November 13, 2023 • 61 mins
Our inspiring guest, Nechama Laber, dedicates her life to helping Jewish women unearth their inner light and embrace their unique mission in the world. Ready to journey through an illuminating discussion on the power and significance of lighting Shabbos candles? Together, we'll explore the profound symbolism of this mitzvah, representing our soul and the gifts bequeathed to us by Hashem, and its transformative role in generating light, both physically and spiritually.
Unraveling the intricate thread that connects the physical and spiritual, we navigate through light, a central theme in Nechama's life. We delve deeper into the intention behind this mitzvah and its connection to the three Mitzvos of women. Excited about the prospect of ushering in the light of Moshiach through candle lighting? Nechama shares insightful wisdom on how to weave this into the fabric of our daily lives.
Let's illuminate our world together, one Shabbos candle at a time.
Learn more about Nechama and her work here: https://jewishgirlsunite.com/author/nechamalaber/
Direct link to purchase her book:
https://jewishgirlsunite.com/shop/Softcover-One-More-Light-An-Anthology-for-Inspiration-about-Shabbos-Candle-Lighting-p105612042
To sponsor an episode of Bodies & Souls, email us at
info@bodiessouls.com.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Hi and welcome to our podcast, bodies and Souls
Conversations for the JewishWoman.
Good morning and welcome toBodies and Souls.
Our host for today is RivkiBoyarski and Sarah Lowenthal.
This is the third in our serieson the Three Myths of a Woman.
We will be following this witha one-part episode on hair
(00:39):
covering as well, because thisreally ties to what we're doing.
And again I want to remindpeople that the reason behind
these three episodes is reallyto inspire us all and to uplift
us all in our own personal poweras Jewish women so that we can
really step into that in thebest way possible.
And we're hearing fromdifferent women who really have
(01:00):
stepped into their role andfollowed their really really
passionate parts of them inthese myths of us.
And we really want to see howthis speaks to us and where we
can implement this in our lives.
And we know that theLubavitcher ever told us that
everything that we do as anindividual because the Jewish
nation is really one body andone complete unit if we elevate
(01:22):
ourselves, we are absolutely anddirectly influencing and
elevating our brothers andsisters in Eretistral.
So today we have with usN'chama labor N'chama, can you
start us off and just tell us alittle bit about what you do on
a general scale, where you'reliving and the work that you do
in general, and why this mitzvahof lighting shabbos candles?
(01:45):
Why is this something that youfeel passionate about?
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Thank you so much, rivki, for inviting me to share
my passion and my love for thismitzvah and all Jewish women,
especially and girls.
That's what I do.
I work with girls, startingfrom Bat mitzvah, and my
shluchas began with Bat mitzvahclub and then it grew into a
(02:09):
camp for girls and overnightcamp called the Jewish girls
retreat, and that evolved into anetwork of Jewish women called
the grow connection networkwomen who want to grow and
connect to Hashem on a deeperlevel, intentionally and so we
use the grow method of prayer,which is based on the four steps
(02:31):
of dawning, to compose our ownprayers to Hashem.
We meet regularly and I alsouse these methods at our camp
for the girls, and we also haveonline programs for the girls.
Bat mitzvah club is online now.
It's called Bat mitzvah andbeyond.
We also have the teamconnection circle and in these
spaces the girls and women areable to find that light within,
(02:57):
and our motto is shine yourinner light.
Sometimes we need to dig deep toexcavate the soul, especially
when we're surrounded by so muchdarkness.
And why is this mitzvah soimportant?
Because it was important to theRevah.
That's first of all, and theRevah taught us why.
This is the first mitzvah thatwill generate many, many more
(03:23):
mitzvahs, and it's a messagethat we want to instill in
Jewish girls as young as threeyears old that your light
matters.
Your soul came here for aspecific mission and your light
is unique and we need you toshine, and so I like to give
over this message.
And it begins when we're young.
(03:45):
We shine through lighting thosecandles and being taught how to
fulfill Torah mitzvahs, andevery mitzvah is a candle,
k'nare mitzvah, vittorah, orevery mitzvah generates light.
Torah is light, and that'sactually what we think about
when we light the candles.
That, just like I, ushered inthis light.
This is my mission to generatelight all week with every
(04:09):
mitzvah that I do.
It also represents the soul andthe gifts that Hashem has given
us.
Every one of us has a differentgift and as we grow, we develop
those gifts and we get to knowwhat are they.
How can I use my gift of art ormy gift with people, whatever
it is, to shine and to fulfillmy mission in this world?
(04:31):
To serve Hashem, but in myunique way, with the talent and
the strength that Hashem hasgiven me.
So that's number two.
It's another way to generatelight.
Now the third one is where it'sdark and it appears to be
completely void of light and wesay there is no light right now.
(04:53):
In my life and many of us arefeeling this right now the world
has shifted into such deepdarkness, pain and suffering.
If we already know what itmeans to generate light from the
time we're young, we understandthat we have this mission.
We know what our talents are.
That means I have a unique rolein this army of light.
(05:17):
Now I can be a warrior of light.
I see darkness.
It's not darkness, it's lightthat's hidden, the portion of
the world that Hashem hasentrusted to me and said I trust
you, I gave you a soul, I gaveyou this piece of the world
where I want you to bring yourlight, the light of your Neshama
(05:41):
that is specifically createdfor this moment in time.
And this is how we generate themost incredible, brightest
light and we don't just getstuck in darkness and become a
victim of it.
But we recognize from the timewe were little, we were given
(06:02):
the candle and it doesn't matterhow small we feel.
We were three years old when webegan this journey to generate
light and I might feel so smallin a big dark world.
But I know that Hashementrusted me in this time, in
this place, with all that I needand all the gifts that I need
and the strength to be the lightat this time.
(06:25):
And so these, I would say, isthe three levels that I actually
coach girls and women into, andI help them see that their
challenges are not a punishment,it's not just dark.
They are the artist that needsto know how to find the light.
In this picture, and,personally, when I was young,
(06:46):
when I was five, a picture ofmine was, I guess, chosen to be
placed in the book a candle ofmy own.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
For people who don't see, which we're mostly podcast
the Lubavitcher Rebbe asked fora book to be published for one
of the 10 Mifsyam.
So one of the 10 Mifsyam isLighting Shabbat's Candles and
when that Mifsa was broughtforth, the Rebbe asked for a
book to be published thatfeatured the faces and thoughts
(07:22):
of young women, young girls,lighting Shabbat's candles.
And it's actually a beautifulbook.
I stumbled across it, I'll tellyou funny, like obviously it's
before most of our listeners,it's before their time, but I
stumbled across it in myparents' basement and I remember
like it stopped me in my tracks, like I actually I sat down.
(07:42):
I was, I went down to get Legosfor one of my kids and I saw
the book and I was like oh mygosh.
And I sat down and I wentthrough it and it's really
really very beautiful.
It's really personal andintimate.
I think that's the right word.
It's a very intimate book.
So, n'chama, I know that youwere featured in this book and
(08:03):
that's where your personalconnection to this Mifsa also
comes from right.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Exactly and I.
The picture means a lot more tome because of my life's journey
.
There's a five year old girlgazing at a candle and the
background of the picture iscompletely dark.
And at five years old I was thehappiest, I would say, a really
beautiful child with golden,strawberry, blonde curls, and I
(08:34):
was proud of my light and I wasproud of who I, you know what I
offer to the world.
I was happy, I loved my lifeand this picture always reminded
me that I have a candle of myown and it says on the page the
title of my picture is thiscandle is mine, alone to light.
(09:00):
When does a person feel lonely?
When they're in darkness orwhen they're facing a life
challenge where it feels like noone else understands them.
And we feel very alone.
And at 10 years old I felt veryalone in the grief of losing my
(09:21):
father and I would say that therabbi gave me the rafua before
the maca.
And I gaze on this, at thispicture.
It reminds me, no matter whatdarkness there is, you have a
candle.
This candle is yours, alone tolight.
Only you can bring light intothis portion of the world.
(09:46):
You are given this challengebecause there is light waiting
to be revealed.
Yes, even in grief, even inloneliness, and that creates the
greatest joy.
Victor Frankel says that thedefinition of despair is
suffering without meaning.
(10:06):
But when there's meaning whichis really what the whole message
of Shabbos candles is is youare a powerful generator of
light.
And what happens the momentsbefore Shabbos?
It's chaos, it's stressful,there's tension, there's so much
to do, and then we light thatcandle and it really signifies
(10:29):
the mission.
You can take chaos and turn itinto the most beautiful calming
moments together with yourfamily.
And right after we light, wesay the Shabbos with a hug
representing love, connection.
Can you turn chaos, disconnect,tension, into connection and a
(10:54):
moment of complete serenity andtranquility?
So lighting Shabbos candles, asyou see, truly represents the
mission of every Jewish woman,and not only every Jewish woman,
especially us, but even everyJew In a dark world.
We are all God's Asheschallel,we're all the wife, and Hashem
(11:19):
is the husband.
He's welcoming us into his homeand we get to create the light
with him, and that just feelsvery empowering.
It doesn't feel like darkness.
Difficulties are here to punishme, but actually it's the
higher level of light that'swaiting for me to be revealed,
(11:42):
and I will say that I've been onthis journey and with Hashem's
incredible support, and I havemet people who have guided me to
reveal this light.
And that's what I do.
I'm here to help women, firstto recognize that they are the
light they have a candlerecognize their powerful soul
(12:05):
inside that can dispel anydarkness that Hashem has
entrusted to them, and then wefigure out how to actually
transform that darkness intosuch a powerful light that
reveals your mission in thisworld.
So my name is N'chama Dina andI see that also as my mission to
bring comfort, to bring lightinto the din where there might
(12:27):
be a feeling of severity,strictness, some Hashem, and to
realize that from the din you'regonna find the greatest
consolation and comfort.
And I would say today I speakabout my father with tremendous
pride.
He was an educator and that'swhat I continue to do.
He was someone who also broughtlove and joy into education,
(12:49):
creativity, light, and beingaround him was being around
light, and that's now I livewith that light as opposed to
the darkness of loss.
So why am I talking about this?
Because I want people to seeShabbat's candles not just as
this mitzvah that I need to rushto do on time, but actually as
(13:14):
the symbol of who we are andthat now, at a time of greater
darkness, we're all being askedto reveal the light in the
darkness.
And we know that the light thatwe are already seeing, the
unity, the oneness of the Jewishpeople, is so tremendous that
(13:35):
we are we're here, we'rebringing that ultimate light of
g'h'ulah, which is what Shabbatalso is.
Shabbat is just a taste of whatwill be when Mashiach comes,
and we are the ones at theforefront of ushering in this
light.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
Wow, n'khama, that was amazing.
You brought in all thesefundamental concepts and you
tied them all in and you made itpersonal as well.
I want to sort of circle backto what you mentioned about how,
when your father passed awayand you were dealing with your
own personal grief, it was thecomfort of Shabbat's candles and
the concept that the candlesrepresented, the concept of
(14:12):
candles being your potential inlife, and that everyone has
their own light and they havetheir own mission, their own
meaning and purpose.
So I want to ask you a littlebit more.
You said you were 10 years oldwhen you went through this
experience.
At 10 years old, you were ableto understand these concepts.
That's what helped you workthrough your grief.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
So it's hard to remember when this concept
really became integrated.
It's actually difficult.
I would say that my foundationwas very, very strong.
I grew up in Crown Heights andI was constantly surrounded by
the light of the Rebbe and Ifocused on that.
(14:53):
I would say it began not withtransforming the darkness of
grief.
There was still that part in myheart that would open once in a
while and it will always bethere.
