February 4, 2025 • 25 mins
In this raw and unfiltered episode, I reflect on the aftermath of delivering my first TEDx talk — an experience that was both empowering and uncomfortable.
I share how stepping onto that stage and finally speaking my truth sparked a deep reckoning about my work, my impact, and the online business space as a whole.
After years of playing by the unwritten rules of visibility — curated vulnerability, algorithm games, and selling success over substance — I. AM. DONE.
I lay bare the exhaustion of constantly battling an industry that prioritizes profit over integrity and marketability over real impact. But this isn’t a resignation — it’s a revolution.
Heed my powerful call to action for ambitious women leaders: Stop shrinking to fit spaces that were never meant for you. Stop waiting for permission to claim your expertise. Stop being the hidden force behind others' success and step into your own.
The DragonFIRE Advisory is born out of this realization — an elite advisory for women who are ready to lead with power, purpose, and profit — without playing the games that drain them. This episode is a must-listen for women who are tired of fitting in and are ready to rise with significance.
Love what you heard? Let’s stay connected!
Subscribe to my newsletter for bold insights on leadership, strategy, and building your legacy — straight to your inbox every week.
Follow me on LinkedIn for more no-nonsense advice on leading with power and purpose.
And if you’re ready to dive even deeper, grab a copy of my book Bite-Sized Blasphemy and ignite your inner fire to do life and business your way.
The Business Blasphemy Podcast is sponsored by Corporate Rehab® Strategic Consulting.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to the Business Blasphemy Podcast,
where we question the sacredtruths of the online business
space and the reverence withwhich they're held.
I'm your host, sarah Khanspeaker, strategic consultant
and BS busting badass.
Join me each week as wechallenge the norms, trends and
overall bullshit status quo ofentrepreneurship to uncover what
it really takes to build thebusiness that you want to build
(00:23):
in a way that honors you, yourlife and your vision for what's
possible, and maybe piss off afew gurus along the way.
So if you're ready to commitbusiness blasphemy, let's do it.
Hello, hello, blasphemers.
Well, you probably have noticedthat I dropped season four,
episode one a few weeks ago andthen radio silence.
(00:46):
I didn't drop any otherepisodes.
Yeah, a that is super unusualfor me and B I am not making
myself wrong for it.
I dropped that first episode acouple of weeks ago, just in
advance of my TEDx talk, whichhappened on the 19th of January,
and, honestly, after that talk,everything just kind of
(01:10):
exploded or imploded or ploded.
I don't know which directionthey ploded in, but they ploded
and everything has just been alot for the last two weeks.
Everything has just been a lotfor the last two weeks.
So let me take you on a littlebit of a deep dive.
Two weeks ago about thereabouts, I had the privilege of taking
(01:33):
the TEDx stage and, honestly,that has been something that's
been on my bucket list for awhile now.
Like it's, you know, it'ssomething I've been working
toward for a few years.
Like it's, you know, it'ssomething I've been working
toward for a few years and so itfinally happened and I was able
to deliver a talk that,honestly, has been on my heart
for most of my life.
If I'm honest, right Like, thestory of how I got the TED Talk
(01:57):
is probably an episode foranother day, but, in a nutshell,
I've been applying for TEDxTalks for about two years now
like legitimately applying forthem, putting the applications
in, et cetera and I've workedwith a variety of coaches.
I've worked specifically withcoaches who are ex-TED producers
.
I've worked with speakingcoaches who promised to you know
(02:18):
, when you're finished with them, you're going to have a TEDx
ready talk, you're going to havesignature keynotes, you're
going to have all of that stuffand, honestly, none of them
panned out.
And you know me, I did the work.
It's not like I didn't do thework.
I showed up, I did everythingthat I was supposed to do and I
submitted the talks that theyhelped me craft and every single
one of them got rejected, andit was, I think, primarily
(03:00):
because I wasn't being allowedto.
I don't know, wait a second.
I don't know if allowed, isthat the right word?
Allowed?
No, I wasn't being encouragedlet's say that's probably a more
accurate word.
I wasn't being encouraged totalk about what they thought I
should talk about, what theythought in their expertise, ted
would want to hear what theythought people would understand
and what would quote-unquotesell.
And it was very much one ofthose situations where, as
happens with a lot of coachesnot all, but a lot of coaches
they filter your vision throughtheir own lens and their own
(03:23):
perspective.
So, getting to the point, Iended up pitching this
particular TED Talk as justsomething I wanted to talk about
.
I was frustrated, I was tired,there was a lot going on and I
said, if I'm going to put thisapplication in, I don't like any
of these other talks that I'vecrafted with these people.
I'm just going to talk aboutwhat I want to talk about.
I didn't overthink it, it wasjust.
You know, this is my story.
This is what I really want toshare.
(03:43):
I pitched it and I got selected.
So there's a lesson in therethat we'll talk about for
another day.
But delivering that talk, thistalk that was so deeply personal
to me, was an incrediblypowerful and very emotional
experience.
