June 6, 2025 • 48 mins
MEN, WE KNOW IT'S HARD DATING.. SO HERE'S A FEW DATING TIPS. DON'T WORRY IT'S SEVERAL TIPS ON RED FLAGS, GREEN FLAGS AND RUNNING, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE FLAGS!
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Episode Transcript
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(00:07):
Hi, welcome to the latest episode of Call Me Mistress.
I'm your Hostess, Mistress Mia, and I've got with me today Evie
Bolin. Hello.
Hi, Evie. Hi, Mistress Mia.
You know, we had a nice little lunch about a week or two ago.
Oh. Yeah, with.
(00:28):
Poe and Shaman and we hung out with them and we talked about
quite a few things that day. You were talking AI, you're
talking all this nerd stuff. And I'm like look.
At that bitch you're so smart ohthank you it's right.
I just want to be a bimbo in my real life I.
(00:49):
Don't know too much. Oh no, no, you're better than
that. But still, you know, why not be
a bimbo for a day? I'll see a bit more a day.
I know Shaman likes to be a bimbo because he was taking
selfies. Oh my God.
And he was like, Oh my God, it'sa crime to look this good.
We love, we love confidence. I mean, it's better than the
(01:11):
alternative of like the timid. Like I'm still ugly, Don't look
at me. You know, yes.
And so, you know, in the lifestyle, in our life in
general, between the vanilla world and the fetish world, we
meet a lot of single men. You know, we meet a lot of
(01:34):
single women, but primarily it'ssingle men.
And I think that if they had a better understanding on how to
really put themselves out there and how to be social, then they
wouldn't be single. Yeah.
Because I see a lot of them. I thought when I first got into
the dungeon that I was gonna seea lot of unfortunate souls.
(01:56):
But that was not the case. That's.
Not the case. A lot of these guys are really
good looking. They're not schmucks.
Yeah. And so I'm like, why are you
paying me, man? Like you can't get a girlfriend
to come do this for you. Like it didn't make sense.
Well, you know, you have a lot of men that that we see that are
(02:17):
cross dressers and you know, their girlfriends don't know or
if they knew they wouldn't want anything to do with it.
You take someone who's like Mandy Candy, is he going to have
a girlfriend that's going to accept him and really embrace
everything about him looking sexy and hot in his cute little
skirt with his little thigh eyesand showing off his sexy little
(02:39):
ass? Maybe not right, but PO gave me
the great idea and I'm going to use his words exactly.
He said to make a great podcast.It would really be great
explaining tips for dating profiles with fetish and vanilla
features. I bet a lot of people could use
that advice. I think for the beginning of
(03:00):
this we need to address as Dom'sjust as we did, you know, Would
they be able to be honest about their fetish?
So on the on their vanilla profile.
Yeah. What do you think?
I think. I think honesty is the best
policy, but it has to like don'tlie, but you can omit things.
And I don't mean to because likeI see, I've seen profiles
(03:21):
personally that, well, people will just kind of list out their
kinks on their vanilla profiles,not on Fetlife, but on their
like vanilla profile, Sure. Like Facebook dating, Facebook
dating, Facebook dating, Tinder,Bumble, things like that.
And to me, I'm like, like, I feel like that would be better
for that. But I do think that I see the
(03:44):
opposite where it's like people just don't mention that they're
any kind of kink and then that is a surprise later.
And so it's like, I think that they should kind of like say
like, hey, I'm into an alternative to the, you know,
alternative lifestyles of BSM and whatever.
Just don't make that the focal point of your like profile.
(04:06):
So I want to know, I want to know about you more than just
like your sexual stuff. I want to know what are your
hobbies? And don't say traveling because
everybody likes traveling. That's like saying I like music.
Everybody likes music. Don't put that on your profile.
Stop it. But like, I want to really know
you. I want to really know like, you
(04:27):
know what, what do you do? Like what makes you interesting?
What are things you care about? What are like the things that
make your eyes light up when youtalk about them?
Like that's that's me. And you know, I don't know.
That's what I would say. Well, so there's one thing to be
transparent like that. And I think men need
(04:48):
transparency in women. But I think a lot of women, I
think they really want that mystery.
Yeah. You know, I think they want to
almost be blindsided because they they want to see something
Maybe that's not always there. You'd said this earlier.
We were talking about it. You know, when you're making a
transition in any form in your life, you need to have your shit
(05:10):
together. Oh, yeah.
Before you start dating. Right.
So one of my friends, for example, you know, he was pretty
much, you know, focusing on everyone else but himself.
And and I said, look, you need to do things to improve yourself
so you can have a greater quality of your own life that
(05:32):
you're happy about. And so I was like, you know, you
need to change your look. You need to dress and clothing
that really, you know, pulls outyour eye color and, you know,
people need to see men that can dress.
I think, you know, appearance isnumber 1.
(05:53):
I mean, we're going to be superficial at the very
beginning of this. Men that smell nice, huge.
Like really nice Cologne. Don't be cheap.
Exactly. Really nice Cologne.
I always say, you know, great shoes, you know, don't, don't
stoop on, you know, shitty shoesor sandals.
You know, if you're going to wear sandals, don't have beat up
toes or beat up nasty feet. Oh, another thing, clean your
(06:17):
fucking fingernails. Oh.
God, that's huge. It's.
Huge It's like that's one of thethings I'm I don't date men, you
know, I don't date straight men,but I notice I see it like guys
who have like really messed up nails and not from working, but
like they just don't clean theirnails.
They don't cut their nails, theydon't take care of their hands.
It's like that's really gross. It is.
(06:38):
It's really gross and you shouldtake because like it's not just
a matter of hygiene, but it's like, OK, are you taking care of
yourself? And like, that's what a lot of
women like, you know, I'm not a straight woman, but I like I
because a woman, I look at details, you know, if I see how
you carry yourself, I see how, you know, I will notice dirt
under your fingernails. You know, I will notice hair in
(07:00):
their ear, hair in your ears, hair out of their nose, hair out
of their. I notice those things.
It's like you should take care of yourself and not only with
that, not only not just to attract somebody, but to make
yourself feel good. You know?
If you don't know how to dress, there are subreddits you can go
on Pinterest. Stay away from the manosphere.
(07:21):
Stuff of like don't ever listen to a man about how to get women
because they don't know. Oh, so true.
Listen to women look at, you know, you know how like certain
trends and stuff like that, likewhat kind of hairstyle is going
to look good on you? Like, I don't know, there's a
lot of things you can do. It's huge, it's huge, and I get
(07:42):
on to certain people who have beards.
If you're going to have a beard and you don't maintain it, cut
the fuck a beer off. Cut it off.
You have to be on that you. Have to, you do cut the beard
off period. If if you have facial hair or
mustache or anything like that, if you're not groomed and you're
not doing it every day, you don't need it, you know, and
(08:05):
once a month they need to go to the Barber shop or they need to
go to a salon, they need to get their hair done once a month.
You know, it's a $4050 expense. You know, I mean it.
It's important. You know, as women, we spend
$100 when we go to the salon, weget our nails done, we get the
pedicure, we get the either a manicure or a set of nails.
That's 100 bucks right off the rib.
(08:27):
Yeah, all the facial creams we buy facial creams, makeup,
makeup. Our sookens are closed.
Yes hair products, hair productsyes and if you can't do the bare
minimum it's like it just I don't know it what it would make
you feel good. It would make you feel a lot
better to take care of yourself and it would make you feel
(08:49):
confident because. Angels talking to you.
Angel loves it, am I right? But I think, you know, a lot of
the antidote for the insecurity is doing things that make you
feel secure in yourself. And.
Just like, I don't know, it would make you feel better, you
know? Absolutely.
(09:09):
And you know, there's a lot of men who have said, well, do I
really want to go get a pedicure?
Do I really want to go get a manicure?
Yes, you really do. Yeah.
So anyway, it goes back to self-care.
Okay, so we've talked about the appearance concept of things.
Yeah. Now I told people that, you
know, I had a friend, Sarah James, and she was very much a
crossdresser. She's biological male.
(09:29):
She functions and does whatever she does as a biker, as you
know, as a hip guy in a band, blah, blah, blah.
But he has this cross dressing side of Sarah and he has has
multiple, you know, dating profiles.
Over the years since I knew him,he has gotten married and
divorced. He has had multiple girlfriends.
(09:51):
He's like, oh, Mia, this is the one, this is the 10 Lord.
And they've all been nuts. But ultimately, you know, he's
nuts. I love him.
However, he was very upfront with every woman he ever went
out with. He put on his profile, I'm a
crossdresser. If you have a problem, sorry,
fuck you. That's it.
So I'm like you. It's like, how honest do you be?
(10:11):
I don't know. I don't have that answer, but I
do know that you have somebody that that we've spoken to that
you've met and, you know, he hasn't dated in years.
He's 40 years old and he hasn't dated.
And so his kink is really hindering him.
You know, This is why we were talking about like the adult
baby situation. How do you tell someone you're
(10:32):
potentially wanting to date thatyou're into an adult baby?
And it's like, you know, there'sbeen people who've said, well,
you know, my ex-girlfriend foundthis out and she threatened to
out me. So I don't know, see, This is
why I think like being truthful about being in the community,
right? So start that off, get that out
of the way. You don't have to be specific,
but say I, I, I'm into alternative lifestyles, I'm into
(10:54):
BDSM, you know, use umbrella terms.
Yes, excuse me, but I think it is perfectly fine, especially
for really taboo and stigmatizedkings, to keep that close to
your chest until you can make sure that this person isn't
going to weaponize them like it is.
(11:16):
And you, and you have to do thatlike, you know, you have to let
me think, try to word this. I think that you have to put out
feelers for different types of questions you're going to ask
them. Like how do they think is this
an evolved thinker? Is this someone, if you, you
(11:37):
throw out a comment about maybe 50 Shades of Grey or or
something and what is their reaction to it are.
And you can, you don't have to ever directly say the thing, but
you can hint things adjacent to it and gauge reactions that way.
I think it's perfectly acceptable to protect yourself
if you are someone who has a highly stigmatized kink to keep
(11:58):
that close to your chest until you know that that person is
worthy and safe to tell them about it.
So there's lots of ways you can do that.
You know, there's a lot, like, Icould probably think about a
few, but I need a minute trying to slow my ADHD down.
