October 1, 2024 • 60 mins
Ever thought about how a Nerf gun fight could actually bring you and your partner closer? Well, in the latest episode of the Broken Tiles Podcast, we kick things off with some exciting news—brand-new, professionally produced music and a top-notch recording setup to make your listening experience even better. Plus, we’re celebrating a major health milestone that’s made a huge difference in our lives. Join us as we look back on how this podcast went from a fun scratch-off challenge to a regular date night ritual, with nearly 20,000 downloads. Oh, and we’ve got some new question games lined up to keep things interesting!
Hosting vs. being hosted?—it’s trickier than it seems. We share some personal stories about the comfort of being in familiar spaces, the juggling act of hosting duties, and how social anxiety can really shape our interactions. This episode is all about our journey toward being more open and the real connections we’ve made along the way.
We also get into the emotional (and often invisible) load that women carry, throw in a lighthearted review of a rom-com, and introduce the Adventure Challenge Connection Cards for couples. Plus, we relive a fun scratch-off dare involving a Nerf gun fight and even imagine what each other’s online dating profiles would look like. To wrap it all up, we chat about the importance of self-care, especially in motherhood, and the challenges of OCD and compulsive behaviors. This episode is packed with personal growth, advocacy, and a whole lot of playfulness in our relationship. You won’t want to miss it!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
this is the broken tiles podcast that was easy and
it sounds so profesh and allwe're back.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
That was this is yes, we own this, yeah music of our
own uh, osha dj selecta sevens-e-l-e-c-t-a.
The number seven on instagramwe figured with the kind of
(00:37):
official nature.
We'll announce a few of thesethings.
As far as sponsors and thestudio we're in right now, um,
that we probably needed to pivotand get some music that we own
to open it to avoid consequencesdown the road.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Hey babe.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Hi, feels like a real upgrade.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
It's a huge upgrade.
We just press a button and weget the intro now.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Yeah, and we're in this cool sound booth.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
It makes me want to do it again.
Hold on, just to show peoplehow technical.
Let's see if it just startsagain.
Look at that.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
This is the Broken Tiles Podcast.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
This is the Broken Tiles Podcast.
Look it, I'm like a remixer now.
I could do that all day,because we already know I've got
a problem.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
I think I listened back a tiny bit because it's
been so long since we did Ithink we podcasted and then we
did the group podcast with Megan, ryan, bailey and Kenzie yeah,
so it has been a while and Idon't want to.
We don't need to even bog itdown.
It's really positive news.
Let's give the quick update onthe Mal de Debarquement and we
(01:48):
can blow right by, because Ithink it's almost time to do
that a little bit, but fucking,let's Venezuela know what's
going on.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
I'm not dizzy anymore .
Speaker 3 (01:58):
It's amazing.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
It is amazing.
It's been a very long time toget to this place, but hopefully
this is just where I stay andI'm feeling good.
I can think I can speak.
I was really struggling withthat before.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
The fundamentals of life.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
The fundamentals of life and walking.
Walking was also a problem.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
You ran a mini wharf to wharf.
I did that was great and youset the pace.
I painfully ran behind you.
Yeah, it's like you suddenlywere dizzy for a year and a half
and I think Stanford.
You know they're not officialsponsor of the podcast by any
means.
They're the sponsor of me.
(02:58):
What a turn.
That was space.
And they're a sponsor.
It's kind of a deal with SantaCruz Vibes Media.
Santa Cruz Vibes Magazineclearly would be now an official
sponsor of the podcast in thatcapacity itself.
But let's get it out of the waybecause it's a real life
sponsor and it's got real lifeconsequences.
(03:20):
We're in an amazing littlestudio right now.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
We are.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
Soundproof studio.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
Yeah, they have a lot to offer people here.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Azuki, the dog has been fired, although they do
allow dogs down here.
But we're over it.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
She's not fired.
She's just not going to be inthe background of our podcasts
any longer.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Satellite Santa Cruz and Digital Media Studio is the
office workspace and studio youneed Coworking, private offices,
virtual office plans, videoproduction studio, video editing
suites, meeting and conferencerooms available when you need it
, 24-7.
Satellitecommunitytvorg and youcan call Olivia 831-531-2300
(04:03):
and get a tour.
We use all of that.
(04:26):
Now At Vibes We've takenadvantage of the conference room
editing.
We're using these.
You can rent audio equipment,but it's a really good and it's
also got a good feel here.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
They're a nonprofit organization.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
They're a nonprofit and community TV is in the
middle of all of it.
So, and we'll kind of evolvethat over the podcasts, you know
, between the ones we'remanaging right now with Nellie
and the Real Estate Podcast andBroken Tiles.
But we'll spread it out and alot of that information is
easier to drop in the notes ofthe show.
So do we have any otherbusiness to take care of?
(04:55):
Am I missing something, orshould we get right to it?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Business is done.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
Oops.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
It's been a while.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
I know I actually kind of fumbled that a little
bit.
Hold on there we go.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
There you go.
Nothing like a redo.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
And I think we paused long enough that we're sort of,
in a fun way, just randomquestions right now, right, all
over the place.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Yeah, so we've gone through all of our intelligent
change questions and we didn'twant to redo anything.
So I've done some shopping.
I found lots of different typesof question games that we're
going to dive into a few, soyou'll get a flavor of that.
(05:41):
But before we do, I wanted tobring us back to how this all
got started.
So you may remember, this allstarted with a scratch-off
challenge couples edition book,and one of the first ones we
scratched off.
I'm going to read it for you.
(06:02):
It seems like everybody's got apodcast these days, so why not
the two of you?
Oh take an evening to prepareyour questions.
Set up the recording app onyour computer or phone and
interview each other.
Unpack your favorite memories,strangest fears, deepest dreams
and more.
Get creative and have fun withit.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
And that was the beginning of the Broken Tiles
podcast.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
And we did it and we thought the kids listened.
And then, four months later,Many had listened.
Venezuela caught on, yeah wewere shocked.
I think 18, maybe 18 episodes.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
I think that sounds right, something like that.
I don't know, it's not a ton,but it's been fun and we're so
eager to get back to it.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Yeah, and it's connected and this is I think we
talked about it through aseries of them.
It very much feels like a datenight and I would actually
reaching out to the audience.
I would recommend the firstpart of it, which is do that,
grab your phone, make a podcastand whether it goes anywhere, or
(07:07):
you just listen back yourself.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
It was fun that first time.
What's the experience of doingit?
And you have this opportunityto interview each other, in a
way, learn about each other.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
Exactly, and I think it's just a stop moment.
And so you know it's a stopmoment, that you know outside of
the dizziness we're kind ofrolling, half rolling, but it
was.
It's really um, uh, I don'tthink we do that enough.
Where we, we turn it off silentthe notifications and just ask
a few questions.
I'm ready.
(07:36):
I'm out of.
I'm out of shape, but I'm readymental shape yeah, so this the
the first question.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
I've got a few, I'm going to have you choose one.
I don't even know what they allare.
This comes from a game createdby a therapist, Esther Perel,
and it's called the book is thebook is box is right there,
honey.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Where Should we Begin ?
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Where Shall we Begin?
Oh, should, it is should.
Where Should we Begin?
Where Should we Begin?
Book is uh.
Box is right there, honey.
Where should we begin?
Where shall we begin?
Speaker 3 (08:06):
oh, should it is, should we begin?
Speaker 1 (08:06):
where should we begin ?
And it's um she.
She explains it as uh storyprompts for conversation for
okay uh, getting to know eachother a little more deeply, yeah
, okay.
So the first question is quitebenign, but I think it can be
really telling in what othershold as value to them.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
So the question is between hosting or being hosted.
I prefer what.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Hosting.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
I knew you'd say that .
Speaker 3 (08:44):
Yeah, hosting, there's no doubt for me.
It's hosting, In fact, I think,being hosted for me, but again,
I this is I always got to kindof unwind there's this is the
this show we do so interestingbecause your first thing is the
sort of blanketed answer, butthen there's the sort of the
(09:04):
honest answer is, being hostedto me sometimes means you've got
to put on a different self alittle bit.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
You've got to play a role.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
You've got to play a role a little bit.
There's a little moreadministration.
For me, as counterintuitive asit sounds, being hosted to me is
more on the treadmill thanhosting, because hosting comes
with the benefit of sort ofbeing in the shadows.
Hosting allows you to walk awaybecause you're administrating,
walk away because you'reorganizing it, and I think we
(09:37):
touched on it a few episodeswhere outwardly you might have
one sort of perception, butinwardly you might have like
some social anxiety and thosethings present themselves a
different way.
But I feel there's a cloak.
Um, it's weird to say you openyour door, you're having people
come over, but I think you canhide more hosting than you can
being hosted.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
You so can.
Yeah, yeah, if I were to thinkto answer this myself, I have to
say I think it depends on whereI'm at in my life at the moment
.
Sometimes I really want to hostfor two reasons.
I want to be in the role oftaking care of somebody else.
(10:20):
I love it when our kids come andI can cook for them and get
things ready, put together forthem, but sometimes I really
love to be hosted.
Megan and Ryan, who we had onthe show at the last episode.
They're wonderful hosts andthey just go all out.
They make wonderful food andit's so enjoyable to be visiting
(10:42):
with them in their home.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
Now, that's a really good point because and maybe
it's more of um, maybe it's moreum, like everything else in the
world, which is repetition,muscle memory, if that's not the
perfect connection but Meganand Ryan wouldn't fall in that
category, because we've done itso many times that going over
there it's less formal and Ifeel like I'm in my own house
(11:06):
and it doesn't.
But the only reason that occursis because we, we literally
walked through that door so manytimes.
It doesn't feel like a thing,it just feels like nothing,
which is the that's the ultimatefor me.
It's no change in my sort oflike, my, my temperature.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Yeah, yeah, I understand that.
That makes sense.
The other thing that comes tomy mind is well, I do enjoy
hosting.
There are times where Irecognize when we are hosting
I'm not a very good host becauseI want to sit at the table, be
engaged in the conversation.
I forget I hear you gurgling.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
I can't be all that out.
It can't be possible.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
I hear myself just getting deeper into a
conversation with people and Iforget about my duties as a host
to keep giving them.
You know, do you need somethingmore to drink?
What can I get you?
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Well, that's where my social anxiety is a perfect
balance.
Yeah, Because I'm.
I think when we do host, I amperfectly happy participating at
length, but also kind of, youknow, fatigue out a little bit.
And I think those are theperiods where exactly what I
started this answer with, whereyou can kind of hide a little
bit under the guise of now I'mfucking myself, because I'm
(12:28):
saying this out loud to all ofour friends so when they come
over they'll realize when I'mdoing the dishes I'm not being
the helpful husband, I'm hiding.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Yeah, but you know what I think.
What you're saying is you'rebeing very honest in the fact
that you say you have socialanxiety, and this is.
I just had a light bulb momentRecently.
We decided when we're togetherin the evenings, or like having
dinner with somebody, we'regoing to put our phones away and
(12:57):
not pull them out, and itoccurred to me that is another
tactic of yours.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
When you have social anxiety, yeah, whether I use it
as a guise of I'm looking upinformation for the conversation
.
It's not necessarily I'm onInstagram or TikTok or scrolling
.
I think when I get on the phone, usually in the circumstances,
I'm using it for what I think ispart of the conversation.
But I also realize it's not athing.
(13:23):
That hasn't been a big problem,like turning that off and
flipping it over and not havingit at night.
I was five for five last weekand it's just a quick habit to
get used to.
Was not hard at the Shadowbrookthe other night, it was easy.
It's just.
I think we said during thatdinner it's a habit and it's a.
(13:43):
It's one that like our diet Ithink we we made the analogy and
like working out, it's just oneyou need to sort of jump in and
commit to and can you commit to5.30 or 6 o'clock till9?
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
To be present.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Yeah, we just switched it All of our contacts.
We went through and justswitched it so that our
emergency ones would ringthrough, yep, and then if you're
just kind of vocal about whatyou're doing theoretically,
you'll get less calls duringthat little closeout time and
you quickly realize there'snothing happening.
That's so ground shakingbetween six and nine.
Yeah, it's almost likenostalgic for me, like the
(14:20):
finding out in the morning, like, for instance, how my fantasy
football team did.
Oh that's kind of cool, it wasgreat.
It's a surprise moment, that'skind of exciting that you didn't
wake up because there was no.
This is just how old we are.
(14:41):
But there was no ESPN all thetime.
There was no 24 seven newscycle or phones that you'd have
to kind of like scramble thatpaper and see what the final
score was, because they wouldkind of keep it up to the print
deadline.
That's pretty good.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Yeah.
So let me ask you this what doyou think we just learned about
each other with this question?
Speaker 3 (15:04):
this.
What do you think we justlearned about each other with
this question?
I think we learned for, um, asfar as brian and stacy.
What we learned is that, in alot of ways, what I learned is
that we are passing each otherin the night, um, with like a
little bit more transparency andhow we feel that what we would
(15:24):
have said was a sure thing 5, 10, 15, 20 years ago.
Brian, super confident, brian,never thinks about those things.
It's just this like cloak thatyou had on.
