Mini Series 13 - Afraid Of Feeling?

Let’s talk about emotions – how to identify what they are and the importance to your recovery of honestly sharing how you feel.

1. I was taught in treatment that there six primary emotions, and of course, countless nuances of these emotions. Think of them as the primary colours of your emotional rainbow.  In truth, you could feel all of them at the same time, but in varying degrees of intensity. When you feel something, but can’t identify it, ask yourself: Am I glad, mad, sad, afraid, ashamed or hurt? Each of these feelings lend themselves to variants. For example: there are many shades of mad – angry, resentful, rageful, annoyed, irritated, pissed off, dissatisfied and so on.
2. Why is it important that you identify your feelings? Well, you’ve been stuffing them for so long, you don’t know how to truly feel something without getting freaked out. Whenever you had an unpleasant feeling, you used alcohol and/or drugs to snuff it out. Addicts run from their feelings. They especially run from shame, which some call a master emotion because it can define an addict’s persona.
3. There’s an old saying that goes like this: “The good news is you get your feelings back. The bad news is you get your feelings back.” Before recovery, your feelings were like a coiled spring, shoved down by substance abuse. Stop the drinking and drugs, and what happens? You relieve the pressure, but the spring now whipsaws up and down until it finds its equilibrium. That’s why some call early recovery an emotional rollercoaster.
4. Why is it critical that you are honest about what you feel and that you share your feelings with people you trust? Respectful people will honour your feelings as essential to who you are as a human being. All you have to do is identify what it is your feeling and share your feelings openly. You’ve bottled them up for way too long. You can expect to experience emotions that may be contrary, such as mad and glad.  Anger, for example, rarely travels alone. It is often triggered by hurt. Anger is the default emotion for males in our society. It was for me. Until I got in touch with my sadness over losing my daughter in a divorce, I would just get angry. Until I got in touch with the hurt, I would just get pissed off.