But yeah, I, I think putting feelers out, does this person
(12:19):
flinch when you, you talk about maybe some like a BDSM scene you
saw or, you know, 50 Shades, what other things?
There's, there's a bunch of other things that I just can't
think of because I don't engage with pop culture, No.
And I think too, if you you correlate it with a movie,
because movies are relatable to a lot of people.
People like cinema, right. So you bring up simple things
(12:40):
like there was that Damon Wayansmovie where they had the guy and
he would pose as a baby. It's like, is she going to find
it humorous? Is she going to find it cute?
Watch the movie, you know, like you said, gauge your reaction.
Yeah. So I think there's little simple
things you can do. Yeah.
But I think that, and I've I've explained this to different male
friends of mine, men are like Cavemen.
(13:01):
They're very simplistic. They take and they think of
themselves in the way like, whatcan ioffer this individual
measure themselves as individuals as to their
financial status or what they can give their potential
partners? But men are very simplistic.
I don't think that men see the bigger picture.
(13:22):
I think they're willing to settle and they're willing to
compromise their own beliefs andtheir values when they find a
woman that they might just be attracted to, or she might have
some qualities that are really great and those are those
qualities that outweigh the negative.
Yeah. I think that you know, there was
there was a show years ago and it was millionaire Matchmaker,
(13:46):
right? So she would have these little
mingles and she said look to drink Max OK, and people
sometimes would exceed that thatto drink limit.
And my thing is you are going tohave a compromise judgment if
you're under the influence, right, Yes, as we all do.
(14:06):
So you have to be level headed, clear minded, and you have to
find compatible partners that you have true things in common
with. So we're going to take the
example of the few people that you and I have met and that
you've met recently that but I've been friends with in the
community for a while. So they're both gamers, right?
(14:26):
So they can find women that gameor women that are acceptable to
them gaming, you know, but most men, they like to do outdoor
stuff, kayaking. Well, you know, there's there's
clubs, there's other places thatthey can go to to do things
like, you know, kayaking groups and hiking groups and that kind
of thing. I just think that so many men
(14:47):
have this level of insecurity with their own kink that they
don't address it. And I think so many women are
naive to the fact that all men have a specific kink.
Yeah, we all have one thing thatwe really like.
And it might not even be BDSM related.
It might be that maybe have kissing fetish like you know
(15:09):
you're. Really into kissing you're.
Really into kissing, that's the way you can actually have an
orgasm. That's the way you connect with
somebody. You know, I'm trying to think of
other like traditional things, but you want to find somebody
that that really interacts with you well.
And like you said, keep your secrets to to your chest to a
point until you know that person's safe.
(15:30):
Yeah, but don't blind side them.Don't.
Don't blind side them so be honest that you're into some
shit and you know use the commonones that people already know
about. People like BDSM is pretty
because of the pop culture stuff, but the more sensitive
ones, the ones that could be used against you to to
weaponize, to hurt you. Keep those close to your chest
until that person is proving themselves safe enough to
(15:54):
divulge that to you. Also, you were saying something
about the kayaking groups and all these other different
things. I think just people in general,
myself included, I think that wepeople would, we would all feel
more confident if we actually like did something cool and
creative more like, you know, like get a skill set, Like
(16:15):
there's so many cool things you could do.
Like there's like a Pensacola, right?
Is that kind of saying? Yeah, OK.
Absolutely. So here in Pensacola, there's
all kinds of little places you can go to like learn stuff you
could learn. You could take a drawing class,
you could take a pottery class. These are the avenues to meet
people. But it's also like, don't just
(16:36):
go with that. Like I'm going to meet somebody.
I'm going to, I'm on the, I'm onthe pro, but like go there to
like, I'm going to enrich myselfand like that just naturally
like attracts people to you and you're like deciding that I'm
going to like do something for me and like enriching my life.
(16:56):
That's, you know, that's good. It's good for your brain and it
makes you more confident and makes you more approachable.
And I don't, I don't know. You're absolutely right.
It's like going to a theater group where you're going to be
engaging with people. You know, you're setting the
stage unintended. You're setting the stage for a
potential partner who would havethe same common interest.
(17:17):
You know, meeting somebody organically, that's something
that is so valuable. You know, it's like you don't
necessarily have to depend on a dating profile.
Yeah. But like you said, you know, I I
tried to pair up people, even men, you know, try to pair up
male friends so that they can develop, you know, camaraderie
(17:39):
to go out, be each other's wingman and feel things out.
And they don't have to go to a fucking bar.
They could go, you know, have, you know, dinner.
They could go somewhere where they would see other singles.
That you bring up a really good point.
I think the because there are a lot of single women, right, who
haven't dated etcetera, etcetera, but they don't have
the same kind of, I guess a lot.I'm, I'm not going to speak for
(18:03):
everybody, but like, I'm single.Just from your.
Experience. Just from my experience, I'm
single. I don't really date.
And that I'm not looking to right now because I've I've
spending a lot of my time tryingto better myself, not to be
better for a potential future, but because I deserve to love
myself. I deserve to have these cool,
(18:26):
enriching experiences. And I also have like my need for
connection. I have really rich, like
friendship and platonic connections like you, oops at
the mic, like you, my my vanillafriends, you know, and I I think
a lot of men really do need moremale friends that are not that
(18:52):
influences. So stay drinking respect women
juice. I think that you guys, a lot of
the, the, the males, the male listeners wouldn't feel so as
isolated being single if they made really like authentic,
genuine connections with other men and, and friends without the
goal of like dating, dating. Like I, so I, you know, I'm a
(19:15):
lesbian and I have a couple of straight male friends, but it
was really, really hard for me to make friends with straight
males because they either only wanted to be my friend because
they wanted to fuck me or that was the end goal.
Like, you know, and, and once wegot past that point, like as I
(19:37):
ain't going to have sorry, best days, it's not going to happen.
They were able to kind of, we were able to form genuine
connections with each other thatare platonic and that have been
really enriching. Yeah, enriching is the word.
And I'm like, guys, be friends with women without the goal of
(19:58):
eventually. Having sex with them.
Having sex with them, you know, value them as as French, like as
friends and companions. And, you know, I think too, that
we meet a lot of men that are very submissive, you know, in
their kink, you know, and again,I'm, I'm just talking kink
perspective, but I think it's hard for them to find women that
(20:22):
don't want or do, excuse me, they find women.
And these women specifically want, you know, very dominant
men. And they can't be that.
It's like they want to, but theyreally don't have it in them.
So what do they do? Well, they need to be around
women that they know has the potential to be dominant versus
(20:44):
being around submissive women. So it's like, again, you're
like, go out there and enrich your lives and find something
that you enjoy, like doing jiu jitsu.
Yeah. You know there's going to be
women that do jiu jitsu and they're willing to beat your
ass, you know? Boxing and stuff like.
Boxing, yes, do something like that.
(21:05):
But you know, you find these women who are active and you
know, a lot of women that go to the gym, you look at them.
I mean, they're some of them arejust buff bitches, you know?
Me a buff muscle mommy get. Me the hot.
Guys, Rhea, what is her name? Rhea Ripley.
(21:28):
She's like AW2. She's my whole past Primo,
right? I want her to choke, slammy,
break my arm, put me in a hole, like just fuck me up like and I
pay her to do it. But yeah, I think that that
that's a good idea. You know, also guys, you know,
(21:49):
being single is not a fucking punishment.
It's not a sentence. You're fine like.
Yeah, but I know you say that because it's because, you know,
it's like we're women and we cansay those things just because we
still have so much life in US and the things that we want to
do. And you're still really young.
That's true. You are.
(22:09):
But you know, I'm talking to guys through over 40 and they're
still single, but they don't realize why they're still
single. Right.
OK, so I think we could break this part down.
So visually, do they have their their physical appearance
together? OK, so these are some checklist
points they they really need to think about and address.
So are they grooming? Are they dressed in their own
(22:31):
appropriate attire that is fitting for their look?
Like you said, now someone wantsquestions on, you know, an
actual good look for a man. I am great.
I can look at somebody. I can tell you, you'll look good
in this cut, This cut. These are kind of jeans you need
to wear. Boom, boom, boom.
Yeah, I will tell you, I have this one friend just going off
(22:52):
just for one moment. But I had this friend, he came
to a party years ago, and I lovehim.
He's a great guy. He came with this very
outrageous sexual woman. Incredible.
And I was like, oh, these two are not a pair for one another
because he is very reserved. He had on a cat T-shirt.
She was dressed as a porn star. He's like, look, we were just
(23:15):
going to the beach and she's like, hey, do you want to go to
a sex party? He's like, I've never been to a
sex party. I just came in what I had on.
He's like, sorry if I don't fit the attire.
I said no, no, you're good, you're good.
Well, for a couple years, you know, he ended up helping me
with the parties, the catering, the ticketing.
I mean, he was very well-rounded, smart, smart,
(23:37):
intelligent man, really great guy, quirky, but yet witty.
Just just a fun kind of nerd guythat you just like, you know,
and for him, he need to find another nerd chick.
But you know, other women would hit on him and there was older
women and younger women that were too young.
And I'm like, look, you got to change your look.
(23:57):
You got to throw away the T-shirts.
So men throw away the fucking T-shirts.
Anybody can wear a T-shirt. The only time you need to be
wearing AT shirt is when you're at home lounging like a lazy
fuck in a pair of pajama pants and nobody's going to fucking
see you, right? Don't go out in a fucking.
T-shirt. Only time it's appropriate is if
it's a banjer and you're going somewhere appropriate.
(24:19):
There you go any who. So I told him I said, listen,
what you got to do is you get a nice, you know, button down.
And I said, if you're coming into a sex party, wear a nice
black button down, long sleeve but sexy.
And you want it fitting. You want it form fitting.
You don't want to where the buttons are popping out, but you
want it form fitting to you. Like slim cuts are great, but
(24:40):
then he had bigger legs and I said, look, you need to go for a
straight leg that's not form fitting and that's not going to
accentuate your thighs. And then you want to go with the
dark Jean. You don't go for light colored
jeans period. If you have a little weight,
guys, you don't wear light colored jeans.
They make your ass look big and saggy.
It's not appealing. If you want a big saggy ass, do
(25:01):
it. Then I told him, I said, and
wear nice dress shoes. So you got on a pair of nice
dress shoes, got a nice black button down.
You got Cologne on. You know, you're looking
dazzling. You're smelling dazzling.
