June 4, 2025 • 30 mins
Jamie Lima and Jeff Kolez discuss Jeff's divorce journey, addressing emotional challenges and the effects on children while navigating the court system. They explore financial recovery and the importance of setting post-divorce goals, emphasizing emotional well-being alongside financial strategies. Jeff shares the founding of Divorce Daddy, highlighting the redefinition of identity and the importance of support systems for men. The episode delves into the broader scope of divorce, coaching benefits, and tackling root causes and fears.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Welcome back to another episode of broke up,not broken.
(00:03):
I'm your host, Jamie Lima and founder ofAllegiant Divorce Solutions, where we help
people prepare for, navigate, and recoverfinancially from divorce.
This podcast is your one stop shop formastering your life and your finances
throughout the entire divorce process.
In today's episode, we're joined by Jeff Coez,founder of Divorce Daddy and a dedicated
advocate for turning personal trials intotransformative victories.
(00:26):
Jeff's journey through a high conflict divorceled him to create resources that support others
facing similar challenges.
In today's episode, we're gonna explore how hisexperiences and insights can empower those
navigating the tumultuous waters of divorce.
So buckle up.
Let's once again get you personally andfinancially empowered.
Jeff, so great to have you here, man.
Thanks for having me, Jamie.
(00:47):
That's a that's a great intro.
Hey.
I appreciate that.
I appreciate that.
I worked worked hard on that.
Kidding.
But you have a you have a great background,great a ton of experience, man.
I love the work that you're doing, you know,supporting, you know, men that are going
through divorce, being two dudes that wentthrough some pretty pretty tragic and expensive
and emotionally draining divorces ourselves.
(01:07):
I think it's I think you're doing some amazingwork.
So maybe share a little bit about, you know,your experience and and what really prompted
you to to to launch launch the website.
It was I I'm I'm every time I'm asked thatquestion, I I always have to take a second
back.
Like, it was it just felt like insanity.
Like, it didn't feel like real life goingthrough that divorce.
I have a friend who says, if you have a son,you should take him to family court when he
(01:32):
turns 16, the day he turns 16, and have him sitthere all day just to just to really underline
the importance of choosing your spouse, if youeven choose your spouse.
And I and I don't wanna come from a place ofbitterness because I'm I'm I'm not bitter
bitter and I'm not angry, but it was a hell ofan experience.
(01:53):
It was like somebody financially, it was likesomebody took all of my chips and put it on
somebody else's space, and and I had no say inthat.
I got I was slandered.
I lost friends.
It it was just it was a miserable experience,and it it lasted the better part of a decade, I
would say.
And it took I think the worst part was learninghow to deal with it emotionally.
(02:17):
There was there was this phase I went throughwhere I was angry.
I was I was very, very, very angry.
I I would say I even was angry towards theentire gender of women just because of the
experience I went through.
And that was that was a period that lasted, youknow, a while.
And then I went through and then the courtchews you up, spits you out, and you're kind of
(02:43):
just sitting there bewildered.
Like, what what just happened to me?
And then you start to rebuild, and you youalmost, like, hold on to things tighter because
you're afraid of losing them.
But that's that doesn't work either.
And eventually, I I learned to and andemotionally, I'll I'll talk about that for a
(03:04):
second.
It it felt like I just wanted to armor myselfoff and protect my my heart and myself from
ever getting hurt that badly again.
But that doesn't work well when you'rerebuilding a life and when you have kids and
when you have a new partner and and it it youdon't wanna numb yourself, but at the same
(03:27):
time, you've gotta protect yourself.
And and so where I try to guide men is towardsa place where they learn I I I think my problem
is is I didn't know why I ended up in thatplace and how I ended up in that place.
So I try to guide men to understand why theywent through that to begin with and how not to
(03:52):
let it happen again.
There's a lot to
unpack there.
There's a lot lot going on.
I mean, and I and I the lot that I I a lot ofthings I can empathize and sympathize with,
man.
I mean, it's it's you're you're kind of in inin my situation, I I, like, I had asked for the
divorce.
So I was like, hey.
This is, like, this is not happening.
And then, you know, it just kind of snowballedout of control from from that moment forward.
(04:14):
And, you know, my divorce took, you know,greater than a year to to be finalized.
And and and lever leveraging the courts as muchas as much as humanly possible, the other side
was doing that.
And and it's like, you're you're very right.
I mean, the the every state here in The UnitedStates is very different.
Some states are a little more lenient.
(04:34):
Some some states are easier to deal withbecause we we work in all 50 states.
And I'm here in California, and it is it's it'skinda middle of the road.
You know?
It it's really dependent on, like, who you'regonna get as far as the judge goes, whether
they're gonna they're gonna allow things tocontinue to happen, or they're gonna put a stop
to them and try to get you through this withouthaving to be just dragged through the mud.
But for the most part, I think you'reabsolutely right, man.
(04:55):
Now these courts are just and maybe justbecause they're so antiquated and they can't
get out of their own way and they're all backedup, and it's just like you're just you're just
a number on a docket somewhere, and you canreally be, like you said, you know, chewed up
and spit out by these courts.
It didn't seem like I I I don't wanna get toointo the stuff.
I don't I don't know any I don't know muchabout the legal side of it.
(05:17):
But from my point of view, it didn't seem likeanybody was interested in digging in and
looking at what was going on under the surface.
Now I don't know if that's a that's a that's amatter of not having enough time or more just
you guys go figure it out Mhmm.
Or what that was.
(05:37):
But all of the points I tried to bring up, theywere kind of brushed aside.
And and, you know, my my ex, at one point, tookmy kids away until I signed an agreement saying
that I would pay her more money, and that wasnever taken seriously.
Like, that's the to me, that seems, like,egregious and that nobody cared to look at that
(06:02):
was was shocking.
That that is that is pretty shocking.
But you made it through.
Right?
And now Yeah.
And now you're and and you're on the other sideof this, and and kudos to you, man, for, you
know, just being there and just reflecting onall this and and trying to be a much better
person on the other side, which is what this,you what this show is all about, what we try to
help people do, you know, in in the work thatwe do.
(06:23):
And at least on the financial side, we try tohelp people only while they're going through
the divorce, right, but also on the on the tailend and when the dust has settled and trying to
help them rebuild their lives.
So maybe let's talk a little bit about that forfor for a moment if we can.
The so you you the divorce is finalized.
It's it's now behind you, and you're you gotit's, like, day one of your new found single
(06:45):
life, so to so to speak.
Like, walk us through that.
Like, what were some of the practical thingsthat you did that were able to get your because
it sounds like you you kinda got hosed on thefinancial side like I did.
