Why I Say I Hate My Kids (And What I Actually Mean)

What happens when your kids grow up, and your role as their parent quietly, but profoundly, changes?

In this episode of Building Resilience, I unpack the real meaning behind the shocking phrase, “I hate my kids.” Spoiler: it’s not about hate at all. It’s about the complex, often unspoken realities of parenting young adult children, the shifting roles, the nervous system toll, the grief of being needed less, and the bittersweet pride of watching them build their own lives.

I share my own behind-the-scenes experiences, from feeling invisible in my own home when they visit, to resisting the urge to “fix” their struggles, to navigating sibling dynamics and new partners, to rediscovering my own identity beyond motherhood.

This is a conversation about saying the quiet parts out loud, about letting the messy and the beautiful coexist, and about finding your footing again when the rhythm of parenting changes.

We’ll explore:

• “I hate my kids” isn’t about hate, it’s about change.
• Speaking the messy, taboo truths can be liberating.
• Parental roles shift, again and again.
• Parenting adult children takes a nervous system toll.
• Your opinion is often no longer welcome.
• Partners and new family dynamics change the landscape.
• Envy can be a cue for self-investment.
• Sibling dynamics can be messy, and beyond your control.
• Love and grief can coexist.

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