March 31, 2025 • 26 mins
Brandon Held recounts his transformative four years in the Air Force, a period that changed his life trajectory and helped him escape a troubled upbringing with minimal guidance and support.
Please start with Episode 1. Go to my site BrandonHeld.com
• Graduating high school early with a 1.5 GPA to join the Air Force at age 17
• Struggling through the ASVAB test, failing the first attempt but passing on the second try
• Driven by determination to break family cycles of alcoholism, drug abuse, and underachievement
• Experiencing culture shock during his first solo travel to Cleveland and first-ever flight
• Enduring the physical and psychological challenges of boot camp at Lackland Air Force Base
• Gaining 20 pounds of muscle during basic training and finding pride in military accomplishment
• Facing the heavy responsibility of Security Police technical training at just 17 years old
• Having his Security Police badge pinned by his cousin, a Lieutenant Colonel and Thunderbird pilot
• Receiving orders to Minot, North Dakota despite requesting only warm-weather locations
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:02):
Welcome back.
This is episode three.
I'm Brandon Held and life iscrazy.
And just going to pick up whereI left off to some degree.
And the next segment of my lifethat I plan on going over will
(00:24):
be my four years in the AirForce.
This could take multipleepisodes.
Simply because looking back onthis time period in my life, it
was quite honestly one of themost significant and crazy time
(00:45):
periods in my life.
Almost unbelievable.
To the point things happened tome from ages 17 to 21 that I was
just rolling with.
until I got older and realizedno other period of my life was
(01:06):
like those four years in the AirForce.
So let's talk about that.
Let's start off with the factthat I wasn't a good student in
school, right?
I had already explained to youhow school and grades were not
prioritized, basically beingtaught That just doing the
(01:29):
minimum was good enough, right?
Satisfactory.
All you got to do is theminimum.
Totally makes sense, doesn't it?
My mom's doing the minimum toraise us, to take care of us.
My stepdad's certainly doing theminimum.
We're not his kids.
He didn't show love for us.
(01:51):
He obviously was paying billsand buying food.
But outside of that, there wasno love coming from this man.
Nope, not even close.
So it was always clear weweren't his kids, not his
obligation.
And even more so when my brotherRJ was born, who was his son,
(02:15):
totally different.
So anyway, I...
Apply to graduate high school asemester early with enough
credits, with a 1.5 GPA.
And when you apply for that inmy small town of about 8,000
(02:37):
people and about 100 kids eachclass in my high school, one of
the reasons they want to know isthey ask why.
Why do you want to graduateearly?
What are you going to do?
I want to join the Air Force.
Okay, so clearly I wasn't somevaledictorian and my 1.5 GPA
(03:00):
wasn't going to get any betterand I wasn't trying to go to
college.
My high school was like, allright, go ahead.
You can graduate early, which Iwas super excited about.
In my journey, I took the ASVABto join the military and if
(03:20):
Anyone listening to this doesn'tunderstand what the ASVAB is.
It's just a military entranceexam.
It's like a general exam whereyou cover many topics, math,
science, reading, mechanicalinclination, just multiple
different things to see what youknow and what you're good at.
(03:44):
And so I took it the first timeand yeah.
Didn't get high enough marks.
There's not really a fail, butthey have minimum scores that
are required to get into the AirForce.
Oh, the Army and Marines weregood.
They were coming after me hotand heavy.
Hey, those, we don't care aboutthose low ASVAB scores.
(04:07):
Join us.
But I had made up my mind.
I wanted to go into the AirForce.
So I focused up a little harderand Didn't study in any way.
Didn't, you know, do anything toprepare.
Just believed in myself.
Just believed if I gave it alittle bit more effort, I could
do better.
So I went back and took theASVAB and I did it.
(04:32):
I got high enough scores just tosqueak by to get into the Air
Force and become a securityspecialist.
Now, There's a whole differentstory even about that.
I went to the Air Forcerecruiter and I wanted to be a
(04:54):
cop.
And I told him I want to be acop.
And at that time, the Air ForceSecurity Forces, which is just
any cop across the board, you'rein the Security Forces.
But at that time, they had twotypes of cops.
They had law enforcement cops.
And they had securityspecialists.
(05:18):
And so my recruiter was signingme up for a security specialist.
He says, hey, we have a slotopen here right after you
graduate, two weeks after yougraduate high school.
We can get you into boot camp,get you going off your career as
being a cop.