To tell you the truth, it willalways be there, but I have the
tools to deal with it.
I have the candle, like I knowwhat it is and I know, oh, when
(15:14):
I feel a deeper darkness,there's a deeper light that's
waiting to be revealed.
So I would say that's why it'sthree stages.
Thank God, the foundation thatmy parents gave me was very,
very strong, in Emuna andBittachin, and my father, from
the youngest age, taught me totrust in Hashem, no matter what.
Those were his last words.
So I would say, just knowingthat that I'm a light and maybe
(15:36):
even yes, I was in this booklike I'm special, so I'm just
gonna focus on that.
What is it that I can do withmy life?
I don't yet know how to dealwith this darkness.
It's difficult to face.
I didn't feel comfortablespeaking about it From a young
age.
I waited many, many years, Iwould say.
(15:58):
Probably when I was in highschool I spoke about it for a
little bit, but, yeah, I didn'tyet know how to generate the
light and darkness, let's say aswhen I was an adult and I was
really secure in who I am andthat I am.
I'm an educator and I have thislight that, yes, I always said
(16:19):
it came from my parents and myfather, who showed me the power
of an educator, the impact wecan have on future generations.
But then I was ready.
It's like when you have thosefoundations, you have a life of
Torah and Mitzvahs, and then youhave the skills and strengths
(16:40):
and you're using the light thatHashem has given you.
Then you hit a point where thatis still depleting you.
It's like taking energy out ofyou.
There's still this dark holethat needs to be filled with
something like Hamakom yinachem,eschem.
(17:00):
There's.
Hashem is the place that has tobe filled with godliness, with
godly light, and I would saythat in my 30s, when I reached
the age that my father was whenhe passed away, it hit me that
this is my new avaita.
This is what God wants from meto face it, to recognize that
(17:20):
there's light here.
And I was able to actually growas an educator and grow in my
mission and expand it and writea book called Finding Song and
Sorrow Sharing my Journey.
And that was my second book,after One More Light about
Shabbos candles.
(17:41):
So I guess I took that lightinto that dark tunnel.
What is Bittachon?
I love Shabbos Bittachon.
That's another one of mypassions.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
So I think, n'chama, I'm just gonna pause you because
there's so much information,you have so much knowledge that
you're sharing with us and it'sso wonderful.
But I think that one of thethings that you keep going back
to is this imbita chon and howimbita chon is like the thread
throughout your life and thethread throughout Neshach.
But I wanna go back a stepbefore this and I think that
(18:10):
this is really important for usto understand.
We've discussed Chala with ouraudience.
We've discussed Nida with ouraudience.
Both of these mitzvahs that arevery much attached to something
very physical bread, intimacy.
These are very physical thingsand here maybe this is a more
abstract mitzvah or maybe it'salso combining the physical and
(18:32):
the spiritual.
So I wanna go back a little bitand explore the connection
between the physical and thespiritual in this mitzvah.
And what is the intentionbehind this mitzvah?
Is it the samuna imbita chonthat keeps coming up in our
conversation here?
What's the focus when a womanis connecting to this mitzvah?
Speaker 2 (18:54):
So, really, all the three mitzvahs are ways that we
weave the physical and thespiritual together, all three.
So you discussed Chala.
Chala is how we bring Hasheminto our food preparation and
into the physical ingredients.
Okay, now, in family purity, wesee it's a physical activity
(19:18):
that draws down the highestspiritual energies.
So what is Hadlaka Sanayus?
What is candle lighting?
This is exactly what we weretalking about.
It's that women have the uniquegift to generate light, and
this is what the candlesymbolize all the mitzvahs that
add light to the world.
As Shlomo Amalek said, amitzvah is a candle and Torah is
(19:41):
light.
So when we light our Shabboscandles, we ask Hashem to
illuminate the home, with ShalomBaez and with children
radiating nachas, and that ourchildren should spread the light
of Torah as well and theyshould connect to that light.
And this is the mitzvah that'smost connected to bringing
(20:06):
Ga'ula, bringing Mashiach,because it's really Shabbos, is
a taste of that time and itrepresents our role as women to
usher in this light of Mashiach,using the mitzvahs that
generate light and the nishama,with our unique gifts, to bring
that light into the world, whichwill ultimately bring the
(20:29):
greatest light.
And I would say the lastfrontier is to bring light into
those dark places where wedidn't want to face because it
was too painful.
And that's what Ga'ula andGa'ula have to.
They're both almost the sameword, except for the alif.
The alif is bringing theoneness of Hashem into the
(20:49):
trauma, into the dark, into thepain, and revealing a new,
incredible light.
That is why it might seem veryspiritual, but really that is
our mission.
And how can you apply that toyour life today?
What are we facing in the wholeworld?
This is darkness.
(21:10):
Every one of us needs to askourselves what is my unique gift
at this time that Hashem wantsme to use to generate light in
this dark world?
And we see everyone'smobilizing and joining a
different part of the army.
There's the physical army onground, and then some of us are
in the spiritual army, but weare all bringing that light that
(21:33):
will usher in the light ofMashiach.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
I wonder, though, is there some sort of connection
between we're talking aboutlight and dark, and I think this
is the only mitzvah from allthree mitzvs, or probably from
all mitzvs in general, aside formaybe saying Shema, where we
are almost?
It almost feels like we'reremoving ourselves from the
situation.
We're covering our eyes, and Iknow that there's halachic
(21:56):
ramifications to why we coverour eyes when we cover our eyes,
but on a spiritual aspect, isthis connected to the dark and
the light as well?
Is it connected?
Speaker 2 (22:06):
to the dark and the light.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
We're talking about the dark and the light and so
here we're bringing this lightand then we say the bracha.
And I know that, like I said,there's halachic ramifications,
there's a reason we're coveringour eyes as well, from a purely
halachic perspective.
But if we're talking about darkand light and dark and night,
amuna, bitaach, and believingseeing, bringing that, is that
also why, like part of why,we're covering our eyes Or-.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
That's interesting.
I think in those areas you canbring in your own insights.
There's no right and wrong, butI really do like that idea is
that I'm covering my eyes whereit's dark and I'm welcoming in
the light, like we go with youknow.
We circle our hands around thecandles and we say we're
(22:49):
bringing in the light to whatfeels very dark where my eyes
are closed, just like in ShemaYisrael.
It's a sensing that, even whenI can't see it, hashem al-Aqaynu
, like Hashem Hava'ya, the levelof Hashem which is above nature
, above concealment, is ahad,it's all one, that this is the
(23:11):
same God in the light and in thedarkness.
He created both and he gave mea mission to bring the light
into it.
And our whole goal is to createShabbat to the world.
So that is it's not the week,is not the goal.
During the week, we are reallyfocusing on Shabbat.
Some people spend every dayasking themselves and I would
(23:34):
encourage everyone to do thiswhat am I doing today for
Shabbat?
That every day is infused withShabbat, not that there's
Shabbat like it's its ownseparate thing, but actually we
want to bring Shabbat into everyday.
And where do we get the strengthto do that from, from Sarah
Emenu, because it says that hercandles remain lit all week.
(23:55):
And I love how the Rebbeempowers women and he says the
candles of Avraham and Yitzhakdid not stay lit all week.
It was only Rivka who broughtback Sarah's candles, and her
candles also illuminated, theystayed lit all week.
So the Rebbe says well, ofcourse today we're not going to
(24:17):
necessarily see that with ourphysical eyes, but the light
that we generate when we usherin Shabbat, we're bringing in
that light into the dark,darkness it influences the
entire week.
Now, practically speaking, Iwould say, when you cover your
eyes, think about what is thelight that you bring to your
(24:42):
home, to your world, and thankHashem for that light and then
ask Hashem for the strength tocontinue to generate that light
and for a world filled withlight and peace.
That is definitely.
And then you can take that intoeach day of the week until
(25:02):
we'll have the ultimate Shabbat.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
This is very powerful .
I don't think I've ever madethe connection between lighting
Shabbat's candles and bringingabout my own personal light and
focusing on that.
I probably always thought aboutHashem Shlina and Kudusha that
I'm bringing in the house, andyet you really are drawing our
attention to our own selves andilluminating the power and the
strength that we carry as women,and I really I'm really
(25:26):
connecting to this concept.
But I am wondering, becausethis word light might be a
generic word or a vague word Canwe be super specific and really
explain what does it mean, whenwe bring out our light, that
the Shabbat's candles representsa woman being able to carry out
her personal light?
So I would love to hear also,if possible, a definition and a
(25:52):
story, perhaps as a personalstory that you can share, from
your life?
Speaker 2 (25:56):
That's a great question and you're bringing it
more practical.
So we always hear that a womansets the tone in her home.
What does that mean?
That we generate light and,practically speaking, what is
light?
Light is warmth, it's feminineenergy.
It's connecting to that mahalas, to the queen.
And what does it mean to reallybe the queen of our home and
(26:20):
bring light where there'sdarkness?
I would say a conquering energywould be forcing, you know,
being very strong aboutsomething, criticizing, saying
this has to be this way.
And then there's the feminineapproach.
How do we nurture and generatelight in a relationship?
(26:44):
It's with warmth, it's withlove.
All that is light.
It's that when someone walks ina room, their energy brings
light, just their being.
Shabbos is about being, andit's not about forcing people to
do things.
It's really about being therole model and generating the
language that's going to createoneness and unity.
(27:07):
So a story about this it's veryinteresting because it's
constant work.
I run a camp and I also teach,and we see that directly in
education.
There's many ways to motivateothers.
So you can have the quick way,the short way, and make very
strict rules and force everyoneto follow them and then punish
(27:29):
them when they disobey, and weall know what that looks like,
and we can criticize and we canpoint out what's wrong and then
say this needs to be improved.
And I have personally seen thatthat doesn't generate light and
warmth and it creates moredistance.
(27:50):
It's not motivating, butsometimes, when it's so
important and you're passionateabout something, it could come
across that way.
So I have asked myself whatdoes it mean to speak words of
light and to be the light?
And so, first of all, it'sconnecting to my inner light and
(28:13):
recognizing the light that's inme already so I'm enough and
respecting that light.
Then I can respect someone elseand their light and the
limitations.
Everyone has light andlimitations, and so what I would
say specifically is really justbeing in gratitude instead of
(28:35):
you didn't do this or I wantthis.
Start off with thank you forsetting the table.
Yes, maybe they didn't doeverything according to your
wishes.
They said it wrong.
It was on the wrong side of thetable, they forgot the cups I
did so.
Easy to point out.
Hey, and it's not one story ofmy life, this is a journey.
(28:57):
It's so easy to say well, youdidn't do the dishes.
Well, you left the kitchen amess.
You made a cake, but you leftit a big mess.
For me, instead, it's like hey,start with gratitude.
And this is actually a developedgrow method, which is the
acronym of grow, and I would saythat speaking this is the
language of Tefila, it's thelanguage of Maljos and a
(29:21):
language of light, and that'swhy, when you're bringing in
light, it's not something youcould touch, it's a mood, it's a
communication style, it's avibe, it's actually your energy,
and so people can sense yourenergy.
Right when you have two friendsmeet right away, we can feel
each other.
I can feel, if I feelcomfortable and safe to open up,
(29:44):
if you're the one I want toshare my vulnerabilities with,
and that's because I feelaccepted for who I am.
And that's the beginning.
That's what gratitude is.
Every morning, hashem says Iaccept you the way you are.
Here is your soul.
This is your light.
Please shine it today.
(30:04):
I trust you, but God, I didn'tdo a good job yesterday.
Well, I trust you again today.
He doesn't point out what wedid wrong.
