May 23, 2025 • 24 mins
I let someone else make a decision I should’ve made for myself.
This is a story about ignoring your own knowing—about choosing silence when your gut was already speaking. About trusting someone else’s timing more than your own.
In this episode, I talk about the pressure to perform, the danger of outsourcing your power, and how rejection sometimes saves you when you won’t save yourself.
Discernment is a muscle. And baby, mine was sore.
Bretzinshow is part confessional, part comedy—and 100% relatable. Host Ken Bretz serves up real stories, pop culture hot takes, listener letters, and chaotic rants that make you laugh, think, and maybe text your therapist. It’s messy. It’s honest. It’s your new favorite voice memo in podcast form.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ken (00:00):
I almost did not record this episode because of so many
(00:04):
different reasons, impostorsyndrome, technical
difficulties, and also becauseI'm maybe a little bit of a
coward. I was really debating ifI had the the balls, the cajones
to, share this. I've only toldfour people in my life this
story, and I just told myselfwhen I started this podcast that
what people have always told methey wanted from me is my
(00:27):
reliability, my brutal honesty,and truly how I keep it real.
Truly how I keep it real. Idon't want to say keep it 100.
I'm trying to move into this newchapter in life where I keep it
like 75%. A, because that'sabout the energy level I have.
And b, just because, I don'tknow, keeping it 100 all the
(00:49):
time can go wrong. You can betoo brutally honest. I think 75%
gives me the opportunity and thetime and the space to, kickball
change into a differentdirection before I put 100% of
my foot in my mouth.
But, yeah, I wasn't sure I wasgoing to tell anyone this story,
but, I think it's something thatpeople need to hear, and, I hope
(01:11):
that some people feel seen withfrom it. If they've had, like,
similar bad experiences, theydon't think that they're alone.
And honestly, to have theopportunity just to commiserate
with how damn raggedy it isoutside. It's raggedy out here.
There are some good employers,but there sure as hell are a lot
of raggedy ones.
(01:31):
So let's get into it. 10interviews. A fancy dinner in a
members restaurant where I feltlike I was the only person who
didn't speak millionaire,sitting across from my would be
employer, looking me dead in myface and saying, I just need one
throat to choke. Y'all, I wasthe throat. And still, after all
of that and much more, I wasstill going to say yes to this
(01:53):
job, to the stress, to theversion of me that knew better
but just didn't listen.
Hey, hey, showstopper. Welcometo Bretson's show where the
stories are 100% real. Thelessons are mostly accidental,
but the chaos is lovinglycurated. Today's story, whew,
it's about how I came so closeto saying yes to something that
didn't serve me at all. A jobthat looked perfect on paper,
(02:16):
but would have required me toorigami fold myself into a
version of me that I didn't evenwant to be.
Before we dive in, don't forgetto subscribe, leave a review,
and share this with someone whois in a toxic relationship, but
they stay in it because they canfix them. Alright. Let's rewind.
This was never a dream jobbecause, hello, I do not dream
of work. Honestly, I wasn't evensure I wanted to stay in the
(02:39):
industry that I had just left,but this company came for me,
and I mean it came for me hard.
10 interviews, speaking tomultiple people in this company.
Interviews on Sundays,interviews on my vacation,
calling, email, text me allhours of a day as if I already
worked there. No one could quitetell me exactly the same story
about what the role was. Therole even started as one thing
(03:02):
and then changed to another one.But the only thing that was
consistent about what I wasbeing told about this company
and and what I would be doingthere is how confident everyone
was that I was the perfectperson for this role.
Now don't get me wrong. I amgood at what I do. I know that
my resume is is it's giving, butsomething just wasn't sitting
(03:22):
right. Like there were someaspects of the courting process
that felt a little desperate,but, know, I kept trying to push
that thought down because Ithink a lot of times I have, and
I suffer from imposter syndromelike many people. And I'm like,
oh, I'm not that good or they'renot that they're not that
interested in me.
You're just making it up. AndI'm like, Ken, whatever. Just
explore this opportunity. Youknow, drink your own Kool Aid,
(03:45):
whatever. You are good at whatyou do.
So it makes sense that theywould be interested to you.
Fine. Still throughout thisentire process, I kept going
because I didn't want to be theperson who walked away from an
opportunity, especially onethat, again, on paper, met my
skill set and had the potentialto really help me kind of
contribute meaningfully to myhousehold. Also, I had a member
(04:06):
of my family that was in thehospital at the time, and I was
thinking like, hey, like, I justI can't afford to be turning
down jobs, even though I Ireally approached my sabbatical
and leaving my last one with, Iwanna be intentional about what
I do. When this came up, I justfelt like I owed it to, I don't
know who, capitalism, to pursueit and to at least see it
through.
(04:26):
And, you know, at the end, if ifwe get all the way through the
process or at any point at anypoint that I feel like this is
just not the right fit or thisdoes not suit me, I can just
back out. But at that point, Ijust felt I had to keep
exploring this opportunity andjust couldn't afford to walk
away from it. Eventually, afterabout three months of the eight
ish, nine ish virtualinterviews, and sidebar, it is
(04:46):
insane to ask a candidate totalk to you that many times,
regardless of what the role is.Like, I get it. You know,
certain leadership roles arevery significant.
You know, the impact cannot beunderstated. But if you have to
talk to someone eight or ninetimes to feel out the situation
and see if it's a good fit, itsounds like we're just not a
(05:07):
good fit. Sounds like someone'smissing discernment. And maybe I
should talk this up to the factthat there were just so many
people involved, but still thatin and of itself is like a part
of chaos that is baked into thisweird ass process. Whatever.
After all of that, after thethree months of of of all the
various interviews, they askedme to fly out to their HQ at my
(05:28):
own expense. They changed myitinerary multiple times, made
me change my flight multipletimes because they wanted me to
fly out of different locations.They wanted me to, meet them in
different places. Anyways, theday I flew out there, I had no
itinerary of when I was meetingwith them. That's not true.
