July 2, 2025 • 25 mins
The Journey of Recovery interview series highlights the stories of Montanans with lived experiences of trauma, substance use and mental health struggles and who are on the path of recovery. These interviews share how people can move forward and empower others to do the same.
In this episode, Mountain Pacific’s Sarah Byrnes talks with Calvin Gone to discuss his experience with substance use, his recovery journey and how he is helping others find hope for a better tomorrow.
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Episode Transcript
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Sarah Byrnes (00:00):
Announcer, one chapter does not define a
(00:04):
person's whole story. Welcome toour journey of recovery series
where we talk with Montanans whohave lived experience of trauma,
substance use and struggles withmental health, about where they
are now the Substance Abuse andMental Health Services
Administration, or SAMHSAdefines recovery as a process of
change through which individualsimprove their health and
(00:26):
wellness, live a self directedlife and strive to reach their
full potential. Join us to learnabout community members in
recovery as they share theirstory and the steps they are
taking to help others on theirjourney. I'm I'm excited about
this whole project, so, yeah, sowhy don't, if you don't mind, go
(00:48):
ahead and introduce yourself.
Let us know a little bit aboutyou.
Calvin Gone (00:54):
My name is Calvin Gone the third I'm a Ani and
Omaha tribal member. My dad'sfrom Fort Belknap, and my
mother's from Mason, Nebraska.
And I reside in Great Falls,Montana right now. I've been
here for 13, and a half years.
(01:14):
My folks and my my siblings,they all live in Nebraska. I am
the student ambassador atMontana State University, great
college of Great Falls. Okay,also, I also work at the
Indigenous Education Departmentfor the Great Falls public
schools as a youth developmentspecialist. So those are my two
jobs, part time. I justgraduated. I just got my degree
(01:38):
in AA degree in substance usecounseling, Saturday. Oh,
Sarah Byrnes (01:41):
Oh, congratulations.
Calvin Gone (01:43):
I'm 48 years old and been an active. I was in
active addiction for 22 years. Iwas 34 year when I decided to
change my life. I like watchingfootball, basketball. I also
like powwows. I'm also a NativeAmerican singer. I like powwows
(02:08):
and brown dances and hand games.
Oh, great. So yeah, I like, Ilike doing a lot of those
activities, um, cultural stuff.
Sarah Byrnes (02:20):
What would you say your long term plans or goals
are
Calvin Gone (02:24):
my land. My long term plan or goals would be, I
want to be a counselor to giveback to other addicts and
alcoholics that are coming intorecovery and newly coming in
recovery, hopefully I can giveback was freely given to me, and
(02:44):
and just be like a like a beaconof hope, I guess, you know,
yeah, because somebody was therefor me when I came in and helped
me, guided me along, and gave mesome hope that I didn't have in
the beginning. And so I guessthis is my purpose. It's my
passion to to give back and helpothers. Since I've been on this
(03:10):
path, you know,
Sarah Byrnes (03:10):
That's fantastic to give back once, especially
because you received it and youwant to give back, that sounds
great. So when people learnabout your lived experience and
recovery. What kind of reactionsdo you see?
Calvin Gone (03:22):
You know, honestly, I never really thought about
that question. Yeah, so I don'treally know, but I know that a
lot of people that knew me backin my addiction are thankful
that and and glad that I don'tuse no more. Yeah, absolutely, I
(03:43):
know that, and it and it's theand it's the, what do you call
it? It's like a testament of whoI am today, because back then,
no one really wanted me around.
And now today, I have tons offriends and family that just
look to me for guidance. I don'tgive advice. Only reason why I
(04:06):
don't give advice is because, ifit doesn't work, they have
someone to blame. So I do givemy little experiences that that
that, hopefully, that they canfind a direction they need to go
in. You know, I can just givethem similar experiences that I
had.
Sarah Byrnes (04:26):
Well, it sounds like you have a great support
system, and you're providing agood support system, so it's
going both ways there. That'sawesome. What do you what do you
think people should know aboutsomeone who's in recovery, like,
what would, what was your Whatdid you tell somebody, or what
was the one thing you think theyshould know about someone in
(04:48):
recovery? Like, is there anytime? I know some people walk on
eggshells when they find outthey're not sure what to say.
Calvin Gone (04:58):
I would probably.
I. Have to say, like, I guessdoing judge them. You know,
that's a big thing, you know,because we don't know what
people dealt with in their pastto become addict or alcoholic.
You know, some people live hardlives, but never really shared
(05:19):
what what happened to them, orwhat they've been through. And
so they chose a different pathat that time, and maybe it was
to numb, numb out or escape. Andthen one day, finally get into
recovery, they're trying to findout who they are. Because, you
know, in my own experience, Ididn't know who I really was,
(05:44):
you know, I mean, I had a lot ofgood teachings growing up, but I
wasn't living up to thoseteachings, and so I was had a
lot of guilt and shame that keptme out there, but until I
started coming into recovery andgetting clean off the drugs and
(06:04):
alcohol, I was able to clear mymind a little bit so where I can
grasp some, some things to toknow that, you know, not, not
that I didn't know I was livinga, not a Good way, but to help
me see that, you know, that'snot the life I need. You know,
right? And so someone coming inrecovery, I probably just say,
(06:28):
share a little show them alittle grace, because, you know,
they're very fragile. Whensomeone in recovery comes in
recovery, they're very fragile,and they're very sensitive. So
like they're trying to getthey're trying to find a new way
of life, but if someone liketreats them differently or or
negatively, that could alsojeopardize the recovery, and
(06:50):
they they go back becausethey're like, well, what's the
point? Then you know so andsometimes you know it's not like
trying to baby them or anything.
