May 17, 2025 • 26 mins
Today on Bold Steps Weekend, Pastor Mark will be teaching you how to become an influencer. From the sermon series, Headlines: Navigating Life in Two Worlds, Mark will be looking at how you can affect your relationships for the better.
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S1 (00:00):
Today on Bold Steps Weekend with Mark Jobe. We're learning
how to become an influencer.
S2 (00:06):
Listen and say, how did that make you feel? And
are you okay? And what did that mean to her?
And listen. Because in all of that, what she really wants,
what she really, really, really wants is she wants to
feel like you care about her heart, about her soul,
about her feelings about who she is because she wants
to feel valued by you.
S1 (00:38):
Welcome to Bold Steps Weekend with Mark Jobe. Mark is
president of Moody Bible Institute and the senior pastor of
New Life Community Church in Chicago. And I'm Wayne Shepherd. Today,
as we move forward in our series headlines Navigating Life
in Two Worlds, we're going to be looking at how
we can affect our relationships for the better. And if
you've missed any of the messages in this study from
(00:59):
the Book of First Peter, make sure you catch up
online at Bold Steps Radio.com. You'll also find videos and
articles and all sorts of tools and resources to help
you take that next bold step in your walk of faith.
Right now, let's get started with today's lesson from First
Peter chapter three. Here's Mark Jobe.
S2 (01:19):
Since 2012, there has been an escalation in the amount
of college girls college aged girls that are suffering from isolation, depression, anxiety,
and suicidal ideation. And when they try to find the
(01:39):
roots of that, why it's escalating so much in these
past days. They attribute largely it's attributed to the effects
of social media. Why? Because in social media, you're always
seeing people at their best. I don't remember the last
time I saw an Instagram post when someone says, I'm
having a terrible hair day. Boy, did I look ugly today.
(02:03):
I'm frumpy. It's always like you just got out of
the beauty shop, you know? Come on. Don't you know
that you look for the time you feel like I'm
looking good today? Man, this is the time for an Instagram. Oh,
just go into the grocery store. No, you're not doing
because you're in the grocery store. You're doing it because
you think you look good today. And so you're putting
it there. And other people see that and they think, wow,
they always look good. I don't look as good as that.
(02:26):
Or relational aggressiveness, this comparison mentality. And there's a fixation
with the external. But listen the real beauty that you
exercise is not just the external. The real beauty that
you exercise is the quality of your heart, the beauty
of your soul. And what Peter is telling wives in
(02:52):
this context is you want to influence your husband. It's
the inner, unfading beauty of the heart, a heart that's
not filled with aggressive anger. So there's a gentleness there.
There's a there's a a beauty, a sweetness of the heart.
Because you're not cluttered with that. And there's a, there's a,
(03:15):
a spirit that listens. He calls it a quiet spirit.
But this is not talking about a mousy woman that
doesn't have a voice. This is talking about a strong
woman that has the ability to restrain herself. Ability to
know when to speak. An ability. A woman that's not
been damaged by a crassness and a hardness and a
(03:35):
and a resentment. That's about her heart. But there's a
purity of her soul because she worships before God and
she knows who she is before the King of kings
and the Lord of lords. And he said, and he says,
which is of great worth in the sight of God.
(03:57):
By the way, Proverbs 3130 says, charm is deceptive and
beauty is fleeting. But a woman who fears the Lord
is to be praised. And he goes on to say
so not only supportive affirmation of the leadership of feminine beauty.
And lastly, number three, it says a faith filled hope.
(04:21):
I notice what he says, for in this way, the
holy women in the past who put their hope in
God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their
own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him Lord.
You are her daughters. If you do what is right
and do not give way to fear, let me tell
you this fear is never a good reason or never
(04:44):
a good driving force in our life. What is he
saying in this passage? What he's saying is that the
biggest reason that you, as a wife, find it hard
to follow the leadership of your husband at times, and
there's a resistance in a pool and a fight and a.
(05:04):
Aggravation and a going back and forth. Oftentimes it's there
because of fear. What if he hurts me? What if
he lets me down? What if he doesn't have my
best interest in mind? Oftentimes fear because of experience and
(05:25):
hurt and disappointment and unfaithfulness and abuse. And when your
heart gets cluttered with fear, fear of can I trust him?
Can I love him? Can I follow? It gets cluttered
(05:46):
with fear. Then what happens is when there's fear there,
there'll always be a distance. I'll get so close. But
I'm not going to get hurt again. Now that helps
you protect your heart. But it also impedes you and
hinders you from intimacy that God has called you to.
