August 19, 2022 • 51 mins
Lebron James makes a ton of money playing basketball and Stacey thinks that's insane...
Stacey has no memory of any of the questions she has asked in any of the podcasts and Brian keeps buying tickets for amazing events that they end up not going to or forgetting to go...
Questions range from how they make each other feel appreciated, what they do right in the relationship and are they even listening to each other when they are talking...
Brian & Stacey both share the hardest goodbye they've ever made...
The Broken Tiles Review is in for "Couples Therapy" on Showtime.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Brian Upton (00:01):
Now we're on those are going to be
Stacey Upton (00:09):
welcome to the broken tiles podcast
with Brian and Stacey.
Brian Upton (00:23):
That's us.
Stacey Upton (00:25):
We're back again.
Brian Upton (00:29):
Sort of on time,
Stacey Upton (00:31):
sort of not too far off.
Brian Upton (00:36):
Are you going to be cranky?
Stacey Upton (00:37):
No. I might be. My neck hurts.
Unknown (00:41):
And you're tired. I am.
Stacey Upton (00:44):
But that's okay.
long week. Yeah.
It was a long week. But it'salmost over and we have a fun
weekend ahead of us. You know,had a good week.
Brian Upton (00:56):
He'll Lebron James.
Stacey Upton (01:00):
Oh, I did not know that. Tell me more.
Brian Upton (01:03):
How much do you think you would charge somebody
for a year of playing but no,you don't make let's make it
easier for two years of playingbasketball. What would you feel
comfortable charging somebodyfor that or judging them or
paying them paying them?
Well, you'd be charging them foryour service in the end,
negotiating your fee for playingand they would pay you
Stacey Upton (01:27):
all right. I can't even imagine I know it's going
to be a number. I couldn'tpossibly conceivable blue the
warmer colder game. Okay. 7million. Oh.
Brian Upton (01:40):
North Dakota in February
Stacey Upton (01:44):
10 million. For two years. We're talking two
years.
Brian Upton (01:48):
Yeah. North Dakota in February
Unknown (01:51):
20 million. North
Brian Upton (01:53):
Dakota in February.
Stacey Upton (01:56):
60 million.
Brian Upton (01:59):
Okay, now we are into upstate New York. November
Stacey Upton (02:09):
100.
Brian Upton (02:11):
Now you're hot. Now you're too hot. Now you're the
Bahamas. 100%. Humidity. 100degrees. Okay.
Stacey Upton (02:18):
80.
Brian Upton (02:21):
Super warm.
90 $97.1 million for two yearsof basketball. That's insane.
Stacey Upton (02:29):
I mean, I know the person is super talented. It's
about what we mathlete
Brian Upton (02:35):
landscaping and health educator have the Health
Education Manager.
Stacey Upton (02:39):
No, we don't make that. No. Nowhere near
Brian Upton (02:43):
perspective. Yeah.
Okay. He is really good at whathe does. He is I didn't expect
that this year. I took none.
Stacey Upton (02:55):
wildcards, we are getting down. Hi.
Brian Upton (02:58):
I hope you have a question.
Stacey Upton (02:59):
I do. We're starting with our intelligent
change. Let's get closer gain.
The first level called close.
What is something you would likeus to do together? That we
haven't already? You've
Unknown (03:15):
asked that question.
Man. I told
Stacey Upton (03:17):
you I couldn't tell
Brian Upton (03:18):
you. Oh, that's outrageous, because that was the
salsa dancing.
Stacey Upton (03:23):
Okay, you are your neck sore, tired, cranky off
your game? Well, I did tell youI wasn't certain about these.
This one. I think we may haveasked. Wow. Well, they had
somehow got mixed up. Right. Howhave I changed since we first
met? Did we do that one? Yeah.
All righty. I'm gonna pull fromthe middle.
(03:46):
I think this is new. When wasthe last time I made you feel
appreciated?
Brian Upton (03:55):
Good one. That's a good one. I think we're in a
groove right now broadening itout for a second on the
question, the intention? And whythat question might lead to a
positive conversation for arelationship. Yeah. And so from
a standpoint, I kind of defer toyou on this one, at least to get
(04:16):
the ball rolling on it. Aquestion like that within the
context of a relationship,whether it's asked during a game
or you know, on a couch?
What's your thoughts on that asfar as how that might be
productive?
Stacey Upton (04:31):
Well, I think sometimes we take for granted
thatour partner or whoever were in a
relationship with of any kind,we just take for granted that
they know that we appreciatewhat they do or who they are or
how they behave. And we don'talways say it, we don't always
(04:52):
express it. And it also makes methink about our love languages.
You know, words of affirmation.
certain gifts, touch all ofthose different things tell our
partner or or whoever we're in arelationship with. It expresses
that sense of appreciation. Andagain, we all have different
(05:17):
love languages. So you may beexpressing it in one way, but
they're not reading that, right?
So it's very proactive, I think,if you can intentionally work to
make that other person feelappreciated, and
Brian Upton (05:37):
it's probably not the worst practice to sort of
continue regurgitating orletting kind of float in your
general psyche of the day. Notnecessarily, what are you
looking for? And what were younecessarily, you know, that
you're not overwhelminglylooking for appreciation, you're
(05:57):
not looking for that part of it.
But it might be a decentpractice to use, you know, to
kind of stay connected.
Stacey Upton (06:05):
Yeah, and I mean, if you can really extrapolate a
little bit and, and realize thatfeeling appreciated, feels
loved, right. And that'simportant, right? We have some
clicking going on in thebackground. Zuki is not wanting
to be still
Brian Upton (06:23):
it's a freight train of clicking right now.
Stacey Upton (06:25):
I know when she picked up a toy, and she's being
really playful and puppy.
Brian Upton (06:29):
So when was last time you felt appreciated?
Stacey Upton (06:32):
I thought I asked you first did you answer it?
Brian Upton (06:35):
You know, the drill?
Stacey Upton (06:37):
Oh, do I have to let you think of your answer
Brian Upton (06:39):
when I'm confused.
Stacey Upton (06:40):
Oh, hi. See, I
Brian Upton (06:42):
see. If I've got an answer off the top of my head.
Stacey Upton (06:45):
I can tell you right now. Okay. I felt
appreciated by the fantasticdinner that you made for us
tonight.
Brian Upton (06:52):
That's so you know, I'm not gonna count it. Why?
That because it just happenedlike 13 minutes ago.
Stacey Upton (07:01):
But it did make me feel appreciated.
Brian Upton (07:05):
Now, like goes to the coffee in the morning sort
of vibe, that it all counts.
Stacey Upton (07:11):
It does all count those those little acts of
kindness, see acts of service.
That's my love language. Sothat's why it works for
Brian Upton (07:19):
me. And it is I think I'm making fun of you a
little bit. Because I think oneinstinct is to sometimes
overthink these questions whenthe answer is just sort of like,
what is the answer to that theone where I felt appreciated was
the other day, I think you sortof were in Carlsbad, which we
(07:40):
should do a little catch up onthat Tuesday. That was kind of a
fun trip for you. And I thinkyou got stuck a little bit and
you know, asked for some helpwith something at your office
here. And I just rescheduled themeeting and kind of ran home and
just think just logged on toyour email or something like
that. And it was it was, I thinkyou were thankful that I just
(08:05):
busted over. And you're right,did that little bit of help for
you?
Stacey Upton (08:09):
It was really important at that moment. And it
it was incredibly helpful. Good.
So what did I do that made youfeel appreciated, though? What
did I say? Oh, just
Brian Upton (08:21):
the aftermath of it. I think the next day you
came and went, and there was notmuch to it. But I think it was
either maybe it was even twodays later, you brought it up.
And you're like, you know, bythe way that on Tuesday or
Monday or whatever it was wassuper helpful. And I hadn't
thought much of it. Yeah. And sothat was that was one that that
(08:45):
sticks out to me. And there'ssome bigger ones where, you
know, I think of the trips thatwe've taken, and I think about
even going back east to see mymom with my brother. And I think
in some smaller conversations. Ifeel appreciated by you in the
context of talking about thoseemotions and all of that going
(09:09):
on. As we said before thepockets my dad passed away in
January. Families are complex.
There's a lot of differentthings going on. And it was just
an emotional weekend with mybrother older brother Todd men,
my mom overwhelmingly great, buta lot. It's a weird thing to
point to but I did feelappreciated in some of our
conversations on the after withyou. Yeah, yeah, I'm glad
Unknown (09:36):
about Carlsbad. Well, Carlsbad is
Stacey Upton (09:39):
beautiful and it's quite a bit warmer there than it
is here. So watersports weremore accessible. A lot of fun.
We went kayaking,paddleboarding, and we did a
mystery picnic. Oh, if anybodyever has the opportunity to do
that, I encourage you to do it.
Google it. It's a scam In yourhunt, of sorts, and you bring
(10:00):
your own bag to carry the foodthat you pick up, you solve
little puzzles, and it leads youto the next shop or restaurant
and whatever it might be, andyou pick up components for a
meal, and then it takes you to aspot for a picnic, and it is so
much fun.
Brian Upton (10:23):
You've been giving those out as gifts.
Stacey Upton (10:24):
I know I have, maybe we should ask them to be a
sponsor.
Brian Upton (10:28):
I don't even know what the name of the company is
amazing. CO boom, they're asponsor?
Stacey Upton (10:32):
Maybe. So we'll have to see.
Brian Upton (10:35):
After the first do we get both ways? I think we got
it covered, right? Yes, we did.
So want to talk a little bitabout the Not to belabor it, but
the podcast has moved on. And wequalified through Apple and
Buzzsprout, who's our server formonetized ads, which will drop
in I think we kind of have towarn people not warn them so
(10:56):
much. But explain when they hearthis, because we don't have
control over that as much. Weapprove the ads that we do that
when they're good fits for thepodcast. But once they're
approved, they use an algorithmto drop a 32nd ad into our show.
