Brandon reflects on his challenging transition from Air Force, to civilian life and then to Army service, revealing how toxic leadership and workplace politics severely impacted his military experience and mental health.
Please start with Episode 1. Go to my site BrandonHeld.com
• Joining the Army as a food inspector to challenge himself and pursue an MBA
• Dealing with oppressive leadership from Sergeant First Class and Sergeant "leadership" who created unnecessary hardship in a non-combat role
• Experiencing improvement when toxic leaders left and Brandon became the NCOIC, allowing him to implement positive changes
• Facing unjust punishment after a personal relationship with another sergeant went wrong
• Seeking psychiatric help for the second time during military service due to overwhelming stress
• Meeting his future third wife, who remained supportive through his mental health struggles
• Finding clarity about what truly matters in relationships and leadership
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:02):
Welcome back.
Brandon Held, Life is Crazy,episode 13.
I last left off at leaving ArmyFood Inspection School and
heading to Fort Huachuca.
Now, I know you remember earlierepisodes when I talked about my
three alcoholic uncles who allpassed and told me, Everyone to
(00:28):
a man that I should join the AirForce, even though two had been
in the Army and one had been inthe Air Force.
I was about to learn the reasonwhy they said that.
My time in the Air Force had abumpy patch.
All in all, it was a good time.
It was a good experience.
It helped me grow and mature alot as a man.
(00:50):
It helped me reevaluate somethings in life and get a bigger
perspective.
picture on life and a betterpoint of view on my capabilities
and abilities of the things Ithought I couldn't do before,
but I realized I could do.
Right.
Which just opens the door to yourealizing, let me see what else
(01:12):
I'm capable of and let me seewhat else I could do.
And so joining the army was thatchallenge and also getting A
next level degree, a graduatedegree, a master's degree was
also part of that nextchallenge.
(01:32):
So I get to Fort Huachuca and Iget to my unit and right away I
notice that it's not as chilland as cool as I thought it
would be.
The sergeant first class ishaving us trying to meet in
(01:54):
formations and there's eight ofus in the unit.
And we're mixed with veterinarytechs, right?
So we're attached to theveterinary unit.
We're mixed with veterinarytechs.
So it's half food inspectors,half veterinary techs.
The NCOIC, he wanted to show howbig his dick was.
In Sergeant First Class Villa,he wanted us to get in
(02:15):
formations and meet like thiswas the real army.
And we were food inspectors,right?
We weren't infantry.
We weren't anyone that was evergoing to be on the front line.
If we got attached to somedeployed unit, we would be
inspecting their food just likeour job states.
(02:39):
This was over the top andridiculous.
And I knew this from talking tomy recruiter before and the
instructors at food inspectionschool were talking about their
food inspection lives and Howgreat it was to be a food
inspector.
One instructor was telling astory how his PT, his physical
training was getting up andgoing golfing every morning in
(03:02):
Hawaii.
That was how he started his day,was golfing.
And then he would go to theoffice and do his food
inspection duties, right?
So here I get sent to FortHuachuca to this ridiculous
Sergeant First Class who wantsto treat us like We're in the
infantry.
He really, at the end of theday, was just an alcoholic who
(03:29):
had no morals or values.
And he was just a miserableperson.
So he took that out on us in hisunit.
I had my immediate supervisor,Sergeant Fuller.
She was also just a giganticpiece of shit.
She was lazy.
She abused her position.
She would miss work all the timeand just sit at home while we
(03:52):
worked all day.
Just had no problem just beingthe walking contradiction that
she was, right?
Just both of these leaders wereterrible leaders and terrible
human beings.
And I just did not enjoy my timewith them and under them, which
(04:12):
was insane.
About three years of my militarycareer that I had to be there
working with them and for them.
I did meet Sergeant Jason Beckerat the time and we hung out and
he was cool.
And actually we still maintain afriendship to this day.
(04:32):
So shout out to my buddy, Jason.
He was one of the few goodthings that came out of my time
in the army.
I signed up.
to go to college and get an MBA,and I let Sergeant First Class V
in my NCOIC, which meansnon-commissioned officer in
charge, know that I didn't planon making the Army a career.
(04:55):
I planned on just getting my MBAwhile I was in the Army and
getting out and doing somethingwith that MBA.
He didn't like that because Medoing things like going to
leadership school and going TDYto learn different things and
take different classes made himlook good, right?
