May 23, 2024 • 52 mins
As Stacey unveils the chapters of her wellness journey, overcoming Mal de Debarquement, we're reminded that health is a dance requiring precision and grace. She shares how a blend of medication, therapy, and lifestyle changes has turned her life's tempo from chaotic to harmonious. Brian and I also lay our cards on the table—quite literally—with "The And" game, sparking raw and honest conversations about our mutual concerns. It's like peering into a mirror together, facing the reflections of our deepest worries and finding strength in the vulnerability of our shared truths.
Money talks, but in relationships, it can sometimes yell. We wade into the mire of financial transparency, sharing tales from our own partnership's ledger to illustrate the profound connection between fiscal openness and emotional security. We're candid about our past financial faux pas and how they've shaped our bond, highlighting that talking about money isn't just about numbers—it's about the values and trust we build in our relationships. As the conversation unfurls, we consider society's magnifying glass on wealth and how this focus might shift the dynamics of future connections.
Finally, we muse on the lessons that time imparts. The books of Noah Harari have been a surprising catalyst for our nightly discussions, serving as a bridge between waking thoughts and dreams. In the echoes of 'A Gentleman in Moscow,' we see the resilience of the human spirit, a reminder that even in solitude, we're interconnected. As we share anecdotes of personal growth and the intricate interplay with those we love, it's clear that each chapter of life, whether we'd rewrite it or not, is a page in the story that shapes us. Join us on this journey through the layers of health, wealth, and the human condition, as we uncover the continuous learning curve of life.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
this is the broken towels podcast we're back babe
babe with brian and stacy canyou speak in that microphone?
A little bit I am, my lips areagainst it I don't know why it
sounds so low.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
It does.
Yeah, what have you been doingthe last four or five months?
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Recovering.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
But positive update.
I'm doing really well, yeah,since the last one, I think the
last one was still a littlefairly, believe it or not, the
last episode we did becausewe've been staggering these
because of the Mal deDebarquement and I think we can
probably update it and thenpossibly move on from it a
little bit.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
I'm really feeling we're close to that.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Yeah, I'm just doing some finessing with my
vestibular rehabilitationtherapy, but I'm really feeling
so much better.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Yeah, any.
What was the breakthrough?
Because I've got this loads of.
It's annoying how many emailsand texts I get from Venezuela.
Nobody, I can tell youunequivocally.
The United States Capitola inparticular, and the outlying
regions could give a shit aboutyour condition, but Venezuela
(01:20):
cares.
What was the turning point?
Speaker 1 (01:24):
I think it's a combination of things.
I've heard it referred to as atreatment pie, where there are
lots of different pieces to thepie that has led me to feeling
better.
So it's some medication,vestibular rehabilitation
therapy, really being on top oftaking care of myself in terms
(01:47):
of getting good sleep and eatinghealthfully, and movement
actually helps my brain heal.
So I've been able to get backinto doing some weight training
and running and it's all beengood.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
I feel like I'm always having to think about it
and do things to preventflare-ups yeah, it's not um,
it's not in the, it's not likein the distant rearview mirror,
but the fundamentals of thingsare changing.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
You know, we're couch to 10k, you're running again
yes, that's really excitingthat's a big deal it's a big
deal, because I could barelywalk without looking like I was
tromping through a field ofmarshmallows.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Exactly.
I think Azuki is not used to uspodcasting right now because
she's acting like the firstthree episodes again right now.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Yeah, she's all over me.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
She does not like these headphones on, and so I'm
going to play some over musicright now.
I and so I'm going to play someover music right now.
I'm ready to get into itbecause it's been a while.
I'm going to try to swear less.
I realized in the podcast I doswear less because that right
then is like a place where Iwould have said, like I'm
fucking ready to go, but I'm notgoing to swear this time.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
But you just said it so as a frame of reference.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Gotcha, I'm not going to do that as much anymore.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
So when you say you're ready to get into it, are
we talking about starting withthe questions right away?
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Or what do you mean as far as like?
Speaker 1 (03:14):
You said you're ready to get into it.
Let's go.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Like you want to have a fight right now.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
No, not at all Like right before we went on?
Speaker 2 (03:21):
No, not at all Like right before we went on.
No, when you just belittled me,I did not.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
You did?
I don't think so.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
I'm ready for a question.
Is what I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Okay, well, are you going to play this?
Speaker 2 (03:38):
What do you got New game?
Speaker 1 (03:41):
New game.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Can't keep sponsors when you podcast every four
months.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Yeah, exactly Well, and we've gone through almost
all of those cards, so it wastime to shake it up a little bit
.
This is a new card game that weactually ran across at the
Mariposa Cafe, do you?
Speaker 2 (03:58):
remember this.
Yeah, I remember this.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
So it's called the and and it's by.
It's called the.
Skin Deep is the name of thecompany that makes it, and we
have we bought ourselves thelong-term couples edition.
Oh shit, yeah.
So first question Actually, theway you're supposed to play it
(04:22):
is you draw 12 cards withoutknowing what you've chosen.
You're supposed to sit one footapart from each other, looking
directly at each other.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
We're pretty close to that.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Yeah, we're very close to that, and then just one
person begins by asking theother person their question and
then go back and forth throughall the questions.
But for the sake of time, we'redoing three.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
We can play the game to a certain extent and then
keep an eye on the time.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
So whatever you want to do, All right, well, I've got
three cards pulled out, but Icould always grab more.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Let's go.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Let's see First question.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Look into my eyes.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
What are you concerned about for my future?
Your future, yes.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Your future?
Yes, I think for your future.
(05:28):
Right now it's a fairly thelow-hanging fruit is I'm
concerned about your overallhealth as relates to this
particular condition that youhave, and I think we just kind
of gave a positive update.
But it is also a potentialdomino effect, as we found the
last 12 to 14, 16, 17 months,that a little left turn can
change the fundamentals of youroverall health outlook.
For, let me put it this way,before February 19th of 2023, um
, I would have put you in thatblue zone category and Stacy's
(05:52):
going to live forever, and thenthat condition happens and you
can kind of lose your grip onsome of the other fundamentals
of where you were rolling uh,diet, exercise, all the other
things and so I think my overallconcern would be this little
thing and the kind of like thepace that you were on for your
(06:14):
own health and well-being,because I think, for some reason
, that that eclipses I don'tthink about my own health and
well-being a lot, but I'm sortof like a fan of yours and I
think, if I remember thatquestion right, which was 17
seconds ago, I think that wouldbe my answer.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Okay, Now do you want ?
Should we reverse this, orshould we just move on to the
next question and have you askme?
Speaker 2 (06:44):
No, I want you to reverse that question and look
deep into my eyes.
And this is, I don't even wellwhat's.
I don't want this questiondirected towards me because this
is loaded.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
What are you most concerned about for my future?
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Let's go.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
All right, based on where you're at right now.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
I gotta stop doing that.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Yeah, you do Put your cup, your teacup, over there.
I'm concerned, I guess, foryour health as well.
But in the context of Mental.
Yeah, stress management is anissue.
Right now it's not going verywell.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
And it was my.
Thing.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
It was your thing, and then you got extremely busy
and I don't know.
I'm curious if I can ask you aquestion have you given any like
what do you think might changehow?
What can you do that mightchange the state that you find
(07:48):
yourself in?
Speaker 2 (07:49):
a lot now the um, I think I've been pretty with you
in particular, um, and now withwith uh, all of south america
will kind of come clean on itthat I've been honest with you
about this, like I'm not beenoverconfident about it, and what
(08:09):
we're talking about is sort ofthe, the evening, weekend and
anything off time, full time jobthat the magazines become.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Right.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
And it's.
It's the I think they call itCadill problems, where what I
thought was going to be a veryfun I don't have a lot of
hobbies in my life, Correct?
I like to, you know, if I havea little extra time I write, do
those things like in my oldworld, and this seemed like the
very connected passion projectthat I would be good at and do
(08:45):
it with good people and all ofthat's true.
But I think the way it sort oflanded in town put us into a
position where it is twofull-time jobs.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
And I'm having a very hard time, I think, not doing
the jobs at all.
But there's a cost.
There's a cost that's kind oflike being paid right now with
my I hate to say mental health,because I have so much respect
(09:21):
for this Not that I'm justlosing my perspective.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Yeah, I would say that lives in the realm of
mental health.
I mean stress management andnot managing stress well can
certainly lead to mental healthissues.
Not the real serious kinds ofmental health issues, not not,
um, you know, the real seriouskinds of mental health issues,
although you know it could.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Right.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Um, yeah.
So I mean, that's really myconcern is where does this leave
you?
I mean, the kind of stress thatyou're experiencing, I mean I
this is really maybe dramatic,but I can't help but think of
your dad and how he led a lifewith lots of stress and ended up
(10:13):
passing away from a stroke.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
Right.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
And that scares me.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Yeah, his was murderers, gang members and
delinquent juveniles.
Mine is artists and sunsets andI do have that qualified.
I think you kind of have thatinner clock where you can
identify.
Is this giving me ulcers?
Is it giving me this?
It's not that kind of stress.
(10:38):
I think what I'm up againstright now is more of a load
management kind of stress buttime management.
Time management, load management, all of that, and so I guess in
a lot of ways there is a kindof a connection between your
Malday to Barkmont and thisquestion has a similar line,
(10:59):
which is something that didn'texist before, a year ago, exists
now, and it has made itdifficult around here.
I'm not, you know, to an extentthat, something that wasn't
here before, and I think I'mtalking about myself, but then I
realize I'm talking about both.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Yeah, I guess that's true.
I hadn't made that connection,but you're absolutely right.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
But let's do the.
Did that satisfy the answer?
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Or did I even?
Did I head around that prettygood?
Or did I answer it?
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Well, I, yeah, we handled it All right and then.
But the question we, I thinkthe feedback is when we get to
this point, that's the one footaway from each other's face,
answering it, but broadening itout.
I think the best way to circlearound these is why is that a?
Why would that be a goodquestion for a couple to ask
themselves um, driving down theroad over a cup of coffee?
That's in a short or longtermrelationship, um, and I think we
(11:53):
kind of know the answer.
But read the question again.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
What are you most concerned about for for my
future?
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Oh shit, that would be a great question.
Ask it almost any point, if youcan connect with somebody, any
relationship that you have trust.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
I think it's about being honest, because very often
we don't want to hear a truthfrom somebody that we care about
or we know they care about us.
That we care about or we knowthey care about us because we're
(12:33):
in denial or we're I don't know.
I think I'm like.
I'm just thinking about how, ifyou're worried or concerned for
somebody that you love,sometimes it's really hard to
let them know what you'reworried about because it feels
unsafe.
