July 1, 2024 • 31 mins
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What happens when your identity is so intertwined with your career that losing it feels like losing yourself? Join me, Christine DeFilippis, as I recount the emotional rollercoaster I experienced after closing Pop Fit Studio. My journey to recovery was anything but smooth. This episode sheds light on the crucial role mental health plays in our lives and the similarities it shares with the intimidation factor many feel in fitness environments. We discuss the need for inclusive, welcoming fitness spaces, and how using compassionate language can make fitness accessible to everyone.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to Breaking Body Biases, a podcast about
health and fitness that's notcentered on your weight.
I interview fitnessprofessionals, dietitians and
wellness practitioners that takea different approach.
I'm Christine DeFilippis, yourhost, and I am a certified
fitness professional, a studioowner and the creator of
FitProEd.
(00:22):
I've had my own history witheating disorders and very
disordered behavior around myfitness, and I want to change
the industry to make it muchmore inclusive and much more
accessible to all, and it startsright here on the podcast.
Join me every week as Iinterview amazing fitness
professionals and dietitians andpractitioners that are helping
(00:44):
to destroy diet culture.
Let's take this journeytogether.
Welcome to episode 95 of theBreaking Body Biases podcast.
This is Christine, your host,and I should actually say
welcome back.
It's been a little bit.
I know that I came on a whileback and shared an episode of
(01:06):
why I closed PopFit Studio and Ineeded a little break.
Quite honestly, one week turnedinto a month, turned into
several months, and that's quitehonestly what happens.
When there's transitions in ourlives.
It can feel very overwhelming.
Quite honestly, everything inmy life was very overwhelming.
(01:26):
I put out that episode and Iwas really not.
I was thinking I wastransparent, but I really was
not as transparent or probablymore clearly, I was not in touch
with truly what I was goingthrough and what I was feeling
at the time and I made thatepisode, thought I was sharing
(01:48):
everything, but it's been hard.
It's been a hard time Lots oftherapy, lots of tears, lots of
work, lots of work that I had toprocess and go through and,
honestly, I did not show up thelast six months.
So if you were someone that Iowe an email to or I haven't
returned a call, I apologize.
(02:10):
I have not been in my best placeand I had to really focus on
myself, focus on my mentalhealth, and my physical health
was getting in the way.
I was getting sick a lot and Ihad to figure out who I was.
Quite honestly, without thestudio, my identity became so
intertwined with the studio whatI felt about myself and my life
(02:34):
and what I was doing and how Iwas showing up in the world.
It got really dark when thatwent away and, although I had
other things that I was pursuing, I had to really focus on
getting myself out of that darkplace with the studio and the
feeling of failure and shame andjust the feeling of my identity
(02:56):
being wrapped up into that, andthat happens.
A lot Like that happens in ourcareers Like who am I if I, if
you lose your job or if youretire or if you get laid off A
lot of this would happen duringthe pandemic.
A lot of this is just stuffthat happens every day, that
people go through these things,and it affects your mental
(03:16):
health, it affects how you showup, it affects how you live your
life and I had to take thattime to do that.
Your life, and I had to takethat time to do that and in
really full transparency andtrigger warning, I did
experience suicidal ideation.
And the only other time that Iexperienced that was when I was
postpartum.
(03:37):
And again, I'm so grateful formy husband, who is such a great
support and understanding andhelped me get the resources that
I needed in order to be able tobe healthy again.
So much praise for him becausehe is, he's my everything and
we've had some challenges withNico as a result and I don't
(04:00):
think that these things are, youknow, separate.
I think he experienced what Iwas experiencing in a different
way, like he felt that mommy wasoff, he felt that things
weren't the same and even thoughkids bounce back like he misses
the studio, he'll talk about ithere and there when we drive by
.
He's like there's PopFit Studioand let's go to the new gym,
(04:22):
because you know, I teach atother gyms now and he you just
feel like he bounces back, okay,but at the same time I know
that he could feel thatsomething was off in all of us.
So we've been dealing with himin a different way and that's
all new and that was hard todeal with and I am in a much
(04:43):
better place now.
But again, I had to figure allthis out and one thing I want to
share is that therapy is soimportant.
If you don't have a therapist,might I suggest you looking into
BetterHelp.
Betterhelp is a great resource.
It's something that I've usedin the past and continue to use
(05:04):
that it's so welcoming andaccessible and much like I talk
about with fitness that a lot oftimes people get stuck in this
place where they're nervous togo into a fitness or gym setting
because they've either beentraumatized in the past, they've
had terrible experiences andthere's just a lot of toxic
(05:27):
fitness culture that if you aregoing into a fitness setting and
you're already struggling withyour body image and struggling
with movement.
It's not something that you doregularly.
It can be very intimidating togo take that first step and go
to a class or go to a gymintimidating to go take that
first step and go to a class orgo to a gym.
(05:48):
And I work really hard and it'spart of the point of this
podcast and the work that I doat conferences and conventions
and with my online work, withcoaching and with my courses.
My goal is to make fitness lessintimidating and to make the
settings like in gyms and instudios, to make those spaces
more welcoming and to helptrainers and instructors to be
(06:09):
able to use different languagein order to connect more to
clients and to really make theexperience so much more
enjoyable than what many peoplehave experienced in the past.
Let's face it a very smallpercentage of people go to gyms
and fitness studios because ofintimidation.
(06:29):
So, in the same way, I feellike mental health, there are
some barriers that stop us fromexploring treatments that could
very much help us, and that istherapy, and a lot of people,
there's shame and there's astigma around it, so people
don't seek out therapy, and Ithink that even when you're
(06:52):
feeling great and you haveeverything going for you.
Therapy is just going to helpyou.
