September 5, 2025 • 43 mins
TONY IS A FRIEND OF OURS AND IS NEEDING OUR ADVICE ON SUBMISSION AND DEALING WITH DEPRESSION. HE ENJOYS BEING SECRETLY BI AND COMING TO INTOX POPPER VIDEOS..
#DEPRESSION
#POPPERS
#KINK
#SUBMISSION
AND CHECK US OUT ON PATREON AND LISTEN TO OUR NEW PODCAST - MISTRESS MIA'S BEDTIME STORIES
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:06):
Hi. Welcome to the latest episode of
Call Me Mistress. I'm your Hostess, Mistress Mia,
and I've got with me my 2 favorites, Madame Liv and Lil
PO, Master Viper. A.
A. A.
Yo-yo yo. You know, I went through an
edited Friday's episode and holyshit balls we laugh so fucking
(00:34):
much on that episode. I hope no one said.
God I wish they would quit fucking laughing so much.
I don't care if they say that I had a good time it.
Was too as. Much as this is for like the
general public, it's also for us.
And we get to have fun and we get to release our thoughts.
And if you don't like us, happy.So sorry.
Alright, I like that note. So anywho, Speaking of notes, we
(00:57):
have two emails. This was quite funny.
I don't think people realize that I get multiple emails and
multiple texts every day and I really try to find the time to
respond as quickly as possible. And so when we were expecting
different people to come yesterday to the dungeon and I'm
juggling what I am, I get this e-mail on fat and this this
(01:21):
gentleman he requested to see live, okay.
And I said, yeah, you know, she,you can see her today at 11:00.
And he's like, no, I can't do 11.
I said, OK, well what time he's like, I don't know, I've got to
get stuff to do an enema becausehe wanted to do some anal play
and I'm like, oh, lucky live. But I told him, I said if he
(01:43):
wanted that, then he has to do an animal.
And it's a really critical thingand people don't get this.
So if you want to come in for ass play, in the words of Lady
Velvet Steel, I don't want to play with your shit.
I want to play with your ass andthat's it.
So people have to realize you have to fast at least 4 hours
(02:04):
minimum because we don't want tostrike an oil Chamber of shit.
We have one gentleman and he contacts me all the fucking time
and poor Barbie got stuck with him last time and you know he
wanted to see Barbie but his asshole became a quick lava cake
(02:25):
of fucking disgustingness and wehad to put the trash can like
and he was like oh he completelyobliterated to the oh excuse me.
He was completely oblivious to the fact he.
Obliterated that room is what hedid.
He obliterated the room and he was oblivious to it, but he.
(02:47):
Fucking wasn't. He pretended to be, yeah.
But. Anywho, in the continuation of
this e-mail he tells me he has two enema.
So I tell him I said you get a warm enema bottle from the store
and instead of using the contents you throw the contents
out and you get distilled warm water.
(03:11):
I said flush it three times until it's clear.
But I mistyped instead of sayinguntil clear my phone picked up
don't eat. Until your ass is no longer
eating that enema. OK, I see.
Where you going with that I. Know it was a mistype.
(03:31):
It was a mistype. I couldn't.
Don't eat it anyway. So like I asked, don't eat.
So I thought that was very amusing.
I. Like it?
I like it. You know, instead of saying, oh,
Mistress Mia, I get it, this is probably a mist type.
(03:53):
No, I'm not going to eat my enema before my shit.
But but we do have a gentleman and he wants to come in this
week at some point, but the weekis almost over, so probably have
to be next week. And I said I'm pretty much the
only one who do toilet toilet training.
What's up? With you today, it's toilet
training. It's.
(04:13):
Toilet training in obliterate that.
Toilet. And.
Really getting made fun of rightnow.
Like I just lost my dog 2 days ago.
Hey don't bring that up. You fuckers are making fun of
me. Fuck you, hey.
The dead dog card. Kind of shine and you're lying.
(04:42):
How about you come to work and actual clothes that belong?
To. You you wear something that
covers too. Where are you wearing?
Yeah, you can see my Tatas anyway.
Hey, I'm just sitting over here enjoying the conversation,
y'all, Y'all keep going, keep going.
It's happening so fast, I don't know what's going on.
(05:05):
OK, all right, so let's get serious for a moment.
Stop making fun of your mistressMia.
OK, so. No promises.
She said I'm a dog, damn it. So there's this gentleman and he
is absolutely, it's just a sweetheart.
He's been writing the podcast and myself for the last year.
I told him that last October when I went to a wedding in
(05:28):
Vermont that I would make time. I would more than happy to come
and see him, but he at the time just wasn't available.
You know, our our schedules didn't mash.
And so you know, he's proceeded.He's continued to write me
during this time, but his name is Tony and Tony really
struggles a lot with his own self worth, his value,
(05:49):
depression, etcetera. And he's never told his wife
really all of his kinks, which is a lot of like forced male
bisexual, you know, aspects of his sexuality and you know,
there's various things. I'm sure there's more there that
he really just hasn't revealed with everything, right?
But anyway, he writes me and he's like hello Mistress, happy
(06:11):
Labor Day. I hope you had a great weekend
and even better summer. I wanted to get your opinion on
something given your years of experience in the dungeon.
I consider you an expert in the field.
On top of your masters in BDSM kink, you're also a kind and
caring person, so your point of view means something to me.
Do you believe there's a correlation between submission
(06:32):
and depression? We've talked about this in the
past. I do enjoy degradation and
humiliation. I've also been into hypno and
forced intox videos. He does poppers, that kind of
thing. He said.
I came across a particular videofrom a content creator that
makes hypno popper intox videos with degradation and
(06:55):
humiliation. Verbal abuse sounds like a
perfect combo for me. Afterwards, even I thought it
was a bit intense and it had me taking a look at the bigger
picture. I added a link to the video
below just in case you're curious.
So I recently have been thinkinghow I view myself and myself
image. Recently I've been thinking
(07:15):
about how I view myself and myself image.
I came to the realization that Idon't think I like myself at
all. I judge myself harshly for the
mistakes I've made and not having the balls to do what I
need to do to be a better person.
I then began looking back on different actions in my past and
realize that self loathing has been around me for a very long
(07:37):
while. I personally think my sub traits
kick in stronger when I feel depressed or anxious about
things. At times it makes me wonder why
I'm attracted to humiliated and degraded.
At times I just love it. Other times I wish I didn't like
it as much as I do. It's like a catch 22.
I feel like I need it but I'm afraid I might be harming me.
(08:00):
I didn't mean to have this letter ramble on like this.
I guess I never put my thoughts on paper, so to speak like this
before. It's been bouncing around in my
head for like a week or so and I'm very curious to hear someone
else's opinion. I apologize for dumping this on
you. And you don't have to respond at
all if you don't wish to. Anyway, he said PSI don't mind
(08:21):
if you use this on the podcast either.
I think your show is a vital part to other kinky people out
there. If I can help people that, that
would be great. There's just a couple of emails.