(06:08):
You see, you can't really love from a distance. There
has to come a point in time where we say
there's a risk that's involved in this, and ultimately I'm
going to trust God and I'm going to believe God,
but I cannot love. The Bible says that perfect love
casts out fear. I cannot love unless I'm willing to
put some of those fears aside and say, God, I'm
(06:31):
going to operate in faith and not in fear, because
ultimately you are in control of all things, and I'm
going to trust you, God, even though it may be
hard to love and really trust you God. Can I
tell you it doesn't just affect married women, it affects
single women as well. You may be in a situation
(06:54):
where it's really hard, and maybe you've maybe you've dated
up until the point of marriage and backed out oftentimes
times because in the back of your mind you saw
a terrible marriage of your parents, or you were hurt
before because of some dating relationship that you were in,
and it keeps playing over and over in your mind.
What if they're the same? What if they hurt me?
Can I trust them? And ultimately, what Peter is telling
(07:20):
these women is you have influence. But but you're not
going to be able to fully love. You're not going
to be able to fully influence. You're not going to
be able to be fully one unless you embrace a
spirit of faith that says, God, I'm going to trust you.
And this is a risk that I'm taking. And I
can't operate with the spirit of fear as I move
forward in this relationship. And you are children of Sarah.
(07:46):
Abraham was the father of faith, not the father of fear.
And Abraham and Sarah were were parents of faith who
gave birth to Isaac, who in later on gave birth
to the entire nation of Israel, and he was called
the father of faith. And so he's using this as
Sarah is not the the mother of fear, but she
was the mother of faith. Faith is saying, I trust God,
(08:09):
I believe God, and ultimately, if your faith is in
a person, they will disappoint you. Hello. If your faith
is in your spouse, they will disappoint you. But ultimately
you're saying, I'm not trusting my spouse above everything else.
I'm trusting God above everything else, and God is above
and beyond all. And I'm trusting that God will lead.
(08:34):
In this relationship. I know that that is challenging. And
for some of you women that are sitting right here
right now, some of you married wives, you're saying, well, pastor,
you don't know my husband. You're not married to my husband.
And I know, and thank God I'm not on multiple fronts.
(08:55):
Thank God I'm not. But ultimately, Peter is not asking
you to condone your husband. You may be married to
a tyrant. I don't know a brash individual. You may
be married to a person that is angry. Maybe you're
(09:17):
married to a person that struggles with addiction. Maybe you're
married to a person. That's the farthest thing of a
man of God that we can think of. And you've
put up and you've tolerated. And I think the essence
of what the Apostle Peter is saying is, listen, you
can't control, manipulate or alter your husband, but you are
(09:44):
responsible for your heart. So do not let your heart
get cluttered with impurity. Do not let yourself become a bitter, angry, aggressive, joyless,
embittered woman that lives their life in this angry fashion
as she goes about things. Because you'll project that towards
(10:07):
God and towards others. Keep your heart clean from the
impurity and the effects of hurt in your heart. You
cannot control what other people do, but you can control
the response of your heart. Keep your heart in the
right place.
S1 (10:30):
We're going to pause Mark job's message on Bold Steps
weekend for just a moment to say that we really
love to connect with you, and there are several ways
you can connect with us. You'll find us on social media,
on Facebook and Instagram. And that's a fun way, of course,
where you can drop us a line at boldsystems.org through
our website. And speaking of connecting with us, Mark, there's
(10:51):
an Ask the Question feature in that website that listeners
can submit a question for you to address, and we
don't get to answer all of them on the program here,
but we do enjoy fitting them in when we can.
S2 (11:00):
Yeah. And we love hearing from our listeners.
S1 (11:03):
Right. Of course. Here's the question of the day. Hi,
pastor Mark. I listened to you in South Florida on
at work during my lunch break. The messages you bring
always get my attention. I'm a Christian woman, married, but
my husband is unsaved and not a follower of Christ.
Because of this, our marriage has been a never ending
cycle of stress, hurt, pain and disappointment. I have given
(11:25):
up hope. I'm asking for your advice. How do I
know if God wants me to remain in a marriage
where the husband willingly does not want to know the Lord?
S2 (11:33):
Yeah. Thank you, Lou Ann. There are so many people
in a situation similar to yours, and my heart goes
out to you because I know that there's probably a
lot of tears that go with this, um, email. A
couple of things I'm going to say to you. I
want to say thank you for your perseverance. I know
(11:54):
that it's difficult to remain in a marriage that isn't
what you expect it to be. I also want to say, Luanne,
that your journey does not have to be alone. In fact,
here's what I know. Whether he is a believer or
not a believer, it is God's will that your marriage
would work out. In fact, the Bible says that you
(12:14):
as a believer have a sanctifying effect on your husband,
who's a non-believer. It doesn't mean that he's saved, but
it means that because you know the Lord, there is
a sanctifying effect, that God treats him in a different
way because he's married to you. Now, I know that
doesn't make your marriage any easier, but I want you
to know that you are having an influence on your
(12:37):
husband's life, and you may not see that or not.
So I want to encourage you to get into counseling.
If you're not in counseling, get a good Christian counselor.