So what what were some of the things that youdid, to, you know, I guess, pick yourself up
and brush yourself off and and start thinkingabout moving forward?
I don't know that it the the divorce, I think,took six, seven years.
(07:08):
So there wasn't like this this grand moment of,you know, it's it's here's your new single
life.
It it was like this long painful letting go.
Even after probably two years, it was it waspretty contentious.
And I think the the the defining moment for mewas just looking at my kids and being like, is
(07:31):
this the life I is this the childhood I wantthem to lead?
Like, is this is this what I want them toremember, me being angry and and always always
fighting something.
So, yeah, I I we didn't have a lot to evenfight about, so I I don't I don't quite under I
didn't quite understand.
I understand now, but I didn't quite understandwhat the fight was about.
(07:54):
But at first, I got an got an apartment, and Iwe owned a house, but I had to get an apartment
and start over again.
And I remember going to IKEA and having to pickup, like, the the basics, like the the very
crappy bed and and somewhere for my kids tosleep and a couch.
And it was just it was I had spent about a yearin that apartment, and then and then I just I I
(08:19):
remember feeling really depressed and reallyheavy.
So I I went traveling for about six months, didsomething for myself.
It it had been probably two, three years ofhell by that point, and I just I needed
something to to look forward to.
So I know that sounds irresponsible from acertain point of view, but I needed something
(08:43):
for myself.
I had to put my put myself first.
And one of the things I talk about is put yourown oxygen mask on first.
You can't be a good father if you are in aplace of of hell.
So I went I went to Australia for for a littlebit, and that was about as far away from my ex
(09:03):
as I could get without starting to come back.
But I I did I did something for myself.
I went diving.
I, you know, I I I love that.
I went to to some island that didn't haveelectricity and and spent a a week there and
just had little adventures that gave mesomething to live for again.
So I came back, and I decided to to build alife.
(09:26):
So I I made a vow that this was not gonna bethe not gonna be the thing that beat me.
I still had some life to give or I still somelife to live and and there was still some fight
in me.
So I was in tech, so I was making a decentsalary.
I ended up working at 1.3 jobs just to pay forthe pay for a house, pay for lawyers fees, and
(09:51):
and, you know, the support I owed and and allthe other bills and and rebuilding and
basically buying a new life.
And it was like this moment of it was thesejust these little moments of focus on what I
had control over and just do that.
Ended up buying a house after a few years, youknow, eventually got the kids half the time,
(10:15):
and we just built a life moment by moment.
It was no, like, grand turning point.
It was just built moment by moment.
Six years of a divorce, man.
That is that is one of the longer ones.
And I've been I've been doing this work for awhile now, and we have a couple cases that are
dragging on and dragging on.
But I think six, almost seven years is probablythe the longest that that I've heard.
(10:38):
Two rounds in court.
What's that?
Two rounds in court.
Like, we went to court once and then went tocourt again.
It's crazy.
It's absolutely crazy.
So thank you for sharing that story.
That's that's pretty incredible and prettypowerful because when you're when you're in the
throes of the divorce and you're going throughit and there's this you know, the tornado of
(11:00):
things is just circling around you.
Right?
Like, you've got the kids.
You've got your you you you're trying to be agood person and try to be a good employee, and
you're doing all these things.
And, like, I'm I'm with you, man.
Like, it it is challenging to try to keep keepall those plates spinning, so to speak, and and
and be good at all of them.
And that's I think that's one of the bigchallenges that most people have as they're
(11:20):
going through through this process.
So you were with a lot of men that were doingthis, and and a lot of them try to put a brave
face on, you know, just probably just like youdid and just like I did I did myself and and
get through it.
I I don't know if that's necessarily the rightthing to do.
So, yeah, I think reaching out for help and andand asking for help is incredibly powerful.
So what do you what do you like, when somebodycomes to you and they're going through a
(11:42):
divorce, like, what are some of the firstthings that you're sharing with them and and
maybe some practical tips that they can takeand steps they can take to to try to soften
this blow here a little bit?
I've.
This is gonna sound really basic, but whenthings get complex, I try to look at what
little things I'm not doing.
We got my new partner.
I met her shortly after I split up, and we gota house together.
(12:06):
And we she got she wanted a dog.
She had she hadn't had a dog in a long time, sowe got a little puppy.
And just that act of getting out of bed, ofhaving something that got you out of bed every
morning, because, you know, I have the kidshalf the time, but on those weeks where I
didn't have the kids, the house was reallyquiet, and it was really easy just to lay in
bed all day.
(12:27):
But this little puppy having this little puppyforce you out of bed even if you just let her
into the backyard, but the act of going for awalk every morning probably saved my life.
So that's the first thing I recommend is gettime in nature and some sort of movement.
And time in nature just helps ground you.
(12:50):
You can't be in a bad mood after after spendingsome time in fresh air, get some sunlight.
Like, there it's basic, basic things.
So time outdoors, movement, and that movementcan be as simple as a walk.
I went to the gym a lot.
Now I'm going boxing, which is is absolutelywonderful.
(13:10):
But that leads into the third thing is somesort of presence practice.
If you're always worried about what's gonnahappen or if you're always ruminating on what
happened, that's a toxic horrible place to be.
And the way out of that is to get into thepresent moment even if it's for, like, two
minutes.
So like I said, boxing, you can't be worriedabout what's gonna happen next week if
(13:34):
somebody's trying to punch you in the head.
Get a puppy and and martial arts and or boxingor something along those lines, activity.
Get a puppy.
Certified guaranteed to to fix everything.
That's that's all.
Yeah.
Those little things, I kinda discovered them byaccident, but those are the those are the
(13:55):
practical tips I recommend to everybody.
Those are the things financial side?
What are some of the financial, like becausedudes like us are going through this, and we're
having a like, we're we're working and, youknow, working multiple jobs like you were, you
know, to try to, you know, propel yourselfforward.
But you've got a you and you're effectivelysupporting two households effectively with with
(14:18):
The money that you're that you're earning.
Any practical tips on the financial side thatyou can share?
I white knuckled that part of it.
Like, I just I I overpowered it.
I was like, this is I left my relationship witha pile of debt, and then I had debt pile on
because of of the divorce.
(14:38):
So I've I consolidated my debt, and then so itwas just one target, and I was just and I would
hammer at that target.
And I wrote I had a whiteboard on on the wallbehind me, and I wrote down I don't remember
how much the total debt was.
Let's just say for sake of argument, it was$50,000.
And then every time I got paid from those threejobs, it was like, cross that off and write
(15:01):
$59,500, whatever the number was.
