Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to the
Business Blasphemy Podcast,
where we question the sacredtruths of the online business
space and the reverence withwhich they're held.
I'm your host, sarah Khanspeaker, strategic consultant
and BS busting badass.
Join me each week as wechallenge the norms, trends and
overall bullshit status quo ofentrepreneurship to uncover what
it really takes to build thebusiness that you want to build
(00:23):
in a way that honors you, yourlife and your vision for what's
possible, and maybe piss off afew gurus along the way.
So if you're ready to commitbusiness blasphemy, let's do it.
Hello, hello blasphemers.
Okay, so I was robbed.
I don't know if you have heardthe story.
(00:44):
I talked about it on socialmedia briefly, but I was robbed.
Let me backtrack a little bit.
So March was a really, reallybusy month for me.
I spent quite a bit of timetraveling.
First week of March I was inColorado.
I did a keynote at theUniversity of Colorado at
Boulder and that was fantastic.
(01:04):
I was in a room with just womenstudents female students.
They were so engaged and itreally reminded me how much I
miss being in the classroom.
But I did a keynote there.
And then the following week Iwas in New Jersey, and New York.
I was speaking on a panel atthe Success Tribes, connect and
(01:25):
Collab Summit.
There we go.
I spoke about entrepreneurshipand that was in, I want to say,
staten Island.
Yes, it was in Staten Island.
And then I went to an eventhere locally.
It was a two-day event.
I managed to make one daybecause in the next day, of
course, my kids were sick, butit was a wonderful networking
event out in Guelph, ontario,and that was like most of March.
(01:45):
And then then we joined myhusband for a two-week trip to
Europe.
First we went to Barcelona andthen we were going to he had a
work thing out there and then wewere going to spend the
following week in Englandvisiting family, which you know
we haven't done since 2019.
Me and the kids anyway, myhusband's been a couple of times
in between now and then, and itwas we were really excited to
(02:07):
be able to go.
We haven't been on a familyvacation for a while because
last year it was all aboutmoving and you know that took up
so much time and energy andfinances and just you know.
So it was something we werereally looking forward to.
We haven't been to Spain, so itwas like really exciting and we
had all of these plans.
We wanted to go to the famouscathedral there, the Sagrada
Familia.
We wanted to go to, you know,montserrat and all these
(02:29):
different places and reallyexplore the city.
And as soon as we got there, myolder girl got sick, and she was
, unfortunately, sick the entireweek, which sucks, because that
meant we really couldn't doanything.
I was lucky enough to go on aone-day excursion with one of my
husband's colleagues she's likea friend of the family now and
(02:49):
so we went out and we sawMontserrat and we saw Girona and
Costa Brava, we went around andwe did a bunch of stuff and it
was a nice day, it was a reallygreat adventure.
And then the next day my kiddofinally rallied enough, it was
our last day in Spain and we'relike okay, you know what?
At the very least let's get youto Sagrada Familia.
She's a huge fan of Gothicarchitecture.
So we went down, we stood inline, we went in and we took
(03:11):
amazing photos.
It is really truly aspectacular building.
If you have not had theopportunity, I would highly
recommend Googling it.
I mean, pictures don't do itjustice it.
I mean, pictures don't do itjustice, but we went and then we
met my husband and my youngerdaughter outside and we went on
one of those hop on, hop offcity bus tours and we decided we
were just going to take in asmuch of the city as we could
(03:32):
because it was our last day.
So we get to this point, whichis like, I think, the highest
point in Barcelona, and we wereable to, like, look out on the
entire city and it was quite astunning view.
So we got out and it wasn'tlike a crowded street but it
also wasn't deserted.
You know, there was a littlepark and there was like a couple
of families having like apicnic and they were playing,
and there was like a birthdayand there was a pinata and it
(03:52):
was like all kinds of stuff.
And so we got out, we tookpictures and we started to walk
back to the bus stop.
My husband's a few feet aheadof us because he was on the
phone and I'm walking with mygirls I've got the little one's
(04:13):
hand in mine and her oldersister's next to her on the
other side and we're walking andI feel someone touch my hand
and take my phone right out ofit.
This motherfucker took my phoneout of my hand, took off, jumped
on the back of a scooter andthey were gone.
