July 22, 2024 • 11 mins
3 Lessons 💡
- Define 21 Day Complaint Free Challenge
- 1. Get one of our official Complaint Free bracelets and put it on either wrist
- 2. Switch the bracelet to the other wrist with every spoken or written complaint
- 3. Stay with it until you go 21 days-in-a-row without complaining and become a certified Complaint Free person
- Define Complaints vs. Stating Facts vs. Processing
- Complaints:, Criticize or Gossip: Focus on a problem in a negative tone
- Instead of complaining, you can speak in instructional or teaching way
- Stating Facts: Stating information in a positive or at least neural way. Focus on the solution
- Processing: Use "I statements" to describe your emotions about a certain experience
- Complaints:, Criticize or Gossip: Focus on a problem in a negative tone
- Story about Reframing Perspective
- Changing how you view certain situations to see the positive benefits can reduce complaining
3 Actions ✅
- Post inspirational quotes in your home or work
- "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain" -- Maya Angelou
- "The sun was shining in my eyes, and I could barely see; to do the necessary task that was allotted me. Resentment of the vivid glow I started to complain. When all at once upon the air I heard the blind man's cane." -- Earl Musselman
- Commit to completing the 21 day complaint free challenge
- Use a rubber band or go to acomplaintfreeworld.com to purchase an official purple bracelet
- The first nine people who email bookswithgavin@gmail.com requesting a bracelet will receive one via mail
- Use a rubber band or go to acomplaintfreeworld.com to purchase an official purple bracelet
- Change the words you use:
- Instead of "Problem" -> "Opportunity"
- Instead of "Complaint" -> "Request"
- Instead of "Setback" -> "Challenge"
- Instead of "I demand" -> "I would appreciate"
Helpful Links:
- A Complaint Free World (lots of additional exercises and activities -- can purchase the book here)
- Complaint Free Zone Poster
- Alex and Books Website
Book Discussed: "A Complaint Free World: Stop Complaining, Start Living" by Will Bowen
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello and welcome to the fourth episode of the Books with Gavin podcast.
(00:05):
I'm just a regular guy who likes to read, but can sometimes struggle to apply the lessons
in my own life.
This podcast helps me document the ups and downs of my personal self-development journey.
Hopefully you can learn something along the way too.
Really happy you're here!
For those new, the podcast offers book lessons, action steps, and a discussion of how I've
(00:29):
tried with various success to implement these tactics in my life.
Before I get started, I want to shout out Alex and Books for providing the inspiration
and general structure of the podcast, and thanks to Will Bowen for writing such an
excellent book about how to thrive and be a better person in life.
A complaint-free world, stop complaining, start living, is a book about how simple
(00:55):
changes and how you communicate can have a dramatic impact on yours and others' lives.
For our outline today, we'll start with, number one, talking about three lessons from a complaint-free
world.
Number two, sharing simple and actionable advice from the book.
Number three, talking about how I've tried to apply the advice in my life.
(01:19):
All right.
So, for our three lessons today, we'll start off with defining the 21-day complaint-free
challenge.
Then, we'll discuss the definition of complaints.
Third, we'll talk about an example about how you think and speak about situations having
a very large impact on whether you're feeling positive or not.
(01:43):
So first, we'll get into the definition of a 21-day complaint-free challenge.
The complaint-free challenge includes three main steps.
The first step is you can obtain an official complaint-free bracelet.
You can also just use a rubber band.
Second, every time you complain, criticize, or gossip, you want to move the bracelet from
(02:10):
one wrist to another.
When you do that, you start your days back at day one.
And it can often take at least six months to go 21 days or more without complaining,
criticizing, or gossiping.
So some tips include switching your bracelet from one wrist to another with every spoken
(02:32):
complaint.
Not every thought that is a complaint.
You can't really control our thoughts to that extent, but we can control our speech.
Next, track using some system, whether it's just with pen and paper, or using an app,
using notes on your phone, to always know what day you're on.
(02:54):
Lastly, don't worry about what other people are doing or how much they're complaining.
Just move your bracelet each time you complain.
Now our second lesson is a definition of complaining.
Complaining really focuses on the problem, not the solution, and it's a negative energy
state.
(03:14):
How you speak really plays a very large role in whether something is a complaint or not,
because statements of fact are not necessarily complaints.
So for instance, let's say you are out at a restaurant and the food that you are served
is cold.