And it's monetized on the otherside. And we only say that
(11:17):
because it might seem strangeafter listening to the podcast
for seven or eight episodes. Andso I'm going to play the song
that will play when the adscoming because I think you and I
decided we're not going to usevoices, it's just going to play
this song, which I hope we canhear. Is it
Stacey Upton (11:41):
there you go. And then it'll play an ad
Brian Upton (11:42):
15 seconds or a 32nd ad that we've approved. And
it's kind of you know, it'stheir simple little ads, like
the one we chose this week isreality life with Casey and
we'll play the ad real quick,just so they can know. Hi, I'm
an unscripted TV expert threetimes a week, and that'll be an
internal play on for 1530seconds. And and so that's just
(12:04):
a little announcement, as far asyou know, things that might be
happening in the podcast thatare something different
Unknown (12:09):
something different.
Stacey Upton (12:18):
Okay, question number two. I don't think I've
asked this before. But you cantell me. What do I do right in
our relationship? Interesting.
Why do you think this is animportant question? Well,
Brian Upton (12:38):
it's actually part of our review today. And I'll
get to that later. Not a bigspoiler. But I think when you're
in a relationship, andparticularly as time goes on,
let me put it this way, when wefirst start dating, and I met
you, there might have been a lotmore open conversations about
(13:00):
things might not have said it inthat term. This is what you do,
right to ask that question. Butyou would have felt that overall
affirmation of some of thethings I would have said to you,
and my gut feeling as as timegoes on kid's life, Brian? I
don't think it said as much.
Stacey Upton (13:21):
Yeah, I think you're right.
Brian Upton (13:23):
I just don't think I think it it fades a little bit
into the sort of ether of Idon't even know why that
happens. Is it? Is it.
complacency?
Stacey Upton (13:37):
Yeah, I think that's a good word for it. I was
gonna say, you know, we takeeach other for granted at times.
Brian Upton (13:46):
For long swaths of time. Yeah,
Stacey Upton (13:48):
and I would say it definitely happened. You know,
when we were really in, in thegrunt work of, of raising kids.
And there are phases, or seasonsin, in our lives together, where
things are just harder,stressful, you know, my dad was
(14:12):
ill and, and died of COVID. Andthat was a really hard time. And
just the aftermath of it. It wasreally long and drawn out those.
It was a hard time. So verylikely, I didn't mention
anything of what you did, right?
I have no idea because it's kindof a blur. And then when your
dad passed another season, thatwas really stressful.
Brian Upton (14:38):
I lean towards the thought of my everyday life. And
how much more inclined I wouldbe to tell nearly a perfect
stranger, a compliment orsomething they might be doing
right or a business associate.
Right. Then my own one even. Andfor that matter, to be honest
(15:02):
raising kids, it's probably notthe correct percentage overall
of reaffirmation of what theymight be doing right? The
grounding or something like thatmight really elevate a 30 day
grounding, for instance, meaninghow you were delegating,
parenting, parenting and emotingin emoting that, that almost
(15:25):
like this little soundboard wehave right now. So the rights
might be a one, two or threevolume, but the wrongs, maybe we
played like an eight or a nine,and it comes in very loud and
hard. And that's, that's sort ofmemorable. And it's always I'm
getting into the high weedshere. But it's where it's where
I take that question is, I'mgoing to answer it, but right
(15:47):
now I'm starting to think aboutshit. I'm probably much nicer
overall, with that particularcategory to randoms, that I
would have been or are to you.
Stacey Upton (16:02):
Well, I wouldn't say that you're not nice, but I
definitely understand whatyou're saying.
Brian Upton (16:08):
I mean, on this question, yeah, this question
where you kind of do those extra367 words put together the right
way to make somebody feel likethey did something, right. Yes.
It's a huge difference. Thisdirect question is much
different than Thanks, Babe fordinner, or Yeah, that was a
great, that's much different.
Because what this question askedis like, tell me a little more
(16:28):
about why that was? Why was thatgreat? Yes. What was great about
that? And what do I then youknow, if this question was, what
do I do most right.
Stacey Upton (16:39):
Now, it's, what do I do? Right in our relationship?
Brian Upton (16:44):
I guess it's time to answer it. I think what you
do most, right, in ourrelationship, is you
quarterback, the directcommunication for you and I
(17:07):
unlikely for our family. You arethe we talked about a little
bit, either last podcast or theone before and it's not
repeating it? It's not the samequestion all but what I think
I've given you complimentsbefore on is your ability to
communicate, and not ability asmuch as your commitment to do
(17:29):
it. And you might run intowalls. And that's where we got
into it last week, which was thename of the episode, which is,
you know, we were slowprocessor. I'm just pissed. But
even in slow processing, you'retrying to communicate and get
people to communicate theirfeelings? Yeah. So I would say
(17:50):
overwhelmingly, you know, if onecomes to my head, that is one
thing you do. That's right.
Stacey Upton (17:58):
That's really kind. Thank you.
Brian Upton (18:01):
So I checked two boxes there.
Unknown (18:02):
Yeah, you did.
Brian Upton (18:04):
I told you what you do. Right. And I don't even
know. But so I feel appreciated.
Stacey Upton (18:09):
Monitor roll? You are. So for my answer, I want to
say my answer, but then I wantto go back to something you were
saying before about howsometimes when we're parenting,
we focus on the negative morethan the positive. Right? Okay,
so my answer? My answer is, whatyou do right. In our
(18:37):
relationship is more about whatyou do. Right? And how you live
your life. And what I see is youlike to use the term front face.
Yeah. And so what that reallymeans is, you like to address
something head on in the momentwhen it's time.
Brian Upton (19:02):
So we like the same thing about each other. I guess
I'm a little bit.
Stacey Upton (19:07):
I wouldn't say that it could because sometimes.
I don't know that. When youcommunicate it. It's always
smooth. Oh, me. We are sayingthe same thing, aren't we?
Brian Upton (19:21):
And I'm surprised.
Yeah, I'm sure we don't feelthat at all overwhelmingly about
myself.
Stacey Upton (19:28):
It's been you've been spot on with this,
especially recently. No, I
Brian Upton (19:32):
agree with that. I agree with agree with that. As
far as the trend. I'm like, it'shard not to think of your entire
life. On whole.
Stacey Upton (19:42):
Yeah, maybe? Well, I mean, it doesn't say that we I
can't focus on something that'shappening now as opposed to our
over our whole relationship. Inthe
Brian Upton (19:50):
end. It's your answer.
Stacey Upton (19:51):
It is my answer.
I'm just surprised by and that's
Unknown (19:54):
good. Yeah. Well, I
Stacey Upton (19:55):
think I think I have mentioned I really am
impressed by some Have the hardconversations that you've had
with people that they're hardconversations to have. And you
do it in a very kind way.
Brian Upton (20:12):
And I would make the argument because of possibly
a lot of the things we havereferenced is, I have an easier
time out there. I'm better at itout there than I am in here.
Nothing I'm, I think I probablycome off sometimes, like, I'm
just horrible about all thishere. It's just, it's a, we're
more of a work in progress. Andhere, those objects are closer
(20:35):
than they appear. And I'm not asskilled within our relationship
as I am in a business meeting,or in a in a debate about
politics or sports or somethinglike that.
Stacey Upton (20:46):
Yeah. Well, there's probably more to lose
here than there. You could thinkof it that way.
Unknown (20:52):
That's true. Yeah, yeah. And some,
Stacey Upton (20:54):
some couples might feel differently. Like they have
more to lose in a businessrelationship than in their
partner of their relationshipwith their partner. And so the I
don't know. It's interesting howwe we've we find our safe
(21:18):
places, to be frank and honest.
And there are other places inour life that it doesn't feel as
safe. I want to get back to thepart I wanted to mention. So
when you were talking aboutparenting, it reminded me of the
fact that there is a lot ofresearch and literature that
supports particularly inparenting and trying to help
(21:41):
shape a child's behavior,especially a young child, that
focusing on the positive is farmore effective than the
negative.
Brian Upton (21:49):
Interesting. Yeah, and it just makes it's common
sense. But it's so hard to getto it.
Stacey Upton (21:54):
It is yeah. It's very true. Hold on, okay. This
is so sad.
Brian Upton (22:08):
Just just absorb it. Live in. Beautiful.
Stacey Upton (22:17):
Do you want to explain why I'm sad?
Brian Upton (22:19):
First, I just want to kind of let this wash over
me. Chills. Lion King. Yeah, SanJose Performing Arts Center,
traveling show of the Broadwayproduction of Lion King. And we
had tickets and Tuesday night.
Just do it just pull the bandaid
Stacey Upton (22:39):
we forgot. And we didn't go.
Brian Upton (22:43):
And we forgot until 9am The next morning.
Stacey Upton (22:46):
Yeah, and I didn't remember at all. You brought it
up. I don't know if I ever wouldhave thought of it again.
Brian Upton (22:53):
Luckily, they were cheap tickets. Yeah, could have
been worse. The ones I had myeye on were 220 each one you had
a friend send you a link so weonly got hit for I think 138
bucks total with the fees andstuff. But oh, that's 100 We
could not have been more
Stacey Upton (23:08):
excited. We were super excited. That was like
Taylor's first movie, Disneymovie that she just adored.
Brian Upton (23:21):
Yeah, I think it was the first like the first now
they all make you cry now. Now acartoon and I'm sure I'm gonna
get you know, there's adifferent way to look at this
but I think that was one of thefirst cartoon movies where it
kind of emotionally pulled yourheartstrings with talking
animals animated. Yeah, whichseems like a huge region up and
(23:43):
I'm sure we'll go backwards onthis like once before that that
you know, the Fox and the Houndcan make you cry and so again
isolated but of that new sort ofDisney mega production that one
stuck home and it was Taylor'sfirst sort of big
Stacey Upton (23:59):
oh she watched it over and over and over again.
Well that was unfortunate
Brian Upton (24:06):
transition to the next you'll like this listen
this from a little bit
Stacey Upton (24:16):
like it I like it a lot
Brian Upton (24:29):
symphonic version and right into the old one two
is this just number two?
Stacey Upton (24:45):
No, we're on number three. We're at the
closest version now.
Brian Upton (24:51):
While we're moving right along.
Stacey Upton (24:52):
I'm healing hearing music still.
Brian Upton (24:54):
Well, it's because it's haha. Of course it's
always there. No matter how hardI think about it like right now
about thinking Think about itnow, but think about it.