It happened in like two and ahalf seconds and it's funny
because I felt him grab my phone, like touch my hand, and I
turned and kind of grabbed hissweater and he dropped the phone
(04:33):
and then I went to grab thephone, still holding on to my
little girl's hand, because inyour mind like it's amazing how
much goes through your mind inthose moments my first thought
which is always my first thought, is someone's going to snatch
my kid.
So I didn't want to let go ofher and I tried to reach for my
phone.
He shoved me out of the way,picked it up and then took off.
And this happened before yourbrain even registers what's
(04:54):
happening.
And I've relayed the story andpeople are like, well, it's a
really high pickpocket area.
People know, yeah, I'm aware ofthat, I don't need anybody's.
I told you so's.
Like I went out of my way tomake sure I had an anti-theft
bag.
I bought one of those likecrossbody kind of bag that sits
close to your chest and it sitsunder your jacket.
I had like RFID wallets.
(05:16):
Like I made sure I did all ofthe things that I could do to
make sure that we were going tobe, that our stuff was going to
be safe.
And this was like one of thosekind of just weird moments where
I'd had my phone out because Iwas taking a picture and as I
put my hand down to my sidethat's when he took it it came
out of nowhere, like it was justone of those things that just
kind of you know well, needlessto say, we were very shaken.
(05:39):
We did all the things we gotinto an Uber, went back to the
hotel.
I like locked down my phone, Icalled my service provider,
canceled, I did all the thingsto lock down my phone, make sure
they couldn't do anything withit, but we were still pretty
shaken.
We spent the evening in thepolice station to get a police
report so that I can make aclaim.
You know, the kids were reallybadly shaken and we had still a
(06:00):
week left before we could gohome.
So the next morning we flew toEngland and we spent the week
with family and it's.
You know, it's weird becausewhen something like this happens
, it is incredibly violating,like you do feel personally
violated, like I often wonder ifit would have felt less, a
little bit less of a violationif someone had like taken it out
(06:21):
of my backpack or out of mypocket and I didn't notice until
I'd gotten home or back to thehotel and realized something was
missing, like this fucker tookit right out of my hand, Like he
touched me.
It was one of those momentswhere you were just like there's
so many things that go throughyour head Like should I have run
after him?
Should I have done this?
Should I have done that?
And the consensus is no, likeyou don't chase after people,
(06:41):
you don't know if they've gotweapons or whatever.
So we did the right thing, butit really did throw a damper on
the rest of the holiday.
I think one of the mostchallenging things for me was,
you know, not having the phone,because not only could I not do
stuff and you know what I meanwhen I say do stuff like you
know doom, scroll and takepictures and read, and you know
all the kind of stuff that youdo on your phone but I couldn't
(07:02):
do any business stuff either.
So I was lucky that I broughtmy iPad with me, but I couldn't
log into any of my businessstuff, which is why that week
there was also no podcastepisode, because I had
specifically taken my iPad sothat I could record and, you
know, put an episode up, and Ihad planned to take tons of
pictures and use them forcontent.
And you know, I'd specificallytaken pictures of some of the
(07:24):
places that we were at becauseI'm like this would make great
B-roll.
And I did all of this stuffthat I was supposed to do and I
couldn't log into anythingbecause, obviously, using a new
device, you're in a new place,so the IP address is different,
and so every app that I tried tolog into required a two-factor
authentication code, which was,of course, going to my phone,
and now my phone number isbricked and it was just, it was
(07:51):
a whole thing.
So all of that to say.
For the remainder of the weekand a half that we were away
from home, I didn't have a phone, I didn't have access to
anything, I couldn't do anything.
I was literally forced toexperience life firsthand, and I
say that a little bit tongue incheek, but it's true, right.
One thing I will say is westill had like a week and a half
before we were coming home, andwhen something that violating
(08:13):
happens to you, you do miss thecomforts of other things in your
life, right Like we werestaying in an Airbnb.
We didn't have anything of ourown, the food is a little bit
different, everything felt off,and so for the whole time that
we were there, I think all of uswere a little bit unsettled and
it was just such a relief to behome and in my own bed and have
my own snacks and my sofa andall those things.
