Cobra (1986)

This week on Born to Watch, the boys dive sunglasses-first into their Cobra (1986) Review, Sylvester Stallone’s 80s fever dream of fascist fashion, cult chaos, and cheeseball one-liners. In a time when Sly was king of the box office, rocking Rambo and Rocky, he went rogue and gave us… Marion Cobretti. Part cop, part Terminator, all denim.

Whitey, G-Man, and Morgz try to unpack this absurd Dirty Harry knockoff that’s equal parts vanity project and testosterone overdose. From the opening monologue's completely made-up crime stats to the gratuitous axe-wielding cult, nothing about Cobra makes sense, and that’s half the fun.

But it’s not all bullets and bravado. The team takes a hard look at Stallone’s creative control (spoiler: he shouldn’t have had any), the film’s bizarre product placement (Pepsi, anyone?), and a montage that includes Brigitte Nielsen posing with robots to a Robert Tepper deep cut. Seriously.

Gow marvels at the buckle boots and slasher absurdities, Dan questions why Cobra opens a warm beer just to throw it, and Whitey can’t believe this was supposed to be the start of a franchise. There’s praise for the poster, grief for the editing, and unfiltered confusion about the serial killer cult that clinks axes in an abandoned pool.

Also in this episode:

• An explosive “Good, Bad, and Ugly” segment where “ugly” takes on new meaning
• A wild tangent into Canadian trailer parks and Gow's legendary exploits as the “Ten Slayer”
• A bonus voicemail from our mate XR8 Chupperz, who wants answers about Canadian bar fights and Gow’s taste in trailer park women

As the crew reflects on Cobra’s place in 1986 cinema, surrounded by giants like Top Gun, Aliens, and Platoon, they ask the big questions: Could this have been good with a different cut? Did anyone actually direct this thing? And is “You're a disease, and I’m the cure” the greatest dumb action line ever written?

Spoiler alert: Cobra ends with 41 confirmed kills. Stallone doesn’t just clean up crime; he clears the census.

So if you love muscle-bound madness, slashers in stocking masks, or just want to laugh at a movie that takes itself way too seriously, this episode is for you.

JOIN THE CONVERSATION
Is Cobra a misunderstood action gem or just a flaming dumpster fire of denim and ego?
Would you ride shotgun with Cobretti or run from his gun with the custom Cobra logo?
Who’s scarier—the Night Slasher or that robot photo shoot montage?

Drop us a voicemail at https://www.borntowatch.com.au and be part of the show!

Listen to the full episode now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your pods.

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