(05:19):
Because that showed he washelping a soldier further his
career.
And because I had no interest infurthering my career because I
was using the Army, I alsodidn't drink.
They were all drinkers.
They all went out.
and hung out and drank.
I did my own thing when I wasn'tat work, usually playing sports
(05:42):
or working out at the gym orboth.
I was still big into intramuralsports, which I had done through
college and weightlifting.
Those were the things I wantedto do.
And so when I was at work, itjust sucked.
I hated working for SergeantFirst Class Villa.
I hated working for SergeantFuller.
(06:03):
When their time was finally upand Sergeant first class left
for the desert to go to Iraq.
And when Sergeant Fuller got outof the army and moved back to
New Mexico, where she was from,those were huge reliefs off my
shoulder.
Another specialist that I workwith, she was also a pain in the
(06:26):
ass and she got out because shegot pregnant and she went to
have a baby.
And then all of a sudden,everybody was getting out that I
was working with or leaving,going to a different location.
I suddenly found myself incharge of the unit, which was
only a couple other airmenunderneath me at that time,
(06:46):
maybe three airmen underneathme.
I went from being just a foodinspector to being a corporal
that was now the NCOIC incharge, which was formerly
Sergeant First Class Fia's job.
Things changed.
Started to look on the up andup.
I had gotten through most of mycollege degree at this time.
(07:09):
I was reaching towards the endof getting my MBA, which is what
I went to college for, to get anMBA, Master's in Business
Administration, for those of youthat don't know.
And all the toxic people that Icouldn't stand left.
The old commander that was incharge left.
(07:31):
I don't know, some, it was acaptain.
I can't remember his name.
He was useless.
He left.
And now I had a captain incharge who was cool and I really
got along with her.
Her name was Captain Pike.
I enjoyed working with her sideby side because I went from
being someone who Worked in theoffice at the commissary to now
(07:55):
working at the veterinaryoffice, sitting in the NCOIC's
desk, which was right next toCaptain Pike.
Things changed dramatically.
I changed PT.
I made PT still where we couldprepare for the fitness test and
we could get in better shape,but we could just do it smarter
(08:16):
because I knew a lot aboutfitness and exercise.
The way army does it or did itback then was they just break
you they don't care if theydestroy your elbows and destroy
your shoulders and destroy yourback with the running and
sit-ups they don't care that'swhat you know disability is for
(08:38):
when you get out of the army butI didn't want to be disabled I
got to change physical fitness Igot to relax the unit a little
bit Because there was no needfor it to be treated like we
were in the infantry.
I'd come to find out thatSergeant First Class Villa, who
(09:00):
was married with two daughters,was sleeping with that
specialist.
And oh, by the way, when she gotout of the army to have a baby,
that was his baby that she washaving.
He went to Iraq to run away fromhis problems, which were facing
his wife and two daughters andnow his soldier that he had
(09:22):
gotten pregnant.
He was hoping to die in Iraqbecause about two weeks when his
time was up in Iraq and he wassupposed to get out, he hung
himself.
He committed suicide.
I knew that he wasn't a gooddude, but I didn't know he did
that.
Some other people in the office,the secretary and the admin,
(09:44):
Captain Pike, a few othercivilians that worked there,
were really distraught by hisdeath.
And I just felt no remorse.
I just didn't like the man.
Couldn't stand him.
Thought he was a piece of shitwith no morals and values.
So the fact that he hunghimself, it just didn't faze me.
I didn't feel bad about it.
(10:05):
And I didn't go to his funeral.
Some people got upset with me.
I stick to my beliefs.
I'm not going to go pretend tomourn someone that I didn't
mourn.
I didn't care.
I just flat out didn't care thathe was dead.
It was sad for his now threedaughters that are fatherless.
(10:27):
But he made his decisions and hehad to lie in it.
And that was the choice that hemade.
And so...
Sergeant Fuller, I didn't likeworking for her.
She made my life difficult.
So when she got out and shemoved away, she tried to
befriend me on Facebook afterand be friendly with me, but I
(10:48):
wasn't having it.
I didn't like her.
I didn't want to pretend to likeher.
She just wasn't the kind ofperson I would like in real
life.
So all that had moved on.
And now I was the NCOIC incharge of, as a corporal, of a
few airmen.
I had met someone at thecommissary that I was starting
(11:11):
to talk to, and her name wasSonya.
It wasn't anything yet, but itwas hopefully building to
something.