That's what I would say isbringing light.
So this is a language that Ipersonally am practicing and
teaching it to others.
In gross circles.
I'm training educators to bringthis into their classroom to
(30:26):
start off with a daveningpreparation of personalizing
these words.
So gratitude, thank you, hashem.
Thank you and, if I want to sayit in a personal way to someone
else, thank you for setting thetable.
I recognize that.
So R is recognition.
That's like the praise.
It's noticing the small things.
(30:46):
That is what generates thelight.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Also bring this conversation a little bit
backwards, if you don't mind.
Just grow is Nechama's personalexplanation for growth, so it's
an acronym of grow and, I think, correctly for Mahmoud Nechama.
You use this in other areas aswell, not just in relation to
Shabbos candles, but you havejournals and different other
(31:12):
tools that you share with womenso that they can grow, and this
is like an acronym.
That is the basis of a lot ofthe work that you do, am I
correct?
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Yes, especially when your life brings you darkness,
it's so easy to focus on whatyou don't have, and that becomes
the way your brain sees.
Things Like I don't have afather, I don't have this, why
me?
Speaker 1 (31:37):
Right, like even in this conflict we're seeing, a
lot of us are hyper-focusing on.
It's very interesting.
I'm going to bring this alittle bit more to the situation
that women here are feelingLike.
Last week was Piggisha I'm sureyou know that right and the
week before that there wasanother group, and I routinely
speak to groups here that comeand travel, and the week before
(32:00):
one of the groups that I wasspeaking to, the organizer, said
oh, can we have a Shabbos mealby you?
And I was like no, I just don'tfeel.
Like I feel so heavy and like Ithink a lot of women who are
talking to each other they'reusing word brain fog because
there's a trauma that'shappening to a lot of us, like a
communal, intergenerationaltrauma thing, and a lot of what
we're doing is doom scrollingright, we're looking, we're
(32:21):
looking, we're looking.
We're focused on this darknessthat we're talking about and in
this conversation of lightversus darkness, shabbos candles
as something bringing light, wehave to keep bringing this
conversation back to the presentright and right here in the
space that we're in, a lot of usare hyper focused on the dark.
Now, what was really interestingis so I said no to that group,
(32:42):
but I did say yes to a groupcoming to us for Pigisha and it
ended up being three groups.
It was a really large thing andI had Rabbi Tzvi Freeman at my
Shabbos table and I spoke beforehim.
I had shared something with thetable and then he spoke next
and afterwards I told the personwho had the larger group at my
table.
I was like I wish he would havespoken for us because he did
(33:02):
this mind shift to me and he waslike it's very easy.
One of the things he sharedwith the students is that it's
very easy to focus on theminority.
That's bringing a lot ofdarkness and in reality they're
making a lot of noise.
It's angry noise, it's loudnoise, it's scary noise, but
it's not the important part.
So we tend to focus on thedarkness rather than the light.
(33:26):
But I think that what you'recoming around again and again
and maybe, if I say itdifferently, I'm processing it
more is that, in the light ofthis mitzvah, is the imuna and
bittachan.
In the light of your personallife, in that moment where
you're connecting to your powers, whether that's being a kind
(33:49):
mother, being a kind spouse,using your artistic abilities,
whatever that means to you youare connecting to a transcendent
power and in that space, you'realso connecting to the fact
that we trust that transcendentpower and we trust the plan and
we know that there's a plan.
We've been here before.
We know that Hashem wantswhat's best for us.
(34:11):
It might look dark, but in thismoment, once a week, we need to
bring that light and connect tothe light and trust the light,
and in that space is imuna andbittachan.
Is that part of like I want toprocess with you?
Speaker 2 (34:26):
Yes, exactly, you're connecting to the source of the
light that's in you, like whenSarah said, oh, I never
connected, that there's a lightof Hashem inside of me to be
grateful for.
Yeah, that's the part of youthat is your generator of all
the light that you shine.
Of course, hashem and you areone and there's the big source
(34:49):
of light.
But how do I get real withHashem?
That's what we're saying.
Imuna is faith.
I believe in God, but bittachanis.
I breathe God, I live with himin that dark place, in the dark
tunnel.
That's where bittachan springsinto action, where I don't see
the light, I don't see the wayout, but I know that I'll get
(35:12):
out of here without a doubt.
How do I do that?
I hold on to the light fromwithin me.
I'm not looking for an outsideof me.
I'm going inside because I knowthat that's where there's light
.
And generating that light hasto come into our physical
thoughts, our thoughts.
First we think about it andthen we need to speak it out,
(35:36):
because our words actuallycreate light.
They create our reality.
They can create light or dark.
We know how a word, one word,one comment you say to someone
else.
It can destroy them or it canjust open them up to their own
light.
So that's why I've taken thelanguage of the sitter, which
this means order to open up thelight of our nishama.
(36:00):
And I just want to review grossdance for gratitude, which is
morning blessings.
So think of your own gratitude,just for your breath of life.
We're all in this trauma.
Oh, my gosh, the world's comingto an end.
We're falling apart here.
What's going to be?
It's so frightening.
Stop Breathe.
(36:21):
May de ani Acknowledge thatthere is an ani, there is a
little nishama inside of there.
That's way more powerful thanany darkness.
So it's really that's first, thebelief I believe.
I acknowledge it, I'm gratefulfor it.
I'm grateful that I'm alive tosee this new light emerge from
darkness.
I recognize that this isHashem's way of running the
(36:47):
world.
Yerid al-Itsar al-Haliyah.
What are the concepts that Ican connect to at this time?
I recognize that, as Jewishwomen, we were the beacons of
light in Egypt.
We're living it right now.
How can this go from beliefinto my reality?
How can I speak it out?
It could be recognizing my owngoodness.
(37:08):
Can I look around and insteadof bringing that dark energy,
the nervous, worry, fear, intomy home, I look at the light of
my child, of a family member,and I say you are a light in my
life, I love you, thank you forbeing here.
(37:29):
And that's recognition is goingdeeper into the details of how
Hashem takes care of us, thepeople in our life, what they
mean to us, what we mean toourselves, the details of our
mission.
Thank you, recognizing it,recognizing our journey, the
journey of the Jewish people,the miracles that have already
(37:50):
happened.
You know the Baruch ShammarVahya'ilam, that there's a God
that is animating this worldwith His words.
What am I doing with my words?
Am I generating goodness andlight?
And oneness is Shema.
All this is not enough if it'sjust my thoughts.
It needs to come into my heartIn oneness with Hashem.
(38:11):
I have now a power to generatelight.
I light my candles and Iremember that I can be that
candle I have.
One of our favorite songs istrust your inner light.
Shadows fall away.
Hold your candle high.
Night will turn today, if youwant.
It's called shine.
(38:31):
And then we end off with shineyour inner light, when you can
trust in that inner light thatGod has given you, and then we
take care of ourselves and allof our needs in a physical body.
We're creating that home forHashem.
We are creating light and wecannot let the darkness control
(38:52):
us, because we're not going tofight darkness with sticks and
with fear and with worrying allday long.
It's focusing on the light and Iwould say that I, if I
recognize my own journey, if Igo back to my own growth, I
would say I'm really grateful.
I started this journey when Iwas 10.
God, you put me in thisdarkness.
(39:12):
What does it mean?
But I believe in you, I believethat everything is good, but I
don't see it, I don't get you.
And that's real, it's okay.
You have a real relationshipwith Hashem.
It's in that dark tunnel andthen I recognize what is what is
mean, what's the meaning inthis.
(39:32):
And as we get older and moremature, we could actually see
that our challenges and ourstrengths really match up.
Our darkness and our light arepart of a package given to us to
fulfill our mission in onenesswith Hashem and partnership with
Hashem.
We're one and Hashem wants usto co-create a new reality.
He we're here for 2000 yearsbecause Hashem wants us to bring
(39:56):
Ga'ulah.
He could just make it happen.
Why did he put us in a messedup world Because he says I trust
you, I gave you a piece of me.
Please recognize it in yourself, reveal it and be in oneness
with it.
Take that one action to dispeldarkness.
What can you do right now, inthis moment, that is going to
(40:20):
dispel darkness around you, thedarkness inside of us?
It could be a positive thoughtversus that negative thought
that brings me fear, and my wish, that's my Shmone Esme.
I just need to do my part.
And now I turn to Hashem, andhe's responsible for the outcome
.
I wish that, hashem, you showme the fruits that you bring and
(40:44):
you grow Ga'ulah, you grow thelight.
I might have to keep at thisuntil I see the light, but I
know there's light because Itrust in you, hashem, and I go
back to that gratitude thatHashem put me in this world to
bring light.
And that's why the firststatement of creation is
vaheheor.
We didn't need light before aman was created, because God was
(41:07):
telling us don't be afraid ofthe darkness, let there be light
.
And so this is my copingmechanism.
When I face darkness, I askmyself what is a mitzvah to do?
What are my talents?
How can I generate more light,what can I create and how would
(41:27):
I be there for others and formyself, and how could I fuel
this light?
Don't forget, when you'reconstantly giving generating
light, we need to make sure thatthe candle within us is fueled
with physical needs as wellspiritual needs.
So actually during this time, Irealized that I need to connect
(41:49):
with women, so I started growcircles for women every morning,
1030 on Zoom, it's open like anopen chabad house for women.
We have grow mentors who aresupporting women in breakout
rooms.
We practice this grow languageto focus on the light, focus on
the Neshama that Hashem hasgiven me.
And when there's more darkness,there's more light to be
(42:10):
revealed.
And we need doulas Rifki.
You're like a doula, right,you're a midwife.
We need more support at thetime.
What are you?
A doula A midwife.
You're a midwife?
Okay, but you're a midwifeliterally like a Miriam and a
Yahabed.
You're supporting women tobring light into this world and
(42:35):
it doesn't come without thecontractions and without the
darkness and the pain.
But I can handle the painbecause I know there's a baby
that's coming.
So I can handle this pain rightnow.
Not that I'm condoning it andI'm not accepting it, but we are
going to scream Am Yisrael Chai, because the light of the
(42:56):
Jewish people isinextinguishable.
So what is your light?
And be that light.
And when you light your candleson Friday evening, close your
cover, welcoming that light.
Every week we need a new sourceof light, like a stronger light
than the week before.
As we get closer to theultimate light, we bring in that
(43:17):
light and we cover our eyes andwe say that blessing and one is
with Hashem.
And we then we stay in that, inthat sacred place, talk to
Hashem and say thank you, hashem.
I'm grateful.
I recognize this week's journeyand been easy, but I also
recognize the way you'resustaining me.
(43:38):
I know you're taking care ofthings.
I know you're behind thistapestry I don't yet see the
full picture and in oneness withyou, hashem, I'll just stay in
this place of trust and lovemyself and the soul you gave me
(43:59):
and the light that I need togenerate.
I will do it for you, even whenit's hard.
I want to stay curled up in mybed and I want to be frozen and
I don't want to do anythingbecause it's so dark and
difficult.
And I wish Hashem.
I will never stop wishing,because that's a Jew.
I will wish for K'ula, I willwish and I will yearn that you
(44:20):
bring us the ultimate Shabbat'speace and tranquility to Am
Yisrael forever.
Speaker 1 (44:26):
I love that, that's almost like a meditation
question.
So I have cousins in variousforms of Jewish observance, so
Litvishah cousins, mizrahicousins, mount Northodox, like
all over the spectrum of ofwe're Yidin practice
authentically in their VaitahHashem Labavach.
(44:48):
I wouldn't say is unique, butone of the more unique spaces in
which we start benchingShabbat's lips with our girls at
a very, very young age.