It is not something to belooked down on and, again, my
whole point of sharing this isto help someone that may be in a
place maybe not as dark as Iwas, or maybe even worse, and I
want you to know that there'shelp out there and that there
(07:16):
are a lot of resources, too,that are low cost, because
another barrier is not just theintimidation Like you're, like I
don't want to go to anin-person session.
Someone may see me, it may taketime and there's so many
barriers in the way to this.
And another barrier is cost,and BetterHelp is a great
(07:37):
resource in that way, becausethey do offer assistance and
there's also insurance.
There's various differentplatforms that accept insurance
as well.
So I'm going to put some ofthese resources in the show
notes and if this is somethingthat you've been kind of on the
fence about, I encourage you toexplore it and just see if it's
something that will help supportyou and your journey and just
(08:00):
be happier and healthier, andjust be happier and healthier
Again.
My health was not good, and mymental health, my emotional
health but I'm in a much betterplace now.
So I'm very grateful for theteam of people that have really
helped me get to a better place,that have really helped me get
(08:27):
to a better place and in doingthat I really realized now what
a great decision closing thestudio was.
I hate to say that because Ithink in the back of my mind I
kept thinking like, okay, maybesomeday we'll reopen.
And I don't think I never willsay never, because you just
never know what you want to justhave an open mindset and be
open to different opportunitiesand possibilities.
But at this point I'm veryhappy with the decision that
(08:53):
we've made now.
I wasn't very happy for manymonths because I was just sad.
Again, my identity was wrappedup in the studio and I wasn't
sure who I was.
Without the studio I also hadquickly realized who were
friends and who were clients.
And that was hard because Ithink during the process of
opening my studio and running itfor several years, and even
(09:16):
before I had the studio that Iclosed, I had subletted another
space.
So I had a couple years of thatdoing that.
But at the end of the day Ispent so much time in the studio
working, teaching classes andjust putting everything into it,
like it was like another childfor us.
(09:36):
We opened the studio and then Iwas pregnant with Nico when we
opened and everything was justput into Nico and the studio and
sadly, I think I was putting alittle bit more into the studio
than into, you know, myrelationship with Nico, because
I thought like, oh, I just gotto get this going and then I
could pull back a little bit.
And then when the pandemic hit,it's like oh, I've got to put
(09:59):
everything into this because theonly way we're going to survive
this is with so much hustle andI am not about hustle culture,
but I was in it, I was in thethick of it hustling, hustling,
and it's really not a great.
It's not a sustainable way torun a business or to live your
life.
So I'm very happy with thedecision that we've made now.
(10:23):
I'm very happy with thedecision that we've made now.
One thing that was really hardfor us our decision is that we
did put everything into thestudio and it felt like a child
and we wouldn't be putting Nicoup for adoption if we started to
struggle monetarily.
But that's what made it hardwith the studio, because the
(10:44):
studio really felt like anextension of us, so releasing
that was hard.
And then also this idea of sunkcost fallacy and I learned about
this a lot during this processand it's this phenomenon where
people are reluctant to abandona strategy or a course of action
(11:05):
or, for us, a business, becauseyou've invested so heavily in
it and yeah, and it's even moreclear that leaving whatever that
you're doing your strategy,your course of action, your
business, whatever it may bewill be more beneficial.
But you feel like you'vealready put so much into it that
you don't want to stop, like.
(11:26):
You just feel like thatinvestment is worth more than
your time now maybe.
And if you've ever watched amovie and you get about 30
minutes into it and you're likethis is terrible, this is awful,
like should we stop?
But you continue to watch itanyway because you've invested
that time and you think, okay,it's going to get better, it's
(11:46):
going to take a turn and it'llget better and it'll all be okay
, and we're actually justwasting more time because we
don't want to lose that initialinvestment.
It's much like gambling as well.
I used to love going to playroulette Not that I was a
gambler, but I've been known tosit at a roulette table and I
(12:09):
love the number nine and I willshare this quick story.
I used to put it on nine and ifI didn't win like two or three
times, money's gone, done, walkaway, right?
Well, I had this feeling likeno, no, no.
We were in Vegas with Pat and Isaid no, no, I just know just
one more.
You give me a little bit ofyour money, because we each gave
(12:29):
ourselves $100 to spendgambling, right?
So my money had run out and Ihad asked Pat and spend gambling
, right?
So I had my money had run out,and I had asked Pat and he's
like we'll let it go, like Idon't, I don't want you to lose
more money because he, he knowshis son costs policy, like it's
the premise of why gamblersgamble all the time.
Right, so we?
He said no, we stood at thetable, I don't know why, and it
(12:53):
hit nine, not once but twice ina row right after that.
But that's not usually whathappens.
When I think about when we werein the thick of it all and
feeling like the weight of thepandemic was on us all those
months even, quite honestly,like a year or so that we kept
putting more and more money inand we just felt like we can't
(13:17):
stop now.
We've invested not only ourinitial investment but money
during the pandemic, so we can'tleave now.
We have so much invested andthat's actually just a fallacy,
because we know that in theother situations where you have
the gambler or the movie, likeyou know it's time to stop, like
I felt like I was justconstantly hustling and again
(13:42):
it's just not sustainable.
So that's where we were.
And again it reminds me of thismovie, the Money Pit, like when
we were in this in the thick ofit.
It reminds me of the ShelleyLong and Tom Hanks movie and I'm
really dating myself here.
But there was a movie, theMoney Pit, and they found like
their dream home and they justkept sinking more and more money
(14:04):
and anytime the contractor wasthere they're like, oh yeah, two
weeks, two weeks and I rememberthat from even opening the
studio about how longconstruction turned into.
But yeah, the Money Pit.
I felt like I was living thatwith the pandemic and owning a
fitness business.
We had to get to a point forour own future, our own sanity,
(14:25):
our own health with ourselvesand even our relationships with
other people and our own family.