And very emotional experienceBecause in that TEDx talk I
(04:07):
shared something that I've neveractually spoken about out loud
and I shared the journey of whatI would affectionately refer to
as my own inner dragonawakening, and I know people
associate me with dragons andthey think they know who I am
and all of that, but the why Iam who I am, that is not
something I've really shareduntil now.
(04:28):
So, having said that, I cannotwait for you to see the TEDx
talk.
It's going to go live, I think,in a few months.
They didn't really give us atime frame, but they said
probably around two or threemonths before they edit and get
it up on the website and whatnot.
But as soon as it's up, you'llbe the first to know and I'm
(04:52):
really looking forward to seeinghow it resonates with you.
So, yeah, stay tuned for that.
But here's why there hasn'tbeen an episode for a few weeks
and what that experience reallykind of unleashed for me and
within me.
After the show was over and theaudience started to file out, I
would say probably just over adozen women came up to me, one
after another, and they thankedme.
(05:12):
They thanked me for speaking mytruth and for saying all of the
things they have been toldtheir whole lives not to talk
about, not to say.
They thanked me for helpingthem unburden even a little bit
(05:34):
that curse of humility andshrinking and devaluing that we
are burdened with as women.
Right Seeing their worth onlyin what they do for others, like
all of these things that wewomen have been told, is our
birthright right.
Seeing their worth only in whatthey do for others, like all of
these things that we women havebeen told is our birthright
right.
Service is our birthright.
Productivity is how we measureourselves.
And these women were coming upto me and thanking me and it was
(05:56):
such such a validatingexperience Like I cannot even
explain to you how much thatjust validated something within
me and it made me realize thatwhat I had to say, what I wanted
to share, was not somethingthat I had to keep hidden
(06:17):
anymore because, you know, itwas too hard to talk about or it
wasn't good marketing or peoplewouldn't resonate because
clearly they did, like therewere actually people who needed
to hear it and I was like it wassuch a wonderful, wonderful
experience.
And then we went back to thehotel and I went to bed and the
next day we drove home and Iintentionally gave myself a few
(06:40):
days to really digest theexperience.
And even my speaker advisor waslike you know what, give
yourself a few days to reallydigest what you've done, because
I mean, I'm a fucking TEDxspeaker, man Right, and my book
came out the same week and likeall of this stuff is happening
and I just I really wanted togive myself time to revel in the
accomplishment of how far I'vecome, instead of just jumping
(07:03):
into what's next, which is, Ithink, what a lot of us do.
You know, we do the thing, weaccomplish the thing, okay, cool
, what's next?
We don't really give ourselvestime to sit in and appreciate
how far we've actually come.
And, as an aside, I think thisis one of the reasons why a lot
of women don't feel asaccomplished as they really are,
and I thought that time offwould allow me to really just
(07:25):
sit and appreciate it, and I did, but it ended up actually doing
a hell of a lot more.
It actually nearly fuckingbroke me.
It actually nearly fuckingbroke me and I have struggled
since then to do really anythinglike send emails, post
(07:48):
meaningfully on social media,talk to people, call people like
hell, even you know, hey, do mypodcast.
I have struggled for the lastcouple of weeks to do anything
and that's when it started todawn on me I fucking hate this
All of it.
I hate this shit.
What shit?
Well, not the podcast, but I'mjust.
The more I sat with it, themore I realized I'm really just
(08:12):
over this empty, vacuousnonsense we call online business
.
Now, before you freak out, letme qualify what I'm saying here.
I'm not saying online businessis bad.
I will always be an advocatefor women-owned, minority-owned
business.
I will always, always, alwayschampion entrepreneurship as a
vehicle for agency autonomy andchoice and freedom for women.
(08:35):
That is not the nonsense I'mtalking about, because it's not
nonsense, it's legitimate.
What I am talking about is whatwe have turned online business
into Algorithm roulette, pimpingourselves out for likes and
shares, chasing virality,curated vulnerability, focusing
on the stellar marketing and notsparing a thought for delivery
or customer experience or evenfreaking outcomes.
(08:57):
This feeling of constantlyneeding to keep up with the
smoke and mirrors, bullshitcoaches and hustlers of the
online space, because they'requote unquote killing it.
So we have to do what they'redoing, because they look like
they're being successful, butinstead they have perfected this
virtual sleight of hand thatthey're so adept at Like.
(09:20):
If you've been listening forany length of time, you'll know
that that is what I'm talkingabout.
I've been railing against thatshit for years, trying to save
people from the schemers anddreamers in the online space who
are taking advantage of thiscollective need for safety and
security and acceptance andsuccess.
(09:41):
And I'm tired I'm so fuckingtired.
And all those young women whocame to me after the TEDx to
share how they were, for example, the smartest woman in the
classroom and still being madeto act as secretary in group
projects because they were theonly girl.
Or being told not to takecredit for picking up the slack
(10:05):
and doing the most on a reportbecause it made the team lead
look bad or because it was toobraggy.
You know, stay humble, stay inyour lane.
You know, stay humble, stay inyour lane.
