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July 30, 2025 29 mins

Are you feeling stuck, unmotivated, or unsure why you’re not making progress—despite wanting more from your life? In this episode of Building a Life You Love, host Kristin Fitch dives into five powerful but hidden reasons women often hold themselves back from stepping into the life they truly want.

From limiting beliefs to fear of judgment, guilt from past choices, and the mental overload of doing it all—we unpack the mindset traps and emotional blocks that quietly shape our decisions and derail our dreams. Kristin shares real stories, faith-fueled encouragement, and simple mindset shifts to help you break free from self-sabotage and begin walking in your God-given purpose with clarity and confidence.

Whether you're facing a transition or just longing for more joy and fulfillment, this episode is your permission slip to release what's weighing you down and take the next right step forward.

Download My Free Joyful Living Devotional: https://kristinfitch.com/devotional

Ready to take your first step towards a more joyful, faith-filled life? Download our Reignite Your Passion Workbook and start living with purpose today!

What to feel more energized in midlife? Grab my 5 Day Energy Reset Jump Start Guide here.

Ready to work with Kristin to make a shift in your life? Click here to get started.

Key Takeaways:

  • Awareness is the first step to change: You can’t fix what you don’t see. Identifying hidden fears and blocks is essential to moving forward.
  • Limiting beliefs create invisible ceilings: These often form in childhood or after major life transitions and quietly shape your decisions.
  • Fear of judgment and failure hold women back: Many women wait for permission or perfection instead of starting imperfectly.
  • You’re allowed to want more: Prioritizing your own desires and well-being doesn’t mean you’re selfish—it means you’re finally showing up for yourself.
  • Guilt and decision fatigue are silent dream killers: Learn to release past regret and simplify your choices so you can act with confidence and intention.

what’s holding you back, overcoming self-sabotage, Christian women podcast, limiting beliefs women, mindset shift for women, decision fatigue and burnout, finding your purpose, fear of failure and judgment, women in transition podcast, personal growth for women, building confidence in midlife, stepping into your calling, faith and mindset coaching

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey, and welcome back to the show.
Today we're going to talkabout what's really holding you back
from going after the life you want.
Have you ever imaginedbuilding a life you love, but got
stuck in between the what ifs,expectations and obligations in your
life?
Welcome to Building a life youLove, the podcast dedicated to helping
you step into a life whereyour passion blossoms from within,
your faith deepens, andsimplicity becomes your favorite

(00:23):
synonym for everyday life.
Hi, I'm your host, Kristen, anencourager, a faith led entrepreneur,
a mom and a wife.
Join me each week as we diveinto creating positive habits, stepping
out of your comfort zone,making space for meaningful work
and relationships.
I'm going to bring youpractical tips, uplifting conversations,
and expert guidance that youcan use.
So why wait?

(00:44):
Step off the path ofexpectations and into a space that
feels genuinely yours.
Subscribe now to building alife you love and let's begin this
transformative journeytogether towards joy, peace and purpose.
The real question is, have youever felt like something invisible
is keeping you from making the change?
Whether it's launching yourdream business, asking for more,
pursuing healing, or showingup more fully in your relationships

(01:05):
or faith.
In this episode, I'muncovering the real reason so many
of us feel stuck, unworthy orunsure when it comes to fixing or
shifting our lives.
We're going to talk about thefear underneath your hesitation,
the stories that we've beentelling ourselves, and how to break
the pattern so that we canboldly go after the life we want

(01:26):
and we're absolutely worth it.
So whether it's money, health,faith, or your career, this is your
wake up call to stop settlingand start shifting.
So listen, have you ever feltlike something's off but you can't
name it?
I've been here so many timesover the years and it's usually because
I don't even realize I'mstanding in my own way.