We had to stop.
Enough was enough.
But it was hard to make thatdecision.
But we know it's right now andonce we made the decision which
quite honestly we should havemade a lot sooner I had to then
(14:48):
figure out who I was, who I waswithout the studio, who I was
without having that space andhaving that work to do.
And it took me a long time thiswhole six months basically to
figure all that out and I stilldon't have it figured out.
But it got me thinking a littlebit more about identity and how
(15:08):
often we're defined by ourcareers or our jobs and who are
we without these things?
And it also got me thinking alittle bit about, especially as
a woman, getting married, forexample.
We have all these likemilestone celebrations and they
usually line up with things thatare not really milestones that
(15:31):
everybody wants or has.
Even I know we like celebrategraduations and that's a great
celebration, it's anaccomplishment, you work hard
for something and like obviouslypeople celebrate birthdays and
other holidays, but we celebrategetting married and we
celebrate having a baby, andthose are things that aren't
necessarily things that everyonecan do or even wants to do, and
(15:56):
it's very interesting and Iremember being younger and not
married, not even wanting achild.
And that would be the questionpeople would ask me like, in
addition to, what do you do fora living, what do you do?
It would be like, do you have aboyfriend?
Like, like my identity issolely wrapped up into my career
(16:17):
a boyfriend, spouse andchildren, and there's a lot more
to life to that.
And, honestly, if you choosethose things, that's great, like
that's wonderful, that's whatyou want, but that's not
necessarily what everybody wants.
And I feel like there's a lotof I, what everybody wants, and
(16:41):
I feel like there's a lot of ouridentity that is attached to
those things.
And what happens if you knowyou get laid off from your job
or you're not liking your careerand you want to make a change?
Or just say you don't want tohave kids, or say you can't have
, it's just hard.
Or you know, if you lose achild.
(17:03):
So there's so much to thispicture, right?
So I just want to know, like,what happens, like when your
identity is so wrapped up inthese things?
And I've been through thisprocess and I really think that
(17:24):
seeking professional help is agreat way to come to terms with,
like who you are as a personand do like kind of personal
development work, and evenwithout a therapist, you can do
this work on your own byjournaling and obviously seeking
deeper, like a deeper supportand more help through a
(17:45):
therapist if that's what youneed.
But if you're just feeling likeI just need a little bit of
support here, you knowjournaling is a great way to do
that and listening to differentpodcasts like this podcast and
just exploring more of thataspect of you rather than just
like what society tells usBecause this podcast is not just
about our weight struggles Ihope that I help people to break
(18:10):
all kinds of biases and helppeople to just live their best
lives and to be their bestselves.
So some of the things that Ihad to do was create an identity
shift.
I had to get really in touchwith my emotional and mental
health challenges and really getan idea of, like how it
(18:35):
impacted my sense of selfBecause, again, my identity was
so tied to that studio.
So I had to rediscover who Iwas and figure out the things I
enjoy doing, the things I don'tenjoy doing.
And do I want to get a job?
Do I want to continue to be anentrepreneur and run my existing
(18:56):
business.
Do I want to sell that business?
What do I want to do?
Because the other thing is,when you're an entrepreneur, you
have to be self-motivated.
What do I want to do?
Because the other thing is,when you're an entrepreneur, you
have to be self motivated.
You have to get up in themorning and just get get shit
done.
That's what you have to do,because no one is standing over
you saying you've got to getthis done.
I mean, I guess someone is.
The bank is because if youdon't, if you're not paying your
(19:17):
bills, you're just gonna beshut down.
But I had to rediscover, likewho I was, what I wanted to do,
because things change too inyour own life from 5, 10 years,
20 years, like what you thinkyou may want in your life.
That's why people have careerchanges.
That's why people explore newjobs or pursue new avenues of
(19:38):
education in order to get newjobs.
I just had a friend thatrecently changed fields.
She was highly educated ineducation, had her master's
degree and then she went intonursing.
So that took time, it took alot of work and it created this
huge shift in her life, a lot ofnew education that she had to
(19:58):
get in order to get this new job, and now she's pursuing
something else, and I think thata lot of times people stay
stuck where they're unhappy andwhere they are unfulfilled and
where they're not compensatedproperly, and then that becomes
like their identity and wherethey're at, but they're
(20:19):
miserable.
So if you're feeling anystruggles at all, I hope that
you will seek professional helpand again, there's no stigma
around that.
There's no negativity aroundseeking help.
It is to help you become yourbest self.
So, creating this identity shiftand really discovering who you
(20:40):
are, who I was, that's what Ihad to do and it's what I see
many people do.
I'm not the first to have doneit.
I won't be the last, hopefullyand it led me to a place where
I'm so much happier now.
And it's wild for me to evenremember where I was in the
(21:00):
early part of this year and eventhinking of I won't do it,
listening to old like boxes thatI've sent people like oh, I
definitely was not in a greatplace, or just looking over my
journals, I can see that.
But this is so important to dothis, have these shifts not just
like when you're in these darkplaces, but when you're in the
(21:23):
light, when you are feelinggreat, to continue to do the
work every day.
This is what I do with dietculture, because you better
believe that when I was in thesedark places with my mental
health and my physical healthgot bad, like my body image
suffered so greatly and it's allintertwined.
And that's why I find it soimportant to dismantle the
(21:47):
destructive behaviors andpolicies, if you will, that our
diet culture that influence somany people, that get people
stuck in situations, that makepeople feel bad about themselves
because society's ideals, ourhealth and beauty standards, are
not attainable.
(22:07):
What society tells us is justnot attainable and even if you
are able to attain it for abrief moment, it's not
sustainable.
So I do see this intersectionof where our identity meets body
image and where we struggle.
