Lisa Arnett's story is a testament to human endurance and the transformative power of advocacy—a narrative we had the privilege of exploring in our latest episode. Her journey through the foster care system, her fight against homelessness, and her triumph over abuse is an inspiring call to action for foster care reform. As we unpack the complexities of a system fraught with challenges, from the 'foster care to prison pipeline' to the heart-wrenching realities of aging out without support, Lisa's voice offers an intimate understanding of the resilience needed to survive and the courage required to advocate for change.
Against the stark backdrop of system-induced disparities, we engage in a candid conversation about the psychological impacts of inequality on foster youth and the importance of self-advocacy. Lisa's military background and work with nonprofits paint a vivid picture of what it takes to rise above deeply ingrained societal barriers. Her appearance on Dr. Phil serves as a powerful reminder of the urgent need for a support system for at-risk youth. By weaving in celebrated stories like Anthony Trucks's, we underscore the extraordinary potential that empathy and understanding can unlock, even in the face of overwhelming adversity.
In closing, we celebrate the strong community ties formed through our shared commitment to advocacy. A heartfelt thank you goes out to our listeners, whose support fuels our ongoing quest to shine a light on issues like foster care reform and sex trafficking awareness. As we reflect on the challenges and strides made, we remain steadfast in our mission to foster resilience and enact meaningful change, one conversation at a time. Join us in this movement towards a more compassionate and just world for foster children everywhere.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and thanks for tuning in to Bully this.
This is episode 11.
I'm Tyler.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
I'm Clifford.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
I seriously can't wait for you to meet our next
guest.
I'm excited.
Oh, she's amazing.
I've been following her for along time.
I love that we're able to nowhelp bolster people that deserve
not only help getting furtherplatform for the good that
they're doing, but also like alittle bit of attention in like
why that people are watchingthem, and so I love that about
(00:30):
what you and I are doing hereand so, um, so I'm really
looking forward to our gueststoday so we can do just that,
looking forward to it.
But first I don't know if theaudience would be disappointed,
um, but if we didn't do ourcelebrity bullied person anymore
, so we're going to keep doingit until they tell us they don't
(00:50):
like.
It Sounds like a plan, but thistime I kind of made it a little
bit more lighthearted and Imade up some of the clues,
because, let's be honest, youdon't do very well, and so I'm
trying to help you a little bit.
And an audience at home,because, let's be honest, you
don't do very well, and so I'mtrying to help you a little bit.
(01:11):
Thank you, an audience at homelet me know how often you guys
get it, and maybe I need totweak the clues, because maybe
Cliff's not the only one notgetting it.
So this week's celebrity thatwas bullied.
He moved around a lot in hisyouth.
A quote from him I was alwaysthe new kid with the wrong shoes
and the wrong accent.
This kid went on to haveimpossible missions, became
(01:34):
friends with a goose and givesas gifts my favorite cake.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Currently, you and I are cake people so like I locked
onto that and by the way thiscake is amazing.
Nice.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Okay, who is it?
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Cliff, I'm going to go with, since you're giving me
clues, impossible missions andgoose.
Tom Cruise, you got it,obviously, obviously goose from
top gun mission impossible.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Yes, tom cruise, you would never think it.
You know, it's like I'd neverheard that about him before the
accent kind of threw me offactually.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Yeah, yeah, like I didn't know there was and what.
What's interesting, uh, aswe're going through, uh, this
bullet, this journey, peoplefind whatever they can find to
pick on someone.
Yeah, like yeah whatever theycan find, and they're just
picking them for it.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
So yeah, and what's weird is usually that's we're
noticing more and more.
That's the thing that they growup and it's like they're super
talented.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
In some way or shape or form Okay.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
So super excited about the next guest.
I am such a fan of hers uh, infact, I didn't know, of all the
things that I'm involved withthese days, if she should be on
game changers, if she should beon redefining heroes or here on
bully this.
Um, today we have her on bullythis, but to me she's all these
things.
She, she's a game changer,she's redefining the word hero
(03:07):
and she's a champion of Bullythis, and so I'm really excited
to have her.
I'm going to give you a littlebit of background and then we're
going to chat with her.
Our next guest has a backgroundof collaborating and
contributing with the work ofnonprofits, schools and
philanthropies around fostercare advocacy.
Her experience includestechnical inputs to programming
(03:28):
and advocacy efforts, publicspeaking on topics of foster
care, homelessness, sexualviolence, as well as
implementation of social mediaawareness campaigns from design
to execution.
Lisa currently serves in theNational Guard as a
non-commissioned officer.
She was recently highlighted ina video produced by the Army
(03:49):
recognizing her for her fostercare advocacy.
She her siblings experiencefoster care and homelessness as
a child and as a young person.
She and her siblings aresurvivors of abuse and her
childhood sexual abuse.
She and her siblings aresurvivors of abuse and childhood
(04:14):
sexual abuse.
Her sister is a survivor of sextrafficking.
Lisa has critical insights intothe experience of children
facing the risks of sexualexploitation, abuse and
trafficking, understanding ofprocesses and protocols within
the government systems thatserve youth youth victims, as
(04:34):
well as the identification ofkey limitations and
opportunities from a cruciallens of this issue.
This is the ultimate immersion.
I've mentioned this on channelsbefore.
Lisa has insight into the worldthat many government officials
don't, even if they want to help.
Many foster kids don't have avoice for yet.
(04:57):
So she is key into doing theamazing work that she's doing
and I watch her on the dailybeing brave, being a hero and
really pushing forth theseefforts.
So I want to welcome to Bullythis.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
Lisa.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Arnett.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Hi guys, Lisa, thank you so much for coming.
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm really excited to be here.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
No, we're really excited about you.
You and I have beencorresponding for a long time.
I watch you on the daily, thethings that you're doing.
I appreciate you so much.
I appreciate your bravery.
I know it's not always easy foryou and it's one of the reasons
I wanted to bring you on Bully.
This is so we could talk alittle bit about that.
Cliff, I know you and I areusually pretty calm guys and I
(05:42):
think I'm going to rile you uptoday with some of this stuff,
because some of the stuff I seethat happens.
It just isn't fair.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
So I believe that you know it sounds like well.
Respect to you, lisa, forbreaking through.
You know getting to the otherside, transforming and helping
others transform in the journey,so I look forward to this
conversation.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Yeah, absolutely, lisa is going to be a little bit
different, but generally wefollow the hero's journey,
basically, and we talk a littlebit about youth, because a lot
of our audience is youth andthey listen to the episode and
our goal is to give them somehope and to let them know we've
been there too and you can getpast it and do amazing things in
this world.
And Lisa has some amazing tools, some tools that I agree 100%
(06:26):
with.
And so, lisa, if you wouldn'tmind, I just like to give the
kids a chance to get to know youa little bit better and talk a
little bit about younger Lisaand some of the things that you
had to contend with and maybesome of the ways you've used
that.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Yeah, I guess, as you said, we were talking about Tom
Cruise earlier.
He's always the new kid Growingup in foster care.
I lived in 36 different homesduring my time in foster care,
so I was definitely wellexperienced in being the new kid
and kids are definitely prettyrelentless.
I was picked on a lot.
I didn't have a lot of clothing, as you can imagine lot.
(07:07):
I didn't have a lot of clothing.
As you can imagine, there's notvery many foster parents out
there who are going to go takeyou shopping, buy you new
clothes, especially when youmove around so much.
And so I grew up in foster care.
I was separated from my siblingsand then we each kind of had to
follow our own path.
I found out later that after wewere separated, my sister was
trafficked, as you mentionedwhen you were reading my bio,
(07:29):
and that's when I really gotinto trying to change the foster
care system for others.
There was not really any goodreason or any justice for any of
the things that happened to meor my siblings, and there's no
real plan in place to fix theflaws that are that are
happening now.
So I joined the military.
(07:50):
I was homeless for three yearsafter I got out of foster care.
I aged out at 18.
I didn't know what I wanted todo.
I knew I wanted to do somethingin foster care, but I needed to
get on my feet first.
So I joined the military.
I got my degree and I happen toreally enjoy my job.
I'm a helicopter mechanic.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
And.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
I didn't.
I couldn't find a way to use mydegree in a way that that I
could see fit, so I use it formy volunteer work and I do a lot
of public speaking volunteerwork.
I was on Dr Phil recently justtalking about foster care reform
and these things that reallyneed to change and, like you
said, people need representation.
(08:29):
So other foster youth need tosee foster youth succeeding, and
in a way that doesn't feel sofar removed, in a way that they
know that this is attainable forall of us.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
I absolutely agree.
If you can never read a storyor see somebody out there that's
done it, you can't think you've.
You can do it right, like, oh,that's not for me, that's for a
different caliber of person Ican't do it.
But once you've seen somebodywalk that road it becomes a
little bit like maybe I can dothat Right.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
It's, it's still I.
It's still hard to imagine, Idon't know how I made it this
far, but that's what I'm hopingto do is stay relatable, stay
relatable to youth, stayrelatable to them and let them
know that I made definitely myfair share of mistakes, and I
still do.
And when I see people who aredoing the same things that I'm
doing, and in different aspects,I'm like, wow, I can't believe
that they're doing all thesethings.
And somebody would be like, hey, you're doing the same things
that I'm doing, and in differentaspects.
I'm like, wow, I can't believethat they're doing all these
things.
And somebody would be like, hey, you're doing the same thing.
And I'm like, oh, I am.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Lisa helps me on the daily understand things, and I'm
going to drop back to youngerLisa just for a minute before we
move on, and I'm going to bringup something I heard recently.
We actually had a group in hereand they work around youth
incarceration, and so they werein here asking us for some
advice on podcasting and thatsort of stuff, and it came up
(09:55):
that they're actually puttingand I had to actually ask Lisa
about this.
I'm like how could this be true?
And I'm like I must have heardit wrong.
And I'm like I wish I wasrecording it or something, cause
I went over in my head 16 times.
I'm like so we have times whenfoster youth has nowhere to go
and we put them in the sameplace as incarcerated kids that
(10:16):
have done something wrong.
And then, lisa, I want to bringyou into that because you've
had kind of an experience withthat and I had to ask you.
I'm like there's no way thispossible, you know, and so can
you give us a little bit moreintel on that?
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Yeah, so there's a couple of different scenarios in
which that happens andgenerally I can speak for the
state of Oregon.
At least I know that recentlythey were in some hot water
because they were having youthstay in hotel rooms by
themselves because they didn'thave homes, and then they
(10:48):
actually bought out a, an old,like an abandoned juvenile
facility, juvenile detentioncenter, and then they were using
that to have children in.
And then there are otherinstances where you're put into
like a juvenile facility that'sactually a functioning juvenile
facility or a group home or somekind of like lockdown treatment
(11:08):
type center home, just becausethere's no homes for you to go
to.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
And you were in something kind of similar to
that for a little while, weren'tyou?
Speaker 3 (11:17):
yes, yes, and that's what I was gonna get into,
because when you're, even as anadult, like, especially as an
adult, I don't, I wouldn'twant't want to be picked up off
the street and locked upsomewhere against my will,
without warning, and we're doingthis to children, but all for
the fact that they just don'thave parents, which is something
(11:38):
that they have no control over.
And I just remember being thereand I acted out I didn't follow
their rules, I didn't want tofollow their rules.
I didn remember being there andI acted out I didn't follow
their rules.
I didn't want to follow theirrules, I didn't belong there.
I didn't do anything to be putin there, I didn't do anything.
You know, I guess, quoteunquote, bad.
I don't believe there are anybad kids, but what's the
incentive to follow the rules if, even if you do, you know, you
(12:01):
end up in a juvenile detentionfacility?
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Yeah, what else are they going to do as a discipline
?
It's like that's usuallysomething that's like, hey, if
you're not good, I'm going tosend you here, but instead it's
like we're just sending you here.
And then I know a little bitabout the adult incarceration
rates and things like that, andit's a huge problem, because
most people that go to jail goback to jail.
(12:26):
So now we're putting peoplethat don't even belong in jail
kids most moldable time of theirlife too and then we're
expecting success afterwards andI don't know what we're
thinking with that.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Well, it creates what is called the foster care to
prison pipeline, and that's aterm that's used a lot in the
foster care world, and childrenwho go to group homes are like
2.5 times more likely to end upin the justice system as adults,
like the criminal justicesystem, and I believe it was
California that I read thisabout, but it was.
(12:59):
I think over 80% of the peopleon death row were from foster
care and I'll have to go backand find that statistic.
I think it was even higher, butI don't want to say the number
that I think it is just in casethat one is wrong.
I wanted to say some that waslower, but I'm pretty sure it's
even higher than that forCalifornia in that year that the
(13:20):
study was completed.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
She teaches me something new every day and talk
about collateral impact.
So if that stat's right youknow it's hard to remember every
step but if that stat's right,if we can kind of think
backwards, you know it's likethat's where the change needs to
be made.
You know, someplace way, waybackwards and it could be even
starting with let's not letfoster kids that haven't done
(13:42):
anything wrong go to jail.
Maybe that's a good place tostart.
Speaker 3 (13:47):
Yes, well, I have another statistic that I
definitely did look up, andfoster youth who are in five or
more homes are 90% more likelyto end up in the criminal
justice system.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
That's insane.
I mean, before I forget aboutit I don't want to go to.
We might bounce back and fortha little bit, but there's so
much info I want to get on LisaCause this is as much awareness
as possible, because there's somany things that I like, I like
to, I like to think I'm prettyin tune with this issue, I like
look into it a lot and that'show I ran across Lisa, but she
teaches me something new daily.
(14:21):
That astounding.
And one of the biggest thingswe talk a lot about is age out
stuff.
Can you go into age out alittle bit so the audience can
understand what that is and whythat's a vulnerable period?
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:33):
So aging out means that you've come to your end of
the time in foster care, so thefoster system is no longer going
to take care of you or supportyou, and usually that happens
when you're 18.
But in the last decade or so, alot of states have been making
changes, so states are eachresponsible for their how their
(14:55):
foster care system works.
It's not a federal run thing,and so each state has a
different age out number basedon what their state has decided.
Age out number based on whattheir state has decided.
It's usually 18 or 21 and mostof the time you're you know,
it's just you you're very,you're really surprised, you're
caught off guard.
They're like, oh, this is yourlast day in foster care.
And you know, I remember for meI was like, okay, where do I go?
(15:17):
It was the day after my 18thbirthday and I was like, okay,
where do I go?
And she was like I don't knowthe mission, try the the mission
.
And I was like I can't, themission is the Christian
homeless shelter.
