April 2, 2025 • 25 mins
Brandon shares his journey from struggling with post-college jobs and a toxic relationship to finding stability by rejoining the military, this time as an Army food inspector.
Please start with Episode 1. Go to my site BrandonHeld.com
• Attempted to become an Air Force officer, only to have his application abandoned when recruiter was reassigned
• Pivoted to the Army after a recruiter convinced him to enlist with promises of education benefits
• Made the heartbreaking decision to leave his 5-year-old son
• Experienced his son's mother allegedly poisoning the child against him during his absence
• Found unexpected satisfaction in Army boot camp at age 29, using his prior military experience
• Maintained a squad leader position throughout training while others were cycled through leadership roles
• Graduated food inspector school with highest honors
• Received desired orders to Arizona, fulfilling his wish for a warm-weather assignment
• Reveals the current estrangement from his now-adult son despite their once-close relationship
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
Welcome back.
Brandon Held, Life is Crazy.
This is episode 12.
Thank you for joining me.
Last time I went through thefour different jobs that I had
within the first couple years ofcollege.
(00:22):
Really five, if you count thefact that when I graduated
college, I was a bartender atApplebee's, which I had started.
before college.
So anyway, I had five differentjobs in a couple years and
really just struggling to findmy way with this mass
(00:46):
communications bachelor of artsdegree from Wright State in
Dayton, Ohio.
At this time, I quit theinsurance sales job and the
relationship between Betweenmyself and my second wife was at
the end, like I had discussed ina previous podcast.
(01:10):
And I knew I needed to make abig change to break away from my
second ex-wife because there wasno breaking away from her.
We had been living apart formonths.
And she still would come over tosee me constantly.
I never went to her.
(01:31):
She always came to me.
And I didn't have the power tojust turn her away.
If she came, I would give hertime and let her take my
attention.
So I just wasn't strong enoughto stop her.
And I really just didn't haveanything else going on.
(01:52):
But I knew I needed to make abig change.
I had decided the last time Ihad any kind of really good
consistency in my life, eventhough it didn't go great, in
the end, it was really goodoverall.
When I was in the military, Ithought, now I have a bachelor's
(02:14):
degree, I should try to join theAir Force and become an officer
in the Air Force.
And just to see how it would gobefore I made any real
decisions.
I went to see an Air Forcerecruiter.
We had a discussion about theprocess, what that would entail,
(02:37):
and how I would make thathappen.
I started the process becausenothing is done until it's done.
I didn't know for sure that Iwanted to do it.
But I thought I would try theprocess just to see if it was an
option.
And so for a month, I would meetwith this recruiter every couple
(02:58):
of weeks and we would do thingsto put my officer candidate
packet together.
He got me an interview with acolonel who signed off on, he
not promoted me, promoted me isnot the right word, but he
(03:18):
Endorse me.
That's the word I'm looking forto become an air force officer
and everything was rolling alongsmoothly, but this was like an
eight month process.
And and then I didn't hear fromhim for three weeks, which was a
typical, I usually heard fromhim every week to two weeks.
(03:40):
And so I went down to therecruiting office to see what
had happened to my recruiter.
And I walked in and asked forhim and the admin secretary
said, oh, he left.
And I said, what do you mean heleft?
And she said, oh, he got ordersto Germany.
I immediately started panicking.
(04:02):
I was working with him on apacket to become an officer.
Did he leave something behindfor the next recruiter?
And she goes, I don't know.
Let me go get him and you cantalk to him.
So she gets the new recruiterand he comes out and I say, I
explained the situation.
I'd been working with him.
We were putting together apacket.
(04:24):
We had gotten thus far and nowhe's just gone.
And I didn't even know he wasleaving.
Did he leave anything with you?
And the recruiter straight looksat me and says, nope, he didn't
leave anything for me, foranyone he was working with.
We would have to start all overagain.
I was just so angry and dejectedand everything else at the same
(04:46):
time.
I just couldn't believe it.
Through this process, I hadreworked my mind and brain up to
the idea of being an officer inthe Air Force and what that
would look like, how my lifewould go and where that would
take me.
And I just wasn't ready yet.
to start over again becausenothing was guaranteed at the
(05:09):
end.
This was just the packet I wasputting together to see if I
would be accepted.
And who knew even after thepacket was complete, if I would
get accepted.
So I immediately left theiroffice and went to the army
recruiter's office.
I was 29 years old, strong, ingreat shape, athletic.
(05:32):
I just thought, yeah, the ideaof the army doesn't scare me.