Or or they're being discountedfor their brilliance and their
genius and their smarts becausesomeone in a more privileged
position was getting theopportunities they wanted,
simply because they talked abetter game.
(10:26):
And I and I sat there and Ithought, despite everything,
this shit is still happening.
And yeah, of course it is.
I'm not naive.
The world is the world.
It's going to keep doing whatit does, but it's still
happening.
And these young women are goingto leave school and get jobs
and build careers where they'realways going to be and I say
this with sarcasm the DEI hire,because women are always the DEI
(10:46):
hire.
And then maybe they'll leavethe workplace because
entrepreneurship has this sirensong of freedom, and they come
into entrepreneurship thinkingit's an easy way to get their
agency and power back, only tobe preyed upon by all the shit
that shouts loudest in the space, shit that doesn't deliver,
Even though it promises the moon, but constantly delivers a shit
(11:06):
fucking sandwich, because fortoo many people, it is not
actually about helping liftother people up.
It's about making as much moneyas possible, as quickly as
possible, no matter who getstripped over on the way to the
top.
Now, before you get yourknickers in a twist, understand
this.
This is not about making money.
(11:26):
I fucking love money and Iintend to make a shit ton of it.
I want it and that's not theissue.
And I'm saying this as a caveat, because usually when I share
sentiments like this, how I'mfeeling I will undoubtedly get
comments in my DMs from peoplewho are like oh, your money
(11:47):
mindset needs work bullshit.
This isn't about wanting tomake money or even really how
you make it.
How you want to make money isentirely up to you.
I am done caring or judging oreven wanting to give it any more
energy.
We all need to and should makeit.
How you want to make money isentirely up to you.
I am done caring or judging oreven wanting to give it any more
energy.
We all need to and should makemoney.
So then, what the heck is mypoint?
What am I talking about?
What do I want to do about it?
Honestly, I just I don't wantto play the game anymore.
(12:08):
I don't want to play this gameanymore.
The TEDx really helped me seehow everything in the online
business space it's like itsucked the life out of me and I
was struggling to muster theenergy or enthusiasm to do it
that way anymore.
And I realized I have beenfeeling like this for months
(12:30):
this angst, this weird, like Idon't even know what I'm doing
or how I want to do it or what Ishould be doing, like some days
I even ask myself do you evenhave the enthusiasm to do it at
all?
But unfortunately I'm probablyunemployable at this point,
right, I love entrepreneurship.
I love the creative freedom itallows me and the freedom it
allows me period, like you knowwhy we're all here, so I'm not
(12:51):
giving it up.
But the frustration has beenbrewing for months and the TEDx
was just kind of the spark thatlit the fuse.
And then the other day I hadlunch with a friend and you know
she started talking about herpassion, about how she wanted to
reframe for women how we aretalked to, and about menopause,
(13:16):
right, how she really wishedthere was a way to reframe it as
a liberating experience insteadof a sentence of some kind,
which is how we are generallytalked to about it.
And then I read an email laterthat day from a former colleague
who has been working so damnhard for so long I know because
I was there with her and sheshared how she wanted to spend
more time with her kids, whowere growing too fast, and how
(13:39):
she wanted to enjoy her familyand not just hustle harder,
indefinitely waiting forretirement age to do things that
mattered to her, like give backto her community and donate to
causes that were important toher.
And then I saw a post from acontact who I've known for a
while and who shared that theyhad lost yet another friend who
was only in their 50s and howthey were so sad because this
(14:02):
person had finally gotten aposition at work that they'd
been working so hard for for solong and they had so many plans
with what they were going to dowith their newfound access and
clout and it was all cut shortexcess and clout and it was all
(14:23):
cut short and the futility of itall.
I broke down and over the lasttwo weeks I have cried myself to
sleep more nights than I careto admit.
And I shared this sentimentwith a friend that I was just
done.
I was over it.
I didn't know how to moveforward or what I wanted to do
or even what I was feeling.
I couldn't articulate it and Isaid you know what?
(14:43):
I just want to give up.
Why the heck am I still doingthis?
Because it's all just shitright.
And I think a lot of us havefelt that way and I'm tired of
fighting against the currentlike the proverbial salmon
swimming upstream.
And I was tired of talkingabout it and I won't go into
(15:04):
detail.
But and in a very Sarah-esque,snarky way I replied with come
on, all of our voices are needed.
(15:25):
And when I tell you that, thatlittle snark, that little
comment that I made to herbeautiful reframe is when
everything became crystal clearthe frustration, the angst, the
last few months, all of it.
(15:46):
Too many of us have spent toomany years being and doing what
other people not only saw valuein but told us had value.
I mean, as an aside, there's agreat deal of irony in me just
(16:07):
realizing that, considering thatwas literally the foundation of
my TEDx talk.
Let me tell you.
But we have been forced toshrink our genius, our talents,
our gifts, our passions, ourpurpose, because people don't
get it, because people don'tunderstand our vision, they
(16:35):
don't understand our desire tomake an impact and make change,
because change is not alwayssexy and it requires a different
way of being and doing andthinking.