It's just trying to help themout, and they have to find that
accountability for themselves,and once they do, I think that
(07:15):
opens a lot of doors for them,because in my own experiences, I
blamed everybody before I cameto recovery, you know, it was
all their fault. It wasn't noneof mine. And I just because I
couldn't see my side of thestreet, I couldn't see my
faults, you know, until I wasable to clear my mind in Kate
(07:38):
direction, which was reallyhard,
Sarah Byrnes (07:41):
yeah, I was gonna say going to recovery must be
extremely difficult. I mean,that's a sigh of strength. Just
say, hey, I need help. That's ahuge, huge thing, I'm sure. I
mean, just from my experiencewith other things, but, yeah,
just trying to change your life,that's a huge decision.
Calvin Gone (07:59):
Yeah, because an addict and alcohol, they never
alcoholic, they don't really askfor help, you know, and a lot of
times it's, it's because theydon't want to look stupid or,
you know, look weak or whatever.
That's kind of how I looked atit. But it's huge when someone
that's struggling with addictionasks for help and and for me,
being on this side now walkingin my journey, that's my part to
(08:21):
give back and say, okay, youknow what? Let's do what we can
to find you some help, or let's,let's guide you in the right
direction.
Sarah Byrnes (08:34):
Yeah, were there any recovery services or
specific ones anyway, that youbenefit from, or any specific
ones that you felt were mosthelpful?
Calvin Gone (08:47):
Well, yeah, oh yeah, there's a few, like
outpatient or inpatient was oneof them, because, like, there
was no way that I could getclean and sober without being
somewhere where I had to havethat, I went to treatment for 37
days. So it took 37 days tolike, break that hold that the
(09:12):
alcohol addiction had on me andthe drug addiction, you know, if
I didn't have that, I don'tthink I'd have been able to
succeed, you know. But in thatwas 37 days, I was able to try
to find, or do my best to findwhat was ailing me inside, you
know, my core issues. You know,in there, I was able to process,
(09:37):
because we had a lot ofcounselors, treatment assistants
and speakers that would come in.
So they were like giving useducation on
on this, on the addiction andstuff and alcohol. And I think
that was very important for me.
Lot of is because. As you know,I controlled my own life for
(10:01):
years, and I didn't. I didn't dovery well controlling it because
I didn't have a higher power, Iguess they call it, because I'm,
you know, I didn't have time topray out there. But I know,
like, like, when I've got intoinpatient, it was like, the
spiritual experience. Yeah, Ihad to find some mouse that
(10:23):
would help me along, like apower grader myself. And once I
was able to open that, open myeyes to that, and actually given
a given a shot, you know, givenit a try, I was able to find
that power grain myself, eventhough it wasn't like, you know,
I can't see it, you know. But anold timer, when I was in
(10:46):
treatment, I would we, theywould take us out to outside
meetings. And this old timer, Iwas like, I'm struggling with
the higher power. I mean, I I'vebeen spiritual all my life
because I'm Native American. I'mborn into spirituality, you
know, and I done a lot of stuffgrowing up, sweat lodges and
stuff like that, and praying.
(11:06):
But when I was out there using Inever prayed, I never really had
the time, you know, it wasn't ait wasn't a priority. I was
telling this old timer. I waslike, I don't know. I don't know
how to find that, you know. Iknow, I know it's there, but I
just don't know how. And then hetold me, and that the treatment
(11:28):
center where I was at had a deckon the back where you can go
smoke cigarettes, you know. Andthat's pretty much what you
could do in treatment, you know.
So I went, I went out there, andhe said, Yeah, I just sat on the
deck back there. And he said, ifwhen they hit wind hits your
face, he said, you can't see it,but you can feel it, and that's
a power grading yourself. Andthat made like a huge sense,
because I'm, like, a hands on Cperson, you know, yeah. And so
(11:51):
when he explained it that way,made total sense, you know. That
really helped me in my journeyto, um, to find my higher power.
Sarah Byrnes (12:01):
That sounds powerful. So thank you for
sharing that. Yeah, and you saidpeople came in and spoke. Were
there any people who workcurrently, or are still
currently in recovery, who cameand spoke when you were at that
treatment center?
Calvin Gone (12:15):
Oh, yeah, there is, there's, well, there was a
native guy he came in, who bigcall native guy, and he's, he
shared his story, and man, like,it's like, he instilled hope in
me because he was native, butalso, like, I think at the time
(12:35):
he might have had, like, I wantto say 16 years, consecutively
clean or sober, and he shared astory, and I was just like, wow.
I was like, okay, you know,maybe I can do this, you know,
and just by listening to him,and he actually became one of my
my one of my good friends today,he's still one of my good
(12:58):
friends. I think he justcelebrated 29 years, and
fantastic. Yeah, so he's stillin my life today. I didn't know
him till he came into treatmentcenter and spoke, and I met him,
met him there, and then we justbecame friends after that. And
he's still in my life today, andhe still gives me guidance in my
(13:19):
journey.