(01:48):
So let me give you an exampleof that.
A previous company that Iworked for, I had hired a team member.
So technically he was one ofmy direct reports and I hired him
for a higher salary than my own.
Now, on the surface I can saythat there's nothing wrong with that

(02:10):
because I was happy in my joband I justified that.
Well, he needed the money andI didn't necessarily.
Now, that didn't mean Icouldn't use the money, right?
I had at the time three sons.
They were getting ready tostart college soon, the first son,
and so absolutely that couldhave, you know, more money, could

(02:31):
have helped us put it towards college.
Or other bills or investmentsthat we would like to do.
But I justified to myself thatby saying that I should have my salary
upped up, leveled, if youwill, or talking about my salary
with the boss, I justified inmy mind why it was fine that I was

(02:54):
going to pay somebody morethan I made.
Yes, it was a different job, right?
Like they had a specialty andI was more of a general overseeing,
you know, a department.
But my point is, this is thesort of thing I'm talking about.
Why was I holding my back,myself back from making more money,
or why wasn't I willing to ask?

(03:16):
Because in one way, it's notthat I didn't think I deserved more
money, but I also wasconvincing myself or explaining away
why it was okay that I madeless money.
So the question is, what inyour life are you doing that to yourself?
Maybe it's not asking for a raise.

(03:38):
Maybe it's every time yourrelationship's going well, you sabotage
it or you get in a fight.
Maybe it's that you're notwilling to step out of the career
path you've been on intosomething different, even though
you know your heart is crushedand that it's not the right place
for you anymore.
Maybe it's that you've beenwanting to travel the world, but

(04:01):
you keep saying, one day or, Idon't want to spend the money right
now because it's not responsible.
Remember reading in the bookthe Big Leap by Gay Hendricks?
And if you don't know, he'snot only an author, but I think he.
I don't know if you'd callhimself a therapist, but he basically
does relationshiptransformation and body mind therapies.

(04:24):
But he's helped all sorts ofpeople with negative thinking and
tapping into your genius zone,which is basically what he first
talks about in the Big Leap.
But he explains that one womanhe's helping, she's a writer.
And I think she had writtenone book, and she is supposed to
be working on a second book,but she's just struggling.

(04:45):
She's not getting any writingdone, or at least not of much.
Not much substance or notmaking time for it.
So they go through herschedule, right, her daily schedule.
And they talk about, you know,her priorities.
And she says one of her mainpriorities is getting this book done,

(05:07):
right?
To get her second.
Second book finished.
But when she walks through herdaily routine, she explains that
before she can sit down andwrite, she has all these other things
she's doing, right?
So it's tidying the house and,like, there's this whole list of

(05:27):
things.
But then when Gay goes toexplain to her that if her priority
is actually writing, yet shedoesn't prioritize putting writing
first during the day orearlier in the day, then she's actually
by her schedule showing thather priority, last priority is writing.

(05:49):
In other words, it's only whatshe has left in her when she sits
down to write.
So anyways, when she's, whenshe is shown this, right, she becomes
aware of it.
She starts realizing thatshe's technically not prioritizing
her writing.
And so she's able to thenchange, right, to make a change,
to shift her patterns.

(06:11):
But I think it's true withmost of us, which is we don't realize
that we're sabotagingourselves because we are putting
everyone or everything beforewhat it is that we say we value or
what it is that we want tochange or improve in our lives.

(06:31):
And so I think we have to becareful of this because I think as
women especially, this isreally easy for this to happen to
us.
And so let me start walkinginto what are some of the top reasons
that women in generalespecially hold themselves back.
So the first reason is it'sjust subconscious limiting beliefs.

(06:52):
So women are more likely tounderestimate their abilities and
hesitate to apply for roles ormake big changes unless they feel
100% ready.
That's from Harvard Business Review.
And many women have aninternal belief, whether they've
ever voiced or not, of I don'tdeserve more, I'll get to it later,
or I'm not good enough.

(07:14):
Look at the example that Igave you about the money I was making
at a company I was working for.
It wasn't that I thought Idon't deserve it, but I thought I
don't need it.
Or I thought I'm being greedyor selfish to ask for them to up
my salary just because I washiring someone that made more.