Wasn't my first choice, but itdoesn't scare me.
I'm not physically afraid ofbeing a soldier in the army.
So I went in and talked torecruiter and he was very honest
with me.
He said, Hey, look, we're notreally taking, we're not looking
(05:53):
for prior enlisted right now.
The military is just.
They're not taking them.
They're looking for newenlistees.
And I said, why is that?
And he said, I don't know.
I don't know if the governmentjust feels you tried.
You went for it.
You were in the military and youdecided to get out.
I don't know what the reason is,but we're just not taking prior
(06:16):
enlisted right now.
And he said, I'll tell you what,you go take the ASVAB and come
back and talk to me.
I said, okay, I'll do that.
So I left and signed up for themilitary ASVAB, the same test.
I took twice to get in the AirForce and once again in the Air
(06:36):
Force.
And so I went and took it againand I did no preparation for it.
I figured, what the heck, I'mcollege educated now.
I'm a little older, a littlewiser.
I couldn't do worse than I didthe last time I took it.
eight, nine years ago, howeverlong ago it was prior to that.
(06:57):
And then I went back to see therecruiter after my ASVAB was
complete.
I had received a set of numbers,but I didn't know what those
numbers were because the gradingscale had changed.
It used to be a 99 was themaximum in a category, but I was
looking at 129s and I had noidea, you know, what any of that
(07:20):
meant.
I didn't know what it was outof.
I didn't know anything.
And so he opens up his computerand he says, Hey, I got good
news for you.
I think we can work with you.
Didn't say anything about myASVAB scores.
He just said, I think we canwork with you.
I think we can get you in.
And I said, great.
I said, I want to be an officer.
(07:41):
And how do I go about doingthat?
And he was like, why do you wantto join the army?
Do you want to make a career?
I said, I don't know.
I don't know enough about thearmy yet.
I was going to make the careerout of the air force and be an
air force officer, but I don'tknow if the army's right for me.
I'd have to try it and see howthat goes before I decide if
(08:05):
that's the career that I want.
And he goes, what about school?
And I thought, yeah, I do wantto go back to school and get a
better education, a moreadvanced degree because my
Bachelor's of Arts in MassCommunications was not really
opening the doors for me that Ihoped it would.
So yeah, I could go for asecondary degree.
(08:26):
And he said, the Army will payfor 100% of your school if
you're enlisted and you don'teven have to pay them back.
You just go in, do your time andservice and they pay for your
school.
Once you do your contract, yourtime is up.
That's the end.
You can leave with your degreeor You can apply for OCS,
(08:49):
Officer Candidate School, andbecome an officer.
I was like, okay, that soundsgood.
That's really almost the perfectpath for me.
So I ended up saying, all right,I'll sign up.
I went through the whole issueof where to go and whether this
(09:09):
was the right thing to dobecause I would be leaving Ethan
behind at five, six years old.
I just couldn't get my life ontrack in Dayton.
I was in a toxic relationshipthat I wasn't breaking free of.
I couldn't get a good careergoing.
I had applied for all kinds ofjobs and looked at all kinds of
(09:32):
places and nothing was workingout for me to advance in life.
This was the right choice withmy mom's input.
I believed that Ethan and Iwould be strong forever.
And he would understand if maybenot, if right away someday he
would understand.
So I end up joining the army.
(09:56):
And so the steps to that processwere, I took a job as a supply
chain person because it was athree year enlistment.
And I thought if I get amaster's degree, it only takes
two years.
And three years is plenty oftime.
(10:16):
I took that supply chain job andthree years enlistment.
And so I was preparing to getready to go to bootcamp.
So I was going to take all mystuff and put it in a storage
locker.
And I was literally moving mystuff in a storage locker when I
(10:37):
sliced my right hand open on abroken mirror with a real deep
gash.
I had to go to the hospital.
I had to get stitches, get myhand wrapped up.
And I had torn into some musclesand tendons.
I thought, oh crap, I'm supposedto leave for bootcamp in a week.
(11:01):
I had to call.
the recruiter and let him knowwhat happened.
He was like, oh, we have tocancel your entire contract.
Your entire contract iscanceled.
I was supposed to go to SouthCarolina for boot camp and then
wherever I would have went fromthere for supply chain, who
knows?
And that whole thing gotcanceled.
(11:21):
He said, we got to start allover.
And he ended up convincing me totake a food inspector job
because he said, that's a greatjob.
It's a cushy job.
They don't really do quoteunquote army, right?