So we're talking about allthese big, lofty, amazing
spiritual connections toShabbat's candles.
But some people are evenlighting Shabbat's candles when
(45:10):
their children are before threeyears old, as soon as they can
make a brecha.
There's a yes.
If we bench-lips with ourdaughters, why are three years
old?
Why did the Revive feel thatgirls should start doing this
mitzvah at such a young age,where, at an age where they
might not be connecting to themitzvah on a deep level?
Speaker 2 (45:34):
Excellent question.
So the Rebbe definitelyaddresses this in the famous
Sicha of Parshishchai-sara,where he proves that even Rufka
Imenu lit Shabbat's candles atthree years old and you could
say well, she was more maturefor a three-year-old, but still
the Rebbe says she was stillthree years old.
Facts are she's three.
And another time the Rebbespoke about the fact that this
(46:00):
mitzvah might have been lost tothe young girls, because in
Europe it was just the motherthat lit.
Perhaps it was for economicreasons to save on the candles,
but even so, the Rebbe said withthe times we have to evolve.
Just like it used to be thatJewish girls didn't go to school
(46:20):
and they learned everythingfrom their mother.
And now that there are schoolsfor young girls, and even that
there were a lot of people thatwere against establishing the
Jewish schools for girls, andnow we see it's an accepted
thing.
So in a similar way, girls needto know that they are owning
(46:43):
their Yiddish kite, that theyhave their own candle.
And the Rebbe said somewherethat it used to be that a Jewish
girl, like a girl, was veryobedient.
The mother would say wear this,and she wore it.
But now girls have moreownership of even the clothes
that they wear.
They have their own taste andthey're not just going to wear
what their grandmother wore, solet them also carry their own
(47:06):
candle, own it, because theyneed to own their own Yiddish
kite.
And we're living at a timewhere Jewish girls are exposed
to way more than before, andthat's the reason why we need
schools to educate them.
They're not getting everythingfrom the home, so it's reflected
by every girl also carrying herown light and lighting her own
(47:30):
Shabbos candle.
Speaker 1 (47:31):
Another question.
You brought up the Imahai.
So all these three myths of aJewish woman are mentioned in
the Torah.
There's not a modern dayphenomenon that these are
specific to us and our power ofwomen?
Why?
Why, these three are specific.
We touched them in a little bitof a more general way, but
let's talk about the connectionthat the Imahai's had to these
(47:53):
three myths.
But specifically, you spokeabout bringing light into our at
the end of our week, but weknow that the Chalice stayed
fresh the whole week, the lightstayed lit the whole week and
the cloud was on top of the tent.
So that means that there's somesort of connection with the
whole week, not just duringtimes where you're actively
(48:14):
baking bread or, you know, goingto mikvah or benching, but
there's something that's tellingus about women as a whole.
As Jewish women, what is ourrole and how it's connected to
these three women.
So can we talk a little bitabout that?
Speaker 2 (48:27):
I love that question Because these myths represent
the mission of Jewish women.
What are we doing?
We are creating a dirahbet-ah-ta'inim, a dwelling place
for our home, for Hashem in ourhome, and these three mitzvahs
are the general way that we doit.
(48:49):
And how do we?
What does it mean to create adwelling for Hashem?
It's infusing the physical withthe spiritual.
My book is called Weaving theTapestry about the Asheschall.
If you read the verses ofAsheschall from Alif the Taf,
it's all about her physicalactivities.
(49:12):
She makes clothes, she doesbusiness, she plants a vineyard,
you know.
She stays up late baking, shewakes up early for food prep.
So what's going on here?
Why doesn't it talk about herlofty spiritual pursuits, that
she prays and she learns.
And she, you know she, it sayspiach, paschal behachma, that
(49:33):
her mouth opens the syriah'schesed with the Torah of chesed,
and the Torah of chesed is thatshe teaches others.
So even her Torah is kindness,because it's to share with
others, it's to empower othersin a kind and loving way.
So you see that it's not somuch about her spiritual
(49:54):
meditations and all that.
And so in these three mitzvahswe see, and in the Asheschall,
that every single thing that shedoes is for the purpose of
creating a dwelling place forHashem on earth.
This is our mission.
This is why God created theworld in the first place.
So now, if we take it apart, wesee from the word hachayn,
(50:22):
which means her beauty, shekharhachayn, that a woman's beauty
we see is hinted to in thesethree mitzvahs hey, is hadlaka
Seniors.
So when she's a young child, shebegins with generating light
and recognizing that she has anashamma and that she has a
(50:44):
unique mission to illuminate theworld.
And she does this with her Taramitzvahs, because every mitzvah
is a candle and Tara is lightThen continues as she gets older
, she learns how to break kalaand that represents all of her
mundane activities using theingredients that ashamma has
(51:05):
given her, her talents, herskills, her physical being.
And she learns how to nourishothers, both physically and
spiritually, like giving toothers, like we said, with
gratitude, recognizing them,nurturing others.
That's the positive way tobring light into the world.
And then and nourish others Imean not really bringing light
(51:29):
but, like I said that before,but the nourishing of another
person is in filling them up.
So that's the kala.
The kala is all the ways thatwe use the raw ingredients that
ashamma has given us and weelevate it spiritually.
And then we have nida, which isTara mitzvah, which is family
(51:53):
purity, and when a girl getsolder, that's when she starts to
fulfill that mitzvah andbringing hashem into the
physical aspects of her marriageand her family.
So you see that really, thoseare the three miracles of Sara.
All of those aspects weremiraculous for Sara.
(52:14):
Her candle stayed lit all week,her kala stayed fresh and she
had a cloud of hashem over hertent, which represented that the
glory of hashem was always withher.
Hashem was always there.
And this is our mission.
I always, and when I teachgirls and women, I ask them how
can you recreate these miraclesin your home?
(52:35):
How do you generate light,Hadlaka, sanayahs, kala, how do
you nourish others in alldifferent ways, empower them,
nourish them, give to otherswhat the talents hashem has
given you?
And then, of course, how do youbring hashem into your home
through the family, through themitzvahs of family purity.
(52:57):
But for a girl, I just say howdo you, how do you bring hashem
into your home, invite him intoyour space, and that really
represents our mission in thisworld.
Speaker 3 (53:07):
Wow, thank you, n'hama.
That was incredible how youtook the three mitzvahs and you
gave us a whole new perspectiveon them.
Now, right at the beginning ofstarting to speak about the
three mitzvahs, you threw inthis little sentence and you
said in my book.
And I'm wondering what is thisbook?
Tell us about this book thatyou've mentioned.
Speaker 2 (53:29):
Oh, one more light, thank you.
So because I you see, at fiveyears old, in my formative years
, I was put in the book One MoreLight, not One More Light, a
Candle of my Own Thoughts onShabbos, candles by Girls who
Light them, when I was launchingJewish Girls Unite, one of our
(53:50):
first campaigns.
It's a global network forJewish girls, and we started
this in 2014 before we had Zoom,so it was actually a little
more difficult to meet online,but we still did, and we had
classes for girls, especiallythose who were in places that
were lacking the light ofcommunity and girls and friends.
(54:12):
So they found this safe spaceonline and I realized, women, we
need to rejuvenate this midstof lighting candles and also
inspiring others to light.
Like Neshek was a big thingwhen I was growing up and I
think, like 10 years ago, it waskind of quiet.
It wasn't like you have this.
Neshek actually means weapon inHebrew and Neshek stands for
(54:36):
Nero, shabbat Kodesh.
This is our weapon of light.
Are we sharing this with others?
The Rev was so into going onMidsyam.
Yeah, we did that when we werein high school, but now how much
are we doing it?
Like?
Are we just meeting a Jew andare we ready with that
ammunition in our pocket?
Do we have our candles when wemeet a Jew that might not light
(54:57):
Shabbat's candles?
So we created a big thing andLinda Schwartz was getting ready
for her daughter's Basitzvahand she shared with me that she
became from through a Shabbatonwith Manus Friedman, that she
was invited by Rahul Azar of inTexas and she told me the one.
She heard a lecture from ManusFriedman about the power of
(55:17):
lighting Shabbat's candles andafter that she said I need to do
this, I need to create a home,and that's one of the reasons
why this is the first Midsah.
We inspire others because onceyou light a Shabbat's candle,
then you want to have aShabbat's table and then you
want to have a Jewish home, andthat's what happened to her.
So she asked Hashem to send hera Jewish husband, and her
(55:41):
husband's name is Ori, which islight, and she just shared her
story, which is in the book OneMore Light.
And when her daughter wasbecoming Basitzvah, this was so
important to her that she saidlet's do something connected to
this Midsah for my daughter'sBasitzvah project.
So she ordered 1,000candlesticks that were designed
by the Levaguchirabah those goldones you can find them online
(56:05):
and Esther's Mrs Sturmburkestill sells them, and the Rebbe
designed them for safety and forbeauty.
And I said, wow, like these arethe same candles.
And the Rebbe wanted us to givecandlesticks because it's a
reminder to light the next week.
If you light a tea light, it'sgone.
So Linda was very generous andshe said let's send this out to
(56:26):
any girl who will give it andinspire others to light.
So we sent packages and wecreated an online program for
girls, for schools to jointogether and her daughter's yeah
, for her daughter's Basitzvah.
This was in 2016.
We launched the campaign calledOne More Light and at the same
(56:50):
time, we said girls, send inyour submissions of why you love
lighting Shabbat's candles.
And that became in 2017, wepublished the book, which is
really an inspiration from theRebbe's first book, and I'll
tell you what happened.
(57:10):
While I was concluding theediting of the book, I found out
tragically that this girl,talia Haken, had been killed by
a terrorist in Australia, and itreally hit me hard because she
was in the school with some ofmy relatives.
And then I was like I said, Iwas finishing to edit and there
(57:33):
was an email that I hadn'topened up for whatever reason, I
just skipped it.
And I was looking over all thesubmissions and I said, hey, how
come I never opened this one?
Let me see, maybe it's one thatneeds to be published?
And there on my screen poppedopen a handwritten submission
which was quite unique, fromTalia Haken, and I was like I'm
(57:54):
not sure if I'm gonna be able todo it and I flipped, I screamed
.
My secretary thought like theworst thing in the world
happened.
I said Talia Haken, age nine,melbourne, australia.
I said what is happening here?
I just heard her name and itwas like that huge light of her
poem that hit me and I'll readto you the poem.
(58:18):
I think it's a beautiful way toend.
This is what we're all facing.
But Talia Haken, a nine year old, her legacy, her words that she
wrote for the One More LightContest, illuminated a very dark
day in Australia by terroristsand within three weeks, riff
(58:39):
Galea Hopak, who was then inAustralia, a singer.
She said I need to turn thispoem into a melody and I felt
like I was connecting to thesoul, to the light of Talia.
I felt like she was makingeverything happen.
We had the most professionalproducers create a song that was
(59:01):
presented at the launch of thebook at the Jewish Children's
Museum, and we had a whole bunchof singers sing it.
And so what did Talia sing?
When you light up a candle, youlight up your Neshema and you
light up the world.
And when you light up the world, you make it a better place for
(59:25):
you, me and everybody.
Now the world, the world, isdark, but soon it will be bright
for us and Mirza Shamashia willcome.
We're lighting a candle, we'relighting our Neshamas and we're
lighting up the world, and whenwe light up the world, we make
(59:46):
it a better place for you, meand everybody.
And even though now it mightfeel dark, just know this is all
part of the process to generatethe greatest light of Ga'ula
Mashiach.
Speaker 1 (01:00:00):
Now, I mean thank you so much.
This was really a beautifulepisode and a beautiful way to
wrap up these three mitzvahs.