(07:38):
So in other words, I wasletting myself play smaller as far
as my finances to make themfeel better.
Do you see what I'm saying there?
And so this is what I'm sayingis even if my belief wasn't that
I'm not good enough to makemore money, I mean, I know that I
could have looked for adifferent job and it been all about
the money, but I felt thankfulthat I had, you know, I had a remote

(08:02):
job for the most part, I had flexibility.
And so those things were moreimportant to me than the paycheck.
But that doesn't mean that Ishould undermine myself and not get
Paid more.
If that's the what I shouldhave been being paid.
Okay.
The next thing is, the nextreason that a lot of us hold ourselves

(08:25):
back is a fear of judgment or failure.
Fear of disappointing others,not meeting expectations, or we're
worried about what people will think.
What if I mess up?
What if.
What if I'm too late?
What if they don't think I'mgood enough, right?
Or I did a good enough job?
I have to be honest with you,this still gets in my way.
When I'm going to do a shortsocial media, post a video, I will

(08:52):
record it.
But then when I watch it back,I think, oh, I don't know.
I don't know if I want to post that.
What will so and so think?
Like, that literally goesthrough my mind.
And I have to be reallycareful because it's really easy
to go from doing somethingthat I wanted to share, right, a
piece of content, to thenquestioning my content.

(09:14):
And then that holds me upbecause for days I might think, I
don't know, maybe I should dosomething different.
Well, that sort of questioningof my content or myself, it is.
I'm losing my momentum whenthat happens.
And instead of just movingforward, right, one domino after
the other because of myeffort, it is derailing me.

(09:36):
Or it's slowing down my train, right?
It's slowing down my momentum.
And so I think if you askyourself, there are probably some
fears of judgment or feel offear of failure spinning around somewhere
in that head of yours, becauseI know I have some of those spinning
around in my head, even forall the work that I try to do in

(09:59):
this area, they still, some ofthem still come up.
All right?
The next reason why so many ofus can hold ourselves back is guilt
from past choices or over responsibility.
This is even more common withwomen because so many of us are the
caregivers, whether it's forkids or whether it's for, like, aging

(10:19):
parents or even possibly a spouse.
But in so many cases, right,it's not that women are just working
possibly outside of the home,right, in a career, but then they're
in a lot of households,they're maybe doing more chores.
They might be doing dinner,primarily taking care of the kids
more, or at least taking careof all their things like appointments

(10:42):
and school events and thingslike that.
Now, this is not the case forin every home.
But I'm just saying in a lotof cases, women are taking on a lot
of things, especially thecaregiving and the serving roles.
And because of that, that'swhere What I just mentioned comes
in, right, that guilt forwanting more when we're the ones

(11:07):
that are the caregivers.
Like, we don't feelcomfortable putting our needs or
our desires or interests orhobbies above caring for everybody.
And so when we finally get toa point in life where maybe we have
a little bit more time, itstill feels off or odd or it makes
us feel a certain way that weare thinking about putting ourselves

(11:34):
closer to the top of the list.
And so we just have toremember that we deserve to go after
our dreams.
We deserve to go after, like,being healthy and committing the
time to be healthy, to findpeacefulness in our lives and to
step into more purpose as ourseasons change.

(11:54):
And so we shouldn't feel badabout that.
All right?
The last reason why so many ofus don't go after what we want or
let life hold us back is oneof two things.

(12:15):
It is overwhelm or, and ordecision fatigue.
So many of us have so manydemands on us.
We don't have the space or wedon't make the space to reflect,
to see where maybe we need tomake changes.
We need to cut something out.
We need to pause something fora season.
And the number of decisions wehave to make today versus decades

(12:40):
or centuries ago isastronomical because we are bombarded
all of the time.
Our phones ring, ding ping.
Our computers ring, ding ping.
The phones ring, ding ping.
The people in our lives,deadlines come faster.
Our kids, if we have kids thatare, you know, young to high school

(13:03):
age, they're in moreactivities than kids were many decades
ago.
And so we have so many demandson us.
And if we're not careful, it'sexhausting, but it's also overwhelming.
And then there's all thenoise, I'm sorry, auditory noise.
Like, there's just so manythings, but all the tiny decisions

(13:26):
we have to make constantly addto our total decisions, even if they're
not big and important decisions.
So do I respond to the text?
Do I.
Do I answer the phone callright now?
Do I finish this email?
Do I let myself get distractedanother time?
What am I going to eat for dinner?
So all of these little things,do I look at the ad?

