May 10, 2025 • 26 mins
Influencing others is more about how we interact with people than actually changing those around us. Today on Bold Steps Weekend, Pastor Mark is going to teach from First Peter chapter 3 on some principles that have the potential to greatly influence and affect your relationships.
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Episode Transcript
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S1 (00:00):
Influencing others is more about how we interact with people
than actually changing those around us. And that's the topic
today on Bold Steps Weekend with Mark Jobe.
S2 (00:10):
Get the junk out of your heart so that you
actually have the ability to connect and relate with your husband.
You're submitting yourself to God, and God has an influence
on your heart and has affected the way you live
your life. Not by the many words that you speak,
but by the purity and the reverence of the life
that you live. That's called influence.
S1 (00:43):
Welcome to Bold Steps Weekend with Mark Jobe, president of
Moody Bible Institute and senior pastor of New Life Community
Church in Chicago. I'm Wayne Shepherd. Mark, we're going to
hear some principles today from God's word. First, Peter, actually,
that have the potential to greatly influence and affect our relationships,
whether it's a marriage relationship or any other kind in life.
S2 (01:03):
When I've been married for over 30 years now and
the most influential person in my life besides the Lord
is my wife, of course. And you know, over the
years you learn that, uh, you can influence your spouse
for the good or for the bad. And I have
to say, she's influenced me way for the good.
S1 (01:25):
You got a good one?
S2 (01:27):
Yeah, but but but, you know, every spouse goes through
wrestling through the idea of how do I live with
the person that has bad habits, how do I work
through the unforgiveness I have or the hurt I have?
And this passage is going to deal with how to
influence your spouse in a godly way. And so I
think this is going to a lot of people are
(01:49):
going to get a lot out of this, right?
S1 (01:51):
And it does apply to all relationships in life. That's
that's the power of God's Word. Okay. First Peter chapter three.
Here's Mark job.
S2 (01:59):
If you're married, you you all have understood that sometimes
we get married and there's a tendency to want to
change our spouse, alter them a little bit. We love them.
But can you change? And I don't know if you
remember your first fight you ever had. Those of you
that are married, do you remember the first fight you
(02:20):
had after you got married? Some of you are like, no,
it's been so long. So many fights past, I can't remember.
So I do remember my first fight after I got married.
I got married to my beautiful wife, Dee. I was
21 years old. We got married, and I scrounged up
enough money to be able to buy tickets to go
(02:42):
to the country that I grew up in, which was
the country of Spain. But I didn't have enough money
once I got there to stay at a hotel. So
I borrowed a car and threw a tent in the trunk.
And I told my wife, hey, it's going to be
beautiful scenario, but we're going to you'll have to sleep
in a tent with me. And so when you're in love,
(03:04):
those things don't matter that much, right? And so I
drove my borrowed car, and we would drive up the coast.
And if we saw a place we'd like, we'd park
the car, put up the tent and sleep there. And
it was working out pretty well now. My wife made
sure I understood. She's a city girl. She let me
know that I'm a city girl, I don't camp. But
(03:26):
for the honeymoon, in light of the circumstances, she indulged
me and we camped. But she made sure I understood.
I'm not a camping type of girl, so let's not
get used to this. And so we were traveling through
up the coast of Spain, and we traveled into Italy,
and my wife asked me, hey, when we go into Italy,
(03:47):
do you speak Italian? And I said, sort of. I said,
you know, Italian and Spanish are kind of like the same.
You just have to go a little at the end
of it. And, you know, people sort of understand. And
so she seemed okay with that. So I, I drove
to a toll booth, and the guy behind the toll booth,
(04:09):
I asked him, donde esta el campeon? El campeon? He
seemed to understand and he just went off in Italian.
And my wife said, did you understand what he said?
I said, yeah. He said that the camping is in
(04:32):
a town called Ushita. So I said, okay, I'm looking
for this town called Ushita. Start driving. It's very late
at night, 130 in the morning. I keep driving, I
keep seeing signs that say ushita. And then it finally
dawns on me. Ushita is not the name of a town.
Ushita means exit. My wife wasn't very happy at the time.
(04:53):
We finally pulled into a camping place 2:00 in the morning.
I was tired, I was crabby, she was crabby. We
were both tired. I tried to set up a tent.
It was hard to set up, so I said, I'm
not going to set up this tent. We're just going to.
We're just going to put our sleeping bags inside the
tent and just sleep with it down. And she said, no,
(05:13):
we're not. She said, there may be rats around here.
And so I tried to put it up. I was cranky,
I was crabby, and we had our first little fight
about the tent. Of course she won. And I like
to say she's been winning ever since, but no, that's, uh.
But that was the first little fight that we had
(05:34):
because I was trying to change a city girl and
trying to say, all right, I'm going to make you
more of a country girl instead of a city girl. Now,
that may be a small little tiff, and some of
you are here today and you understand that marriage is
challenging and difficult. In fact, they tell us that over 50%
(05:54):
of marriages in America today end in divorce. That more
people are waiting to get married later in life. In fact,
they say that the average male now gets married at
30 years old and the average female at 28 years old,
in part because there's a little bit of fear of marriage,
in part because marriage is no longer considered that important.