Stacey Upton (25:02):
Oh my gosh, it's like you have magic powers
thinking about it as yourquestion. I think this is an
interesting question. Do youfeel like I listened to you,
when you're speaking with me?
Brian Upton (25:21):
During this podcast, yes.
Stacey Upton (25:25):
Okay, what about other times?
Brian Upton (25:28):
Now I get tuned out a lot. Yeah, yeah, I get I get
tuned out a lot. And Iunderstand why. Because of the
nature 32 years times. AsTaylor's artist says, The Big
Dick energy of all the,basically, I get on a topic and
(25:48):
I come very, you know, strong,come strongly, they come with a
ton of emotion. And, and I getthat part of it. So I would say
on the course of a daily event,tuned out a lot, the phones
don't help scrolling on thephone can get really you can get
a little bit into his own there.
So this podcast is great, longdrives across the Arizona desert
(26:12):
to have overall. You know, it's,it's good. I think my overall
rating would be, you know, aboveaverage, decent to Above
Average.
Stacey Upton (26:28):
Okay. I think that's fair. Yeah, I know, I
pulled this card. And I thoughton I want to ask that, right.
Sorry. No, it's not great. Butit's a wonderful opportunity to
reflect on what's going on.
Because yeah, there are timesthat I am consciously aware, I
(26:48):
am tuning you out. And it's notcool.
Brian Upton (26:54):
Yeah, but I think for me, I'm better than I used
to be. I'm learning but I thinkmy general style of talking we,
we've hit it a few times is it'soverwhelming. And
Stacey Upton (27:11):
it can be not always, but it can be at time,
right.
Brian Upton (27:16):
And also, I do think we're coming of an age
where you're definitely withAinsley and tailor in our
parenting style on hold on holdnot hold on whole, is one where
we really push the girls to notdefer to the man in the room as
(27:40):
far as the bully pulpit kind ofconcept. And we've pushed
against the patriarchy withoutbeing I think, overwhelmingly
obvious about it. And so onepart of that, and I'm very aware
of it is, when I'm on my rant,that's just a dude, like shoving
his thoughts down the pipe. YouI mean, and so I'm aware of
(28:03):
that. And I think that's why Iunderstand sometimes I'm talking
to myself when I'm right. Goingoff.
Stacey Upton (28:11):
And I think sometimes we do that. Yeah, but
I probably can do better. Imean, there, I actually, more
recently, have really made aneffort to stop what I'm doing,
and turn around and look at you,and listen to what you're
(28:33):
saying. Because sometimes, Idon't always know if it's
something that maybe you'veshared before. It's just a
fleeting thought, or is thissomething that that's really
important to listen to? Right,like conversation in the hot tub
today? That was, I'm so glad Iactually left my desk and went
(28:57):
out to the hot tub and wasengaged in talking to you
because I learned a lot aboutyour day that I had no idea was
going to
Brian Upton (29:03):
know where to go in the hot tub. I guess that's
true. But it's like the dry bar.
It's like this podcast, I thinkit's one of the reasons I'm more
and more looking forward to thepodcast each week is other than
me putting some music on andyou're looking at a text right
now.
Stacey Upton (29:20):
There's looking at the cardio and choking. The
Brian Upton (29:24):
it's that sort of moment where you have 96% of the
attention of the other person.
And the rest of the week is justnot like this.
Stacey Upton (29:33):
No, it's so true.
It's impossible to be actuallyif if I were fully engaged with
you every minute when youentered that front door. would
that even be okay? I think thatmight
Brian Upton (29:55):
ask you asking me if when I walked in the door
captivated attention.
Stacey Upton (30:05):
Yeah, hanging on your every word. Yes. That
wouldn't be annoying. No.
It would be for me.
Brian Upton (30:15):
It would be a little much it would be it would
be a little much. I think it's,as always, it's somewhere in the
middle of all of this, you know,the the answer some of the
middle. Before you get to yourquestion, I think expounding on
this. I think we had one otherquestion that felt like a quick
answer. It was a very quickanswer. But we decided the
(30:39):
levels of the level ofimportance of that single
question in the context of along term relationship was
astronomical. This question is asimple one. Yeah. And we're
getting to not we're not doingquick answers. Now we did that.
We dig up mine a little bit. ButI think if this was the question
(31:02):
that people really thoughtabout, in the context of day to
day relationships, it'd beincredibly, incredibly helpful.
Listening. Okay, kidding. Focuslistening, it would probably be
the it's a top two or threereason people break up, I bet.
(31:22):
Yeah, absolutely. Not feelingheard.
Stacey Upton (31:25):
Not feeling heard.
And you know, listening is askill. And it really goes along
with feeling, what was thequestion we had earlier? What do
I do right now what what makesyou feel appreciated, if you are
actually listening, that initself can help somebody feel
(31:48):
appreciated you are, you arepausing, whatever is going on
for you, and taking in what'sgoing on for them.
Brian Upton (32:00):
And we're desperate for that. Think about a
traditional dinner conversation,you're just sort of waiting for
your shot, you're just kind oflike hovering over the
conversation. And when you do onthat spot for a little bit. Most
people if they're being veryhonest about it, they really
relish it, they relish thatmoment, they've got to kind of
forget, it's the same reason welike to push our music on to
(32:21):
other people, like we want themto like what we like we we want
to feel validated. We do want tofeel validated. And I think that
that gets to the heart of thisquestion is, you know, if I'm
sorry, no, I was just gonna sayif you don't feel listened to
it's beginnings of letting go ofthe rope in a lot of ways of the
(32:44):
relationship
Stacey Upton (32:45):
it developed, it could actually lead to not only
not feeling loved, or respectedor appreciated, but probably
start to build resentment.
Brian Upton (32:57):
Well, not probably.
Stacey Upton (32:58):
Yeah, you're right.
Brian Upton (32:59):
I guess there's some unicorn kind of
relationship out there. But it'snot a probably it feels like
that would be the, you know, thecatalyst for the end. Yeah. What
do you got?
Stacey Upton (33:11):
Well, you said something that reminded me, I
was looking through my fiveminute journal, and then your
back pocket. I had it in my lap,because I wanted, I wanted to
see if I could find a quote,that was great. And I remembered
I saw this earlier. This is byMother Teresa. It's really spot
on.
Brian Upton (33:29):
When a mother treats quote out of your ass.
That's never been said before.
And
Stacey Upton (33:34):
strictly not.
There is more hunger for loveand appreciation in the world
than for bread.
Brian Upton (33:42):
Can you say that again? I wasn't listening to
you. And that that, how on pointis that? How did did? Did you?
How did you find that just now?
How do you know before
Stacey Upton (33:55):
we started the podcast, I just started flipping
through a few pages trying tosee is there something here that
I might like to share on thepodcast and I saw that one. And
then listening to you what yousaid I'm like, Oh, my goodness,
this is perfect. So I found
Brian Upton (34:09):
it. Amazing. It's really good. Then did we get did
not answer you did not answer?
Do you
Stacey Upton (34:15):
feel like I listened to you when you were
speaking to me? So this is youasking me?
Brian Upton (34:20):
Do you feel like you? I'm listening to you when
you're speaking?
Stacey Upton (34:27):
Usually? Not always. But usually. And just
like you said earlier, sometimesyou're scrolling on your phone,
and it's kind of like the yeah,uh huh. Yeah. Which is fine.
Because I recognize I do thesame thing. But for the most
part, yeah, I think you listento me. You actually surprise me.
(34:48):
Sometimes you'll bring somethingup that I said days ago and I'm
like, oh, yeah, you're right.
Brian Upton (34:55):
And better. I will tell you this in our
relationship, that for a millionDifferent reasons, probably
comes back to processing, I ambetter at looking at, say, a
giant squat on my phone andstaying connected to the pace of
a conversation than you, whetherit be a show or whatever it
might be. I think a lot of thosethings with the nature of the
(35:17):
kind of processor you are, itcan throw off the pattern of it,
for me is confounding to yousometimes, because the
conversations to me are aathletic event, right? You know
that, that it, I can seesomething, even respond to an
email and still sort of becarrying it. But that's probably
(35:38):
fair. And I think my one truthwould be that I've always found
interest in everything you'redoing, I think it becomes my new
sort of hobby to understand it,maybe it's teaching yoga, maybe
it's being a personal trainer atthe YMCA social worker was
fascinating to me, I couldn'tget enough of it. Now we have
(35:59):
this commonality of basically,not only what I'm doing now, but
what I've mostly done my wholelife, which is administrative
work. And we have this hugecommonality now with you. In to
be brutally honest, it's it'sadded a lot of cards to the deck
of our conversations, having abullshit commonality in managing
(36:23):
people and situations because Idon't have the answers. But I
have references to my ownexperience.
Stacey Upton (36:31):
And I've been I've been enjoying that. Having that
commonality that we didn'tnecessarily have before.
Brian Upton (36:37):
I think honestly, before I can be wrong on this, I
have to ask you this. I thinkbefore when I would have
conversations, like twodifferent languages sometimes
before when I'd haveconversations that I would use,
say, admin or managementtechniques, or conversations and
ours, even relating to the kids,it was even met possibly with a
(36:59):
little resentment likeauthoritive authoritive
resentment, like a little bit.
And now once you're in theposition of there's there's a
huge commonality now betweenbeing on the other side of
having that similar scope ofwork, if that makes
Stacey Upton (37:17):
sense. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you're probably right withthat.
Brian Upton (37:20):
Yeah. You ready to do our review?
Stacey Upton (37:25):
Sure. I don't know what we're reviewing yet.
Brian Upton (37:27):
It's going to be simple. I don't have any playing
music. But we're going to reviewcouples therapy on Showtime, oh,
three seasons, maybe four. Butthree seasons. I think we just
watched the end of season three.
And just likeonly murders in the building
last week. I think it's fair theway we do this one. I know
people get really into thedetails of which season which
(37:47):
episode. But I think for thepurpose of what we do, we'll
just review the whole frickinshow and tell them where it's
streaming. And for like we didlast week, I'll quickly talk
about it. Okay, couples therapyis a documentary series falling
for couples as they seek thehelp of psycho analysts, Dr.
Orna. Girl, I haven't seen anygirl link girl group clinic with
(38:10):
their troubled relationships.