We'll continue and I'll read on and then then after we're done,
we'll well, feel free to you cantell me your side of everything.
So I said, I wrote to him. I said, Tony, First off, thank
you for sharing this with me. I really appreciate you putting
(08:43):
me in such high regard. I will tell you that in my past,
I've worked with mental health for a number of years and being
in diabetes and for over 30 years at this point, I would
have to say, yes, there's a correlation between submission
and depression. No one wants to admit that
typically. But in the mix of it all, I see
drug abuse, alcoholism, addiction, depression, chemical
(09:05):
imbalances, etcetera. I think that we as gangsters get
into the lifestyle because of needing the outlet to express
ourselves openly and freely and in some being submissive, they
go back typically to a place of trauma or go to back to a place
that makes them whole again. Is it possible we all have some
chemical imbalances or some depression?
(09:27):
Sure. But when you start talking about
humiliation and depredation, that typically is centered
around abuse, child or differenttypes of trauma.
Normally it's an abusive parent or someone else.
And there is, there's always another person or an adult who's
the enabler and not the protector.
Tony, don't feel guilt or shame for anything.
(09:48):
None of this is your fault. You have to do in life what
makes you happy and what helps you be you.
Please feel free to contact me anytime.
Please feel free to tell me yourstory.
Warmest thoughts your way, Mia. Then he's this mistress.
Thank you for writing me back. I didn't know you worked in
mental health also. That's amazing.
I really thought what you provided in the dungeon was a
(10:11):
gift and now add that on type. I generally think that you want
to help people. That's not something I usually
see from someone in your line ofwork.
That's why I put you in such high regard.
I still regret not meeting you in person when you were here
last year. As for my story I mentioned
before about the babysitter, they expose me to porn at a
pretty young age, like 9 or 10 years of age and I think now how
(10:33):
that affected me especially being the father of a 10 year
old boy myself. As for trauma or abuse, I didn't
really have it. My father wasn't a St. but
definitely was not abusive. My parents divorced when I was 7
and my father turned drugs and into a full blown addict by the
time I was 16. I don't speak with them as a
(10:54):
result. But no sexual abuse or physical
abuse. That's why it leaves me so
confused at times why I am the way I am, why things pique my
interest. So I really appreciate you
taking the time to write me. You really help people so much.
Thank you again for helping me so I continue.
I know. Not me, it's.
Not me. It's your kids going to school.
(11:16):
Yeah. OK, let me see.
I said. Tony, my dear, if given the
situation with your father was was that scenario, then maybe
you just send her some guilt, maybe thinking at a younger age
that you could rescue the man who was closest to you or at
least should have been. I think the biggest thing is
(11:38):
letting go and forgiving yourself.
And if there's a way that you could communicate with your
father now, maybe comfortably get in touch with him without
without ill feelings and gain closure.
If you can do that, think about doing that.
Addiction is a hard thing to overcome, especially not knowing
what your father endured as a child himself to become who he
is. But think about it this way.
(12:01):
By men want the love and or acceptance of other men for a
reason. The humiliation stems from maybe
guilt of not being able to change your circumstances.
The fucked up babysitter was obviously a predator in the
making and if we have no other vices and considering you didn't
become an addict like your father, sex became the next
(12:21):
logical vice. And then I said again, our pass
will cross one day and I'll gladly meet you and we can
finally talk in person. You have to know you're a good
man and I'm sure a good father and husband.
Do not demean yourself or devalue yourself for something
you feel shame for. Too many factors come into play
in our lives that make us who weare, and despite our kinks,
(12:42):
we're pretty amazing. I include you in that statement.
So take a deep breath every timeyou start to think negatively of
yourself and say to yourself at least three good things about
you. For one, you're smart, kind,
understanding, and devashly handsome.
This man's fine as fuck. You deserve to be happy, Tony.
Don't find fault in something that doesn't exist.
(13:03):
You are a beautiful soul. And then he writes me back.
Thank you for taking the time out of your day to listen to me.
I'm the kind of guy who bottles things up sometimes, and I don't
always face the things standing in front of me.
Just taking those 5 minutes out of your day to respond really
means the world to me. I know I'll find that self love
and forgiveness soon enough. Tony.
(13:25):
And one final e-mail I did writeto him today.
I said Tony, you know I'm your friend and although we've never
met, I still think of you as such.
I'm here for you anytime you want to talk things out.
But yes, find that self love andacceptance within yourself.
I know your family loves you because they see all these
amazing attributes of you and you want to be a strong
individual and parent for your son.
(13:46):
Never slight yourself and don't turn the mountains you've
climbed into small little hills.Just keep growing, find your
inner strength and know you wereloved and cared for.
Your friend Mia, I love it. You love it.
You did a great job, Fred. Thank you.
Thank you. Yeah, I my heart just goes out
to this man. He sent me, you know, pictures
of him and his wife. And like I say, he's he's a
(14:09):
damn, he's fine. But you know, Poe live, you both
have your own chemical imbalances.
You've all struggled with depression.
You know, I went through a severe depression, you know, at
a point in my life, but it was asituational depression.
I didn't have to live with this every day.
All right, So what advice would you all have to get to Tony
(14:32):
Hope? Would you like to go first on
that one And then we can get to live?
Sure. First of all, I really
appreciate the way that he is diving into himself.
Actually self examine, that's where a lot of people kind of
fall flat. Maybe they on a very surface
level go, OK, this is what I do and dive deep into it to figure
out, OK, well, but why do I do this and OK, then why do I do
(14:52):
that and then kind of follow therabbit trail bound.
So kudos were even beginning to do that because that's very hard
to. Self analyze yourself.
Various. I mean, I understand what he's
saying. He mentioned in there something
about forgiving himself. Through what you were reading, I
didn't find anything that he needs to forgive himself about.
I find there's things that he needs to accept about himself,
(15:13):
but forgiving that, saying that he's at fault.
There's situations that happen that maybe put him in that state
of mind where he wants those things or needs those things in
his life, but that's not something that you have to
forgive yourself over. No, I think he he in correlation
to that statement. I think at the beginning of it
he was saying that he didn't have the balls to do what it
takes to improve his life and dowhat he had to do in order to
(15:37):
better himself. So like earlier in life.
Yeah, so I think he's blaming himself.
OK, OK, well, you, but you can'thit, but you can't see.
And just the fact that he's willing to analyze himself and
try and figure out things. Absolutely.
Yeah. So I understand you're saying
basically what you're just saying is that you would have
wished that you had figured thisout years ago.
(15:58):
And hindsight's always 2020, so yeah.
Always just move forward. Don't look back.
They're just exceptionally hard.Oh, yeah, definitely.
There are still things that havehappened in my past.
I will literally talk out loud and go, oh, here's here's what I
should have said, here's what I should have did.