And I said, wait a minute.
(05:40):
You know, this is calledsecurity specialists.
I see there's one called lawenforcement.
That's what I want to do.
What's the difference?
Why are you putting me in thesecurity specialist role versus
law enforcement?
Oh, they're not reallydifferent, he says.
They're just two differentnames.
(06:01):
They give those career paths,but they're not really
different.
If you're a security specialist,you're law enforcement.
If you're law enforcement,you're a security specialist.
Moot point doesn't matter.
Just trust me.
You get to go in the Air Force.
You get to be a securityspecialist.
You get to be a cop.
(06:21):
And you get to live your careerthat you want to live.
Because that is what I wanted todo.
At the time, 17 and younger, Ithought you can retire from the
military in 20 years.
Shoot.
I'm going to join the Air Forceat 17.
At 37 years old, I'm going toretire.
And this is what I thought.
(06:42):
This is what I had in my head.
So I did leave with much concernfor my little brother.
I was 17.
He was 7.
I felt a huge sense ofresponsibility for him.
But also...
(07:04):
Understanding that I had to golive my life.
I had to go make a life formyself.
I had to get out of thatenvironment, that sick,
unhealthy environment that Ilived in.
And I had to go make a life ofmy own.
And I had to change the courseand trajectory of my kids that
(07:30):
will follow in my footsteps.
My kids weren't going to grow upin that environment.
My kids weren't going to succumbto alcoholism and drug abuse and
flat-out laziness.
No desire to work or do anythingwith yourself or just make a
life, make a career.
I was going to change thattrajectory in my bloodline.
(07:55):
And that was the weight that wassitting on my shoulders at 17
years old.
I remember thinking, Thinkingthat way, I remember feeling
that way and just how hard Iwanted to make that happen.
And so it's with some regretthat I had to leave my little
brother behind and join the AirForce and off to a world that I
(08:22):
wasn't ready for.
I grew up in a small town,barely ever left.
If I did leave, it was in a car,just an hour or so away with my
grandmother.
and the protection of an adult.
So I didn't have to think, Ididn't have to do anything.
I just existed.
And I remember getting on thebus to go to Cleveland to catch
(08:46):
my first ever flight in my life.
Never been on an airplanebefore.
And I was so excited.
Yes, I'm going to get on anairplane and I'm going to fly to
Cleveland.
San Antonio, Texas, where I wasalso excited to go.
Never been outside of the stateof Ohio.
(09:07):
I think maybe once when I wasyoung, I went to the state of
Michigan, but that doesn'treally count.
Michigan doesn't count.
If you're a Buckeye, Michigan,it's not a state you count.
So anyway, super excited.
Get on the bus, get on thisGreyhound bus, head to
(09:29):
Cleveland.
get off the bus in Cleveland andlike right away, it's a world
I'm not used to.
People immediately approachingme, trying to sell me sunglasses
that they're holding up, goldchains, just different things
like, and putting real pressureon me.
(09:49):
I think I had 20 bucks in mypocket or something and they put
real pressure on me.
to buy these things.
And I didn't, I was 17 year oldkid used to wanting people to
like me.
I didn't know how to say no topeople, but I knew I had to eat
and I knew the little bit ofmoney I had was all that I was
(10:11):
going to get by with.
So I remember this one guyspecifically happens to be a
black guy.
He's got all these gold chainsconnected to this piece of
newspaper that he's torn into.
And he's got the chains hangingfrom there.
And he's literally following methrough the Greyhound bus
station and just will not let mego.
(10:35):
He's being relentless on mebuying one of these gold chains.
And I was feeling a littlescared, a little nervous, a
little worried.
And this is my first hours ofleaving home for the first time.
And I managed to just finally,eventually let him know I don't
(10:56):
have any money.
I was telling him that, but hedidn't want to hear it.
And I guess it reached enough ofa point that he believed me and
I got away.
So I get to get off the bus andI go to the Cleveland MEPS
station, which is the militaryentrance processing station.
(11:20):
And I go through all the thingsI have to go through there.
I believe I had to do a physicaland fill out paperwork and do
all these things and stay in thehotel.
And then the next day I wasflying out to San Antonio for
the air force to join the airforce, which I was so excited
(11:45):
about.
I had no idea what the militarywas.
I had no idea.
what I was getting myself into.
I just knew I was leaving a lifebehind that I didn't want to be
a part of.