Sarah Byrnes (13:20):
That sounds really impactful. That's amazing. Thank
you for sharing that. Whatadvice would you give, or would
you say if you don't want togive a specific recommendation
to someone who's looking atpotentially getting into
recovery?
Calvin Gone (13:35):
Well, if they're thinking about recovery, then
you know maybe it wasn't. It'snot so good out there right now
what they're doing. So I wouldprobably say, you know, give
yourself a chance. Yeah, youknow, take a chance on yourself,
you know, because, like I said,it's not easy to ask for help
when you're out there runningand gunning and people look down
on you, or judge you, or, youknow, you do a lot of damage
(14:00):
when you're out there using inso it's not very easy for people
to say, Oh, you want help rightnow. Okay, we can help you. You
know, it's not that easy.
Because who you know, youprobably burned a lot of bridges
to that at that point. You know,I guess what I would probably
say is, I would share with them,is that, are you tired of living
the way you're living, and areyou tired of what you're
(14:21):
feeling? And if you are, thenlet's go get you some help,
because in that point, in thatinstant, they're willing to do
whatever it takes to trysomething different, but do
something different. I don'tlike that word try. I said it a
couple times. I never, hardlyever say it to you, but do
(14:42):
something different. You know,you know, we tried all our life
and never got anywhere where wehave to do it by action. We got
to do it to take action.
Sarah Byrnes (14:53):
Were there any Did you have any difficulties
finding recovery services thatyou needed? Yeah. Or how
difficult was it for you to getthose services?
Calvin Gone (15:03):
Actually, it wasn't really difficult when I came
into the program, because I was2011 when I got clean and sober,
and the recovery service thatdid help me. I went to
inpatient, then right afterinpatient, I I signed up for a
sober living house, you know,halfway house, and all over like
(15:24):
Montana and Wyoming, and nobodywanted me, but Great Falls, had
a sober living here, and it wascalled booth plunder Lodge. And
that place helped metremendously. And and through
that going there, we had to goto outpatient, intensive
outpatient, and that was anotherresource to help me. And then
(15:45):
once I graduate intensiveoutpatient, I went to
outpatient. So I did, like threetreatments right in a row. Us
staying at a halfway house, andat the halfway house like I
lived on the, on the, on thestreets for for a number of
years, homeless. You know,before I got clean, it's over.
(16:08):
And so when I went to thehalfway house, they helped me,
like, I had to make my bed. Ididn't have a bed for a long
time. So, you know, I mean, so Ihad to learn how to not learn.
Well, I guess, I guess you couldsay learn, because when you're
out there and you just give upon life, you don't have a whole
lot of responsibilities, youknow. I mean, you're just trying
to survive a day by day. Getyour fix, get your drink, you
(16:32):
know, by any means necessary,you know. And so that's that
halfway house, Booth, ThunderLodge. It also it showed me how
to like, take care of myselfagain, clean my room, make my
bed, cook dinner for the fellasonce a week, clean the house.
(16:55):
Budget money. Have have abudget. Get up and go to work,
find a job. You know, all thesethings that normally, that we do
naturally if we're not using,but when you're after using,
those are the things that youdon't really, if you're a real
addict or real alcoholic, youdon't, you don't do those kind
(17:16):
of skills, you know. So it, Ihad to relearn a lot of stuff in
that halfway house, which wassounds today, it just sounds far
fetched from where I was. Youknow, it was dirt 13 and a half
years. So we're clean now. Soit's just so far fetched where I
started to where I'm at today.
But I had to relearn a lot ofthings in that beginning of my
(17:38):
recovery.
Sarah Byrnes (17:42):
Well, I mean, that's amazing. You just said
you just graduated on Saturday,so going from relearning kind of
those daily tasks to to reallymaking that accomplishment
happen, that's amazing. Thankyou. I appreciate that. Yeah,
absolutely I Yeah. The older Iget, the more I understand, like
there's a lot going into all thethings that we do on a daily
(18:05):
basis, basis. So, yeah, that'samazing,
Calvin Gone (18:10):
yeah, yeah. So I just, I'm just prolonging my
life. Yeah, I'm 48 now. It'sjust crazy. I'm doing everything
backwards, which is crazy orprofound, I guess, because it's
like, you know, I mean, I, Ifeel like, if I would have just,
uh, dealt with my issues in thebeginning when I was younger and
(18:32):
had that mindset, you know,maybe I, maybe I, who knows
where I be right now at 48 but Ithink sometimes we just go
through life. We have to gothrough the things we have to go
through to get us where we're attoday, you know, yes, and, and I
don't know, just it was a I, youknow, it was tough in my
(18:58):
addiction, you know. And I'mjust thankful I survived, and
I'm able to come out of thereand help others now, and I try
to do my best to be part of thecommunity and help wherever I
can. And
Sarah Byrnes (19:11):
It sounds like it ultimately gave you another
purpose, another kind of goalfor your life. So, oh yeah. Can
talk about the thing, theblessings that come out of it,
Calvin Gone (19:24):
oh yeah, a lot of blessings. It's hard work, but
it's worthwhile. I mean, thelonger I'm in recovery, the more
that I lose people, you know,because, I mean, I meet some
really amazing people inrecovery, and sometimes they're
on fire, and they go good for awhile, then they just slip, you
(19:45):
know, and sometimes they make itback, and sometimes they don't,
and that hurts the most whenthey don't make it back, you
know. And that's, uh, you know,it's sad. And today, you know, I
have feelings. I can feel today,you. I guess that's a blessing
too, but it's your time. It it'sit hurts and it's sad when you
(20:05):
lose really good people that youknow that, jeez, probably could
add so much potential.
