In Conversation With...Tom Curran

In this episode, Katie talks to Tom Curran, a World Leading Expert on Perfectionism. With an eye on politics, economics, and society, he takes a cultural lens to the study of perfectionism. His work is groundbreaking and has uncovered a frightening trend of young people breaking under the strain of perfectionistic pressures. Tom brings perfectionism to life and makes it relevant and understandable to the widest audiences. He is a TED speaker and Thought Leader, a regular contributor to high-profile podcasts and has been featured in the national and international mainstream media. With the objective to put perfectionism on the map as a public health concern, Curran draws on his unique sense of wit and self-depreciation when he travels the globe speaking on the topic. 

During this episode, Katie and Tom discuss:

• How he came into the field of social and personality psychology and what that actually is
• His findings from the first systems-level cohort study showing that perfectionism is on the rise in American, Canadian, and British college students
• The damaging impacts of perfectionism
• The difference between perfectionism and the pursuit of excellence
• How to navigate perfectionism
• How we can tap into failure as a strength
• How can craftspeople, makers, artists, and designers contribute to a culture of imperfect progress

You can connect with Tom here

LI: @thom_curran

https://www.thomcurran.com/

Here are some highlights:

Seeking approval and validation

“Perfectionists are really concerned about how other people appraise them, whether they're valued and approved and loved by other people. This is a huge part of perfectionistic psychology because deep down, they believe that they're flawed, they're imperfect, that they're deficient. And in order to feel a sense of self-worth, they go about the world trying to hide those deficiencies from other people and seeking their approval and validation all times. Well, that's okay, but what tends to happen is that perfectionistic people are so scared of rejection, so scared of criticism that they can move themselves away from people and away from situations where they feel like they might be judged. That can create some social disconnection which can lead into things like loneliness and there's a lot of data to suggest that perfectionistic people experience quite a lot of loneliness and social disconnection. That's the first reason why it has an impact on mental health”

 

Pushing past human fallibilities

“Perfectionism has quite an aggressive, aggravated vulnerability built into it, and perfectionist people push themselves to the max and then some, it's this idea of, well, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, I've got to keep pushing through the pain, I've got to keep grinding, I've got to keep going, I've got to keep my head up and keep moving forward, and that that's an unsustainable way to live. You just don't let yourself rest. You just don't let yourself recuperate. You don't give yourself permission to accept that life sometimes defeats us and that's okay, that's a part of parcel of being human being. Perfectionism is really pushing past those very human fallibilities and vulnerabilities to try and project at all times a perfect persona. But of course, that's not, that's not possible and left untreated, left unchecked, that can be quite, quite different.

 

Exposing ourselves to failure

“You just got to get comfortable with it. You know, failure is such an intimately, human experience. Look, we're going to fail way, way more than we're going to succeed. That's the first thing to remember. We're fallible, we're exhaustible creatures. I t