Mhmm.
And then I could I would have meetings likethis, like Zoom meetings, and I could see in
the background, like, that number.
And it but I would just hammer at that number,and it was it was always in the back of my
head.
Like, I need $50,000, whatever the number was.
(15:21):
And then magically, it it got paid off.
Yeah.
Well, it's like that, you know, one of the oneof the few smart things that Dave Ramsey has
shared over the years is the debt snowball.
Right?
And you just gotta keep hammering at it andjust, you know, $50, a hundred dollars at a
time, and then that hundred dollars turns into200 and then 400, and the next thing you know,
(15:43):
the debt's gone.
And I I I can really appreciate that, man.
I mean, we do that with our financial planningclients.
We have a lot of clients that come into us onthe financial planning side of things,
traditional financial planning engagements thatwe have.
And and a lot of people are like, hey.
We are just like nobody's ever taught you howto budget.
Nobody's ever taught me how to save money orinvest money and do all these things.
So I can appreciate where you come with that.
(16:05):
I think it's a certainly a great momentumbuilder.
And that's what I I think that's what it's allabout.
Right?
Is getting is getting the momentum to just getup and do the next thing.
Right?
It's the easiest thing to give up and end up onyour couch all day.
I I mean, I did it many times.
Entire months I lost just sitting on the couch.
(16:26):
But, yeah, figure out what that thing is thatyou want, and it doesn't have to be something
physical.
I wanted to buy a new house.
Like, a like, after five years, I wanted to buya bigger house for me and the kids.
And just getting out you had to get out of debtin order to buy the next size of house.
So it was it was like this this thing I fixatedon and then just hammered at it.
(16:50):
So it's getting the first step, I think, isgetting really clear on what you wanna do and
why.
And then that makes the what easier.
Is that
where divorced daddy came from?
Yeah.
Exactly.
I was in tech for about twenty five years, andI just had this moment of, I can't do this
anymore.
This isn't it's not in line with my purpose.
I have no why behind it.
(17:11):
Sure.
The money is great, but I just I I can't.
And I and I understand that I mean I mean, thisis speaking purely selfishly.
Part of the healing journey is helping otherpeople.
And I know that a lot of men are strugglingwith this issue.
So leaving tech, I was like, well, what am Igonna do next?
(17:32):
And it's like, it just felt very natural tohelp others through this process.
It's cathartic.
Right?
I mean, that's that's a main reason why I dothe work that I do.
You know, I'm I I'm a product of a divorce.
My parents were divorced when I was reallylittle, and I watched both of them struggle
through that process and not only on theemotional side of things, but also on the
financial and and which is kind of whatpropelled me into the world of finance to begin
(17:55):
with and and become a financial planner, youknow, when I was, you know, 25 or 26, whatever
it was when I first it got my first gig doingthat.
And then now here we are, you know, trying tohelp people through the financial aspects of
divorce, make sure they don't have lose theirshirt through the whole process.
I think there's something very cathartic, andand you you're absolutely the word healing is a
(18:17):
perfect perfect word to use because it it itreally is like when you're selflessly
supporting other people through that are goingdown the same similar path that you've been
down, there's there's some power in that, Ithink, and it's noble work.
It's noble work.
So what what does, you know, working with youat at divorce daddy look like?
(18:40):
What are what are some of the things thatyou're helping people through and talking about
and resources you're you're you're sharing withdudes?
It's number one, figuring out who you areagain.
You get when you go through divorce, it's likeyour identity gets stripped away from you
almost.
You're no longer like that twenty four sevendad.
(19:01):
Like, you're you might be a weekend dad.
You might be every other Thursday dad.
So who is that?
And you don't you might have followed theinstructions on the box, but you ended up with
something that fell apart.
So how do you trust those instructions again?
And do you even wanna follow thoseinstructions?
(19:22):
It's like IKEA furniture.
Exactly.
Who the hell knows nobody knows how to put ittogether because the pictures are terrible and
the stuff falls apart in six months.
It's like IKEA furniture.
I'm only kidding.
That's that's a good analogy.
So it's figuring out who you are.
And I imagine as you go through well, for mostmen, I imagine that you you change as you go
(19:44):
through that battle.
You you aren't who you were six months ago or ayear ago or five years ago.
So who are you, and why are you rebuilding?
So answering those sort of questions.
And once you do that, you start rebuilding.
And what's gonna happen is emotions are gonnacome up.
(20:05):
And that's a lot of this work is getting rid ofthose emotions or or balancing those emotions
so that you're not acting from that place.
Mhmm.
I'll tell a quick story.
So my ex had an affair.
And so every time I saw her on her phone, itwas like I would get angry because I knew she
(20:25):
was texting somebody.
Mhmm.
Then I got a new partner, and she was on herphone.
And then I, you know, subconsciously, I Iconnected those two things.
So I started to get angry at my new partner.
She was not doing anything.
She wasn't doing anything, but I had thatsubconscious connection between those two
(20:45):
things.
So it's letting go of it's finding those littlepatterns and letting go of them because you're
you're living a new life.
You're you're you're not you're you'reresponding to the same stimulus, but it's a
different scenario.
Yeah.
I I I I could see how you would be like, assoon as as soon as your new partner picked up
(21:08):
that phone, you're like, what's going on, man?
That's that that would be tough to shake.
Yep.
That would be tough to
not a good place to be.
Like, you're distrust distrusting somebody.
That's not that's not an open heartedrelationship.
No.
Not at all.
Can we talk a little bit about the support thatmen need going through divorce?
And I'll I'll I'll I'll share with you why I'mI'm I wanna talk about this just for just
(21:32):
quickly here is one of the things that Inoticed about myself as I was going through my
own divorce is I yeah.
I've heard somebody say, you know, one of ourpast podcast guest used the term John Wayne
syndrome.
And and I think a lot of men have it, and I Ihad it going through my own divorce, especially
early on where I was like, listen.
Like, I have my attorney.
(21:54):
I'm the financial guy.
What else is there?
I'm gonna be able to make my way through this.
No big deal.
And then I realized, you know, what Iultimately did was I pushed people away.
Right?
Like, I pushed my so family members away, andit was kinda like, you know what?
I've got this.
I got it handled.
You don't need to worry about it.
And then and, ultimately, that was the wrongmove.
(22:14):
So can you talk a little bit more about, likebecause I'm an advocate for getting help and
reaching out to like, creating team you is theterm I I use all the time.
Like, you have your attorneys.
You have your financial people.
You have your coaches.
You have your therapist.
Your what whoever you need, your religioussupport system, whatever it is to to surround
yourselves because you're gonna need all thosepeople at some some point to to get through
(22:38):
this, especially if it's a challenging divorcelike ours ours was.
