ifI had experienced this in my
20s?
Three kids under three?
Now, I was actually telling myfriend I'm like I've never had
three under three.
She's like actually a triplet.
I'm like, oh, okay, we're fine,but what is what like?

(48:52):
And people I have friends, say,oh, I'm having anxiety for you
and, first of all, don't haveanxiety for me.
Like, if you want to have yourown anxiety, enjoy it, I'm fine,
but I think that the differenceis really the mindset, the
power of the mindset.
The reality is the same rightThree pregnancies back to back,
very close in age.
Toddlers, babies, diapersflying Thank God.

(49:13):
Age toddlers, babies, diapersflying, thank God.
But the mindset of appreciatingthis gift is so different.
The circumstances are the same?
I'm not, and I think that's thework we do as we mature.
So, knowing that we can do thiswork and knowing that we have
these daily habits that give usthe ability to strengthen that

(49:34):
muscle of gratitude, of mindset,of the gift that it gives us
and how that aligns with who weare and why we're here and how
we're going to navigatesomething you know.
The alter of it discusses inTanya two wrestlers right.
One is getting lethargic andtired.
That's when the other one wins.

(49:55):
Now, it doesn't mean we can'tget tired.
Of course we could get tired,knock yourself out, but the
lethargy and the tired is reallythe mindset.
We can handle things withadrenaline when we have zest, we
have zeal, we have positivity.
And I think this is without notgoing to this toxic positivity
where we pretend, pretend, fakeand whatever, but to truly,

(50:15):
truly own what that looks likeand know that yiddish kai
judaism gives me so many ofthose principles.
I have those tools in my pocket, so now I gotta pull them out.
I use them and maybe tomorrowmy madani is going to be
different I love that.

rivky (50:31):
Yeah, I don't want to say it's a mind game, but it's all
in our mind.

manya (50:34):
We have it all starts there.

rivky (50:36):
And actually, since you told me this, what is this?
A year and a half ago, thiswhole concept, but maybe less
I'm not sure I've actuallyspoken to my kids about this.
Like when they come home andthey're like, oh, I had the
worst day.
And as a mother, you're like,oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, I
don't homeschool money, so Idon't homeschool, so I don't
know what my kids' days are they?
maybe had the worst day ever,but I always take a step back
now and I'm like, well, tell meabout your day, what happened,

(50:59):
and as they go through the dayand they're like, actually it
was this good and it was thatgood.
It was just this one thing thatoverpowered everything and I'm
like I get to tell the kid youhad a really bad experience, but
the day was not so bad and wecan have this great evening
together.
Right, it is so much aboutteaching ourselves and teaching

(51:19):
our children to look at thechesed right and reframing
things.
Reframing things, Things aregood and things are overall,
this really beautiful, positiveexperience where we have so much
and then we can appreciate andbe grateful for all the things
that we do have in our day,every day.

manya (51:40):
I don't think it's easy, but doing better than autopilot
is never going to be easy andit's certainly worth it.

rivky (51:50):
The goal is not Right.
The goal is growth, and thegrowth is, you know, connecting
to this infinite space.

manya (52:01):
I think, as part of me thinks the goal is this inner
alignment where I can understandthat I'm here for a reason.
The world needs me.
The goal is in happiness.
Right, the goal is, like I getfrom these parents, don't you
just want your kids to be happy?
I'm like, no, I'm like I'msorry, I'm a terrible parent.
But no, like, what do you mean?
Because that's very much theAmerican mindset I just want my

(52:23):
kids to be happy and I'm like,actually I don't.
They're like well, what do youwant for your kids?
I always said to be healthy.
I want them to understand whythey're here.
I want them to know that theworld needs them.
I want them to pursue goodnessand doing something productive
meaning not autopilot productive, allowing their inner light to

(52:45):
shine not my light, theirs andthen it leads to happiness.

rivky (52:49):
I love that.
So did you ever read RabbiTversky's books?

manya (52:54):
I have dabbled, but I'm like okay, so I'm like, I'm like
a big fan like.

rivky (52:59):
I've been reading all of his books and rereading that
since high school and this isthe thing that you see again and
again that he talks aboutexactly what you talk about,
which is the alignment, that inthat moment of alignment, that's
where we find contentment andsatisfaction and who we really
are, because we are nothing buta piece of godliness here in
this world.
And this is what tanya talksabout and this is what says

(53:20):
talks about it extensively andthis is basically what you were
talking about when you say isthat finding that space of going
back to our, our first, who wereally are, which is a part of
God, and being grateful for?

manya (53:37):
You know what.
You see it trickling over inmany areas, because if I can see
myself that way, then I canalso see my children that way,
but even when they're struggling, or even my spouse that way,
and I could truly see them fromthat, that infinite part of God
and the alignment place.
I think that's so much of whatTanya does give us.