I I knew when I would be meetingwith them for dinner, but my
first meeting, which wassupposed to be the offer
(05:50):
presentation meeting after theywere supposed to send it to me
before, but then decided tochange their mind and it was
better to present it to me inperson. So I fly out, and it
wasn't until I landed that theyemailed me to tell me that my
first meeting for my offerpresentation was in forty five
minutes. I have not said bydesign where I flew into and
(06:13):
where this was, but it was amajor metropolitan area with a
huge airport. So when I put inthe HQ address from the airport,
the GPS said it was going totake me an hour and a half to
get there. So now I am late to ameeting that was never even
scheduled.
On top of that, I get the mostintense motion sickness like, oh
(06:35):
my god, it's so incredibly bad.And it is exasperated by heat.
So I'm motion sick. I'msweating. I'm disoriented and
late.
And as someone who waschronically late, I felt so good
going to into this meeting,whatever, because I was going to
be like four hours early todinner. Now I'm over an hour
(06:56):
late to this meeting about myoffer. Great. I feel like shit.
So I show up frazzled inside,but I don't frazzled on the
outside, but I don't know.
Maybe they could tell. Andhonestly, was really met with,
well, that's unfortunate energyfrom these people. Not this was
a huge inconvenience. Not we'vebeen kind of dicking you around
all weekend and with your travelplans and sorry for the last
(07:19):
minute meeting request. It wasjust kind of like par for the
course.
So I get there, they pull meinto a conference room, and they
slide an offer across. And thisoffer was four pages. It was a
substantial compensationpackage, which would make sense
because there are KPIs andrelocation packages, and all
those things are are kind ofpart of it. But there was no
preamble. There was no, here'ssome of the highlights.
(07:41):
The only thing that they saidbefore I start looking at it is,
hey, we want you to know thatseveral people worked on this
compensation package, and we'vebeen working on it for the last
couple of weeks. I think it wastold to me to give the sense
that a lot of care went into it.You know, they didn't just run
it through chat GBT. It was itwas odd because I was trying to
(08:02):
like, there is a reason why theeffort is being discussed. And I
don't know if that was like,because the all in number, they
wanted me to think that like itis substantial because there was
effort behind it.
I don't know. I can't I can'treally understand the intention
behind it, but there wasdefinitely a reason why that was
prefaced. And to be clear, I donot want to be dismissive of the
number. I did not by any meanslooked like disturbed or
(08:27):
unhappy, but it was almost likethe response they were expecting
from me is like, you know thoselike, those monkeys with a crank
behind them and the cymbals?Like, I feel like everyone was
looking at me like I was gonnahop up on the table and just
start clapping and just be sooverjoyed by the number.
Like, don't get me wrong. It wassignificant, but like, I'm
sorry. This is a negotiation.Are y'all new? I don't think
(08:47):
y'all are new because there'sgray hair on the other side of
the table for me.
Well, surely y'all know, andthis is like an exchange, and
there may be some back andforth, but as of right now, you
all have had more time lookingat this, compensation package
than I have. I had like fortyfive seconds. So they just
didn't look like they got theresponse from me that they
wanted. So like once I got donereviewing it, they then reviewed
(09:10):
the package, which I thought waslike backwards. And then they're
like, So what do you think?
And again, it was one of thosemoments where I was like, Did
y'all expect me to be like, Ohmy god, where's my pen? Why is
there not a pen in my hand? Myhand is shaking with the
anticipation of signing thisoffer. No, no. So I very quickly
was just like, wow.
Thank you so much for going overthat. I appreciate the the
(09:30):
detail. And again, it soundslike there was a lot of thought
that went into putting thispackage together, and I wanna be
equally intentional with myresponse. So I would love to
have the opportunity afterdinner to review this and get
back to you. Girl, are y'allokay?
Now, I don't typically talkabout money because I think it's
like a little tacky, but just togive you all some context and
and and the significance of ofthis opportunity, The all in
(09:55):
number for year one for this jobwas over half a million dollars.
Even I'm very thankful for howthings ended up with the
situation, but like, that is atransformative amount of money.
At least it is for me. I don'tknow. I even go for it.
I'm just like, that's not what Icome from. Like, you know, my
(10:18):
family is very working class.Everything that I have done in
my professional career, myincome has grown, of course, but
like, this was more thandoubling what I was making
before. I would be able to helpmy family. And again, like I
said, I had someone in thehospital, and they had some
financial challenges with theirhospitalization.
I was like, wow, this role wouldhave me moving away, but I would
(10:41):
be making enough money that Iwould be able to still help. And
I I maybe that would make up formy absence, whatever. I don't
even know. Was just like sayingall sorts of shit about how my
life would be better. Anyways.
But even with how awkward thingshad been, the journey up until
the offer, and everything that'sproceeding it, like, in my mind,
like, I'm still gonna sign this.Not right now. I'm going to take
(11:02):
this job. No matter what, I'mgoing to take this job. Because
even though in that moment, mygut was telling me to run, the
number was whispering, maybe youcan just figure it out later.
It'll be fine. It'll be fine.Maybe you'll be miserable. Maybe
you'll be stressed. Maybe you'llhave zero work life balance.
You probably won't see yourhusband very often, but I really
was imagining what my life wasgoing be like. It'd be a fresh
(11:24):
start in a new city where no oneknew me. A version of myself
that didn't have to explain theburnout, the caregiving, the
compromises. But my husband,even before I left, but
especially afterwards, he wasn'tsold. Like, he was not fazed by
the number.
He honestly did not carebecause, and maybe I'll get into
this in a future episode, butlike, before I left my old job,
(11:47):
like I was in like a really,really bad place. And I started
to have like a lot of likeissues with my health. And my
husband obviously saw and washelping me throughout that
entire process. So I think thatlike his antennae were like up
immediately from the beginning.And I I think that he always was
(12:07):
against me taking this job, buthe just knew that and could see
me in real time convincingmyself that I was just gonna
make it work or it'll be fine orI'll figure it out.
But he was never impressed byit. He's he is my true north
when I allow him to be. I don'toften, I don't always take his
advice on things. But he washe's like my white flag. He's
like my white husband that'salso like a white flag.
