September 2, 2025 • 21 mins
Helping children discover a sense of purpose gives them direction, motivation, and a connection to something greater than themselves. It boosts mood, energy, and motivation, especially when they contribute meaningfully to their community. Purpose is built through realistic goals, service, and exploration—especially in supportive environments like faith communities. Even structured service can be transformative. Ultimately, giving a child a future is the best way to help them overcome their past.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Brain Based Parenting, the Boys Ranch
podcast for families.
We all know how hard being aparent is, and sometimes it
feels like there are no goodanswers to the difficult
questions families have whentheir kids are struggling.
Our goal each week will be totry and answer some of those
tough questions, utilizing theknowledge, experience and
(00:24):
professional training CalFarley's Boys Ranch has to offer
.
Now here is your host, calFarley's Staff Development
Coordinator, joshua Sprock.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Welcome everyone and thank you for joining us today
as we move through the next partof our model of leadership and
service purpose.
Today, I'm joined by MichelleMyketter, our Chief Program
Officer.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Hey y'all.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Suzanne Wright, our Vice President of Training and
Intervention.
Hello and Mike Wilhelm, ourSenior Chaplain.
Speaker 5 (00:50):
Hey Josh.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
As we do each week, let's start off by jumping into
our question of the day.
Speaker 5 (00:55):
When you were a little kid, what would you say
your dream job was In 1971, Iwas asked this question by an
elementary school teacher, andthat was the year the Milwaukee
Bucks won the NBA finals OscarRobertson and Kareem
Abdul-Jabbar and I decided thatI wanted to be an NBA basketball
(01:17):
player, and I drew a picture ofmyself in kind of the look like
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, but Imissed my finished height by
about a foot, so that was mydream job.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
So 1971 was when I was born.
Just to put that in perspective, that's harsh.
But when I was in elementaryschool what I wanted to be was a
journalist, I guess at thattime I called it a writer.
Didn't really know what Iwanted to do and so I pursued
that when I went to college.
(01:51):
When I first went to collegeand that semester I took
journalism and I didn't likepeople editing my work.
So my very first semester ofcollege I changed my major
because I didn't want peopletelling me what to write.
Speaker 4 (02:13):
That doesn't seem to surprise you.
I have no comment.
Well, when?
Speaker 3 (02:15):
I was a child.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
I thought I would grow up to be a singer a famous
singer and I practiced a lot,but that never really came to be
.
Speaker 5 (02:23):
Well, you're a famous singer.
You sing in Amarillo in a group.
Speaker 4 (02:27):
In a group.
I do.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
In a couple of groups .
Speaker 4 (02:29):
In a couple of groups .
Speaker 5 (02:31):
Probably the best alto at the Boys Ranch campus
Wow.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Chaplain, that's high praise.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
I wanted to be president.
Wow, I know I was pretty.
I'd try and bullied my friendsinto not running against me and
I'd have fake elections andstuff like that, and just to
practice.
And, yeah, I was going to bethe president.
Speaker 4 (02:53):
It sounds like you were going to be a corrupt
politician.
No kidding.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
That's what got me.
It was a bad scandal.
So today we're continuing ourseries on the model of
leadership and service, andwe're talking about purpose.
So how would you all definepurpose?
Speaker 4 (03:09):
I think the first aspect of purpose is determining
what do you want to be when yougrow up.
How could you use your skillsand talents and interests to
support other people and tosupport yourself and to have a
job or a career that you findfulfilling?
Speaker 3 (03:29):
Yeah, I think I was something similar to that just
along thinking about somethingbigger than what you are, but
using what your skills are, yourstrengths are, your gifts are
to contribute to somethingbigger than you are.
Speaker 5 (03:40):
Yeah, boy, that's a great question, maybe having a
role in life that has someparticular importance.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
So what does it look like when a child is having
success with purpose?
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Yeah, I think that's sometimes hard to identify, even
for adults, do you feel like?
Again, what it makes me thinkof is feeling connected to a
larger sense of something, alarger sense of community or a
larger sense of accomplishmentor being connected to something
(04:17):
bigger than just thinking withinyour little sphere of concern.
Speaker 4 (04:20):
But was very interested in the Christmas
shoebox program and had a reallyclose relationship with one of
our previous chaplains and shewas so motivated to develop that
program and make sure that itwas successful and that really
became her purpose while she washere and she did a great job
(04:44):
with it and it continues today.
Speaker 5 (04:47):
No, I think that's good.
I noticed the kids that sayconnected our horse barn here on
campus.
It seems like that there's animprovement of mood, more energy
, motivation, and it seems likethat that spills over into other
areas too, don't you think?