(06:20):
And those that do remain married, oftentimes the marriage is
not that good. Sometimes it's dysfunctional, broken, toxic. I've been
a pastor for a long time. I have married a
lot of couples, and I've been on the other end
of actually counseling a lot of couples, and I understand
that marriage can be extremely challenging. The apostle Peter jumps
(06:46):
into one of the most thorough, condensed passages on the
template for marriage that you'll find anywhere in the Bible. Now,
I have to warn you in advance this is hard
to swallow. Some of this is going to make you bristle.
I'm going to start speaking to the wives first. And
some of you are going to like, hey, pastor, I
don't like what you're saying here, but don't worry, I'll
(07:08):
get to the men at the end of the passage.
There will be equal opportunity to say ouch. I believe
you need to listen because there's a template that God
gives us. And here's what I want you to tell you.
The focus of influencing your spouse has less to do
(07:30):
with how you change them, and more to do how
you change yourself to interact with them. So it starts
out in first Peter chapter three. He's talked about how
we need to come under unjust government. Uh, last week
Josiah talked about how Nero, this crazy man named Nero,
(07:54):
was the head of the government and the emperor and
the apostle Peter says, hey, even though he may be
an unjust ruler, unjust dictator, you still need to show
respect towards him. And he teaches how people need to
survive under unjust politicians. Then he talked a little bit
(08:14):
about if you have a boss that's unjust or not
a righteous, just how you survive under that boss in
an unjust situation. And now he turns his attention to
marriage and he says this wives in the same way,
in the same way as what? In the same way
as if you were under a dysfunctional government or a
(08:35):
unjust boss. Some of you may be in a marriage
that's not all that good either. And so he goes
on to tell us how we are to function in
a marriage that not may not be the ideal marriage.
And he says, wives, in the same way, submit yourselves
to your own husbands, so that if any of them
do not believe the word, they may be won over
(08:56):
without words by the behavior of their wives when they
see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty
should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles
and wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it
should be that of the inner self, the unfading beauty
(09:17):
of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great
worth in God's sight. So if you're taking notes this morning,
I want you to write three things down. I'm going
to tell you three ways that the Apostle Peter, inspired
by the Holy Spirit, tells wives to influence their spouse.
Write this down. Number one influence him through supportive affirmation.
(09:41):
This first verse here is one of the most memorized
by men of any other verse in the Bible. There's
a lot of men that don't know any verse in
the Bible. No verse in the Bible. They can't find
a Bible. They don't find a verse in the Bible.
But when they're in marriage, they say, doesn't the Bible
say somewhere, wife. Submit yourself to your husband. They kind
(10:03):
of know that one phrase, and I believe that when
I eat, when you even hear that phrase, many of
you women, whether you're married or not married, sometimes it
makes your blood curdle a little bit. Sometimes it causes
the hairs on the back of your neck to stand
up a little bit, in part because a it is
a phrase. The word submission has this negative connotation to it.
(10:27):
It's been misunderstood. It's been misused. And oftentimes it's been abused.
And so I just want to make sure first of
all we know what we're talking about here. By the
way another portion of Scripture in Ephesians it talks to believers.
And when it's talking about wives and husbands, it also
says submit yourself to one another. In other words, there's
(10:49):
a mutual respect of acknowledging that we all have different functions.
The word submit means that a wife in a relationship
with a husband acknowledges that there's a leader to the household,
a leader to the household, and that she acknowledges and
(11:11):
affirms the leadership of her husband. Now, it does not mean,
let me tell you what it does not mean. First
of all, it does not have anything to do with value.
It has nothing to do with worth. It has nothing
to do with ability. Intelligence. Leadership has nothing to do
(11:34):
with that. In fact, in the Trinity, for example, the father, son,
and the Holy Spirit function as one. They are equal
in quality. Virtual values. Mindset. Yet the Bible says that
Jesus is under the authority of the father, even though
they are equal in value and position. The the Jesus
(11:56):
does nothing outside of the will of the father. The
father does nothing outside of the will of the sun.
They function in co-equal. Jesus said, if you've seen me,
you've seen the father. So they're equal in value. However,
there's an authority order in the Trinity, which is God
the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.
Are you tracking with me? Okay. It's important to understand this. Um,
(12:20):
the word submission is a military term. It talks about rank.
I like to describe it this way. If you misunderstand
this term, then you will think if you're a man,
a husband, and you misunderstand this term, you'll think you're
the little dictator or the little autocrat of the household.
If you're the wife and you misunderstand it, you think
(12:41):
that somehow you have to be this mousy person that
becomes a doormat to whatever your husband means? It doesn't
mean either of those. In fact, the Bible talks about
servant leadership in men. On the other side, it says, husbands,
love your wives as Jesus loved the church and is
willing to give his life for her. It's servant leadership.
S1 (13:08):
You're listening to Bold Steps Weekend with Mark Jobe. We're
pausing for just a moment here, Mark, to thank our
bold partners who really make this program possible.