It's like this, it's this imageof what you're supposed to be
in a situation.
Sure is easy just to say no, Idon't not necessarily always
comfortable that, I'm notnecessarily always looking
(15:45):
forward to those, and it's aweight to carry when there's an
expectation in certain events oflike what your character is
supposed to be.
So I guess what I'm.
I guess that didn't answer thequestion.
What I'm learning is thatyou're more capable in those
circumstances than I would havesaid maybe 10 or 15 years ago as
far as like carryingconversations.
(16:07):
Even what we're saying rightnow is that you would rather
stay at the table and carry aconversation than hide in the
kitchen.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Yeah, but 10 years ago it was very much the
opposite.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, because we're incharacter.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
We had pretty traditional roles.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
And you had work to do, Mm-hmm, so did you want?
Actually that's one I wanted to.
I told you last night I mightdive, bomb you a little bit
because it's our own thing.
You never remember telling methat I did.
Okay, I said you were going totherapy right before this.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Oh yeah, right before this.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
And sometimes with our therapist, which we'll
probably need to explain that weyou know I've never seen her,
but she's.
My therapist is, um, you justgot out and I think, in general
terms, um, every time you comehome I ask, without intruding,
is there anything that I that Ilearned today?
(16:59):
Like, in, in what you do, isyou sort of carbon filter out?
Yeah.
Like something, maybe to talk.
Was there anything ingeneralities that you might have
talked to these therapistsabout today?
That would be interesting, yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Now I remember you did warn me about this.
I did warn you I was going todo this.
Boy and I didn't prepare to tryto filter out.
I'm a slow processor remember.
That's why this is a huge, butI'm just thinking like in broad
strokes I had a lot of insightstoday, yeah.
About a lot of different things,one of which how can I say?
(17:34):
This me a very long time tohave the sense of I don't know
if safety is the right wordpsychological safety.
Not that I was unsafe, more ofit is, not that you made me
(17:55):
unsafe, more of it was just likemy upbringing and my own
situations.
But to really express my ownneeds in many different ways and
to take what I need withoutfeeling bad or small or guilty,
(18:18):
these are big, big things for me.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
There's no doubt, and I think that was, that's
perfect generalities, and Ithink for me, what I I can, I
think the word that I come upwith is you have become through
age, through therapy, which hasbeen a particularly great
therapist that you have become abetter advocate for yourself.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Yeah, and I'm also learning uh.
This is another topic we talkedabout a little bit.
I'm I'm recognizing, uh, whattriggers me and why, and the
importance of um and theimportance of pausing before
taking action on anything Right,there's an author by the name
(19:09):
of Viktor Frankl who survivedthe Nazi prison camps and I'm
not recalling which one he wasat, but he wrote a book.
Of course, I don't remember thename right now, but he has a
very famous quote that statesbetween a stimulus and a
response those are the onlywords for certain I remember but
(19:34):
essentially, between a stimulusand a response, there is a
moment and in that moment youcan pause, interesting and make
a different.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
This isn't it, I looked him up, but this isn't it
and it's Viktor FranklF-R-N-K-L, first name Viktor
V-I-K-T-O-R.
But this is just the firstquote that came up, and it's not
it.
But it gives you the depth ofthe guy.
And here's the quote.
The one thing you can't takeaway from me is the way I choose
to respond to what you do to me.
Yeah, the last of one'sfreedoms is to choose one's
(20:04):
attitude in any givencircumstance.
Happiness cannot be pursued, itmust ensue.
Yes, Life is never madeunbearable by circumstances, but
only by lack of meaning andpurpose.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Yeah, it gives me chills.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
Yeah, that's really good.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Yeah, I think he's written more than one book
actually.
But you know, it's that momentbetween when something happens
and when you choose to respondthat you have all the power
Right.
A lot of people don't thinkthey have power, and so we had a
moment where we had a phonecall with one of our kids who
was in an escalated state and Imet that escalation like
(20:46):
immediately.
I bypassed that moment where Icould have paused and reacted in
a different way.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
And I, through our therapist that I've never seen,
said our therapist would want usto breathe.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Yes, wait.
She was so proud of you when Itold her this whole situation.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
I imagine, because I've listened to all of her
words filtered through you.
But I think to put a bow onthat because I know you talk
about it and I'll kind of strikethrough the middle of it
because it's in generalities,no-transcript.
(21:46):
As far as all of that, theconfidence all the way around,
advocacy all the way around, Ithink it's been sort of
revelatory and groundbreaking tohave somebody speak honestly in
that capacity.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
It's been huge growth on my part.
It has been.
It's been hard growth on mypart.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
It has been hard, hard fought, so scary feeling at
times, but it's been great butthen, like a lot of other things
, not so much, not once it'ssaid, not once it's out there,
it's, it's, it's.
Eventually you kind of findthat you have um.
All you really were looking forwas um, was respect, and you
were looking for my voice andrespect of my, my thoughts, my
(22:28):
needs, my desires.
The same way you've seen otherpeople basically get that for
what appears to be free or noproblem.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
And the same way I give to others.
That's exactly it, yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
Yeah, and it's just weird to kind of look through
the glass and say how does onedo that?
And then the answer is one justdoes.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Yeah, but you know there's so many layers, whether
it be, you know, childhoodexperiences is one thing, but
then our society acculturateswomen to feel, to be givers,
caretakers of all, and our needsare always last and our
responsibility to make sureeverybody is cared for, like the
conversation we were havingrecently about the invisible
(23:11):
workload of women and how thatwas really recently revealed
during COVID, when men and womenwere both working.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
And still exists even after that conversation.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Talk about that a little bit because I have
something to say about it.
Making sure that birthday cardsare sent out to all the
extended family members, makingsure it might even be something
(23:51):
more visible like the laundry isdone and the grocery shopping
is done, the meal prep is puttogether.
Maybe, if you have children,their activity schedule is all
figured out, their activityschedule is all figured out and
somebody's making sure they arewhere they need to belong and
(24:13):
picked up at the right time andthey've got the snacks that they
need and just all the thingsthat it takes, all the little
minutiae it takes to run a lifethat goes unacknowledged all the
time and it's a heavy load.
It's a heavy load and here'sthe time and it's a heavy load.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
It's a heavy load.
And here's the thing.
After you said that, here's thething you got through a
checklist and this is this isthe broken tiles classic right
now.
But all those things you justsaid and I consider myself to be
a good person, I considermyself to try hard and, to use
this bullshit word, I'mequitable and I want to hear it
and I'm here for you and allthese things.
How many times have I ever doneany of that Ever?
(24:41):
How many times have I ever youever heard from me saying hey,
we got to get my mom's birthdaypresent together and send it out
before Tuesday?
How many times have I ever saidhere's the grocery list for the
week.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Never.
But you do run out and do yougo grocery shopping without a
list.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
But it's still not there.
And again, that's there.
Is that part of it, yeah, butthat's not the front end of it.
No, and that's part of like,the whole thing we're going
through right now, which is thisagain for me, it's not even
it's different for me, becauseit's not like this, there's no
regret, it's not upsetting, it'sjust like hearing a new podcast
or a book like going, or a booklike going.
(25:18):
Oh, I never thought of thatbefore and if you said that I
kind of blew through it.
I'm like my first thought was,well, that ain't me, and then I
started going through thechecklist.
I'm like I've never done any ofthat, the things you just said.
I've never done one of thosethings in 34 years.
I've never.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Maybe I was.
What's the term?
Well?
Speaker 3 (25:40):
without recognizing, I was telling you.
Yeah, you were telling me,because it's not only that, it's
like we need to think aboutyour mom, which is me, my mom,
you tell me, and these go out byTuesday because her birthday is
Saturday.
And you're like did you send itout?
And I'm like no, and it'sFriday.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Right, but you know, that's why I also ask you to do
the sending out.
I think about it, I got it allput together and I make it very
clear You're the one that'sgoing to physically go to the
post office and do that.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
Yeah, you do it.
You get down there, boys, whatyou say.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
I do not say that.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
All right, hold on, don't don't get, don't get too
crazy with it here.
I think I've got something foryou, okay.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Well, the impact of that invisible load is women
also have jobs.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Well, that's it, and they do visible things.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
So it's the impact.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
And on top of that the men yeah, a whole different
again.
This is a classic thing.
That's for another podcast.
What is this?
Honey, this is a Broken TilesTV reveal.
Nobody wants this Netflix.
Oh my gosh, so good.
An agnostic sex podcaster and anewly single rabbi fall in love
(26:53):
, but can their relationshipsurvive their wildly different
lives and meddling?
I don't know why this is stillplaying so loud.
I'm going to stop it.
Hold on.
I don't know why this is stillplaying so loud.
Stop it, hold on, I can't stop.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
You are out of practice.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
I am out of practice.
I don't know why they didn'tstop when I went down with the
boy.
Maybe that's the button thatbroke, cause I put it under the
suitcase.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
An agnostic sex podcaster and a newly single
rabbi fall in love, but cantheir relationship survive their
wildly different lives andmeddling families?
Watch all you want.
Kristen Bell and Adam Brodystar with Justin Lupe and
Timothy Simmons in this charmingrom-com.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
It is.
Charming is the right word forit.
I smile so much when I watchthat show.
It's great, it's great.
They really go to places.
You wouldn't expect mile somuch when I watch that show.
It's great, it's great and itthey really, uh, go to places
you wouldn't expect.
It's for it's good.
Speaker 3 (27:49):
I know why that didn't go, cause I didn't have
it plugged in.
Ah so I don't even know if thatcame across on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Oh well, play just a little bit of the music now.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
Do it backwards, we heard it, we did, you and I
heard the music.
Oh yeah, it wasn't playing.
It wasn't, it would hear.
This soundproof room would haveheard it.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Possibly Nightmare Way out of practice.
Speaker 3 (28:15):
We'll get there.
Alright, that's all they get,but I, like you, I think it's
every once in a while.
I think maybe it's an averagestory.
It's a rom-com.
It's predictable to a certainextent, right.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
There are some surprising moments and plot
lines.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
But mostly.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
Like a rom-com.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
Yeah, but I think when it's perfectly cast, all
the way down to those sub kindof characters and what I'd
consider like sort of thosebackground characters, this one
kind of goes up for me because Ithink it's perfectly cast.
Speaker 1 (28:46):
Yeah, I agree with you.
It's well done.
Speaker 3 (28:48):
What's your rating?
Tenths of a point.
Zero to ten man you put there'sno wings.
You can do everything you want,but just you know.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
Between one and ten.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
Well, I'm going to have to give it an 8.5.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
I'm close to that.
I'm 8.2.
My gut feeling was 8.2, wayabove yes, far below perfect,
but way above yes.
Absolutely and at 26 to 30minutes per episode.
You can blow through it in anight or two.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
Yeah, how many episodes are there?
Ten man, we're going to be donewith it soon.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
That's just like that other one we loved.
There was another one we loved.
That was like another 30-minuteone and it's over before you
know it.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
Yeah, it's good.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
Hey, I'm hitting every wrong button.
I think we're only on questiontwo.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
We are indeed.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
That I think we're only on question two.
We are indeed.
That's a good first one.
I don't even remember it, but Iknow it was great.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
Okay, so this next deck we're pulling from is from
the Adventure ChallengeConnection Cards, couples
Edition.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
Dang, that's a mouthful.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Yeah Well, let me just pause for a moment and give
a shout out to the AdventureChallenge.
Is that who this is?
By no, but we have theAdventure Challenge, quote
unquote, in bed.
Speaker 3 (30:14):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
Yeah.
So it's scratch off dares andthings to do and it's not
raunchy, at least not yet.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
Was that the Nerf gun fight?
Speaker 1 (30:23):
That was the Nerf gun fight.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
Highly recommended.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Highly recommended.
So I have this new goal.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
Except you almost put my eye out.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
That's true.
I have this new goal to be moreplayful and I thought maybe
this book would be helpful.
And I mean playful in general,not just in the bedroom.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
I'm less interested now.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
I was all in for the playful Well.
The scratch off revealed asuggestion of getting Nerf guns.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Kind of having like a strip tease with it.
Speaker 3 (30:54):
Kind of.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
You have to wear at least five articles of clothing,
because I think there's fivedarts in the chamber, or maybe
six.
Yeah.
And then you aim for differentarticles of clothing, because I
think there's five darts in thechamber, or maybe six, yeah.
And then you aim for differentarticles of clothing and when
the other person hits it, theyhave to take it off.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
Yeah, I was an expert shot.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:09):
You hit me right in the eyeball and I think that's
it, and the rest of mine werevery much like I all of a sudden
became a Navy SEAL.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
Yeah, you got good back.
Speaker 3 (31:20):
Yeah, everything's about motivation, but I'm
interested to see where that'sgoing.
And did you end up?
Speaker 1 (31:28):
finishing your thought, or did we get all the
way off after you talked about-.
I just talked about how thisstarted.
We haven't scratched offanother one, but we'll do that
again.
You'll talk about that later.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Okay, that's fine.
So yeah, whatever that hugelong name of this company is, I
think, between these two cardgames.
So this is a random draw again.
Yep, there you go.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
Let's see what we've got If I oh no, if I had an
online dating profile yes.