Once there is a purpose orsomething to wake up for in the
(05:08):
morning and I'm needed to takecare of something, so what do
you think that's all abouthaving that purpose that keeps a
kid on the right track?
Speaker 4 (05:17):
I think it helps you focus, even when I think about
what keeps me on the right trackknowing that I have a goal to
work towards, knowing that thedaily tasks that I'm
accomplishing serve a purpose,like they fulfill a goal, even
though some of those daily tasksmay be tedious or things I
don't get fulfillment from, oryou know I'm not in the mood to
(05:39):
enter this paperwork today butit's part of achieving a larger
goal and that helps me staymotivated.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Which to me, goes back again to feeling connected
to something else, like when Iwas thinking about through a
kid's perspective how do youknow when they're having success
in that area and I think it isfeeling like you're contributing
to something.
So you feel like you need toshow up or you need to complete
something, because you'recontributing to something bigger
than you and you want to be apart of that accomplishment for
(06:09):
the whole you know for the wholeof the group, not just for
yourself.
Speaker 5 (06:10):
We had a visitor here that stayed with us for a
number of months here recentlyfrom another country and he was
felt so.
He just had this sadness abouthim and despair and I felt very
compelled to tell him this andthis is what I would tell him
regularly.
I said your life has meaningand value and I knew he was not
(06:31):
getting that message from hisworld and his internal dialogue.
But those are just words fromsomebody and I would keep giving
him those words and I thinkthat was important.
But until your life there'ssomething where your life really
has some practical purpose intime and space.
Those are probably just wordsand my friend really was needing
(06:54):
something in his life thatwould give him purpose.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
Mike, you touch on another part of purpose, which
is the value of giving back toothers, right, and so it's
helpful for us to have a purpose, but that's enhanced when you
give to another person, when youdo something, when you meet a
need, right, and that's that'skind of enhanced purpose, I
think, and we have to look foropportunities to do that.
(07:21):
Those don't always, I know onour campus, they don't always
present themselves easily, andwe as staff members look for
ways that our kids can learn thevalue of giving back to other
people, whether that's going todo some volunteer work at an
animal rescue shelter or takingkids to work at Habitat for
(07:42):
Humanity.
There's so many opportunitieslike that and I think they're
important because they help usstep outside of ourselves and
see that other people have needsand that we have the ability to
help serve those people andmeet their needs.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
It's so interesting because it's making me think
about contributing and thenwhat's the difference between
meaning and significance andpurpose and all those kind of
things?
And I think sometimes weconfuse accomplishments or
achievements with it, and so Iwas just thinking like talking
about, you know, the horse barnor rodeo.
My own daughter had some greataccomplishments at rodeo, but
the biggest purpose she felt waswhen she was helping round up
(08:19):
the cattle at the end, which wasnot a competition, right, it
was just a need that they hadand the men that were typically
there weren't available and theycalled on her and that was her
biggest like that's.
Her favorite photo from rodeois that one where she's helping
round up the cattle, because shefelt like she contributed to
the whole of the event.
Speaker 5 (08:36):
So Wow, that's great.
Yeah, I was thinking about theHabitat for Humanity.
Suzanne, you mentioned Habitatfor Humanity and it's just
really heartwarming.
I hope our listeners could justget a picture of this.
But it's easy to, if you see,say, a teenager, adolescent, who
is stuck in some well, maybesome despair and not finding any
(08:59):
meaning in life, and so there'slack of motivation and it's
easy to start to sell shorttheir capacity to serve and
their need for purpose and thatthey really come to life in
those settings.
And when we have a staff memberthat, like our friend William,
that is going to take a group ofkids to go work Habitat for
(09:20):
Humanity site, well, a lot offolks might think, well, they're
not going to want to do that,they're going to have to work,
they're going to be away fromtheir cell phone or whatever.
And they come to life on thosetrips and word gets out and
there's usually a waiting listof kids who want to go.
And there's usually a waitinglist of kids who want to go
(09:41):
because they know that thestakes are high.
There's something important,there's a real purpose at hand.
There's a refugee family withsmall dependents that's in need
of shelter and they're going andmeeting a real need.
Speaker 4 (09:53):
My children were all involved in 4-H and regardless
of the 4-H activity, it has acommunity service component and
I think that is so important.
So, if it is clothing andtextiles, or if it is food and
nutrition, each child has tocomplete a service project
(10:15):
individually or as a group.
But that's valuable right.
It requires that for every, sothat, yes, you're learning some
valuable skills, but you're alsolearning how you could help
others with those skills.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
So what does it look like when a kid doesn't have a
sense of purpose?
Speaker 3 (10:31):
You know this makes me think about.
