June 3, 2025 • 14 mins
Are you constantly starting over every Monday? Feel like you have to do everything perfectly — or not at all? You’re not alone.
In this episode, we’re breaking down one of the most common traps that holds women back from reaching their health, weight loss, and body composition goals: all-or-nothing thinking.
We’ll unpack:
- What all-or-nothing thinking actually is (and how to spot it)
- Why perfectionism keeps you stuck and inconsistent
- How obsessing over the scale can blind you to real progress
- What the research says about breaking this mindset pattern
- The truth about consistency vs. perfection
- Why small, “imperfect” habits compound into big results
Plus, you’ll walk away with simple mindset tools to stop self-sabotaging and start making progress that actually sticks.
Thanks for listening, we hope you enjoyed it.
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey everyone, it's Joe here withthe Booster Metabolism After Age
30 podcast.
Thanks for tuning in today.
So today we're gonna be talkingabout something that we see that
sabotages progress all the time.
If you have ever said toyourself I blew it today, so I
met as well, just start over onMonday.
Or maybe you've said, if I can'tfollow this plan perfectly, I
(00:22):
shouldn't bother at all.
If any of that sounds familiar,you're not alone.
And today I'm gonna be talkingabout one of the biggest mindset
traps that holds people backfrom losing weight, getting
healthier, boosting theirmetabolisms and transforming
their body.
And it might not be what youthink it is.
What it is all or nothingthinking.
And it's something that we seein coaching that really does
(00:44):
just keep people spinning theirwheels.
So we're gonna break it all downtoday and talk about what it is.
Why it sabotages your progressand then ways you can get out of
that mindset trap.
So what is all or nothingthinking, all or nothing
Thinking is a cognitivedistortion.
It's a mental trap that causesyou to view your actions, your
(01:04):
efforts, and your outcomes inextremes.
And it can sound like any ofthese things that you might say
to yourself, if I'm not doingeverything perfectly, I failed.
Why bother?
If I can't get a full workoutin, might as well skip it.
Why bother?
I ate something off plan, so thewhole day is ruined, so I'm just
gonna eat whatever I want.
(01:26):
And it really boils down to thison the wagon, off the wagon
thinking that keeps people stuckin cycles of over restricting
and then burnout.
But this mindset can also sneakin around progress you might be
making, especially when it comesto the scale.
And we see this with a lot ofthe women that we coach.
So a common thing that we see isthinking that you haven't made
(01:48):
any progress.
If the scale hasn't moved theway you expected it to, or you
haven't made.
All the progress that you'rehoping to in the timeframe that
you think you should make it.
So this is really dangerousbecause this kind of thinking
completely negates all thepositive habits you've built,
like prepping meals, learning toeat more protein, starting to
(02:10):
lift weights just starting togenerally move more.
It can negate all the strengthand muscle gains that you might
have that don't necessarily showup on the scale and can really,
negate all the non-scale windsthat you might be experiencing,
like better energy, improvedsleep, better digestion, and
fewer cravings.
(02:30):
So if you're only measuringprogress by the scale, you might
be missing so many of the windsthat actually matter and can
actually lead to lasting change.
So why do we do this toourselves?
Why do we think this way?
This all or nothing thinking isdeeply human.
So congratulations.
You're a human In psychology,it's known as dichotomous
(02:51):
thinking, a form of black andwhite thinking.
Where we see our efforts aseither a success or failure,
good or bad, or on or off track.
And so why, why do we do this toourselves?
Why do we fall into this mindsettrap?
Often it's driven byperfectionists.
We set a high rigid standard,and we can't meet it perfectly.
(03:12):
We give up entirely.
It can also be fueled by thebelief that there's a perfect
formula for success.
And if we don't follow everypart of that formula flawlessly,
we assume we failed, or thatformula isn't going to work for
us.
And then underneath it all isusually a fear of failure.
A fear of wasting time, a fearof wasting energy on something
(03:34):
that won't work, or just a lackof trust in the process.