So can you talk a little bit about that?
Because I I'm I'm I'm venturing to guess thatyou meet with a lot of men that are maybe,
like, finally just reaching out, and they theyshould have done it a long time ago.
Right?
Like, it's it's it's okay to reach out forhelp, I want you to share about, like, you
know, your perspective on this.
I think we you're right.
(23:00):
It's John Wayne syndrome, and I think I thinkwe see it as men specifically see it as a
weakness to ask for help.
And I don't I mean, if you don't know how tofix a car, you're not gonna try to do it on
your own.
You're gonna get you're gonna go to a mechanic.
So it's I understand.
It it seems like divorce is just the act ofgoing through the court system, but it's not.
(23:27):
Mhmm.
It's something much, much bigger.
How did you get to the place where you are,where you're going through the divorce?
So what I'm trying to show here is you need toscale your help in a way such that you're
looking at more things than just the divorce.
(23:47):
The divorce didn't start the day you left.
It's probably been there since childhood.
I know mine was.
Like, the the the patterns I had had beenaround since since childhood.
So it's much, much bigger than you think it is.
There's no shame in asking for help.
Mhmm.
(24:08):
The purpose of a coach is to point out yourblind spots.
A coach will guide you, and I'm and I'm surethat's what what you do in your financial
advisory is pointing out where those blindspots are.
Like, you're you're you're overspending interms of going to restaurants.
They might not even see that.
Right?
So where I'm coaching is coming from thatemotional side.
(24:30):
A divorce is a very emotional battle.
It's it's and emotions come from yourself, notfrom the other person.
So it's a a a coach is a mirror, and the coachpoints out where you those those things are
that you don't see.
So, yes, number one, it's bigger than youthink.
(24:52):
Number two, you need that mirror so that youyou can see yourself fully.
And then I would say having some sort ofbrotherhood.
I and I that that word gets overused, but some,you know, some group of friends that you can go
out with, maybe have a few beers, although nottoo many, but, like, you know, have that have
(25:14):
that camaraderie.
And that group should call you out on your ownshit, where you're maybe not being the best
version of yourself that you are.
Don't just think of the divorce as this big.
I think that's I think that's the mistake mostmen make.
And if it's this big, yeah, I can handle that.
But it's much, much bigger than that.
(25:35):
It's been going it's been going on sincechildhood, probably.
Probably.
We gotta get you gotta get to that root cause,right, and figure out what the root cause is of
of getting to where it is now.
If you don't get to that root cause, you'relikely going to repeat the same pattern.
So if fifty percent of first marriages fail,sixty percent of second marriages fail, and
(25:56):
seventy percent of third marriages fail.
So that tells me I mean, that indicates thatpeople aren't doing that root cause work.
No.
No.
That's a that's like a whole other show.
We can go do a deep dive on root cause coachingbecause something I used to do with with
financial advisers at a at a company I used towork with is coaching people and and coaching
(26:18):
advisory advisers and understanding, you know,root cause of why they do things the way they
do and and so on.
So that's it's pretty cool, man.
I would say that you were let's let's call thisthe cart launch segment of our of our call here
today, our chat here today.
Is there any anything that you wanna share withour listeners that we didn't talk about or
(26:40):
maybe any questions I should have asked that Ididn't ask that you wanna make sure you get the
message out.
As you're going through your divorce, I faced alot of fear, and I masked that with anger.
What I would encourage you to do is is learn tosit with that fear and look at what's
underneath that.
So I had a lot of fear around not having enoughmoney and being controlled.
(27:03):
So where did that come from?
And, Jamie, if you don't mind me mentioning, onyour website, I saw that you came from a
divorce.
Your parents went through that, and, you know,there was some financial struggles through
that.
And
so because of that, you became a financialadviser.
Is that is that right?
That's proper.
Yep.
What I've learned is we go from void, meaningwhat you're lacking, into value, and you turn
(27:32):
that into a value.
So that's the journey I see in you is you wentfrom your family struggling with monies to a
place where you are advising people how to keeptheir money.
So if you look at those emotions and underneaththem and learn to almost, I come from a tech
background, so I think of it as debugging.
(27:52):
So if you learn to debug those emotions, youcan almost track that, that void to value.
So, yeah, there's fear, but what's underneaththat fear and why is it there?
What are you really scared of?
And how can you turn that fear into a strength?
That's tough to do.
That is tough to do, though, because, like, ifnot everybody has that opportunity, right, or
(28:16):
or sees that vision when you're in the throesof it.
You know, like, I had no idea I was gonna be afinancial planner when I was seven or eight.
Right?
Like, I'm just my brain hadn't even fullydeveloped at that point.
Right?
But you you like you're like you've said, youknow, a couple times on the show is, you know,
you've kinda carry all of these experienceswith you, and they become part of you and your
DNA.
(28:37):
And then, you know, I was just one of the luckypeople, and it sounds like you were as well as
with the with the coaching work that you'redoing where you're able to take this moment
because it is really even though it went for avery long, it is a moment of time in your life
that you're able to take and extrapolate allthat information and that those experiences and
be able to help other people that are goingthrough it because you've you've lived and
(29:00):
breathed it.
And not everybody has the the luxury of beingable to do that, the opportunity to be able to
do that, or the the the the the foresight to beable to do that.
So it's it's pretty amazing that you you dowhat you do coming from where you came from and
the experience that you have, man.
I'm you should be super proud of yourself.
But I wouldn't call that luck.
(29:20):
It's it's determination, and anybody can havethat.
So number one, figure out why you wanna do whatyou wanna do.
Like, why are you gonna dig yourself out ofyour hole?
Mine was my kids.
Mhmm.
So that was the starting point.
I don't think it's luck.
I think it's making the decision that this isnot gonna be the thing that beats you.
(29:40):
Yeah.
It can be it can be a moment that, you know,you experience.
It doesn't have to define you.
Right?
That's and that's that's really what it's allabout, man.
So I I appreciate it, man.
It was a great great chat with you today.
Great great experience that you have, and I'mI'm super thankful that you, you know, decided
to share your time with us today because it'spretty it's pretty important, you know, the
(30:01):
work that you're doing.
So thanks again, man, for for sharing yourcompelling story and the valuable work that
you're doing with, divorce daddy.
For our listeners who wanna learn more aboutJeff's initiatives or participate in any of his
workshops, visit his website.
We're gonna put all the links in the shownotes.
Make sure you get access to all of his socialplatforms and everything.
And remember, if you're going through a divorceand looking for financial support, Allegiant
(30:23):
Divorce Solutions is here to help.
