Saying No: Dr. Sunita Sah on Defiance, Compliance, and the Psychology of Approval

What if defiance wasn’t a flaw, but a skill? In this episode, Dr. Sunita Sah—physician, behavioural scientist, and author of Defy—shares how reclaiming agency and redefining what it means to say “no” can change the trajectory of our lives. Raised to equate goodness with compliance, Sunita’s journey is a powerful reminder that being agreeable often comes at a cost: to our integrity, our well-being, and our sense of self.

We explore the psychology behind why we say yes when we mean no, the invisible social pressures that shape our decisions, and why discomfort is a sign—not of weakness, but of wisdom. Sunita offers a practical five-stage framework for living in alignment with your values, and explains how simple tools like pausing before responding or speaking to yourself in the third person can help you make braver, truer choices.

This conversation is a compassionate guide for people-pleasers, quiet rebels, and anyone who has ever struggled to hold their ground. A bountiful life, as Sunita reveals, isn’t lived without tension—it’s one where that tension is honoured, examined, and transformed into something meaningful.

Episode Highlights

• Why defiance is essential to a meaningful life

• The difference between compliance, consent, and true defiance

• How to find and clarify your personal values

• The hidden social pressures behind people-pleasing and “yes” culture

• Five stages of ethical defiance (from tension to action)

• Quiet defiance, false defiance, and performative rebellion

• Saying no with grace—and without over-explaining

Guest Bio

Dr. Sunita Sah is a national bestselling author, an award-winning professor at Cornell University and an expert in organizational psychology. She leads groundbreaking research on influence, authority, compliance, and defiance. A trained physician, she practiced medicine in the United Kingdom and worked as a management consultant for the pharmaceutical industry. She currently teaches executives, leaders, and students in healthcare and business. Dr. Sah is a sought-after international speaker and consultant, advisor to government agencies, and former Commissioner of the National Commission on Forensic Science. Her multidisciplinary research and analyses have been widely published in leading academic journals and media entities including The New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Harvard Business Review, and Scientific American. She lives with her husband and son in New York.

The Bountifull Podcast explores how to live a purposeful, joyful life by connecting with interesting people from diverse backgrounds. Each episode unpacks practical wisdom and real stories on themes like boundaries, saying no, psychological safety, compliance, consent, and living in alignment with your values.