You put some gel in your hair orhowever your stylist fixes it,
but make it look good. He didn't listen to me.
He never listened to me. The shirt was too tight.
(25:23):
The jeans were the wrong color. You know, he had someone else
dress him. It didn't, It didn't look right.
And I said, you know, I keep giving you advice and you don't
take it. And then, you know, one time he
had tennis shoes on. He's like, well, the dress shoes
were uncomfortable. I'm like, do not come to a sex
party. Do not go to a fancy place
period wearing fucking tennis shoes.
Guys don't do it. Or sandals or sandals.
(25:45):
Nobody likes fucking strappy sandals on dudes.
So I'll hold on eating. Let me get you the best part.
So finally, finally, after knowing him for a good six
years, finally took my complete advice and he dressed to the 9.
He got a haircut, you know, ear hair gone, nose hair gone.
(26:05):
Smelled great, everything perfect.
It was a costume party. He was dressed kind of medieval,
but it was still very like steampunk, and he looked
dynamite. Great shoes, the whole outfit.
I'm like, if you don't get laid tonight, OK, it was not you.
Because tonight you look fuckingincredible.
(26:28):
And you know what happened here?The party started at 7:00, by
10:00, by 10:00. Here he comes arm in arm with
this beautiful brunette. And I said, oh, you 2 look so
cute together. Is this your first night
meeting? He's like, Oh yeah, you know, we
just met and I said, doesn't he look good tonight?
And she's like, well, I don't know how he usually looks, but
(26:49):
man. And he smells so good and he
looks so good. She's like, we were going to go
upstairs and and have some fun. I said, go ahead and do it.
And he's like, no, I was going to go ahead and take her back to
my place. And then she looked at me and
she's like, have you known him? Could you, can you like vet him?
And I said, I've known him for years.
He's a big nerd. I know where he works.
He's never been married. He has no baggage and no kids.
(27:11):
He's fucking perfect. I said, not to mention a great
credit rating. And she's like, yes, just score,
score. So you know what happened?
Left. They fucked all night.
He had a fabulous fucking time. She had a fabulous time.
She didn't want to leave the next day.
I was. Yeah.
And they ended up moving in together like four months later.
Five months later, yes. Listen to Mia.
(27:34):
Yes, listen to me, you know. And here's another thing, you
know, he was one of those. He was telling me he's like,
well, you know, I don't, I don'treally want a woman with kids
because it's not the kids, it's having to deal with the dads, if
the dads are shit bags, right? Well, she was kind of in a
situation where the dad was in existence and I told him, I
(27:54):
said, look, I said when you're over 30, you're just going to
have to accept there's going to be nice women that might have a
few kids. You know, it's one of those
things, do you want to be a parent?
You know, can you be a parent? Well, we know you can be a good
parent, so why not just suck it up and do what comes in your
future? Stop looking at one specific
things you don't like and see, that's where I think our karma
(28:17):
gets us. I think in our mind, we'll,
we'll tell people and we'll tellourselves, oh, well, you know
what? I would never date somebody who
looks like this and I would never date somebody who does
that for a living. And ultimately they fall in love
with that exact same type of person.
They they talked about not wanting.
So it's like, stop with the labels and being superficial and
(28:38):
being stupid and petty over stupid shit that don't matter.
Yeah, you go for the person's character you know and and
really value yourself and don't settle for less.
Yeah, like what are, what are deal Breakers that I cuz I, you
know, I know that I can ask any of my female friends and be
like, what's your deal Breakers?And they could give me really
intelligent list of things that are just no goes for them.
(29:00):
And they're, they're very like sometimes they're like gotta
have a nice Dick. OK, But a lot of them are more
about does he does he respect women?
Is he, you know, is he nice to wait staff or whatever?
They all these different intelligent responses.
And I'm very curious because with at least with the the few
straight men that I have as friends, when I asked them what
(29:21):
their deal Breakers are, they are all these very superficial
things. So that have nothing to do with
the woman's character and everything is just these super
like petty superficial things like can't be over 25, hasn't
had a body count of such and such like this real just shallow
shit that have nothing to do with who this person is, what
(29:44):
they value. It's all about what they look
like. And I get it like attraction is
important, but attraction is also chemistry with that person.
If you are your perfect dream girl that fits all your little
boxes, you, you're what if you don't even like her?
What if she's just a potato because there's nothing going on
(30:05):
other than she fits a, you know,a really shallow.
Yeah, I was going to say it's a physical appearance.
And also like. Beauty fades.
That exterior beauty fades. It's going you're going to
change. Body changes are just trying to
make them one sell them their loneliness.
Well, I, I see your point on this, but I also see at the same
time, I've, I've seen men and they'll say, well, you know,
(30:28):
she's really attractive, but shewas crazy.
And it seems like all I do is draw crazy women and I'm like,
well, OK, there's a thing there.It's like, OK, where are you
meeting these women? Why are you dating them past
that point? Yeah, when you they give you the
red. Flags yes so you know let's look
at the red flags of what you would see in a woman all right
(30:48):
so as women, you know what this is where we need a man on the
podcast you know what would theysee in a woman and they'd be
like Oh well I I've never had a man have any issues with my body
count. You know, and that's because I'm
not dating someone who is like extreme into the church, right.
You know, just to throw out the whole religion aspect of it.
I've I've never had someone who's had issues with my parents
(31:11):
because I always try to dress appropriately.
I don't look bad, and I think that's kind of what you go for
You're. Not dating people you're not
compatible with exactly are. You going to go out with
somebody who dresses like a bum,for example, and who is dirty?
I mean, is that the kind of person that appeals to you?
Well, you know, I'll tell you this.
You know, I have one of my nieces and she jokes about she
(31:33):
kind of likes that grungy look, that grungy skater dude, you
know? And I'm like, but honey, if he
has dirty fingernails, for example, you don't want those
dirty fingernails inside of you.You do not.
You do not I. Won't like, and there's a
difference between like curated aesthetics.
So like the aesthetic of a skater boy, the aesthetic of
(31:54):
like a surfer dude or a biker. You can dress in those
aesthetics, those sub styles, whatever.
It's the problem of like you gotdirty fingernails.
Like it tells me, if you don't clean your fingernails, do you
wipe your own ass right? Oh my God, don't get me started
on that. Don't get me started.
We gotta talk about it. I've, I've said this on the
(32:15):
podcast before and we just recently talked about it.
And I said I, I went out with a guy and I wasn't dating him.
He was, it was strictly for sex.But again, he didn't know how to
wipe his ass. And my thing of it is, if you
can't wipe it or you can't reachit, you need to get a fucking
bidet. You hook up that bidet, they're
20 bucks on Amazon. You know get spraying that
(32:36):
asshole if you don't know how towipe your own ass.
In your asshole, like it's just it just like I I've known, I've
heard of like straight girls telling me about their
boyfriends and how they're like,yeah, he leaves like Doo Doo
stains on the shoes and I'm like, girl, he fucking what?
Like there's Doo Doo stains. Like you're OK with that?
(32:58):
That is not OK. What the fuck?
Or yeah, his toenails are so long that it tears holes in my
new sheets. I'm like, bitch, what is the
matter with you? Like, why are you tolerating
that? Is like not a domesticated man
that is a caveman putting him outside like until he can learn
some manners. But yeah, that's like, like a
common thing. Like guys are like, I don't want
(33:19):
to wipe my own ass because it's gay to touch my asshole.
I'm like. Oh my God, did you hear that?
I've heard it. Oh my God my brother is like
y'all. I'm not.
I'm not gonna put out my brotherlike that.
Tell him get a bidet. He says it's too gay.
Oh, my God, shut up. Oh, goodness.
(33:44):
We've talked about physical. We've talked about.
OK, so here's another aspect. How about what they do
professionally? OK, so if we're doms and we're
doing our thing again, are we going to be around somebody who
would look at us and say, oh, I can't deal with that.
She beats men for a living. She dresses up crossdressers.
Come on. Could we do that?
No. So again, you be around someone
(34:06):
who is going to be understandingI.
Don't think I, I don't think certain people could, even if
they have great chemistry, say like a Senator, right?
Senator comes in, is wanting to date someone, finds a Dom, finds
out she's a Dom. I just don't think that's going
to work out just because of whatthe Dom does.
And this hypothetical senator, right, sure, because that's
(34:27):
going to be used against him, blah, blah, blah.
So like something you don't wantto, it's all about
compatibility. Even if like other stuff is
good, like sometimes it just don't work out, but you can
still be, I don't know, cordial.I guess I'm tired.
I know. It's OK, We're going to, we're
going to finish this up soon. But so guys, is the checklist of
the appearance, the smell, hygiene, then you have to
(34:50):
address your overall personality.
Yeah. Are you off putting?
Are you arrogant? Are you someone who professes to
know everything? Are you someone who is negative
or bitter or pretentious? All of these things, Nobody
wants to be around that. No.
You know, if you want to find someone who is with you, then
(35:11):
you can find someone who is arrogant or bitter or negative,
you know, or a big cynic. You can find any of that if you
want. But, you know, if you draw
crazy, you might be a little crazy yourself.
Yeah, or if you draw someone who's a, you know, drunken
bitch. Why would you be drawn to a
drunken bitch? Yeah, you know, are you an
(35:32):
enabler? Are you a drunk?
Are you some of my red? Flags I don't drink I I don't
have an update Addicts of any kind, Alcoholics addicts, I
don't. Yeah, and you know, that's the
thing. When you're an addict, you
enable yourself and others around you because you can't get
past your addiction. Yeah.
So it affects everything. And I'm a huge enabler.
(35:53):
I'm such a people pleaser and like addicts and people pleasers
go together like oil and water. It's oh.
Yeah, I know that there's so many submissive women and
they're very few dominant women.Yeah.
That the dominant women, they want to create a cult for
themselves, a personality that they want to kind of control
their minions. I've never been like that.
But there's women out there who want to create that whole
(36:14):
concept of having a group of no slaves or minions or
submissives. If you want to be that, fine be
that. I don't care.
But I think in the King community, I think it's going to
be harder. There is kinkydating.com.
I met a woman who who started it.
She's in in Canada and and she started the dating kinky.com
(36:36):
because she knows how difficult it is to date people that are in
the fetish lifestyle. Because Fetlife really does not
give you the capabilities of creating a dating profile.
Yeah, you have a profile and youcan join groups, but then
there's so many people that are guarded in the community.