They're in small units spreadout.
A lot of them just work 730 to430 Monday through Friday.
(11:43):
You have evenings and weekendsoff and you can go to school and
it's not really a stressful armyjob at all.
I was like, all right, thatsounds good all the way around.
So I signed up for it, whichchanged my bootcamp to going to
Fort Sill, Oklahoma and And alsomy contract to four years
(12:05):
instead of three.
So now I had to do four years inthe army instead of three.
And so it really changedeverything.
I had to wait a couple monthsfor my hand to heal.
And by the time it was time togo, instead of leaving in March,
like I was going to, I ended upleaving in May to a new
(12:26):
destination, new contract, neweverything.
And it was tough.
It was really, it was tough toleave Ethan and say goodbye to
Ethan because for that firstfive, six years of his life, I
spent 50% of his time with me.
(12:46):
Whatever was going on, whateverjob I was working, whatever I
was doing, I made sure to gethim as much as possible.
And that was half the week.
And I loved having him.
He loved being with me.
He would be running aroundplaying and in the middle of
playing, he would stop and runinto my arms and hug me and kiss
(13:10):
me and say, I love you, daddy.
And I would say, I love you too.
And he did that a lot.
Like 10 minutes later, he wouldcome back and do it again.
He was so loving and ourconnection was incredible.
And yeah.
I had that guilt looming over mewhen I joined the army, but I
(13:30):
thought because we had what wehad, that would never go away.
But I was wrong and I was wrong,not just because I was wrong,
but I was wrong because I didn'tknow he was going to be poisoned
for the rest of his life.
So I ended up joining the army.
(13:53):
And I go off to boot camp inFort Sill, Oklahoma.
And as hard as that is already,to leave your little boy and to
know you're ending this toxicrelationship and moving on and
trying to give yourself a freshstart in life, here...
(14:18):
Ethan's mom was back in Ohiotelling him that I didn't love
him, that I left him.
You know, just all thesehorrible, toxic things that you
could tell a little kid.
Now, I don't know 100% that'strue.
I can't sit here and say that Iknow she said that stuff.
(14:39):
But Ethan told me she said thatstuff.
And I don't know why he wouldsay that or make that up as a
little kid.
It doesn't make any sense thathe would do that.
But he definitely told me as alittle kid that she was saying
these things to him.
And it was heartbreaking becauseshe was poisoning his mind.
(15:01):
And so I had to try to have theantidote to remove this poison.
And that's really hard to dowhen you're in army boot camp.
And you're in army tech schooland then you go off and get
shipped to your final dutystation, which for me ended up
(15:24):
being in Arizona.
So it was just really difficultto try to overcome that obstacle
of A, leaving him becausethere's already pain associated
with that for me and him.
He'll have to excuse me.
I'm trying not to cry here.
(15:45):
And as hard as that is, hismother's making it worse by
saying horrible things about methat I left.
And I didn't love him.
And I didn't care about him.
And then he's saying to me, I'mtelling him that's not true.
I love you more than anything.
And he's saying, then why didyou leave me?
(16:07):
You can't explain to a littlechild All the difficulties of
life.
And you just try to be there forhim and be the best dad you can
be in that situation.
And you hope that someday heunderstands.
But here in 2025 and I'm 51 andhe's 26, soon to be 27 next
(16:38):
month.
He doesn't talk to me.
He cut me off a couple years agowhen the last time I saw him,
everything was good.
And I thought everything wasgood.
And then he just stopped talkingto me.
And I don't know why.
I still don't know why.
He talks to some of my otherfamily members.
I've had my brother talk to him.
(17:00):
And nobody can make sense ofwhat he's done.
I haven't tried to reach out tohim and beg him to Talk to me
because what's the point?
If he wanted to talk to me, hewould talk to me.
So I'm trying to give him hisspace and let him work through
whatever he's working through.
(17:21):
Hopefully we can reconnect andmake up for lost time.
But anyway, that's a completesidebar of me joining the army.
So I joined the army.
I end up choosing the career offood inspector.
(17:43):
So I'm off to Fort Sill to go toboot camp.
I get to boot camp and the drillsergeants, it's the same
situation as the Air Force.
You get off the bus, they'reyelling, they're screaming,
they're physically torturingyou.
But this time I knew what I wasgetting into.
I knew it was the army.
So I expected it to bephysically more demanding than
(18:06):
the Air Force.
And it was much more physicallydemanding than the Air Force,
but it wasn't as mentallydemanding.
