December 23, 2024 • 44 mins
In this unforgettable episode of Braving Business, we meet Crystal Ball, whose life is a testament to resilience, reinvention, and the power of embracing freedom. Raised in poverty and repression within the infamous “Shiny Happy People” cult, Crystal’s childhood was defined by control and fear. But breaking free was only the beginning.
Crystal shares her journey through profound loss, including surviving Hurricane Michael, losing both grandparents, and helping her husband recover from a stroke—all in one harrowing year. These challenges, combined with the unexpected catalyst of motherhood, pushed her to leave a 13-year corporate career and accidentally embark on a path of entrepreneurship.
Now thriving in Panama City Beach, Crystal combines her passion for real estate and the coastal lifestyle as a successful entrepreneur and Sales Director of a boat club. She’s also preparing to release her autobiography, “Diary of a Cult Girl,” in early 2025, a bold and deeply personal account of breaking generational cycles and reclaiming self-worth.
In this episode, Crystal reveals:
- How her upbringing shaped her drive and why hyper-achievement can be a trauma response.
- The role of radical honesty and forgiveness in rebuilding her life.
- The hilarious story of how she offered her ex-husband as part of a real estate deal, which made headlines in the New York Post.
- What “success” looks like now and how it’s changed over the years.
- The values she’s instilling in her children to break harmful cycles.
Crystal’s story is raw, inspiring, and a powerful reminder that healing, freedom, and purpose are within reach—even in the face of unimaginable challenges.
Key Takeaways:
- “Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all.”—Crystal’s favorite quote by Helen Keller encapsulates her journey of resilience and courage.
- How counseling, partnerships, and boundaries helped her overcome trauma and rebuild.
- Why she believes honesty and openness are the keys to resilience in life and business.
Connect with Crystal Ball:
- Facebook: Crystal Ball
Resources Mentioned:
- Diary of a Cult Girl (coming 2025)
- New York Post feature
Episode Highlights:
- [00:03:00] Crystal’s childhood in the “Shiny Happy People” cult and breaking free.
- [00:10:30] Surviving Hurricane Michael and navigating loss.
- [00:20:15] The story behind leaving corporate America and her “life-changer baby.”
- [00:30:45] How she hilariously offered her ex-husband as a bonus in a home sale.
- [00:40:10] Radical honesty, boundaries, and breaking generational cycles.
- [00:50:00] Her advice: “If they’re not in the arena, don’t worry about them.”
Crystal Ball’s extraordinary journey reminds us that resilience and transformation are possible for everyone. Tune in for an episode filled with courage, humor, and hope!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey there, I'm Tals Lotnitsky from Ignite IT Consulting.
(00:05):
You know me from the Braving Business podcast, but when I'm not behind the mic, I'm helping
tech startups and established companies ignite their full potential.
I also help entrepreneurs and businesses in distress reset for success.
With over three decades of entrepreneurial success, I bring hands-on experience to drive
growth, navigate turnarounds, raise capital, and lead to innovation.
(00:28):
Whether it's executive coaching or strategic transformation, I'm here to turn your business
challenges into success stories.
Visit igniteitconsulting.com and let's spark that change together.
That's igniteitconsulting.com.
Your journey to business brilliance starts now.
One last quick thing.
(00:49):
If you enjoyed this episode, please stay on after the show to learn more about the Braving
Business podcast and other great episodes for you to discover.
And now, let's get the show started.
(01:13):
Well hello there.
Hey buddy, how are you?
I am fantastic.
How are you?
I am wonderful.
I am sporting a bronze, you know, bronze in the ugly sweater competition I just attended
over the weekend.
I feel very proud of that.
If you win an ugly sweater competition, do you really win?
I don't know.
(01:33):
I think you do.
I tried my best to win that thing.
I brought it on the floor.
I was making ugly faces to go along with my ugly sweater.
Can you please describe this garment?
Man, I should post a photo on our website.
So it's got blue sleeves.
It's a red body.
The body of the sweater is red with blue sleeves and it's got, I think it's Rudolph the Red
(01:59):
Note Reindeer and he's got sunglasses on, but he looks really ridiculous and he's got like
a Christmas hat that sticks out of the sweater.
It's really horrendous.
It's as bad as it gets.
Yeah.
My wife-
Ill-fitting too.
Well, of course.
Of course.
My wife, Kara, has one that she just got.
That's her Pride and Joy.
(02:19):
It is a diehard Christmas sweater that talks about the Nakatomi Plaza Christmas party of
1988.
So that's kind of fun.
That famous party.
Yeah.
Crystal, do you own any ugly sweaters?
I do.
Everybody does.
But you're in Florida, so you should-
You know, you really only wear them once.
You should have actually worn them.
That should have been the theme.
(02:40):
We should have worn them.
That would have been great for the guests.
We should have.
Nothing but-
I'm very good at thinking about these things after the fact, PJ.
That's why I do what I do and you're the producer.
And we just go by the fly.
So can you please describe, Miss Crystal, please describe your ugly sweater, your favorite
one.
Well, better than my ugly sweater, I like my Santa hat with a crown on it.
(03:05):
I love that.
There were many people that- I mean, there was a lot of stuff like that going on.
Yeah.
And I wrapped myself up in Christmas lights.
Nice.
Oh, wow.
All right.
It's the season.
It's the season.
That's all I'm going to say.
Well, but if you don't mind, Mr. Tal, I'm going to introduce this lovely person that
(03:28):
we have on our show today.
Is that cool?
Yeah.
I'm looking forward to it.
It's going to be a very interesting conversation.
It will.
If only I had a crystal ball.
Oh, wait.
No, that's her name.
Crystal ball.
Crystal ball, which I'm sure she's never heard a joke about that before.
Crystal ball's story is one of extraordinary transformation, resilience, and courage raised
(03:50):
in poverty and repression with the notorious shiny, happy people cult.
Crystal spent her childhood in a world where fear and control ruled every choice.
Very sorry about that, Crystal.
Breaking free was just the beginning.
Her path to healing led her through profound loss, the devastation of Hurricane Michael,
and the immense challenge of starting over with nothing but a resolve and determination.
(04:12):
After a 13 year corporate career traveling in the convenience store industry, life threw
Crystal another curve ball.
Motherhood became her catalyst for change, a life changer baby, as she puts it, forcing
her to quit her job and accidentally embark on a journey of entrepreneurship.
Now based in Panama City Beach, Florida, Crystal is thriving as an entrepreneur, combining
(04:33):
her passion for real estate and the coastal lifestyle.
As part of that story, and we'll hear how, in 2022, Crystal offered her ex-husband Richard
along with a home that she was selling and featured him in mock suggestive poses, or
in mock suggestive poses around the house.
That is a hilarious story that we're going to, that actually made the New York Post and
(04:55):
we're definitely going to talk about.
Finally, having recently opened a boat club in Panama City, Crystal is about to become
a published author, her autobiography, Diary of a Cult Girl, will be available for sale
in early 2025.
Crystal, wow, what a life.
Let's dig in into it and thank you for being on the Braving Business podcast.
(05:16):
Absolutely, glad to be here.
So Crystal, you face challenges that most people can't even imagine.
You're literally a child slave, which boggles the mind.
We're talking about the United States of America.
So from growing up, tell us about growing up with the shiny, happy people.
A lot of people may have heard that term.
I don't know that we necessarily associate that with cult.
(05:39):
I associate it with the song, to be honest with you.
And then, you know, from there to rebuilding your life, it had to have been quite a journey.
Tell us how that was like.
What was that experience like?
And how did you extract yourself from it?
Well, I was about 14 when my parents moved back from California to Alabama, rural Alabama.
(06:03):
I think they went bankrupt.
You know how when you're a kid, you don't really know what's going on, but you just,
yeah.
So they, I think that the shame of their failure led them to seek out a new way of life and
lifestyle.
And so all I know is at 14, I had several younger brothers and sisters already, but
we moved into a three bedroom, one bath, rat infested house in the middle of nowhere from
(06:28):
a fairly normal environment out of California.
So as they got deeper and deeper into the cult, we just, the control and the isolation
just became more and more intense.
And since I was the oldest, I took the brunt of it.
And since I was an ADHD hyper achieving perfectionist by nature, you know, I really got very good
(06:52):
at overperformance.
And so when mom had the, she had number six and then number seven babies, they were like
mine because I had practically raised them.
So it was a lot like a monotony of work routine.
We owned a cleaning business.
So from, you know, we would homeschool in the mornings and then by, you know, one or
(07:15):
two in the afternoon, we would be going to work and we would work till eight, 10, 12,
whenever the work was done each day.
And so it got very, very difficult towards the end.
I got out because I was suicidally depressed and decided that anything would be better
than living their life.
And you know, being, we weren't allowed to express a feeling or emotion.
(07:38):
That was anything that was negative was not allowed because God said be happy.