They're like, oh, you got to be vetted.
Oh, you got to do this. You got to do that.
You got to jump through hoops, you got to come through our
(36:57):
group meetings and our munches so we can meet you and all this.
But again, it's putting yourselfout there.
It's putting yourself out there in a healthy way.
OK, I'm going to just jump into this.
I'll say this. So guys, on a dating profile,
when you're taking pictures of yourself, have someone take
pictures of you actively doing something.
Yeah. Don't do the same picture pose
(37:19):
that are selfies in the same pose for multiple pictures.
Yeah, don't do that. Because they can't gauge your
size, your stature, what you're wearing, they can't really
understand what you really represent as a whole.
I want to see pictures of you doing your hobbies.
I want to see pictures of you with your friends, like yes, or
doing something like if you're at a concert, yes, like ask
(37:41):
someone in the back even if you're there alone because I
know a lot of people don't have a lot of friends.
Sure. And but if you know if you're
alone, ask someone if you go to like a show to take a picture of
you and lots of people will do it.
And lots of. People, put yourself out there,
stop being so shy and just like no one's ever gonna like me.
And then you attract what you. Put out in the world,
absolutely, you really do because people sense those
(38:04):
feelings. You know you could look at
someone, you know, the windows of the soul of the eyes, you
know And if they look into your eyes and they see, you know,
pain or insecurity, you know people can sense that from you.
Yeah. So that's why you know you have
to nourish yourself and nourish your spirit in your mind and do
healthy things. So don't take a picture of your
(38:26):
physical body with no shirt on no, if you if you don't have 6
pack ABS, most women don't even want to see that.
They don't want to see you grabbing your Dick over your
shorts. They don't want to see a toilet
in the background of your pictures.
No, you know, or bathroom lighting, bathroom light don't
want to see it's. Not 2006.
(38:46):
We're done with the bathroom selfies.
Yes, it's done. We're done.
You know, it's not attractive. You know, it's like, do we want
to see a picture of you laying in bed?
No, no, no, really don't. I mean, if you have some things
like to supplement, put pick if you're an artist or if you do
hobbies, if you have pets, don'tflood your dating profile that
(39:08):
but one or two sprinkles of likewhat makes you you.
That's really interesting. Those are the profiles that
catch my eye like, oh, like thisperson has a dog.
I love dogs or this person paints.
I like to paint or just whatever.
It doesn't have to be those things, but don't you know,
don't overdo it. Don't make it like your
Instagram, but just put a littlehere and there and take nice
(39:31):
selfies or get get someone else to take them for you.
And you know, that's something Idid.
You know, I had a little Chihuahua for 18 years and she
was in my bedroom where we'd go,we'd go to sleep every night.
And yes, I would have single menI would date and they would come
back to my place and we would proceed into my bedroom.
(39:52):
Now, how they reacted and how they interacted with my dog
meant fucking everything. That was a test.
The moment she didn't like them,or they weren't kind to her, or
they didn't treat her like a little baby.
Oh, these motherfuckers don't even know.
I never saw him after that. You know, unless they're looking
(40:14):
at my dog like she's a precious little Angel.
They got kicked to the curb really fucking quick.
I think the way people treat animals is fucking huge.
If you're the fucking cock sucker who's driving down the
road and you see an armadillo like I saw this this morning on
my way back from the gym and youpurposely want to hit an animal
(40:36):
on the street, you need to rot in fucking hell.
That karma's going to get you, bitch.
Karma is going to get you. Yeah.
When I've seen people purposefully run over animals,
you know, for the total control of what they do, that's sick
shit. They need to.
Sick shit need to die. So, I mean, these are the people
in their world, you know, in ourworld that we have to live with.
(40:58):
And we really won't know these people until we physically see
what they do. Yeah.
So you really want to see someone's deep, dark secrets of
what they do and how they are. Then I'm like you.
I think you need to put things out there and plant things to
where you can see how people gauge with those specific
things. Yeah, you know.
It's not your and I'm not telling people to lie.
(41:19):
I'm saying you don't owe anybodyfull litany of your life story
right at the Echo. You don't have to arm people who
might be potentially dangerous with your vulnerable private
life and. Remember, you could be dating a
serial killer. You could, yeah.
You know, and I like, I'm tryingto think of what are red flags
and women that we could just skim through really quick.
(41:41):
Well, let's think about this too.
I'm going to say this. I found this quite often that
men would do. Men would say, oh, well, you
want to come and meet me, you know, here non very public.
You want to come over to my house or you want to go and
it's, you know, seven, 8:00 at night.
No, why? And they men would get offended
and I would say, look, I don't know you, you could be fucking
(42:02):
Ted Bundy, a Ted Bundy tight. And I really don't want to be,
you know, dead put in your freezer.
Yeah, I don't want to be skull fuck.
And any dude with a rational mind would recognize that, oh,
women move through this world very differently than I I might
not have meant anything by by inviting Mia to my house, but
now I realize that like, oh, she's a woman.
(42:24):
And so she hit. She faces things like the
possibility of getting murdered.Yeah.
Or rape. Much more vulnerable, yeah.
And so I think that's another good way to see if someone is
decent, like do women, I don't know, do they say things like,
are they over invested in your money?
Yeah, money, material things, materialistic, are they?
(42:45):
I think it's OK if you pay for the date, if you pick the place.
That's how lesbians do it. Like the lesbian, whichever one
of us picked the restaurant, it's expected that that person
pays because we're the one who picked it, you know?
So do that. I don't know.
I don't Straight people, man, no.
And again, I haven't dated in years either, but it's kind of
(43:06):
like, do we go Dutch treat? Are we going to do Dutch?
Am I going to put out at the endof the day?
The other thing I will say this to a lot of people is if you're
looking for a relationship, don't sleep with that person
until you're willing and you visually see and feel that you
could be in a potential relationship with this person.
Yeah, you know, why give yourself, why give that piece of
yourself to someone? And I think, again, I think
(43:27):
women need to see a mystery. They don't need pictures of your
Dick. No, they don't need to see that.
They don't need to see stupid fucking pictures.
Don't be in your car and you have the phone in your lap and
you look down at the picture. That is not, it's not a good
angle. It's terrible.
So yeah, there's a lot of red flags and it's hard dating.
(43:47):
No, it really is. Do we want to judge a woman if
she has four kids with four different fathers?
Do we want to judge a woman likethat?
Maybe, maybe You might want to ask yourself, what is the common
denominator here? Why did that happen again?
I watched the state line, but this woman got involved with a
(44:07):
man and his last two wives were dead.
They died, he was a widower and he come to find out he killed
both of them. Oh, he's a Black Widow.
OK. Yeah.
Nice. So he's a Black Widow for he
Really. Yeah.
God. Yeah, one woman, they said that
he ended up pushing her off a Cliff and made it look like a
hiking accident. And then another time he made
(44:30):
her get under a car to replace atire to swap out a flat tire and
when he did the Jack mysteriously popped out under
and the car literally fell down on her.
Jeez, yeah. So now I I think that a lot of
people, they need, they don't need to talk about their exes,
(44:50):
they don't need to compare theirexes to potential dates.
If you're not over your ex, you have no business being in the
dating realm right now. God, if you still have baggage.
And like, I think that there's gonna be wounds we all carry and
hurt. But if it is something that is
actively affecting your life andyou are still not over your ex
in any way, even if it's like you hate them and you think
(45:11):
about them every day because youhate them because they hurt you,
blah, blah, blah, or you're pining after them.
Both of those things, even hate is a form of like attention and
the where the place you need to be with all of your exes before
you start dating is indifferencebecause you're going to drag all
that shit, all those patterns into the next relationship.
(45:32):
And also reflect on parts of therelationships that you were in.
Even if you were that person wasn't the best person.
Is there parts where you had a part to play?
Because it takes to tango for a lot of things.
So even though I was in a reallybad relationship, I still had
things that I did that I was notproud of, patterns that I
participated in, that we're not OK, that I had to reflect on and
(45:53):
learn and not carry those over. Because even in like, I guess I
see what I'm trying to get out is I see a lot of people like,
my ex is a crazy bitch and everything was her fault.
And it's like, OK, a lot of thatmight be true, but is, was there
nothing that ever happened in your relationship ever your
fault? Like, where?
Where did you go wrong? Yeah, accountability.
(46:14):
If they can't take that back, that's it.
Thing it really is. It really is.
Like I said, how many times do we hear from people?
Oh, you know, all my exes are fucking crazy.
That's a red flag it. Is and it's like, well, let's
see, what kind of women were youdating?
What scene were you in? What were you doing?
How were you representing yourself?
You know, were they settling? Were you settling?
Did you compromise your own values because you didn't really
(46:36):
want to see the full picture? Yeah.
And that's why I think a lot of people can be very blindsided by
the type of people that they meet and date and they're
willing to settle because they're lonely.
Yeah. And if you haven't dated for
years and you're closing yourself off to other people
rather than to get out to meet new friends and new people,
you're holding yourself back. Yeah, because you can get, you
(46:56):
can get like really good connections from platonic
friendships. And I think we're all a little
crazy to a point, but it's like,how?
How much crazy can you handle? What kind of crazy are you going
to tolerate it? There you go.
Well. Not fun.
That's a fun little topic. So great, Evie and I honestly, I
think we could talk about this all night long, but yeah, it's,
(47:18):
it's a lot. It's a lot.
It's a big topic. It is.
I'd like to have live here and to continue this and get her
live in Barbie, see what they think.
I don't like do a continuation episode.
Yes, Barbie has very little dating experience, but she did
have a longer partner, have verybeginning stages of, of when she
started to date and married young and she's had one kind of
(47:42):
on off little relationship and then now she's dating my nephew
and it's very serious. So there hasn't been a lot of
dating with them, but they they all have a little body count,
you know, they can all attest towhat kind of men they like or
women they like and who they like to meet and talk to and all
of that. But I think that overall, I
think men and women need to realize that life is too short.
(48:04):
Yeah. And being superficial or placing
blame on people rather than to it, like you said, acknowledge
their own mistakes and their ownthings that they do to enable
good, healthy relationships or or bad unhealthy ones, I think
all plays a part. And what kind of partner they're
going to be in their relationship.
Yeah. So on that note, even I'll let
(48:27):
you do the closing if you're ready.
I'm ready. Thanks again for being here.