(53:59):
Is that Right?
Is that the map toaccomplishing that in a very
real way?

rivky (54:06):
A hundred percent, a hundred percent.
So how do we apply this?
In one practical small way,aside for waking up and being
intentional, I was going to saywhat do you mean tomorrow?

manya (54:14):
Wake up and being intentional I was gonna take 20
minutes tomorrow.
Wake up and see my daddy well,that's the easy one.

rivky (54:19):
Well, now you, now that you've spent time explaining to
us, it's the easy one.
But how else can we apply thisto our life?

manya (54:27):
I think that expressing gratitude to those around us
verbally is huge.
You know, you wake up andthere's a coffee on the table.
Your husband made it exactlylike it, like thank you, wow.
How often do we just take kindof people around us for granted?
So maybe expressing gratitudeand verbalizing, not just
thinking it you know that peoplecan't read our minds is a huge
one, I think.

(54:47):
For me, I find it catchingmyself when I'm heading down
that negative rabbit hole andsaying, well, one second I can
realign, I can get to a betterplace.
I don't have to allow just thewave of emotion and feeling
overwhelmed or out of control tosteer the ship.
So I think owning that journeymore is huge, huge, huge, huge

(55:10):
and will change our day.
And sometimes I'm catchingmyself after the fact and
sometimes I'm catching myself inmiddle.
Then maybe I'll start catchingmyself beforehand.
You know, like as I start tofeel, as emotions rise, I think
if we have more time and spaceto go into the things that
really kind of trigger us andget us off course and understand
where they're coming from butthat's a whole separate subject
for a different conversation.

(55:31):
And I think, really trulylearning, learning, learning One
of the things I tell my kids isand I mean it sounds a little
funny, right?
Those in the world that I livein in College Station who hear
this.
They're shocked that this isone of my messages to my
children when they go away toschool in Yeshiva and we have
four kids away from home rightnow currently and one of my
messages is, if there'ssomething that you learn that

(55:54):
doesn't make sense, doesn'tclick, doesn't resonate and
doesn't feel like it can helpyou in a positive way Like what
does it mean?
Don't run away from it andignore it.
Go to it, get a better answer,take a deeper dive.

rivky (56:07):
And that's what we did today, which we took a deeper
dive into something we might bedoing by road, or something that
we think we understand and nowwe have.

manya (56:14):
Right, right, we might be doing by road or something that
we think we understand, and nowwe have right, and I mentioned
right right and I think that wecan start to see the difference
when we do things like that andI will say that there is a
website where people have beenwriting how this message has
affected them.
There's either Metsos forMendel or thank you, mendelcom.
I'll send it to you so you canput it in the notes, but I think
that, thank you, mendelcom.
I'll send it to you so you canput it in the notes, but I think

(56:34):
that thank you, mendelcom.
Where people and and peoplehave shared.
I gave this once we had amilitary weekend here we were
hosting for young jews in themilitary and I gave the workshop
of modani and four, five yearslater we got, uh, through the
website, we get a message hey,can I get more of the modani
cards?
Because we've given outthousands and more than
thousands of modaani cards frombirthright trips to you name it

(56:57):
groups across the world, and hesaid so.
So I was like this is wild,like five years later, and he
said that basically he's beensharing on his base and with his
you know the people he'sinteracted with the gift of
gratitude and modaani and hesaid now I ran out of cards, I
need more.
So I think we have a lotjudaism, a lot.
If there's something we couldtake away is that if there's
something we don't understand,let's go to it, understand it

(57:20):
and realize the tools that wehave are not just the customs,
the rituals, the mitzvahs,they're not just these things we
do or don't do.
They're tools fortransformation.

rivky (57:35):
And if we don't understand them, then we need to
take a deeper dive.
That's beautiful, and so I wantto close off this discussion
with thanking you, manya, forcoming here, but also taking a
minute to thank Mendel, who setyou out on this journey and
continues to change lives even,you know, long after his bar
mitzvah speech and his you knowmessage.

manya (57:50):
So that's a really, really beautiful thing when you
meet him, when Moshiach comesand you see his shining face,
you're going to be like, oh,that's why?

rivky (58:00):
Yeah, I love that.
Okay, so if people want toconnect to you, Mania, or bring
you out to talk to them or hearmore about you know the project
in Mendel's, where do they findmore information?

manya (58:12):
So the Thank you Mendel is more related to this specific
campaign talk idea and there'sso much on there.
If anyone specifically wants tobe in touch with me, instagram
at Chabad Tamu is a great placeto find us, that's our Chabad
house handle and manya atjewishaggiescom.
There you go.

rivky (58:33):
I just said an agulet.

manya (58:34):
I'm just saying you knew it.
You knew it was something likethat, manya at jewishjaggiescom.
That's where my email lives.
It was a pleasure at thisconversation and I have to thank
you because every single time Ihave this conversation and
revisit these ideas, my Maidanithe next day is different.

rivky (58:53):
Well, I know mine will be that these ideas my, my.

manya (58:56):
the next day is different .
Well, I know mine will be.
Thank you so much, Mania.
Yeah, have a wonderful rest ofyour day.

rivky (59:03):
Thank you for joining me on this past hour.
I'm so glad that you found ourpodcast and that we got to spend
the time together.
If you would like to nominateyourself or someone you know for
a topic that they areinterested, feel passionate
about, or you feel passionateabout, reach out to us at info
at bodysoulscom Remember that'stwo S's.

(59:23):
If you have any feedback aboutthe work we're doing or if you
would like to connect, you canuse the same email.
I hope you have a wonderful,uplifting and amazing day.