That's really all you need tosay about it. It's a it's a 10
episode series for separatecouples, and it's little
vignettes from their therapysessions.
Stacey Upton (38:26):
And sometimes within their homes, sometimes in
their
Brian Upton (38:29):
homes during that was during COVID only. Yes, that
was that season we watched waswhen she was doing it via zoom.
Stacey Upton (38:36):
That's right.
Well, no, even just now the onewe watched where they show very
short shots of them in theirhome.
Brian Upton (38:46):
Sorry, the doctors not in their home this the
couples that come in? Yeah,absolutely. And even they're
even out in public. It's sort ofyou get a feel for the couples
their body language at homeworking, you know, being around
the kids and or not and walkingthrough, you know, the park and
things like that. What youreview couples therapy on
Showtime,
Stacey Upton (39:04):
I thought it was really powerful. I enjoyed it
thoroughly. I think the cycletherapist or NA is very good at
what she does. And she also isworking hard in her craft. She
attends peer sessions with othersocial workers and therapists,
(39:27):
whichall therapists should be doing
because you know, you've got tobe sharpening those skills all
the time. No one person knowsall the answers, right? And it's
really it's all about guidingthe clients, through their
trauma, whatever it is they'reworking through, and it's
fascinating to see the defensemechanisms that people put up
(39:52):
even within their ownmarriages right within their
most intimate relationships. Andthen to see how that can be
broken down and the hard workthey really have to do, you have
to have to become so vulnerableand open and some don't make it.
Some don't make it some are notwilling to be vulnerable. I'm
Brian Upton (40:16):
obsessed with that show, I think for the one
particular reason, which is thatI'm very much been not a huge
fan of the concept of therapy,we've gone to a therapist, and
I'm always game for emotionally,I'm game for it. I'm not much
(40:38):
different now than I that I havebeen 1520 30 years ago, but we
went with therapy. I'll behonest with you, I wanted so
much more from it so much more.
And I'll use the word because Idon't see it as a negative word
getting that way. I would havewanted her to manipulate the
conversations more and andcurate the conversations more to
(41:00):
get to an endpoint than thetherapist we had. I watch her
work on the show. And she'sabsolutely a brilliant tactician
of evolving direct conversationsbetween two other people.
Stacey Upton (41:14):
She's very skilled, the one we had was
still working on hercredentials. She wasn't licensed
yet. So she was new. She waslearning
Brian Upton (41:26):
that I didn't enjoy it. I think overall, I just have
a little bit of a maybe we godeeper into that at some other
point. But I just think this onehas made me realize the value of
watching someone work theircraft the way she does. Yeah, so
what's your rating? Oh, how dowe do this? Again, one through
10 tenths of a point masterpiecewould be eight nine or 10.
(41:47):
Mosaic is a no no,
Stacey Upton (41:49):
that's right.
Mosaic. How did I forget thatyou can give it? I'm gonna say
I'm, I'm a pretty generousgrater. I'm going to say 8.8
Brian Upton (42:02):
I'm going way higher, really.
And that's weird for me. BecauseI want to give I always want to
give myself one who gives a shitwho's listening? And everybody
in Venezuela still? Yes, but I'mgonna go 9.3 And I'm gonna give
it our first my first littlewing Michelangelo wing, because
I think it's that good. I thinkI think it's that meaningful
(42:24):
that good for people to checkout that I'd want to give it
that sort of a push and have oneor two people watch it,
especially with the concept ofwhat we're doing here, which is
engaging, trying to be honest,trying to basically kind of peel
the onion a little bit of whatthis is. It would be a nice
addendum to this podcast forpeople to watch on a different
level, but it's in the same sortof vein. Yeah,
Stacey Upton (42:45):
absolutely. I can't say I disagree with you on
that.
Brian Upton (42:49):
Did you ever wonder about what first class on an
airplane on? you've flown firstclass I have now how was that?
Stacey Upton (43:00):
It was wonderful.
Brian Upton (43:02):
But you know what keeps me up at night. Oh, is
what first class on Pan Am wouldbe?
Stacey Upton (43:10):
It must have been spectacular.
Unknown (43:13):
I think it was you were looking at a new way to fly
first class and only pan-am Hasit. If you fly first class
aboard our long reign 747 SPS,you'll be able to stretch out on
our unique sleeper read seatgiving you more room than any
other airline. No matter whatclass you fly clipper economy or
first Panem is going your way.
Brian Upton (43:33):
Bottom line when they come back. When I'll take
you to Maui on Pan Am firstclass Oh, I'm gonna have to
verify this my brother amongst100% that we flew first class on
pan-am to Honolulu for hisgraduation present from UCSC. In
(43:57):
my 21st birthday, that's whenyou wrote to me. That's correct.
But on the way out, we were incoach and we were just kind of
vibing a little bit having agood time and the stewardess
said there was two seats up infirst class and we got champagne
because we were both over of agewe we won the champagne. She had
to guess what the middle mark ofthe trip would be? There was
(44:19):
like, You know what, what wouldbe the exact this he had to
guess on time what the middlemark of the trip would be
because you have all theheadwinds and stuff. And we
guessed it and we want
Stacey Upton (44:28):
it. That's impressive. I thought it was I'm
sure you did.
Brian Upton (44:33):
I have my question.
But I feel like we're also onthe edge of time.
Stacey Upton (44:38):
Where are we at the time? 44
Brian Upton (44:40):
minutes, which is okay,
Stacey Upton (44:43):
I'm interested.
It's a
Brian Upton (44:44):
little bit more than usual as why I will see how
we get through it. Okay.
If you had to name the mostdifficult goodbye you've ever
said what would it be?
Wow, I know I can definitely godo it. And the reason I'm gonna
(45:06):
go is that this one is very rawand very new, but it's not going
to be obvious. It was. It's alittle emotional, and very
surprised that I feel this way.
But the toughest goodbye thatI've had wasn't when my dad died
on the 14th. It was when we werein the car, and he got on the
(45:28):
phone two days after his stroke,and he was still able to talk.
And he was trying so hard. And Ithink when we went through a lot
in those few minutes, and thenwhen we hung up, I think I
turned to you and I knew it was,that was my, that was my, it was
my goodbye. And it was, and Iknew it for some reason, I
Stacey Upton (45:49):
knew that the guy turned to us saying like, it's
over. You did you were soemotional.
Brian Upton (45:54):
Yeah. And that was, I'm not. I'm not I don't take
pride in not crying or orholding it in. I don't feel that
way. Like, you know, if I see acommercial, if I see a movie,
I'm not going to be one of thosepeople, but I'm not going to
hold it back. If I if I'mcrying. You know, I mean, I just
don't do it a lot. You know, Ithink I'm processing but that
(46:16):
one hit me like a freight train.
And it was a weird thing to saybecause it's not officially a
goodbye. But in my mind. I didsay I I think I turned to you.
And and I think we had hopeafter that. But for me that was
I keep on referring back. Likewhen people ask how I'm doing. I
think that was the day I startedgrieving.
Stacey Upton (46:38):
Yeah, you did. And I think it was because your dad
didn't sound like your dad. Andyou You knew it was it was such
a more serious stroke than theone he'd had 10 years earlier.
Brian Upton (46:54):
Exactly. Exactly.
And it was. And there was somedesperation in his put it it was
very hard for him to put wordstogether. But there was a
desperation in a you know, therewas almost like a childlike
nature to the speak because ofbecause of the circumstance. But
Stacey Upton (47:15):
it was limited.
And I
Brian Upton (47:16):
didn't think of it as a goodbye until I just heard
this question or thought of thisquestion. So that's my What
about you?
Stacey Upton (47:27):
I'm the hardest goodbye.
Brian Upton (47:34):
If you had the name most difficult goodbyes
difficult.
Stacey Upton (47:43):
You know, I think I want to say it was when my dad
died. It was very hard. But Idon't think I don't know if it
is the winner for this. What isit? Yeah, this is a hard one.
(48:07):
Because say when I say goodbyeto your dad, that was really
hard for me. I yeah, I thinkthat one takes precedence,
actually. And it was different.
I, when I said goodbye, it wasin the hospital room when the
choice had been made to take himoff of life support. Right. And
we you know, of course you don'tknow when it's going to happen
(48:30):
once that has taken place. Andwe were going home for the day
with the intention of goingback. And we didn't see him
again, did we? No, we didn't.
And we thought we were going tobut some I think your mom said
(48:54):
you know, let's just say ourgoodbyes now because, right? We
don't know. And that was veryhard for me. Your dad was he
filled the void. He was a fatherfit. He was the father figure
that I needed that I hadn't had.
Yeah. And that was that was
Brian Upton (49:14):
hard. Yeah, it was it's a kind of surprised we
landed on sort of the samewindow. And the only shocker is
that my goodbye was 11 daysearlier. Yeah, in my own mind,
right. And maybe those 11 daysmade that day, a little bit
more. I hate to use the wordpalpable. Maybe maybe a little
(49:35):
bit more available for you andmy mom and yeah, even been on
the phone with my brother andall the calls we had to make. So
in hindsight, maybe me kind oflike disconnecting in some ways.
instinctually feeling like I wasnever going to talk to him
again. We didn't. We didn't itnever happened again that way so
well, that was that's out of mybook. That's not as fun as they
(49:58):
usually are. But it was that wasgood. I mean it was Is it's good
to, for me to process it thatway. And notch another little
belt in the sort of recoveryprocess.
Stacey Upton (50:09):
Yeah, that so much processing to get really on the
other side of it.
Brian Upton (50:15):
Alright, let's play the game and get out of here. I
need a number and Don't leave mehanging again like last time eat
this or leaving this doesn'tcount.
Stacey Upton (50:26):
Yeah, but we're going to eight. Yep.
Brian Upton (50:28):
Oh this is MGMT kids. We know this one. So 8812
Misery. Okay, it's over andshould be playing
Oh, I got it can I? Well, Ithink
Stacey Upton (50:53):
it's yours. Yeah.
Brian. Yeah. It's actually
Brian Upton (50:56):
a little theme song for leaving Watertown and coming
out to California. That's notreally our theme song but it
works. In hindsight it does isgo so that's gonna see them at
the chase center in October
Stacey Upton (51:10):
long as we don't get COVID again.