I found that to be easier for mebecause I was fit and in great
shape.
But when they exhaust you andmake you lose sleep and not be
(18:27):
well rested, it's that lack ofmental demand is easier,
frankly, because It's easier todo push-ups and sit-ups and run,
whatever the requirements of theArmy were for me to do
physically than it is theemotional stress to have to use
(18:48):
your brain and to think whilebeing sleep-deprived.
That's what the Air Force did tome, and I thought it was a lot
tougher.
I'm sure part of that wasbecause I was 17 and wasn't
ready for what I was getting,but I know that helped me
prepare for life.
And it made what I was goingthrough in the Army much easier
(19:10):
because I felt the mental demandwas easier.
The physical demand was muchtougher, but I could do that.
And so right away, because I wasprior service for the first few
weeks of boot camp, I wasallowed privileges that no one
else was allowed.
I was allowed to go in the drillsergeant's office after hours if
(19:33):
something was needed out ofthere.
You can't wear contacts in bootcamp, so I had to wear glasses,
and I wore my civilian glassesfrom the beginning.
I never put military-issuedglasses on, which they call
BCGs, which stands for birthcontrol goggles, because they're
just so hideous looking.
(19:54):
If you've seen any military bootcamp movies or you've been in
the military, you know exactlywhat I'm talking about.
I was...
an unspoken leader of ourplatoon of about 40 soldiers.
I was prior service and we weregoing through boot camp, going
(20:15):
through the getting beat downpart before we get lifted back
up again.
And I had expected to be chosenas platoon guide, the leader of
the platoon, but I wasn't, I wasjust chosen as a squad leader,
which is one squad of four.
(20:35):
And another guy was chosen asplatoon guide and another as
assistant platoon guide.
You know, one night when I wason watch duty, I asked him
straight up, okay, I reallythought you were going to make
me platoon guide.
And I thought I was going to be,and I wanted to be.
And he said, your prior service,we know you have leadership
(20:57):
skills and abilities.
And we didn't want to leave youout of a leadership role.
So we gave you the squad leaderrole, but we really need to see
what these other guys can do.
These other guys, they're notgoing to keep their jobs, right?
They're going to get fired andit's just going to happen.
They're going to make a mistakeand we're going to fire them
because we're going to giveother people a chance to step up
(21:21):
and see how they can lead.
But we're not going to fire you.
You'll stay a squad leader thewhole bootcamp.
And that's exactly whathappened, right?
The rest of boot camp, squadleaders would come and go and
get fired.
The platoon guide got firedonce.
The assistant platoon guide gotfired once.
(21:42):
And there was just rotations ofleadership, but I was the only
one that maintained myleadership role.
I really enjoyed Army boot camp.
I did.
It was demanding.
It was tough.
It was hard, but the same thingis finishing air force boot
(22:05):
camp.
That satisfaction of knowing youcan finish it, complete it and
do it well, which I did reallywell.
I was so much more proud of whatI accomplished in army boot camp
than I was in air force bootcamp because air force boot
camp, I was just trying tosurvive.
I was a scared 17 year old kidtrying to make it through.
(22:28):
But now I was 29 in an army bootcamp.
I was leading the way, pushingmyself physically, pushing
myself as a leader, lifting myother squad mates and helping
other people do well.
I had a drill sergeant's ear.
If I had anything to say ordiscuss, the head drill sergeant
(22:51):
gave me the respect to talk tome.
And I really appreciated that.
I got through Army boot camp andI went off to food inspector
school at Fort Sam Houston, backto San Antonio, Texas.
And I went through foodinspector school, giving it my
(23:12):
all.
Again, prior enlisted, you hadprivileges that people enlisted
for the first time didn't have.
They had to live in a barracks.
They had to march in formation.
I got to drive my car.
I got to live in a differentplace.
hotel room type situation.
I had my own room.
It was great.
(23:33):
I worked really hard in foodinspector school to become the
person that graduated with thehighest honors in my class.
I finished with the highestgrade point average.
I don't know if I was rewardedfor that, but I had put all warm
bases down.
But this time I put Arizona onmy list and Sure enough, I was
(23:58):
picked to go to Fort Huachuca inArizona.
I don't think I picked FortHuachuca.
I think I picked Luke inPhoenix.
It's fine.
It is what it is.
I got an Arizona base and I washappy with that because the Army
wasn't going to stick me in acold place like the Air Force
did.
During Army boot camp, I...
(24:20):
Got served divorce papers, so myex and I had gotten officially
divorced.