We talk a lot about not havingmotivation or being unmotivated
about things, and how motivationis really when you have hope
that something will be better,right, that you can work towards
something that you're going toaccomplish or you're going to
have some success in or it'sgoing to make your life better,
and so a lot of times kidshaven't experienced much success
or reason to believe things aregoing to be better, and so I
(10:51):
think when someone seems to belanguishing somewhat kind of at
a standstill, I think a bigpiece of that is not feeling a
connection to others, but thenalso to something bigger than
themselves and can only seewhere they are right in the
moment.
So again, I think not feelingconnected to anything important
in your life is what that canlook like.
Speaker 5 (11:10):
They don't smile.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (11:12):
Yeah, with rare exceptions.
Don't you think that's usuallyone symptom?
Yeah, that they don't smile.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
One of my favorite Cal Farley's quotes is the best
way for a child to get rid oftheir past is to give them a
future.
Can you all talk about what youthink that quote means and how
it relates to purpose?
Speaker 3 (11:32):
I think that's huge and I think it goes with what I
was just talking about is, a lotof times we get really focused
on someone not doing well inschool or not wanting to be in
school or not wanting to dohomework.
And if you really focus on whatare they interested in, where
do they want to be beyond thisday in the future, and tie that
into what they're doing, you canhelp motivate them forward
(11:52):
instead of being stuck rightwhere they are only being
hindered by the past, and so Ithink sometimes we forget about
that to tie into interest andspark of joy that you can look
forward to.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
When it comes to helping kids with purpose.
How important is it for them tohave goals and dreams.
Speaker 4 (12:09):
I think that goals and dreams are important, but if
you were to go and surveyadults and ask them how many of
you are doing the job today thatyou dreamed about doing as a
child?
So we have four people here andwe're 0 for 4.
Right, and so I think it'simportant, but I think it's also
important, as adults, for us tosupport them and know that
(12:31):
those things will change.
Rarely does an 18-year-oldright out of high school know
what they will do with theirlife.
Right out of high school knowwhat they will do with their
life and sometimes it takes manyyears and that we want to
support them to explore, to lookat different options, to try
new things, but not necessarilyto expect that they would have
(12:53):
that concrete, clear purpose inmind as a teenager or even a
young adult.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
So if a child is struggling to set goals or their
goals are unrealistic, what aresome ways to help them set more
realistic goals?
Speaker 3 (13:06):
Yeah, this is a tough one.
I think again, it goes back toyou know we talk a lot about
joining to follow, joining andfollowing children.
I was trying to get all thewords in a different order, and
the more you try to stop someonefrom doing something you know,
the more difficult it is to getthem to come around to where you
want them to.
And so I do think helping kidstake smaller steps is important
(13:28):
to show them how you know yes,here's your big goal, but here's
all the little things inbetween, because they're hard to
you know.
It's hard to figure thosethings out on your own.
And then helping coax themthrough those smaller steps and
keep them focused on that.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
I think, too, it's helpful to lead them to insight
about what steps lead to thatgoal.
For example, if a child saysyou know, I want to play in the
NFL, but they are adamant thatthey don't want to go to college
, that's not very common thatsomebody would be recruited to
play in the NFL right out ofhigh school, right.
And so you're just leading themto insight about what,
(14:02):
realistically, would you have todo, what steps would you have
to take in order to reach thatgoal?
And again, I think helping themexplore their options helps
them narrow and define theirgoal.
Speaker 5 (14:14):
Well, that's good.
I've blown it on this a numberof times where I see the
importance of this, having goals, this future thinking, having
this kind of hope rather thandespair that comes out of
purpose.
But then I've had kids beforein little interviews and before
small groups, and I used to askthem what do you see yourself
(14:37):
doing 10 years from now?
I always thought that was agood question to help tease some
of this out right.
Well, I was having kids thatwere wowing the group with.
Well, I'm going to be apediatric neurosurgeon and
they're barely making C's inhigh school and they hate school
.
Okay, so there's a bigdisconnect there and I felt bad
(15:01):
that we were didn't seem like wewere communicating very
truthfully to these audiencesthat assume this that's what
this kiddo was going to be doing.
So, like Michelle said, to helptalk about small pieces, what's
it going to take to get to thisgoal?
Is this a realistic goal?
Speaker 4 (15:22):
to get to this goal.
Is this a realistic goal?
And I think, too, that we can't.
We can't have too much of ourown personal investment riding
on a choice that a child makesLike you know when I think about
my own personal children like I, can't be so invested in what I
want for them that I don'tlisten to what they want for
them.
And so, as I think about my ownchildren, they've taken
different paths to success thatweren't exactly linear, and it
(15:47):
wasn't exactly what Ianticipated.
You know, when I looked aheadto think, what about?
You know?