Brian Upton (51:12):
It's another concert. Well, we apparently buy
tickets. And don't go to thingswe're in for the dopamine of
spending the money on thetickets and we don't go
Stacey Upton (51:21):
That's embarrassing. I love you. My
Now we're on those are going to be
Stacey Upton (00:09):
welcome to the broken tiles podcast
with Brian and Stacey.
Brian Upton (00:23):
That's us.
Stacey Upton (00:25):
We're back again.
Brian Upton (00:29):
Sort of on time,
Stacey Upton (00:31):
sort of not too far off.
Brian Upton (00:36):
Are you going to be cranky?
Stacey Upton (00:37):
No. I might be. My neck hurts.
Unknown (00:41):
And you're tired. I am.
Stacey Upton (00:44):
But that's okay.
long week. Yeah.
It was a long week. But it'salmost over and we have a fun
weekend ahead of us. You know,had a good week.
Brian Upton (00:56):
He'll Lebron James.
Stacey Upton (01:00):
Oh, I did not know that. Tell me more.
Brian Upton (01:03):
How much do you think you would charge somebody
for a year of playing but no,you don't make let's make it
easier for two years of playingbasketball. What would you feel
comfortable charging somebodyfor that or judging them or
paying them paying them?
Well, you'd be charging them foryour service in the end,
negotiating your fee for playingand they would pay you
Stacey Upton (01:27):
all right. I can't even imagine I know it's going
to be a number. I couldn'tpossibly conceivable blue the
warmer colder game. Okay. 7million. Oh.
Brian Upton (01:40):
North Dakota in February
Stacey Upton (01:44):
10 million. For two years. We're talking two
years.
Brian Upton (01:48):
Yeah. North Dakota in February
Unknown (01:51):
20 million. North
Brian Upton (01:53):
Dakota in February.
Stacey Upton (01:56):
60 million.
Brian Upton (01:59):
Okay, now we are into upstate New York. November
Stacey Upton (02:09):
100.
Brian Upton (02:11):
Now you're hot. Now you're too hot. Now you're the
Bahamas. 100%. Humidity. 100degrees. Okay.
Stacey Upton (02:18):
80.
Brian Upton (02:21):
Super warm.
90 $97.1 million for two yearsof basketball. That's insane.
Stacey Upton (02:29):
I mean, I know the person is super talented. It's
about what we mathlete
Brian Upton (02:35):
landscaping and health educator have the Health
Education Manager.
Stacey Upton (02:39):
No, we don't make that. No. Nowhere near
Brian Upton (02:43):
perspective. Yeah.
Okay. He is really good at whathe does. He is I didn't expect
that this year. I took none.
Stacey Upton (02:55):
wildcards, we are getting down. Hi.
Brian Upton (02:58):
I hope you have a question.
Stacey Upton (02:59):
I do. We're starting with our intelligent
change. Let's get closer gain.
The first level called close.
What is something you would likeus to do together? That we
haven't already? You've
Unknown (03:15):
asked that question.
Man. I told
Stacey Upton (03:17):
you I couldn't tell
Brian Upton (03:18):
you. Oh, that's outrageous, because that was the
salsa dancing.
Stacey Upton (03:23):
Okay, you are your neck sore, tired, cranky off
your game? Well, I did tell youI wasn't certain about these.
This one. I think we may haveasked. Wow. Well, they had
somehow got mixed up. Right. Howhave I changed since we first
met? Did we do that one? Yeah.
All righty. I'm gonna pull fromthe middle.
(03:46):
I think this is new. When wasthe last time I made you feel
appreciated?
Brian Upton (03:55):
Good one. That's a good one. I think we're in a
groove right now broadening itout for a second on the
question, the intention? And whythat question might lead to a
positive conversation for arelationship. Yeah. And so from
a standpoint, I kind of defer toyou on this one, at least to get
(04:16):
the ball rolling on it. Aquestion like that within the
context of a relationship,whether it's asked during a game
or you know, on a couch?
What's your thoughts on that asfar as how that might be
productive?
Stacey Upton (04:31):
Well, I think sometimes we take for granted
thatour partner or whoever were in a
relationship with of any kind,we just take for granted that
they know that we appreciatewhat they do or who they are or
how they behave. And we don'talways say it, we don't always
(04:52):
express it. And it also makes methink about our love languages.
You know, words of affirmation.
certain gifts, touch all ofthose different things tell our
partner or or whoever we're in arelationship with. It expresses
that sense of appreciation. Andagain, we all have different
(05:17):
love languages. So you may beexpressing it in one way, but
they're not reading that, right?
So it's very proactive, I think,if you can intentionally work to
make that other person feelappreciated, and
Brian Upton (05:37):
it's probably not the worst practice to sort of
continue regurgitating orletting kind of float in your
general psyche of the day. Notnecessarily, what are you
looking for? And what were younecessarily, you know, that
you're not overwhelminglylooking for appreciation, you're
(05:57):
not looking for that part of it.
But it might be a decentpractice to use, you know, to
kind of stay connected.
Stacey Upton (06:05):
Yeah, and I mean, if you can really extrapolate a
little bit and, and realize thatfeeling appreciated, feels
loved, right. And that'simportant, right? We have some
clicking going on in thebackground. Zuki is not wanting
to be still
Brian Upton (06:23):
it's a freight train of clicking right now.
Stacey Upton (06:25):
I know when she picked up a toy, and she's being
really playful and puppy.
Brian Upton (06:29):
So when was last time you felt appreciated?
Stacey Upton (06:32):
I thought I asked you first did you answer it?
Brian Upton (06:35):
You know, the drill?
Stacey Upton (06:37):
Oh, do I have to let you think of your answer
Brian Upton (06:39):
when I'm confused.
Stacey Upton (06:40):
Oh, hi. See, I
Brian Upton (06:42):
see. If I've got an answer off the top of my head.
Stacey Upton (06:45):
I can tell you right now. Okay. I felt
appreciated by the fantasticdinner that you made for us
tonight.
Brian Upton (06:52):
That's so you know, I'm not gonna count it. Why?
That because it just happenedlike 13 minutes ago.
Stacey Upton (07:01):
But it did make me feel appreciated.
Brian Upton (07:05):
Now, like goes to the coffee in the morning sort
of vibe, that it all counts.
Stacey Upton (07:11):
It does all count those those little acts of
kindness, see acts of service.
That's my love language. Sothat's why it works for
Brian Upton (07:19):
me. And it is I think I'm making fun of you a
little bit. Because I think oneinstinct is to sometimes
overthink these questions whenthe answer is just sort of like,
what is the answer to that theone where I felt appreciated was
the other day, I think you sortof were in Carlsbad, which we
(07:40):
should do a little catch up onthat Tuesday. That was kind of a
fun trip for you. And I thinkyou got stuck a little bit and
you know, asked for some helpwith something at your office
here. And I just rescheduled themeeting and kind of ran home and
just think just logged on toyour email or something like
that. And it was it was, I thinkyou were thankful that I just
(08:05):
busted over. And you're right,did that little bit of help for
you?
Stacey Upton (08:09):
It was really important at that moment. And it
it was incredibly helpful. Good.
So what did I do that made youfeel appreciated, though? What
did I say? Oh, just
Brian Upton (08:21):
the aftermath of it. I think the next day you
came and went, and there was notmuch to it. But I think it was
either maybe it was even twodays later, you brought it up.
And you're like, you know, bythe way that on Tuesday or
Monday or whatever it was wassuper helpful. And I hadn't
thought much of it. Yeah. And sothat was that was one that that
(08:45):
sticks out to me. And there'ssome bigger ones where, you
know, I think of the trips thatwe've taken, and I think about
even going back east to see mymom with my brother. And I think
in some smaller conversations. Ifeel appreciated by you in the
context of talking about thoseemotions and all of that going
(09:09):
on. As we said before thepockets my dad passed away in
January. Families are complex.
There's a lot of differentthings going on. And it was just
an emotional weekend with mybrother older brother Todd men,
my mom overwhelmingly great, buta lot. It's a weird thing to
point to but I did feelappreciated in some of our
conversations on the after withyou. Yeah, yeah, I'm glad
Unknown (09:36):
about Carlsbad. Well, Carlsbad is
Stacey Upton (09:39):
beautiful and it's quite a bit warmer there than it
is here. So watersports weremore accessible. A lot of fun.
We went kayaking,paddleboarding, and we did a
mystery picnic. Oh, if anybodyever has the opportunity to do
that, I encourage you to do it.
Google it. It's a scam In yourhunt, of sorts, and you bring
(10:00):
your own bag to carry the foodthat you pick up, you solve
little puzzles, and it leads youto the next shop or restaurant
and whatever it might be, andyou pick up components for a
meal, and then it takes you to aspot for a picnic, and it is so
much fun.
Brian Upton (10:23):
You've been giving those out as gifts.
Stacey Upton (10:24):
I know I have, maybe we should ask them to be a
sponsor.
Brian Upton (10:28):
I don't even know what the name of the company is
amazing. CO boom, they're asponsor?
Stacey Upton (10:32):
Maybe. So we'll have to see.
Brian Upton (10:35):
After the first do we get both ways? I think we got
it covered, right? Yes, we did.
So want to talk a little bitabout the Not to belabor it, but
the podcast has moved on. And wequalified through Apple and
Buzzsprout, who's our server formonetized ads, which will drop
in I think we kind of have towarn people not warn them so
(10:56):
much. But explain when they hearthis, because we don't have
control over that as much. Weapprove the ads that we do that
when they're good fits for thepodcast. But once they're
approved, they use an algorithmto drop a 32nd ad into our show.
And it's monetized on the otherside. And we only say that
(11:17):
because it might seem strangeafter listening to the podcast
for seven or eight episodes. Andso I'm going to play the song
that will play when the adscoming because I think you and I
decided we're not going to usevoices, it's just going to play
this song, which I hope we canhear. Is it
Stacey Upton (11:41):
there you go. And then it'll play an ad
Brian Upton (11:42):
15 seconds or a 32nd ad that we've approved. And
it's kind of you know, it'stheir simple little ads, like
the one we chose this week isreality life with Casey and
we'll play the ad real quick,just so they can know. Hi, I'm
an unscripted TV expert threetimes a week, and that'll be an
internal play on for 1530seconds. And and so that's just
(12:04):
a little announcement, as far asyou know, things that might be
happening in the podcast thatare something different
Unknown (12:09):
something different.
