October 28, 2024 • 22 mins
How do you maintain hope and resilience when faced with the challenges of raising a child with disabilities? Together with Dr. Dannette Taylor, a dedicated advocate and coach for parents in similar situations, we unravel the emotional journey that comes with diagnoses like ADHD and autism. Dr. Taylor opens up about her personal experiences and stresses the transformative power of focusing on a child's strengths and potential. Her roadmap guides parents in turning obstacles into achievable goals, illustrating how a positive mindset and recognition of small victories can pave the way for unique family success stories.
We also shed light on the often-overlooked necessity of parental self-care and the importance of support systems. Misunderstandings about needing personal time are dispelled, highlighting how taking breaks is crucial for maintaining mental clarity and resilience. Through candid stories, including one about Dr. Taylor's son overcoming his delayed speech, we explore how facing fears head-on can empower parents to grow alongside their children. This episode is a heartfelt blend of empathy and practical advice, aimed at encouraging parents to share valuable insights with their community and build a supportive environment where every family member can thrive.
Connect with Dr. Taylor!
Website: www.drdannettetaylor.com
IG: drdannettetaylor
YouTube: @dannettetaylor
Listen to the full episode on your favorite podcast platform and check out the video version on our YouTube channel!
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- Fax: 949-695-2681
- info@glowpediatrics.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (00:00):
Hello parents, Welcome to another episode of
Brain Power with Dr Eko, sothrilled to have you here with
us.
And of course, I have anamazing guest, Dr Dannette
Taylor.
She's an amazing mom, anamazing advocate and she coaches
parents of children withdisabilities.
So, without further ado,welcome Dr Taylor.
Dr. Dannette Taylor (00:21):
Thank you so much for having me, I am so
excited to be here with youtoday.
And so, like you said, I am anadvocate and a coach, and the
very interesting thing about meis that the families that I
serve I'm actually one of thosefamilies myself so I started
this journey 24 years ago withmy son that has autism and, as a
(00:43):
result, I ended up spendingsome time in the public school
system as an educator.
I was a special ed teacher, aspecial ed administrator, an
assistant principal, and thentransitioned into becoming a
parent advocate after realizingthat there are so many more
pieces to this puzzle for beinga parent of a child with a
(01:03):
disability.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (01:05):
And I know what you'll have to share with us
today is going to bless so manyparents and just help them go
from guilt and not feeling goodabout themselves or their
children to a place where theycan feel better, do better, and
so that's what we want.
So you talked about the factthat you're an advocate and you
(01:27):
also have lived experience, socan you tell us some practical
things that you like to talk toparents about?
I think we talked about in thearea of mindset.
So I do the diagnosis andevaluation of children with ADHD
and autism and then, after I'vedelivered this news to them,
(01:48):
they often feel blindsided ormaybe not, but often that it
comes with that sense of justdread and feeling like how are
we going to get through this?
And so I think what we're goingto discuss today is going to be
so helpful to helping parentsrealize that the diagnosis that
they've been given doesn'tdefine their children or their
(02:11):
lives.
Dr. Dannette Taylor (02:12):
Absolutely, absolutely, and that is just it
.
Oftentimes, when a parentreceives that diagnosis, it's
almost like their world hasstopped Right.
Their world has stopped right.
And so three things that Iabsolutely enjoy talking to
families about, especially momsit's vision, strength and
(02:33):
resilience, that triad thing.
I think that every parent theyhave to develop those things
once you're on a journey with achild that has a disability,
right.
And so the biggest and probablythe hardest piece of getting
that diagnosis is reallyembracing it, because in our
(02:54):
mind, once we have a child,we've already planned that
child's whole life out beforethey're even born.
We've decided what they'regoing to be, who they're going
to marry, what they're going todo for a career.
We've done everything, and onceyou get that diagnosis, for
many families they feel asthough their life has basically
hit a brick wall.
(03:15):
So one of the major things thatI love to talk about is vision,
and it's basically seeing beyondyour child's limitation, right?
So you basically have to builda vision that's rooted in
possibility and not limitation,so you can't get bogged down
with what others have to sayabout what your child can't do,
(03:38):
right?
It's basically what do you seefor your child in the future?
What do you see for your child?
Even in that moment, that'swhat matters.
So the diagnosis?
Then you know your child hasautism and the diagnosis says,
okay, right now they havelanguage difficulties, right now
they have difficulties withsocialization.