Sarah Byrnes (20:11):
Yeah, that's gotta be tough. Yeah. Are there? Are
there any supports in place forsome people who work in Recovery
Services dealing with those kindof tough, emotional
Calvin Gone (20:22):
well, yeah, counseling, I guess you had to
reach out. You know, I have afew counselor friends here that
I I do reach out to when I needsomeone to talk to. But also
being graduating from theprogram here at MSU, Great Falls
College, substance abusecounseling, once we become
counselors, we definitely shouldhave a counselor helping us, you
(20:44):
know, right? So, so that'sanother big thing, like, because
this is not an ending journey,like you just don't get clean
and sober and then you're doneand life's gonna get better.
It's not like that. It'ssometimes it gets worse before
it gets better, especially earlyin recovery, because you done so
much damage. I mean, there wasso much damage that has been
(21:05):
done that you have to go andclear, clear away the wreckage.
And sometimes it gets worsebefore it gets better, but as
long as you stay the course, youknow, life does get better. It
has its ups and downs. It's notalways going to be happy and
joyous and free. It's you know,you're going to have the sorrow
times, the sadness, theloneliness and all that. It goes
(21:27):
both ways. It's a balance, youknow. You can't have the good
without the bad, you know. Andit's always a balancing thing,
you know. And that's one thing Ihad to learn early on in my
recovery. Is that just becausesometimes we have, when I got
clean, I thought, oh,everything's going to be so much
(21:49):
better, and all this and that,but yet life still happens, and
life's unfair. You know, life'sreally unfair, but the services
that did help me get where I'mat, instilled in some instilled
tools in me and skills that Iuse today to navigate through
(22:09):
the hard times in life, and notonly that, like even the good
times in life, because I'm anaddict, I'm an alcoholic, so I
sometimes get amnesia, You know,I forget combat, you know. And
that's, you know, and that's,that's just the truth, you know.
And and I always have to bemindful if life's going so good
(22:30):
that I can't just not get up andpray, or not get up and call my
sponsor, or not get up and andsay, well, I'll just do that
later, you know. And then itcould be a slippery slope,
because you forget, forgettingwhat got you here, the actions
that you took to get whereyou're at. And I guess that's
what I'm saying by amnesia, youknow, when it gets good? You
(22:54):
know it does life does get goodat times.
Sarah Byrnes (22:56):
Yeah, I definitely understand what you were saying
about kind of just like blockingit out the the bad so that you
don't have to think about it. Soand I'm glad that they have, you
have supports, especially withthat counseling degree to help
go through. I mean that justsounds like a really tough
(23:18):
situation when you're helpingpeople and you really connect
with them,
Calvin Gone (23:19):
also, like, early on, early on in my recovery.
Like therapy was the best. Itwas the key. Like they had a
therapist for almost 10 years,you know. And then I, then I
went away for a little bit, butI came back, and I have a
therapist in town that if I callthis therapist, she'll see me
whenever she gets chance, if shehas time, you know, and then,
(23:43):
and there was this, like so manyawesome people out there that
they actually helped me getstarted in this, in this
journey. And I can't name them,but I was like, I wish I could
name them all, but so manypeople have been part of my
journey that, you know, I'mthankful for, for them. And the
Creator always has a he has away of putting people in your
(24:04):
path at the right time, rightmoment, to guide you whether
it's good or whether you'rehaving a bad time or a good
time. You know there's he has ahas ways to put people on your
path, to to guide you along andto help you learn. And that's
one thing I always have toremember, is, I have to remember
to remain teachable. You know,can't never say I got this
(24:28):
thing, because once you do that,then that's, that's probably
that could be the beginning ofyour downfall.
Sarah Byrnes (24:34):
I could definitely relate to that, like just the
overconfidence, and then delaydown from there. So,
Calvin Gone (24:43):
yeah, my dad, my dad, and then he, he passed
away. It'll be five years on May30, but I would call him, and I
would call him and say, Oh, dad,you know what I'm doing. This
over here. I'm. Doing this andthat and that and and he would
always, never failed. He alwayssaid, don't get grandiose, son.
(25:07):
You know, it's like, I'm tellingall this good stuff. But then
he's like, my head, you know,like, don't get grandiose. So
now, like, since it's not here,but I could still, like, hear
him in my head.
Sarah Byrnes (25:18):
Yeah, it sounds like you've made that into a
powerful tool for yourself. Sothat's, oh yeah, yeah. Well,
thank you. I really, we reallyappreciate you doing this with
us, and, yeah, being willing tosit down with us and talk and
tell your story, and kind of allthose, all those things you
mentioned, like being soimpacted by someone else with
lived experience, and being thatinspiration for someone else,
(25:40):
hopefully so we appreciate it.