(12:29):
I just need to listen, butwhatever. Hindsight is twenty
twenty. He just knew how mucheffort it would take to uproot
everything, our lives, you know,selling our house, our dogs. We
have a dog that's 13 years old.And he just saw the red flags
for what they were, even when Iwas trying to paint them beige.
And that's like all the time.Like I'm just very much like the
one of our boys, just like, Ohbabe, it's fine. We'll figure it
(12:51):
out. Like, we can do this. Wecan do this.
And he's always like, But whywhy maybe we shouldn't. Even
though we can, and even thoughthere's a path forward to like
figuring something out, maybe wejust like shouldn't do it
because of a bad idea. Aconcept. But whatever. We both
knew that even if, especiallywith the move, we both knew that
even if it came later, becauseit was going to be a deferred,
(13:15):
deferred move, it would come ata cost to us.
So let's get to the dinner. Theytook me to a members only dinner
club. These people areincredibly wealthy, but there
are a few spaces that I've everfelt like uncomfortable because
I truly believe that you have towalk into every space like you
own it. But baby, baby, have youever walked into a space and you
(13:38):
just been like, my net worthdon't match. My net worth is not
matching where I'm at.
Like, should I be in here? Itwas, it was wild. As soon as you
walked into this restaurant,won't say the name obviously,
the Metrodie, they take yourphone and they put stickers on
the front and back camera. Like,I was like, I thought we were
just coming here to push arounda salad on a plate and have
(13:59):
awkward conversation over it.Like, where the hell am I?
They start walking us to ourtable and I'm just kind of like
looking around the room andtrying not to look like I'm like
fish out of water. The firstface of the eye clock, Jessel
from Real Housewives of NewYork. And I mean, with the bob,
the girl had the bob and the bobis really cute, Jessel. I really
love and I was like, okay, okay,okay. So this is that kind of
(14:20):
exclusive.
Also, you guys hear about thenew Rooney? I don't know.
Sometimes maybe just we don'tneed to reboot things. IDK.
Yeah.
Sometimes when you cast usinglike focus groups and things
like that, it just doesn't quitepan out very well on camera. You
don't really get that that thesynergies of, I don't know,
people who actually know eachother, who are actually friends,
(14:41):
who have actual real drama.There was like multiple episodes
where they were like fightingover a cheese plate, and I was
looking at my husband like, Whatare we looking at? I've gotten
off track. Mind you, we're inthis restaurant.
I haven't eaten all day, butthis is not probably the time
where I'm just gonna like, youknow, stuff my face. I'm going
to be like very polite and makesure that I'm eating something
that is like conducive to likehaving a conversation that's not
(15:01):
messy. I eat something Iprobably do not want to eat that
is not delicious. Ugh. Fuck.
Anyways, so when we got there,we had to wait for the other
person who we will refer to ashead honcho. We had to wait for
a head honcho to get there toorder anything. I mean, at this
point, it's it's like 06:00.Once everyone was seated, it
just started turning into like aconversation that I felt like I
(15:21):
needed like a five year longsubscription to The Economist to
even like participate in. Like,I'm like, I'm like capable of
like code switching, but my bankaccount just doesn't really
match like the subject matter.
Like there's there's not a wayfor me to like seamlessly like
go back and forth with peoplewho are talking about yachts and
investment portfolios across theworld. I feel like I communicate
(15:44):
very well. I'm very engaging andcharismatic, but like, I just
didn't know how to hop in in theright way. I would never
categorize myself as like shy,but I definitely was not
speaking as much as I normallywould. And maybe I was coming
across like a little awkward,but either way, I could just
tell that I wasn't giving thereactions that they wanted or
(16:05):
like, I don't know.
I just wasn't like, the thevibes were off. It probably was
because this person, when theysay the ick, I never knew what
like people meant. Was like,what the hell are the kids
talking about the I understoodthat. Like, I could feel it in
the pit of my stomach that, thisperson is gross. I want to have
nothing to do with them.
And while I know I'm good at,like, not, like, showing it all
(16:26):
in, like, my face or my body,I'm sure it was at minimum
diluting, I guess, how I wasparticipating in this
conversation, for sure. And Icould just tell that the person
was not vibing. So finally theconversation actually turns to,
I don't know what the hell we'rehere about, the job, and me. And
they're talking about likeorganizational structures or
whatever. And when they'retalking about like
(16:46):
responsibility and like holdingpeople accountable, one of the
other people at the table says,Yeah, yeah, I can understand
like why you would be frustratedhead honcho.
But what you need to understandis the reason why we want to
bring someone like Ken in, Iwill never forget this, the
reason why we want to bringsomeone like Ken in is because
you just need one throat tochoke. I don't know if these
fools thought that theytransported themselves into the
(17:08):
locker room and they were Idon't know. They're at the
tavern and just like smashingbeers against their heads or
whatever. But like, to socavalierly speak about someone
in that way, and that person isthere, I was blown away. On one
hand, I'm just like, wow.
But also it was good because I'mlike, okay, this is what they're
saying in front of me. What thehell would they say if I wasn't
(17:28):
present? One throat to choke.Have y'all lost your mind? I was
like, oh, wow.
Interesting turn of phrase. Ihaven't heard of that one. The
other end of person was like,it's just something that people
say. Was like, who are people?Is it like Game of Thrones?
That was not a metaphor. Thatwas not a joke. Just a casual
act of corporate violence. Andfor obvious reasons, the vibe
shifted thereafter. As dinnerkind of got wrapped up, head
(17:50):
honcho leaves, they say to theother person, call me when
you're done with him.
Bruh. I was like, okay, we just,we dropped all pretense. Was
like, okay, cool. Was In myhead, I'm just like, this person
does not, will not live in thesame state as me. You know, I
probably won't have to interactwith them like a ton.
(18:12):
They're not the people I workwith every single day. Like,
don't even worry about this.This is just business. Right.
But the person who stayed withme, it just, I don't even think
that they made eye contact withme again after that comment.