And that show was actually, the shiny happy people term came from an Amazon show that
came out.
It was a four part docu-series last year that was all about this show.
I don't know that many people, when they start dealing with their childhood trauma, get to
see the cult leader on television.
I'm having a panic attack, about to throw up, watch it.
(07:59):
I'm like, whoa.
Yeah.
So I also don't think many people kept a journal of the entire event.
I was very, we were very proud of ourselves.
We thought we were God's chosen.
So I thought we had the way, you know, when you're brainwashed into this, you don't understand
life outside of that.
So thankfully I had my grandfather.
(08:20):
He was a Southern Baptist preacher, so I didn't go very far outside the cult, but he had one
thing different and that was unconditional love.
That's amazing.
Wow.
There's a ton to unpack, but let me ask you a question first.
So you mentioned hyperachievement, right?
(08:40):
Like your ADHD, like wanting to go there.
You described that as a trauma response.
Can you unpack that for us?
How did the patterns of your childhood shape your drive and how are you learning to channel
that in healthier ways?
Great question.
Survival mode.
(09:01):
That's what that hyperactivity was.
And I did not realize that until about two years ago when I realized that the speed I
run at life in has led to a lot of success, but then also the failure right behind it,
because I didn't have the foundation that most people have.
And so I kept having these knee-jerk reactions emotionally to things that most people could
(09:22):
handle better.
And so I came out of that survival mode through counseling, spending a lot of time alone.
That was also something I was never very comfortable with because I had never slept alone, had
my own room.
We were always in a family environment.
My only identity was with the family.
(09:43):
So independence was very difficult for me, even though I present as extremely competent
and independent internally.
But I was a professional at masking all emotion because we were not allowed to express it.
So nowadays I think a lot more before I make those decisions and I don't knee-jerk into
(10:07):
reactionaries out of reactionaries for survival mode.
So there's so much there.
I'd be remiss if I didn't take a second to just talk about the reality that I think would
represent something many people would recognize, which is not feeling at ease, not being able
(10:28):
to be honest, doubting yourself, and having to put on a happy face.
It's reality for a lot of us.
And the ability to recognize that you're maybe sleepwalking through your life because you're
denying your true self and then doing something about that, that's a very powerful moment.
(10:54):
And I know in your case, in rebuilding your life, you said you had to look in the mirror
hard.
Tell us what that process of radical honesty looked like for you because I think it's something
that our audience could really choose to take the time to reflect on.
We're about to celebrate the new year.
A lot of people make new year resolutions.
(11:15):
It feels to me like radical honesty.
You could do a lot worse than choosing to go through that process.
But what is that?
What did it look like for you and how did it help shape you into who you are today?
Well, that's one of the quotes in my book is that if you look in the mirror, you'll
find your biggest challenge in life, but also the key to your greatest success.
(11:37):
So the success forward comes from, it is that radical honesty.
I'm a huge Brene Brown fan, both my counselor and my best friends that I sound just like
Brene Brown.
I'm like, who's Brene Brown?
You do sound like her.
Well, the irony here is, her major was my major in college, but while she was doing
academic research, I chose to do field research.
I had a distinct lack of experience in life as compared to most people.
(12:03):
I had never been to a prom.
I had never been to a movie with a friend.
I didn't really have friends except cult approved pen pals mainly.
So a lot of the things that most people take for granted in life, like sports were a luxury
to me.
Education is a luxury.
You don't have time for that if you're trying to feed children.
But we were blessed, right?
(12:24):
So when you look at a mirror, first, again, I had no identity as myself coming out of
that.
My only identity was wrapped up in that family, but I lost all of that.
I lost the family, my community, my church, my entire foundation was gone, right?
So I had to reinvent myself.
So I connected with other people.
(12:47):
It was scary as heck because I met my real dad shortly after that.
I thought he was the devil himself, right?
I had never met people like everything was a, I call it a brain explosion.
Everything was a brain shock to me.
So I had to overcome the fear first.
And so when you look at yourself though, as you go out and live your life, and I found
a lot of success quickly professionally, because I was very eager to learn.
(13:11):
I would outwork anyone anytime, anywhere.
Hustle, hustle helps.
But when I started looking at who I was becoming, what I realized was they call it identification
with the aggressor.
I would have rather been the cult leader, my stepdad in that situation, than my mother
who was constantly abused, beat down mentally, just under so much strain emotionally, dealing
(13:32):
with what he was putting on her and us.
And so I decided I had to look at that.
I was becoming that aggressive.
I don't want to be aggressive, right?
So I had to really do a hard look into how, and my children are the impetus to most of
this, right?
And I looked at my oldest son and he looked at me when I snapped at him one day, I'm like,
(13:53):
oh, I recognize that fear.
I'm not going to do that to my child.
I'm going to go fix me.
And I've consistently tried to fix me through these years, but dealing with this level of
emotion, going through the letters, it's just, it's the hardest thing by far of anything
I've ever done, because it's very uncomfortable when you look at yourself in the mirror, at
who you really are.
But that is also where you find your peace and your happiness and your success.
(14:17):
Wow.
Let me ask just a side question real fast.
How long, so you moved from California to Alabama when you were 14.
I mean, you're already a young adult, not a young adult, but I mean, you're a teenager.
How long were you in the cult for and how long did it take you to work your way out
(14:38):
of it?
Like to be where you felt steady on your feet again?
Well, I left home at 20 and was excommunicated, so there was no going back to that house once
I left.
They left the state and no one knew where they were for years after that, shortly after.
I paid an investigator to find them and finally tracked them down and they told me to go home.
(15:00):
So it was years without them.
It took about, it was really not until I was through college that I felt like I had some
basis point for stability financially.
But even then, that chase for financial stability was not what I was after.
I was after personal stability, right?
It's not what people chase money so hard, but I know a lot of wealthy clients.
(15:21):
I work with a lot and they're not happy.
The majority are not happy that are wealthy.
What I was after was freedom of choice in my life.
Since that was taken from me, my America was not free.
We're promised free.
My America, I had no freedom of choice whatsoever.
So from 20 to about 25, I had a lot of, it took me a while to mentally reset and emotionally,
(15:49):
but then I was completely devoid of emotion for many years because you just locked down.
When you have not received love, when you have not received that kind of stuff, it's
very fundamentally jarring to you.
So again, I could look great and professional and everything.
Everybody thinks I'm so successful, but I did not feel that inside.
(16:09):
Well, I think that it's, first of all, it's a thank you for sharing your story, right?
I mean, that is a tremendously personal, hard, can be embarrassing, but through no fault
of your own, right?
This is your reality.
And so thank you for putting pen to paper and going through that process because that
(16:34):
had to have been terrible because it's so much easier not to write about it, right?
It's so much easier not to dig.
So let's talk about this project.
You got your upcoming book, The Diary of a Cult Girl.
It's a very bold, obviously very personal project.
What do you hope that readers will take away from your story and how did digging deep in
(16:58):
writing, how did that help you heal?
Well, the first few months, I started this two years ago and the first few months were
just hell.
I would read a sentence or two, I would start crying, I would get mad.
I could not believe.
I have a file box full of letters and journals that I wrote in that cult.
(17:20):
And so I had the day by day schedule.
It's insane.
I don't know why I was doing this, but I was tracking the whole system.
It's like the Anne Frank Diary of Cult Life.
And so when, as I started that, it was just like, ugh, and you're constantly wanting to
throw up.
You're wanting to just, what were my parents thinking?
(17:40):
But then as I persisted and was relentlessly tackling it, what I realized was it gave me
a lot of moments about, oh, God explains why I felt that way.
Oh, that's why I was overworking.
Oh, that's why I respond to people the way I do because there's these internal core
(18:03):
emotions that I never dealt with.
And then, so I found a phenomenal counselor for the first year I went every week.
And then the second year we've gone every other week.
And he wrote the foreword for my book.
And he just mainly listens and he says, your brain works at four times an average human
speed.
I think that was also part of the problem looking back.
The lack of education my parents had and the lack of financial stability they had was impacting
(18:28):
their decisions too.
You can clearly see the survival mode.
And what's so cool about it though is in all the new modern psychology and like I'm a huge
proponent of technology because it levels the playing field for people like me who could
not get out, right?
Because now you have all these people opening the world through podcasts like this, through
so much educational content that is free, where it used to be, it used to come to only
(18:54):
to the elite.
If you look at the psychology of what's happening in America, that's the reason I'm publishing
this is to go back and look at what I was going through.
You can see why we're having the mental breakdown because this is how we were raised.
And it wasn't just me.
There were 2 million people in this cult.
And this pervasive religious overture of control is common among business, military, like fundamentally
(19:22):
it's a problem I think that a lot of people have.
I believe control is an addiction and that's really what I'm studying.
So much to unpack.
I want to dive into something that you said a bit ago.
