July 23, 2025 • 27 mins
Jamie M. Lima and Amy Vincze delve into the intricacies of stress responses and personal stress experiences, exploring the concept of tapping and its benefits for managing stress. They discuss how stress impacts health and financial decisions, offering strategies for self-healing, resilience, and financial empowerment during the divorce process. The episode further explores foundational fears and midlife crises, providing insights into overcoming these challenges. Listeners are guided through resources and support systems available for divorce recovery, equipping them with the tools needed to navigate this transformative period with confidence.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Welcome back to another episode of broke up,not broken.
(00:03):
I'm your host, Jamie Lima and founder ofAllegiant Divorce Solutions, where we help
people prepare for, navigate, and recoverfinancially from divorce.
This podcast is your one stop shop formastering your life and your finances
throughout the entire divorce process.
Today's guest is Amy Vinza, a true force in theworld of health and wellness with over twenty
(00:23):
years of experience.
Amy holds certifications as a massagetherapist, nutritional therapist, colon
hydrotherapist, Reiki master, and what we'llfocus on today, some of the work that she does
in the world of tapping.
Amy has not only used tapping to transform herown chronic health conditions, but she's also
helped countless others find emotional freedomthrough her work and her Soar with Tapping app.
(00:45):
Amazing.
I'm I wanna talk about that too because, youknow, we don't get a lot of people on here that
have their own app.
In a moment when fear, especially around money,can feel paralyzing, Amy offers a powerful
practical tool to help calm the nervous system,clear old programming, and make grounded
financial decisions.
I'm so thrilled to explore how EFT tapping cansupport you as you rebuild emotionally,
(01:06):
physically, and financially.
So grab a cup of coffee or your beverage ofchoice, buckle up, and let's once again get you
personally and financially empowered.
Amy, so glad glad to have you with us heretoday.
Well, thanks for having me, Jamie.
Yeah.
We've we can go in so many different directionsbecause you have so much experience in the
world of of self care and self help.
So where do you think is a good place for us tostart?
(01:28):
We can just start with what happens with thenervous system when we get stressed out and and
maybe how tapping works to kind of neutralizeall of those responses.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
I think that's huge.
And we were kind of talking about leading up inthe in the lead in to our conversation here
today.
And I've shared this on some other podcaststhat I've been on myself and also in this
(01:50):
podcast.
So a lot of our listeners have heard me saythis before, but my divorce was super
stressful, super emotional, financiallychallenging, like all of things.
And it took me like, I I so I started thedivorce process in 02/2017.
We were divorced in 2018.
And believe it or not, it was like 2020, 2021where I really started to feel the effects of
(02:14):
that stress.
So it was a good couple of years later where Iwas like start still starting to reel from it.
And I dealt with adrenal fatigue and all kindsof chronic stuff that thankfully I've got
myself through now, but that you must see thata lot.
There's Well, first of all, just going throughthe whole divorce process is such a roller
coaster of emotions.
(02:34):
It's up and down.
It is pulling you in two opposite directions alot of the time.
And you don't know what to think.
So I'm not surprised that your body was inadrenal fatigue.
And if you didn't have the tools enough toolsto help you move through that in a really
healthy way, I'm not surprised that it kind ofbuilt up and then over time reared its ugly
(02:57):
head again in your life.
Because that's just how emotions work,unfortunately.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've witnessed my sister go through the samething during her divorce and many of my
clients.
So I completely understand.
If I would have come to you three or four yearsago, what would you have told me?
I would tell you that, of course, you arestruggling.
(03:19):
Going through a divorce, no matter what thesituation looked like, there is tremendous
grief that goes along with that and probablyeven self blame and comparisons and like a lot
of behavior that is really triggering for us onsuch an emotional level.
(03:42):
And to be honest, we haven't been given thetools to manage these emotions really well in
our culture.
We were just for men, it's like if you're notangry, then you're weak.
And for women, if they show a whole lot ofemotion, then they're considered hysterical or
on their that's not given any validity.
(04:03):
So we're not really encouraged to kind of leaninto those emotions and actually feel them.
So when we feel them, we try to we make themwrong or we stuff them away or deny them.
We try to put happy emotions on top of it inhopes that it will help us feel better.
But really the way to move through thoseproperly is to feel them and to allow them.
(04:26):
Yeah.
It's almost like you're just going to sit in itfor and just feel the feels, right?
Yeah.
And to be honest, it doesn't take that long.
Like, studies have shown that if you engagewith any emotion for ninety seconds, then it
starts to dissipate.
But we don't do that.
We don't intuitively lean into uncomfortablefeelings.
(04:46):
We run-in the other direction.
I mean, that's what our bodies and our mindsare telling us to do, that this is
uncomfortable, and I don't want to be in thisplace, so I'm going to run or fight or freeze
one of those responses.
But we don't actually allow ourselves tosurrender to it and feel it.
And that is the way through it.
(05:06):
So it's it's better to hit it head on than justto try to avoid it.
Right?
Because I I'm gonna eventually guess if you ifyou try to avoid it, it just it it's like this
lurking shadow that never goes away.
That's absolutely correct.
Okay.
Because it doesn't go away unless you actuallyrelease it from your body.
And one way to do that is tapping, and theother way to do it is feel it.
(05:29):
And tapping actually does it in both ways.
But yeah.
So so many I mean, we've been taught to avoidit.
Like I said, we've been taught to take thatapproach of running in the other direction.
And that doesn't suit anybody.
And that will build up in your system overtime.
And like you said, it came back to bite you inthe butt a few years later.
(05:50):
And it does that for most people.
You you brought up the concept of tapping.
And I know you have the app.
And and we'll make sure we have everybody haslinks to that so they can download it if they
if they need it later.
