July 29, 2024 • 27 mins
Curious about how loving your child can shape their entire future? Join us for a heartwarming conversation with Dr. Ebere Azumah, CEO of Love Your Menses and an esteemed OBGYN. Dr. Azumah shares invaluable insights on understanding our children's actions as signals for attention and the profound impact a nurturing environment can have on their self-esteem and development. Learn how your actions and words can become the powerful inner voice of your child and why creating a supportive community is crucial for their well-being.
We also delve into the importance of teaching self-love and wellness, particularly during sensitive talks about sex and menstruation. Discover the significance of building strong relationships with your children and the role of self-care practices in promoting a positive body image. Dr. Azumah emphasizes the power of small habits and provides resources like children's books and life coaching to help guide this educational journey, ensuring our kids grow up embracing their uniqueness with confidence.
Finally, explore the journey of boosting self-esteem through positive reinforcement and embracing individual traits. Hear personal anecdotes from Dr. Azuma and me about overcoming insecurities and the transformative power of smiles and supportive environments. We highlight the critical role of representation and positive reinforcement, especially for children in minority communities, and share exciting updates on international parenting collaborations that are making a difference worldwide. Tune in for an episode filled with love, wisdom, and practical advice to help create a brighter future for our children.
Contact with Dr. Azumah:
Website: www.loveyourmenses.com
Instagram: loveyourmenses
Listen to the full episode on your favorite podcast platform and check out the video version on our YouTube channel!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (00:00):
Hello parents, welcome to another episode of
Brain Power with Dr Eko.
Such a pleasure to be with youtoday.
I have an amazing guest.
I know I say that about all myguests, but they are all amazing
.
I have an amazing guest todayto share with you Dr Eber Azuma,
ceo of Love your Menstes,amazing OBGYN and a mommy as
(00:20):
well.
So I'm going to let herintroduce herself.
But welcome to the show, drAzuma.
Dr. Ebere Azumah (00:26):
Oh, thank you so much, dr Eko.
Thank you also listeners.
My name, as she said, is DrAzumah.
It's always a pleasure to be inyour presence.
Dr Eko is a good friend andshe's also a part of Love your
Menses.
She's our vice chair, our vicepresident of Love your Menses.
We trust her, we believe in her.
She's totally passionate.
(00:47):
So it's an honor to be herewith you and to speak to your
audience.
Thank you so much.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (00:55):
Thank you for coming on.
So we're going to have awonderful conversation together
today, together about theimportance of loving your child
right, and why it's so criticalto do that, and the ways we can
do that as parents.
So tell us, what is your takeon how can we love our children?
Dr. Ebere Azumah (01:16):
Love is so important.
As a pediatrician and as we'vehad conversation and it's most
times when children act out it'sbecause of it's a cry for help.
They're seeking attentionBecause kids are so innocent in
general and Loving your Menseshas taught me so much.
I'm not a pediatrician but I'man OBGYN women's health expert.
(01:38):
I have a public healthbackground and I've written
children's book.
So loving your menses to us wasa tool for us to get to the
child, to let a child know thatwe love them.
We want the child to know thatloving yourself is important
because if we have self-love wedo better as a community.
(02:02):
I mean, we've talked aboutadverse childhood events and how
they lead to negativity asadults right, adults do not just
become quote unquote bad people.
It started from somewhere andmost times studies will show it
started at home.
It started at home.
I remember listening to someonethat was caught up in crime and
(02:25):
when I listened to the personshare their story, the person
said no one ever told me I wasloved.
Like no one ever told me I wasloved.
The person said I could notremember being hugged as a child
and that touched my heart.
So I make it my challenge, ourorganization's challenge that
(02:47):
when we see a child we love onthem.
You know we take permission,obviously from their parents and
we take permission before wehug a child, right, because we
want to teach them about settingboundaries.
But I've realized any at-riskchild I see, maybe from a single
parent, family really poor oris a bully.
(03:09):
I try hard as an individual tojust love on them because I want
them to say someone loves me.
And it was beautiful when oneof my daughter's son, my
daughter's friends, was likeyour mom loves us.
Every time she sees us she's sohappy.
(03:29):
Every time she sees us she's sohappy.
I mean, now it's become secondnature.
I remember one of my babysitterswas quitting and one of the
reasons she quit was because myhouse was filled with children.
When she said it I was like Iwas a little bit defensive and I
sat down and I meditated.
I was like you know what she's,but that's what I'm called to
(03:51):
do.
I have children around me tocreate a safe space for children
.
So whenever I hire a babysitterI have a conversation and I say
do you have a problem withother kids coming over?
Right, it was just amiscommunication.
I mean people can choose not towork because they don't want
children.
(04:11):
That's okay, it's just.
When hiring now I make it apoint of duty to let the person
know that I will have childrenover Cause.
It's just, I want to make surechildren can grow up knowing
that one person in theircommunity loved on them.
Yeah, so loving your child isvery important for two things.
(04:32):
One, our action as adultsbecomes a child's inner voice,
right?
So loving them would teach themto love themselves.
I think life is hard, even asgood people, still hard.
I mean, I'm not a perfectperson, but I'm not a bad person
(04:52):
.
I have good intentions, butlife has not prevented me from
having challenges.
And sometimes, when I meditateor ponder, I said, if I was a
bad person, how hard would it be?
It would be harder, right.
So loving yourself one again,like I said, loving children
(05:12):
allows them to have goodself-image because an adult
voice becomes their inner voice,absolutely.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (05:19):
Oh, that's so important and there's so much
research that shows it.