You were talking about catching yourself in a moment with your child where you recognize
that maybe you were engaging in some behavior, something that came from an innate place that
(19:48):
you caught yourself and recognized that's not how I want to parent my child.
So I know one thing you're really, really proud of is that you broke generational cycles
for your boys.
I know about them in the book.
What values or lessons are you most intentional about passing on to them?
(20:09):
You are responsible for you.
I teach them that fundamentally from the beginning because that creates an independent thinker
when they're not trying to pawn off their responsibility or their actions and behaviors
on someone else.
They're responsible for their lives.
We support them.
We unconditionally love them.
That's foremost what I see.
(20:30):
But I realize now I have severe PTSD in parenting where a lot of people who had happy childhoods
and people that love them can just love their kids.
It's natural to them.
For me, it's a lot harder because as I go into a school system, I can hardly remember
(20:51):
when I was a child in school.
I did not go to social events like we do now.
When I shut my son's door the other day, there's metals jangling on the back of his door.
I said, oh, you want me to move these?
And he's like, sure.
There's so many of them.
And I never once had a sports medal.
So there's constant reminders of the just astronomically different life that I led as
(21:14):
I parent them, quote unquote, normally.
And I also teach them a lot about respect because I think that if that was what I was
not shown, a lot of people that are super religious in that hyper controlled environment,
they won't show other people respect.
Well, in business, that's a fundamental thing.
I talk a lot about religion and politics in my books, but I can respect your opinion regardless
(21:37):
of what you believe.
But I also now can set a boundary and say, you can also respect mine and don't shove
your cultic ways down my throat.
First of all, sorry, this is all mind boggling to me.
So I'm still grappling with the whole 2 million people in the cult thing.
(22:00):
First of all, one of the things that just screams at me is the amount of emotional intelligence
that you have.
And I think that that is something that you shouldn't discount in your journey because
a lot of people don't realize where they are.
Like there's a saying that I heard in my past, which was, I never knew where I stood until
(22:25):
I got up.
And the fact that you're able with wide eyes to see where you're at and to understand that
continuously is amazing.
It's also a little bit of a bane to your existence just because you have gone through so much.
(22:46):
But you are incredibly emotionally intelligent.
Obviously you're also book smart, but I think that innate ability to understand your sense
of self in the area or in the world is something that is really cool and very wonderful.
But that's something I was very devoid in for most of my life.
That has been my sole focus.
(23:07):
The professional success meant nothing to me overall in comparison to my ability to
connect with my children.
So I had to become good at EQ because that was not a core competency coming from that.
I think you've done a great job clearly.
Well, thank you.
Clearly.
So as someone, so let's shift a little bit to the regular questions we have because this
(23:31):
is an interesting one.
I just want to give you a hug.
Like the whole time I just want to give you a hug.
As someone who's worn many hats, entrepreneur, real estate consultant, boat club operator,
soon to be author, what's one expected lesson that you've learned about resiliency in any
of your business?
Expected or unexpected?
Oh, unexpected lesson.
I'm sorry.
(23:52):
Thank you, sir.
Yeah.
So moving quadrants from Robert Kiyosaki's Rich Dad Poor Dad, that's what moved me from
going to get an executive MBA into a higher paying job and a more challenging job in corporate.
Well, his last book I read, he changed quadrants.
He talks about four quadrants and I moved from corporate to entrepreneurship in a different
(24:16):
industry.
I didn't really plan that, but that was the most unsettling professionally because I was
... The smart thing I did when I was young was pick good mentors.
I knew I had to have somebody careful to handle me.
I did not, I always thought I was, I never thought of myself as smart because this was
people's, the hand going over the head, that was people's perception of me coming out of
(24:39):
a cult.
I was a 12 year old, my understanding of the world, right?
But I could outwork and run a family better than most humans, right?
So I was so worked.
So I didn't think of myself as smart, but I outworked everyone.
So when I got to these great mentors and leaders, they were gone when I became an entrepreneur,
especially in real estate because real estate brokers are not your boss.
(25:02):
And I thought they were, they're not, especially competing brokers.
And so it cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars in not understanding how different
entrepreneurship is from a connection standpoint.
So it's very difficult.
That was the hardest transition by far.
So you've been through so much and you mentioned before that traditional success didn't really
(25:29):
mean anything to you.
So I'd love to understand what, how do you define success?
What does success look like for you?
And also has that definition changed for you over the years?
Absolutely.
You know, coming out of that, I just needed a template.
I think a lot of, you know, we take for granted that people, you know, when you have a house
(25:50):
and a car and a stable family, you take for granted what you have.
That show on Netflix, The Maid or The Handmaiden, those shows are so impactful.
I just cry the whole time I watch them because that's my life, you know, and so, or so much
of it was so much of my life.
And so when you, all these normal people take so much, they take so much for granted.
(26:14):
But when you take somebody out of poverty and you show them the template, all I needed
to see was the template of how to get a big house, how to, you know, how things worked
functionally in life.
And then I, then I was off to the races.
So nowadays, success to me, instead of just the stability that I was after, I refer to
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs a lot where the physiological, you know, you move out of the
(26:36):
food, shelter, water, basic human survival into love, safety and security.
I didn't even get to think about that in a big way.
I could act like I loved people and I went through the motions, but I didn't truly love
anyone until I had my son.
And then now it's more about the time freedom to spend with my kids and to structure my
(26:57):
life to where I've got peace and stability at my core.
And so for me now, it's not needing the, I don't have anything left to prove.
And that's when the weight of the world was finally off my shoulders when I was like,
oh, I never did have to prove all that.
It's just because I was raised to think that, but I was always worthy of, you know, being
(27:19):
valued as the human I was, but I did not understand that at the time.
I think it's really profound and it's also one of the greatest challenges of all humans
to recognize that we are inherently worthy just for being.
We don't have to do anything to deserve respect or to be happy.
(27:41):
That's just our God given right.
And it's sad how many people go through life, never finding that peace.
So I think it's a great lesson as we, again, I focus on the fact that we are approaching
the beginning of a new year and a lot of people make resolutions and it's really hard to keep
(28:04):
those resolutions.
I have a tendency to write things down on sticky notes and put them on places in places
that I'm going to see them.
I have a whole tack board to my right, which has quite a few.
It's my practice around this time of year to go review the ones that are there, the
ones that deserve to be there, stay, and I reflect on them some more and then I upgrade
(28:25):
or replace some.
I added one recently.
I love your perspective on it.
It's by Doug Larson.
It says, wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred
to talk.
And it's something that resonates with me because I feel like early on in my career,
(28:46):
I was always out to prove something.
And to me, the way to prove it was by talking and showing how much I knew.
It's only through aging and wisdom and getting to a different place in my career when I realized,
no, that's not quite how you show it.
Give me your thoughts on that.
About 100%.
(29:06):
You can imagine being raised by a military drill sergeant, literally, stepfather who
decided he was God and took us into a cult.
You can imagine how much I got to talk as a child.
So when I came out, I was eager to be heard, right?
But I didn't know anything.
And so I worked at CarMax my last year of college and it was an absolutely brilliant
company and they told us to shut up.
(29:29):
And that was some of the best advice I ever had.
But you know, sales is a lot more about listening and interpreting what somebody else needs
than it is about what you want.
And so because I was so well trained as a child slave, I was pretty good at human psychology
because I had you in that you'll read a lot about that and trauma responses to you're
(29:49):
used to managing a room when you're used to, you know, you never know when they're going
to explode or you're going to get beaten again or so you're used to mitigating risks, right?
But back to the question, that's one of the things I did.
I do a lot of comparative analysis in my life because my life has been so black and white
and I don't believe in black or white.
(30:10):
I believe so much of it's in gray and we need to look at the intent, not what rules and
laws say in our society, especially with technology disrupting everything we know.
We need to start looking at intent.
And that's what I say is I went from fear to courage.
I went from self hate to self love.
And I contrast all these in the last one I put, I went from having all the answers to
(30:31):
asking all the questions.
Love that.
Love that.
So you also mentioned that you have another favorite quote of yours, which is from Helen
Keller.
Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all.
Clearly you've embraced that mindset.
What advice, what advice, yeah, really?
(30:54):
What advice would you give to someone who feels paralyzed by fear or adversity or the
perceived hurdles up front in front of them?
You control your mind and you fear it.
Look, I grew up with nonstop fear.
We were, I was scared of going to hell over everything I did and you know, spare the rod,
(31:15):
spoil the child.
There was a lot of corporal punishment and you just, you know, so there was constant
fear.
And when you, the way I became fearless was just to do it anyway.
I just had to, you just block it and go do it.
And it doesn't always go as planned and like, especially in entrepreneurship, it's just
the roller coaster, right?
(31:35):
But then the doing teaches you.
So even if it, even if it's a quote unquote failure, the lessons that you learn from the
action of doing and overcoming those fears is by far and away what will change your life.
I had a lot of what I've done has not been intentional.