It feels psychologically unsafe.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Maybe a question like that is, I think of it sort of
and might have used this analogyon the show before.
Is that maybe a question likethat, away from a circumstance
where there's no like heavinessor animosity, let's say it's a
more, let's say it was done in aproactive way rather than a
(13:10):
reactive way, to like counselyourself out of a spot like that
?
It might be a way I'm thinkingof like a pressure cooker, like
the little valve, like a littlevalve sometimes.
Maybe a question like that overon a great date, on a friday
night like this, talking aboutit like this, with nothing's
really going on.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
Absolutely yeah.
I would say that there's a lotof research in relationships and
the research really does tellus that we want to have these,
uh, harder conversations attimes when we're not emotional.
That's not in the in the heatof the moment.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
That's exactly it.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
You've got to just ride that out and not say
anything.
And that's really hard becauseit's easy to get wrapped up in
those emotions and you reallywant to defend yourself or
whatever in those heated times.
But it's not productive becausewe're immediately defensive.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
I'm going to pay some bills because the overhead, as
we know, and this thing'soutrageous.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Oh yeah.
What do you think?
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Wait, wait.
I'm going to pause this rightnow.
What are you laughing at?
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Are we talking Pan Am again, the defunct airline?
I'm a to pause this right now.
What are you laughing at?
Are we talking Pan Am again,the defunct?
Speaker 2 (14:26):
airline.
I'm a wild card and you don'tquite know overall what I've
been up to the last five monthsand who dumped us Nobody dumped
us Our sponsors.
You think Pan Am.
You think Pan Am is going tostay with a podcast that doesn't
podcast on a weekly or monthlybasis.
(14:46):
Stace, we're fired by Pan Am,but I pivoted.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Okay, let's hear it.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
One over the other.
I'll bet you want some realdifference Now.
If everything's basically thesame except the meal service,
that's right.
Stop and remember the lastairplane meal you had you ever
had?
One worth $200?
No, try, braniff.
Fuck yeah, braniff, that'sright.
Stop and remember the lastairplane meal you had.
You ever had, one worth $200?
No, try, braniff.
Fuck yeah, braniff, that'sright.
That's right.
We're going to the cheapoairlines.
That meal is going to taste awhale of a lot better, braniff,
(15:16):
the best low fare in the air.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Believe me, that's hilarious.
You got to kind of like you gotto work your way back up Stace.
I mean, you're coming in hereall from one airline to another
well, that seems to be ourdemographic.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
We're strong in that demographic.
Alright, you got another one.
I do or do you want me to go?
You get to ask.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
You want me to go?
Yeah, go, you get to ask thenext question and look deep into
your eyes.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Okay, I got to do this.
I'll hold the card over the micso I can look right over the
card in your eyes, stacey.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
If you had to write a rule book for a relationship,
what would be the number onerule?
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Ooh, a rule book.
We have to talk about money anddo our budget together
regularly.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
You just made that rule.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Well, yeah, I just made it up.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Well, we've been doing like I think one I think,
as we've spoken about here andthere, almost like that first
question there, if that'ssomething that you break the ice
on earlier in a relationshipand we come from a different
time, different generation,different all that, and we've
beaten down how we got to wherewe were.
But, yeah, that would have beena seismic shift in our overall
(16:59):
trust and where we were over 33,34 years, if we wouldn't have
waited 15 years to break the iceand even another 10 years or so
to say I guess this is thatterm I hate, but I'm going to
use it the macro is theconversation.
The micro is actually sittingdown and printing your
statements and having it be theopen, open, open book.
(17:22):
And I was kind of taken back bya couple deaths that we've been
around my dad's, your dad's,gavin, I can keep going on and
on because I think there'senough around.
But the conversation thathappens is it's horrifying is
somebody on either side of theledger that didn't know before
(17:44):
they died how to or what was upwith something.
And I think I was struck by thatto a certain extent.
I don't think with my mom, itwas so much what she didn't know
.
It wasn't like that as much.
It was more along the lines ofwhat she didn't know what to do,
and I don't think that would beour case at all.
(18:06):
But it is nice every time weunpeel.
Over the years we've unpeeledit.
I don't see, like I said, I'malways looking for in business.
I'm always looking kind of likeanalytically for the.
They kind of play the two sidesof the fence and look for the
upside, downside of a scenario.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
I can't see a downside to transparency.
No, and I think the reason itwas so challenging for us is, I
think for each of us there areyou mentioned peeling the layers
there were different.
I think a lot of people haveemotions attached to money,
(18:49):
emotions attached to money, lotsof layers of emotions.
You know what does it mean tothem.
Was there some kind of afinancial control in their
family of origin?
And you know how did that playout and how does that affect
your current relationship withmoney.
It's not always easy and that'scertainly, I think, what was
the barrier for us and why wedidn't tackle this earlier on.
(19:10):
But I wish we had.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Yeah, there's no doubt, and I think we just live
in a particular time.
However you want to look at Ithink I've been gone long enough
from the podcast.
I don't think I've overwhelmedanyone with my take on sapiens
and the book that we're readinglistening to, I should say, and
(19:33):
the thing you can't get awayfrom in a small period of time,
this species history.
We live in a particular littlesliver of time where the money
matters so much.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
And you can't get away from it.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
You can't get away from it.
No, even if you want to.
I mean how?
How would you?
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Well, I feel like we probably are in the time where a
very particular time where itwasn't, it is and it will be for
generations, and then I thinkit eventually will balance out
where it won't be again.
I I think, like in that book hetalks about like sort of the
human revolution.
You know that that would comewhere.
(20:17):
eventually, I think we circleback to, uh, you know, sort of
our base selves, when we'vesqueezed all of this out and I
don't know what the end of thatis.
Some of that could be literallyapocalyptic.
It could be, you know,extermination of a species as we
know it for a million differentreasons.
Nothing, you know, noconspiracies or anything like
(20:40):
that, but it could just beglobal warming.
It could be, you know, it couldbe a COVID-47.
We don't know what's going toget it, but I do feel like there
will be eventually a settlingof the human condition because
of something of that kind of.
It'll take something like thatfor us to reset ourselves.
(21:02):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Yeah, you really took us down a dark path there,
honey.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
That's what I do.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
I know and, and, and, just as a reference.
We've been listening to uh twobooks by Noah Tovar.
Is that right?
Speaker 2 (21:18):
I think that's the correct pronunciation.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Keep talking all the time Um Homo sapiens and Homo
deus.
I think it's.
I think it's the correctpronunciation.
Keep talking all the time Homosapiens and homo deus.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
I think it's D-E-U-S.
Is it deus?
Speaker 1 (21:28):
I don't know.
I'm guessing it's.
I don't know what language thatwould be.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Yeah, d-e-u-s.
Is it deus Maybe, or is thatD-E-U-X?
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Yeah, I don't know, but anyhow it's really
fascinating and this has beenour sleep story for the last
several weeks few weeks so it'slots of good food for thought
and great conversation.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
I wonder if this is.
I wonder if we can play a tinybit At the dawn of the third
millennium.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Humanity wakes up, stretching its limbs and rubbing
its eyes.
I don't know.
Remnants of some awfulnightmare are still drifting
across its mind.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
There was something with Bob.
I can't listen to that too muchlonger, I'll fall asleep.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
I know.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
It's a problem every night, isn't?
Speaker 1 (22:14):
it.
There's an association.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
What's our actual number?
I set the timer for 45 minutes.
45 minutes.
So how much do I consume inyour estimation?
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Oh my, gosh, maybe five, and I stay awake for all
of it.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
For 45.
And then what happens the nextnight?
Speaker 1 (22:29):
And then the next night you rewind it.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
That's right To 40 minutes before.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Yeah, and I get to hear it all again.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
And then I get five, yeah, and then I rewind it.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yeah, it works great for you.
I learn a lot.
You really probably do.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
It's my turn to ask a question by the way, but are we
?
No, it's my rule, right?
Do you have to ask it to me?
I looked deep into your eyesand asked that question.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
Yeah, so I'm asking you now I'm ready go ahead.
Okay, if you had to write arule book for our relationship,
what would be the number onerule?
A rule book.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
I think like the number one.
This is so funny because it'sso different.
What was your rule again?
Speaker 1 (23:19):
That we have to budget together and go over
money on a regular basis.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Yeah, mine would be my.
You know what.
You probably have an idea whatmine's going to be sort of
around and it's going to be likea rule about I think we've
talked about before likescheduling a date, scheduling
sex scheduling, something, sothat we connect that way and see
each other like we did when wewere dating, so it doesn't drift
so far away.
I know it's a good rule becauseI made it.
(23:45):
No, I'm joking, it's, it's,it's, it's not.
So on the nose like that, it'ssomething like that because it
is it's important.
It's my, that's my.
My only frustration we talkabout, my only frustration is
like it's very hard over fourdecades now, nineties 2000.
Yeah, we're in our fourthdecade together.
(24:12):
That's crazy To kind of somehowmaintain that emotion of seeing
somebody at a dance club andnot knowing you and writing
letters, and I don't know thatthat's achievable.
No, it's not, I'm not saying itis, but I'm saying it's no.
I don't think we'd be marriedfor this many years if I thought
that was some kind of bar.
That's not it Right.
What I'm saying is just likethat general attraction in that
(24:33):
sort of organic way.
That's hard to maintain.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
It is hard, it takes effort.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Well, I think what happens is you get to know
somebody.
Uh oh, this is going to get inthe high weeds a little bit, but
I think what happens is, in arelationship, I think you get to
know somebody.
This isn't just a husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend thing,
this is your parents.
Think about what happens.
In the long, the more you getto know your parents zero to
(25:03):
five years old, five to ten, tento fifteen, fifteen to twenty,
twenty to twenty five, and thensay 25, 30 and then 30, forever.
Um, the, the kids hate it whenI use this word, but there's a
natural kind of diminishing.
In a way there's an uplifting,but it's not diminishing of what
respect?
respect, I think, in a certainway, like it's a terrible way to
(25:27):
say it.
What I'm saying is I want tostrike that it's it's I'll stay
in that world of respect.
It's they were given respectthat they hadn't earned.
If that makes sense so so aparent gets respect that they
haven't earned yet they get.
They get respect.
Taylor loves me when she's fivebecause I'm dad.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Right.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
And 10 and 15 and 20.
2025, they start going.
Huh Huh.
That's interesting what youjust said about that politic.
That's interesting what youjust said about your perspective
on this or that or this or that, and there's a chipping away.
Perspective on this or that orthis or that and there's a
chipping away.
There's a chipping away atbecause when you and I first
(26:11):
start say dating, writingletters, it's all the good stuff
, right.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Of course, just like what's on social media.