Even just takes one person, onestable, wonderful adult in the
child's life that will speakinto the child's life, makes all
the difference.
They don't even need a wholecrowd, just one person.
So I think what we'll take awayfrom this is that we as parents
, as adults, we choose to be theperson, that person in a
(05:41):
child's life, not just ourchildren, but, like you said,
the children around our childrenas well, because that also
impacts the way our childrenform relationships as well.
So thank you so much for that.
Well, of course, since you arethe menses expert, there's no
way we're going to let you getoff this podcast without talking
(06:05):
to parents about how best can Italk to my girls about their
menses to make them embrace itand to show them that it's
nothing bad and nothing to bescared of.
So tell us.
Dr. Ebere Azumah (06:20):
All right.
Oh, my goodness, this is atopic that I love.
Just listen to your kids.
Listen, you know.
I've heard parents say what isthe right age to teach a child
about sex?
What's the right age to do this, to do that?
And from my experience and theexperiences of people that have
mentored me, it's just truelistening.
(06:41):
Your child will tell you.
When they are ready, your childwill come to you and say, mom,
I heard someone talking aboutsex in school.
What does that mean, you know?
And that is the time you say,okay, it's time to have that
conversation.
And parents, we need toreprogram ourselves, divorce
(07:03):
ourselves from our personalexpectations or parental
expectations.
For example, this week, thismonth, me and my child, we are
working on self-regulation.
Okay, so we want to teach herhow to regulate her emotions.
So your question about onetiming for menstruation and how
(07:23):
to bring up the topic isimportant to just say have a
relationship with your child.
Relationship with children isnot perfect.
I really hope I would not vent.
I really hope I would not usemy voice to yell when I'm trying
to talk to my child, but thisweek we had a conversation on
(07:44):
self-regulation and I wasteaching her what
self-regulation meanscontrolling yourself.
And I shared my example withher.
I said, daughter, do you know,when I interact with you, I
apply self-regulation.
I was raised in a culture whereour parents don't really
(08:04):
converse with you.
Your voice is not really heard.
However, they use whoopings toget their disdain and love to
you.
You know, like you do something, they smack you.
You know that's your way ofsaying oh, don't do that again.
So me as a parent, we know thatis not the most effective tool
(08:29):
and we want to change thetrajectory of our children.
I have to self-regulate, youknow I have to learn not to do
that.
I have to like reprogram myself.
And I was telling my daughter,like self-regulation is working
hard to overcome your emotionsand to be a better person.
And I said hon, it's not easyfor anyone.
(08:52):
So you can self-regulate inschool.
You don't have to always talkwhile your teacher is talking.
You know.
The same way, I tell parentslisten to know where your child
is ready for that conversationon menstruation.
They could be ready when theysee me wearing this t-shirt love
your menses, right?
I mean, I walk around with thatso I can have a kid.
(09:14):
That is very intelligent.
Say, mom, what does love yourmenses mean and then you can
appropriately guide the child.
But before you guide a child inmenstruation conversation, you
have to love your menses orpretend to love your menses,
because if you don't love yourmenses it's going to be hard for
you to teach someone else tolove their menses.
(09:35):
And if you want moreinformation on how to teach a
child, you will have achildren's book, maya learns
about menstruation.
I don't have it on me.
Um, it's a conversation that wewrote between a child and a
doctor having the dialogue.
Our reviews on amazon parentshave said it has helped them in
(09:56):
that conversation.
But the most important thing isloving your menses or loving
yourself.
And loving your menses does notmean that we love it.
It's almost paradoxical.
It just means we will love ourbody.
We'll program our minds to loveour bodies.
I'm a big fan of Proctor andGallagher consultation.
(10:18):
I'm not a consultant with themor coach, but I follow Bob
Proctor's principles and hetalks about the subconscious
mind.
The subconscious mind, hebelieves, is it does whatever
you want it to do.
It believes whatever you feedinto them.
So even if you don't love yourmenses, but if you keep loving
yourself, loving your menses,you will eventually love it.
(10:38):
You will say, oh, this cramp,I'm loving my menses, I'm loving
this is natural, first of all.
Okay, as a physician here,please get evaluated if you have
dysmenorrhea, for treatment,but you know.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (10:53):
but I'm saying after that you can program
yourself to love your menses andthere's other things you can do
right To aid in loving your mendrinking more water, which will
help the cramps not hurt asmuch.
Eating the right thing.
See, yeah, living by example.
I love it like moving your bodymovement.
(11:13):
It helps things take less.
And yeah, so, because all ofthose things are connected, so
wonderful.
Dr. Ebere Azumah (11:21):
Can I get to that?
There's something about life.
Life is not easy.
It's not.
Most people, or some people,would go through alcohol and
drugs because it's the easierfix, quote unquote.
But the consequences are worse.
But when you exercise itreleases endorphins and makes
you happy.
When you talk to your friends,it releases things that make you
(11:43):
happy.
When you hug your dog, itreleases serotonin, like to be
happier and better.
And loving yourself involvesskills, skills.
You got to learn those skillsand that's where life coaches
like myself and Dr Echo falls in.
And if you don't want to go tous, there are books that you can
read.
Most people that are happy,most people that have been
(12:05):
successful in this thing calledlife, love to live trails so
they have books for you to read.
But loving yourself, lovingyour mentors, those are skills
that we can teach you.
There are people that it's morenatural for them than others.