You can visit us at allegiantds.com for moreresources and expert guidance.
And don't forget to subscribe to this podcastfor more inspiring stories just like Jeff's and
more practical advice.
Until next time.
Welcome back to another episode of broke up,not broken.
(00:03):
I'm your host, Jamie Lima and founder ofAllegiant Divorce Solutions, where we help
people prepare for, navigate, and recoverfinancially from divorce.
This podcast is your one stop shop formastering your life and your finances
throughout the entire divorce process.
In today's episode, we're joined by Jeff Coez,founder of Divorce Daddy and a dedicated
advocate for turning personal trials intotransformative victories.
(00:26):
Jeff's journey through a high conflict divorceled him to create resources that support others
facing similar challenges.
In today's episode, we're gonna explore how hisexperiences and insights can empower those
navigating the tumultuous waters of divorce.
So buckle up.
Let's once again get you personally andfinancially empowered.
Jeff, so great to have you here, man.
Thanks for having me, Jamie.
(00:47):
That's a that's a great intro.
Hey.
I appreciate that.
I appreciate that.
I worked worked hard on that.
Kidding.
But you have a you have a great background,great a ton of experience, man.
I love the work that you're doing, you know,supporting, you know, men that are going
through divorce, being two dudes that wentthrough some pretty pretty tragic and expensive
and emotionally draining divorces ourselves.
(01:07):
I think it's I think you're doing some amazingwork.
So maybe share a little bit about, you know,your experience and and what really prompted
you to to to launch launch the website.
It was I I'm I'm every time I'm asked thatquestion, I I always have to take a second
back.
Like, it was it just felt like insanity.
Like, it didn't feel like real life goingthrough that divorce.
I have a friend who says, if you have a son,you should take him to family court when he
(01:32):
turns 16, the day he turns 16, and have him sitthere all day just to just to really underline
the importance of choosing your spouse, if youeven choose your spouse.
And I and I don't wanna come from a place ofbitterness because I'm I'm I'm not bitter
bitter and I'm not angry, but it was a hell ofan experience.
(01:53):
It was like somebody financially, it was likesomebody took all of my chips and put it on
somebody else's space, and and I had no say inthat.
I got I was slandered.
I lost friends.
It it was just it was a miserable experience,and it it lasted the better part of a decade, I
would say.
And it took I think the worst part was learninghow to deal with it emotionally.
(02:17):
There was there was this phase I went throughwhere I was angry.
I was I was very, very, very angry.
I I would say I even was angry towards theentire gender of women just because of the
experience I went through.
And that was that was a period that lasted, youknow, a while.
And then I went through and then the courtchews you up, spits you out, and you're kind of
(02:43):
just sitting there bewildered.
Like, what what just happened to me?
And then you start to rebuild, and you youalmost, like, hold on to things tighter because
you're afraid of losing them.
But that's that doesn't work either.
And eventually, I I learned to and andemotionally, I'll I'll talk about that for a
(03:04):
second.
It it felt like I just wanted to armor myselfoff and protect my my heart and myself from
ever getting hurt that badly again.
But that doesn't work well when you'rerebuilding a life and when you have kids and
when you have a new partner and and it it youdon't wanna numb yourself, but at the same
(03:27):
time, you've gotta protect yourself.
And and so where I try to guide men is towardsa place where they learn I I I think my problem
is is I didn't know why I ended up in thatplace and how I ended up in that place.
So I try to guide men to understand why theywent through that to begin with and how not to
(03:52):
let it happen again.
There's a lot to
unpack there.
There's a lot lot going on.
I mean, and I and I the lot that I I a lot ofthings I can empathize and sympathize with,
man.
I mean, it's it's you're you're kind of in inin my situation, I I, like, I had asked for the
divorce.
So I was like, hey.
This is, like, this is not happening.
And then, you know, it just kind of snowballedout of control from from that moment forward.
(04:14):
And, you know, my divorce took, you know,greater than a year to to be finalized.
And and and lever leveraging the courts as muchas as much as humanly possible, the other side
was doing that.
And and it's like, you're you're very right.
I mean, the the every state here in The UnitedStates is very different.
Some states are a little more lenient.
(04:34):
Some some states are easier to deal withbecause we we work in all 50 states.
And I'm here in California, and it is it's it'skinda middle of the road.
You know?
It it's really dependent on, like, who you'regonna get as far as the judge goes, whether
they're gonna they're gonna allow things tocontinue to happen, or they're gonna put a stop
to them and try to get you through this withouthaving to be just dragged through the mud.
But for the most part, I think you'reabsolutely right, man.
(04:55):
Now these courts are just and maybe justbecause they're so antiquated and they can't
get out of their own way and they're all backedup, and it's just like you're just you're just
a number on a docket somewhere, and you canreally be, like you said, you know, chewed up
and spit out by these courts.
It didn't seem like I I I don't wanna get toointo the stuff.
I don't I don't know any I don't know muchabout the legal side of it.
(05:17):
But from my point of view, it didn't seem likeanybody was interested in digging in and
looking at what was going on under the surface.
Now I don't know if that's a that's a that's amatter of not having enough time or more just
you guys go figure it out Mhmm.
Or what that was.
(05:37):
But all of the points I tried to bring up, theywere kind of brushed aside.
And and, you know, my my ex, at one point, tookmy kids away until I signed an agreement saying
that I would pay her more money, and that wasnever taken seriously.
Like, that's the to me, that seems, like,egregious and that nobody cared to look at that
(06:02):
was was shocking.
That that is that is pretty shocking.
But you made it through.
Right?
And now Yeah.
And now you're and and you're on the other sideof this, and and kudos to you, man, for, you
know, just being there and just reflecting onall this and and trying to be a much better
person on the other side, which is what this,you what this show is all about, what we try to
help people do, you know, in in the work thatwe do.
(06:23):
And at least on the financial side, we try tohelp people only while they're going through
the divorce, right, but also on the on the tailend and when the dust has settled and trying to
help them rebuild their lives.
So maybe let's talk a little bit about that forfor for a moment if we can.
The so you you the divorce is finalized.
It's it's now behind you, and you're you gotit's, like, day one of your new found single
(06:45):
life, so to so to speak.
Like, walk us through that.
Like, what were some of the practical thingsthat you did that were able to get your because
it sounds like you you kinda got hosed on thefinancial side like I did.
So what what were some of the things that youdid, to, you know, I guess, pick yourself up
and brush yourself off and and start thinkingabout moving forward?
I don't know that it the the divorce, I think,took six, seven years.