That requires people to getreally, really fucking
uncomfortable.
And so we have spent our livesand our careers, and now our
businesses, working hard, tryingto slowly shift the sands,
slowly trying to interject ourbrilliance into conversations
(16:55):
and ecosystems and spaces thatare dedicated to superficiality
and quick wins, that don'tinclude everyone, that don't
care about the long-termramifications of the work
they're doing, because it's onlythe now that matters to them.
We have supported the supposedgame changers and change makers
(17:18):
and people on the front linesand helped to shape their
missions and their actions.
We've inspired and taught andmolded with the hope that we
will liberate people if we canjust show them a better way, a
way that we can clearly see,because we see 20 steps ahead.
We see what is needed for theirwork to really have impact, to
(17:41):
really make change.
But the sparkly experts whotalk a good game are so much
more exciting and flashy and sayall the right things.
I mean honestly.
How many times has a coach toldyou don't talk about the effort
it's going to take, don't talkabout the work in your marketing
, because people don't want towork, they're tired, they want
(18:02):
quick, they want easy.
Well, let me ask you thisConsider that maybe it has less
to do with them not wanting todo the work and more to do with
the fact that they have beenconsistently doing the wrong
work because that is all that isever available.
How many of us want to doparadigm shifting work because
(18:27):
we know what's at stake?
But this burden of humilitykeeps us small.
We feel like having to get thelevel of attention required for
people to actually see usrequires us to have to
compromise on our ethics or ourvalues or our integrity.
I'm here to tell you that thatis not the case.
Every single fucking time I'vecompromised my values to get
(18:49):
success or to get access, I havelost something so much greater
my integrity, my passion, mydrive, my success.
Really.
And every time I've doneexactly what I've been called to
do.
I have made the kind of impactpeople only dream of making.
And, yes, I have made moneydoing it.
(19:12):
But it has required me gettingreally fucking uncomfortable
with being visible Not justvisible like posting and having
all these platforms, no, butbeing significant, really
(19:34):
embracing the idea of wanting tobe significant.
I have had to step into andbelieve that who I am and what I
want to do and what I have toshare is significant and
requires nothing less than doingit in the most elevated way
(19:56):
possible.
I realized it is time for uspeople like you and me to stop
being catalysts for otherpeople's surface-level greatness
.
It is time we stepped into ourown greatness, stopped waiting
for people with quote-unquotepower to give us the space and
(20:18):
the stages to talk about what'son our hearts or to even deem it
worthy of being spoken about.
It is high time we acknowledgethat we can.
We can cultivate that power forourselves.
It's time we built businessesand platforms of significance so
that we can stop playing in thearenas where we are required to
shrink, so other people canmake sense of what is important
(20:41):
to us, the way that we seethings Like.
Here's a great example likehaving to write and speak at a
third grade level when yourheart really wants to talk to
people who are graduate levelexperts.
So now that is the workAcknowledging and cultivating
our expertise and authority, sowe can not just step into spaces
(21:04):
of leadership that others havecreated, but we can create our
own.
We have done the work.
We have found success in ourown way.
We know deep down we arebadasses and, quite frankly, so
does everybody else.
It's time to create thespotlight that you've known for
a long, long time you deserve,and it's time to share your
(21:25):
expertise to create waves ofchange in spaces that matter to
you in ways that matter to youonline, offline, in your homes,
your schools, your churches,your communities, you name it.
And that is the work Blowingthe lid off of humility,
coloring outside the lines,rejecting, staying palatable and
(21:47):
likable to the status quo sothat you can get the likes and
shares from people who,ultimately, do not give a shit
and don't matter and are nevergoing to buy from you anyway
because they don't understandyou.
It is time to ignite your owninner dragon, and so that is the
work.
This past week, I launched theDragonfire Advisory for women
(22:09):
who are ready to do just that.
It's a bespoke, one-to-oneadvisory program.
You can call it coaching,consulting, whatever floats your
boat, but it's going to helpyou clarify your unique purpose
and put power behind it, so thatyou are out there leading and
operating in a way that you weremeant to, so that you can
(22:29):
actually make an impact as atrue leader and use that as the
vehicle to scale your business.
I mean, imagine that growingyour business on your fucking
expertise and experience andauthority, not just how hard you
hustle or whose proximity youhave to get into.
Imagine having people covetworking with you without having
(22:52):
to play algorithm roulette anddance like an ass on TikTok.
Imagine having people come toyou instead of chasing them to
explain why you have what ittakes and why you have to say
what needs to be heard.
It is possible and it's time wedid it.
It's time to stop trying tochange the way business is done
(23:13):
and just create a new wayaltogether for us and for the
young women coming up behind us,because, at the end of the day,
all of this needs to meansomething.
It needs to mean something, soget on my calendar and let's
talk about the DragonfireAdvisory.
(23:35):
It's for the woman who is readyfor significance.
And, if nothing else, I wantyou to sit down this week and I
want you to really think aboutwhat you're doing, how you're
doing it and why.
Is it what you were meant to do?
Or are you taking the easy wayout?