(13:46):
Is this a scam?
Right?
A text message you got?
So we're constantly having tolook at our environment and make
choices.
Constantly.
And that is why when we havebigger decisions to make, whether
it's finishing a project orwhether it's life decisions, we feel
decision fatigue or overwhelmed.

(14:07):
And so it's our job to pauseor to regularly Slow things down
enough so that we can reflecton what's going on, so that we can
decide where do we need toeliminate stuff, where do we need
to quiet down the noise, allof the decisions we have to make
or have to even think about,how do we do the most important things

(14:31):
and prioritize those thingsand let go some of the noise, some
of the distraction.
And so that is what's going tohelp us not be held back by not being
able to even make a decision.
Because we're just worn out bythe end of the day, not just physically,
but mentally.
Right.
How can we make be intentional?

(14:52):
How can we prioritize newthings or things as our seasons change
if we don't have the time andspace to actually think about it?
Okay, so I have a couplequestions that you can journal about
or write down and reflect on later.
Okay, so get your pen andpaper out and here is what they are.

(15:13):
The first question that youcan ask is, what area of my life
do I feel disconnected from ordissatisfied with?
This could be that you'reoverwhelmed in your job.
It could be that you feel likeall you do is carpool your kids from
one activity or maybe fouractivities a night to the next, right.
Night after night.
And that doesn't mean it couldbe that you don't feel fulfilled

(15:36):
as much as, you know, youcould be in your marriage or your
relationship with your kids,maybe if they're older, Right?
So it's.
Where do you feel disconnected?
Like, if you're driving yourkids every night, it might be a great
opportunity to connect with them.
But sometimes you don't haveany downtime, and so it's just wearing.
So then you, once you figurethis out, is there a dissatisfaction

(15:58):
or disconnection, like if it'sin your marriage?
Well, if you write that downlater, you'll want to start digging
into why is that maybe the twoof you never have time to connect
as a couple, not just as afamily or not just with other couples.
Or you're just so busy, it'slike two shifts in the night, right?
Like you're on different schedules.

(16:18):
And so that's going to takesome intention of figuring out.
When can we make time, right,to just reconnect, to catch up, to
go do something fun, something light.
And sometimes it's not goingto be in the evening or typical,
like a weekend night.
Because for some couples oftheir schedules or their kids, schedules
doesn't allow for that.

(16:40):
So I know some couples meetduring the week for lunch or whatever
it might be because that's atime where their kids maybe are at
school or they're doing, youknow, they're busy.
So that's just an example.
All right, the next questionis, what story have I been telling
myself about why I can'tchange something?

(17:01):
Right.
Or change it?
And this could be about whereyou feel disconnected or dissatisfied,
but it could also be about ifsomething's holding you back.
Let's say that you've been inthe same job for a decade, which
is amazing, by the way, if youhave and if you like your job.
But let's say you just feellike you, you're not excelling.
There's no opportunity forgrowth, but you want to grow or you

(17:23):
want a new opportunity, right?
You have all this experience,or maybe it's just not flexible and
it doesn't align with whereyou're at in life right now, whether
it's because you want to bemore available to your family and,
or whatever the reason.
And so then ask yourself,like, why don't I think I can do
something about it?

(17:44):
For many of us, it's becausewe get stuck in thinking that the
unknown is worse than the known.
Meaning.
Well, I'm going to stay at myjob even though I feel miserable
and exhausted every day,because I'm going to get more of
a pension.
I'm not saying that's a bad thing.
What I'm saying is if you'realready going to get, let's say,

(18:04):
you know, money because you'vebeen there for 20 years and you could
leave and do something elsethat you're, you're passionate about,
that you would love to do andspend your days doing, then I don't.
It's not worth it necessarilyto work for five or 10 more years
and a job you're miserable injust to get a little bit more percentage
of a pension.