It's all the good stuff, yeah,but I wonder if chipping away
it's one way to think about it.
But could you think about itdifferently, like the?
The way I'm thinking about itis the, the kid that's growing
(26:38):
up.
They're seeing the world andgetting their own perspective on
it, and they're not just livingin the bubble of their parents'
perspective anymore, and so isit a chipping away or is it more
of an expansion for the kidwho's growing up?
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Well, it depends on the perspective.
It depends on the person andthe perspective, like I, I, it
depends on the person in theperspective, meaning that when
the kids chip away at mybullshit, I'm euphoric about it
because I see them as basicallykind of getting their chops in
the game, seeing the world as itis and I'm not saying bullshit,
you know what I'm saying Likethey were they.
I guess they stand up to you alittle bit, they, they stand up
(27:19):
to you and you see them asindependent human on the planet
and I enjoy that.
That's not all the casenecessarily, for a lot of
parents, a lot of couples likeit the way it was and they don't
want to get too far in the Ozbehind the curtain part of it.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Yeah, I think that's probably true.
I think it also.
I think what's coming up for mein thinking about this is you
know, we want to be living inintegrity, sort of in in in, uh,
alignment with our values.
Because if we're not doing that, if we are behaving in ways
that are different from what wesay we believe in, our kids are
(28:05):
going to see that, our friendsare going to see that and
they're going to call bullshiton it.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
Right.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
And that's to me, that that's how I see the
chipping away.
It's a chipping away of yourrespect for that person because
they're not living up to whothey claim they are.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
And that that feels really icky.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Hey, just because I'm not swearing doesn't mean you
can what.
Just because I'm not swearingdoesn't mean you can drop bombs.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
What bomb did I drop?
Speaker 2 (28:32):
You dropped the BS word.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Oh, that's not bad.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
It took you six seconds.
Yeah, it took you six seconds.
It's not the longest, but it'sdefinitely not the shortest.
The only one you've really hitwas when it was on point.
I just thought it was a goodtime for like a little like a
ragtime intermission, like theold times like this.
Like, let's say, we're doingthis podcast in 1927.
It's very likely we would playit in remission.
(29:03):
That's a little dramatic rightthere in 1927, it's very likely
we would play it in remission.
That's a little dramatic rightthere.
I think I'm going to ask thequestion.
I got a good one.
Did we expand on that a littlebit?
I think it's kind of obvious.
Rules in number one rules wouldbe fun to set earlier.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
Possibly.
I think the expansion is alwaysgoing to circle around the same
answer most of the time, wherea lot of these things that we do
, these questions, we ask ifthey're new to us, because this
tickles a little part of mybrain.
These are questions that Ihaven't been asked directly from
two feet away by you, I'd I andso I think if it kind of like
(29:50):
challenges us, it's going tochallenge somebody that's in it
for six months, or Jack andAinsley that are in it for just
over a year now.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Here's one.
This is my question.
Oh, it's still playing.
I'm going to play's one.
This is my question.
Oh, it's still playing.
I'm going to play this one.
If you were to think of thebiggest misconception about
marriage, what would it be?
That's a good one.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Well, my first thought was going to say that
it's easy, but I don't thinkpeople think it's easy anymore
and I think the divorce rate inthe united states is reflective
of that.
I don't know if the divorcerate is similar in other
countries.
I don't think I've ever lookedinto that, but um, but I don't
(30:47):
know that.
I have a better answer.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
That's easier than it is I've got.
I think I've got a good one.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
All right, spill it.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
I think in I'm going to look up divorce rates, while
you I'm about to drop one thatyou know.
I think you will recognize.
The audience already feels theyknow when I say that what's
coming.
Guys, quiet down.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
This should be good.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
I think the biggest misconception about marriage is
that it's somehow going tocomplete you.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
Oh, that is.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Whoa Stacey, what Stacy.
What is happening?
I'm going to stand up realquick.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Mic drop.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
No, that's actually, it's just the one that came to
my head.
And it's the thing about thatanswer it's kind of a bogarted
answer from some other.
You know just other things thatyou know where.
I think we think that the onethat came to my head and I went
backwards from is that sometimespeople think a baby's going to
(31:53):
fix their relationship, and so Istarted there and I'm like I've
never had that thought.
We haven't rolled into it.
But then I went one step back,thinking like of all the the
marriages we've seen come and goaround us, our own self, we
were too young and stupid, and Imean that in the most polite
way.
Um, it didn't cross my headthat you were going to complete
me somehow.
(32:14):
I didn't think you were goingto fix anything in me cause we
were just kind of ran into it,right.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
Right.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
It was so fast, it was so like it all happened so
quick.
I don't think I would have hada time to say, oh, thank God,
now I can be completed, you knowwhat.
But I do think if there was amisconception that people have
or one would have, like as faras your friends around that they
have an overestimation of whatthat marriage is going to do for
them as a person.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
Yeah, For them as a person?
Yeah, I think.
Well, I think we're oftenacculturated to think that.
I mean think about the Disneymovies, All the princesses
meeting their prince and they'lllive happily ever after and
everything is great, All theirproblems are fixed.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
You don't have to say all that again, because I'm
still looking up what a cultureaid it is, oh God.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Oh honey, what is it?
Speaker 2 (33:13):
Are you using words you don't even know what they
are?
Speaker 1 (33:14):
No, I'm trying to figure out how to describe it,
so it makes sense to you this isthe greatest moment in our
podcast history.
We grow up with a belief systemthat it's the culture.
It's the culture that we growup in, so we just assume that's
(33:35):
what it is.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Gotcha.
No, I no.
I think I think that that's inthe, in the, the rough
estimation of it.
But yeah, that's.
I think that's sort of it's.
I think that's a again.
Another one I think we're threefor three on these.
I don't know if we've gonethrough two or if we've gone
through just one, but it feelslike there's a pattern going on
(33:56):
here and maybe it's all the timewe do these questions.
We just don't circle backenough.
Is that this at any point?
Um, this would be a goodquestion to ask somebody and
take out the word marriage andjust put in friendship.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
It would be.
I'm saying is this would be agood practice, not only just as
a marriage question.
So if you were to think of thebiggest misconception about
friendship, what would it be tosomebody else?
It's a great question, it is.
It makes you dig a little bit,I think, you, I think we've got
a sense of, like, what is andwhat isn't, and well, I think
(34:32):
we've got a sense of, like, whatis and what isn't.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
Well, I think one thing I've really learned is
that all relationships take work.
They do.
I mean, if you want to maintaina friendship with somebody, you
have to give of yourself, yourtime, you have to be vulnerable,
you have to share things andyou have to accept and want that
(34:55):
from them too right, and thatthat's hard the vulnerable part
in particular.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
Yes, why is that so hard?
Speaker 1 (35:04):
I so I don't know.
I've thought about this.
I kind of feel like there'ssuch a of a value, at least here
in the us, about, uh, ruggedindividualism like that is what
we aspire to.
That is there, there's, it'sjust held in such high esteem
(35:28):
and and yet as human beings,we've actually evolved to live
in community and so we want itlike, we yearn for being
connected to other people andyet, at the same time, we're
taught that strong and notneeding anybody is the way to go
(35:50):
.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
So vulnerable, has no particular value in the wild
per se per se.
I mean, like what I'm saying islike talking about taking what
you're talking about.
I was like we've, we've broughtourselves to this point where,
as say, even like all the waythrough the whole line, apex
predators to the cultures andthe society we live in right now
(36:12):
, um, we, the vulnerabilitywouldn't have been necessarily
needed at any point along theway, but conscious thought and
vulnerability is what sets usapart if we embrace it, right.
Yeah, it's something like that,but it doesn't have a lot of,
(36:34):
it, doesn't have value in ourprimal state, does it?
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Well, so you know, if you think about the fact that
we've evolved to be in community, that was for safety reasons.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
I get that part.
Speaker 1 (36:49):
But being in community means being vulnerable
, because you have to have trust, you have to have rapport, you
have to.
I mean that that doesn't existwithout some level of
vulnerability.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
The interesting part about that book, that Sapiens
book also brings up and I'llforget the number, but we'll
look it up for the next one, if.
If it's worth circling aroundis it also talks about that
community you're talking about.
It talks that it maxes out.
It maxes out at a certainnumber.
There's a breaking point ofwhere the communication breaks
down after like 100, 140.
(37:23):
There's a statistical numberit's a much lower number that
you think that we have to breakoff and it's less efficient.
After that number we do it, butit's less efficient.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Yeah, it's so interesting because, if you
think about a big city, ascompared to like when we first
moved to Watertown, new York,and we knew it was safer to
raise our kids there, I thinkthat that is reflective of what
(37:54):
you just shared.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
Right, you know it because you've been looking at
my phone the whole time.
Stace, we're going to do ourreview.
A Gentleman in Moscow, hulu,based on the 2016 novel by amore
towels.
Did you read that?
I didn't finish it well, that'snot a good recommendation oh,
(38:18):
it was very good, but I was.
Speaker 1 (38:21):
I had an actual physical book and I could barely
read at the time.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
So um answer accepted .
A gentleman gentleman in Moscowwas set against the backdrop of
post-revolutionary Russia,where Count Alexander Rostov is
stripped of his title andmaterial wealth and placed under
house arrest for the life.
For life in a grand Moscowhotel, unlikely friendships,
fleeting romance and the hotel'soccupants open the count's eyes
(38:45):
to the hidden wonders of thehotel and the enduring power of
human connection.
Hey, there you go.
It was great, it was so good.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
We just finished it right eyes to the hidden wonders
of the hotel and the enduringpower of human connection.
Hey, oh, there you go um.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
It was great, it was so good.
We just finished it right yeah,and ethan hawke plays.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
Uh, count the count rostov yeah, he.
I mean he's always.
I've always thought he was okay, but I never thought he was an
exceptional actor, but in inthis he really is exceptional.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
Now you might have read the book and I might be
putting you on the spot.
Is it complete fiction or is itbased on some semblance of a
true story, or do you have anyclue?
I don't.
Speaker 1 (39:22):
I have to say I don't actually know.
I don't think.
At the beginning of the book itsaid it was based on a true
story.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
It's fascinating, though 's just kind of like
occupies a time and a space inrussian history during the
revolution.
Um, uh, you know where thisthis count.
Basically, I don't even knowwhy he was spared um other than
his entitlement, and his prisonwas this hotel, and it wasn't in
accommodations, he was in theshitty attic of it and, based on
(39:53):
the storyline of it, he spendsdecades there.
I don't want to give too muchaway.
It's not what we do here, butit's fascinating.
It's a fascinating politicalstudy.