So the next day I get up, fly toSan Antonio, but it's a later
flight, so I don't get to SanAntonio until pretty late at
(12:08):
night.
But I'm enjoying the flight,first ever time on an airplane,
thinking life is good, I'mstarting my life.
Get off the airplane.
There's a bus for us Air Forcerecruits to go to that we get on
that's going to be driving us toLackland Air Force Base to go to
boot camp.
(12:30):
So I grab my luggage and myblissful ignorance and I get on
the bus talking to people,yucking it up, having a good
time.
And then we arrive at LacklandAir Force Base in San Antonio.
And the bus driver pulls up.
And all of a sudden, this PI,which if you don't know, a TI,
(12:55):
training instructor, is the samething as a drill sergeant in
other branches of the military.
The guy with the hat thatscreams and yells, yeah, that's
who greeted us on the bus.
Opens the door, comes up in thebus, starts screaming at us,
calling us names.
(13:16):
telling us to get our luggageand get out there in a
formation.
And immediately I'm in shock.
What is going on?
What is happening right now?
I was not prepared for this atall.
You'd think my three uncleswould have prepared me for this.
They did not.
They just told me to join theAir Force.
(13:36):
They told me nothing about themilitary life.
Nothing.
I don't know if they didn't wantto scare me away.
If they didn't want to investthe time.
I have no idea, but they told menothing.
I hurry up and get off the busand trying to line up.
And of course, at this pointwe're young civilians don't know
(13:57):
anything and we can't doanything.
We're getting screamed at fornot getting into a formation
quick enough, which we had noidea what that is.
We're being made to hold ourluggage over our head because
so-and-so is taking his time, soeveryone else is going to get
punished.
And we're just getting screamedat and berated.
(14:18):
And I was thinking, oh my God,what did I do?
What did I get myself into?
And I was scared to death.
I was, later I would find out Iwas the youngest person there.
And it was a culture shock forme, for sure.
We were kept up.
(14:40):
All night, wee hours in themorning, we arrived to our
barracks.
I believe we were forced toshower, get in our underwear,
which was standard issue,tighty-whities that we all had
to wear.
And I believe they made us dostuff in the barracks.
It's all fuzzy to me now, butstay up late into the wee hours
(15:03):
of the morning in ourtighty-whities.
We couldn't get dressed.
We couldn't do anything.
It was a serious problem.
breaking down an embarrassmentof your character and who you
are as a person.
And it was being driven home tothe point that you're nothing
now.
You're nobody.
And that's done on purpose.
(15:24):
I didn't understand that at thattime.
But anyway, we get to bed liketwo, three o'clock in the
morning.
Thank God, finally get to getsome sleep.
And it's 5, 6 a.m., A new drillsergeant comes rolling in,
kicking this metal trash canacross the floor, turning on the
(15:46):
lights.
Get up.
He's screaming at us, calling usnames.
You pukes need to get up and getdressed and get ready.
And yeah, that was the military.
That was bootcamp.
And that's how it all started.
And that's how I learned that.
(16:07):
this isn't gonna be as great asI thought it was going to be.
So you succumb to thatenvironment.
You learn to adapt, you learn toadjust.
And I went through and I gotthrough Air Force bootcamp and I
survived and I graduated withthoughts and memories that will
(16:31):
never leave my mind and willstick with me forever.
but also with a huge, immensesense of pride.
Obviously the hardest thing Ihad ever done in my short life
at 17 years old.
And through the training andthrough the chow and the food
(16:57):
and the consistent meals that Ididn't have, Prior to that, I
went from being 6'1", 155 poundsto 6'1", 175 pounds.
So I had gained 20 pounds in AirForce Boot Camp.
And it was 20 pounds of allmuscle.
(17:17):
And it was great.
And I had pride.
I was strong.
And I was ready to go.
So I left Air Force Boot Camp.
And you would go to your camp.
Technical school, which minejust also happened to be at
Lackland Air Force Base forsecurity specialist school.
(17:42):
So I didn't have to go far.
Basically went from one part ofthe base to the other.
And then that's where I went fortechnical school.
And technical school was alittle bit more intimidating in
a different way.
You had TIs there that kind ofled you around and got you from
(18:03):
training, from classes and chowand stuff like that.
But you didn't do everything ina formation.
You were able to go to the PXand buy things.
You were, there was just morefreedom, but I had never really
put a lot of effort into school.