What do you think my bio wouldsay?
Speaker 3 (31:52):
Um, uh, let me think this one through, cause I've.
This is this is a.
This is a big, heavy insidejoke with our friend Kelly
Stacey.
Me, it's like an ongoing thingwhere, 34 years in, I'm obsessed
with not online dating, onlinedating for you and what it would
(32:13):
look like in that world, andthat I want to create these
profiles.
So what would your profile sayand what's the exact question?
Speaker 1 (32:23):
What do you think my bio would say?
Speaker 3 (32:25):
Man, that is now.
Do I get to write it or what Iactually?
Let's formalize this questionLike what I think your bio would
say if Brian was not involved,and you would, and Stacey would
write it.
Yeah, wow, and this is, this isputs me way out of the sphere,
because I don't even know whatpeople write in these.
I don't either.
And so we've, got to kind ofcome up with it.
(32:46):
I think your bio would talk.
I think it would be in thesepercentages, I don't know what
order.
Yeah, your bio would clearlytalk about your kids on some
level and again, not in thisorder.
I wouldn't say you lead with it, your kids write about their
(33:07):
kids in their online dating.
I would imagine you have to sayif you're in a profile, you'd be
.
I mean, if you're, yeah, Iguess I'm.
You could just write I'm downfor it or I'm down for
everything.
Let's nerf gunfight.
I don't think I would I?
Speaker 1 (33:22):
I don't think I would put that I don't think you'd
put that.
Speaker 3 (33:23):
So I'm just getting like what?
Because a bio would be.
Somebody looks at your picture,says I'm interested, yeah,
Again, this clearly puts us sofar out of the game because I
don't know what you're writinghere, but I think you would
somehow work in there hiking,running the beach, travel.
Those are the primaries that Ithink you would get in there.
(33:47):
I don't think I don't thinkyou'd be the kind of person that
would open up too much of your.
I think you would think it'stoo on the nose or or off
putting to talk about likemindfulness and shit like that.
I think you would keep aprofile.
You might keep a profile too,Cause you'd be hoping to get not
(34:08):
Brian, somebody that wants torun every day, that wants to
hike every day.
Your first goal would be tounwind this and fill in the
other part, that not that Idon't do it, but it would be
less teeth pulling.
And maybe your bio just saysthat I just went through 34
years of this.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
Say that's it don't want to pull any, but that's if
I write your bio.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
Mine would be you, my bio, if I wrote it, for you be
describing me and say not thatoh my gosh dm.
If you're down, that's your bio.
That's funny.
What would my bio say?
What would I write in my bio?
Speaker 1 (34:46):
I think you would write that you love to have deep
conversations.
Oh, so I'm the asshole.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
Thank you so I'm the one I just said I wouldn't have
you write that because you thinkit would be.
I just clearly said that youwouldn't put like your
mindfulness and things like that, because I said it would be
off-putting.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
Oh, that would be off-putting in a day.
Speaker 3 (35:06):
No but you're writing mine.
Go ahead, keep going.
So hi, I'm Brian Wait.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
No, I have to reorient my brain to what would
Brian put in his bio.
Speaker 3 (35:14):
Yeah, so right now you're like.
I clicked on Brian's bio and sofar your bio says right now I
like thinking about big things,big things, big things.
Keep going.
Do you swipe left or right ifyou're interested or not?
Speaker 1 (35:29):
I don't even know what direction Swipe.
Right, right, that's whatpeople say.
Speaker 3 (35:32):
That's if you want it oh yeah.
Maybe swipe right.
So for our conversation on thesale, swipe left, which is
hilarious if that's the wrongway.
But so far I'm swiping left andso far I think, big thoughts.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
I want nothing to do with this.
Brian, you like travel.
Speaker 3 (35:48):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
It would be funny, and I'm not funny.
I don't have your sense ofhumor, so I don't quite know, I
think you can keep it It'd beironic and funny.
Speaker 3 (35:59):
Yeah, I think that's close to it.
Now we can answer what we wouldwrite, right, yeah, I think
you're close to it.
I think what I would do is I'dtry to craft it to filter out
fucking nonsense and I don'tknow how to do that, but I think
I would try to craft a biosomehow or the other, to um kind
of like in that show we werewatching last night, like they,
(36:19):
they, they have a first kissnobody wants this yeah, nobody
wants.
this is the show.
And they have a first kiss andshe texts him that was a great
kiss.
And then dot dot dot, and thenthe very next one.
I think I'm pregnant, Like that.
That's really funny because athing to say, but that would be
my kind.
I'd want to filter down tosomebody that gets that kind of
humor and I guess I'd try towork that into a bio.
(36:41):
Yeah, Not to sell Brian so much, but to filter out some shit
yeah, that's definitely the wayyou would handle it mine.
I had you sort of more on pointpractical and that's how I am.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
What would?
Speaker 3 (36:56):
yours be.
What would you write?
Speaker 1 (36:59):
oh, everything you said, I guess I don't know.
I think I'd have to look atdon't go too fast past this
question.
Speaker 3 (37:03):
This is my dream, we're actually half kind of
doing it.
I want to want to want you't gotoo fast past this question,
because this is my dream, we'reactually half kind of doing it.
One I want you on the Golden.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Bachelorette no, thank you Naked and.
Speaker 3 (37:15):
Afraid.
Yeah, what's the other one Iwant you on?
Oh, I want you on that new onethat Taylor made us watch.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
The British show Dating Naked.
Speaker 3 (37:23):
Yeah, that's the only thing I want you on.
I want you on dating naked.
I want you on um, naked andafraid, and I want you on the
golden bachelorette.
I want you to get to the finaltwo and then say I'm married 35
years, I've got three kids arelike 40.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
My kids yeah, no, so that's it Time for my question.
Okay, you go ahead, so that'sit Not interested.
Speaker 3 (37:43):
Time for my question.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
Okay, you go ahead.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
I kind of forget what it was.
Oh, this is one I just kind ofrandomly pulled up.
I kind of like it at this point.
Did we talk about Selecta7?
Speaker 1 (38:00):
You mentioned him, yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:01):
I just want to make sure we get all of our sponsors
in before I go too far.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
Let me see here Are you going to play?
Speaker 2 (38:11):
I am out of control on, I just want to make sure
you're creating the mostbeautiful airline in the world,
we hired Emilio Puzzi to designour uniforms.
Our hostesses wear reversiblecoats of almond green.
Oh, it's not Pan Am anymore,that's right.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
But I don't remember who you chose.
Speaker 3 (38:40):
Blue planes, orange planes, yellow planes, braniff
Airlines.
Oh my gosh, braniff, Pan Amdumped.
Gosh, that's.
Braniff Because.
Pan Am dumped us.
That's right.
Intelligent Chains dumped us.
Who else have we had?
Cha-cha-cha, that's it.
Never heard that from Pan Am.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
No, we did not.
Speaker 3 (38:59):
I'm comfortable saying fuck Pan Am at this point
.
I don't think we're evercircling back around.
I don't think I'm burning anybridges.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
I don't think we're ever circling back around.
I don't think I'm burning anybridges.
I don't think so I think you'resafe.
Speaker 3 (39:06):
Can we break our mugs when we get home?
Speaker 1 (39:09):
No people gifted that to us.
Speaker 3 (39:11):
Who did?
Speaker 1 (39:12):
Our children, two individual, two separate kids,
without knowing each other,bought it for us.
Speaker 3 (39:19):
Okay, I'm sorry about what I said about Pan Am.
I don't know if that's a truestory.
I'm going to fact check Twodifferent people.
Speaker 1 (39:25):
I don't know if it was two kids.
It seemed like Megan get.
Speaker 3 (39:29):
Maybe, yeah, I don't know, that's right I?
Speaker 1 (39:31):
can't remember.
Speaker 3 (39:35):
Are you ready to get your mind blown with this
question?
You only have one left.
Don't panic.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
I know I've got three .
I was trying to separate mydifferent decks.
To separate my different decks.
Speaker 3 (39:43):
Here's a Brian question.
This is the one everybody'swaiting for, anyways.
Is it better to be selfless orlook out for yourself before
anyone else?
Who wants to go first, becauseI got my answer?
Speaker 1 (40:01):
Go for it, honey.
Speaker 3 (40:02):
Look after yourself.
Speaker 1 (40:04):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
And I thought this one through because I don't know
your questions, but I thinkit's an interesting question and
I think it's a fundamentalquestion, the more I thought
about because at first the gutinstinct is clearly selfless,
clearly sure, but here's thething is that I think you got to
get yourself correct.
(40:25):
I think, because even if you'reselfless, are you your whole
ability, are you your whole self?
And are you giving your best ifyou don't have your shit in
order?
And let's think about your life, not that I, because we, the
faults are here.
We already kind of went throughit with the invisible workload.
(40:46):
There's things going on youdon't even even know about that.
You're not this complete person.
But when I saw this question itwasn't like yesterday, I saw it
before the podcast here myfirst thought was well selfless,
right, because that's the rightthing.
But I don't think that.
My mind, my answer is I don'tthink the answer.
I'm going to take care ofyourself first, then branch out
to the world.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
What a great question this is.
Speaker 3 (41:08):
I think it is better than I thought when I blew by it
.
Speaker 1 (41:10):
Yeah.
So I'm thinking about whenyou're on an airplane and they
say, if you are seated next to achild, to put your mask on
before you help them, becauseyou can't help them if you run
out of oxygen.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
That's exactly it.
That's where my head was going.
Speaker 1 (41:27):
Yeah, and a lot of like.
Similarly to the workload,similarly to the roles and
expectations of women in generaland mothers I guess mothers is
really it.
Speaker 3 (41:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:42):
We are expected to put our children first always,
and we are expected to put ourchildren first always, and most
of the time we feel deeply that,yeah, I absolutely will do that
.
I was talking about this withmy therapist today.
Your therapist, work and familyI would choose my family.
(42:04):
I'm not going to say no to thatand let my work go.
You know what I'm saying,because my heart goes there and,
at the same time, if I ammentally, psychologically,
emotionally unwell, I'm notgiving them the best that I
(42:27):
could.
That's what I'm getting at.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (42:29):
I do think it's a weird question because I think
but I also think it's a big partof this is broadening it out,
but I think it's one of thecomplexities of our human
condition.
Right now, where there's suchbroadcast dissemination of
information, it's everywhere wefeel.
(42:50):
We feel.
We feel and we want to engage,we want to have empathy and we
want to care, and we actuallykind of do that in the form of
even.
Maybe it's a protest, Maybeit's basically advocating this
or that, but I think we're doingit as incomplete people.
(43:13):
I don't think we've done thework on ourselves, and this
includes me.
I'm not saying I'm whole and I'mfiguring it out yourself
selflessly to somebody else.
At what cost?
And are you giving them thehelp they need?
(43:34):
Or would it possibly be smarterto basically take some time or
at least prioritize yourself, toget yourself whole and then
start dividing.
It feels, feels almost like alike a like a like an retirement
investment.
You know that you might bebetter served to basically work
(43:55):
on that nest egg with knowingthat there'll be a longer term
return on you know on whatyou're investing, and you have
to invest in yourself, in inthis fucking, really meandering
analogy I'm making right now.
But you have to invest inyourself and I think it'll be
twofold very quickly down theroad for whoever you're being
selfless for, Possibly.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
Yeah, yeah, it's interesting.
I can't help but think of likeMother Teresa, who was quite
selfless in the work that shedid and I don't know what she
was like as a human being.
I know that there's a lotwritten about her and I think
(44:39):
she's also the person who statedshe went through a period where
she had a dark night of thesoul.
Speaker 3 (44:46):
Mother Teresa.
Yeah when did that memory comefrom?
Speaker 1 (44:50):
Well, back in my Catholic years, Bridget and I
used to talk about this stuff.
Speaker 3 (44:55):
Wow, that's a deep draw, but anyway.
So she was conflicted orsomething, or what are you
talking about?
Speaker 1 (45:01):
She had periods of time where she felt disconnected
from God.
I don't know if I'm reallymaking a point that is relevant
to the conversation we werehaving now, but this is what
came to my mind.
But I think what it is is wasshe at her best?
If she's giving everythingwithout replenishing herself?
(45:26):
Maybe she felt disconnectedbecause she wasn't replenishing
herself and giving herself whatshe needed to carry on.
Speaker 3 (45:34):
Are you saying Mother Teresa needed to get her shit
together?
Wow Did.
I just say that.
This podcast, I found out, goesin the Library Congress.
This is forever.
This is just curiosity.
You are on the historicalrecord of saying Mother Teresa
doesn't know shit.
Don't put those words into mymouth, I didn't, you just said
them.
Speaker 1 (45:52):
Last question Okay, this last question comes from a
box of questions from a companycalled the, and, and this is the
long-term couples edition.
We first came across this carddeck not the couples edition at
(46:16):
Mariposa, the Vietnamese coffeebar.
Speaker 3 (46:19):
Strong, hard recommend of that place downtown
Santa Cruz.
Speaker 1 (46:23):
Fantastic.
Speaker 3 (46:23):
Mariposa coffee bar.