It's a fascinating human study.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
It's historical fiction, for sure.
Speaker 2 (40:05):
For sure, I mean because everything going on
outside are historical events.
Speaker 1 (40:08):
Yes, yeah, it's it's really well done.
I I highly recommend.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
What do you give it?
Speaker 1 (40:14):
Oh, how do we do our rating?
I don't remember.
Speaker 2 (40:16):
Do we do it one through 10 or one through five?
I think we go one through 10.
Didn't we?
Speaker 1 (40:22):
Didn't you say something?
There was a wing.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
Oh, it's just on tenths of a point.
You can go as high as you wantor low as you want.
Speaker 1 (40:29):
I'm going to give it a 9.2.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
That's really a good score.
I was going right with you.
I'm going 9.1 because I want todo the Dave Portnoy pizza
review.
It's 8991 for me but I think9.1 makes people know they have
to watch it.
Yeah, it was really good, whatquestion are you on?
Speaker 1 (40:54):
Well, I pulled out three, so I've got the last one
now.
Speaker 2 (41:01):
All right, honey, looking in your eyes, I might
have to call for anotherquestion if they don't.
This has actually been goodquestions, do you think?
Speaker 1 (41:08):
I think they've been great.
Okay, if you could go back toour first date, what advice
would you give yourself?
We have to define what ourfirst date actually was.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
Well, I consider our first date in my mind.
Our first date is when you cameto Pennsylvania and we went
shopping for dinner and madedinner together and sat on the
back porch and ate it.
That's, that's in my mind.
The first, like whole firstdate is what I would say.
And so if I were to go thereand say, hey, do this this way
(41:43):
or do this that way, I do have ahard time getting away from the
same advice.
If we had a question at onepoint, if you could go give
yourself advice when you wereyounger remember I hate it
because it's not really me but Iwould tell myself the same
thing, because here's theproblem.
(42:03):
I say these questions but I'm abig believer in that sliding
doors movie or that concept ofif I go whisper in 21 year old
Brian's ear, I, here's what Iwould say this is going to work
out for you tonight, and I'm noteven worried about it.
And you'd be like who are you?
It's like I'm Brian from thefuture and you're like you know
(42:25):
we'd have our conversation.
Uh, I've written littlecartoons about this.
That's the guys.
Singularity no, here's theadvice.
I've written little cartoonsabout this.
That's advice.
Singularity no, here's theadvice.
I'm doing the conversation I'mhaving with myself first.
Gotcha Okay, I understand wewould exchange pleasantries
about overall how we're lookingOf course.
And I'd say this is going to begood for you.
Tonight Everything's going towork out, no advice given.
(42:45):
But I would talk to that Brianabout compound interest.
It's the same conversation Ithink I answered on this podcast
about what would I tell 14?
And I'm assuming, in thisfantastical world that we're
making up, is that it would landright?
Sure, it would land, but here'sthe problem with that.
(43:06):
So let's say that lands with21-year-old Brian, a problem
with that.
So let's say that lands with 21year old brian.
And we buy the houses, we.
Everything's just the way it'ssupposed to be.
We don't move back and forthokay does?
does anything exist as it existsright now?
Are we?
now are we even thinking aboutkids differently with?
(43:28):
Are we?
I really struggle withquestions like this and it's not
the way the question waspresented.
It was simpler than that.
You know, I take it to thisother level but I struggle with
it in a way because, um, thatwas to be the.
That's my honest answer.
But I also say it, and I thinkin that world I probably leave
it more towards that frivolousfirst part.
(43:48):
It more towards that frivolousfirst part.
I said I don't want to fuckwith anything.
That we.
Speaker 1 (43:52):
That happened to us is my point.
So what you're saying is youdon't want things to have
changed.
The way they were was good.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1 (44:01):
I agree with that.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
If I was on a podcast with somebody and something had
happened to you and I couldhave said something to warn it.
Um, maybe, maybe I changed myanswer or something like that.
But as it stands right now,sitting with all the bumps and
bruises and the bandwidth issuesright now running the magazine
and working a full-time job anddoing all of that I don't know
if I would go back and do toomuch or the advice.
(44:24):
I think it'd be pretty loose orpretty casual.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:29):
It'd be hilarious to talk to myself, is what I'm
saying.
Speaker 1 (44:32):
That's more interesting than any other part
of this.
Speaker 2 (44:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:35):
Yeah, I think the advice I would give myself is to
just relax because he is a goodguy, because I really wasn't
sure I flew across to Bacchus tobe with somebody I thought I
knew through letters, but whenyou didn't meet me at the gate I
(44:56):
got super stressed out and thenI just held on to that stress.
It took me a while to reallyrelax.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
I think that's a good one.
We actually have time for onemore question, oh, okay.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
Hold on, I'll do the full thing we did.
Good time for one more question.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
Oh okay, hold on, I'll do the full thing.
Pretty good it's.
I mean, we're right at it's 45.
But that's pretty good for us.
Speaker 1 (45:18):
This is really interesting.
You want to read this honey.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
What's the most uncomfortable situation my
family put you through and whatdid you learn from it?
Speaker 1 (45:29):
Wow, I asked you that question.
I know I'm thinking.
I think the only the only thingthat's coming to my mind is
quite recent is and I don't knowif my family put you through
that sounds really negative, butit was a hard situation when,
(45:51):
when but it was completely of myown volition when your dad
passed away I, you know, we bothflew to New York and I stayed
there for three months to helpyour mom.
But I I learned a lot about, uh, really long-term relationships
, about how they depended oneach other and their lives were
(46:16):
so intertwined and it was reallybeautiful.
But I also learned a lot abouthow we can allow ourselves to be
really dysfunctional in wayswhere we rely so much on the
other person to do things thatwe don't know how to do them if
we're not doing it and thatreally scared me.
(46:36):
I learned a lot from that and Ithink that is probably what
helped helped me deal with myfear about handling money Um,
because I know that I have to.
Speaker 2 (46:48):
I have to, and I want , I have to.
Speaker 1 (46:50):
Yeah, I have to and I want to, but it's something
that I have a lot of.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
Money's a thing with you.
Speaker 1 (46:59):
Oh, very much so.
Speaker 2 (47:01):
It kind of trips me out a little bit, because it's
really the biggest difference inour two worlds.
Not that we don't land in themiddle sometimes, but I can't
quite get in that universesometimes as far as but that
comes with what you're.
You're answering the questionright now Like, like, like, why
that that is a thing.
Do you think there's enoughtime left on the planet to get
through it, or do you feel?
Speaker 1 (47:20):
Yeah, I'm already making progress.
Yeah, I feel actually proud ofmyself.
Speaker 2 (47:26):
Oh, there's no doubt yeah.
Speaker 1 (47:27):
I have a long way to go still, but I'll get there.
I feel good about it All right.
So what's the mostuncomfortable situation my
family put you through, and whatdid you learn from it?
Speaker 2 (47:40):
Tough one.
It is a tough one, isn't it?
It is oh, I know, I know whatit is with your family overall
and it's and it's, it's overall,and some of them just haven't
dealt.
Just haven't dealt with in away, I think, because it was my
own family but I had the samesort of politics.
Is what I'm reading thisquestion the right way would
have presented the mostdifficult conversation for me.
(48:02):
Maybe politics and religion.
Speaker 1 (48:16):
Yeah, I can see that.
Speaker 2 (48:18):
Yeah, as far as the question exactly was, what's the
most uncomfortable situation?
And I wouldn't even I wouldchange that word.
I'm going to answer thequestion uncomfortable, I'd say
challenging.
Speaker 1 (48:28):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (48:28):
More so than uncomfortable, but uncomfortable
is challenging.
It comes in that same muck butit would be more of the
challenging circumstance becauseI was a master of debate and
engaging that conversation andwhat I learned from it is you
have to kind of change your toneand your temperament.
When you're talking with, theyalways say no politics, no
(48:49):
religion at the dinner table.
Yeah, it doesn't seem to familyseems to break right through
that door.
When you're talking with, theyalways say no politics, no
religion at the dinner table.
It doesn't seem to family seemsto break right through that
door.
It's not a coworker, it's notsomebody you kind of know that
seems to be accepted in the realworld, but with family,
religion and politics seems tokick the door down a little bit
and you're going to have thatconversation.
Speaker 1 (49:07):
When you say kick the door down a little bit, going
to have that conversation whenyou say kick the door down a
little bit.
Speaker 2 (49:11):
What do you on that protocol that, like with, uh,
with a friend of, of a businessfriend or some friend, a lot of
times religion and politicsdon't come in.
It's like a water cooler kindof rule, like you know, or or
whatever.
It's just like no, no religionof politics at the dinner table,
Like when you're having dinnerwith friends or or you're, um,
you know, you, you know, maybeon a podcast you shouldn't be
talking about it, but that'dprobably be the, that'd probably
(49:31):
be a, a challenge yeah yeah, ifthat was the word, I think is
the uncomfortable uncomfortable,it it well.
Yeah, I've experienceddiscomfort from my family yeah
politics and religion babe, wedid it we did it.
Speaker 1 (49:48):
I don't know how many months it's been it's been.
Speaker 2 (49:51):
It's been too long.
Long enough to lose sponsors.
Um how many with spotify game.
Give me a number.
Blend game um, let's say 15jeez god, I'm not even, because
I'm a broken record.
One, two, three.
Broken record.
One, two, three, four, five,six, seven, eight, nine 10, 11,
(50:12):
12, 13, 14, 15.
Here we go.
Uh-oh, it's not obvious yet you, it's updated.
It's been a long time.
I can't move on.
Baby doll, ain't no girl?
I'm living two states, I'm out.
(50:32):
It's going to be good for our.
I can already tell this music.
Whatever, this is going to begood for our Podcast description
and SEO outreach, because Idon't listen.
I don't think this is me, man,but it we got to guess.
Speaker 1 (50:47):
Familiar, but I just don't know.
Bailey, I'm going to go.
Speaker 2 (50:49):
Bailey, what do you guess?
We got a guess Familiar, but Ijust don't know Bailey.
I'm going to go, bailey, whatdo?
Speaker 1 (50:55):
you guess Taylor, it's not Taylor.
Speaker 2 (50:59):
Three of us Taylor Bailey and Brian Wow, dominic
Fike.
It must be on a downloadplaylist or something.
You know what?
I bet you it is.
I bet you it's like a MacMiller sort of radio kind of
situation.
Speaker 1 (51:15):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (51:16):
Babe, we dropped a podcast.
We did finally, and we'll beback on the regular a little bit
, because I think somebody'sfeeling a little more balanced
in the world.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
Yeah, and I know I've shared this with you.
A request from a listener.