(07:08):
So there wasn't like this this grand moment of,you know, it's it's here's your new single
life.
It it was like this long painful letting go.
Even after probably two years, it was it waspretty contentious.
And I think the the the defining moment for mewas just looking at my kids and being like, is
(07:31):
this the life I is this the childhood I wantthem to lead?
Like, is this is this what I want them toremember, me being angry and and always always
fighting something.
So, yeah, I I we didn't have a lot to evenfight about, so I I don't I don't quite under I
didn't quite understand.
I understand now, but I didn't quite understandwhat the fight was about.
(07:54):
But at first, I got an got an apartment, and Iwe owned a house, but I had to get an apartment
and start over again.
And I remember going to IKEA and having to pickup, like, the the basics, like the the very
crappy bed and and somewhere for my kids tosleep and a couch.
And it was just it was I had spent about a yearin that apartment, and then and then I just I I
(08:19):
remember feeling really depressed and reallyheavy.
So I I went traveling for about six months, didsomething for myself.
It it had been probably two, three years ofhell by that point, and I just I needed
something to to look forward to.
So I know that sounds irresponsible from acertain point of view, but I needed something
(08:43):
for myself.
I had to put my put myself first.
And one of the things I talk about is put yourown oxygen mask on first.
You can't be a good father if you are in aplace of of hell.
So I went I went to Australia for for a littlebit, and that was about as far away from my ex
(09:03):
as I could get without starting to come back.
But I I did I did something for myself.
I went diving.
I, you know, I I I love that.
I went to to some island that didn't haveelectricity and and spent a a week there and
just had little adventures that gave mesomething to live for again.
So I came back, and I decided to to build alife.
(09:26):
So I I made a vow that this was not gonna bethe not gonna be the thing that beat me.
I still had some life to give or I still somelife to live and and there was still some fight
in me.
So I was in tech, so I was making a decentsalary.
I ended up working at 1.3 jobs just to pay forthe pay for a house, pay for lawyers fees, and
(09:51):
and, you know, the support I owed and and allthe other bills and and rebuilding and
basically buying a new life.
And it was like this moment of it was thesejust these little moments of focus on what I
had control over and just do that.
Ended up buying a house after a few years, youknow, eventually got the kids half the time,
(10:15):
and we just built a life moment by moment.
It was no, like, grand turning point.
It was just built moment by moment.
Six years of a divorce, man.
That is that is one of the longer ones.
And I've been I've been doing this work for awhile now, and we have a couple cases that are
dragging on and dragging on.
But I think six, almost seven years is probablythe the longest that that I've heard.
(10:38):
Two rounds in court.
What's that?
Two rounds in court.
Like, we went to court once and then went tocourt again.
It's crazy.
It's absolutely crazy.
So thank you for sharing that story.
That's that's pretty incredible and prettypowerful because when you're when you're in the
throes of the divorce and you're going throughit and there's this you know, the tornado of
(11:00):
things is just circling around you.
Right?
Like, you've got the kids.
You've got your you you you're trying to be agood person and try to be a good employee, and
you're doing all these things.
And, like, I'm I'm with you, man.
Like, it it is challenging to try to keep keepall those plates spinning, so to speak, and and
and be good at all of them.
And that's I think that's one of the bigchallenges that most people have as they're
(11:20):
going through through this process.
So you were with a lot of men that were doingthis, and and a lot of them try to put a brave
face on, you know, just probably just like youdid and just like I did I did myself and and
get through it.
I I don't know if that's necessarily the rightthing to do.
So, yeah, I think reaching out for help and andand asking for help is incredibly powerful.
So what do you what do you like, when somebodycomes to you and they're going through a
(11:42):
divorce, like, what are some of the firstthings that you're sharing with them and and
maybe some practical tips that they can takeand steps they can take to to try to soften
this blow here a little bit?
I've.
This is gonna sound really basic, but whenthings get complex, I try to look at what
little things I'm not doing.
We got my new partner.
I met her shortly after I split up, and we gota house together.
(12:06):
And we she got she wanted a dog.
She had she hadn't had a dog in a long time, sowe got a little puppy.
And just that act of getting out of bed, ofhaving something that got you out of bed every
morning, because, you know, I have the kidshalf the time, but on those weeks where I
didn't have the kids, the house was reallyquiet, and it was really easy just to lay in
bed all day.
(12:27):
But this little puppy having this little puppyforce you out of bed even if you just let her
into the backyard, but the act of going for awalk every morning probably saved my life.
So that's the first thing I recommend is gettime in nature and some sort of movement.
And time in nature just helps ground you.
(12:50):
You can't be in a bad mood after after spendingsome time in fresh air, get some sunlight.
Like, there it's basic, basic things.
So time outdoors, movement, and that movementcan be as simple as a walk.
I went to the gym a lot.
Now I'm going boxing, which is is absolutelywonderful.
(13:10):
But that leads into the third thing is somesort of presence practice.
If you're always worried about what's gonnahappen or if you're always ruminating on what
happened, that's a toxic horrible place to be.
And the way out of that is to get into thepresent moment even if it's for, like, two
minutes.
So like I said, boxing, you can't be worriedabout what's gonna happen next week if
(13:34):
somebody's trying to punch you in the head.
Get a puppy and and martial arts and or boxingor something along those lines, activity.
Get a puppy.
Certified guaranteed to to fix everything.
That's that's all.
Yeah.
Those little things, I kinda discovered them byaccident, but those are the those are the
(13:55):
practical tips I recommend to everybody.
Those are the things financial side?
What are some of the financial, like becausedudes like us are going through this, and we're
having a like, we're we're working and, youknow, working multiple jobs like you were, you
know, to try to, you know, propel yourselfforward.
But you've got a you and you're effectivelysupporting two households effectively with with
(14:18):
The money that you're that you're earning.
Any practical tips on the financial side thatyou can share?
I white knuckled that part of it.
Like, I just I I overpowered it.
I was like, this is I left my relationship witha pile of debt, and then I had debt pile on
because of of the divorce.
(14:38):
So I've I consolidated my debt, and then so itwas just one target, and I was just and I would
hammer at that target.
And I wrote I had a whiteboard on on the wallbehind me, and I wrote down I don't remember
how much the total debt was.
Let's just say for sake of argument, it was$50,000.
And then every time I got paid from those threejobs, it was like, cross that off and write
(15:01):
$59,500, whatever the number was.
Mhmm.
And then I could I would have meetings likethis, like Zoom meetings, and I could see in
the background, like, that number.
And it but I would just hammer at that number,and it was it was always in the back of my
head.
Like, I need $50,000, whatever the number was.