Thank God, for example, I'mmore natural as a mathematician
(12:27):
than something else, but thatdoesn't mean I cannot be a good
writer, right, it's just I haveto work a little bit harder to
develop my English writingskills.
Again, I have to say we arecoaches, so our mindset is
different.
We believe you can changeanything in your capacity.
I mean again, there's caveat toit, right, but we believe that
(12:47):
in the majority of things youcan change.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (12:50):
Yes, absolutely, and I just interviewed a
pediatrician earlier today andhe was talking about how small
habits make such a bigdifference.
You know so, for example, withwhen we talked about drinking
water.
If you just decide, okay, I'mgoing to drink one extra cup of
water this week, just for thisweek, one extra cup a day,
(13:12):
that's it.
And the more you do that, thenit becomes a habit.
But then it's a habit that'salso helping you with your
menstruation, with your overallhealth.
So anything is possible, likeit's possible to change the way
our brains are wired andfunction, if we just start
somewhere and stay at it, onesmall step at a time right, yes,
(13:34):
yes, and, like you said, that'sa skill set right, that's a
skill, that's a programming.
Dr. Ebere Azumah (13:39):
I didn't think of it that way, but it makes
sense.
Now I'm going to leave thiswebinar, this podcast, knowing
that every small habits that Ido, like hugging my child, even
though I'm uncomfortable doingit, it's a good thing.
And, you know, trying to findpositivity everywhere you go,
like I was saying way you go,like I was saying I personally
(14:01):
have a positive baseline thanmost people.
However, I used to shrink whenI'm in other places in the past
because I felt like everybodywas looking at me, like why are
you too happy?
Then I started doing coaching,listening to Tony Robbins, going
to Procter Gallagher'sconferences, listening to them,
(14:25):
and I'm like, oh, they'reteaching people to be like me.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (14:27):
So I have a treasure.
What is it called you have?
Dr. Ebere Azumah (14:33):
acres of diamond in your own fell Right,
because people like will belooking at me funny and I'm like
, oh, like there's somethingweird about me.
And then I go and people aretrying to learn to be happy like
me.
I was like, oh, my goodness,how I've been blinded with my
own diamond.
I mean, imagine many of us arelike that.
(14:54):
We have diamonds and we don'tknow this.
But when we seek moreinformation then you begin to
realize the diamonds in your ownfarm I love it, diamonds in
your own farm.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (15:06):
And you know, it can be as simple as starting
deciding that you're going tosmile.
I remember I didn't used tosmile a lot either, because I
was extremely shy.
And, oh my goodness, whathappened?
I was young and I was playingand then I was.
I remember I was when I wasgrowing up and I chipped my
(15:27):
front tooth and I still I stilldidn't realize it was chipped
because nobody said anything.
And then, when I moved to theUS, this kid pointed at me my
very first day at work.
I was like teacher's mouth isbroken, and that was the end.
I stopped smiling for like twoyears.
My mouth was always choppedbecause I was so, so anxious
(15:50):
about it.
And then then I realized youknow what my I went to the
dentist, finally got that fixed.
Even then it's still because atthis point it was a habit,
right.
So it's just been slowly,slowly over the years, like just
making my going from thatperson who didn't smile to the
smile.
And I can tell you it makessuch a difference because when
(16:11):
you smile, you light up yourinside even more than the gift
you're giving someone else, andit's free right.
Dr. Ebere Azumah (16:19):
You have a beautiful smile, like it's so
interesting you're sharing thatthe most bright and beautiful
thing in your body is your smile, because I was looking at you
and I was like, wow, she's soblessed with teeth that you
could see, you know.
It's like so cool, you know,and it's interesting how that
(16:41):
beauty, that diamond, was whatwas being covered, right, yeah,
so it's really cool and I'm aperson of faith and I pray to
God to open my blindness eachday, because there's just so
much.
I mean, we can even do anexercise, we can look at our
pictures when we were in our 20s.
Remember you wereself-conscious at that time.
(17:04):
You saw so many negative things.
Oh my God.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (17:11):
I did that.
I found a picture of me in medschool and I was like, oh my
goodness.
Dr. Ebere Azumah (17:17):
I was looking good.
Yes, yes.
And one reason there was adisconnect between us realizing
how beautiful we were wasbecause of the voice in our head
.
Were was because of the voicein our head.
Our parents did not, do, youknow?
They were trying to protect us,right?
(17:37):
They wanted us to focus onschool.
That's why, you know, we arenow physicians.
But they failed in building ourself-esteem by letting us know,
yes, that lady might havedreads, she might be cute, but
you're cute.
You know telling children that,yes, that lady might have
dreads, she might be cute, butyou're cute.
You know telling children that,yes, that person, that image,
might be beautiful, but herbeauty does not negate from your
(18:01):
beauty.
Like, we can all be beautifultogether, you know.
And one thing in my householdthat I'm very grateful we do is
we don't use negative words.
It has a caveat to that,because my daughter is extremely
sensitive.
So when she goes somewhere andthey say something negative to
her, she's calling me.
(18:22):
Well, this person just saidthat my eye looks like this
because she's not used to it.
And you know, I like that.
That she's not like.
Whenever someone says somethingnegative, she remembers it
because we don't use that.
And now I'm teaching her how toovercome negativity, right by
reminding her of who she is,because I want, when she's in
(18:45):
her forties and fifties, when myvoice is not the one in her
head, when her subconscious hasbeen trade, trying to see the
greatness in her, that she willcontinue to see herself as
beautiful.