(08:36):
But, yeah, so the whole timethat we were there, I didn't
have a phone, which was dulyfrustrating because everybody
else still did, and everybodyelse was still scrolling, taking
pictures, sending text messages, talking, doing all the things,
and I was like just sittingthere, which sounds ridiculous
when you say it.
Right, like it soundsridiculous.
You were just sitting there.
Yes, I was just sitting there,but I had this weird moment
(08:57):
where I was sitting in a cafe.
So we were in Leeds, which isin West Yorkshire, and we were
sitting in this cafe and Iordered a Kashmiri pink tea.
If you've never had it, highlyrecommend it, but make sure it's
authentic.
It's not like powdered crap.
It was delicious, it wasauthentic, it was like bright
pink and they served it in thisadorable little cup that had
(09:18):
like a really lovelymotivational phrase on it, and
my immediate, like reflexthought was oh, I should take a
picture of this and share it andtag the cafe.
And then I remembered in thesame moment that I don't have a
fucking phone because I wasrobbed.
So I had no choice but to sitand enjoy the tea for myself,
like sipping it slowly, savoringthe unique flavor of this
(09:43):
particular kind of tea, slowlysavoring the unique flavor of
this particular kind of tea,savoring the just enough
sweetness, you know, enjoyingthe warmth of the cup in my hand
.
And I started thinking about howdifferent the experience was to
just a week before that, whereI was sitting in a cafe, albeit
in the hotel, but in a cafe inBarcelona, having what I think
(10:05):
was an incredibly delicious cupof coffee, like I'm not sure,
because I was more concernedwith taking a picture of it and
sharing it on social media.
And then you know, scrolling asone does while drinking said
coffee, because what else areyou going to do?
Like nobody wants to talk toyou, everybody's on their phone,
or you're sitting by yourself,and you know, just watching
people is kind of weird andcreepy, I guess Nowadays I used
to people watch all the time.
(10:26):
But what else are you going todo?
Right?
That's the question, and whatI'm wanting to share today is
not groundbreaking, it's notprofound, it's not earth
shattering, but it is somethingthat I think we need to start
talking more about, and it isthis idea of you know, this
whole culture that we have ofpicks, or it didn't happen.
(10:46):
Picks or it didn't happen.
We've heard this, but thisculture of picks or it didn't
happen is truly suffocating allof us out of our joy.
It is suffocating all of ourjoy away from us, because we
truly cannot live in the momentanymore.
(11:07):
And I started to think was myexperience of the tea any less
valid or legitimate or real?
Because I couldn't quoteunquote prove that it happened?
I went on a 12-hour excursionin Spain and I saw some of the
most beautiful sights.
I saw the mountains ofMontserrat and the beautiful
(11:29):
coastline in Costa Brava, andwent to the city of Girona,
where I got to see the cathedralthat they use as the stand-in
for the Sept of Baelor in Gameof Thrones.
It's my favorite TV series,right?
I didn't have to remember beingthere because the phone was
going to do that for me and Icould always go back and revisit
(11:51):
them in my photos app,secondhand right, even though my
experience was first personSitting with that tea in that
cafe in Leeds was honestly therealist experience I'd had over
the two weeks that we were awaytwo and a half weeks and I feel
(12:12):
very much like my phone.
Getting robbed was the bestthing that could have happened
in that moment.
And I started thinking aboutbusiness, because that's what
you do, because I see a lot ofus running our businesses the
same way, right, like we makedecisions and we do things and
we post content all for thevalidation and approval of
others, all to prove it, quote,unquote it happened To be part
of some cool kids group or to beseen as valid or whatever, but
(12:35):
we post for clout.
How much do you actually enjoyin your business firsthand?
How much do you enjoy of yourlife firsthand and how much are
you only enjoying when it isenjoyed by others, like when
other people are liking it orcommenting on it, or you're able
to share a fancy reel that youmade in CapCut to make it look
(12:57):
like it was bigger than it wasor better than it was, when the
experience itself is really allyou needed?
How much of our life and ourbusiness are we only able to
enjoy in hindsight, secondhand,through a lens that isn't even
yours, capturing a small frame,a small fraction of the entire
(13:17):
experience?
Don't we deserve more than that?
Like, truly don't we deservemore than that.
And then I started to thinkabout all the ways in which we
delay our gratification.
