September 17, 2022 • 55 mins
Questions range from what emotion Brian and Stacey would permanently get rid of, things that they would want the other to do more of and if they ever thought of leaving each other.
The Broken Tiles Review: Game of Thrones "House of the Dragon"
Musical Guests : A-Ha / Mac Miller & Post Malone
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Brian Upton (00:05):
All right.
Stacey Upton (00:08):
Welcome
Brian Upton (00:11):
wow this is hichy to the broken
Stacey Upton (00:13):
tiles podcast, the crane and Stacey.
Brian Upton (00:22):
Technical difficulties
Stacey Upton (00:25):
I think we've worked through it
Brian Upton (00:29):
this one happens we don't podcast for two weeks.
We're out of practice all of asudden.
And we've got a burgeoning issuewith our leads on because
somebody's coming to town.
Stacey Upton (00:40):
Yeah, we're gonna have to handle this
Brian Upton (00:43):
to tighten shit up.
Absolutely. Stick Figure SantaCruz catalyst October 5
Wednesday night.
Stacey Upton (00:54):
Here a little excited.
Brian Upton (00:55):
I have my alarm set for tomorrow at 10am presale
goes on.
Stacey Upton (00:59):
Oh gosh. week night concert. Can we handle it?
Brian Upton (01:03):
I need a sip of water.
Stacey Upton (01:04):
Don't drink that.
Brian Upton (01:05):
Why?
Stacey Upton (01:06):
Because I have my Invisalign soaking and
Brian Upton (01:08):
oh, your teeth are soaking in water. I'm sorry, my
fault. I was gonna take a sip ofthat fresh glass of water, but I
realize your teeth are in it.
Stacey Upton (01:16):
It's not my teeth, my Invisalign.
Brian Upton (01:19):
You take your teeth out and put them in water.
Stacey Upton (01:22):
It's probably what it looks like.
Brian Upton (01:25):
I think we have a depressed dog.
Stacey Upton (01:27):
She's so sad at the moment. We do not have a
sofa. Because we gave hours awayas we are expecting a new
underwrite arrive tomorrow.
And the dog is having a problem.
Yeah, that's her spot.
Yeah, well, what was reallyfunny is when she came in from
(01:48):
her walk that I just gave herwhat I like to do if if she has
a ball laying on the front,green the lawn. As we come home,
I unleashed her. And she runsand gets her ball and sprints
all the way back into the housewith the ball. And she
immediately leapt for the couchand it was there and
Brian Upton (02:10):
she bit shit.
Stacey Upton (02:11):
She totally did.
And she just looks very confusedand sad.
Brian Upton (02:16):
I feel like right now there's this so far, this
first two minutes and 22 secondshas been understandably tense.
Awkward. Something's different.
Stacey Upton (02:30):
Why?
Brian Upton (02:31):
You know why?
Stacey Upton (02:32):
I don't know why.
Brian Upton (02:33):
It's tense, awkward and weird. Because you went
speed dating last week.
Stacey Upton (02:37):
I knew you were going to bring this up.
Brian Upton (02:39):
But I think it's well within my right, as a
husband, a dedicated, loyalhusband of 32 years that I maybe
I'm a little bit discombobulatedwith the fact that you went
speed dating on Saturday night.
I'll give you the floor.
Stacey Upton (02:55):
I don't think you're being quite.
Brian Upton (03:00):
I'd like to treat the witnesses hostile.
Stacey Upton (03:04):
Okay, so let's say what really happened. My very
good friend went speeddating
Brian Upton (03:10):
we're running out of time to stay on time for the
podcast. I think we just need toleave
Stacey Upton (03:14):
and she had to single friends that were going
to go with her and they didn'tgo and I I wanted to be able to
be there for her. I wanted herto have the experience because
it was the first time in a verylong time
Brian Upton (03:31):
Are you done?
Stacey Upton (03:33):
I'm done.
Brian Upton (03:34):
I only have one question before we move on to
the next part of this thing.
It's a simple it's actually it'sit's two questions and I don't
want to get crazy with this. Ijust don't I want you to respect
the courtroom. The judge thejury
how many numbers did your friendget after the speed dating
event? Just answer the questionzero through 1 million
Stacey Upton (03:57):
but she got one
Brian Upton (03:57):
just please answer the question
Stacey Upton (03:58):
that one because it was given
Brian Upton (04:01):
no wait a minute that no that she the day she
walked out
Stacey Upton (04:05):
stop trying to obfuscate what the truth is
Brian Upton (04:09):
this is like the going back to our third episode.
This is like Johnny Depp on thestand right? You walked out of
that bar with a number and shedid not
Stacey Upton (04:19):
but it ended up in her hands
Brian Upton (04:28):
tense show
Stacey Upton (04:31):
so we're gonna play our game.
Brian Upton (04:33):
I do want to go over no go after after a little
controversy after our lastepisode. Controversy time banned
in one city, but go ahead. Justask the question.
Stacey Upton (04:44):
I think I know where that's going. So our first
question of the night comes fromour Let's get closer game by
intelligent chains jumping on itearly. Isn't that what that
music is supposed to tell me todo?
Brian Upton (04:58):
It's just a question with transition. was
for questions. Okay, I thoughtyou were doing the full sponsor
commercial.
Stacey Upton (05:03):
What if somebody has never listened to any of our
episodes, and this was the firstone they listened to, oh, gotta
explain what we're doing. Weread questions from this
question game that's made byintelligent change, who is our
sponsor? And we will talk moreabout that later.
Brian Upton (05:21):
That's podcast 101.
Tell him what we're doing.
Stacey Upton (05:24):
So the first level of this game is called close.
And that's what this question isfrom. It's been a while. Are you
ready? What do you wish? I woulddo more of?
Brian Upton (05:53):
Are we going? Can't even remember now where are we
going broad spectrum or justanswering the question then
bringing it broader? As far as
Stacey Upton (06:01):
the kind of gone back and forth?
Brian Upton (06:05):
Let's get to answering the question. What do
I wish you would do? More of?
You might have thrown out alittle bit of a stumper here. Do
you have what do you do? Let'sdo what we usually do default
here. Do you have one that'scoming to your mind?
Stacey Upton (06:25):
Well, it's not very deep. The first thing that
came to my mind, I'm almostembarrassed
Brian Upton (06:32):
to say for you or me.
Stacey Upton (06:35):
I would like you to do more laundry. Oh, that's
that's the first thing that cameto my mind. I could come up with
something else. But this is afamily show. So I can't say I do
laundry
Brian Upton (06:48):
almost every day.
Almost let that one get awaywith that was a good one. That's
our other podcast. That's aftermidnight podcast. The answer to
the question. Yeah, I do laundryalmost every day.
Stacey Upton (07:01):
Well, it's not always everybody's laundry.
Because I do a lot of laundry onthe weekends.
Brian Upton (07:07):
Everybody who's here,
Stacey Upton (07:10):
you and I,
Brian Upton (07:12):
I just want to kind of break this down a little bit.
I wear a pair of jeans. I wear agray shirt. I wear the same
underwear usually two days in arow. Oh, honey, I flip them up
inside out. Sometimes. Butboots, socks, sometimes a hat.
And then everyone's gonna throwa hoodie on. In about every two
(07:33):
days. I'll throw that into thelaundry almost every day,
depending on how I'm working. SoI'm doing laundry every day.
Stacey Upton (07:39):
Yeah, you're washing your clothes every day.
That's right.
Brian Upton (07:43):
So do more laundry.
Stacey Upton (07:46):
That was just the first thing that came to know.
Brian Upton (07:48):
It's all right. I mean, I think that's kind of the
point of it. Is that you? Youkind of throw it right out
there. And I don't know why. Ithink a lot of times I'm a lot
better at the questions that cuta little bit deeper than, you
know, what do I wish you woulddo more of?
Stacey Upton (08:08):
This could be this could be deeper, I gave a non
deep answer. If I were to, oh, Ihave I have a more deep answer.
Keep going? Because I'm stuck.
Okay. What do I wish you woulddo more of? I think it would be
listening as opposed toimmediately problem solving.
Brian Upton (08:31):
Yeah, we've gone over that a little bit. Not in
this question, or maybe not evenin this podcast. But I think
that is a habit of mine, whichis immediately trying to find.
And it does have its momentswhere there's value. I needed it
last night. Yeah. And becausethe time was of the essence,
yeah, to. But what you're sayingis in the context of I think
(08:58):
sometimes the you and I come toa head where and this is one
where we've talked about it alsois that I think about things a
lot. I'm kind of have little cuecards in my head ready for all
conversations. So if somethingcomes up in I'm not asking you
being asked to listen, I'mactually engaged in the
(09:21):
conversation. I think sometimesI might have it on the tip of my
head as far as like you said,maybe maybe an answer for it, or
an answer I fall into even in aglobal conversation, like my
perspective on something. Soyou're saying is they come in
trying to you say the word solvethe problem, or is it just me
(09:43):
giving an opinion?
Stacey Upton (09:47):
Well, I think it could be either or so. I think
what I'm getting at is morelistening and less talking.
Maybe that's a better way to say
Brian Upton (09:56):
and I think that's interesting because I think on A
lot of levels. I'm better atlistening in, like, casual
relationships than I am in mymore intimate relationships.
Stacey Upton (10:12):
Yeah. But I have to say, I think sometimes I
assume you're not listening. Andyou actually are. Sometimes you
are listening when you'reengaged in something different.
And that surprises me.
Brian Upton (10:27):
Right. And I also, it's probably not even a mantle
that I need to carry. But forsome reason in my family
dynamic, it was as the courtjester when I was younger, and I
think there's that I was theantidote for the seven minute
(10:47):
lol in a conversation, they'llare in your family. Yeah. And so
but it's a chore. It's notnecessarily fun. And so maybe
that's, that's a part of it,where
Stacey Upton (10:56):
that really is helpful to me. And I am
surprised I hadn't thought aboutthat. But that absolutely makes
sense.
Brian Upton (11:04):
I think if somebody's confident,
confidently talking to me andconfident in their position, and
are engaged in the conversation,I think I'll make as much room
for them as need be like thispodcast is probably a perfect
example, is that you're bringingit you are talking to me face to
face, eye to eye, and there'santicipated pauses where you
(11:28):
might want to continue or not.
And maybe the struggle is in thereal world. Talking around a
corner, talking from a shower tosomebody that's out there. There
could be some 30 We've used theword before steamrolling,
Stacey Upton (11:42):
you know, yeah.
Yeah, that makes sense. Why doyou think this is a good
question for partners? To ask ofeach other.
Brian Upton (11:56):
But I think we're finding out right now, it's that
depending on how honest you wantto be about it, it can maybe
take some air out of somethingthat would go unsaid.
Stacey Upton (12:06):
Yeah, I would agree. I think,
Brian Upton (12:08):
you know, that could lead to if you feel that
way, if you feel like somebody'snot listening to you, and
they're problem solving youinstead of listening to you,
then that could eventually buildup into a pretty high level of
tension.