S2 (13:16):
We are so grateful for our bold partners. And if
you wonder what a bold partner is, it's someone that's said.
I believe that this program and this message is so
important that I want to help donate monthly to support
this program. It really helps us out. Any gift at
any time helps us. But monthly partnership really helps us
(13:38):
go to the next level.
S1 (13:39):
And it is making a difference. Here's a listener, Cesar,
who says, doctor Mark, your ministry is a bright light
shining to lead the way. For some of us in
a dark time. I listen to bold steps as often
as I can and it truly makes my day better. Well,
that thank you goes to our bold partners too.
S2 (13:54):
Absolutely. Thank you, Cesar, for that word of encouragement. And
that echoes what we're hearing from so many people across
the country now.
S1 (14:02):
A bold partner is someone who gives a monthly gift,
and that gift can be any size you choose. But
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(14:22):
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Back to the message now with Mark Jobe influencing your spouse.
S2 (14:43):
And when the wife understands that God has put a
order and she affirms and supports the leadership of her husband,
and the husband is looking out for the interest and
loving his wife the way that Jesus loved the church,
then they function in this powerful harmony in which it
doesn't feel like someone's exerting authority and someone else is
(15:04):
trying to. It flows in love and respect, in this
perfect harmony. And you would. It's like this perfect dance.
If you're in a dance, sometimes there's there's the person
that's leading the dance that's initiating kind of move this way,
move that way. When they're good dancers, which I'm not.
(15:24):
You barely know who's leading because they're flowing in harmony.
Because they've danced so long together. But. But someone's initiating.
But it's a gentle initiation. It's a it's a it's
a tender, small tap on the shoulder. And they flow together.
When marriage is working the way that God wants it
to work, it will be like that. If you're a
(15:46):
husband pounding your chest like King Kong, quoting the verse
submit yourself. Uh, wives, submit yourself. Then there is something
wrong with your marriage. I like to illustrate it this way.
For example, if you were to drive into an intersection
in Chicago and there were a traffic cop at the
(16:10):
intersection and he were to say, blow his whistle and
stop you, and you were to drive right through it,
and then he would call you out and you would
stop and he would say, sir, why did you drive
right there? Didn't you see me say, stop? And you
were to look at him and say, yeah, I saw
you say that. But I figured, I think I my
education is higher than yours. Do you have a bachelor's degree?
(16:35):
You say hold on. And by the way, I think
I may have more money in my bank account than you.
How much money do you have in your bank account?
Because I think I have a little bit more than
you have. And he would say, oh, wait a second.
And by the way, have you tested your IQ? Because
I think my IQ may be higher than your IQ.
So therefore when you said stop, I thought I probably
(16:56):
have a higher education. My IQ is higher, so I
don't have to stop because I feel like I'm smarter
than you are. That's a great way to get a
ticket in Chicago, because what the officer would say has
nothing to do with my IQ. It has nothing to
do with my bank account. It has nothing to do
with my education. Do you see this badge right here?
(17:18):
This badge has been granted authority. So I am responsible
for the safety of this intersection. And by granted authority,
I am supposed to lead regardless of IQ, regardless of
education or anything else. I've been granted authority and training
to lead. And so it is in the household that
(17:42):
God has granted a system of function of authority that
should exist in the household, because it's because God wants
the household to function with integrity in every single way.
And that's what headship is in Scripture. Peter addresses the
wives and he says, wives, I want you to willingly
(18:02):
come under the leadership of your husband. What does that mean?
Willingly come under the leadership of your husband? That means
that you affirm his leadership. That means you validate his leadership.
That means you acknowledge the leadership. And there's not this
constant war and turf over fighting. By the way, can
I say this as well? It doesn't say this in
(18:24):
the passage, but it says it in other portions of Scripture.
There's a lot of men that actually have become passive
in their leadership. In fact, when I look at the
the first chapters of Genesis and I see the fall
of humanity, it was both Eve's deception and Adam's passivity
(18:45):
that led to mega problems. And we live in a
generation in a culture oftentimes that the man that really
should be stepping up to the plate and leading, setting
the culture of a household oftentimes find themselves passive, Unwilling
to step up in leadership, sort of sitting on the
couch drinking a Dunkin Donuts coffee and expecting the wife
(19:07):
to be in charge of everything related to the household
and the children and decisions and culture. And they've embraced
oftentimes a passivity. And then they want to lead but
have not exercised leadership. And that's another topic and theme.
But for now, what Peter is telling the wives is
(19:28):
acknowledge and understand to validate the leadership that God has
placed in your household. And it says, and if any
of them does not believe the word. So if you're
married to a non-believer, they may be won over without
words by the behavior of their wives when they see
the purity and reverence of their lives. So the Apostle
(19:51):
Peter is saying is that some wives were married to
people that were not Christians, and the wives were arguing, hey,
I'm a Christian. My husband's not a Christian. Why should
I listen to his leadership? He doesn't read the Bible.