But the it it's I I don't know how many.
It's it's probably, you know, thousands ofyears old.
I mean, I'm I'm I'm a big fan of easternmedicine compared to western medicine myself.
I mean, I go to a chiropractor and holisticperson and so and acupuncture and all other
(06:14):
stuff.
But I had not heard of tapping until probablythe last five years or so.
It's probably been around for ages.
But can you for those that haven't heard aboutit like myself, like, maybe just explain to us
what the you know, how it works, the concept,and and maybe where it fits in.
Absolutely.
It's pretty much a triple threat because itcombines three different modalities, the first
(06:36):
of which is many thousands of years old, likeyou were talking about with Eastern medicine,
which is acupuncture.
So it utilizes the 14 energy meridians found inChinese medicine.
But instead of needles, we're using thepercussion of tapping on our acupressure
points.
It also utilizes cognitive therapy liketraditional talk therapy where you are actively
(07:01):
talking about whatever it is you want torelease while you are tapping through the
meridian points.
And then the last modality is somatic therapy.
So when we get stressed in general, we'reworried about the past or worried about the
future.
And we're not grounded in the present moment.
(07:22):
And so the act of tapping on our bodies can'thelp but bring our focus back into this present
moment and bring our energy back into our bodyso that we can be our most powerful and most
effective self.
But what I want to talk about, too, is thescience that's happening behind the scenes.
So when we get triggered with an intenseemotion, it could be grief or it could be fear
(07:49):
about moving forward and making big financialdecisions, that sort of thing.
What happens is like the signals, we gettriggered.
Signals that go up to our brain, but it getsstuck at the stress center of our brain, the
amygdala, that gets into fight freeze mode andour body rushes with cortisol.
(08:12):
The amygdala is trying to keep us safe becausesomething feels really stressful and scary in
the moment.
What that prevents us from doing is making anylogical decisions because that signal doesn't
make it to the prefrontal cortex where we canmake those sound decisions, where we can make
logical, we can make sense of what's happeningaround us.
(08:34):
It doesn't get to that place.
And so we're making decisions from that stresscenter, which isn't helpful to anybody.
So when we're tapping on our energy meridians,what we're doing is sending a signal to that
amygdala saying it's okay to de escalate.
De escalate, de escalate, de escalate.
It's saying that over and over again.
(08:54):
It's removing cortisol from our body 43% fasterthan if you had done nothing else.
Lowering heart rate, it's lowering bloodpressure, it's increasing our immune system
response, and increasing our happiness.
It's doing all of those things in a very shortperiod of time.
So that allows us to kind of get into a reallycalm and peaceful state and then be able to
(09:21):
move forward with whatever it is that we'refacing.
Instead of making a decision or moving forwardwith that stressed mind, fight flight or freeze
response or fawn, then we're making morelogical decisions.
And we're taking in all the information fromdifferent perspectives and, again, being our
(09:43):
best advocate in those moments.
So the one I keep hearing about and I justactually just had a conversation with someone
yesterday who kind of went through thisexperience themselves in their own personal
life.
And they were having all these dissimilarhealth issues that I was having.
And we were just talking about like howharboring all those feelings, all those
(10:03):
emotions and not, you know, not going likehaving some form of release, right, like
whether it's through tapping or whatever, howit it can it can bring up other health issues.
Right?
One of which is, like, you know, it's a higherrates of cancer.
Right?
I mean, that's the biggest thing right now.
It's like a lot of people that are dealing withstress and stresses, and I I would guess, I'm
(10:24):
not a doctor, but I would guess stress is ahuge contributor to people in different types
of cancer and whatnot.
So this could effectively help in that respectas well.
Absolutely.
I mean, ninety five percent of doctors agreethat all the diseases and stuff going on in our
body is due to stress.
And stress is just kind of an umbrella term totalk about what we were just mentioning, the
(10:47):
fact that we get into that fight or flight modeall the time.
And because what that does over time, if ourmajor systems in our body are shutting down
because we get into fight, flight, or freezemode, that means that our immune system is
shutting down.
That means our digestive system is shuttingdown.
These are major systems in our body that weneed all the time.
(11:12):
But if we're constantly in that fight or flightmode, then we can't manage the symptoms that
we're having.
Yeah.
A lot of the people that we work with are havesuch anxiety over over the money aspect of
divorce, and which is kind of where, you know,the work we do comes in and, you know, the real
(11:33):
main purpose of this podcast and all the workthat we do, you know, to get people educated
and then to try to help them, you know, as theygo through this experience.
How how does how would tapping help with someof the decisions that they have to make
financially?
I presume you've already mentioned some ofthis, but with your brain not communicating in
the right way and not being able to makelogical decisions, but is there more to that?
(11:56):
Sure.
Because I think a lot of people come into anygiven situation with a lot of conditioning.
So depending on what their family situation wasgrowing up, depending on what the dynamics were
in their relationship, they're coming into itwith a lot of conditioning about maybe they
have a really low self esteem when it comes toadvocating for themselves and their rights in a
(12:22):
relationship.
They have really disempowering beliefs aroundtheir ability to have money in any way, shape,
or form or even manage money in any way, shape,or form.
So it doesn't just allow us to get rid of thatfight, flight, or freeze response.
It allows us to get rid of those disempoweringbeliefs and fears that create the fear
(12:48):
response.
So for example, if you're faced with a clientthat is trying to advocate for her ability to
get a certain amount of child support.
But she was always born she was born into afamily with scarcity.
Scarcity is going to be her let's call it herset point.
(13:09):
And so she's only going to advocate to thepoint where she'll be at a scarce level but
still be able to just get by, just have enoughin the bank to do whatever she needs to do on a
regular basis.