(18:25):
Now, I'm not saying that'strue in every case.
What I'm saying is we worryabout, we want to feel safe.
And sometimes changing,shifting, transitioning to something
else doesn't feel safe.
And so we'd rather stay whereit feels safe, even if we're miserable
or we are so dissatisfied,like our gut is just twisted every

(18:50):
day.
Well, I'd say to you, yourhealth is worth more than staying
in a place that's toxic.
Now, obviously, I'm not sayingeverybody's in toxic jobs.
What I'm saying is if you'resomeone that wishes, like, you dream
about changing careers orjobs, but you're, you're staying
there out of fear, Right.
A fear that the unknown or thenext thing is unsafe because you

(19:14):
don't know what it would be orhow much money you'd make.
That's not the right reason.
In other words, go and do yourpros and cons, like talk through
it with somebody, look at whatother opportunities might be available.
Right.
I'm not saying like, go quityour job.
What I'm saying is if it'ssomething that it's literally sucking
the life out of you andthere's nothing you can do to improve

(19:35):
it or fix it, and it'sliterally detrimental to your body,
your soul, then, then that iswhere we need to say, like, am I
staying because I'm afraidthat I'll get a different job that
might be better?
Am I staying because thisfeels safe even though I'm not happy
versus walking through theunknown to something else that might

(19:58):
be better?
And so that's all I'm sayingis, like, we have to get to the root
of, like, what are we tellingourselves and is it true?
Or are we holding on becauseof something else?
Right.
That like, it feels safe orbecause we're afraid?
Next question.
Who benefits from me stayingsmall or stuck?
Right.

(20:19):
Not you.
There is a woman that I talkedwith and, you know, coached with
a little bit years ago and shehad left a company she was working
for.
I'm not going to be specificabout what she did, but let's just
say it was in a professionaltype firm and the company she'd been
been at for a long time.

(20:40):
She had some life changeshappen and she wanted, she needed
more flexibility, like to worka different schedule, just somewhat,
slightly.
And she also knew that shehadn't really been given a raise
and this is a very profitableprofessional type company.
So she eventually left andwent to a different company where

(21:01):
she got more of those things.
The thing is, when she askedher first employer if she could change
her schedule a bit, they werebasically like, no, nope, these are
the hours.
And there was no flexibilityfor her.
There was even no conversationaround it.
So in other words, she wasn'tvalued for the level she was giving
to the company because thecompany later continued to try to

(21:25):
reach her and have her come back.
And of course then they weremore willing to talk about some changes.
And she was afraid to go backto that company, even though I think
they were going to offer hermore money, because.
Right.
She was, she was like, well,I'm not sure that they'll give me
what I want, but she wasn'teven willing to ask them because

(21:49):
they were keeping her small inthe past, right?
They weren't really honoringhow much of a valuable team player
she was, a team member, butyet after she left, they realized
how exceptional she was andhow valuable she was and that they
lost her because they weren'treally willing to hear what she needed

(22:09):
and how to have a happy employee.
They could have paid herprobably just a little bit more and
let her shift her schedule byan hour or two.
It wouldn't have hurt theirbusiness, but it would have done
everything for her.
And guess what?
She would have been a moresatisfied employee, stayed even longer,
and would have helped themcontinue to grow their big successful

(22:30):
business.
Even better because they hademployees that were happy and were
taken care of.
So that is how we stay stuckor we play small, is we're afraid
to ask.
Or if we ask and the peoplesay no, but their reasoning isn't,
it's showing us that they'renot valuing us, then it might be
time to go do something else.
Find a better place that willvalue our talent, our community gifts

(22:53):
and our abilities.
Now maybe it's that you're,you feel stuck and it's in a relationship.
Well, once again, you justwant to understand, like, is the
other person trying to keepyou stuck or is it just because there's
a lack of communication?
Maybe there's a lack of timewhen everybody is like, has patience
and has like time to invest inthe relationship.

(23:17):
So it's just a question tothink about and then, you know, reflect
on it based on what's going onin your life.
All right, the next question.
What would it feel like togive myself permission to want more?
Are you, like, the thing is,is are we settling for less?
By that I mean, I just went ona, a four day, I guess a four day

(23:41):
trip with my husband just tohave a little time.
It was our anniversary week.
And as our kids have gottenolder, you know, now they're college
age, we will try to go on aweekend trip.
Not necessarily every year,but a lot more because now they're,
you know, we don't have to be here.
The thing though is, is it'seasy for me to start telling myself,
no, you know what, maybe weshouldn't spend the money or, you

(24:05):
know, we went somewhere, notjust us, but with other people in
February.
Am I being unreasonable, right?
That like, we were going totake a trip and we weren't taking
some extravagant trip.
We were literally driving acouple hours into the mountains and
just staying in a, you know, abeautiful house in the mountains,
but a smaller house that was agreat size for just a couple.