He doesn't come to church. He doesn't worship God. Why
should I follow him? I know more about the Bible.
I know more verses, I pray more. I'm more godly
(20:13):
than he is, than why should I really even follow
his leadership? And here's what Peter is saying. Peter is saying,
if you want to influence your husband, even if he's
not a Christian, the way to influence him is not
by preaching at him. Hello. If you get in an
argument with a husband that's not a believer, and every
time you get in an argument, you try to tell
(20:34):
him how dark he is and how gripped by the
devil he is. And probably he's demon possessed and in
the dark side of the world and going to hell.
You're probably not gaining many points to bring him to Christ.
S1 (20:53):
This is Bold Steps weekend, and Mark will continue his
lesson on influencing your spouse next weekend, so be sure
to keep listening. Now, for easy access, visit us at
Bold steps.org or subscribe to our podcast by searching for
Bold Steps Weekend with doctor Mark Jobe.
S2 (21:10):
Mark, you know, Wayne, today's young girls, they're just bombarded
with messages that shape their beliefs, affect their identity. That's
why I'm excited about this Bold Steps gift this month.
It's called Lies Girls Believe by Dana Gresh.
S1 (21:28):
And Dana is with us right now.
S2 (21:30):
Absolutely. Dana, great to have you with us. Tell us
a little bit about why you wrote this book.
S3 (21:37):
Oh, well, my friend Nancy DeMoss, Wolgemuth wrote a book
called Lies Women Believe. And over a million women read
that book, and it helped them to really identify where
they were in bondage to lies. And that was resulting
in emotions that weren't working, that weren't healthy. That was
one of the telltale signs, as well as sinful behaviors
(21:58):
that they just couldn't stop. And when they identified the lies,
they felt freedom. Well, those women said, these lies started
when I was in my teen years and in my
tween years. So Nancy and I worked together to write
both lies Young Women Believe for teens and then Lies
Girls believe for the 8 to 12 year old girls.
S4 (22:16):
So this is for 8 to 12 year olds specifically,
by the way, I just think this is so, so needed. Yes,
especially in today's culture, where young girls more than ever
are bombarded about identity, lies about who they are, gender,
where they fit into the world. What would you say
are the top three lies? I know you have a
(22:40):
list of quite a few lies. Can you identify what
you'd say are the top say three lies.
S3 (22:46):
God is not enough. If we don't believe that God
is enough, then that dismantles and affects everything else around us.
And one of the ways that shows up is emotions,
which I just addressed. Emotions are one of the telltale
signs that we aren't believing God is who he says
he is, and he will be in our lives who
he says he will be. So we believe God isn't enough.
(23:08):
I need the car, or the house, or the job
or whatever. But as as tweens, they tend to really
believe the lie. God isn't enough. I need the friend.
And friends lead you down a road of believing all
kinds of other lies. Peer pressure is either a great
gift in our lives that leads us to Jesus, or
(23:28):
it is a great dismantling of our faith and leads
us away from Jesus to counterfeits. And so I think
that's probably one of the big lies. And you mentioned identity.
So many times, if if that friend isn't from a
source of biblical truth, a home that's grounded in biblical
truth today, which of us feels good about ourselves? Our
(23:50):
emotions are healthy in our in our middle school and
pre-teen years. None of us. Well, today people are saying, okay,
the reason you don't feel good is because. And they're
leading them down these really lethal, dangerous roads of lies
that lead to lots and lots of years of of
struggle and pain.
S1 (24:07):
Well, Dana, we are so happy to partner with you
in getting this book into the hands of our listeners lives.
Girls believe and the truth. Can't forget the subtitle Mark
the Truth that Sets Them Free. Dana, thank you so much.
S3 (24:19):
My pleasure. Thanks, guys.
S1 (24:21):
And Dana's book is just one of the great tools
and resources we have available to help you on your
walk of faith, whatever stage of life you're in. To
request a copy, send your contribution and request for it
in the mail to Bold Steps. 820 North LaSalle Boulevard, Chicago,
Illinois 606 ten. Or call us at 800 D.L. Moody.
(24:42):
That's (800)Â 356-6639. And of course, you can also visit us
online at Bold Steps. On our website. Be sure to
share your testimony or even ask Mark a question. You
might even hear your question addressed in one of our programs. Again,
that's bold steps. And before you go, I want to
(25:03):
remind you one of our most encouraging resources that you
can receive each week is absolutely free. It's Mark's email
devotional called The Bold Stepper Weekly. Each Monday morning, Mark
sends out this devotional to help our subscribers start their
week with biblical truth and encouragement. We need regular reminders
of God's grace and acceptance, and with The Bold Stepper Weekly,
(25:24):
you can even listen through the helpful audio link we include.
Sign up for The Bold Stepper Weekly today. Absolutely free
by the way, by visiting our website bold steps.org. I'm
Wayne Shepherd, inviting you to join us next weekend when
Mark continues his message on influencing your spouse. Learn how
to value and love your spouse no matter what comes
(25:44):
your way. That message next time on Bold Steps Weekend
with Mark Jobe. Bold Steps is a production of Moody Radio,
a ministry of Moody Bible Institute.