(22:27):
When we have body imagestruggles, these kind of life
decisions and challenges are somuch harder, sometimes
impossible to even make thesedecisions because we're already
struggling with our body imageright.
So it's so important to do bodyimage work and to come to a
(22:48):
better relationship with yourbody so you can make the best
decisions to make your life thelife that it should be.
I also feel like it aligns somuch with our body image and our
identity when it comes to evenfiguring out our authentic self
and when we try to explore thatand embrace who we are
authentically and taking awaysociety's standards society's,
(23:12):
like I said, our health andbeauty standards are not
attainable or sustainable andsame with a lot of our identity
struggles, like with career andhaving a family or getting
married.
There's a lot of people thatchoose not to get married or
have children and there's a lotof people that it just doesn't
happen, whether by circumstanceor by choice, like these are
(23:36):
just different people makingdifferent life choices.
And again, society tells usthat you need a career, you need
to have a family and you needto be successful.
And this pursuit ofaccomplishing things or this
pursuit of money, or thispursuit of youth or this pursuit
(23:57):
of thinness all these thingsare all intertwined and I
realized that when I was in thethick of all this stuff.
And I realized that when I wasin the thick of all this stuff.
So I hope you will explorethings outside of what society
tells you to explore.
I mean, you may line right up,you may decide like yes, I
wanted a husband and or a wifeand children, like that was my
(24:19):
dream.
I've always wanted to be a momor a dad.
That's great, like it lines upwith society's standards, but
you are also just doing what youwant to do.
So I hope that everyone that'slistening will take this in and
really see the parallels betweenidentity and body image and
(24:39):
really focus on being yourauthentic self and finding
support systems that will helpsupport you through that.
Because if I wouldn't have hada good support system, I would
have never been able to A makeit through all the struggles
Because, again, I was in a verydark place and having that
(25:00):
support system having a spousethat understood and supported me
and didn't judge me or feelshame around things he was so
supportive, having therapiststhat are so supportive and
helping me do the work to getforward and family and friends
because this community that Icreated at the studio was so
(25:25):
important to me that I had tomake sure that I still have
community, and that's one of thebiggest things that I'm pushing
now in the future, like ineverything that I do right now
in my work, it is to buildcommunity, to support people in
this space.
So, whether you're a fitnessinstructor and want to be
supported because you wanteither some new ideas for your
(25:46):
classes or you want to besupported in a way that's like
authentic and feels good, thatyou're not traumatizing people
in fitness spaces, that you'rereally having a greater impact
for people, having that supportas a fitness instructor.
That's what I do for FitProEd.
Fitness instructor, that's whatI do for FitProEd and
(26:09):
supporting just anyone that justwants to have a better
relationship with their body andto feel their authentic self
and to live largely big.
Live your big, best lifewithout feeling like you have to
shrink yourself, figurativelyor literally, that you are
shrinking yourself.
We don't have to do thosethings.
You can live your best life onyour own terms and disregard
(26:32):
society's standards and idealsand do the things that bring you
joy, do the things that fillyou up and how you can add more
of that into your life.
That's what I want to do.
I am doing the work withFitProEd, so expect a lot more
(26:52):
resources if you're a fitnessinstructor, and I'll be
launching our new online site.
I know I said I was going to dothat in January, but I was not
showing up, like I said, so alittle explanation there.
So new workouts will be onlineshortly.
I'm excited to be offering moredance and bar and trampoline
(27:14):
workouts online, and those arethe modalities that I train
people in how to teach.
So if you're thinking aboutbecoming a fitness instructor or
you're wanting to learn a newmodality, I'm excited for all
that.
I have coming up for youbecause I have a lot of really
cool workshops and in just a fewweeks I'm going to be in LA
(27:34):
talking about breaking bodybiases.
So I'm super excited to be ableto talk to fitness instructors
and hopefully help moreinstructors to take this weight
neutral approach and tounderstand how their own body
image affects how they teach aclass.
And if you're a fitnessprofessional and you're going to
(27:54):
be at IDEA, I hope I'll see youat my session or at least meet
you at some point over my timeat IDEA.
I'm also going to be over atPodcast Movement in DC in August
.
So if you live in the DC areaor if you're going, especially
if you're going to PodcastMovement I am still looking for
a roommate.
If you're female and going toPodcast Movement, let me know.
(28:16):
Tickets are still available andit's going to be a great event.
I look forward to really workingon this show and making this
podcast as best as it can be.
I really want just to delivercontent that will be received
well and that will be valuableto people and that will support
(28:39):
those that are listening.
So that's my goal for that and,like I said, just local classes
in the area.
If you live in the Philadelphiaarea, you can check out
christinedefilippiscom and, ifit is a hard name to spell,
check out the show notes.
I have all the links there.
If you're looking to join mefor an in-person class or an
(28:59):
online class, if you're lookingfor resources to be an
instructor, I've got all thatfor you.
And one more announcement foryou, a little tease for next
week.
I have an announcement for oursixth annual Smile Train event
Wedding for Smiles.
It'll be in September and I'llhave an announcement about the
(29:21):
date and the location, whichwill be in Havertown next week
for you.
So tune in next week.
And if you have any ideas forguests, I have a few guests
already lined up ready for newepisodes coming at you.
I'll be back next week.
I promise not to take anothersix month hiatus, so I'll be
back next week with a newepisode.
(29:43):
If you know of someone thatwould make a great guest, please
have them.
Go to breakingBodyBiasescom, andwe can't wait to feature more
and more people doing this workand sharing more episodes with
you, more resources and just sothat you can live your best life
.
So have a great one.
Have a great holiday week ifyou're in the US.
We're approaching July 4th, soI want you to enjoy the holiday
(30:08):
without any shame or guilt orjudgment or restriction.
I want you to enjoy time, getin the picture.