(15:21):
And then magically, it it got paid off.
Yeah.
Well, it's like that, you know, one of the oneof the few smart things that Dave Ramsey has
shared over the years is the debt snowball.
Right?
And you just gotta keep hammering at it andjust, you know, $50, a hundred dollars at a
time, and then that hundred dollars turns into200 and then 400, and the next thing you know,
(15:43):
the debt's gone.
And I I I can really appreciate that, man.
I mean, we do that with our financial planningclients.
We have a lot of clients that come into us onthe financial planning side of things,
traditional financial planning engagements thatwe have.
And and a lot of people are like, hey.
We are just like nobody's ever taught you howto budget.
Nobody's ever taught me how to save money orinvest money and do all these things.
So I can appreciate where you come with that.
(16:05):
I think it's a certainly a great momentumbuilder.
And that's what I I think that's what it's allabout.
Right?
Is getting is getting the momentum to just getup and do the next thing.
Right?
It's the easiest thing to give up and end up onyour couch all day.
I I mean, I did it many times.
Entire months I lost just sitting on the couch.
(16:26):
But, yeah, figure out what that thing is thatyou want, and it doesn't have to be something
physical.
I wanted to buy a new house.
Like, a like, after five years, I wanted to buya bigger house for me and the kids.
And just getting out you had to get out of debtin order to buy the next size of house.
So it was it was like this this thing I fixatedon and then just hammered at it.
(16:50):
So it's getting the first step, I think, isgetting really clear on what you wanna do and
why.
And then that makes the what easier.
Is that
where divorced daddy came from?
Yeah.
Exactly.
I was in tech for about twenty five years, andI just had this moment of, I can't do this
anymore.
This isn't it's not in line with my purpose.
I have no why behind it.
(17:11):
Sure.
The money is great, but I just I I can't.
And I and I understand that I mean I mean, thisis speaking purely selfishly.
Part of the healing journey is helping otherpeople.
And I know that a lot of men are strugglingwith this issue.
So leaving tech, I was like, well, what am Igonna do next?
(17:32):
And it's like, it just felt very natural tohelp others through this process.
It's cathartic.
Right?
I mean, that's that's a main reason why I dothe work that I do.
You know, I'm I I'm a product of a divorce.
My parents were divorced when I was reallylittle, and I watched both of them struggle
through that process and not only on theemotional side of things, but also on the
financial and and which is kind of whatpropelled me into the world of finance to begin
(17:55):
with and and become a financial planner, youknow, when I was, you know, 25 or 26, whatever
it was when I first it got my first gig doingthat.
And then now here we are, you know, trying tohelp people through the financial aspects of
divorce, make sure they don't have lose theirshirt through the whole process.
I think there's something very cathartic, andand you you're absolutely the word healing is a
(18:17):
perfect perfect word to use because it it itreally is like when you're selflessly
supporting other people through that are goingdown the same similar path that you've been
down, there's there's some power in that, Ithink, and it's noble work.
It's noble work.
So what what does, you know, working with youat at divorce daddy look like?
(18:40):
What are what are some of the things thatyou're helping people through and talking about
and resources you're you're you're sharing withdudes?
It's number one, figuring out who you areagain.
You get when you go through divorce, it's likeyour identity gets stripped away from you
almost.
You're no longer like that twenty four sevendad.
(19:01):
Like, you're you might be a weekend dad.
You might be every other Thursday dad.
So who is that?
And you don't you might have followed theinstructions on the box, but you ended up with
something that fell apart.
So how do you trust those instructions again?
And do you even wanna follow thoseinstructions?
(19:22):
It's like IKEA furniture.
Exactly.
Who the hell knows nobody knows how to put ittogether because the pictures are terrible and
the stuff falls apart in six months.
It's like IKEA furniture.
I'm only kidding.
That's that's a good analogy.
So it's figuring out who you are.
And I imagine as you go through well, for mostmen, I imagine that you you change as you go
(19:44):
through that battle.
You you aren't who you were six months ago or ayear ago or five years ago.
So who are you, and why are you rebuilding?
So answering those sort of questions.
And once you do that, you start rebuilding.
And what's gonna happen is emotions are gonnacome up.
(20:05):
And that's a lot of this work is getting rid ofthose emotions or or balancing those emotions
so that you're not acting from that place.
Mhmm.
I'll tell a quick story.
So my ex had an affair.
And so every time I saw her on her phone, itwas like I would get angry because I knew she
(20:25):
was texting somebody.
Mhmm.
Then I got a new partner, and she was on herphone.
And then I, you know, subconsciously, I Iconnected those two things.
So I started to get angry at my new partner.
She was not doing anything.
She wasn't doing anything, but I had thatsubconscious connection between those two
(20:45):
things.
So it's letting go of it's finding those littlepatterns and letting go of them because you're
you're living a new life.
You're you're you're not you're you'reresponding to the same stimulus, but it's a
different scenario.
Yeah.
I I I I could see how you would be like, assoon as as soon as your new partner picked up
(21:08):
that phone, you're like, what's going on, man?
That's that that would be tough to shake.
Yep.
That would be tough to
not a good place to be.
Like, you're distrust distrusting somebody.
That's not that's not an open heartedrelationship.
No.
Not at all.
Can we talk a little bit about the support thatmen need going through divorce?
And I'll I'll I'll I'll share with you why I'mI'm I wanna talk about this just for just
(21:32):
quickly here is one of the things that Inoticed about myself as I was going through my
own divorce is I yeah.
I've heard somebody say, you know, one of ourpast podcast guest used the term John Wayne
syndrome.
And and I think a lot of men have it, and I Ihad it going through my own divorce, especially
early on where I was like, listen.
Like, I have my attorney.
(21:54):
I'm the financial guy.
What else is there?
I'm gonna be able to make my way through this.
No big deal.
And then I realized, you know, what Iultimately did was I pushed people away.
Right?
Like, I pushed my so family members away, andit was kinda like, you know what?
I've got this.
I got it handled.
You don't need to worry about it.
And then and, ultimately, that was the wrongmove.
(22:14):
So can you talk a little bit more about, likebecause I'm an advocate for getting help and
reaching out to like, creating team you is theterm I I use all the time.
Like, you have your attorneys.
You have your financial people.
You have your coaches.
You have your therapist.
Your what whoever you need, your religioussupport system, whatever it is to to surround
yourselves because you're gonna need all thosepeople at some some point to to get through
(22:38):
this, especially if it's a challenging divorcelike ours ours was.
So can you talk a little bit about that?
Because I I'm I'm I'm venturing to guess thatyou meet with a lot of men that are maybe,
like, finally just reaching out, and they theyshould have done it a long time ago.