Because that's what everyonetells you you should do, or it
(23:57):
sells, or it's sexy?
Because if this is not what youwere meant to do, then we really
need to fix that sooner ratherthan later, because your voice
is needed, your presence isneeded, your genius is needed,
your gifts are needed, you areneeded and I need you to know
you are not alone in feelingthat pull, that need for
(24:19):
significance, for doingsomething that actually means
something and matters, becauseyou are not just a dreamer, you
are a true visionary and,honestly, not a lot of people
can say that, no matter whatthey call themselves, you are
valid.
I love you.
Let's do this.
(24:39):
You can have success withoutall the BS that we've been fed
for so fucking long.
I'll talk to you next week,that's it.
You next week.
Welcome to the Business Blasphemy Podcast,
where we question the sacredtruths of the online business
space and the reverence withwhich they're held.
I'm your host, sarah Khanspeaker, strategic consultant
and BS busting badass.
Join me each week as wechallenge the norms, trends and
overall bullshit status quo ofentrepreneurship to uncover what
it really takes to build thebusiness that you want to build
(00:23):
in a way that honors you, yourlife and your vision for what's
possible, and maybe piss off afew gurus along the way.
So if you're ready to commitbusiness blasphemy, let's do it.
Hello, hello, blasphemers.
Well, you probably have noticedthat I dropped season four,
episode one a few weeks ago andthen radio silence.
(00:46):
I didn't drop any otherepisodes.
Yeah, a that is super unusualfor me and B I am not making
myself wrong for it.
I dropped that first episode acouple of weeks ago, just in
advance of my TEDx talk, whichhappened on the 19th of January,
and, honestly, after that talk,everything just kind of
(01:10):
exploded or imploded or ploded.
I don't know which directionthey ploded in, but they ploded
and everything has just been alot for the last two weeks.
Everything has just been a lotfor the last two weeks.
So let me take you on a littlebit of a deep dive.
Two weeks ago about thereabouts, I had the privilege of taking
(01:33):
the TEDx stage and, honestly,that has been something that's
been on my bucket list for awhile now.
Like it's, you know, it'ssomething I've been working
toward for a few years.
Like it's, you know, it'ssomething I've been working
toward for a few years and so itfinally happened and I was able
to deliver a talk that,honestly, has been on my heart
for most of my life.
If I'm honest, right Like, thestory of how I got the TED Talk
(01:57):
is probably an episode foranother day, but, in a nutshell,
I've been applying for TEDxTalks for about two years now
like legitimately applying forthem, putting the applications
in, et cetera and I've workedwith a variety of coaches.
I've worked specifically withcoaches who are ex-TED producers
.
I've worked with speakingcoaches who promised to you know
(02:18):
, when you're finished with them, you're going to have a TEDx
ready talk, you're going to havesignature keynotes, you're
going to have all of that stuffand, honestly, none of them
panned out.
And you know me, I did the work.
It's not like I didn't do thework.
I showed up, I did everythingthat I was supposed to do and I
submitted the talks that theyhelped me craft and every single
one of them got rejected, andit was, I think, primarily
(03:00):
because I wasn't being allowedto.
I don't know, wait a second.
I don't know if allowed, isthat the right word?
Allowed?
No, I wasn't being encouragedlet's say that's probably a more
accurate word.
I wasn't being encouraged totalk about what they thought I
should talk about, what theythought in their expertise, ted
would want to hear what theythought people would understand
and what would quote-unquotesell.
And it was very much one ofthose situations where, as
happens with a lot of coachesnot all, but a lot of coaches
they filter your vision throughtheir own lens and their own
(03:23):
perspective.
So, getting to the point, Iended up pitching this
particular TED Talk as justsomething I wanted to talk about
.
I was frustrated, I was tired,there was a lot going on and I
said, if I'm going to put thisapplication in, I don't like any
of these other talks that I'vecrafted with these people.
I'm just going to talk aboutwhat I want to talk about.
I didn't overthink it, it wasjust.
You know, this is my story.
This is what I really want toshare.
(03:43):
I pitched it and I got selected.
So there's a lesson in therethat we'll talk about for
another day.
But delivering that talk, thistalk that was so deeply personal
to me, was an incrediblypowerful and very emotional
experience.
And very emotional experienceBecause in that TEDx talk I
(04:07):
shared something that I've neveractually spoken about out loud
and I shared the journey of whatI would affectionately refer to
as my own inner dragonawakening, and I know people
associate me with dragons andthey think they know who I am
and all of that, but the why Iam who I am, that is not
something I've really shareduntil now.
(04:28):
So, having said that, I cannotwait for you to see the TEDx
talk.
It's going to go live, I think,in a few months.
They didn't really give us atime frame, but they said
probably around two or threemonths before they edit and get
it up on the website and whatnot.
But as soon as it's up, you'llbe the first to know and I'm
(04:52):
really looking forward to seeinghow it resonates with you.
So, yeah, stay tuned for that.
But here's why there hasn'tbeen an episode for a few weeks
and what that experience reallykind of unleashed for me and
within me.