Yep, that place downtown.
Speaker 1 (46:25):
Santa.
Speaker 3 (46:25):
Cruz, fantastic Mariposa Coffee Bar, yep, but
they have like vegan andvegetarian sandwiches and that
place is fantastic.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
Everything about it is delicious, including the vibe
.
It was fun, okay, so choose oneof these.
Speaker 3 (46:38):
Did it.
Speaker 1 (46:39):
Okay, now here's how you play this game.
You sit facing one another witha foot of distance between you,
so we have a little more than afoot, but this is the best we
can do.
Choose.
Well, you're supposed to choose12 random cards.
We're just going to do thiswith one.
Okay, take 30 seconds to relaxand look at one another.
Speaker 3 (46:59):
That's terrible for the podcast.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
And then person one begins by asking person two oh,
begins by asking person twoanswers their question, and then
you continue back and forththrough all the questions.
Speaker 3 (47:11):
Every question must be asked.
Oh sorry.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
But you do not have to answer the question.
Speaker 3 (47:18):
And we're just going to do the one.
Speaker 1 (47:19):
We're just going to do one.
Speaker 3 (47:21):
Okay, but we have to look at each other for 30
seconds.
Speaker 1 (47:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (47:24):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (47:25):
So we're going to play music to entertain everyone
.
Speaker 3 (47:30):
We'll see you in 30 seconds.
Look at me.
Speaker 1 (47:38):
You always got to get this in Perfect timing.
Speaker 3 (47:41):
You know it?
Yeah, all right, that was 30seconds-ish.
Speaker 1 (47:47):
Was it?
I don't think you were timing.
Speaker 3 (47:50):
I just wrote an editorial about how terrible I
am at that.
Speaker 1 (47:53):
You did indeed.
That's almost meditating.
Go ahead and read it.
Speaker 3 (47:56):
What are you most concerned about for my future?
Speaker 1 (48:00):
Ooh.
Speaker 3 (48:00):
Big one.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
Yeah, I'll be most concerned about for your future
it's a beautiful part of thepodcast right now.
Look at this no, and we'restaring into each other's eyes,
man let me get my nerf gun oh mygosh, how, how funny.
(48:25):
Okay, what am I most concernedabout?
This is a tough one for me.
I would have said your physicalhealth, but it is on the
upswing.
Speaker 3 (48:35):
I'm shredded.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (48:39):
You are shred in my phone, so confident, but not
true.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
So I would say your compulsions, your OCD, how dare
you?
Speaker 3 (48:53):
I go around just like it's a China show.
Oh my gosh, your therapy.
You're right.
I talk in generalities about itand without even permission,
Our therapist.
I'm working through ourtherapist on my things.
That I'm very nice.
I'm just so vulnerable with youabout this newly found thing
that I've got a word for myproblem.
Speaker 1 (49:13):
I'm so sorry.
Speaker 3 (49:14):
Yeah, I think again, just like my carpal tunnel,
which it wasn't, and the othermaladies which I've diagnosed
for myself, I've been 90% wrong.
I think I'm right on this one.
I've got OCD, I think we'vementioned on here.
I pulled my hair out.
I've been doing that since Iwas 12 or 13.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
And the latest is the scrubbing.
Speaker 3 (49:36):
Again, here we go, 49 minutes.
I thought I was going to getaway.
It's trickle telanemia and Ithink we've talked about it
before.
I think that's sort of where itcomes down to and I'm sure
we're outing everybody on this.
But um, uh, but it's, it's aweird compulsion and I think
(50:10):
I've always lumped all of mysort of like um, uh into that
one category.
But then I think as we balanceout, we start identifying other
habits that are, are, are odd,and I always associate them with
trickle-tell anemia, and one ofthem is this kind of over
exfoliating, scrubbing thing,even to the point that I've got
(50:30):
a scrub daddy pot scrubber inthe shower and I use it to scrub
because I hate the sound of it.
It's not so much the feel orwhat I get out of it, it's, it's
the sound of that scrubbing onmy body, that it.
It reminds me of pulling out myhair, and I'm not pulling out
my hair as much.
So it's all traits I don't bitemy nails, I pull my hair, I
don't pull my hair, I'm going toscrub down to my my you know
(50:53):
muscle tissue.
Speaker 1 (50:54):
Well, I got a little nervous when you mentioned that
the scrub daddy wasn't doing itfor you anymore, and you're
thinking the steel wool we'rejoking, but I am not.
Okay, that's worrisome.
Speaker 3 (51:07):
I'm not because it's this weird next thing, which it
is just a weird thing andthere's no doubt, but I think
underneath it is also just smalllittle things where you just
not so much spinning but, yeah,isolating on something.
Speaker 1 (51:22):
And what it is is the way.
It's something that you figuredout you could do that doesn't
harm anybody.
That helps to manage a sense ofanxiety.
Speaker 3 (51:31):
Yeah, that's what it is, yeah.
Speaker 1 (51:33):
And so it's visible, you recognize it, and that just
gives you opportunity to figureout.
Well, is there a better way tomanage this?
It's healthier.
Speaker 3 (51:46):
And I think there is.
I'm trying that over thecounter now, which is I wish I
could remember.
Speaker 1 (51:50):
NAC.
I'll call it NAC N-A-C, butthat is short for a very long
name that I'm not remembering.
Speaker 3 (51:55):
N-A-C?
Yeah, that's, and I take fiveof those horse pills a day and I
think if I'm on it it seems tohelp.
Maybe it's a placebo, maybeit's the practice of doing it,
maybe that corresponds withtrying to uh the healing of the
wrist and the abdomen and allthat stuff working out, maybe
more, I don't know what it is,but it's, it's a little bit
better, but the scrubbingremains, you know as far as um,
(52:16):
and that's just a.
That's a weird thing and Ialways talk about trick.
I'm joking.
There's no outing here.
I talk about it like it'snothing to everybody all the
time.
That was when I made fun of youfor outing me on it.
But I think I'm open about itbecause I think I've talked to
about it enough that I've bumpedinto it's a.
It's a weird little thing thatthat's been passed down and I'm
(52:48):
56 and I haven't I haven't beatit, you know, and and so it's a.
It's a weird one.
Speaker 1 (52:53):
I don't know if any of our kids do that.
I don't think any of ourchildren do that.
Speaker 3 (52:57):
I think they're so horrified by watching me do it
and telling me to stop.
You know when it happens, Ithink you know.
Maybe that's kind of put themstraight there.
So yeah, and so what?
So your biggest concern?
Speaker 1 (53:11):
is that I just scrubbed myself?
Speaker 3 (53:12):
out of existence.
Yeah, it's a dream, it's adream.
Speaker 1 (53:15):
I think you wouldn't mind that.
Speaker 3 (53:16):
I always assume two things.
I'm either going to put liketwo, three or four words
together in the right orderabout existence now, and I will
just disappear or I can possiblylike an eraser to scrub myself
out of existence, that that youmight think yourself right out
of the atmosphere.
Speaker 1 (53:35):
Actually I mean that that is the goal and so now do
we turn this around and, yeah,you need to to share with me
okay, let's see.
Speaker 3 (53:45):
What am I most concerned about?
Your future?
Okay, I get the same pauseAgain, an easy one for me not
too long ago.
Were you ever not going to bedizzy?
But that ended up beingsomething you kind of
overachieved, I guess, for meand this is just a practical one
and I think it's more, I thinkit's more um, realistic now.
(54:10):
But time is time and and age islike, I think.
My thing sometimes I thinkabout you is I hope there's
enough time left I'm talkingabout all of it for you to kind
of get out of this.
What you think it's supposed tobe for you life.
That I mean like I mean thatlike you know, because it it
it's supposed to be for you life.
That I mean like I mean that,like you know, cause it it it's
one thing to let's say youtotally are, but like, and for
(54:31):
me it's, and I and my confidenceis so high, you know, but it
but it is.
If I were to have a concern, Idivide you doing the work you're
doing, divided by 55, dividedby um life as we know it.
And I say this, but I don'thave a lot of concerns about you
.
You know, you've got yourcareer, you're doing your thing,
you kind of are findingyourself on the planet and all
those ones.
(54:51):
But I still know that there'sthis whole kind of self and that
doesn't exist.
I don't think that whole thingexists, but I hope it gets to a
point where you're on, and Ithink you're getting there where
you have these long runs oflike, long runs of like.
This is to a most extent whatit's all about.
I just hope there's enoughliteral time left on the planet
for that to happen.
Speaker 1 (55:11):
I think that is probably relevant for most
people in the world.
Do we have enough time tofigure it out and have this
sense of equanimity where we'reat peace with who we are, what
we're doing?
Speaker 3 (55:27):
Yeah, I think that's the and.
So, while I'm kind of gettingup because we're, as always, 55,
56 minutes seems to be ournumber, yeah, but let's kind of
finish that one and talk aboutthat question.
This is a great one, that whythat might be relevant to you
know.
Speaker 1 (55:46):
To everyone yeah.
Speaker 3 (55:46):
Like that's a great one.
That why that might be relevantto you, know to everyone.
Yeah, like that's a great one,right, as far as like to ask it,
I think we sometimes referencea first date two years engaged,
34 years married, 50 yearsmarried.
That might be a really goodquestion to connect somebody and
see how connected you are, howfar you might be off of somebody
else's dreams or hear a fear ifthey can be honest with you.
Speaker 1 (56:08):
Yeah, I was thinking what would it be like to have
this conversation with otherpeople you know and love your
adult children, your parents andit's interesting because what
you're doing is you're sharingyour perception of them.
Speaker 3 (56:24):
Right.
Speaker 1 (56:24):
Like maybe you have someone in your life I don't
know what would be an example.
Say, someone in your life hasan unhealthy relationship with
alcohol and you share with themin a moment of honesty what your
biggest fear for them are.
Speaker 3 (56:43):
I mean, that could be life changing, and I think
that's what I'm getting at andthat's why I like the way you
said that, that these questionsand again with the goal being
maybe you're not comfortablewith it, maybe you get more
comfortable with it, buteventually, if you can get to a
point where, um, uh, honesty andtransparency in these
conversations it's just just anothing burger.
That's like a part you're justyou're you get good at that part
(57:06):
, then you're getting to theheart of the shit and it's like
and it's, it's not, it's, it'sincremental, it's not, it's not
going to be this.
It's not always going to be this.
This.
I just had this moment.
It's going to be thisincremental person you become,
where you're sort of honest andtransparent.
Speaker 1 (57:20):
And I think the barrier can be like the
stumbling block for most humansis we can be really tempted to
use that as a way of tellingsomebody what we think they
should do and that is nothelpful.
Speaker 3 (57:38):
No.
Speaker 1 (57:38):
It's, it puts people on the defense.
So you know if you areconcerned about somebody sharing
, you know if you, if you areconcerned about somebody sharing
, if you are concerned aboutsomeone who has, like I said, an
issue with drinking alcohol,you can phrase it something
along the lines of all of yourrelationships with those that
care about you Right and havemade poor choices that leave you
(58:13):
without a job and a stableliving environment and alone.
That's my fear for you.
Speaker 3 (58:17):
Damn.
Speaker 1 (58:18):
And does that say stop drinking.
I don't want you to drinkanymore.
Speaker 3 (58:21):
No, it's your fear for them.
Speaker 1 (58:23):
Yeah, it's compassionate, but it's also
it's hard to be that honest.
Speaker 3 (58:28):
Okay, you're reaching back for the scratcher book,
back to how this podcast wasstarted, and I think we did a
few of these neuro blasts.
We did the chalk on thesidewalk, we did the podcast.
I feel like we did at least oneor two more, but she's
scratching as I'm speaking andthis will be something we're
going to try to accomplishbefore the next podcast.
Speaker 1 (58:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (58:48):
Let's see.
Speaker 1 (58:49):
Dust off your childhood family photo albums.
Ask each other about yourearliest memories what your
childhood bedroom looked like,what high school was like and
the things you were afraid of asa young child.
Pictures spark memories andthere's something about seeing
your partner in their earliestlife that makes you appreciate
(59:11):
how life has shaped them.
Next, pick your favoritepicture of your partner and make
it your phone wallpaper for oneweek.
Speaker 3 (59:18):
Adorable, easy, cute, much easier than square dancing
or whatever the fuck we weresupposed to do last time.
Alright, give me a numberbetween one and six million.
Speaker 1 (59:27):
Six million.
I'm going to say 52.
No 55, because I just turnedthat.
Speaker 3 (59:34):
Well, you're kidding me, right.
Speaker 1 (59:35):
Well, you said one in six million that was a total
joke.
Speaker 3 (59:37):
I'm just going to.
I don't even know if Now we'regoing to go off list.
Speaker 1 (59:41):
Sorry that was.
Speaker 3 (59:42):
I just was doing that as.
Speaker 1 (59:44):
Okay, make it half of my age.
I'm halfway there now.
Speaker 3 (59:47):
Okay, I'm already at.
It's just bad air.
We're going to be under 60minutes now.
Speaker 1 (59:53):
We are not Better watch what you ask for?
Speaker 3 (01:00:02):
Huh, no clue.
Speaker 1 (01:00:06):
Not yet.