It's been fun. Great seeing you.
You're like, I'm waiting for it.I'm waiting for.
You all. Right, so until then, this has
been the latest episode of. Call me Mistress.
Hi, welcome to the latest episode of Call Me Mistress.
I'm your Hostess, Mistress Mia, and I've got with me today Evie
Bolin. Hello.
Hi, Evie. Hi, Mistress Mia.
You know, we had a nice little lunch about a week or two ago.
Oh. Yeah, with.
(00:28):
Poe and Shaman and we hung out with them and we talked about
quite a few things that day. You were talking AI, you're
talking all this nerd stuff. And I'm like look.
At that bitch you're so smart ohthank you it's right.
I just want to be a bimbo in my real life I.
(00:49):
Don't know too much. Oh no, no, you're better than
that. But still, you know, why not be
a bimbo for a day? I'll see a bit more a day.
I know Shaman likes to be a bimbo because he was taking
selfies. Oh my God.
And he was like, Oh my God, it'sa crime to look this good.
We love, we love confidence. I mean, it's better than the
(01:11):
alternative of like the timid. Like I'm still ugly, Don't look
at me. You know, yes.
And so, you know, in the lifestyle, in our life in
general, between the vanilla world and the fetish world, we
meet a lot of single men. You know, we meet a lot of
(01:34):
single women, but primarily it'ssingle men.
And I think that if they had a better understanding on how to
really put themselves out there and how to be social, then they
wouldn't be single. Yeah.
Because I see a lot of them. I thought when I first got into
the dungeon that I was gonna seea lot of unfortunate souls.
(01:56):
But that was not the case. That's.
Not the case. A lot of these guys are really
good looking. They're not schmucks.
Yeah. And so I'm like, why are you
paying me, man? Like you can't get a girlfriend
to come do this for you. Like it didn't make sense.
Well, you know, you have a lot of men that that we see that are
(02:17):
cross dressers and you know, their girlfriends don't know or
if they knew they wouldn't want anything to do with it.
You take someone who's like Mandy Candy, is he going to have
a girlfriend that's going to accept him and really embrace
everything about him looking sexy and hot in his cute little
skirt with his little thigh eyesand showing off his sexy little
(02:39):
ass? Maybe not right, but PO gave me
the great idea and I'm going to use his words exactly.
He said to make a great podcast.It would really be great
explaining tips for dating profiles with fetish and vanilla
features. I bet a lot of people could use
that advice. I think for the beginning of
(03:00):
this we need to address as Dom'sjust as we did, you know, Would
they be able to be honest about their fetish?
So on the on their vanilla profile.
Yeah. What do you think?
I think. I think honesty is the best
policy, but it has to like don'tlie, but you can omit things.
And I don't mean to because likeI see, I've seen profiles
(03:21):
personally that, well, people will just kind of list out their
kinks on their vanilla profiles,not on Fetlife, but on their
like vanilla profile, Sure. Like Facebook dating, Facebook
dating, Facebook dating, Tinder,Bumble, things like that.
And to me, I'm like, like, I feel like that would be better
for that. But I do think that I see the
(03:44):
opposite where it's like people just don't mention that they're
any kind of kink and then that is a surprise later.
And so it's like, I think that they should kind of like say
like, hey, I'm into an alternative to the, you know,
alternative lifestyles of BSM and whatever.
Just don't make that the focal point of your like profile.
(04:06):
So I want to know, I want to know about you more than just
like your sexual stuff. I want to know what are your
hobbies? And don't say traveling because
everybody likes traveling. That's like saying I like music.
Everybody likes music. Don't put that on your profile.
Stop it. But like, I want to really know
you. I want to really know like, you
(04:27):
know what, what do you do? Like what makes you interesting?
What are things you care about? What are like the things that
make your eyes light up when youtalk about them?
Like that's that's me. And you know, I don't know.
That's what I would say. Well, so there's one thing to be
transparent like that. And I think men need
(04:48):
transparency in women. But I think a lot of women, I
think they really want that mystery.
Yeah. You know, I think they want to
almost be blindsided because they they want to see something
Maybe that's not always there. You'd said this earlier.
We were talking about it. You know, when you're making a
transition in any form in your life, you need to have your shit
(05:10):
together. Oh, yeah.
Before you start dating. Right.
So one of my friends, for example, you know, he was pretty
much, you know, focusing on everyone else but himself.
And and I said, look, you need to do things to improve yourself
so you can have a greater quality of your own life that
(05:32):
you're happy about. And so I was like, you know, you
need to change your look. You need to dress and clothing
that really, you know, pulls outyour eye color and, you know,
people need to see men that can dress.
I think, you know, appearance isnumber 1.
(05:53):
I mean, we're going to be superficial at the very
beginning of this. Men that smell nice, huge.
Like really nice Cologne. Don't be cheap.
Exactly. Really nice Cologne.
I always say, you know, great shoes, you know, don't, don't
stoop on, you know, shitty shoesor sandals.
You know, if you're going to wear sandals, don't have beat up
toes or beat up nasty feet. Oh, another thing, clean your
(06:17):
fucking fingernails. Oh.
God, that's huge. It's.
Huge It's like that's one of thethings I'm I don't date men, you
know, I don't date straight men,but I notice I see it like guys
who have like really messed up nails and not from working, but
like they just don't clean theirnails.
They don't cut their nails, theydon't take care of their hands.
It's like that's really gross. It is.
(06:38):
It's really gross and you shouldtake because like it's not just
a matter of hygiene, but it's like, OK, are you taking care of
yourself? And like, that's what a lot of
women like, you know, I'm not a straight woman, but I like I
because a woman, I look at details, you know, if I see how
you carry yourself, I see how, you know, I will notice dirt
under your fingernails. You know, I will notice hair in
(07:00):
their ear, hair in your ears, hair out of their nose, hair out
of their. I notice those things.
It's like you should take care of yourself and not only with
that, not only not just to attract somebody, but to make
yourself feel good. You know?
If you don't know how to dress, there are subreddits you can go
on Pinterest. Stay away from the manosphere.
(07:21):
Stuff of like don't ever listen to a man about how to get women
because they don't know. Oh, so true.
Listen to women look at, you know, you know how like certain
trends and stuff like that, likewhat kind of hairstyle is going
to look good on you? Like, I don't know, there's a
lot of things you can do. It's huge, it's huge, and I get
(07:42):
on to certain people who have beards.
If you're going to have a beard and you don't maintain it, cut
the fuck a beer off. Cut it off.
You have to be on that you. Have to, you do cut the beard
off period. If if you have facial hair or
mustache or anything like that, if you're not groomed and you're
not doing it every day, you don't need it, you know, and
(08:05):
once a month they need to go to the Barber shop or they need to
go to a salon, they need to get their hair done once a month.
You know, it's a $4050 expense. You know, I mean it.
It's important. You know, as women, we spend
$100 when we go to the salon, weget our nails done, we get the
pedicure, we get the either a manicure or a set of nails.
That's 100 bucks right off the rib.
(08:27):
Yeah, all the facial creams we buy facial creams, makeup,
makeup. Our sookens are closed.
Yes hair products, hair productsyes and if you can't do the bare
minimum it's like it just I don't know it what it would make
you feel good. It would make you feel a lot
better to take care of yourself and it would make you feel
(08:49):
confident because. Angels talking to you.
Angel loves it, am I right? But I think, you know, a lot of
the antidote for the insecurity is doing things that make you
feel secure in yourself. And.
Just like, I don't know, it would make you feel better, you
know? Absolutely.
(09:09):
And you know, there's a lot of men who have said, well, do I
really want to go get a pedicure?
Do I really want to go get a manicure?
Yes, you really do. Yeah.
So anyway, it goes back to self-care.
Okay, so we've talked about the appearance concept of things.
Yeah. Now I told people that, you
know, I had a friend, Sarah James, and she was very much a
crossdresser. She's biological male.
(09:29):
She functions and does whatever she does as a biker, as you
know, as a hip guy in a band, blah, blah, blah.
But he has this cross dressing side of Sarah and he has has
multiple, you know, dating profiles.
Over the years since I knew him,he has gotten married and
divorced. He has had multiple girlfriends.
(09:51):
He's like, oh, Mia, this is the one, this is the 10 Lord.
And they've all been nuts. But ultimately, you know, he's
nuts. I love him.
However, he was very upfront with every woman he ever went
out with. He put on his profile, I'm a
crossdresser. If you have a problem, sorry,
fuck you. That's it.
So I'm like you. It's like, how honest do you be?
(10:11):
I don't know. I don't have that answer, but I
do know that you have somebody that that we've spoken to that
you've met and, you know, he hasn't dated in years.
He's 40 years old and he hasn't dated.
And so his kink is really hindering him.
You know, This is why we were talking about like the adult
baby situation. How do you tell someone you're
(10:32):
potentially wanting to date thatyou're into an adult baby?
And it's like, you know, there'sbeen people who've said, well,
you know, my ex-girlfriend foundthis out and she threatened to
out me. So I don't know, see, This is
why I think like being truthful about being in the community,
right? So start that off, get that out
of the way. You don't have to be specific,
but say I, I, I'm into alternative lifestyles, I'm into
(10:54):
BDSM, you know, use umbrella terms.
Yes, excuse me, but I think it is perfectly fine, especially
for really taboo and stigmatizedkings, to keep that close to
your chest until you can make sure that this person isn't
going to weaponize them like it is.
(11:16):
And you, and you have to do thatlike, you know, you have to let
me think, try to word this. I think that you have to put out
feelers for different types of questions you're going to ask
them. Like how do they think is this
an evolved thinker? Is this someone, if you, you
(11:37):
throw out a comment about maybe 50 Shades of Grey or or
something and what is their reaction to it are.
And you can, you don't have to ever directly say the thing, but
you can hint things adjacent to it and gauge reactions that way.
I think it's perfectly acceptable to protect yourself
if you are someone who has a highly stigmatized kink to keep
(11:58):
that close to your chest until you know that that person is
worthy and safe to tell them about it.
So there's lots of ways you can do that.
You know, there's a lot, like, Icould probably think about a
few, but I need a minute trying to slow my ADHD down.
But yeah, I, I think putting feelers out, does this person
(12:19):
flinch when you, you talk about maybe some like a BDSM scene you
saw or, you know, 50 Shades, what other things?
There's, there's a bunch of other things that I just can't
think of because I don't engage with pop culture, No.
