Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures

To: {INSERT NEW EMPLOYEE NAME HERE}

The queen wishes me to write and welcome you to {INSERT LOCATION HERE}.

Her majesty was also touched to know {FIELD#33NAMEADDRESS} was present to {#} this special occasion.

I am to send her majesty’s {BEST WISHES/DEEP REGRET} to you.

Lady Helen Bonbon

Lady-in-waiting

–

Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures

Featuring, Krage Brown

Written & Created by Thom Munden

Edited by: Krage Brown

Artw...

Flat 12, Bloomsbury House, EC14 4JJ

Ma,

Here’s a copy of the tape I done. Jez says the manager at Woolworths is going to show it to the girls in the shop. Is it ok if I keep a few hundred boxes of eau de toilette in the spare room? It’s Barrymore’s new one so I reckon I can shift it all down the women's clinic at the weekend. Make sure you keep it away from the electric fire. And the dog.

Gary

–

Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Crea...

16 April 1972

Sirs,

It has come to my attention that some of the girls in the office have been complaining about unwanted advances from the butchers. While I do sympathise with them somewhat (after all those butchers have awfully big, hairy hands), it’s just a bit of fun on their part and I'd hate to take away what little joy they have in their miserable lives. If I had to strangle 400 cattle a day I know I would find solace in cha...

Gabby said we’ve all got to watch this thing I.T sent over before New Year’s Eve. Just make Terry watch it and he can update us on Monday morning. Also… tell me you saw Jane’s dress this morning? Did her meth addled mom knit it for her? Gross. She looked like she was wearing the blanket I buried my cat in.

Kat

Head of Human Resources

–

Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures

Featuring, Ida Berglöw Kenneway

Krage Brown

Written &am...

-FAX-

To All the staffs

From Hans Eierkuchen

Pages 1

Hi all,

Let’s celebrate the new aircraft with this wonderful CD_ROMULUS that Heidi and chums has put together in the training form. Learning what we should all aspire to be, fully erect or not.

I suggest you all digest this before embarking within her metal bowel and taking to the skies. It will serve you well to understand the different nooks and fannies with her long body.

Clap...

Mary,

I’ve been asked to send you this pdf on depression as your overall body ‘stank’ is becoming an issue in the office and can only mean you're either deeply depressed or your mother’s brought another ‘man friend’ home to stay. If reading is too much effort for you, I’m recording it on tape next week. You can have a copy so long as you leave $4 on my desk to cover the cost of cleaning the smell from the tape after you’ve used it.

Dear all,

The power of a smile can increase profits by as much as 904%.

Please remind your teams they’re all contractually required to smile for their entire 12 hour shift, even while Brenda from the deli counter cradles them in the women's bathroom and dries their tears with her dead husband's Dukes of Hazzard vest.

Play this DVD at the next team huddle. I’ll know if you don’t.

Matt

North West Regional Manager

Best Value UK

–

Burn...

To Terry McPhearson

From Keven Streep

Subject: FW: Training edit

Terry,

Please do not download that wetransfer, it’s the wrong version of the edit. I’ll send over the correct version as soon as I can. Please, Terry. It wasn’t my fault.

Regards,

Keven Steep

Head of Internal Training

United Fusion Coal

—----

To Terry McPhearson

From Keven Streep

Subject: Training edit

Terry,

Here’s a link to the finished edit for unit 9. Could this b...

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To:   elmira_store5894@starcinemas.com

Subject: April / May Team Update

URGENT

To any ushers who have yet to watch the interactive training DVD-ROM we sent out last month, this is your last warning. If you do not watch by next quarter you will be taken off the shift rota.

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