I think this is one of mine.
It's a cover.
It's a cover and I can'tremember his name.
Speaker 3 (01:00:15):
Are you guessing you it's a single name.
Speaker 1 (01:00:17):
yeah, A very simple name.
Speaker 3 (01:00:19):
So, your official answer is you.
Yeah, my answer is you.
But, I can't remember his name,doesn't matter the game is who
it is.
Speaker 1 (01:00:29):
That's true.
Tell us who it is.
Speaker 3 (01:00:31):
It's Stacy, so we both win.
It's easy, cool.
I love you, babe, I love you.
Speaker 1 (01:00:36):
That was fun.
Bye, bye.
this is the broken tiles podcast that was easy and
it sounds so profesh and allwe're back.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
That was this is yes, we own this, yeah music of our
own uh, osha dj selecta sevens-e-l-e-c-t-a.
The number seven on instagramwe figured with the kind of
(00:37):
official nature.
We'll announce a few of thesethings.
As far as sponsors and thestudio we're in right now, um,
that we probably needed to pivotand get some music that we own
to open it to avoid consequencesdown the road.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Hey babe.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Hi, feels like a real upgrade.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
It's a huge upgrade.
We just press a button and weget the intro now.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Yeah, and we're in this cool sound booth.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
It makes me want to do it again.
Hold on, just to show peoplehow technical.
Let's see if it just startsagain.
Look at that.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
This is the Broken Tiles Podcast.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
This is the Broken Tiles Podcast.
Look it, I'm like a remixer now.
I could do that all day,because we already know I've got
a problem.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
I think I listened back a tiny bit because it's
been so long since we did Ithink we podcasted and then we
did the group podcast with Megan, ryan, bailey and Kenzie yeah,
so it has been a while and Idon't want to.
We don't need to even bog itdown.
It's really positive news.
Let's give the quick update onthe Mal de Debarquement and we
(01:48):
can blow right by, because Ithink it's almost time to do
that a little bit, but fucking,let's Venezuela know what's
going on.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
I'm not dizzy anymore .
Speaker 3 (01:58):
It's amazing.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
It is amazing.
It's been a very long time toget to this place, but hopefully
this is just where I stay andI'm feeling good.
I can think I can speak.
I was really struggling withthat before.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
The fundamentals of life.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
The fundamentals of life and walking.
Walking was also a problem.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
You ran a mini wharf to wharf.
I did that was great and youset the pace.
I painfully ran behind you.
Yeah, it's like you suddenlywere dizzy for a year and a half
and I think Stanford.
You know they're not officialsponsor of the podcast by any
means.
They're the sponsor of me.
(02:58):
What a turn.
That was space.
And they're a sponsor.
It's kind of a deal with SantaCruz Vibes Media.
Santa Cruz Vibes Magazineclearly would be now an official
sponsor of the podcast in thatcapacity itself.
But let's get it out of the waybecause it's a real life
sponsor and it's got real lifeconsequences.
(03:20):
We're in an amazing littlestudio right now.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
We are.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
Soundproof studio.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
Yeah, they have a lot to offer people here.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Azuki, the dog has been fired, although they do
allow dogs down here.
But we're over it.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
She's not fired.
She's just not going to be inthe background of our podcasts
any longer.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Satellite Santa Cruz and Digital Media Studio is the
office workspace and studio youneed Coworking, private offices,
virtual office plans, videoproduction studio, video editing
suites, meeting and conferencerooms available when you need it
, 24-7.
Satellitecommunitytvorg and youcan call Olivia 831-531-2300
(04:03):
and get a tour.
We use all of that.
(04:26):
Now At Vibes We've takenadvantage of the conference room
editing.
We're using these.
You can rent audio equipment,but it's a really good and it's
also got a good feel here.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
They're a nonprofit organization.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
They're a nonprofit and community TV is in the
middle of all of it.
So, and we'll kind of evolvethat over the podcasts, you know
, between the ones we'remanaging right now with Nellie
and the Real Estate Podcast andBroken Tiles.
But we'll spread it out and alot of that information is
easier to drop in the notes ofthe show.
So do we have any otherbusiness to take care of?
(04:55):
Am I missing something, orshould we get right to it?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Business is done.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
Oops.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
It's been a while.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
I know I actually kind of fumbled that a little
bit.
Hold on there we go.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
There you go.
Nothing like a redo.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
And I think we paused long enough that we're sort of,
in a fun way, just randomquestions right now, right, all
over the place.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Yeah, so we've gone through all of our intelligent
change questions and we didn'twant to redo anything.
So I've done some shopping.
I found lots of different typesof question games that we're
going to dive into a few, soyou'll get a flavor of that.
(05:41):
But before we do, I wanted tobring us back to how this all
got started.
So you may remember, this allstarted with a scratch-off
challenge couples edition book,and one of the first ones we
scratched off.
I'm going to read it for you.
(06:02):
It seems like everybody's got apodcast these days, so why not
the two of you?
Oh take an evening to prepareyour questions.
Set up the recording app onyour computer or phone and
interview each other.
Unpack your favorite memories,strangest fears, deepest dreams
and more.
Get creative and have fun withit.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
And that was the beginning of the Broken Tiles
podcast.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
And we did it and we thought the kids listened.
And then, four months later,Many had listened.
Venezuela caught on, yeah wewere shocked.
I think 18, maybe 18 episodes.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
I think that sounds right, something like that.
I don't know, it's not a ton,but it's been fun and we're so
eager to get back to it.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Yeah, and it's connected and this is I think we
talked about it through aseries of them.
It very much feels like a datenight and I would actually
reaching out to the audience.
I would recommend the firstpart of it, which is do that,
grab your phone, make a podcastand whether it goes anywhere, or
(07:07):
you just listen back yourself.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
It was fun that first time.
What's the experience of doingit?
And you have this opportunityto interview each other, in a
way, learn about each other.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
Exactly, and I think it's just a stop moment.
And so you know it's a stopmoment, that you know outside of
the dizziness we're kind ofrolling, half rolling, but it
was.
It's really um, uh, I don'tthink we do that enough.
Where we, we turn it off silentthe notifications and just ask
a few questions.
I'm ready.
(07:36):
I'm out of.
I'm out of shape, but I'm readymental shape yeah, so this the
the first question.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
I've got a few, I'm going to have you choose one.
I don't even know what they allare.
This comes from a game createdby a therapist, Esther Perel,
and it's called the book is thebook is box is right there,
honey.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Where Should we Begin ?
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Where Shall we Begin?
Oh, should, it is should.
Where Should we Begin?
Where Should we Begin?
Book is uh.
Box is right there, honey.
Where should we begin?
Where shall we begin?
Speaker 3 (08:06):
oh, should it is, should we begin?
Speaker 1 (08:06):
where should we begin ?
And it's um she.
She explains it as uh storyprompts for conversation for
okay uh, getting to know eachother a little more deeply, yeah
, okay.
So the first question is quitebenign, but I think it can be
really telling in what othershold as value to them.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
So the question is between hosting or being hosted.
I prefer what.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Hosting.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
I knew you'd say that .
Speaker 3 (08:44):
Yeah, hosting, there's no doubt for me.
It's hosting, In fact, I think,being hosted for me, but again,
I this is I always got to kindof unwind there's this is the
this show we do so interestingbecause your first thing is the
sort of blanketed answer, butthen there's the sort of the
(09:04):
honest answer is, being hostedto me sometimes means you've got
to put on a different self alittle bit.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
You've got to play a role.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
You've got to play a role a little bit.
There's a little moreadministration.
For me, as counterintuitive asit sounds, being hosted to me is
more on the treadmill thanhosting, because hosting comes
with the benefit of sort ofbeing in the shadows.
Hosting allows you to walk awaybecause you're administrating,
walk away because you'reorganizing it, and I think we
(09:37):
touched on it a few episodeswhere outwardly you might have
one sort of perception, butinwardly you might have like
some social anxiety and thosethings present themselves a
different way.
But I feel there's a cloak.
Um, it's weird to say you openyour door, you're having people
come over, but I think you canhide more hosting than you can
being hosted.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
You so can.
Yeah, yeah, if I were to thinkto answer this myself, I have to
say I think it depends on whereI'm at in my life at the moment
.
Sometimes I really want to hostfor two reasons.
I want to be in the role oftaking care of somebody else.
(10:20):
I love it when our kids come andI can cook for them and get
things ready, put together forthem, but sometimes I really
love to be hosted.
Megan and Ryan, who we had onthe show at the last episode.
They're wonderful hosts andthey just go all out.
They make wonderful food andit's so enjoyable to be visiting
(10:42):
with them in their home.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
Now, that's a really good point because and maybe
it's more of um, maybe it's moreum, like everything else in the
world, which is repetition,muscle memory, if that's not the
perfect connection but Meganand Ryan wouldn't fall in that
category, because we've done itso many times that going over
there it's less formal and Ifeel like I'm in my own house
(11:06):
and it doesn't.
But the only reason that occursis because we, we literally
walked through that door so manytimes.
It doesn't feel like a thing,it just feels like nothing,
which is the that's the ultimatefor me.
It's no change in my sort oflike, my, my temperature.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Yeah, yeah, I understand that.
That makes sense.
The other thing that comes tomy mind is well, I do enjoy
hosting.
There are times where Irecognize when we are hosting
I'm not a very good host becauseI want to sit at the table, be
engaged in the conversation.
I forget I hear you gurgling.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
I can't be all that out.
It can't be possible.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
I hear myself just getting deeper into a
conversation with people and Iforget about my duties as a host
to keep giving them.
You know, do you need somethingmore to drink?
What can I get you?
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Well, that's where my social anxiety is a perfect
balance.
Yeah, Because I'm.
I think when we do host, I amperfectly happy participating at
length, but also kind of, youknow, fatigue out a little bit.
And I think those are theperiods where exactly what I
started this answer with, whereyou can kind of hide a little
bit under the guise of now I'mfucking myself, because I'm
(12:28):
saying this out loud to all ofour friends so when they come
over they'll realize when I'mdoing the dishes I'm not being
the helpful husband, I'm hiding.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Yeah, but you know what I think.
What you're saying is you'rebeing very honest in the fact
that you say you have socialanxiety, and this is.
I just had a light bulb momentRecently.
We decided when we're togetherin the evenings, or like having
dinner with somebody, we'regoing to put our phones away and
(12:57):
not pull them out, and itoccurred to me that is another
tactic of yours.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
When you have social anxiety, yeah, whether I use it
as a guise of I'm looking upinformation for the conversation
.
It's not necessarily I'm onInstagram or TikTok or scrolling
.
I think when I get on the phone, usually in the circumstances,
I'm using it for what I think ispart of the conversation.
But I also realize it's not athing.
(13:23):
That hasn't been a big problem,like turning that off and
flipping it over and not havingit at night.
I was five for five last weekand it's just a quick habit to
get used to.
Was not hard at the Shadowbrookthe other night, it was easy.
It's just.
I think we said during thatdinner it's a habit and it's a.
(13:43):
It's one that like our diet Ithink we we made the analogy and
like working out, it's just oneyou need to sort of jump in and
commit to and can you commit to5.30 or 6 o'clock till9?
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
To be present.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Yeah, we just switched it All of our contacts.
We went through and justswitched it so that our
emergency ones would ringthrough, yep, and then if you're
just kind of vocal about whatyou're doing theoretically,
you'll get less calls duringthat little closeout time and
you quickly realize there'snothing happening.
That's so ground shakingbetween six and nine.
Yeah, it's almost likenostalgic for me, like the
(14:20):
finding out in the morning, like, for instance, how my fantasy
football team did.
Oh that's kind of cool, it wasgreat.
It's a surprise moment, that'skind of exciting that you didn't
wake up because there was no.
This is just how old we are.
(14:41):
But there was no ESPN all thetime.
There was no 24 seven newscycle or phones that you'd have
to kind of like scramble thatpaper and see what the final
score was, because they wouldkind of keep it up to the print
deadline.
That's pretty good.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Yeah.
So let me ask you this what doyou think we just learned about
each other with this question?
Speaker 3 (15:04):
this.
What do you think we justlearned about each other with
this question?
I think we learned for, um, asfar as brian and stacy.
What we learned is that, in alot of ways, what I learned is
that we are passing each otherin the night, um, with like a
little bit more transparency andhow we feel that what we would
(15:24):
have said was a sure thing 5, 10, 15, 20 years ago.
Brian, super confident, brian,never thinks about those things.
It's just this like cloak thatyou had on.
It's like this, it's this imageof what you're supposed to be
in a situation.
Sure is easy just to say no, Idon't not necessarily always
comfortable that, I'm notnecessarily always looking
(15:45):
forward to those, and it's aweight to carry when there's an
expectation in certain events oflike what your character is
supposed to be.
So I guess what I'm.
I guess that didn't answer thequestion.
What I'm learning is thatyou're more capable in those
circumstances than I would havesaid maybe 10 or 15 years ago as
far as like carryingconversations.
(16:07):
Even what we're saying rightnow is that you would rather
stay at the table and carry aconversation than hide in the
kitchen.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Yeah, but 10 years ago it was very much the
opposite.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, because we're incharacter.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
We had pretty traditional roles.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
And you had work to do, Mm-hmm, so did you want?