And almost like rehearse it overand over again so that the
situation never happened again. I know exactly what I would do
(16:19):
and how I would respond to it. But even then, unless you're
actually put into that situation, you don't know if
you're going to have that stuff come to mind or it's waste.
It's wasted energy, you know, walking towards peace.
But I feel like with his his feelings, if he feels like
there's guilt involved, I think submission and BDSM can help him
(16:40):
get to know himself better and be able to maybe get a sense of
release in it. And once he releases that
feeling, he can then walk forward in it.
Yeah, I agree with that. And I think that Liv always has
the best advice to people. And you always say journal.
And he said in the e-mail that he's never put his words down on
(17:04):
paper, you know, versus an actual e-mail.
So he hasn't really put his thoughts down.
And I think, Tony, I think the best advice to write in your
journal. But Liv, don't you agree?
You always talk about people writing in the journal.
Yeah, a lot of, I mean I benefitfrom it too.
Like I will think I'm well, evenwhenever came.
Let's start back over. I read my journal recently.
(17:26):
I put all my thoughts onto the paper and then I reread it.
And then you kind of look at yourself.
You can either be like, wow, that's ridiculous.
Why would I feel that? Or, you know, you kind of like
see a little bit more self reflection, like, wow, I'm
talking to myself like that. Or you could see where you went
wrong with something, you know, just you could see things a
little clearer whenever you readback.
(17:46):
I don't necessarily recommend doing it through typing because
you don't really go back to it. You just type it all out and
your mind is it's gone, which isgood.
It's some sort of like you let it go, but there's something
about just writing it down. It's painful and you know your
fingers will start hurting, but all of it is connected.
Yeah, I think that's a great wayto do it.
But I'm like, PO, I'm it's like,what does he have to forgive
(18:07):
himself on? And it's like, you know, the
humiliation degradation, a lot of people love that.
But anytime I've come across people who love the humiliation
degradation, it's usually someone who endured some type of
kind of like a push back, you know, growing up as a kid, you
know, getting that, you know, you weren't, you weren't worthy
enough, you don't deserve this, blah, blah, blah, I feel.
(18:30):
Like it would be opposite. See I I the opposite way as
well. Yeah, to take and be like
smothered with that. You're awesome, you're great,
you're fantastic. And you're like, no, I'm not.
I have all these other qualities.
I'm trash. And he needs to be told that
he's trash because he knows thathe is trash when he's not trash.
But that's why you feel about yourself.
So you wanted somebody else to validate that for some reason,
(18:50):
and it releases it in your brain?
Yeah, yeah, like I said, I've already got so many negative
thoughts in my head already, I don't need another person saying
it out loud and validating that thought.
Yeah. Remember you saying that before?
It's just just something about, you know, that, you know,
embarrassing situations that's totally different.
That's just a a momentary thing where it's like, you know,
(19:13):
everybody laughs, that kind of thing, whatever.
But if it's true, like somethingabout my character that you're
pointing out, change. Oh, that.
I don't believe that anybody should be pointed out for things
that he can't or she can't change.
You can't point out something about their eyes, their nose,
their lips, that but their weight, the way that they're
talking to themselves. These are things that they can
change. You can work on things about
(19:35):
yourself, but things that you can't change.
I think it's just rude. Yeah.
And it's disgusting to just be mean to somebody.
We don't want to be mean, No. Like so if that's what you want,
power to you somebody. Support you can be mean.
I get it. I understand that those people
are out. That's why I leave that up to.
Yeah, she's good at it. What am I good at?
Being mean. Oh, like, you know, they want
(19:55):
that, you know? Yeah, they.
Want that? Yeah.
When they come in saying that they want it, yeah, you're like
game fucking on. Yeah, it's game on, isn't it?
Yeah, problems with that. I will say that the people that
I've always come across, especially local people coming
to events or whatever, submissives or people coming
into the dungeon that have been submissive, I've never
specifically said, hey, you havedepression.
(20:17):
But it's usually if they want humiliation, degradation,
there's obvious depression. There's obvious things that
they've experienced and basically ruined aspects of
their life that they regret because of addictions or, or
other things. So that was his question.
Do you think BDSM submission is correlated to depression or
(20:38):
mental health? You know, I don't think a lot of
people want to say yeah. Yeah, You know, I would say
mental health, not always depression.
You definitely have some traumasor something going on.
But I could see where he's coming from because if you're a
submissive, that means you're gonna get praised for, you know,
looking at somebody else's needsand supplying those needs.
And if you're not feeling too good about yourself, you can
(20:58):
look at how at least you're treating other people around you
and going, hey, I got a little bit of a high just knowing how
happy I made that other person. Yeah.
So I could see the correlation between the two.
It's proving yourself, yeah. It's proving yourself.
And being constantly validated, yeah.
I could definitely understand it, and you have someone who's
solely paying attention to you because you're meeting their
needs so well that how can they not solely have all their energy
(21:20):
and their mental focus on you atthat moment?
Oh yeah, I could definitely see where there would be a
correlation between. It and it's definitely needed.
I think it should be a talk about things throughout
anything. It doesn't have to be just like
a kink. I think BDSM is therapy.
No, definitely. It is very and very much so,
therapy. And that's part of his, man, the
emails that come back and forth,that's kind of what I, I sense
(21:43):
is he's trying to figure out howto release some of this negative
energy that he feels about himself.
Instead of looking at it as I need forgiveness and I can look
at it as the experiences that you experience here can actually
help you take back that power. Sometimes that power is not
going to be given back to you. You have to take that shit back.
Yeah, there's been some situations here at the dungeon
where I, I took that shit back. They don't get to have it
(22:03):
anymore. And by doing that, it allowed me
to be able to go OK. And there's a lot of things that
happened in the past that today I'm like, yeah, it happened, but
it doesn't affect me on a daily basis now.
So in a way, you kind of forgaveyourself.
I think it's the opposite way. I forgave the other person
because I back at the power and I figured out that didn't kill
me. Maybe it was just because it
happened at a certain age that it's morphed my brain into
(22:24):
thinking, not necessarily that they weren't wrong, but it was
worse than it really was in a way.
And then when you recreate that situation and you choose to put
yourself in that situation, sometimes you can be like, hey,
actually kind of enjoy that here.
Again, not saying that what theydid initially was right, and it
may be one of the reasons why you enjoy it is because your
brain needs to rewire itself to be able to accept whatever it
(22:45):
is, but I guarantee that's when my pants look.
Yeah, well, like with my mom making me cut grass and stuff
and little tedious stuff, I feellike it kind of makes it funny
in a game versus kind of like a torture.
No, it was more of a mental torture because it's not, well,
I mean, you would get physicallyhurt, get little tiny scissors,
but it's more of mental because,you know, you're never gonna
(23:05):
finish. Little pair of scissors cutting
the grass, you're never gonna finish.
And then she would make fun of you to the other parents.
So this is what she does for herto a kid.
So you're just like. And be proud of it.