That was the way I felt at thetime.
And while doing that, there wereother new people coming in.
So there was a sergeant thatcame in who she outranked me.
(11:33):
I had to meet her the day shearrived and welcome her to base.
And when I did that, the day,the very day that I met her, we
hooked up.
We had a sexual relationship.
Just that one time, though, wedidn't for a little while.
Other people came in.
We had a certain first classcome in, take over, become
(11:56):
NCOIC.
He wasn't a bad dude.
I wouldn't say he was a greatdude.
Sergeant B had set the bar low,so he was better than him.
We had a new commander, MajorDodd, come in and take over for
Captain Pike.
Captain Pike was still there,but Major Dodd was now the local
officer in charge.
The unit was changing, so I gotsent back to the commissary one
(12:19):
other time while I was at thecommissary.
I hooked up with that othersergeant again.
But at this point, she was mysupervisor.
We were both sergeants.
She outranked me by one month.
She was younger than me.
She had a high school education.
And I was a few classes awayfrom completing an MBA and seven
(12:41):
or eight years older than her.
But she was my supervisorbecause that's how the military
works.
After the second time we hookedup, I told her, I said, look,
I'm starting to see someone elseand I want to see where that's
going to go.
We can't do this again.
This, this is done.
It's over.
I can't do this again.
And she says to me, yeah, okay.
(13:04):
I understand.
And then the very next day, shetried to write me up for being
angry.
derelict of duty because shesaid I had to report to the
commissary and I had reported tothe veterinary clinic.
None of that was true.
None of it was true.
And so obviously we're standingin front of the NCOIC and the
(13:29):
officer in charge, and she'strying to write me up and get me
in trouble for something Ididn't do.
They're standing there lookingat me and I'm saying, this isn't
true.
This is not what happened.
They're going, why would she dothis?
What reason would she have towrite you up and lie about this?
(13:49):
So I had to tell the truth andsay, because we were hooking up,
she got pissed off and upsetthat I said it was over.
And so now she's trying topunish me.
They looked at me and they werelike, are you serious?
This is the truth.
You're not making this up.
I said, no, it's a hundredpercent the truth.
They went back to her and said,this is what Sergeant Held said.
(14:12):
Is that true?
And she said, oh yeah, it'strue.
We did hook up once, but wehooked up once when I first
arrived and he was the NCOIC andI had just gotten here.
That was the only time we everhooked up.
We took this all the way to myfirst sergeant and commander who
was a Lieutenant Colonel andthey were both based out of Fort
(14:34):
Carson, Colorado.
They decided for whateverreason, they didn't want to
believe me.
They were going to believe her,this young piece of shit girl
that outranked me by one month.
All of a sudden they decided shewas telling the truth that we
only hooked up one time while Iwas in COIC and she outranked
(14:59):
me, but I had a position aboveher.
We didn't hook up any other timeafter that.
Therefore, They were going topunish me and give me an article
15 while she would get in notrouble at all.
And that wasn't cool with me atall.
I was irate.
I already had a terrible time inthe army.
(15:21):
I already hated the army.
The only two things I likedabout the army were getting my
MBA and meeting my buddy,Sergeant Becker, who I would be
friends with for life.
And now I was going through thissituation.
towards the end of my armycareer.
So I went to a lawyer, a JAGlawyer, and I explained the
(15:46):
situation to him.
He was very honest with me.
He said, look, if that's whatthe commander believes, that's
what he believes.
There's really nothing we can doabout it.
We can make a case for you, butthere's no recourse.
So I ended up losing my sergeantrank and getting knocked back
down to specialist.
And she got in trouble or shedidn't get in trouble.
(16:09):
And so I said, look, half a yearof getting out of the army, I
don't want to work for a commandwho treats me like this.
I don't want to work for acommand that calls me a liar
when I'm the one telling thetruth.
And so I don't feel comfortable.
I'm in an uncomfortablesituation.
(16:30):
And I ended up going to theright people who agreed with me.
that I had befriended throughfriendships and sports and stuff
like that in the medicalfacility.
And they said, you know what,we'll help you out.
So they got me out of thatsituation and they got me where
I spent my last several monthsin the army, just hanging out at
(16:56):
the gym, just basically lookingat IDs when people come in.
And I got to do it in jeans anda sweatshirt or whatever.
depending on the weather.