But here's the real moment oftruth.
There really is no perfectformula.
There's definitely things thateveryone can do that will
generally improve their healthand get them closer to their
goals.
Like things like eating enoughprotein.
Lifting weights, getting in,plenty of movement every day,
(03:56):
getting good sleep.
Those are all things that aregoing to benefit anyone and help
move anyone closer to theirgoals.
But what works for one personexactly might not work for
another.
And even for you, what ha whathas worked in the past might not
be what you need now to progressyou towards your goals.
Really the key here is that wedon't have to be perfect, but we
(04:18):
do have to be consistent.
Consistency is the name of thegame and making progress with
your health.
Improving your body composition,boosting your metabolism, or
reaching your weight loss goalis about building a collection
of habits not following aperfect plan.
So again, like I said, there arecore behaviors that will move
everyone forward.
(04:39):
Those are things like eatingenough protein, lifting weights,
getting daily movement.
Managing your stress and sleep,but you don't have to do all of
those things perfectly every dayor even at the same time.
And you'll probably get a lotbetter results by doing things
imperfectly, but consistentlydoing them than trying to do
things perfectly for a week andthen quitting.
(05:00):
So what happens here isconsistency and consistency in
habits.
Those habits stack up after awhile when you're just
relentless on being perfect ateverything, it usually leads to
burnout.
Another reason we fall into theall or nothing thinking is we
get impatient.
You might be doing all the rightthings, lifting weights, eating
(05:24):
well, sleeping more, and stillthinking, why haven't I lost
more weight yet?
This should be working faster.
Maybe I need to switch tosomething more aggressive.
And we live in a quick fixculture.
We, one of our coaches calls it,we expect things to arrive on
our doorstep like Amazonovernight.
And unfortunately a lot offitness marketing feeds the lie
(05:47):
that results should be fast, butreal transformation takes a lot
longer than we want it to.
A 2020 review published inobesity reviews found that most
people underestimate the time ittakes to lose weight
sustainably.
And this misalignment betweenexpectation and reality usually
leads people to quit too early.
(06:07):
So when you're feeling likeprogress is going too slow what
we tend to do is hop to the nextplan, hoping the next, magical
diet will be the solution thatfixes all of our problems and
get us the results that we wantovernight.
And but really what happens isevery time we stop and restart,
we lose valuable momentum.
(06:29):
So throwing in the towel reallydoesn't get you closer.
It just resets the clock.
And when we do this over andover, we do it again and really
just spin our wheels.
Okay, so what does work in termsof mindset and what gets you out
of this all or nothing mindset?
So I think you, it really juststarts with shifting your
(06:51):
mindset.
What I like to think or imagineis that a healthy journey is
like traveling a thousand miles,and so every healthy meal that
you eat is a step forward.
Every strength workout is a stepforward.
Every time you choose to keepgoing, even if you're not
perfect at it, you're stillmaking progress and moving
forward.
(07:12):
So even when you're not doing itright, you're still reinforcing
new patterns and behaviors andkeeping yourself directionally
in the direction of thatjourney.
You're building identity basedchanges and becoming someone who
eats well, who moves a lot.
And who really takes good careof her body.
So again, you don't need to beperfect to reach your goal.
(07:33):
You just need to keep walking inthe right direction and
accumulating steps towards yourultimate goal.
And as you keep going, therewill be time to fine tune.
But first you just have to befocused on showing up and taking
steps every day.
That's how you're going tocomplete the thousand Mile
journey.
James Clear talks about this inhis Atomic Habits book.
(07:56):
If you haven't read that, Ihighly recommend it.
It's really powerful.
And so in his book, James Clear,talks about the story of a man
who lost over 200 pounds in twoyears, and his very first habit,
the thing that he mastered.
Was showing up at the gym forfive minutes and that's it.
The deal he made with himself isthat he would go to the gym and
(08:19):
stay for five minutes.
He didn't do a full workout whenhe first started.
He didn't try to overhaul hisdiet on day one.