And I will have to wait toreflect 20 years and be like, oh
my goodness, oh my goodness.
You know, we see ourenvironment.
Our environment programs us notto see how great we are.
(19:09):
You know, especially peoplethat are minority, but we.
I belong to a group I thinkyou're in that group too of
physicians and black physicians,and one of them said oh, my
child just came to me and said Iwish I was a different color,
you know, and the person wasdisheartened because they felt
they were raising their child tolove themselves, even as a
(19:32):
Black person.
And I just reminded that person.
You know like, continue toencourage your children, but
it's not the child's fault thatthe images around them does not
reflect them.
However, as parents, we can copthat out right.
We can cop that out bydecreasing their screen time.
We can cut that out right.
(19:53):
We can cut that out bydecreasing their screen time.
We can make a difference bycreating organizations that
focuses on Black and Brownpeople.
They need us to do that andthat's why I love Love your
Menses.
We have staff of differentethnicity because it doesn't
matter, but we want to be areflection to our kids that
Black is awesome, black isbeautiful, so is other races,
(20:16):
but we don't have as muchrepresentation.
I know that intentionally, withmy team, I always tell them put
off Black images.
They're like, but that's notenough.
I'm like that's not what wecare.
We can't make it enough,because the young kids need to
(20:40):
see us.
I think it's beautiful being aBlack physician, being a Black
public health person, being aBlack non-profit leader, because
we have the ability to reallyimpact a child, a child of color
, to know that they could becool with their dreads, with
whatever it may be.
(21:01):
Loving ourselves, anything.
Loving yourselves does not chipin someone else, and admiring
another person does not chip inwho you are absolutely not.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (21:12):
And yeah, and that everybody's beautiful.
Yep, yeah, that's so.
No, that's such a wonderful andI love that you pointed to
parents too.
We need to accept ourselves asbeautiful, because only I mean
from us our kids will learn toaccept themselves the way they
are.
Right, because they are soakingup everything.
(21:34):
I mean kids soak up what we domore than what even we say.
So so important for us to modelthat for our kids.
So, parents, love on yourselvesand fall in love with
yourselves I mean in a good way,not in a conceited way so that
you can teach your children aswell.
Dr. Ebere Azumah (21:53):
So yeah, and, in terms of that, avoid pointing
out negative things aboutyourself in front of your kid.
You know, if you're overweight,obese, whatever it may be,
don't point it out to them, youknow, but just point out your
good side.
And if you don't think you haveanything good about yourself,
(22:14):
then don't say anything badabout yourself in front of your
daughters, in front of your sons, please, please.
We as African Americans, we asBlack people, we need to change
that paradigm.
You know, and we talk aboutdifferent laws of the universe,
and one of them is the law ofattraction.
(22:35):
You attract things, or even thelaw.
I think there's law ofvibration, there's more, but if
you believe that you're goodlooking, the law hears it and
makes you good looking.
It just takes small things andyou can look the best.
I mean, some of the finestpeople on this earth might not
(22:59):
be chosen as a model, but models.
That's why they're professionalmodels.
You don't need to be a model,you just need to be a good
mother to your child, that's allwe need.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (23:10):
You need to be a good parent Parent to your own
self, be a good parent toyourself and be a great mommy to
your child.
That's all we need.
You need to be a good parentParent to your own self.
Be a good parent to your son,be a great mommy to your kid.
Yeah, and daddy and his dad.
Yeah, so wonderful.
Thank you so much.
That was really packed full ofvery simple but impactful things
that we can do as parents toboost our children's self-esteem
(23:32):
, to boost our self-esteem sothat we can help the community
at large right the people we arein contact with help them keep
growing and thriving.
So what's one last tip you'regoing to give to our parents on
how they can help their childrenand how they can fall in love
with their children?
Dr. Ebere Azumah (23:50):
Okay.
The last tip I would say is bein love with learning, be in
love with improving.
Self-improvement doesn't meanperfection, but sometimes we get
hung over perfection that wefail to move.
I don't know if I'm speaking tosomeone else, but I'm speaking
(24:13):
about myself.
Sometimes I'm like I can't doit, it can't be perfect, I just
can't.
I'll just stay where I am, noteven try.
But that's okay to try, becausewe're trying to leave a legacy.
There are great people I meanpeople that I've met that when I
meet their parents, I say, wow,you did a great job.
(24:34):
And when I listened to thatparent, I realized that their
child is great because theirparents are great.
And some of us might not havequote-unquote great parents, but
that doesn't mean you can'tchange that right.
You might be born poor, but ifyou die poor, it's on you.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (24:56):
Absolutely.
If you die poor, it's on you,because we all have a chance the
space between when we're bornand when we die.
We have a chance to make itbetter, right?
So thank you so much, dr Azumah.
We have a chance to make itbetter, right?
So thank you so much, dr Azumah, and please tell our parents
(25:18):
how we can find out more aboutyou and your amazing
organization and just where tofind out about you and how they
can work with you.
Dr. Ebere Azumah (25:23):
Thank you for asking that you can find us by
going to our website.
It's loveyourmensescom.
It's not love your men.
That's one time I wentsomewhere a man, you see what
you believe or you see what youwant to see.
The man was like you're so cool, love your men.
I said no, it's men's fit andit's good.
(25:44):
He was so cute and then I had aconversation with him about
men's this but he really thoughtit was men Like plural.
It's wwwloveyourmensescom andthere you can find me.
Or if you want to email me,email me at info at
loveyourmenses.
com.
Again, thank you so much forhaving me.