After the show was over and theaudience started to file out, I
would say probably just over adozen women came up to me, one
after another, and they thankedme.
(05:12):
They thanked me for speaking mytruth and for saying all of the
things they have been toldtheir whole lives not to talk
about, not to say.
They thanked me for helpingthem unburden even a little bit
(05:34):
that curse of humility andshrinking and devaluing that we
are burdened with as women.
Right Seeing their worth onlyin what they do for others, like
all of these things that wewomen have been told, is our
birthright right.
Seeing their worth only in whatthey do for others, like all of
these things that we women havebeen told is our birthright
right.
Service is our birthright.
Productivity is how we measureourselves.
And these women were coming upto me and thanking me and it was
(05:56):
such such a validatingexperience Like I cannot even
explain to you how much thatjust validated something within
me and it made me realize thatwhat I had to say, what I wanted
to share, was not somethingthat I had to keep hidden
(06:17):
anymore because, you know, itwas too hard to talk about or it
wasn't good marketing or peoplewouldn't resonate because
clearly they did, like therewere actually people who needed
to hear it and I was like it wassuch a wonderful, wonderful
experience.
And then we went back to thehotel and I went to bed and the
next day we drove home and Iintentionally gave myself a few
(06:40):
days to really digest theexperience.
And even my speaker advisor waslike you know what, give
yourself a few days to reallydigest what you've done, because
I mean, I'm a fucking TEDxspeaker, man Right, and my book
came out the same week and likeall of this stuff is happening
and I just I really wanted togive myself time to revel in the
accomplishment of how far I'vecome, instead of just jumping
(07:03):
into what's next, which is, Ithink, what a lot of us do.
You know, we do the thing, weaccomplish the thing, okay, cool
, what's next?
We don't really give ourselvestime to sit in and appreciate
how far we've actually come.
And, as an aside, I think thisis one of the reasons why a lot
of women don't feel asaccomplished as they really are,
and I thought that time offwould allow me to really just
(07:25):
sit and appreciate it, and I did, but it ended up actually doing
a hell of a lot more.
It actually nearly fuckingbroke me.
It actually nearly fuckingbroke me and I have struggled
since then to do really anythinglike send emails, post
(07:48):
meaningfully on social media,talk to people, call people like
hell, even you know, hey, do mypodcast.
I have struggled for the lastcouple of weeks to do anything
and that's when it started todawn on me I fucking hate this
All of it.
I hate this shit.
What shit?
Well, not the podcast, but I'mjust.
The more I sat with it, themore I realized I'm really just
(08:12):
over this empty, vacuousnonsense we call online business
.
Now, before you freak out, letme qualify what I'm saying here.
I'm not saying online businessis bad.
I will always be an advocatefor women-owned, minority-owned
business.
I will always, always, alwayschampion entrepreneurship as a
vehicle for agency autonomy andchoice and freedom for women.
(08:35):
That is not the nonsense I'mtalking about, because it's not
nonsense, it's legitimate.
What I am talking about is whatwe have turned online business
into Algorithm roulette, pimpingourselves out for likes and
shares, chasing virality,curated vulnerability, focusing
on the stellar marketing and notsparing a thought for delivery
or customer experience or evenfreaking outcomes.
(08:57):
This feeling of constantlyneeding to keep up with the
smoke and mirrors, bullshitcoaches and hustlers of the
online space, because they'requote unquote killing it.
So we have to do what they'redoing, because they look like
they're being successful, butinstead they have perfected this
virtual sleight of hand thatthey're so adept at Like.
(09:20):
If you've been listening forany length of time, you'll know
that that is what I'm talkingabout.
I've been railing against thatshit for years, trying to save
people from the schemers anddreamers in the online space who
are taking advantage of thiscollective need for safety and
security and acceptance andsuccess.
(09:41):
And I'm tired I'm so fuckingtired.
And all those young women whocame to me after the TEDx to
share how they were, for example, the smartest woman in the
classroom and still being madeto act as secretary in group
projects because they were theonly girl.
Or being told not to takecredit for picking up the slack
(10:05):
and doing the most on a reportbecause it made the team lead
look bad or because it was toobraggy.
You know, stay humble, stay inyour lane.
You know, stay humble, stay inyour lane.
Or or they're being discountedfor their brilliance and their
genius and their smarts becausesomeone in a more privileged
position was getting theopportunities they wanted,
simply because they talked abetter game.
(10:26):
And I and I sat there and Ithought, despite everything,
this shit is still happening.
And yeah, of course it is.
I'm not naive.
The world is the world.
It's going to keep doing whatit does, but it's still
happening.
And these young women are goingto leave school and get jobs
and build careers where they'realways going to be and I say
this with sarcasm the DEI hire,because women are always the DEI
(10:46):
hire.
And then maybe they'll leavethe workplace because
entrepreneurship has this sirensong of freedom, and they come
into entrepreneurship thinkingit's an easy way to get their
agency and power back, only tobe preyed upon by all the shit
that shouts loudest in the space, shit that doesn't deliver,
Even though it promises the moon, but constantly delivers a shit
(11:06):
fucking sandwich, because fortoo many people, it is not
actually about helping liftother people up.