What would this child choose todo?
What kind of work they may bedoing?
Something that surprises me ornot, something that I would have
predicted, but they're doingvery well in their chosen fields
, and so it can't be about whatI want for them.
(16:08):
It has to be about what theywant to do and what they're
interested in.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Mike, I'll start with you on this question and then
the rest of you feel free tojump in.
How can getting a kid pluggedinto their community of faith
help them gain a sense ofpurpose?
Speaker 5 (16:20):
Yeah, no thanks for that question, josh.
There'd be no greater sense ofpurpose than coming to the
realization that you werecreated on purpose, for a
purpose, that we would belong toone another, that we would
belong to one another.
To get a kid connected to afaith community is going to be
huge as far as them.
Finding real meaning purpose inlife and you know, I'm trying
(16:44):
to think.
Paul says we're God'sworkmanship, created in Christ
Jesus to do good works, which heprepared in advance for us to
do.
He says elsewhere to will andto act according to his good
purposes.
So to be in step with becomingwho I'm meant to be in my
creator's eyes, it's a gamechanger, isn't it?
And sadly, there are just toomany people that just are
(17:08):
disconnected from that news andthat reality and it seems like
despair is rampant right now, atthis time.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
What about getting them connected with community
service activities?
How can this help them gain asense of healthy purpose?
Speaker 3 (17:23):
You know, I was thinking about that when Suzanne
was talking about 4-H andhaving a community service
component, and I used to work ata wilderness program and
because I was a supervisor, anyof the girls that were in
trouble would have to come withme on the weekends, and they
were supposed to.
We called them communityservice projects too, and it was
meant to be as a punishment,but it was always a project that
(17:45):
contributed to the rest of thecamp.
So whatever we did, the rest ofthe camp would benefit from and
acknowledge, and so it kind ofeven though they didn't intend
for it to be enjoyable orrewarding, because I was
spending time with them and wecompleted a project together and
the community benefited from it.
They really did gain all thesepositive things inadvertently,
(18:07):
instead of it being just amisery, which was, I think, the
intention behind it.
And so I do think again, beingconnected to something, being
connected to a purpose, beingconnected to a group of people
contributing to your environmentin some way, I think super
helpful.
Speaker 4 (18:23):
You know, when you think about how a child's brain
develops and when you look atthose preteen and teenage years,
their focus is largely onthemselves, and that's normal.
That is a typical part ofchildhood development.
And that's normal.
That is a typical part ofchildhood development.
And I think providing serviceto others, some type of
community service activity,helps kids step outside their
(18:43):
cells and look at the needs ofother people, how other people
live.
Sometimes, to be honest, it justhelps you count your blessings
right when you get to go and youserve other people and you
realize that they livedifferently from you.
They have different values andmaybe different needs, and maybe
their needs aren't met in thesame way.
(19:04):
Yours are that you develop asense of appreciation for what
you have and what you've beengiven.
Speaker 5 (19:11):
Now have you noticed this?
That there's a little bit of ahazard here that can really
cheapen this or miss the realtreasure at hand, and that is
that community service now isoften attached to maybe a
special recognition atgraduation, things like this, to
(19:32):
where there's people that arewanting young people, good young
people that are wanting to get,you know, the best shot at a
good scholarship.
What do I need to do and here'ssome more things I need to do
to pad my application forscholarship, and I see that
sometimes takes away again thereal treasure of just authentic
(19:55):
work that doesn't have anyreward attached to it other than
just this intrinsic reward ofhaving done it and I know that's
being maybe a littlehypercritical of something
that's still doing good right,but there is that in play right
now.
Speaker 4 (20:11):
I do think that's true.
And again, michelle saidsometimes it's used for
punishment right or sometimesit's just a checkbox on an
application, but I think thatvery often, regardless of the
intent of the adult, the outcomefor the child or young adult is
the same right, that there's ablessing tucked in there,
(20:35):
regardless of what we as adultsintended it for.
Speaker 5 (20:38):
Well, and I like, michelle, what you said earlier
about your daughter and whatreally meant a lot to her of all
of her time at the horse barn.
It wasn't achievements andperforming, it was that time she
was needed and the adult worldneeded her to do an adult thing,
(20:59):
and those things bring kids tolife, don't they?
Speaker 3 (21:04):
Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
I think our time has come to an end and this podcast
has served its purpose for theweek.
So until next time, rememberyou might have to loan out your
frontal lobes today.
Just make sure you remember toget them back.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
Thank you for listening to Brain Based
Parenting.
We hope you enjoyed this show.
If you would like moreinformation about Cal Farley's
Boys Ranch, are interested inemployment, would like
information about placing yourchild, or would like to help us
help children by donating to ourmission, please visit
(21:38):
calfarleyorg.