I spent the last portion of myarmy career basically in
civilian clothes because myleadership and command was
(17:17):
absolute trash.
There were absolute pieces ofshit.
And to follow up on that, myfirst sergeant, who was the
leader of kicking people out,believed if You couldn't take a
PT test within a year.
He was just kicking people outleft and right.
(17:40):
This is the same guy that joinedthe military in the 80s under a
judge who said you either jointhe military or go to jail.
He had gotten in trouble.
He makes it up to first sergeantstatus.
And then he's just a real prickand a real asshole the whole
way.
He ends up getting busted,sleeping with a captain.
(18:03):
And he gets kicked out of thearmy.
He loses all of his benefits.
His 28 years of militaryservice, his senior NCO status,
he loses it all.
He loses his retirementbenefits.
He loses everything.
And I tell you what, I neverfelt so good about hearing
(18:26):
someone get in trouble like thatas I did when I heard that
happened to him.
I can't remember this firstsergeant's name who screwed me
over when I was in my earlythirties, but I'm just glad this
happened to him.
He deserved it.
I did my time and finished outmy time in the army.
(18:47):
And as a matter of fact, I leftthe army about three months
early because they made surethey wanted to screw me good
because I wasn't, I wasn't stillunder their command coming to
work every day, reporting tothem.
And they were who they were.
So they kicked me out threemonths early with a general
(19:08):
under honorable conditionsdischarge, which is fine.
It's whatever.
I know I was honorable.
I didn't do anything to deservethe negative stuff that happened
to me while I was in the army.
You might say you hooked up withthat girl.
At the time she outranked me,had no idea that the NCOIC who
(19:32):
Was under her rank, butapparently over her by position
was not able to do that.
I had no idea.
So I didn't do that knowingly.
But I do know that when wehooked up later and she was my
supervisor, she was doingsomething wrong.
She was doing something shewasn't supposed to be doing.
(19:55):
And I would have never doneanything to her or said anything
about it.
If she hadn't tried to do whatshe did to me.
So that was my army career in anutshell.
Along the way, I met my thirdwife that she would end up
(20:16):
becoming.
So I met Sonya.
It was a store worker at thecommissary.
She was.
Young, much younger than me.
She had a boyfriend when I firstmet her.
Apparently that relationship wascoming to an end.
And so I don't know again if itended and we got together right
(20:43):
away.
I don't know if there wasoverlap or she was still with
him and she met me.
I'm not sure, but it's, itwasn't like a jump into it.
type of thing it was we datedfor months months it wasn't like
everyone else who we met andimmediately we were hooking up
(21:06):
or whatever or within dayshooking up i was with her for a
few months before thatrelationship progressed and
turned into anything sexual orsignificant There was some
definite overlap where I wasseeing her, but I also had
hooked up with this sergeant.
(21:27):
We hadn't called ourselvesexclusive or a couple.
As a matter of fact, she hadended things with me and said
she needed to be single for awhile.
And we weren't talking for sometime.
And she texted me out of theblue one day and asked me to
come see her at this event shewas at.
(21:47):
It surprised me because Ithought we were done.
So I did.
And that was what rekindled thatrelationship.
During this difficult time, Iwas going through an army with
the whole getting an article 15thing.
And this was all after the fact.
And now, you know, Sonia and Iwere dating.
(22:09):
It was exclusive and a realrelationship thing.
I told her I was going to getout of the army and she was
pressuring me because she onlyknew military life.
She didn't like the fact that Iwas going to get out of the
army, even though I was going tohave an MBA.
I just felt like my world wasfalling around me.
And so this time I checkedmyself in to a psychiatric unit.
(22:37):
And so I found myself again inanother psychiatric unit.
because I couldn't handle whatwas happening to me in real
life.
Except this time I didn'tthreaten suicide.
I didn't say I was going to killmyself.
I just said that I was havingthoughts of it and I wanted to
(22:59):
get help.
So yeah, for now, for a secondtime in my life, I was in the
military, a different branch andfinding myself in a psychiatric
unit because Things werehappening to me that I couldn't
handle and I didn't know what todo.
So I went through that a secondtime and I'm not going to go
(23:22):
into detail about this secondtime around, but because it's
just not worth detailing, it wasjust essentially the same
situation.
It was two weeks of me talkingto a psychologist, being in
groups, talking about myproblems and working it out
until They felt I was good to goand get out.
(23:44):
But that's what happened.
Except this time, it didn't endmy relationship.