She was proud. That's the thing that they're
proud of that action. And then he just messes with
your mind to go, well, if they're so proud of that, maybe
they're they're great if they can boast about it to other
people and other people are like, Oh yeah, you did this.
(23:26):
It almost makes you feel like, OK, maybe it was acceptable and
maybe maybe I did do something that I do need to forgive myself
for that. I need forgiveness for him
because. Yeah, I look back.
I would be grounded for some dumb stuff.
So I don't think that I was, I don't think it was right.
But the other parents would sendtheir kids over and have their
kids get this treatment as well.Yeah, and like I said, and
(23:48):
that's just validating the the person who's wrong in this
situation. Yeah, same way.
I mean, I was, you know, whipped, spank, beat, whatever
you want to call it because I make bad grades.
But she never once tried to get me a tutor.
She never, she never put me on medication for my ADHD.
She never tried to give me any kind of counseling.
She never gave me any kind of outlet for it.
She never really studied with me.
So it's like, OK, you're gonna leave it all up to a 7-8 year
(24:12):
old to figure out you. Shouldn't be punished.
For it and you know it's not going to work.
I don't believe in punishment orunless you just latently like
not doing your work or something.
But to be struggling? No.
Yeah, but it's. Been a recent asked question.
But even if it's a thing about OK, they're not finishing the
work, OK, so I know for an hour after they get home from school,
an hour, an hour after I get home from work, we both, we need
(24:33):
to sit down at this table. I need to look and see what you
did that day. Look at your papers.
Make sure that you got it done because ADHD makes us have a
terrible memory. So it's not your.
Decrement in the bottom of your book bag that's.
How it was. There you go.
I'm. Homework.
Yeah, yeah. And you really legitimately
think you don't. Yeah.
But you know, then you, you know, at the end of the six
weeks, you know, or the 9 weeks now, you know, the teacher would
start right now, you know, namesand all the things that and all
(24:55):
the assignments that were missing for all the students.
Oh my goodness. Mine would always have like 16
check marks of just all these assignments that I was missing
and yeah so. How did we get on that subject?
What's that? Because you 2 are both
vocalizing your childhood traumawith your fucking horrible
mother. Yeah, well, I think we we got
because we were talking about, you know, how it past actions
can lead to making you think that you were wrong, whereas it
(25:18):
was actually not saying you weren't a little bit wrong, but
I'm saying that that age you don't even have a fully
developed brain. Therefore how can you really
hold yourself accountable? I mean, it's the same reason
that the judicial system that, you know, the 12 year old does
something wrong. We don't just put him in jail
forgiving, you know, there's, I feel like.
OK, so we talk about forgivenessand I want to say that I forgive
her, but when we talk about it, I still get angry about it.
(25:39):
So I'm like, and then she'll, you know, deny it.
But then she's such a great grandma, so she just assumes
that that's how she's always been.
And so it makes it a little bit harder to get a little bit more
validation that, hey, this maybedid happen to me.
I'm sorry, fuck her and I reallylike her even now less the more
you talk about it. You were the most selfless,
forgiving, kind person I think I've ever met.
(26:01):
You are very happy there's not amean bone in your body.
There's never a malicious thought.
You're always so kind and compassionate.
Don't make me cry. It's true.
You're so understanding, You're so understanding, You're so kind
and you're so good. And yet, God, you had a horrible
fucking mother who did somethinglike that.
And I just, I hate her worse. I really do.
I think that's just horrible. And you know, you don't have to
(26:22):
forgive her. Fuck her.
And I don't care if she's a goodgrandparent now or not.
Fuck her. I mean, you know, she's a poor
grandma. She was a horrible fucking
mother. And she knows what she did.
She knows it. She knows.
She knows she doesn't even like talking about anymore.
She's divorced about it and tellher friends and now she does not
talk about it of. Course so just like she don't
brag about how she used to be a stripper.
Fuck her. I'm sorry, Fuck that bitch.
(26:47):
I'm sorry. You know, I just, I have such a
hard time ever thinking about being horrible to a child, let
alone an animal, you know, because I they're like puppies
and kids are like right there with me.
You know, I just, I can't, I cannot imagine.
I can't imagine. I was just talking to my
boyfriend the other day and we were talking about my childhood
dog, which you were just asking me about if I loved another
animal like that. My curtain dog, yes, my
(27:09):
childhood dog. I don't remember what that
animal did because he's he's a dog, an animal, but my stepdad
kicked him out the door and he rolled down the stairs and I
always well, you know, I still heard about the squirrel.
There's a lot of things where I just don't understand how people
should be able to keep animals if they treat him like that.
Now, he wasn't abusive like thatwith him all the time.
(27:29):
It was just that one incident that it was like that, but it
really stuck in my brain where I'm like, wow, I would never do
that to that poor baby. He.
Probably did other things when you weren't around that you
probably didn't see he. Probably didn't even know I was
on the porch. Because I mean anyone to have
done what he did with the squirrel.
In itself. Oh yeah, The squirrel, that one,
that was, yeah, that affected mevery long term, yeah.
He's a horrible fucking human being, yeah, but him and your
(27:52):
mother deserve each other. So fucking.
I'm sorry. I hate both of them.
They're good. People now, I think.
I guess so forgive you. What you're saying though, there
are certain aspects of it and I think it's the same way with
with us as we had a certain development of our brain.
But time we get at this age, ourbrains have still continued to
develop and we learn lessons. Fortunately, they learn those
(28:14):
lessons. Later.
Later in life. Exactly and it just affected us
more. By the time that they have been
able to practice it with two or three kids and they get to those
grandkids, they somehow magically know how it works and
the magic formula algorithm. And then they get on you for
doing the same thing. Maybe that's exactly that, baby.
Yeah. But to bring it back, I guess
(28:35):
where I was going with it is that, yeah, there's going to be
stuff in your past that you're going to get depressed over,
that you're going to try to validate in your head.
You're going to think about it over and over again.
You're going to go, OK, well, this is it.
This is just, but use BDSM as a weapon to help you get over
those things versus an excuse for having to have a negative
(28:56):
excuse to tell yourself, oh, I just need this and it makes me
less of a person. If you go from the mindset of
no, I'm doing this as therapy, it's going to help me in the
long run. I think you'll be a lot more
successful and you'll be able toeventually take back that power.
Yes. So Tony, you probably need a
really good therapist who's in the lifestyle who understands
things more, or you need to see see a really good fucking
(29:19):
dominatrix like the one here in Pensacola Live and me.
Or you just need to associate with, you know, people who are
in the lifestyle more. And sometimes that comes at a
cost of having to be vulnerable and be open and actually take a
chance that you're going to be rejected.
And for people like himself and people like me have, you know,
(29:41):
to identify with that. Like I was rejected so many
times throughout my life that like when it comes to situations
like this, you're like, I don't want to reach out these other
people and see if we have a commonality and that type of
thing. So I'm just gonna keep it all
bottled up. And then you analyze and
overanalyze yourself. And sometimes, you know, it's
still jump frog, you know, experiment.