Influencing others is more about how we interact with people
than actually changing those around us. And that's the topic
today on Bold Steps Weekend with Mark Jobe.
S2 (00:10):
Get the junk out of your heart so that you
actually have the ability to connect and relate with your husband.
You're submitting yourself to God, and God has an influence
on your heart and has affected the way you live
your life. Not by the many words that you speak,
but by the purity and the reverence of the life
that you live. That's called influence.
S1 (00:43):
Welcome to Bold Steps Weekend with Mark Jobe, president of
Moody Bible Institute and senior pastor of New Life Community
Church in Chicago. I'm Wayne Shepherd. Mark, we're going to
hear some principles today from God's word. First, Peter, actually,
that have the potential to greatly influence and affect our relationships,
whether it's a marriage relationship or any other kind in life.
S2 (01:03):
When I've been married for over 30 years now and
the most influential person in my life besides the Lord
is my wife, of course. And you know, over the
years you learn that, uh, you can influence your spouse
for the good or for the bad. And I have
to say, she's influenced me way for the good.
S1 (01:25):
You got a good one?
S2 (01:27):
Yeah, but but but, you know, every spouse goes through
wrestling through the idea of how do I live with
the person that has bad habits, how do I work
through the unforgiveness I have or the hurt I have?
And this passage is going to deal with how to
influence your spouse in a godly way. And so I
think this is going to a lot of people are
(01:49):
going to get a lot out of this, right?
S1 (01:51):
And it does apply to all relationships in life. That's
that's the power of God's Word. Okay. First Peter chapter three.
Here's Mark job.
S2 (01:59):
If you're married, you you all have understood that sometimes
we get married and there's a tendency to want to
change our spouse, alter them a little bit. We love them.
But can you change? And I don't know if you
remember your first fight you ever had. Those of you
that are married, do you remember the first fight you
(02:20):
had after you got married? Some of you are like, no,
it's been so long. So many fights past, I can't remember.
So I do remember my first fight after I got married.
I got married to my beautiful wife, Dee. I was
21 years old. We got married, and I scrounged up
enough money to be able to buy tickets to go
(02:42):
to the country that I grew up in, which was
the country of Spain. But I didn't have enough money
once I got there to stay at a hotel. So
I borrowed a car and threw a tent in the trunk.
And I told my wife, hey, it's going to be
beautiful scenario, but we're going to you'll have to sleep
in a tent with me. And so when you're in love,
(03:04):
those things don't matter that much, right? And so I
drove my borrowed car, and we would drive up the coast.
And if we saw a place we'd like, we'd park
the car, put up the tent and sleep there. And
it was working out pretty well now. My wife made
sure I understood. She's a city girl. She let me
know that I'm a city girl, I don't camp. But
(03:26):
for the honeymoon, in light of the circumstances, she indulged
me and we camped. But she made sure I understood.
I'm not a camping type of girl, so let's not
get used to this. And so we were traveling through
up the coast of Spain, and we traveled into Italy,
and my wife asked me, hey, when we go into Italy,
(03:47):
do you speak Italian? And I said, sort of. I said,
you know, Italian and Spanish are kind of like the same.
You just have to go a little at the end
of it. And, you know, people sort of understand. And
so she seemed okay with that. So I, I drove
to a toll booth, and the guy behind the toll booth,
(04:09):
I asked him, donde esta el campeon? El campeon? He
seemed to understand and he just went off in Italian.
And my wife said, did you understand what he said?
I said, yeah. He said that the camping is in
(04:32):
a town called Ushita. So I said, okay, I'm looking
for this town called Ushita. Start driving. It's very late
at night, 130 in the morning. I keep driving, I
keep seeing signs that say ushita. And then it finally
dawns on me. Ushita is not the name of a town.
Ushita means exit. My wife wasn't very happy at the time.
(04:53):
We finally pulled into a camping place 2:00 in the morning.
I was tired, I was crabby, she was crabby. We
were both tired. I tried to set up a tent.
It was hard to set up, so I said, I'm
not going to set up this tent. We're just going to.
We're just going to put our sleeping bags inside the
tent and just sleep with it down. And she said, no,
(05:13):
we're not. She said, there may be rats around here.
And so I tried to put it up. I was cranky,
I was crabby, and we had our first little fight
about the tent. Of course she won. And I like
to say she's been winning ever since, but no, that's, uh.
But that was the first little fight that we had
(05:34):
because I was trying to change a city girl and
trying to say, all right, I'm going to make you
more of a country girl instead of a city girl. Now,
that may be a small little tiff, and some of
you are here today and you understand that marriage is
challenging and difficult. In fact, they tell us that over 50%
(05:54):
of marriages in America today end in divorce. That more
people are waiting to get married later in life. In fact,
they say that the average male now gets married at
30 years old and the average female at 28 years old,
in part because there's a little bit of fear of marriage,
in part because marriage is no longer considered that important.