He made a habit so easy that hecouldn't fail and really
couldn't come up with anyexcuses, and he could have very
easily told himself.
The entire time.
This isn't doing anything.
Why bother?
I'm not going and working outfor an hour and a half.
(08:41):
Why does it matter?
But he didn't.
He just kept his promise tohimself to show up at the gym
for five minutes.
And over time he did start tostay longer and he started
lifting weights and he startedto change his diet.
But.
Again, the first thing he didwas mastered the tiny habit of
just getting himself to the gymfor five minutes.
And like I said, if he'd toldhimself, unless I go to the gym
(09:02):
for an hour, why bother?
I won't make progress.
He never would've started atall.
And so the thing to keepremembering is no one begins
their journey doing everythingperfectly, especially when we're
going about like making a bigchange.
In any area of our life, most ofus do better by starting with
one small habit like walking orlifting weights once a week, and
(09:26):
then stack behaviors from there.
And what happens is that overtime, those small changes
compound into big results.
So how we can break out of allor nothing thinking is something
psychologists call cognitiverestructuring to help people
challenge and replace rigid,unhelpful thoughts.
And here's how it works and howyou can apply it.
(09:47):
So the first step is awareness.
I always say the first step isawareness about anything.
So you're gonna notice some ofthese thoughts that may not be
helping you and just catchyourself thinking them.
So it might be, I've missed aworkout.
I failed.
Might as well skip the wholeweek.
Or I didn't meal prep, I'm offtrack.
Might as well eat out every mealand who cares what I eat.
(10:08):
And but after you, you catchthis thought that may not be so
helpful.
You wanna replace it or reframeit with something more flexible.
So if you know it's, I missed aworkout, why bother you might
replace it with one missedworkout, isn't gonna undo my
progress.
It's just one missed workout or.
I didn't meal prep, I'm offtrack, so why bother?
(10:30):
You can then add on to that.
But the truth is I can stillmake a good choice today.
Reframing those unhelpfulthoughts can really get you down
the path.
You also wanna aim for B minuswork.
Psychologist Kristin Neff saysthat self-compassion is one of
the strongest predictors oflong-term success.
And this is so true.
People who are relentless withthemselves.
(10:52):
Our total perfectionists oftendon't talk to themselves very
nicely, and it just, after awhile, it swamps them.
So if you can get comfortablewith being a minus work, you
don't need a plus performanceall the time, and just tell
yourself that B minusconsistency beats perfection.
Okay.
Also work on trackingconsistency, not perfection.
(11:13):
So maybe keep a habit track, or,I'm sorry, a habit tracker and
just celebrate showing up.
Maybe it's a checklist where youcan check the box if you just
did, something that's, again,aimed in the right direction and
not perfectly hitting yourmacros or PR ping at the gym
every week.
There is real momentum and trulylike a dopamine release by just
(11:37):
keeping the streak alive andkeeping those habits going.
And then, practice what iscalled all or something thinking
instead of totally giving up.
Ask yourself, what can I dotoday to take a step forward?
We always say something isalways better than nothing.
So some days are harder thanothers and.
Some days, all you can get doneis a walk around the block, and
(12:01):
that's better than laying on thecouch all day, I promise.
It is.
And the more that you getyourself moving and get some
momentum, the better off you'regonna be and the faster you're
gonna get back to your habits.
So my closing thoughts on thisare.
I think we think that being aperfectionist is really noble
(12:21):
and is gonna get us the bestresults.
It can feel really productive,but it really is one of the
biggest things that standsbetween you and the results you
want.
We see it all the time ascoaches, and the really good
news is that you don't have tobe perfect.
You don't have to have all theanswers.
You really just need to keepshowing up.
And keep on that journey.
(12:43):
Usually imperfectly.
But you do need to show up withconsistency and with compassion
and trust that those small stepsreally do add up, and that is
where your real transformationis going to begin.
So hopefully some of thisresonated with you.