Tony, you are good enough. Yeah, yeah.
(30:01):
And we can't wait to see you. I'm telling you, I'm gonna show
you a picture of him. He is so hot it's ridiculous.
Sorry, Tony, I keep focusing on that, but you're a hot
motherfucker. Jeez, you know, I just think a
lot of times when I've come across and it's usually like
submissive women in the lifestyle, a lot of the local
women that I see they, they've all done like self harm.
(30:22):
They have so much baggage. I mean, you can just see that
they have so much pain in their eyes and I just, I have a lot of
compassion for them. And and then I see, you know,
we're in the South and I see these guys who really can't be,
you know, weak. They can't be.
God, that's such a big one. It's true.
Yeah. Any, Yeah, them older people
will really push that on. On on the on the newer crowd.
(30:43):
They can't show vulnerability. And this is something
interesting too, when, you know,we've had this conversation
about my Sissy slave, OK, my my husband has grown.
I mean, we've been together for 13 years.
And you know, when he came to 1st see me, you know, he's a
virgin, you know, and I've helped him in so many ways.
He told me the other day and he's like, you know, you've
(31:05):
helped me grow so much. I don't even think you realize
it. And it was only because I was
loving and supportive and I, I never judged him and I, I
always, I always looked at him and said, I'm not looking at
your faults, but I want you justto see yourself to be the best
version of yourself. Don't ever change for me, you
know, do things that you want todo for your own self and and I
(31:27):
will always tell him, you know, don't change.
Just stay who you are, be you are be be happy who you are.
But umm, I did that session where I told you I was seeing my
Sissy slave and I just adore himso much.
But I see pain in his eyes and Isee the struggle that he has to
go through and I think about people like Tony and Justin and
people that have endured these things from fucking horrible
(31:49):
parents and that kind of thing. But I said to him as I'm, I've
had him shackled and handcuffed and everything and his anal hook
in his ass, you know, I gave hima hug and I told them I was
like, you know, you were perfectthe way you are to me, the way
you are to yourself. You have to find happiness
within yourself. And you know, and I think that's
(32:09):
I think that's what is really important is finding happiness
and what makes yourself happy. So instead of blaming yourself,
Tony, for, you know, watching intox videos and doing poppers,
I mean, it's not like you're snorting cocaine off of a
hooker's ass and. Even if you weren't, and even if
you. Were you know, it's like there's
worse things I. Mean it's not Well, there is
worse things. Yeah, it's you.
(32:30):
Yeah. Be OK with you.
Yes, yes, if you like Snorton and don't let other people tell
you. I was going to say in
continuation of my thought, I was basically.
Like you know what? I mean, you want to.
Watch that crazy porn and peoplewant to tell you that it's.
Wrong. In continuation of what I was
saying, both of you, you got caught up on the porn in the ass
(32:54):
and the cocaine in the ass and all that with the.
Clicker but. I'm just saying it's not as if
he's fucking a hooker with no condom and then taking it back
home to his wife. Yeah, this doesn't affect his
wife, right? You know, And if this part makes
him fucking happy, that's why wehave people come to see us,
because they need this outlet. They need things like this
(33:15):
because other people aren't going to understand it.
And personally, we'd be doing, you know, Tony's wife a favor
who can't deal with this, who doesn't understand it like we
all can understand the situation.
So we could do a nice session. You don't need this forever.
No, you don't. This is not something you keep
around. You take it with you.
Absolutely. Absolutely.
You know what I mean? You get here, you're able to let
(33:36):
out all these things and then grow with it, and then
eventually you're like a little butterfly and we let you go.
And, you know, I was recently told by a submissive he's like,
you know, I want to be a Sissy because of my mother.
Don't die. It's because of how she treated
me. I said, yeah, it is.
You know, so it's like, does it really matter?
Doesn't Nope. It.
(33:56):
Doesn't matter at all. Doesn't matter if it makes you
happy and that's what you want to do, you'd be the best fucking
Sissy you want to be. That's it.
So yeah, gonna go back to your mother on that statement.
Your mother is jealous because you're fucking awesome mother
and she sucks. She's a good grandma.
She's you keep saying. Honestly, there was, there was
good things. It's not like my my whole
(34:18):
childhood was trash. She was, she was good at a lot
of things. Yeah.
I don't think that she could. She needs something to take care
of. And she had to make me little in
order to take care of me because, like, making me feel a
little like I'm always on, like I have autism.
It's like, you know, I'm not on the spec.
But she didn't, she would just be like, oh, she, she can't do
this because of this. She oh, she's struggling with
(34:40):
this because of this. Like it was always a reason
versus hell. So I'm like, I always think
like, now I have an excuse. I had this little crutch I have
to take with me and then I have to let it go be like, no,
nothing's wrong with me. I don't have an issue.
But yeah, I was really made to feel that way.
And once I told my sister that, like, I felt like the only way I
could get attention is if I was like that, That's the way I got
the attention from. Yeah.
She would tell our friends aboutit.
(35:01):
Jesus Christ. Was she like but like the
smaller version of the Gypsy scenario?
No, it's if it is exceptionally small.
No, I do not think it had. I don't think it had anything.
Munch Housing. Yeah.
She attention though, she. Loved doing like projects with
me and having things like that. I really liked that about her.
(35:22):
She was really good at doing that.
And if I wanted something, if I desired something or if I had
like this, this thing that I liked, like I liked monkeys, she
would shower me with monkeys until I was sick of it.
So there were things that were good about her.
Again, so forgiving. I'm just saying I was speak only
I'll on her. She was a good person, you know,
because she wasn't very good at handling things because like how
(35:44):
her parents work, you know, likehow they did it.
And then she was only going off of what she knew.
But you know and you know, everything follows through.
I get what you're saying. You know, that whole pizza can
be really great, but that one slice that has that Roach on it,
you know what I'm saying? Like it ruins the whole pizza.
Yeah, that fucking thing. Like, you know, they.
(36:06):
Just had pizza for lunch and that was now.
It's good helping, good helping.Who wants that last slice?
Sorry, this was a really like deep episode.
I need some laughter here. I ordered a pizza one time years
ago and I didn't eat it. It was kind of funny because I
(36:27):
just wasn't eating pizza at the time.
And of course it was my ex and he was eating it and I was like,
he was a horrible person. Just a fucking horrible person.
He still wants to call and talk to me.
I am telling you Tony, you're somuch better than so much of the
scum that's in this world and he's one of the those people
that just won't die like a fucking cockroach.
But I was looking. I was looking at this box, a
(36:49):
fucking pizza, and I opened it up and I see a fucking dead
Roach skeleton baked into the fucking crust and I was like.
No, you didn't. I don't think that's what they
meant by stuffed crust. I thought, what are you about to
say, woman? Please tell me.
The. 2nd to him, yeah. You.