So if we apply tapping to that set point andthat conditioning, You know tapping through the
points talking about how I've always had alevel of fear with money.
(13:34):
I saw the stress in my family about just thesimple task of paying bills and having enough
to put food on the table.
Know whatever it is, whatever their situationis, we work through that and allow her to set
that set point aside as being her parent setpoint and allowing her to make a choice to
(13:58):
create her own set point, which isn't from theplace of scarcity, then she's more willing to
advocate for herself to have a higher level ofchild support.
This is what was going be this was going to bemy next question.
Right?
We see so many people that are, like,disempowered because they weren't the, quote
unquote, money person in the relationship.
(14:18):
And they they haven't you know, they were neverinvolved in the financial planner discussions,
and they may not know what they what they oweand what they own and all these things.
So this fits right into that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's so out of the comfort zone, right, for somany women.
I mean, what is the percentage of clients thatyou have, especially women, that come from that
(14:39):
place, that dealing with the finances out isoutside of their comfort zone.
Yeah.
For for those of us for those that arelistening that are, like, in the thick of it
right now, like, to deal with, you know,custody issues.
They've got budgeting issues.
They've got court hearings coming up.
Like, are are there is there something thatthey can do in that moment?
(14:59):
Like, I you know, we don't have to go into awhole, like, you know, full on lesson here
because I know you don't have the time for thatbecause I but I would I would love for you to
do that even for me personally.
But, like like, are there, like, basics thatpeople can use, like, just in that moment where
they're like, alright.
I I need to just, like, center myself for justa moment here so I can get back to, like,
(15:19):
focusing on the task in hand.
What is How does that work?
Absolutely.
People can go to my website.
And because there are very specific tappingpoints,
you can
tap anywhere on your body and get the sameresults.
So there are very specific tapping points.
And they're mapped out on my website or on theapp, whatever you want to go to.
(15:40):
And there are videos on both the app and thewebsite that will tell you how to go through
this process.
Big, long explanations on my website as welland videos for how to deal with bigger issues
like anxiety or depression or addiction, weightloss, some of the bigger ones that people might
(16:01):
not know where to start.
But in general, I would just start withwhatever you're feeling in the moment.
And probably the biggest thing behind tappingis to just honor and acknowledge where you're
at.
It's not about, like I said, slapping happyfeelings on top of really bad ones.
(16:21):
It's about honoring and acknowledging the badones, giving them their day in court so that
they don't stay lodged in our bodies and in ourhearts as we move forward.
Because it continues to be destructive on anemotional and a physical level if we don't
(16:41):
release it.
So it's all about honoring and acknowledging sothat we can release it.
So start where you're at.
If it's overwhelm, you can tap through thepoint saying, I'm just so overwhelmed.
I don't even know where to start.
I have spinning thoughts in my head And I can'tget anything done.
Emotions are all over the place.
(17:02):
Like you just start tapping through the pointsand saying those things over and over again.
Just saying them is cathartic in its own rightbecause most people just have those thoughts
spinning in their head and they never it nevergets released from their bodies.
That's one of the biggest comments I get frommy clients is that saying the words is so
(17:22):
cathartic.
And they're even like, god, am I allowed to saythat?
Can I say that and really acknowledge that Ihave these feelings?
And the truth is, yeah.
Yeah.
Because they're there.
They're in there.
Let's let them out.
So they stop hurting us anymore.
Yeah.
I mean, I I probably should have done that whenI when I asked for the divorce.
(17:43):
I mean, like, I I remember, like, when when Isaid those words like, I I want a divorce.
At that moment, like, the weight that was justlisted out, like, I felt like a new person.
Had I I didn't know that, you know, I was goingto spiral out of control and be a bit of a shit
show after that.
But, you know, financially and everything else,but in that moment, was like just being able to
release that harboring thought, that thethought that I've been holding on for probably
(18:07):
three years at that point.
That was a big deal.
Been tremendous.
Yeah.
The weight and the guilt and whatever else I'msure you were feeling as a result of even
wanting a divorce.
I mean, that's a lot to carry for three years.
It is.
It is.
And probably why, you know, I I had so many,you know, health issues that, you know, even
(18:28):
even afterwards because you're like, you'rejust harboring that for so long.
Yeah.
I know I know that you haven't had a chance tothankfully go through this experience, and
let's hope your hubby stays in line so thatdoesn't happen.
But tell him to listen to this episode.
Tell him I said you better stay in line.
Only kidding.
But like, I'm sure in your own life and in theexperiences that you've had in other areas of
(18:50):
of your life, you know, you've you've had todeal with, you know, moments of, like, you
know, having to be resilient and dealing withyour own personal healing and so on.
So for those that are listening, like, what iswhat do you wish every woman listening or even
every man listening?
Because we have you know, we we kinda it runsthe gamut as far as the people that are
listening to us.
Like, anybody that's listening, like, what doyou wanna share with them about those those
(19:14):
things like, you know, self healing andresilience?
I want to share that I think that there are alot of really great modalities out there.
Are modalities that help us manage our stress.
And then there are modalities that will help usprevent stress from happening.
And this can be both of those things.
(19:37):
It can help us put a band aid on a moment whenyou're feeling really anxious and you just need
to get through your day.
You can do a couple quick tapping rounds andthat will get you out of that stress mode and
allow you to move forward.
But it can also be applied to what I like tocall like the root causes.
(20:00):
Like talking about that set point, thatscarcity set point that was created in our
family growing up.
So it can be applied in so many differentareas, including physical things.
It's all about just honoring and acknowledgingthe emotional aspect of who we are.
Because we are we're physical and everybodyagrees that we need to take care of our body.