(03:59):
But it is just that it's aright now moment, and when you
put that work in, when you havethat vision of where your child,
where you want your child to goand to be, you put that plan in
place and you start to act onthat plan.
And so you've got to create avision that looks past the
challenges, into what you wantto see for tomorrow and, and
(04:22):
more importantly, into yourchild's potential.
Your child's future doesn'tnecessarily have to look like
anyone else's in order for it tobe successful, because your
journey is a unique journey andit's unique to you, it's unique
to your child and unique to yourfamily, and that's ultimately
where the power lies, in yourinfrastructure that you create
(04:44):
for your child.
And sometimes people put thoselimitations in front of them
versus putting the possibilitiesin front of them.
And you know the vision is yourroadmap and when you create
that kind of crystal clear ideaof where you want to go, the
obstacles actually becomesmaller instead of bigger, so
(05:06):
you don't get shaken up everytime you know something goes
wrong or something doesn't gothe way you want it to go.
Because you continuously focusforward on that vision and you
build it, you believe it and youjust you know you let it guide
your steps.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (05:21):
Right, yeah, yes , oh my goodness.
Your steps right, yeah, yes, ohmy goodness, so powerful, all
the things you've just said, thevision and possibilities and
seeing past the limitations.
Because, yes, and that's onething I make sure I, I tell
parents, every child has astrength and gifts, and let's,
(05:42):
together, find what thosestrengths are and boost them.
Because you're so right, whenwe look at what can't happen or
what we think can't happen, thenit just magnifies it even more
so.
Wow, thank you so much forpointing that out.
That's so important absolutely.
Dr. Dannette Taylor (05:59):
And the second piece of it is strength.
And so often parents arelooking for those big wins and I
can say this with all honesty,because when my son was younger,
I was that parent.
I'm looking for those big wins,I'm looking for those
monumental jumps, right?
We all know that it's the smallthings, the incremental things
(06:26):
that develop to be the biggerthing.
And so strength as a parent,it's not about you know those
big jumps, it's not about youdoing everything right, it's not
about getting everything right.
It's really just about showingup for yourself, first and
foremost, and for your childevery single day, no matter how
(06:47):
tough things get.
One of the things that I haveseen in my experience and I also
suffered with this as wellearlier on, when my son was
younger was getting into a placeof paralysis, right.
So I get so overwhelmed by thefact that things aren't going
the way that I want them to go.
The growth is not happening fastenough, he's not talking quick
(07:10):
enough, he's not saying enoughwords, you know, and you kind of
just stay stagnant and you'relike, okay, well, I don't know
what to do, so I basically donothing right.
But a part of your strength isrealizing that consistent action
is what's needed.
So, instead of allowingyourself to get overwhelmed with
(07:31):
what you perceive as a lack ofprogress, which you perceive as
a lack of progress, you continueto take those small, consistent
steps that actually help you tobuild momentum and you're going
to see your child start to makeprogress.
And one of those things aboutprogress that we have to
(07:53):
understand as moms is that wehave to look at just that
progress, not perfection, yes,and that's not only for
ourselves, because a lot of usare really hard on ourselves.
It's for our children as well.
So, every time you know youadvocate, every time you support
(08:14):
your child through a newobstacle, a new challenge,
you're basically showing themand, more importantly, you're
showing yourself that you'restronger than anything, than any
obstacle that can possibly beplaced in front of you.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (08:31):
That can be applied in every area work,
relationships, every area of ourlives.
Right, this mind of ours,something right Because it makes
it can magnify the things wefocus on.
So it's about focusing on.
I'm just going to keep doingthis one step and asking for
help.
What are your thoughts onparents that feel overwhelmed
(08:54):
and how can they move past thatto ask for help?
Dr. Dannette Taylor (08:57):
Oh, that community is paramount.
That is how you gain andmaintain your strength, because
sometimes you have to get helpfrom people, and some of us have
that super mom syndrome.
Oh, we can do it all byourselves, but the reality is,
(09:19):
why would you?
You don't need to right, and.
And that assistance, thatsupport and that help can come
from any number of places.
It can come from family, it cancome from friends, it can come
from a teacher at the school, itcan come from friends, it can
come from a teacher at theschool, it can come from a
community organization, it cancome from a therapist, it can
(09:39):
come from pretty much anywhere.
And so the idea that you have todo it alone is not a good idea
at all, because you shouldn't doit alone, alone.
One of the things that I talkto parents about is making sure
that you take a break from yourchildren.
(10:00):
Right, and I've had people saytake a break.