(37:09):
Let him eat it. I wasn't going to touch it.
Fuck him. This is a man that was so
fucking horrible. He threw my shit out in the
front yard. I can't tell you how many times
if I was I was working a double shift mind you, and I would have
to drive a power to and from. Some people scrub their toilets
with a toothbrush and give it back to him, so I mean.
(37:29):
He attempted to do that to me aswell.
I'm just saying like he would. Pillow, I mean, he was, he was
next level crazy sociopath. I I can't stand him.
It's so crazy, so fucking crazy.And he and he texts me and tried
to call me. It was like 3-4 months ago.
Hey, can't we talk every day now?
Motherfucker, I divorced you. I don't want you in my life.
(37:51):
I didn't want to talk to you every day when we were married.
Well, it makes you think I want to talk to you every day now.
Exactly, you're like COVID timesa. 1000 I don't.
Want that? No, he's a butt rash.
Look, you can heal a butt rash. Still keeps coming back if it's
a fungus. That's right, he's like an
eternal itchy owl soul. Or a wart because they keep
coming back too. I got a wart on my finger
that's. Just a crazy sociopath that
(38:14):
there's no fixing him. You know your Rd. story.
Reminded me, and I think I've told you this story, I've
probably told the podcast, the story, but now that it's
following your story, it sounds a little bad, but it's always
been bad. But I'm ready.
For this let's. Hear it So me and my sister used
to share a room OK And I was sleeping in her bed for some
(38:36):
reason and me and her were sleeping right next to each
other. And I wake up we're all sweaty
don't know why it's hot in the room.
I turn over I look at her she has a big old Palmetto bug
sitting on her face. OK.
I lean over to her and I say heyhey I'm going to go ahead and go
back to my bed. I left her there.
(38:59):
With her face. And once I told her that when I
was an adult, she. Literally.
Brings it up every time she has a boyfriend and she says this is
the sister that left the Roach on my face.
Oh so you traumatized her for her whole life now?
Well, it traumatized me. What am I going to do with it?
One time I smacked her in the face because a mosquito and I
(39:20):
killed it and she still punched me.
What am I supposed to do? Fuck her.
What that Roach fighter? Who knows?
Roaches don't bite. Well, they're disgusting.
They are. They're a little bacteria.
Yeah, they're. Disgusting.
Lay eggs in your ears. I just don't like when you step
on them. They crunch.
Oh, gross. Nice.
Why didn't? You hear?
That what the fuck do you? Do it with shoes or or with your
(39:43):
barefoot with shoes. I'm just saying step.
It on no Roach in my bare feet. I don't know what type of nasty
you know. My husband does.
I swear he's fucking Buddhist. He takes and gets the Roach,
picks him up and goes and takes him outside.
With his toes. His toes with paper.
I'm gonna say I do that too. It's just it's off.
I had to scrape it off the bottom of my shoe when it's
(40:05):
outside. No, no, I don't need to do it, I
will. Just if there was a Roach I
would get my son to come get it.Now I have a boyfriend and we'll
probably both be running from the Roach, but look, I might get
anywhere. We're just not going in that
room for a while. Oh.
My God no. I want to see it dead.
I'm the same way with spiders soit's OK I get.
It Yeah. OK, so back on point on this.
(40:27):
Where are we? I don't know.
OK, Tony. You're great.
I had enough of a poet live. Never.
We love you. Forever.
Yes, Tony, we're all your we're your friends, and we are
certainly here to listen to anything you want to tell us
without judgment. Yeah, we will not judge you for
anything because we've all done some really freaky shit and some
(40:51):
of us have gotten paid to do some really freaky shit.
So it's true. Hey, whatever.
Freaky shit shit, there you go. And I'm very interested in where
he how this develops. Like said, he started on the,
the path of self self realization, self examination.
And I'd, I'd like to know, you know?
Is he planning to come well? You know, he lives upstate.
He lives up on the East Coast, so he's not going to come down
(41:11):
to Florida. But, you know, if you ever
vacations here, I tell him when I go back up to Connecticut,
I'll certainly go and visit him.You know, we'll meet up.
So yeah. What air paths will cross?
There's nothing but the best forhim and you know, keep, keep
going because you're on the right path.
Yeah, I told him oh, so long agothat we'd meet at a coffee shop
and then I would take his coffeecup and I would go and urinate
it. Excuse me?
I would take it into the bathroom and urinate in it and
(41:33):
then bring it back to the table and make him drink it for
humiliation, degradation. I think that got him hot.
You need to put it in a see through cup.
Everybody's gonna think apple juice.
Oh. Yeah.
See through cup, make him drink it in front of people.
Oh. Fuck.
Yeah. And he would.
Yeah. Yeah.
Nice and warm and not cold like regular apple juice.
Oh yeah. Do.
(41:54):
You think it's worse if it did, if it was warm or if you had put
like ice in it, it made it cold I.
Feel like if it had ice in it, it wouldn't taste that bad
because first of all it's watering it down.
Back to Tony. Sorry.
Yes, the outer I said it I. Tasted urine, but I will say
that mine is very clear so he'd be lucky to get mine and not
(42:14):
someone else's because there's alot of stinky urine out there.
Sometimes at the end of the day,mine's stinky.
And I said it, Liz does not wantto drink water all the time, so
we have to. Drink water on my boyfriend's
foot. It's the goal I have every time
I get out in the shower and. It kills his athletes feet like.
Yeah, that's why I do it. I do it for him and choose it,
(42:35):
you know, I'll be like, like, you gotta roll your eyes a
little bit just to try to get itout, you know, like that.
And then you pee and yeah. That's sexy.
Nice. That's true love right there.
Wow. OK, well, let's go rub one out
after that conversation. All right, Tony, we love you.
You're great. Until then, it's been the latest
episode of. Call me Mistress.
Hi. Welcome to the latest episode of
Call Me Mistress. I'm your Hostess, Mistress Mia,
and I've got with me my 2 favorites, Madame Liv and Lil
PO, Master Viper. A.
A. A.
Yo-yo yo. You know, I went through an
edited Friday's episode and holyshit balls we laugh so fucking
(00:34):
much on that episode. I hope no one said.
God I wish they would quit fucking laughing so much.
I don't care if they say that I had a good time it.
Was too as. Much as this is for like the
general public, it's also for us.
And we get to have fun and we get to release our thoughts.
And if you don't like us, happy.So sorry.
Alright, I like that note. So anywho, Speaking of notes, we
(00:57):
have two emails. This was quite funny.
I don't think people realize that I get multiple emails and
multiple texts every day and I really try to find the time to
respond as quickly as possible. And so when we were expecting
different people to come yesterday to the dungeon and I'm
juggling what I am, I get this e-mail on fat and this this
(01:21):
gentleman he requested to see live, okay.
And I said, yeah, you know, she,you can see her today at 11:00.
And he's like, no, I can't do 11.