(06:20):
And those that do remain married, oftentimes the marriage is
not that good. Sometimes it's dysfunctional, broken, toxic. I've been
a pastor for a long time. I have married a
lot of couples, and I've been on the other end
of actually counseling a lot of couples, and I understand
that marriage can be extremely challenging. The apostle Peter jumps
(06:46):
into one of the most thorough, condensed passages on the
template for marriage that you'll find anywhere in the Bible. Now,
I have to warn you in advance this is hard
to swallow. Some of this is going to make you bristle.
I'm going to start speaking to the wives first. And
some of you are going to like, hey, pastor, I
don't like what you're saying here, but don't worry, I'll
(07:08):
get to the men at the end of the passage.
There will be equal opportunity to say ouch. I believe
you need to listen because there's a template that God
gives us. And here's what I want you to tell you.
The focus of influencing your spouse has less to do
(07:30):
with how you change them, and more to do how
you change yourself to interact with them. So it starts
out in first Peter chapter three. He's talked about how
we need to come under unjust government. Uh, last week
Josiah talked about how Nero, this crazy man named Nero,
(07:54):
was the head of the government and the emperor and
the apostle Peter says, hey, even though he may be
an unjust ruler, unjust dictator, you still need to show
respect towards him. And he teaches how people need to
survive under unjust politicians. Then he talked a little bit
(08:14):
about if you have a boss that's unjust or not
a righteous, just how you survive under that boss in
an unjust situation. And now he turns his attention to
marriage and he says this wives in the same way,
in the same way as what? In the same way
as if you were under a dysfunctional government or a
(08:35):
unjust boss. Some of you may be in a marriage
that's not all that good either. And so he goes
on to tell us how we are to function in
a marriage that not may not be the ideal marriage.
And he says, wives, in the same way, submit yourselves
to your own husbands, so that if any of them
do not believe the word, they may be won over
(08:56):
without words by the behavior of their wives when they
see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty
should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles
and wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it
should be that of the inner self, the unfading beauty
(09:17):
of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great
worth in God's sight. So if you're taking notes this morning,
I want you to write three things down. I'm going
to tell you three ways that the Apostle Peter, inspired
by the Holy Spirit, tells wives to influence their spouse.
Write this down. Number one influence him through supportive affirmation.
(09:41):
This first verse here is one of the most memorized
by men of any other verse in the Bible. There's
a lot of men that don't know any verse in
the Bible. No verse in the Bible. They can't find
a Bible. They don't find a verse in the Bible.
But when they're in marriage, they say, doesn't the Bible
say somewhere, wife. Submit yourself to your husband. They kind
(10:03):
of know that one phrase, and I believe that when
I eat, when you even hear that phrase, many of
you women, whether you're married or not married, sometimes it
makes your blood curdle a little bit. Sometimes it causes
the hairs on the back of your neck to stand
up a little bit, in part because a it is
a phrase. The word submission has this negative connotation to it.
(10:27):
It's been misunderstood. It's been misused. And oftentimes it's been abused.
And so I just want to make sure first of
all we know what we're talking about here. By the
way another portion of Scripture in Ephesians it talks to believers.
And when it's talking about wives and husbands, it also
says submit yourself to one another. In other words, there's
(10:49):
a mutual respect of acknowledging that we all have different functions.
The word submit means that a wife in a relationship
with a husband acknowledges that there's a leader to the household,
a leader to the household, and that she acknowledges and
(11:11):
affirms the leadership of her husband. Now, it does not mean,
let me tell you what it does not mean. First
of all, it does not have anything to do with value.
It has nothing to do with worth. It has nothing
to do with ability. Intelligence. Leadership has nothing to do
(11:34):
with that. In fact, in the Trinity, for example, the father, son,
and the Holy Spirit function as one. They are equal
in quality. Virtual values. Mindset. Yet the Bible says that
Jesus is under the authority of the father, even though
they are equal in value and position. The the Jesus
(11:56):
does nothing outside of the will of the father. The
father does nothing outside of the will of the sun.
They function in co-equal. Jesus said, if you've seen me,
you've seen the father. So they're equal in value. However,
there's an authority order in the Trinity, which is God
the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.
Are you tracking with me? Okay. It's important to understand this. Um,
(12:20):
the word submission is a military term. It talks about rank.
I like to describe it this way. If you misunderstand
this term, then you will think if you're a man,
a husband, and you misunderstand this term, you'll think you're
the little dictator or the little autocrat of the household.
If you're the wife and you misunderstand it, you think
(12:41):
that somehow you have to be this mousy person that
becomes a doormat to whatever your husband means? It doesn't
mean either of those. In fact, the Bible talks about
servant leadership in men. On the other side, it says, husbands,
love your wives as Jesus loved the church and is
willing to give his life for her. It's servant leadership.
S1 (13:08):
You're listening to Bold Steps Weekend with Mark Jobe. We're
pausing for just a moment here, Mark, to thank our
bold partners who really make this program possible.
S2 (13:16):
We are so grateful for our bold partners. And if
you wonder what a bold partner is, it's someone that's said.