Actually that's one I wanted to.
I told you last night I mightdive, bomb you a little bit
because it's our own thing.
You never remember telling methat I did.
Okay, I said you were going totherapy right before this.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Oh yeah, right before this.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
And sometimes with our therapist, which we'll
probably need to explain that weyou know I've never seen her,
but she's.
My therapist is, um, you justgot out and I think, in general
terms, um, every time you comehome I ask, without intruding,
is there anything that I that Ilearned today?
(16:59):
Like, in, in what you do, isyou sort of carbon filter out?
Yeah.
Like something, maybe to talk.
Was there anything ingeneralities that you might have
talked to these therapistsabout today?
That would be interesting, yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Now I remember you did warn me about this.
I did warn you I was going todo this.
Boy and I didn't prepare to tryto filter out.
I'm a slow processor remember.
That's why this is a huge, butI'm just thinking like in broad
strokes I had a lot of insightstoday, yeah.
About a lot of different things,one of which how can I say?
(17:34):
This me a very long time tohave the sense of I don't know
if safety is the right wordpsychological safety.
Not that I was unsafe, more ofit is, not that you made me
(17:55):
unsafe, more of it was just likemy upbringing and my own
situations.
But to really express my ownneeds in many different ways and
to take what I need withoutfeeling bad or small or guilty,
(18:18):
these are big, big things for me.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
There's no doubt, and I think that was, that's
perfect generalities, and Ithink for me, what I I can, I
think the word that I come upwith is you have become through
age, through therapy, which hasbeen a particularly great
therapist that you have become abetter advocate for yourself.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Yeah, and I'm also learning uh.
This is another topic we talkedabout a little bit.
I'm I'm recognizing, uh, whattriggers me and why, and the
importance of um and theimportance of pausing before
taking action on anything Right,there's an author by the name
(19:09):
of Viktor Frankl who survivedthe Nazi prison camps and I'm
not recalling which one he wasat, but he wrote a book.
Of course, I don't remember thename right now, but he has a
very famous quote that statesbetween a stimulus and a
response those are the onlywords for certain I remember but
(19:34):
essentially, between a stimulusand a response, there is a
moment and in that moment youcan pause, interesting and make
a different.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
This isn't it, I looked him up, but this isn't it
and it's Viktor FranklF-R-N-K-L, first name Viktor
V-I-K-T-O-R.
But this is just the firstquote that came up, and it's not
it.
But it gives you the depth ofthe guy.
And here's the quote.
The one thing you can't takeaway from me is the way I choose
to respond to what you do to me.
Yeah, the last of one'sfreedoms is to choose one's
(20:04):
attitude in any givencircumstance.
Happiness cannot be pursued, itmust ensue.
Yes, Life is never madeunbearable by circumstances, but
only by lack of meaning andpurpose.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Yeah, it gives me chills.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
Yeah, that's really good.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Yeah, I think he's written more than one book
actually.
But you know, it's that momentbetween when something happens
and when you choose to respondthat you have all the power
Right.
A lot of people don't thinkthey have power, and so we had a
moment where we had a phonecall with one of our kids who
was in an escalated state and Imet that escalation like
(20:46):
immediately.
I bypassed that moment where Icould have paused and reacted in
a different way.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
And I, through our therapist that I've never seen,
said our therapist would want usto breathe.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Yes, wait.
She was so proud of you when Itold her this whole situation.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
I imagine, because I've listened to all of her
words filtered through you.
But I think to put a bow onthat because I know you talk
about it and I'll kind of strikethrough the middle of it
because it's in generalities,no-transcript.
(21:46):
As far as all of that, theconfidence all the way around,
advocacy all the way around, Ithink it's been sort of
revelatory and groundbreaking tohave somebody speak honestly in
that capacity.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
It's been huge growth on my part.
It has been.
It's been hard growth on mypart.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
It has been hard, hard fought, so scary feeling at
times, but it's been great butthen, like a lot of other things
, not so much, not once it'ssaid, not once it's out there,
it's, it's, it's.
Eventually you kind of findthat you have um.
All you really were looking forwas um, was respect, and you
were looking for my voice andrespect of my, my thoughts, my
(22:28):
needs, my desires.
The same way you've seen otherpeople basically get that for
what appears to be free or noproblem.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
And the same way I give to others.
That's exactly it, yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
Yeah, and it's just weird to kind of look through
the glass and say how does onedo that?
And then the answer is one justdoes.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Yeah, but you know there's so many layers, whether
it be, you know, childhoodexperiences is one thing, but
then our society acculturateswomen to feel, to be givers,
caretakers of all, and our needsare always last and our
responsibility to make sureeverybody is cared for, like the
conversation we were havingrecently about the invisible
(23:11):
workload of women and how thatwas really recently revealed
during COVID, when men and womenwere both working.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
And still exists even after that conversation.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Talk about that a little bit because I have
something to say about it.
Making sure that birthday cardsare sent out to all the
extended family members, makingsure it might even be something
(23:51):
more visible like the laundry isdone and the grocery shopping
is done, the meal prep is puttogether.
Maybe, if you have children,their activity schedule is all
figured out, their activityschedule is all figured out and
somebody's making sure they arewhere they need to belong and
(24:13):
picked up at the right time andthey've got the snacks that they
need and just all the thingsthat it takes, all the little
minutiae it takes to run a lifethat goes unacknowledged all the
time and it's a heavy load.
It's a heavy load and here'sthe time and it's a heavy load.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
It's a heavy load.
And here's the thing.
After you said that, here's thething you got through a
checklist and this is this isthe broken tiles classic right
now.
But all those things you justsaid and I consider myself to be
a good person, I considermyself to try hard and, to use
this bullshit word, I'mequitable and I want to hear it
and I'm here for you and allthese things.
How many times have I ever doneany of that Ever?
(24:41):
How many times have I ever youever heard from me saying hey,
we got to get my mom's birthdaypresent together and send it out
before Tuesday?
How many times have I ever saidhere's the grocery list for the
week.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Never.
But you do run out and do yougo grocery shopping without a
list.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
But it's still not there.
And again, that's there.
Is that part of it, yeah, butthat's not the front end of it.
No, and that's part of like,the whole thing we're going
through right now, which is thisagain for me, it's not even
it's different for me, becauseit's not like this, there's no
regret, it's not upsetting, it'sjust like hearing a new podcast
or a book like going, or a booklike going.
(25:18):
Oh, I never thought of thatbefore and if you said that I
kind of blew through it.
I'm like my first thought was,well, that ain't me, and then I
started going through thechecklist.
I'm like I've never done any ofthat, the things you just said.
I've never done one of thosethings in 34 years.
I've never.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Maybe I was.
What's the term?
Well?
Speaker 3 (25:40):
without recognizing, I was telling you.
Yeah, you were telling me,because it's not only that, it's
like we need to think aboutyour mom, which is me, my mom,
you tell me, and these go out byTuesday because her birthday is
Saturday.
And you're like did you send itout?
And I'm like no, and it'sFriday.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Right, but you know, that's why I also ask you to do
the sending out.
I think about it, I got it allput together and I make it very
clear You're the one that'sgoing to physically go to the
post office and do that.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
Yeah, you do it.
You get down there, boys, whatyou say.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
I do not say that.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
All right, hold on, don't don't get, don't get too
crazy with it here.
I think I've got something foryou, okay.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Well, the impact of that invisible load is women
also have jobs.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Well, that's it, and they do visible things.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
So it's the impact.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
And on top of that the men yeah, a whole different
again.
This is a classic thing.
That's for another podcast.
What is this?
Honey, this is a Broken TilesTV reveal.
Nobody wants this Netflix.
Oh my gosh, so good.
An agnostic sex podcaster and anewly single rabbi fall in love
(26:53):
, but can their relationshipsurvive their wildly different
lives and meddling?
I don't know why this is stillplaying so loud.
I'm going to stop it.
Hold on.
I don't know why this is stillplaying so loud.
Stop it, hold on, I can't stop.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
You are out of practice.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
I am out of practice.
I don't know why they didn'tstop when I went down with the
boy.
Maybe that's the button thatbroke, cause I put it under the
suitcase.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
An agnostic sex podcaster and a newly single
rabbi fall in love, but cantheir relationship survive their
wildly different lives andmeddling families?
Watch all you want.
Kristen Bell and Adam Brodystar with Justin Lupe and
Timothy Simmons in this charmingrom-com.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
It is.
Charming is the right word forit.
I smile so much when I watchthat show.
It's great, it's great.
They really go to places.
You wouldn't expect mile somuch when I watch that show.
It's great, it's great and itthey really, uh, go to places
you wouldn't expect.
It's for it's good.
Speaker 3 (27:49):
I know why that didn't go, cause I didn't have
it plugged in.
Ah so I don't even know if thatcame across on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Oh well, play just a little bit of the music now.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
Do it backwards, we heard it, we did, you and I
heard the music.
Oh yeah, it wasn't playing.
It wasn't, it would hear.
This soundproof room would haveheard it.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Possibly Nightmare Way out of practice.
Speaker 3 (28:15):
We'll get there.
Alright, that's all they get,but I, like you, I think it's
every once in a while.
I think maybe it's an averagestory.
It's a rom-com.
It's predictable to a certainextent, right.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
There are some surprising moments and plot
lines.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
But mostly.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
Like a rom-com.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
Yeah, but I think when it's perfectly cast, all
the way down to those sub kindof characters and what I'd
consider like sort of thosebackground characters, this one
kind of goes up for me because Ithink it's perfectly cast.
Speaker 1 (28:46):
Yeah, I agree with you.
It's well done.
Speaker 3 (28:48):
What's your rating?
Tenths of a point.
Zero to ten man you put there'sno wings.
You can do everything you want,but just you know.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
Between one and ten.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
Well, I'm going to have to give it an 8.5.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
I'm close to that.
I'm 8.2.
My gut feeling was 8.2, wayabove yes, far below perfect,
but way above yes.
Absolutely and at 26 to 30minutes per episode.
You can blow through it in anight or two.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
Yeah, how many episodes are there?
Ten man, we're going to be donewith it soon.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
That's just like that other one we loved.
There was another one we loved.
That was like another 30-minuteone and it's over before you
know it.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
Yeah, it's good.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
Hey, I'm hitting every wrong button.
I think we're only on questiontwo.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
We are indeed.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
That I think we're only on question two.
We are indeed.
That's a good first one.
I don't even remember it, but Iknow it was great.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
Okay, so this next deck we're pulling from is from
the Adventure ChallengeConnection Cards, couples
Edition.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
Dang, that's a mouthful.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Yeah Well, let me just pause for a moment and give
a shout out to the AdventureChallenge.
Is that who this is?
By no, but we have theAdventure Challenge, quote
unquote, in bed.
Speaker 3 (30:14):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
Yeah.
So it's scratch off dares andthings to do and it's not
raunchy, at least not yet.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
Was that the Nerf gun fight?
Speaker 1 (30:23):
That was the Nerf gun fight.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
Highly recommended.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Highly recommended.
So I have this new goal.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
Except you almost put my eye out.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
That's true.
I have this new goal to be moreplayful and I thought maybe
this book would be helpful.
And I mean playful in general,not just in the bedroom.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
I'm less interested now.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
I was all in for the playful Well.
The scratch off revealed asuggestion of getting Nerf guns.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Kind of having like a strip tease with it.
Speaker 3 (30:54):
Kind of.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
You have to wear at least five articles of clothing,
because I think there's fivedarts in the chamber, or maybe
six.
Yeah.
And then you aim for differentarticles of clothing, because I
think there's five darts in thechamber, or maybe six, yeah.
And then you aim for differentarticles of clothing and when
the other person hits it, theyhave to take it off.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
Yeah, I was an expert shot.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:09):
You hit me right in the eyeball and I think that's
it, and the rest of mine werevery much like I all of a sudden
became a Navy SEAL.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
Yeah, you got good back.
Speaker 3 (31:20):
Yeah, everything's about motivation, but I'm
interested to see where that'sgoing.
And did you end up?
Speaker 1 (31:28):
finishing your thought, or did we get all the
way off after you talked about-.
I just talked about how thisstarted.
We haven't scratched offanother one, but we'll do that
again.
You'll talk about that later.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Okay, that's fine.
So yeah, whatever that hugelong name of this company is, I
think, between these two cardgames.
So this is a random draw again.
Yep, there you go.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
Let's see what we've got If I oh no, if I had an
online dating profile yes.
What do you think my bio wouldsay?
Speaker 3 (31:52):
Um, uh, let me think this one through, cause I've.
This is this is a.
This is a big, heavy insidejoke with our friend Kelly
Stacey.
Me, it's like an ongoing thingwhere, 34 years in, I'm obsessed
with not online dating, onlinedating for you and what it would
(32:13):
look like in that world, andthat I want to create these
profiles.
So what would your profile sayand what's the exact question?
Speaker 1 (32:23):
What do you think my bio would say?
Speaker 3 (32:25):
Man, that is now.
Do I get to write it or what Iactually?