Then I went on to San Antonio,to Fort Sam Houston, and I did
my food inspection school.
And then I left there and wentto Fort Huachuca.
(24:42):
And I was excited.
I was happy.
I was going to a warm place.
I was in E4 because I was priorservice and a college degree, so
I was already a specialist.
And I was really looking forwardto my time in Arizona.
And I will pick up from there inthe next episode and let you
(25:05):
hear about my time in Arizona inthe Army.
Welcome back.
Brandon Held, Life is Crazy.
This is episode 12.
Thank you for joining me.
Last time I went through thefour different jobs that I had
within the first couple years ofcollege.
(00:22):
Really five, if you count thefact that when I graduated
college, I was a bartender atApplebee's, which I had started.
before college.
So anyway, I had five differentjobs in a couple years and
really just struggling to findmy way with this mass
(00:46):
communications bachelor of artsdegree from Wright State in
Dayton, Ohio.
At this time, I quit theinsurance sales job and the
relationship between Betweenmyself and my second wife was at
the end, like I had discussed ina previous podcast.
(01:10):
And I knew I needed to make abig change to break away from my
second ex-wife because there wasno breaking away from her.
We had been living apart formonths.
And she still would come over tosee me constantly.
I never went to her.
(01:31):
She always came to me.
And I didn't have the power tojust turn her away.
If she came, I would give hertime and let her take my
attention.
So I just wasn't strong enoughto stop her.
And I really just didn't haveanything else going on.
(01:52):
But I knew I needed to make abig change.
I had decided the last time Ihad any kind of really good
consistency in my life, eventhough it didn't go great, in
the end, it was really goodoverall.
When I was in the military, Ithought, now I have a bachelor's
(02:14):
degree, I should try to join theAir Force and become an officer
in the Air Force.
And just to see how it would gobefore I made any real
decisions.
I went to see an Air Forcerecruiter.
We had a discussion about theprocess, what that would entail,
(02:37):
and how I would make thathappen.
I started the process becausenothing is done until it's done.
I didn't know for sure that Iwanted to do it.
But I thought I would try theprocess just to see if it was an
option.
And so for a month, I would meetwith this recruiter every couple
(02:58):
of weeks and we would do thingsto put my officer candidate
packet together.
He got me an interview with acolonel who signed off on, he
not promoted me, promoted me isnot the right word, but he
(03:18):
Endorse me.
That's the word I'm looking forto become an air force officer
and everything was rolling alongsmoothly, but this was like an
eight month process.
And and then I didn't hear fromhim for three weeks, which was a
typical, I usually heard fromhim every week to two weeks.
(03:40):
And so I went down to therecruiting office to see what
had happened to my recruiter.
And I walked in and asked forhim and the admin secretary
said, oh, he left.
And I said, what do you mean heleft?
And she said, oh, he got ordersto Germany.
I immediately started panicking.
(04:02):
I was working with him on apacket to become an officer.
Did he leave something behindfor the next recruiter?
And she goes, I don't know.
Let me go get him and you cantalk to him.
So she gets the new recruiterand he comes out and I say, I
explained the situation.
I'd been working with him.
We were putting together apacket.
(04:24):
We had gotten thus far and nowhe's just gone.
And I didn't even know he wasleaving.
Did he leave anything with you?
And the recruiter straight looksat me and says, nope, he didn't
leave anything for me, foranyone he was working with.
We would have to start all overagain.
I was just so angry and dejectedand everything else at the same
(04:46):
time.
I just couldn't believe it.
Through this process, I hadreworked my mind and brain up to
the idea of being an officer inthe Air Force and what that
would look like, how my lifewould go and where that would
take me.
And I just wasn't ready yet.
to start over again becausenothing was guaranteed at the
(05:09):
end.
This was just the packet I wasputting together to see if I
would be accepted.
And who knew even after thepacket was complete, if I would
get accepted.
So I immediately left theiroffice and went to the army
recruiter's office.
I was 29 years old, strong, ingreat shape, athletic.
(05:32):
I just thought, yeah, the ideaof the army doesn't scare me.
Wasn't my first choice, but itdoesn't scare me.
I'm not physically afraid ofbeing a soldier in the army.
So I went in and talked torecruiter and he was very honest
with me.
He said, Hey, look, we're notreally taking, we're not looking
(05:53):
for prior enlisted right now.
The military is just.
They're not taking them.
They're looking for newenlistees.
And I said, why is that?
And he said, I don't know.
I don't know if the governmentjust feels you tried.