Stacey Upton (12:28):
It might Yeah, yeah. What what answer do you
have?
Brian Upton (12:34):
We've brushed on it probably before, I guess, I'm
evolving into the answer being.
I think the only thing that Ithink that's left for me to kind
of want you to see you doingmore of is sort of what I've
seen you doing, I think we'vealluded to it through work and
(12:56):
life and all those things isconfidently sort of just putting
yourself forward. More so youknow, what, it's almost, it's
almost the polar opposite ofwhat we're talking about here,
which is, in maybe this is wherewe'll find a balance in our
relationship is less, less kindof observing, and more engaging.
(13:21):
Yeah, you sit in a room a lot oftimes or even in our
relationship, and you do a lotof quiet observing. And there's
obviously a lot more going on inthere. And it's easier out then
in and I think a little bitwe're sort of stacking onto each
other's question there a littlebit, but I think the the answer
(13:43):
would be a little bit moreengaging than observing.
Stacey Upton (13:53):
I can see why you would say that, I think it what
that brings to mind for me is Iam an introvert and I would say
you are more of an extrovert andso we have different ways of
being in the world. But I haveover time become more
(14:14):
extroverted. It just depends onthe situation the place the
where is my level of confidencein whatever the conversation is
that kind of thing. But yeah, Ican see your point.
Brian Upton (14:30):
I'm gonna write it down. So stop talking and do
laundry.
Stacey Upton (14:36):
Oh, boy, is that
Brian Upton (14:37):
the only two the last podcast was
controversial. We had it as Italked to before the first
question. It was banned and bout200 square foot area of
(14:57):
Watertown, New York.
Stacey Upton (15:03):
Based on the band, the name of the band
Brian Upton (15:08):
that we hosted a ninja sex party, apparently,
yeah,
Stacey Upton (15:11):
that's unfortunate because it was a good episode.
And it had nothing to do withthe ninja sex party. But my mom
didn't listen to it. No, becauseshe didn't want the name of that
to show up on her phoneanywhere.
Brian Upton (15:26):
So as soon as the heat dies down on it, I think
I'll sweet name it episode eightor nine or whatever it was, and
you can listen to this. You canlisten to it, then I'll rename
it back to the ninja sex party.
Well, is this episode 10?
Stacey Upton (15:41):
I don't really know.
Brian Upton (15:42):
I think it's episode 10.
Stacey Upton (15:44):
That sounds about right. Could be
Brian Upton (15:45):
wrong. Alright, bring the question. Okay.
Stacey Upton (15:50):
What? Actually, I kind of feel like maybe we've
had this question before, but Ididn't mark it. So let me know
if you've heard this one before.
What is your dream date for usto have together?
Brian Upton (16:11):
I think that question that was close to that
was something we'd want to dotogether that we haven't done
before. And that one was thesalsa dancing, which we I'll
pause here because I do think Iprobably have an answer for the
other one is the salsa dancingquestion. As I recollect the
(16:32):
humor in that story was thatthree times we signed up for
salsa dancing, and three timeswe have not done it. Now between
the last podcast and this one.
We signed up for yet again.
Western swing.
Stacey Upton (16:47):
Actually, it was night club two step night club,
two
Brian Upton (16:51):
step at the Capitol rec center. And Monday night
came what we do,
Stacey Upton (16:55):
we did not go suck. Well, there was a reason
for that. We were utterlyexhausted. Because why? What did
we do over? Oh, yeah,
Brian Upton (17:07):
that's right.
Capitol art and Wine Festival.
We had the booth down there. Wedid 4am setup worked at the
whole weekend. You were sort ofrunner for the whole weekend. I
stood up for two days. And Ithink by the time Sunday night
came around into Monday, we werebeen Monday night, we were
physically mentally broken. Wewere very wiped out. And we
decided to bump it to anotherclass.
Stacey Upton (17:29):
Yes. So towards the end of October, we will be
doing west coast swing.
Brian Upton (17:35):
All right. So the dream date, the dream date, the
dream date feels like it wouldbe qualify it is the date a
singular event? Or could it beI'm gonna take you on a date,
that's more of that they can'tbe like a vacation or anything.
It's gotta be a date,
Stacey Upton (17:54):
it says date.
Brian Upton (18:00):
How about by this a fun one. Because, again, it's
another little Stickler in yourbrain of something that until
presented, we've had a lot ofgreat dates that I look back on
were could qualify, inhindsight, that we might not
even know going in would havebeen a dream date, I think I'm
(18:23):
going to give the dream datewould be something that is not
so isolated. The dream date issomewhere where there is water,
and it's at a perfect timesunset. And the pace of the
service in the restaurant wouldbe matching the intention of the
(18:44):
date. We've had, we've had acouple of days. And so I'm not
making up a new date, but thatdate that platform for it.
Because those things have tomeet, the service has to meet.
The food has to meet the timingand the pace of the meal. And
that has to meet the element ofthe perfect weather. The sun
going down over water, for me isthe dream date.
Stacey Upton (19:07):
That sounds great.
That I think I may our dreamdate would be a sunset picnic.
Looking out over the EiffelTower.
Brian Upton (19:26):
That's pretty good.
That was the lights come up overParis.
Stacey Upton (19:29):
Yeah. Can we do that someday?
Brian Upton (19:31):
Is that even possible? I don't know. Is there
a spot to sit?
Stacey Upton (19:35):
I imagine there might be
Brian Upton (19:36):
has to be right.
You might have to get outsidethe city a little bit. Not
familiar enough, but you'd haveto get outside the city. So at a
restaurant or just a picnic,
Stacey Upton (19:46):
you said picnic on the ground. On a blanket picnic
Brian Upton (19:50):
in Paris at sunset watching the sun go down, read
Stacey Upton (19:54):
the Eiffel Tower, a baguette and some French wine.
And I don't know what else
Brian Upton (19:58):
and then let the Sound come up? Yeah. I mean, the
the the lights come on lights
Stacey Upton (20:04):
come Yeah,
Brian Upton (20:05):
that's actually pretty good.
Stacey Upton (20:06):
That'd be kind of fun, I think. Yeah. So why is
that important? What's that isquestion? Why would it be
important for people to
Brian Upton (20:18):
quarantine music in the background while we do this?
Give me a second. Just Just gowith it. Oh, that's that's a,
this'll be a quick transition.
That's an obvious one because Ithink a fundamental of you and
I, to a certain extent, and wedrift away from it is that I
think we started early ontalking about the concept of
very dangerous to ever stopdating. Yeah, when you're
(20:41):
married, it's it's part of a, Idon't give out a ton of marriage
advice, because I think it'ssort of transitional and
difficult to do. But that seemslike a bulletproof one I tried
to give to most of my friendsthat if if the conversation
drifts there is it's best tosort of stay in that on your
game focus dating mode. Becausethat kind of that's what got you
(21:07):
there. And that's what engagedyou with somebody. And I think
when you stop thinking that way,you have a chance of slipping
away.
Stacey Upton (21:17):
Yeah, I like that.
And what I'll add is there'sactually research that shows
that couples that have newexperiences together, are more
likely to stay together. Sohaving new experiences creates a
sense of novelty and I thinkvery often human beings if if we
allow ourselves to we can getstuck in a rut, but having those
(21:43):
new experiences or new dates andit doesn't have to be anything
it doesn't have to be Paris, youcould have a picnic, a sunset
picnic anywhere and it would befun. somewhere new, something
you haven't done before. Right?
Those are the things that kindof keep things going along
create more sparks
Brian Upton (22:03):
Yeah. House of the dragon, Game of Thrones house of
the Dragon tells the story of aninternal succession war within
House Targaryen at the height ofits power ascent, 107, two years
before the birth of denariusTargaryen and we're going to do
our review. Pretty dramatic.
Right? Right. Violence,
Stacey Upton (22:31):
lots of sex, nudity. All of Brian's favorite
things?
Brian Upton (22:37):
Yeah. When those things pop up in the theater,
and there's sometimes it's likea conical claimer. The
disclaimer, the rating and it'sa cornucopia of violence, Gore,
sex. All those ones. I just knowit's going to be a great movie.
What's your reveal?
Stacey Upton (22:51):
It's been really enjoyable. It is. Like the
beginning of Game of Thrones.
Before it. I don't know. I feltlike I got a little out of
control. The first series and sothis feels like it's sort of
true to what that first seriesstarted as. And it's enjoyable.
This last episode that wewatched I don't know which
(23:19):
number Episode Four maybe
Brian Upton (23:21):
four. Incest episode.
Stacey Upton (23:25):
Yeah, it was a little disturbing to me.
Brian Upton (23:29):
It's been it's a very hot topic this week as far
as everybody processing whatthey
Stacey Upton (23:35):
saw really hot topic where for the
Brian Upton (23:39):
exact same thing we talked about everywhere
trending, trending topic as faras you know, what was the
director's vision on that wedon't need to give much away but
it's Google that for yourself.
But it's
Stacey Upton (23:50):
we had to look up what the vision was to help us
understand it did helpunderstand the episode a little
more a little bit. Yeah, but Istill I struggled with it, but
I'm not going to give anythingaway. Right.
Brian Upton (24:02):
There's some stunning stuff in there. I think
it's the Molly Alcock is isRenee Hara. ordinaria
Stacey Upton (24:09):
manera. I don't have it. I can't
Brian Upton (24:11):
read the main character. And then Doctor Who
is Damon Targaryen He's so good.
Yeah, Will Smith. Right. MattSmith.
Stacey Upton (24:19):
Will Smith. Like that.
Brian Upton (24:21):
Don't think that's Matt Smith. I'm gonna go right
now. I'm giving it a lot ofcredit that it's going in the
right direction. Somebody giveit in. We may circle around tip
I'm gonna give it a eight two.
Because I am enjoying it.
Stacey Upton (24:39):
I'm gonna say a seven nine. I'm enjoying it but
man the violence is way over thetop for me.
Brian Upton (24:49):
That's like a that's like the Dave Portnoy
pizza reviews is a bigdifference between seven nine
and eight one, you know, andthen you kind of just came under
it a little bit.
Stacey Upton (25:01):
Well, it's good.
But I close my eyes a lot. I do
Brian Upton (25:08):
think I figured out why. Pan MIT gone out of
business.
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Whether it's a DC 47 Oh, Ididn't know that. But getting a
(26:01):
sophisticated piece ofmachinery.
Brian Upton (26:04):
I just thought it was for financial disclosure.
What happened?
Unknown (26:07):
Top that TWA.
Brian Upton (26:09):
I thought that was funny. I ran across
Stacey Upton (26:11):
Oh my gosh.
Brian Upton (26:14):
All right, what do we got now?
Stacey Upton (26:22):
We're on the red,
Brian Upton (26:23):
that's fine. I got a question behind it.