Thank you. You're welcome.
Calvin Gone (25:44):
Appreciate it.
Appreciate the opportunity.
Yeah.
Announcer, one chapter does not define a
(00:04):
person's whole story. Welcome toour journey of recovery series
where we talk with Montanans whohave lived experience of trauma,
substance use and struggles withmental health, about where they
are now the Substance Abuse andMental Health Services
Administration, or SAMHSAdefines recovery as a process of
change through which individualsimprove their health and
(00:26):
wellness, live a self directedlife and strive to reach their
full potential. Join us to learnabout community members in
recovery as they share theirstory and the steps they are
taking to help others on theirjourney. I'm I'm excited about
this whole project, so, yeah, sowhy don't, if you don't mind, go
(00:48):
ahead and introduce yourself.
Let us know a little bit aboutyou.
Calvin Gone (00:54):
My name is Calvin Gone the third I'm a Ani and
Omaha tribal member. My dad'sfrom Fort Belknap, and my
mother's from Mason, Nebraska.
And I reside in Great Falls,Montana right now. I've been
here for 13, and a half years.
(01:14):
My folks and my my siblings,they all live in Nebraska. I am
the student ambassador atMontana State University, great
college of Great Falls. Okay,also, I also work at the
Indigenous Education Departmentfor the Great Falls public
schools as a youth developmentspecialist. So those are my two
jobs, part time. I justgraduated. I just got my degree
(01:38):
in AA degree in substance usecounseling, Saturday. Oh,
Sarah Byrnes (01:41):
Oh, congratulations.
Calvin Gone (01:43):
I'm 48 years old and been an active. I was in
active addiction for 22 years. Iwas 34 year when I decided to
change my life. I like watchingfootball, basketball. I also
like powwows. I'm also a NativeAmerican singer. I like powwows
(02:08):
and brown dances and hand games.
Oh, great. So yeah, I like, Ilike doing a lot of those
activities, um, cultural stuff.
Sarah Byrnes (02:20):
What would you say your long term plans or goals
are
Calvin Gone (02:24):
my land. My long term plan or goals would be, I
want to be a counselor to giveback to other addicts and
alcoholics that are coming intorecovery and newly coming in
recovery, hopefully I can giveback was freely given to me, and
(02:44):
and just be like a like a beaconof hope, I guess, you know,
yeah, because somebody was therefor me when I came in and helped
me, guided me along, and gave mesome hope that I didn't have in
the beginning. And so I guessthis is my purpose. It's my
passion to to give back and helpothers. Since I've been on this
(03:10):
path, you know,
Sarah Byrnes (03:10):
That's fantastic to give back once, especially
because you received it and youwant to give back, that sounds
great. So when people learnabout your lived experience and
recovery. What kind of reactionsdo you see?
Calvin Gone (03:22):
You know, honestly, I never really thought about
that question. Yeah, so I don'treally know, but I know that a
lot of people that knew me backin my addiction are thankful
that and and glad that I don'tuse no more. Yeah, absolutely, I
(03:43):
know that, and it and it's theand it's the, what do you call
it? It's like a testament of whoI am today, because back then,
no one really wanted me around.
And now today, I have tons offriends and family that just
look to me for guidance. I don'tgive advice. Only reason why I
(04:06):
don't give advice is because, ifit doesn't work, they have
someone to blame. So I do givemy little experiences that that
that, hopefully, that they canfind a direction they need to go
in. You know, I can just givethem similar experiences that I
had.
Sarah Byrnes (04:26):
Well, it sounds like you have a great support
system, and you're providing agood support system, so it's
going both ways there. That'sawesome. What do you what do you
think people should know aboutsomeone who's in recovery, like,
what would, what was your Whatdid you tell somebody, or what
was the one thing you think theyshould know about someone in
(04:48):
recovery? Like, is there anytime? I know some people walk on
eggshells when they find outthey're not sure what to say.
Calvin Gone (04:58):
I would probably.
I. Have to say, like, I guessdoing judge them. You know,
that's a big thing, you know,because we don't know what
people dealt with in their pastto become addict or alcoholic.
You know, some people live hardlives, but never really shared
(05:19):
what what happened to them, orwhat they've been through. And
so they chose a different pathat that time, and maybe it was
to numb, numb out or escape. Andthen one day, finally get into
recovery, they're trying to findout who they are. Because, you
know, in my own experience, Ididn't know who I really was,
(05:44):
you know, I mean, I had a lot ofgood teachings growing up, but I
wasn't living up to thoseteachings, and so I was had a
lot of guilt and shame that keptme out there, but until I
started coming into recovery andgetting clean off the drugs and
(06:04):
alcohol, I was able to clear mymind a little bit so where I can
grasp some, some things to toknow that, you know, not, not
that I didn't know I was livinga, not a Good way, but to help
me see that, you know, that'snot the life I need. You know,
right? And so someone coming inrecovery, I probably just say,
(06:28):
share a little show them alittle grace, because, you know,
they're very fragile. Whensomeone in recovery comes in
recovery, they're very fragile,and they're very sensitive. So
like they're trying to getthey're trying to find a new way
of life, but if someone liketreats them differently or or
negatively, that could alsojeopardize the recovery, and
(06:50):
they they go back becausethey're like, well, what's the
point? Then you know so andsometimes you know it's not like
trying to baby them or anything.