(18:24):
And now this was Something I wasserious about, this was my
career, and not only did we havewritten tests that we had to
prepare for and pass, we alsohad gills that we had to show
that we had and gill sets thatwe show that we could do.
I didn't mean thinking aboutthis.
(18:46):
You're putting a gun in a17-year-old's hands that when he
leaves that and he goes to hisduty station, If he's in a
situation that he deemsnecessary, that he needs to
shoot someone, he needs to bedamn sure he's doing the right
(19:07):
thing.
He needs to be damn sure he hada right and a reason to pull
that trigger, right?
Because A, if not, he's doneinjured or killed someone that
shouldn't have happened.
Right?
Nobody wants that to happen.
And B, it could ruin that youngman's life, AKA me, if I was in
(19:31):
a situation that I was unsurehow to handle myself, unsure how
I should respond.
And I end up being tooaggressive and shooting someone
and hurting someone.
And it ruins my life becausethey find I should not have done
that in that situation.
(19:52):
And let's be real, let's behonest, there would be no
protection for me if I made thewrong choice.
I didn't know that then.
I didn't realize the danger Iwas putting just myself in as a
young man of needing to makepotentially a difficult decision
(20:13):
in a difficult situation andknowing if I made the wrong one,
I would have been shrapnel.
I would have been...
thrown to the wolves oh you weretrained you were taught you
didn't respond the way you weretaught and trained so deal with
it go to Fort Leavenworth forthe rest of your life or
(20:34):
whatever the case may be so itwas serious it was heavy and I
took it that way and I triedreally hard and I found out from
my grandmother during techschool that I had a cousin who
was in the Air Force And he wasa Lieutenant Colonel and he flew
fighter jets for theThunderbirds.
(20:57):
And if you know anything aboutthe military or military
ranking, when you're an AirmanBasic, a Lieutenant Colonel is a
pretty big deal, right?
Not just a Lieutenant Colonel,but a pilot Lieutenant Colonel.
And so I got to meet him while Iwas in tech school and spend
(21:19):
with him a weekend away.
And I got to know him and he gotto know me.
And I got to say that when Igraduate tech school and
officially become a cop, I don'tthink anyone in my family is
coming from Ohio down to Texas.
And I would be honored if youwould pin my badge on for me.
(21:40):
And he agreed to do it and hedid it.
And I had so much pride.
It was one of the proudestmoments of my life.
When I graduated security policetech school and he was there and
I had a Lieutenant Colonelpinning a badge onto my uniform.
(22:01):
He was the highest rankingperson there doing any such
thing for anyone.
And it just felt really good.
And it felt vindicating thateverything I had gone through in
life up to that point the roughchildhood the scared to death
(22:26):
trying just to get out of bootcamp because they constantly
were threatening to recycle youand make you go back and repeat
time if you made mistakes orscrewed up or whatever that
constant threat was looming overyou to getting to security
police school where I wasscared.
(22:47):
I was scared I wouldn't be goodenough.
I was scared I wouldn't have theability to do some of the things
I needed to do to pass securitypolice school because I was so
timid.
And in some situations, youneeded to be take charge and
aggressive.
And that just wasn't who I wasat 17 years old.
(23:12):
And when I got through all that,And my cousin was, Kenny was
putting my badge on as thisLieutenant Colonel.
It was just an amazing feeling.
And I will add this, that one ofthe things I joined the Air
Force for was I hated coldweather.
(23:35):
Absolutely hate cold weather.
Hated it then, hate it now.
And I was really hoping the AirForce would send me to some
place like Florida or even Icould stay in Texas or
California.
I really wanted to be somewherewarm.
And I filled out what they calla dream sheet and I put down my
(23:55):
quote unquote dream basesbecause I just put all warm
areas, Florida bases, Texasbases, California bases.
I just didn't want to be in thecold.
And I learned towards the end ofmy training that I got stationed
(24:16):
in Minot, North Dakota.
And so I had no idea whereMinot, North Dakota was.
I didn't know where North Dakotawas.
I didn't know the US map well atall.
I knew it wasn't one of theplaces that I asked for.
And this wasn't a time you couldjust, this was 1991.
(24:38):
Couldn't just run up to acomputer and look things up.
And I didn't have access to amap or anything like that.
I just remember calling my momsaying, mom, I got my orders
today.
I'm getting stationed in Minot,North Dakota.