We're going to post links, ifyou wanna reach N'chama, about
many, many of the programs thatshe does.
We're gonna post links to herbooks as well.
Thank you so, so, so much forjoining us here today.
Speaker 2 (01:00:22):
Thank you so much for having me.
["the Star-Spangled Banner"].
Speaker 1 (01:00:34):
Thank you for listening.
We hope you enjoyed and grew.
Original music of Shamil'sNagan provided by Chas and David
K Tech.
Speaker 3 (01:00:41):
We look forward to your input, feedback and
suggestions.
We also have partnershipopportunities available.
Please email info atbodiessoulscom.
Again, info at bodiessoulscomwith two S's.
Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
Thank you ["The Star-Spangled Banner"].
Hi and welcome to our podcast, bodies and Souls
Conversations for the JewishWoman.
Good morning and welcome toBodies and Souls.
Our host for today is RivkiBoyarski and Sarah Lowenthal.
This is the third in our serieson the Three Myths of a Woman.
We will be following this witha one-part episode on hair
(00:39):
covering as well, because thisreally ties to what we're doing.
And again I want to remindpeople that the reason behind
these three episodes is reallyto inspire us all and to uplift
us all in our own personal poweras Jewish women so that we can
really step into that in thebest way possible.
And we're hearing fromdifferent women who really have
(01:00):
stepped into their role andfollowed their really really
passionate parts of them inthese myths of us.
And we really want to see howthis speaks to us and where we
can implement this in our lives.
And we know that theLubavitcher ever told us that
everything that we do as anindividual because the Jewish
nation is really one body andone complete unit if we elevate
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ourselves, we are absolutely anddirectly influencing and
elevating our brothers andsisters in Eretistral.
So today we have with usN'chama labor N'chama, can you
start us off and just tell us alittle bit about what you do on
a general scale, where you'reliving and the work that you do
in general, and why this mitzvahof lighting shabbos candles?
(01:45):
Why is this something that youfeel passionate about?
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Thank you so much, rivki, for inviting me to share
my passion and my love for thismitzvah and all Jewish women,
especially and girls.
That's what I do.
I work with girls, startingfrom Bat mitzvah, and my
shluchas began with Bat mitzvahclub and then it grew into a
(02:09):
camp for girls and overnightcamp called the Jewish girls
retreat, and that evolved into anetwork of Jewish women called
the grow connection networkwomen who want to grow and
connect to Hashem on a deeperlevel, intentionally and so we
use the grow method of prayer,which is based on the four steps
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of dawning, to compose our ownprayers to Hashem.
We meet regularly and I alsouse these methods at our camp
for the girls, and we also haveonline programs for the girls.
Bat mitzvah club is online now.
It's called Bat mitzvah andbeyond.
We also have the teamconnection circle and in these
spaces the girls and women areable to find that light within,
(02:57):
and our motto is shine yourinner light.
Sometimes we need to dig deep toexcavate the soul, especially
when we're surrounded by so muchdarkness.
And why is this mitzvah soimportant?
Because it was important to theRevah.
That's first of all, and theRevah taught us why.
This is the first mitzvah thatwill generate many, many more
(03:23):
mitzvahs, and it's a messagethat we want to instill in
Jewish girls as young as threeyears old that your light
matters.
Your soul came here for aspecific mission and your light
is unique and we need you toshine, and so I like to give
over this message.
And it begins when we're young.
(03:45):
We shine through lighting thosecandles and being taught how to
fulfill Torah mitzvahs, andevery mitzvah is a candle,
k'nare mitzvah, vittorah, orevery mitzvah generates light.
Torah is light, and that'sactually what we think about
when we light the candles.
That, just like I, ushered inthis light.
This is my mission to generatelight all week with every
(04:09):
mitzvah that I do.
It also represents the soul andthe gifts that Hashem has given
us.
Every one of us has a differentgift and as we grow, we develop
those gifts and we get to knowwhat are they.
How can I use my gift of art ormy gift with people, whatever
it is, to shine and to fulfillmy mission in this world?
(04:31):
To serve Hashem, but in myunique way, with the talent and
the strength that Hashem hasgiven me.
So that's number two.
It's another way to generatelight.
Now the third one is where it'sdark and it appears to be
completely void of light and wesay there is no light right now.
(04:53):
In my life and many of us arefeeling this right now the world
has shifted into such deepdarkness, pain and suffering.
If we already know what itmeans to generate light from the
time we're young, we understandthat we have this mission.
We know what our talents are.
That means I have a unique rolein this army of light.
(05:17):
Now I can be a warrior of light.
I see darkness.
It's not darkness, it's lightthat's hidden, the portion of
the world that Hashem hasentrusted to me and said I trust
you, I gave you a soul, I gaveyou this piece of the world
where I want you to bring yourlight, the light of your Neshama
(05:41):
that is specifically createdfor this moment in time.
And this is how we generate themost incredible, brightest
light and we don't just getstuck in darkness and become a
victim of it.
But we recognize from the timewe were little, we were given
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the candle and it doesn't matterhow small we feel.
We were three years old when webegan this journey to generate
light and I might feel so smallin a big dark world.
But I know that Hashementrusted me in this time, in
this place, with all that I needand all the gifts that I need
and the strength to be the lightat this time.
(06:25):
And so these, I would say, isthe three levels that I actually
coach girls and women into, andI help them see that their
challenges are not a punishment,it's not just dark.
They are the artist that needsto know how to find the light.
In this picture, and,personally, when I was young,
(06:46):
when I was five, a picture ofmine was, I guess, chosen to be
placed in the book a candle ofmy own.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
For people who don't see, which we're mostly podcast
the Lubavitcher Rebbe asked fora book to be published for one
of the 10 Mifsyam.
So one of the 10 Mifsyam isLighting Shabbat's Candles and
when that Mifsa was broughtforth, the Rebbe asked for a
book to be published thatfeatured the faces and thoughts
(07:22):
of young women, young girls,lighting Shabbat's candles.
And it's actually a beautifulbook.
I stumbled across it, I'll tellyou funny, like obviously it's
before most of our listeners,it's before their time, but I
stumbled across it in myparents' basement and I remember
like it stopped me in my tracks, like I actually I sat down.
(07:42):
I was, I went down to get Legosfor one of my kids and I saw
the book and I was like oh mygosh.
And I sat down and I wentthrough it and it's really
really very beautiful.
It's really personal andintimate.
I think that's the right word.
It's a very intimate book.
So, n'chama, I know that youwere featured in this book and
(08:03):
that's where your personalconnection to this Mifsa also
comes from right.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Exactly and I.
The picture means a lot more tome because of my life's journey
.
There's a five year old girlgazing at a candle and the
background of the picture iscompletely dark.
And at five years old I was thehappiest, I would say, a really
beautiful child with golden,strawberry, blonde curls, and I
(08:34):
was proud of my light and I wasproud of who I, you know what I
offer to the world.
I was happy, I loved my lifeand this picture always reminded
me that I have a candle of myown and it says on the page the
title of my picture is thiscandle is mine, alone to light.
(09:00):
When does a person feel lonely?
When they're in darkness orwhen they're facing a life
challenge where it feels like noone else understands them.
And we feel very alone.
And at 10 years old I felt veryalone in the grief of losing my
(09:21):
father and I would say that therabbi gave me the rafua before
the maca.
And I gaze on this, at thispicture.
It reminds me, no matter whatdarkness there is, you have a
candle.
This candle is yours, alone tolight.
Only you can bring light intothis portion of the world.
(09:46):
You are given this challengebecause there is light waiting
to be revealed.
Yes, even in grief, even inloneliness, and that creates the
greatest joy.
Victor Frankel says that thedefinition of despair is
suffering without meaning.
(10:06):
But when there's meaning whichis really what the whole message
of Shabbos candles is is youare a powerful generator of
light.
And what happens the momentsbefore Shabbos?
It's chaos, it's stressful,there's tension, there's so much
to do, and then we light thatcandle and it really signifies
(10:29):
the mission.
You can take chaos and turn itinto the most beautiful calming
moments together with yourfamily.
And right after we light, wesay the Shabbos with a hug
representing love, connection.
Can you turn chaos, disconnect,tension, into connection and a
(10:54):
moment of complete serenity andtranquility?
So lighting Shabbos candles, asyou see, truly represents the
mission of every Jewish woman,and not only every Jewish woman,
especially us, but even everyJew In a dark world.
We are all God's Asheschallel,we're all the wife, and Hashem
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is the husband.
He's welcoming us into his homeand we get to create the light
with him, and that just feelsvery empowering.
It doesn't feel like darkness.
Difficulties are here to punishme, but actually it's the
higher level of light that'swaiting for me to be revealed,
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and I will say that I've been onthis journey and with Hashem's
incredible support, and I havemet people who have guided me to
reveal this light.
And that's what I do.
I'm here to help women, firstto recognize that they are the
light they have a candlerecognize their powerful soul
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inside that can dispel anydarkness that Hashem has
entrusted to them, and then wefigure out how to actually
transform that darkness intosuch a powerful light that
reveals your mission in thisworld.
So my name is N'chama Dina andI see that also as my mission to
bring comfort, to bring lightinto the din where there might
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be a feeling of severity,strictness, some Hashem, and to
realize that from the din you'regonna find the greatest
consolation and comfort.
And I would say today I speakabout my father with tremendous
pride.
He was an educator and that'swhat I continue to do.
He was someone who also broughtlove and joy into education,
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creativity, light, and beingaround him was being around
light, and that's now I livewith that light as opposed to
the darkness of loss.
So why am I talking about this?
Because I want people to seeShabbat's candles not just as
this mitzvah that I need to rushto do on time, but actually as
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the symbol of who we are andthat now, at a time of greater
darkness, we're all being askedto reveal the light in the
darkness.
And we know that the light thatwe are already seeing, the
unity, the oneness of the Jewishpeople, is so tremendous that
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we are we're here, we'rebringing that ultimate light of
g'h'ulah, which is what Shabbatalso is.
Shabbat is just a taste of whatwill be when Mashiach comes,
and we are the ones at theforefront of ushering in this
light.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
Wow, n'khama, that was amazing.
You brought in all thesefundamental concepts and you
tied them all in and you made itpersonal as well.
I want to sort of circle backto what you mentioned about how,
when your father passed awayand you were dealing with your
own personal grief, it was thecomfort of Shabbat's candles and
the concept that the candlesrepresented, the concept of
(14:12):
candles being your potential inlife, and that everyone has
their own light and they havetheir own mission, their own
meaning and purpose.
So I want to ask you a littlebit more.
You said you were 10 years oldwhen you went through this
experience.
At 10 years old, you were ableto understand these concepts.
That's what helped you workthrough your grief.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
So it's hard to remember when this concept
really became integrated.
It's actually difficult.
I would say that my foundationwas very, very strong.
I grew up in Crown Heights andI was constantly surrounded by
the light of the Rebbe and Ifocused on that.
(14:53):
I would say it began not withtransforming the darkness of
grief.
There was still that part in myheart that would open once in a
while and it will always bethere.
To tell you the truth, it willalways be there, but I have the
tools to deal with it.
I have the candle, like I knowwhat it is and I know, oh, when
(15:14):
I feel a deeper darkness,there's a deeper light that's
waiting to be revealed.
So I would say that's why it'sthree stages.
Thank God, the foundation thatmy parents gave me was very,
very strong, in Emuna andBittachin, and my father, from
the youngest age, taught me totrust in Hashem, no matter what.
Those were his last words.
So I would say, just knowingthat that I'm a light and maybe
(15:36):
even yes, I was in this booklike I'm special, so I'm just
gonna focus on that.