You went for it.
You were in the military and youdecided to get out.
I don't know what the reason is,but we're just not taking prior
(06:16):
enlisted right now.
And he said, I'll tell you what,you go take the ASVAB and come
back and talk to me.
I said, okay, I'll do that.
So I left and signed up for themilitary ASVAB, the same test.
I took twice to get in the AirForce and once again in the Air
(06:36):
Force.
And so I went and took it againand I did no preparation for it.
I figured, what the heck, I'mcollege educated now.
I'm a little older, a littlewiser.
I couldn't do worse than I didthe last time I took it.
eight, nine years ago, howeverlong ago it was prior to that.
(06:57):
And then I went back to see therecruiter after my ASVAB was
complete.
I had received a set of numbers,but I didn't know what those
numbers were because the gradingscale had changed.
It used to be a 99 was themaximum in a category, but I was
looking at 129s and I had noidea, you know, what any of that
(07:20):
meant.
I didn't know what it was outof.
I didn't know anything.
And so he opens up his computerand he says, Hey, I got good
news for you.
I think we can work with you.
Didn't say anything about myASVAB scores.
He just said, I think we canwork with you.
I think we can get you in.
And I said, great.
I said, I want to be an officer.
(07:41):
And how do I go about doingthat?
And he was like, why do you wantto join the army?
Do you want to make a career?
I said, I don't know.
I don't know enough about thearmy yet.
I was going to make the careerout of the air force and be an
air force officer, but I don'tknow if the army's right for me.
I'd have to try it and see howthat goes before I decide if
(08:05):
that's the career that I want.
And he goes, what about school?
And I thought, yeah, I do wantto go back to school and get a
better education, a moreadvanced degree because my
Bachelor's of Arts in MassCommunications was not really
opening the doors for me that Ihoped it would.
So yeah, I could go for asecondary degree.
(08:26):
And he said, the Army will payfor 100% of your school if
you're enlisted and you don'teven have to pay them back.
You just go in, do your time andservice and they pay for your
school.
Once you do your contract, yourtime is up.
That's the end.
You can leave with your degreeor You can apply for OCS,
(08:49):
Officer Candidate School, andbecome an officer.
I was like, okay, that soundsgood.
That's really almost the perfectpath for me.
So I ended up saying, all right,I'll sign up.
I went through the whole issueof where to go and whether this
(09:09):
was the right thing to dobecause I would be leaving Ethan
behind at five, six years old.
I just couldn't get my life ontrack in Dayton.
I was in a toxic relationshipthat I wasn't breaking free of.
I couldn't get a good careergoing.
I had applied for all kinds ofjobs and looked at all kinds of
(09:32):
places and nothing was workingout for me to advance in life.
This was the right choice withmy mom's input.
I believed that Ethan and Iwould be strong forever.
And he would understand if maybenot, if right away someday he
would understand.
So I end up joining the army.
(09:56):
And so the steps to that processwere, I took a job as a supply
chain person because it was athree year enlistment.
And I thought if I get amaster's degree, it only takes
two years.
And three years is plenty oftime.
(10:16):
I took that supply chain job andthree years enlistment.
And so I was preparing to getready to go to bootcamp.
So I was going to take all mystuff and put it in a storage
locker.
And I was literally moving mystuff in a storage locker when I
(10:37):
sliced my right hand open on abroken mirror with a real deep
gash.
I had to go to the hospital.
I had to get stitches, get myhand wrapped up.
And I had torn into some musclesand tendons.
I thought, oh crap, I'm supposedto leave for bootcamp in a week.
(11:01):
I had to call.
the recruiter and let him knowwhat happened.
He was like, oh, we have tocancel your entire contract.
Your entire contract iscanceled.
I was supposed to go to SouthCarolina for boot camp and then
wherever I would have went fromthere for supply chain, who
knows?
And that whole thing gotcanceled.
(11:21):
He said, we got to start allover.
And he ended up convincing me totake a food inspector job
because he said, that's a greatjob.
It's a cushy job.
They don't really do quoteunquote army, right?
They're in small units spreadout.
A lot of them just work 730 to430 Monday through Friday.
(11:43):
You have evenings and weekendsoff and you can go to school and
it's not really a stressful armyjob at all.
I was like, all right, thatsounds good all the way around.
So I signed up for it, whichchanged my bootcamp to going to
Fort Sill, Oklahoma and And alsomy contract to four years
(12:05):
instead of three.
So now I had to do four years inthe army instead of three.