You know that's my child, Ilove my child.
Taking a break from your childdoes not mean that you don't
love your child.
We know you loved your child,but you and your child sometimes
need a break from each other toreset and so ask for that help.
So you have an opportunity toreset, because when you reset
(10:21):
you have basically put yourselfin a better place than you were
in after months, weeks, for somepeople years, of just
continuing to do it by yourself.
And I've had some families, youknow, some moms say, well, I
don't really have any help, orpeople don't want to.
You know, help me with my childbecause of behaviors and those
(10:42):
types of things.
But you got to know that wherethere's a will there's a way,
right, and so anything that youwant, bad enough, you'll figure
it out.
And so there are alsoorganizations that provide
respite care and I know parentsare often like, well, I don't
know these people.
Well, you take an opportunityto try to get to know them
(11:04):
before you have them come in andstay with your child.
Maybe they come in but youdon't actually leave the home.
You know what I mean.
But you've got to figure out away to get that support, because
that support is needed for yourmental health and for your
mindset, because you just reallyhave to be in a place to do
this.
I make the analogy all the timeabout you know, being on an
(11:26):
airplane and they tell you, youknow when they read those
instructions to you at the verybeginning and they tell you that
you know something happens onthe aircraft to make sure that
you put your oxygen mask onbefore you put your child's
oxygen mask on.
And the reason they tell youthat is because if you don't
take care of you, there's no wayyou're going to be able to take
care of your child.
And the frame goes here If youdon't take time to reset and
(11:49):
maintain a certain level ofmental clarity for yourself,
there's no way you're going tohave the strength to continue
this journey, and your childneeds you, yeah.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (12:00):
Absolutely.
Your child needs you.
Your child needs a good, healedversion of you, because it
doesn't matter if your child hasdisabilities or not.
They still feed off of you,Right?
And so if we want our childrennow, it's not about, oh, it's my
fault now, no, I mean for yourown sake.
You want to be the healthiestyou can be, and I mean that in
(12:23):
every sense of the word mentally, physically, all around.
Dr. Dannette Taylor (12:27):
And something I want to say about
strength too.
You know, strength is not aboutthat.
You don't feel fear, right?
You feel the fear becausesometimes this life is scary.
When you have a child with adisability, when you have a
child with autism, it is scary,but you still have to put one
(12:48):
foot in front of the other andtake action, regardless of the
fear.
And so I tell parents all thetime sometimes you have to do it
scared.
My son is 24 now, and when hegraduated from high school, you
know not, a whole lot was goingon, and one of the things that
we had done, we had gotten adriver's evaluation to see if he
(13:09):
had the ability to learn how todrive.
Now, mind you, my son didn'ttalk till he was five years old.
To learn how to drive.
Now, mind you, my son didn'ttalk till he was five years old.
So and that was with echolalia,right, that was his language at
five.
And so in my mind I'm thinkingabout all the obstacles that he
had gone through and there's noway in my mind that he could
learn how to drive.
(13:29):
But he did this evaluation andthe professional said mom, yes,
he can learn how to drive, hehas the ability to do so.
Now I know you can imagine theterror and the fear that I had
in releasing that to say, okay,you know what I'm willing to try
.
My whole point is even thoughthings are scary sometimes, you
(13:51):
still have to make a decisionand do things through the fear.
Okay, yep, yep.
And when you push through withthose things and you just keep
showing up, you'll be amazed atthe height at which they grow.
And you know, things just kindof start to snowball in a good
way, right?
(14:12):
They start to meet one obstacle, then another obstacle, then
another one, and then, beforeyou know it, you're like I don't
even recognize that child fromyears ago, because I can't
believe that this is the childthat at one point could not talk
or could only repeat back whatI said to him.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (14:27):
No, that's so wonderful Because you had to
walk through the same processyou're telling us, telling
parents to do right now, theprocess of letting go.
That's right.
Right of the fear that, oh mygosh, what if, what if?
But I'm glad you did and I'mglad.
I'm sure he's glad you did too.
Dr. Dannette Taylor (14:47):
Absolutely, absolutely, and and I'm I know
it's so hard for parents, butthe one thing that they have to
have is resilience, right, andthe power to bounce back even
when you kind of get knockeddown or even when you know the
progress that is being madeisn't at the rate at which you
would like to see.
(15:08):
Right, because that resilienceis what's going to be able to
help keep you moving forward.
And it's not just about gettingthrough the day or the moment,
or even that year.