You can find us on all socialmedia platforms by searching for
Calfarley's.
Thank you for spending yourtime with us and have a blessed
day.
Welcome to Brain Based Parenting, the Boys Ranch
podcast for families.
We all know how hard being aparent is, and sometimes it
feels like there are no goodanswers to the difficult
questions families have whentheir kids are struggling.
Our goal each week will be totry and answer some of those
tough questions, utilizing theknowledge, experience and
(00:24):
professional training CalFarley's Boys Ranch has to offer
.
Now here is your host, calFarley's Staff Development
Coordinator, joshua Sprock.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Welcome everyone and thank you for joining us today
as we move through the next partof our model of leadership and
service purpose.
Today, I'm joined by MichelleMyketter, our Chief Program
Officer.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Hey y'all.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Suzanne Wright, our Vice President of Training and
Intervention.
Hello and Mike Wilhelm, ourSenior Chaplain.
Speaker 5 (00:50):
Hey Josh.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
As we do each week, let's start off by jumping into
our question of the day.
Speaker 5 (00:55):
When you were a little kid, what would you say
your dream job was In 1971, Iwas asked this question by an
elementary school teacher, andthat was the year the Milwaukee
Bucks won the NBA finals OscarRobertson and Kareem
Abdul-Jabbar and I decided thatI wanted to be an NBA basketball
(01:17):
player, and I drew a picture ofmyself in kind of the look like
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, but Imissed my finished height by
about a foot, so that was mydream job.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
So 1971 was when I was born.
Just to put that in perspective, that's harsh.
But when I was in elementaryschool what I wanted to be was a
journalist, I guess at thattime I called it a writer.
Didn't really know what Iwanted to do and so I pursued
that when I went to college.
(01:51):
When I first went to collegeand that semester I took
journalism and I didn't likepeople editing my work.
So my very first semester ofcollege I changed my major
because I didn't want peopletelling me what to write.
Speaker 4 (02:13):
That doesn't seem to surprise you.
I have no comment.
Well, when?
Speaker 3 (02:15):
I was a child.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
I thought I would grow up to be a singer a famous
singer and I practiced a lot,but that never really came to be
.
Speaker 5 (02:23):
Well, you're a famous singer.
You sing in Amarillo in a group.
Speaker 4 (02:27):
In a group.
I do.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
In a couple of groups .
Speaker 4 (02:29):
In a couple of groups .
Speaker 5 (02:31):
Probably the best alto at the Boys Ranch campus
Wow.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Chaplain, that's high praise.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
I wanted to be president.
Wow, I know I was pretty.
I'd try and bullied my friendsinto not running against me and
I'd have fake elections andstuff like that, and just to
practice.
And, yeah, I was going to bethe president.
Speaker 4 (02:53):
It sounds like you were going to be a corrupt
politician.
No kidding.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
That's what got me.
It was a bad scandal.
So today we're continuing ourseries on the model of
leadership and service, andwe're talking about purpose.
So how would you all definepurpose?
Speaker 4 (03:09):
I think the first aspect of purpose is determining
what do you want to be when yougrow up.
How could you use your skillsand talents and interests to
support other people and tosupport yourself and to have a
job or a career that you findfulfilling?
Speaker 3 (03:29):
Yeah, I think I was something similar to that just
along thinking about somethingbigger than what you are, but
using what your skills are, yourstrengths are, your gifts are
to contribute to somethingbigger than you are.
Speaker 5 (03:40):
Yeah, boy, that's a great question, maybe having a
role in life that has someparticular importance.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
So what does it look like when a child is having
success with purpose?
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Yeah, I think that's sometimes hard to identify, even
for adults, do you feel like?
Again, what it makes me thinkof is feeling connected to a
larger sense of something, alarger sense of community or a
larger sense of accomplishmentor being connected to something
(04:17):
bigger than just thinking withinyour little sphere of concern.
Speaker 4 (04:20):
But was very interested in the Christmas
shoebox program and had a reallyclose relationship with one of
our previous chaplains and shewas so motivated to develop that
program and make sure that itwas successful and that really
became her purpose while she washere and she did a great job
(04:44):
with it and it continues today.
Speaker 5 (04:47):
No, I think that's good.
I noticed the kids that sayconnected our horse barn here on
campus.
It seems like that there's animprovement of mood, more energy
, motivation, and it seems likethat that spills over into other
areas too, don't you think?
Once there is a purpose orsomething to wake up for in the
(05:08):
morning and I'm needed to takecare of something, so what do
you think that's all abouthaving that purpose that keeps a
kid on the right track?