It's just trying to help themout, and they have to find that
accountability for themselves,and once they do, I think that
(07:15):
opens a lot of doors for them,because in my own experiences, I
blamed everybody before I cameto recovery, you know, it was
all their fault. It wasn't noneof mine. And I just because I
couldn't see my side of thestreet, I couldn't see my
faults, you know, until I wasable to clear my mind in Kate
(07:38):
direction, which was reallyhard,
Sarah Byrnes (07:41):
yeah, I was gonna say going to recovery must be
extremely difficult. I mean,that's a sigh of strength. Just
say, hey, I need help. That's ahuge, huge thing, I'm sure. I
mean, just from my experiencewith other things, but, yeah,
just trying to change your life,that's a huge decision.
Calvin Gone (07:59):
Yeah, because an addict and alcohol, they never
alcoholic, they don't really askfor help, you know, and a lot of
times it's, it's because theydon't want to look stupid or,
you know, look weak or whatever.
That's kind of how I looked atit. But it's huge when someone
that's struggling with addictionasks for help and and for me,
being on this side now walkingin my journey, that's my part to
(08:21):
give back and say, okay, youknow what? Let's do what we can
to find you some help, or let's,let's guide you in the right
direction.
Sarah Byrnes (08:34):
Yeah, were there any recovery services or
specific ones anyway, that youbenefit from, or any specific
ones that you felt were mosthelpful?
Calvin Gone (08:47):
Well, yeah, oh yeah, there's a few, like
outpatient or inpatient was oneof them, because, like, there
was no way that I could getclean and sober without being
somewhere where I had to havethat, I went to treatment for 37
days. So it took 37 days tolike, break that hold that the
(09:12):
alcohol addiction had on me andthe drug addiction, you know, if
I didn't have that, I don'tthink I'd have been able to
succeed, you know. But in thatwas 37 days, I was able to try
to find, or do my best to findwhat was ailing me inside, you
know, my core issues. You know,in there, I was able to process,
(09:37):
because we had a lot ofcounselors, treatment assistants
and speakers that would come in.
So they were like giving useducation on
on this, on the addiction andstuff and alcohol. And I think
that was very important for me.
Lot of is because. As you know,I controlled my own life for
(10:01):
years, and I didn't. I didn't dovery well controlling it because
I didn't have a higher power, Iguess they call it, because I'm,
you know, I didn't have time topray out there. But I know,
like, like, when I've got intoinpatient, it was like, the
spiritual experience. Yeah, Ihad to find some mouse that
(10:23):
would help me along, like apower grader myself. And once I
was able to open that, open myeyes to that, and actually given
a given a shot, you know, givenit a try, I was able to find
that power grain myself, eventhough it wasn't like, you know,
I can't see it, you know. But anold timer, when I was in
(10:46):
treatment, I would we, theywould take us out to outside
meetings. And this old timer, Iwas like, I'm struggling with
the higher power. I mean, I I'vebeen spiritual all my life
because I'm Native American. I'mborn into spirituality, you
know, and I done a lot of stuffgrowing up, sweat lodges and
stuff like that, and praying.
(11:06):
But when I was out there using Inever prayed, I never really had
the time, you know, it wasn't ait wasn't a priority. I was
telling this old timer. I waslike, I don't know. I don't know
how to find that, you know. Iknow, I know it's there, but I
just don't know how. And then hetold me, and that the treatment
(11:28):
center where I was at had a deckon the back where you can go
smoke cigarettes, you know. Andthat's pretty much what you
could do in treatment, you know.
So I went, I went out there, andhe said, Yeah, I just sat on the
deck back there. And he said, ifwhen they hit wind hits your
face, he said, you can't see it,but you can feel it, and that's
a power grading yourself. Andthat made like a huge sense,
because I'm, like, a hands on Cperson, you know, yeah. And so
(11:51):
when he explained it that way,made total sense, you know. That
really helped me in my journeyto, um, to find my higher power.
Sarah Byrnes (12:01):
That sounds powerful. So thank you for
sharing that. Yeah, and you saidpeople came in and spoke. Were
there any people who workcurrently, or are still
currently in recovery, who cameand spoke when you were at that
treatment center?
Calvin Gone (12:15):
Oh, yeah, there is, there's, well, there was a
native guy he came in, who bigcall native guy, and he's, he
shared his story, and man, like,it's like, he instilled hope in
me because he was native, butalso, like, I think at the time
(12:35):
he might have had, like, I wantto say 16 years, consecutively
clean or sober, and he shared astory, and I was just like, wow.
I was like, okay, you know,maybe I can do this, you know,
and just by listening to him,and he actually became one of my
my one of my good friends today,he's still one of my good
(12:58):
friends. I think he justcelebrated 29 years, and
fantastic. Yeah, so he's stillin my life today. I didn't know
him till he came into treatmentcenter and spoke, and I met him,
met him there, and then we justbecame friends after that. And
he's still in my life today, andhe still gives me guidance in my
(13:19):
journey.