She was there waiting for me.
And when I got out, she wasstill there.
She didn't go anywhere.
That's one of the main thingsthat led to me asking her to
marry me.
And for the first time, I wasgoing to get married, even
(24:07):
though it was my third marriage,to someone who I loved.
genuinely wanted to marry andspend a life with that was the
plan and the proposal and that'swhere I will pick up in the next
episode thanks for joining me
Welcome back.
Brandon Held, Life is Crazy,episode 13.
I last left off at leaving ArmyFood Inspection School and
heading to Fort Huachuca.
Now, I know you remember earlierepisodes when I talked about my
three alcoholic uncles who allpassed and told me, Everyone to
(00:28):
a man that I should join the AirForce, even though two had been
in the Army and one had been inthe Air Force.
I was about to learn the reasonwhy they said that.
My time in the Air Force had abumpy patch.
All in all, it was a good time.
It was a good experience.
It helped me grow and mature alot as a man.
(00:50):
It helped me reevaluate somethings in life and get a bigger
perspective.
picture on life and a betterpoint of view on my capabilities
and abilities of the things Ithought I couldn't do before,
but I realized I could do.
Right.
Which just opens the door to yourealizing, let me see what else
(01:12):
I'm capable of and let me seewhat else I could do.
And so joining the army was thatchallenge and also getting A
next level degree, a graduatedegree, a master's degree was
also part of that nextchallenge.
(01:32):
So I get to Fort Huachuca and Iget to my unit and right away I
notice that it's not as chilland as cool as I thought it
would be.
The sergeant first class ishaving us trying to meet in
(01:54):
formations and there's eight ofus in the unit.
And we're mixed with veterinarytechs, right?
So we're attached to theveterinary unit.
We're mixed with veterinarytechs.
So it's half food inspectors,half veterinary techs.
The NCOIC, he wanted to show howbig his dick was.
In Sergeant First Class Villa,he wanted us to get in
(02:15):
formations and meet like thiswas the real army.
And we were food inspectors,right?
We weren't infantry.
We weren't anyone that was evergoing to be on the front line.
If we got attached to somedeployed unit, we would be
inspecting their food just likeour job states.
(02:39):
This was over the top andridiculous.
And I knew this from talking tomy recruiter before and the
instructors at food inspectionschool were talking about their
food inspection lives and Howgreat it was to be a food
inspector.
One instructor was telling astory how his PT, his physical
training was getting up andgoing golfing every morning in
(03:02):
Hawaii.
That was how he started his day,was golfing.
And then he would go to theoffice and do his food
inspection duties, right?
So here I get sent to FortHuachuca to this ridiculous
Sergeant First Class who wantsto treat us like We're in the
infantry.
He really, at the end of theday, was just an alcoholic who
(03:29):
had no morals or values.
And he was just a miserableperson.
So he took that out on us in hisunit.
I had my immediate supervisor,Sergeant Fuller.
She was also just a giganticpiece of shit.
She was lazy.
She abused her position.
She would miss work all the timeand just sit at home while we
(03:52):
worked all day.
Just had no problem just beingthe walking contradiction that
she was, right?
Just both of these leaders wereterrible leaders and terrible
human beings.
And I just did not enjoy my timewith them and under them, which
(04:12):
was insane.
About three years of my militarycareer that I had to be there
working with them and for them.
I did meet Sergeant Jason Beckerat the time and we hung out and
he was cool.
And actually we still maintain afriendship to this day.
(04:32):
So shout out to my buddy, Jason.
He was one of the few goodthings that came out of my time
in the army.
I signed up.
to go to college and get an MBA,and I let Sergeant First Class V
in my NCOIC, which meansnon-commissioned officer in
charge, know that I didn't planon making the Army a career.
(04:55):
I planned on just getting my MBAwhile I was in the Army and
getting out and doing somethingwith that MBA.
He didn't like that because Medoing things like going to
leadership school and going TDYto learn different things and
take different classes made himlook good, right?
(05:19):
Because that showed he washelping a soldier further his
career.
And because I had no interest infurthering my career because I
was using the Army, I alsodidn't drink.
They were all drinkers.
They all went out.
and hung out and drank.
I did my own thing when I wasn'tat work, usually playing sports
(05:42):
or working out at the gym orboth.
I was still big into intramuralsports, which I had done through
college and weightlifting.
Those were the things I wantedto do.