I look forward to speaking toyou and if you guys need
(26:06):
coaching or just to have aconversation, you can reach out
to me.
I'm Dr Azumah.
Thank you, dr Eko.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (26:13):
Oh, thank you.
It was a pleasure, as always,chatting with you and joining
forces with you to do theamazing work you're doing.
Eight countries I can't wait togo visit all of them.
Dr. Ebere Azumah (26:26):
I mean, and now they're going to be nine
countries.
Someone in Jamaica has reachedout to us.
It's like, oh my God, wow,wonderful, that's wonderful yeah
.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (26:38):
Thank you so much, parents.
I hope you gained as much.
I hope this was insightful foryou as it was for me, and we'll
see you on the next episode.
Have an amazing day.
Hello parents, welcome to another episode of
Brain Power with Dr Eko.
Such a pleasure to be with youtoday.
I have an amazing guest.
I know I say that about all myguests, but they are all amazing
.
I have an amazing guest todayto share with you Dr Eber Azuma,
ceo of Love your Menstes,amazing OBGYN and a mommy as
(00:20):
well.
So I'm going to let herintroduce herself.
But welcome to the show, drAzuma.
Dr. Ebere Azumah (00:26):
Oh, thank you so much, dr Eko.
Thank you also listeners.
My name, as she said, is DrAzumah.
It's always a pleasure to be inyour presence.
Dr Eko is a good friend andshe's also a part of Love your
Menses.
She's our vice chair, our vicepresident of Love your Menses.
We trust her, we believe in her.
She's totally passionate.
(00:47):
So it's an honor to be herewith you and to speak to your
audience.
Thank you so much.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (00:55):
Thank you for coming on.
So we're going to have awonderful conversation together
today, together about theimportance of loving your child
right, and why it's so criticalto do that, and the ways we can
do that as parents.
So tell us, what is your takeon how can we love our children?
Dr. Ebere Azumah (01:16):
Love is so important.
As a pediatrician and as we'vehad conversation and it's most
times when children act out it'sbecause of it's a cry for help.
They're seeking attentionBecause kids are so innocent in
general and Loving your Menseshas taught me so much.
I'm not a pediatrician but I'man OBGYN women's health expert.
(01:38):
I have a public healthbackground and I've written
children's book.
So loving your menses to us wasa tool for us to get to the
child, to let a child know thatwe love them.
We want the child to know thatloving yourself is important
because if we have self-love wedo better as a community.
(02:02):
I mean, we've talked aboutadverse childhood events and how
they lead to negativity asadults right, adults do not just
become quote unquote bad people.
It started from somewhere andmost times studies will show it
started at home.
It started at home.
I remember listening to someonethat was caught up in crime and
(02:25):
when I listened to the personshare their story, the person
said no one ever told me I wasloved.
Like no one ever told me I wasloved.
The person said I could notremember being hugged as a child
and that touched my heart.
So I make it my challenge, ourorganization's challenge that
(02:47):
when we see a child we love onthem.
You know we take permission,obviously from their parents and
we take permission before wehug a child, right, because we
want to teach them about settingboundaries.
But I've realized any at-riskchild I see, maybe from a single
parent, family really poor oris a bully.
(03:09):
I try hard as an individual tojust love on them because I want
them to say someone loves me.
And it was beautiful when oneof my daughter's son, my
daughter's friends, was likeyour mom loves us.
Every time she sees us she's sohappy.
(03:29):
Every time she sees us she's sohappy.
I mean, now it's become secondnature.
I remember one of my babysitterswas quitting and one of the
reasons she quit was because myhouse was filled with children.
When she said it I was like Iwas a little bit defensive and I
sat down and I meditated.
I was like you know what she's,but that's what I'm called to
(03:51):
do.
I have children around me tocreate a safe space for children
.
So whenever I hire a babysitterI have a conversation and I say
do you have a problem withother kids coming over?
Right, it was just amiscommunication.
I mean people can choose not towork because they don't want
children.
(04:11):
That's okay, it's just.
When hiring now I make it apoint of duty to let the person
know that I will have childrenover Cause.
It's just, I want to make surechildren can grow up knowing
that one person in theircommunity loved on them.
Yeah, so loving your child isvery important for two things.
(04:32):
One, our action as adultsbecomes a child's inner voice,
right?
So loving them would teach themto love themselves.
I think life is hard, even asgood people, still hard.
I mean, I'm not a perfectperson, but I'm not a bad person
(04:52):
.
I have good intentions, butlife has not prevented me from
having challenges.
And sometimes, when I meditateor ponder, I said, if I was a
bad person, how hard would it be?
It would be harder, right.
So loving yourself one again,like I said, loving children
(05:12):
allows them to have goodself-image because an adult
voice becomes their inner voice,absolutely.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (05:19):
Oh, that's so important and there's so much
research that shows it.
Even just takes one person, onestable, wonderful adult in the
child's life that will speakinto the child's life, makes all
the difference.
They don't even need a wholecrowd, just one person.
So I think what we'll take awayfrom this is that we as parents
, as adults, we choose to be theperson, that person in a
(05:41):
child's life, not just ourchildren, but, like you said,
the children around our childrenas well, because that also
impacts the way our childrenform relationships as well.
So thank you so much for that.
Well, of course, since you arethe menses expert, there's no
way we're going to let you getoff this podcast without talking
(06:05):
to parents about how best can Italk to my girls about their
menses to make them embrace itand to show them that it's
nothing bad and nothing to bescared of.
So tell us.