And so it really changedeverything.
I had to wait a couple monthsfor my hand to heal.
And by the time it was time togo, instead of leaving in March,
like I was going to, I ended upleaving in May to a new
(12:26):
destination, new contract, neweverything.
And it was tough.
It was really, it was tough toleave Ethan and say goodbye to
Ethan because for that firstfive, six years of his life, I
spent 50% of his time with me.
(12:46):
Whatever was going on, whateverjob I was working, whatever I
was doing, I made sure to gethim as much as possible.
And that was half the week.
And I loved having him.
He loved being with me.
He would be running aroundplaying and in the middle of
playing, he would stop and runinto my arms and hug me and kiss
(13:10):
me and say, I love you, daddy.
And I would say, I love you too.
And he did that a lot.
Like 10 minutes later, he wouldcome back and do it again.
He was so loving and ourconnection was incredible.
And yeah.
I had that guilt looming over mewhen I joined the army, but I
(13:30):
thought because we had what wehad, that would never go away.
But I was wrong and I was wrong,not just because I was wrong,
but I was wrong because I didn'tknow he was going to be poisoned
for the rest of his life.
So I ended up joining the army.
(13:53):
And I go off to boot camp inFort Sill, Oklahoma.
And as hard as that is already,to leave your little boy and to
know you're ending this toxicrelationship and moving on and
trying to give yourself a freshstart in life, here...
(14:18):
Ethan's mom was back in Ohiotelling him that I didn't love
him, that I left him.
You know, just all thesehorrible, toxic things that you
could tell a little kid.
Now, I don't know 100% that'strue.
I can't sit here and say that Iknow she said that stuff.
(14:39):
But Ethan told me she said thatstuff.
And I don't know why he wouldsay that or make that up as a
little kid.
It doesn't make any sense thathe would do that.
But he definitely told me as alittle kid that she was saying
these things to him.
And it was heartbreaking becauseshe was poisoning his mind.
(15:01):
And so I had to try to have theantidote to remove this poison.
And that's really hard to dowhen you're in army boot camp.
And you're in army tech schooland then you go off and get
shipped to your final dutystation, which for me ended up
(15:24):
being in Arizona.
So it was just really difficultto try to overcome that obstacle
of A, leaving him becausethere's already pain associated
with that for me and him.
He'll have to excuse me.
I'm trying not to cry here.
(15:45):
And as hard as that is, hismother's making it worse by
saying horrible things about methat I left.
And I didn't love him.
And I didn't care about him.
And then he's saying to me, I'mtelling him that's not true.
I love you more than anything.
And he's saying, then why didyou leave me?
(16:07):
You can't explain to a littlechild All the difficulties of
life.
And you just try to be there forhim and be the best dad you can
be in that situation.
And you hope that someday heunderstands.
But here in 2025 and I'm 51 andhe's 26, soon to be 27 next
(16:38):
month.
He doesn't talk to me.
He cut me off a couple years agowhen the last time I saw him,
everything was good.
And I thought everything wasgood.
And then he just stopped talkingto me.
And I don't know why.
I still don't know why.
He talks to some of my otherfamily members.
I've had my brother talk to him.
(17:00):
And nobody can make sense ofwhat he's done.
I haven't tried to reach out tohim and beg him to Talk to me
because what's the point?
If he wanted to talk to me, hewould talk to me.
So I'm trying to give him hisspace and let him work through
whatever he's working through.
(17:21):
Hopefully we can reconnect andmake up for lost time.
But anyway, that's a completesidebar of me joining the army.
So I joined the army.
I end up choosing the career offood inspector.
(17:43):
So I'm off to Fort Sill to go toboot camp.
I get to boot camp and the drillsergeants, it's the same
situation as the Air Force.
You get off the bus, they'reyelling, they're screaming,
they're physically torturingyou.
But this time I knew what I wasgetting into.
I knew it was the army.
So I expected it to bephysically more demanding than
(18:06):
the Air Force.
And it was much more physicallydemanding than the Air Force,
but it wasn't as mentallydemanding.
I found that to be easier for mebecause I was fit and in great
shape.
But when they exhaust you andmake you lose sleep and not be
(18:27):
well rested, it's that lack ofmental demand is easier,
frankly, because It's easier todo push-ups and sit-ups and run,
whatever the requirements of theArmy were for me to do
physically than it is theemotional stress to have to use
(18:48):
your brain and to think whilebeing sleep-deprived.
That's what the Air Force did tome, and I thought it was a lot
tougher.