I said, OK, well what time he's like, I don't know, I've got to
get stuff to do an enema becausehe wanted to do some anal play
and I'm like, oh, lucky live. But I told him, I said if he
(01:43):
wanted that, then he has to do an animal.
And it's a really critical thingand people don't get this.
So if you want to come in for ass play, in the words of Lady
Velvet Steel, I don't want to play with your shit.
I want to play with your ass andthat's it.
So people have to realize you have to fast at least 4 hours
(02:04):
minimum because we don't want tostrike an oil Chamber of shit.
We have one gentleman and he contacts me all the fucking time
and poor Barbie got stuck with him last time and you know he
wanted to see Barbie but his asshole became a quick lava cake
(02:25):
of fucking disgustingness and wehad to put the trash can like
and he was like oh he completelyobliterated to the oh excuse me.
He was completely oblivious to the fact he.
Obliterated that room is what hedid.
He obliterated the room and he was oblivious to it, but he.
(02:47):
Fucking wasn't. He pretended to be, yeah.
But. Anywho, in the continuation of
this e-mail he tells me he has two enema.
So I tell him I said you get a warm enema bottle from the store
and instead of using the contents you throw the contents
out and you get distilled warm water.
(03:11):
I said flush it three times until it's clear.
But I mistyped instead of sayinguntil clear my phone picked up
don't eat. Until your ass is no longer
eating that enema. OK, I see.
Where you going with that I. Know it was a mistype.
(03:31):
It was a mistype. I couldn't.
Don't eat it anyway. So like I asked, don't eat.
So I thought that was very amusing.
I. Like it?
I like it. You know, instead of saying, oh,
Mistress Mia, I get it, this is probably a mist type.
(03:53):
No, I'm not going to eat my enema before my shit.
But but we do have a gentleman and he wants to come in this
week at some point, but the weekis almost over, so probably have
to be next week. And I said I'm pretty much the
only one who do toilet toilet training.
What's up? With you today, it's toilet
training. It's.
(04:13):
Toilet training in obliterate that.
Toilet. And.
Really getting made fun of rightnow.
Like I just lost my dog 2 days ago.
Hey don't bring that up. You fuckers are making fun of
me. Fuck you, hey.
The dead dog card. Kind of shine and you're lying.
(04:42):
How about you come to work and actual clothes that belong?
To. You you wear something that
covers too. Where are you wearing?
Yeah, you can see my Tatas anyway.
Hey, I'm just sitting over here enjoying the conversation,
y'all, Y'all keep going, keep going.
It's happening so fast, I don't know what's going on.
(05:05):
OK, all right, so let's get serious for a moment.
Stop making fun of your mistressMia.
OK, so. No promises.
She said I'm a dog, damn it. So there's this gentleman and he
is absolutely, it's just a sweetheart.
He's been writing the podcast and myself for the last year.
I told him that last October when I went to a wedding in
(05:28):
Vermont that I would make time. I would more than happy to come
and see him, but he at the time just wasn't available.
You know, our our schedules didn't mash.
And so you know, he's proceeded.He's continued to write me
during this time, but his name is Tony and Tony really
struggles a lot with his own self worth, his value,
(05:49):
depression, etcetera. And he's never told his wife
really all of his kinks, which is a lot of like forced male
bisexual, you know, aspects of his sexuality and you know,
there's various things. I'm sure there's more there that
he really just hasn't revealed with everything, right?
But anyway, he writes me and he's like hello Mistress, happy
(06:11):
Labor Day. I hope you had a great weekend
and even better summer. I wanted to get your opinion on
something given your years of experience in the dungeon.
I consider you an expert in the field.
On top of your masters in BDSM kink, you're also a kind and
caring person, so your point of view means something to me.
Do you believe there's a correlation between submission
(06:32):
and depression? We've talked about this in the
past. I do enjoy degradation and
humiliation. I've also been into hypno and
forced intox videos. He does poppers, that kind of
thing. He said.
I came across a particular videofrom a content creator that
makes hypno popper intox videos with degradation and
(06:55):
humiliation. Verbal abuse sounds like a
perfect combo for me. Afterwards, even I thought it
was a bit intense and it had me taking a look at the bigger
picture. I added a link to the video
below just in case you're curious.
So I recently have been thinkinghow I view myself and myself
image. Recently I've been thinking
(07:15):
about how I view myself and myself image.
I came to the realization that Idon't think I like myself at
all. I judge myself harshly for the
mistakes I've made and not having the balls to do what I
need to do to be a better person.
I then began looking back on different actions in my past and
realize that self loathing has been around me for a very long
(07:37):
while. I personally think my sub traits
kick in stronger when I feel depressed or anxious about
things. At times it makes me wonder why
I'm attracted to humiliated and degraded.
At times I just love it. Other times I wish I didn't like
it as much as I do. It's like a catch 22.
I feel like I need it but I'm afraid I might be harming me.
(08:00):
I didn't mean to have this letter ramble on like this.
I guess I never put my thoughts on paper, so to speak like this
before. It's been bouncing around in my
head for like a week or so and I'm very curious to hear someone
else's opinion. I apologize for dumping this on
you. And you don't have to respond at
all if you don't wish to. Anyway, he said PSI don't mind
(08:21):
if you use this on the podcast either.
I think your show is a vital part to other kinky people out
there. If I can help people that, that
would be great. There's just a couple of emails.
We'll continue and I'll read on and then then after we're done,
we'll well, feel free to you cantell me your side of everything.
So I said, I wrote to him. I said, Tony, First off, thank
you for sharing this with me. I really appreciate you putting
(08:43):
me in such high regard. I will tell you that in my past,
I've worked with mental health for a number of years and being
in diabetes and for over 30 years at this point, I would
have to say, yes, there's a correlation between submission
and depression. No one wants to admit that
typically. But in the mix of it all, I see
drug abuse, alcoholism, addiction, depression, chemical
(09:05):
imbalances, etcetera. I think that we as gangsters get
into the lifestyle because of needing the outlet to express
ourselves openly and freely and in some being submissive, they
go back typically to a place of trauma or go to back to a place
that makes them whole again. Is it possible we all have some
chemical imbalances or some depression?
(09:27):
Sure. But when you start talking about
humiliation and depredation, that typically is centered
around abuse, child or differenttypes of trauma.
Normally it's an abusive parent or someone else.
And there is, there's always another person or an adult who's
the enabler and not the protector.
Tony, don't feel guilt or shame for anything.
(09:48):
None of this is your fault. You have to do in life what
makes you happy and what helps you be you.
Please feel free to contact me anytime.
Please feel free to tell me yourstory.
Warmest thoughts your way, Mia. Then he's this mistress.
Thank you for writing me back. I didn't know you worked in
mental health also. That's amazing.
I really thought what you provided in the dungeon was a
(10:11):
gift and now add that on type. I generally think that you want
to help people. That's not something I usually
see from someone in your line ofwork.
That's why I put you in such high regard.