Speaker 4 (05:17):
I think it helps you focus, even when I think about
what keeps me on the right trackknowing that I have a goal to
work towards, knowing that thedaily tasks that I'm
accomplishing serve a purpose,like they fulfill a goal, even
though some of those daily tasksmay be tedious or things I
don't get fulfillment from, oryou know I'm not in the mood to
(05:39):
enter this paperwork today butit's part of achieving a larger
goal and that helps me staymotivated.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Which to me, goes back again to feeling connected
to something else, like when Iwas thinking about through a
kid's perspective how do youknow when they're having success
in that area and I think it isfeeling like you're contributing
to something.
So you feel like you need toshow up or you need to complete
something, because you'recontributing to something bigger
than you and you want to be apart of that accomplishment for
(06:09):
the whole you know for the wholeof the group, not just for
yourself.
Speaker 5 (06:10):
We had a visitor here that stayed with us for a
number of months here recentlyfrom another country and he was
felt so.
He just had this sadness abouthim and despair and I felt very
compelled to tell him this andthis is what I would tell him
regularly.
I said your life has meaningand value and I knew he was not
(06:31):
getting that message from hisworld and his internal dialogue.
But those are just words fromsomebody and I would keep giving
him those words and I thinkthat was important.
But until your life there'ssomething where your life really
has some practical purpose intime and space.
Those are probably just wordsand my friend really was needing
(06:54):
something in his life thatwould give him purpose.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
Mike, you touch on another part of purpose, which
is the value of giving back toothers, right, and so it's
helpful for us to have a purpose, but that's enhanced when you
give to another person, when youdo something, when you meet a
need, right, and that's that'skind of enhanced purpose, I
think, and we have to look foropportunities to do that.
(07:21):
Those don't always, I know onour campus, they don't always
present themselves easily, andwe as staff members look for
ways that our kids can learn thevalue of giving back to other
people, whether that's going todo some volunteer work at an
animal rescue shelter or takingkids to work at Habitat for
(07:42):
Humanity.
There's so many opportunitieslike that and I think they're
important because they help usstep outside of ourselves and
see that other people have needsand that we have the ability to
help serve those people andmeet their needs.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
It's so interesting because it's making me think
about contributing and thenwhat's the difference between
meaning and significance andpurpose and all those kind of
things?
And I think sometimes weconfuse accomplishments or
achievements with it, and so Iwas just thinking like talking
about, you know, the horse barnor rodeo.
My own daughter had some greataccomplishments at rodeo, but
the biggest purpose she felt waswhen she was helping round up
(08:19):
the cattle at the end, which wasnot a competition, right, it
was just a need that they hadand the men that were typically
there weren't available and theycalled on her and that was her
biggest like that's.
Her favorite photo from rodeois that one where she's helping
round up the cattle, because shefelt like she contributed to
the whole of the event.
Speaker 5 (08:36):
So Wow, that's great.
Yeah, I was thinking about theHabitat for Humanity.
Suzanne, you mentioned Habitatfor Humanity and it's just
really heartwarming.
I hope our listeners could justget a picture of this.
But it's easy to, if you see,say, a teenager, adolescent, who
is stuck in some well, maybesome despair and not finding any
(08:59):
meaning in life, and so there'slack of motivation and it's
easy to start to sell shorttheir capacity to serve and
their need for purpose and thatthey really come to life in
those settings.
And when we have a staff memberthat, like our friend William,
that is going to take a group ofkids to go work Habitat for
(09:20):
Humanity site, well, a lot offolks might think, well, they're
not going to want to do that,they're going to have to work,
they're going to be away fromtheir cell phone or whatever.
And they come to life on thosetrips and word gets out and
there's usually a waiting listof kids who want to go.
And there's usually a waitinglist of kids who want to go
(09:41):
because they know that thestakes are high.
There's something important,there's a real purpose at hand.
There's a refugee family withsmall dependents that's in need
of shelter and they're going andmeeting a real need.
Speaker 4 (09:53):
My children were all involved in 4-H and regardless
of the 4-H activity, it has acommunity service component and
I think that is so important.
So, if it is clothing andtextiles, or if it is food and
nutrition, each child has tocomplete a service project
(10:15):
individually or as a group.
But that's valuable right.
It requires that for every, sothat, yes, you're learning some
valuable skills, but you're alsolearning how you could help
others with those skills.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
So what does it look like when a kid doesn't have a
sense of purpose?
Speaker 3 (10:31):
You know this makes me think about.