(20:23):
We are intellectual and everybody agrees thatwe need to take care of our brain health.
And we're spiritual and everybody agrees thatmeditation and spirituality, whether it's in
nature or in a church in a religious setting,is helpful for us.
And we need to start incorporating thatemotional aspect to us.
All of our emotions are completely normal.
(20:46):
Whether they're uncomfortable or not, they arecompletely normal.
And demonizing them is not helping us in anyway.
So it's all about honoring and acknowledgingeverything that we're feeling and just starting
there.
Starting with surrendering to the fact that wehave all these emotions.
(21:07):
And it doesn't mean that there's a defect, acharacter defect of some sort.
It just means that we're human and kind ofsurrendering to that.
Now, this is what I call the the carte blanchesegment of our of our conversation.
Is there anything that anything that I shouldhave asked that I didn't or anything you want
to share with our audience that maybe we didn'tcover in our our chat today?
(21:31):
I would say that everybody has what I wouldcall foundational fears.
So whatever symptoms are showing up in yourlife, whether it's an irrational response to
something that's happening in your divorcesituation or whether it's just general anxiety
(21:52):
and really feeling the stress in your body.
Everything can be siphoned down to foundationalfears.
And when we use tapping to acknowledge andhonor and neutralize those foundational fears,
then it makes all of the symptoms so mucheasier to get rid of and to manage.
(22:13):
So it's not just the symptoms that you'redealing with.
It's also the traumas that have created thosesymptoms.
And so just assuming that that is what you needto focus on is probably traumas the thing that
I got wrong a lot of my life.
And I got wrong with my clients.
And now that I know the truth, I always go backto those foundational fears when I can because
(22:38):
I know the impact that those have on everythingelse in your life.
Tell me more about what you feel like you gotwrong.
Well, I assumed that I had a lot of characterdefects.
And I really hated a lot of who I was becauseof those things.
I thought that I was over serious,oversensitive, gosh, really like shut down
(23:02):
emotionally.
And I just thought that those were things thatthose were just me.
And I hated those parts of myself.
And I had kind of a moment of clarity around itaround seven years ago when everything in my
life was crumbling.
Not necessarily a divorce, but I was inphysical pain.
I was having panic attacks every day.
(23:22):
I was about to lose my job.
Like, everything was shit.
Mhmm.
And I started applying tapping to because Icould just kind of intuitively worked backwards
with what was happening in my life.
And I thought, well, you know, I know I'mafraid of failure, but why am I so afraid of
failure?
And was like, Okay, well, would mean thatpeople would probably judge and criticize me.
(23:46):
And I'm like, well, what's so bad with peoplejudging and criticizing me?
And then I worked back from there.
And I kind of traced it all back to a fear ofnot being good enough.
A fear of something really being wrong with me.
And when I addressed that core foundationalfear, then I wasn't oversensitive.
(24:08):
I wasn't judging myself as oversensitiveanymore.
I still have those qualities because I am asensitive person.
But I stopped judging that part of myself asbeing wrong.
And I started accepting it as just being human.
It's amazing.
Thank you for sharing that.
Yeah.
I'm glad I had that moment, to be honest.
(24:28):
Yeah.
Well, I'm I'm glad I had my moment too.
You know?
It's kind of redefined the next chapter of mylife, so to speak.
Well, it's when you're sitting in all thatrubble.
Right?
The rubble of the life that you had createdthat you have the opportunity to create
something new.
Did you Yeah.
Kind of have that moment of clarity in some waywhen you Yeah.
I
mean, it's it's gives you an opportunity tokind of redefine yourself.
(24:51):
Right?
I mean, I'm always gonna be a father.
I'm always gonna be a employee or an employer,you know, run running, you know, my own
company.
And but, you know, a lot a lot of people outthere have these, like, midlife crises.
Right?
But I think it's also you you get to a certainage where you're like, alright.
I've I've kinda lived a a a, you know, my mylife one way up until this particular point.
Do I wanna stay on this path?
(25:12):
And that's okay for a lot of people.
Some of us out there just, you know, I Iwasn't, you know, I didn't like I don't like
tear up my like, burn down my family and, like,you know, get my red Corvette and, you know,
drive around with, you know, some, like, blondebombshell, like, you know, that type of midlife
crisis.
But it was more of, like, yeah, I just don'twant to stay on this path anymore.
I'm like, I'm not happy.
(25:32):
It's not working.
You only have one life to live, so you might aswell do your best to, like, you know, change
tact.
And and that that's what I did.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that is a really courageous moment, beingable to kind of be willing to blow everything
up so that you can get on the path that you'resupposed to be on.
(25:53):
Yeah.
It's not easy for sure.
But Yeah.
We could go out.
We could do a whole another show on that.
But we just we just don't have time for thattoday.
But I I I do appreciate you sharing and and allthe amazing tips and tricks that you've given
us.
And, you know, I think really just opening upfor this this powerful conversation.
It's been super helpful, you know, tapping.
In my experience and and with, you know, theother self help things that I've done myself,
(26:17):
the acupuncture and wellness and that type ofthing, I think it's really just a a unique way
and and and super accessible tool for us to usein order for us to, like, calm the fear and
Yeah.
And our responses around money and whateverelse that we're dealing with.
It's it's it's been super valuable to our ourcommunity and our listeners.
So I I really appreciate that.
So for those of you that are listening thatwanna learn more about Amy's work and Amy's
(26:40):
app, Soar with Tapping, connect with herthrough TikTok, Instagram, YouTube.
We're gonna link all of that stuff in our shownotes so you don't have to stop and jot down
info at the moment.
We'll make sure you have access to that.
And if you're feeling overwhelmed by thefinancial side of the divorce, you know always
know that our team is here and you don't haveto navigate those decisions alone.