I can't go there.
I lived in a grimy part of thecity.
I was like I can't go to thehomeless shelter and I just
ended up staying on people'scouches, and that is the case
(15:38):
for most youth that age out.
Like 50% of youth that age outwill struggle with homelessness,
and it's the number gets higherthan that as the years progress
, because usually when you'reyoung you have a lot of friends.
You know that you can which iswhat I did stay on their couch,
but as the years progress youfall.
We see more and more fosteryouth ending up homeless.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
And I know what people are saying at home right
now.
They're saying, well, there'stons of programs for people and
here's the thing is like and Ican make a good point with this
with Malcolm Gladwell's book Ithink I believe it was Outliers
and he talks about Oppenheimerand then this just random guy,
both genius, iqs, right, andlike there are different paths
on being successful or not.
So basically, Oppenheimer wasraised in a way that he knew he
(16:25):
could advocate for himself andthat's the difference I see in a
lot of foster.
I mean, when I put these dotstogether I'm not always
perfectly right, but when I seefoster, youth probably has a
really hard time advocating forthemselves.
They don't know that there'sprograms out there, they don't
know how to find them, theydon't know they're entitled to a
good life, success, everythingelse.
But if you're raised a certainway, you're entitled to that
(16:48):
right, like Oppenheimer was, andMalcolm Gladwell makes a great
point of that.
The reason Oppenheimer wassuccessful is because he was
entitled to his success.
He didn't take no for an answerto his success.
This other guy had a momentalong the way where they told
him hey, you can't get intoclass this late, I don't care
what your work schedule is, andso he dropped out.
He didn't know he could go inand advocate the rules
(17:09):
differently, or the foster youththat Lisa's talking about.
They don't know how to advocateand Lisa, please correct me if
I'm wrong they don't know how toadvocate, how to get into these
programs a lot of times andknow that they're entitled to
having a decent life.
And you know, I mean, can youhelp me, like kind?
Speaker 3 (17:25):
of like explain to people.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
It's not that easy.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
They don't.
They don't.
And this is what I actually.
I spoke about this at a um, ata scholarship foster youth
scholarship that I did the otherday, and one thing that I said
which is completely spot on withwhat you just said was ask and
keep asking for every 10 peoplethat tell you know, there's one
that's going to say yes, but forfoster youth, especially when
you've grown up in so many homeswhere so many different types
(17:50):
of parenting styles whichusually aren't the greatest
abuse you don't want to keepasking because after someone
tells you know the first timeand you ask you, you know, you,
you don't know if you're goingto catch a backhand, you don't
know.
You don't know what's going tohappen.
And coming into adulthood, Iknow for me from my personal
experience.
I didn't realize that I was anadult, I didn't realize that
those, that those options wereavailable.
(18:11):
If somebody says no, I can, Ican offer a different option, I
can say something else.
It felt so scary and that's onething that I try to talk to the
youth that I mentor about isadvocate for yourself.
Like that's, this is, this, isthis person's job.
Like this is your caseworker'sjob, this is, this is
so-and-so's job, advocate foryourself and and it's okay if
(18:34):
people aren't angry at youbecause you're safe you remind
yourself that you're safe,you're going to be safe and it's
okay to advocate for yourself.
And it's okay to make peoplemad along the way.
Even if they get angry, you youneed to make, you need to
realize that you're worth, thatyou're valuable like your.
Your feelings, your feelingsdon't come underneath their
(18:55):
feelings.
It's okay if they're mad at youbecause you stick.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
you're sticking up for yourself it's such an
interesting topic because I looka lot into, uh, people that are
raised in poverty, basically,and foster youth is the epitome
of that, really, you know.
And then people that were raisedof means, and what's the
difference?
Right, and it's not so much theresources, always, I think it's
this ability that the especiallywell-off teach their youth.
(19:18):
It's like you're entitled tothis, you're entitled to get
your session, you're supposed tohave these things, you know,
but we kind of put like peoplein poverty in a different level.
It's like you take what we canget, you know.
It's like even my mom as a kid,you know, like if the principal
was wrong, she didn't think wewere of the caliber of people
that we could go in and arguewith the principal.
Right, we were on a and we dostill teach class systems,
(19:40):
whether we know it or not insociety.
You know, and that's what Ikind of see and take away when
I'm looking at all this you know, from a high level is like I
almost think there needs to bemore programs that just big
brother kids in you know in thesystem to show them how, or big
brother big sister to show themhow to become part of these
programs that are out there.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
And something that you said that's super
interesting, that I spoke aboutin a class that I recently took,
was if you, if you come fromless, society thinks that you
deserve less, and we see thatand we see that in systems like,
let's say, we have a fundraiseror a coat drive for foster
(20:22):
youth, you're going to see a lotof people bringing in old
things, old, used up things withholes in them, and I'm going to
be the first person to stop youright there and say, hey, this
child deserves a new jacket.
You know I'm very grateful thatyou wanted to bring that to this
, but these children deserve newjackets, just as my daughter
(20:43):
would when she's going to schoolor when winter comes around and
I need to buy her jacket.
We just see this a lot insociety and in free insurances.
If we give people freeinsurance, it has to be less.
It can't be as good as theinsurance that people are paying
for.
See that a lot.
(21:06):
We see it in so many differentthings where if it's for a
lesser class or looked at aslower, then it can't possibly be
as good as something that otherpeople are buying.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Then the line's 18 miles long and the person the
doctor that's helping, is oncommunity service and mad to be
there.
That was the dentist I went togrowing up.
He was on community service andnot happy about being there,
you know.
It's like so you're right, itis a lesser system, you know.
And then it's like what effectdoes that lesser system have as
(21:32):
you get older, right, you're notfeeling super entitled.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
I thought surviving was and so that's my dog snoring
.
I thought surviving was a likea Honda Civic and a studio
apartment and I thought that wasmiddle class Because I came
from so.
I was sleeping in tents, I waseating at soup kitchens,
completely homeless, and I waslike if I could just get a 1990
(22:01):
Honda Civic and a studioapartment somewhere for like
$500 a month, like I will bekilling it, like that is middle
class.
I thought that was like wheremy life would start and end,
like I'm like that would be justcrushing it and I would just do
that for the rest of my life.
I couldn't picture anythingabove it because I hadn't been
(22:23):
taught that that I deserved itor I was I could ever possibly
get there.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
How did?
How did you get to thatdeserving space and did you
start stretching that space too?
Speaker 3 (22:37):
That is something that I guess I would.
I'm still stretching, I'm stillworking on that.
I'll see something like so I'llsee a shirt that I really like,
that I want to get for myself.
But I'll go, I'll run throughall these negative thoughts in
my head, reasons why I don'tdeserve it, or I shouldn't buy
it, or better things so I couldspend my money on or save it.
And I have to still, you know,stretch that space in my head
(23:00):
and say, Wait, I, I work reallyhard, I work a lot of hours, I
work a lot of overtime.
I deserve this shirt.
I can buy the shirt for myself,it's not going to hurt me, it's
not going to take away fromanything else.
And those are still practicesthat I have to do almost daily.
You know, stopping to get acoffee, I'm like, oh well, it's
(23:22):
a, it's a $5 coffee and it'sjust, that's a.
It's a muscle that I think I'mconstantly going to be working
on and it does get.
It gets easier and sometimesit's easier and and you know we
have seasons and it's it'sdefinitely a muscle that you
have to, you have to work on.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
Now, if you're reading a lot of Warren Buffett
and you're really thinking aboutthe compounding nature of money
, then don't buy the shirt Ifyou're not thinking about that
then buy yourself the damn shirt, because you deserve it, right.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Yeah, you've, you've come a long ways and I think
bare minimum you could deserve ashirt.
So I, uh, I really want to getto some of your mental
frameworks too, because they'reamazing, like absolutely amazing
.
I think it's going to help alot of people and I would say,
if you were to give so thingsweren't that easy growing up
(24:10):
right, and then I wouldn't mindif you elaborated a little bit
on that too, about some of theexperiences you had.
But mostly I want to get to howdid growing up in that way,
then having to deal withhomelessness and the other
hurdles that you've had to dealwith, what was the major tools
that got you to where you're atnow, where you're at a platform
(24:33):
of now I can help people, nowI'm confident, now I'm entitled
to the things that I have inlife.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
I don't know about the confidence part, but I would
say, fake it, even if you don'tfeel like it.
That's the best.
That's a really good piece ofadvice.
I say this pretty often inpodcasts and I call it surviving
out of spite.
And I wake up and I think, oh,you know, I don't want to do
this or I don't want to do that.
And I think, oh, you know, Idon't want to do this or I don't
(25:06):
want to do that.
But I get out of bed and I getgoing and I hit the ground
running because I don't want thepeople who abuse me to win.
I don't want the people whoabuse me physically, sexually,
mentally.
I don't want the people thatgave up on me, the people that
told me no when I was going tothese organizations and I was
asking for help, when I waspleading with people like I'm
(25:27):
homeless, I don't know what todo.
I'm trying to do college, I'mtrying to do the right thing,
and I don't want those people towin.
And I call that surviving outof spite.
And I heard it somewhere and itjust stuck and I kept it and I
use that.
I use that spite to channel mytrauma, and the way we process.
(25:48):
Trauma is really important, andif you don't channel it into
something productive ormeaningful or find a way to have
it push you, it's going to harmyou.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
I couldn't agree more and I think in the first couple
episodes telling people you'vebeen handed this horrible thing
anyways, right, so you caneither use it to destroy you or
you can try to figure out a wayand it doesn't matter what it is
I mean, the worse it is, theharder this is but then you can
(26:22):
use it as a gift if you want toperceive it that way, A prove
them wrong gift, a get angryabout your success gift.
I think about it all the timeI'm at the gym.
I think about somebody thatdoesn't want me to proceed in
life and have the things thatI'm entitled to in life.
It's like, well, they'd wantyou to quit that pull up.
They'd want you to quit thatextra hour of work.
(26:43):
It's like, give up on thatdegree.
That's hard.
They would want you to do that.
And I guess I elaborate on yourpoint because I love it so much.
I use it myself and I think, ifdone productively, other people
can really use it to get wherethey want to too, Because, let's
face it, there's a lot ofpeople that are unfair to other
people and it destroys somepeople right it.
It only just narrowly avoid.
(27:06):
I mean, for me personally, itonly narrowly avoid destroying
me.
I mean, can you attest to thatas well?
Speaker 3 (27:12):
Absolutely, absolutely and it's.
It's all about how you processthat trauma and where, where
you're going to put it and howyou're going to use it, and
every day is different and Idon't want, I don't want people
to think like, um, that I'm outhere every single day, always
doing you know a hundred percent, because I'm not, no one is,
(27:32):
and that's not healthy, um, so Idid want to say that real quick
that it's okay to take breaksand it's okay to have seasons,
and I definitely have seasonswhere where I'm not, um, I'm not
hitting the ground running.
So I wanted to correct thatbecause when I said that, I was
like that might not be receivedwell and I know if I was hearing
that from someone, I mightinternalize that in a way that
(27:54):
would make me feel negative andI want people to know that do
not feel negative, becausenobody is hitting the ground
running every day.
Some people are not hitting theground running most of the time
and they're still succeeding,and it's okay to have seasons
and take breaks and netflix andchill and let your body.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Let your body take those breaks without feeling
guilty.
I think people totallyunderstand it and it's you know.
It's some days it's like you'llbe running with no opposition
and then some days you're goingto be in a trough of muck,
flooding through it as best youcan right.
It's like they can't all andit's pushing you backwards a
little bit.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
Right, they can't all be good days, but I, I love, um
, the speaking of your truth, uh, the frameworks, and it's
interesting, like, because we,we do want to uh be respectful
of everyone who's listening, uhto what we're saying, but you,
(28:48):
you're not only a survivor,you're a thriver, right?
And then you talk aboutfocusing that energy.
Can you explain to me, like,how do you go about focusing it?
How do you take it to that, tothe level that you need to take
it to, when you need to take itto that?
Speaker 3 (29:06):
Can you reframe that?
Speaker 2 (29:14):
can you reframe that?
Absolutely so there's.
There's a piece where um,surviving out of spite is that
how you put it, surviving out ofspite it doesn't even feel like
survival, it feels like athriving, because there's a gear
that you step into, there'ssomething that you push through,
and there's one coach said thisto me you have your
breakthroughs.
When you have your breakdowns,like you learn something new.
(29:36):
And so, as you've gone throughyour process, where, where did
those breakthroughs come in?
Where you're just like oh mygoodness, I'm thriving.
Where it's almost like I can'tbelieve I'm doing this.
Speaker 3 (29:45):
Where it's almost like I can't believe I'm doing
this.
I can't say that I heck.
I can pinpoint any of thosemoments.
I think that I am so incrediblyhard on myself that I never
feel like what I'm doing isenough and and and that pushes
(30:09):
me.
Because it pushes me so hard,because if I don't think that
I'm doing enough, then thosepeople who I want, I want to
regret, you know those, theabuse and the things that they
did to me, then they probablydon't think that I'm doing
enough and I think that that'swhere, that's where my push
comes from and I can't say Idefinitely can say I've had
breakdowns, which I've hadbreakthroughs from, but I can't
(30:33):
pinpoint one to discuss.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
I guess the interesting part too is a lot of
people don't realize this on afundamental level.
But growing a muscle isliterally tearing that muscle
down and then you eat stuff thatrepairs that muscle and guess
what?
It grows back bigger and Ithink maybe that's a great
example of what your mindset isright.
You get torn, you get hit, youknow you, you feed it and it
(30:56):
grows and it makes you a betterperson, right.
And you give it rest and yougive it rest.
I've not always been great atthat.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
Well, I will say um, uh, one thing is.
There's a saying god will hityou with a feather, a baseball
bat and then a semi-truck.
I've been hit by a lot ofsemi-trucks I think we all have
in this in this room andultimately, like looking back
and saying crap, this happenedhere and this happened here, and
(31:27):
this is why I do this over here.
Um, you are a star yeah, likeyou're an absolute star and
you're shining yeah, and it, it.
It is like there's no way thatyou can say something within
five minutes, and this is whatI've learned in my journey.
So, uh, hopefully it supportseverybody is what I've learned
(31:52):
in my journey.
So hopefully it supportseverybody.
If I say what I do in fiveminutes, it's not enough.
Like someone's going to findsomewhere to pick at the message
, like they're going to oh well,what about this and what about
this?
Life's a fluid game.
Like it's such a fluid game andultimately it's it's the game
of how do we thrive?