Now hear me out, because I dounderstand that many of us need
to learn the concept of delayedgratification in the sense of
things do not happen immediately, right, like we post something
(13:41):
about an offer and we justimmediately want people to sign
up, and if it doesn't happen, wesomehow think that we're wrong
or the offer isn't good enoughor whatever.
So there is that part ofdelayed gratification that we do
have to cultivate in ourselves.
We have to learn about that.
But then there's this otherside of it, the flip side of it,
the other side of the coin,where we have lost our ability
to actually enjoy what ishappening in the moment.
(14:05):
We think that we can delay ourgratification, and you see this
not just in the taking ofpictures and not enjoying the
moment, right, you're too busycapturing it rather than
actually experiencing it.
But there's also we accomplishsomething and we're already boom
.
Moving on to the next thing,we're not allowing ourselves to
actually experience it and enjoyit and digest it and embody the
(14:27):
experience and say, oh my gosh,right, like really allowing all
of our senses to experience theexperience.
Do you know how many cups ofcoffee I have had that were
probably freaking delicious, butthey're all just a blur,
because I was doing somethingelse or I was waiting for the
next thing, or I don't know.
(14:48):
I'll be honest, I was too busytaking a video of the coffee
maker so I could use it asB-roll, right, and then not
thinking about the coffee itself.
It's a thing that we're all soburdened with, you know, and
we've lost this ability toreally ask ourselves like, do we
actually even like what we'redoing?
Like, do we actually enjoy anyaspect of it?
(15:13):
There are so many people doingthings that are probably not
enjoyable to them, but they'redoing them because they've been
told they have to or because, inorder to be legitimate or valid
in this, that or the other, youhave to do it this way or you
have to accomplish this thing,and I get it right.
I understand the duality oflife.
(15:34):
Not everything is going to be acakewalk and not everything is
going to be fun and exciting andenjoyable and your passion is
not going to eject you out ofbed every day.
You do have things that youhave to slog through, but when
it's everything that'sconcerning and most people will
either believe or be gaslit intobelieving, that if you don't
(15:54):
enjoy it, that's a you problem.
You're coming at it with ascarcity mindset or a mindset of
lack or whatever, and what youneed is actually to take in more
stuff.
You need another course oranother program, you need to
work with a coach or you need toinvest in this or this or this
or this, and we never stop toactually think like are we
actually happy with what we'redoing?
(16:15):
Are we pursuing goals that wewant to pursue, or are we
pursuing goals based on what wethink other people want us to
have or tell us we need to havein order to be valid, legitimate
, successful, right?
Are you chasing the thing?
You're chasing becausesomeone's told you that that's
what success is supposed to looklike.
And when you're chasing a thingand it doesn't feel right, it
(16:41):
doesn't feel aligned, it doesn'tfeel easy, there's resistance
what do we do?
We invest in more.
You know what?
I obviously have a mindset,issue whatever, and we are a
culture that is obsessed withinput.
We are obsessed with input.
It's this idea of you know.
We need consumption in order tofunction, particularly the
(17:05):
consumption of information Morecourses, more learning, more
information, more downloads,more freebies, more, more, more,
more.
And we seek consumption inorder to find clarity, and we've
been conditioned to believethat clarity will come if I just
have enough, learn enough,believe enough, read enough,
(17:27):
listen enough, spend enough foraccess to people who already
seem to have enough.
And we believe that if we shareenough into our brains, our
brains will reward us withanswers.
But the problem, the biggestproblem, is that we tend to seek
answers to questions we haven'teven articulated clearly for
(17:53):
ourselves yet.
So what happens?
The marketers and the contentcreators and the coaches and
gurus they articulate thosequestions for us and then they
work so, so, so, so hard to beclear in their identification of
the problem so that they cansell us the solution.
(18:15):
The problem is outlined to uswith so much detail that we
can't help but think that, yeah,we have that problem, even if
you don't.
It's kind of like those ADHDtests you can take online, right
, or literally any quiz you cantake online, where the symptoms
(18:36):
are painted with the broadest ofbrushes, while they're trying
to convince us that we'respecial.
And it's just so surface level,generic, parading as deep that
everybody's like, yeah, I thinkI got a little touch of that
ADHD as well.
Right, and so what do we do?