Sarah Byrnes (13:20):
That sounds really impactful. That's amazing. Thank
you for sharing that. Whatadvice would you give, or would
you say if you don't want togive a specific recommendation
to someone who's looking atpotentially getting into
recovery?
Calvin Gone (13:35):
Well, if they're thinking about recovery, then
you know maybe it wasn't. It'snot so good out there right now
what they're doing. So I wouldprobably say, you know, give
yourself a chance. Yeah, youknow, take a chance on yourself,
you know, because, like I said,it's not easy to ask for help
when you're out there runningand gunning and people look down
on you, or judge you, or, youknow, you do a lot of damage
(14:00):
when you're out there using inso it's not very easy for people
to say, Oh, you want help rightnow. Okay, we can help you. You
know, it's not that easy.
Because who you know, youprobably burned a lot of bridges
to that at that point. You know,I guess what I would probably
say is, I would share with them,is that, are you tired of living
the way you're living, and areyou tired of what you're
(14:21):
feeling? And if you are, thenlet's go get you some help,
because in that point, in thatinstant, they're willing to do
whatever it takes to trysomething different, but do
something different. I don'tlike that word try. I said it a
couple times. I never, hardlyever say it to you, but do
(14:42):
something different. You know,you know, we tried all our life
and never got anywhere where wehave to do it by action. We got
to do it to take action.
Sarah Byrnes (14:53):
Were there any Did you have any difficulties
finding recovery services thatyou needed? Yeah. Or how
difficult was it for you to getthose services?
Calvin Gone (15:03):
Actually, it wasn't really difficult when I came
into the program, because I was2011 when I got clean and sober,
and the recovery service thatdid help me. I went to
inpatient, then right afterinpatient, I I signed up for a
sober living house, you know,halfway house, and all over like
(15:24):
Montana and Wyoming, and nobodywanted me, but Great Falls, had
a sober living here, and it wascalled booth plunder Lodge. And
that place helped metremendously. And and through
that going there, we had to goto outpatient, intensive
outpatient, and that was anotherresource to help me. And then
(15:45):
once I graduate intensiveoutpatient, I went to
outpatient. So I did, like threetreatments right in a row. Us
staying at a halfway house, andat the halfway house like I
lived on the, on the, on thestreets for for a number of
years, homeless. You know,before I got clean, it's over.
(16:08):
And so when I went to thehalfway house, they helped me,
like, I had to make my bed. Ididn't have a bed for a long
time. So, you know, I mean, so Ihad to learn how to not learn.
Well, I guess, I guess you couldsay learn, because when you're
out there and you just give upon life, you don't have a whole
lot of responsibilities, youknow. I mean, you're just trying
to survive a day by day. Getyour fix, get your drink, you
(16:32):
know, by any means necessary,you know. And so that's that
halfway house, Booth, ThunderLodge. It also it showed me how
to like, take care of myselfagain, clean my room, make my
bed, cook dinner for the fellasonce a week, clean the house.
(16:55):
Budget money. Have have abudget. Get up and go to work,
find a job. You know, all thesethings that normally, that we do
naturally if we're not using,but when you're after using,
those are the things that youdon't really, if you're a real
addict or real alcoholic, youdon't, you don't do those kind
(17:16):
of skills, you know. So it, Ihad to relearn a lot of stuff in
that halfway house, which wassounds today, it just sounds far
fetched from where I was. Youknow, it was dirt 13 and a half
years. So we're clean now. Soit's just so far fetched where I
started to where I'm at today.
But I had to relearn a lot ofthings in that beginning of my
(17:38):
recovery.
Sarah Byrnes (17:42):
Well, I mean, that's amazing. You just said
you just graduated on Saturday,so going from relearning kind of
those daily tasks to to reallymaking that accomplishment
happen, that's amazing. Thankyou. I appreciate that. Yeah,
absolutely I Yeah. The older Iget, the more I understand, like
there's a lot going into all thethings that we do on a daily
(18:05):
basis, basis. So, yeah, that'samazing,
Calvin Gone (18:10):
yeah, yeah. So I just, I'm just prolonging my
life. Yeah, I'm 48 now. It'sjust crazy. I'm doing everything
backwards, which is crazy orprofound, I guess, because it's
like, you know, I mean, I, Ifeel like, if I would have just,
uh, dealt with my issues in thebeginning when I was younger and
(18:32):
had that mindset, you know,maybe I, maybe I, who knows
where I be right now at 48 but Ithink sometimes we just go
through life. We have to gothrough the things we have to go
through to get us where we're attoday, you know, yes, and, and I
don't know, just it was a I, youknow, it was tough in my
(18:58):
addiction, you know. And I'mjust thankful I survived, and
I'm able to come out of thereand help others now, and I try
to do my best to be part of thecommunity and help wherever I
can. And
Sarah Byrnes (19:11):
It sounds like it ultimately gave you another
purpose, another kind of goalfor your life. So, oh yeah. Can
talk about the thing, theblessings that come out of it,
Calvin Gone (19:24):
oh yeah, a lot of blessings. It's hard work, but
it's worthwhile. I mean, thelonger I'm in recovery, the more
that I lose people, you know,because, I mean, I meet some
really amazing people inrecovery, and sometimes they're
on fire, and they go good for awhile, then they just slip, you
(19:45):
know, and sometimes they make itback, and sometimes they don't,
and that hurts the most whenthey don't make it back, you
know. And that's, uh, you know,it's sad. And today, you know, I
have feelings. I can feel today,you. I guess that's a blessing
too, but it's your time. It it'sit hurts and it's sad when you
(20:05):
lose really good people that youknow that, jeez, probably could
add so much potential.