(24:28):
But the point is, is I.
Then I gave myself permissionto say no.
I. I want to do this.
I want to get away.
I want to get away with my husband.
I want to have time for justus, right?
Where it's not about all thethings we have to get done at the
house.
It's not about going withother couples where then I, as a
group, we're deciding what'sgoing to.
What we're going to all do.
It's not when it revolvesaround the kids or sports.

(24:50):
And so I had to remind myselfthat that is important and worth
the investment, and it isworth our time to reconnect and invest
in our relationship.
So ask yourself, what would itfeel like to give yourself permission
to want more?
In other words, we don't haveto settle for less.

(25:11):
We don't have to say, like,no, no, it's okay.
Like, what actually would makeyour life fuller and more fulfilling?
Because when we do that, whenwe come back, right, when we.
When we treat ourselves thatway, which is basically a place of
love, we're treating ourselveswith love by doing kind and good
things, taking care of us.

(25:33):
Ourselves like to be healthy.
But when we do that, we arebetter positioned to serve other
people, right?
To show up in the most lovingway in the world.
All right, last question.
What is one small step I cantake today to move in a new direction?
So where have you been feelinglike you've been held back?

(25:54):
And what is it that you wantto take one tiny step towards?
Just to go with example of career?
Just.
Just because I mentioned thatas an example earlier, let's say
that you would love to dosomething else or change jobs, but
you're not ready, right?
And you haven't planned for it.
But you could spend 30 minutesin the evening or the weekend researching

(26:17):
other opportunities, right?
You could spend 30 minutestalking to a friend that has maybe
a job or career that's mayberelated to what you do, but a little
bit different, and you justwant to pick their brain.
That would be one small stepin a new direction for you.
Maybe it's that you've alwaysbeen hesitant to go sign up for a
class that you've beeninterested in, but you just thought,

(26:40):
no, that seems silly.
I would feel embarrassed.
Go research classes, right?
I don't care if it's a musicclass, an art class, a cooking class,
a book club, whatever it mightbe, but, like, you've held yourself
back from doing it because youfelt uncomfortable if you were just
to show up there by yourself.
Well, I'm telling you, eitherinvite a girlfriend or just go do

(27:00):
it by yourself because you'vewanted to do it.
I promise it'll be worth it.
So take that step.
Sign up for the class orwhatever it might be.
Okay, let's see.
So the last thing that I justwant to share with you is the quote
by Howard Thurman which saysdon't ask what the world needs, ask

(27:22):
what makes you come alive andgo do it.
Because what the world needsis is people who have come alive.
And then I'll just share thescripture I came that they may have
life and have it abundantly.
That's John 10:10 I hope thisepisode gave you some food for thought.
I hope it made you think aboutIs something holding you back in

(27:46):
your life?
Do you feel stagnant but youwant to get unstuck?
Then I hope there's a coupletidbits in here for you.
Also, if you haven't already,go head over to my website KristinFitch.com
and grab my five days toreignite your Passion workbook.
It is a really powerful quickread and like I said, you can do

(28:08):
it.
You could do it in a day, butit's really designed to do one small
thing for five days in a rowto help you reignite your passion,
to get unstuck, to get, and torekindle that spark within you.
So if you haven't grabbed ityet, go onto my website and grab
it.
If you don't see it in the popup then go over to the Freebies page
and you'll see it right away.
Until next time, I have you.

(28:29):
Hope you have a great andbeautiful day and thanks again for
listening in.
And if you enjoyed the show,we'd love it if you'd subscribe and
leave us a review and ratingon Apple Podcast or wherever you
listen to podcasts and you cancheck out freebie and resources we
have for you@kristenfitch.comand if you have ideas for the show

(28:49):
or guests that you'd like torecommend, I'd love to hear from
you.
So DM me on Instagram atkristenfitch or you can email me
from the website.
Thanks so much.
Until next time, have a great week.
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