Let's formalize this questionLike what I think your bio would
say if Brian was not involved,and you would, and Stacey would
write it.
Yeah, wow, and this is, this isputs me way out of the sphere,
because I don't even know whatpeople write in these.
I don't either.
And so we've, got to kind ofcome up with it.
(32:46):
I think your bio would talk.
I think it would be in thesepercentages, I don't know what
order.
Yeah, your bio would clearlytalk about your kids on some
level and again, not in thisorder.
I wouldn't say you lead with it, your kids write about their
(33:07):
kids in their online dating.
I would imagine you have to sayif you're in a profile, you'd be
.
I mean, if you're, yeah, Iguess I'm.
You could just write I'm downfor it or I'm down for
everything.
Let's nerf gunfight.
I don't think I would I?
Speaker 1 (33:22):
I don't think I would put that I don't think you'd
put that.
Speaker 3 (33:23):
So I'm just getting like what?
Because a bio would be.
Somebody looks at your picture,says I'm interested, yeah,
Again, this clearly puts us sofar out of the game because I
don't know what you're writinghere, but I think you would
somehow work in there hiking,running the beach, travel.
Those are the primaries that Ithink you would get in there.
(33:47):
I don't think I don't thinkyou'd be the kind of person that
would open up too much of your.
I think you would think it'stoo on the nose or or off
putting to talk about likemindfulness and shit like that.
I think you would keep aprofile.
You might keep a profile too,Cause you'd be hoping to get not
(34:08):
Brian, somebody that wants torun every day, that wants to
hike every day.
Your first goal would be tounwind this and fill in the
other part, that not that Idon't do it, but it would be
less teeth pulling.
And maybe your bio just saysthat I just went through 34
years of this.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
Say that's it don't want to pull any, but that's if
I write your bio.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
Mine would be you, my bio, if I wrote it, for you be
describing me and say not thatoh my gosh dm.
If you're down, that's your bio.
That's funny.
What would my bio say?
What would I write in my bio?
Speaker 1 (34:46):
I think you would write that you love to have deep
conversations.
Oh, so I'm the asshole.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
Thank you so I'm the one I just said I wouldn't have
you write that because you thinkit would be.
I just clearly said that youwouldn't put like your
mindfulness and things like that, because I said it would be
off-putting.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
Oh, that would be off-putting in a day.
Speaker 3 (35:06):
No but you're writing mine.
Go ahead, keep going.
So hi, I'm Brian Wait.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
No, I have to reorient my brain to what would
Brian put in his bio.
Speaker 3 (35:14):
Yeah, so right now you're like.
I clicked on Brian's bio and sofar your bio says right now I
like thinking about big things,big things, big things.
Keep going.
Do you swipe left or right ifyou're interested or not?
Speaker 1 (35:29):
I don't even know what direction Swipe.
Right, right, that's whatpeople say.
Speaker 3 (35:32):
That's if you want it oh yeah.
Maybe swipe right.
So for our conversation on thesale, swipe left, which is
hilarious if that's the wrongway.
But so far I'm swiping left andso far I think, big thoughts.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
I want nothing to do with this.
Brian, you like travel.
Speaker 3 (35:48):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
It would be funny, and I'm not funny.
I don't have your sense ofhumor, so I don't quite know, I
think you can keep it It'd beironic and funny.
Speaker 3 (35:59):
Yeah, I think that's close to it.
Now we can answer what we wouldwrite, right, yeah, I think
you're close to it.
I think what I would do is I'dtry to craft it to filter out
fucking nonsense and I don'tknow how to do that, but I think
I would try to craft a biosomehow or the other, to um kind
of like in that show we werewatching last night, like they,
(36:19):
they, they have a first kissnobody wants this yeah, nobody
wants.
this is the show.
And they have a first kiss andshe texts him that was a great
kiss.
And then dot dot dot, and thenthe very next one.
I think I'm pregnant, Like that.
That's really funny because athing to say, but that would be
my kind.
I'd want to filter down tosomebody that gets that kind of
humor and I guess I'd try towork that into a bio.
(36:41):
Yeah, Not to sell Brian so much, but to filter out some shit
yeah, that's definitely the wayyou would handle it mine.
I had you sort of more on pointpractical and that's how I am.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
What would?
Speaker 3 (36:56):
yours be.
What would you write?
Speaker 1 (36:59):
oh, everything you said, I guess I don't know.
I think I'd have to look atdon't go too fast past this
question.
Speaker 3 (37:03):
This is my dream, we're actually half kind of
doing it.
I want to want to want you't gotoo fast past this question,
because this is my dream, we'reactually half kind of doing it.
One I want you on the Golden.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Bachelorette no, thank you Naked and.
Speaker 3 (37:15):
Afraid.
Yeah, what's the other one Iwant you on?
Oh, I want you on that new onethat Taylor made us watch.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
The British show Dating Naked.
Speaker 3 (37:23):
Yeah, that's the only thing I want you on.
I want you on dating naked.
I want you on um, naked andafraid, and I want you on the
golden bachelorette.
I want you to get to the finaltwo and then say I'm married 35
years, I've got three kids arelike 40.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
My kids yeah, no, so that's it Time for my question.
Okay, you go ahead, so that'sit Not interested.
Speaker 3 (37:43):
Time for my question.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
Okay, you go ahead.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
I kind of forget what it was.
Oh, this is one I just kind ofrandomly pulled up.
I kind of like it at this point.
Did we talk about Selecta7?
Speaker 1 (38:00):
You mentioned him, yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:01):
I just want to make sure we get all of our sponsors
in before I go too far.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
Let me see here Are you going to play?
Speaker 2 (38:11):
I am out of control on, I just want to make sure
you're creating the mostbeautiful airline in the world,
we hired Emilio Puzzi to designour uniforms.
Our hostesses wear reversiblecoats of almond green.
Oh, it's not Pan Am anymore,that's right.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
But I don't remember who you chose.
Speaker 3 (38:40):
Blue planes, orange planes, yellow planes, braniff
Airlines.
Oh my gosh, braniff, Pan Amdumped.
Gosh, that's.
Braniff Because.
Pan Am dumped us.
That's right.
Intelligent Chains dumped us.
Who else have we had?
Cha-cha-cha, that's it.
Never heard that from Pan Am.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
No, we did not.
Speaker 3 (38:59):
I'm comfortable saying fuck Pan Am at this point
.
I don't think we're evercircling back around.
I don't think I'm burning anybridges.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
I don't think we're ever circling back around.
I don't think I'm burning anybridges.
I don't think so I think you'resafe.
Speaker 3 (39:06):
Can we break our mugs when we get home?
Speaker 1 (39:09):
No people gifted that to us.
Speaker 3 (39:11):
Who did?
Speaker 1 (39:12):
Our children, two individual, two separate kids,
without knowing each other,bought it for us.
Speaker 3 (39:19):
Okay, I'm sorry about what I said about Pan Am.
I don't know if that's a truestory.
I'm going to fact check Twodifferent people.
Speaker 1 (39:25):
I don't know if it was two kids.
It seemed like Megan get.
Speaker 3 (39:29):
Maybe, yeah, I don't know, that's right I?
Speaker 1 (39:31):
can't remember.
Speaker 3 (39:35):
Are you ready to get your mind blown with this
question?
You only have one left.
Don't panic.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
I know I've got three .
I was trying to separate mydifferent decks.
To separate my different decks.
Speaker 3 (39:43):
Here's a Brian question.
This is the one everybody'swaiting for, anyways.
Is it better to be selfless orlook out for yourself before
anyone else?
Who wants to go first, becauseI got my answer?
Speaker 1 (40:01):
Go for it, honey.
Speaker 3 (40:02):
Look after yourself.
Speaker 1 (40:04):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
And I thought this one through because I don't know
your questions, but I thinkit's an interesting question and
I think it's a fundamentalquestion, the more I thought
about because at first the gutinstinct is clearly selfless,
clearly sure, but here's thething is that I think you got to
get yourself correct.
(40:25):
I think, because even if you'reselfless, are you your whole
ability, are you your whole self?
And are you giving your best ifyou don't have your shit in
order?
And let's think about your life, not that I, because we, the
faults are here.
We already kind of went throughit with the invisible workload.
(40:46):
There's things going on youdon't even even know about that.
You're not this complete person.
But when I saw this question itwasn't like yesterday, I saw it
before the podcast here myfirst thought was well selfless,
right, because that's the rightthing.
But I don't think that.
My mind, my answer is I don'tthink the answer.
I'm going to take care ofyourself first, then branch out
to the world.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
What a great question this is.
Speaker 3 (41:08):
I think it is better than I thought when I blew by it
.
Speaker 1 (41:10):
Yeah.
So I'm thinking about whenyou're on an airplane and they
say, if you are seated next to achild, to put your mask on
before you help them, becauseyou can't help them if you run
out of oxygen.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
That's exactly it.
That's where my head was going.
Speaker 1 (41:27):
Yeah, and a lot of like.
Similarly to the workload,similarly to the roles and
expectations of women in generaland mothers I guess mothers is
really it.
Speaker 3 (41:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:42):
We are expected to put our children first always,
and we are expected to put ourchildren first always, and most
of the time we feel deeply that,yeah, I absolutely will do that
.
I was talking about this withmy therapist today.
Your therapist, work and familyI would choose my family.
(42:04):
I'm not going to say no to thatand let my work go.
You know what I'm saying,because my heart goes there and,
at the same time, if I ammentally, psychologically,
emotionally unwell, I'm notgiving them the best that I
(42:27):
could.
That's what I'm getting at.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (42:29):
I do think it's a weird question because I think
but I also think it's a big partof this is broadening it out,
but I think it's one of thecomplexities of our human
condition.
Right now, where there's suchbroadcast dissemination of
information, it's everywhere wefeel.
(42:50):
We feel.
We feel and we want to engage,we want to have empathy and we
want to care, and we actuallykind of do that in the form of
even.
Maybe it's a protest, Maybeit's basically advocating this
or that, but I think we're doingit as incomplete people.
(43:13):
I don't think we've done thework on ourselves, and this
includes me.
I'm not saying I'm whole and I'mfiguring it out yourself
selflessly to somebody else.
At what cost?
And are you giving them thehelp they need?
(43:34):
Or would it possibly be smarterto basically take some time or
at least prioritize yourself, toget yourself whole and then
start dividing.
It feels, feels almost like alike a like a like an retirement
investment.
You know that you might bebetter served to basically work
(43:55):
on that nest egg with knowingthat there'll be a longer term
return on you know on whatyou're investing, and you have
to invest in yourself, in inthis fucking, really meandering
analogy I'm making right now.
But you have to invest inyourself and I think it'll be
twofold very quickly down theroad for whoever you're being
selfless for, Possibly.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
Yeah, yeah, it's interesting.
I can't help but think of likeMother Teresa, who was quite
selfless in the work that shedid and I don't know what she
was like as a human being.
I know that there's a lotwritten about her and I think
(44:39):
she's also the person who statedshe went through a period where
she had a dark night of thesoul.
Speaker 3 (44:46):
Mother Teresa.
Yeah when did that memory comefrom?
Speaker 1 (44:50):
Well, back in my Catholic years, Bridget and I
used to talk about this stuff.
Speaker 3 (44:55):
Wow, that's a deep draw, but anyway.
So she was conflicted orsomething, or what are you
talking about?
Speaker 1 (45:01):
She had periods of time where she felt disconnected
from God.
I don't know if I'm reallymaking a point that is relevant
to the conversation we werehaving now, but this is what
came to my mind.
But I think what it is is wasshe at her best?
If she's giving everythingwithout replenishing herself?
(45:26):
Maybe she felt disconnectedbecause she wasn't replenishing
herself and giving herself whatshe needed to carry on.
Speaker 3 (45:34):
Are you saying Mother Teresa needed to get her shit
together?
Wow Did.
I just say that.
This podcast, I found out, goesin the Library Congress.
This is forever.
This is just curiosity.
You are on the historicalrecord of saying Mother Teresa
doesn't know shit.
Don't put those words into mymouth, I didn't, you just said
them.
Speaker 1 (45:52):
Last question Okay, this last question comes from a
box of questions from a companycalled the, and, and this is the
long-term couples edition.
We first came across this carddeck not the couples edition at
(46:16):
Mariposa, the Vietnamese coffeebar.
Speaker 3 (46:19):
Strong, hard recommend of that place downtown
Santa Cruz.
Speaker 1 (46:23):
Fantastic.
Speaker 3 (46:23):
Mariposa coffee bar.
Yep, that place downtown.
Speaker 1 (46:25):
Santa.
Speaker 3 (46:25):
Cruz, fantastic Mariposa Coffee Bar, yep, but
they have like vegan andvegetarian sandwiches and that
place is fantastic.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
Everything about it is delicious, including the vibe
.
It was fun, okay, so choose oneof these.
Speaker 3 (46:38):
Did it.
Speaker 1 (46:39):
Okay, now here's how you play this game.
You sit facing one another witha foot of distance between you,
so we have a little more than afoot, but this is the best we
can do.
Choose.
Well, you're supposed to choose12 random cards.
We're just going to do thiswith one.
Okay, take 30 seconds to relaxand look at one another.