It's just about bouncing backfrom those obstacles.
It's about learning and growingstronger with every experience.
And when you hit a wall, youknow resilience tells you OK, I
(15:28):
hit a wall, but this is not theend.
It's an opportunity to just totry a different approach.
You know it's an opportunity tojust to try a different
approach.
You know it's an opportunity totry something else.
You know it's like right nowthere's a lot of talk about, you
know how certain methodologiesaren't good anymore for kids,
right, and so if something isnot working for your family,
it's not a matter of OK, I'mdoomed, this didn't work out for
(15:52):
my child, but it worked out foreverybody else's child.
It's a matter of saying, ok,that didn't work out for my
child, but it worked out foreverybody else's child.
It's a matter of saying, okay,that didn't work, but I know
something else can work and letme go ahead and see who I can
get connected to, to find outwhat other options there are,
and continue to push through.
You know that's exactly howprogress is made.
It's pushing through, it's stepby step and it's what you build
(16:14):
, and sometimes the setback isset up to be a comeback right.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (16:22):
You can say that again all day.
The truth, oh my goodness, Iwouldn't be sitting here if I
didn't push through.
It's the absolute truth.
Dr. Dannette Taylor (16:31):
And something else, too, that I
don't think that we often giveenough credit for.
Even though our children have adisability, they're watching us
and they're learning from us,right, and so our children are
learning resilience from us, andthey're watching us as we face
various challenges and as we,you know, get knocked down and
(16:52):
get back up, and you know whenwe're able to model, how we move
forward and push through andhow resilient there are.
That trickles down to them.
That trickles down to them, youknow, because you're going to
be teaching them the same thingtoo, you know.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (17:06):
Yes, we are their biggest best teachers.
So I should inform theadjustments we make on ourselves
and the growth we allow inourselves, so that our children
can pick up from that and growas well and gain the strength to
push through the fear, becauseI'm sure they feel and grow as
well and come here and and gainthe strength to push through the
fear, because I'm sure theyfeel fear too as well.
(17:28):
Absolutely, we are sharing themon and and, so that gives them
the strength to realize thatthey can wow, that's so, that's
so wonderful.
So, please, parents, you'veheard all of this.
You heard about vision, youheard about strength and
resilience, those three thingsso critical to being the best
(17:51):
version of yourself.
And again, there's noperfection, like Dr Taylor said
right, we're all here to just be1% better than we were
yesterday, and everybody's inyour own lane, not comparing
themselves and their children toother families.
Dr. Dannette Taylor (18:07):
Absolutely so.
That comparison is one of thosethings that really can kill
your dreams, right?
And not even so much aboutcomparing yourself to other
families, but sometimescomparing within your own family
, comparing children, right,comparing your sibling that also
(18:29):
may have a child with adisability.
So it's so important that wemake sure that we recognize that
our unique journey is ourunique journey.
It doesn't matter how you thinkthat you're measuring apples to
apples, because this is a childwith the same disability as
yours, or this is a mom that hasa child with the same
(18:51):
disability as your child.
It is not.
It's always apples to apples,apples to apples.
And the only way you can compareapples to apples is when you
compare yourself againstyourself, yourself against
yourself.
And the only time that you dothat is when you're comparing am
I a better version of myselfthan I was last year, the year
(19:11):
before, last week?
Right, and so you're movingtowards making yourself the best
version of yourself so you canhave the best possible version
of your child.
And so the comparison.
That's the way to causeyourself to be in a state of
mind that you're not movingforward, because, at the end of
(19:32):
the day, you don't know whatsomeone else is going through
anyway, and what you know iswhat you see on the outside
looking in, and oftentimes wethink that you know another
child with the same disability.
Oh, they have it much easierthan I do because my child has
this going on, and that's notnecessarily the case.
(19:54):
We want to make sure that weuse ourselves as the barometer
and not anyone else, becauseit's just a recipe for disaster.
Yeah.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (20:05):
That would be 100% correct.
Oh, my goodness, thank you somuch for sharing your wisdom and
all the experience you've had,and I know that you are a parent
coach and you're an advocate,so can you please tell parents
how they can get in touch withyou to learn more about how you
can be of service to them?
Dr. Dannette Taylor (20:25):
Absolutely.
They can find me on socialmedia, dr Dannette Taylor.
They can also find me on thewebsite www.
drdannettetaylor.
com, as well as on YouTube.