And so when I was at work, itjust sucked.
I hated working for SergeantFirst Class Villa.
I hated working for SergeantFuller.
(06:03):
When their time was finally upand Sergeant first class left
for the desert to go to Iraq.
And when Sergeant Fuller got outof the army and moved back to
New Mexico, where she was from,those were huge reliefs off my
shoulder.
Another specialist that I workwith, she was also a pain in the
(06:26):
ass and she got out because shegot pregnant and she went to
have a baby.
And then all of a sudden,everybody was getting out that I
was working with or leaving,going to a different location.
I suddenly found myself incharge of the unit, which was
only a couple other airmenunderneath me at that time,
(06:46):
maybe three airmen underneathme.
I went from being just a foodinspector to being a corporal
that was now the NCOIC incharge, which was formerly
Sergeant First Class Fia's job.
Things changed.
Started to look on the up andup.
I had gotten through most of mycollege degree at this time.
(07:09):
I was reaching towards the endof getting my MBA, which is what
I went to college for, to get anMBA, Master's in Business
Administration, for those of youthat don't know.
And all the toxic people that Icouldn't stand left.
The old commander that was incharge left.
(07:31):
I don't know, some, it was acaptain.
I can't remember his name.
He was useless.
He left.
And now I had a captain incharge who was cool and I really
got along with her.
Her name was Captain Pike.
I enjoyed working with her sideby side because I went from
being someone who Worked in theoffice at the commissary to now
(07:55):
working at the veterinaryoffice, sitting in the NCOIC's
desk, which was right next toCaptain Pike.
Things changed dramatically.
I changed PT.
I made PT still where we couldprepare for the fitness test and
we could get in better shape,but we could just do it smarter
(08:16):
because I knew a lot aboutfitness and exercise.
The way army does it or did itback then was they just break
you they don't care if theydestroy your elbows and destroy
your shoulders and destroy yourback with the running and
sit-ups they don't care that'swhat you know disability is for
(08:38):
when you get out of the army butI didn't want to be disabled I
got to change physical fitness Igot to relax the unit a little
bit Because there was no needfor it to be treated like we
were in the infantry.
I'd come to find out thatSergeant First Class Villa, who
(09:00):
was married with two daughters,was sleeping with that
specialist.
And oh, by the way, when she gotout of the army to have a baby,
that was his baby that she washaving.
He went to Iraq to run away fromhis problems, which were facing
his wife and two daughters andnow his soldier that he had
(09:22):
gotten pregnant.
He was hoping to die in Iraqbecause about two weeks when his
time was up in Iraq and he wassupposed to get out, he hung
himself.
He committed suicide.
I knew that he wasn't a gooddude, but I didn't know he did
that.
Some other people in the office,the secretary and the admin,
(09:44):
Captain Pike, a few othercivilians that worked there,
were really distraught by hisdeath.
And I just felt no remorse.
I just didn't like the man.
Couldn't stand him.
Thought he was a piece of shitwith no morals and values.
So the fact that he hunghimself, it just didn't faze me.
I didn't feel bad about it.
(10:05):
And I didn't go to his funeral.
Some people got upset with me.
I stick to my beliefs.
I'm not going to go pretend tomourn someone that I didn't
mourn.
I didn't care.
I just flat out didn't care thathe was dead.
It was sad for his now threedaughters that are fatherless.
(10:27):
But he made his decisions and hehad to lie in it.
And that was the choice that hemade.
And so...
Sergeant Fuller, I didn't likeworking for her.
She made my life difficult.
So when she got out and shemoved away, she tried to
befriend me on Facebook afterand be friendly with me, but I
(10:48):
wasn't having it.
I didn't like her.
I didn't want to pretend to likeher.
She just wasn't the kind ofperson I would like in real
life.
So all that had moved on.
And now I was the NCOIC incharge of, as a corporal, of a
few airmen.
I had met someone at thecommissary that I was starting
(11:11):
to talk to, and her name wasSonya.
It wasn't anything yet, but itwas hopefully building to
something.
That was the way I felt at thetime.
And while doing that, there wereother new people coming in.
So there was a sergeant thatcame in who she outranked me.
(11:33):
I had to meet her the day shearrived and welcome her to base.
And when I did that, the day,the very day that I met her, we
hooked up.
We had a sexual relationship.
Just that one time, though, wedidn't for a little while.
Other people came in.