If your husband would be willing to go to counseling,
whether a Christian or non-Christian, sometimes a third party really
helps us out. If your husband's not willing to go
to counseling, I would encourage you to stay in counseling
(12:58):
and get into a small group with other women that
have been through similar stories that encourage you. Because I
believe that it's God's will for your marriage to turn around,
for you to stay in the marriage and work on
that marriage as much as possible. There's only a few
things that Jesus says are there that allow us to
(13:20):
escape our marriage. Hardship, difficulty. Stress is not one of them.
So I'm praying that God would give you the grace
and strength to have a renewed vision and hope for
your marriage.
S1 (13:32):
God bless you, Luanne. Our good friend, Doctor Gary Chapman
says very often there's always hope.
S2 (13:37):
Absolutely. And, Luanne, I want to encourage you. If you've
lost that hope, it's time to go to God and say, Lord,
give me a fresh vision for my marriage.
S1 (13:46):
Well, again, thank you for writing to us through our website. Luanne.
Bold steps. All right, speaking of husbands and wives, let's
now get back to today's lesson with Mark Jordan.
S2 (14:00):
Husbands in the same way he said, wives in the
same way, husbands in the same way. In the same
way as what? Hey, if you're living in a relationship
that's not perfect, if you're living in a relationship, that
doesn't seem just if you don't feel like your wife
is is responding the way you expect her to respond.
If you don't feel like your wife is that ideal
(14:22):
woman that you wanted her to be, if you're somewhat
discontent with it in the same way, in the same
way he says be. He gives us three things. Be
considerate as you live with your wives. So, number one,
write this down. Men influence her by treating her with consideration.
(14:44):
This word, by the way, be considerate is from the
word knowledge. What he's telling husbands is husbands, I want
you to be a student of your wife. I want
you to operate. I want you to live with her
with knowledge. In other words, understanding her. And you say, pastor,
you got me there. I've been trying to understand my
(15:06):
wife for 20 years. Impossible. What he's saying to you
husbands is, as you live with your wife, make it
your intent. Make it your goal to listen, to learn
to value, to understand what makes your wife tick. Her emotions,
(15:31):
her dreams, her goals. Listen, the number one complaint I
get over and over and over and over from wives
as they sit in my office is this. I just
want my husband. To care about me. I want him
(15:52):
to listen. I want to feel important, like I matter.
We as husbands, we tend to be infamous bad listeners
and now add technology with it. So everybody has a
smartphone and you say, pastor, I listened to her. Yeah,
(16:12):
with a smartphone in one hand, with the TV going
off in the other hand. And when she talks, you
try to say, well, I would just do this. Can
I give you an exercise? How about if you decide
to tell your wife, hey, let's you and I go
out and you sit down with her at a meal
(16:34):
without a phone. Leave your phone at home. Get a babysitter.
Find a quiet place. Look her straight in the eyes
and say to her. How are you doing? And when
she starts talking about the kids and talking about work,
say no, no, no. I want to know how you're doing,
how are you feeling? And how do you think we're doing?
(16:54):
Half of them would say, what did you do? Did
you get a doctor's report? Are you dying? Who did
you mess with? Are you. Is there something wrong? Because
she would be shocked that you actually sit down. And
when she starts talking, start listening to what she's doing.
Don't interrupt. And by the way, she's going to talk
(17:14):
because a lot of women like to tell the whole story.
She's going to say, well, she said and I said,
and they said, and I said, and she was wearing
this when she said it to me, and I was
wearing that when they said it to me. And we
did this, and I thought this and I felt like that.
And don't say, honey, get to the point. Just listen
to her and listen and say, how did that make
you feel? And are you okay? And what did that
mean to her? And listen. Because in all of that,
(17:34):
what she really wants, what she really, really, really wants
is she wants to feel like you care about her heart,
about her soul, about her feelings about who she is
because she wants to feel valued by you. And there's
a powerful thing that happens, an incredible thing that happens
(17:57):
because there's a lot of women in marriages that feel like, hey,
we live under the same roof, but we're disconnected. There's
no intimacy. He barely knows who I am. And partly,
he barely knows who I am. And by the way,
she's the priority over your job, over your friends, over
your family, over your hobbies, over your electronics. She is
(18:18):
the priority. She needs to know that you are super
interested in who she is and how she's doing, and
where her heart is at and what her emotions are
feeling like. So you need to listen to her. And
by the way, men, can I tell you something? The
side effect may be that you'll go home and have
the best sex you've ever had in life, but that. Ladies,
(18:39):
I have to give them a little incentive to be
able to practice these things. Good. So if not, they.
Then he goes on to say, not only treat her
with consideration, but then he says influence her by treating
her as someone precious. Treat them speaking to husband that
it says with respect. And by the way, this word
(19:03):
respect literally is the word honor. Treat them with honor.