Like how do we thrive in this?
And so the message that yousend to the foster system, like
(32:18):
if there were kids listening tothis, if there were even adults
listening to this, what do theydo to thrive?
Like if they are caught intothat like who do I ask?
Who do I talk to?
Is there something that youwould say?
This this is what I would do ifI was in that situation.
Speaker 3 (32:34):
Yes.
So what I tell kids I think Imentioned this earlier is ask
and keep asking.
For everyone that tells youknow, um, for every 10 people
that tell you no, there's onethat's going to tell you, yes,
that, um, when you do hit aroadblock, um, you know, or you
hit one of those breakdowns, Ithis is a meditation that I do
(32:57):
and I say is this going toaffect me in 10 minutes a day, a
week, a year?
And if those answers like well,and I process those answers
accordingly and I give myselftime, I'm like, okay, well, let
me just get through this next 10minutes and it'll be over and
it'll be done.
And I think that we often seeour life and our healing and our
(33:25):
recovery as like having a goal,like a set goal.
We'll all do all date.
Once I'm healed, I will allfocus on this.
Once I'm, once I'm recoveredfrom this, or once I fully
healed from this, and once I'veprocessed this trauma, we, we
(33:45):
kind of put everything as like agoal, like, oh, if I'm, if I'm
two, 50 and jacks, like that'smy goal and that's, that's it,
that's why I want to be.
But that's not, that's not a,that's not a fair way to view
life.
It's not a fair way to viewhealing.
It's not a fair way to viewyour fitness.
Um, because I did um, I thinkit was a 75 card challenge, yeah
(34:09):
, and once I was done I was like, oh, I'm done, yes, and like I
even stepped foot in the gymthen Do you?
Speaker 1 (34:21):
I'm curious about your mind.
This way too Do you promiseyourself things at times and
then do the takeaway.
I'll give you a good examplereally quick.
It's like, let's say, I'm tiredand I'm going to go train with
Cliff.
We used to train about noonevery day and I remember like
some days I'd be like cause Iused to wake up at three o'clock
in the morning.
I'd be falling asleep in thecar on the way there and I'm
like man, I can the chocolateshake cake.
(34:54):
I passed the shake by, you know.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
I promised myself that, but then, when it came
time to give it to myself, Ididn't do it.
I don't actually need that.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
I don't want it yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:04):
I guess I would say I do stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
What's that?
Speaker 3 (35:07):
Yeah, I would say I do something like that, but it's
because I'm mad at myself.
I'm mad at myself, I had to, Ihad to ride myself and I'm like,
well, I don't deserve thatanymore.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
And you know what you deserve your chocolate.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
You deserved your chocolate.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
You know what?
Yeah, I always said this.
I I always said this I wasgoing to get driven crazy.
That drives me crazy.
You guys, if you guys probablyuse yourself stuff, you got to
be respectful to your brainbecause your brain's like what
the yeah, you said you weregoing to do that for me.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
Where's my chocolate cake?
Speaker 3 (35:42):
I literally pumped dopamine for this, but we really
, I really think we have to stopviewing things as goals, cause,
like, like you said, life isfluid and there's no, there's no
end goal.
There's no end goal because ifyou set an end goal, uh, then
your progress stops.
Your progress stops once youreach that goal, and there's,
(36:04):
there's no such thing as an endgoal with healing.
There's no such thing as an endgoal with healing.
There's no such thing as an endgoal with recovery from trauma.
There's no such thing as an endgoal with learning and
emotional growth.
Self-growth there's no suchthing as an end goal, because
once you hit that end goal,you're not going to grow and
healing is a never-endingjourney.
Self-growth is a never-endingjourney, and fitness should be,
(36:26):
but I just need to get back inthe gym.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
Well, I will say you're doing amazing.
And so I have something calledthe fighters formula and I talk
about the cycle of things andyou were talking about a cycle
is like, uh, respect your cycle,right.
And it's like, oh, we all havesome sort of cycle that we're
going through.
And I go what if we were tocycle up?
(36:52):
We cycle up because when we getthrough something, a pain or a
trauma, it allows us to helpothers get through that pain or
trauma.
And I may have lessons that youhave, but only you can support
your tribe in the way that youcan support your tribe, and
they'll only accept you tosupport the tribe, just as some
(37:14):
people might only accept me andsome people might only accept
Tyler.
And as I went through thisjourney, I'm like, holy crap,
it's a light versus dark thing,it's a light versus dark thing,
dark thing, it's a light versusdark thing.
And when we can get thatthrough, now we know what to
look for, who to look for andwho to support and who to call
(37:34):
out on their shit.
No, kids shouldn't be locked upand put into a place to be
poorly conditioned.
I mean, that is what ishappening Kids are being put
into a place to be poorlyconditioned, and then they're
growing up without a chance inthe world.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
That's not right.
Know this from awareness aspect.
Can you talk about some of thestats around um especially I
think it's um 16 up age outfoster youth area and the sex
(38:14):
trafficking um uh, sexual abuse?
Speaker 3 (38:19):
yeah, yeah, depending on where the statistics come
from.
We don't have um a lot of up todate or really great
information around sextrafficking and foster care, and
I could go into the list ofreasons for that, but I won't
but depending on where you getit.
As many as 90% of the childrenrescued from trafficking were
(38:42):
involved with foster care insome way, and generally,
generally, that's because wehave these extremely vulnerable
children who are they're,they're pretty much, they've
been set up and they've beenprogrammed to work and, like
foster care sets children upexactly to be conditioned for
(39:03):
for trafficking to accept so toaccept love from anybody almost
from strangers and to betrusting, because in 36 films I
had to sit there.
From two years old, you justmeet someone, you're expected to
form a connection with them andtrust them and rely on them to
take care of you, feed you,bathe you, cl, clothe you, and
(39:26):
they're complete strangers.
They are complete strangers andfor most children this would be
traumatic.
This would be an event thatthey wouldn't be able to recover
from.
And for foster youth, we'reexpecting them to do it over and
over and over and over again.
And when they, when they meetsomeone, they're going to be
immediately trusting, they'regoing to um, they're going to
(39:47):
believe.
Immediately trusting, they'regoing to um, they're going to
believe them if they're like,hey, I can buy you all these
gifts, I can get you thesethings, um, and they're gonna.
They're just extremely,extremely, uh, vulnerable.
And then we have that's andthat's just like the children
aspect, because they're alreadyin a vulnerable situation.
Most foster parents, I wouldsay from my experience, don't
(40:09):
have the right intentions.
And then when you age out offoster care and you're homeless,
or you're struggling with aboutto be homeless, sleeping on
people's couches, then there's awhole new side of trafficking
where it's not.
You know, child trafficking,this is adult trafficking.
But then you get arrested andyou're labeled as a prostitute,
(40:31):
when really you're beingvictimized by somebody who's
convincing you to do thesethings because you're so
vulnerable and the system thatwas created to protect you and
help you hasn't set you up forlife.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
Yeah.
I got very passionate no, I needpeople to see that, you know I,
I it's so important becausethat's not like people don't
know this, right, and that'spart of you know.
I wanted to make sure to pullthrough your platform and
everything you're saying,because everything you're saying
is so important and we'reapproaching as usually we talk
about this a lot on this showwe're approaching a lot of this
(41:07):
stuff wrong, you know, andhearing what you're saying is so
important and we're approachingas usually we talk about this a
lot on this show we'reapproaching a lot of this stuff
wrong, you know, and hearingwhat you're talking about.
And that's why I always saypoliticians need to go now and
immerse into the foster caresystem and find out what it's
really like.
You know because from myunderstanding too.
So there's a wonderful homehere in town.
It's called Sunshine AcresChildren's Home home here in
(41:30):
town.
It's called Sunshine AcresChildren's Home, and what's
super cool about the home herein town is they accept donations
of furniture.
The founding family's daughteractually set this up.
It was genius.
I love it from a businessstandpoint too.
It's like very efficientcharity.
So you donate the furniturethere, right, and they sell the
furniture and they make, I think, like 1.7 million dollars a
(41:50):
year or something like that, anda lot of that goes to fund the
home you can actually.
Lisa, I want you to come toarizona sometime and take the
tour.
I'd love to hear your side ofwhat you think of this place.
Speaker 3 (42:00):
They'll take you to golf I'll look into it, but I
can't please do that you're.
I can't promise that you'regonna like, like what I'm going
to say, because I can be veryopinionated.
Are you going to come toArizona?
Speaker 1 (42:09):
No, it's I mean life is about learning.
Are you going to come?
Speaker 3 (42:15):
I'm going to look into the organization and I'll
message you on Instagram and letyou know.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
Okay, perfect, and if we have to cut this part, we
will.
You can do the tour, right tourand go through the neighborhood
and it's all houses and thekids actually live in their own
room as a family.
And I actually I volunteeredthere for about five years and
when you mentioned the age outkids, the age out kids quite
(42:44):
often worked with me in thefulfillment center.
The age out kids quite oftenworked with me in the
fulfillment center and so Iwould talk, and what was
interesting too is like one girlI remember worked at the desk
and I worked with this guy.
Quite often they lookcompletely different, but
they're like this is my brotherand sister and it's because they
grew up in the same house andthey tried to dedicate as much
of a family as possible, and uh,and so I thought it was a
really neat, neat place.
I spent a lot of years there.
I was really interested in whatthey were doing and why they
(43:07):
were doing it, and I heard theother side was much like we're
talking today, more similar tolike you can't have shampoo, you
can't have a steak knife, youhave to have plastic.
It sounded more like prisonthan anything else and so, yeah,
I'd love some feedback on thatplace because from my perception
, it seems like they're doing itright, I'll definitely, I'll
look right so.
Speaker 3 (43:27):
I'll definitely.
I'll look at it and I'll sendyou my my key takeaways.
Speaker 1 (43:33):
Okay, and so you know the other.
The other thing we totally haveto get to and this is where I
think I'm going to rile you up alittle bit is again oh, you're
already riled, okay.
Speaker 2 (43:45):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (43:50):
So Lisa's doing this amazing work.
In my opinion, you know, and Ithink, many, many other people's
opinion as well and, uh, andshe's out there every day
talking about this stuff andit's not easy to talk about your
upbringing at all.
Right, it's not easy to talkabout this stuff.
This doesn't just flow out likewater and it's easy to talk
about, but it does help people.
Right gets a lot.
I've seen it personally.
It makes me, it really makes memad.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
She gets a lot of hate online about this yeah, and
you are on a beautiful,articulate powerhouse of a woman
.
I can see that, becausesometimes, when the stars are
shining, it's very, very brightand people want to throw crap at
it.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
What do we do when people are bullying the
champions of the world?
There is not a negative thing,in my opinion, that Lisa is
doing for the world right nowwith her online presence.
You know, like when I watch heronline she's helping people,
she's talking about issues thatare really difficult to talk
about so that way kids canunderstand there's somebody else
going through it, so they canget through it.
And now we have people tryingto take because, honestly, lisa,
(44:52):
if you listen to them enough,you'd go back and you'd stop
doing social media all together,you know, and then, like, these
kids wouldn't have you as atool so what do we do?
Speaker 3 (45:00):
I have taken a break.
Speaker 2 (45:01):
I've been taking a break.
What?
What I would say champions hangout with champions.
Good answer, you know I.
Speaker 1 (45:10):
I saw um so, cliff and I are going to follow you
around.
All, yeah, you, you get me.
So there was a.
Speaker 2 (45:16):
There was a rocky line there was a rocky line that
um, that tyler sent to me andit talks about life will beat
you up, it will chew you up, itwill spit you out, it will do
whatever it wants to do you mean, nobody is going to hit as hard
as life?
yeah, no one hits harder thanlife, and the game is surround
yourself with people who aregoing to stand up with you or
(45:39):
who are going to even pull youup to remind you of your dream
and your mission.
You know, I really got intolead leaders, and the reason I
lead leaders this game's hard.
The game called life is hard.
It's a hard game and as isabove, so is below.
The people who lead the bestare the ones who have gotten the
(46:01):
most crap thrown at them, andthey figure it out.
And they, they, they figure itout in such a way they don't
just rise for themselves, theyrise for others.
That's the entrepreneurialjourney, that's the dream being
able to solve problems for otherpeople.
And where there's this zero sumgame that's going on, where
it's like oh well, that's not myproblem, make it your problem,
(46:25):
make it your problem.
We're supposed to be in thisgame together and and yeah,
leaders, leaders, leaders.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
Raise leaders up if you don't have a heart for the
situation in general, I'm sorryfor you for one, but even if you
want to talk about it from anintellectual level, let's just
talk about it for a second 90incarceration rate.
Do you know what that cost asociety?
Oh yeah, if you don't want touse your heart to think about it
, use your mind to think aboutit.
Speaker 3 (46:52):
It is something that everyone needs to do.
It would cost less just to fixfoster care In the first place.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
Isn't that crazy and we don't pay attention.
I talk about it all the time.
The little scientific circle oflife.
Right, we cut the ants out ofthe system, you know.
And next thing, you know, thewolves starve.
You know, purposely murder it,every time on purpose.
But the point is you take onething out of the food chain, it
ruins the food chain and it doesthe same thing in every
(47:21):
collateral system, right?
no-transcript.
I'm not going to say I don'twant to get too far down that
road.
I would call people monstersand stuff.
But that is not the right wayto fix this system.
Speaker 2 (47:44):
Right, yep.
So what we're going to do iscontinue to rise above and be
strong for one another, because,yeah, life haters gonna hate
and I could see why people wouldhate on you just because you
are amazing.
You're an amazing human being.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
Well, she's a badass helicopter pilot.
Yeah like it's just like Igotta she's beautiful, she's got
a beautiful heart.
I gotta find something to hateon you to make my life feel just
a little bit better.
See, you'd be a great zombieapocalypse partner too.
You have all these skills, lisa, if I were to give you some
(48:25):
sort of golden ticket or goldenpaycheck, or one of those big
cards with an unlimited amountof money and any people you
wanted to help with your cause.
What could you to like makeimpact if people would listen to
you more?
Speaker 3 (48:40):
I think to make the biggest impact for foster care
and foster youth outcomes, Iwould change the way that we vet
our foster families.
I would change the way that weadvertise, which I don't like
using that word, but that's whatwe do essentially is we
advertise, usually in low incomeareas, for people to become
(49:02):
foster parents and we say youknow, do you want money for
taking care of kids?
You know, pull a ticket andcall this number.
It's kind of atrocious andwe're starting from not a great
place already and I wouldrequire trauma-informed
(49:22):
parenting for foster parents.