And my mom literally with tearsand her voice cracking was like,
(24:59):
I'm so sorry.
Brandon and starts crying.
I didn't even know where I wasgoing, but I knew now it wasn't
going to be a good place.
And so I learned right then andthere by my mom telling me, not
only was I not going to a warmplace, I was going to a much
colder place than Ohio.
(25:20):
I would get to go on leave for10 days before I headed off to
Minot, and that's where I willpick up in episode three.
So thank you for listening, andI'll talk to you later.
Welcome back.
This is episode three.
I'm Brandon Held and life iscrazy.
And just going to pick up whereI left off to some degree.
And the next segment of my lifethat I plan on going over will
(00:24):
be my four years in the AirForce.
This could take multipleepisodes.
Simply because looking back onthis time period in my life, it
was quite honestly one of themost significant and crazy time
(00:45):
periods in my life.
Almost unbelievable.
To the point things happened tome from ages 17 to 21 that I was
just rolling with.
until I got older and realizedno other period of my life was
(01:06):
like those four years in the AirForce.
So let's talk about that.
Let's start off with the factthat I wasn't a good student in
school, right?
I had already explained to youhow school and grades were not
prioritized, basically beingtaught That just doing the
(01:29):
minimum was good enough, right?
Satisfactory.
All you got to do is theminimum.
Totally makes sense, doesn't it?
My mom's doing the minimum toraise us, to take care of us.
My stepdad's certainly doing theminimum.
We're not his kids.
He didn't show love for us.
(01:51):
He obviously was paying billsand buying food.
But outside of that, there wasno love coming from this man.
Nope, not even close.
So it was always clear weweren't his kids, not his
obligation.
And even more so when my brotherRJ was born, who was his son,
(02:15):
totally different.
So anyway, I...
Apply to graduate high school asemester early with enough
credits, with a 1.5 GPA.
And when you apply for that inmy small town of about 8,000
(02:37):
people and about 100 kids eachclass in my high school, one of
the reasons they want to know isthey ask why.
Why do you want to graduateearly?
What are you going to do?
I want to join the Air Force.
Okay, so clearly I wasn't somevaledictorian and my 1.5 GPA
(03:00):
wasn't going to get any betterand I wasn't trying to go to
college.
My high school was like, allright, go ahead.
You can graduate early, which Iwas super excited about.
In my journey, I took the ASVABto join the military and if
(03:20):
Anyone listening to this doesn'tunderstand what the ASVAB is.
It's just a military entranceexam.
It's like a general exam whereyou cover many topics, math,
science, reading, mechanicalinclination, just multiple
different things to see what youknow and what you're good at.
(03:44):
And so I took it the first timeand yeah.
Didn't get high enough marks.
There's not really a fail, butthey have minimum scores that
are required to get into the AirForce.
Oh, the Army and Marines weregood.
They were coming after me hotand heavy.
Hey, those, we don't care aboutthose low ASVAB scores.
(04:07):
Join us.
But I had made up my mind.
I wanted to go into the AirForce.
So I focused up a little harderand Didn't study in any way.
Didn't, you know, do anything toprepare.
Just believed in myself.
Just believed if I gave it alittle bit more effort, I could
do better.
So I went back and took theASVAB and I did it.
(04:32):
I got high enough scores just tosqueak by to get into the Air
Force and become a securityspecialist.
Now, There's a whole differentstory even about that.
I went to the Air Forcerecruiter and I wanted to be a
(04:54):
cop.
And I told him I want to be acop.
And at that time, the Air ForceSecurity Forces, which is just
any cop across the board, you'rein the Security Forces.
But at that time, they had twotypes of cops.
They had law enforcement cops.
And they had securityspecialists.
(05:18):
And so my recruiter was signingme up for a security specialist.
He says, hey, we have a slotopen here right after you
graduate, two weeks after yougraduate high school.
We can get you into boot camp,get you going off your career as
being a cop.
And I said, wait a minute.
(05:40):
You know, this is calledsecurity specialists.
I see there's one called lawenforcement.
That's what I want to do.
What's the difference?
Why are you putting me in thesecurity specialist role versus
law enforcement?
Oh, they're not reallydifferent, he says.
They're just two differentnames.
(06:01):
They give those career paths,but they're not really
different.
If you're a security specialist,you're law enforcement.
If you're law enforcement,you're a security specialist.
Moot point doesn't matter.