Stacey Upton (26:25):
Okay, closest, I actually chose to because I was
trying to decide which one? Thisis an interesting question. Was
there ever a time you consideredending our relationship? Why And
What made you change your mind?
Brian Upton (26:49):
know, for me, ending our relationship. If
there was ever even a outsideedge of it, and I don't think I
could ever have gone there. Itmight have been during the 2000
sort of one collapse wheneverything was kind of happening
(27:14):
with the business. And I think Imight have felt a great sense of
it might have had a lingeringthought that you might be better
without me then with what I waspresenting. And so I don't. But
I'm thinking back 20 years now.
And I don't think I would havegotten to that point of, of
(27:35):
thinking that through past thatfirst, like sort of like
humiliating thought of like, youknow, this whole thing might be
better without me. And I don'tknow if I was thinking of you
and us or all of it or what itwas, but that's as close as I
would get. But I think 32 yearsit was sort of impenetrable for
(27:56):
me. Playing know, that might notbe the case for you?
Stacey Upton (28:07):
Well, first of all, I just want to say I
remember that particular time.
And I I don't think you eversaid those words to me. But I
felt that that's what you'refeeling. Right. I mean, it was
visceral. That was a hard time.
But I wasn't contemplating that.
But my answer to the question, Ihesitate to say but very early
(28:33):
on in our marriage when I waspregnant with Bailey. And we
talked about this not very longago, we had a fight about
something and I don't rememberwhat it was about. And you were
at your friend's house. And Icould hear people talking women
talking in the background. Andyou didn't come home that
evening. And I don't rememberwhy. But I remember thinking,
(28:59):
well, this, this is not okay.
This, this just is not okay. Butyou know, I think about it now.
I don't it clearly wasn't thatbig of a deal. I don't remember
what the fight was about. Idon't remember what our
disagreement was.
Brian Upton (29:18):
I think there were more nights than that than you
even that's one night. That butI think there was during that
that breakers phase. We didspeak about this on one thing,
one episode. And we also spokeabout it in a little more depth
than the other one, as far asyou know, from 16 1718, up
(29:38):
through 2324. There was therewas many nights where I wasn't
able to make it home afterdrinking. Yeah, that's true. I
mean, that's not that was one
Stacey Upton (29:49):
night in particular that I remember. So
it was probably a culminationof, you know, several nights
like that. But I also I doremember thinking I was pregnant
with our second child. And Ithought I can't make this
decision right now. I just, Ijust can't do this. Right. So
(30:10):
that's
Brian Upton (30:10):
two different entire timeframes. So you you're
talking for years after Taylor.
Yeah, I
Stacey Upton (30:17):
remember we were I was to house in a new, a new
Valda street. That's when I wason the phone with you that
night.
Brian Upton (30:24):
Yeah, that's there might be a little bit of a
disconnect there, because Iwasn't even working at the
breakers at that point.
Stacey Upton (30:30):
Well, so this was after that you were with Rex?
That's when you were workingwith Rex? Maybe? I can't
remember. Yeah. I remember beingin that house. Yeah. And that
makes sending. It makes alaundry room having that
conversation. Like, I can't, Ijust, it was too much. I
couldn't, couldn't quite deal.
Brian Upton (30:51):
The Rex one was interesting, because that was a
different pivot. My first onewas sort of college, frolicking
bartending, not letting go ofthe sort of collegiate days at
the breakers. And then the nextphase was pause and explain what
the breakers was just a resortapartment complex in Denver,
where I ran the health club andwas a bartender. And then the
(31:13):
next one, where it didn't helpme any was in the business with
my partner Rex. We had at 25years old, 26 years old. What's
the timeframes right there?
Yeah, an inordinate amount ofsuccess early in business. And
we're in wining and diningclients, and traveling to trade
shows and doing all of that. Soit was a you know, for me that
(31:37):
time was a makes a little moresense to me. Now I look back on
it. With the wisdom of 54.
Looking back at a 23 and 24 yearold, looking at our own 23 and
24 year olds, it's a little bitmore understandable than it was
(31:58):
at 35. If that makes sense. Ithink I'd beat myself up a
little bit more 30 over 23 thanI do at 54 over 23, if that
makes sense.
Stacey Upton (32:07):
Yeah. And I think that's what is really helpful
about this question in the sensethat, you know, we can look back
and think about the differentthings that we've gone through,
and how we managed to staytogether through really hard
times and not not stayingtogether with a shell of a
marriage. Like we actuallyworked through a lot of this
(32:31):
stuff, right. And it's importantto look back and think about how
far we've come? Oh, there's no
Brian Upton (32:39):
doubt about it. And were those that's what I really
enjoyed this question, becausethose are those little fissures
and cracks and thin ice that thethe timeline sort of separates?
And that would have been it.
Yeah, our story together wouldhave been over at 26. With two
kids at that point, it meansthere's a lot of things that go
(33:00):
into that it means no, Ainslie,right? You know, not you can
there's no putting pressure on apast conversation. But those
sliding doors of, you know,decisions made unmade
perceptions, bad decisions, youknow,
Stacey Upton (33:22):
youthfulness we were young, we were doing this
very young, as young
Brian Upton (33:26):
as it can get. But it is interesting that that
would have been at a timeframewhere if you fracture it 567
years, it's an interestingquestion to kind of propose the
consequence of future events.
For instance, if that broke, wewouldn't be going to Denver this
(33:47):
weekend to watch Ainsley in aplay. That's true. It's weird,
isn't it?
Stacey Upton (33:51):
That is weird. I like that sliding doors, concept
that that you brought in therebecause you know, the choices we
make, the actions we take thethings that we say it matters.
And even if the choice is wrong,it's it's maybe you've done
(34:16):
something that you could havedone. If you could have made a
different choice that might havebeen better. What happens next?
Is, is important.
Brian Upton (34:25):
It is in the, for me, I look back on it, and in a
lot of ways, it just would havebeen I knew you from 21 And at
that point, that crux would havebeen 26 ish. And if it would
have ended right there, thatwould have been the story of our
(34:47):
life. It would have been twokids together, divorced and you
would have met somebody else Iwould have met somebody else
theoretically kind of life wouldhave gone on. We would have co
parented might have been inEver, I might have been in New
York, whatever, who knows howthat whole good part goes down.
But if you want to play thefantasy game, that part creates
(35:11):
the fissure of these newexistences. And all of these
decisions would have been madebefore our brains were formed.
Wow. Because there's two ways tolook at that. That by fighting
through it, by fighting throughit, the adult quickly
(35:31):
thereafter, stopped drinking, tothat extent, obviously wasn't
going to strip clubs on businessmeetings anymore. Right,
separate myself from toxicpeople. And environments more
and more. Yeah. And balanced outa little bit.
Stacey Upton (35:48):
Yeah, he grew up,
Brian Upton (35:51):
and I just would have grown up with somebody
else. It's weird to think about,because that's kind of what this
ends up being a super heavyquestion. Because I don't I
don't sweat it too much. BecauseI think we're talking about a
person that I'm very proud ofeach little phase of my life and
(36:13):
who I was and how we got there.
But we're talking about a personthat doesn't exist anymore. And
what I mean is the version ofmyself doesn't exist anymore,
that that version of Brianbecause it's not even it's not
practical. It's just not, it'snot who I am. I'm not even who I
wasn't 2021 No, you I mean, soand that part of it keeps going,
Stacey Upton (36:35):
we keep evolving.
Somebody will at first that wasshared with me by a good friend.
And then of let's see, your goodfriend's father shared the same
thing with me, it's a poem abouthow aging is like, becoming
seaglass. Where all I wish toage, well, like seaglass, you
(37:01):
know, all the rolling around andbuffeting that life does just
sort of softens the sharp edges.
And there's much more to it thanthat I don't remember at all.
But it's kind of like that. Wewe evolve we, we change. And I
(37:22):
think we are always becoming,we're always in a state of
becoming.
Brian Upton (37:27):
Yeah, I think that was an answer one of my
questions like, I think it'sfunny how these circle around
different contexts, but I thinkmy answer was like, like, how do
you see yourself or whatever itis becoming. But I do feel like
we've hit on something that andI know enough, people now are
listening, because that we'retalking to all sorts of
(37:52):
different circumstances. Now,people that have been married
longer than us, as long as us alittle bit shorter, a lot
shorter, also, married,unmarried. And for those that
are I think I've landed onsomething that is I never feel
(38:15):
qualified talking about this.
But it makes me wonder withinthe context, if there's some
kind of algorithm or math to tomaking sure you're protecting
yourself within a relationship,but not giving it it but also
giving it enough rope, if thecircumstances aren't causing you
mental physical harm, or thingslike that. I'm not saying stay
(38:36):
in it. But you might want togive those things a little more
rope. Right? Does that makesense? What I just said?
Stacey Upton (38:43):
Yeah, I think what I heard you say is not to make
rash decisions, as long assomebody isn't being abused in
some way to just kind of hang inthere for a little bit, and and
see if you can work through it.
Brian Upton (38:58):
And the algorithm that I think would make up if I
was making this argument is,it's a multiplier, meaning that
drinking till I can't come homewith a bunch of people in
leaving your home pregnant. Thatis an event. And it's a we
always talk about the drunkardswalk on this. And the drunkards
walk without going all the wayinto it basically says, Do not
(39:21):
make any basically policy or orestablish a behavior pattern
based on extreme events high orlow. And that would be one where
you might have made an extremebehavioral and or fundamental
decision based on an event. Andin hindsight, what you have to
do to protect yourself maybethis is the part where we're
(39:42):
opening up for other people thatlisten to talk about is I just
better not see that shit again.
Yeah, that's where it gets tothe point where that now you get
into a multiplier event, whichis the site all of our podcasts
in to the Maria Bamford onewhich is the Take the moment.
Right? This might be permanent.
(40:04):
Yeah. And if it's permanent,then you've got to, then you
have every right in the world toleave. But if it's not, I think
you want to at least try tosqueeze it and work it and talk
it out. Yeah. Because that'swhat I'm getting at.
Stacey Upton (40:16):
Yeah. And I think what just hit me is because
we're all human, and we makemistakes, and that's okay. It's
when those mistakes become a badhabit that that reflects a
dysfunction. That's what we wantto avoid. Right. And sometimes
it's it's hard to identify that.
And yet it's worth thinkingabout. And digesting a little
(40:43):
bit and trying to figure it out.
Yeah. And not making those rashdecisions. And it's funny,
because I think that particularday, I was very upset. I was
young. But I didn't make a rashdecision. In that moment. Yeah.
(41:07):
Grateful.
Brian Upton (41:08):
So my, and I think it's, for me, it was, if you
really break that down, go backand do an analysis of it be very
interesting to see what causedthat behavior pattern. Was it
insecurity? Was it fear? Whatwas it, it's very hard to break
(41:28):
it down that much later, 3545to, you know, 2728 30 years
later, whatever it may be? Whatwas making me other than the
balance of a forever commitmentto somebody with babies at home?
scares the hell out of you. Andyou still want to be a kid?