What is it that I can do withmy life?
I don't yet know how to dealwith this darkness.
It's difficult to face.
I didn't feel comfortablespeaking about it From a young
age.
I waited many, many years, Iwould say.
(15:58):
Probably when I was in highschool I spoke about it for a
little bit, but, yeah, I didn'tyet know how to generate the
light and darkness, let's say aswhen I was an adult and I was
really secure in who I am andthat I am.
I'm an educator and I have thislight that, yes, I always said
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it came from my parents and myfather, who showed me the power
of an educator, the impact wecan have on future generations.
But then I was ready.
It's like when you have thosefoundations, you have a life of
Torah and Mitzvahs, and then youhave the skills and strengths
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and you're using the light thatHashem has given you.
Then you hit a point where thatis still depleting you.
It's like taking energy out ofyou.
There's still this dark holethat needs to be filled with
something like Hamakom yinachem,eschem.
(17:00):
There's.
Hashem is the place that has tobe filled with godliness, with
godly light, and I would saythat in my 30s, when I reached
the age that my father was whenhe passed away, it hit me that
this is my new avaita.
This is what God wants from meto face it, to recognize that
(17:20):
there's light here.
And I was able to actually growas an educator and grow in my
mission and expand it and writea book called Finding Song and
Sorrow Sharing my Journey.
And that was my second book,after One More Light about
Shabbos candles.
(17:41):
So I guess I took that lightinto that dark tunnel.
What is Bittachon?
I love Shabbos Bittachon.
That's another one of mypassions.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
So I think, n'chama, I'm just gonna pause you because
there's so much information,you have so much knowledge that
you're sharing with us and it'sso wonderful.
But I think that one of thethings that you keep going back
to is this imbita chon and howimbita chon is like the thread
throughout your life and thethread throughout Neshach.
But I wanna go back a stepbefore this and I think that
(18:10):
this is really important for usto understand.
We've discussed Chala with ouraudience.
We've discussed Nida with ouraudience.
Both of these mitzvahs that arevery much attached to something
very physical bread, intimacy.
These are very physical thingsand here maybe this is a more
abstract mitzvah or maybe it'salso combining the physical and
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the spiritual.
So I wanna go back a little bitand explore the connection
between the physical and thespiritual in this mitzvah.
And what is the intentionbehind this mitzvah?
Is it the samuna imbita chonthat keeps coming up in our
conversation here?
What's the focus when a womanis connecting to this mitzvah?
Speaker 2 (18:54):
So, really, all the three mitzvahs are ways that we
weave the physical and thespiritual together, all three.
So you discussed Chala.
Chala is how we bring Hasheminto our food preparation and
into the physical ingredients.
Okay, now, in family purity, wesee it's a physical activity
(19:18):
that draws down the highestspiritual energies.
So what is Hadlaka Sanayus?
What is candle lighting?
This is exactly what we weretalking about.
It's that women have the uniquegift to generate light, and
this is what the candlesymbolize all the mitzvahs that
add light to the world.
As Shlomo Amalek said, amitzvah is a candle and Torah is
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light.
So when we light our Shabboscandles, we ask Hashem to
illuminate the home, with ShalomBaez and with children
radiating nachas, and that ourchildren should spread the light
of Torah as well and theyshould connect to that light.
And this is the mitzvah that'smost connected to bringing
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Ga'ula, bringing Mashiach,because it's really Shabbos, is
a taste of that time and itrepresents our role as women to
usher in this light of Mashiach,using the mitzvahs that
generate light and the nishama,with our unique gifts, to bring
that light into the world, whichwill ultimately bring the
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greatest light.
And I would say the lastfrontier is to bring light into
those dark places where wedidn't want to face because it
was too painful.
And that's what Ga'ula andGa'ula have to.
They're both almost the sameword, except for the alif.
The alif is bringing theoneness of Hashem into the
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trauma, into the dark, into thepain, and revealing a new,
incredible light.
That is why it might seem veryspiritual, but really that is
our mission.
And how can you apply that toyour life today?
What are we facing in the wholeworld?
This is darkness.
(21:10):
Every one of us needs to askourselves what is my unique gift
at this time that Hashem wantsme to use to generate light in
this dark world?
And we see everyone'smobilizing and joining a
different part of the army.
There's the physical army onground, and then some of us are
in the spiritual army, but weare all bringing that light that
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will usher in the light ofMashiach.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
I wonder, though, is there some sort of connection
between we're talking aboutlight and dark, and I think this
is the only mitzvah from allthree mitzvs, or probably from
all mitzvs in general, aside formaybe saying Shema, where we
are almost?
It almost feels like we'reremoving ourselves from the
situation.
We're covering our eyes, and Iknow that there's halachic
(21:56):
ramifications to why we coverour eyes when we cover our eyes,
but on a spiritual aspect, isthis connected to the dark and
the light as well?
Is it connected?
Speaker 2 (22:06):
to the dark and the light.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
We're talking about the dark and the light and so
here we're bringing this lightand then we say the bracha.
And I know that, like I said,there's halachic ramifications,
there's a reason we're coveringour eyes as well, from a purely
halachic perspective.
But if we're talking about darkand light and dark and night,
amuna, bitaach, and believingseeing, bringing that, is that
also why, like part of why,we're covering our eyes Or-.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
That's interesting.
I think in those areas you canbring in your own insights.
There's no right and wrong, butI really do like that idea is
that I'm covering my eyes whereit's dark and I'm welcoming in
the light, like we go with youknow.
We circle our hands around thecandles and we say we're
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bringing in the light to whatfeels very dark where my eyes
are closed, just like in ShemaYisrael.
It's a sensing that, even whenI can't see it, hashem al-Aqaynu
, like Hashem Hava'ya, the levelof Hashem which is above nature
, above concealment, is ahad,it's all one, that this is the
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same God in the light and in thedarkness.
He created both and he gave mea mission to bring the light
into it.
And our whole goal is to createShabbat to the world.
So that is it's not the week,is not the goal.
During the week, we are reallyfocusing on Shabbat.
Some people spend every dayasking themselves and I would
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encourage everyone to do thiswhat am I doing today for
Shabbat?
That every day is infused withShabbat, not that there's
Shabbat like it's its ownseparate thing, but actually we
want to bring Shabbat into everyday.
And where do we get the strengthto do that from, from Sarah
Emenu, because it says that hercandles remain lit all week.
(23:55):
And I love how the Rebbeempowers women and he says the
candles of Avraham and Yitzhakdid not stay lit all week.
It was only Rivka who broughtback Sarah's candles, and her
candles also illuminated, theystayed lit all week.
So the Rebbe says well, ofcourse today we're not going to
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necessarily see that with ourphysical eyes, but the light
that we generate when we usherin Shabbat, we're bringing in
that light into the dark,darkness it influences the
entire week.
Now, practically speaking, Iwould say, when you cover your
eyes, think about what is thelight that you bring to your
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home, to your world, and thankHashem for that light and then
ask Hashem for the strength tocontinue to generate that light
and for a world filled withlight and peace.
That is definitely.
And then you can take that intoeach day of the week until
(25:02):
we'll have the ultimate Shabbat.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
This is very powerful .
I don't think I've ever madethe connection between lighting
Shabbat's candles and bringingabout my own personal light and
focusing on that.
I probably always thought aboutHashem Shlina and Kudusha that
I'm bringing in the house, andyet you really are drawing our
attention to our own selves andilluminating the power and the
strength that we carry as women,and I really I'm really
(25:26):
connecting to this concept.
But I am wondering, becausethis word light might be a
generic word or a vague word Canwe be super specific and really
explain what does it mean, whenwe bring out our light, that
the Shabbat's candles representsa woman being able to carry out
her personal light?
So I would love to hear also,if possible, a definition and a
(25:52):
story, perhaps as a personalstory that you can share, from
your life?
Speaker 2 (25:56):
That's a great question and you're bringing it
more practical.
So we always hear that a womansets the tone in her home.
What does that mean?
That we generate light and,practically speaking, what is
light?
Light is warmth, it's feminineenergy.
It's connecting to that mahalas, to the queen.
And what does it mean to reallybe the queen of our home and
(26:20):
bring light where there'sdarkness?
I would say a conquering energywould be forcing, you know,
being very strong aboutsomething, criticizing, saying
this has to be this way.
And then there's the feminineapproach.
How do we nurture and generatelight in a relationship?
(26:44):
It's with warmth, it's withlove.
All that is light.
It's that when someone walks ina room, their energy brings
light, just their being.
Shabbos is about being, andit's not about forcing people to
do things.
It's really about being therole model and generating the
language that's going to createoneness and unity.
(27:07):
So a story about this it's veryinteresting because it's
constant work.
I run a camp and I also teach,and we see that directly in
education.
There's many ways to motivateothers.
So you can have the quick way,the short way, and make very
strict rules and force everyoneto follow them and then punish
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them when they disobey, and weall know what that looks like,
and we can criticize and we canpoint out what's wrong and then
say this needs to be improved.
And I have personally seen thatthat doesn't generate light and
warmth and it creates moredistance.
(27:50):
It's not motivating, butsometimes, when it's so
important and you're passionateabout something, it could come
across that way.
So I have asked myself whatdoes it mean to speak words of
light and to be the light?
And so, first of all, it'sconnecting to my inner light and
(28:13):
recognizing the light that's inme already so I'm enough and
respecting that light.
Then I can respect someone elseand their light and the
limitations.
Everyone has light andlimitations, and so what I would
say specifically is really justbeing in gratitude instead of
(28:35):
you didn't do this or I wantthis.
Start off with thank you forsetting the table.
Yes, maybe they didn't doeverything according to your
wishes.
They said it wrong.
It was on the wrong side of thetable, they forgot the cups I
did so.
Easy to point out.
Hey, and it's not one story ofmy life, this is a journey.
(28:57):
It's so easy to say well, youdidn't do the dishes.
Well, you left the kitchen amess.
You made a cake, but you leftit a big mess.
For me, instead, it's like hey,start with gratitude.
And this is actually a developedgrow method, which is the
acronym of grow, and I would saythat speaking this is the
language of Tefila, it's thelanguage of Maljos and a
(29:21):
language of light, and that'swhy, when you're bringing in
light, it's not something youcould touch, it's a mood, it's a
communication style, it's avibe, it's actually your energy,
and so people can sense yourenergy.
Right when you have two friendsmeet right away, we can feel
each other.
I can feel, if I feelcomfortable and safe to open up,
(29:44):
if you're the one I want toshare my vulnerabilities with,
and that's because I feelaccepted for who I am.
And that's the beginning.
That's what gratitude is.
Every morning, hashem says Iaccept you the way you are.
Here is your soul.
This is your light.
Please shine it today.
(30:04):
I trust you, but God, I didn'tdo a good job yesterday.
Well, I trust you again today.
He doesn't point out what wedid wrong.
That's what I would say isbringing light.
So this is a language that Ipersonally am practicing and
teaching it to others.
In gross circles.
I'm training educators to bringthis into their classroom to
(30:26):
start off with a daveningpreparation of personalizing
these words.
So gratitude, thank you, hashem.
Thank you and, if I want to sayit in a personal way to someone
else, thank you for setting thetable.
I recognize that.
So R is recognition.
That's like the praise.
It's noticing the small things.
(30:46):
That is what generates thelight.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Also bring this conversation a little bit
backwards, if you don't mind.
Just grow is Nechama's personalexplanation for growth, so it's
an acronym of grow and, I think, correctly for Mahmoud Nechama.