We had a certain first classcome in, take over, become
(11:56):
NCOIC.
He wasn't a bad dude.
I wouldn't say he was a greatdude.
Sergeant B had set the bar low,so he was better than him.
We had a new commander, MajorDodd, come in and take over for
Captain Pike.
Captain Pike was still there,but Major Dodd was now the local
officer in charge.
The unit was changing, so I gotsent back to the commissary one
(12:19):
other time while I was at thecommissary.
I hooked up with that othersergeant again.
But at this point, she was mysupervisor.
We were both sergeants.
She outranked me by one month.
She was younger than me.
She had a high school education.
And I was a few classes awayfrom completing an MBA and seven
(12:41):
or eight years older than her.
But she was my supervisorbecause that's how the military
works.
After the second time we hookedup, I told her, I said, look,
I'm starting to see someone elseand I want to see where that's
going to go.
We can't do this again.
This, this is done.
It's over.
I can't do this again.
And she says to me, yeah, okay.
(13:04):
I understand.
And then the very next day, shetried to write me up for being
angry.
derelict of duty because shesaid I had to report to the
commissary and I had reported tothe veterinary clinic.
None of that was true.
None of it was true.
And so obviously we're standingin front of the NCOIC and the
(13:29):
officer in charge, and she'strying to write me up and get me
in trouble for something Ididn't do.
They're standing there lookingat me and I'm saying, this isn't
true.
This is not what happened.
They're going, why would she dothis?
What reason would she have towrite you up and lie about this?
(13:49):
So I had to tell the truth andsay, because we were hooking up,
she got pissed off and upsetthat I said it was over.
And so now she's trying topunish me.
They looked at me and they werelike, are you serious?
This is the truth.
You're not making this up.
I said, no, it's a hundredpercent the truth.
They went back to her and said,this is what Sergeant Held said.
(14:12):
Is that true?
And she said, oh yeah, it'strue.
We did hook up once, but wehooked up once when I first
arrived and he was the NCOIC andI had just gotten here.
That was the only time we everhooked up.
We took this all the way to myfirst sergeant and commander who
was a Lieutenant Colonel andthey were both based out of Fort
(14:34):
Carson, Colorado.
They decided for whateverreason, they didn't want to
believe me.
They were going to believe her,this young piece of shit girl
that outranked me by one month.
All of a sudden they decided shewas telling the truth that we
only hooked up one time while Iwas in COIC and she outranked
(14:59):
me, but I had a position aboveher.
We didn't hook up any other timeafter that.
Therefore, They were going topunish me and give me an article
15 while she would get in notrouble at all.
And that wasn't cool with me atall.
I was irate.
I already had a terrible time inthe army.
(15:21):
I already hated the army.
The only two things I likedabout the army were getting my
MBA and meeting my buddy,Sergeant Becker, who I would be
friends with for life.
And now I was going through thissituation.
towards the end of my armycareer.
So I went to a lawyer, a JAGlawyer, and I explained the
(15:46):
situation to him.
He was very honest with me.
He said, look, if that's whatthe commander believes, that's
what he believes.
There's really nothing we can doabout it.
We can make a case for you, butthere's no recourse.
So I ended up losing my sergeantrank and getting knocked back
down to specialist.
And she got in trouble or shedidn't get in trouble.
(16:09):
And so I said, look, half a yearof getting out of the army, I
don't want to work for a commandwho treats me like this.
I don't want to work for acommand that calls me a liar
when I'm the one telling thetruth.
And so I don't feel comfortable.
I'm in an uncomfortablesituation.
(16:30):
And I ended up going to theright people who agreed with me.
that I had befriended throughfriendships and sports and stuff
like that in the medicalfacility.
And they said, you know what,we'll help you out.
So they got me out of thatsituation and they got me where
I spent my last several monthsin the army, just hanging out at
(16:56):
the gym, just basically lookingat IDs when people come in.
And I got to do it in jeans anda sweatshirt or whatever.
depending on the weather.
I spent the last portion of myarmy career basically in
civilian clothes because myleadership and command was
(17:17):
absolute trash.
There were absolute pieces ofshit.
And to follow up on that, myfirst sergeant, who was the
leader of kicking people out,believed if You couldn't take a
PT test within a year.
He was just kicking people outleft and right.
(17:40):
This is the same guy that joinedthe military in the 80s under a
judge who said you either jointhe military or go to jail.
He had gotten in trouble.