Every child going through fostercare is going through trauma
and when foster parents aren'ttrauma-informed, abuse happens.
And abuse becomes so incrediblyprevalent the more traumatized
the child is because they'regoing to push your buttons,
they're going to get on yournerves and if we have a bunch of
(49:43):
foster parents that don't haveany idea, a lot of foster
parents don't even know whattrauma informed parenting is and
we're creating, we're creatingmore issues in children.
We have to change theincentivized.
Foster parents are incentivizedto say, well, this kid is
violent, or this kid is this, orthis kid has these health
(50:06):
problems now, or these mentalproblems, and they get more
money so that foster parentmight get 200 more dollars for
this kid a month, but now thenumber of homes that this kid
can go to went from 75 to maybe10, because now there's no
specialized homes for them,because you made up something
about them, and then I think thebiggest factor is.
Speaker 1 (50:30):
Sorry, I was going to say they could be giving them
an unfair label to make somemoney, and then they're tagged
for life and that's exactly whathappens.
Speaker 3 (50:39):
But we see it happen time and time again.
They're incentivized to to lieyeah and if, if you tell someone
you're going to give, I'm goingto give you 200, 300, 400,
sometimes 600 extra dollars, ifyou say this they're, they're
going to say it probably yeah.
And then the biggest thing thatwe need to change, I think, is
(50:59):
we have this idea with fosterparents, where foster parents
kind of get possessive overfoster children.
There's almost a, there's ahuge disconnect between the
biological parent, who might bein recovery, might be, you know,
incarcerated, might be trying,might be an active addiction,
(51:23):
trying to get into recovery.
And we see these foster parentssay, well, I take care of this
kid, I know what's best for them, and they kind of push that bio
parent away.
And that is that's usually.
Well, that's always going to beharmful If the, if the end goal
is reunification.
In most cases, in almost allcases, reunification is the
(51:45):
beginning goal and if it, if itturns out that that can't happen
, then that's okay.
But if, while reunification isstill a goal or still on the
table for this child and theirparent, the foster parent needs
to make sure to build thatconnection, build up the
biological parent, help them,reach out to them, say, hey,
this is, um, this is what yourkid is eating this week.
(52:07):
This is what we're doing.
We went to the doctors andthere's one really amazing
person on Tik TOK.
Her name's Laura, foster parentcoach, and she has so many
amazing examples of this and Iwish that every foster parent
could be exactly like her.
And if you check out her page,you'll see like this this is the
foster parent that foster kidswant.
(52:28):
This is a foster parent I wishI could have had that.
Every foster child wishes thatthey can have she is doing I am
just bad wishes that they canhave she is doing I.
I am just.
She's doing everything right,the exact right way between
trauma, informed parenting,helping the biological parent,
co-parenting with a biologicalparent, in a sense healthy, very
(52:52):
healthy.
Speaker 1 (52:54):
That's how we're going to change outcomes.
Yeah, absolutely.
It's almost like there needs tobe more education within the
system itself, because, fromwhat I'm hearing too, it's kind
of like okay, you want to be afoster parent, your heart's in
the right place.
Now you're given some fosterkids and then you have to hit
the round running.
I mean, I guess parents do toofrom a certain extent, but
(53:17):
forgive me for saying this,there's gotta be way more
complexity, you know, withpicking up becoming a foster
parent as opposed to becoming aparent, I would assume.
Speaker 3 (53:28):
And becoming a foster parent.
Speaker 1 (53:30):
I mean, so you're a.
Speaker 3 (53:32):
I mean it's a class.
Speaker 1 (53:36):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying, and there's no class
right and a background checkyeah.
Yeah, I mean, I guess there'sno class for becoming a parent
either, but you at least get togrow into it.
Speaker 2 (53:47):
Yeah, that's really complex.
That's really complex actually,but I do want to ask the
question because you werebringing up, and also I know
you're, a wealth of resourcesand knowledge.
Is there any documentaries thata person could watch or
anything specific where theycould deep dive and understand
(54:09):
this journey a little bit more?
Speaker 3 (54:13):
There is a documentary that was made about
my sister and about a little bitabout my life.
It doesn't have a lot of greatsolutions and also I want to
give a trigger warning becauseit is.
It talks about very sensitiveum topics and abuse, sexual
abuse and violence and um, it'scalled playgrounds and it's
(54:34):
called the child trafficking inAmerica and it is called
Playgrounds and it's called theChild Trafficking in America and
it is about my sister and hertrafficking and a little bit
about my biological family life.
Speaker 1 (54:54):
It doesn't have a lot of solutions that you're
looking for, but it will giveyou insight onto how these
things come about.
Have you ever met I believe?
His name is Tim Ballard and heruns operation underground
railroad, uh.
Speaker 3 (55:01):
I haven't met him, but I did look him up.
I looked him up.
Speaker 1 (55:06):
Yeah, I feel like he he could get a lot of.
I mean, he's out there immersedin this and you know, and
helping with it a lot.
But you know, I feel like youcould be a good advocate for all
that and I think you shouldtalk to him a little bit about
what he's doing, because I thinkthat your information is
invaluable.
I'm sure he has a ton too, butyou're straight from the source.
(55:26):
You understand it like nobodydoes, and I don't know if
anybody's thinking about it fromthe foster angle.
Really, I think we all knowthere's a problem out there, but
I don't know if we're realizinghow much of the problem is it
from the foster system?
Speaker 3 (55:39):
Yeah, absolutely Foster kids are forgotten about.
Speaker 2 (55:43):
Yeah, Do you know um, and Anthony trunks by chance.
Speaker 3 (55:49):
I don't show.
Am I supposed to?
Speaker 2 (55:51):
So well, he was part of the, the foster system too,
and uh ended up uh playing inthe nfl uh part of russell
brunson, like it's a marketingthing, but he talked about uh,
yeah, this is kind of graphic,so uh, skip this part these
three minutes if you have to.
But, um, they would have himlick a shoe to the point his
(56:16):
tongue would start bleeding likejust vile, vile things.
And, yeah, he shares his story.
But the guy is such apowerhouse Like he's a
powerhouse individual and he hasa podcast too.
So I would love to see if youboth connected as well.
Speaker 3 (56:32):
Absolutely, I have so many stories like that.
Where foster parents would?
I hear this a lot on TikTok.
They're like why didn't youtell somebody?
Why didn't you do this?
First of all, I was a child.
I didn't know that these thingslike these weird punishments
right, well, they didn't hit me,they made me lick a shoe, or
(56:59):
you know, I had foster parentsthat made me I had to stand in
the corner on one leg with myhands in the air, um, and
sometimes I had to hold the book, sometimes not, but in the
basement for hours and hours,like I'm talking like eight
hours, 12 hours at a time, and,um, if we like they came in and
we switched legs, it's not, theydidn't hit us, but they would
get really close in our face andscream at us and you know it.
(57:23):
So when I mean some fosterparents did hit, obviously, but
when you're at a place whereyou're like, okay, well, they're
not necessarily hurting me, orthey're like they're not hitting
me physically, it can be reallyconfusing.
And so, on tiktok, there's alot of people who you know they
are bullies, and why don't youtell someone?
That's your own fault.
(57:44):
It's confusing because ifyou're a child and you're in
this situation, you know thatthe the next one could be much
worse, or the one that you camefrom previous was much worse.
So you're in this gray area.
Where do I tell?
Do I not tell yeah, and so Ifind that, um, that really
resonated with me and it kind ofhurt my heart a little bit to
(58:05):
hear that I would love to, Iwould love to talk to him and
hopefully we can speak aboutsome nice things.
Speaker 2 (58:11):
Great individual.
You guys would absolutely loveeach other.
And I'll tell you like onething as we go through the
cycles, the more and more cyclesyou go through, the humbler you
get At least that's from myperspective lens.
And it's so funny because-.
Speaker 1 (58:29):
For people with good hearts.
Yeah, Well, yeah that's truetoo.
Speaker 2 (58:33):
Yeah, so the bad, bad heart.
Not so good, but but I willwhen, when people are speaking,
they're speaking through notknowing, you know, like even as
a fighter, yeah, everybody wouldknow what to do.
Sitting on the stance, yeah,sitting on the sidelines 2020.
Well, why didn't?
you do that well, no crap, Iwould have loved to have done
(58:57):
that.
I was five.
Yeah, tell it with the stress,and that's the piece.
People come from such anignorance.
Sometimes they don't take thetime to actually listen to you
and your journey, and that'sfine.
Leaders lead.
(59:20):
Listen to you and your journeyand that's fine.
You know like, uh, leaders leadand that's what I've just
learned is I, I will use whatserves me and just let go of the
rest if it's not serving me.
Okay, you know, if it'striggering me, what's the point?
It's not serving anything.
Um, but yeah, haters,especially in tiktok.
I know they can really be crazyin there from time to time.
Speaker 1 (59:40):
That's why it's like you know.
So we're on episode 11 now andour goals initially in this were
a lot to do around creatingawareness around the topic and
trying to help people with toolsand others.
You know, along the ways we'vegotten to do exactly what I love
, which is help platform otherpeople.
Now Lisa already has a hugeplatform on her own.
(01:00:01):
You know she has you know shewas just on Dr Phil she has tons
of followers like that, but Imean she's super we're lucky we
even got her on the show.
But I mean to to help peoplelike her is just amazing to me,
and that's what I love aboutwhat we're doing, you know, here
is because somebody needs tohelp Lisa and even if we're
(01:00:22):
helping just with a little levellike this, it's like somebody
needs to bolster, somebody needsto tell her that you're doing
the right thing.
We see you buy the shirt youknow like yeah, we absolutely
see you.
You're out there Like.
You have tremendous amount ofresilience and integrity and
bravery.
I watch you every day dealingwith things that you should
(01:00:46):
never have to deal with, andthis is another reason we've
said from the start it's likethat's why you have to get, and
that's why I applaud Lisa evenmore, because you're helping.
The way that Cliff and I hopeto to some extent too is like
get these kids out of thoseyears where they're dealing with
these things, because, guesswhat?
They grow up to be fuckingamazing because they've dealt
(01:01:08):
with this stuff, like thehorrible stuff.
I don't wish on you for onesecond that you've dealt with,
but there's no doubt on my mindit's made you brave, it's made
you compassionate, it's made youcompassionate, it's made you
care about other people, andthat's why please help get more
and more kids out of there,because those will also change
the world too.
This is our lame hypothesis.
Speaker 3 (01:01:28):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (01:01:30):
I think it's Well absolutely.
Speaker 3 (01:01:33):
We need representation.
We need to see other fosteryouth doing these things and
getting in these spaces andgetting into politics.
We need to see that and that'show we're going to bring about
change.
It's a season.
We all have some really, reallytough seasons and for some of
us, more of our seasons aretough than for others.
Speaker 1 (01:01:55):
But once you get through it, there's going to be
a better season.
Yeah, we need more kind-heartedbadasses.
We need more people making itto success with huge hearts so
they can change the thingsthey're passionate about.
Because, let's face it, ifyou're on the street corner you
can't do much good, butabsolutely in the boardroom you
can.
We got to be pulling people up,and the crazy part is I work
(01:02:16):
with a lot of business owners,and the ones with the best tools
are the ones that have overcomesomething in their youth.
These are the best businessowners because they've already
got their butt kicked atsomething and so, in comparison,
even if it's a bad businessthing that you're dealing with,
it's nothing compared to thathorrible thing you dealt with in
(01:02:37):
your youth that you've overcome.
But I want to give you a chanceto tell us what you're up to.
Is there anything you hope totalk about that we don't want to
miss on the podcast here.
Speaker 3 (01:02:45):
I don't have any.
Yes, you can follow me atMissLisaPizza on all my
platforms Any of the other ones.
There's like 100 fake accountsof me, which is really awkward
to find out.
Speaker 1 (01:02:56):
Yeah, I don't like that.
Speaker 3 (01:02:57):
I get so many messages flattering at all I
it's not.
It makes me feel bad because Iget the.
I get a lot of these messageswhere people, um, you know
they're like, I've been talkingto you for like three years.
Speaker 1 (01:03:10):
I'm like I don't know you haven't why did you try to
sell me a gold mine I used?
Speaker 3 (01:03:16):
to respond, but now there's just so many and I feel
bad and like I feel guilty, likeI'm not doing anything wrong,
but I still feel guilty about it.
Speaker 1 (01:03:25):
Sure.
Speaker 3 (01:03:25):
And I just I can't reply to all of those but, I
don't have anything specificallycoming up.
Um, you can go check out my DrPhil episode.
I was extremely nervous, sobefore you watch it, just don't
don't.
Don't come to my social mediaand be mean to me.
Come on.
That's the whole point.
You guys have to be nice if youwatch it.
Yeah, I have a lot of podcastscoming up.
(01:03:49):
Actually, I have like two orthree more coming up.
I've kind of taken a step backfrom social media so I haven't
posted as much.
I'm trying to get back at it.
But you know, like I said, weall have seasons.
It's okay to take a little bitof a rest break.
So while I'm breaking from, youknow, posting on TikTok and you
(01:04:10):
know my Instagram, I've beendoing a lot more podcasts, have
a lot more outreach mentoring.
I mentor foster youth.
So if you're a foster youthright now a teen, a young teen,
or you're aging out or you justaged out feel free to reach out
to me and I will provide youwith resources and whatever city
you're in, whatever stateyou're in, I can help you get
(01:04:31):
those resources and track downpeople who are going to tell you
yes.
Speaker 1 (01:04:36):
She does do this too.
I've watched it firsthand.
I've watched in the commentsabout her doing this.
She absolutely does it.
So yeah, if you need some help,contact Lisa.
I really will.
For our part, we'll continue tolike, sing your praises, do
anything we can.
We're huge fans, you know.
And then also, I'd like to makesome connections to like-minded
people, because I think that'sone thing we're not doing enough
(01:04:58):
in the world of too.
It's like we need to bandtogether more.
You know, like we need people.
There's enough evil bandingtogether.
Let's say, good needs to bandtogether more often too.
Speaker 3 (01:05:09):
That's true.
I like that.
Speaker 2 (01:05:12):
Yeah, Band with intention, integrity, and thank
you for everything that youbrought to the table.
You know I love your energy,love your smile, love what you
stand for and all of you, as Igot passionate from time to time
.
I love you all too.
(01:05:32):
Anyone who's looking for a handup, there's people out there
who are going to support you.
Uh, you just have to know whoto ask, and Lisa is one of those
people.
So.
So thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:05:46):
Yeah, absolutely, and at least any final words for
our guests.
Yeah, thank you so much forcoming Like seriously I I I've
been a big fan for a couple ofyears, you know.
Thank you always for answeringmy questions.
I've learned so much from you.
It is something the more Iprogress in life and the more I
work in business and hopefullygain more and more research.
It's something I aim to changeand I can see using your help to
(01:06:09):
do it and Cliff's as well.
It's something I get sick to mystomach thinking this could
even happen, and you have myword that I will do something in
this lifetime more to impact it.
So thanks again and thank youeverybody for tuning in to Bully
this Once again, Episode 11.
We'll be back with Episode 12.
Thanks again.
(01:06:29):
Thank you everyone.
Hello and thanks for tuning in to Bully this.
This is episode 11.
I'm Tyler.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
I'm Clifford.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
I seriously can't wait for you to meet our next
guest.
I'm excited.
Oh, she's amazing.
I've been following her for along time.
I love that we're able to nowhelp bolster people that deserve
not only help getting furtherplatform for the good that
they're doing, but also like alittle bit of attention in like
why that people are watchingthem, and so I love that about
(00:30):
what you and I are doing hereand so, um, so I'm really
looking forward to our gueststoday so we can do just that,
looking forward to it.
But first I don't know if theaudience would be disappointed,
um, but if we didn't do ourcelebrity bullied person anymore
, so we're going to keep doingit until they tell us they don't
(00:50):
like.
It Sounds like a plan, but thistime I kind of made it a little
bit more lighthearted and Imade up some of the clues,
because, let's be honest, youdon't do very well, and so I'm
trying to help you a little bit.
And an audience at home,because, let's be honest, you
don't do very well, and so I'mtrying to help you a little bit.
(01:11):
Thank you, an audience at homelet me know how often you guys
get it, and maybe I need totweak the clues, because maybe
Cliff's not the only one notgetting it.
So this week's celebrity thatwas bullied.
He moved around a lot in hisyouth.
A quote from him I was alwaysthe new kid with the wrong shoes
and the wrong accent.
This kid went on to haveimpossible missions, became
(01:34):
friends with a goose and givesas gifts my favorite cake.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Currently, you and I are cake people so like I locked
onto that and by the way thiscake is amazing.
Nice.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Okay, who is it?
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Cliff, I'm going to go with, since you're giving me
clues, impossible missions andgoose.
Tom Cruise, you got it,obviously, obviously goose from
top gun mission impossible.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Yes, tom cruise, you would never think it.
You know, it's like I'd neverheard that about him before the
accent kind of threw me offactually.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Yeah, yeah, like I didn't know there was and what.
What's interesting, uh, aswe're going through, uh, this
bullet, this journey, peoplefind whatever they can find to
pick on someone.
Yeah, like yeah whatever theycan find, and they're just
picking them for it.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
So yeah, and what's weird is usually that's we're
noticing more and more.
That's the thing that they growup and it's like they're super
talented.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
In some way or shape or form Okay.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
So super excited about the next guest.
I am such a fan of hers uh, infact, I didn't know, of all the
things that I'm involved withthese days, if she should be on
game changers, if she should beon redefining heroes or here on
bully this.
Um, today we have her on bullythis, but to me she's all these
things.
She, she's a game changer,she's redefining the word hero
(03:07):
and she's a champion of Bullythis, and so I'm really excited
to have her.
I'm going to give you a littlebit of background and then we're
going to chat with her.
Our next guest has a backgroundof collaborating and
contributing with the work ofnonprofits, schools and
philanthropies around fostercare advocacy.
Her experience includestechnical inputs to programming
(03:28):
and advocacy efforts, publicspeaking on topics of foster
care, homelessness, sexualviolence, as well as
implementation of social mediaawareness campaigns from design
to execution.
Lisa currently serves in theNational Guard as a
non-commissioned officer.
She was recently highlighted ina video produced by the Army
(03:49):
recognizing her for her fostercare advocacy.
She her siblings experiencefoster care and homelessness as
a child and as a young person.
She and her siblings aresurvivors of abuse and her
childhood sexual abuse.
She and her siblings aresurvivors of abuse and childhood
(04:14):
sexual abuse.
Her sister is a survivor of sextrafficking.
Lisa has critical insights intothe experience of children
facing the risks of sexualexploitation, abuse and
trafficking, understanding ofprocesses and protocols within
the government systems thatserve youth youth victims, as
(04:34):
well as the identification ofkey limitations and
opportunities from a cruciallens of this issue.
This is the ultimate immersion.
I've mentioned this on channelsbefore.
Lisa has insight into the worldthat many government officials
don't, even if they want to help.
Many foster kids don't have avoice for yet.
(04:57):
So she is key into doing theamazing work that she's doing
and I watch her on the dailybeing brave, being a hero and
really pushing forth theseefforts.
So I want to welcome to Bullythis.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
Lisa.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Arnett.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Hi guys, Lisa, thank you so much for coming.
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm really excited to be here.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
No, we're really excited about you.
You and I have beencorresponding for a long time.
I watch you on the daily, thethings that you're doing.
I appreciate you so much.
I appreciate your bravery.
I know it's not always easy foryou and it's one of the reasons
I wanted to bring you on Bully.
This is so we could talk alittle bit about that.
Cliff, I know you and I areusually pretty calm guys and I
(05:42):
think I'm going to rile you uptoday with some of this stuff,
because some of the stuff I seethat happens.
It just isn't fair.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
So I believe that you know it sounds like well.
Respect to you, lisa, forbreaking through.
You know getting to the otherside, transforming and helping
others transform in the journey,so I look forward to this
conversation.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Yeah, absolutely, lisa is going to be a little bit
different, but generally wefollow the hero's journey,
basically, and we talk a littlebit about youth, because a lot
of our audience is youth andthey listen to the episode and
our goal is to give them somehope and to let them know we've
been there too and you can getpast it and do amazing things in
this world.
And Lisa has some amazing tools, some tools that I agree 100%
(06:26):
with.
And so, lisa, if you wouldn'tmind, I just like to give the
kids a chance to get to know youa little bit better and talk a
little bit about younger Lisaand some of the things that you
had to contend with and maybesome of the ways you've used
that.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Yeah, I guess, as you said, we were talking about Tom
Cruise earlier.
He's always the new kid Growingup in foster care.
I lived in 36 different homesduring my time in foster care,
so I was definitely wellexperienced in being the new kid
and kids are definitely prettyrelentless.
I was picked on a lot.
I didn't have a lot of clothing, as you can imagine lot.
(07:07):
I didn't have a lot of clothing.
As you can imagine, there's notvery many foster parents out
there who are going to go takeyou shopping, buy you new
clothes, especially when youmove around so much.
And so I grew up in foster care.
I was separated from my siblingsand then we each kind of had to
follow our own path.
I found out later that after wewere separated, my sister was
trafficked, as you mentionedwhen you were reading my bio,
(07:29):
and that's when I really gotinto trying to change the foster
care system for others.
There was not really any goodreason or any justice for any of
the things that happened to meor my siblings, and there's no
real plan in place to fix theflaws that are that are
happening now.
So I joined the military.
(07:50):
I was homeless for three yearsafter I got out of foster care.
I aged out at 18.
I didn't know what I wanted todo.
I knew I wanted to do somethingin foster care, but I needed to
get on my feet first.
So I joined the military.
I got my degree and I happen toreally enjoy my job.
I'm a helicopter mechanic.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
And.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
I didn't.
I couldn't find a way to use mydegree in a way that that I
could see fit, so I use it formy volunteer work and I do a lot
of public speaking volunteerwork.
I was on Dr Phil recently justtalking about foster care reform
and these things that reallyneed to change and, like you
said, people need representation.
(08:29):
So other foster youth need tosee foster youth succeeding, and
in a way that doesn't feel sofar removed, in a way that they
know that this is attainable forall of us.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
I absolutely agree.
If you can never read a storyor see somebody out there that's
done it, you can't think you've.
You can do it right, like, oh,that's not for me, that's for a
different caliber of person Ican't do it.
But once you've seen somebodywalk that road it becomes a
little bit like maybe I can dothat Right.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
It's, it's still I.
It's still hard to imagine, Idon't know how I made it this
far, but that's what I'm hopingto do is stay relatable, stay
relatable to youth, stayrelatable to them and let them
know that I made definitely myfair share of mistakes, and I
still do.
And when I see people who aredoing the same things that I'm
doing, and in different aspects,I'm like, wow, I can't believe
that they're doing all thesethings.
And somebody would be like, hey, you're doing the same things
that I'm doing, and in differentaspects.
I'm like, wow, I can't believethat they're doing all these
things.
And somebody would be like, hey, you're doing the same thing.
And I'm like, oh, I am.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Lisa helps me on the daily understand things, and I'm
going to drop back to youngerLisa just for a minute before we
move on, and I'm going to bringup something I heard recently.
We actually had a group in hereand they work around youth
incarceration, and so they werein here asking us for some
advice on podcasting and thatsort of stuff, and it came up
(09:55):
that they're actually puttingand I had to actually ask Lisa
about this.
I'm like how could this be true?
And I'm like I must have heardit wrong.
And I'm like I wish I wasrecording it or something, cause
I went over in my head 16 times.
I'm like so we have times whenfoster youth has nowhere to go
and we put them in the sameplace as incarcerated kids that
(10:16):
have done something wrong.
And then, lisa, I want to bringyou into that because you've
had kind of an experience withthat and I had to ask you.
I'm like there's no way thispossible, you know, and so can
you give us a little bit moreintel on that?
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Yeah, so there's a couple of different scenarios in
which that happens andgenerally I can speak for the
state of Oregon.
At least I know that recentlythey were in some hot water
because they were having youthstay in hotel rooms by
themselves because they didn'thave homes, and then they
(10:48):
actually bought out a, an old,like an abandoned juvenile
facility, juvenile detentioncenter, and then they were using
that to have children in.
And then there are otherinstances where you're put into
like a juvenile facility that'sactually a functioning juvenile
facility or a group home or somekind of like lockdown treatment
(11:08):
type center home, just becausethere's no homes for you to go
to.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
And you were in something kind of similar to
that for a little while, weren'tyou?
Speaker 3 (11:17):
yes, yes, and that's what I was gonna get into,
because when you're, even as anadult, like, especially as an
adult, I don't, I wouldn'twant't want to be picked up off
the street and locked upsomewhere against my will,
without warning, and we're doingthis to children, but all for
the fact that they just don'thave parents, which is something
(11:38):
that they have no control over.
And I just remember being thereand I acted out I didn't follow
their rules, I didn't want tofollow their rules.
I didn remember being there andI acted out I didn't follow
their rules.
I didn't want to follow theirrules, I didn't belong there.
I didn't do anything to be putin there, I didn't do anything.
You know, I guess, quoteunquote, bad.
I don't believe there are anybad kids, but what's the
incentive to follow the rules if, even if you do, you know, you
(12:01):
end up in a juvenile detentionfacility?
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Yeah, what else are they going to do as a discipline
?
It's like that's usuallysomething that's like, hey, if
you're not good, I'm going tosend you here, but instead it's
like we're just sending you here.
And then I know a little bitabout the adult incarceration
rates and things like that, andit's a huge problem, because
most people that go to jail goback to jail.
(12:26):
So now we're putting peoplethat don't even belong in jail
kids most moldable time of theirlife too and then we're
expecting success afterwards andI don't know what we're
thinking with that.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Well, it creates what is called the foster care to
prison pipeline, and that's aterm that's used a lot in the
foster care world, and childrenwho go to group homes are like
2.5 times more likely to end upin the justice system as adults,
like the criminal justicesystem, and I believe it was
California that I read thisabout, but it was.
(12:59):
I think over 80% of the peopleon death row were from foster
care and I'll have to go backand find that statistic.
I think it was even higher, butI don't want to say the number
that I think it is just in casethat one is wrong.
I wanted to say some that waslower, but I'm pretty sure it's
even higher than that forCalifornia in that year that the
(13:20):
study was completed.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
She teaches me something new every day and talk
about collateral impact.
So if that stat's right youknow it's hard to remember every
step but if that stat's right,if we can kind of think
backwards, you know it's likethat's where the change needs to
be made.
You know, someplace way, waybackwards and it could be even
starting with let's not letfoster kids that haven't done
(13:42):
anything wrong go to jail.
Maybe that's a good place tostart.
Speaker 3 (13:47):
Yes, well, I have another statistic that I
definitely did look up, andfoster youth who are in five or
more homes are 90% more likelyto end up in the criminal
justice system.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
That's insane.
I mean, before I forget aboutit I don't want to go to.
We might bounce back and fortha little bit, but there's so
much info I want to get on LisaCause this is as much awareness
as possible, because there's somany things that I like, I like
to, I like to think I'm prettyin tune with this issue, I like
look into it a lot and that'show I ran across Lisa, but she
teaches me something new daily.
(14:21):
That astounding.
And one of the biggest thingswe talk a lot about is age out
stuff.
Can you go into age out alittle bit so the audience can
understand what that is and whythat's a vulnerable period?
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:33):
So aging out means that you've come to your end of
the time in foster care, so thefoster system is no longer going
to take care of you or supportyou, and usually that happens
when you're 18.
But in the last decade or so, alot of states have been making
changes, so states are eachresponsible for their how their
(14:55):
foster care system works.
It's not a federal run thing,and so each state has a
different age out number basedon what their state has decided.
Age out number based on whattheir state has decided.
It's usually 18 or 21 and mostof the time you're you know,
it's just you you're very,you're really surprised, you're
caught off guard.
They're like, oh, this is yourlast day in foster care.
And you know, I remember for meI was like, okay, where do I go?
(15:17):
It was the day after my 18thbirthday and I was like, okay,
where do I go?
And she was like I don't knowthe mission, try the the mission
.
And I was like I can't, themission is the Christian
homeless shelter.
I can't go there.
I lived in a grimy part of thecity.
I was like I can't go to thehomeless shelter and I just
ended up staying on people'scouches, and that is the case
(15:38):
for most youth that age out.
Like 50% of youth that age outwill struggle with homelessness,
and it's the number gets higherthan that as the years progress
, because usually when you'reyoung you have a lot of friends.
You know that you can which iswhat I did stay on their couch,
but as the years progress youfall.
We see more and more fosteryouth ending up homeless.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
And I know what people are saying at home right
now.
They're saying, well, there'stons of programs for people and
here's the thing is like and Ican make a good point with this
with Malcolm Gladwell's book Ithink I believe it was Outliers
and he talks about Oppenheimerand then this just random guy,
both genius, iqs, right, andlike there are different paths
on being successful or not.