And that's leaving therestaurant, the cab to the hotel
that we were both staying at,and even to getting out of the
cab. When we were supposed, whenwe were walking into the hotel,
(18:33):
the other person said, Well, Ineed to go to the ATM, so I'll
just see you in the morning.Turns and walks down the street.
Y'all, there's an ATM right inthe lobby. I was like, Oh God.
Kent, they're not feeling you.Girl, girl. I'm just like,
meanwhile, I'm like questioningmyself. I'm like, Oh my God,
what did I do? Did I dosomething weird?
Did I say something weird? Waslike, I know I didn't say
(18:54):
anything weird. It's like, was Ijust like uncomfortable when
they could tell? Like, in myhead, I'm just like trying to
like figure out what I didwrong. Like me, what I did wrong
with like they're talking crazy.
Whatever. Later that night, itwas like super late. I couldn't
go to sleep, but it was likeafter midnight, let me check my
email just in case like I missedsomething, because we talked
about something that they weregonna send, I was like, Oh,
(19:15):
maybe they sent it to me, Idon't want them to think I'm not
looking at my email around theclock, when I don't want to be
looking at my email around theclock. Goofy. Anyways, I was
looking at my phone and youknow, with the update now, you
get them AI summaries, and thoseAI summaries are just a mess.
But anyways, I got some AIsummaries for some missed phone
calls in an email, and the emailAI summary said, Trip canceled.
(19:39):
Urgent call needed. It's 12:30.I'm like, what? Urgent call,
like, my god, something happen?
Like, did one of them get likean accent? Like, I'm thinking
like fire, flood, blood.Something catastrophic has
happened. Let's fast forward tothe next morning. I wake up at
6AM.
I already have multiple missedcalls and sorry, the missed
calls from the night before andthe emails were not from the
(20:00):
company. They were from therecruiting firm. I was just
like, what? Like I hadn't like,once the trip booking thing
happened, I hadn't really hadmuch communication with the
recruiting firm because again,they like that they out of it.
So I called the number back.
I think it's the recruiter I'vebeen speaking to. And no, it's
not that recruiter. It'sactually the owner of the
recruiting firm. I've neverspoken to this person in my
(20:21):
entire life. I was like, hey, Igot the emails.
Like, something happened? What'sgoing on? Yeah. We just want to
let you know, Ken, that, theoffer has been rescinded. Your
trip has been canceled.
You need to rebook your travelback home and send your receipts
in for reimbursement, but theythey no longer think you are a
good fit. And I'm just like, Imean, it's like 06:00 in the
(20:41):
morning. I haven't even brushedmy teeth. So like, when I'm my
mouth is like a drive that Ican't even like put into words.
So I'm just trying to likefigure out like what to say.
I'm like, okay, sorry to hear.Did something happen? And they
said, well, they discovered yoursocial media, and the videos
they saw are not someone thatthey want to be leading their
organization. So again, veryearly, I tried to go back
(21:10):
through my mind because like Ihaven't I don't have really been
on Instagram very often. Yearsago, I stopped cussing on like
my reels or whatever.
I don't ever talk about like myemployer. I never said anything
incendiary. I'm just like, Oh myGod, like, did I say something
like alt righty? Like, what thehell would they find? And like,
at this point, I should havebeen like, Okay, thank you.
I'll I'll go home. But I I justneed to know what part of like,
(21:32):
of of my IG just blew this allup. So I said, Is there a
particular video that they wereconcerned with? Yeah. Yeah.
He said, Yeah. One of the videoswas about three day weekends
after a holiday. What iscorporate for I know you fucking
lying. Because what? All the hottakes.
(21:54):
I don't I don't I don't think, Imean, that was like lukewarm at
best. I was like, okay, well,fuck me. Well, thank you so
much. I'm so sorry for the timethat that's been wasted, but I
certainly appreciate all yourefforts, and, I will send my
receipts when I get home. Imean, what else the hell else I
can say?
Hang up. Hack my shit. Go home.But after all of that, if they
(22:14):
had not rescinded my offer, doyou know I probably would have
still said yes? Because eventhrough all of my discomfort
that day, the offer, the dinner,weird everything else
thereafter, I was convincingmyself.
Was like, this is what it's liketo be a leader in a in a huge
company. You know, it's gonna beuneasy. When I called my husband
and told him I blew it, I wascrying because I messed this up
and it was because of myInstagram. My stupid videos were
(22:37):
rude at all. He broke down.
Was like, babe, like, I neverwanted you to go. This was
always a bad situation fromstart to finish. You should not
be thinking that, like, you didsomething wrong. These people
are just terrible, and you hadthe benefit of seeing it before
you were locked in or before wewere, like, contractually
obligated to to to to beconnected with them. And when I
(22:59):
got home, we talked about itmore because I was still like
beating myself up all throughthe Uber, all through the
airport, all through my flight,all the way home.
When we sat and talked again, hewas just like, Babe, I truly
want you to do something thatmakes you feel like a whole
person. And you have wanted tostart a podcast forever. Y'all,
he bought me a podcast mic likethree Christmases ago. And so
(23:25):
we've been talking about it. Soafter that, I just kind of
changed my energy and stoppedfocusing on finding a job.
And instead, I said a lot topodcasts. But that whole moment,
and honestly, just his likefaith in me is why I'm here
right now. It's why I'm behindthis mic in front of you today.
(23:47):
So let me just kind of tell youa little bit what I learned
about from this, from thiscrazy, crazy journey. I learned
that when you are desperate forrelief or, or more desperate to
be seen, you will make chaoslook like comfort.
I often say, you can't drinkfrom every cup that is presented
to you. Every cup is not meantfor you. And yes, I am a
(24:09):
hydration advocate. I trulythink that most of life's
problems is because y'all arewalking around thirsty. But when
you are thirsty for self worth,you will look at things that are
absolutely crazy and be like,you know what?
I can make this work. Don't youjust, you know, life ain't about
comfort. Life is not aboutgetting what you want. Gotta
deal with crazy things to to bequote unquote happy. And happy
(24:33):
in this equation was just money.