I did not, you know, I quit.
There's, it's again why I believe control is an illusion.
(31:56):
We all, everybody likes to say, oh, and everybody thought I was a control freak.
And then I realized after miscarriages and hurricanes and, you know, marrying somebody
that's lying con artist that I forgave and we co-parent beautifully now.
All these life lessons now I realize it's just, that is the adventure and you embrace
that, but we're not in control of it.
(32:18):
We're responsible for ourselves.
So I think that we need to replace that control with responsibility.
You have personal responsibility, but you're not in control.
And so I remind a lot of my clients of that when they're sitting here saying it's going
to do this, it's going to do that.
I'm like, okay, it may, but it may not.
And what's your backup plan to back up the backup plan.
(32:39):
And let's get a solid starting point for your financial journey before you take risks that
you're not prepared for.
Cause I've done that.
So I want, I want, I agree with the advice you gave.
I also want to challenge you a little bit if you're willing to be challenged to reflect
on the single, if you can think of one, the single hardest day in your journey or a day
(33:01):
that was exceptionally hard.
Because I think one of the big challenges with advice such as you gave, which I agree
with it's the advice I would give is that that's the advice you can give in hindsight.
And that's the work that's easier done in hindsight, right?
Being able to recognize what you should do in the moment is the hard part.
(33:22):
What's a moment you can reflect on where, man, that was just, it took all the strength
in the world for you to keep going.
And what was the very first thing you did?
Well, by far and away, the hardest day of my life was leaving the cult because I left
the babies that I had raised.
I called them my sibling children.
I left my home, my family.
(33:44):
People think that I have, they wanted to act like I left and was so mad at them.
And no, I still love my family.
I just, I'm not going to, I can't lie to my children about my family and they don't want
to deal with it to this day.
So that was by far and away the hardest day of my life.
But are you asking personally or professionally?
No, I think either.
(34:06):
I mean, either.
Personally, that was it.
Personally, that was by far and away, yeah, because I knew when I made that decision,
I was crying that day because I was upset because some of my friends had had a little
more freedom than me and maybe I could drive alone somewhere and go do something fun for
(34:27):
once.
And so they were going to punish me with, you can't go to the mailbox.
You can't answer the phone.
You can't go cleaning.
You got to stay at home with my stepdad and the kids.
All these punishments that I'm going, I don't have any freedom as it is.
How can it get any worse?
And so that day when I made a decision to leave, that was the hardest day by far, but
(34:49):
it was just like something went over me.
I realized that staying would have also hurt those kids.
If something, you have to stimulate change for the environment you're in sometimes.
Sometimes it's not you.
Sometimes it's the environment you're in.
And then when you look at it that way, that's what's helped me make these decisions through
(35:10):
life.
I don't look at the toilet paper view worldview.
That's what I say it was coming out of the cult.
People that don't travel, people that don't educate themselves, and I'm not talking formal
education, get online.
It's all there now.
We have a brilliant world of information.
People that don't have a toilet paper view of the world can see the bigger picture and
(35:32):
that helps you clarify those decisions.
And I've emulated people that are where I want to be in life.
I just need to see the template.
Then I can put those same mentalities and actions in my own life.
Yeah.
So, I mean, if I had to sum it up, and I think that that would be maybe a very, very simplistic,
(35:53):
but also honest answer.
You get to a point in life and all of us maybe have experienced those moments where your
intuition is screaming at you.
You need to do something.
Everything has to change.
And it sounds like the answer for you in terms of what was that step that you took was literally
(36:15):
just put one foot in front of the other and take an action.
And I would say that at some point it's less relevant what you're doing.
It's that you're doing something.
Absolutely.
It's that you're breaking whatever box you're in and you're accepting your intuitive feel
that something's got to give, something's got to change, and you act on that.
(36:40):
That's what I'm hearing.
Absolutely.
Wow.
First of all, just for both of you, since everyone has been so incredibly vulnerable
on this, I just want to let you both know that you are enough.
Both of you are fantastic people.
Whatever you've gone through in your childhoods, respectively, it's a lot.
(37:04):
And at the end of the day, you're both exceptional people.
So I just wanted to point that out for you guys.
Don't lump me in with Crystal.
She deserves a lot more accolades than I.
She does.
I overcame less.
But thank you.
I didn't want to tear it, but yes, yeah, that's kind of how it is.
Let's not do the trauma tear.
(37:24):
Yeah, right.
I didn't know there was one, so now I'm sorry for saying that.
It's not the word I want to win.
So let's talk real fast about things that can overwhelm you.
When you are dealing with that sense of overwhelm, what is one's practice or mindset or piece
(37:47):
of advice that you lean on to ground yourself in those moments and to keep going?
The beach or sex.
Nice.
That's the best answer we've ever gotten on this podcast to any question ever.
I wrote an article in college.
I got in trouble with the ethics department because that's what I said.
(38:08):
If you look at the scientific research, it's true.
But the beach was also my zen.
I just could go, when I go walk at the beach, that wind, the sun, just the outdoors.
I love the outdoors.
So those are the two ways I have regulated my central nervous system.
Since I've gotten older and have been dealing with this amount of trauma, I even have got
(38:30):
a vagus nerve stimulator.
I've got all the things.
I have restructured my entire life now to manage my nervous system, which is leading
to more physical problems at my age because of the amount of work I've carried and the
pace I've kept.
I do think nervous system regulation, all joking aside, and there are ways to do it,
(38:52):
our bodies can be a source of great pleasure.
It could also be a source of great pain.
Releasing your nervous system, particularly as you come out of any trauma in your life,
is one of the most valuable things you can do for your health.
So I highly encourage anyone in the audience who is recognizing that their nervous system
(39:14):
is not settled, whether it's because of the relationship you're in, the job you're in,
the career path you've chosen, or any other reason, take steps to remedy that because
it's almost always going to catch up to you in some way you don't want, whether it's a
cancer diagnosis or frankly, that's the most common thing for a lot of people is they get
sick and they don't recognize that they got sick because they didn't take care of their
(39:36):
nervous system.
I'll get off my soapbox.
I want to wrap up with the story of selling a property with your ex-husband as a package
deal.
Obviously, there was ingest.
I believe you guys are good friends.
He agreed to pose for a variety of suggestive photos with a, I believe a stuffed tiger and
this made the New York Post.
(39:56):
I'd love to hear what gave you that crazy idea and also how that played out.
Well, I work with a lot of investors who invest in properties and sometimes the tenants in
place.
So in reestablishing our financial foundation, I bought him a house and put him as the tenant
in my home and he's been more than any role.
(40:17):
It was a sad situation.
He had a stroke and the day after stroke, I found out about all the lying.
But I chose the path of forgiveness.
He had always shown me respect.
He's a great guy at his core.
I looked at the intent of lying was to get me and who can blame him?
I'm quite the catch.
I used comedy constantly.
So we were both a bunch of goofballs.
Just on a whim, I was launching my own brokerage, Investors Gone Wild Realty.
(40:39):
That's where the tiger came from.
I had taken my entire team and we had done a brand launch at a Wildcat Rescue.
So just on a fluke, I'm like, you know, I'm just, pose right here.
This was a fluke.
He was actually in his underwear.
That was how quick this, he didn't even have time to put on shorts.
That's how quick this happened.
Okay.
(41:00):
I'm a descriptive writer.
The writing was no problem.
Well, the MLS board did not like it at all.
I got an ethics violation for not posting, tagging my brokerage on Facebook because so
many of the local realtors were jealous of the exposure.
I was just having fun and that really is my situation.
So I thought it was insane how they handled that, but it was a blast.
(41:24):
We were on the local tell, it went massively viral.
I had actually a reality TV show producer reach out, wanted to do a reality show.
I didn't want to do that with the kids, you know, but it was quite an adventure.
I did not successfully sell him with a house, but I did successfully sell him with the last
business.
Okay.
Well, look, you know, I would be, you know, it would be, it would be irresponsible of
(41:48):
me not to take a moment as I tend to do and find the business lesson there and the business
lesson there is be bold, be courageous, be creative, be risque.
The more eyeballs you need on something or the more visibility will give you the opportunity
(42:09):
to achieve your goals, the bolder you should be.
And there's obviously a line that you don't want to cross.
I don't think that you crossed it.
Whatever the MLS point of view on that is, that's theirs.
There are lines I encourage you to be thoughtful about making sure that you are thinking about
your future and your children.
(42:32):
If you don't have them today that you might have later, et cetera.
But all things being equal, the bolder choice is almost always the right choice when you're
trying to build a business and a brand.
So I command you on having a brilliant idea and, you know, I am now going to try to sell
my children.
They're adults, but it doesn't matter.
(42:54):
They're going to be sold.
They don't know it yet.
With something that I do in any event, friends, our guest today was crystal ball.
Her story is as astonishing.