And if you are really stuck inthis trap of starting a diet on
Monday, blowing it by Wednesday,starting a new diet the next
(13:05):
week, that really is a terriblecycle to be in and really is
gonna keep you spinning yourwheels.
So try some of these tips I'vesuggested and hopefully that
will help.
Okay, that's all I've got today.
Thanks for tuning in and we'llcatch you next time.
Thanks so much.
Bye.
Hey everyone, it's Joe here withthe Booster Metabolism After Age
30 podcast.
Thanks for tuning in today.
So today we're gonna be talkingabout something that we see that
sabotages progress all the time.
If you have ever said toyourself I blew it today, so I
met as well, just start over onMonday.
Or maybe you've said, if I can'tfollow this plan perfectly, I
(00:22):
shouldn't bother at all.
If any of that sounds familiar,you're not alone.
And today I'm gonna be talkingabout one of the biggest mindset
traps that holds people backfrom losing weight, getting
healthier, boosting theirmetabolisms and transforming
their body.
And it might not be what youthink it is.
What it is all or nothingthinking.
And it's something that we seein coaching that really does
(00:44):
just keep people spinning theirwheels.
So we're gonna break it all downtoday and talk about what it is.
Why it sabotages your progressand then ways you can get out of
that mindset trap.
So what is all or nothingthinking, all or nothing
Thinking is a cognitivedistortion.
It's a mental trap that causesyou to view your actions, your
(01:04):
efforts, and your outcomes inextremes.
And it can sound like any ofthese things that you might say
to yourself, if I'm not doingeverything perfectly, I failed.
Why bother?
If I can't get a full workoutin, might as well skip it.
Why bother?
I ate something off plan, so thewhole day is ruined, so I'm just
gonna eat whatever I want.
(01:26):
And it really boils down to thison the wagon, off the wagon
thinking that keeps people stuckin cycles of over restricting
and then burnout.
But this mindset can also sneakin around progress you might be
making, especially when it comesto the scale.
And we see this with a lot ofthe women that we coach.
So a common thing that we see isthinking that you haven't made
(01:48):
any progress.
If the scale hasn't moved theway you expected it to, or you
haven't made.
All the progress that you'rehoping to in the timeframe that
you think you should make it.
So this is really dangerousbecause this kind of thinking
completely negates all thepositive habits you've built,
like prepping meals, learning toeat more protein, starting to
(02:10):
lift weights just starting togenerally move more.
It can negate all the strengthand muscle gains that you might
have that don't necessarily showup on the scale and can really,
negate all the non-scale windsthat you might be experiencing,
like better energy, improvedsleep, better digestion, and
fewer cravings.
(02:30):
So if you're only measuringprogress by the scale, you might
be missing so many of the windsthat actually matter and can
actually lead to lasting change.
So why do we do this toourselves?
Why do we think this way?
This all or nothing thinking isdeeply human.
So congratulations.
You're a human In psychology,it's known as dichotomous
(02:51):
thinking, a form of black andwhite thinking.
Where we see our efforts aseither a success or failure,
good or bad, or on or off track.
And so why, why do we do this toourselves?
Why do we fall into this mindsettrap?
Often it's driven byperfectionists.
We set a high rigid standard,and we can't meet it perfectly.
(03:12):
We give up entirely.
It can also be fueled by thebelief that there's a perfect
formula for success.
And if we don't follow everypart of that formula flawlessly,
we assume we failed, or thatformula isn't going to work for
us.
And then underneath it all isusually a fear of failure.
A fear of wasting time, a fearof wasting energy on something
(03:34):
that won't work, or just a lackof trust in the process.
But here's the real moment oftruth.
There really is no perfectformula.
There's definitely things thateveryone can do that will
generally improve their healthand get them closer to their
goals.
Like things like eating enoughprotein.
Lifting weights, getting in,plenty of movement every day,
(03:56):
getting good sleep.
Those are all things that aregoing to benefit anyone and help
move anyone closer to theirgoals.