And the word honor means treat them with value. Treat
them as an important individual that has high value. Listen
as a weaker partner and by weaker it doesn't mean
weaker of mind. Weaker of spirit, weaker of soul as
(19:25):
a more a better word for that. Treat them as
a delicate partner. They're not a buddy. They're not this guy.
They are a woman. God has created them with a
feminine sensitivity that you should appreciate and value. And so
treat them as a delicate partner, honoring their value of
who they are. Which means she's not your old lady.
(19:52):
She's your woman. You treat your wife with respect. You
honor her. You let her know how valuable she is.
You expect and require your children to speak with her
with respect, and I can guarantee your daughter is going
to grow up and she's going to look for a man.
She will accept nothing less than the respect that she deserves,
(20:16):
because she will know my father has loved me. I've
been taught, I've been trained. What's right and what's wrong.
I've been coached in this way. And by the way,
your sons will learn the same thing. If you don't
treat your wife with respect, they will. One day, you
will have your daughter in law coming to your house
and saying, what's wrong with your son? And you'll have
to say, hey, what's wrong with my son is they
(20:37):
they were trained not to treat a woman with respect.
And then he goes on. And lastly. And influence her
by treating her as a spiritual partner. So he says,
as as a partner, as heirs with you, as heirs
with you. You know, there's co-heirs. Errors. In other words,
(21:00):
they inherit with you, their inheritors with you, not under you,
but with you of the gracious gift of life. That
your wife is a spiritual partner with you, a daughter
of the Most High God like you, are, a son
of the Most High God, and a co-heir of all
the riches that come from God upon you. Listen. Treat
(21:26):
him as a co-heir. So that nothing will hinder your prayers.
God says, by the way, if you're not listening to
your wife, if you're not listening to her, trying to
understand what she's saying, listening to her heart and treating
her with value, then I'm not going to listen to
(21:49):
you that well either. He says, so that your prayers
will not be hindered. You don't want to listen to
your wife. You don't want to hear her heart. You
don't want to treat her as a co-heir. Then you
know that promotion. You're praying for, that job opportunity you've
been praying for, that breakthrough that you've been praying through. Listen,
I'm not going to hear it that well, because I
(22:11):
want you to treat your wife the way you should.
And then I'm going to hear your prayers as well.
It says so that your prayers will not be hindered.
God is using leverage. You say, no, pastor man, I've
been praying and seeking God. I've been fasting for this promotion. Man.
I've been saying, oh Lord, I've been saying, I've been
(22:31):
praying and praying. And your wife walks in the room
and she's out of here. Woman I'm praying. Don't you see?
I'm praying. I'm I'm seeking God for this promotion. And
God wants to say, some of you, some of you
need to stop fasting. Take your wife out for lunch,
listen to her heart, treat her with respect. And then
God says, ah, now you've listened to your wife. Now finally,
I can listen to you, because now you're showing that
(22:53):
you're listening to that person that I put in your
life as well. It gives you some of your spiritual
breakthrough in life is going to come when a breakthrough
happens with your wife.
S1 (23:12):
Wow. That came way too fast. So important though. Thank
you Mark. I'm sure we could spend several more days
on this topic, because the Bible obviously has much more
to say on how our relationships are greatly influenced by
our self-identity.
S2 (23:26):
It really is. And it is convicting.
S1 (23:28):
It is.
S2 (23:29):
Yeah. But the essence of what you just heard right
now is if you're going to be listen, a man
of God, it starts with being a man that listens
to his wife and treats her in a way that
brings out the best in her.
S1 (23:46):
Very good. Thank you Mark. Now, let me change gears
for a moment. You know, the tween years are formative
for developing a girl's understanding of who God is and
who she is in him. The book lies, Girls Believe
by Dana Gresh, addresses 20 dangerous lies that can take
root during these crucial years. I'm a Christian because I
go to church, or God only loves me when I'm good.
(24:08):
I don't need to tell anybody about my sin. These
are just a few of the harmful lies that young
girls believe. Dana's book tackles these misconceptions head on, replacing
them with biblical truth in a format that speaks directly
to girls ages 7 to 12, requests this transformative, bold
step gift today and invest in the spiritual future of
the young girls you love. We'll send you a copy
(24:31):
when you give any amount to bold steps. Just go
online to Bold Steps, or just go online to Bold Steps,
or call us at 800. That's (800)Â 356-6639. As always, you
can send your gift and request this book in the mail.
Just write to us at Bold steps. 820 North LaSalle Boulevard, Chicago,
(24:55):
Illinois 606 ten. And if you ever have trouble joining
us for these weekly messages, we'd like to invite you
to listen to Mark's daily program throughout the week by
listening to Bold Steps on your local station. You can
also download our podcasts by searching for Bold Steps with
doctor Mark Jobe. And of course, you can always listen
to Bold Steps directly from our website. Bold steps. Well,
(25:19):
I'm Wayne Shepherd. Join us again next time when Mark
begins part one of the final message in this series,
we'll be looking at how to survive a spiritual attack.