We didn't talk as much about business today, although she is a remarkably successful entrepreneur
who does a lot of very neat things and people can find you on your website, which I believe
(43:15):
is crystal ball adventures, if I'm not mistaken.
Correct.
And pick up the new book, which comes out soon.
You can, I think, preorder it on the website.
It's been a privilege to have you on.
Congratulations on making it through what the harrowing journey you've been through
and finding a way to be sitting here with us with a smile on your face, which says a
(43:38):
lot about you and says a lot about life.
You know, there's a quote that a friend of mine shared with me very recently that I thought
was great.
It said life's life's way too important to be taken seriously.
I hate that I'm drawing a blank on who said it.
I'm sure we're going to get a lot of emails from get from the audience telling me who
(43:58):
it was.
But in any event, that is the truth.
Life is way too important to be taken seriously.
It's a great way to think of any situation we find ourselves in.
Crystal, it's been an honor, a privilege.
Thank you so very much for being our guest today.
Thank you guys.
Thank you so much, Crystal.
Absolutely.
And that's a wrap, folks.
Like what you heard?
Want to support the show?
(44:19):
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Thanks for being a part of our production and we'll see you next time on the Braving
(44:42):
Business Podcast.
Hey there, I'm Tals Lotnitsky from Ignite IT Consulting.
(00:05):
You know me from the Braving Business podcast, but when I'm not behind the mic, I'm helping
tech startups and established companies ignite their full potential.
I also help entrepreneurs and businesses in distress reset for success.
With over three decades of entrepreneurial success, I bring hands-on experience to drive
growth, navigate turnarounds, raise capital, and lead to innovation.
(00:28):
Whether it's executive coaching or strategic transformation, I'm here to turn your business
challenges into success stories.
Visit igniteitconsulting.com and let's spark that change together.
That's igniteitconsulting.com.
Your journey to business brilliance starts now.
One last quick thing.
(00:49):
If you enjoyed this episode, please stay on after the show to learn more about the Braving
Business podcast and other great episodes for you to discover.
And now, let's get the show started.
(01:13):
Well hello there.
Hey buddy, how are you?
I am fantastic.
How are you?
I am wonderful.
I am sporting a bronze, you know, bronze in the ugly sweater competition I just attended
over the weekend.
I feel very proud of that.
If you win an ugly sweater competition, do you really win?
I don't know.
(01:33):
I think you do.
I tried my best to win that thing.
I brought it on the floor.
I was making ugly faces to go along with my ugly sweater.
Can you please describe this garment?
Man, I should post a photo on our website.
So it's got blue sleeves.
It's a red body.
The body of the sweater is red with blue sleeves and it's got, I think it's Rudolph the Red
(01:59):
Note Reindeer and he's got sunglasses on, but he looks really ridiculous and he's got like
a Christmas hat that sticks out of the sweater.
It's really horrendous.
It's as bad as it gets.
Yeah.
My wife-
Ill-fitting too.
Well, of course.
Of course.
My wife, Kara, has one that she just got.
That's her Pride and Joy.
(02:19):
It is a diehard Christmas sweater that talks about the Nakatomi Plaza Christmas party of
1988.
So that's kind of fun.
That famous party.
Yeah.
Crystal, do you own any ugly sweaters?
I do.
Everybody does.
But you're in Florida, so you should-
You know, you really only wear them once.
You should have actually worn them.
That should have been the theme.
(02:40):
We should have worn them.
That would have been great for the guests.
We should have.
Nothing but-
I'm very good at thinking about these things after the fact, PJ.
That's why I do what I do and you're the producer.
And we just go by the fly.
So can you please describe, Miss Crystal, please describe your ugly sweater, your favorite
one.
Well, better than my ugly sweater, I like my Santa hat with a crown on it.
(03:05):
I love that.
There were many people that- I mean, there was a lot of stuff like that going on.
Yeah.
And I wrapped myself up in Christmas lights.
Nice.
Oh, wow.
All right.
It's the season.
It's the season.
That's all I'm going to say.
Well, but if you don't mind, Mr. Tal, I'm going to introduce this lovely person that
(03:28):
we have on our show today.
Is that cool?
Yeah.
I'm looking forward to it.
It's going to be a very interesting conversation.
It will.
If only I had a crystal ball.
Oh, wait.
No, that's her name.
Crystal ball.
Crystal ball, which I'm sure she's never heard a joke about that before.
Crystal ball's story is one of extraordinary transformation, resilience, and courage raised
(03:50):
in poverty and repression with the notorious shiny, happy people cult.
Crystal spent her childhood in a world where fear and control ruled every choice.
Very sorry about that, Crystal.
Breaking free was just the beginning.
Her path to healing led her through profound loss, the devastation of Hurricane Michael,
and the immense challenge of starting over with nothing but a resolve and determination.
(04:12):
After a 13 year corporate career traveling in the convenience store industry, life threw
Crystal another curve ball.
Motherhood became her catalyst for change, a life changer baby, as she puts it, forcing
her to quit her job and accidentally embark on a journey of entrepreneurship.
Now based in Panama City Beach, Florida, Crystal is thriving as an entrepreneur, combining
(04:33):
her passion for real estate and the coastal lifestyle.
As part of that story, and we'll hear how, in 2022, Crystal offered her ex-husband Richard
along with a home that she was selling and featured him in mock suggestive poses, or
in mock suggestive poses around the house.
That is a hilarious story that we're going to, that actually made the New York Post and
(04:55):
we're definitely going to talk about.
Finally, having recently opened a boat club in Panama City, Crystal is about to become
a published author, her autobiography, Diary of a Cult Girl, will be available for sale
in early 2025.
Crystal, wow, what a life.
Let's dig in into it and thank you for being on the Braving Business podcast.
(05:16):
Absolutely, glad to be here.
So Crystal, you face challenges that most people can't even imagine.
You're literally a child slave, which boggles the mind.
We're talking about the United States of America.
So from growing up, tell us about growing up with the shiny, happy people.
A lot of people may have heard that term.
I don't know that we necessarily associate that with cult.
(05:39):
I associate it with the song, to be honest with you.
And then, you know, from there to rebuilding your life, it had to have been quite a journey.
Tell us how that was like.
What was that experience like?
And how did you extract yourself from it?
Well, I was about 14 when my parents moved back from California to Alabama, rural Alabama.
(06:03):
I think they went bankrupt.
You know how when you're a kid, you don't really know what's going on, but you just,
yeah.
So they, I think that the shame of their failure led them to seek out a new way of life and
lifestyle.
And so all I know is at 14, I had several younger brothers and sisters already, but
we moved into a three bedroom, one bath, rat infested house in the middle of nowhere from
(06:28):
a fairly normal environment out of California.
So as they got deeper and deeper into the cult, we just, the control and the isolation
just became more and more intense.
And since I was the oldest, I took the brunt of it.
And since I was an ADHD hyper achieving perfectionist by nature, you know, I really got very good
(06:52):
at overperformance.
And so when mom had the, she had number six and then number seven babies, they were like
mine because I had practically raised them.
So it was a lot like a monotony of work routine.
We owned a cleaning business.
So from, you know, we would homeschool in the mornings and then by, you know, one or
(07:15):
two in the afternoon, we would be going to work and we would work till eight, 10, 12,
whenever the work was done each day.
And so it got very, very difficult towards the end.
I got out because I was suicidally depressed and decided that anything would be better
than living their life.
And you know, being, we weren't allowed to express a feeling or emotion.
(07:38):
That was anything that was negative was not allowed because God said be happy.
And that show was actually, the shiny happy people term came from an Amazon show that
came out.
It was a four part docu-series last year that was all about this show.
I don't know that many people, when they start dealing with their childhood trauma, get to
see the cult leader on television.
I'm having a panic attack, about to throw up, watch it.
(07:59):
I'm like, whoa.
Yeah.
So I also don't think many people kept a journal of the entire event.
I was very, we were very proud of ourselves.
We thought we were God's chosen.
So I thought we had the way, you know, when you're brainwashed into this, you don't understand
life outside of that.
So thankfully I had my grandfather.
(08:20):
He was a Southern Baptist preacher, so I didn't go very far outside the cult, but he had one
thing different and that was unconditional love.
That's amazing.
Wow.
There's a ton to unpack, but let me ask you a question first.
So you mentioned hyperachievement, right?
(08:40):
Like your ADHD, like wanting to go there.
You described that as a trauma response.
Can you unpack that for us?
How did the patterns of your childhood shape your drive and how are you learning to channel
that in healthier ways?
Great question.
Survival mode.
(09:01):
That's what that hyperactivity was.
And I did not realize that until about two years ago when I realized that the speed I
run at life in has led to a lot of success, but then also the failure right behind it,
because I didn't have the foundation that most people have.
And so I kept having these knee-jerk reactions emotionally to things that most people could
(09:22):
handle better.
And so I came out of that survival mode through counseling, spending a lot of time alone.