We consume, and it doesn't feellike enough because it's too
broad, and so we consume more.
(18:57):
And it doesn't feel like enough, and so we consume more,
seeking, and so we consume more,seeking, hoping, pining for
clarity, but instead justgetting further and further away
from it.
What if I told you that you'vealways had the answers and that
really there are no questions tobe asked, there is no problem
(19:22):
to be solved, there's onlydecisions that need to be made.
And consumption isn't the key.
Space is Conviction, isAlignment, is how would it feel
to push away the plate ofconsumption and unbuckle your
(19:45):
belt and just be able to takethat deep, deep breath that you
haven't taken because you'vebeen breathing up here in your
chest for so long?
How would it feel to know thatyou could actually feel full and
sated?
And what if I told you thatyou're already full to the brim
with enoughness we have justbeen conditioned to not trust
(20:10):
that we know what we want.
It has literally beenconditioned out of us because if
we don't know what we want,people can sell us whatever they
think we need.
And all of this came as theresult of two weeks without a
phone, because I actually had tostop and think is this what I
want to do?
And all of the failings.
(20:33):
And, oh my God, she's postingagain today.
I should probably post too.
Oh my God, look how manyclients she has.
Oh, look at the testimony, likeall of the things that
(20:53):
immediately we shove into ourbrain and then it's like, oh
well, what should I be doingtoday?
I don't know if I've doneenough.
I didn't have any of that andit was in those moments where I
was like I don't actually wantto do any of that.
And if you've been listening tothe podcast for the last few
months, you'll know that clarityhas been a little bit elusive
(21:14):
for me.
It's something that I've beentrying to find, you know, and
investing in coaches andnetworking groups and different
things to find it, and reallyall I needed was a two-week
break from my everyday.
You know the things that I'vebeen told I'm supposed to do?
Create your content, engagethree times over here, make sure
you're reaching out to fivepeople here, blah, blah, blah,
(21:36):
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I'm doing all the things,checking all the boxes, and none
of them is making me feel litup.
And so the first thing I didwhen I came back home obviously
it was order a phone because Ineeded it, but I joined a couple
of in-person groups because Idon't want to be on social media
anymore.
Like the feeling of liberation,the feeling of spaciousness, and
(21:59):
I'm not saying like, dump allsocial media, all right, this is
not an all or nothing thing.
Like I'm going to be on socialmedia.
Obviously I need to have apresence, but it's really made
me rethink how I want toapproach business and what feels
right for me in this season oflife, and I think that's the key
right.
Like, what does this season oflife look like for you?
And for me it is.
(22:19):
I want to spend more timeoffline.
I want to actually start makingconnections in real life again.
I want to go to things, I wantto experience things.
I want to be able to sit in aroom and listen to someone speak
or, you know, have a cup ofcoffee with a friend and not
worry about checking the time ormaking sure the Zoom is okay or
like all of these things.
And again, nothing that I amsaying today is groundbreaking
(22:42):
or profound.
We all know this.
But we are so consumed withevery day making sure we're
checking the boxes that we'redoing all the right things I say
that in air quotes doing allthe right things.
We never stop to questionwhether or not those things are
right for us.
Are they right for us?
Is this what you really want?
(23:04):
We have been conditioned to relyon other people to tell us what
we want, whether it's forsecurity or safety or acceptance
, belonging, whatever.
We've allowed other people totell us what we want, to tell us
what we need, to tell us howit's supposed to look to the
point where we have collectively, as a society, forgotten how to
(23:27):
make decisions for ourselves.
And this happens veryspecifically, particularly for
women high functioning,ambitious, driven women who
technically do all the thingsfor all the people, because we
make decisions every single dayfor everyone else in our lives
and when it comes to us, it'slike being a chef at a five-star
(23:49):
restaurant You're cooking allday long and when you come home,
the last thing you want tofucking do is cook for yourself
or your family.
The number of chefs I know whoare phenomenal chefs.
They come home and they orderpizza or takeout right.
It's like that for a lot ofmulti-talented, highly ambitious
women.
We are so busy making decisionsand doing things all day long,
(24:12):
particularly if you're a mom,that when we get home at the end
of the day, or the end of theday comes, it's like I don't
want to have to make anotherdecision.
Can someone else just tell mewhat to do, please?