Stacey Upton (12:18):
Okay, question number two. I don't think I've
asked this before. But you cantell me. What do I do right in
our relationship? Interesting.
Why do you think this is animportant question? Well,
Brian Upton (12:38):
it's actually part of our review today. And I'll
get to that later. Not a bigspoiler. But I think when you're
in a relationship, andparticularly as time goes on,
let me put it this way, when wefirst start dating, and I met
you, there might have been a lotmore open conversations about
(13:00):
things might not have said it inthat term. This is what you do,
right to ask that question. Butyou would have felt that overall
affirmation of some of thethings I would have said to you,
and my gut feeling as as timegoes on kid's life, Brian? I
don't think it said as much.
Stacey Upton (13:21):
Yeah, I think you're right.
Brian Upton (13:23):
I just don't think I think it it fades a little bit
into the sort of ether of Idon't even know why that
happens. Is it? Is it.
complacency?
Stacey Upton (13:37):
Yeah, I think that's a good word for it. I was
gonna say, you know, we takeeach other for granted at times.
Brian Upton (13:46):
For long swaths of time. Yeah,
Stacey Upton (13:48):
and I would say it definitely happened. You know,
when we were really in, in thegrunt work of, of raising kids.
And there are phases, or seasonsin, in our lives together, where
things are just harder,stressful, you know, my dad was
(14:12):
ill and, and died of COVID. Andthat was a really hard time. And
just the aftermath of it. It wasreally long and drawn out those.
It was a hard time. So verylikely, I didn't mention
anything of what you did, right?
I have no idea because it's kindof a blur. And then when your
dad passed another season, thatwas really stressful.
Brian Upton (14:38):
I lean towards the thought of my everyday life. And
how much more inclined I wouldbe to tell nearly a perfect
stranger, a compliment orsomething they might be doing
right or a business associate.
Right. Then my own one even. Andfor that matter, to be honest
(15:02):
raising kids, it's probably notthe correct percentage overall
of reaffirmation of what theymight be doing right? The
grounding or something like thatmight really elevate a 30 day
grounding, for instance, meaninghow you were delegating,
parenting, parenting and emotingin emoting that, that almost
(15:25):
like this little soundboard wehave right now. So the rights
might be a one, two or threevolume, but the wrongs, maybe we
played like an eight or a nine,and it comes in very loud and
hard. And that's, that's sort ofmemorable. And it's always I'm
getting into the high weedshere. But it's where it's where
I take that question is, I'mgoing to answer it, but right
(15:47):
now I'm starting to think aboutshit. I'm probably much nicer
overall, with that particularcategory to randoms, that I
would have been or are to you.
Stacey Upton (16:02):
Well, I wouldn't say that you're not nice, but I
definitely understand whatyou're saying.
Brian Upton (16:08):
I mean, on this question, yeah, this question
where you kind of do those extra367 words put together the right
way to make somebody feel likethey did something, right. Yes.
It's a huge difference. Thisdirect question is much
different than Thanks, Babe fordinner, or Yeah, that was a
great, that's much different.
Because what this question askedis like, tell me a little more
(16:28):
about why that was? Why was thatgreat? Yes. What was great about
that? And what do I then youknow, if this question was, what
do I do most right.
Stacey Upton (16:39):
Now, it's, what do I do? Right in our relationship?
Brian Upton (16:44):
I guess it's time to answer it. I think what you
do most, right, in ourrelationship, is you
quarterback, the directcommunication for you and I
(17:07):
unlikely for our family. You arethe we talked about a little
bit, either last podcast or theone before and it's not
repeating it? It's not the samequestion all but what I think
I've given you complimentsbefore on is your ability to
communicate, and not ability asmuch as your commitment to do
(17:29):
it. And you might run intowalls. And that's where we got
into it last week, which was thename of the episode, which is,
you know, we were slowprocessor. I'm just pissed. But
even in slow processing, you'retrying to communicate and get
people to communicate theirfeelings? Yeah. So I would say
(17:50):
overwhelmingly, you know, if onecomes to my head, that is one
thing you do. That's right.
Stacey Upton (17:58):
That's really kind. Thank you.
Brian Upton (18:01):
So I checked two boxes there.
Unknown (18:02):
Yeah, you did.
Brian Upton (18:04):
I told you what you do. Right. And I don't even
know. But so I feel appreciated.
Stacey Upton (18:09):
Monitor roll? You are. So for my answer, I want to
say my answer, but then I wantto go back to something you were
saying before about howsometimes when we're parenting,
we focus on the negative morethan the positive. Right? Okay,
so my answer? My answer is, whatyou do right. In our
(18:37):
relationship is more about whatyou do. Right? And how you live
your life. And what I see is youlike to use the term front face.
Yeah. And so what that reallymeans is, you like to address
something head on in the momentwhen it's time.
Brian Upton (19:02):
So we like the same thing about each other. I guess
I'm a little bit.
Stacey Upton (19:07):
I wouldn't say that it could because sometimes.
I don't know that. When youcommunicate it. It's always
smooth. Oh, me. We are sayingthe same thing, aren't we?
Brian Upton (19:21):
And I'm surprised.
Yeah, I'm sure we don't feelthat at all overwhelmingly about
myself.
Stacey Upton (19:28):
It's been you've been spot on with this,
especially recently. No, I
Brian Upton (19:32):
agree with that. I agree with agree with that. As
far as the trend. I'm like, it'shard not to think of your entire
life. On whole.
Stacey Upton (19:42):
Yeah, maybe? Well, I mean, it doesn't say that we I
can't focus on something that'shappening now as opposed to our
over our whole relationship. Inthe
Brian Upton (19:50):
end. It's your answer.
Stacey Upton (19:51):
It is my answer.
I'm just surprised by and that's
Unknown (19:54):
good. Yeah. Well, I
Stacey Upton (19:55):
think I think I have mentioned I really am
impressed by some Have the hardconversations that you've had
with people that they're hardconversations to have. And you
do it in a very kind way.
Brian Upton (20:12):
And I would make the argument because of possibly
a lot of the things we havereferenced is, I have an easier
time out there. I'm better at itout there than I am in here.
Nothing I'm, I think I probablycome off sometimes, like, I'm
just horrible about all thishere. It's just, it's a, we're
more of a work in progress. Andhere, those objects are closer
(20:35):
than they appear. And I'm not asskilled within our relationship
as I am in a business meeting,or in a in a debate about
politics or sports or somethinglike that.
Stacey Upton (20:46):
Yeah. Well, there's probably more to lose
here than there. You could thinkof it that way.
Unknown (20:52):
That's true. Yeah, yeah. And some,
Stacey Upton (20:54):
some couples might feel differently. Like they have
more to lose in a businessrelationship than in their
partner of their relationshipwith their partner. And so the I
don't know. It's interesting howwe we've we find our safe
(21:18):
places, to be frank and honest.
And there are other places inour life that it doesn't feel as
safe. I want to get back to thepart I wanted to mention. So
when you were talking aboutparenting, it reminded me of the
fact that there is a lot ofresearch and literature that
supports particularly inparenting and trying to help
(21:41):
shape a child's behavior,especially a young child, that
focusing on the positive is farmore effective than the
negative.
Brian Upton (21:49):
Interesting. Yeah, and it just makes it's common
sense. But it's so hard to getto it.
Stacey Upton (21:54):
It is yeah. It's very true. Hold on, okay. This
is so sad.
Brian Upton (22:08):
Just just absorb it. Live in. Beautiful.
Stacey Upton (22:17):
Do you want to explain why I'm sad?
Brian Upton (22:19):
First, I just want to kind of let this wash over
me. Chills. Lion King. Yeah, SanJose Performing Arts Center,
traveling show of the Broadwayproduction of Lion King. And we
had tickets and Tuesday night.
Just do it just pull the bandaid
Stacey Upton (22:39):
we forgot. And we didn't go.
Brian Upton (22:43):
And we forgot until 9am The next morning.
Stacey Upton (22:46):
Yeah, and I didn't remember at all. You brought it
up. I don't know if I ever wouldhave thought of it again.
Brian Upton (22:53):
Luckily, they were cheap tickets. Yeah, could have
been worse. The ones I had myeye on were 220 each one you had
a friend send you a link so weonly got hit for I think 138
bucks total with the fees andstuff. But oh, that's 100 We
could not have been more
Stacey Upton (23:08):
excited. We were super excited. That was like
Taylor's first movie, Disneymovie that she just adored.
Brian Upton (23:21):
Yeah, I think it was the first like the first now
they all make you cry now. Now acartoon and I'm sure I'm gonna
get you know, there's adifferent way to look at this
but I think that was one of thefirst cartoon movies where it
kind of emotionally pulled yourheartstrings with talking
animals animated. Yeah, whichseems like a huge region up and
(23:43):
I'm sure we'll go backwards onthis like once before that that
you know, the Fox and the Houndcan make you cry and so again
isolated but of that new sort ofDisney mega production that one
stuck home and it was Taylor'sfirst sort of big
Stacey Upton (23:59):
oh she watched it over and over and over again.
Well that was unfortunate
Brian Upton (24:06):
transition to the next you'll like this listen
this from a little bit
Stacey Upton (24:16):
like it I like it a lot
Brian Upton (24:29):
symphonic version and right into the old one two
is this just number two?
Stacey Upton (24:45):
No, we're on number three. We're at the
closest version now.
Brian Upton (24:51):
While we're moving right along.
Stacey Upton (24:52):
I'm healing hearing music still.
Brian Upton (24:54):
Well, it's because it's haha. Of course it's
always there. No matter how hardI think about it like right now
about thinking Think about itnow, but think about it.
Stacey Upton (25:02):
Oh my gosh, it's like you have magic powers
thinking about it as yourquestion. I think this is an
interesting question. Do youfeel like I listened to you,
when you're speaking with me?
Brian Upton (25:21):
During this podcast, yes.
Stacey Upton (25:25):
Okay, what about other times?