You use this in other areas aswell, not just in relation to
Shabbos candles, but you havejournals and different other
(31:12):
tools that you share with womenso that they can grow, and this
is like an acronym.
That is the basis of a lot ofthe work that you do, am I
correct?
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Yes, especially when your life brings you darkness,
it's so easy to focus on whatyou don't have, and that becomes
the way your brain sees.
Things Like I don't have afather, I don't have this, why
me?
Speaker 1 (31:37):
Right, like even in this conflict we're seeing, a
lot of us are hyper-focusing on.
It's very interesting.
I'm going to bring this alittle bit more to the situation
that women here are feelingLike.
Last week was Piggisha I'm sureyou know that right and the
week before that there wasanother group, and I routinely
speak to groups here that comeand travel, and the week before
(32:00):
one of the groups that I wasspeaking to, the organizer, said
oh, can we have a Shabbos mealby you?
And I was like no, I just don'tfeel.
Like I feel so heavy and like Ithink a lot of women who are
talking to each other they'reusing word brain fog because
there's a trauma that'shappening to a lot of us, like a
communal, intergenerationaltrauma thing, and a lot of what
we're doing is doom scrollingright, we're looking, we're
(32:21):
looking, we're looking.
We're focused on this darknessthat we're talking about and in
this conversation of lightversus darkness, shabbos candles
as something bringing light, wehave to keep bringing this
conversation back to the presentright and right here in the
space that we're in, a lot of usare hyper focused on the dark.
Now, what was really interestingis so I said no to that group,
(32:42):
but I did say yes to a groupcoming to us for Pigisha and it
ended up being three groups.
It was a really large thing andI had Rabbi Tzvi Freeman at my
Shabbos table and I spoke beforehim.
I had shared something with thetable and then he spoke next
and afterwards I told the personwho had the larger group at my
table.
I was like I wish he would havespoken for us because he did
(33:02):
this mind shift to me and he waslike it's very easy.
One of the things he sharedwith the students is that it's
very easy to focus on theminority.
That's bringing a lot ofdarkness and in reality they're
making a lot of noise.
It's angry noise, it's loudnoise, it's scary noise, but
it's not the important part.
So we tend to focus on thedarkness rather than the light.
(33:26):
But I think that what you'recoming around again and again
and maybe, if I say itdifferently, I'm processing it
more is that, in the light ofthis mitzvah, is the imuna and
bittachan.
In the light of your personallife, in that moment where
you're connecting to your powers, whether that's being a kind
(33:49):
mother, being a kind spouse,using your artistic abilities,
whatever that means to you youare connecting to a transcendent
power and in that space, you'realso connecting to the fact
that we trust that transcendentpower and we trust the plan and
we know that there's a plan.
We've been here before.
We know that Hashem wantswhat's best for us.
(34:11):
It might look dark, but in thismoment, once a week, we need to
bring that light and connect tothe light and trust the light,
and in that space is imuna andbittachan.
Is that part of like I want toprocess with you?
Speaker 2 (34:26):
Yes, exactly, you're connecting to the source of the
light that's in you, like whenSarah said, oh, I never
connected, that there's a lightof Hashem inside of me to be
grateful for.
Yeah, that's the part of youthat is your generator of all
the light that you shine.
Of course, hashem and you areone and there's the big source
(34:49):
of light.
But how do I get real withHashem?
That's what we're saying.
Imuna is faith.
I believe in God, but bittachanis.
I breathe God, I live with himin that dark place, in the dark
tunnel.
That's where bittachan springsinto action, where I don't see
the light, I don't see the wayout, but I know that I'll get
(35:12):
out of here without a doubt.
How do I do that?
I hold on to the light fromwithin me.
I'm not looking for an outsideof me.
I'm going inside because I knowthat that's where there's light
.
And generating that light hasto come into our physical
thoughts, our thoughts.
First we think about it andthen we need to speak it out,
(35:36):
because our words actuallycreate light.
They create our reality.
They can create light or dark.
We know how a word, one word,one comment you say to someone
else.
It can destroy them or it canjust open them up to their own
light.
So that's why I've taken thelanguage of the sitter, which
this means order to open up thelight of our nishama.
(36:00):
And I just want to review grossdance for gratitude, which is
morning blessings.
So think of your own gratitude,just for your breath of life.
We're all in this trauma.
Oh, my gosh, the world's comingto an end.
We're falling apart here.
What's going to be?
It's so frightening.
Stop Breathe.
(36:21):
May de ani Acknowledge thatthere is an ani, there is a
little nishama inside of there.
That's way more powerful thanany darkness.
So it's really that's first, thebelief I believe.
I acknowledge it, I'm gratefulfor it.
I'm grateful that I'm alive tosee this new light emerge from
darkness.
I recognize that this isHashem's way of running the
(36:47):
world.
Yerid al-Itsar al-Haliyah.
What are the concepts that Ican connect to at this time?
I recognize that, as Jewishwomen, we were the beacons of
light in Egypt.
We're living it right now.
How can this go from beliefinto my reality?
How can I speak it out?
It could be recognizing my owngoodness.
(37:08):
Can I look around and insteadof bringing that dark energy,
the nervous, worry, fear, intomy home, I look at the light of
my child, of a family member,and I say you are a light in my
life, I love you, thank you forbeing here.
(37:29):
And that's recognition is goingdeeper into the details of how
Hashem takes care of us, thepeople in our life, what they
mean to us, what we mean toourselves, the details of our
mission.
Thank you, recognizing it,recognizing our journey, the
journey of the Jewish people,the miracles that have already
(37:50):
happened.
You know the Baruch ShammarVahya'ilam, that there's a God
that is animating this worldwith His words.
What am I doing with my words?
Am I generating goodness andlight?
And oneness is Shema.
All this is not enough if it'sjust my thoughts.
It needs to come into my heartIn oneness with Hashem.
(38:11):
I have now a power to generatelight.
I light my candles and Iremember that I can be that
candle I have.
One of our favorite songs istrust your inner light.
Shadows fall away.
Hold your candle high.
Night will turn today, if youwant.
It's called shine.
(38:31):
And then we end off with shineyour inner light, when you can
trust in that inner light thatGod has given you, and then we
take care of ourselves and allof our needs in a physical body.
We're creating that home forHashem.
We are creating light and wecannot let the darkness control
(38:52):
us, because we're not going tofight darkness with sticks and
with fear and with worrying allday long.
It's focusing on the light and Iwould say that I, if I
recognize my own journey, if Igo back to my own growth, I
would say I'm really grateful.
I started this journey when Iwas 10.
God, you put me in thisdarkness.
(39:12):
What does it mean?
But I believe in you, I believethat everything is good, but I
don't see it, I don't get you.
And that's real, it's okay.
You have a real relationshipwith Hashem.
It's in that dark tunnel andthen I recognize what is what is
mean, what's the meaning inthis.
(39:32):
And as we get older and moremature, we could actually see
that our challenges and ourstrengths really match up.
Our darkness and our light arepart of a package given to us to
fulfill our mission in onenesswith Hashem and partnership with
Hashem.
We're one and Hashem wants usto co-create a new reality.
He we're here for 2000 yearsbecause Hashem wants us to bring
(39:56):
Ga'ulah.
He could just make it happen.
Why did he put us in a messedup world Because he says I trust
you, I gave you a piece of me.
Please recognize it in yourself, reveal it and be in oneness
with it.
Take that one action to dispeldarkness.
What can you do right now, inthis moment, that is going to
(40:20):
dispel darkness around you, thedarkness inside of us?
It could be a positive thoughtversus that negative thought
that brings me fear, and my wish, that's my Shmone Esme.
I just need to do my part.
And now I turn to Hashem, andhe's responsible for the outcome
.
I wish that, hashem, you showme the fruits that you bring and
(40:44):
you grow Ga'ulah, you grow thelight.
I might have to keep at thisuntil I see the light, but I
know there's light because Itrust in you, hashem, and I go
back to that gratitude thatHashem put me in this world to
bring light.
And that's why the firststatement of creation is
vaheheor.
We didn't need light before aman was created, because God was
(41:07):
telling us don't be afraid ofthe darkness, let there be light
.
And so this is my copingmechanism.
When I face darkness, I askmyself what is a mitzvah to do?
What are my talents?
How can I generate more light,what can I create and how would
(41:27):
I be there for others and formyself, and how could I fuel
this light?
Don't forget, when you'reconstantly giving generating
light, we need to make sure thatthe candle within us is fueled
with physical needs as wellspiritual needs.
So actually during this time, Irealized that I need to connect
(41:49):
with women, so I started growcircles for women every morning,
1030 on Zoom, it's open like anopen chabad house for women.
We have grow mentors who aresupporting women in breakout
rooms.
We practice this grow languageto focus on the light, focus on
the Neshama that Hashem hasgiven me.
And when there's more darkness,there's more light to be
(42:10):
revealed.
And we need doulas Rifki.
You're like a doula, right,you're a midwife.
We need more support at thetime.
What are you?
A doula A midwife.
You're a midwife?
Okay, but you're a midwifeliterally like a Miriam and a
Yahabed.
You're supporting women tobring light into this world and
(42:35):
it doesn't come without thecontractions and without the
darkness and the pain.
But I can handle the painbecause I know there's a baby
that's coming.
So I can handle this pain rightnow.
Not that I'm condoning it andI'm not accepting it, but we are
going to scream Am Yisrael Chai, because the light of the
(42:56):
Jewish people isinextinguishable.
So what is your light?
And be that light.
And when you light your candleson Friday evening, close your
cover, welcoming that light.
Every week we need a new sourceof light, like a stronger light
than the week before.
As we get closer to theultimate light, we bring in that
(43:17):
light and we cover our eyes andwe say that blessing and one is
with Hashem.
And we then we stay in that, inthat sacred place, talk to
Hashem and say thank you, hashem.
I'm grateful.
I recognize this week's journeyand been easy, but I also
recognize the way you'resustaining me.
(43:38):
I know you're taking care ofthings.
I know you're behind thistapestry I don't yet see the
full picture and in oneness withyou, hashem, I'll just stay in
this place of trust and lovemyself and the soul you gave me
(43:59):
and the light that I need togenerate.
I will do it for you, even whenit's hard.
I want to stay curled up in mybed and I want to be frozen and
I don't want to do anythingbecause it's so dark and
difficult.
And I wish Hashem.
I will never stop wishing,because that's a Jew.
I will wish for K'ula, I willwish and I will yearn that you
(44:20):
bring us the ultimate Shabbat'speace and tranquility to Am
Yisrael forever.
Speaker 1 (44:26):
I love that, that's almost like a meditation
question.
So I have cousins in variousforms of Jewish observance, so
Litvishah cousins, mizrahicousins, mount Northodox, like
all over the spectrum of ofwe're Yidin practice
authentically in their VaitahHashem Labavach.
(44:48):
I wouldn't say is unique, butone of the more unique spaces in
which we start benchingShabbat's lips with our girls at
a very, very young age.
So we're talking about allthese big, lofty, amazing
spiritual connections toShabbat's candles.
But some people are evenlighting Shabbat's candles when
(45:10):
their children are before threeyears old, as soon as they can
make a brecha.
There's a yes.
If we bench-lips with ourdaughters, why are three years
old?
Why did the Revive feel thatgirls should start doing this
mitzvah at such a young age,where, at an age where they
might not be connecting to themitzvah on a deep level?
Speaker 2 (45:34):
Excellent question.
So the Rebbe definitelyaddresses this in the famous
Sicha of Parshishchai-sara,where he proves that even Rufka
Imenu lit Shabbat's candles atthree years old and you could
say well, she was more maturefor a three-year-old, but still
the Rebbe says she was stillthree years old.