(41:49):
Yeah,
Stacey Upton (41:49):
it's a lot of responsibility.
Brian Upton (41:51):
It might be that simple.
Stacey Upton (41:52):
It probably was that simple.
Brian Upton (41:56):
You want to awkward transition. I gotta like
updating my list. While we'replaying this music, I have to
make sure I'm writing all thisdown. So stop talking. do
laundry. And three, I did thinkabout leaving your
Stacey Upton (42:20):
goodness. This is not a good episode. For me.
Brian Upton (42:24):
I'm having a good time. This is clay case slider.
I thought the only way to comeout of the intensity. And I knew
this before the podcast evenstarted. And I knew it before
(42:44):
what the questions were I didn'tknow what the questions were
coming. But I knew this would bethe perfect song after the third
question.
Why don't you do our intelligentchange commercial? The real one.
Stacey Upton (43:02):
Yeah, we are sponsored by intelligent change,
who is a company that providesproducts that are really meant
to help you find positive changein your life and in many
different different ways. Theyoffer this game that we've been
playing. They also offer myfavorite product, the first
(43:25):
product I ever found of theirscalled The Five Minute Journal.
For those of you that have maybeheard of the importance and
benefits of gratitudejournaling, it makes it very
easy. And it really you can getit done in five minutes and not
all up. You don't do all fiveminutes at once. It breaks it up
(43:46):
into a beginning of your day andthen a check in at the end your
day. So I'll just share a tip. Ioften would forget to do the
check in at the end of the day,Brian, I don't know if you've
noticed this, but if I do it inthe morning, I leave it on the
bed, so that when I go to bed,it's right there as a reminder
for me to finish it up at night.
Brian Upton (44:07):
I thought it was there for me to read it. No,
Stacey Upton (44:09):
it's not there for you to read. Stop that
Brian Upton (44:12):
immediately.
Stacey Upton (44:14):
They also have other items where you're gonna
say something No, it's
Brian Upton (44:18):
just gonna say intelligent change.com and the
broken tiles 10 Is the discount
Stacey Upton (44:22):
code. Excellent.
Yeah, you can use your thought Iwas just gonna say they have
other products too. Mindfulnesscards, a productivity planner.
All kinds of things. I encourageyou to check it out. I love
their stuff.
Brian Upton (44:36):
You know I love
Stacey Upton (44:37):
this song
Brian Upton (44:46):
way I forgot I have one mystic. I'm scratching Am I
doing one? I know I'm markingthe card? Oh, good. Yeah, you're
doing a good job on the norepeats. If you had to eliminate
(45:07):
one emotion from your life, whatwould it be? Wow.
Stacey Upton (45:14):
overwhelm
Brian Upton (45:17):
the feeling of being overwhelmed.
Stacey Upton (45:20):
Yeah. I never experienced overwhelm fully,
until I was a stay at home momwith three kids. And that's when
I was really introduced tooverwhelm. And sometimes I still
(45:42):
experience it. Like right nowtransitioning to a new job.
Brian Upton (45:47):
Yeah, you're gonna you're in it.
Stacey Upton (45:49):
I am in it. Yeah, trying hard to wade my way
through. But I'm in it.
Brian Upton (45:53):
It's very interesting, when you and we may
have spoken about this. Butit's, it's I think I'm seeing it
happen. When there's adifference between looking up in
sort of a business hierarchy.
And they don't mean this in the,in this way at all. But when you
(46:15):
get to a certain point ofmanager, you're sort of, you're
now looking down. I don't meandown on people, but it just
flips. You're one of and youdon't, I think, look, here's the
general feeling I have is that alot of times, there's a
difference sometimes in yourbusiness situation between being
(46:35):
proactive and reactive based onyour position. A lot of times as
an employee, a lot of timesyou're reactive to what was just
said at that meeting, what yourmarching orders are correct. And
on the other side of it, you'vegot a week to prepare for what
the marching orders are going tobe to other people. Yeah, in a
way.
Stacey Upton (46:54):
Yeah, that's true.
And it's a lot. And I tried to Itry very hard to be somebody
that considers everyone'sperspectives, and frame things
in a way that will be takenwell. And even with all that
effort, it does, it doesn'thappen. Yeah, fully. So but
that's okay. That's, it's, it'sactually, I feel like I'm
(47:18):
learning new skills as a humanbeing. And that's a good thing.
Right? I enjoy learningexperiences, the growing pains
in it are challenging, but I, Iactually do see a light at the
end of the tunnel, it's notgonna always be like this. I'm
getting my feet underneath menow.
Brian Upton (47:38):
Right. And mine's anger. And I see that quickly,
because I think I just want toget to the anger overwhelm. I
think the answers in thiscategory across the board, you
probably start running out ofemotions at a certain point,
because this question, to getrid of an emotion is qualified
in your head quickly, that thisemotion would serve no future
(48:01):
purpose for me. And I don't seea purpose for anger. I don't see
a purpose for being overwhelmed.
I don't see a positive resultfor I think there's better ways
to handle even conflict ordanger than anger.
Stacey Upton (48:15):
I, I actually disagree with you, I understand
where you're coming from, but Idisagree with you. And I don't
think I would have disagreedwith you if I hadn't read the
book by Susan David calledEmotional agility are our
emotions are there?
Evolutionarily speaking, to clueus into things. And so it's what
(48:38):
it's on us to recognize theemotion and try to understand
where it's coming from, and why.
And it's really meant to be aclue, to give us insight on to
how to handle a situation.
Brian Upton (48:56):
I like that. But even in a circumstance, I think
it more calculated. I'm tryingto think of a circumstance where
other emotions or feelings mightcome up. Where, like, let's say
for instance, attentiveness.
There's a lot of words thatwould be circled around even
defending yourself that aren'tanger. And, you know, as far as
(49:18):
once you can identify, and Ithink, in even in a circumstance
where, let's say, maybe somebodycuts you off, or somebody
punches you in a bar, let's sayyou can't even avoid a fight.
The last thing you need in themiddle of a fight is anger. You
need to be calculating, you knowwhat your position is in that
bar what they're doing, you needto be paying attention to what
(49:39):
his anger, everything's going totake care of itself. As my point
your body is going to give youbasically, dopamine, it's gonna
give you adrenaline to be in afight. And I'm making an example
just it's not always aboutfights. What I'm saying is our I
think we're kind ofspectacularly built as a defense
mechanism when needed. Theycalculated anger to me that one
(50:00):
emotion and I might need to readthat book to see where she
elevates anger as a positiveinfluence, or I think I can, I
might take the first part ofwhat you said about it,
understand it, learn it, findout what it is, but possibly
still said no need for it?
Stacey Upton (50:19):
Well, I think what I'm hearing is you are kind of
combining the emotion of angerwith the action someone takes
when they feel anger, no otherseparate thing it is.
Brian Upton (50:32):
But I would have to say, I guess you have read the
book, what is the positiveaspect of anger?
Stacey Upton (50:38):
Now you're putting me on the spot? I would have to
say it's a clue as to Oh,something needs immediate
attention.
Brian Upton (50:47):
But aren't your three steps before anger?
Stacey Upton (50:50):
Well, what if like, somebody cuts you off?
You're angry because you'rescared? You're angry, because
you realize, oh, my gosh, thisperson could have run me off the
road? And I would think soyou're you're angry about Yeah,
Brian Upton (51:03):
and I would just make the argument, the scared
instinct comes before anger, yousee what, I think we'll run out
of time here. And I'm not inthat I'm not winning this
argument or trying to, but whatI'm saying is, I think I'm with
you what you're saying processit, it's the same way, I would
have a hard time finding a valuefor overwhelm. Because there's
(51:24):
six things that lead to beingoverwhelmed that you could have
handled before you got to thatone emotion. And if that emotion
wasn't in your catalogue, perthe question, you'd be better at
the fucking other things. That'sI think what I'm getting at is
if anger was gone from my, mydeck, I'd be much better at
(51:44):
perception. I'd be much betterat understanding and I agree
with, and that's kind of where Iwas,
Stacey Upton (51:51):
you know, yeah, sometimes other emotions are
masked, because anger causesthat for and we
Brian Upton (51:56):
might want to talk about that a little bit more
like that. And maybe even I'llread or listen to that book. So
we can talk about that a littlebit more, but gave it to
Ainsley. Well, that's awesome.
You got that's more of what Iwas getting at, you know, is
that if we're going to dump one,that would be one that I have no
use for it. And I struggle withit as what I'm saying, I do
struggle with that. I strugglewith Greg and I talk at work a
(52:17):
lot of the times where I can'tquite understand. You know, how
I'm good at certain perceptionsof big things in life and
terrible at small things,perceptions on small things at a
stoplight, and also controllingsmall bursts of anger.
Stacey Upton (52:41):
Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's interesting. I was
reminded, we were talking aboutSusan David in this book, and
this conversation reminded me ofa quote that my good friend sent
to me via text today by SusanDavid. Okay. Who's in charge,
the thinker or the thought?
Brian Upton (53:06):
Who's in charge the thinker or the thought? And
we'll save that for next time?
Because I think we're almost 55minutes but one I love the
quote. And I think it's actuallydoesn't it doesn't that makes me
think Wait, who's in charge youor me?
Stacey Upton (53:21):
That's a trick question. We'll talk more about
that one later.
Brian Upton (53:27):
All right. We're gonna play the game. It seems to
inordinately land on Mac Millermore than anything else. Let's
have a lot of Mac Miller andthen I'll need your number and
we'll get out of here.
Stacey Upton (53:41):
Today five,
Brian Upton (53:42):
okay, simple one.
And thenthis isn't not going to play
monitor gotta be quick. Whilewe're listening. How many
(54:03):
downloads have we had?
Stacey Upton (54:11):
2300
Brian Upton (54:13):
That's pretty good guess is it? Yeah, it's wrong.
But let's be doing everything Ican stay in this marriage. In
those two hours tell you right,it's 2300 2700 downloads. Wow.
And that's really good. We gotto get some get out. Oh, this
(54:39):
wait a minute though. This isgoing to be Post Malone. Right.
Stacey Upton (54:42):
I have no idea.
Brian Upton (54:46):
I could be wrong, but I guess so. on Spotify game
that means this might be I'mgonna guess me. We got
Stacey Upton (54:56):
Ainsley no idea.
Brian Upton (55:00):
It is Post Malone it's me and somebody else it
Ainsley. I bet it's beenAinsley. We both want yeah.
Stacey Upton (55:12):
That was fun and he's
Brian Upton (55:13):
intense. Shut up, do the laundry. And wait, am I
dumped or not dumped?
Stacey Upton (55:22):
You're not done
Brian Upton (55:24):
because you can find the weight speed dating
All right.