Okay. That's it. I'm I'm tiredof talking to myself. Oh god.
It's it's been a journey.
I'm so happy that I finally gotthis episode done. I've been
literally trying to I've beentrying so hard to get this
recorded. But anyways, thank youso much. You showed up. Now
let's show out.
I almost did not record this episode because of so many
(00:04):
different reasons, impostorsyndrome, technical
difficulties, and also becauseI'm maybe a little bit of a
coward. I was really debating ifI had the the balls, the cajones
to, share this. I've only toldfour people in my life this
story, and I just told myselfwhen I started this podcast that
what people have always told methey wanted from me is my
(00:27):
reliability, my brutal honesty,and truly how I keep it real.
Truly how I keep it real. Idon't want to say keep it 100.
I'm trying to move into this newchapter in life where I keep it
like 75%. A, because that'sabout the energy level I have.
And b, just because, I don'tknow, keeping it 100 all the
(00:49):
time can go wrong. You can betoo brutally honest. I think 75%
gives me the opportunity and thetime and the space to, kickball
change into a differentdirection before I put 100% of
my foot in my mouth.
But, yeah, I wasn't sure I wasgoing to tell anyone this story,
but, I think it's something thatpeople need to hear, and, I hope
(01:11):
that some people feel seen withfrom it. If they've had, like,
similar bad experiences, theydon't think that they're alone.
And honestly, to have theopportunity just to commiserate
with how damn raggedy it isoutside. It's raggedy out here.
There are some good employers,but there sure as hell are a lot
of raggedy ones.
(01:31):
So let's get into it. 10interviews. A fancy dinner in a
members restaurant where I feltlike I was the only person who
didn't speak millionaire,sitting across from my would be
employer, looking me dead in myface and saying, I just need one
throat to choke. Y'all, I wasthe throat. And still, after all
of that and much more, I wasstill going to say yes to this
(01:53):
job, to the stress, to theversion of me that knew better
but just didn't listen.
Hey, hey, showstopper. Welcometo Bretson's show where the
stories are 100% real. Thelessons are mostly accidental,
but the chaos is lovinglycurated. Today's story, whew,
it's about how I came so closeto saying yes to something that
didn't serve me at all. A jobthat looked perfect on paper,
(02:16):
but would have required me toorigami fold myself into a
version of me that I didn't evenwant to be.
Before we dive in, don't forgetto subscribe, leave a review,
and share this with someone whois in a toxic relationship, but
they stay in it because they canfix them. Alright. Let's rewind.
This was never a dream jobbecause, hello, I do not dream
of work. Honestly, I wasn't evensure I wanted to stay in the
(02:39):
industry that I had just left,but this company came for me,
and I mean it came for me hard.
10 interviews, speaking tomultiple people in this company.
Interviews on Sundays,interviews on my vacation,
calling, email, text me allhours of a day as if I already
worked there. No one could quitetell me exactly the same story
about what the role was. Therole even started as one thing
(03:02):
and then changed to another one.But the only thing that was
consistent about what I wasbeing told about this company
and and what I would be doingthere is how confident everyone
was that I was the perfectperson for this role.
Now don't get me wrong. I amgood at what I do. I know that
my resume is is it's giving, butsomething just wasn't sitting
(03:22):
right. Like there were someaspects of the courting process
that felt a little desperate,but, know, I kept trying to push
that thought down because Ithink a lot of times I have, and
I suffer from imposter syndromelike many people. And I'm like,
oh, I'm not that good or they'renot that they're not that
interested in me.
You're just making it up. AndI'm like, Ken, whatever. Just
explore this opportunity. Youknow, drink your own Kool Aid,
(03:45):
whatever. You are good at whatyou do.
So it makes sense that theywould be interested to you.
Fine. Still throughout thisentire process, I kept going
because I didn't want to be theperson who walked away from an
opportunity, especially onethat, again, on paper, met my
skill set and had the potentialto really help me kind of
contribute meaningfully to myhousehold. Also, I had a member
(04:06):
of my family that was in thehospital at the time, and I was
thinking like, hey, like, I justI can't afford to be turning
down jobs, even though I Ireally approached my sabbatical
and leaving my last one with, Iwanna be intentional about what
I do. When this came up, I justfelt like I owed it to, I don't
know who, capitalism, to pursueit and to at least see it
through.
(04:26):
And, you know, at the end, if ifwe get all the way through the
process or at any point at anypoint that I feel like this is
just not the right fit or thisdoes not suit me, I can just
back out. But at that point, Ijust felt I had to keep
exploring this opportunity andjust couldn't afford to walk
away from it. Eventually, afterabout three months of the eight
ish, nine ish virtualinterviews, and sidebar, it is
(04:46):
insane to ask a candidate totalk to you that many times,
regardless of what the role is.Like, I get it. You know,
certain leadership roles arevery significant.
You know, the impact cannot beunderstated. But if you have to
talk to someone eight or ninetimes to feel out the situation
and see if it's a good fit, itsounds like we're just not a
(05:07):
good fit. Sounds like someone'smissing discernment. And maybe I
should talk this up to the factthat there were just so many
people involved, but still thatin and of itself is like a part
of chaos that is baked into thisweird ass process. Whatever.
After all of that, after thethree months of of of all the
various interviews, they askedme to fly out to their HQ at my
(05:28):
own expense. They changed myitinerary multiple times, made
me change my flight multipletimes because they wanted me to
fly out of different locations.They wanted me to, meet them in
different places. Anyways, theday I flew out there, I had no
itinerary of when I was meetingwith them. That's not true.
I I knew when I would be meetingwith them for dinner, but my
first meeting, which wassupposed to be the offer
(05:50):
presentation meeting after theywere supposed to send it to me
before, but then decided tochange their mind and it was
better to present it to me inperson. So I fly out, and it
wasn't until I landed that theyemailed me to tell me that my
first meeting for my offerpresentation was in forty five
minutes. I have not said bydesign where I flew into and
(06:13):
where this was, but it was amajor metropolitan area with a
huge airport. So when I put inthe HQ address from the airport,
the GPS said it was going totake me an hour and a half to
get there. So now I am late to ameeting that was never even
scheduled.