Brian Upton (25:28):
Now I get tuned out a lot. Yeah, yeah, I get I get
tuned out a lot. And Iunderstand why. Because of the
nature 32 years times. AsTaylor's artist says, The Big
Dick energy of all the,basically, I get on a topic and
(25:48):
I come very, you know, strong,come strongly, they come with a
ton of emotion. And, and I getthat part of it. So I would say
on the course of a daily event,tuned out a lot, the phones
don't help scrolling on thephone can get really you can get
a little bit into his own there.
So this podcast is great, longdrives across the Arizona desert
(26:12):
to have overall. You know, it's,it's good. I think my overall
rating would be, you know, aboveaverage, decent to Above
Average.
Stacey Upton (26:28):
Okay. I think that's fair. Yeah, I know, I
pulled this card. And I thoughton I want to ask that, right.
Sorry. No, it's not great. Butit's a wonderful opportunity to
reflect on what's going on.
Because yeah, there are timesthat I am consciously aware, I
(26:48):
am tuning you out. And it's notcool.
Brian Upton (26:54):
Yeah, but I think for me, I'm better than I used
to be. I'm learning but I thinkmy general style of talking we,
we've hit it a few times is it'soverwhelming. And
Stacey Upton (27:11):
it can be not always, but it can be at time,
right.
Brian Upton (27:16):
And also, I do think we're coming of an age
where you're definitely withAinsley and tailor in our
parenting style on hold on holdnot hold on whole, is one where
we really push the girls to notdefer to the man in the room as
(27:40):
far as the bully pulpit kind ofconcept. And we've pushed
against the patriarchy withoutbeing I think, overwhelmingly
obvious about it. And so onepart of that, and I'm very aware
of it is, when I'm on my rant,that's just a dude, like shoving
his thoughts down the pipe. YouI mean, and so I'm aware of
(28:03):
that. And I think that's why Iunderstand sometimes I'm talking
to myself when I'm right. Goingoff.
Stacey Upton (28:11):
And I think sometimes we do that. Yeah, but
I probably can do better. Imean, there, I actually, more
recently, have really made aneffort to stop what I'm doing,
and turn around and look at you,and listen to what you're
(28:33):
saying. Because sometimes, Idon't always know if it's
something that maybe you'veshared before. It's just a
fleeting thought, or is thissomething that that's really
important to listen to? Right,like conversation in the hot tub
today? That was, I'm so glad Iactually left my desk and went
(28:57):
out to the hot tub and wasengaged in talking to you
because I learned a lot aboutyour day that I had no idea was
going to
Brian Upton (29:03):
know where to go in the hot tub. I guess that's
true. But it's like the dry bar.
It's like this podcast, I thinkit's one of the reasons I'm more
and more looking forward to thepodcast each week is other than
me putting some music on andyou're looking at a text right
now.
Stacey Upton (29:20):
There's looking at the cardio and choking. The
Brian Upton (29:24):
it's that sort of moment where you have 96% of the
attention of the other person.
And the rest of the week is justnot like this.
Stacey Upton (29:33):
No, it's so true.
It's impossible to be actuallyif if I were fully engaged with
you every minute when youentered that front door. would
that even be okay? I think thatmight
Brian Upton (29:55):
ask you asking me if when I walked in the door
captivated attention.
Stacey Upton (30:05):
Yeah, hanging on your every word. Yes. That
wouldn't be annoying. No.
It would be for me.
Brian Upton (30:15):
It would be a little much it would be it would
be a little much. I think it's,as always, it's somewhere in the
middle of all of this, you know,the the answer some of the
middle. Before you get to yourquestion, I think expounding on
this. I think we had one otherquestion that felt like a quick
answer. It was a very quickanswer. But we decided the
(30:39):
levels of the level ofimportance of that single
question in the context of along term relationship was
astronomical. This question is asimple one. Yeah. And we're
getting to not we're not doingquick answers. Now we did that.
We dig up mine a little bit. ButI think if this was the question
(31:02):
that people really thoughtabout, in the context of day to
day relationships, it'd beincredibly, incredibly helpful.
Listening. Okay, kidding. Focuslistening, it would probably be
the it's a top two or threereason people break up, I bet.
(31:22):
Yeah, absolutely. Not feelingheard.
Stacey Upton (31:25):
Not feeling heard.
And you know, listening is askill. And it really goes along
with feeling, what was thequestion we had earlier? What do
I do right now what what makesyou feel appreciated, if you are
actually listening, that initself can help somebody feel
(31:48):
appreciated you are, you arepausing, whatever is going on
for you, and taking in what'sgoing on for them.
Brian Upton (32:00):
And we're desperate for that. Think about a
traditional dinner conversation,you're just sort of waiting for
your shot, you're just kind oflike hovering over the
conversation. And when you do onthat spot for a little bit. Most
people if they're being veryhonest about it, they really
relish it, they relish thatmoment, they've got to kind of
forget, it's the same reason welike to push our music on to
(32:21):
other people, like we want themto like what we like we we want
to feel validated. We do want tofeel validated. And I think that
that gets to the heart of thisquestion is, you know, if I'm
sorry, no, I was just gonna sayif you don't feel listened to
it's beginnings of letting go ofthe rope in a lot of ways of the
(32:44):
relationship
Stacey Upton (32:45):
it developed, it could actually lead to not only
not feeling loved, or respectedor appreciated, but probably
start to build resentment.
Brian Upton (32:57):
Well, not probably.
Stacey Upton (32:58):
Yeah, you're right.
Brian Upton (32:59):
I guess there's some unicorn kind of
relationship out there. But it'snot a probably it feels like
that would be the, you know, thecatalyst for the end. Yeah. What
do you got?
Stacey Upton (33:11):
Well, you said something that reminded me, I
was looking through my fiveminute journal, and then your
back pocket. I had it in my lap,because I wanted, I wanted to
see if I could find a quote,that was great. And I remembered
I saw this earlier. This is byMother Teresa. It's really spot
on.
Brian Upton (33:29):
When a mother treats quote out of your ass.
That's never been said before.
And
Stacey Upton (33:34):
strictly not.
There is more hunger for loveand appreciation in the world
than for bread.
Brian Upton (33:42):
Can you say that again? I wasn't listening to
you. And that that, how on pointis that? How did did? Did you?
How did you find that just now?
How do you know before
Stacey Upton (33:55):
we started the podcast, I just started flipping
through a few pages trying tosee is there something here that
I might like to share on thepodcast and I saw that one. And
then listening to you what yousaid I'm like, Oh, my goodness,
this is perfect. So I found
Brian Upton (34:09):
it. Amazing. It's really good. Then did we get did
not answer you did not answer?
Do you
Stacey Upton (34:15):
feel like I listened to you when you were
speaking to me? So this is youasking me?
Brian Upton (34:20):
Do you feel like you? I'm listening to you when
you're speaking?
Stacey Upton (34:27):
Usually? Not always. But usually. And just
like you said earlier, sometimesyou're scrolling on your phone,
and it's kind of like the yeah,uh huh. Yeah. Which is fine.
Because I recognize I do thesame thing. But for the most
part, yeah, I think you listento me. You actually surprise me.
(34:48):
Sometimes you'll bring somethingup that I said days ago and I'm
like, oh, yeah, you're right.
Brian Upton (34:55):
And better. I will tell you this in our
relationship, that for a millionDifferent reasons, probably
comes back to processing, I ambetter at looking at, say, a
giant squat on my phone andstaying connected to the pace of
a conversation than you, whetherit be a show or whatever it
might be. I think a lot of thosethings with the nature of the
(35:17):
kind of processor you are, itcan throw off the pattern of it,
for me is confounding to yousometimes, because the
conversations to me are aathletic event, right? You know
that, that it, I can seesomething, even respond to an
email and still sort of becarrying it. But that's probably
(35:38):
fair. And I think my one truthwould be that I've always found
interest in everything you'redoing, I think it becomes my new
sort of hobby to understand it,maybe it's teaching yoga, maybe
it's being a personal trainer atthe YMCA social worker was
fascinating to me, I couldn'tget enough of it. Now we have
(35:59):
this commonality of basically,not only what I'm doing now, but
what I've mostly done my wholelife, which is administrative
work. And we have this hugecommonality now with you. In to
be brutally honest, it's it'sadded a lot of cards to the deck
of our conversations, having abullshit commonality in managing
(36:23):
people and situations because Idon't have the answers. But I
have references to my ownexperience.
Stacey Upton (36:31):
And I've been I've been enjoying that. Having that
commonality that we didn'tnecessarily have before.
Brian Upton (36:37):
I think honestly, before I can be wrong on this, I
have to ask you this. I thinkbefore when I would have
conversations, like twodifferent languages sometimes
before when I'd haveconversations that I would use,
say, admin or managementtechniques, or conversations and
ours, even relating to the kids,it was even met possibly with a
(36:59):
little resentment likeauthoritive authoritive
resentment, like a little bit.
And now once you're in theposition of there's there's a
huge commonality now betweenbeing on the other side of
having that similar scope ofwork, if that makes
Stacey Upton (37:17):
sense. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you're probably right withthat.
Brian Upton (37:20):
Yeah. You ready to do our review?
Stacey Upton (37:25):
Sure. I don't know what we're reviewing yet.
Brian Upton (37:27):
It's going to be simple. I don't have any playing
music. But we're going to reviewcouples therapy on Showtime, oh,
three seasons, maybe four. Butthree seasons. I think we just
watched the end of season three.
And just likeonly murders in the building
last week. I think it's fair theway we do this one. I know
people get really into thedetails of which season which
(37:47):
episode. But I think for thepurpose of what we do, we'll
just review the whole frickinshow and tell them where it's
streaming. And for like we didlast week, I'll quickly talk
about it. Okay, couples therapyis a documentary series falling
for couples as they seek thehelp of psycho analysts, Dr.
Orna. Girl, I haven't seen anygirl link girl group clinic with
(38:10):
their troubled relationships.
That's really all you need tosay about it. It's a it's a 10
episode series for separatecouples, and it's little
vignettes from their therapysessions.
Stacey Upton (38:26):
And sometimes within their homes, sometimes in
their
Brian Upton (38:29):
homes during that was during COVID only. Yes, that
was that season we watched waswhen she was doing it via zoom.