That was also something I was never very comfortable with because I had never slept alone, had
my own room.
We were always in a family environment.
My only identity was with the family.
(09:43):
So independence was very difficult for me, even though I present as extremely competent
and independent internally.
But I was a professional at masking all emotion because we were not allowed to express it.
So nowadays I think a lot more before I make those decisions and I don't knee-jerk into
(10:07):
reactionaries out of reactionaries for survival mode.
So there's so much there.
I'd be remiss if I didn't take a second to just talk about the reality that I think would
represent something many people would recognize, which is not feeling at ease, not being able
(10:28):
to be honest, doubting yourself, and having to put on a happy face.
It's reality for a lot of us.
And the ability to recognize that you're maybe sleepwalking through your life because you're
denying your true self and then doing something about that, that's a very powerful moment.
(10:54):
And I know in your case, in rebuilding your life, you said you had to look in the mirror
hard.
Tell us what that process of radical honesty looked like for you because I think it's something
that our audience could really choose to take the time to reflect on.
We're about to celebrate the new year.
A lot of people make new year resolutions.
(11:15):
It feels to me like radical honesty.
You could do a lot worse than choosing to go through that process.
But what is that?
What did it look like for you and how did it help shape you into who you are today?
Well, that's one of the quotes in my book is that if you look in the mirror, you'll
find your biggest challenge in life, but also the key to your greatest success.
(11:37):
So the success forward comes from, it is that radical honesty.
I'm a huge Brene Brown fan, both my counselor and my best friends that I sound just like
Brene Brown.
I'm like, who's Brene Brown?
You do sound like her.
Well, the irony here is, her major was my major in college, but while she was doing
academic research, I chose to do field research.
I had a distinct lack of experience in life as compared to most people.
(12:03):
I had never been to a prom.
I had never been to a movie with a friend.
I didn't really have friends except cult approved pen pals mainly.
So a lot of the things that most people take for granted in life, like sports were a luxury
to me.
Education is a luxury.
You don't have time for that if you're trying to feed children.
But we were blessed, right?
(12:24):
So when you look at a mirror, first, again, I had no identity as myself coming out of
that.
My only identity was wrapped up in that family, but I lost all of that.
I lost the family, my community, my church, my entire foundation was gone, right?
So I had to reinvent myself.
So I connected with other people.
(12:47):
It was scary as heck because I met my real dad shortly after that.
I thought he was the devil himself, right?
I had never met people like everything was a, I call it a brain explosion.
Everything was a brain shock to me.
So I had to overcome the fear first.
And so when you look at yourself though, as you go out and live your life, and I found
a lot of success quickly professionally, because I was very eager to learn.
(13:11):
I would outwork anyone anytime, anywhere.
Hustle, hustle helps.
But when I started looking at who I was becoming, what I realized was they call it identification
with the aggressor.
I would have rather been the cult leader, my stepdad in that situation, than my mother
who was constantly abused, beat down mentally, just under so much strain emotionally, dealing
(13:32):
with what he was putting on her and us.
And so I decided I had to look at that.
I was becoming that aggressive.
I don't want to be aggressive, right?
So I had to really do a hard look into how, and my children are the impetus to most of
this, right?
And I looked at my oldest son and he looked at me when I snapped at him one day, I'm like,
(13:53):
oh, I recognize that fear.
I'm not going to do that to my child.
I'm going to go fix me.
And I've consistently tried to fix me through these years, but dealing with this level of
emotion, going through the letters, it's just, it's the hardest thing by far of anything
I've ever done, because it's very uncomfortable when you look at yourself in the mirror, at
who you really are.
But that is also where you find your peace and your happiness and your success.
(14:17):
Wow.
Let me ask just a side question real fast.
How long, so you moved from California to Alabama when you were 14.
I mean, you're already a young adult, not a young adult, but I mean, you're a teenager.
How long were you in the cult for and how long did it take you to work your way out
(14:38):
of it?
Like to be where you felt steady on your feet again?
Well, I left home at 20 and was excommunicated, so there was no going back to that house once
I left.
They left the state and no one knew where they were for years after that, shortly after.
I paid an investigator to find them and finally tracked them down and they told me to go home.
(15:00):
So it was years without them.
It took about, it was really not until I was through college that I felt like I had some
basis point for stability financially.
But even then, that chase for financial stability was not what I was after.
I was after personal stability, right?
It's not what people chase money so hard, but I know a lot of wealthy clients.
(15:21):
I work with a lot and they're not happy.
The majority are not happy that are wealthy.
What I was after was freedom of choice in my life.
Since that was taken from me, my America was not free.
We're promised free.
My America, I had no freedom of choice whatsoever.
So from 20 to about 25, I had a lot of, it took me a while to mentally reset and emotionally,
(15:49):
but then I was completely devoid of emotion for many years because you just locked down.
When you have not received love, when you have not received that kind of stuff, it's
very fundamentally jarring to you.
So again, I could look great and professional and everything.
Everybody thinks I'm so successful, but I did not feel that inside.
(16:09):
Well, I think that it's, first of all, it's a thank you for sharing your story, right?
I mean, that is a tremendously personal, hard, can be embarrassing, but through no fault
of your own, right?
This is your reality.
And so thank you for putting pen to paper and going through that process because that
(16:34):
had to have been terrible because it's so much easier not to write about it, right?
It's so much easier not to dig.
So let's talk about this project.
You got your upcoming book, The Diary of a Cult Girl.
It's a very bold, obviously very personal project.
What do you hope that readers will take away from your story and how did digging deep in
(16:58):
writing, how did that help you heal?
Well, the first few months, I started this two years ago and the first few months were
just hell.
I would read a sentence or two, I would start crying, I would get mad.
I could not believe.
I have a file box full of letters and journals that I wrote in that cult.
(17:20):
And so I had the day by day schedule.
It's insane.
I don't know why I was doing this, but I was tracking the whole system.
It's like the Anne Frank Diary of Cult Life.
And so when, as I started that, it was just like, ugh, and you're constantly wanting to
throw up.
You're wanting to just, what were my parents thinking?
(17:40):
But then as I persisted and was relentlessly tackling it, what I realized was it gave me
a lot of moments about, oh, God explains why I felt that way.
Oh, that's why I was overworking.
Oh, that's why I respond to people the way I do because there's these internal core
(18:03):
emotions that I never dealt with.
And then, so I found a phenomenal counselor for the first year I went every week.
And then the second year we've gone every other week.
And he wrote the foreword for my book.
And he just mainly listens and he says, your brain works at four times an average human
speed.
I think that was also part of the problem looking back.
The lack of education my parents had and the lack of financial stability they had was impacting
(18:28):
their decisions too.
You can clearly see the survival mode.
And what's so cool about it though is in all the new modern psychology and like I'm a huge
proponent of technology because it levels the playing field for people like me who could
not get out, right?
Because now you have all these people opening the world through podcasts like this, through
so much educational content that is free, where it used to be, it used to come to only
(18:54):
to the elite.
If you look at the psychology of what's happening in America, that's the reason I'm publishing
this is to go back and look at what I was going through.
You can see why we're having the mental breakdown because this is how we were raised.
And it wasn't just me.
There were 2 million people in this cult.
And this pervasive religious overture of control is common among business, military, like fundamentally
(19:22):
it's a problem I think that a lot of people have.
I believe control is an addiction and that's really what I'm studying.
So much to unpack.
I want to dive into something that you said a bit ago.
You were talking about catching yourself in a moment with your child where you recognize
that maybe you were engaging in some behavior, something that came from an innate place that
(19:48):
you caught yourself and recognized that's not how I want to parent my child.
So I know one thing you're really, really proud of is that you broke generational cycles
for your boys.
I know about them in the book.
What values or lessons are you most intentional about passing on to them?
(20:09):
You are responsible for you.
I teach them that fundamentally from the beginning because that creates an independent thinker
when they're not trying to pawn off their responsibility or their actions and behaviors
on someone else.
They're responsible for their lives.
We support them.
We unconditionally love them.
That's foremost what I see.
(20:30):
But I realize now I have severe PTSD in parenting where a lot of people who had happy childhoods
and people that love them can just love their kids.
It's natural to them.
For me, it's a lot harder because as I go into a school system, I can hardly remember
(20:51):
when I was a child in school.
I did not go to social events like we do now.
When I shut my son's door the other day, there's metals jangling on the back of his door.
I said, oh, you want me to move these?
And he's like, sure.
There's so many of them.
And I never once had a sports medal.
So there's constant reminders of the just astronomically different life that I led as
(21:14):
I parent them, quote unquote, normally.
And I also teach them a lot about respect because I think that if that was what I was
not shown, a lot of people that are super religious in that hyper controlled environment,
they won't show other people respect.
Well, in business, that's a fundamental thing.
I talk a lot about religion and politics in my books, but I can respect your opinion regardless
(21:37):
of what you believe.
