Mini Series 13 - Don't Let Emotions Rule

It's one thing to feel your feelings and quite another to have them rule you.

1. When I was drinking and using, I was ruled by my emotions. I had no filter, no guidance.
2. I bounced between fear and desire. I was afraid of many things: fear of looking bad of being rejected, of not being cool, of losing my job (I was fired three times before I woke up), afraid of permanent insanity, of being broke (I was broke a lot). Name a fear, and I had it.
3. Fear manifests itself in several different ways: anxieties from mild to severe, but always anxious, nightmares, obsessions, depression, anger (provoke by fear). Fear of losing something that I valued or fear of not getting what I want.
4. FEAR is an acronym for F... Everything And Run, or: False Evidence Appearing Real.
5. Then there’s the flip side: being ruled by desire, by a craving and wanting and longing for escape from reality, for getting and staying high or drunk or both, for sex, for recognition (the ego stroke), for looking cool, for having the nicest car, or clothes, or the best-looking girlfriend. All superficial stuff.
6. It wasn’t until I started living by a set of principles as taught by AA that I finally came to a serene place, no longer ruled by fear or desire. No longer ruled purely by emotion. I let the principles of honesty and kindness, and courage rule my life.
7. FEAR now stood for its antidote: Face Everything And Recover.