Just trust me.
You get to go in the Air Force.
You get to be a securityspecialist.
You get to be a cop.
(06:21):
And you get to live your careerthat you want to live.
Because that is what I wanted todo.
At the time, 17 and younger, Ithought you can retire from the
military in 20 years.
Shoot.
I'm going to join the Air Forceat 17.
At 37 years old, I'm going toretire.
And this is what I thought.
(06:42):
This is what I had in my head.
So I did leave with much concernfor my little brother.
I was 17.
He was 7.
I felt a huge sense ofresponsibility for him.
But also...
(07:04):
Understanding that I had to golive my life.
I had to go make a life formyself.
I had to get out of thatenvironment, that sick,
unhealthy environment that Ilived in.
And I had to go make a life ofmy own.
And I had to change the courseand trajectory of my kids that
(07:30):
will follow in my footsteps.
My kids weren't going to grow upin that environment.
My kids weren't going to succumbto alcoholism and drug abuse and
flat-out laziness.
No desire to work or do anythingwith yourself or just make a
life, make a career.
I was going to change thattrajectory in my bloodline.
(07:55):
And that was the weight that wassitting on my shoulders at 17
years old.
I remember thinking, Thinkingthat way, I remember feeling
that way and just how hard Iwanted to make that happen.
And so it's with some regretthat I had to leave my little
brother behind and join the AirForce and off to a world that I
(08:22):
wasn't ready for.
I grew up in a small town,barely ever left.
If I did leave, it was in a car,just an hour or so away with my
grandmother.
and the protection of an adult.
So I didn't have to think, Ididn't have to do anything.
I just existed.
And I remember getting on thebus to go to Cleveland to catch
(08:46):
my first ever flight in my life.
Never been on an airplanebefore.
And I was so excited.
Yes, I'm going to get on anairplane and I'm going to fly to
Cleveland.
San Antonio, Texas, where I wasalso excited to go.
Never been outside of the stateof Ohio.
(09:07):
I think maybe once when I wasyoung, I went to the state of
Michigan, but that doesn'treally count.
Michigan doesn't count.
If you're a Buckeye, Michigan,it's not a state you count.
So anyway, super excited.
Get on the bus, get on thisGreyhound bus, head to
(09:29):
Cleveland.
get off the bus in Cleveland andlike right away, it's a world
I'm not used to.
People immediately approachingme, trying to sell me sunglasses
that they're holding up, goldchains, just different things
like, and putting real pressureon me.
(09:49):
I think I had 20 bucks in mypocket or something and they put
real pressure on me.
to buy these things.
And I didn't, I was 17 year oldkid used to wanting people to
like me.
I didn't know how to say no topeople, but I knew I had to eat
and I knew the little bit ofmoney I had was all that I was
(10:11):
going to get by with.
So I remember this one guyspecifically happens to be a
black guy.
He's got all these gold chainsconnected to this piece of
newspaper that he's torn into.
And he's got the chains hangingfrom there.
And he's literally following methrough the Greyhound bus
station and just will not let mego.
(10:35):
He's being relentless on mebuying one of these gold chains.
And I was feeling a littlescared, a little nervous, a
little worried.
And this is my first hours ofleaving home for the first time.
And I managed to just finally,eventually let him know I don't
(10:56):
have any money.
I was telling him that, but hedidn't want to hear it.
And I guess it reached enough ofa point that he believed me and
I got away.
So I get to get off the bus andI go to the Cleveland MEPS
station, which is the militaryentrance processing station.
(11:20):
And I go through all the thingsI have to go through there.
I believe I had to do a physicaland fill out paperwork and do
all these things and stay in thehotel.
And then the next day I wasflying out to San Antonio for
the air force to join the airforce, which I was so excited
(11:45):
about.
I had no idea what the militarywas.
I had no idea.
what I was getting myself into.
I just knew I was leaving a lifebehind that I didn't want to be
a part of.
So the next day I get up, fly toSan Antonio, but it's a later
flight, so I don't get to SanAntonio until pretty late at
(12:08):
night.
But I'm enjoying the flight,first ever time on an airplane,
thinking life is good, I'mstarting my life.
Get off the airplane.
There's a bus for us Air Forcerecruits to go to that we get on
that's going to be driving us toLackland Air Force Base to go to
boot camp.
(12:30):
So I grab my luggage and myblissful ignorance and I get on
the bus talking to people,yucking it up, having a good
time.