Visit us at allegiantds.com to get more supportthat meets you where you are.
(27:04):
If this episode helped you breathe a littledeeper or feel a little braver, please
subscribe and share it with someone who mightneed it.
Until next time, we'll see you again.
Welcome back to another episode of broke up,not broken.
(00:03):
I'm your host, Jamie Lima and founder ofAllegiant Divorce Solutions, where we help
people prepare for, navigate, and recoverfinancially from divorce.
This podcast is your one stop shop formastering your life and your finances
throughout the entire divorce process.
Today's guest is Amy Vinza, a true force in theworld of health and wellness with over twenty
(00:23):
years of experience.
Amy holds certifications as a massagetherapist, nutritional therapist, colon
hydrotherapist, Reiki master, and what we'llfocus on today, some of the work that she does
in the world of tapping.
Amy has not only used tapping to transform herown chronic health conditions, but she's also
helped countless others find emotional freedomthrough her work and her Soar with Tapping app.
(00:45):
Amazing.
I'm I wanna talk about that too because, youknow, we don't get a lot of people on here that
have their own app.
In a moment when fear, especially around money,can feel paralyzing, Amy offers a powerful
practical tool to help calm the nervous system,clear old programming, and make grounded
financial decisions.
I'm so thrilled to explore how EFT tapping cansupport you as you rebuild emotionally,
(01:06):
physically, and financially.
So grab a cup of coffee or your beverage ofchoice, buckle up, and let's once again get you
personally and financially empowered.
Amy, so glad glad to have you with us heretoday.
Well, thanks for having me, Jamie.
Yeah.
We've we can go in so many different directionsbecause you have so much experience in the
world of of self care and self help.
So where do you think is a good place for us tostart?
(01:28):
We can just start with what happens with thenervous system when we get stressed out and and
maybe how tapping works to kind of neutralizeall of those responses.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
I think that's huge.
And we were kind of talking about leading up inthe in the lead in to our conversation here
today.
And I've shared this on some other podcaststhat I've been on myself and also in this
(01:50):
podcast.
So a lot of our listeners have heard me saythis before, but my divorce was super
stressful, super emotional, financiallychallenging, like all of things.
And it took me like, I I so I started thedivorce process in 02/2017.
We were divorced in 2018.
And believe it or not, it was like 2020, 2021where I really started to feel the effects of
(02:14):
that stress.
So it was a good couple of years later where Iwas like start still starting to reel from it.
And I dealt with adrenal fatigue and all kindsof chronic stuff that thankfully I've got
myself through now, but that you must see thata lot.
There's Well, first of all, just going throughthe whole divorce process is such a roller
coaster of emotions.
(02:34):
It's up and down.
It is pulling you in two opposite directions alot of the time.
And you don't know what to think.
So I'm not surprised that your body was inadrenal fatigue.
And if you didn't have the tools enough toolsto help you move through that in a really
healthy way, I'm not surprised that it kind ofbuilt up and then over time reared its ugly
(02:57):
head again in your life.
Because that's just how emotions work,unfortunately.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've witnessed my sister go through the samething during her divorce and many of my
clients.
So I completely understand.
If I would have come to you three or four yearsago, what would you have told me?
I would tell you that, of course, you arestruggling.
(03:19):
Going through a divorce, no matter what thesituation looked like, there is tremendous
grief that goes along with that and probablyeven self blame and comparisons and like a lot
of behavior that is really triggering for us onsuch an emotional level.
(03:42):
And to be honest, we haven't been given thetools to manage these emotions really well in
our culture.
We were just for men, it's like if you're notangry, then you're weak.
And for women, if they show a whole lot ofemotion, then they're considered hysterical or
on their that's not given any validity.
(04:03):
So we're not really encouraged to kind of leaninto those emotions and actually feel them.
So when we feel them, we try to we make themwrong or we stuff them away or deny them.
We try to put happy emotions on top of it inhopes that it will help us feel better.
But really the way to move through thoseproperly is to feel them and to allow them.
(04:26):
Yeah.
It's almost like you're just going to sit in itfor and just feel the feels, right?
Yeah.
And to be honest, it doesn't take that long.
Like, studies have shown that if you engagewith any emotion for ninety seconds, then it
starts to dissipate.
But we don't do that.
We don't intuitively lean into uncomfortablefeelings.
(04:46):
We run-in the other direction.
I mean, that's what our bodies and our mindsare telling us to do, that this is
uncomfortable, and I don't want to be in thisplace, so I'm going to run or fight or freeze
one of those responses.
But we don't actually allow ourselves tosurrender to it and feel it.
And that is the way through it.
(05:06):
So it's it's better to hit it head on than justto try to avoid it.
Right?
Because I I'm gonna eventually guess if you ifyou try to avoid it, it just it it's like this
lurking shadow that never goes away.
That's absolutely correct.
Okay.
Because it doesn't go away unless you actuallyrelease it from your body.
And one way to do that is tapping, and theother way to do it is feel it.
(05:29):
And tapping actually does it in both ways.
But yeah.
So so many I mean, we've been taught to avoidit.
Like I said, we've been taught to take thatapproach of running in the other direction.
And that doesn't suit anybody.
And that will build up in your system overtime.
And like you said, it came back to bite you inthe butt a few years later.
(05:50):
And it does that for most people.
You you brought up the concept of tapping.
And I know you have the app.
And and we'll make sure we have everybody haslinks to that so they can download it if they
if they need it later.
But the it it's I I don't know how many.
It's it's probably, you know, thousands ofyears old.
I mean, I'm I'm I'm a big fan of easternmedicine compared to western medicine myself.
I mean, I go to a chiropractor and holisticperson and so and acupuncture and all other
(06:14):
stuff.