It's about making as much moneyas possible, as quickly as
possible, no matter who getstripped over on the way to the
top.
Now, before you get yourknickers in a twist, understand
this.
This is not about making money.
(11:26):
I fucking love money and Iintend to make a shit ton of it.
I want it and that's not theissue.
And I'm saying this as a caveat, because usually when I share
sentiments like this, how I'mfeeling I will undoubtedly get
comments in my DMs from peoplewho are like oh, your money
(11:47):
mindset needs work bullshit.
This isn't about wanting tomake money or even really how
you make it.
How you want to make money isentirely up to you.
I am done caring or judging oreven wanting to give it any more
energy.
We all need to and should makeit.
How you want to make money isentirely up to you.
I am done caring or judging oreven wanting to give it any more
energy.
We all need to and should makemoney.
So then, what the heck is mypoint?
What am I talking about?
What do I want to do about it?
Honestly, I just I don't wantto play the game anymore.
(12:08):
I don't want to play this gameanymore.
The TEDx really helped me seehow everything in the online
business space it's like itsucked the life out of me and I
was struggling to muster theenergy or enthusiasm to do it
that way anymore.
And I realized I have beenfeeling like this for months
(12:30):
this angst, this weird, like Idon't even know what I'm doing
or how I want to do it or what Ishould be doing, like some days
I even ask myself do you evenhave the enthusiasm to do it at
all?
But unfortunately I'm probablyunemployable at this point,
right, I love entrepreneurship.
I love the creative freedom itallows me and the freedom it
allows me period, like you knowwhy we're all here, so I'm not
(12:51):
giving it up.
But the frustration has beenbrewing for months and the TEDx
was just kind of the spark thatlit the fuse.
And then the other day I hadlunch with a friend and you know
she started talking about herpassion, about how she wanted to
reframe for women how we aretalked to, and about menopause,
(13:16):
right, how she really wishedthere was a way to reframe it as
a liberating experience insteadof a sentence of some kind,
which is how we are generallytalked to about it.
And then I read an email laterthat day from a former colleague
who has been working so damnhard for so long I know because
I was there with her and sheshared how she wanted to spend
more time with her kids, whowere growing too fast, and how
(13:39):
she wanted to enjoy her familyand not just hustle harder,
indefinitely waiting forretirement age to do things that
mattered to her, like give backto her community and donate to
causes that were important toher.
And then I saw a post from acontact who I've known for a
while and who shared that theyhad lost yet another friend who
was only in their 50s and howthey were so sad because this
(14:02):
person had finally gotten aposition at work that they'd
been working so hard for for solong and they had so many plans
with what they were going to dowith their newfound access and
clout and it was all cut shortexcess and clout and it was all
(14:23):
cut short and the futility of itall.
I broke down and over the lasttwo weeks I have cried myself to
sleep more nights than I careto admit.
And I shared this sentimentwith a friend that I was just
done.
I was over it.
I didn't know how to moveforward or what I wanted to do
or even what I was feeling.
I couldn't articulate it and Isaid you know what?
(14:43):
I just want to give up.
Why the heck am I still doingthis?
Because it's all just shitright.
And I think a lot of us havefelt that way and I'm tired of
fighting against the currentlike the proverbial salmon
swimming upstream.
And I was tired of talkingabout it and I won't go into
(15:04):
detail.
But and in a very Sarah-esque,snarky way I replied with come
on, all of our voices are needed.
(15:25):
And when I tell you that, thatlittle snark, that little
comment that I made to herbeautiful reframe is when
everything became crystal clearthe frustration, the angst, the
last few months, all of it.
(15:46):
Too many of us have spent toomany years being and doing what
other people not only saw valuein but told us had value.
I mean, as an aside, there's agreat deal of irony in me just
(16:07):
realizing that, considering thatwas literally the foundation of
my TEDx talk.
Let me tell you.
But we have been forced toshrink our genius, our talents,
our gifts, our passions, ourpurpose, because people don't
get it, because people don'tunderstand our vision, they
(16:35):
don't understand our desire tomake an impact and make change,
because change is not alwayssexy and it requires a different
way of being and doing andthinking.
That requires people to getreally, really fucking
uncomfortable.
And so we have spent our livesand our careers, and now our
businesses, working hard, tryingto slowly shift the sands,
slowly trying to interject ourbrilliance into conversations
(16:55):
and ecosystems and spaces thatare dedicated to superficiality
and quick wins, that don'tinclude everyone, that don't
care about the long-termramifications of the work
they're doing, because it's onlythe now that matters to them.
We have supported the supposedgame changers and change makers
(17:18):
and people on the front linesand helped to shape their
missions and their actions.
We've inspired and taught andmolded with the hope that we
will liberate people if we canjust show them a better way, a
way that we can clearly see,because we see 20 steps ahead.
We see what is needed for theirwork to really have impact, to
(17:41):
really make change.