Stacey Upton (00:08):
Welcome
Brian Upton (00:11):
wow this is hichy to the broken
Stacey Upton (00:13):
tiles podcast, the crane and Stacey.
Brian Upton (00:22):
Technical difficulties
Stacey Upton (00:25):
I think we've worked through it
Brian Upton (00:29):
this one happens we don't podcast for two weeks.
We're out of practice all of asudden.
And we've got a burgeoning issuewith our leads on because
somebody's coming to town.
Stacey Upton (00:40):
Yeah, we're gonna have to handle this
Brian Upton (00:43):
to tighten shit up.
Absolutely. Stick Figure SantaCruz catalyst October 5
Wednesday night.
Stacey Upton (00:54):
Here a little excited.
Brian Upton (00:55):
I have my alarm set for tomorrow at 10am presale
goes on.
Stacey Upton (00:59):
Oh gosh. week night concert. Can we handle it?
Brian Upton (01:03):
I need a sip of water.
Stacey Upton (01:04):
Don't drink that.
Brian Upton (01:05):
Why?
Stacey Upton (01:06):
Because I have my Invisalign soaking and
Brian Upton (01:08):
oh, your teeth are soaking in water. I'm sorry, my
fault. I was gonna take a sip ofthat fresh glass of water, but I
realize your teeth are in it.
Stacey Upton (01:16):
It's not my teeth, my Invisalign.
Brian Upton (01:19):
You take your teeth out and put them in water.
Stacey Upton (01:22):
It's probably what it looks like.
Brian Upton (01:25):
I think we have a depressed dog.
Stacey Upton (01:27):
She's so sad at the moment. We do not have a
sofa. Because we gave hours awayas we are expecting a new
underwrite arrive tomorrow.
And the dog is having a problem.
Yeah, that's her spot.
Yeah, well, what was reallyfunny is when she came in from
(01:48):
her walk that I just gave herwhat I like to do if if she has
a ball laying on the front,green the lawn. As we come home,
I unleashed her. And she runsand gets her ball and sprints
all the way back into the housewith the ball. And she
immediately leapt for the couchand it was there and
Brian Upton (02:10):
she bit shit.
Stacey Upton (02:11):
She totally did.
And she just looks very confusedand sad.
Brian Upton (02:16):
I feel like right now there's this so far, this
first two minutes and 22 secondshas been understandably tense.
Awkward. Something's different.
Stacey Upton (02:30):
Why?
Brian Upton (02:31):
You know why?
Stacey Upton (02:32):
I don't know why.
Brian Upton (02:33):
It's tense, awkward and weird. Because you went
speed dating last week.
Stacey Upton (02:37):
I knew you were going to bring this up.
Brian Upton (02:39):
But I think it's well within my right, as a
husband, a dedicated, loyalhusband of 32 years that I maybe
I'm a little bit discombobulatedwith the fact that you went
speed dating on Saturday night.
I'll give you the floor.
Stacey Upton (02:55):
I don't think you're being quite.
Brian Upton (03:00):
I'd like to treat the witnesses hostile.
Stacey Upton (03:04):
Okay, so let's say what really happened. My very
good friend went speeddating
Brian Upton (03:10):
we're running out of time to stay on time for the
podcast. I think we just need toleave
Stacey Upton (03:14):
and she had to single friends that were going
to go with her and they didn'tgo and I I wanted to be able to
be there for her. I wanted herto have the experience because
it was the first time in a verylong time
Brian Upton (03:31):
Are you done?
Stacey Upton (03:33):
I'm done.
Brian Upton (03:34):
I only have one question before we move on to
the next part of this thing.
It's a simple it's actually it'sit's two questions and I don't
want to get crazy with this. Ijust don't I want you to respect
the courtroom. The judge thejury
how many numbers did your friendget after the speed dating
event? Just answer the questionzero through 1 million
Stacey Upton (03:57):
but she got one
Brian Upton (03:57):
just please answer the question
Stacey Upton (03:58):
that one because it was given
Brian Upton (04:01):
no wait a minute that no that she the day she
walked out
Stacey Upton (04:05):
stop trying to obfuscate what the truth is
Brian Upton (04:09):
this is like the going back to our third episode.
This is like Johnny Depp on thestand right? You walked out of
that bar with a number and shedid not
Stacey Upton (04:19):
but it ended up in her hands
Brian Upton (04:28):
tense show
Stacey Upton (04:31):
so we're gonna play our game.
Brian Upton (04:33):
I do want to go over no go after after a little
controversy after our lastepisode. Controversy time banned
in one city, but go ahead. Justask the question.
Stacey Upton (04:44):
I think I know where that's going. So our first
question of the night comes fromour Let's get closer game by
intelligent chains jumping on itearly. Isn't that what that
music is supposed to tell me todo?
Brian Upton (04:58):
It's just a question with transition. was
for questions. Okay, I thoughtyou were doing the full sponsor
commercial.
Stacey Upton (05:03):
What if somebody has never listened to any of our
episodes, and this was the firstone they listened to, oh, gotta
explain what we're doing. Weread questions from this
question game that's made byintelligent change, who is our
sponsor? And we will talk moreabout that later.
Brian Upton (05:21):
That's podcast 101.
Tell him what we're doing.
Stacey Upton (05:24):
So the first level of this game is called close.
And that's what this question isfrom. It's been a while. Are you
ready? What do you wish? I woulddo more of?
Brian Upton (05:53):
Are we going? Can't even remember now where are we
going broad spectrum or justanswering the question then
bringing it broader? As far as
Stacey Upton (06:01):
the kind of gone back and forth?
Brian Upton (06:05):
Let's get to answering the question. What do
I wish you would do? More of?
You might have thrown out alittle bit of a stumper here. Do
you have what do you do? Let'sdo what we usually do default
here. Do you have one that'scoming to your mind?
Stacey Upton (06:25):
Well, it's not very deep. The first thing that
came to my mind, I'm almostembarrassed
Brian Upton (06:32):
to say for you or me.
Stacey Upton (06:35):
I would like you to do more laundry. Oh, that's
that's the first thing that cameto my mind. I could come up with
something else. But this is afamily show. So I can't say I do
laundry
Brian Upton (06:48):
almost every day.
Almost let that one get awaywith that was a good one. That's
our other podcast. That's aftermidnight podcast. The answer to
the question. Yeah, I do laundryalmost every day.
Stacey Upton (07:01):
Well, it's not always everybody's laundry.
Because I do a lot of laundry onthe weekends.
Brian Upton (07:07):
Everybody who's here,
Stacey Upton (07:10):
you and I,
Brian Upton (07:12):
I just want to kind of break this down a little bit.
I wear a pair of jeans. I wear agray shirt. I wear the same
underwear usually two days in arow. Oh, honey, I flip them up
inside out. Sometimes. Butboots, socks, sometimes a hat.
And then everyone's gonna throwa hoodie on. In about every two
(07:33):
days. I'll throw that into thelaundry almost every day,
depending on how I'm working. SoI'm doing laundry every day.
Stacey Upton (07:39):
Yeah, you're washing your clothes every day.
That's right.
Brian Upton (07:43):
So do more laundry.
Stacey Upton (07:46):
That was just the first thing that came to know.
Brian Upton (07:48):
It's all right. I mean, I think that's kind of the
point of it. Is that you? Youkind of throw it right out
there. And I don't know why. Ithink a lot of times I'm a lot
better at the questions that cuta little bit deeper than, you
know, what do I wish you woulddo more of?
Stacey Upton (08:08):
This could be this could be deeper, I gave a non
deep answer. If I were to, oh, Ihave I have a more deep answer.
Keep going? Because I'm stuck.
Okay. What do I wish you woulddo more of? I think it would be
listening as opposed toimmediately problem solving.
Brian Upton (08:31):
Yeah, we've gone over that a little bit. Not in
this question, or maybe not evenin this podcast. But I think
that is a habit of mine, whichis immediately trying to find.
And it does have its momentswhere there's value. I needed it
last night. Yeah. And becausethe time was of the essence,
yeah, to. But what you're sayingis in the context of I think
(08:58):
sometimes the you and I come toa head where and this is one
where we've talked about it alsois that I think about things a
lot. I'm kind of have little cuecards in my head ready for all
conversations. So if somethingcomes up in I'm not asking you
being asked to listen, I'mactually engaged in the
(09:21):
conversation. I think sometimesI might have it on the tip of my
head as far as like you said,maybe maybe an answer for it, or
an answer I fall into even in aglobal conversation, like my
perspective on something. Soyou're saying is they come in
trying to you say the word solvethe problem, or is it just me
(09:43):
giving an opinion?
Stacey Upton (09:47):
Well, I think it could be either or so. I think
what I'm getting at is morelistening and less talking.
Maybe that's a better way to say
Brian Upton (09:56):
and I think that's interesting because I think on A
lot of levels. I'm better atlistening in, like, casual
relationships than I am in mymore intimate relationships.
Stacey Upton (10:12):
Yeah. But I have to say, I think sometimes I
assume you're not listening. Andyou actually are. Sometimes you
are listening when you'reengaged in something different.
And that surprises me.
Brian Upton (10:27):
Right. And I also, it's probably not even a mantle
that I need to carry. But forsome reason in my family
dynamic, it was as the courtjester when I was younger, and I
think there's that I was theantidote for the seven minute
(10:47):
lol in a conversation, they'llare in your family. Yeah. And so
but it's a chore. It's notnecessarily fun. And so maybe
that's, that's a part of it,where
Stacey Upton (10:56):
that really is helpful to me. And I am
surprised I hadn't thought aboutthat. But that absolutely makes
sense.
Brian Upton (11:04):
I think if somebody's confident,
confidently talking to me andconfident in their position, and
are engaged in the conversation,I think I'll make as much room
for them as need be like thispodcast is probably a perfect
example, is that you're bringingit you are talking to me face to
face, eye to eye, and there'santicipated pauses where you
(11:28):
might want to continue or not.
And maybe the struggle is in thereal world. Talking around a
corner, talking from a shower tosomebody that's out there. There
could be some 30 We've used theword before steamrolling,
Stacey Upton (11:42):
you know, yeah.
Yeah, that makes sense. Why doyou think this is a good
question for partners? To ask ofeach other.
Brian Upton (11:56):
But I think we're finding out right now, it's that
depending on how honest you wantto be about it, it can maybe
take some air out of somethingthat would go unsaid.
Stacey Upton (12:06):
Yeah, I would agree. I think,
Brian Upton (12:08):
you know, that could lead to if you feel that
way, if you feel like somebody'snot listening to you, and
they're problem solving youinstead of listening to you,
then that could eventually buildup into a pretty high level of
tension.
Stacey Upton (12:28):
It might Yeah, yeah. What what answer do you
have?
Brian Upton (12:34):
We've brushed on it probably before, I guess, I'm
evolving into the answer being.