And you won't want to miss it. That's next time
on Bold Steps Weekend with Mark Jobe. Bold steps is
a production of Moody Radio, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute.
Today on Bold Steps Weekend with Mark Jobe. We're learning
how to become an influencer.
S2 (00:06):
Listen and say, how did that make you feel? And
are you okay? And what did that mean to her?
And listen. Because in all of that, what she really wants,
what she really, really, really wants is she wants to
feel like you care about her heart, about her soul,
about her feelings about who she is because she wants
to feel valued by you.
S1 (00:38):
Welcome to Bold Steps Weekend with Mark Jobe. Mark is
president of Moody Bible Institute and the senior pastor of
New Life Community Church in Chicago. And I'm Wayne Shepherd. Today,
as we move forward in our series headlines Navigating Life
in Two Worlds, we're going to be looking at how
we can affect our relationships for the better. And if
you've missed any of the messages in this study from
(00:59):
the Book of First Peter, make sure you catch up
online at Bold Steps Radio.com. You'll also find videos and
articles and all sorts of tools and resources to help
you take that next bold step in your walk of faith.
Right now, let's get started with today's lesson from First
Peter chapter three. Here's Mark Jobe.
S2 (01:19):
Since 2012, there has been an escalation in the amount
of college girls college aged girls that are suffering from isolation, depression, anxiety,
and suicidal ideation. And when they try to find the
(01:39):
roots of that, why it's escalating so much in these
past days. They attribute largely it's attributed to the effects
of social media. Why? Because in social media, you're always
seeing people at their best. I don't remember the last
time I saw an Instagram post when someone says, I'm
having a terrible hair day. Boy, did I look ugly today.
(02:03):
I'm frumpy. It's always like you just got out of
the beauty shop, you know? Come on. Don't you know
that you look for the time you feel like I'm
looking good today? Man, this is the time for an Instagram. Oh,
just go into the grocery store. No, you're not doing
because you're in the grocery store. You're doing it because
you think you look good today. And so you're putting
it there. And other people see that and they think, wow,
they always look good. I don't look as good as that.
(02:26):
Or relational aggressiveness, this comparison mentality. And there's a fixation
with the external. But listen the real beauty that you
exercise is not just the external. The real beauty that
you exercise is the quality of your heart, the beauty
of your soul. And what Peter is telling wives in
(02:52):
this context is you want to influence your husband. It's
the inner, unfading beauty of the heart, a heart that's
not filled with aggressive anger. So there's a gentleness there.
There's a there's a a beauty, a sweetness of the heart.
Because you're not cluttered with that. And there's a, there's a,
(03:15):
a spirit that listens. He calls it a quiet spirit.
But this is not talking about a mousy woman that
doesn't have a voice. This is talking about a strong
woman that has the ability to restrain herself. Ability to
know when to speak. An ability. A woman that's not
been damaged by a crassness and a hardness and a
(03:35):
and a resentment. That's about her heart. But there's a
purity of her soul because she worships before God and
she knows who she is before the King of kings
and the Lord of lords. And he said, and he says,
which is of great worth in the sight of God.
(03:57):
By the way, Proverbs 3130 says, charm is deceptive and
beauty is fleeting. But a woman who fears the Lord
is to be praised. And he goes on to say
so not only supportive affirmation of the leadership of feminine beauty.
And lastly, number three, it says a faith filled hope.
(04:21):
I notice what he says, for in this way, the
holy women in the past who put their hope in
God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their
own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him Lord.
You are her daughters. If you do what is right
and do not give way to fear, let me tell
you this fear is never a good reason or never
(04:44):
a good driving force in our life. What is he
saying in this passage? What he's saying is that the
biggest reason that you, as a wife, find it hard
to follow the leadership of your husband at times, and
there's a resistance in a pool and a fight and a.
(05:04):
Aggravation and a going back and forth. Oftentimes it's there
because of fear. What if he hurts me? What if
he lets me down? What if he doesn't have my
best interest in mind? Oftentimes fear because of experience and
(05:25):
hurt and disappointment and unfaithfulness and abuse. And when your
heart gets cluttered with fear, fear of can I trust him?
Can I love him? Can I follow? It gets cluttered
(05:46):
with fear. Then what happens is when there's fear there,
there'll always be a distance. I'll get so close. But
I'm not going to get hurt again. Now that helps
you protect your heart. But it also impedes you and
hinders you from intimacy that God has called you to.
(06:08):
You see, you can't really love from a distance. There
has to come a point in time where we say
there's a risk that's involved in this, and ultimately I'm
going to trust God and I'm going to believe God,
but I cannot love. The Bible says that perfect love
casts out fear. I cannot love unless I'm willing to
put some of those fears aside and say, God, I'm
(06:31):
going to operate in faith and not in fear, because
ultimately you are in control of all things, and I'm
going to trust you, God, even though it may be
hard to love and really trust you God. Can I
tell you it doesn't just affect married women, it affects
single women as well. You may be in a situation
(06:54):
where it's really hard, and maybe you've maybe you've dated
up until the point of marriage and backed out oftentimes
times because in the back of your mind you saw
a terrible marriage of your parents, or you were hurt
before because of some dating relationship that you were in,
and it keeps playing over and over in your mind.