And then we arrive at LacklandAir Force Base in San Antonio.
And the bus driver pulls up.
And all of a sudden, this PI,which if you don't know, a TI,
(12:55):
training instructor, is the samething as a drill sergeant in
other branches of the military.
The guy with the hat thatscreams and yells, yeah, that's
who greeted us on the bus.
Opens the door, comes up in thebus, starts screaming at us,
calling us names.
(13:16):
telling us to get our luggageand get out there in a
formation.
And immediately I'm in shock.
What is going on?
What is happening right now?
I was not prepared for this atall.
You'd think my three uncleswould have prepared me for this.
They did not.
They just told me to join theAir Force.
(13:36):
They told me nothing about themilitary life.
Nothing.
I don't know if they didn't wantto scare me away.
If they didn't want to investthe time.
I have no idea, but they told menothing.
I hurry up and get off the busand trying to line up.
And of course, at this pointwe're young civilians don't know
(13:57):
anything and we can't doanything.
We're getting screamed at fornot getting into a formation
quick enough, which we had noidea what that is.
We're being made to hold ourluggage over our head because
so-and-so is taking his time, soeveryone else is going to get
punished.
And we're just getting screamedat and berated.
(14:18):
And I was thinking, oh my God,what did I do?
What did I get myself into?
And I was scared to death.
I was, later I would find out Iwas the youngest person there.
And it was a culture shock forme, for sure.
We were kept up.
(14:40):
All night, wee hours in themorning, we arrived to our
barracks.
I believe we were forced toshower, get in our underwear,
which was standard issue,tighty-whities that we all had
to wear.
And I believe they made us dostuff in the barracks.
It's all fuzzy to me now, butstay up late into the wee hours
(15:03):
of the morning in ourtighty-whities.
We couldn't get dressed.
We couldn't do anything.
It was a serious problem.
breaking down an embarrassmentof your character and who you
are as a person.
And it was being driven home tothe point that you're nothing
now.
You're nobody.
And that's done on purpose.
(15:24):
I didn't understand that at thattime.
But anyway, we get to bed liketwo, three o'clock in the
morning.
Thank God, finally get to getsome sleep.
And it's 5, 6 a.m., A new drillsergeant comes rolling in,
kicking this metal trash canacross the floor, turning on the
(15:46):
lights.
Get up.
He's screaming at us, calling usnames.
You pukes need to get up and getdressed and get ready.
And yeah, that was the military.
That was bootcamp.
And that's how it all started.
And that's how I learned that.
(16:07):
this isn't gonna be as great asI thought it was going to be.
So you succumb to thatenvironment.
You learn to adapt, you learn toadjust.
And I went through and I gotthrough Air Force bootcamp and I
survived and I graduated withthoughts and memories that will
(16:31):
never leave my mind and willstick with me forever.
but also with a huge, immensesense of pride.
Obviously the hardest thing Ihad ever done in my short life
at 17 years old.
And through the training andthrough the chow and the food
(16:57):
and the consistent meals that Ididn't have, Prior to that, I
went from being 6'1", 155 poundsto 6'1", 175 pounds.
So I had gained 20 pounds in AirForce Boot Camp.
And it was 20 pounds of allmuscle.
(17:17):
And it was great.
And I had pride.
I was strong.
And I was ready to go.
So I left Air Force Boot Camp.
And you would go to your camp.
Technical school, which minejust also happened to be at
Lackland Air Force Base forsecurity specialist school.
(17:42):
So I didn't have to go far.
Basically went from one part ofthe base to the other.
And then that's where I went fortechnical school.
And technical school was alittle bit more intimidating in
a different way.
You had TIs there that kind ofled you around and got you from
(18:03):
training, from classes and chowand stuff like that.
But you didn't do everything ina formation.
You were able to go to the PXand buy things.
You were, there was just morefreedom, but I had never really
put a lot of effort into school.
(18:24):
And now this was Something I wasserious about, this was my
career, and not only did we havewritten tests that we had to
prepare for and pass, we alsohad gills that we had to show
that we had and gill sets thatwe show that we could do.
I didn't mean thinking aboutthis.
(18:46):
You're putting a gun in a17-year-old's hands that when he
leaves that and he goes to hisduty station, If he's in a
situation that he deemsnecessary, that he needs to
shoot someone, he needs to bedamn sure he's doing the right
(19:07):
thing.