Speaker 3 (46:59):
That's terrible for the podcast.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
And then person one begins by asking person two oh,
begins by asking person twoanswers their question, and then
you continue back and forththrough all the questions.
Speaker 3 (47:11):
Every question must be asked.
Oh sorry.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
But you do not have to answer the question.
Speaker 3 (47:18):
And we're just going to do the one.
Speaker 1 (47:19):
We're just going to do one.
Speaker 3 (47:21):
Okay, but we have to look at each other for 30
seconds.
Speaker 1 (47:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (47:24):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (47:25):
So we're going to play music to entertain everyone
.
Speaker 3 (47:30):
We'll see you in 30 seconds.
Look at me.
Speaker 1 (47:38):
You always got to get this in Perfect timing.
Speaker 3 (47:41):
You know it?
Yeah, all right, that was 30seconds-ish.
Speaker 1 (47:47):
Was it?
I don't think you were timing.
Speaker 3 (47:50):
I just wrote an editorial about how terrible I
am at that.
Speaker 1 (47:53):
You did indeed.
That's almost meditating.
Go ahead and read it.
Speaker 3 (47:56):
What are you most concerned about for my future?
Speaker 1 (48:00):
Ooh.
Speaker 3 (48:00):
Big one.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
Yeah, I'll be most concerned about for your future
it's a beautiful part of thepodcast right now.
Look at this no, and we'restaring into each other's eyes,
man let me get my nerf gun oh mygosh, how, how funny.
(48:25):
Okay, what am I most concernedabout?
This is a tough one for me.
I would have said your physicalhealth, but it is on the
upswing.
Speaker 3 (48:35):
I'm shredded.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (48:39):
You are shred in my phone, so confident, but not
true.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
So I would say your compulsions, your OCD, how dare
you?
Speaker 3 (48:53):
I go around just like it's a China show.
Oh my gosh, your therapy.
You're right.
I talk in generalities about itand without even permission,
Our therapist.
I'm working through ourtherapist on my things.
That I'm very nice.
I'm just so vulnerable with youabout this newly found thing
that I've got a word for myproblem.
Speaker 1 (49:13):
I'm so sorry.
Speaker 3 (49:14):
Yeah, I think again, just like my carpal tunnel,
which it wasn't, and the othermaladies which I've diagnosed
for myself, I've been 90% wrong.
I think I'm right on this one.
I've got OCD, I think we'vementioned on here.
I pulled my hair out.
I've been doing that since Iwas 12 or 13.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
And the latest is the scrubbing.
Speaker 3 (49:36):
Again, here we go, 49 minutes.
I thought I was going to getaway.
It's trickle telanemia and Ithink we've talked about it
before.
I think that's sort of where itcomes down to and I'm sure
we're outing everybody on this.
But um, uh, but it's, it's aweird compulsion and I think
(50:10):
I've always lumped all of mysort of like um, uh into that
one category.
But then I think as we balanceout, we start identifying other
habits that are, are, are odd,and I always associate them with
trickle-tell anemia, and one ofthem is this kind of over
exfoliating, scrubbing thing,even to the point that I've got
(50:30):
a scrub daddy pot scrubber inthe shower and I use it to scrub
because I hate the sound of it.
It's not so much the feel orwhat I get out of it, it's, it's
the sound of that scrubbing onmy body, that it.
It reminds me of pulling out myhair, and I'm not pulling out
my hair as much.
So it's all traits I don't bitemy nails, I pull my hair, I
don't pull my hair, I'm going toscrub down to my my you know
(50:53):
muscle tissue.
Speaker 1 (50:54):
Well, I got a little nervous when you mentioned that
the scrub daddy wasn't doing itfor you anymore, and you're
thinking the steel wool we'rejoking, but I am not.
Okay, that's worrisome.
Speaker 3 (51:07):
I'm not because it's this weird next thing, which it
is just a weird thing andthere's no doubt, but I think
underneath it is also just smalllittle things where you just
not so much spinning but, yeah,isolating on something.
Speaker 1 (51:22):
And what it is is the way.
It's something that you figuredout you could do that doesn't
harm anybody.
That helps to manage a sense ofanxiety.
Speaker 3 (51:31):
Yeah, that's what it is, yeah.
Speaker 1 (51:33):
And so it's visible, you recognize it, and that just
gives you opportunity to figureout.
Well, is there a better way tomanage this?
It's healthier.
Speaker 3 (51:46):
And I think there is.
I'm trying that over thecounter now, which is I wish I
could remember.
Speaker 1 (51:50):
NAC.
I'll call it NAC N-A-C, butthat is short for a very long
name that I'm not remembering.
Speaker 3 (51:55):
N-A-C?
Yeah, that's, and I take fiveof those horse pills a day and I
think if I'm on it it seems tohelp.
Maybe it's a placebo, maybeit's the practice of doing it,
maybe that corresponds withtrying to uh the healing of the
wrist and the abdomen and allthat stuff working out, maybe
more, I don't know what it is,but it's, it's a little bit
better, but the scrubbingremains, you know as far as um,
(52:16):
and that's just a.
That's a weird thing and Ialways talk about trick.
I'm joking.
There's no outing here.
I talk about it like it'snothing to everybody all the
time.
That was when I made fun of youfor outing me on it.
But I think I'm open about itbecause I think I've talked to
about it enough that I've bumpedinto it's a.
It's a weird little thing thatthat's been passed down and I'm
(52:48):
56 and I haven't I haven't beatit, you know, and and so it's a.
It's a weird one.
Speaker 1 (52:53):
I don't know if any of our kids do that.
I don't think any of ourchildren do that.
Speaker 3 (52:57):
I think they're so horrified by watching me do it
and telling me to stop.
You know when it happens, Ithink you know.
Maybe that's kind of put themstraight there.
So yeah, and so what?
So your biggest concern?
Speaker 1 (53:11):
is that I just scrubbed myself?
Speaker 3 (53:12):
out of existence.
Yeah, it's a dream, it's adream.
Speaker 1 (53:15):
I think you wouldn't mind that.
Speaker 3 (53:16):
I always assume two things.
I'm either going to put liketwo, three or four words
together in the right orderabout existence now, and I will
just disappear or I can possiblylike an eraser to scrub myself
out of existence, that that youmight think yourself right out
of the atmosphere.
Speaker 1 (53:35):
Actually I mean that that is the goal and so now do
we turn this around and, yeah,you need to to share with me
okay, let's see.
Speaker 3 (53:45):
What am I most concerned about?
Your future?
Okay, I get the same pauseAgain, an easy one for me not
too long ago.
Were you ever not going to bedizzy?
But that ended up beingsomething you kind of
overachieved, I guess, for meand this is just a practical one
and I think it's more, I thinkit's more um, realistic now.
(54:10):
But time is time and and age islike, I think.
My thing sometimes I thinkabout you is I hope there's
enough time left I'm talkingabout all of it for you to kind
of get out of this.
What you think it's supposed tobe for you life.
That I mean like I mean thatlike you know, because it it
it's supposed to be for you life.
That I mean like I mean that,like you know, cause it it it's
one thing to let's say youtotally are, but like, and for
(54:31):
me it's, and I and my confidenceis so high, you know, but it
but it is.
If I were to have a concern, Idivide you doing the work you're
doing, divided by 55, dividedby um life as we know it.
And I say this, but I don'thave a lot of concerns about you
.
You know, you've got yourcareer, you're doing your thing,
you kind of are findingyourself on the planet and all
those ones.
(54:51):
But I still know that there'sthis whole kind of self and that
doesn't exist.
I don't think that whole thingexists, but I hope it gets to a
point where you're on, and Ithink you're getting there where
you have these long runs oflike, long runs of like.
This is to a most extent whatit's all about.
I just hope there's enoughliteral time left on the planet
for that to happen.
Speaker 1 (55:11):
I think that is probably relevant for most
people in the world.
Do we have enough time tofigure it out and have this
sense of equanimity where we'reat peace with who we are, what
we're doing?
Speaker 3 (55:27):
Yeah, I think that's the and.
So, while I'm kind of gettingup because we're, as always, 55,
56 minutes seems to be ournumber, yeah, but let's kind of
finish that one and talk aboutthat question.
This is a great one, that whythat might be relevant to you
know.
Speaker 1 (55:46):
To everyone yeah.
Speaker 3 (55:46):
Like that's a great one.
That why that might be relevantto you, know to everyone.
Yeah, like that's a great one,right, as far as like to ask it,
I think we sometimes referencea first date two years engaged,
34 years married, 50 yearsmarried.
That might be a really goodquestion to connect somebody and
see how connected you are, howfar you might be off of somebody
else's dreams or hear a fear ifthey can be honest with you.
Speaker 1 (56:08):
Yeah, I was thinking what would it be like to have
this conversation with otherpeople you know and love your
adult children, your parents andit's interesting because what
you're doing is you're sharingyour perception of them.
Speaker 3 (56:24):
Right.
Speaker 1 (56:24):
Like maybe you have someone in your life I don't
know what would be an example.
Say, someone in your life hasan unhealthy relationship with
alcohol and you share with themin a moment of honesty what your
biggest fear for them are.
Speaker 3 (56:43):
I mean, that could be life changing, and I think
that's what I'm getting at andthat's why I like the way you
said that, that these questionsand again with the goal being
maybe you're not comfortablewith it, maybe you get more
comfortable with it, buteventually, if you can get to a
point where, um, uh, honesty andtransparency in these
conversations it's just just anothing burger.
That's like a part you're justyou're you get good at that part
(57:06):
, then you're getting to theheart of the shit and it's like
and it's, it's not, it's, it'sincremental, it's not, it's not
going to be this.
It's not always going to be this.
This.
I just had this moment.
It's going to be thisincremental person you become,
where you're sort of honest andtransparent.
Speaker 1 (57:20):
And I think the barrier can be like the
stumbling block for most humansis we can be really tempted to
use that as a way of tellingsomebody what we think they
should do and that is nothelpful.
Speaker 3 (57:38):
No.
Speaker 1 (57:38):
It's, it puts people on the defense.
So you know if you areconcerned about somebody sharing
, you know if you, if you areconcerned about somebody sharing
, if you are concerned aboutsomeone who has, like I said, an
issue with drinking alcohol,you can phrase it something
along the lines of all of yourrelationships with those that
care about you Right and havemade poor choices that leave you
(58:13):
without a job and a stableliving environment and alone.
That's my fear for you.
Speaker 3 (58:17):
Damn.
Speaker 1 (58:18):
And does that say stop drinking.
I don't want you to drinkanymore.
Speaker 3 (58:21):
No, it's your fear for them.
Speaker 1 (58:23):
Yeah, it's compassionate, but it's also
it's hard to be that honest.
Speaker 3 (58:28):
Okay, you're reaching back for the scratcher book,
back to how this podcast wasstarted, and I think we did a
few of these neuro blasts.
We did the chalk on thesidewalk, we did the podcast.
I feel like we did at least oneor two more, but she's
scratching as I'm speaking andthis will be something we're
going to try to accomplishbefore the next podcast.
Speaker 1 (58:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (58:48):
Let's see.
Speaker 1 (58:49):
Dust off your childhood family photo albums.
Ask each other about yourearliest memories what your
childhood bedroom looked like,what high school was like and
the things you were afraid of asa young child.
Pictures spark memories andthere's something about seeing
your partner in their earliestlife that makes you appreciate
(59:11):
how life has shaped them.
Next, pick your favoritepicture of your partner and make
it your phone wallpaper for oneweek.
Speaker 3 (59:18):
Adorable, easy, cute, much easier than square dancing
or whatever the fuck we weresupposed to do last time.
Alright, give me a numberbetween one and six million.
Speaker 1 (59:27):
Six million.
I'm going to say 52.
No 55, because I just turnedthat.
Speaker 3 (59:34):
Well, you're kidding me, right.
Speaker 1 (59:35):
Well, you said one in six million that was a total
joke.
Speaker 3 (59:37):
I'm just going to.
I don't even know if Now we'regoing to go off list.
Speaker 1 (59:41):
Sorry that was.
Speaker 3 (59:42):
I just was doing that as.
Speaker 1 (59:44):
Okay, make it half of my age.
I'm halfway there now.
Speaker 3 (59:47):
Okay, I'm already at.
It's just bad air.
We're going to be under 60minutes now.
Speaker 1 (59:53):
We are not Better watch what you ask for?
Speaker 3 (01:00:02):
Huh, no clue.
Speaker 1 (01:00:06):
Not yet.
I think this is one of mine.
It's a cover.
It's a cover and I can'tremember his name.
Speaker 3 (01:00:15):
Are you guessing you it's a single name.
Speaker 1 (01:00:17):
yeah, A very simple name.
Speaker 3 (01:00:19):
So, your official answer is you.
Yeah, my answer is you.
But, I can't remember his name,doesn't matter the game is who
it is.
Speaker 1 (01:00:29):
That's true.
Tell us who it is.
Speaker 3 (01:00:31):
It's Stacy, so we both win.
It's easy, cool.
I love you, babe, I love you.
Speaker 1 (01:00:36):
That was fun.
Bye, bye.
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