What if they're the same? What if they hurt me?
Can I trust them? And ultimately, what Peter is telling
(07:20):
these women is you have influence. But but you're not
going to be able to fully love. You're not going
to be able to fully influence. You're not going to
be able to be fully one unless you embrace a
spirit of faith that says, God, I'm going to trust you.
And this is a risk that I'm taking. And I
can't operate with the spirit of fear as I move
forward in this relationship. And you are children of Sarah.
(07:46):
Abraham was the father of faith, not the father of fear.
And Abraham and Sarah were were parents of faith who
gave birth to Isaac, who in later on gave birth
to the entire nation of Israel, and he was called
the father of faith. And so he's using this as
Sarah is not the the mother of fear, but she
was the mother of faith. Faith is saying, I trust God,
(08:09):
I believe God, and ultimately, if your faith is in
a person, they will disappoint you. Hello. If your faith
is in your spouse, they will disappoint you. But ultimately
you're saying, I'm not trusting my spouse above everything else.
I'm trusting God above everything else, and God is above
and beyond all. And I'm trusting that God will lead.
(08:34):
In this relationship. I know that that is challenging. And
for some of you women that are sitting right here
right now, some of you married wives, you're saying, well, pastor,
you don't know my husband. You're not married to my husband.
And I know, and thank God I'm not on multiple fronts.
(08:55):
Thank God I'm not. But ultimately, Peter is not asking
you to condone your husband. You may be married to
a tyrant. I don't know a brash individual. You may
be married to a person that is angry. Maybe you're
(09:17):
married to a person that struggles with addiction. Maybe you're
married to a person. That's the farthest thing of a
man of God that we can think of. And you've
put up and you've tolerated. And I think the essence
of what the Apostle Peter is saying is, listen, you
can't control, manipulate or alter your husband, but you are
(09:44):
responsible for your heart. So do not let your heart
get cluttered with impurity. Do not let yourself become a bitter, angry, aggressive, joyless,
embittered woman that lives their life in this angry fashion
as she goes about things. Because you'll project that towards
(10:07):
God and towards others. Keep your heart clean from the
impurity and the effects of hurt in your heart. You
cannot control what other people do, but you can control
the response of your heart. Keep your heart in the
right place.
S1 (10:30):
We're going to pause Mark job's message on Bold Steps
weekend for just a moment to say that we really
love to connect with you, and there are several ways
you can connect with us. You'll find us on social media,
on Facebook and Instagram. And that's a fun way, of course,
where you can drop us a line at boldsystems.org through
our website. And speaking of connecting with us, Mark, there's
(10:51):
an Ask the Question feature in that website that listeners
can submit a question for you to address, and we
don't get to answer all of them on the program here,
but we do enjoy fitting them in when we can.
S2 (11:00):
Yeah. And we love hearing from our listeners.
S1 (11:03):
Right. Of course. Here's the question of the day. Hi,
pastor Mark. I listened to you in South Florida on
at work during my lunch break. The messages you bring
always get my attention. I'm a Christian woman, married, but
my husband is unsaved and not a follower of Christ.
Because of this, our marriage has been a never ending
cycle of stress, hurt, pain and disappointment. I have given
(11:25):
up hope. I'm asking for your advice. How do I
know if God wants me to remain in a marriage
where the husband willingly does not want to know the Lord?
S2 (11:33):
Yeah. Thank you, Lou Ann. There are so many people
in a situation similar to yours, and my heart goes
out to you because I know that there's probably a
lot of tears that go with this, um, email. A
couple of things I'm going to say to you. I
want to say thank you for your perseverance. I know
(11:54):
that it's difficult to remain in a marriage that isn't
what you expect it to be. I also want to say, Luanne,
that your journey does not have to be alone. In fact,
here's what I know. Whether he is a believer or
not a believer, it is God's will that your marriage
would work out. In fact, the Bible says that you
(12:14):
as a believer have a sanctifying effect on your husband,
who's a non-believer. It doesn't mean that he's saved, but
it means that because you know the Lord, there is
a sanctifying effect, that God treats him in a different
way because he's married to you. Now, I know that
doesn't make your marriage any easier, but I want you
to know that you are having an influence on your
(12:37):
husband's life, and you may not see that or not.
So I want to encourage you to get into counseling.
If you're not in counseling, get a good Christian counselor.