But what works for one personexactly might not work for
another.
And even for you, what ha whathas worked in the past might not
be what you need now to progressyou towards your goals.
Really the key here is that wedon't have to be perfect, but we
(04:18):
do have to be consistent.
Consistency is the name of thegame and making progress with
your health.
Improving your body composition,boosting your metabolism, or
reaching your weight loss goalis about building a collection
of habits not following aperfect plan.
So again, like I said, there arecore behaviors that will move
everyone forward.
(04:39):
Those are things like eatingenough protein, lifting weights,
getting daily movement.
Managing your stress and sleep,but you don't have to do all of
those things perfectly every dayor even at the same time.
And you'll probably get a lotbetter results by doing things
imperfectly, but consistentlydoing them than trying to do
things perfectly for a week andthen quitting.
(05:00):
So what happens here isconsistency and consistency in
habits.
Those habits stack up after awhile when you're just
relentless on being perfect ateverything, it usually leads to
burnout.
Another reason we fall into theall or nothing thinking is we
get impatient.
You might be doing all the rightthings, lifting weights, eating
(05:24):
well, sleeping more, and stillthinking, why haven't I lost
more weight yet?
This should be working faster.
Maybe I need to switch tosomething more aggressive.
And we live in a quick fixculture.
We, one of our coaches calls it,we expect things to arrive on
our doorstep like Amazonovernight.
And unfortunately a lot offitness marketing feeds the lie
(05:47):
that results should be fast, butreal transformation takes a lot
longer than we want it to.
A 2020 review published inobesity reviews found that most
people underestimate the time ittakes to lose weight
sustainably.
And this misalignment betweenexpectation and reality usually
leads people to quit too early.
(06:07):
So when you're feeling likeprogress is going too slow what
we tend to do is hop to the nextplan, hoping the next, magical
diet will be the solution thatfixes all of our problems and
get us the results that we wantovernight.
And but really what happens isevery time we stop and restart,
we lose valuable momentum.
(06:29):
So throwing in the towel reallydoesn't get you closer.
It just resets the clock.
And when we do this over andover, we do it again and really
just spin our wheels.
Okay, so what does work in termsof mindset and what gets you out
of this all or nothing mindset?
So I think you, it really juststarts with shifting your
(06:51):
mindset.
What I like to think or imagineis that a healthy journey is
like traveling a thousand miles,and so every healthy meal that
you eat is a step forward.
Every strength workout is a stepforward.
Every time you choose to keepgoing, even if you're not
perfect at it, you're stillmaking progress and moving
forward.
(07:12):
So even when you're not doing itright, you're still reinforcing
new patterns and behaviors andkeeping yourself directionally
in the direction of thatjourney.
You're building identity basedchanges and becoming someone who
eats well, who moves a lot.
And who really takes good careof her body.
So again, you don't need to beperfect to reach your goal.
(07:33):
You just need to keep walking inthe right direction and
accumulating steps towards yourultimate goal.
And as you keep going, therewill be time to fine tune.
But first you just have to befocused on showing up and taking
steps every day.
That's how you're going tocomplete the thousand Mile
journey.
James Clear talks about this inhis Atomic Habits book.
(07:56):
If you haven't read that, Ihighly recommend it.
It's really powerful.
And so in his book, James Clear,talks about the story of a man
who lost over 200 pounds in twoyears, and his very first habit,
the thing that he mastered.
Was showing up at the gym forfive minutes and that's it.
The deal he made with himself isthat he would go to the gym and
(08:19):
stay for five minutes.
He didn't do a full workout whenhe first started.
He didn't try to overhaul hisdiet on day one.
He made a habit so easy that hecouldn't fail and really
couldn't come up with anyexcuses, and he could have very
easily told himself.
The entire time.
This isn't doing anything.
Why bother?
I'm not going and working outfor an hour and a half.
(08:41):
Why does it matter?
But he didn't.
He just kept his promise tohimself to show up at the gym
for five minutes.