I'm sure part of that wasbecause I was 17 and wasn't
ready for what I was getting,but I know that helped me
prepare for life.
And it made what I was goingthrough in the Army much easier
(19:10):
because I felt the mental demandwas easier.
The physical demand was muchtougher, but I could do that.
And so right away, because I wasprior service for the first few
weeks of boot camp, I wasallowed privileges that no one
else was allowed.
I was allowed to go in the drillsergeant's office after hours if
(19:33):
something was needed out ofthere.
You can't wear contacts in bootcamp, so I had to wear glasses,
and I wore my civilian glassesfrom the beginning.
I never put military-issuedglasses on, which they call
BCGs, which stands for birthcontrol goggles, because they're
just so hideous looking.
(19:54):
If you've seen any military bootcamp movies or you've been in
the military, you know exactlywhat I'm talking about.
I was...
an unspoken leader of ourplatoon of about 40 soldiers.
I was prior service and we weregoing through boot camp, going
(20:15):
through the getting beat downpart before we get lifted back
up again.
And I had expected to be chosenas platoon guide, the leader of
the platoon, but I wasn't, I wasjust chosen as a squad leader,
which is one squad of four.
(20:35):
And another guy was chosen asplatoon guide and another as
assistant platoon guide.
You know, one night when I wason watch duty, I asked him
straight up, okay, I reallythought you were going to make
me platoon guide.
And I thought I was going to be,and I wanted to be.
And he said, your prior service,we know you have leadership
(20:57):
skills and abilities.
And we didn't want to leave youout of a leadership role.
So we gave you the squad leaderrole, but we really need to see
what these other guys can do.
These other guys, they're notgoing to keep their jobs, right?
They're going to get fired andit's just going to happen.
They're going to make a mistakeand we're going to fire them
because we're going to giveother people a chance to step up
(21:21):
and see how they can lead.
But we're not going to fire you.
You'll stay a squad leader thewhole bootcamp.
And that's exactly whathappened, right?
The rest of boot camp, squadleaders would come and go and
get fired.
The platoon guide got firedonce.
The assistant platoon guide gotfired once.
(21:42):
And there was just rotations ofleadership, but I was the only
one that maintained myleadership role.
I really enjoyed Army boot camp.
I did.
It was demanding.
It was tough.
It was hard, but the same thingis finishing air force boot
(22:05):
camp.
That satisfaction of knowing youcan finish it, complete it and
do it well, which I did reallywell.
I was so much more proud of whatI accomplished in army boot camp
than I was in air force bootcamp because air force boot
camp, I was just trying tosurvive.
I was a scared 17 year old kidtrying to make it through.
(22:28):
But now I was 29 in an army bootcamp.
I was leading the way, pushingmyself physically, pushing
myself as a leader, lifting myother squad mates and helping
other people do well.
I had a drill sergeant's ear.
If I had anything to say ordiscuss, the head drill sergeant
(22:51):
gave me the respect to talk tome.
And I really appreciated that.
I got through Army boot camp andI went off to food inspector
school at Fort Sam Houston, backto San Antonio, Texas.
And I went through foodinspector school, giving it my
(23:12):
all.
Again, prior enlisted, you hadprivileges that people enlisted
for the first time didn't have.
They had to live in a barracks.
They had to march in formation.
I got to drive my car.
I got to live in a differentplace.
hotel room type situation.
I had my own room.
It was great.
(23:33):
I worked really hard in foodinspector school to become the
person that graduated with thehighest honors in my class.
I finished with the highestgrade point average.
I don't know if I was rewardedfor that, but I had put all warm
bases down.
But this time I put Arizona onmy list and Sure enough, I was
(23:58):
picked to go to Fort Huachuca inArizona.
I don't think I picked FortHuachuca.
I think I picked Luke inPhoenix.
It's fine.
It is what it is.
I got an Arizona base and I washappy with that because the Army
wasn't going to stick me in acold place like the Air Force
did.
During Army boot camp, I...
(24:20):
Got served divorce papers, so myex and I had gotten officially
divorced.
Then I went on to San Antonio,to Fort Sam Houston, and I did
my food inspection school.
And then I left there and wentto Fort Huachuca.
(24:42):
And I was excited.
I was happy.
I was going to a warm place.
I was in E4 because I was priorservice and a college degree, so
I was already a specialist.
And I was really looking forwardto my time in Arizona.
And I will pick up from there inthe next episode and let you
(25:05):
hear about my time in Arizona inthe Army.
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