Facts are she's three.
And another time the Rebbespoke about the fact that this
(46:00):
mitzvah might have been lost tothe young girls, because in
Europe it was just the motherthat lit.
Perhaps it was for economicreasons to save on the candles,
but even so, the Rebbe said withthe times we have to evolve.
Just like it used to be thatJewish girls didn't go to school
(46:20):
and they learned everythingfrom their mother.
And now that there are schoolsfor young girls, and even that
there were a lot of people thatwere against establishing the
Jewish schools for girls, andnow we see it's an accepted
thing.
So in a similar way, girls needto know that they are owning
(46:43):
their Yiddish kite, that theyhave their own candle.
And the Rebbe said somewherethat it used to be that a Jewish
girl, like a girl, was veryobedient.
The mother would say wear this,and she wore it.
But now girls have moreownership of even the clothes
that they wear.
They have their own taste andthey're not just going to wear
what their grandmother wore, solet them also carry their own
(47:06):
candle, own it, because theyneed to own their own Yiddish
kite.
And we're living at a timewhere Jewish girls are exposed
to way more than before, andthat's the reason why we need
schools to educate them.
They're not getting everythingfrom the home, so it's reflected
by every girl also carrying herown light and lighting her own
(47:30):
Shabbos candle.
Speaker 1 (47:31):
Another question.
You brought up the Imahai.
So all these three myths of aJewish woman are mentioned in
the Torah.
There's not a modern dayphenomenon that these are
specific to us and our power ofwomen?
Why?
Why, these three are specific.
We touched them in a little bitof a more general way, but
let's talk about the connectionthat the Imahai's had to these
(47:53):
three myths.
But specifically, you spokeabout bringing light into our at
the end of our week, but weknow that the Chalice stayed
fresh the whole week, the lightstayed lit the whole week and
the cloud was on top of the tent.
So that means that there's somesort of connection with the
whole week, not just duringtimes where you're actively
(48:14):
baking bread or, you know, goingto mikvah or benching, but
there's something that's tellingus about women as a whole.
As Jewish women, what is ourrole and how it's connected to
these three women.
So can we talk a little bitabout that?
Speaker 2 (48:27):
I love that question Because these myths represent
the mission of Jewish women.
What are we doing?
We are creating a dirahbet-ah-ta'inim, a dwelling place
for our home, for Hashem in ourhome, and these three mitzvahs
are the general way that we doit.
(48:49):
And how do we?
What does it mean to create adwelling for Hashem?
It's infusing the physical withthe spiritual.
My book is called Weaving theTapestry about the Asheschall.
If you read the verses ofAsheschall from Alif the Taf,
it's all about her physicalactivities.
(49:12):
She makes clothes, she doesbusiness, she plants a vineyard,
you know.
She stays up late baking, shewakes up early for food prep.
So what's going on here?
Why doesn't it talk about herlofty spiritual pursuits, that
she prays and she learns.
And she, you know she, it sayspiach, paschal behachma, that
(49:33):
her mouth opens the syriah'schesed with the Torah of chesed,
and the Torah of chesed is thatshe teaches others.
So even her Torah is kindness,because it's to share with
others, it's to empower othersin a kind and loving way.
So you see that it's not somuch about her spiritual
(49:54):
meditations and all that.
And so in these three mitzvahswe see, and in the Asheschall,
that every single thing that shedoes is for the purpose of
creating a dwelling place forHashem on earth.
This is our mission.
This is why God created theworld in the first place.
So now, if we take it apart, wesee from the word hachayn,
(50:22):
which means her beauty, shekharhachayn, that a woman's beauty
we see is hinted to in thesethree mitzvahs hey, is hadlaka
Seniors.
So when she's a young child, shebegins with generating light
and recognizing that she has anashamma and that she has a
(50:44):
unique mission to illuminate theworld.
And she does this with her Taramitzvahs, because every mitzvah
is a candle and Tara is lightThen continues as she gets older
, she learns how to break kalaand that represents all of her
mundane activities using theingredients that ashamma has
(51:05):
given her, her talents, herskills, her physical being.
And she learns how to nourishothers, both physically and
spiritually, like giving toothers, like we said, with
gratitude, recognizing them,nurturing others.
That's the positive way tobring light into the world.
And then and nourish others Imean not really bringing light
(51:29):
but, like I said that before,but the nourishing of another
person is in filling them up.
So that's the kala.
The kala is all the ways thatwe use the raw ingredients that
ashamma has given us and weelevate it spiritually.
And then we have nida, which isTara mitzvah, which is family
(51:53):
purity, and when a girl getsolder, that's when she starts to
fulfill that mitzvah andbringing hashem into the
physical aspects of her marriageand her family.
So you see that really, thoseare the three miracles of Sara.
All of those aspects weremiraculous for Sara.
(52:14):
Her candle stayed lit all week,her kala stayed fresh and she
had a cloud of hashem over hertent, which represented that the
glory of hashem was always withher.
Hashem was always there.
And this is our mission.
I always, and when I teachgirls and women, I ask them how
can you recreate these miraclesin your home?
(52:35):
How do you generate light,Hadlaka, sanayahs, kala, how do
you nourish others in alldifferent ways, empower them,
nourish them, give to otherswhat the talents hashem has
given you?
And then, of course, how do youbring hashem into your home
through the family, through themitzvahs of family purity.
(52:57):
But for a girl, I just say howdo you, how do you bring hashem
into your home, invite him intoyour space, and that really
represents our mission in thisworld.
Speaker 3 (53:07):
Wow, thank you, n'hama.
That was incredible how youtook the three mitzvahs and you
gave us a whole new perspectiveon them.
Now, right at the beginning ofstarting to speak about the
three mitzvahs, you threw inthis little sentence and you
said in my book.
And I'm wondering what is thisbook?
Tell us about this book thatyou've mentioned.
Speaker 2 (53:29):
Oh, one more light, thank you.
So because I you see, at fiveyears old, in my formative years
, I was put in the book One MoreLight, not One More Light, a
Candle of my Own Thoughts onShabbos, candles by Girls who
Light them, when I was launchingJewish Girls Unite, one of our
(53:50):
first campaigns.
It's a global network forJewish girls, and we started
this in 2014 before we had Zoom,so it was actually a little
more difficult to meet online,but we still did, and we had
classes for girls, especiallythose who were in places that
were lacking the light ofcommunity and girls and friends.
(54:12):
So they found this safe spaceonline and I realized, women, we
need to rejuvenate this midstof lighting candles and also
inspiring others to light.
Like Neshek was a big thingwhen I was growing up and I
think, like 10 years ago, it waskind of quiet.
It wasn't like you have this.
Neshek actually means weapon inHebrew and Neshek stands for
(54:36):
Nero, shabbat Kodesh.
This is our weapon of light.
Are we sharing this with others?
The Rev was so into going onMidsyam.
Yeah, we did that when we werein high school, but now how much
are we doing it?
Like?
Are we just meeting a Jew andare we ready with that
ammunition in our pocket?
Do we have our candles when wemeet a Jew that might not light
(54:57):
Shabbat's candles?
So we created a big thing andLinda Schwartz was getting ready
for her daughter's Basitzvahand she shared with me that she
became from through a Shabbatonwith Manus Friedman, that she
was invited by Rahul Azar of inTexas and she told me the one.
She heard a lecture from ManusFriedman about the power of
(55:17):
lighting Shabbat's candles andafter that she said I need to do
this, I need to create a home,and that's one of the reasons
why this is the first Midsah.
We inspire others because onceyou light a Shabbat's candle,
then you want to have aShabbat's table and then you
want to have a Jewish home, andthat's what happened to her.
So she asked Hashem to send hera Jewish husband, and her
(55:41):
husband's name is Ori, which islight, and she just shared her
story, which is in the book OneMore Light.
And when her daughter wasbecoming Basitzvah, this was so
important to her that she saidlet's do something connected to
this Midsah for my daughter'sBasitzvah project.
So she ordered 1,000candlesticks that were designed
by the Levaguchirabah those goldones you can find them online
(56:05):
and Esther's Mrs Sturmburkestill sells them, and the Rebbe
designed them for safety and forbeauty.
And I said, wow, like these arethe same candles.
And the Rebbe wanted us to givecandlesticks because it's a
reminder to light the next week.
If you light a tea light, it'sgone.
So Linda was very generous andshe said let's send this out to
(56:26):
any girl who will give it andinspire others to light.
So we sent packages and wecreated an online program for
girls, for schools to jointogether and her daughter's yeah
, for her daughter's Basitzvah.
This was in 2016.
We launched the campaign calledOne More Light and at the same
(56:50):
time, we said girls, send inyour submissions of why you love
lighting Shabbat's candles.
And that became in 2017, wepublished the book, which is
really an inspiration from theRebbe's first book, and I'll
tell you what happened.
(57:10):
While I was concluding theediting of the book, I found out
tragically that this girl,talia Haken, had been killed by
a terrorist in Australia, and itreally hit me hard because she
was in the school with some ofmy relatives.
And then I was like I said, Iwas finishing to edit and there
(57:33):
was an email that I hadn'topened up for whatever reason, I
just skipped it.
And I was looking over all thesubmissions and I said, hey, how
come I never opened this one?
Let me see, maybe it's one thatneeds to be published?
And there on my screen poppedopen a handwritten submission
which was quite unique, fromTalia Haken, and I was like I'm
(57:54):
not sure if I'm gonna be able todo it and I flipped, I screamed
.
My secretary thought like theworst thing in the world
happened.
I said Talia Haken, age nine,melbourne, australia.
I said what is happening here?
I just heard her name and itwas like that huge light of her
poem that hit me and I'll readto you the poem.
(58:18):
I think it's a beautiful way toend.
This is what we're all facing.
But Talia Haken, a nine year old, her legacy, her words that she
wrote for the One More LightContest, illuminated a very dark
day in Australia by terroristsand within three weeks, riff
(58:39):
Galea Hopak, who was then inAustralia, a singer.
She said I need to turn thispoem into a melody and I felt
like I was connecting to thesoul, to the light of Talia.
I felt like she was makingeverything happen.
We had the most professionalproducers create a song that was
(59:01):
presented at the launch of thebook at the Jewish Children's
Museum, and we had a whole bunchof singers sing it.
And so what did Talia sing?
When you light up a candle, youlight up your Neshema and you
light up the world.
And when you light up the world, you make it a better place for
(59:25):
you, me and everybody.
Now the world, the world, isdark, but soon it will be bright
for us and Mirza Shamashia willcome.
We're lighting a candle, we'relighting our Neshamas and we're
lighting up the world, and whenwe light up the world, we make
(59:46):
it a better place for you, meand everybody.
And even though now it mightfeel dark, just know this is all
part of the process to generatethe greatest light of Ga'ula
Mashiach.
Speaker 1 (01:00:00):
Now, I mean thank you so much.
This was really a beautifulepisode and a beautiful way to
wrap up these three mitzvahs.
We're going to post links, ifyou wanna reach N'chama, about
many, many of the programs thatshe does.
We're gonna post links to herbooks as well.
Thank you so, so, so much forjoining us here today.
Speaker 2 (01:00:22):
Thank you so much for having me.
["the Star-Spangled Banner"].
Speaker 1 (01:00:34):
Thank you for listening.
We hope you enjoyed and grew.
Original music of Shamil'sNagan provided by Chas and David
K Tech.
Speaker 3 (01:00:41):
We look forward to your input, feedback and
suggestions.
We also have partnershipopportunities available.
Please email info atbodiessoulscom.
Again, info at bodiessoulscomwith two S's.
Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
Thank you ["The Star-Spangled Banner"].
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