Speaker 2 (51:30):
Wait a minute.
Speaker 1 (51:30):
To talk about loss.
I know I've shared this withyou a request from a listener
Wait a minute To talk about loss, loss of family members.
Speaker 2 (51:36):
We can do that.
We can do like a little griefloss episode.
Yeah, can we get questions forthat?
I just want to talk it out.
Speaker 1 (51:43):
Well, I'll do a little research.
I'll find some maybegrief-related questions and see
if I can come up with something.
Speaker 2 (51:52):
I have one thing, one thought on the whole.
Thing.
Speaker 1 (51:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:55):
Can't get away from it.
Speaker 1 (51:56):
No, you can't.
Speaker 2 (51:58):
Love you, babe.
It's gonna happen.
I love you.
That was fun, bye.
this is the broken towels podcast we're back babe
babe with brian and stacy canyou speak in that microphone?
A little bit I am, my lips areagainst it I don't know why it
sounds so low.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
It does.
Yeah, what have you been doingthe last four or five months?
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Recovering.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
But positive update.
I'm doing really well, yeah,since the last one, I think the
last one was still a littlefairly, believe it or not, the
last episode we did becausewe've been staggering these
because of the Mal deDebarquement and I think we can
probably update it and thenpossibly move on from it a
little bit.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
I'm really feeling we're close to that.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Yeah, I'm just doing some finessing with my
vestibular rehabilitationtherapy, but I'm really feeling
so much better.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Yeah, any.
What was the breakthrough?
Because I've got this loads of.
It's annoying how many emailsand texts I get from Venezuela.
Nobody, I can tell youunequivocally.
The United States Capitola inparticular, and the outlying
regions could give a shit aboutyour condition, but Venezuela
(01:20):
cares.
What was the turning point?
Speaker 1 (01:24):
I think it's a combination of things.
I've heard it referred to as atreatment pie, where there are
lots of different pieces to thepie that has led me to feeling
better.
So it's some medication,vestibular rehabilitation
therapy, really being on top oftaking care of myself in terms
(01:47):
of getting good sleep and eatinghealthfully, and movement
actually helps my brain heal.
So I've been able to get backinto doing some weight training
and running and it's all beengood.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
I feel like I'm always having to think about it
and do things to preventflare-ups yeah, it's not um,
it's not in the, it's not likein the distant rearview mirror,
but the fundamentals of thingsare changing.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
You know, we're couch to 10k, you're running again
yes, that's really excitingthat's a big deal it's a big
deal, because I could barelywalk without looking like I was
tromping through a field ofmarshmallows.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Exactly.
I think Azuki is not used to uspodcasting right now because
she's acting like the firstthree episodes again right now.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Yeah, she's all over me.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
She does not like these headphones on, and so I'm
going to play some over musicright now.
I and so I'm going to play someover music right now.
I'm ready to get into itbecause it's been a while.
I'm going to try to swear less.
I realized in the podcast I doswear less because that right
then is like a place where Iwould have said, like I'm
fucking ready to go, but I'm notgoing to swear this time.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
But you just said it so as a frame of reference.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Gotcha, I'm not going to do that as much anymore.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
So when you say you're ready to get into it, are
we talking about starting withthe questions right away?
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Or what do you mean as far as like?
Speaker 1 (03:14):
You said you're ready to get into it.
Let's go.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Like you want to have a fight right now.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
No, not at all Like right before we went on?
Speaker 2 (03:21):
No, not at all Like right before we went on.
No, when you just belittled me,I did not.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
You did?
I don't think so.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
I'm ready for a question.
Is what I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Okay, well, are you going to play this?
Speaker 2 (03:38):
What do you got New game?
Speaker 1 (03:41):
New game.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Can't keep sponsors when you podcast every four
months.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Yeah, exactly Well, and we've gone through almost
all of those cards, so it wastime to shake it up a little bit
.
This is a new card game that weactually ran across at the
Mariposa Cafe, do you?
Speaker 2 (03:58):
remember this.
Yeah, I remember this.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
So it's called the and and it's by.
It's called the.
Skin Deep is the name of thecompany that makes it, and we
have we bought ourselves thelong-term couples edition.
Oh shit, yeah.
So first question Actually, theway you're supposed to play it
(04:22):
is you draw 12 cards withoutknowing what you've chosen.
You're supposed to sit one footapart from each other, looking
directly at each other.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
We're pretty close to that.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Yeah, we're very close to that, and then just one
person begins by asking theother person their question and
then go back and forth throughall the questions.
But for the sake of time, we'redoing three.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
We can play the game to a certain extent and then
keep an eye on the time.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
So whatever you want to do, All right, well, I've got
three cards pulled out, but Icould always grab more.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Let's go.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Let's see First question.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Look into my eyes.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
What are you concerned about for my future?
Your future, yes.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Your future?
Yes, I think for your future.
(05:28):
Right now it's a fairly thelow-hanging fruit is I'm
concerned about your overallhealth as relates to this
particular condition that youhave, and I think we just kind
of gave a positive update.
But it is also a potentialdomino effect, as we found the
last 12 to 14, 16, 17 months,that a little left turn can
change the fundamentals of youroverall health outlook.
For, let me put it this way,before February 19th of 2023, um
, I would have put you in thatblue zone category and Stacy's
(05:52):
going to live forever, and thenthat condition happens and you
can kind of lose your grip onsome of the other fundamentals
of where you were rolling uh,diet, exercise, all the other
things and so I think my overallconcern would be this little
thing and the kind of like thepace that you were on for your
(06:14):
own health and well-being,because I think, for some reason
, that that eclipses I don'tthink about my own health and
well-being a lot, but I'm sortof like a fan of yours and I
think, if I remember thatquestion right, which was 17
seconds ago, I think that wouldbe my answer.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Okay, Now do you want ?
Should we reverse this, orshould we just move on to the
next question and have you askme?
Speaker 2 (06:44):
No, I want you to reverse that question and look
deep into my eyes.
And this is, I don't even wellwhat's.
I don't want this questiondirected towards me because this
is loaded.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
What are you most concerned about for my future?
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Let's go.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
All right, based on where you're at right now.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
I gotta stop doing that.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Yeah, you do Put your cup, your teacup, over there.
I'm concerned, I guess, foryour health as well.
But in the context of Mental.
Yeah, stress management is anissue.
Right now it's not going verywell.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
And it was my.
Thing.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
It was your thing, and then you got extremely busy
and I don't know.
I'm curious if I can ask you aquestion have you given any like
what do you think might changehow?
What can you do that mightchange the state that you find
(07:48):
yourself in?
Speaker 2 (07:49):
a lot now the um, I think I've been pretty with you
in particular, um, and now withwith uh, all of south america
will kind of come clean on itthat I've been honest with you
about this, like I'm not beenoverconfident about it, and what
(08:09):
we're talking about is sort ofthe, the evening, weekend and
anything off time, full time jobthat the magazines become.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Right.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
And it's.
It's the I think they call itCadill problems, where what I
thought was going to be a veryfun I don't have a lot of
hobbies in my life, Correct?
I like to, you know, if I havea little extra time I write, do
those things like in my oldworld, and this seemed like the
very connected passion projectthat I would be good at and do
(08:45):
it with good people and all ofthat's true.
But I think the way it sort oflanded in town put us into a
position where it is twofull-time jobs.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
And I'm having a very hard time, I think, not doing
the jobs at all.
But there's a cost.
There's a cost that's kind oflike being paid right now with
my I hate to say mental health,because I have so much respect
(09:21):
for this Not that I'm justlosing my perspective.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Yeah, I would say that lives in the realm of
mental health.
I mean stress management andnot managing stress well can
certainly lead to mental healthissues.
Not the real serious kinds ofmental health issues, not not,
um, you know, the real seriouskinds of mental health issues,
although you know it could.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Right.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Um, yeah.
So I mean, that's really myconcern is where does this leave
you?
I mean, the kind of stress thatyou're experiencing, I mean I
this is really maybe dramatic,but I can't help but think of
your dad and how he led a lifewith lots of stress and ended up
(10:13):
passing away from a stroke.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
Right.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
And that scares me.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Yeah, his was murderers, gang members and
delinquent juveniles.
Mine is artists and sunsets andI do have that qualified.
I think you kind of have thatinner clock where you can
identify.
Is this giving me ulcers?
Is it giving me this?
It's not that kind of stress.
(10:38):
I think what I'm up againstright now is more of a load
management kind of stress buttime management.
Time management, load management, all of that, and so I guess in
a lot of ways there is a kindof a connection between your
Malday to Barkmont and thisquestion has a similar line,
(10:59):
which is something that didn'texist before, a year ago, exists
now, and it has made itdifficult around here.
I'm not, you know, to an extentthat, something that wasn't
here before, and I think I'mtalking about myself, but then I
realize I'm talking about both.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Yeah, I guess that's true.
I hadn't made that connection,but you're absolutely right.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
But let's do the.
Did that satisfy the answer?
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Or did I even?
Did I head around that prettygood?
Or did I answer it?
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Well, I, yeah, we handled it All right and then.
But the question we, I thinkthe feedback is when we get to
this point, that's the one footaway from each other's face,
answering it, but broadening itout.
I think the best way to circlearound these is why is that a?
Why would that be a goodquestion for a couple to ask
themselves um, driving down theroad over a cup of coffee?
That's in a short or longtermrelationship, um, and I think we
(11:53):
kind of know the answer.
But read the question again.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
What are you most concerned about for for my
future?
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Oh shit, that would be a great question.
Ask it almost any point, if youcan connect with somebody, any
relationship that you have trust.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
I think it's about being honest, because very often
we don't want to hear a truthfrom somebody that we care about
or we know they care about us.
That we care about or we knowthey care about us because we're
(12:33):
in denial or we're I don't know.
I think I'm like.
I'm just thinking about how, ifyou're worried or concerned for
somebody that you love,sometimes it's really hard to
let them know what you'reworried about because it feels
unsafe.
It feels psychologically unsafe.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Maybe a question like that is, I think of it sort of
and might have used this analogyon the show before.
Is that maybe a question likethat, away from a circumstance
where there's no like heavinessor animosity, let's say it's a
more, let's say it was done in aproactive way rather than a
(13:10):
reactive way, to like counselyourself out of a spot like that
?
It might be a way I'm thinkingof like a pressure cooker, like
the little valve, like a littlevalve sometimes.
Maybe a question like that overon a great date, on a friday
night like this, talking aboutit like this, with nothing's
really going on.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
Absolutely yeah.
I would say that there's a lotof research in relationships and
the research really does tellus that we want to have these,
uh, harder conversations attimes when we're not emotional.