I believe that this program and this message is so
important that I want to help donate monthly to support
this program. It really helps us out. Any gift at
any time helps us. But monthly partnership really helps us
(13:38):
go to the next level.
S1 (13:39):
And it is making a difference. Here's a listener, Cesar,
who says, doctor Mark, your ministry is a bright light
shining to lead the way. For some of us in
a dark time. I listen to bold steps as often
as I can and it truly makes my day better. Well,
that thank you goes to our bold partners too.
S2 (13:54):
Absolutely. Thank you, Cesar, for that word of encouragement. And
that echoes what we're hearing from so many people across
the country now.
S1 (14:02):
A bold partner is someone who gives a monthly gift,
and that gift can be any size you choose. But
if you choose to give $30 or more, you'll get
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(14:22):
So if you can give it $30 or more a month,
that really is a wonderful thing to do for for
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Back to the message now with Mark Jobe influencing your spouse.
S2 (14:43):
And when the wife understands that God has put a
order and she affirms and supports the leadership of her husband,
and the husband is looking out for the interest and
loving his wife the way that Jesus loved the church,
then they function in this powerful harmony in which it
doesn't feel like someone's exerting authority and someone else is
(15:04):
trying to. It flows in love and respect, in this
perfect harmony. And you would. It's like this perfect dance.
If you're in a dance, sometimes there's there's the person
that's leading the dance that's initiating kind of move this way,
move that way. When they're good dancers, which I'm not.
(15:24):
You barely know who's leading because they're flowing in harmony.
Because they've danced so long together. But. But someone's initiating.
But it's a gentle initiation. It's a it's a it's
a tender, small tap on the shoulder. And they flow together.
When marriage is working the way that God wants it
to work, it will be like that. If you're a
(15:46):
husband pounding your chest like King Kong, quoting the verse
submit yourself. Uh, wives, submit yourself. Then there is something
wrong with your marriage. I like to illustrate it this way.
For example, if you were to drive into an intersection
in Chicago and there were a traffic cop at the
(16:10):
intersection and he were to say, blow his whistle and
stop you, and you were to drive right through it,
and then he would call you out and you would
stop and he would say, sir, why did you drive
right there? Didn't you see me say, stop? And you
were to look at him and say, yeah, I saw
you say that. But I figured, I think I my
education is higher than yours. Do you have a bachelor's degree?
(16:35):
You say hold on. And by the way, I think
I may have more money in my bank account than you.
How much money do you have in your bank account?
Because I think I have a little bit more than
you have. And he would say, oh, wait a second.
And by the way, have you tested your IQ? Because
I think my IQ may be higher than your IQ.
So therefore when you said stop, I thought I probably
(16:56):
have a higher education. My IQ is higher, so I
don't have to stop because I feel like I'm smarter
than you are. That's a great way to get a
ticket in Chicago, because what the officer would say has
nothing to do with my IQ. It has nothing to
do with my bank account. It has nothing to do
with my education. Do you see this badge right here?
(17:18):
This badge has been granted authority. So I am responsible
for the safety of this intersection. And by granted authority,
I am supposed to lead regardless of IQ, regardless of
education or anything else. I've been granted authority and training
to lead. And so it is in the household that
(17:42):
God has granted a system of function of authority that
should exist in the household, because it's because God wants
the household to function with integrity in every single way.
And that's what headship is in Scripture. Peter addresses the
wives and he says, wives, I want you to willingly
(18:02):
come under the leadership of your husband. What does that mean?
Willingly come under the leadership of your husband? That means
that you affirm his leadership. That means you validate his leadership.
That means you acknowledge the leadership. And there's not this
constant war and turf over fighting. By the way, can
I say this as well? It doesn't say this in
(18:24):
the passage, but it says it in other portions of Scripture.
There's a lot of men that actually have become passive
in their leadership. In fact, when I look at the
the first chapters of Genesis and I see the fall
of humanity, it was both Eve's deception and Adam's passivity
(18:45):
that led to mega problems. And we live in a
generation in a culture oftentimes that the man that really
should be stepping up to the plate and leading, setting
the culture of a household oftentimes find themselves passive, Unwilling
to step up in leadership, sort of sitting on the
couch drinking a Dunkin Donuts coffee and expecting the wife
(19:07):
to be in charge of everything related to the household
and the children and decisions and culture. And they've embraced
oftentimes a passivity. And then they want to lead but
have not exercised leadership. And that's another topic and theme.
But for now, what Peter is telling the wives is
(19:28):
acknowledge and understand to validate the leadership that God has
placed in your household. And it says, and if any
of them does not believe the word. So if you're
married to a non-believer, they may be won over without
words by the behavior of their wives when they see
the purity and reverence of their lives. So the Apostle
(19:51):
Peter is saying is that some wives were married to
people that were not Christians, and the wives were arguing, hey,
I'm a Christian. My husband's not a Christian. Why should
I listen to his leadership? He doesn't read the Bible.
He doesn't come to church. He doesn't worship God. Why
should I follow him? I know more about the Bible.