You could complain and say, my food is cold.
(03:37):
Very angry and upset and negative.
Or you could state a fact and say, my food is cold.
So that would not be a complaint.
That's a slight distinction, but I think it's an important one because it shows how important
the emotions you're feeling impact whether something's a complaint or not.
(03:58):
One way to think about this as well is with the two words in phrase of course.
Of course can be very positive, can be very negative, can be kind of ambivalent or neutral.
How you say the words of course in different situations may give you a better understanding
of whether or not you're complaining.
(04:18):
Also related to the definitions, processing and complaining are not the same thing.
Prostating is sharing your feelings about something that has happened, not just rehashing
the experience.
Let's say your supervisor is upset at you at work.
You might say, I felt surprised and sad when my boss yelled at me.
(04:42):
When processing an experience, make sure what you are saying is centered on your feelings
and not on the story of what happened.
You would want to use feeling words such as mad, sad, embarrassed, happy.
That's one way to know that you're processing a situation versus complaining about it.
Also speaking in the first person using I statements helps with processing.
(05:06):
The last lesson relates to how you think and speak about situations having a big impact
on your feelings towards them.
The author gives a very good example that has helped him in his life.
So when he would be driving and would be behind a slow car, let's say it's a minivan, he
would sometimes be pretty upset and impatient because he wanted to get where he wanted to
(05:29):
go.
However, when he reframed his perspective a little bit more and thought that being behind
a slow car can help make sure he's a little safer, can help prevent tickets and really
having an overall positive impact.
He thought of these minivans as being pace cars since he is big and interested in sports
(05:53):
racing.
Using that reframe, he's able to say aloud or think about these potentially negative
activities or situations and change them around to be positive.
Other bonus notes include reducing complaining leads to increased health, better relationships,
better career success, increased happiness, and less feeling anger and being scared.
(06:18):
Now we'll transition to the action items section.
So our three action items include, number one, post inspirational quotes in your home,
number two, commit to following the 21 day complaint free challenge, and number three,
use the suggested word resource that we'll talk about to change our language about different
(06:41):
situations.
So number one, post inspirational quotes in your home.
So one of the quotes by Maya Angelou is, if you don't like something, change it.
If you can't change it, change your attitude.
Don't complain.
A second quote that was very powerful to me by Earl Musselman, the sun was shining in
(07:02):
my eyes and I could barely see.
To do the necessary task that was allotted to me, resentment of the vivid glow I started
to complain when all at once upon the air, I heard the blind man's cane.
And lastly, from Swami Kripa Vananjay states, before speaking, consider whether it is an
(07:24):
improvement upon silence.
Now for our second action item, commit to following the 21 day complaint free challenge.
Feel free to use rubber band for your bracelet.
However, if you're interested in obtaining a purple bracelet, you can go to a complaint
free world.com.
That's a complaint free world.com.
(07:45):
Or you can email bookswithgavin.com.
And I will personally mail the first nine people who request bracelets.
Now our third action item is the suggested word resource.
Some of the examples you can use that demonstrate different word choices include instead of saying
(08:07):
problem, consider saying an opportunity.
Instead of saying setback, consider challenge.
Instead of I demand, consider I would appreciate.
Instead of complaint, consider saying request.
And lastly, instead of saying struggle, consider journey.
(08:29):
All of these different alternatives really focus on solutions and what we can do to
support ourselves and improve versus focusing on the problem.
Now for our last section, we'll talk about how I've tried to implement some of these
tactics in my life.
(08:49):
So first, I have purchased some of the purple complaint free bracelets and I've started
wearing it about within the last few days.
I haven't quite posted the quotes that I referenced in the action item section yet, but I look
forward to doing that.
There's also a complaint free zone sign that I'll link in the show notes that I'd also
(09:12):
like to post as well.
Just over the last several days, I have noticed that I do complain fairly often, more than
I would have thought, especially when it's a tone of voice thing.
So that's something that I'm glad that I'm aware of.
I've been able to stop myself a few times.
(09:34):
In addition, one of the actions and lessons included reframing problems and considering
them more as challenges or opportunities.
And this is something that I started to work through.
It's definitely not intuitive or easy for me.
I don't have a great example, but while I was traveling recently, I was trying to not
(09:57):
be stressed or upset or just kind of more relaxed.