But I also now can set a boundary and say, you can also respect mine and don't shove
your cultic ways down my throat.
First of all, sorry, this is all mind boggling to me.
So I'm still grappling with the whole 2 million people in the cult thing.
(22:00):
First of all, one of the things that just screams at me is the amount of emotional intelligence
that you have.
And I think that that is something that you shouldn't discount in your journey because
a lot of people don't realize where they are.
Like there's a saying that I heard in my past, which was, I never knew where I stood until
(22:25):
I got up.
And the fact that you're able with wide eyes to see where you're at and to understand that
continuously is amazing.
It's also a little bit of a bane to your existence just because you have gone through so much.
(22:46):
But you are incredibly emotionally intelligent.
Obviously you're also book smart, but I think that innate ability to understand your sense
of self in the area or in the world is something that is really cool and very wonderful.
But that's something I was very devoid in for most of my life.
That has been my sole focus.
(23:07):
The professional success meant nothing to me overall in comparison to my ability to
connect with my children.
So I had to become good at EQ because that was not a core competency coming from that.
I think you've done a great job clearly.
Well, thank you.
Clearly.
So as someone, so let's shift a little bit to the regular questions we have because this
(23:31):
is an interesting one.
I just want to give you a hug.
Like the whole time I just want to give you a hug.
As someone who's worn many hats, entrepreneur, real estate consultant, boat club operator,
soon to be author, what's one expected lesson that you've learned about resiliency in any
of your business?
Expected or unexpected?
Oh, unexpected lesson.
I'm sorry.
(23:52):
Thank you, sir.
Yeah.
So moving quadrants from Robert Kiyosaki's Rich Dad Poor Dad, that's what moved me from
going to get an executive MBA into a higher paying job and a more challenging job in corporate.
Well, his last book I read, he changed quadrants.
He talks about four quadrants and I moved from corporate to entrepreneurship in a different
(24:16):
industry.
I didn't really plan that, but that was the most unsettling professionally because I was
... The smart thing I did when I was young was pick good mentors.
I knew I had to have somebody careful to handle me.
I did not, I always thought I was, I never thought of myself as smart because this was
people's, the hand going over the head, that was people's perception of me coming out of
(24:39):
a cult.
I was a 12 year old, my understanding of the world, right?
But I could outwork and run a family better than most humans, right?
So I was so worked.
So I didn't think of myself as smart, but I outworked everyone.
So when I got to these great mentors and leaders, they were gone when I became an entrepreneur,
especially in real estate because real estate brokers are not your boss.
(25:02):
And I thought they were, they're not, especially competing brokers.
And so it cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars in not understanding how different
entrepreneurship is from a connection standpoint.
So it's very difficult.
That was the hardest transition by far.
So you've been through so much and you mentioned before that traditional success didn't really
(25:29):
mean anything to you.
So I'd love to understand what, how do you define success?
What does success look like for you?
And also has that definition changed for you over the years?
Absolutely.
You know, coming out of that, I just needed a template.
I think a lot of, you know, we take for granted that people, you know, when you have a house
(25:50):
and a car and a stable family, you take for granted what you have.
That show on Netflix, The Maid or The Handmaiden, those shows are so impactful.
I just cry the whole time I watch them because that's my life, you know, and so, or so much
of it was so much of my life.
And so when you, all these normal people take so much, they take so much for granted.
(26:14):
But when you take somebody out of poverty and you show them the template, all I needed
to see was the template of how to get a big house, how to, you know, how things worked
functionally in life.
And then I, then I was off to the races.
So nowadays, success to me, instead of just the stability that I was after, I refer to
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs a lot where the physiological, you know, you move out of the
(26:36):
food, shelter, water, basic human survival into love, safety and security.
I didn't even get to think about that in a big way.
I could act like I loved people and I went through the motions, but I didn't truly love
anyone until I had my son.
And then now it's more about the time freedom to spend with my kids and to structure my
(26:57):
life to where I've got peace and stability at my core.
And so for me now, it's not needing the, I don't have anything left to prove.
And that's when the weight of the world was finally off my shoulders when I was like,
oh, I never did have to prove all that.
It's just because I was raised to think that, but I was always worthy of, you know, being
(27:19):
valued as the human I was, but I did not understand that at the time.
I think it's really profound and it's also one of the greatest challenges of all humans
to recognize that we are inherently worthy just for being.
We don't have to do anything to deserve respect or to be happy.
(27:41):
That's just our God given right.
And it's sad how many people go through life, never finding that peace.
So I think it's a great lesson as we, again, I focus on the fact that we are approaching
the beginning of a new year and a lot of people make resolutions and it's really hard to keep
(28:04):
those resolutions.
I have a tendency to write things down on sticky notes and put them on places in places
that I'm going to see them.
I have a whole tack board to my right, which has quite a few.
It's my practice around this time of year to go review the ones that are there, the
ones that deserve to be there, stay, and I reflect on them some more and then I upgrade
(28:25):
or replace some.
I added one recently.
I love your perspective on it.
It's by Doug Larson.
It says, wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred
to talk.
And it's something that resonates with me because I feel like early on in my career,
(28:46):
I was always out to prove something.
And to me, the way to prove it was by talking and showing how much I knew.
It's only through aging and wisdom and getting to a different place in my career when I realized,
no, that's not quite how you show it.
Give me your thoughts on that.
About 100%.
(29:06):
You can imagine being raised by a military drill sergeant, literally, stepfather who
decided he was God and took us into a cult.
You can imagine how much I got to talk as a child.
So when I came out, I was eager to be heard, right?
But I didn't know anything.
And so I worked at CarMax my last year of college and it was an absolutely brilliant
company and they told us to shut up.
(29:29):
And that was some of the best advice I ever had.
But you know, sales is a lot more about listening and interpreting what somebody else needs
than it is about what you want.
And so because I was so well trained as a child slave, I was pretty good at human psychology
because I had you in that you'll read a lot about that and trauma responses to you're
(29:49):
used to managing a room when you're used to, you know, you never know when they're going
to explode or you're going to get beaten again or so you're used to mitigating risks, right?
But back to the question, that's one of the things I did.
I do a lot of comparative analysis in my life because my life has been so black and white
and I don't believe in black or white.
(30:10):
I believe so much of it's in gray and we need to look at the intent, not what rules and
laws say in our society, especially with technology disrupting everything we know.
We need to start looking at intent.
And that's what I say is I went from fear to courage.
I went from self hate to self love.
And I contrast all these in the last one I put, I went from having all the answers to
(30:31):
asking all the questions.
Love that.
Love that.
So you also mentioned that you have another favorite quote of yours, which is from Helen
Keller.
Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all.
Clearly you've embraced that mindset.
What advice, what advice, yeah, really?
(30:54):
What advice would you give to someone who feels paralyzed by fear or adversity or the
perceived hurdles up front in front of them?
You control your mind and you fear it.
Look, I grew up with nonstop fear.
We were, I was scared of going to hell over everything I did and you know, spare the rod,
(31:15):
spoil the child.
There was a lot of corporal punishment and you just, you know, so there was constant
fear.
And when you, the way I became fearless was just to do it anyway.
I just had to, you just block it and go do it.
And it doesn't always go as planned and like, especially in entrepreneurship, it's just
the roller coaster, right?
(31:35):
But then the doing teaches you.
So even if it, even if it's a quote unquote failure, the lessons that you learn from the
action of doing and overcoming those fears is by far and away what will change your life.
I had a lot of what I've done has not been intentional.
I did not, you know, I quit.
There's, it's again why I believe control is an illusion.
(31:56):
We all, everybody likes to say, oh, and everybody thought I was a control freak.
And then I realized after miscarriages and hurricanes and, you know, marrying somebody
that's lying con artist that I forgave and we co-parent beautifully now.
All these life lessons now I realize it's just, that is the adventure and you embrace
that, but we're not in control of it.
(32:18):
We're responsible for ourselves.
So I think that we need to replace that control with responsibility.
You have personal responsibility, but you're not in control.
And so I remind a lot of my clients of that when they're sitting here saying it's going
to do this, it's going to do that.
I'm like, okay, it may, but it may not.
And what's your backup plan to back up the backup plan.
(32:39):
And let's get a solid starting point for your financial journey before you take risks that
you're not prepared for.
Cause I've done that.
So I want, I want, I agree with the advice you gave.
I also want to challenge you a little bit if you're willing to be challenged to reflect
on the single, if you can think of one, the single hardest day in your journey or a day
(33:01):
that was exceptionally hard.
Because I think one of the big challenges with advice such as you gave, which I agree
with it's the advice I would give is that that's the advice you can give in hindsight.
And that's the work that's easier done in hindsight, right?
Being able to recognize what you should do in the moment is the hard part.
(33:22):
What's a moment you can reflect on where, man, that was just, it took all the strength
in the world for you to keep going.