I think the only thing that Ithink that's left for me to kind
of want you to see you doingmore of is sort of what I've
seen you doing, I think we'vealluded to it through work and
(12:56):
life and all those things isconfidently sort of just putting
yourself forward. More so youknow, what, it's almost, it's
almost the polar opposite ofwhat we're talking about here,
which is, in maybe this is wherewe'll find a balance in our
relationship is less, less kindof observing, and more engaging.
(13:21):
Yeah, you sit in a room a lot oftimes or even in our
relationship, and you do a lotof quiet observing. And there's
obviously a lot more going on inthere. And it's easier out then
in and I think a little bitwe're sort of stacking onto each
other's question there a littlebit, but I think the the answer
(13:43):
would be a little bit moreengaging than observing.
Stacey Upton (13:53):
I can see why you would say that, I think it what
that brings to mind for me is Iam an introvert and I would say
you are more of an extrovert andso we have different ways of
being in the world. But I haveover time become more
(14:14):
extroverted. It just depends onthe situation the place the
where is my level of confidencein whatever the conversation is
that kind of thing. But yeah, Ican see your point.
Brian Upton (14:30):
I'm gonna write it down. So stop talking and do
laundry.
Stacey Upton (14:36):
Oh, boy, is that
Brian Upton (14:37):
the only two the last podcast was
controversial. We had it as Italked to before the first
question. It was banned and bout200 square foot area of
(14:57):
Watertown, New York.
Stacey Upton (15:03):
Based on the band, the name of the band
Brian Upton (15:08):
that we hosted a ninja sex party, apparently,
yeah,
Stacey Upton (15:11):
that's unfortunate because it was a good episode.
And it had nothing to do withthe ninja sex party. But my mom
didn't listen to it. No, becauseshe didn't want the name of that
to show up on her phoneanywhere.
Brian Upton (15:26):
So as soon as the heat dies down on it, I think
I'll sweet name it episode eightor nine or whatever it was, and
you can listen to this. You canlisten to it, then I'll rename
it back to the ninja sex party.
Well, is this episode 10?
Stacey Upton (15:41):
I don't really know.
Brian Upton (15:42):
I think it's episode 10.
Stacey Upton (15:44):
That sounds about right. Could be
Brian Upton (15:45):
wrong. Alright, bring the question. Okay.
Stacey Upton (15:50):
What? Actually, I kind of feel like maybe we've
had this question before, but Ididn't mark it. So let me know
if you've heard this one before.
What is your dream date for usto have together?
Brian Upton (16:11):
I think that question that was close to that
was something we'd want to dotogether that we haven't done
before. And that one was thesalsa dancing, which we I'll
pause here because I do think Iprobably have an answer for the
other one is the salsa dancingquestion. As I recollect the
(16:32):
humor in that story was thatthree times we signed up for
salsa dancing, and three timeswe have not done it. Now between
the last podcast and this one.
We signed up for yet again.
Western swing.
Stacey Upton (16:47):
Actually, it was night club two step night club,
two
Brian Upton (16:51):
step at the Capitol rec center. And Monday night
came what we do,
Stacey Upton (16:55):
we did not go suck. Well, there was a reason
for that. We were utterlyexhausted. Because why? What did
we do over? Oh, yeah,
Brian Upton (17:07):
that's right.
Capitol art and Wine Festival.
We had the booth down there. Wedid 4am setup worked at the
whole weekend. You were sort ofrunner for the whole weekend. I
stood up for two days. And Ithink by the time Sunday night
came around into Monday, we werebeen Monday night, we were
physically mentally broken. Wewere very wiped out. And we
decided to bump it to anotherclass.
Stacey Upton (17:29):
Yes. So towards the end of October, we will be
doing west coast swing.
Brian Upton (17:35):
All right. So the dream date, the dream date, the
dream date feels like it wouldbe qualify it is the date a
singular event? Or could it beI'm gonna take you on a date,
that's more of that they can'tbe like a vacation or anything.
It's gotta be a date,
Stacey Upton (17:54):
it says date.
Brian Upton (18:00):
How about by this a fun one. Because, again, it's
another little Stickler in yourbrain of something that until
presented, we've had a lot ofgreat dates that I look back on
were could qualify, inhindsight, that we might not
even know going in would havebeen a dream date, I think I'm
(18:23):
going to give the dream datewould be something that is not
so isolated. The dream date issomewhere where there is water,
and it's at a perfect timesunset. And the pace of the
service in the restaurant wouldbe matching the intention of the
(18:44):
date. We've had, we've had acouple of days. And so I'm not
making up a new date, but thatdate that platform for it.
Because those things have tomeet, the service has to meet.
The food has to meet the timingand the pace of the meal. And
that has to meet the element ofthe perfect weather. The sun
going down over water, for me isthe dream date.
Stacey Upton (19:07):
That sounds great.
That I think I may our dreamdate would be a sunset picnic.
Looking out over the EiffelTower.
Brian Upton (19:26):
That's pretty good.
That was the lights come up overParis.
Stacey Upton (19:29):
Yeah. Can we do that someday?
Brian Upton (19:31):
Is that even possible? I don't know. Is there
a spot to sit?
Stacey Upton (19:35):
I imagine there might be
Brian Upton (19:36):
has to be right.
You might have to get outsidethe city a little bit. Not
familiar enough, but you'd haveto get outside the city. So at a
restaurant or just a picnic,
Stacey Upton (19:46):
you said picnic on the ground. On a blanket picnic
Brian Upton (19:50):
in Paris at sunset watching the sun go down, read
Stacey Upton (19:54):
the Eiffel Tower, a baguette and some French wine.
And I don't know what else
Brian Upton (19:58):
and then let the Sound come up? Yeah. I mean, the
the the lights come on lights
Stacey Upton (20:04):
come Yeah,
Brian Upton (20:05):
that's actually pretty good.
Stacey Upton (20:06):
That'd be kind of fun, I think. Yeah. So why is
that important? What's that isquestion? Why would it be
important for people to
Brian Upton (20:18):
quarantine music in the background while we do this?
Give me a second. Just Just gowith it. Oh, that's that's a,
this'll be a quick transition.
That's an obvious one because Ithink a fundamental of you and
I, to a certain extent, and wedrift away from it is that I
think we started early ontalking about the concept of
very dangerous to ever stopdating. Yeah, when you're
(20:41):
married, it's it's part of a, Idon't give out a ton of marriage
advice, because I think it'ssort of transitional and
difficult to do. But that seemslike a bulletproof one I tried
to give to most of my friendsthat if if the conversation
drifts there is it's best tosort of stay in that on your
game focus dating mode. Becausethat kind of that's what got you
(21:07):
there. And that's what engagedyou with somebody. And I think
when you stop thinking that way,you have a chance of slipping
away.
Stacey Upton (21:17):
Yeah, I like that.
And what I'll add is there'sactually research that shows
that couples that have newexperiences together, are more
likely to stay together. Sohaving new experiences creates a
sense of novelty and I thinkvery often human beings if if we
allow ourselves to we can getstuck in a rut, but having those
(21:43):
new experiences or new dates andit doesn't have to be anything
it doesn't have to be Paris, youcould have a picnic, a sunset
picnic anywhere and it would befun. somewhere new, something
you haven't done before. Right?
Those are the things that kindof keep things going along
create more sparks
Brian Upton (22:03):
Yeah. House of the dragon, Game of Thrones house of
the Dragon tells the story of aninternal succession war within
House Targaryen at the height ofits power ascent, 107, two years
before the birth of denariusTargaryen and we're going to do
our review. Pretty dramatic.
Right? Right. Violence,
Stacey Upton (22:31):
lots of sex, nudity. All of Brian's favorite
things?
Brian Upton (22:37):
Yeah. When those things pop up in the theater,
and there's sometimes it's likea conical claimer. The
disclaimer, the rating and it'sa cornucopia of violence, Gore,
sex. All those ones. I just knowit's going to be a great movie.
What's your reveal?
Stacey Upton (22:51):
It's been really enjoyable. It is. Like the
beginning of Game of Thrones.
Before it. I don't know. I feltlike I got a little out of
control. The first series and sothis feels like it's sort of
true to what that first seriesstarted as. And it's enjoyable.
This last episode that wewatched I don't know which
(23:19):
number Episode Four maybe
Brian Upton (23:21):
four. Incest episode.
Stacey Upton (23:25):
Yeah, it was a little disturbing to me.
Brian Upton (23:29):
It's been it's a very hot topic this week as far
as everybody processing whatthey
Stacey Upton (23:35):
saw really hot topic where for the
Brian Upton (23:39):
exact same thing we talked about everywhere
trending, trending topic as faras you know, what was the
director's vision on that wedon't need to give much away but
it's Google that for yourself.
But it's
Stacey Upton (23:50):
we had to look up what the vision was to help us
understand it did helpunderstand the episode a little
more a little bit. Yeah, but Istill I struggled with it, but
I'm not going to give anythingaway. Right.
Brian Upton (24:02):
There's some stunning stuff in there. I think
it's the Molly Alcock is isRenee Hara. ordinaria
Stacey Upton (24:09):
manera. I don't have it. I can't
Brian Upton (24:11):
read the main character. And then Doctor Who
is Damon Targaryen He's so good.
Yeah, Will Smith. Right. MattSmith.
Stacey Upton (24:19):
Will Smith. Like that.
Brian Upton (24:21):
Don't think that's Matt Smith. I'm gonna go right
now. I'm giving it a lot ofcredit that it's going in the
right direction. Somebody giveit in. We may circle around tip
I'm gonna give it a eight two.
Because I am enjoying it.
Stacey Upton (24:39):
I'm gonna say a seven nine. I'm enjoying it but
man the violence is way over thetop for me.
Brian Upton (24:49):
That's like a that's like the Dave Portnoy
pizza reviews is a bigdifference between seven nine
and eight one, you know, andthen you kind of just came under
it a little bit.
Stacey Upton (25:01):
Well, it's good.
But I close my eyes a lot. I do
Brian Upton (25:08):
think I figured out why. Pan MIT gone out of
business.
PanAm (25:14):
Recent world events have caused understandable concern
about international air travel.
But thanks to beefed up securityand record low fares, those
willing to fly are findingthere's never been my call.
Recent world events have causedunderstandable concern about
international air travel. Butthanks to beefed up security and
(25:37):
record low fares, those willingto fly are finding there's never
been a better time. And now weat Pan Am are introducing our
best offer yet. For a limitedtime only. When you fly pan-am
to Brussels, Rome or London, youget to keep the plane you flew.
Whether it's a DC 47 Oh, Ididn't know that. But getting a
(26:01):
sophisticated piece ofmachinery.
Brian Upton (26:04):
I just thought it was for financial disclosure.
What happened?
Unknown (26:07):
Top that TWA.
Brian Upton (26:09):
I thought that was funny. I ran across
Stacey Upton (26:11):
Oh my gosh.
Brian Upton (26:14):
All right, what do we got now?