I want you to eat foods thatnourish you and make you feel
happy and joyful, and get somemovement in.
I know it'll be a hot one whereI'm living, so I'm going to be
doing some workouts inside, butmaybe get some fresh air, go for
(30:30):
a walk today.
I can't wait to see you nextweek.
Welcome to Breaking Body Biases, a podcast about
health and fitness that's notcentered on your weight.
I interview fitnessprofessionals, dietitians and
wellness practitioners that takea different approach.
I'm Christine DeFilippis, yourhost, and I am a certified
fitness professional, a studioowner and the creator of
FitProEd.
(00:22):
I've had my own history witheating disorders and very
disordered behavior around myfitness, and I want to change
the industry to make it muchmore inclusive and much more
accessible to all, and it startsright here on the podcast.
Join me every week as Iinterview amazing fitness
professionals and dietitians andpractitioners that are helping
(00:44):
to destroy diet culture.
Let's take this journeytogether.
Welcome to episode 95 of theBreaking Body Biases podcast.
This is Christine, your host,and I should actually say
welcome back.
It's been a little bit.
I know that I came on a whileback and shared an episode of
(01:06):
why I closed PopFit Studio and Ineeded a little break.
Quite honestly, one week turnedinto a month, turned into
several months, and that's quitehonestly what happens.
When there's transitions in ourlives.
It can feel very overwhelming.
Quite honestly, everything inmy life was very overwhelming.
(01:26):
I put out that episode and Iwas really not.
I was thinking I wastransparent, but I really was
not as transparent or probablymore clearly, I was not in touch
with truly what I was goingthrough and what I was feeling
at the time and I made thatepisode, thought I was sharing
(01:48):
everything, but it's been hard.
It's been a hard time Lots oftherapy, lots of tears, lots of
work, lots of work that I had toprocess and go through and,
honestly, I did not show up thelast six months.
So if you were someone that Iowe an email to or I haven't
returned a call, I apologize.
(02:10):
I have not been in my best placeand I had to really focus on
myself, focus on my mentalhealth, and my physical health
was getting in the way.
I was getting sick a lot and Ihad to figure out who I was.
Quite honestly, without thestudio, my identity became so
intertwined with the studio whatI felt about myself and my life
(02:34):
and what I was doing and how Iwas showing up in the world.
It got really dark when thatwent away and, although I had
other things that I was pursuing, I had to really focus on
getting myself out of that darkplace with the studio and the
feeling of failure and shame andjust the feeling of my identity
(02:56):
being wrapped up into that, andthat happens.
A lot Like that happens in ourcareers Like who am I if I, if
you lose your job or if youretire or if you get laid off A
lot of this would happen duringthe pandemic.
A lot of this is just stuffthat happens every day, that
people go through these things,and it affects your mental
(03:16):
health, it affects how you showup, it affects how you live your
life and I had to take thattime to do that.
Your life, and I had to takethat time to do that and in
really full transparency andtrigger warning, I did
experience suicidal ideation.
And the only other time that Iexperienced that was when I was
postpartum.
(03:37):
And again, I'm so grateful formy husband, who is such a great
support and understanding andhelped me get the resources that
I needed in order to be able tobe healthy again.
So much praise for him becausehe is, he's my everything and
we've had some challenges withNico as a result and I don't
(04:00):
think that these things are, youknow, separate.
I think he experienced what Iwas experiencing in a different
way, like he felt that mommy wasoff, he felt that things
weren't the same and even thoughkids bounce back like he misses
the studio, he'll talk about ithere and there when we drive by
.
He's like there's PopFit Studioand let's go to the new gym,
(04:22):
because you know, I teach atother gyms now and he you just
feel like he bounces back, okay,but at the same time I know
that he could feel thatsomething was off in all of us.
So we've been dealing with himin a different way and that's
all new and that was hard todeal with and I am in a much
(04:43):
better place now.
But again, I had to figure allthis out and one thing I want to
share is that therapy is soimportant.
If you don't have a therapist,might I suggest you looking into
BetterHelp.
Betterhelp is a great resource.
It's something that I've usedin the past and continue to use
(05:04):
that it's so welcoming andaccessible and much like I talk
about with fitness that a lot oftimes people get stuck in this
place where they're nervous togo into a fitness or gym setting
because they've either beentraumatized in the past, they've
had terrible experiences andthere's just a lot of toxic
(05:27):
fitness culture that if you aregoing into a fitness setting and
you're already struggling withyour body image and struggling
with movement.
It's not something that you doregularly.
It can be very intimidating togo take that first step and go
to a class or go to a gymintimidating to go take that
first step and go to a class orgo to a gym.
(05:48):
And I work really hard and it'spart of the point of this
podcast and the work that I doat conferences and conventions
and with my online work, withcoaching and with my courses.
My goal is to make fitness lessintimidating and to make the
settings like in gyms and instudios, to make those spaces
more welcoming and to helptrainers and instructors to be
(06:09):
able to use different languagein order to connect more to
clients and to really make theexperience so much more
enjoyable than what many peoplehave experienced in the past.
Let's face it a very smallpercentage of people go to gyms
and fitness studios because ofintimidation.
(06:29):
So, in the same way, I feellike mental health, there are
some barriers that stop us fromexploring treatments that could
very much help us, and that istherapy, and a lot of people,
there's shame and there's astigma around it, so people
don't seek out therapy, and Ithink that even when you're
(06:52):
feeling great and you haveeverything going for you.
Therapy is just going to helpyou.
It is not something to belooked down on and, again, my
whole point of sharing this isto help someone that may be in a
place maybe not as dark as Iwas, or maybe even worse, and I
want you to know that there'shelp out there and that there
(07:16):
are a lot of resources, too,that are low cost, because
another barrier is not just theintimidation Like you're, like I
don't want to go to anin-person session.