And I think too, if you you correlate it with a movie,
because movies are relatable to a lot of people.
People like cinema, right. So you bring up simple things
(12:40):
like there was that Damon Wayansmovie where they had the guy and
he would pose as a baby. It's like, is she going to find
it humorous? Is she going to find it cute?
Watch the movie, you know, like you said, gauge your reaction.
Yeah. So I think there's little simple
things you can do. Yeah.
But I think that, and I've I've explained this to different male
friends of mine, men are like Cavemen.
(13:01):
They're very simplistic. They take and they think of
themselves in the way like, whatcan ioffer this individual
measure themselves as individuals as to their
financial status or what they can give their potential
partners? But men are very simplistic.
I don't think that men see the bigger picture.
(13:22):
I think they're willing to settle and they're willing to
compromise their own beliefs andtheir values when they find a
woman that they might just be attracted to, or she might have
some qualities that are really great and those are those
qualities that outweigh the negative.
Yeah. I think that you know, there was
there was a show years ago and it was millionaire Matchmaker,
(13:46):
right? So she would have these little
mingles and she said look to drink Max OK, and people
sometimes would exceed that thatto drink limit.
And my thing is you are going tohave a compromise judgment if
you're under the influence, right, Yes, as we all do.
(14:06):
So you have to be level headed, clear minded, and you have to
find compatible partners that you have true things in common
with. So we're going to take the
example of the few people that you and I have met and that
you've met recently that but I've been friends with in the
community for a while. So they're both gamers, right?
(14:26):
So they can find women that gameor women that are acceptable to
them gaming, you know, but most men, they like to do outdoor
stuff, kayaking. Well, you know, there's there's
clubs, there's other places thatthey can go to to do things
like, you know, kayaking groups and hiking groups and that kind
of thing. I just think that so many men
(14:47):
have this level of insecurity with their own kink that they
don't address it. And I think so many women are
naive to the fact that all men have a specific kink.
Yeah, we all have one thing thatwe really like.
And it might not even be BDSM related.
It might be that maybe have kissing fetish like you know
(15:09):
you're. Really into kissing you're.
Really into kissing, that's the way you can actually have an
orgasm. That's the way you connect with
somebody. You know, I'm trying to think of
other like traditional things, but you want to find somebody
that that really interacts with you well.
And like you said, keep your secrets to to your chest to a
point until you know that person's safe.
(15:30):
Yeah, but don't blind side them.Don't.
Don't blind side them so be honest that you're into some
shit and you know use the commonones that people already know
about. People like BDSM is pretty
because of the pop culture stuff, but the more sensitive
ones, the ones that could be used against you to to
weaponize, to hurt you. Keep those close to your chest
until that person is proving themselves safe enough to
(15:54):
divulge that to you. Also, you were saying something
about the kayaking groups and all these other different
things. I think just people in general,
myself included, I think that wepeople would, we would all feel
more confident if we actually like did something cool and
creative more like, you know, like get a skill set, Like
(16:15):
there's so many cool things you could do.
Like there's like a Pensacola, right?
Is that kind of saying? Yeah, OK.
Absolutely. So here in Pensacola, there's
all kinds of little places you can go to like learn stuff you
could learn. You could take a drawing class,
you could take a pottery class. These are the avenues to meet
people. But it's also like, don't just
(16:36):
go with that. Like I'm going to meet somebody.
I'm going to, I'm on the, I'm onthe pro, but like go there to
like, I'm going to enrich myselfand like that just naturally
like attracts people to you and you're like deciding that I'm
going to like do something for me and like enriching my life.
(16:56):
That's, you know, that's good. It's good for your brain and it
makes you more confident and makes you more approachable.
And I don't, I don't know. You're absolutely right.
It's like going to a theater group where you're going to be
engaging with people. You know, you're setting the
stage unintended. You're setting the stage for a
potential partner who would havethe same common interest.
(17:17):
You know, meeting somebody organically, that's something
that is so valuable. You know, it's like you don't
necessarily have to depend on a dating profile.
Yeah. But like you said, you know, I I
tried to pair up people, even men, you know, try to pair up
male friends so that they can develop, you know, camaraderie
(17:39):
to go out, be each other's wingman and feel things out.
And they don't have to go to a fucking bar.
They could go, you know, have, you know, dinner.
They could go somewhere where they would see other singles.
That you bring up a really good point.
I think the because there are a lot of single women, right, who
haven't dated etcetera, etcetera, but they don't have
the same kind of, I guess a lot.I'm, I'm not going to speak for
(18:03):
everybody, but like, I'm single.Just from your.
Experience. Just from my experience, I'm
single. I don't really date.
And that I'm not looking to right now because I've I've
spending a lot of my time tryingto better myself, not to be
better for a potential future, but because I deserve to love
myself. I deserve to have these cool,
(18:26):
enriching experiences. And I also have like my need for
connection. I have really rich, like
friendship and platonic connections like you, oops at
the mic, like you, my my vanillafriends, you know, and I I think
a lot of men really do need moremale friends that are not that
(18:52):
influences. So stay drinking respect women
juice. I think that you guys, a lot of
the, the, the males, the male listeners wouldn't feel so as
isolated being single if they made really like authentic,
genuine connections with other men and, and friends without the
goal of like dating, dating. Like I, so I, you know, I'm a
(19:15):
lesbian and I have a couple of straight male friends, but it
was really, really hard for me to make friends with straight
males because they either only wanted to be my friend because
they wanted to fuck me or that was the end goal.
Like, you know, and, and once wegot past that point, like as I
(19:37):
ain't going to have sorry, best days, it's not going to happen.
They were able to kind of, we were able to form genuine
connections with each other thatare platonic and that have been
really enriching. Yeah, enriching is the word.
And I'm like, guys, be friends with women without the goal of
(19:58):
eventually. Having sex with them.
Having sex with them, you know, value them as as French, like as
friends and companions. And, you know, I think too, that
we meet a lot of men that are very submissive, you know, in
their kink, you know, and again,I'm, I'm just talking kink
perspective, but I think it's hard for them to find women that
(20:22):
don't want or do, excuse me, they find women.
And these women specifically want, you know, very dominant
men. And they can't be that.
It's like they want to, but theyreally don't have it in them.
So what do they do? Well, they need to be around
women that they know has the potential to be dominant versus
(20:44):
being around submissive women. So it's like, again, you're
like, go out there and enrich your lives and find something
that you enjoy, like doing jiu jitsu.
Yeah. You know there's going to be
women that do jiu jitsu and they're willing to beat your
ass, you know? Boxing and stuff like.
Boxing, yes, do something like that.
(21:05):
But you know, you find these women who are active and you
know, a lot of women that go to the gym, you look at them.
I mean, they're some of them arejust buff bitches, you know?
Me a buff muscle mommy get. Me the hot.
Guys, Rhea, what is her name? Rhea Ripley.
(21:28):
She's like AW2. She's my whole past Primo,
right? I want her to choke, slammy,
break my arm, put me in a hole, like just fuck me up like and I
pay her to do it. But yeah, I think that that
that's a good idea. You know, also guys, you know,
(21:49):
being single is not a fucking punishment.
It's not a sentence. You're fine like.
Yeah, but I know you say that because it's because, you know,
it's like we're women and we cansay those things just because we
still have so much life in US and the things that we want to
do. And you're still really young.
That's true. You are.
(22:09):
But you know, I'm talking to guys through over 40 and they're
still single, but they don't realize why they're still
single. Right.
OK, so I think we could break this part down.
So visually, do they have their their physical appearance
together? OK, so these are some checklist
points they they really need to think about and address.
So are they grooming? Are they dressed in their own
(22:31):
appropriate attire that is fitting for their look?
Like you said, now someone wantsquestions on, you know, an
actual good look for a man. I am great.
I can look at somebody. I can tell you, you'll look good
in this cut, This cut. These are kind of jeans you need
to wear. Boom, boom, boom.
Yeah, I will tell you, I have this one friend just going off
(22:52):
just for one moment. But I had this friend, he came
to a party years ago, and I lovehim.
He's a great guy. He came with this very
outrageous sexual woman. Incredible.
And I was like, oh, these two are not a pair for one another
because he is very reserved. He had on a cat T-shirt.
She was dressed as a porn star. He's like, look, we were just
(23:15):
going to the beach and she's like, hey, do you want to go to
a sex party? He's like, I've never been to a
sex party. I just came in what I had on.
He's like, sorry if I don't fit the attire.
I said no, no, you're good, you're good.
Well, for a couple years, you know, he ended up helping me
with the parties, the catering, the ticketing.
I mean, he was very well-rounded, smart, smart,
(23:37):
intelligent man, really great guy, quirky, but yet witty.
Just just a fun kind of nerd guythat you just like, you know,
and for him, he need to find another nerd chick.
But you know, other women would hit on him and there was older
women and younger women that were too young.
And I'm like, look, you got to change your look.
(23:57):
You got to throw away the T-shirts.
So men throw away the fucking T-shirts.
Anybody can wear a T-shirt. The only time you need to be
wearing AT shirt is when you're at home lounging like a lazy
fuck in a pair of pajama pants and nobody's going to fucking
see you, right? Don't go out in a fucking.
T-shirt. Only time it's appropriate is if
it's a banjer and you're going somewhere appropriate.
(24:19):
There you go any who. So I told him I said, listen,
what you got to do is you get a nice, you know, button down.
And I said, if you're coming into a sex party, wear a nice
black button down, long sleeve but sexy.
And you want it fitting. You want it form fitting.
You don't want to where the buttons are popping out, but you
want it form fitting to you. Like slim cuts are great, but
(24:40):
then he had bigger legs and I said, look, you need to go for a
straight leg that's not form fitting and that's not going to
accentuate your thighs. And then you want to go with the
dark Jean. You don't go for light colored
jeans period. If you have a little weight,
guys, you don't wear light colored jeans.
They make your ass look big and saggy.
It's not appealing. If you want a big saggy ass, do
(25:01):
it. Then I told him, I said, and
wear nice dress shoes. So you got on a pair of nice
dress shoes, got a nice black button down.
You got Cologne on. You know, you're looking
dazzling. You're smelling dazzling.
You put some gel in your hair orhowever your stylist fixes it,
but make it look good. He didn't listen to me.
He never listened to me. The shirt was too tight.