Dr. Ebere Azumah (06:20):
All right.
Oh, my goodness, this is atopic that I love.
Just listen to your kids.
Listen, you know.
I've heard parents say what isthe right age to teach a child
about sex?
What's the right age to do this, to do that?
And from my experience and theexperiences of people that have
mentored me, it's just truelistening.
(06:41):
Your child will tell you.
When they are ready, your childwill come to you and say, mom,
I heard someone talking aboutsex in school.
What does that mean, you know?
And that is the time you say,okay, it's time to have that
conversation.
And parents, we need toreprogram ourselves, divorce
(07:03):
ourselves from our personalexpectations or parental
expectations.
For example, this week, thismonth, me and my child, we are
working on self-regulation.
Okay, so we want to teach herhow to regulate her emotions.
So your question about onetiming for menstruation and how
(07:23):
to bring up the topic isimportant to just say have a
relationship with your child.
Relationship with children isnot perfect.
I really hope I would not vent.
I really hope I would not usemy voice to yell when I'm trying
to talk to my child, but thisweek we had a conversation on
(07:44):
self-regulation and I wasteaching her what
self-regulation meanscontrolling yourself.
And I shared my example withher.
I said, daughter, do you know,when I interact with you, I
apply self-regulation.
I was raised in a culture whereour parents don't really
(08:04):
converse with you.
Your voice is not really heard.
However, they use whoopings toget their disdain and love to
you.
You know, like you do something, they smack you.
You know that's your way ofsaying oh, don't do that again.
So me as a parent, we know thatis not the most effective tool
(08:29):
and we want to change thetrajectory of our children.
I have to self-regulate, youknow I have to learn not to do
that.
I have to like reprogram myself.
And I was telling my daughter,like self-regulation is working
hard to overcome your emotionsand to be a better person.
And I said hon, it's not easyfor anyone.
(08:52):
So you can self-regulate inschool.
You don't have to always talkwhile your teacher is talking.
You know.
The same way, I tell parentslisten to know where your child
is ready for that conversationon menstruation.
They could be ready when theysee me wearing this t-shirt love
your menses, right?
I mean, I walk around with thatso I can have a kid.
(09:14):
That is very intelligent.
Say, mom, what does love yourmenses mean and then you can
appropriately guide the child.
But before you guide a child inmenstruation conversation, you
have to love your menses orpretend to love your menses,
because if you don't love yourmenses it's going to be hard for
you to teach someone else tolove their menses.
(09:35):
And if you want moreinformation on how to teach a
child, you will have achildren's book, maya learns
about menstruation.
I don't have it on me.
Um, it's a conversation that wewrote between a child and a
doctor having the dialogue.
Our reviews on amazon parentshave said it has helped them in
(09:56):
that conversation.
But the most important thing isloving your menses or loving
yourself.
And loving your menses does notmean that we love it.
It's almost paradoxical.
It just means we will love ourbody.
We'll program our minds to loveour bodies.
I'm a big fan of Proctor andGallagher consultation.
(10:18):
I'm not a consultant with themor coach, but I follow Bob
Proctor's principles and hetalks about the subconscious
mind.
The subconscious mind, hebelieves, is it does whatever
you want it to do.
It believes whatever you feedinto them.
So even if you don't love yourmenses, but if you keep loving
yourself, loving your menses,you will eventually love it.
(10:38):
You will say, oh, this cramp,I'm loving my menses, I'm loving
this is natural, first of all.
Okay, as a physician here,please get evaluated if you have
dysmenorrhea, for treatment,but you know.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (10:53):
but I'm saying after that you can program
yourself to love your menses andthere's other things you can do
right To aid in loving your mendrinking more water, which will
help the cramps not hurt asmuch.
Eating the right thing.
See, yeah, living by example.
I love it like moving your bodymovement.
(11:13):
It helps things take less.
And yeah, so, because all ofthose things are connected, so
wonderful.
Dr. Ebere Azumah (11:21):
Can I get to that?
There's something about life.
Life is not easy.
It's not.
Most people, or some people,would go through alcohol and
drugs because it's the easierfix, quote unquote.
But the consequences are worse.
But when you exercise itreleases endorphins and makes
you happy.
When you talk to your friends,it releases things that make you
(11:43):
happy.
When you hug your dog, itreleases serotonin, like to be
happier and better.
And loving yourself involvesskills, skills.
You got to learn those skillsand that's where life coaches
like myself and Dr Echo falls in.
And if you don't want to go tous, there are books that you can
read.
Most people that are happy,most people that have been
(12:05):
successful in this thing calledlife, love to live trails so
they have books for you to read.
But loving yourself, lovingyour mentors, those are skills
that we can teach you.
There are people that it's morenatural for them than others.
Thank God, for example, I'mmore natural as a mathematician
(12:27):
than something else, but thatdoesn't mean I cannot be a good
writer, right, it's just I haveto work a little bit harder to
develop my English writingskills.
Again, I have to say we arecoaches, so our mindset is
different.
We believe you can changeanything in your capacity.
I mean again, there's caveat toit, right, but we believe that
(12:47):
in the majority of things youcan change.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (12:50):
Yes, absolutely, and I just interviewed a
pediatrician earlier today andhe was talking about how small
habits make such a bigdifference.
You know so, for example, withwhen we talked about drinking
water.
If you just decide, okay, I'mgoing to drink one extra cup of
water this week, just for thisweek, one extra cup a day,
(13:12):
that's it.
And the more you do that, thenit becomes a habit.