That's not in the in the heatof the moment.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
That's exactly it.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
You've got to just ride that out and not say
anything.
And that's really hard becauseit's easy to get wrapped up in
those emotions and you reallywant to defend yourself or
whatever in those heated times.
But it's not productive becausewe're immediately defensive.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
I'm going to pay some bills because the overhead, as
we know, and this thing'soutrageous.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Oh yeah.
What do you think?
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Wait, wait.
I'm going to pause this rightnow.
What are you laughing at?
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Are we talking Pan Am again, the defunct airline?
I'm a to pause this right now.
What are you laughing at?
Are we talking Pan Am again,the defunct?
Speaker 2 (14:26):
airline.
I'm a wild card and you don'tquite know overall what I've
been up to the last five monthsand who dumped us Nobody dumped
us Our sponsors.
You think Pan Am.
You think Pan Am is going tostay with a podcast that doesn't
podcast on a weekly or monthlybasis.
(14:46):
Stace, we're fired by Pan Am,but I pivoted.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Okay, let's hear it.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
One over the other.
I'll bet you want some realdifference Now.
If everything's basically thesame except the meal service,
that's right.
Stop and remember the lastairplane meal you had you ever
had?
One worth $200?
No, try, braniff.
Fuck yeah, braniff, that'sright.
Stop and remember the lastairplane meal you had.
You ever had, one worth $200?
No, try, braniff.
Fuck yeah, braniff, that'sright.
That's right.
We're going to the cheapoairlines.
That meal is going to taste awhale of a lot better, braniff,
(15:16):
the best low fare in the air.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Believe me, that's hilarious.
You got to kind of like you gotto work your way back up Stace.
I mean, you're coming in hereall from one airline to another
well, that seems to be ourdemographic.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
We're strong in that demographic.
Alright, you got another one.
I do or do you want me to go?
You get to ask.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
You want me to go?
Yeah, go, you get to ask thenext question and look deep into
your eyes.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Okay, I got to do this.
I'll hold the card over the micso I can look right over the
card in your eyes, stacey.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
If you had to write a rule book for a relationship,
what would be the number onerule?
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Ooh, a rule book.
We have to talk about money anddo our budget together
regularly.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
You just made that rule.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Well, yeah, I just made it up.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Well, we've been doing like I think one I think,
as we've spoken about here andthere, almost like that first
question there, if that'ssomething that you break the ice
on earlier in a relationshipand we come from a different
time, different generation,different all that, and we've
beaten down how we got to wherewe were.
But, yeah, that would have beena seismic shift in our overall
(16:59):
trust and where we were over 33,34 years, if we wouldn't have
waited 15 years to break the iceand even another 10 years or so
to say I guess this is thatterm I hate, but I'm going to
use it the macro is theconversation.
The micro is actually sittingdown and printing your
statements and having it be theopen, open, open book.
(17:22):
And I was kind of taken back bya couple deaths that we've been
around my dad's, your dad's,gavin, I can keep going on and
on because I think there'senough around.
But the conversation thathappens is it's horrifying is
somebody on either side of theledger that didn't know before
(17:44):
they died how to or what was upwith something.
And I think I was struck by thatto a certain extent.
I don't think with my mom, itwas so much what she didn't know
.
It wasn't like that as much.
It was more along the lines ofwhat she didn't know what to do,
and I don't think that would beour case at all.
(18:06):
But it is nice every time weunpeel.
Over the years we've unpeeledit.
I don't see, like I said, I'malways looking for in business.
I'm always looking kind of likeanalytically for the.
They kind of play the two sidesof the fence and look for the
upside, downside of a scenario.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
I can't see a downside to transparency.
No, and I think the reason itwas so challenging for us is, I
think for each of us there areyou mentioned peeling the layers
there were different.
I think a lot of people haveemotions attached to money,
(18:49):
emotions attached to money, lotsof layers of emotions.
You know what does it mean tothem.
Was there some kind of afinancial control in their
family of origin?
And you know how did that playout and how does that affect
your current relationship withmoney.
It's not always easy and that'scertainly, I think, what was
the barrier for us and why wedidn't tackle this earlier on.
(19:10):
But I wish we had.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Yeah, there's no doubt, and I think we just live
in a particular time.
However you want to look at Ithink I've been gone long enough
from the podcast.
I don't think I've overwhelmedanyone with my take on sapiens
and the book that we're readinglistening to, I should say, and
(19:33):
the thing you can't get awayfrom in a small period of time,
this species history.
We live in a particular littlesliver of time where the money
matters so much.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
And you can't get away from it.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
You can't get away from it.
No, even if you want to.
I mean how?
How would you?
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Well, I feel like we probably are in the time where a
very particular time where itwasn't, it is and it will be for
generations, and then I thinkit eventually will balance out
where it won't be again.
I I think, like in that book hetalks about like sort of the
human revolution.
You know that that would comewhere.
(20:17):
eventually, I think we circleback to, uh, you know, sort of
our base selves, when we'vesqueezed all of this out and I
don't know what the end of thatis.
Some of that could be literallyapocalyptic.
It could be, you know,extermination of a species as we
know it for a million differentreasons.
Nothing, you know, noconspiracies or anything like
(20:40):
that, but it could just beglobal warming.
It could be, you know, it couldbe a COVID-47.
We don't know what's going toget it, but I do feel like there
will be eventually a settlingof the human condition because
of something of that kind of.
It'll take something like thatfor us to reset ourselves.
(21:02):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Yeah, you really took us down a dark path there,
honey.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
That's what I do.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
I know and, and, and, just as a reference.
We've been listening to uh twobooks by Noah Tovar.
Is that right?
Speaker 2 (21:18):
I think that's the correct pronunciation.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Keep talking all the time Um Homo sapiens and Homo
deus.
I think it's.
I think it's the correctpronunciation.
Keep talking all the time Homosapiens and homo deus.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
I think it's D-E-U-S.
Is it deus?
Speaker 1 (21:28):
I don't know.
I'm guessing it's.
I don't know what language thatwould be.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Yeah, d-e-u-s.
Is it deus Maybe, or is thatD-E-U-X?
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Yeah, I don't know, but anyhow it's really
fascinating and this has beenour sleep story for the last
several weeks few weeks so it'slots of good food for thought
and great conversation.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
I wonder if this is.
I wonder if we can play a tinybit At the dawn of the third
millennium.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Humanity wakes up, stretching its limbs and rubbing
its eyes.
I don't know.
Remnants of some awfulnightmare are still drifting
across its mind.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
There was something with Bob.
I can't listen to that too muchlonger, I'll fall asleep.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
I know.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
It's a problem every night, isn't?
Speaker 1 (22:14):
it.
There's an association.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
What's our actual number?
I set the timer for 45 minutes.
45 minutes.
So how much do I consume inyour estimation?
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Oh my, gosh, maybe five, and I stay awake for all
of it.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
For 45.
And then what happens the nextnight?
Speaker 1 (22:29):
And then the next night you rewind it.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
That's right To 40 minutes before.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Yeah, and I get to hear it all again.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
And then I get five, yeah, and then I rewind it.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yeah, it works great for you.
I learn a lot.
You really probably do.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
It's my turn to ask a question by the way, but are we
?
No, it's my rule, right?
Do you have to ask it to me?
I looked deep into your eyesand asked that question.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
Yeah, so I'm asking you now I'm ready go ahead.
Okay, if you had to write arule book for our relationship,
what would be the number onerule?
A rule book.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
I think like the number one.
This is so funny because it'sso different.
What was your rule again?
Speaker 1 (23:19):
That we have to budget together and go over
money on a regular basis.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Yeah, mine would be my.
You know what.
You probably have an idea whatmine's going to be sort of
around and it's going to be likea rule about I think we've
talked about before likescheduling a date, scheduling
sex scheduling, something, sothat we connect that way and see
each other like we did when wewere dating, so it doesn't drift
so far away.
I know it's a good rule becauseI made it.
(23:45):
No, I'm joking, it's, it's,it's, it's not.
So on the nose like that, it'ssomething like that because it
is it's important.
It's my, that's my.
My only frustration we talkabout, my only frustration is
like it's very hard over fourdecades now, nineties 2000.
Yeah, we're in our fourthdecade together.
(24:12):
That's crazy To kind of somehowmaintain that emotion of seeing
somebody at a dance club andnot knowing you and writing
letters, and I don't know thatthat's achievable.
No, it's not, I'm not saying itis, but I'm saying it's no.
I don't think we'd be marriedfor this many years if I thought
that was some kind of bar.
That's not it Right.
What I'm saying is just likethat general attraction in that
(24:33):
sort of organic way.
That's hard to maintain.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
It is hard, it takes effort.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Well, I think what happens is you get to know
somebody.
Uh oh, this is going to get inthe high weeds a little bit, but
I think what happens is, in arelationship, I think you get to
know somebody.
This isn't just a husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend thing,
this is your parents.
Think about what happens.
In the long, the more you getto know your parents zero to
(25:03):
five years old, five to ten, tento fifteen, fifteen to twenty,
twenty to twenty five, and thensay 25, 30 and then 30, forever.
Um, the, the kids hate it whenI use this word, but there's a
natural kind of diminishing.
In a way there's an uplifting,but it's not diminishing of what
respect?
respect, I think, in a certainway, like it's a terrible way to
(25:27):
say it.
What I'm saying is I want tostrike that it's it's I'll stay
in that world of respect.
It's they were given respectthat they hadn't earned.
If that makes sense so so aparent gets respect that they
haven't earned yet they get.
They get respect.
Taylor loves me when she's fivebecause I'm dad.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Right.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
And 10 and 15 and 20.
2025, they start going.
Huh Huh.
That's interesting what youjust said about that politic.
That's interesting what youjust said about your perspective
on this or that or this or that, and there's a chipping away.
Perspective on this or that orthis or that and there's a
chipping away.
There's a chipping away atbecause when you and I first
(26:11):
start say dating, writingletters, it's all the good stuff
, right.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Of course, just like what's on social media.
It's all the good stuff, yeah,but I wonder if chipping away
it's one way to think about it.
But could you think about itdifferently, like the?
The way I'm thinking about itis the, the kid that's growing
(26:38):
up.
They're seeing the world andgetting their own perspective on
it, and they're not just livingin the bubble of their parents'
perspective anymore, and so isit a chipping away or is it more
of an expansion for the kidwho's growing up?
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Well, it depends on the perspective.
It depends on the person andthe perspective, like I, I, it
depends on the person in theperspective, meaning that when
the kids chip away at mybullshit, I'm euphoric about it
because I see them as basicallykind of getting their chops in
the game, seeing the world as itis and I'm not saying bullshit,
you know what I'm saying Likethey were they.