But I had not heard of tapping until probablythe last five years or so.
It's probably been around for ages.
But can you for those that haven't heard aboutit like myself, like, maybe just explain to us
what the you know, how it works, the concept,and and maybe where it fits in.
Absolutely.
It's pretty much a triple threat because itcombines three different modalities, the first
(06:36):
of which is many thousands of years old, likeyou were talking about with Eastern medicine,
which is acupuncture.
So it utilizes the 14 energy meridians found inChinese medicine.
But instead of needles, we're using thepercussion of tapping on our acupressure
points.
It also utilizes cognitive therapy liketraditional talk therapy where you are actively
(07:01):
talking about whatever it is you want torelease while you are tapping through the
meridian points.
And then the last modality is somatic therapy.
So when we get stressed in general, we'reworried about the past or worried about the
future.
And we're not grounded in the present moment.
(07:22):
And so the act of tapping on our bodies can'thelp but bring our focus back into this present
moment and bring our energy back into our bodyso that we can be our most powerful and most
effective self.
But what I want to talk about, too, is thescience that's happening behind the scenes.
So when we get triggered with an intenseemotion, it could be grief or it could be fear
(07:49):
about moving forward and making big financialdecisions, that sort of thing.
What happens is like the signals, we gettriggered.
Signals that go up to our brain, but it getsstuck at the stress center of our brain, the
amygdala, that gets into fight freeze mode andour body rushes with cortisol.
(08:12):
The amygdala is trying to keep us safe becausesomething feels really stressful and scary in
the moment.
What that prevents us from doing is making anylogical decisions because that signal doesn't
make it to the prefrontal cortex where we canmake those sound decisions, where we can make
logical, we can make sense of what's happeningaround us.
(08:34):
It doesn't get to that place.
And so we're making decisions from that stresscenter, which isn't helpful to anybody.
So when we're tapping on our energy meridians,what we're doing is sending a signal to that
amygdala saying it's okay to de escalate.
De escalate, de escalate, de escalate.
It's saying that over and over again.
(08:54):
It's removing cortisol from our body 43% fasterthan if you had done nothing else.
Lowering heart rate, it's lowering bloodpressure, it's increasing our immune system
response, and increasing our happiness.
It's doing all of those things in a very shortperiod of time.
So that allows us to kind of get into a reallycalm and peaceful state and then be able to
(09:21):
move forward with whatever it is that we'refacing.
Instead of making a decision or moving forwardwith that stressed mind, fight flight or freeze
response or fawn, then we're making morelogical decisions.
And we're taking in all the information fromdifferent perspectives and, again, being our
(09:43):
best advocate in those moments.
So the one I keep hearing about and I justactually just had a conversation with someone
yesterday who kind of went through thisexperience themselves in their own personal
life.
And they were having all these dissimilarhealth issues that I was having.
And we were just talking about like howharboring all those feelings, all those
(10:03):
emotions and not, you know, not going likehaving some form of release, right, like
whether it's through tapping or whatever, howit it can it can bring up other health issues.
Right?
One of which is, like, you know, it's a higherrates of cancer.
Right?
I mean, that's the biggest thing right now.
It's like a lot of people that are dealing withstress and stresses, and I I would guess, I'm
(10:24):
not a doctor, but I would guess stress is ahuge contributor to people in different types
of cancer and whatnot.
So this could effectively help in that respectas well.
Absolutely.
I mean, ninety five percent of doctors agreethat all the diseases and stuff going on in our
body is due to stress.
And stress is just kind of an umbrella term totalk about what we were just mentioning, the
(10:47):
fact that we get into that fight or flight modeall the time.
And because what that does over time, if ourmajor systems in our body are shutting down
because we get into fight, flight, or freezemode, that means that our immune system is
shutting down.
That means our digestive system is shuttingdown.
These are major systems in our body that weneed all the time.
(11:12):
But if we're constantly in that fight or flightmode, then we can't manage the symptoms that
we're having.
Yeah.
A lot of the people that we work with are havesuch anxiety over over the money aspect of
divorce, and which is kind of where, you know,the work we do comes in and, you know, the real
(11:33):
main purpose of this podcast and all the workthat we do, you know, to get people educated
and then to try to help them, you know, as theygo through this experience.
How how does how would tapping help with someof the decisions that they have to make
financially?
I presume you've already mentioned some ofthis, but with your brain not communicating in
the right way and not being able to makelogical decisions, but is there more to that?
(11:56):
Sure.
Because I think a lot of people come into anygiven situation with a lot of conditioning.
So depending on what their family situation wasgrowing up, depending on what the dynamics were
in their relationship, they're coming into itwith a lot of conditioning about maybe they
have a really low self esteem when it comes toadvocating for themselves and their rights in a
(12:22):
relationship.
They have really disempowering beliefs aroundtheir ability to have money in any way, shape,
or form or even manage money in any way, shape,or form.
So it doesn't just allow us to get rid of thatfight, flight, or freeze response.
It allows us to get rid of those disempoweringbeliefs and fears that create the fear
(12:48):
response.
So for example, if you're faced with a clientthat is trying to advocate for her ability to
get a certain amount of child support.
But she was always born she was born into afamily with scarcity.
Scarcity is going to be her let's call it herset point.
(13:09):
And so she's only going to advocate to thepoint where she'll be at a scarce level but
still be able to just get by, just have enoughin the bank to do whatever she needs to do on a
regular basis.
So if we apply tapping to that set point andthat conditioning, You know tapping through the
points talking about how I've always had alevel of fear with money.
(13:34):
I saw the stress in my family about just thesimple task of paying bills and having enough
to put food on the table.