My YouTube channel is fairlynew, but I'll be sharing
information with parents aboutnavigating the special needs
(20:45):
journey as it relates toeducation, training,
independence and parenting.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (20:52):
Wonderful.
Please do yourself a big favorand go check her out.
And thank you so much again forcoming on today.
It's been very enriching justto listen to you.
You have such a wonderful wayof speaking, so thank you so
much for sharing with ouraudience.
Dr. Dannette Taylor (21:09):
Thank you so much for having me.
I appreciate it.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (21:12):
My pleasure.
Parents, so you've heard it.
Please share this with family,friends, loved ones that need to
hear this and that may be goingthrough a hard time reconciling
the diagnosis of their child,so that you can be of help to
them as well.
Until next time, have awonderful day.
Hello parents, Welcome to another episode of
Brain Power with Dr Eko, sothrilled to have you here with
us.
And of course, I have anamazing guest, Dr Dannette
Taylor.
She's an amazing mom, anamazing advocate and she coaches
parents of children withdisabilities.
So, without further ado,welcome Dr Taylor.
Dr. Dannette Taylor (00:21):
Thank you so much for having me, I am so
excited to be here with youtoday.
And so, like you said, I am anadvocate and a coach, and the
very interesting thing about meis that the families that I
serve I'm actually one of thosefamilies myself so I started
this journey 24 years ago withmy son that has autism and, as a
(00:43):
result, I ended up spendingsome time in the public school
system as an educator.
I was a special ed teacher, aspecial ed administrator, an
assistant principal, and thentransitioned into becoming a
parent advocate after realizingthat there are so many more
pieces to this puzzle for beinga parent of a child with a
(01:03):
disability.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (01:05):
And I know what you'll have to share with us
today is going to bless so manyparents and just help them go
from guilt and not feeling goodabout themselves or their
children to a place where theycan feel better, do better, and
so that's what we want.
So you talked about the factthat you're an advocate and you
(01:27):
also have lived experience, socan you tell us some practical
things that you like to talk toparents about?
I think we talked about in thearea of mindset.
So I do the diagnosis andevaluation of children with ADHD
and autism and then, after I'vedelivered this news to them,
(01:48):
they often feel blindsided ormaybe not, but often that it
comes with that sense of justdread and feeling like how are
we going to get through this?
And so I think what we're goingto discuss today is going to be
so helpful to helping parentsrealize that the diagnosis that
they've been given doesn'tdefine their children or their
(02:11):
lives.
Dr. Dannette Taylor (02:12):
Absolutely, absolutely, and that is just it
.
Oftentimes, when a parentreceives that diagnosis, it's
almost like their world hasstopped Right.
Their world has stopped right.
And so three things that Iabsolutely enjoy talking to
families about, especially momsit's vision, strength and
(02:33):
resilience, that triad thing.
I think that every parent theyhave to develop those things
once you're on a journey with achild that has a disability,
right.
And so the biggest and probablythe hardest piece of getting
that diagnosis is reallyembracing it, because in our
(02:54):
mind, once we have a child,we've already planned that
child's whole life out beforethey're even born.
We've decided what they'regoing to be, who they're going
to marry, what they're going todo for a career.
We've done everything, and onceyou get that diagnosis, for
many families they feel asthough their life has basically
hit a brick wall.
(03:15):
So one of the major things thatI love to talk about is vision,
and it's basically seeing beyondyour child's limitation, right?
So you basically have to builda vision that's rooted in
possibility and not limitation,so you can't get bogged down
with what others have to sayabout what your child can't do,
(03:38):
right?
It's basically what do you seefor your child in the future?
What do you see for your child?
Even in that moment, that'swhat matters.
So the diagnosis?
Then you know your child hasautism and the diagnosis says,
okay, right now they havelanguage difficulties, right now
they have difficulties withsocialization.
(03:59):
But it is just that it's aright now moment, and when you
put that work in, when you havethat vision of where your child,
where you want your child to goand to be, you put that plan in
place and you start to act onthat plan.
And so you've got to create avision that looks past the
challenges, into what you wantto see for tomorrow and, and
(04:22):
more importantly, into yourchild's potential.
Your child's future doesn'tnecessarily have to look like
anyone else's in order for it tobe successful, because your
journey is a unique journey andit's unique to you, it's unique
to your child and unique to yourfamily, and that's ultimately
where the power lies, in yourinfrastructure that you create
(04:44):
for your child.
And sometimes people put thoselimitations in front of them
versus putting the possibilitiesin front of them.