If your husband would be willing to go to counseling,
whether a Christian or non-Christian, sometimes a third party really
helps us out. If your husband's not willing to go
to counseling, I would encourage you to stay in counseling
(12:58):
and get into a small group with other women that
have been through similar stories that encourage you. Because I
believe that it's God's will for your marriage to turn around,
for you to stay in the marriage and work on
that marriage as much as possible. There's only a few
things that Jesus says are there that allow us to
(13:20):
escape our marriage. Hardship, difficulty. Stress is not one of them.
So I'm praying that God would give you the grace
and strength to have a renewed vision and hope for
your marriage.
S1 (13:32):
God bless you, Luanne. Our good friend, Doctor Gary Chapman
says very often there's always hope.
S2 (13:37):
Absolutely. And, Luanne, I want to encourage you. If you've
lost that hope, it's time to go to God and say, Lord,
give me a fresh vision for my marriage.
S1 (13:46):
Well, again, thank you for writing to us through our website. Luanne.
Bold steps. All right, speaking of husbands and wives, let's
now get back to today's lesson with Mark Jordan.
S2 (14:00):
Husbands in the same way he said, wives in the
same way, husbands in the same way. In the same
way as what? Hey, if you're living in a relationship
that's not perfect, if you're living in a relationship, that
doesn't seem just if you don't feel like your wife
is is responding the way you expect her to respond.
If you don't feel like your wife is that ideal
(14:22):
woman that you wanted her to be, if you're somewhat
discontent with it in the same way, in the same
way he says be. He gives us three things. Be
considerate as you live with your wives. So, number one,
write this down. Men influence her by treating her with consideration.
(14:44):
This word, by the way, be considerate is from the
word knowledge. What he's telling husbands is husbands, I want
you to be a student of your wife. I want
you to operate. I want you to live with her
with knowledge. In other words, understanding her. And you say, pastor,
you got me there. I've been trying to understand my
(15:06):
wife for 20 years. Impossible. What he's saying to you
husbands is, as you live with your wife, make it
your intent. Make it your goal to listen, to learn
to value, to understand what makes your wife tick. Her emotions,
(15:31):
her dreams, her goals. Listen, the number one complaint I
get over and over and over and over from wives
as they sit in my office is this. I just
want my husband. To care about me. I want him
(15:52):
to listen. I want to feel important, like I matter.
We as husbands, we tend to be infamous bad listeners
and now add technology with it. So everybody has a
smartphone and you say, pastor, I listened to her. Yeah,
(16:12):
with a smartphone in one hand, with the TV going
off in the other hand. And when she talks, you
try to say, well, I would just do this. Can
I give you an exercise? How about if you decide
to tell your wife, hey, let's you and I go
out and you sit down with her at a meal
(16:34):
without a phone. Leave your phone at home. Get a babysitter.
Find a quiet place. Look her straight in the eyes
and say to her. How are you doing? And when
she starts talking about the kids and talking about work,
say no, no, no. I want to know how you're doing,
how are you feeling? And how do you think we're doing?
(16:54):
Half of them would say, what did you do? Did
you get a doctor's report? Are you dying? Who did
you mess with? Are you. Is there something wrong? Because
she would be shocked that you actually sit down. And
when she starts talking, start listening to what she's doing.
Don't interrupt. And by the way, she's going to talk
(17:14):
because a lot of women like to tell the whole story.
She's going to say, well, she said and I said,
and they said, and I said, and she was wearing
this when she said it to me, and I was
wearing that when they said it to me. And we
did this, and I thought this and I felt like that.
And don't say, honey, get to the point. Just listen
to her and listen and say, how did that make
you feel? And are you okay? And what did that
mean to her? And listen. Because in all of that,
(17:34):
what she really wants, what she really, really, really wants
is she wants to feel like you care about her heart,
about her soul, about her feelings about who she is
because she wants to feel valued by you. And there's
a powerful thing that happens, an incredible thing that happens
(17:57):
because there's a lot of women in marriages that feel like, hey,
we live under the same roof, but we're disconnected. There's
no intimacy. He barely knows who I am. And partly,
he barely knows who I am. And by the way,
she's the priority over your job, over your friends, over
your family, over your hobbies, over your electronics. She is
(18:18):
the priority. She needs to know that you are super
interested in who she is and how she's doing, and
where her heart is at and what her emotions are
feeling like. So you need to listen to her. And
by the way, men, can I tell you something? The
side effect may be that you'll go home and have
the best sex you've ever had in life, but that. Ladies,
(18:39):
I have to give them a little incentive to be
able to practice these things. Good. So if not, they.
Then he goes on to say, not only treat her
with consideration, but then he says influence her by treating
her as someone precious. Treat them speaking to husband that
it says with respect. And by the way, this word
(19:03):
respect literally is the word honor. Treat them with honor.
And the word honor means treat them with value. Treat
them as an important individual that has high value. Listen
as a weaker partner and by weaker it doesn't mean
weaker of mind. Weaker of spirit, weaker of soul as
(19:25):
a more a better word for that. Treat them as
a delicate partner. They're not a buddy. They're not this guy.