On top of that, I get the mostintense motion sickness like, oh
(06:35):
my god, it's so incredibly bad.And it is exasperated by heat.
So I'm motion sick. I'msweating. I'm disoriented and
late.
And as someone who waschronically late, I felt so good
going to into this meeting,whatever, because I was going to
be like four hours early todinner. Now I'm over an hour
(06:56):
late to this meeting about myoffer. Great. I feel like shit.
So I show up frazzled inside,but I don't frazzled on the
outside, but I don't know.
Maybe they could tell. Andhonestly, was really met with,
well, that's unfortunate energyfrom these people. Not this was
a huge inconvenience. Not we'vebeen kind of dicking you around
all weekend and with your travelplans and sorry for the last
(07:19):
minute meeting request. It wasjust kind of like par for the
course.
So I get there, they pull meinto a conference room, and they
slide an offer across. And thisoffer was four pages. It was a
substantial compensationpackage, which would make sense
because there are KPIs andrelocation packages, and all
those things are are kind ofpart of it. But there was no
preamble. There was no, here'ssome of the highlights.
(07:41):
The only thing that they saidbefore I start looking at it is,
hey, we want you to know thatseveral people worked on this
compensation package, and we'vebeen working on it for the last
couple of weeks. I think it wastold to me to give the sense
that a lot of care went into it.You know, they didn't just run
it through chat GBT. It was itwas odd because I was trying to
(08:02):
like, there is a reason why theeffort is being discussed. And I
don't know if that was like,because the all in number, they
wanted me to think that like itis substantial because there was
effort behind it.
I don't know. I can't I can'treally understand the intention
behind it, but there wasdefinitely a reason why that was
prefaced. And to be clear, I donot want to be dismissive of the
number. I did not by any meanslooked like disturbed or
(08:27):
unhappy, but it was almost likethe response they were expecting
from me is like, you know thoselike, those monkeys with a crank
behind them and the cymbals?Like, I feel like everyone was
looking at me like I was gonnahop up on the table and just
start clapping and just be sooverjoyed by the number.
Like, don't get me wrong. It wassignificant, but like, I'm
sorry. This is a negotiation.Are y'all new? I don't think
(08:47):
y'all are new because there'sgray hair on the other side of
the table for me.
Well, surely y'all know, andthis is like an exchange, and
there may be some back andforth, but as of right now, you
all have had more time lookingat this, compensation package
than I have. I had like fortyfive seconds. So they just
didn't look like they got theresponse from me that they
wanted. So like once I got donereviewing it, they then reviewed
(09:10):
the package, which I thought waslike backwards. And then they're
like, So what do you think?
And again, it was one of thosemoments where I was like, Did
y'all expect me to be like, Ohmy god, where's my pen? Why is
there not a pen in my hand? Myhand is shaking with the
anticipation of signing thisoffer. No, no. So I very quickly
was just like, wow.
Thank you so much for going overthat. I appreciate the the
(09:30):
detail. And again, it soundslike there was a lot of thought
that went into putting thispackage together, and I wanna be
equally intentional with myresponse. So I would love to
have the opportunity afterdinner to review this and get
back to you. Girl, are y'allokay?
Now, I don't typically talkabout money because I think it's
like a little tacky, but just togive you all some context and
and and the significance of ofthis opportunity, The all in
(09:55):
number for year one for this jobwas over half a million dollars.
Even I'm very thankful for howthings ended up with the
situation, but like, that is atransformative amount of money.
At least it is for me. I don'tknow. I even go for it.
I'm just like, that's not what Icome from. Like, you know, my
(10:18):
family is very working class.Everything that I have done in
my professional career, myincome has grown, of course, but
like, this was more thandoubling what I was making
before. I would be able to helpmy family. And again, like I
said, I had someone in thehospital, and they had some
financial challenges with theirhospitalization.
I was like, wow, this role wouldhave me moving away, but I would
(10:41):
be making enough money that Iwould be able to still help. And
I I maybe that would make up formy absence, whatever. I don't
even know. Was just like sayingall sorts of shit about how my
life would be better. Anyways.
But even with how awkward thingshad been, the journey up until
the offer, and everything that'sproceeding it, like, in my mind,
like, I'm still gonna sign this.Not right now. I'm going to take
(11:02):
this job. No matter what, I'mgoing to take this job. Because
even though in that moment, mygut was telling me to run, the
number was whispering, maybe youcan just figure it out later.
It'll be fine. It'll be fine.Maybe you'll be miserable. Maybe
you'll be stressed. Maybe you'llhave zero work life balance.
You probably won't see yourhusband very often, but I really
was imagining what my life wasgoing be like. It'd be a fresh
(11:24):
start in a new city where no oneknew me. A version of myself
that didn't have to explain theburnout, the caregiving, the
compromises. But my husband,even before I left, but
especially afterwards, he wasn'tsold. Like, he was not fazed by
the number.
He honestly did not carebecause, and maybe I'll get into
this in a future episode, butlike, before I left my old job,
(11:47):
like I was in like a really,really bad place. And I started
to have like a lot of likeissues with my health. And my
husband obviously saw and washelping me throughout that
entire process. So I think thatlike his antennae were like up
immediately from the beginning.And I I think that he always was
(12:07):
against me taking this job, buthe just knew that and could see
me in real time convincingmyself that I was just gonna
make it work or it'll be fine orI'll figure it out.
But he was never impressed byit. He's he is my true north
when I allow him to be. I don'toften, I don't always take his
advice on things. But he washe's like my white flag. He's
like my white husband that'salso like a white flag.
(12:29):
I just need to listen, butwhatever. Hindsight is twenty
twenty. He just knew how mucheffort it would take to uproot
everything, our lives, you know,selling our house, our dogs. We
have a dog that's 13 years old.And he just saw the red flags
for what they were, even when Iwas trying to paint them beige.