And you know the vision is yourroadmap and when you create
that kind of crystal clear ideaof where you want to go, the
obstacles actually becomesmaller instead of bigger, so
(05:06):
you don't get shaken up everytime you know something goes
wrong or something doesn't gothe way you want it to go.
Because you continuously focusforward on that vision and you
build it, you believe it and youjust you know you let it guide
your steps.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (05:21):
Right, yeah, yes , oh my goodness.
Your steps right, yeah, yes, ohmy goodness, so powerful, all
the things you've just said, thevision and possibilities and
seeing past the limitations.
Because, yes, and that's onething I make sure I, I tell
parents, every child has astrength and gifts, and let's,
(05:42):
together, find what thosestrengths are and boost them.
Because you're so right, whenwe look at what can't happen or
what we think can't happen, thenit just magnifies it even more
so.
Wow, thank you so much forpointing that out.
That's so important absolutely.
Dr. Dannette Taylor (05:59):
And the second piece of it is strength.
And so often parents arelooking for those big wins and I
can say this with all honesty,because when my son was younger,
I was that parent.
I'm looking for those big wins,I'm looking for those
monumental jumps, right?
We all know that it's the smallthings, the incremental things
(06:26):
that develop to be the biggerthing.
And so strength as a parent,it's not about you know those
big jumps, it's not about youdoing everything right, it's not
about getting everything right.
It's really just about showingup for yourself, first and
foremost, and for your childevery single day, no matter how
(06:47):
tough things get.
One of the things that I haveseen in my experience and I also
suffered with this as wellearlier on, when my son was
younger was getting into a placeof paralysis, right.
So I get so overwhelmed by thefact that things aren't going
the way that I want them to go.
The growth is not happening fastenough, he's not talking quick
(07:10):
enough, he's not saying enoughwords, you know, and you kind of
just stay stagnant and you'relike, okay, well, I don't know
what to do, so I basically donothing right.
But a part of your strength isrealizing that consistent action
is what's needed.
So, instead of allowingyourself to get overwhelmed with
(07:31):
what you perceive as a lack ofprogress, which you perceive as
a lack of progress, you continueto take those small, consistent
steps that actually help you tobuild momentum and you're going
to see your child start to makeprogress.
And one of those things aboutprogress that we have to
(07:53):
understand as moms is that wehave to look at just that
progress, not perfection, yes,and that's not only for
ourselves, because a lot of usare really hard on ourselves.
It's for our children as well.
So, every time you know youadvocate, every time you support
(08:14):
your child through a newobstacle, a new challenge,
you're basically showing themand, more importantly, you're
showing yourself that you'restronger than anything, than any
obstacle that can possibly beplaced in front of you.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (08:31):
That can be applied in every area work,
relationships, every area of ourlives.
Right, this mind of ours,something right Because it makes
it can magnify the things wefocus on.
So it's about focusing on.
I'm just going to keep doingthis one step and asking for
help.
What are your thoughts onparents that feel overwhelmed
(08:54):
and how can they move past thatto ask for help?
Dr. Dannette Taylor (08:57):
Oh, that community is paramount.
That is how you gain andmaintain your strength, because
sometimes you have to get helpfrom people, and some of us have
that super mom syndrome.
Oh, we can do it all byourselves, but the reality is,
(09:19):
why would you?
You don't need to right, and.
And that assistance, thatsupport and that help can come
from any number of places.
It can come from family, it cancome from friends, it can come
from a teacher at the school, itcan come from friends, it can
come from a teacher at theschool, it can come from a
community organization, it cancome from a therapist, it can
(09:39):
come from pretty much anywhere.
And so the idea that you have todo it alone is not a good idea
at all, because you shouldn't doit alone, alone.
One of the things that I talkto parents about is making sure
that you take a break from yourchildren.
(10:00):
Right, and I've had people saytake a break.
You know that's my child, Ilove my child.
Taking a break from your childdoes not mean that you don't
love your child.
We know you loved your child,but you and your child sometimes
need a break from each other toreset and so ask for that help.
So you have an opportunity toreset, because when you reset
(10:21):
you have basically put yourselfin a better place than you were
in after months, weeks, for somepeople years, of just
continuing to do it by yourself.
And I've had some families, youknow, some moms say, well, I
don't really have any help, orpeople don't want to.
You know, help me with my childbecause of behaviors and those
(10:42):
types of things.
But you got to know that wherethere's a will there's a way,
right, and so anything that youwant, bad enough, you'll figure
it out.