Someone may see me, it may taketime and there's so many
barriers in the way to this.
And another barrier is cost,and BetterHelp is a great
(07:37):
resource in that way, becausethey do offer assistance and
there's also insurance.
There's various differentplatforms that accept insurance
as well.
So I'm going to put some ofthese resources in the show
notes and if this is somethingthat you've been kind of on the
fence about, I encourage you toexplore it and just see if it's
something that will help supportyou and your journey and just
(08:00):
be happier and healthier, andjust be happier and healthier
Again.
My health was not good, and mymental health, my emotional
health but I'm in a much betterplace now.
So I'm very grateful for theteam of people that have really
helped me get to a better place,that have really helped me get
(08:27):
to a better place and in doingthat I really realized now what
a great decision closing thestudio was.
I hate to say that because Ithink in the back of my mind I
kept thinking like, okay, maybesomeday we'll reopen.
And I don't think I never willsay never, because you just
never know what you want to justhave an open mindset and be
open to different opportunitiesand possibilities.
But at this point I'm veryhappy with the decision that
(08:53):
we've made now.
I wasn't very happy for manymonths because I was just sad.
Again, my identity was wrappedup in the studio and I wasn't
sure who I was.
Without the studio I also hadquickly realized who were
friends and who were clients.
And that was hard because Ithink during the process of
opening my studio and running itfor several years, and even
(09:16):
before I had the studio that Iclosed, I had subletted another
space.
So I had a couple years of thatdoing that.
But at the end of the day Ispent so much time in the studio
working, teaching classes andjust putting everything into it,
like it was like another childfor us.
(09:36):
We opened the studio and then Iwas pregnant with Nico when we
opened and everything was justput into Nico and the studio and
sadly, I think I was putting alittle bit more into the studio
than into, you know, myrelationship with Nico, because
I thought like, oh, I just gotto get this going and then I
could pull back a little bit.
And then when the pandemic hit,it's like oh, I've got to put
(09:59):
everything into this because theonly way we're going to survive
this is with so much hustle andI am not about hustle culture,
but I was in it, I was in thethick of it hustling, hustling,
and it's really not a great.
It's not a sustainable way torun a business or to live your
life.
So I'm very happy with thedecision that we've made now.
(10:23):
I'm very happy with thedecision that we've made now.
One thing that was really hardfor us our decision is that we
did put everything into thestudio and it felt like a child
and we wouldn't be putting Nicoup for adoption if we started to
struggle monetarily.
But that's what made it hardwith the studio, because the
(10:44):
studio really felt like anextension of us, so releasing
that was hard.
And then also this idea of sunkcost fallacy and I learned about
this a lot during this processand it's this phenomenon where
people are reluctant to abandona strategy or a course of action
(11:05):
or, for us, a business, becauseyou've invested so heavily in
it and yeah, and it's even moreclear that leaving whatever that
you're doing your strategy,your course of action, your
business, whatever it may bewill be more beneficial.
But you feel like you'vealready put so much into it that
you don't want to stop, like.
(11:26):
You just feel like thatinvestment is worth more than
your time now maybe.
And if you've ever watched amovie and you get about 30
minutes into it and you're likethis is terrible, this is awful,
like should we stop?
But you continue to watch itanyway because you've invested
that time and you think, okay,it's going to get better, it's
(11:46):
going to take a turn and it'llget better and it'll all be okay
, and we're actually justwasting more time because we
don't want to lose that initialinvestment.
It's much like gambling as well.
I used to love going to playroulette Not that I was a
gambler, but I've been known tosit at a roulette table and I
(12:09):
love the number nine and I willshare this quick story.
I used to put it on nine and ifI didn't win like two or three
times, money's gone, done, walkaway, right?
Well, I had this feeling likeno, no, no.
We were in Vegas with Pat and Isaid no, no, I just know just
one more.
You give me a little bit ofyour money, because we each gave
(12:29):
ourselves $100 to spendgambling, right?
So my money had run out and Ihad asked Pat and spend gambling
, right?
So I had my money had run out,and I had asked Pat and he's
like we'll let it go, like Idon't, I don't want you to lose
more money because he, he knowshis son costs policy, like it's
the premise of why gamblersgamble all the time.
Right, so we?
He said no, we stood at thetable, I don't know why, and it
(12:53):
hit nine, not once but twice ina row right after that.
But that's not usually whathappens.
When I think about when we werein the thick of it all and
feeling like the weight of thepandemic was on us all those
months even, quite honestly,like a year or so that we kept
putting more and more money inand we just felt like we can't
(13:17):
stop now.
We've invested not only ourinitial investment but money
during the pandemic, so we can'tleave now.
We have so much invested andthat's actually just a fallacy,
because we know that in theother situations where you have
the gambler or the movie, likeyou know it's time to stop, like
I felt like I was justconstantly hustling and again
(13:42):
it's just not sustainable.
So that's where we were.
And again it reminds me of thismovie, the Money Pit, like when
we were in this in the thick ofit.
It reminds me of the ShelleyLong and Tom Hanks movie and I'm
really dating myself here.
But there was a movie, theMoney Pit, and they found like
their dream home and they justkept sinking more and more money
(14:04):
and anytime the contractor wasthere they're like, oh yeah, two
weeks, two weeks and I rememberthat from even opening the
studio about how longconstruction turned into.
But yeah, the Money Pit.
I felt like I was living thatwith the pandemic and owning a
fitness business.
We had to get to a point forour own future, our own sanity,
(14:25):
our own health with ourselvesand even our relationships with
other people and our own family.
We had to stop.
Enough was enough.
But it was hard to make thatdecision.
But we know it's right now andonce we made the decision which
quite honestly we should havemade a lot sooner I had to then
(14:48):
figure out who I was, who I waswithout the studio, who I was
without having that space andhaving that work to do.