Sarah Byrnes (20:11):
Yeah, that's gotta be tough. Yeah. Are there? Are
there any supports in place forsome people who work in Recovery
Services dealing with those kindof tough, emotional
Calvin Gone (20:22):
well, yeah, counseling, I guess you had to
reach out. You know, I have afew counselor friends here that
I I do reach out to when I needsomeone to talk to. But also
being graduating from theprogram here at MSU, Great Falls
College, substance abusecounseling, once we become
counselors, we definitely shouldhave a counselor helping us, you
(20:44):
know, right? So, so that'sanother big thing, like, because
this is not an ending journey,like you just don't get clean
and sober and then you're doneand life's gonna get better.
It's not like that. It'ssometimes it gets worse before
it gets better, especially earlyin recovery, because you done so
much damage. I mean, there wasso much damage that has been
(21:05):
done that you have to go andclear, clear away the wreckage.
And sometimes it gets worsebefore it gets better, but as
long as you stay the course, youknow, life does get better. It
has its ups and downs. It's notalways going to be happy and
joyous and free. It's you know,you're going to have the sorrow
times, the sadness, theloneliness and all that. It goes
(21:27):
both ways. It's a balance, youknow. You can't have the good
without the bad, you know. Andit's always a balancing thing,
you know. And that's one thing Ihad to learn early on in my
recovery. Is that just becausesometimes we have, when I got
clean, I thought, oh,everything's going to be so much
(21:49):
better, and all this and that,but yet life still happens, and
life's unfair. You know, life'sreally unfair, but the services
that did help me get where I'mat, instilled in some instilled
tools in me and skills that Iuse today to navigate through
(22:09):
the hard times in life, and notonly that, like even the good
times in life, because I'm anaddict, I'm an alcoholic, so I
sometimes get amnesia, You know,I forget combat, you know. And
that's, you know, and that's,that's just the truth, you know.
And and I always have to bemindful if life's going so good
(22:30):
that I can't just not get up andpray, or not get up and call my
sponsor, or not get up and andsay, well, I'll just do that
later, you know. And then itcould be a slippery slope,
because you forget, forgettingwhat got you here, the actions
that you took to get whereyou're at. And I guess that's
what I'm saying by amnesia, youknow, when it gets good? You
(22:54):
know it does life does get goodat times.
Sarah Byrnes (22:56):
Yeah, I definitely understand what you were saying
about kind of just like blockingit out the the bad so that you
don't have to think about it. Soand I'm glad that they have, you
have supports, especially withthat counseling degree to help
go through. I mean that justsounds like a really tough
(23:18):
situation when you're helpingpeople and you really connect
with them,
Calvin Gone (23:19):
also, like, early on, early on in my recovery.
Like therapy was the best. Itwas the key. Like they had a
therapist for almost 10 years,you know. And then I, then I
went away for a little bit, butI came back, and I have a
therapist in town that if I callthis therapist, she'll see me
whenever she gets chance, if shehas time, you know, and then,
(23:43):
and there was this, like so manyawesome people out there that
they actually helped me getstarted in this, in this
journey. And I can't name them,but I was like, I wish I could
name them all, but so manypeople have been part of my
journey that, you know, I'mthankful for, for them. And the
Creator always has a he has away of putting people in your
(24:04):
path at the right time, rightmoment, to guide you whether
it's good or whether you'rehaving a bad time or a good
time. You know there's he has ahas ways to put people on your
path, to to guide you along andto help you learn. And that's
one thing I always have toremember, is, I have to remember
to remain teachable. You know,can't never say I got this
(24:28):
thing, because once you do that,then that's, that's probably
that could be the beginning ofyour downfall.
Sarah Byrnes (24:34):
I could definitely relate to that, like just the
overconfidence, and then delaydown from there. So,
Calvin Gone (24:43):
yeah, my dad, my dad, and then he, he passed
away. It'll be five years on May30, but I would call him, and I
would call him and say, Oh, dad,you know what I'm doing. This
over here. I'm. Doing this andthat and that and and he would
always, never failed. He alwayssaid, don't get grandiose, son.
(25:07):
You know, it's like, I'm tellingall this good stuff. But then
he's like, my head, you know,like, don't get grandiose. So
now, like, since it's not here,but I could still, like, hear
him in my head.
Sarah Byrnes (25:18):
Yeah, it sounds like you've made that into a
powerful tool for yourself. Sothat's, oh yeah, yeah. Well,
thank you. I really, we reallyappreciate you doing this with
us, and, yeah, being willing tosit down with us and talk and
tell your story, and kind of allthose, all those things you
mentioned, like being soimpacted by someone else with
lived experience, and being thatinspiration for someone else,
(25:40):
hopefully so we appreciate it.
Thank you. You're welcome.
Calvin Gone (25:44):
Appreciate it.
Appreciate the opportunity.
Yeah.
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