I guess they stand up to you alittle bit, they, they stand up
(27:19):
to you and you see them asindependent human on the planet
and I enjoy that.
That's not all the casenecessarily, for a lot of
parents, a lot of couples likeit the way it was and they don't
want to get too far in the Ozbehind the curtain part of it.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Yeah, I think that's probably true.
I think it also.
I think what's coming up for mein thinking about this is you
know, we want to be living inintegrity, sort of in in in, uh,
alignment with our values.
Because if we're not doing that, if we are behaving in ways
that are different from what wesay we believe in, our kids are
(28:05):
going to see that, our friendsare going to see that and
they're going to call bullshiton it.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
Right.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
And that's to me, that that's how I see the
chipping away.
It's a chipping away of yourrespect for that person because
they're not living up to whothey claim they are.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
And that that feels really icky.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Hey, just because I'm not swearing doesn't mean you
can what.
Just because I'm not swearingdoesn't mean you can drop bombs.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
What bomb did I drop?
Speaker 2 (28:32):
You dropped the BS word.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Oh, that's not bad.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
It took you six seconds.
Yeah, it took you six seconds.
It's not the longest, but it'sdefinitely not the shortest.
The only one you've really hitwas when it was on point.
I just thought it was a goodtime for like a little like a
ragtime intermission, like theold times like this.
Like, let's say, we're doingthis podcast in 1927.
It's very likely we would playit in remission.
(29:03):
That's a little dramatic rightthere in 1927, it's very likely
we would play it in remission.
That's a little dramatic rightthere.
I think I'm going to ask thequestion.
I got a good one.
Did we expand on that a littlebit?
I think it's kind of obvious.
Rules in number one rules wouldbe fun to set earlier.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
Possibly.
I think the expansion is alwaysgoing to circle around the same
answer most of the time, wherea lot of these things that we do
, these questions, we ask ifthey're new to us, because this
tickles a little part of mybrain.
These are questions that Ihaven't been asked directly from
two feet away by you, I'd I andso I think if it kind of like
(29:50):
challenges us, it's going tochallenge somebody that's in it
for six months, or Jack andAinsley that are in it for just
over a year now.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Here's one.
This is my question.
Oh, it's still playing.
I'm going to play's one.
This is my question.
Oh, it's still playing.
I'm going to play this one.
If you were to think of thebiggest misconception about
marriage, what would it be?
That's a good one.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Well, my first thought was going to say that
it's easy, but I don't thinkpeople think it's easy anymore
and I think the divorce rate inthe united states is reflective
of that.
I don't know if the divorcerate is similar in other
countries.
I don't think I've ever lookedinto that, but um, but I don't
(30:47):
know that.
I have a better answer.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
That's easier than it is I've got.
I think I've got a good one.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
All right, spill it.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
I think in I'm going to look up divorce rates, while
you I'm about to drop one thatyou know.
I think you will recognize.
The audience already feels theyknow when I say that what's
coming.
Guys, quiet down.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
This should be good.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
I think the biggest misconception about marriage is
that it's somehow going tocomplete you.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
Oh, that is.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Whoa Stacey, what Stacy.
What is happening?
I'm going to stand up realquick.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Mic drop.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
No, that's actually, it's just the one that came to
my head.
And it's the thing about thatanswer it's kind of a bogarted
answer from some other.
You know just other things thatyou know where.
I think we think that the onethat came to my head and I went
backwards from is that sometimespeople think a baby's going to
(31:53):
fix their relationship, and so Istarted there and I'm like I've
never had that thought.
We haven't rolled into it.
But then I went one step back,thinking like of all the the
marriages we've seen come and goaround us, our own self, we
were too young and stupid, and Imean that in the most polite
way.
Um, it didn't cross my headthat you were going to complete
me somehow.
(32:14):
I didn't think you were goingto fix anything in me cause we
were just kind of ran into it,right.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
Right.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
It was so fast, it was so like it all happened so
quick.
I don't think I would have hada time to say, oh, thank God,
now I can be completed, you knowwhat.
But I do think if there was amisconception that people have
or one would have, like as faras your friends around that they
have an overestimation of whatthat marriage is going to do for
them as a person.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
Yeah, For them as a person?
Yeah, I think.
Well, I think we're oftenacculturated to think that.
I mean think about the Disneymovies, All the princesses
meeting their prince and they'lllive happily ever after and
everything is great, All theirproblems are fixed.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
You don't have to say all that again, because I'm
still looking up what a cultureaid it is, oh God.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Oh honey, what is it?
Speaker 2 (33:13):
Are you using words you don't even know what they
are?
Speaker 1 (33:14):
No, I'm trying to figure out how to describe it,
so it makes sense to you this isthe greatest moment in our
podcast history.
We grow up with a belief systemthat it's the culture.
It's the culture that we growup in, so we just assume that's
(33:35):
what it is.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Gotcha.
No, I no.
I think I think that that's inthe, in the, the rough
estimation of it.
But yeah, that's.
I think that's sort of it's.
I think that's a again.
Another one I think we're threefor three on these.
I don't know if we've gonethrough two or if we've gone
through just one, but it feelslike there's a pattern going on
(33:56):
here and maybe it's all the timewe do these questions.
We just don't circle backenough.
Is that this at any point?
Um, this would be a goodquestion to ask somebody and
take out the word marriage andjust put in friendship.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
It would be.
I'm saying is this would be agood practice, not only just as
a marriage question.
So if you were to think of thebiggest misconception about
friendship, what would it be tosomebody else?
It's a great question, it is.
It makes you dig a little bit,I think, you, I think we've got
a sense of, like, what is andwhat isn't, and well, I think
(34:32):
we've got a sense of, like, whatis and what isn't.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
Well, I think one thing I've really learned is
that all relationships take work.
They do.
I mean, if you want to maintaina friendship with somebody, you
have to give of yourself, yourtime, you have to be vulnerable,
you have to share things andyou have to accept and want that
(34:55):
from them too right, and thatthat's hard the vulnerable part
in particular.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
Yes, why is that so hard?
Speaker 1 (35:04):
I so I don't know.
I've thought about this.
I kind of feel like there'ssuch a of a value, at least here
in the us, about, uh, ruggedindividualism like that is what
we aspire to.
That is there, there's, it'sjust held in such high esteem
(35:28):
and and yet as human beings,we've actually evolved to live
in community and so we want itlike, we yearn for being
connected to other people andyet, at the same time, we're
taught that strong and notneeding anybody is the way to go
(35:50):
.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
So vulnerable, has no particular value in the wild
per se per se.
I mean, like what I'm saying islike talking about taking what
you're talking about.
I was like we've, we've broughtourselves to this point where,
as say, even like all the waythrough the whole line, apex
predators to the cultures andthe society we live in right now
(36:12):
, um, we, the vulnerabilitywouldn't have been necessarily
needed at any point along theway, but conscious thought and
vulnerability is what sets usapart if we embrace it, right.
Yeah, it's something like that,but it doesn't have a lot of,
(36:34):
it, doesn't have value in ourprimal state, does it?
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Well, so you know, if you think about the fact that
we've evolved to be in community, that was for safety reasons.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
I get that part.
Speaker 1 (36:49):
But being in community means being vulnerable
, because you have to have trust, you have to have rapport, you
have to.
I mean that that doesn't existwithout some level of
vulnerability.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
The interesting part about that book, that Sapiens
book also brings up and I'llforget the number, but we'll
look it up for the next one, if.
If it's worth circling aroundis it also talks about that
community you're talking about.
It talks that it maxes out.
It maxes out at a certainnumber.
There's a breaking point ofwhere the communication breaks
down after like 100, 140.
(37:23):
There's a statistical numberit's a much lower number that
you think that we have to breakoff and it's less efficient.
After that number we do it, butit's less efficient.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Yeah, it's so interesting because, if you
think about a big city, ascompared to like when we first
moved to Watertown, new York,and we knew it was safer to
raise our kids there, I thinkthat that is reflective of what
(37:54):
you just shared.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
Right, you know it because you've been looking at
my phone the whole time.
Stace, we're going to do ourreview.
A Gentleman in Moscow, hulu,based on the 2016 novel by amore
towels.
Did you read that?
I didn't finish it well, that'snot a good recommendation oh,
(38:18):
it was very good, but I was.
Speaker 1 (38:21):
I had an actual physical book and I could barely
read at the time.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
So um answer accepted .
A gentleman gentleman in Moscowwas set against the backdrop of
post-revolutionary Russia,where Count Alexander Rostov is
stripped of his title andmaterial wealth and placed under
house arrest for the life.
For life in a grand Moscowhotel, unlikely friendships,
fleeting romance and the hotel'soccupants open the count's eyes
(38:45):
to the hidden wonders of thehotel and the enduring power of
human connection.
Hey, there you go.
It was great, it was so good.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
We just finished it right eyes to the hidden wonders
of the hotel and the enduringpower of human connection.
Hey, oh, there you go um.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
It was great, it was so good.
We just finished it right yeah,and ethan hawke plays.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
Uh, count the count rostov yeah, he.
I mean he's always.
I've always thought he was okay, but I never thought he was an
exceptional actor, but in inthis he really is exceptional.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
Now you might have read the book and I might be
putting you on the spot.
Is it complete fiction or is itbased on some semblance of a
true story, or do you have anyclue?
I don't.
Speaker 1 (39:22):
I have to say I don't actually know.
I don't think.
At the beginning of the book itsaid it was based on a true
story.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
It's fascinating, though 's just kind of like
occupies a time and a space inrussian history during the
revolution.
Um, uh, you know where thisthis count.
Basically, I don't even knowwhy he was spared um other than
his entitlement, and his prisonwas this hotel, and it wasn't in
accommodations, he was in theshitty attic of it and, based on
(39:53):
the storyline of it, he spendsdecades there.
I don't want to give too muchaway.
It's not what we do here, butit's fascinating.
It's a fascinating politicalstudy.
It's a fascinating human study.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
It's historical fiction, for sure.
Speaker 2 (40:05):
For sure, I mean because everything going on
outside are historical events.
Speaker 1 (40:08):
Yes, yeah, it's it's really well done.
I I highly recommend.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
What do you give it?
Speaker 1 (40:14):
Oh, how do we do our rating?
I don't remember.
Speaker 2 (40:16):
Do we do it one through 10 or one through five?
I think we go one through 10.
Didn't we?
Speaker 1 (40:22):
Didn't you say something?
There was a wing.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
Oh, it's just on tenths of a point.
You can go as high as you wantor low as you want.
Speaker 1 (40:29):
I'm going to give it a 9.2.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
That's really a good score.
I was going right with you.
I'm going 9.1 because I want todo the Dave Portnoy pizza
review.