And that's like all the time.Like I'm just very much like the
one of our boys, just like, Ohbabe, it's fine. We'll figure it
(12:51):
out. Like, we can do this. Wecan do this.
And he's always like, But whywhy maybe we shouldn't. Even
though we can, and even thoughthere's a path forward to like
figuring something out, maybe wejust like shouldn't do it
because of a bad idea. Aconcept. But whatever. We both
knew that even if, especiallywith the move, we both knew that
even if it came later, becauseit was going to be a deferred,
(13:15):
deferred move, it would come ata cost to us.
So let's get to the dinner. Theytook me to a members only dinner
club. These people areincredibly wealthy, but there
are a few spaces that I've everfelt like uncomfortable because
I truly believe that you have towalk into every space like you
own it. But baby, baby, have youever walked into a space and you
(13:38):
just been like, my net worthdon't match. My net worth is not
matching where I'm at.
Like, should I be in here? Itwas, it was wild. As soon as you
walked into this restaurant,won't say the name obviously,
the Metrodie, they take yourphone and they put stickers on
the front and back camera. Like,I was like, I thought we were
just coming here to push arounda salad on a plate and have
(13:59):
awkward conversation over it.Like, where the hell am I?
They start walking us to ourtable and I'm just kind of like
looking around the room andtrying not to look like I'm like
fish out of water. The firstface of the eye clock, Jessel
from Real Housewives of NewYork. And I mean, with the bob,
the girl had the bob and the bobis really cute, Jessel. I really
love and I was like, okay, okay,okay. So this is that kind of
(14:20):
exclusive.
Also, you guys hear about thenew Rooney? I don't know.
Sometimes maybe just we don'tneed to reboot things. IDK.
Yeah.
Sometimes when you cast usinglike focus groups and things
like that, it just doesn't quitepan out very well on camera. You
don't really get that that thesynergies of, I don't know,
people who actually know eachother, who are actually friends,
(14:41):
who have actual real drama.There was like multiple episodes
where they were like fightingover a cheese plate, and I was
looking at my husband like, Whatare we looking at? I've gotten
off track. Mind you, we're inthis restaurant.
I haven't eaten all day, butthis is not probably the time
where I'm just gonna like, youknow, stuff my face. I'm going
to be like very polite and makesure that I'm eating something
that is like conducive to likehaving a conversation that's not
(15:01):
messy. I eat something Iprobably do not want to eat that
is not delicious. Ugh. Fuck.
Anyways, so when we got there,we had to wait for the other
person who we will refer to ashead honcho. We had to wait for
a head honcho to get there toorder anything. I mean, at this
point, it's it's like 06:00.Once everyone was seated, it
just started turning into like aconversation that I felt like I
(15:21):
needed like a five year longsubscription to The Economist to
even like participate in. Like,I'm like, I'm like capable of
like code switching, but my bankaccount just doesn't really
match like the subject matter.
Like there's there's not a wayfor me to like seamlessly like
go back and forth with peoplewho are talking about yachts and
investment portfolios across theworld. I feel like I communicate
(15:44):
very well. I'm very engaging andcharismatic, but like, I just
didn't know how to hop in in theright way. I would never
categorize myself as like shy,but I definitely was not
speaking as much as I normallywould. And maybe I was coming
across like a little awkward,but either way, I could just
tell that I wasn't giving thereactions that they wanted or
(16:05):
like, I don't know.
I just wasn't like, the thevibes were off. It probably was
because this person, when theysay the ick, I never knew what
like people meant. Was like,what the hell are the kids
talking about the I understoodthat. Like, I could feel it in
the pit of my stomach that, thisperson is gross. I want to have
nothing to do with them.
And while I know I'm good at,like, not, like, showing it all
(16:26):
in, like, my face or my body,I'm sure it was at minimum
diluting, I guess, how I wasparticipating in this
conversation, for sure. And Icould just tell that the person
was not vibing. So finally theconversation actually turns to,
I don't know what the hell we'rehere about, the job, and me. And
they're talking about likeorganizational structures or
whatever. And when they'retalking about like
(16:46):
responsibility and like holdingpeople accountable, one of the
other people at the table says,Yeah, yeah, I can understand
like why you would be frustratedhead honcho.
But what you need to understandis the reason why we want to
bring someone like Ken in, Iwill never forget this, the
reason why we want to bringsomeone like Ken in is because
you just need one throat tochoke. I don't know if these
fools thought that theytransported themselves into the
(17:08):
locker room and they were Idon't know. They're at the
tavern and just like smashingbeers against their heads or
whatever. But like, to socavalierly speak about someone
in that way, and that person isthere, I was blown away. On one
hand, I'm just like, wow.
But also it was good because I'mlike, okay, this is what they're
saying in front of me. What thehell would they say if I wasn't
(17:28):
present? One throat to choke.Have y'all lost your mind? I was
like, oh, wow.
Interesting turn of phrase. Ihaven't heard of that one. The
other end of person was like,it's just something that people
say. Was like, who are people?Is it like Game of Thrones?
That was not a metaphor. Thatwas not a joke. Just a casual
act of corporate violence. Andfor obvious reasons, the vibe
shifted thereafter. As dinnerkind of got wrapped up, head
(17:50):
honcho leaves, they say to theother person, call me when
you're done with him.
Bruh. I was like, okay, we just,we dropped all pretense. Was
like, okay, cool. Was In myhead, I'm just like, this person
does not, will not live in thesame state as me. You know, I
probably won't have to interactwith them like a ton.
(18:12):
They're not the people I workwith every single day. Like,
don't even worry about this.This is just business. Right.
But the person who stayed withme, it just, I don't even think
that they made eye contact withme again after that comment.
And that's leaving therestaurant, the cab to the hotel
that we were both staying at,and even to getting out of the
cab. When we were supposed, whenwe were walking into the hotel,
(18:33):
the other person said, Well, Ineed to go to the ATM, so I'll
just see you in the morning.Turns and walks down the street.
Y'all, there's an ATM right inthe lobby. I was like, Oh God.