He makes it up to first sergeantstatus.
And then he's just a real prickand a real asshole the whole
way.
He ends up getting busted,sleeping with a captain.
(18:03):
And he gets kicked out of thearmy.
He loses all of his benefits.
His 28 years of militaryservice, his senior NCO status,
he loses it all.
He loses his retirementbenefits.
He loses everything.
And I tell you what, I neverfelt so good about hearing
(18:26):
someone get in trouble like thatas I did when I heard that
happened to him.
I can't remember this firstsergeant's name who screwed me
over when I was in my earlythirties, but I'm just glad this
happened to him.
He deserved it.
I did my time and finished outmy time in the army.
(18:47):
And as a matter of fact, I leftthe army about three months
early because they made surethey wanted to screw me good
because I wasn't, I wasn't stillunder their command coming to
work every day, reporting tothem.
And they were who they were.
So they kicked me out threemonths early with a general
(19:08):
under honorable conditionsdischarge, which is fine.
It's whatever.
I know I was honorable.
I didn't do anything to deservethe negative stuff that happened
to me while I was in the army.
You might say you hooked up withthat girl.
At the time she outranked me,had no idea that the NCOIC who
(19:32):
Was under her rank, butapparently over her by position
was not able to do that.
I had no idea.
So I didn't do that knowingly.
But I do know that when wehooked up later and she was my
supervisor, she was doingsomething wrong.
She was doing something shewasn't supposed to be doing.
(19:55):
And I would have never doneanything to her or said anything
about it.
If she hadn't tried to do whatshe did to me.
So that was my army career in anutshell.
Along the way, I met my thirdwife that she would end up
(20:16):
becoming.
So I met Sonya.
It was a store worker at thecommissary.
She was.
Young, much younger than me.
She had a boyfriend when I firstmet her.
Apparently that relationship wascoming to an end.
And so I don't know again if itended and we got together right
(20:43):
away.
I don't know if there wasoverlap or she was still with
him and she met me.
I'm not sure, but it's, itwasn't like a jump into it.
type of thing it was we datedfor months months it wasn't like
everyone else who we met andimmediately we were hooking up
(21:06):
or whatever or within dayshooking up i was with her for a
few months before thatrelationship progressed and
turned into anything sexual orsignificant There was some
definite overlap where I wasseeing her, but I also had
hooked up with this sergeant.
(21:27):
We hadn't called ourselvesexclusive or a couple.
As a matter of fact, she hadended things with me and said
she needed to be single for awhile.
And we weren't talking for sometime.
And she texted me out of theblue one day and asked me to
come see her at this event shewas at.
(21:47):
It surprised me because Ithought we were done.
So I did.
And that was what rekindled thatrelationship.
During this difficult time, Iwas going through an army with
the whole getting an article 15thing.
And this was all after the fact.
And now, you know, Sonia and Iwere dating.
(22:09):
It was exclusive and a realrelationship thing.
I told her I was going to getout of the army and she was
pressuring me because she onlyknew military life.
She didn't like the fact that Iwas going to get out of the
army, even though I was going tohave an MBA.
I just felt like my world wasfalling around me.
And so this time I checkedmyself in to a psychiatric unit.
(22:37):
And so I found myself again inanother psychiatric unit.
because I couldn't handle whatwas happening to me in real
life.
Except this time I didn'tthreaten suicide.
I didn't say I was going to killmyself.
I just said that I was havingthoughts of it and I wanted to
(22:59):
get help.
So yeah, for now, for a secondtime in my life, I was in the
military, a different branch andfinding myself in a psychiatric
unit because Things werehappening to me that I couldn't
handle and I didn't know what todo.
So I went through that a secondtime and I'm not going to go
(23:22):
into detail about this secondtime around, but because it's
just not worth detailing, it wasjust essentially the same
situation.
It was two weeks of me talkingto a psychologist, being in
groups, talking about myproblems and working it out
until They felt I was good to goand get out.
(23:44):
But that's what happened.
Except this time, it didn't endmy relationship.
She was there waiting for me.
And when I got out, she wasstill there.
She didn't go anywhere.
That's one of the main thingsthat led to me asking her to
marry me.
And for the first time, I wasgoing to get married, even
(24:07):
though it was my third marriage,to someone who I loved.
genuinely wanted to marry andspend a life with that was the
plan and the proposal and that'swhere I will pick up in the next
episode thanks for joining me
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