But the sparkly experts whotalk a good game are so much
more exciting and flashy and sayall the right things.
I mean honestly.
How many times has a coach toldyou don't talk about the effort
it's going to take, don't talkabout the work in your marketing
, because people don't want towork, they're tired, they want
(18:02):
quick, they want easy.
Well, let me ask you thisConsider that maybe it has less
to do with them not wanting todo the work and more to do with
the fact that they have beenconsistently doing the wrong
work because that is all that isever available.
How many of us want to doparadigm shifting work because
(18:27):
we know what's at stake?
But this burden of humilitykeeps us small.
We feel like having to get thelevel of attention required for
people to actually see usrequires us to have to
compromise on our ethics or ourvalues or our integrity.
I'm here to tell you that thatis not the case.
Every single fucking time I'vecompromised my values to get
(18:49):
success or to get access, I havelost something so much greater
my integrity, my passion, mydrive, my success.
Really.
And every time I've doneexactly what I've been called to
do.
I have made the kind of impactpeople only dream of making.
And, yes, I have made moneydoing it.
(19:12):
But it has required me gettingreally fucking uncomfortable
with being visible Not justvisible like posting and having
all these platforms, no, butbeing significant, really
(19:34):
embracing the idea of wanting tobe significant.
I have had to step into andbelieve that who I am and what I
want to do and what I have toshare is significant and
requires nothing less than doingit in the most elevated way
(19:56):
possible.
I realized it is time for uspeople like you and me to stop
being catalysts for otherpeople's surface-level greatness
.
It is time we stepped into ourown greatness, stopped waiting
for people with quote-unquotepower to give us the space and
(20:18):
the stages to talk about what'son our hearts or to even deem it
worthy of being spoken about.
It is high time we acknowledgethat we can.
We can cultivate that power forourselves.
It's time we built businessesand platforms of significance so
that we can stop playing in thearenas where we are required to
shrink, so other people canmake sense of what is important
(20:41):
to us, the way that we seethings Like.
Here's a great example likehaving to write and speak at a
third grade level when yourheart really wants to talk to
people who are graduate levelexperts.
So now that is the workAcknowledging and cultivating
our expertise and authority, sowe can not just step into spaces
(21:04):
of leadership that others havecreated, but we can create our
own.
We have done the work.
We have found success in ourown way.
We know deep down we arebadasses and, quite frankly, so
does everybody else.
It's time to create thespotlight that you've known for
a long, long time you deserve,and it's time to share your
(21:25):
expertise to create waves ofchange in spaces that matter to
you in ways that matter to youonline, offline, in your homes,
your schools, your churches,your communities, you name it.
And that is the work Blowingthe lid off of humility,
coloring outside the lines,rejecting, staying palatable and
(21:47):
likable to the status quo sothat you can get the likes and
shares from people who,ultimately, do not give a shit
and don't matter and are nevergoing to buy from you anyway
because they don't understandyou.
It is time to ignite your owninner dragon, and so that is the
work.
This past week, I launched theDragonfire Advisory for women
(22:09):
who are ready to do just that.
It's a bespoke, one-to-oneadvisory program.
You can call it coaching,consulting, whatever floats your
boat, but it's going to helpyou clarify your unique purpose
and put power behind it, so thatyou are out there leading and
operating in a way that you weremeant to, so that you can
(22:29):
actually make an impact as atrue leader and use that as the
vehicle to scale your business.
I mean, imagine that growingyour business on your fucking
expertise and experience andauthority, not just how hard you
hustle or whose proximity youhave to get into.
Imagine having people covetworking with you without having
(22:52):
to play algorithm roulette anddance like an ass on TikTok.
Imagine having people come toyou instead of chasing them to
explain why you have what ittakes and why you have to say
what needs to be heard.
It is possible and it's time wedid it.
It's time to stop trying tochange the way business is done
(23:13):
and just create a new wayaltogether for us and for the
young women coming up behind us,because, at the end of the day,
all of this needs to meansomething.
It needs to mean something, soget on my calendar and let's
talk about the DragonfireAdvisory.
(23:35):
It's for the woman who is readyfor significance.
And, if nothing else, I wantyou to sit down this week and I
want you to really think aboutwhat you're doing, how you're
doing it and why.
Is it what you were meant to do?
Or are you taking the easy wayout?
Because that's what everyonetells you you should do, or it
(23:57):
sells, or it's sexy?
Because if this is not what youwere meant to do, then we really
need to fix that sooner ratherthan later, because your voice
is needed, your presence isneeded, your genius is needed,
your gifts are needed, you areneeded and I need you to know
you are not alone in feelingthat pull, that need for
(24:19):
significance, for doingsomething that actually means
something and matters, becauseyou are not just a dreamer, you
are a true visionary and,honestly, not a lot of people
can say that, no matter whatthey call themselves, you are
valid.
I love you.
Let's do this.
(24:39):
You can have success withoutall the BS that we've been fed
for so fucking long.
I'll talk to you next week,that's it.
You next week.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy And Charlamagne Tha God!
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.