(25:23):
The jeans were the wrong color. You know, he had someone else
dress him. It didn't, It didn't look right.
And I said, you know, I keep giving you advice and you don't
take it. And then, you know, one time he
had tennis shoes on. He's like, well, the dress shoes
were uncomfortable. I'm like, do not come to a sex
party. Do not go to a fancy place
period wearing fucking tennis shoes.
Guys don't do it. Or sandals or sandals.
(25:45):
Nobody likes fucking strappy sandals on dudes.
So I'll hold on eating. Let me get you the best part.
So finally, finally, after knowing him for a good six
years, finally took my complete advice and he dressed to the 9.
He got a haircut, you know, ear hair gone, nose hair gone.
(26:05):
Smelled great, everything perfect.
It was a costume party. He was dressed kind of medieval,
but it was still very like steampunk, and he looked
dynamite. Great shoes, the whole outfit.
I'm like, if you don't get laid tonight, OK, it was not you.
Because tonight you look fuckingincredible.
(26:28):
And you know what happened here?The party started at 7:00, by
10:00, by 10:00. Here he comes arm in arm with
this beautiful brunette. And I said, oh, you 2 look so
cute together. Is this your first night
meeting? He's like, Oh yeah, you know, we
just met and I said, doesn't he look good tonight?
And she's like, well, I don't know how he usually looks, but
(26:49):
man. And he smells so good and he
looks so good. She's like, we were going to go
upstairs and and have some fun. I said, go ahead and do it.
And he's like, no, I was going to go ahead and take her back to
my place. And then she looked at me and
she's like, have you known him? Could you, can you like vet him?
And I said, I've known him for years.
He's a big nerd. I know where he works.
He's never been married. He has no baggage and no kids.
(27:11):
He's fucking perfect. I said, not to mention a great
credit rating. And she's like, yes, just score,
score. So you know what happened?
Left. They fucked all night.
He had a fabulous fucking time. She had a fabulous time.
She didn't want to leave the next day.
I was. Yeah.
And they ended up moving in together like four months later.
Five months later, yes. Listen to Mia.
(27:34):
Yes, listen to me, you know. And here's another thing, you
know, he was one of those. He was telling me he's like,
well, you know, I don't, I don'treally want a woman with kids
because it's not the kids, it's having to deal with the dads, if
the dads are shit bags, right? Well, she was kind of in a
situation where the dad was in existence and I told him, I
(27:54):
said, look, I said when you're over 30, you're just going to
have to accept there's going to be nice women that might have a
few kids. You know, it's one of those
things, do you want to be a parent?
You know, can you be a parent? Well, we know you can be a good
parent, so why not just suck it up and do what comes in your
future? Stop looking at one specific
things you don't like and see, that's where I think our karma
(28:17):
gets us. I think in our mind, we'll,
we'll tell people and we'll tellourselves, oh, well, you know
what? I would never date somebody who
looks like this and I would never date somebody who does
that for a living. And ultimately they fall in love
with that exact same type of person.
They they talked about not wanting.
So it's like, stop with the labels and being superficial and
(28:38):
being stupid and petty over stupid shit that don't matter.
Yeah, you go for the person's character you know and and
really value yourself and don't settle for less.
Yeah, like what are, what are deal Breakers that I cuz I, you
know, I know that I can ask any of my female friends and be
like, what's your deal Breakers?And they could give me really
intelligent list of things that are just no goes for them.
(29:00):
And they're, they're very like sometimes they're like gotta
have a nice Dick. OK, But a lot of them are more
about does he does he respect women?
Is he, you know, is he nice to wait staff or whatever?
They all these different intelligent responses.
And I'm very curious because with at least with the the few
straight men that I have as friends, when I asked them what
(29:21):
their deal Breakers are, they are all these very superficial
things. So that have nothing to do with
the woman's character and everything is just these super
like petty superficial things like can't be over 25, hasn't
had a body count of such and such like this real just shallow
shit that have nothing to do with who this person is, what
(29:44):
they value. It's all about what they look
like. And I get it like attraction is
important, but attraction is also chemistry with that person.
If you are your perfect dream girl that fits all your little
boxes, you, you're what if you don't even like her?
What if she's just a potato because there's nothing going on
(30:05):
other than she fits a, you know,a really shallow.
Yeah, I was going to say it's a physical appearance.
And also like. Beauty fades.
That exterior beauty fades. It's going you're going to
change. Body changes are just trying to
make them one sell them their loneliness.
Well, I, I see your point on this, but I also see at the same
time, I've, I've seen men and they'll say, well, you know,
(30:28):
she's really attractive, but shewas crazy.
And it seems like all I do is draw crazy women and I'm like,
well, OK, there's a thing there.It's like, OK, where are you
meeting these women? Why are you dating them past
that point? Yeah, when you they give you the
red. Flags yes so you know let's look
at the red flags of what you would see in a woman all right
(30:48):
so as women, you know what this is where we need a man on the
podcast you know what would theysee in a woman and they'd be
like Oh well I I've never had a man have any issues with my body
count. You know, and that's because I'm
not dating someone who is like extreme into the church, right.
You know, just to throw out the whole religion aspect of it.
I've I've never had someone who's had issues with my parents
(31:11):
because I always try to dress appropriately.
I don't look bad, and I think that's kind of what you go for
You're. Not dating people you're not
compatible with exactly are. You going to go out with
somebody who dresses like a bum,for example, and who is dirty?
I mean, is that the kind of person that appeals to you?
Well, you know, I'll tell you this.
You know, I have one of my nieces and she jokes about she
(31:33):
kind of likes that grungy look, that grungy skater dude, you
know? And I'm like, but honey, if he
has dirty fingernails, for example, you don't want those
dirty fingernails inside of you.You do not.
You do not I. Won't like, and there's a
difference between like curated aesthetics.
So like the aesthetic of a skater boy, the aesthetic of
(31:54):
like a surfer dude or a biker. You can dress in those
aesthetics, those sub styles, whatever.
It's the problem of like you gotdirty fingernails.
Like it tells me, if you don't clean your fingernails, do you
wipe your own ass right? Oh my God, don't get me started
on that. Don't get me started.
We gotta talk about it. I've, I've said this on the
(32:15):
podcast before and we just recently talked about it.
And I said I, I went out with a guy and I wasn't dating him.
He was, it was strictly for sex.But again, he didn't know how to
wipe his ass. And my thing of it is, if you
can't wipe it or you can't reachit, you need to get a fucking
bidet. You hook up that bidet, they're
20 bucks on Amazon. You know get spraying that
(32:36):
asshole if you don't know how towipe your own ass.
In your asshole, like it's just it just like I I've known, I've
heard of like straight girls telling me about their
boyfriends and how they're like,yeah, he leaves like Doo Doo
stains on the shoes and I'm like, girl, he fucking what?
Like there's Doo Doo stains. Like you're OK with that?
(32:58):
That is not OK. What the fuck?
Or yeah, his toenails are so long that it tears holes in my
new sheets. I'm like, bitch, what is the
matter with you? Like, why are you tolerating
that? Is like not a domesticated man
that is a caveman putting him outside like until he can learn
some manners. But yeah, that's like, like a
common thing. Like guys are like, I don't want
(33:19):
to wipe my own ass because it's gay to touch my asshole.
I'm like. Oh my God, did you hear that?
I've heard it. Oh my God my brother is like
y'all. I'm not.
I'm not gonna put out my brotherlike that.
Tell him get a bidet. He says it's too gay.
Oh, my God, shut up. Oh, goodness.
(33:44):
We've talked about physical. We've talked about.
OK, so here's another aspect. How about what they do
professionally? OK, so if we're doms and we're
doing our thing again, are we going to be around somebody who
would look at us and say, oh, I can't deal with that.
She beats men for a living. She dresses up crossdressers.
Come on. Could we do that?
No. So again, you be around someone
(34:06):
who is going to be understandingI.
Don't think I, I don't think certain people could, even if
they have great chemistry, say like a Senator, right?
Senator comes in, is wanting to date someone, finds a Dom, finds
out she's a Dom. I just don't think that's going
to work out just because of whatthe Dom does.
And this hypothetical senator, right, sure, because that's
(34:27):
going to be used against him, blah, blah, blah.
So like something you don't wantto, it's all about
compatibility. Even if like other stuff is
good, like sometimes it just don't work out, but you can
still be, I don't know, cordial.I guess I'm tired.
I know. It's OK, We're going to, we're
going to finish this up soon. But so guys, is the checklist of
the appearance, the smell, hygiene, then you have to
(34:50):
address your overall personality.
Yeah. Are you off putting?
Are you arrogant? Are you someone who professes to
know everything? Are you someone who is negative
or bitter or pretentious? All of these things, Nobody
wants to be around that. No.
You know, if you want to find someone who is with you, then
(35:11):
you can find someone who is arrogant or bitter or negative,
you know, or a big cynic. You can find any of that if you
want. But, you know, if you draw
crazy, you might be a little crazy yourself.
Yeah, or if you draw someone who's a, you know, drunken
bitch. Why would you be drawn to a
drunken bitch? Yeah, you know, are you an
(35:32):
enabler? Are you a drunk?
Are you some of my red? Flags I don't drink I I don't
have an update Addicts of any kind, Alcoholics addicts, I
don't. Yeah, and you know, that's the
thing. When you're an addict, you
enable yourself and others around you because you can't get
past your addiction. Yeah.
So it affects everything. And I'm a huge enabler.
(35:53):
I'm such a people pleaser and like addicts and people pleasers
go together like oil and water. It's oh.
Yeah, I know that there's so many submissive women and
they're very few dominant women.Yeah.
That the dominant women, they want to create a cult for
themselves, a personality that they want to kind of control
their minions. I've never been like that.
But there's women out there who want to create that whole
(36:14):
concept of having a group of no slaves or minions or
submissives. If you want to be that, fine be
that. I don't care.
But I think in the King community, I think it's going to
be harder. There is kinkydating.com.
I met a woman who who started it.
She's in in Canada and and she started the dating kinky.com
(36:36):
because she knows how difficult it is to date people that are in
the fetish lifestyle. Because Fetlife really does not
give you the capabilities of creating a dating profile.
Yeah, you have a profile and youcan join groups, but then
there's so many people that are guarded in the community.
They're like, oh, you got to be vetted.
Oh, you got to do this. You got to do that.