And so there are alsoorganizations that provide
respite care and I know parentsare often like, well, I don't
know these people.
Well, you take an opportunityto try to get to know them
(11:04):
before you have them come in andstay with your child.
Maybe they come in but youdon't actually leave the home.
You know what I mean.
But you've got to figure out away to get that support, because
that support is needed for yourmental health and for your
mindset, because you just reallyhave to be in a place to do
this.
I make the analogy all the timeabout you know, being on an
(11:26):
airplane and they tell you, youknow when they read those
instructions to you at the verybeginning and they tell you that
you know something happens onthe aircraft to make sure that
you put your oxygen mask onbefore you put your child's
oxygen mask on.
And the reason they tell youthat is because if you don't
take care of you, there's no wayyou're going to be able to take
care of your child.
And the frame goes here If youdon't take time to reset and
(11:49):
maintain a certain level ofmental clarity for yourself,
there's no way you're going tohave the strength to continue
this journey, and your childneeds you, yeah.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (12:00):
Absolutely.
Your child needs you.
Your child needs a good, healedversion of you, because it
doesn't matter if your child hasdisabilities or not.
They still feed off of you,Right?
And so if we want our childrennow, it's not about, oh, it's my
fault now, no, I mean for yourown sake.
You want to be the healthiestyou can be, and I mean that in
(12:23):
every sense of the word mentally, physically, all around.
Dr. Dannette Taylor (12:27):
And something I want to say about
strength too.
You know, strength is not aboutthat.
You don't feel fear, right?
You feel the fear becausesometimes this life is scary.
When you have a child with adisability, when you have a
child with autism, it is scary,but you still have to put one
(12:48):
foot in front of the other andtake action, regardless of the
fear.
And so I tell parents all thetime sometimes you have to do it
scared.
My son is 24 now, and when hegraduated from high school, you
know not, a whole lot was goingon, and one of the things that
we had done, we had gotten adriver's evaluation to see if he
(13:09):
had the ability to learn how todrive.
Now, mind you, my son didn'ttalk till he was five years old.
To learn how to drive.
Now, mind you, my son didn'ttalk till he was five years old.
So and that was with echolalia,right, that was his language at
five.
And so in my mind I'm thinkingabout all the obstacles that he
had gone through and there's noway in my mind that he could
learn how to drive.
(13:29):
But he did this evaluation andthe professional said mom, yes,
he can learn how to drive, hehas the ability to do so.
Now I know you can imagine theterror and the fear that I had
in releasing that to say, okay,you know what I'm willing to try
.
My whole point is even thoughthings are scary sometimes, you
(13:51):
still have to make a decisionand do things through the fear.
Okay, yep, yep.
And when you push through withthose things and you just keep
showing up, you'll be amazed atthe height at which they grow.
And you know, things just kindof start to snowball in a good
way, right?
(14:12):
They start to meet one obstacle, then another obstacle, then
another one, and then, beforeyou know it, you're like I don't
even recognize that child fromyears ago, because I can't
believe that this is the childthat at one point could not talk
or could only repeat back whatI said to him.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (14:27):
No, that's so wonderful Because you had to
walk through the same processyou're telling us, telling
parents to do right now, theprocess of letting go.
That's right.
Right of the fear that, oh mygosh, what if, what if?
But I'm glad you did and I'mglad.
I'm sure he's glad you did too.
Dr. Dannette Taylor (14:47):
Absolutely, absolutely, and and I'm I know
it's so hard for parents, butthe one thing that they have to
have is resilience, right, andthe power to bounce back even
when you kind of get knockeddown or even when you know the
progress that is being madeisn't at the rate at which you
would like to see.
(15:08):
Right, because that resilienceis what's going to be able to
help keep you moving forward.
And it's not just about gettingthrough the day or the moment,
or even that year.
It's just about bouncing backfrom those obstacles.
It's about learning and growingstronger with every experience.
And when you hit a wall, youknow resilience tells you OK, I
(15:28):
hit a wall, but this is not theend.
It's an opportunity to just totry a different approach.
You know it's an opportunity tojust to try a different
approach.
You know it's an opportunity totry something else.
You know it's like right nowthere's a lot of talk about, you
know how certain methodologiesaren't good anymore for kids,
right, and so if something isnot working for your family,
it's not a matter of OK, I'mdoomed, this didn't work out for
(15:52):
my child, but it worked out foreverybody else's child.
It's a matter of saying, ok,that didn't work out for my
child, but it worked out foreverybody else's child.