Stacey Upton (38:36):
That's right.
Well, no, even just now the onewe watched where they show very
short shots of them in theirhome.
Brian Upton (38:46):
Sorry, the doctors not in their home this the
couples that come in? Yeah,absolutely. And even they're
even out in public. It's sort ofyou get a feel for the couples
their body language at homeworking, you know, being around
the kids and or not and walkingthrough, you know, the park and
things like that. What youreview couples therapy on
Showtime,
Stacey Upton (39:04):
I thought it was really powerful. I enjoyed it
thoroughly. I think the cycletherapist or NA is very good at
what she does. And she also isworking hard in her craft. She
attends peer sessions with othersocial workers and therapists,
(39:27):
whichall therapists should be doing
because you know, you've got tobe sharpening those skills all
the time. No one person knowsall the answers, right? And it's
really it's all about guidingthe clients, through their
trauma, whatever it is they'reworking through, and it's
fascinating to see the defensemechanisms that people put up
(39:52):
even within their ownmarriages right within their
most intimate relationships. Andthen to see how that can be
broken down and the hard workthey really have to do, you have
to have to become so vulnerableand open and some don't make it.
Some don't make it some are notwilling to be vulnerable. I'm
Brian Upton (40:16):
obsessed with that show, I think for the one
particular reason, which is thatI'm very much been not a huge
fan of the concept of therapy,we've gone to a therapist, and
I'm always game for emotionally,I'm game for it. I'm not much
(40:38):
different now than I that I havebeen 1520 30 years ago, but we
went with therapy. I'll behonest with you, I wanted so
much more from it so much more.
And I'll use the word because Idon't see it as a negative word
getting that way. I would havewanted her to manipulate the
conversations more and andcurate the conversations more to
(41:00):
get to an endpoint than thetherapist we had. I watch her
work on the show. And she'sabsolutely a brilliant tactician
of evolving direct conversationsbetween two other people.
Stacey Upton (41:14):
She's very skilled, the one we had was
still working on hercredentials. She wasn't licensed
yet. So she was new. She waslearning
Brian Upton (41:26):
that I didn't enjoy it. I think overall, I just have
a little bit of a maybe we godeeper into that at some other
point. But I just think this onehas made me realize the value of
watching someone work theircraft the way she does. Yeah, so
what's your rating? Oh, how dowe do this? Again, one through
10 tenths of a point masterpiecewould be eight nine or 10.
(41:47):
Mosaic is a no no,
Stacey Upton (41:49):
that's right.
Mosaic. How did I forget thatyou can give it? I'm gonna say
I'm, I'm a pretty generousgrater. I'm going to say 8.8
Brian Upton (42:02):
I'm going way higher, really.
And that's weird for me. BecauseI want to give I always want to
give myself one who gives a shitwho's listening? And everybody
in Venezuela still? Yes, but I'mgonna go 9.3 And I'm gonna give
it our first my first littlewing Michelangelo wing, because
I think it's that good. I thinkI think it's that meaningful
(42:24):
that good for people to checkout that I'd want to give it
that sort of a push and have oneor two people watch it,
especially with the concept ofwhat we're doing here, which is
engaging, trying to be honest,trying to basically kind of peel
the onion a little bit of whatthis is. It would be a nice
addendum to this podcast forpeople to watch on a different
level, but it's in the same sortof vein. Yeah,
Stacey Upton (42:45):
absolutely. I can't say I disagree with you on
that.
Brian Upton (42:49):
Did you ever wonder about what first class on an
airplane on? you've flown firstclass I have now how was that?
Stacey Upton (43:00):
It was wonderful.
Brian Upton (43:02):
But you know what keeps me up at night. Oh, is
what first class on Pan Am wouldbe?
Stacey Upton (43:10):
It must have been spectacular.
Unknown (43:13):
I think it was you were looking at a new way to fly
first class and only pan-am Hasit. If you fly first class
aboard our long reign 747 SPS,you'll be able to stretch out on
our unique sleeper read seatgiving you more room than any
other airline. No matter whatclass you fly clipper economy or
first Panem is going your way.
Brian Upton (43:33):
Bottom line when they come back. When I'll take
you to Maui on Pan Am firstclass Oh, I'm gonna have to
verify this my brother amongst100% that we flew first class on
pan-am to Honolulu for hisgraduation present from UCSC. In
(43:57):
my 21st birthday, that's whenyou wrote to me. That's correct.
But on the way out, we were incoach and we were just kind of
vibing a little bit having agood time and the stewardess
said there was two seats up infirst class and we got champagne
because we were both over of agewe we won the champagne. She had
to guess what the middle mark ofthe trip would be? There was
(44:19):
like, You know what, what wouldbe the exact this he had to
guess on time what the middlemark of the trip would be
because you have all theheadwinds and stuff. And we
guessed it and we want
Stacey Upton (44:28):
it. That's impressive. I thought it was I'm
sure you did.
Brian Upton (44:33):
I have my question.
But I feel like we're also onthe edge of time.
Stacey Upton (44:38):
Where are we at the time? 44
Brian Upton (44:40):
minutes, which is okay,
Stacey Upton (44:43):
I'm interested.
It's a
Brian Upton (44:44):
little bit more than usual as why I will see how
we get through it. Okay.
If you had to name the mostdifficult goodbye you've ever
said what would it be?
Wow, I know I can definitely godo it. And the reason I'm gonna
(45:06):
go is that this one is very rawand very new, but it's not going
to be obvious. It was. It's alittle emotional, and very
surprised that I feel this way.
But the toughest goodbye thatI've had wasn't when my dad died
on the 14th. It was when we werein the car, and he got on the
(45:28):
phone two days after his stroke,and he was still able to talk.
And he was trying so hard. And Ithink when we went through a lot
in those few minutes, and thenwhen we hung up, I think I
turned to you and I knew it was,that was my, that was my, it was
my goodbye. And it was, and Iknew it for some reason, I
Stacey Upton (45:49):
knew that the guy turned to us saying like, it's
over. You did you were soemotional.
Brian Upton (45:54):
Yeah. And that was, I'm not. I'm not I don't take
pride in not crying or orholding it in. I don't feel that
way. Like, you know, if I see acommercial, if I see a movie,
I'm not going to be one of thosepeople, but I'm not going to
hold it back. If I if I'mcrying. You know, I mean, I just
don't do it a lot. You know, Ithink I'm processing but that
(46:16):
one hit me like a freight train.
And it was a weird thing to saybecause it's not officially a
goodbye. But in my mind. I didsay I I think I turned to you.
And and I think we had hopeafter that. But for me that was
I keep on referring back. Likewhen people ask how I'm doing. I
think that was the day I startedgrieving.
Stacey Upton (46:38):
Yeah, you did. And I think it was because your dad
didn't sound like your dad. Andyou You knew it was it was such
a more serious stroke than theone he'd had 10 years earlier.
Brian Upton (46:54):
Exactly. Exactly.
And it was. And there was somedesperation in his put it it was
very hard for him to put wordstogether. But there was a
desperation in a you know, therewas almost like a childlike
nature to the speak because ofbecause of the circumstance. But
Stacey Upton (47:15):
it was limited.
And I
Brian Upton (47:16):
didn't think of it as a goodbye until I just heard
this question or thought of thisquestion. So that's my What
about you?
Stacey Upton (47:27):
I'm the hardest goodbye.
Brian Upton (47:34):
If you had the name most difficult goodbyes
difficult.
Stacey Upton (47:43):
You know, I think I want to say it was when my dad
died. It was very hard. But Idon't think I don't know if it
is the winner for this. What isit? Yeah, this is a hard one.
(48:07):
Because say when I say goodbyeto your dad, that was really
hard for me. I yeah, I thinkthat one takes precedence,
actually. And it was different.
I, when I said goodbye, it wasin the hospital room when the
choice had been made to take himoff of life support. Right. And
we you know, of course you don'tknow when it's going to happen
(48:30):
once that has taken place. Andwe were going home for the day
with the intention of goingback. And we didn't see him
again, did we? No, we didn't.
And we thought we were going tobut some I think your mom said
(48:54):
you know, let's just say ourgoodbyes now because, right? We
don't know. And that was veryhard for me. Your dad was he
filled the void. He was a fatherfit. He was the father figure
that I needed that I hadn't had.
Yeah. And that was that was
Brian Upton (49:14):
hard. Yeah, it was it's a kind of surprised we
landed on sort of the samewindow. And the only shocker is
that my goodbye was 11 daysearlier. Yeah, in my own mind,
right. And maybe those 11 daysmade that day, a little bit
more. I hate to use the wordpalpable. Maybe maybe a little
(49:35):
bit more available for you andmy mom and yeah, even been on
the phone with my brother andall the calls we had to make. So
in hindsight, maybe me kind oflike disconnecting in some ways.
instinctually feeling like I wasnever going to talk to him
again. We didn't. We didn't itnever happened again that way so
well, that was that's out of mybook. That's not as fun as they
(49:58):
usually are. But it was that wasgood. I mean it was Is it's good
to, for me to process it thatway. And notch another little
belt in the sort of recoveryprocess.
Stacey Upton (50:09):
Yeah, that so much processing to get really on the
other side of it.
Brian Upton (50:15):
Alright, let's play the game and get out of here. I
need a number and Don't leave mehanging again like last time eat
this or leaving this doesn'tcount.
Stacey Upton (50:26):
Yeah, but we're going to eight. Yep.
Brian Upton (50:28):
Oh this is MGMT kids. We know this one. So 8812
Misery. Okay, it's over andshould be playing
Oh, I got it can I? Well, Ithink
Stacey Upton (50:53):
it's yours. Yeah.
Brian. Yeah. It's actually
Brian Upton (50:56):
a little theme song for leaving Watertown and coming
out to California. That's notreally our theme song but it
works. In hindsight it does isgo so that's gonna see them at
the chase center in October
Stacey Upton (51:10):
long as we don't get COVID again.
Brian Upton (51:12):
It's another concert. Well, we apparently buy
tickets. And don't go to thingswe're in for the dopamine of
spending the money on thetickets and we don't go
Stacey Upton (51:21):
That's embarrassing. I love you. My
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