Stacey Upton (26:22):
We're on the red,
Brian Upton (26:23):
that's fine. I got a question behind it.
Stacey Upton (26:25):
Okay, closest, I actually chose to because I was
trying to decide which one? Thisis an interesting question. Was
there ever a time you consideredending our relationship? Why And
What made you change your mind?
Brian Upton (26:49):
know, for me, ending our relationship. If
there was ever even a outsideedge of it, and I don't think I
could ever have gone there. Itmight have been during the 2000
sort of one collapse wheneverything was kind of happening
(27:14):
with the business. And I think Imight have felt a great sense of
it might have had a lingeringthought that you might be better
without me then with what I waspresenting. And so I don't. But
I'm thinking back 20 years now.
And I don't think I would havegotten to that point of, of
(27:35):
thinking that through past thatfirst, like sort of like
humiliating thought of like, youknow, this whole thing might be
better without me. And I don'tknow if I was thinking of you
and us or all of it or what itwas, but that's as close as I
would get. But I think 32 yearsit was sort of impenetrable for
(27:56):
me. Playing know, that might notbe the case for you?
Stacey Upton (28:07):
Well, first of all, I just want to say I
remember that particular time.
And I I don't think you eversaid those words to me. But I
felt that that's what you'refeeling. Right. I mean, it was
visceral. That was a hard time.
But I wasn't contemplating that.
But my answer to the question, Ihesitate to say but very early
(28:33):
on in our marriage when I waspregnant with Bailey. And we
talked about this not very longago, we had a fight about
something and I don't rememberwhat it was about. And you were
at your friend's house. And Icould hear people talking women
talking in the background. Andyou didn't come home that
evening. And I don't rememberwhy. But I remember thinking,
(28:59):
well, this, this is not okay.
This, this just is not okay. Butyou know, I think about it now.
I don't it clearly wasn't thatbig of a deal. I don't remember
what the fight was about. Idon't remember what our
disagreement was.
Brian Upton (29:18):
I think there were more nights than that than you
even that's one night. That butI think there was during that
that breakers phase. We didspeak about this on one thing,
one episode. And we also spokeabout it in a little more depth
than the other one, as far asyou know, from 16 1718, up
(29:38):
through 2324. There was therewas many nights where I wasn't
able to make it home afterdrinking. Yeah, that's true. I
mean, that's not that was one
Stacey Upton (29:49):
night in particular that I remember. So
it was probably a culminationof, you know, several nights
like that. But I also I doremember thinking I was pregnant
with our second child. And Ithought I can't make this
decision right now. I just, Ijust can't do this. Right. So
(30:10):
that's
Brian Upton (30:10):
two different entire timeframes. So you you're
talking for years after Taylor.
Yeah, I
Stacey Upton (30:17):
remember we were I was to house in a new, a new
Valda street. That's when I wason the phone with you that
night.
Brian Upton (30:24):
Yeah, that's there might be a little bit of a
disconnect there, because Iwasn't even working at the
breakers at that point.
Stacey Upton (30:30):
Well, so this was after that you were with Rex?
That's when you were workingwith Rex? Maybe? I can't
remember. Yeah. I remember beingin that house. Yeah. And that
makes sending. It makes alaundry room having that
conversation. Like, I can't, Ijust, it was too much. I
couldn't, couldn't quite deal.
Brian Upton (30:51):
The Rex one was interesting, because that was a
different pivot. My first onewas sort of college, frolicking
bartending, not letting go ofthe sort of collegiate days at
the breakers. And then the nextphase was pause and explain what
the breakers was just a resortapartment complex in Denver,
where I ran the health club andwas a bartender. And then the
(31:13):
next one, where it didn't helpme any was in the business with
my partner Rex. We had at 25years old, 26 years old. What's
the timeframes right there?
Yeah, an inordinate amount ofsuccess early in business. And
we're in wining and diningclients, and traveling to trade
shows and doing all of that. Soit was a you know, for me that
(31:37):
time was a makes a little moresense to me. Now I look back on
it. With the wisdom of 54.
Looking back at a 23 and 24 yearold, looking at our own 23 and
24 year olds, it's a little bitmore understandable than it was
(31:58):
at 35. If that makes sense. Ithink I'd beat myself up a
little bit more 30 over 23 thanI do at 54 over 23, if that
makes sense.
Stacey Upton (32:07):
Yeah. And I think that's what is really helpful
about this question in the sensethat, you know, we can look back
and think about the differentthings that we've gone through,
and how we managed to staytogether through really hard
times and not not stayingtogether with a shell of a
marriage. Like we actuallyworked through a lot of this
(32:31):
stuff, right. And it's importantto look back and think about how
far we've come? Oh, there's no
Brian Upton (32:39):
doubt about it. And were those that's what I really
enjoyed this question, becausethose are those little fissures
and cracks and thin ice that thethe timeline sort of separates?
And that would have been it.
Yeah, our story together wouldhave been over at 26. With two
kids at that point, it meansthere's a lot of things that go
(33:00):
into that it means no, Ainslie,right? You know, not you can
there's no putting pressure on apast conversation. But those
sliding doors of, you know,decisions made unmade
perceptions, bad decisions, youknow,
Stacey Upton (33:22):
youthfulness we were young, we were doing this
very young, as young
Brian Upton (33:26):
as it can get. But it is interesting that that
would have been at a timeframewhere if you fracture it 567
years, it's an interestingquestion to kind of propose the
consequence of future events.
For instance, if that broke, wewouldn't be going to Denver this
(33:47):
weekend to watch Ainsley in aplay. That's true. It's weird,
isn't it?
Stacey Upton (33:51):
That is weird. I like that sliding doors, concept
that that you brought in therebecause you know, the choices we
make, the actions we take thethings that we say it matters.
And even if the choice is wrong,it's it's maybe you've done
(34:16):
something that you could havedone. If you could have made a
different choice that might havebeen better. What happens next?
Is, is important.
Brian Upton (34:25):
It is in the, for me, I look back on it, and in a
lot of ways, it just would havebeen I knew you from 21 And at
that point, that crux would havebeen 26 ish. And if it would
have ended right there, thatwould have been the story of our
(34:47):
life. It would have been twokids together, divorced and you
would have met somebody else Iwould have met somebody else
theoretically kind of life wouldhave gone on. We would have co
parented might have been inEver, I might have been in New
York, whatever, who knows howthat whole good part goes down.
But if you want to play thefantasy game, that part creates
(35:11):
the fissure of these newexistences. And all of these
decisions would have been madebefore our brains were formed.
Wow. Because there's two ways tolook at that. That by fighting
through it, by fighting throughit, the adult quickly
(35:31):
thereafter, stopped drinking, tothat extent, obviously wasn't
going to strip clubs on businessmeetings anymore. Right,
separate myself from toxicpeople. And environments more
and more. Yeah. And balanced outa little bit.
Stacey Upton (35:48):
Yeah, he grew up,
Brian Upton (35:51):
and I just would have grown up with somebody
else. It's weird to think about,because that's kind of what this
ends up being a super heavyquestion. Because I don't I
don't sweat it too much. BecauseI think we're talking about a
person that I'm very proud ofeach little phase of my life and
(36:13):
who I was and how we got there.
But we're talking about a personthat doesn't exist anymore. And
what I mean is the version ofmyself doesn't exist anymore,
that that version of Brianbecause it's not even it's not
practical. It's just not, it'snot who I am. I'm not even who I
wasn't 2021 No, you I mean, soand that part of it keeps going,
Stacey Upton (36:35):
we keep evolving.
Somebody will at first that wasshared with me by a good friend.
And then of let's see, your goodfriend's father shared the same
thing with me, it's a poem abouthow aging is like, becoming
seaglass. Where all I wish toage, well, like seaglass, you
(37:01):
know, all the rolling around andbuffeting that life does just
sort of softens the sharp edges.
And there's much more to it thanthat I don't remember at all.
But it's kind of like that. Wewe evolve we, we change. And I
(37:22):
think we are always becoming,we're always in a state of
becoming.
Brian Upton (37:27):
Yeah, I think that was an answer one of my
questions like, I think it'sfunny how these circle around
different contexts, but I thinkmy answer was like, like, how do
you see yourself or whatever itis becoming. But I do feel like
we've hit on something that andI know enough, people now are
listening, because that we'retalking to all sorts of
(37:52):
different circumstances. Now,people that have been married
longer than us, as long as us alittle bit shorter, a lot
shorter, also, married,unmarried. And for those that
are I think I've landed onsomething that is I never feel
(38:15):
qualified talking about this.
But it makes me wonder withinthe context, if there's some
kind of algorithm or math to tomaking sure you're protecting
yourself within a relationship,but not giving it it but also
giving it enough rope, if thecircumstances aren't causing you
mental physical harm, or thingslike that. I'm not saying stay
(38:36):
in it. But you might want togive those things a little more
rope. Right? Does that makesense? What I just said?
Stacey Upton (38:43):
Yeah, I think what I heard you say is not to make
rash decisions, as long assomebody isn't being abused in
some way to just kind of hang inthere for a little bit, and and
see if you can work through it.
Brian Upton (38:58):
And the algorithm that I think would make up if I
was making this argument is,it's a multiplier, meaning that
drinking till I can't come homewith a bunch of people in
leaving your home pregnant. Thatis an event. And it's a we
always talk about the drunkardswalk on this. And the drunkards
walk without going all the wayinto it basically says, Do not
(39:21):
make any basically policy or orestablish a behavior pattern
based on extreme events high orlow. And that would be one where
you might have made an extremebehavioral and or fundamental
decision based on an event. Andin hindsight, what you have to
do to protect yourself maybethis is the part where we're
(39:42):
opening up for other people thatlisten to talk about is I just
better not see that shit again.
Yeah, that's where it gets tothe point where that now you get
into a multiplier event, whichis the site all of our podcasts
in to the Maria Bamford onewhich is the Take the moment.
Right? This might be permanent.
(40:04):
Yeah. And if it's permanent,then you've got to, then you
have every right in the world toleave. But if it's not, I think
you want to at least try tosqueeze it and work it and talk
it out. Yeah. Because that'swhat I'm getting at.
Stacey Upton (40:16):
Yeah. And I think what just hit me is because
we're all human, and we makemistakes, and that's okay. It's
when those mistakes become a badhabit that that reflects a
dysfunction. That's what we wantto avoid. Right. And sometimes
it's it's hard to identify that.
And yet it's worth thinkingabout. And digesting a little
(40:43):
bit and trying to figure it out.
Yeah. And not making those rashdecisions. And it's funny,
because I think that particularday, I was very upset. I was
young. But I didn't make a rashdecision. In that moment. Yeah.
(41:07):
Grateful.
Brian Upton (41:08):
So my, and I think it's, for me, it was, if you
really break that down, go backand do an analysis of it be very
interesting to see what causedthat behavior pattern. Was it
insecurity? Was it fear? Whatwas it, it's very hard to break
(41:28):
it down that much later, 3545to, you know, 2728 30 years
later, whatever it may be? Whatwas making me other than the
balance of a forever commitmentto somebody with babies at home?
scares the hell out of you. Andyou still want to be a kid?