Know whatever it is, whatever their situationis, we work through that and allow her to set
that set point aside as being her parent setpoint and allowing her to make a choice to
(13:58):
create her own set point, which isn't from theplace of scarcity, then she's more willing to
advocate for herself to have a higher level ofchild support.
This is what was going be this was going to bemy next question.
Right?
We see so many people that are, like,disempowered because they weren't the, quote
unquote, money person in the relationship.
(14:18):
And they they haven't you know, they were neverinvolved in the financial planner discussions,
and they may not know what they what they oweand what they own and all these things.
So this fits right into that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's so out of the comfort zone, right, for somany women.
I mean, what is the percentage of clients thatyou have, especially women, that come from that
(14:39):
place, that dealing with the finances out isoutside of their comfort zone.
Yeah.
For for those of us for those that arelistening that are, like, in the thick of it
right now, like, to deal with, you know,custody issues.
They've got budgeting issues.
They've got court hearings coming up.
Like, are are there is there something thatthey can do in that moment?
(14:59):
Like, I you know, we don't have to go into awhole, like, you know, full on lesson here
because I know you don't have the time for thatbecause I but I would I would love for you to
do that even for me personally.
But, like like, are there, like, basics thatpeople can use, like, just in that moment where
they're like, alright.
I I need to just, like, center myself for justa moment here so I can get back to, like,
(15:19):
focusing on the task in hand.
What is How does that work?
Absolutely.
People can go to my website.
And because there are very specific tappingpoints,
you can
tap anywhere on your body and get the sameresults.
So there are very specific tapping points.
And they're mapped out on my website or on theapp, whatever you want to go to.
(15:40):
And there are videos on both the app and thewebsite that will tell you how to go through
this process.
Big, long explanations on my website as welland videos for how to deal with bigger issues
like anxiety or depression or addiction, weightloss, some of the bigger ones that people might
(16:01):
not know where to start.
But in general, I would just start withwhatever you're feeling in the moment.
And probably the biggest thing behind tappingis to just honor and acknowledge where you're
at.
It's not about, like I said, slapping happyfeelings on top of really bad ones.
(16:21):
It's about honoring and acknowledging the badones, giving them their day in court so that
they don't stay lodged in our bodies and in ourhearts as we move forward.
Because it continues to be destructive on anemotional and a physical level if we don't
(16:41):
release it.
So it's all about honoring and acknowledging sothat we can release it.
So start where you're at.
If it's overwhelm, you can tap through thepoint saying, I'm just so overwhelmed.
I don't even know where to start.
I have spinning thoughts in my head And I can'tget anything done.
Emotions are all over the place.
(17:02):
Like you just start tapping through the pointsand saying those things over and over again.
Just saying them is cathartic in its own rightbecause most people just have those thoughts
spinning in their head and they never it nevergets released from their bodies.
That's one of the biggest comments I get frommy clients is that saying the words is so
(17:22):
cathartic.
And they're even like, god, am I allowed to saythat?
Can I say that and really acknowledge that Ihave these feelings?
And the truth is, yeah.
Yeah.
Because they're there.
They're in there.
Let's let them out.
So they stop hurting us anymore.
Yeah.
I mean, I I probably should have done that whenI when I asked for the divorce.
(17:43):
I mean, like, I I remember, like, when when Isaid those words like, I I want a divorce.
At that moment, like, the weight that was justlisted out, like, I felt like a new person.
Had I I didn't know that, you know, I was goingto spiral out of control and be a bit of a shit
show after that.
But, you know, financially and everything else,but in that moment, was like just being able to
release that harboring thought, that thethought that I've been holding on for probably
(18:07):
three years at that point.
That was a big deal.
Been tremendous.
Yeah.
The weight and the guilt and whatever else I'msure you were feeling as a result of even
wanting a divorce.
I mean, that's a lot to carry for three years.
It is.
It is.
And probably why, you know, I I had so many,you know, health issues that, you know, even
(18:28):
even afterwards because you're like, you'rejust harboring that for so long.
Yeah.
I know I know that you haven't had a chance tothankfully go through this experience, and
let's hope your hubby stays in line so thatdoesn't happen.
But tell him to listen to this episode.
Tell him I said you better stay in line.
Only kidding.
But like, I'm sure in your own life and in theexperiences that you've had in other areas of
(18:50):
of your life, you know, you've you've had todeal with, you know, moments of, like, you
know, having to be resilient and dealing withyour own personal healing and so on.
So for those that are listening, like, what iswhat do you wish every woman listening or even
every man listening?
Because we have you know, we we kinda it runsthe gamut as far as the people that are
listening to us.
Like, anybody that's listening, like, what doyou wanna share with them about those those
(19:14):
things like, you know, self healing andresilience?
I want to share that I think that there are alot of really great modalities out there.
Are modalities that help us manage our stress.
And then there are modalities that will help usprevent stress from happening.
And this can be both of those things.
(19:37):
It can help us put a band aid on a moment whenyou're feeling really anxious and you just need
to get through your day.
You can do a couple quick tapping rounds andthat will get you out of that stress mode and
allow you to move forward.
But it can also be applied to what I like tocall like the root causes.
(20:00):
Like talking about that set point, thatscarcity set point that was created in our
family growing up.
So it can be applied in so many differentareas, including physical things.
It's all about just honoring and acknowledgingthe emotional aspect of who we are.
Because we are we're physical and everybodyagrees that we need to take care of our body.
(20:23):
We are intellectual and everybody agrees thatwe need to take care of our brain health.
And we're spiritual and everybody agrees thatmeditation and spirituality, whether it's in
nature or in a church in a religious setting,is helpful for us.
And we need to start incorporating thatemotional aspect to us.
All of our emotions are completely normal.