It's a matter of saying, okay,that didn't work, but I know
something else can work and letme go ahead and see who I can
get connected to, to find outwhat other options there are,
and continue to push through.
You know that's exactly howprogress is made.
It's pushing through, it's stepby step and it's what you build
(16:14):
, and sometimes the setback isset up to be a comeback right.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (16:22):
You can say that again all day.
The truth, oh my goodness, Iwouldn't be sitting here if I
didn't push through.
It's the absolute truth.
Dr. Dannette Taylor (16:31):
And something else, too, that I
don't think that we often giveenough credit for.
Even though our children have adisability, they're watching us
and they're learning from us,right, and so our children are
learning resilience from us, andthey're watching us as we face
various challenges and as we,you know, get knocked down and
(16:52):
get back up, and you know whenwe're able to model, how we move
forward and push through andhow resilient there are.
That trickles down to them.
That trickles down to them, youknow, because you're going to
be teaching them the same thingtoo, you know.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (17:06):
Yes, we are their biggest best teachers.
So I should inform theadjustments we make on ourselves
and the growth we allow inourselves, so that our children
can pick up from that and growas well and gain the strength to
push through the fear, becauseI'm sure they feel and grow as
well and come here and and gainthe strength to push through the
fear, because I'm sure theyfeel fear too as well.
(17:28):
Absolutely, we are sharing themon and and, so that gives them
the strength to realize thatthey can wow, that's so, that's
so wonderful.
So, please, parents, you'veheard all of this.
You heard about vision, youheard about strength and
resilience, those three thingsso critical to being the best
(17:51):
version of yourself.
And again, there's noperfection, like Dr Taylor said
right, we're all here to just be1% better than we were
yesterday, and everybody's inyour own lane, not comparing
themselves and their children toother families.
Dr. Dannette Taylor (18:07):
Absolutely so.
That comparison is one of thosethings that really can kill
your dreams, right?
And not even so much aboutcomparing yourself to other
families, but sometimescomparing within your own family
, comparing children, right,comparing your sibling that also
(18:29):
may have a child with adisability.
So it's so important that wemake sure that we recognize that
our unique journey is ourunique journey.
It doesn't matter how you thinkthat you're measuring apples to
apples, because this is a childwith the same disability as
yours, or this is a mom that hasa child with the same
(18:51):
disability as your child.
It is not.
It's always apples to apples,apples to apples.
And the only way you can compareapples to apples is when you
compare yourself againstyourself, yourself against
yourself.
And the only time that you dothat is when you're comparing am
I a better version of myselfthan I was last year, the year
(19:11):
before, last week?
Right, and so you're movingtowards making yourself the best
version of yourself so you canhave the best possible version
of your child.
And so the comparison.
That's the way to causeyourself to be in a state of
mind that you're not movingforward, because, at the end of
(19:32):
the day, you don't know whatsomeone else is going through
anyway, and what you know iswhat you see on the outside
looking in, and oftentimes wethink that you know another
child with the same disability.
Oh, they have it much easierthan I do because my child has
this going on, and that's notnecessarily the case.
(19:54):
We want to make sure that weuse ourselves as the barometer
and not anyone else, becauseit's just a recipe for disaster.
Yeah.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (20:05):
That would be 100% correct.
Oh, my goodness, thank you somuch for sharing your wisdom and
all the experience you've had,and I know that you are a parent
coach and you're an advocate,so can you please tell parents
how they can get in touch withyou to learn more about how you
can be of service to them?
Dr. Dannette Taylor (20:25):
Absolutely.
They can find me on socialmedia, dr Dannette Taylor.
They can also find me on thewebsite www.
drdannettetaylor.
com, as well as on YouTube.
My YouTube channel is fairlynew, but I'll be sharing
information with parents aboutnavigating the special needs
(20:45):
journey as it relates toeducation, training,
independence and parenting.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (20:52):
Wonderful.
Please do yourself a big favorand go check her out.
And thank you so much again forcoming on today.
It's been very enriching justto listen to you.
You have such a wonderful wayof speaking, so thank you so
much for sharing with ouraudience.
Dr. Dannette Taylor (21:09):
Thank you so much for having me.
I appreciate it.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (21:12):
My pleasure.
Parents, so you've heard it.
Please share this with family,friends, loved ones that need to
hear this and that may be goingthrough a hard time reconciling
the diagnosis of their child,so that you can be of help to
them as well.
Until next time, have awonderful day.
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