You got to jump through hoops, you got to come through our
(36:57):
group meetings and our munches so we can meet you and all this.
But again, it's putting yourselfout there.
It's putting yourself out there in a healthy way.
OK, I'm going to just jump into this.
I'll say this. So guys, on a dating profile,
when you're taking pictures of yourself, have someone take
pictures of you actively doing something.
Yeah. Don't do the same picture pose
(37:19):
that are selfies in the same pose for multiple pictures.
Yeah, don't do that. Because they can't gauge your
size, your stature, what you're wearing, they can't really
understand what you really represent as a whole.
I want to see pictures of you doing your hobbies.
I want to see pictures of you with your friends, like yes, or
doing something like if you're at a concert, yes, like ask
(37:41):
someone in the back even if you're there alone because I
know a lot of people don't have a lot of friends.
Sure. And but if you know if you're
alone, ask someone if you go to like a show to take a picture of
you and lots of people will do it.
And lots of. People, put yourself out there,
stop being so shy and just like no one's ever gonna like me.
And then you attract what you. Put out in the world,
absolutely, you really do because people sense those
(38:04):
feelings. You know you could look at
someone, you know, the windows of the soul of the eyes, you
know And if they look into your eyes and they see, you know,
pain or insecurity, you know people can sense that from you.
Yeah. So that's why you know you have
to nourish yourself and nourish your spirit in your mind and do
healthy things. So don't take a picture of your
(38:26):
physical body with no shirt on no, if you if you don't have 6
pack ABS, most women don't even want to see that.
They don't want to see you grabbing your Dick over your
shorts. They don't want to see a toilet
in the background of your pictures.
No, you know, or bathroom lighting, bathroom light don't
want to see it's. Not 2006.
(38:46):
We're done with the bathroom selfies.
Yes, it's done. We're done.
You know, it's not attractive. You know, it's like, do we want
to see a picture of you laying in bed?
No, no, no, really don't. I mean, if you have some things
like to supplement, put pick if you're an artist or if you do
hobbies, if you have pets, don'tflood your dating profile that
(39:08):
but one or two sprinkles of likewhat makes you you.
That's really interesting. Those are the profiles that
catch my eye like, oh, like thisperson has a dog.
I love dogs or this person paints.
I like to paint or just whatever.
It doesn't have to be those things, but don't you know,
don't overdo it. Don't make it like your
Instagram, but just put a littlehere and there and take nice
(39:31):
selfies or get get someone else to take them for you.
And you know, that's something Idid.
You know, I had a little Chihuahua for 18 years and she
was in my bedroom where we'd go,we'd go to sleep every night.
And yes, I would have single menI would date and they would come
back to my place and we would proceed into my bedroom.
(39:52):
Now, how they reacted and how they interacted with my dog
meant fucking everything. That was a test.
The moment she didn't like them,or they weren't kind to her, or
they didn't treat her like a little baby.
Oh, these motherfuckers don't even know.
I never saw him after that. You know, unless they're looking
(40:14):
at my dog like she's a precious little Angel.
They got kicked to the curb really fucking quick.
I think the way people treat animals is fucking huge.
If you're the fucking cock sucker who's driving down the
road and you see an armadillo like I saw this this morning on
my way back from the gym and youpurposely want to hit an animal
(40:36):
on the street, you need to rot in fucking hell.
That karma's going to get you, bitch.
Karma is going to get you. Yeah.
When I've seen people purposefully run over animals,
you know, for the total control of what they do, that's sick
shit. They need to.
Sick shit need to die. So, I mean, these are the people
in their world, you know, in ourworld that we have to live with.
(40:58):
And we really won't know these people until we physically see
what they do. Yeah.
So you really want to see someone's deep, dark secrets of
what they do and how they are. Then I'm like you.
I think you need to put things out there and plant things to
where you can see how people gauge with those specific
things. Yeah, you know.
It's not your and I'm not telling people to lie.
(41:19):
I'm saying you don't owe anybodyfull litany of your life story
right at the Echo. You don't have to arm people who
might be potentially dangerous with your vulnerable private
life and. Remember, you could be dating a
serial killer. You could, yeah.
You know, and I like, I'm tryingto think of what are red flags
and women that we could just skim through really quick.
(41:41):
Well, let's think about this too.
I'm going to say this. I found this quite often that
men would do. Men would say, oh, well, you
want to come and meet me, you know, here non very public.
You want to come over to my house or you want to go and
it's, you know, seven, 8:00 at night.
No, why? And they men would get offended
and I would say, look, I don't know you, you could be fucking
(42:02):
Ted Bundy, a Ted Bundy tight. And I really don't want to be,
you know, dead put in your freezer.
Yeah, I don't want to be skull fuck.
And any dude with a rational mind would recognize that, oh,
women move through this world very differently than I I might
not have meant anything by by inviting Mia to my house, but
now I realize that like, oh, she's a woman.
(42:24):
And so she hit. She faces things like the
possibility of getting murdered.Yeah.
Or rape. Much more vulnerable, yeah.
And so I think that's another good way to see if someone is
decent, like do women, I don't know, do they say things like,
are they over invested in your money?
Yeah, money, material things, materialistic, are they?
(42:45):
I think it's OK if you pay for the date, if you pick the place.
That's how lesbians do it. Like the lesbian, whichever one
of us picked the restaurant, it's expected that that person
pays because we're the one who picked it, you know?
So do that. I don't know.
I don't Straight people, man, no.
And again, I haven't dated in years either, but it's kind of
(43:06):
like, do we go Dutch treat? Are we going to do Dutch?
Am I going to put out at the endof the day?
The other thing I will say this to a lot of people is if you're
looking for a relationship, don't sleep with that person
until you're willing and you visually see and feel that you
could be in a potential relationship with this person.
Yeah, you know, why give yourself, why give that piece of
yourself to someone? And I think, again, I think
(43:27):
women need to see a mystery. They don't need pictures of your
Dick. No, they don't need to see that.
They don't need to see stupid fucking pictures.
Don't be in your car and you have the phone in your lap and
you look down at the picture. That is not, it's not a good
angle. It's terrible.
So yeah, there's a lot of red flags and it's hard dating.
(43:47):
No, it really is. Do we want to judge a woman if
she has four kids with four different fathers?
Do we want to judge a woman likethat?
Maybe, maybe You might want to ask yourself, what is the common
denominator here? Why did that happen again?
I watched the state line, but this woman got involved with a
(44:07):
man and his last two wives were dead.
They died, he was a widower and he come to find out he killed
both of them. Oh, he's a Black Widow.
OK. Yeah.
Nice. So he's a Black Widow for he
Really. Yeah.
God. Yeah, one woman, they said that
he ended up pushing her off a Cliff and made it look like a
hiking accident. And then another time he made
(44:30):
her get under a car to replace atire to swap out a flat tire and
when he did the Jack mysteriously popped out under
and the car literally fell down on her.
Jeez, yeah. So now I I think that a lot of
people, they need, they don't need to talk about their exes,
(44:50):
they don't need to compare theirexes to potential dates.
If you're not over your ex, you have no business being in the
dating realm right now. God, if you still have baggage.
And like, I think that there's gonna be wounds we all carry and
hurt. But if it is something that is
actively affecting your life andyou are still not over your ex
in any way, even if it's like you hate them and you think
(45:11):
about them every day because youhate them because they hurt you,
blah, blah, blah, or you're pining after them.
Both of those things, even hate is a form of like attention and
the where the place you need to be with all of your exes before
you start dating is indifferencebecause you're going to drag all
that shit, all those patterns into the next relationship.
(45:32):
And also reflect on parts of therelationships that you were in.
Even if you were that person wasn't the best person.
Is there parts where you had a part to play?
Because it takes to tango for a lot of things.
So even though I was in a reallybad relationship, I still had
things that I did that I was notproud of, patterns that I
participated in, that we're not OK, that I had to reflect on and
(45:53):
learn and not carry those over. Because even in like, I guess I
see what I'm trying to get out is I see a lot of people like,
my ex is a crazy bitch and everything was her fault.
And it's like, OK, a lot of thatmight be true, but is, was there
nothing that ever happened in your relationship ever your
fault? Like, where?
Where did you go wrong? Yeah, accountability.
(46:14):
If they can't take that back, that's it.
Thing it really is. It really is.
Like I said, how many times do we hear from people?
Oh, you know, all my exes are fucking crazy.
That's a red flag it. Is and it's like, well, let's
see, what kind of women were youdating?
What scene were you in? What were you doing?
How were you representing yourself?
You know, were they settling? Were you settling?
Did you compromise your own values because you didn't really
(46:36):
want to see the full picture? Yeah.
And that's why I think a lot of people can be very blindsided by
the type of people that they meet and date and they're
willing to settle because they're lonely.
Yeah. And if you haven't dated for
years and you're closing yourself off to other people
rather than to get out to meet new friends and new people,
you're holding yourself back. Yeah, because you can get, you
(46:56):
can get like really good connections from platonic
friendships. And I think we're all a little
crazy to a point, but it's like,how?
How much crazy can you handle? What kind of crazy are you going
to tolerate it? There you go.
Well. Not fun.
That's a fun little topic. So great, Evie and I honestly, I
think we could talk about this all night long, but yeah, it's,
(47:18):
it's a lot. It's a lot.
It's a big topic. It is.
I'd like to have live here and to continue this and get her
live in Barbie, see what they think.
I don't like do a continuation episode.
Yes, Barbie has very little dating experience, but she did
have a longer partner, have verybeginning stages of, of when she
started to date and married young and she's had one kind of
(47:42):
on off little relationship and then now she's dating my nephew
and it's very serious. So there hasn't been a lot of
dating with them, but they they all have a little body count,
you know, they can all attest towhat kind of men they like or
women they like and who they like to meet and talk to and all
of that. But I think that overall, I
think men and women need to realize that life is too short.
(48:04):
Yeah. And being superficial or placing
blame on people rather than to it, like you said, acknowledge
their own mistakes and their ownthings that they do to enable
good, healthy relationships or or bad unhealthy ones, I think
all plays a part. And what kind of partner they're
going to be in their relationship.
Yeah. So on that note, even I'll let
(48:27):
you do the closing if you're ready.
I'm ready. Thanks again for being here.
It's been fun. Great seeing you.
You're like, I'm waiting for it.I'm waiting for.
You all. Right, so until then, this has
been the latest episode of. Call me Mistress.
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