(20:46):
Whether they're uncomfortable or not, they arecompletely normal.
And demonizing them is not helping us in anyway.
So it's all about honoring and acknowledgingeverything that we're feeling and just starting
there.
Starting with surrendering to the fact that wehave all these emotions.
(21:07):
And it doesn't mean that there's a defect, acharacter defect of some sort.
It just means that we're human and kind ofsurrendering to that.
Now, this is what I call the the carte blanchesegment of our of our conversation.
Is there anything that anything that I shouldhave asked that I didn't or anything you want
to share with our audience that maybe we didn'tcover in our our chat today?
(21:31):
I would say that everybody has what I wouldcall foundational fears.
So whatever symptoms are showing up in yourlife, whether it's an irrational response to
something that's happening in your divorcesituation or whether it's just general anxiety
(21:52):
and really feeling the stress in your body.
Everything can be siphoned down to foundationalfears.
And when we use tapping to acknowledge andhonor and neutralize those foundational fears,
then it makes all of the symptoms so mucheasier to get rid of and to manage.
(22:13):
So it's not just the symptoms that you'redealing with.
It's also the traumas that have created thosesymptoms.
And so just assuming that that is what you needto focus on is probably traumas the thing that
I got wrong a lot of my life.
And I got wrong with my clients.
And now that I know the truth, I always go backto those foundational fears when I can because
(22:38):
I know the impact that those have on everythingelse in your life.
Tell me more about what you feel like you gotwrong.
Well, I assumed that I had a lot of characterdefects.
And I really hated a lot of who I was becauseof those things.
I thought that I was over serious,oversensitive, gosh, really like shut down
(23:02):
emotionally.
And I just thought that those were things thatthose were just me.
And I hated those parts of myself.
And I had kind of a moment of clarity around itaround seven years ago when everything in my
life was crumbling.
Not necessarily a divorce, but I was inphysical pain.
I was having panic attacks every day.
(23:22):
I was about to lose my job.
Like, everything was shit.
Mhmm.
And I started applying tapping to because Icould just kind of intuitively worked backwards
with what was happening in my life.
And I thought, well, you know, I know I'mafraid of failure, but why am I so afraid of
failure?
And was like, Okay, well, would mean thatpeople would probably judge and criticize me.
(23:46):
And I'm like, well, what's so bad with peoplejudging and criticizing me?
And then I worked back from there.
And I kind of traced it all back to a fear ofnot being good enough.
A fear of something really being wrong with me.
And when I addressed that core foundationalfear, then I wasn't oversensitive.
(24:08):
I wasn't judging myself as oversensitiveanymore.
I still have those qualities because I am asensitive person.
But I stopped judging that part of myself asbeing wrong.
And I started accepting it as just being human.
It's amazing.
Thank you for sharing that.
Yeah.
I'm glad I had that moment, to be honest.
(24:28):
Yeah.
Well, I'm I'm glad I had my moment too.
You know?
It's kind of redefined the next chapter of mylife, so to speak.
Well, it's when you're sitting in all thatrubble.
Right?
The rubble of the life that you had createdthat you have the opportunity to create
something new.
Did you Yeah.
Kind of have that moment of clarity in some waywhen you Yeah.
I
mean, it's it's gives you an opportunity tokind of redefine yourself.
(24:51):
Right?
I mean, I'm always gonna be a father.
I'm always gonna be a employee or an employer,you know, run running, you know, my own
company.
And but, you know, a lot a lot of people outthere have these, like, midlife crises.
Right?
But I think it's also you you get to a certainage where you're like, alright.
I've I've kinda lived a a a, you know, my mylife one way up until this particular point.
Do I wanna stay on this path?
(25:12):
And that's okay for a lot of people.
Some of us out there just, you know, I Iwasn't, you know, I didn't like I don't like
tear up my like, burn down my family and, like,you know, get my red Corvette and, you know,
drive around with, you know, some, like, blondebombshell, like, you know, that type of midlife
crisis.
But it was more of, like, yeah, I just don'twant to stay on this path anymore.
I'm like, I'm not happy.
(25:32):
It's not working.
You only have one life to live, so you might aswell do your best to, like, you know, change
tact.
And and that that's what I did.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that is a really courageous moment, beingable to kind of be willing to blow everything
up so that you can get on the path that you'resupposed to be on.
(25:53):
Yeah.
It's not easy for sure.
But Yeah.
We could go out.
We could do a whole another show on that.
But we just we just don't have time for thattoday.
But I I I do appreciate you sharing and and allthe amazing tips and tricks that you've given
us.
And, you know, I think really just opening upfor this this powerful conversation.
It's been super helpful, you know, tapping.
In my experience and and with, you know, theother self help things that I've done myself,
(26:17):
the acupuncture and wellness and that type ofthing, I think it's really just a a unique way
and and and super accessible tool for us to usein order for us to, like, calm the fear and
Yeah.
And our responses around money and whateverelse that we're dealing with.
It's it's it's been super valuable to our ourcommunity and our listeners.
So I I really appreciate that.
So for those of you that are listening thatwanna learn more about Amy's work and Amy's
(26:40):
app, Soar with Tapping, connect with herthrough TikTok, Instagram, YouTube.
We're gonna link all of that stuff in our shownotes so you don't have to stop and jot down
info at the moment.
We'll make sure you have access to that.
And if you're feeling overwhelmed by thefinancial side of the divorce, you know always
know that our team is here and you don't haveto navigate those decisions alone.
Visit us at allegiantds.com to get more supportthat meets you where you are.
(27:04):
If this episode helped you breathe a littledeeper or feel a little braver, please
subscribe and share it with someone who mightneed it.
Until next time, we'll see you again.
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