37. The Mental Load of Parenthood and Why It Feels Like Too Much

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Welcome back to Caffeinated Chaos - where we sip strong coffee and speak even stronger truths about parenting, business, and the beautiful mess in between.

Ever feel like your brain has 75 million tabs open and half of them are flashing red? Same. This episode is all about the mental load - that invisible, never-ending to-do list we carry in our heads every. single. day. From remembering school picture day to restocking groceries, managing a business, wiping butts (yep, literally), and everything in between… it’s A LOT.

💡 In this episode, Whitney shares:

• What the mental load actually is and why it’s so exhausting
• The sneaky ways it shows up (even when you're “not doing much”)
• Why you're NOT broken - you're just carrying too much
• 4 practical steps to lighten the load and reclaim your bandwidth
• A real talk reframe to ditch the guilt and honor what you do
• A calming moment to pause, breathe, and reset

✨ Actionable Tips Inside:

1. Make the invisible visible - brain dump every tab in your head
2. Delegate the doing and the thinking
3. Automate & simplify - make systems your BFF
4. Protect your bandwidth - if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no
5. Reframe the guilt - you are not lazy, crazy, or failing

Whether you're running a business during nap time or trying to remember if you’ve had water today, this one’s for you, mama. You’re not alone. You’re not weak. You’re a freaking powerhouse carrying an invisible load that deserves to be seen, shared, and lightened.

Resources:

• Goal-Setting Template 
• Podcasters Monthly Networking Meets
• Balancing Business Growth and Parenthood Workbook

Cheers! Thank you for joining us for another episode. Have a chaotic moment, question, or topic you want us to cover? Drop us a message or leave a review! If you loved this episode, share it with a friend who thrives in beautiful chaos too.

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The views and opinions expressed by guests on Caffeinated Chaos are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views, beliefs, or positions of Whitney Aguon or Aguon Studios LLC. The content shared by guests is for informational and entertainment purposes only. We encourage listeners to do their own research and form their own...

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome to Caffeinated Chaos,where business deals happen
between diaper changes andfriendships are fueled by
caffeine.
I'm Whitney GaN, your host, andI'm here to talk all things
business parenthood, and ofcourse keeping up with the BFFs,
whether you're juggling theboardroom, the playroom, or just
here for some coffee fuel chaos.
We've got you covered.
Get ready for real talk, laughsand a whole lot of heart as we

(00:24):
dive into the beautiful messthat is entrepreneurship,
parenthood, and everything inbetween.
So let's embrace the chaostogether.
Ated, of course.
Welcome back to Caffe Chaos,where we are sipping strong
coffee and talking even strongertruths about parenting business
and the beautiful mess inbetween.

(00:45):
Let's hop in.
Okay, so first off.
Ever feel like your brain haslike 75 million tabs open at
once and half of them areflashing red that say urgents?
Well, and somehow you are theonly one who can see them.
That's the mental load and it'sreal.

(01:06):
It's heavy, it's exhausting, andit is something way too many of
us carry.
The mental load is thatinvisible to-do list.
We carry in our heads.
It's remembering that it'spicture day at school, that it's
time to pay a bill, that thegrocery list is running low and

(01:26):
hey, laundry needs to beswitched over.
Oh, and don't forget, thetoddler has decided that shoes
are a prison.
I mean, mine does for sure.
It is planning, it'santicipating, it's managing all
the things.
Even if you have a partner,often the mental burden defaults

(01:48):
to one person it's everythingthat we're thinking about doing.
And if you're anything like me,you're thinking about doing so
many things all the time, andit's why you're mentally tapped
out by like 10:00 AM Even if youhaven't quote unquote done that
much on paper, it's because itis too much.

(02:10):
You are running a household,you're managing a business,
trying to keep humans alive andemotionally supported.
And if you're anything like me,you're also trying to chase some
kind of a dream in the leftoverminutes of the day.
So here's what makes it evenheavier.
Society often doesn't validatethis kind of labor.

(02:30):
You don't get a gold star forremembering your kids'.
School lunches need to be nutfree.
You don't get a gold star forremembering your partner's
favorite socks are finally cleanand put away.
But these things, these tinythings, they add up.
They weigh you down.
I once had a day where I sentout client proposals.

(02:52):
I had a client's order inproduction on the line getting
printed.
I had a podcast interview andyou guess what?
I got a toddler in pull-ups andI got a baby in diapers.
So you could just guess how manyof those I had to change and
still remembering to pack.
Extra stuff in the diaper bagjust in case no one applauded.