And what was the very first thing you did?
Well, by far and away, the hardest day of my life was leaving the cult because I left
the babies that I had raised.
I called them my sibling children.
I left my home, my family.
(33:44):
People think that I have, they wanted to act like I left and was so mad at them.
And no, I still love my family.
I just, I'm not going to, I can't lie to my children about my family and they don't want
to deal with it to this day.
So that was by far and away the hardest day of my life.
But are you asking personally or professionally?
No, I think either.
(34:06):
I mean, either.
Personally, that was it.
Personally, that was by far and away, yeah, because I knew when I made that decision,
I was crying that day because I was upset because some of my friends had had a little
more freedom than me and maybe I could drive alone somewhere and go do something fun for
(34:27):
once.
And so they were going to punish me with, you can't go to the mailbox.
You can't answer the phone.
You can't go cleaning.
You got to stay at home with my stepdad and the kids.
All these punishments that I'm going, I don't have any freedom as it is.
How can it get any worse?
And so that day when I made a decision to leave, that was the hardest day by far, but
(34:49):
it was just like something went over me.
I realized that staying would have also hurt those kids.
If something, you have to stimulate change for the environment you're in sometimes.
Sometimes it's not you.
Sometimes it's the environment you're in.
And then when you look at it that way, that's what's helped me make these decisions through
(35:10):
life.
I don't look at the toilet paper view worldview.
That's what I say it was coming out of the cult.
People that don't travel, people that don't educate themselves, and I'm not talking formal
education, get online.
It's all there now.
We have a brilliant world of information.
People that don't have a toilet paper view of the world can see the bigger picture and
(35:32):
that helps you clarify those decisions.
And I've emulated people that are where I want to be in life.
I just need to see the template.
Then I can put those same mentalities and actions in my own life.
Yeah.
So, I mean, if I had to sum it up, and I think that that would be maybe a very, very simplistic,
(35:53):
but also honest answer.
You get to a point in life and all of us maybe have experienced those moments where your
intuition is screaming at you.
You need to do something.
Everything has to change.
And it sounds like the answer for you in terms of what was that step that you took was literally
(36:15):
just put one foot in front of the other and take an action.
And I would say that at some point it's less relevant what you're doing.
It's that you're doing something.
Absolutely.
It's that you're breaking whatever box you're in and you're accepting your intuitive feel
that something's got to give, something's got to change, and you act on that.
(36:40):
That's what I'm hearing.
Absolutely.
Wow.
First of all, just for both of you, since everyone has been so incredibly vulnerable
on this, I just want to let you both know that you are enough.
Both of you are fantastic people.
Whatever you've gone through in your childhoods, respectively, it's a lot.
(37:04):
And at the end of the day, you're both exceptional people.
So I just wanted to point that out for you guys.
Don't lump me in with Crystal.
She deserves a lot more accolades than I.
She does.
I overcame less.
But thank you.
I didn't want to tear it, but yes, yeah, that's kind of how it is.
Let's not do the trauma tear.
(37:24):
Yeah, right.
I didn't know there was one, so now I'm sorry for saying that.
It's not the word I want to win.
So let's talk real fast about things that can overwhelm you.
When you are dealing with that sense of overwhelm, what is one's practice or mindset or piece
(37:47):
of advice that you lean on to ground yourself in those moments and to keep going?
The beach or sex.
Nice.
That's the best answer we've ever gotten on this podcast to any question ever.
I wrote an article in college.
I got in trouble with the ethics department because that's what I said.
(38:08):
If you look at the scientific research, it's true.
But the beach was also my zen.
I just could go, when I go walk at the beach, that wind, the sun, just the outdoors.
I love the outdoors.
So those are the two ways I have regulated my central nervous system.
Since I've gotten older and have been dealing with this amount of trauma, I even have got
(38:30):
a vagus nerve stimulator.
I've got all the things.
I have restructured my entire life now to manage my nervous system, which is leading
to more physical problems at my age because of the amount of work I've carried and the
pace I've kept.
I do think nervous system regulation, all joking aside, and there are ways to do it,
(38:52):
our bodies can be a source of great pleasure.
It could also be a source of great pain.
Releasing your nervous system, particularly as you come out of any trauma in your life,
is one of the most valuable things you can do for your health.
So I highly encourage anyone in the audience who is recognizing that their nervous system
(39:14):
is not settled, whether it's because of the relationship you're in, the job you're in,
the career path you've chosen, or any other reason, take steps to remedy that because
it's almost always going to catch up to you in some way you don't want, whether it's a
cancer diagnosis or frankly, that's the most common thing for a lot of people is they get
sick and they don't recognize that they got sick because they didn't take care of their
(39:36):
nervous system.
I'll get off my soapbox.
I want to wrap up with the story of selling a property with your ex-husband as a package
deal.
Obviously, there was ingest.
I believe you guys are good friends.
He agreed to pose for a variety of suggestive photos with a, I believe a stuffed tiger and
this made the New York Post.
(39:56):
I'd love to hear what gave you that crazy idea and also how that played out.
Well, I work with a lot of investors who invest in properties and sometimes the tenants in
place.
So in reestablishing our financial foundation, I bought him a house and put him as the tenant
in my home and he's been more than any role.
(40:17):
It was a sad situation.
He had a stroke and the day after stroke, I found out about all the lying.
But I chose the path of forgiveness.
He had always shown me respect.
He's a great guy at his core.
I looked at the intent of lying was to get me and who can blame him?
I'm quite the catch.
I used comedy constantly.
So we were both a bunch of goofballs.
Just on a whim, I was launching my own brokerage, Investors Gone Wild Realty.
(40:39):
That's where the tiger came from.
I had taken my entire team and we had done a brand launch at a Wildcat Rescue.
So just on a fluke, I'm like, you know, I'm just, pose right here.
This was a fluke.
He was actually in his underwear.
That was how quick this, he didn't even have time to put on shorts.
That's how quick this happened.
Okay.
(41:00):
I'm a descriptive writer.
The writing was no problem.
Well, the MLS board did not like it at all.
I got an ethics violation for not posting, tagging my brokerage on Facebook because so
many of the local realtors were jealous of the exposure.
I was just having fun and that really is my situation.
So I thought it was insane how they handled that, but it was a blast.
(41:24):
We were on the local tell, it went massively viral.
I had actually a reality TV show producer reach out, wanted to do a reality show.
I didn't want to do that with the kids, you know, but it was quite an adventure.
I did not successfully sell him with a house, but I did successfully sell him with the last
business.
Okay.
Well, look, you know, I would be, you know, it would be, it would be irresponsible of
(41:48):
me not to take a moment as I tend to do and find the business lesson there and the business
lesson there is be bold, be courageous, be creative, be risque.
The more eyeballs you need on something or the more visibility will give you the opportunity
(42:09):
to achieve your goals, the bolder you should be.
And there's obviously a line that you don't want to cross.
I don't think that you crossed it.
Whatever the MLS point of view on that is, that's theirs.
There are lines I encourage you to be thoughtful about making sure that you are thinking about
your future and your children.
(42:32):
If you don't have them today that you might have later, et cetera.
But all things being equal, the bolder choice is almost always the right choice when you're
trying to build a business and a brand.
So I command you on having a brilliant idea and, you know, I am now going to try to sell
my children.
They're adults, but it doesn't matter.
(42:54):
They're going to be sold.
They don't know it yet.
With something that I do in any event, friends, our guest today was crystal ball.
Her story is as astonishing.
We didn't talk as much about business today, although she is a remarkably successful entrepreneur
who does a lot of very neat things and people can find you on your website, which I believe
(43:15):
is crystal ball adventures, if I'm not mistaken.
Correct.
And pick up the new book, which comes out soon.
You can, I think, preorder it on the website.
It's been a privilege to have you on.
Congratulations on making it through what the harrowing journey you've been through
and finding a way to be sitting here with us with a smile on your face, which says a
(43:38):
lot about you and says a lot about life.
You know, there's a quote that a friend of mine shared with me very recently that I thought
was great.
It said life's life's way too important to be taken seriously.
I hate that I'm drawing a blank on who said it.
I'm sure we're going to get a lot of emails from get from the audience telling me who
(43:58):
it was.
But in any event, that is the truth.
Life is way too important to be taken seriously.
It's a great way to think of any situation we find ourselves in.
Crystal, it's been an honor, a privilege.
Thank you so very much for being our guest today.
Thank you guys.
Thank you so much, Crystal.
Absolutely.
And that's a wrap, folks.
Like what you heard?
Want to support the show?
(44:19):
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Visit us on YouTube and please like and rate us on all of your favorite podcast streaming
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You can also see exclusive content, subscribe for free to our weekly blog, support our sponsors
and soon buy our merchandise at www.bravingbusiness.com.
Thanks for being a part of our production and we'll see you next time on the Braving
(44:42):
Business Podcast.
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com