It's 8991 for me but I think9.1 makes people know they have
to watch it.
Yeah, it was really good, whatquestion are you on?
Speaker 1 (40:54):
Well, I pulled out three, so I've got the last one
now.
Speaker 2 (41:01):
All right, honey, looking in your eyes, I might
have to call for anotherquestion if they don't.
This has actually been goodquestions, do you think?
Speaker 1 (41:08):
I think they've been great.
Okay, if you could go back toour first date, what advice
would you give yourself?
We have to define what ourfirst date actually was.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
Well, I consider our first date in my mind.
Our first date is when you cameto Pennsylvania and we went
shopping for dinner and madedinner together and sat on the
back porch and ate it.
That's, that's in my mind.
The first, like whole firstdate is what I would say.
And so if I were to go thereand say, hey, do this this way
(41:43):
or do this that way, I do have ahard time getting away from the
same advice.
If we had a question at onepoint, if you could go give
yourself advice when you wereyounger remember I hate it
because it's not really me but Iwould tell myself the same
thing, because here's theproblem.
(42:03):
I say these questions but I'm abig believer in that sliding
doors movie or that concept ofif I go whisper in 21 year old
Brian's ear, I, here's what Iwould say this is going to work
out for you tonight, and I'm noteven worried about it.
And you'd be like who are you?
It's like I'm Brian from thefuture and you're like you know
(42:25):
we'd have our conversation.
Uh, I've written littlecartoons about this.
That's the guys.
Singularity no, here's theadvice.
I've written little cartoonsabout this.
That's advice.
Singularity no, here's theadvice.
I'm doing the conversation I'mhaving with myself first.
Gotcha Okay, I understand wewould exchange pleasantries
about overall how we're lookingOf course.
And I'd say this is going to begood for you.
Tonight Everything's going towork out, no advice given.
(42:45):
But I would talk to that Brianabout compound interest.
It's the same conversation Ithink I answered on this podcast
about what would I tell 14?
And I'm assuming, in thisfantastical world that we're
making up, is that it would landright?
Sure, it would land, but here'sthe problem with that.
(43:06):
So let's say that lands with21-year-old Brian, a problem
with that.
So let's say that lands with 21year old brian.
And we buy the houses, we.
Everything's just the way it'ssupposed to be.
We don't move back and forthokay does?
does anything exist as it existsright now?
Are we?
now are we even thinking aboutkids differently with?
(43:28):
Are we?
I really struggle withquestions like this and it's not
the way the question waspresented.
It was simpler than that.
You know, I take it to thisother level but I struggle with
it in a way because, um, thatwas to be the.
That's my honest answer.
But I also say it, and I thinkin that world I probably leave
it more towards that frivolousfirst part.
(43:48):
It more towards that frivolousfirst part.
I said I don't want to fuckwith anything.
That we.
Speaker 1 (43:52):
That happened to us is my point.
So what you're saying is youdon't want things to have
changed.
The way they were was good.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1 (44:01):
I agree with that.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
If I was on a podcast with somebody and something had
happened to you and I couldhave said something to warn it.
Um, maybe, maybe I changed myanswer or something like that.
But as it stands right now,sitting with all the bumps and
bruises and the bandwidth issuesright now running the magazine
and working a full-time job anddoing all of that I don't know
if I would go back and do toomuch or the advice.
(44:24):
I think it'd be pretty loose orpretty casual.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:29):
It'd be hilarious to talk to myself, is what I'm
saying.
Speaker 1 (44:32):
That's more interesting than any other part
of this.
Speaker 2 (44:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:35):
Yeah, I think the advice I would give myself is to
just relax because he is a goodguy, because I really wasn't
sure I flew across to Bacchus tobe with somebody I thought I
knew through letters, but whenyou didn't meet me at the gate I
(44:56):
got super stressed out and thenI just held on to that stress.
It took me a while to reallyrelax.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
I think that's a good one.
We actually have time for onemore question, oh, okay.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
Hold on, I'll do the full thing we did.
Good time for one more question.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
Oh okay, hold on, I'll do the full thing.
Pretty good it's.
I mean, we're right at it's 45.
But that's pretty good for us.
Speaker 1 (45:18):
This is really interesting.
You want to read this honey.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
What's the most uncomfortable situation my
family put you through and whatdid you learn from it?
Speaker 1 (45:29):
Wow, I asked you that question.
I know I'm thinking.
I think the only the only thingthat's coming to my mind is
quite recent is and I don't knowif my family put you through
that sounds really negative, butit was a hard situation when,
(45:51):
when but it was completely of myown volition when your dad
passed away I, you know, we bothflew to New York and I stayed
there for three months to helpyour mom.
But I I learned a lot about, uh, really long-term relationships
, about how they depended oneach other and their lives were
(46:16):
so intertwined and it was reallybeautiful.
But I also learned a lot abouthow we can allow ourselves to be
really dysfunctional in wayswhere we rely so much on the
other person to do things thatwe don't know how to do them if
we're not doing it and thatreally scared me.
(46:36):
I learned a lot from that and Ithink that is probably what
helped helped me deal with myfear about handling money Um,
because I know that I have to.
Speaker 2 (46:48):
I have to, and I want , I have to.
Speaker 1 (46:50):
Yeah, I have to and I want to, but it's something
that I have a lot of.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
Money's a thing with you.
Speaker 1 (46:59):
Oh, very much so.
Speaker 2 (47:01):
It kind of trips me out a little bit, because it's
really the biggest difference inour two worlds.
Not that we don't land in themiddle sometimes, but I can't
quite get in that universesometimes as far as but that
comes with what you're.
You're answering the questionright now Like, like, like, why
that that is a thing.
Do you think there's enoughtime left on the planet to get
through it, or do you feel?
Speaker 1 (47:20):
Yeah, I'm already making progress.
Yeah, I feel actually proud ofmyself.
Speaker 2 (47:26):
Oh, there's no doubt yeah.
Speaker 1 (47:27):
I have a long way to go still, but I'll get there.
I feel good about it All right.
So what's the mostuncomfortable situation my
family put you through, and whatdid you learn from it?
Speaker 2 (47:40):
Tough one.
It is a tough one, isn't it?
It is oh, I know, I know whatit is with your family overall
and it's and it's, it's overall,and some of them just haven't
dealt.
Just haven't dealt with in away, I think, because it was my
own family but I had the samesort of politics.
Is what I'm reading thisquestion the right way would
have presented the mostdifficult conversation for me.
(48:02):
Maybe politics and religion.
Speaker 1 (48:16):
Yeah, I can see that.
Speaker 2 (48:18):
Yeah, as far as the question exactly was, what's the
most uncomfortable situation?
And I wouldn't even I wouldchange that word.
I'm going to answer thequestion uncomfortable, I'd say
challenging.
Speaker 1 (48:28):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (48:28):
More so than uncomfortable, but uncomfortable
is challenging.
It comes in that same muck butit would be more of the
challenging circumstance becauseI was a master of debate and
engaging that conversation andwhat I learned from it is you
have to kind of change your toneand your temperament.
When you're talking with, theyalways say no politics, no
(48:49):
religion at the dinner table.
Yeah, it doesn't seem to familyseems to break right through
that door.
When you're talking with, theyalways say no politics, no
religion at the dinner table.
It doesn't seem to family seemsto break right through that
door.
It's not a coworker, it's notsomebody you kind of know that
seems to be accepted in the realworld, but with family,
religion and politics seems tokick the door down a little bit
and you're going to have thatconversation.
Speaker 1 (49:07):
When you say kick the door down a little bit, going
to have that conversation whenyou say kick the door down a
little bit.
Speaker 2 (49:11):
What do you on that protocol that, like with, uh,
with a friend of, of a businessfriend or some friend, a lot of
times religion and politicsdon't come in.
It's like a water cooler kindof rule, like you know, or or
whatever.
It's just like no, no religionof politics at the dinner table,
Like when you're having dinnerwith friends or or you're, um,
you know, you, you know, maybeon a podcast you shouldn't be
talking about it, but that'dprobably be the, that'd probably
(49:31):
be a, a challenge yeah yeah, ifthat was the word, I think is
the uncomfortable uncomfortable,it it well.
Yeah, I've experienceddiscomfort from my family yeah
politics and religion babe, wedid it we did it.
Speaker 1 (49:48):
I don't know how many months it's been it's been.
Speaker 2 (49:51):
It's been too long.
Long enough to lose sponsors.
Um how many with spotify game.
Give me a number.
Blend game um, let's say 15jeez god, I'm not even, because
I'm a broken record.
One, two, three.
Broken record.
One, two, three, four, five,six, seven, eight, nine 10, 11,
(50:12):
12, 13, 14, 15.
Here we go.
Uh-oh, it's not obvious yet you, it's updated.
It's been a long time.
I can't move on.
Baby doll, ain't no girl?
I'm living two states, I'm out.
(50:32):
It's going to be good for our.
I can already tell this music.
Whatever, this is going to begood for our Podcast description
and SEO outreach, because Idon't listen.
I don't think this is me, man,but it we got to guess.
Speaker 1 (50:47):
Familiar, but I just don't know.
Bailey, I'm going to go.
Speaker 2 (50:49):
Bailey, what do you guess?
We got a guess Familiar, but Ijust don't know Bailey.
I'm going to go, bailey, whatdo?
Speaker 1 (50:55):
you guess Taylor, it's not Taylor.
Speaker 2 (50:59):
Three of us Taylor Bailey and Brian Wow, dominic
Fike.
It must be on a downloadplaylist or something.
You know what?
I bet you it is.
I bet you it's like a MacMiller sort of radio kind of
situation.
Speaker 1 (51:15):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (51:16):
Babe, we dropped a podcast.
We did finally, and we'll beback on the regular a little bit
, because I think somebody'sfeeling a little more balanced
in the world.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
Yeah, and I know I've shared this with you.
A request from a listener.
Speaker 2 (51:30):
Wait a minute.
Speaker 1 (51:30):
To talk about loss.
I know I've shared this withyou a request from a listener
Wait a minute To talk about loss, loss of family members.
Speaker 2 (51:36):
We can do that.
We can do like a little griefloss episode.
Yeah, can we get questions forthat?
I just want to talk it out.
Speaker 1 (51:43):
Well, I'll do a little research.
I'll find some maybegrief-related questions and see
if I can come up with something.
Speaker 2 (51:52):
I have one thing, one thought on the whole.
Thing.
Speaker 1 (51:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:55):
Can't get away from it.
Speaker 1 (51:56):
No, you can't.
Speaker 2 (51:58):
Love you, babe.
It's gonna happen.
I love you.
That was fun, bye.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.