Right?
Like, it's it's it's okay to reach out forhelp, I want you to share about, like, you
know, your perspective on this.
I think we you're right.
(23:00):
It's John Wayne syndrome, and I think I thinkwe see it as men specifically see it as a
weakness to ask for help.
And I don't I mean, if you don't know how tofix a car, you're not gonna try to do it on
your own.
You're gonna get you're gonna go to a mechanic.
So it's I understand.
It it seems like divorce is just the act ofgoing through the court system, but it's not.
(23:27):
Mhmm.
It's something much, much bigger.
How did you get to the place where you are,where you're going through the divorce?
So what I'm trying to show here is you need toscale your help in a way such that you're
looking at more things than just the divorce.
(23:47):
The divorce didn't start the day you left.
It's probably been there since childhood.
I know mine was.
Like, the the the patterns I had had beenaround since since childhood.
So it's much, much bigger than you think it is.
There's no shame in asking for help.
Mhmm.
(24:08):
The purpose of a coach is to point out yourblind spots.
A coach will guide you, and I'm and I'm surethat's what what you do in your financial
advisory is pointing out where those blindspots are.
Like, you're you're you're overspending interms of going to restaurants.
They might not even see that.
Right?
So where I'm coaching is coming from thatemotional side.
(24:30):
A divorce is a very emotional battle.
It's it's and emotions come from yourself, notfrom the other person.
So it's a a a coach is a mirror, and the coachpoints out where you those those things are
that you don't see.
So, yes, number one, it's bigger than youthink.
(24:52):
Number two, you need that mirror so that youyou can see yourself fully.
And then I would say having some sort ofbrotherhood.
I and I that that word gets overused, but some,you know, some group of friends that you can go
out with, maybe have a few beers, although nottoo many, but, like, you know, have that have
(25:14):
that camaraderie.
And that group should call you out on your ownshit, where you're maybe not being the best
version of yourself that you are.
Don't just think of the divorce as this big.
I think that's I think that's the mistake mostmen make.
And if it's this big, yeah, I can handle that.
But it's much, much bigger than that.
(25:35):
It's been going it's been going on sincechildhood, probably.
Probably.
We gotta get you gotta get to that root cause,right, and figure out what the root cause is of
of getting to where it is now.
If you don't get to that root cause, you'relikely going to repeat the same pattern.
So if fifty percent of first marriages fail,sixty percent of second marriages fail, and
(25:56):
seventy percent of third marriages fail.
So that tells me I mean, that indicates thatpeople aren't doing that root cause work.
No.
No.
That's a that's like a whole other show.
We can go do a deep dive on root cause coachingbecause something I used to do with with
financial advisers at a at a company I used towork with is coaching people and and coaching
(26:18):
advisory advisers and understanding, you know,root cause of why they do things the way they
do and and so on.
So that's it's pretty cool, man.
I would say that you were let's let's call thisthe cart launch segment of our of our call here
today, our chat here today.
Is there any anything that you wanna share withour listeners that we didn't talk about or
(26:40):
maybe any questions I should have asked that Ididn't ask that you wanna make sure you get the
message out.
As you're going through your divorce, I faced alot of fear, and I masked that with anger.
What I would encourage you to do is is learn tosit with that fear and look at what's
underneath that.
So I had a lot of fear around not having enoughmoney and being controlled.
(27:03):
So where did that come from?
And, Jamie, if you don't mind me mentioning, onyour website, I saw that you came from a
divorce.
Your parents went through that, and, you know,there was some financial struggles through
that.
And
so because of that, you became a financialadviser.
Is that is that right?
That's proper.
Yep.
What I've learned is we go from void, meaningwhat you're lacking, into value, and you turn
(27:32):
that into a value.
So that's the journey I see in you is you wentfrom your family struggling with monies to a
place where you are advising people how to keeptheir money.
So if you look at those emotions and underneaththem and learn to almost, I come from a tech
background, so I think of it as debugging.
(27:52):
So if you learn to debug those emotions, youcan almost track that, that void to value.
So, yeah, there's fear, but what's underneaththat fear and why is it there?
What are you really scared of?
And how can you turn that fear into a strength?
That's tough to do.
That is tough to do, though, because, like, ifnot everybody has that opportunity, right, or
(28:16):
or sees that vision when you're in the throesof it.
You know, like, I had no idea I was gonna be afinancial planner when I was seven or eight.
Right?
Like, I'm just my brain hadn't even fullydeveloped at that point.
Right?
But you you like you're like you've said, youknow, a couple times on the show is, you know,
you've kinda carry all of these experienceswith you, and they become part of you and your
DNA.
(28:37):
And then, you know, I was just one of the luckypeople, and it sounds like you were as well as
with the with the coaching work that you'redoing where you're able to take this moment
because it is really even though it went for avery long, it is a moment of time in your life
that you're able to take and extrapolate allthat information and that those experiences and
be able to help other people that are goingthrough it because you've you've lived and
(29:00):
breathed it.
And not everybody has the the luxury of beingable to do that, the opportunity to be able to
do that, or the the the the the foresight to beable to do that.
So it's it's pretty amazing that you you dowhat you do coming from where you came from and
the experience that you have, man.
I'm you should be super proud of yourself.
But I wouldn't call that luck.
(29:20):
It's it's determination, and anybody can havethat.
So number one, figure out why you wanna do whatyou wanna do.
Like, why are you gonna dig yourself out ofyour hole?
Mine was my kids.
Mhmm.
So that was the starting point.
I don't think it's luck.
I think it's making the decision that this isnot gonna be the thing that beats you.
(29:40):
Yeah.
It can be it can be a moment that, you know,you experience.
It doesn't have to define you.
Right?
That's and that's that's really what it's allabout, man.
So I I appreciate it, man.
It was a great great chat with you today.
Great great experience that you have, and I'mI'm super thankful that you, you know, decided
to share your time with us today because it'spretty it's pretty important, you know, the
(30:01):
work that you're doing.
So thanks again, man, for for sharing yourcompelling story and the valuable work that
you're doing with, divorce daddy.
For our listeners who wanna learn more aboutJeff's initiatives or participate in any of his
workshops, visit his website.
We're gonna put all the links in the shownotes.
Make sure you get access to all of his socialplatforms and everything.
And remember, if you're going through a divorceand looking for financial support, Allegiant
(30:23):
Divorce Solutions is here to help.
You can visit us at allegiantds.com for moreresources and expert guidance.
And don't forget to subscribe to this podcastfor more inspiring stories just like Jeff's and
more practical advice.
Until next time.
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