I know more verses, I pray more. I'm more godly
(20:13):
than he is, than why should I really even follow
his leadership? And here's what Peter is saying. Peter is saying,
if you want to influence your husband, even if he's
not a Christian, the way to influence him is not
by preaching at him. Hello. If you get in an
argument with a husband that's not a believer, and every
time you get in an argument, you try to tell
(20:34):
him how dark he is and how gripped by the
devil he is. And probably he's demon possessed and in
the dark side of the world and going to hell.
You're probably not gaining many points to bring him to Christ.
S1 (20:53):
This is Bold Steps weekend, and Mark will continue his
lesson on influencing your spouse next weekend, so be sure
to keep listening. Now, for easy access, visit us at
Bold steps.org or subscribe to our podcast by searching for
Bold Steps Weekend with doctor Mark Jobe.
S2 (21:10):
Mark, you know, Wayne, today's young girls, they're just bombarded
with messages that shape their beliefs, affect their identity. That's
why I'm excited about this Bold Steps gift this month.
It's called Lies Girls Believe by Dana Gresh.
S1 (21:28):
And Dana is with us right now.
S2 (21:30):
Absolutely. Dana, great to have you with us. Tell us
a little bit about why you wrote this book.
S3 (21:37):
Oh, well, my friend Nancy DeMoss, Wolgemuth wrote a book
called Lies Women Believe. And over a million women read
that book, and it helped them to really identify where
they were in bondage to lies. And that was resulting
in emotions that weren't working, that weren't healthy. That was
one of the telltale signs, as well as sinful behaviors
(21:58):
that they just couldn't stop. And when they identified the lies,
they felt freedom. Well, those women said, these lies started
when I was in my teen years and in my
tween years. So Nancy and I worked together to write
both lies Young Women Believe for teens and then Lies
Girls believe for the 8 to 12 year old girls.
S4 (22:16):
So this is for 8 to 12 year olds specifically,
by the way, I just think this is so, so needed. Yes,
especially in today's culture, where young girls more than ever
are bombarded about identity, lies about who they are, gender,
where they fit into the world. What would you say
are the top three lies? I know you have a
(22:40):
list of quite a few lies. Can you identify what
you'd say are the top say three lies.
S3 (22:46):
God is not enough. If we don't believe that God
is enough, then that dismantles and affects everything else around us.
And one of the ways that shows up is emotions,
which I just addressed. Emotions are one of the telltale
signs that we aren't believing God is who he says
he is, and he will be in our lives who
he says he will be. So we believe God isn't enough.
(23:08):
I need the car, or the house, or the job
or whatever. But as as tweens, they tend to really
believe the lie. God isn't enough. I need the friend.
And friends lead you down a road of believing all
kinds of other lies. Peer pressure is either a great
gift in our lives that leads us to Jesus, or
(23:28):
it is a great dismantling of our faith and leads
us away from Jesus to counterfeits. And so I think
that's probably one of the big lies. And you mentioned identity.
So many times, if if that friend isn't from a
source of biblical truth, a home that's grounded in biblical
truth today, which of us feels good about ourselves? Our
(23:50):
emotions are healthy in our in our middle school and
pre-teen years. None of us. Well, today people are saying, okay,
the reason you don't feel good is because. And they're
leading them down these really lethal, dangerous roads of lies
that lead to lots and lots of years of of
struggle and pain.
S1 (24:07):
Well, Dana, we are so happy to partner with you
in getting this book into the hands of our listeners lives.
Girls believe and the truth. Can't forget the subtitle Mark
the Truth that Sets Them Free. Dana, thank you so much.
S3 (24:19):
My pleasure. Thanks, guys.
S1 (24:21):
And Dana's book is just one of the great tools
and resources we have available to help you on your
walk of faith, whatever stage of life you're in. To
request a copy, send your contribution and request for it
in the mail to Bold Steps. 820 North LaSalle Boulevard, Chicago,
Illinois 606 ten. Or call us at 800 D.L. Moody.
(24:42):
That's (800)Â 356-6639. And of course, you can also visit us
online at Bold Steps. On our website. Be sure to
share your testimony or even ask Mark a question. You
might even hear your question addressed in one of our programs. Again,
that's bold steps. And before you go, I want to
(25:03):
remind you one of our most encouraging resources that you
can receive each week is absolutely free. It's Mark's email
devotional called The Bold Stepper Weekly. Each Monday morning, Mark
sends out this devotional to help our subscribers start their
week with biblical truth and encouragement. We need regular reminders
of God's grace and acceptance, and with The Bold Stepper Weekly,
(25:24):
you can even listen through the helpful audio link we include.
Sign up for The Bold Stepper Weekly today. Absolutely free
by the way, by visiting our website bold steps.org. I'm
Wayne Shepherd, inviting you to join us next weekend when
Mark continues his message on influencing your spouse. Learn how
to value and love your spouse no matter what comes
(25:44):
your way. That message next time on Bold Steps Weekend
with Mark Jobe. Bold Steps is a production of Moody Radio,
a ministry of Moody Bible Institute.
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