But then it's a habit that'salso helping you with your
menstruation, with your overallhealth.
So anything is possible, likeit's possible to change the way
our brains are wired andfunction, if we just start
somewhere and stay at it, onesmall step at a time right, yes,
(13:34):
yes, and, like you said, that'sa skill set right, that's a
skill, that's a programming.
Dr. Ebere Azumah (13:39):
I didn't think of it that way, but it makes
sense.
Now I'm going to leave thiswebinar, this podcast, knowing
that every small habits that Ido, like hugging my child, even
though I'm uncomfortable doingit, it's a good thing.
And, you know, trying to findpositivity everywhere you go,
like I was saying way you go,like I was saying I personally
(14:01):
have a positive baseline thanmost people.
However, I used to shrink whenI'm in other places in the past
because I felt like everybodywas looking at me, like why are
you too happy?
Then I started doing coaching,listening to Tony Robbins, going
to Procter Gallagher'sconferences, listening to them,
(14:25):
and I'm like, oh, they'reteaching people to be like me.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (14:27):
So I have a treasure.
What is it called you have?
Dr. Ebere Azumah (14:33):
acres of diamond in your own fell Right,
because people like will belooking at me funny and I'm like
, oh, like there's somethingweird about me.
And then I go and people aretrying to learn to be happy like
me.
I was like, oh, my goodness,how I've been blinded with my
own diamond.
I mean, imagine many of us arelike that.
(14:54):
We have diamonds and we don'tknow this.
But when we seek moreinformation then you begin to
realize the diamonds in your ownfarm I love it, diamonds in
your own farm.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (15:06):
And you know, it can be as simple as starting
deciding that you're going tosmile.
I remember I didn't used tosmile a lot either, because I
was extremely shy.
And, oh my goodness, whathappened?
I was young and I was playingand then I was.
I remember I was when I wasgrowing up and I chipped my
(15:27):
front tooth and I still I stilldidn't realize it was chipped
because nobody said anything.
And then, when I moved to theUS, this kid pointed at me my
very first day at work.
I was like teacher's mouth isbroken, and that was the end.
I stopped smiling for like twoyears.
My mouth was always choppedbecause I was so, so anxious
(15:50):
about it.
And then then I realized youknow what my I went to the
dentist, finally got that fixed.
Even then it's still because atthis point it was a habit,
right.
So it's just been slowly,slowly over the years, like just
making my going from thatperson who didn't smile to the
smile.
And I can tell you it makessuch a difference because when
(16:11):
you smile, you light up yourinside even more than the gift
you're giving someone else, andit's free right.
Dr. Ebere Azumah (16:19):
You have a beautiful smile, like it's so
interesting you're sharing thatthe most bright and beautiful
thing in your body is your smile, because I was looking at you
and I was like, wow, she's soblessed with teeth that you
could see, you know.
It's like so cool, you know,and it's interesting how that
(16:41):
beauty, that diamond, was whatwas being covered, right, yeah,
so it's really cool and I'm aperson of faith and I pray to
God to open my blindness eachday, because there's just so
much.
I mean, we can even do anexercise, we can look at our
pictures when we were in our 20s.
Remember you wereself-conscious at that time.
(17:04):
You saw so many negative things.
Oh my God.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (17:11):
I did that.
I found a picture of me in medschool and I was like, oh my
goodness.
Dr. Ebere Azumah (17:17):
I was looking good.
Yes, yes.
And one reason there was adisconnect between us realizing
how beautiful we were wasbecause of the voice in our head
.
Were was because of the voicein our head.
Our parents did not, do, youknow?
They were trying to protect us,right?
(17:37):
They wanted us to focus onschool.
That's why, you know, we arenow physicians.
But they failed in building ourself-esteem by letting us know,
yes, that lady might havedreads, she might be cute, but
you're cute.
You know telling children that,yes, that lady might have
dreads, she might be cute, butyou're cute.
You know telling children that,yes, that person, that image,
might be beautiful, but herbeauty does not negate from your
(18:01):
beauty.
Like, we can all be beautifultogether, you know.
And one thing in my householdthat I'm very grateful we do is
we don't use negative words.
It has a caveat to that,because my daughter is extremely
sensitive.
So when she goes somewhere andthey say something negative to
her, she's calling me.
(18:22):
Well, this person just saidthat my eye looks like this
because she's not used to it.
And you know, I like that.
That she's not like.
Whenever someone says somethingnegative, she remembers it
because we don't use that.
And now I'm teaching her how toovercome negativity, right by
reminding her of who she is,because I want, when she's in
(18:45):
her forties and fifties, when myvoice is not the one in her
head, when her subconscious hasbeen trade, trying to see the
greatness in her, that she willcontinue to see herself as
beautiful.
And I will have to wait toreflect 20 years and be like, oh
my goodness, oh my goodness.
You know, we see ourenvironment.
Our environment programs us notto see how great we are.
(19:09):
You know, especially peoplethat are minority, but we.
I belong to a group I thinkyou're in that group too of
physicians and black physicians,and one of them said oh, my
child just came to me and said Iwish I was a different color,
you know, and the person wasdisheartened because they felt
they were raising their child tolove themselves, even as a
(19:32):
Black person.
And I just reminded that person.
You know like, continue toencourage your children, but
it's not the child's fault thatthe images around them does not
reflect them.
However, as parents, we can copthat out right.
We can cop that out bydecreasing their screen time.
We can cut that out right.
(19:53):
We can cut that out bydecreasing their screen time.