And over time he did start tostay longer and he started
lifting weights and he startedto change his diet.
But.
Again, the first thing he didwas mastered the tiny habit of
just getting himself to the gymfor five minutes.
And like I said, if he'd toldhimself, unless I go to the gym
(09:02):
for an hour, why bother?
I won't make progress.
He never would've started atall.
And so the thing to keepremembering is no one begins
their journey doing everythingperfectly, especially when we're
going about like making a bigchange.
In any area of our life, most ofus do better by starting with
one small habit like walking orlifting weights once a week, and
(09:26):
then stack behaviors from there.
And what happens is that overtime, those small changes
compound into big results.
So how we can break out of allor nothing thinking is something
psychologists call cognitiverestructuring to help people
challenge and replace rigid,unhelpful thoughts.
And here's how it works and howyou can apply it.
(09:47):
So the first step is awareness.
I always say the first step isawareness about anything.
So you're gonna notice some ofthese thoughts that may not be
helping you and just catchyourself thinking them.
So it might be, I've missed aworkout.
I failed.
Might as well skip the wholeweek.
Or I didn't meal prep, I'm offtrack.
Might as well eat out every mealand who cares what I eat.
(10:08):
And but after you, you catchthis thought that may not be so
helpful.
You wanna replace it or reframeit with something more flexible.
So if you know it's, I missed aworkout, why bother you might
replace it with one missedworkout, isn't gonna undo my
progress.
It's just one missed workout or.
I didn't meal prep, I'm offtrack, so why bother?
(10:30):
You can then add on to that.
But the truth is I can stillmake a good choice today.
Reframing those unhelpfulthoughts can really get you down
the path.
You also wanna aim for B minuswork.
Psychologist Kristin Neff saysthat self-compassion is one of
the strongest predictors oflong-term success.
And this is so true.
People who are relentless withthemselves.
(10:52):
Our total perfectionists oftendon't talk to themselves very
nicely, and it just, after awhile, it swamps them.
So if you can get comfortablewith being a minus work, you
don't need a plus performanceall the time, and just tell
yourself that B minusconsistency beats perfection.
Okay.
Also work on trackingconsistency, not perfection.
(11:13):
So maybe keep a habit track, or,I'm sorry, a habit tracker and
just celebrate showing up.
Maybe it's a checklist where youcan check the box if you just
did, something that's, again,aimed in the right direction and
not perfectly hitting yourmacros or PR ping at the gym
every week.
There is real momentum and trulylike a dopamine release by just
(11:37):
keeping the streak alive andkeeping those habits going.
And then, practice what iscalled all or something thinking
instead of totally giving up.
Ask yourself, what can I dotoday to take a step forward?
We always say something isalways better than nothing.
So some days are harder thanothers and.
Some days, all you can get doneis a walk around the block, and
(12:01):
that's better than laying on thecouch all day, I promise.
It is.
And the more that you getyourself moving and get some
momentum, the better off you'regonna be and the faster you're
gonna get back to your habits.
So my closing thoughts on thisare.
I think we think that being aperfectionist is really noble
(12:21):
and is gonna get us the bestresults.
It can feel really productive,but it really is one of the
biggest things that standsbetween you and the results you
want.
We see it all the time ascoaches, and the really good
news is that you don't have tobe perfect.
You don't have to have all theanswers.
You really just need to keepshowing up.
And keep on that journey.
(12:43):
Usually imperfectly.
But you do need to show up withconsistency and with compassion
and trust that those small stepsreally do add up, and that is
where your real transformationis going to begin.
So hopefully some of thisresonated with you.
And if you are really stuck inthis trap of starting a diet on
Monday, blowing it by Wednesday,starting a new diet the next
(13:05):
week, that really is a terriblecycle to be in and really is
gonna keep you spinning yourwheels.
So try some of these tips I'vesuggested and hopefully that
will help.
Okay, that's all I've got today.
Thanks for tuning in and we'llcatch you next time.
Thanks so much.
Bye.
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