And at times I was successful and sometimes I wasn't.
So I think that's just natural.
Yeah, that's where I'm at as far as the reframing process.
I hope to continue to work on that and this is a good opportunity to remind myself.
In addition, becoming aware of the energy that I use when I speak has been something
(10:22):
that I think I've been pretty good at.
It's sometimes kind of hard to know if it's if I'm complaining versus stating a fact though.
Like this morning I woke up at 4am and how I just said that was pretty matter of fact.
But when I mentioned it to Lisa this morning, my tone was a little bit more negative even
though I said afterwards, but I slept eight hours and had a big smile on my face.
(10:43):
So consider that complaining even though it's kind of maybe it's borderline.
I don't know, but that's just one example.
Thanks so much for listening to the books with Gavin podcast.
I look forward to discussing another book.
The next one is probably going to be Deep Work by Cal Newport and checking in with you next
time.
(11:04):
I encourage you to think about the ideas shared and maybe try out one of the action items
in your life this week.
Until next time, happy reading.
Hello and welcome to the fourth episode of the Books with Gavin podcast.
(00:05):
I'm just a regular guy who likes to read, but can sometimes struggle to apply the lessons
in my own life.
This podcast helps me document the ups and downs of my personal self-development journey.
Hopefully you can learn something along the way too.
Really happy you're here!
For those new, the podcast offers book lessons, action steps, and a discussion of how I've
(00:29):
tried with various success to implement these tactics in my life.
Before I get started, I want to shout out Alex and Books for providing the inspiration
and general structure of the podcast, and thanks to Will Bowen for writing such an
excellent book about how to thrive and be a better person in life.
A complaint-free world, stop complaining, start living, is a book about how simple
(00:55):
changes and how you communicate can have a dramatic impact on yours and others' lives.
For our outline today, we'll start with, number one, talking about three lessons from a complaint-free
world.
Number two, sharing simple and actionable advice from the book.
Number three, talking about how I've tried to apply the advice in my life.
(01:19):
All right.
So, for our three lessons today, we'll start off with defining the 21-day complaint-free
challenge.
Then, we'll discuss the definition of complaints.
Third, we'll talk about an example about how you think and speak about situations having
a very large impact on whether you're feeling positive or not.
(01:43):
So first, we'll get into the definition of a 21-day complaint-free challenge.
The complaint-free challenge includes three main steps.
The first step is you can obtain an official complaint-free bracelet.
You can also just use a rubber band.
Second, every time you complain, criticize, or gossip, you want to move the bracelet from
(02:10):
one wrist to another.
When you do that, you start your days back at day one.
And it can often take at least six months to go 21 days or more without complaining,
criticizing, or gossiping.
So some tips include switching your bracelet from one wrist to another with every spoken
(02:32):
complaint.
Not every thought that is a complaint.
You can't really control our thoughts to that extent, but we can control our speech.
Next, track using some system, whether it's just with pen and paper, or using an app,
using notes on your phone, to always know what day you're on.
(02:54):
Lastly, don't worry about what other people are doing or how much they're complaining.
Just move your bracelet each time you complain.
Now our second lesson is a definition of complaining.
Complaining really focuses on the problem, not the solution, and it's a negative energy
state.
(03:14):
How you speak really plays a very large role in whether something is a complaint or not,
because statements of fact are not necessarily complaints.
So for instance, let's say you are out at a restaurant and the food that you are served
is cold.
You could complain and say, my food is cold.
(03:37):
Very angry and upset and negative.
Or you could state a fact and say, my food is cold.
So that would not be a complaint.
That's a slight distinction, but I think it's an important one because it shows how important
the emotions you're feeling impact whether something's a complaint or not.
(03:58):
One way to think about this as well is with the two words in phrase of course.
Of course can be very positive, can be very negative, can be kind of ambivalent or neutral.
How you say the words of course in different situations may give you a better understanding
of whether or not you're complaining.
(04:18):
Also related to the definitions, processing and complaining are not the same thing.
Prostating is sharing your feelings about something that has happened, not just rehashing
the experience.
Let's say your supervisor is upset at you at work.
You might say, I felt surprised and sad when my boss yelled at me.
(04:42):
When processing an experience, make sure what you are saying is centered on your feelings
and not on the story of what happened.
You would want to use feeling words such as mad, sad, embarrassed, happy.