We talk a lot about not havingmotivation or being unmotivated
about things, and how motivationis really when you have hope
that something will be better,right, that you can work towards
something that you're going toaccomplish or you're going to
have some success in or it'sgoing to make your life better,
and so a lot of times kidshaven't experienced much success
or reason to believe things aregoing to be better, and so I
(10:51):
think when someone seems to belanguishing somewhat kind of at
a standstill, I think a bigpiece of that is not feeling a
connection to others, but thenalso to something bigger than
themselves and can only seewhere they are right in the
moment.
So again, I think not feelingconnected to anything important
in your life is what that canlook like.
Speaker 5 (11:10):
They don't smile.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (11:12):
Yeah, with rare exceptions.
Don't you think that's usuallyone symptom?
Yeah, that they don't smile.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
One of my favorite Cal Farley's quotes is the best
way for a child to get rid oftheir past is to give them a
future.
Can you all talk about what youthink that quote means and how
it relates to purpose?
Speaker 3 (11:32):
I think that's huge and I think it goes with what I
was just talking about is, a lotof times we get really focused
on someone not doing well inschool or not wanting to be in
school or not wanting to dohomework.
And if you really focus on whatare they interested in, where
do they want to be beyond thisday in the future, and tie that
into what they're doing, you canhelp motivate them forward
(11:52):
instead of being stuck rightwhere they are only being
hindered by the past, and so Ithink sometimes we forget about
that to tie into interest andspark of joy that you can look
forward to.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
When it comes to helping kids with purpose.
How important is it for them tohave goals and dreams.
Speaker 4 (12:09):
I think that goals and dreams are important, but if
you were to go and surveyadults and ask them how many of
you are doing the job today thatyou dreamed about doing as a
child?
So we have four people here andwe're 0 for 4.
Right, and so I think it'simportant, but I think it's also
important, as adults, for us tosupport them and know that
(12:31):
those things will change.
Rarely does an 18-year-oldright out of high school know
what they will do with theirlife.
Right out of high school knowwhat they will do with their
life and sometimes it takes manyyears and that we want to
support them to explore, to lookat different options, to try
new things, but not necessarilyto expect that they would have
(12:53):
that concrete, clear purpose inmind as a teenager or even a
young adult.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
So if a child is struggling to set goals or their
goals are unrealistic, what aresome ways to help them set more
realistic goals?
Speaker 3 (13:06):
Yeah, this is a tough one.
I think again, it goes back toyou know we talk a lot about
joining to follow, joining andfollowing children.
I was trying to get all thewords in a different order, and
the more you try to stop someonefrom doing something you know,
the more difficult it is to getthem to come around to where you
want them to.
And so I do think helping kidstake smaller steps is important
(13:28):
to show them how you know yes,here's your big goal, but here's
all the little things inbetween, because they're hard to
you know.
It's hard to figure thosethings out on your own.
And then helping coax themthrough those smaller steps and
keep them focused on that.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
I think, too, it's helpful to lead them to insight
about what steps lead to thatgoal.
For example, if a child saysyou know, I want to play in the
NFL, but they are adamant thatthey don't want to go to college
, that's not very common thatsomebody would be recruited to
play in the NFL right out ofhigh school, right.
And so you're just leading themto insight about what,
(14:02):
realistically, would you have todo, what steps would you have
to take in order to reach thatgoal?
And again, I think helping themexplore their options helps
them narrow and define theirgoal.
Speaker 5 (14:14):
Well, that's good.
I've blown it on this a numberof times where I see the
importance of this, having goals, this future thinking, having
this kind of hope rather thandespair that comes out of
purpose.
But then I've had kids beforein little interviews and before
small groups, and I used to askthem what do you see yourself
(14:37):
doing 10 years from now?
I always thought that was agood question to help tease some
of this out right.
Well, I was having kids thatwere wowing the group with.
Well, I'm going to be apediatric neurosurgeon and
they're barely making C's inhigh school and they hate school
.
Okay, so there's a bigdisconnect there and I felt bad
(15:01):
that we were didn't seem like wewere communicating very
truthfully to these audiencesthat assume this that's what
this kiddo was going to be doing.
So, like Michelle said, to helptalk about small pieces, what's
it going to take to get to thisgoal?
Is this a realistic goal?
Speaker 4 (15:22):
to get to this goal.
Is this a realistic goal?
And I think, too, that we can't.
We can't have too much of ourown personal investment riding
on a choice that a child makesLike you know when I think about
my own personal children like I, can't be so invested in what I
want for them that I don'tlisten to what they want for
them.
And so, as I think about my ownchildren, they've taken
different paths to success thatweren't exactly linear, and it
(15:47):
wasn't exactly what Ianticipated.
You know, when I looked aheadto think, what about?
You know?
What would this child choose todo?
What kind of work they may bedoing?
Something that surprises me ornot, something that I would have
predicted, but they're doingvery well in their chosen fields
, and so it can't be about whatI want for them.