And it took me a long time thiswhole six months basically to
figure all that out and I stilldon't have it figured out.
But it got me thinking a littlebit more about identity and how
(15:08):
often we're defined by ourcareers or our jobs and who are
we without these things?
And it also got me thinking alittle bit about, especially as
a woman, getting married, forexample.
We have all these likemilestone celebrations and they
usually line up with things thatare not really milestones that
(15:31):
everybody wants or has.
Even I know we like celebrategraduations and that's a great
celebration, it's anaccomplishment, you work hard
for something and like obviouslypeople celebrate birthdays and
other holidays, but we celebrategetting married and we
celebrate having a baby, andthose are things that aren't
necessarily things that everyonecan do or even wants to do, and
(15:56):
it's very interesting and Iremember being younger and not
married, not even wanting achild.
And that would be the questionpeople would ask me like, in
addition to, what do you do fora living, what do you do?
It would be like, do you have aboyfriend?
Like, like my identity issolely wrapped up into my career
(16:17):
a boyfriend, spouse andchildren, and there's a lot more
to life to that.
And, honestly, if you choosethose things, that's great, like
that's wonderful, that's whatyou want, but that's not
necessarily what everybody wants.
And I feel like there's a lotof I, what everybody wants, and
(16:41):
I feel like there's a lot of ouridentity that is attached to
those things.
And what happens if you knowyou get laid off from your job
or you're not liking your careerand you want to make a change?
Or just say you don't want tohave kids, or say you can't have
, it's just hard.
Or you know, if you lose achild.
(17:03):
So there's so much to thispicture, right?
So I just want to know, like,what happens, like when your
identity is so wrapped up inthese things?
And I've been through thisprocess and I really think that
(17:24):
seeking professional help is agreat way to come to terms with,
like who you are as a personand do like kind of personal
development work, and evenwithout a therapist, you can do
this work on your own byjournaling and obviously seeking
deeper, like a deeper supportand more help through a
(17:45):
therapist if that's what youneed.
But if you're just feeling likeI just need a little bit of
support here, you knowjournaling is a great way to do
that and listening to differentpodcasts like this podcast and
just exploring more of thataspect of you rather than just
like what society tells usBecause this podcast is not just
about our weight struggles Ihope that I help people to break
(18:10):
all kinds of biases and helppeople to just live their best
lives and to be their bestselves.
So some of the things that Ihad to do was create an identity
shift.
I had to get really in touchwith my emotional and mental
health challenges and really getan idea of, like how it
(18:35):
impacted my sense of selfBecause, again, my identity was
so tied to that studio.
So I had to rediscover who Iwas and figure out the things I
enjoy doing, the things I don'tenjoy doing.
And do I want to get a job?
Do I want to continue to be anentrepreneur and run my existing
(18:56):
business.
Do I want to sell that business?
What do I want to do?
Because the other thing is,when you're an entrepreneur, you
have to be self-motivated.
What do I want to do?
Because the other thing is,when you're an entrepreneur, you
have to be self motivated.
You have to get up in themorning and just get get shit
done.
That's what you have to do,because no one is standing over
you saying you've got to getthis done.
I mean, I guess someone is.
The bank is because if youdon't, if you're not paying your
(19:17):
bills, you're just gonna beshut down.
But I had to rediscover, likewho I was, what I wanted to do,
because things change too inyour own life from 5, 10 years,
20 years, like what you thinkyou may want in your life.
That's why people have careerchanges.
That's why people explore newjobs or pursue new avenues of
(19:38):
education in order to get newjobs.
I just had a friend thatrecently changed fields.
She was highly educated ineducation, had her master's
degree and then she went intonursing.
So that took time, it took alot of work and it created this
huge shift in her life, a lot ofnew education that she had to
(19:58):
get in order to get this new job, and now she's pursuing
something else, and I think thata lot of times people stay
stuck where they're unhappy andwhere they are unfulfilled and
where they're not compensatedproperly, and then that becomes
like their identity and wherethey're at, but they're
(20:19):
miserable.
So if you're feeling anystruggles at all, I hope that
you will seek professional helpand again, there's no stigma
around that.
There's no negativity aroundseeking help.
It is to help you become yourbest self.
So, creating this identity shiftand really discovering who you
(20:40):
are, who I was, that's what Ihad to do and it's what I see
many people do.
I'm not the first to have doneit.
I won't be the last, hopefullyand it led me to a place where
I'm so much happier now.
And it's wild for me to evenremember where I was in the
(21:00):
early part of this year and eventhinking of I won't do it,
listening to old like boxes thatI've sent people like oh, I
definitely was not in a greatplace, or just looking over my
journals, I can see that.
But this is so important to dothis, have these shifts not just
like when you're in these darkplaces, but when you're in the
(21:23):
light, when you are feelinggreat, to continue to do the
work every day.
This is what I do with dietculture, because you better
believe that when I was in thesedark places with my mental
health and my physical healthgot bad, like my body image
suffered so greatly and it's allintertwined.
And that's why I find it soimportant to dismantle the
(21:47):
destructive behaviors andpolicies, if you will, that our
diet culture that influence somany people, that get people
stuck in situations, that makepeople feel bad about themselves
because society's ideals, ourhealth and beauty standards, are
not attainable.
(22:07):
What society tells us is justnot attainable and even if you
are able to attain it for abrief moment, it's not
sustainable.
So I do see this intersectionof where our identity meets body
image and where we struggle.
(22:27):
When we have body imagestruggles, these kind of life
decisions and challenges are somuch harder, sometimes
impossible to even make thesedecisions because we're already
struggling with our body imageright.
So it's so important to do bodyimage work and to come to a
(22:48):
better relationship with yourbody so you can make the best
decisions to make your life thelife that it should be.