That's one way to know that you're processing a situation versus complaining about it.
Also speaking in the first person using I statements helps with processing.
(05:06):
The last lesson relates to how you think and speak about situations having a big impact
on your feelings towards them.
The author gives a very good example that has helped him in his life.
So when he would be driving and would be behind a slow car, let's say it's a minivan, he
would sometimes be pretty upset and impatient because he wanted to get where he wanted to
(05:29):
go.
However, when he reframed his perspective a little bit more and thought that being behind
a slow car can help make sure he's a little safer, can help prevent tickets and really
having an overall positive impact.
He thought of these minivans as being pace cars since he is big and interested in sports
(05:53):
racing.
Using that reframe, he's able to say aloud or think about these potentially negative
activities or situations and change them around to be positive.
Other bonus notes include reducing complaining leads to increased health, better relationships,
better career success, increased happiness, and less feeling anger and being scared.
(06:18):
Now we'll transition to the action items section.
So our three action items include, number one, post inspirational quotes in your home,
number two, commit to following the 21 day complaint free challenge, and number three,
use the suggested word resource that we'll talk about to change our language about different
(06:41):
situations.
So number one, post inspirational quotes in your home.
So one of the quotes by Maya Angelou is, if you don't like something, change it.
If you can't change it, change your attitude.
Don't complain.
A second quote that was very powerful to me by Earl Musselman, the sun was shining in
(07:02):
my eyes and I could barely see.
To do the necessary task that was allotted to me, resentment of the vivid glow I started
to complain when all at once upon the air, I heard the blind man's cane.
And lastly, from Swami Kripa Vananjay states, before speaking, consider whether it is an
(07:24):
improvement upon silence.
Now for our second action item, commit to following the 21 day complaint free challenge.
Feel free to use rubber band for your bracelet.
However, if you're interested in obtaining a purple bracelet, you can go to a complaint
free world.com.
That's a complaint free world.com.
(07:45):
Or you can email bookswithgavin.com.
And I will personally mail the first nine people who request bracelets.
Now our third action item is the suggested word resource.
Some of the examples you can use that demonstrate different word choices include instead of saying
(08:07):
problem, consider saying an opportunity.
Instead of saying setback, consider challenge.
Instead of I demand, consider I would appreciate.
Instead of complaint, consider saying request.
And lastly, instead of saying struggle, consider journey.
(08:29):
All of these different alternatives really focus on solutions and what we can do to
support ourselves and improve versus focusing on the problem.
Now for our last section, we'll talk about how I've tried to implement some of these
tactics in my life.
(08:49):
So first, I have purchased some of the purple complaint free bracelets and I've started
wearing it about within the last few days.
I haven't quite posted the quotes that I referenced in the action item section yet, but I look
forward to doing that.
There's also a complaint free zone sign that I'll link in the show notes that I'd also
(09:12):
like to post as well.
Just over the last several days, I have noticed that I do complain fairly often, more than
I would have thought, especially when it's a tone of voice thing.
So that's something that I'm glad that I'm aware of.
I've been able to stop myself a few times.
(09:34):
In addition, one of the actions and lessons included reframing problems and considering
them more as challenges or opportunities.
And this is something that I started to work through.
It's definitely not intuitive or easy for me.
I don't have a great example, but while I was traveling recently, I was trying to not
(09:57):
be stressed or upset or just kind of more relaxed.
And at times I was successful and sometimes I wasn't.
So I think that's just natural.
Yeah, that's where I'm at as far as the reframing process.
I hope to continue to work on that and this is a good opportunity to remind myself.
In addition, becoming aware of the energy that I use when I speak has been something
(10:22):
that I think I've been pretty good at.
It's sometimes kind of hard to know if it's if I'm complaining versus stating a fact though.
Like this morning I woke up at 4am and how I just said that was pretty matter of fact.
But when I mentioned it to Lisa this morning, my tone was a little bit more negative even
though I said afterwards, but I slept eight hours and had a big smile on my face.
(10:43):
So consider that complaining even though it's kind of maybe it's borderline.
I don't know, but that's just one example.
Thanks so much for listening to the books with Gavin podcast.
I look forward to discussing another book.
The next one is probably going to be Deep Work by Cal Newport and checking in with you next
time.
(11:04):
I encourage you to think about the ideas shared and maybe try out one of the action items
in your life this week.
Until next time, happy reading.
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