Kent, they're not feeling you.Girl, girl. I'm just like,
meanwhile, I'm like questioningmyself. I'm like, Oh my God,
what did I do? Did I dosomething weird?
Did I say something weird? Waslike, I know I didn't say
(18:54):
anything weird. It's like, was Ijust like uncomfortable when
they could tell? Like, in myhead, I'm just like trying to
like figure out what I didwrong. Like me, what I did wrong
with like they're talking crazy.
Whatever. Later that night, itwas like super late. I couldn't
go to sleep, but it was likeafter midnight, let me check my
email just in case like I missedsomething, because we talked
about something that they weregonna send, I was like, Oh,
(19:15):
maybe they sent it to me, Idon't want them to think I'm not
looking at my email around theclock, when I don't want to be
looking at my email around theclock. Goofy. Anyways, I was
looking at my phone and youknow, with the update now, you
get them AI summaries, and thoseAI summaries are just a mess.
But anyways, I got some AIsummaries for some missed phone
calls in an email, and the emailAI summary said, Trip canceled.
(19:39):
Urgent call needed. It's 12:30.I'm like, what? Urgent call,
like, my god, something happen?
Like, did one of them get likean accent? Like, I'm thinking
like fire, flood, blood.Something catastrophic has
happened. Let's fast forward tothe next morning. I wake up at
6AM.
I already have multiple missedcalls and sorry, the missed
calls from the night before andthe emails were not from the
(20:00):
company. They were from therecruiting firm. I was just
like, what? Like I hadn't like,once the trip booking thing
happened, I hadn't really hadmuch communication with the
recruiting firm because again,they like that they out of it.
So I called the number back.
I think it's the recruiter I'vebeen speaking to. And no, it's
not that recruiter. It'sactually the owner of the
recruiting firm. I've neverspoken to this person in my
(20:21):
entire life. I was like, hey, Igot the emails.
Like, something happened? What'sgoing on? Yeah. We just want to
let you know, Ken, that, theoffer has been rescinded. Your
trip has been canceled.
You need to rebook your travelback home and send your receipts
in for reimbursement, but theythey no longer think you are a
good fit. And I'm just like, Imean, it's like 06:00 in the
(20:41):
morning. I haven't even brushedmy teeth. So like, when I'm my
mouth is like a drive that Ican't even like put into words.
So I'm just trying to likefigure out like what to say.
I'm like, okay, sorry to hear.Did something happen? And they
said, well, they discovered yoursocial media, and the videos
they saw are not someone thatthey want to be leading their
organization. So again, veryearly, I tried to go back
(21:10):
through my mind because like Ihaven't I don't have really been
on Instagram very often. Yearsago, I stopped cussing on like
my reels or whatever.
I don't ever talk about like myemployer. I never said anything
incendiary. I'm just like, Oh myGod, like, did I say something
like alt righty? Like, what thehell would they find? And like,
at this point, I should havebeen like, Okay, thank you.
I'll I'll go home. But I I justneed to know what part of like,
(21:32):
of of my IG just blew this allup. So I said, Is there a
particular video that they wereconcerned with? Yeah. Yeah.
He said, Yeah. One of the videoswas about three day weekends
after a holiday. What iscorporate for I know you fucking
lying. Because what? All the hottakes.
(21:54):
I don't I don't I don't think, Imean, that was like lukewarm at
best. I was like, okay, well,fuck me. Well, thank you so
much. I'm so sorry for the timethat that's been wasted, but I
certainly appreciate all yourefforts, and, I will send my
receipts when I get home. Imean, what else the hell else I
can say?
Hang up. Hack my shit. Go home.But after all of that, if they
(22:14):
had not rescinded my offer, doyou know I probably would have
still said yes? Because eventhrough all of my discomfort
that day, the offer, the dinner,weird everything else
thereafter, I was convincingmyself.
Was like, this is what it's liketo be a leader in a in a huge
company. You know, it's gonna beuneasy. When I called my husband
and told him I blew it, I wascrying because I messed this up
and it was because of myInstagram. My stupid videos were
(22:37):
rude at all. He broke down.
Was like, babe, like, I neverwanted you to go. This was
always a bad situation fromstart to finish. You should not
be thinking that, like, you didsomething wrong. These people
are just terrible, and you hadthe benefit of seeing it before
you were locked in or before wewere, like, contractually
obligated to to to to beconnected with them. And when I
(22:59):
got home, we talked about itmore because I was still like
beating myself up all throughthe Uber, all through the
airport, all through my flight,all the way home.
When we sat and talked again, hewas just like, Babe, I truly
want you to do something thatmakes you feel like a whole
person. And you have wanted tostart a podcast forever. Y'all,
he bought me a podcast mic likethree Christmases ago. And so
(23:25):
we've been talking about it. Soafter that, I just kind of
changed my energy and stoppedfocusing on finding a job.
And instead, I said a lot topodcasts. But that whole moment,
and honestly, just his likefaith in me is why I'm here
right now. It's why I'm behindthis mic in front of you today.
(23:47):
So let me just kind of tell youa little bit what I learned
about from this, from thiscrazy, crazy journey. I learned
that when you are desperate forrelief or, or more desperate to
be seen, you will make chaoslook like comfort.
I often say, you can't drinkfrom every cup that is presented
to you. Every cup is not meantfor you. And yes, I am a
(24:09):
hydration advocate. I trulythink that most of life's
problems is because y'all arewalking around thirsty. But when
you are thirsty for self worth,you will look at things that are
absolutely crazy and be like,you know what?
I can make this work. Don't youjust, you know, life ain't about
comfort. Life is not aboutgetting what you want. Gotta
deal with crazy things to to bequote unquote happy. And happy
(24:33):
in this equation was just money.
Okay. That's it. I'm I'm tiredof talking to myself. Oh god.
It's it's been a journey.
I'm so happy that I finally gotthis episode done. I've been
literally trying to I've beentrying so hard to get this
recorded. But anyways, thank youso much. You showed up. Now
let's show out.
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Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
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If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.