(16:08):
It has to be about what theywant to do and what they're
interested in.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Mike, I'll start with you on this question and then
the rest of you feel free tojump in.
How can getting a kid pluggedinto their community of faith
help them gain a sense ofpurpose?
Speaker 5 (16:20):
Yeah, no thanks for that question, josh.
There'd be no greater sense ofpurpose than coming to the
realization that you werecreated on purpose, for a
purpose, that we would belong toone another, that we would
belong to one another.
To get a kid connected to afaith community is going to be
huge as far as them.
Finding real meaning purpose inlife and you know, I'm trying
(16:44):
to think.
Paul says we're God'sworkmanship, created in Christ
Jesus to do good works, which heprepared in advance for us to
do.
He says elsewhere to will andto act according to his good
purposes.
So to be in step with becomingwho I'm meant to be in my
creator's eyes, it's a gamechanger, isn't it?
And sadly, there are just toomany people that just are
(17:08):
disconnected from that news andthat reality and it seems like
despair is rampant right now, atthis time.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
What about getting them connected with community
service activities?
How can this help them gain asense of healthy purpose?
Speaker 3 (17:23):
You know, I was thinking about that when Suzanne
was talking about 4-H andhaving a community service
component, and I used to work ata wilderness program and
because I was a supervisor, anyof the girls that were in
trouble would have to come withme on the weekends, and they
were supposed to.
We called them communityservice projects too, and it was
meant to be as a punishment,but it was always a project that
(17:45):
contributed to the rest of thecamp.
So whatever we did, the rest ofthe camp would benefit from and
acknowledge, and so it kind ofeven though they didn't intend
for it to be enjoyable orrewarding, because I was
spending time with them and wecompleted a project together and
the community benefited from it.
They really did gain all thesepositive things inadvertently,
(18:07):
instead of it being just amisery, which was, I think, the
intention behind it.
And so I do think again, beingconnected to something, being
connected to a purpose, beingconnected to a group of people
contributing to your environmentin some way, I think super
helpful.
Speaker 4 (18:23):
You know, when you think about how a child's brain
develops and when you look atthose preteen and teenage years,
their focus is largely onthemselves, and that's normal.
That is a typical part ofchildhood development.
And that's normal.
That is a typical part ofchildhood development.
And I think providing serviceto others, some type of
community service activity,helps kids step outside their
(18:43):
cells and look at the needs ofother people, how other people
live.
Sometimes, to be honest, it justhelps you count your blessings
right when you get to go and youserve other people and you
realize that they livedifferently from you.
They have different values andmaybe different needs, and maybe
their needs aren't met in thesame way.
(19:04):
Yours are that you develop asense of appreciation for what
you have and what you've beengiven.
Speaker 5 (19:11):
Now have you noticed this?
That there's a little bit of ahazard here that can really
cheapen this or miss the realtreasure at hand, and that is
that community service now isoften attached to maybe a
special recognition atgraduation, things like this, to
(19:32):
where there's people that arewanting young people, good young
people that are wanting to get,you know, the best shot at a
good scholarship.
What do I need to do and here'ssome more things I need to do
to pad my application forscholarship, and I see that
sometimes takes away again thereal treasure of just authentic
(19:55):
work that doesn't have anyreward attached to it other than
just this intrinsic reward ofhaving done it and I know that's
being maybe a littlehypercritical of something
that's still doing good right,but there is that in play right
now.
Speaker 4 (20:11):
I do think that's true.
And again, michelle saidsometimes it's used for
punishment right or sometimesit's just a checkbox on an
application, but I think thatvery often, regardless of the
intent of the adult, the outcomefor the child or young adult is
the same right, that there's ablessing tucked in there,
(20:35):
regardless of what we as adultsintended it for.
Speaker 5 (20:38):
Well, and I like, michelle, what you said earlier
about your daughter and whatreally meant a lot to her of all
of her time at the horse barn.
It wasn't achievements andperforming, it was that time she
was needed and the adult worldneeded her to do an adult thing,
(20:59):
and those things bring kids tolife, don't they?
Speaker 3 (21:04):
Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
I think our time has come to an end and this podcast
has served its purpose for theweek.
So until next time, rememberyou might have to loan out your
frontal lobes today.
Just make sure you remember toget them back.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
Thank you for listening to Brain Based
Parenting.
We hope you enjoyed this show.
If you would like moreinformation about Cal Farley's
Boys Ranch, are interested inemployment, would like
information about placing yourchild, or would like to help us
help children by donating to ourmission, please visit
(21:38):
calfarleyorg.
You can find us on all socialmedia platforms by searching for
Calfarley's.
Thank you for spending yourtime with us and have a blessed
day.
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