We can make a difference bycreating organizations that
focuses on Black and Brownpeople.
They need us to do that andthat's why I love Love your
Menses.
We have staff of differentethnicity because it doesn't
matter, but we want to be areflection to our kids that
Black is awesome, black isbeautiful, so is other races,
(20:16):
but we don't have as muchrepresentation.
I know that intentionally, withmy team, I always tell them put
off Black images.
They're like, but that's notenough.
I'm like that's not what wecare.
We can't make it enough,because the young kids need to
(20:40):
see us.
I think it's beautiful being aBlack physician, being a Black
public health person, being aBlack non-profit leader, because
we have the ability to reallyimpact a child, a child of color
, to know that they could becool with their dreads, with
whatever it may be.
(21:01):
Loving ourselves, anything.
Loving yourselves does not chipin someone else, and admiring
another person does not chip inwho you are absolutely not.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (21:12):
And yeah, and that everybody's beautiful.
Yep, yeah, that's so.
No, that's such a wonderful andI love that you pointed to
parents too.
We need to accept ourselves asbeautiful, because only I mean
from us our kids will learn toaccept themselves the way they
are.
Right, because they are soakingup everything.
(21:34):
I mean kids soak up what we domore than what even we say.
So so important for us to modelthat for our kids.
So, parents, love on yourselvesand fall in love with
yourselves I mean in a good way,not in a conceited way so that
you can teach your children aswell.
Dr. Ebere Azumah (21:53):
So yeah, and, in terms of that, avoid pointing
out negative things aboutyourself in front of your kid.
You know, if you're overweight,obese, whatever it may be,
don't point it out to them, youknow, but just point out your
good side.
And if you don't think you haveanything good about yourself,
(22:14):
then don't say anything badabout yourself in front of your
daughters, in front of your sons, please, please.
We as African Americans, we asBlack people, we need to change
that paradigm.
You know, and we talk aboutdifferent laws of the universe,
and one of them is the law ofattraction.
(22:35):
You attract things, or even thelaw.
I think there's law ofvibration, there's more, but if
you believe that you're goodlooking, the law hears it and
makes you good looking.
It just takes small things andyou can look the best.
I mean, some of the finestpeople on this earth might not
(22:59):
be chosen as a model, but models.
That's why they're professionalmodels.
You don't need to be a model,you just need to be a good
mother to your child, that's allwe need.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (23:10):
You need to be a good parent Parent to your own
self, be a good parent toyourself and be a great mommy to
your child.
That's all we need.
You need to be a good parentParent to your own self.
Be a good parent to your son,be a great mommy to your kid.
Yeah, and daddy and his dad.
Yeah, so wonderful.
Thank you so much.
That was really packed full ofvery simple but impactful things
that we can do as parents toboost our children's self-esteem
(23:32):
, to boost our self-esteem sothat we can help the community
at large right the people we arein contact with help them keep
growing and thriving.
So what's one last tip you'regoing to give to our parents on
how they can help their childrenand how they can fall in love
with their children?
Dr. Ebere Azumah (23:50):
Okay.
The last tip I would say is bein love with learning, be in
love with improving.
Self-improvement doesn't meanperfection, but sometimes we get
hung over perfection that wefail to move.
I don't know if I'm speaking tosomeone else, but I'm speaking
(24:13):
about myself.
Sometimes I'm like I can't doit, it can't be perfect, I just
can't.
I'll just stay where I am, noteven try.
But that's okay to try, becausewe're trying to leave a legacy.
There are great people I meanpeople that I've met that when I
meet their parents, I say, wow,you did a great job.
(24:34):
And when I listened to thatparent, I realized that their
child is great because theirparents are great.
And some of us might not havequote-unquote great parents, but
that doesn't mean you can'tchange that right.
You might be born poor, but ifyou die poor, it's on you.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (24:56):
Absolutely.
If you die poor, it's on you,because we all have a chance the
space between when we're bornand when we die.
We have a chance to make itbetter, right?
So thank you so much, dr Azumah.
We have a chance to make itbetter, right?
So thank you so much, dr Azumah, and please tell our parents
(25:18):
how we can find out more aboutyou and your amazing
organization and just where tofind out about you and how they
can work with you.
Dr. Ebere Azumah (25:23):
Thank you for asking that you can find us by
going to our website.
It's loveyourmensescom.
It's not love your men.
That's one time I wentsomewhere a man, you see what
you believe or you see what youwant to see.
The man was like you're so cool, love your men.
I said no, it's men's fit andit's good.
(25:44):
He was so cute and then I had aconversation with him about
men's this but he really thoughtit was men Like plural.
It's wwwloveyourmensescom andthere you can find me.
Or if you want to email me,email me at info at
loveyourmenses.
com.
Again, thank you so much forhaving me.
I look forward to speaking toyou and if you guys need
(26:06):
coaching or just to have aconversation, you can reach out
to me.
I'm Dr Azumah.
Thank you, dr Eko.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (26:13):
Oh, thank you.
It was a pleasure, as always,chatting with you and joining
forces with you to do theamazing work you're doing.
Eight countries I can't wait togo visit all of them.
Dr. Ebere Azumah (26:26):
I mean, and now they're going to be nine
countries.
Someone in Jamaica has reachedout to us.
It's like, oh my God, wow,wonderful, that's wonderful yeah
.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (26:38):
Thank you so much, parents.
I hope you gained as much.
I hope this was insightful foryou as it was for me, and we'll
see you on the next episode.
Have an amazing day.
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