So basically, Oppenheimer wasraised in a way that he knew he
(16:25):
could advocate for himself andthat's the difference I see in a
lot of foster.
I mean, when I put these dotstogether I'm not always
perfectly right, but when I seefoster, youth probably has a
really hard time advocating forthemselves.
They don't know that there'sprograms out there, they don't
know how to find them, theydon't know they're entitled to a
good life, success, everythingelse.
But if you're raised a certainway, you're entitled to that
(16:48):
right, like Oppenheimer was, andMalcolm Gladwell makes a great
point of that.
The reason Oppenheimer wassuccessful is because he was
entitled to his success.
He didn't take no for an answerto his success.
This other guy had a momentalong the way where they told
him hey, you can't get intoclass this late, I don't care
what your work schedule is, andso he dropped out.
He didn't know he could go inand advocate the rules
(17:09):
differently, or the foster youththat Lisa's talking about.
They don't know how to advocateand Lisa, please correct me if
I'm wrong they don't know how toadvocate, how to get into these
programs a lot of times andknow that they're entitled to
having a decent life.
And you know, I mean, can youhelp me, like kind?
Speaker 3 (17:25):
of like explain to people.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
It's not that easy.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
They don't.
They don't.
And this is what I actually.
I spoke about this at a um, ata scholarship foster youth
scholarship that I did the otherday, and one thing that I said
which is completely spot on withwhat you just said was ask and
keep asking for every 10 peoplethat tell you know, there's one
that's going to say yes, but forfoster youth, especially when
you've grown up in so many homeswhere so many different types
(17:50):
of parenting styles whichusually aren't the greatest
abuse you don't want to keepasking because after someone
tells you know the first timeand you ask you, you know, you,
you don't know if you're goingto catch a backhand, you don't
know.
You don't know what's going tohappen.
And coming into adulthood, Iknow for me from my personal
experience.
I didn't realize that I was anadult, I didn't realize that
those, that those options wereavailable.
(18:11):
If somebody says no, I can, Ican offer a different option, I
can say something else.
It felt so scary and that's onething that I try to talk to the
youth that I mentor about isadvocate for yourself.
Like that's, this is, this, isthis person's job.
Like this is your caseworker'sjob, this is, this is
so-and-so's job, advocate foryourself and and it's okay if
(18:34):
people aren't angry at youbecause you're safe you remind
yourself that you're safe,you're going to be safe and it's
okay to advocate for yourself.
And it's okay to make peoplemad along the way.
Even if they get angry, you youneed to make, you need to
realize that you're worth, thatyou're valuable like your.
Your feelings, your feelingsdon't come underneath their
(18:55):
feelings.
It's okay if they're mad at youbecause you stick.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
you're sticking up for yourself it's such an
interesting topic because I looka lot into, uh, people that are
raised in poverty, basically,and foster youth is the epitome
of that, really, you know.
And then people that were raisedof means, and what's the
difference?
Right, and it's not so much theresources, always, I think it's
this ability that the especiallywell-off teach their youth.
(19:18):
It's like you're entitled tothis, you're entitled to get
your session, you're supposed tohave these things, you know,
but we kind of put like peoplein poverty in a different level.
It's like you take what we canget, you know.
It's like even my mom as a kid,you know, like if the principal
was wrong, she didn't think wewere of the caliber of people
that we could go in and arguewith the principal.
Right, we were on a and we dostill teach class systems,
(19:40):
whether we know it or not insociety.
You know, and that's what Ikind of see and take away when
I'm looking at all this you know, from a high level is like I
almost think there needs to bemore programs that just big
brother kids in you know in thesystem to show them how, or big
brother big sister to show themhow to become part of these
programs that are out there.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
And something that you said that's super
interesting, that I spoke aboutin a class that I recently took,
was if you, if you come fromless, society thinks that you
deserve less, and we see thatand we see that in systems like,
let's say, we have a fundraiseror a coat drive for foster
(20:22):
youth, you're going to see a lotof people bringing in old
things, old, used up things withholes in them, and I'm going to
be the first person to stop youright there and say, hey, this
child deserves a new jacket.
You know I'm very grateful thatyou wanted to bring that to this
, but these children deserve newjackets, just as my daughter
(20:43):
would when she's going to schoolor when winter comes around and
I need to buy her jacket.
We just see this a lot insociety and in free insurances.
If we give people freeinsurance, it has to be less.
It can't be as good as theinsurance that people are paying
for.
See that a lot.
(21:06):
We see it in so many differentthings where if it's for a
lesser class or looked at aslower, then it can't possibly be
as good as something that otherpeople are buying.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Then the line's 18 miles long and the person the
doctor that's helping, is oncommunity service and mad to be
there.
That was the dentist I went togrowing up.
He was on community service andnot happy about being there,
you know.
It's like so you're right, itis a lesser system, you know.
And then it's like what effectdoes that lesser system have as
(21:32):
you get older, right, you're notfeeling super entitled.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
I thought surviving was and so that's my dog snoring
.
I thought surviving was a likea Honda Civic and a studio
apartment and I thought that wasmiddle class Because I came
from so.
I was sleeping in tents, I waseating at soup kitchens,
completely homeless, and I waslike if I could just get a 1990
(22:01):
Honda Civic and a studioapartment somewhere for like
$500 a month, like I will bekilling it, like that is middle
class.
I thought that was like wheremy life would start and end,
like I'm like that would be justcrushing it and I would just do
that for the rest of my life.
I couldn't picture anythingabove it because I hadn't been
(22:23):
taught that that I deserved itor I was I could ever possibly
get there.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
How did?
How did you get to thatdeserving space and did you
start stretching that space too?
Speaker 3 (22:37):
That is something that I guess I would.
I'm still stretching, I'm stillworking on that.
I'll see something like so I'llsee a shirt that I really like,
that I want to get for myself.
But I'll go, I'll run throughall these negative thoughts in
my head, reasons why I don'tdeserve it, or I shouldn't buy
it, or better things so I couldspend my money on or save it.
And I have to still, you know,stretch that space in my head
(23:00):
and say, Wait, I, I work reallyhard, I work a lot of hours, I
work a lot of overtime.
I deserve this shirt.
I can buy the shirt for myself,it's not going to hurt me, it's
not going to take away fromanything else.
And those are still practicesthat I have to do almost daily.
You know, stopping to get acoffee, I'm like, oh well, it's
(23:22):
a, it's a $5 coffee and it'sjust, that's a.
It's a muscle that I think I'mconstantly going to be working
on and it does get.
It gets easier and sometimesit's easier and and you know we
have seasons and it's it'sdefinitely a muscle that you
have to, you have to work on.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
Now, if you're reading a lot of Warren Buffett
and you're really thinking aboutthe compounding nature of money
, then don't buy the shirt Ifyou're not thinking about that
then buy yourself the damn shirt, because you deserve it, right.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Yeah, you've, you've come a long ways and I think
bare minimum you could deserve ashirt.
So I, uh, I really want to getto some of your mental
frameworks too, because they'reamazing, like absolutely amazing
.
I think it's going to help alot of people and I would say,
if you were to give so thingsweren't that easy growing up
(24:10):
right, and then I wouldn't mindif you elaborated a little bit
on that too, about some of theexperiences you had.
But mostly I want to get to howdid growing up in that way,
then having to deal withhomelessness and the other
hurdles that you've had to dealwith, what was the major tools
that got you to where you're atnow, where you're at a platform
(24:33):
of now I can help people, nowI'm confident, now I'm entitled
to the things that I have inlife.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
I don't know about the confidence part, but I would
say, fake it, even if you don'tfeel like it.
That's the best.
That's a really good piece ofadvice.
I say this pretty often inpodcasts and I call it surviving
out of spite.
And I wake up and I think, oh,you know, I don't want to do
this or I don't want to do that.
And I think, oh, you know, Idon't want to do this or I don't
(25:06):
want to do that.
But I get out of bed and I getgoing and I hit the ground
running because I don't want thepeople who abuse me to win.
I don't want the people whoabuse me physically, sexually,
mentally.
I don't want the people thatgave up on me, the people that
told me no when I was going tothese organizations and I was
asking for help, when I waspleading with people like I'm
(25:27):
homeless, I don't know what todo.
I'm trying to do college, I'mtrying to do the right thing,
and I don't want those people towin.
And I call that surviving outof spite.
And I heard it somewhere and itjust stuck and I kept it and I
use that.
I use that spite to channel mytrauma, and the way we process.
(25:48):
Trauma is really important, andif you don't channel it into
something productive ormeaningful or find a way to have
it push you, it's going to harmyou.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
I couldn't agree more and I think in the first couple
episodes telling people you'vebeen handed this horrible thing
anyways, right, so you caneither use it to destroy you or
you can try to figure out a wayand it doesn't matter what it is
I mean, the worse it is, theharder this is but then you can
(26:22):
use it as a gift if you want toperceive it that way, A prove
them wrong gift, a get angryabout your success gift.
I think about it all the timeI'm at the gym.
I think about somebody thatdoesn't want me to proceed in
life and have the things thatI'm entitled to in life.
It's like, well, they'd wantyou to quit that pull up.
They'd want you to quit thatextra hour of work.
(26:43):
It's like, give up on thatdegree.
That's hard.
They would want you to do that.
And I guess I elaborate on yourpoint because I love it so much.
I use it myself and I think, ifdone productively, other people
can really use it to get wherethey want to too, Because, let's
face it, there's a lot ofpeople that are unfair to other
people and it destroys somepeople right it.
It only just narrowly avoid.
(27:06):
I mean, for me personally, itonly narrowly avoid destroying
me.
I mean, can you attest to thatas well?
Speaker 3 (27:12):
Absolutely, absolutely and it's.
It's all about how you processthat trauma and where, where
you're going to put it and howyou're going to use it, and
every day is different and Idon't want, I don't want people
to think like, um, that I'm outhere every single day, always
doing you know a hundred percent, because I'm not, no one is,
(27:32):
and that's not healthy, um, so Idid want to say that real quick
that it's okay to take breaksand it's okay to have seasons,
and I definitely have seasonswhere where I'm not, um, I'm not
hitting the ground running.
So I wanted to correct thatbecause when I said that, I was
like that might not be receivedwell and I know if I was hearing
that from someone, I mightinternalize that in a way that
(27:54):
would make me feel negative andI want people to know that do
not feel negative, becausenobody is hitting the ground
running every day.
Some people are not hitting theground running most of the time
and they're still succeeding,and it's okay to have seasons
and take breaks and netflix andchill and let your body.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Let your body take those breaks without feeling
guilty.
I think people totallyunderstand it and it's you know.
It's some days it's like you'llbe running with no opposition
and then some days you're goingto be in a trough of muck,
flooding through it as best youcan right.
It's like they can't all andit's pushing you backwards a
little bit.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
Right, they can't all be good days, but I, I love, um
, the speaking of your truth, uh, the frameworks, and it's
interesting, like, because we,we do want to uh be respectful
of everyone who's listening, uhto what we're saying, but you,
(28:48):
you're not only a survivor,you're a thriver, right?
And then you talk aboutfocusing that energy.
Can you explain to me, like,how do you go about focusing it?
How do you take it to that, tothe level that you need to take
it to, when you need to take itto that?
Speaker 3 (29:06):
Can you reframe that?
Speaker 2 (29:14):
can you reframe that?
Absolutely so there's.
There's a piece where um,surviving out of spite is that
how you put it, surviving out ofspite it doesn't even feel like
survival, it feels like athriving, because there's a gear
that you step into, there'ssomething that you push through,
and there's one coach said thisto me you have your
breakthroughs.
When you have your breakdowns,like you learn something new.
(29:36):
And so, as you've gone throughyour process, where, where did
those breakthroughs come in?
Where you're just like oh mygoodness, I'm thriving.
Where it's almost like I can'tbelieve I'm doing this.
Speaker 3 (29:45):
Where it's almost like I can't believe I'm doing
this.
I can't say that I heck.
I can pinpoint any of thosemoments.
I think that I am so incrediblyhard on myself that I never
feel like what I'm doing isenough and and and that pushes
(30:09):
me.
Because it pushes me so hard,because if I don't think that
I'm doing enough, then thosepeople who I want, I want to
regret, you know those, theabuse and the things that they
did to me, then they probablydon't think that I'm doing
enough and I think that that'swhere, that's where my push
comes from and I can't say Idefinitely can say I've had
breakdowns, which I've hadbreakthroughs from, but I can't
(30:33):
pinpoint one to discuss.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
I guess the interesting part too is a lot of
people don't realize this on afundamental level.
But growing a muscle isliterally tearing that muscle
down and then you eat stuff thatrepairs that muscle and guess
what?
It grows back bigger and Ithink maybe that's a great
example of what your mindset isright.
You get torn, you get hit, youknow you, you feed it and it
(30:56):
grows and it makes you a betterperson, right.
And you give it rest and yougive it rest.
I've not always been great atthat.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
Well, I will say um, uh, one thing is.
There's a saying god will hityou with a feather, a baseball
bat and then a semi-truck.
I've been hit by a lot ofsemi-trucks I think we all have
in this in this room andultimately, like looking back
and saying crap, this happenedhere and this happened here, and
(31:27):
this is why I do this over here.
Um, you are a star yeah, likeyou're an absolute star and
you're shining yeah, and it, it.
It is like there's no way thatyou can say something within
five minutes, and this is whatI've learned in my journey.
So, uh, hopefully it supportseverybody is what I've learned
(31:52):
in my journey.
So hopefully it supportseverybody.
If I say what I do in fiveminutes, it's not enough.
Like someone's going to findsomewhere to pick at the message
, like they're going to oh well,what about this and what about
this?
Life's a fluid game.
Like it's such a fluid game andultimately it's it's the game
of how do we thrive?
Like how do we thrive in this?
And so the message that yousend to the foster system, like
(32:18):
if there were kids listening tothis, if there were even adults
listening to this, what do theydo to thrive?
Like if they are caught intothat like who do I ask?
Who do I talk to?
Is there something that youwould say?
This this is what I would do ifI was in that situation.
Speaker 3 (32:34):
Yes.
So what I tell kids I think Imentioned this earlier is ask
and keep asking.
For everyone that tells youknow, um, for every 10 people
that tell you no, there's onethat's going to tell you, yes,
that, um, when you do hit aroadblock, um, you know, or you
hit one of those breakdowns, Ithis is a meditation that I do
(32:57):
and I say is this going toaffect me in 10 minutes a day, a
week, a year?