They are a woman. God has created them with a
feminine sensitivity that you should appreciate and value. And so
treat them as a delicate partner, honoring their value of
who they are. Which means she's not your old lady.
(19:52):
She's your woman. You treat your wife with respect. You
honor her. You let her know how valuable she is.
You expect and require your children to speak with her
with respect, and I can guarantee your daughter is going
to grow up and she's going to look for a man.
She will accept nothing less than the respect that she deserves,
(20:16):
because she will know my father has loved me. I've
been taught, I've been trained. What's right and what's wrong.
I've been coached in this way. And by the way,
your sons will learn the same thing. If you don't
treat your wife with respect, they will. One day, you
will have your daughter in law coming to your house
and saying, what's wrong with your son? And you'll have
to say, hey, what's wrong with my son is they
(20:37):
they were trained not to treat a woman with respect.
And then he goes on. And lastly. And influence her
by treating her as a spiritual partner. So he says,
as as a partner, as heirs with you, as heirs
with you. You know, there's co-heirs. Errors. In other words,
(21:00):
they inherit with you, their inheritors with you, not under you,
but with you of the gracious gift of life. That
your wife is a spiritual partner with you, a daughter
of the Most High God like you, are, a son
of the Most High God, and a co-heir of all
the riches that come from God upon you. Listen. Treat
(21:26):
him as a co-heir. So that nothing will hinder your prayers.
God says, by the way, if you're not listening to
your wife, if you're not listening to her, trying to
understand what she's saying, listening to her heart and treating
her with value, then I'm not going to listen to
(21:49):
you that well either. He says, so that your prayers
will not be hindered. You don't want to listen to
your wife. You don't want to hear her heart. You
don't want to treat her as a co-heir. Then you
know that promotion. You're praying for, that job opportunity you've
been praying for, that breakthrough that you've been praying through. Listen,
I'm not going to hear it that well, because I
(22:11):
want you to treat your wife the way you should.
And then I'm going to hear your prayers as well.
It says so that your prayers will not be hindered.
God is using leverage. You say, no, pastor man, I've
been praying and seeking God. I've been fasting for this promotion. Man.
I've been saying, oh Lord, I've been saying, I've been
(22:31):
praying and praying. And your wife walks in the room
and she's out of here. Woman I'm praying. Don't you see?
I'm praying. I'm I'm seeking God for this promotion. And
God wants to say, some of you, some of you
need to stop fasting. Take your wife out for lunch,
listen to her heart, treat her with respect. And then
God says, ah, now you've listened to your wife. Now finally,
I can listen to you, because now you're showing that
(22:53):
you're listening to that person that I put in your
life as well. It gives you some of your spiritual
breakthrough in life is going to come when a breakthrough
happens with your wife.
S1 (23:12):
Wow. That came way too fast. So important though. Thank
you Mark. I'm sure we could spend several more days
on this topic, because the Bible obviously has much more
to say on how our relationships are greatly influenced by
our self-identity.
S2 (23:26):
It really is. And it is convicting.
S1 (23:28):
It is.
S2 (23:29):
Yeah. But the essence of what you just heard right
now is if you're going to be listen, a man
of God, it starts with being a man that listens
to his wife and treats her in a way that
brings out the best in her.
S1 (23:46):
Very good. Thank you Mark. Now, let me change gears
for a moment. You know, the tween years are formative
for developing a girl's understanding of who God is and
who she is in him. The book lies, Girls Believe
by Dana Gresh, addresses 20 dangerous lies that can take
root during these crucial years. I'm a Christian because I
go to church, or God only loves me when I'm good.
(24:08):
I don't need to tell anybody about my sin. These
are just a few of the harmful lies that young
girls believe. Dana's book tackles these misconceptions head on, replacing
them with biblical truth in a format that speaks directly
to girls ages 7 to 12, requests this transformative, bold
step gift today and invest in the spiritual future of
the young girls you love. We'll send you a copy
(24:31):
when you give any amount to bold steps. Just go
online to Bold Steps, or just go online to Bold Steps,
or call us at 800. That's (800)Â 356-6639. As always, you
can send your gift and request this book in the mail.
Just write to us at Bold steps. 820 North LaSalle Boulevard, Chicago,
(24:55):
Illinois 606 ten. And if you ever have trouble joining
us for these weekly messages, we'd like to invite you
to listen to Mark's daily program throughout the week by
listening to Bold Steps on your local station. You can
also download our podcasts by searching for Bold Steps with
doctor Mark Jobe. And of course, you can always listen
to Bold Steps directly from our website. Bold steps. Well,
(25:19):
I'm Wayne Shepherd. Join us again next time when Mark
begins part one of the final message in this series,
we'll be looking at how to survive a spiritual attack.
And you won't want to miss it. That's next time
on Bold Steps Weekend with Mark Jobe. Bold steps is
a production of Moody Radio, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute.
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