He needs to be damn sure he hada right and a reason to pull
that trigger, right?
Because A, if not, he's doneinjured or killed someone that
shouldn't have happened.
Right?
Nobody wants that to happen.
And B, it could ruin that youngman's life, AKA me, if I was in
(19:31):
a situation that I was unsurehow to handle myself, unsure how
I should respond.
And I end up being tooaggressive and shooting someone
and hurting someone.
And it ruins my life becausethey find I should not have done
that in that situation.
(19:52):
And let's be real, let's behonest, there would be no
protection for me if I made thewrong choice.
I didn't know that then.
I didn't realize the danger Iwas putting just myself in as a
young man of needing to makepotentially a difficult decision
(20:13):
in a difficult situation andknowing if I made the wrong one,
I would have been shrapnel.
I would have been...
thrown to the wolves oh you weretrained you were taught you
didn't respond the way you weretaught and trained so deal with
it go to Fort Leavenworth forthe rest of your life or
(20:34):
whatever the case may be so itwas serious it was heavy and I
took it that way and I triedreally hard and I found out from
my grandmother during techschool that I had a cousin who
was in the Air Force And he wasa Lieutenant Colonel and he flew
fighter jets for theThunderbirds.
(20:57):
And if you know anything aboutthe military or military
ranking, when you're an AirmanBasic, a Lieutenant Colonel is a
pretty big deal, right?
Not just a Lieutenant Colonel,but a pilot Lieutenant Colonel.
And so I got to meet him while Iwas in tech school and spend
(21:19):
with him a weekend away.
And I got to know him and he gotto know me.
And I got to say that when Igraduate tech school and
officially become a cop, I don'tthink anyone in my family is
coming from Ohio down to Texas.
And I would be honored if youwould pin my badge on for me.
(21:40):
And he agreed to do it and hedid it.
And I had so much pride.
It was one of the proudestmoments of my life.
When I graduated security policetech school and he was there and
I had a Lieutenant Colonelpinning a badge onto my uniform.
(22:01):
He was the highest rankingperson there doing any such
thing for anyone.
And it just felt really good.
And it felt vindicating thateverything I had gone through in
life up to that point the roughchildhood the scared to death
(22:26):
trying just to get out of bootcamp because they constantly
were threatening to recycle youand make you go back and repeat
time if you made mistakes orscrewed up or whatever that
constant threat was looming overyou to getting to security
police school where I wasscared.
(22:47):
I was scared I wouldn't be goodenough.
I was scared I wouldn't have theability to do some of the things
I needed to do to pass securitypolice school because I was so
timid.
And in some situations, youneeded to be take charge and
aggressive.
And that just wasn't who I wasat 17 years old.
(23:12):
And when I got through all that,And my cousin was, Kenny was
putting my badge on as thisLieutenant Colonel.
It was just an amazing feeling.
And I will add this, that one ofthe things I joined the Air
Force for was I hated coldweather.
(23:35):
Absolutely hate cold weather.
Hated it then, hate it now.
And I was really hoping the AirForce would send me to some
place like Florida or even Icould stay in Texas or
California.
I really wanted to be somewherewarm.
And I filled out what they calla dream sheet and I put down my
(23:55):
quote unquote dream basesbecause I just put all warm
areas, Florida bases, Texasbases, California bases.
I just didn't want to be in thecold.
And I learned towards the end ofmy training that I got stationed
(24:16):
in Minot, North Dakota.
And so I had no idea whereMinot, North Dakota was.
I didn't know where North Dakotawas.
I didn't know the US map well atall.
I knew it wasn't one of theplaces that I asked for.
And this wasn't a time you couldjust, this was 1991.
(24:38):
Couldn't just run up to acomputer and look things up.
And I didn't have access to amap or anything like that.
I just remember calling my momsaying, mom, I got my orders
today.
I'm getting stationed in Minot,North Dakota.
And my mom literally with tearsand her voice cracking was like,
(24:59):
I'm so sorry.
Brandon and starts crying.
I didn't even know where I wasgoing, but I knew now it wasn't
going to be a good place.
And so I learned right then andthere by my mom telling me, not
only was I not going to a warmplace, I was going to a much
colder place than Ohio.
(25:20):
I would get to go on leave for10 days before I headed off to
Minot, and that's where I willpick up in episode three.
So thank you for listening, andI'll talk to you later.
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