I also feel like it aligns somuch with our body image and our
identity when it comes to evenfiguring out our authentic self
and when we try to explore thatand embrace who we are
authentically and taking awaysociety's standards society's,
(23:12):
like I said, our health andbeauty standards are not
attainable or sustainable andsame with a lot of our identity
struggles, like with career andhaving a family or getting
married.
There's a lot of people thatchoose not to get married or
have children and there's a lotof people that it just doesn't
happen, whether by circumstanceor by choice, like these are
(23:36):
just different people makingdifferent life choices.
And again, society tells usthat you need a career, you need
to have a family and you needto be successful.
And this pursuit ofaccomplishing things or this
pursuit of money, or thispursuit of youth or this pursuit
(23:57):
of thinness all these thingsare all intertwined and I
realized that when I was in thethick of all this stuff.
And I realized that when I wasin the thick of all this stuff.
So I hope you will explorethings outside of what society
tells you to explore.
I mean, you may line right up,you may decide like yes, I
wanted a husband and or a wifeand children, like that was my
(24:19):
dream.
I've always wanted to be a momor a dad.
That's great, like it lines upwith society's standards, but
you are also just doing what youwant to do.
So I hope that everyone that'slistening will take this in and
really see the parallels betweenidentity and body image and
(24:39):
really focus on being yourauthentic self and finding
support systems that will helpsupport you through that.
Because if I wouldn't have hada good support system, I would
have never been able to A makeit through all the struggles
Because, again, I was in a verydark place and having that
(25:00):
support system having a spousethat understood and supported me
and didn't judge me or feelshame around things he was so
supportive, having therapiststhat are so supportive and
helping me do the work to getforward and family and friends
because this community that Icreated at the studio was so
(25:25):
important to me that I had tomake sure that I still have
community, and that's one of thebiggest things that I'm pushing
now in the future, like ineverything that I do right now
in my work, it is to buildcommunity, to support people in
this space.
So, whether you're a fitnessinstructor and want to be
supported because you wanteither some new ideas for your
(25:46):
classes or you want to besupported in a way that's like
authentic and feels good, thatyou're not traumatizing people
in fitness spaces, that you'rereally having a greater impact
for people, having that supportas a fitness instructor.
That's what I do for FitProEd.
Fitness instructor, that's whatI do for FitProEd and
(26:09):
supporting just anyone that justwants to have a better
relationship with their body andto feel their authentic self
and to live largely big.
Live your big, best lifewithout feeling like you have to
shrink yourself, figurativelyor literally, that you are
shrinking yourself.
We don't have to do thosethings.
You can live your best life onyour own terms and disregard
(26:32):
society's standards and idealsand do the things that bring you
joy, do the things that fillyou up and how you can add more
of that into your life.
That's what I want to do.
I am doing the work withFitProEd, so expect a lot more
(26:52):
resources if you're a fitnessinstructor, and I'll be
launching our new online site.
I know I said I was going to dothat in January, but I was not
showing up, like I said, so alittle explanation there.
So new workouts will be onlineshortly.
I'm excited to be offering moredance and bar and trampoline
(27:14):
workouts online, and those arethe modalities that I train
people in how to teach.
So if you're thinking aboutbecoming a fitness instructor or
you're wanting to learn a newmodality, I'm excited for all
that.
I have coming up for youbecause I have a lot of really
cool workshops and in just a fewweeks I'm going to be in LA
(27:34):
talking about breaking bodybiases.
So I'm super excited to be ableto talk to fitness instructors
and hopefully help moreinstructors to take this weight
neutral approach and tounderstand how their own body
image affects how they teach aclass.
And if you're a fitnessprofessional and you're going to
(27:54):
be at IDEA, I hope I'll see youat my session or at least meet
you at some point over my timeat IDEA.
I'm also going to be over atPodcast Movement in DC in August
.
So if you live in the DC areaor if you're going, especially
if you're going to PodcastMovement I am still looking for
a roommate.
If you're female and going toPodcast Movement, let me know.
(28:16):
Tickets are still available andit's going to be a great event.
I look forward to really workingon this show and making this
podcast as best as it can be.
I really want just to delivercontent that will be received
well and that will be valuableto people and that will support
(28:39):
those that are listening.
So that's my goal for that and,like I said, just local classes
in the area.
If you live in the Philadelphiaarea, you can check out
christinedefilippiscom and, ifit is a hard name to spell,
check out the show notes.
I have all the links there.
If you're looking to join mefor an in-person class or an
(28:59):
online class, if you're lookingfor resources to be an
instructor, I've got all thatfor you.
And one more announcement foryou, a little tease for next
week.
I have an announcement for oursixth annual Smile Train event
Wedding for Smiles.
It'll be in September and I'llhave an announcement about the
(29:21):
date and the location, whichwill be in Havertown next week
for you.
So tune in next week.
And if you have any ideas forguests, I have a few guests
already lined up ready for newepisodes coming at you.
I'll be back next week.
I promise not to take anothersix month hiatus, so I'll be
back next week with a newepisode.
(29:43):
If you know of someone thatwould make a great guest, please
have them.
Go to breakingBodyBiasescom, andwe can't wait to feature more
and more people doing this workand sharing more episodes with
you, more resources and just sothat you can live your best life
.
So have a great one.
Have a great holiday week ifyou're in the US.
We're approaching July 4th, soI want you to enjoy the holiday
(30:08):
without any shame or guilt orjudgment or restriction.
I want you to enjoy time, getin the picture.
I want you to eat foods thatnourish you and make you feel
happy and joyful, and get somemovement in.
I know it'll be a hot one whereI'm living, so I'm going to be
doing some workouts inside, butmaybe get some fresh air, go for
(30:30):
a walk today.
I can't wait to see you nextweek.
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