And if those answers like well,and I process those answers
accordingly and I give myselftime, I'm like, okay, well, let
me just get through this next 10minutes and it'll be over and
it'll be done.
And I think that we often seeour life and our healing and our
(33:25):
recovery as like having a goal,like a set goal.
We'll all do all date.
Once I'm healed, I will allfocus on this.
Once I'm, once I'm recoveredfrom this, or once I fully
healed from this, and once I'veprocessed this trauma, we, we
(33:45):
kind of put everything as like agoal, like, oh, if I'm, if I'm
two, 50 and jacks, like that'smy goal and that's, that's it,
that's why I want to be.
But that's not, that's not a,that's not a fair way to view
life.
It's not a fair way to viewhealing.
It's not a fair way to viewyour fitness.
Um, because I did um, I thinkit was a 75 card challenge, yeah
(34:09):
, and once I was done I was like, oh, I'm done, yes, and like I
even stepped foot in the gymthen Do you?
Speaker 1 (34:21):
I'm curious about your mind.
This way too Do you promiseyourself things at times and
then do the takeaway.
I'll give you a good examplereally quick.
It's like, let's say, I'm tiredand I'm going to go train with
Cliff.
We used to train about noonevery day and I remember like
some days I'd be like cause Iused to wake up at three o'clock
in the morning.
I'd be falling asleep in thecar on the way there and I'm
like man, I can the chocolateshake cake.
(34:54):
I passed the shake by, you know.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
I promised myself that, but then, when it came
time to give it to myself, Ididn't do it.
I don't actually need that.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
I don't want it yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:04):
I guess I would say I do stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
What's that?
Speaker 3 (35:07):
Yeah, I would say I do something like that, but it's
because I'm mad at myself.
I'm mad at myself, I had to, Ihad to ride myself and I'm like,
well, I don't deserve thatanymore.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
And you know what you deserve your chocolate.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
You deserved your chocolate.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
You know what?
Yeah, I always said this.
I I always said this I wasgoing to get driven crazy.
That drives me crazy.
You guys, if you guys probablyuse yourself stuff, you got to
be respectful to your brainbecause your brain's like what
the yeah, you said you weregoing to do that for me.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
Where's my chocolate cake?
Speaker 3 (35:42):
I literally pumped dopamine for this, but we really
, I really think we have to stopviewing things as goals, cause,
like, like you said, life isfluid and there's no, there's no
end goal.
There's no end goal because ifyou set an end goal, uh, then
your progress stops.
Your progress stops once youreach that goal, and there's,
(36:04):
there's no such thing as an endgoal with healing.
There's no such thing as an endgoal with healing.
There's no such thing as an endgoal with recovery from trauma.
There's no such thing as an endgoal with learning and
emotional growth.
Self-growth there's no suchthing as an end goal, because
once you hit that end goal,you're not going to grow and
healing is a never-endingjourney.
Self-growth is a never-endingjourney, and fitness should be,
(36:26):
but I just need to get back inthe gym.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
Well, I will say you're doing amazing.
And so I have something calledthe fighters formula and I talk
about the cycle of things andyou were talking about a cycle
is like, uh, respect your cycle,right.
And it's like, oh, we all havesome sort of cycle that we're
going through.
And I go what if we were tocycle up?
(36:52):
We cycle up because when we getthrough something, a pain or a
trauma, it allows us to helpothers get through that pain or
trauma.
And I may have lessons that youhave, but only you can support
your tribe in the way that youcan support your tribe, and
they'll only accept you tosupport the tribe, just as some
(37:14):
people might only accept me andsome people might only accept
Tyler.
And as I went through thisjourney, I'm like, holy crap,
it's a light versus dark thing,it's a light versus dark thing,
dark thing, it's a light versusdark thing.
And when we can get thatthrough, now we know what to
look for, who to look for andwho to support and who to call
(37:34):
out on their shit.
No, kids shouldn't be locked upand put into a place to be
poorly conditioned.
I mean, that is what ishappening Kids are being put
into a place to be poorlyconditioned, and then they're
growing up without a chance inthe world.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
That's not right.
Know this from awareness aspect.
Can you talk about some of thestats around um especially I
think it's um 16 up age outfoster youth area and the sex
(38:14):
trafficking um uh, sexual abuse?
Speaker 3 (38:19):
yeah, yeah, depending on where the statistics come
from.
We don't have um a lot of up todate or really great
information around sextrafficking and foster care, and
I could go into the list ofreasons for that, but I won't
but depending on where you getit.
As many as 90% of the childrenrescued from trafficking were
(38:42):
involved with foster care insome way, and generally,
generally, that's because wehave these extremely vulnerable
children who are they're,they're pretty much, they've
been set up and they've beenprogrammed to work and, like
foster care sets children upexactly to be conditioned for
(39:03):
for trafficking to accept so toaccept love from anybody almost
from strangers and to betrusting, because in 36 films I
had to sit there.
From two years old, you justmeet someone, you're expected to
form a connection with them andtrust them and rely on them to
take care of you, feed you,bathe you, cl, clothe you, and
(39:26):
they're complete strangers.
They are complete strangers andfor most children this would be
traumatic.
This would be an event thatthey wouldn't be able to recover
from.
And for foster youth, we'reexpecting them to do it over and
over and over and over again.
And when they, when they meetsomeone, they're going to be
immediately trusting, they'regoing to um, they're going to
(39:47):
believe.
Immediately trusting, they'regoing to um, they're going to
believe them if they're like,hey, I can buy you all these
gifts, I can get you thesethings, um, and they're gonna.
They're just extremely,extremely, uh, vulnerable.
And then we have that's andthat's just like the children
aspect, because they're alreadyin a vulnerable situation.
Most foster parents, I wouldsay from my experience, don't
(40:09):
have the right intentions.
And then when you age out offoster care and you're homeless,
or you're struggling with aboutto be homeless, sleeping on
people's couches, then there's awhole new side of trafficking
where it's not.
You know, child trafficking,this is adult trafficking.
But then you get arrested andyou're labeled as a prostitute,
(40:31):
when really you're beingvictimized by somebody who's
convincing you to do thesethings because you're so
vulnerable and the system thatwas created to protect you and
help you hasn't set you up forlife.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
Yeah.
I got very passionate no, I needpeople to see that, you know I,
I it's so important becausethat's not like people don't
know this, right, and that'spart of you know.
I wanted to make sure to pullthrough your platform and
everything you're saying,because everything you're saying
is so important and we'reapproaching as usually we talk
about this a lot on this showwe're approaching a lot of this
(41:07):
stuff wrong, you know, andhearing what you're saying is so
important and we're approachingas usually we talk about this a
lot on this show we'reapproaching a lot of this stuff
wrong, you know, and hearingwhat you're talking about.
And that's why I always saypoliticians need to go now and
immerse into the foster caresystem and find out what it's
really like.
You know because from myunderstanding too.
So there's a wonderful homehere in town.
It's called Sunshine AcresChildren's Home home here in
(41:30):
town.
It's called Sunshine AcresChildren's Home, and what's
super cool about the home herein town is they accept donations
of furniture.
The founding family's daughteractually set this up.
It was genius.
I love it from a businessstandpoint too.
It's like very efficientcharity.
So you donate the furniturethere, right, and they sell the
furniture and they make, I think, like 1.7 million dollars a
(41:50):
year or something like that, anda lot of that goes to fund the
home you can actually.
Lisa, I want you to come toarizona sometime and take the
tour.
I'd love to hear your side ofwhat you think of this place.
Speaker 3 (42:00):
They'll take you to golf I'll look into it, but I
can't please do that you're.
I can't promise that you'regonna like, like what I'm going
to say, because I can be veryopinionated.
Are you going to come toArizona?
Speaker 1 (42:09):
No, it's I mean life is about learning.
Are you going to come?
Speaker 3 (42:15):
I'm going to look into the organization and I'll
message you on Instagram and letyou know.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
Okay, perfect, and if we have to cut this part, we
will.
You can do the tour, right tourand go through the neighborhood
and it's all houses and thekids actually live in their own
room as a family.
And I actually I volunteeredthere for about five years and
when you mentioned the age outkids, the age out kids quite
(42:44):
often worked with me in thefulfillment center.
The age out kids quite oftenworked with me in the
fulfillment center and so Iwould talk, and what was
interesting too is like one girlI remember worked at the desk
and I worked with this guy.
Quite often they lookcompletely different, but
they're like this is my brotherand sister and it's because they
grew up in the same house andthey tried to dedicate as much
of a family as possible, and uh,and so I thought it was a
really neat, neat place.
I spent a lot of years there.
I was really interested in whatthey were doing and why they
(43:07):
were doing it, and I heard theother side was much like we're
talking today, more similar tolike you can't have shampoo, you
can't have a steak knife, youhave to have plastic.
It sounded more like prisonthan anything else and so, yeah,
I'd love some feedback on thatplace because from my perception
, it seems like they're doing itright, I'll definitely, I'll
look right so.
Speaker 3 (43:27):
I'll definitely.
I'll look at it and I'll sendyou my my key takeaways.
Speaker 1 (43:33):
Okay, and so you know the other.
The other thing we totally haveto get to and this is where I
think I'm going to rile you up alittle bit is again oh, you're
already riled, okay.
Speaker 2 (43:45):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (43:50):
So Lisa's doing this amazing work.
In my opinion, you know, and Ithink, many, many other people's
opinion as well and, uh, andshe's out there every day
talking about this stuff andit's not easy to talk about your
upbringing at all.
Right, it's not easy to talkabout this stuff.
This doesn't just flow out likewater and it's easy to talk
about, but it does help people.
Right gets a lot.
I've seen it personally.
It makes me, it really makes memad.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
She gets a lot of hate online about this yeah, and
you are on a beautiful,articulate powerhouse of a woman
.
I can see that, becausesometimes, when the stars are
shining, it's very, very brightand people want to throw crap at
it.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
What do we do when people are bullying the
champions of the world?
There is not a negative thing,in my opinion, that Lisa is
doing for the world right nowwith her online presence.
You know, like when I watch heronline she's helping people,
she's talking about issues thatare really difficult to talk
about so that way kids canunderstand there's somebody else
going through it, so they canget through it.
And now we have people tryingto take because, honestly, lisa,
(44:52):
if you listen to them enough,you'd go back and you'd stop
doing social media all together,you know, and then, like, these
kids wouldn't have you as atool so what do we do?
Speaker 3 (45:00):
I have taken a break.
Speaker 2 (45:01):
I've been taking a break.
What?
What I would say champions hangout with champions.
Good answer, you know I.
Speaker 1 (45:10):
I saw um so, cliff and I are going to follow you
around.
All, yeah, you, you get me.
So there was a.
Speaker 2 (45:16):
There was a rocky line there was a rocky line that
um, that tyler sent to me andit talks about life will beat
you up, it will chew you up, itwill spit you out, it will do
whatever it wants to do you mean, nobody is going to hit as hard
as life?
yeah, no one hits harder thanlife, and the game is surround
yourself with people who aregoing to stand up with you or
(45:39):
who are going to even pull youup to remind you of your dream
and your mission.
You know, I really got intolead leaders, and the reason I
lead leaders this game's hard.
The game called life is hard.
It's a hard game and as isabove, so is below.
The people who lead the bestare the ones who have gotten the
(46:01):
most crap thrown at them, andthey figure it out.
And they, they, they figure itout in such a way they don't
just rise for themselves, theyrise for others.
That's the entrepreneurialjourney, that's the dream being
able to solve problems for otherpeople.
And where there's this zero sumgame that's going on, where
it's like oh well, that's not myproblem, make it your problem,
(46:25):
make it your problem.
We're supposed to be in thisgame together and and yeah,
leaders, leaders, leaders.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
Raise leaders up if you don't have a heart for the
situation in general, I'm sorryfor you for one, but even if you
want to talk about it from anintellectual level, let's just
talk about it for a second 90incarceration rate.
Do you know what that cost asociety?
Oh yeah, if you don't want touse your heart to think about it
, use your mind to think aboutit.
Speaker 3 (46:52):
It is something that everyone needs to do.
It would cost less just to fixfoster care In the first place.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
Isn't that crazy and we don't pay attention.
I talk about it all the time.
The little scientific circle oflife.
Right, we cut the ants out ofthe system, you know.
And next thing, you know, thewolves starve.
You know, purposely murder it,every time on purpose.
But the point is you take onething out of the food chain, it
ruins the food chain and it doesthe same thing in every
(47:21):
collateral system, right?
no-transcript.
I'm not going to say I don'twant to get too far down that
road.
I would call people monstersand stuff.
But that is not the right wayto fix this system.
Speaker 2 (47:44):
Right, yep.
So what we're going to do iscontinue to rise above and be
strong for one another, because,yeah, life haters gonna hate
and I could see why people wouldhate on you just because you
are amazing.
You're an amazing human being.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
Well, she's a badass helicopter pilot.
Yeah like it's just like Igotta she's beautiful, she's got
a beautiful heart.
I gotta find something to hateon you to make my life feel just
a little bit better.
See, you'd be a great zombieapocalypse partner too.
You have all these skills, lisa, if I were to give you some
(48:25):
sort of golden ticket or goldenpaycheck, or one of those big
cards with an unlimited amountof money and any people you
wanted to help with your cause.
What could you to like makeimpact if people would listen to
you more?
Speaker 3 (48:40):
I think to make the biggest impact for foster care
and foster youth outcomes, Iwould change the way that we vet
our foster families.
I would change the way that weadvertise, which I don't like
using that word, but that's whatwe do essentially is we
advertise, usually in low incomeareas, for people to become
(49:02):
foster parents and we say youknow, do you want money for
taking care of kids?
You know, pull a ticket andcall this number.
It's kind of atrocious andwe're starting from not a great
place already and I wouldrequire trauma-informed
(49:22):
parenting for foster parents.
Every child going through fostercare is going through trauma
and when foster parents aren'ttrauma-informed, abuse happens.
And abuse becomes so incrediblyprevalent the more traumatized
the child is because they'regoing to push your buttons,
they're going to get on yournerves and if we have a bunch of
(49:43):
foster parents that don't haveany idea, a lot of foster
parents don't even know whattrauma informed parenting is and
we're creating, we're creatingmore issues in children.
We have to change theincentivized.
Foster parents are incentivizedto say, well, this kid is
violent, or this kid is this, orthis kid has these health
(50:06):
problems now, or these mentalproblems, and they get more
money so that foster parentmight get 200 more dollars for
this kid a month, but now thenumber of homes that this kid
can go to went from 75 to maybe10, because now there's no
specialized homes for them,because you made up something
about them, and then I think thebiggest factor is.