(41:49):
Yeah,
Stacey Upton (41:49):
it's a lot of responsibility.
Brian Upton (41:51):
It might be that simple.
Stacey Upton (41:52):
It probably was that simple.
Brian Upton (41:56):
You want to awkward transition. I gotta like
updating my list. While we'replaying this music, I have to
make sure I'm writing all thisdown. So stop talking. do
laundry. And three, I did thinkabout leaving your
Stacey Upton (42:20):
goodness. This is not a good episode. For me.
Brian Upton (42:24):
I'm having a good time. This is clay case slider.
I thought the only way to comeout of the intensity. And I knew
this before the podcast evenstarted. And I knew it before
(42:44):
what the questions were I didn'tknow what the questions were
coming. But I knew this would bethe perfect song after the third
question.
Why don't you do our intelligentchange commercial? The real one.
Stacey Upton (43:02):
Yeah, we are sponsored by intelligent change,
who is a company that providesproducts that are really meant
to help you find positive changein your life and in many
different different ways. Theyoffer this game that we've been
playing. They also offer myfavorite product, the first
(43:25):
product I ever found of theirscalled The Five Minute Journal.
For those of you that have maybeheard of the importance and
benefits of gratitudejournaling, it makes it very
easy. And it really you can getit done in five minutes and not
all up. You don't do all fiveminutes at once. It breaks it up
(43:46):
into a beginning of your day andthen a check in at the end your
day. So I'll just share a tip. Ioften would forget to do the
check in at the end of the day,Brian, I don't know if you've
noticed this, but if I do it inthe morning, I leave it on the
bed, so that when I go to bed,it's right there as a reminder
for me to finish it up at night.
Brian Upton (44:07):
I thought it was there for me to read it. No,
Stacey Upton (44:09):
it's not there for you to read. Stop that
Brian Upton (44:12):
immediately.
Stacey Upton (44:14):
They also have other items where you're gonna
say something No, it's
Brian Upton (44:18):
just gonna say intelligent change.com and the
broken tiles 10 Is the discount
Stacey Upton (44:22):
code. Excellent.
Yeah, you can use your thought Iwas just gonna say they have
other products too. Mindfulnesscards, a productivity planner.
All kinds of things. I encourageyou to check it out. I love
their stuff.
Brian Upton (44:36):
You know I love
Stacey Upton (44:37):
this song
Brian Upton (44:46):
way I forgot I have one mystic. I'm scratching Am I
doing one? I know I'm markingthe card? Oh, good. Yeah, you're
doing a good job on the norepeats. If you had to eliminate
(45:07):
one emotion from your life, whatwould it be? Wow.
Stacey Upton (45:14):
overwhelm
Brian Upton (45:17):
the feeling of being overwhelmed.
Stacey Upton (45:20):
Yeah. I never experienced overwhelm fully,
until I was a stay at home momwith three kids. And that's when
I was really introduced tooverwhelm. And sometimes I still
(45:42):
experience it. Like right nowtransitioning to a new job.
Brian Upton (45:47):
Yeah, you're gonna you're in it.
Stacey Upton (45:49):
I am in it. Yeah, trying hard to wade my way
through. But I'm in it.
Brian Upton (45:53):
It's very interesting, when you and we may
have spoken about this. Butit's, it's I think I'm seeing it
happen. When there's adifference between looking up in
sort of a business hierarchy.
And they don't mean this in the,in this way at all. But when you
(46:15):
get to a certain point ofmanager, you're sort of, you're
now looking down. I don't meandown on people, but it just
flips. You're one of and youdon't, I think, look, here's the
general feeling I have is that alot of times, there's a
difference sometimes in yourbusiness situation between being
(46:35):
proactive and reactive based onyour position. A lot of times as
an employee, a lot of timesyou're reactive to what was just
said at that meeting, what yourmarching orders are correct. And
on the other side of it, you'vegot a week to prepare for what
the marching orders are going tobe to other people. Yeah, in a
way.
Stacey Upton (46:54):
Yeah, that's true.
And it's a lot. And I tried to Itry very hard to be somebody
that considers everyone'sperspectives, and frame things
in a way that will be takenwell. And even with all that
effort, it does, it doesn'thappen. Yeah, fully. So but
that's okay. That's, it's, it'sactually, I feel like I'm
(47:18):
learning new skills as a humanbeing. And that's a good thing.
Right? I enjoy learningexperiences, the growing pains
in it are challenging, but I, Iactually do see a light at the
end of the tunnel, it's notgonna always be like this. I'm
getting my feet underneath menow.
Brian Upton (47:38):
Right. And mine's anger. And I see that quickly,
because I think I just want toget to the anger overwhelm. I
think the answers in thiscategory across the board, you
probably start running out ofemotions at a certain point,
because this question, to getrid of an emotion is qualified
in your head quickly, that thisemotion would serve no future
(48:01):
purpose for me. And I don't seea purpose for anger. I don't see
a purpose for being overwhelmed.
I don't see a positive resultfor I think there's better ways
to handle even conflict ordanger than anger.
Stacey Upton (48:15):
I, I actually disagree with you, I understand
where you're coming from, but Idisagree with you. And I don't
think I would have disagreedwith you if I hadn't read the
book by Susan David calledEmotional agility are our
emotions are there?
Evolutionarily speaking, to clueus into things. And so it's what
(48:38):
it's on us to recognize theemotion and try to understand
where it's coming from, and why.
And it's really meant to be aclue, to give us insight on to
how to handle a situation.
Brian Upton (48:56):
I like that. But even in a circumstance, I think
it more calculated. I'm tryingto think of a circumstance where
other emotions or feelings mightcome up. Where, like, let's say
for instance, attentiveness.
There's a lot of words thatwould be circled around even
defending yourself that aren'tanger. And, you know, as far as
(49:18):
once you can identify, and Ithink, in even in a circumstance
where, let's say, maybe somebodycuts you off, or somebody
punches you in a bar, let's sayyou can't even avoid a fight.
The last thing you need in themiddle of a fight is anger. You
need to be calculating, you knowwhat your position is in that
bar what they're doing, you needto be paying attention to what
(49:39):
his anger, everything's going totake care of itself. As my point
your body is going to give youbasically, dopamine, it's gonna
give you adrenaline to be in afight. And I'm making an example
just it's not always aboutfights. What I'm saying is our I
think we're kind ofspectacularly built as a defense
mechanism when needed. Theycalculated anger to me that one
(50:00):
emotion and I might need to readthat book to see where she
elevates anger as a positiveinfluence, or I think I can, I
might take the first part ofwhat you said about it,
understand it, learn it, findout what it is, but possibly
still said no need for it?
Stacey Upton (50:19):
Well, I think what I'm hearing is you are kind of
combining the emotion of angerwith the action someone takes
when they feel anger, no otherseparate thing it is.
Brian Upton (50:32):
But I would have to say, I guess you have read the
book, what is the positiveaspect of anger?
Stacey Upton (50:38):
Now you're putting me on the spot? I would have to
say it's a clue as to Oh,something needs immediate
attention.
Brian Upton (50:47):
But aren't your three steps before anger?
Stacey Upton (50:50):
Well, what if like, somebody cuts you off?
You're angry because you'rescared? You're angry, because
you realize, oh, my gosh, thisperson could have run me off the
road? And I would think soyou're you're angry about Yeah,
Brian Upton (51:03):
and I would just make the argument, the scared
instinct comes before anger, yousee what, I think we'll run out
of time here. And I'm not inthat I'm not winning this
argument or trying to, but whatI'm saying is, I think I'm with
you what you're saying processit, it's the same way, I would
have a hard time finding a valuefor overwhelm. Because there's
(51:24):
six things that lead to beingoverwhelmed that you could have
handled before you got to thatone emotion. And if that emotion
wasn't in your catalogue, perthe question, you'd be better at
the fucking other things. That'sI think what I'm getting at is
if anger was gone from my, mydeck, I'd be much better at
(51:44):
perception. I'd be much betterat understanding and I agree
with, and that's kind of where Iwas,
Stacey Upton (51:51):
you know, yeah, sometimes other emotions are
masked, because anger causesthat for and we
Brian Upton (51:56):
might want to talk about that a little bit more
like that. And maybe even I'llread or listen to that book. So
we can talk about that a littlebit more, but gave it to
Ainsley. Well, that's awesome.
You got that's more of what Iwas getting at, you know, is
that if we're going to dump one,that would be one that I have no
use for it. And I struggle withit as what I'm saying, I do
struggle with that. I strugglewith Greg and I talk at work a
(52:17):
lot of the times where I can'tquite understand. You know, how
I'm good at certain perceptionsof big things in life and
terrible at small things,perceptions on small things at a
stoplight, and also controllingsmall bursts of anger.
Stacey Upton (52:41):
Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's interesting. I was
reminded, we were talking aboutSusan David in this book, and
this conversation reminded me ofa quote that my good friend sent
to me via text today by SusanDavid. Okay. Who's in charge,
the thinker or the thought?
Brian Upton (53:06):
Who's in charge the thinker or the thought? And
we'll save that for next time?
Because I think we're almost 55minutes but one I love the
quote. And I think it's actuallydoesn't it doesn't that makes me
think Wait, who's in charge youor me?
Stacey Upton (53:21):
That's a trick question. We'll talk more about
that one later.
Brian Upton (53:27):
All right. We're gonna play the game. It seems to
inordinately land on Mac Millermore than anything else. Let's
have a lot of Mac Miller andthen I'll need your number and
we'll get out of here.
Stacey Upton (53:41):
Today five,
Brian Upton (53:42):
okay, simple one.
And thenthis isn't not going to play
monitor gotta be quick. Whilewe're listening. How many
(54:03):
downloads have we had?
Stacey Upton (54:11):
2300
Brian Upton (54:13):
That's pretty good guess is it? Yeah, it's wrong.
But let's be doing everything Ican stay in this marriage. In
those two hours tell you right,it's 2300 2700 downloads. Wow.
And that's really good. We gotto get some get out. Oh, this
(54:39):
wait a minute though. This isgoing to be Post Malone. Right.
Stacey Upton (54:42):
I have no idea.
Brian Upton (54:46):
I could be wrong, but I guess so. on Spotify game
that means this might be I'mgonna guess me. We got
Stacey Upton (54:56):
Ainsley no idea.
Brian Upton (55:00):
It is Post Malone it's me and somebody else it
Ainsley. I bet it's beenAinsley. We both want yeah.
Stacey Upton (55:12):
That was fun and he's
Brian Upton (55:13):
intense. Shut up, do the laundry. And wait, am I
dumped or not dumped?
Stacey Upton (55:22):
You're not done
Brian Upton (55:24):
because you can find the weight speed dating
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