(03:15):
But you know what?
That day, that day, I was asuperhero and it was amazing,
but also very, very stressful.
Okay, so you know me, I love anactionable step, and here we go.
One, let's make the invisiblevisible.

(03:36):
I want you to take all thosemental load tabs that are
currently open in your head, andI want you to write them all
down.
Every task, every reminder,every sticky mental note that
you have.
Okay.
Not just what you do, but whatyou think about seeing it all in
black and white helps youvisualize just how much you are

(03:59):
holding and how much you arehandling mentally.
Step two, I want you to delegatewith without feeling guilty.
If you have a partner, if youhave somebody who could help you
sit down with that list anddivide it, not just the doing.
The thinking.
For example, instead of, can youhelp me with dinner?

(04:21):
Try, can you fully be in chargeof meal planning for this week?
Mental labor includes decidingwhat's for dinner.
Not just simply cooking it.
Step three, I want you toautomate and simplify wherever
you can, do a brain dump ofrepetitive tasks and find ways
to make them easier.

(04:42):
I am a systems girl.
I've talked about this on thepodcast where.
Coming up with a system thatmakes it easy delegating,
automating my social mediaposts, that makes one less thing
I have to handle in the moment.
Can you do grocery deliveries?
Maybe that's something that youcan do.
Can you auto pay the bills?
Use a shared family calendar,which I have on my Google.

(05:07):
The less you have to remember,the more you can exhale and
breathe.
Okay, step four, I want you toprotect your bandwidth.
This one I know is going to behard for some of you, but it's
so important.
Say no to all those extracommitments if it's not a hell.

(05:27):
Yeah, it's definitely unknown.
Okay.
Your capacity is precious andyou're allowed to protect it
like gold.
All right, four.
Reframing the guilt.
It's easy to feel guilty forbeing tired, being snappy, or
not unquote doing enough, butfriend, you are doing so much

(05:54):
just because it's invisible.
It doesn't mean it doesn'tcount.
I see you.
You are not failing.
You are carrying such a mentalload that would crush any lesser
human, and you are doing it witha smile on your face and with
love.
Of course you're tired, but youare not broken.

(06:14):
You're just overloaded.
It's time to be like Elsa andlet it go.
You don't need to be everythingto everyone.
Your kids don't need a perfectparent.
They need a present one, andthat really starts with taking
care of yourself.
Okay?
So if you're feeling like yourbrain is about to explode and

(06:37):
you can't hold one more thingin, pause, breathe.
Let's do it right now.
Just deep breath in and deepbreath out.
Okay, one more time.
Deep breath in.
And deep breath out.
You are not alone.
I know the mental load is real,and it is okay to finally say

(07:01):
this is too much.
You are not weak.
It does not make you weak.
You are wise enough to realizethat you have hit your limit and
it's time to build someboundaries.
Here at Cafee Chaos, wenormalize the chaos.
We understand that we are alwaysin the state of mind and we make

(07:26):
space for all those messymoments and the mental marathon
that we are running.
At the same time, we understandthat taking care of ourselves is
what's important.
Refilling our cup is what'simportant because you cannot
help anyone else if you do nothelp yourself first.

(07:46):
Okay.
If you are someone who isfeeling moved by this and you're
like, Whitney, I need someonelike you who is a systems person
in my life, and if you need thatfor your business or wanna talk
about your home life.
Then reach out to us.
Check us out on either C, chaosPodcasts on Instagram or

(08:06):
Threads, or also at studios.
You can go to our website,again, studios.com.
Of course, friend.
All these are in the show notes,so you don't even have to
remember them.
Okay?
So please just reach out, tellus your story.
Interact with us.
Connect with us.
Let's talk.

(08:26):
Okay.
If this felt good for you andyou really liked this episode, I
want you to share this episodewith a friend who needs to hear
it and know that she too is notcrazy, lazy, or failing because
honey, you are not, you are justcarrying too much and it's time
to let it go.
Thank you for hanging out withme today.

(08:48):
Go refill your coffee, lightenthat load, and remember, deep
breath in.
Deep breath out.
You got this.
You are awesome and you arestrong.
I will see you all next timehere at Cafee Chaos.
That's a wrap on another episodeof Caffeinated Chaos.
I hope you're leaving with alittle more clarity, a lot more

(09:10):
inspiration, and maybe even anextra shot of motivation.
If you love today's episode,don't forget to follow us.
Leave a review and share it witha friend who could use just a
little chaos and caffeine intheir life.
Until next time, keep embracingthe mess.
Chase your dreams and make magichappen.
One caffeinated, chaotic momentat a time.

(09:32):
I will see you all soon.
Bye now.