Speaker 1 (50:30):
Sorry, I was going to say they could be giving them
an unfair label to make somemoney, and then they're tagged
for life and that's exactly whathappens.
Speaker 3 (50:39):
But we see it happen time and time again.
They're incentivized to to lieyeah and if, if you tell someone
you're going to give, I'm goingto give you 200, 300, 400,
sometimes 600 extra dollars, ifyou say this they're, they're
going to say it probably yeah.
And then the biggest thing thatwe need to change, I think, is
(50:59):
we have this idea with fosterparents, where foster parents
kind of get possessive overfoster children.
There's almost a, there's ahuge disconnect between the
biological parent, who might bein recovery, might be, you know,
incarcerated, might be trying,might be an active addiction,
(51:23):
trying to get into recovery.
And we see these foster parentssay, well, I take care of this
kid, I know what's best for them, and they kind of push that bio
parent away.
And that is that's usually.
Well, that's always going to beharmful If the, if the end goal
is reunification.
In most cases, in almost allcases, reunification is the
(51:45):
beginning goal and if it, if itturns out that that can't happen
, then that's okay.
But if, while reunification isstill a goal or still on the
table for this child and theirparent, the foster parent needs
to make sure to build thatconnection, build up the
biological parent, help them,reach out to them, say, hey,
this is, um, this is what yourkid is eating this week.
(52:07):
This is what we're doing.
We went to the doctors andthere's one really amazing
person on Tik TOK.
Her name's Laura, foster parentcoach, and she has so many
amazing examples of this and Iwish that every foster parent
could be exactly like her.
And if you check out her page,you'll see like this this is the
foster parent that foster kidswant.
(52:28):
This is a foster parent I wishI could have had that.
Every foster child wishes thatthey can have she is doing I am
just bad wishes that they canhave she is doing I.
I am just.
She's doing everything right,the exact right way between
trauma, informed parenting,helping the biological parent,
co-parenting with a biologicalparent, in a sense healthy, very
(52:52):
healthy.
Speaker 1 (52:54):
That's how we're going to change outcomes.
Yeah, absolutely.
It's almost like there needs tobe more education within the
system itself, because, fromwhat I'm hearing too, it's kind
of like okay, you want to be afoster parent, your heart's in
the right place.
Now you're given some fosterkids and then you have to hit
the round running.
I mean, I guess parents do toofrom a certain extent, but
(53:17):
forgive me for saying this,there's gotta be way more
complexity, you know, withpicking up becoming a foster
parent as opposed to becoming aparent, I would assume.
Speaker 3 (53:28):
And becoming a foster parent.
Speaker 1 (53:30):
I mean, so you're a.
Speaker 3 (53:32):
I mean it's a class.
Speaker 1 (53:36):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying, and there's no class
right and a background checkyeah.
Yeah, I mean, I guess there'sno class for becoming a parent
either, but you at least get togrow into it.
Speaker 2 (53:47):
Yeah, that's really complex.
That's really complex actually,but I do want to ask the
question because you werebringing up, and also I know
you're, a wealth of resourcesand knowledge.
Is there any documentaries thata person could watch or
anything specific where theycould deep dive and understand
(54:09):
this journey a little bit more?
Speaker 3 (54:13):
There is a documentary that was made about
my sister and about a little bitabout my life.
It doesn't have a lot of greatsolutions and also I want to
give a trigger warning becauseit is.
It talks about very sensitiveum topics and abuse, sexual
abuse and violence and um, it'scalled playgrounds and it's
(54:34):
called the child trafficking inAmerica and it is called
Playgrounds and it's called theChild Trafficking in America and
it is about my sister and hertrafficking and a little bit
about my biological family life.
Speaker 1 (54:54):
It doesn't have a lot of solutions that you're
looking for, but it will giveyou insight onto how these
things come about.
Have you ever met I believe?
His name is Tim Ballard and heruns operation underground
railroad, uh.
Speaker 3 (55:01):
I haven't met him, but I did look him up.
I looked him up.
Speaker 1 (55:06):
Yeah, I feel like he he could get a lot of.
I mean, he's out there immersedin this and you know, and
helping with it a lot.
But you know, I feel like youcould be a good advocate for all
that and I think you shouldtalk to him a little bit about
what he's doing, because I thinkthat your information is
invaluable.
I'm sure he has a ton too, butyou're straight from the source.
(55:26):
You understand it like nobodydoes, and I don't know if
anybody's thinking about it fromthe foster angle.
Really, I think we all knowthere's a problem out there, but
I don't know if we're realizinghow much of the problem is it
from the foster system?
Speaker 3 (55:39):
Yeah, absolutely Foster kids are forgotten about.
Speaker 2 (55:43):
Yeah, Do you know um, and Anthony trunks by chance.
Speaker 3 (55:49):
I don't show.
Am I supposed to?
Speaker 2 (55:51):
So well, he was part of the, the foster system too,
and uh ended up uh playing inthe nfl uh part of russell
brunson, like it's a marketingthing, but he talked about uh,
yeah, this is kind of graphic,so uh, skip this part these
three minutes if you have to.
But, um, they would have himlick a shoe to the point his
(56:16):
tongue would start bleeding likejust vile, vile things.
And, yeah, he shares his story.
But the guy is such apowerhouse Like he's a
powerhouse individual and he hasa podcast too.
So I would love to see if youboth connected as well.
Speaker 3 (56:32):
Absolutely, I have so many stories like that.
Where foster parents would?
I hear this a lot on TikTok.
They're like why didn't youtell somebody?
Why didn't you do this?
First of all, I was a child.
I didn't know that these thingslike these weird punishments
right, well, they didn't hit me,they made me lick a shoe, or
(56:59):
you know, I had foster parentsthat made me I had to stand in
the corner on one leg with myhands in the air, um, and
sometimes I had to hold the book, sometimes not, but in the
basement for hours and hours,like I'm talking like eight
hours, 12 hours at a time, and,um, if we like they came in and
we switched legs, it's not, theydidn't hit us, but they would
get really close in our face andscream at us and you know it.
(57:23):
So when I mean some fosterparents did hit, obviously, but
when you're at a place whereyou're like, okay, well, they're
not necessarily hurting me, orthey're like they're not hitting
me physically, it can be reallyconfusing.
And so, on tiktok, there's alot of people who you know they
are bullies, and why don't youtell someone?
That's your own fault.
(57:44):
It's confusing because ifyou're a child and you're in
this situation, you know thatthe the next one could be much
worse, or the one that you camefrom previous was much worse.
So you're in this gray area.
Where do I tell?
Do I not tell yeah, and so Ifind that, um, that really
resonated with me and it kind ofhurt my heart a little bit to
(58:05):
hear that I would love to, Iwould love to talk to him and
hopefully we can speak aboutsome nice things.
Speaker 2 (58:11):
Great individual.
You guys would absolutely loveeach other.
And I'll tell you like onething as we go through the
cycles, the more and more cyclesyou go through, the humbler you
get At least that's from myperspective lens.
And it's so funny because-.
Speaker 1 (58:29):
For people with good hearts.
Yeah, Well, yeah that's truetoo.
Speaker 2 (58:33):
Yeah, so the bad, bad heart.
Not so good, but but I willwhen, when people are speaking,
they're speaking through notknowing, you know, like even as
a fighter, yeah, everybody wouldknow what to do.
Sitting on the stance, yeah,sitting on the sidelines 2020.
Well, why didn't?
you do that well, no crap, Iwould have loved to have done
(58:57):
that.
I was five.
Yeah, tell it with the stress,and that's the piece.
People come from such anignorance.
Sometimes they don't take thetime to actually listen to you
and your journey, and that'sfine.
Leaders lead.
(59:20):
Listen to you and your journeyand that's fine.
You know like, uh, leaders leadand that's what I've just
learned is I, I will use whatserves me and just let go of the
rest if it's not serving me.
Okay, you know, if it'striggering me, what's the point?
It's not serving anything.
Um, but yeah, haters,especially in tiktok.
I know they can really be crazyin there from time to time.
Speaker 1 (59:40):
That's why it's like you know.
So we're on episode 11 now andour goals initially in this were
a lot to do around creatingawareness around the topic and
trying to help people with toolsand others.
You know, along the ways we'vegotten to do exactly what I love
, which is help platform otherpeople.
Now Lisa already has a hugeplatform on her own.
(01:00:01):
You know she has you know shewas just on Dr Phil she has tons
of followers like that, but Imean she's super we're lucky we
even got her on the show.
But I mean to to help peoplelike her is just amazing to me,
and that's what I love aboutwhat we're doing, you know, here
is because somebody needs tohelp Lisa and even if we're
(01:00:22):
helping just with a little levellike this, it's like somebody
needs to bolster, somebody needsto tell her that you're doing
the right thing.
We see you buy the shirt youknow like yeah, we absolutely
see you.
You're out there Like.
You have tremendous amount ofresilience and integrity and
bravery.
I watch you every day dealingwith things that you should
(01:00:46):
never have to deal with, andthis is another reason we've
said from the start it's likethat's why you have to get, and
that's why I applaud Lisa evenmore, because you're helping.
The way that Cliff and I hopeto to some extent too is like
get these kids out of thoseyears where they're dealing with
these things, because, guesswhat?
They grow up to be fuckingamazing because they've dealt
(01:01:08):
with this stuff, like thehorrible stuff.
I don't wish on you for onesecond that you've dealt with,
but there's no doubt on my mindit's made you brave, it's made
you compassionate, it's made youcompassionate, it's made you
care about other people, andthat's why please help get more
and more kids out of there,because those will also change
the world too.
This is our lame hypothesis.
Speaker 3 (01:01:28):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (01:01:30):
I think it's Well absolutely.
Speaker 3 (01:01:33):
We need representation.
We need to see other fosteryouth doing these things and
getting in these spaces andgetting into politics.
We need to see that and that'show we're going to bring about
change.
It's a season.
We all have some really, reallytough seasons and for some of
us, more of our seasons aretough than for others.
Speaker 1 (01:01:55):
But once you get through it, there's going to be
a better season.
Yeah, we need more kind-heartedbadasses.
We need more people making itto success with huge hearts so
they can change the thingsthey're passionate about.
Because, let's face it, ifyou're on the street corner you
can't do much good, butabsolutely in the boardroom you
can.
We got to be pulling people up,and the crazy part is I work
(01:02:16):
with a lot of business owners,and the ones with the best tools
are the ones that have overcomesomething in their youth.
These are the best businessowners because they've already
got their butt kicked atsomething and so, in comparison,
even if it's a bad businessthing that you're dealing with,
it's nothing compared to thathorrible thing you dealt with in
(01:02:37):
your youth that you've overcome.
But I want to give you a chanceto tell us what you're up to.
Is there anything you hope totalk about that we don't want to
miss on the podcast here.
Speaker 3 (01:02:45):
I don't have any.
Yes, you can follow me atMissLisaPizza on all my
platforms Any of the other ones.
There's like 100 fake accountsof me, which is really awkward
to find out.
Speaker 1 (01:02:56):
Yeah, I don't like that.
Speaker 3 (01:02:57):
I get so many messages flattering at all I
it's not.
It makes me feel bad because Iget the.
I get a lot of these messageswhere people, um, you know
they're like, I've been talkingto you for like three years.
Speaker 1 (01:03:10):
I'm like I don't know you haven't why did you try to
sell me a gold mine I used?
Speaker 3 (01:03:16):
to respond, but now there's just so many and I feel
bad and like I feel guilty, likeI'm not doing anything wrong,
but I still feel guilty about it.
Speaker 1 (01:03:25):
Sure.
Speaker 3 (01:03:25):
And I just I can't reply to all of those but, I
don't have anything specificallycoming up.
Um, you can go check out my DrPhil episode.
I was extremely nervous, sobefore you watch it, just don't
don't.
Don't come to my social mediaand be mean to me.
Come on.
That's the whole point.
You guys have to be nice if youwatch it.
Yeah, I have a lot of podcastscoming up.
(01:03:49):
Actually, I have like two orthree more coming up.
I've kind of taken a step backfrom social media so I haven't
posted as much.
I'm trying to get back at it.
But you know, like I said, weall have seasons.
It's okay to take a little bitof a rest break.
So while I'm breaking from, youknow, posting on TikTok and you
(01:04:10):
know my Instagram, I've beendoing a lot more podcasts, have
a lot more outreach mentoring.
I mentor foster youth.
So if you're a foster youthright now a teen, a young teen,
or you're aging out or you justaged out feel free to reach out
to me and I will provide youwith resources and whatever city
you're in, whatever stateyou're in, I can help you get
(01:04:31):
those resources and track downpeople who are going to tell you
yes.
Speaker 1 (01:04:36):
She does do this too.
I've watched it firsthand.
I've watched in the commentsabout her doing this.
She absolutely does it.
So yeah, if you need some help,contact Lisa.
I really will.
For our part, we'll continue tolike, sing your praises, do
anything we can.
We're huge fans, you know.
And then also, I'd like to makesome connections to like-minded
people, because I think that'sone thing we're not doing enough
(01:04:58):
in the world of too.
It's like we need to bandtogether more.
You know, like we need people.
There's enough evil bandingtogether.
Let's say, good needs to bandtogether more often too.
Speaker 3 (01:05:09):
That's true.
I like that.
Speaker 2 (01:05:12):
Yeah, Band with intention, integrity, and thank
you for everything that youbrought to the table.
You know I love your energy,love your smile, love what you
stand for and all of you, as Igot passionate from time to time
.
I love you all too.
(01:05:32):
Anyone who's looking for a handup, there's people out there
who are going to support you.
Uh, you just have to know whoto ask, and Lisa is one of those
people.
So.
So thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:05:46):
Yeah, absolutely, and at least any final words for
our guests.
Yeah, thank you so much forcoming Like seriously I I I've
been a big fan for a couple ofyears, you know.
Thank you always for answeringmy questions.
I've learned so much from you.
It is something the more Iprogress in life and the more I
work in business and hopefullygain more and more research.
It's something I aim to changeand I can see using your help to
(01:06:09):
do it and Cliff's as well.
It's something I get sick to mystomach thinking this could
even happen, and you have myword that I will do something in
this lifetime more to impact it.
So thanks again and thank youeverybody for tuning in to Bully
this Once again, Episode 11.
We'll be back with Episode 12.
Thanks again.
(01:06:29):
Thank you everyone.
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