And that is why so many womenare so unfulfilled, despite
having all of that success onpaper.
So this begs the question do youactually know what you want
(24:33):
Really for sure, for sure?
Do you know what you want?
Or are you still operatingunder a vision, an image, a goal
that you either set five?
An image, a goal that youeither set five, 10 years ago,
maybe even longer, or thatsomeone else set for you, or you
set because someone else had itand you were like, well, got to
(24:54):
keep up with the Joneses.
Right, and there's no shame ifthe answer is yes, because this
is how we have all beenconditioned to live life and run
business.
So what are you going to doabout it?
What are you going to do aboutit?
You need to make a decisionabout what you want to do, like
(25:17):
really truly want to do, andI'll tell you.
You may like the answer, youmay not like the answer, it
doesn't matter.
It's better to change directionnow than to get to the end of
your life and be like what thefuck did I even do?
I don't want to do any of thisand I promise you your checklist
it's not going to get you whereyou want to go.
In this season of life, you needto be absolutely ruthless about
who you are, what you want andhow you want to get it, what
(25:39):
you're willing to give up.
Those are the three filtersthat I run my decisions through.
By the way, what do I actuallywant?
Like if nobody had to approveor had to validate my choices,
what would I really want to do?
What would I really want?
That's number one.
And then I ask myself okay,what's important to me in this
(25:59):
season of life?
What are my priorities rightnow?
Hanging out with my kids,having time for my kids, being
able to drop them off, pick themup, binge watch television on
an evening because I want towatch TV Art getting back into
my art is important.
Going for walks is important.
Being able to connect and havetime to go out and hang out with
real life people that'simportant in this season of life
(26:20):
for me.
So that is going to impact mybusiness activities, where I'm
showing up what I'm doing everyday and the kind of time frame
I'm allowing myself each day,each week, to do those things.
And then the third filter, thethird question I ask what am I
willing to let go of, what am Iwilling to sacrifice for the
(26:43):
thing that I really want in thisseason of life?
And right now it's being on allthe social media all the time.
I actually made theannouncement last week that,
after being on Facebookprimarily Facebook a lot,
consistently all the time since2007, I am going to be winding
down for the remainder of Apriland I'm just not going to be
(27:05):
there anymore because it doesn'tfeel right.
It feels like I'm shouting intothe void lots of reasons, but I
don't want to be on Facebookanymore.
I've invited people to connectwith me in other places.
The podcast is going to continuefor a little while, but even
the podcast I've been thinkinglike is this something I want to
continue doing, or are thereenough episodes that I can
leverage if people want to getto know what my speaking style
is like, or whatever it may be?
(27:27):
But these are the decisions thatI'm making right now, like what
am I willing to let go of, whatam I willing to sacrifice to
get the thing that I actuallywant in this season of life, and
what are my priorities?
Because everything cannot be apriority, because when
everything is a priority,nothing is a priority, right?
So getting robbed in Barcelonaactually turned out to be one of
the best things that's happenedto me in a long time, and I
(27:49):
would love for you to head tothe show notes and send me a
text and let me know if thisepisode resonated with you.
There's a link right at thevery top where you can send me a
text message.
It comes straight to my phoneand I will answer.
I will respond to you.
It's not a bot, it's notanybody else, it's me, but I'd
love to have this conversationwith you.
Where are you?
What season of life is this foryou?
(28:10):
What do you really want rightnow and what are you willing to
let go in order to get it.
I think it's time we all kind ofdid an audit of how we're
spending our time, what we'reconsuming and really what the
output, the outcome has been ofall of that.
That's all I got for you thisweek, but it was a lot, so thank
(28:32):
you for listening.
I'll be back next week, asalways, but until then, remember
that you can absolutely havesuccess without the BS.
You just deserve to askyourself what success looks like
for you, not anybody else.
I'll talk to you next week.
That's it for this week.
Thanks for listening to theBusiness Blasphemy Podcast.
(28:53):
We'll be back next week with anew episode, but in the meantime
, help a sister out bysubscribing and, if you're
feeling extra sassy rating thispodcast, and don't forget to
share the podcast with others.
Head over tobusinessblasphemypodcastcom to
connect with us and learn more.
Thanks for listening andremember you can have success
without the BS.