I still regret not meeting you in person when you were here
last year. As for my story I mentioned
before about the babysitter, they expose me to porn at a
pretty young age, like 9 or 10 years of age and I think now how
(10:33):
that affected me especially being the father of a 10 year
old boy myself. As for trauma or abuse, I didn't
really have it. My father wasn't a St. but
definitely was not abusive. My parents divorced when I was 7
and my father turned drugs and into a full blown addict by the
time I was 16. I don't speak with them as a
(10:54):
result. But no sexual abuse or physical
abuse. That's why it leaves me so
confused at times why I am the way I am, why things pique my
interest. So I really appreciate you
taking the time to write me. You really help people so much.
Thank you again for helping me so I continue.
I know. Not me, it's.
Not me. It's your kids going to school.
(11:16):
Yeah. OK, let me see.
I said. Tony, my dear, if given the
situation with your father was was that scenario, then maybe
you just send her some guilt, maybe thinking at a younger age
that you could rescue the man who was closest to you or at
least should have been. I think the biggest thing is
(11:38):
letting go and forgiving yourself.
And if there's a way that you could communicate with your
father now, maybe comfortably get in touch with him without
without ill feelings and gain closure.
If you can do that, think about doing that.
Addiction is a hard thing to overcome, especially not knowing
what your father endured as a child himself to become who he
is. But think about it this way.
(12:01):
By men want the love and or acceptance of other men for a
reason. The humiliation stems from maybe
guilt of not being able to change your circumstances.
The fucked up babysitter was obviously a predator in the
making and if we have no other vices and considering you didn't
become an addict like your father, sex became the next
(12:21):
logical vice. And then I said again, our pass
will cross one day and I'll gladly meet you and we can
finally talk in person. You have to know you're a good
man and I'm sure a good father and husband.
Do not demean yourself or devalue yourself for something
you feel shame for. Too many factors come into play
in our lives that make us who weare, and despite our kinks,
(12:42):
we're pretty amazing. I include you in that statement.
So take a deep breath every timeyou start to think negatively of
yourself and say to yourself at least three good things about
you. For one, you're smart, kind,
understanding, and devashly handsome.
This man's fine as fuck. You deserve to be happy, Tony.
Don't find fault in something that doesn't exist.
(13:03):
You are a beautiful soul. And then he writes me back.
Thank you for taking the time out of your day to listen to me.
I'm the kind of guy who bottles things up sometimes, and I don't
always face the things standing in front of me.
Just taking those 5 minutes out of your day to respond really
means the world to me. I know I'll find that self love
and forgiveness soon enough. Tony.
(13:25):
And one final e-mail I did writeto him today.
I said Tony, you know I'm your friend and although we've never
met, I still think of you as such.
I'm here for you anytime you want to talk things out.
But yes, find that self love andacceptance within yourself.
I know your family loves you because they see all these
amazing attributes of you and you want to be a strong
individual and parent for your son.
(13:46):
Never slight yourself and don't turn the mountains you've
climbed into small little hills.Just keep growing, find your
inner strength and know you wereloved and cared for.
Your friend Mia, I love it. You love it.
You did a great job, Fred. Thank you.
Thank you. Yeah, I my heart just goes out
to this man. He sent me, you know, pictures
of him and his wife. And like I say, he's he's a
(14:09):
damn, he's fine. But you know, Poe live, you both
have your own chemical imbalances.
You've all struggled with depression.
You know, I went through a severe depression, you know, at
a point in my life, but it was asituational depression.
I didn't have to live with this every day.
All right, So what advice would you all have to get to Tony
(14:32):
Hope? Would you like to go first on
that one And then we can get to live?
Sure. First of all, I really
appreciate the way that he is diving into himself.
Actually self examine, that's where a lot of people kind of
fall flat. Maybe they on a very surface
level go, OK, this is what I do and dive deep into it to figure
out, OK, well, but why do I do this and OK, then why do I do
(14:52):
that and then kind of follow therabbit trail bound.
So kudos were even beginning to do that because that's very hard
to. Self analyze yourself.
Various. I mean, I understand what he's
saying. He mentioned in there something
about forgiving himself. Through what you were reading, I
didn't find anything that he needs to forgive himself about.
I find there's things that he needs to accept about himself,
(15:13):
but forgiving that, saying that he's at fault.
There's situations that happen that maybe put him in that state
of mind where he wants those things or needs those things in
his life, but that's not something that you have to
forgive yourself over. No, I think he he in correlation
to that statement. I think at the beginning of it
he was saying that he didn't have the balls to do what it
takes to improve his life and dowhat he had to do in order to
(15:37):
better himself. So like earlier in life.
Yeah, so I think he's blaming himself.
OK, OK, well, you, but you can'thit, but you can't see.
And just the fact that he's willing to analyze himself and
try and figure out things. Absolutely.
Yeah. So I understand you're saying
basically what you're just saying is that you would have
wished that you had figured thisout years ago.
(15:58):
And hindsight's always 2020, so yeah.
Always just move forward. Don't look back.
They're just exceptionally hard.Oh, yeah, definitely.
There are still things that havehappened in my past.
I will literally talk out loud and go, oh, here's here's what I
should have said, here's what I should have did.
And almost like rehearse it overand over again so that the
situation never happened again. I know exactly what I would do
(16:19):
and how I would respond to it. But even then, unless you're
actually put into that situation, you don't know if
you're going to have that stuff come to mind or it's waste.
It's wasted energy, you know, walking towards peace.
But I feel like with his his feelings, if he feels like
there's guilt involved, I think submission and BDSM can help him
(16:40):
get to know himself better and be able to maybe get a sense of
release in it. And once he releases that
feeling, he can then walk forward in it.
Yeah, I agree with that. And I think that Liv always has
the best advice to people. And you always say journal.
And he said in the e-mail that he's never put his words down on
(17:04):
paper, you know, versus an actual e-mail.
So he hasn't really put his thoughts down.
And I think, Tony, I think the best advice to write in your
journal. But Liv, don't you agree?
You always talk about people writing in the journal.
Yeah, a lot of, I mean I benefitfrom it too.
Like I will think I'm well, evenwhenever came.
Let's start back over. I read my journal recently.
(17:26):
I put all my thoughts onto the paper and then I reread it.
And then you kind of look at yourself.
You can either be like, wow, that's ridiculous.
Why would I feel that? Or, you know, you kind of like
see a little bit more self reflection, like, wow, I'm
talking to myself like that. Or you could see where you went
wrong with something, you know, just you could see things a
little clearer whenever you readback.
(17:46):
I don't necessarily recommend doing it through typing because
you don't really go back to it. You just type it all out and
your mind is it's gone, which isgood.
It's some sort of like you let it go, but there's something
about just writing it down. It's painful and you know your
fingers will start hurting, but all of it is connected.
Yeah, I think that's a great wayto do it.
But I'm like, PO, I'm it's like,what does he have to forgive
(18:07):
himself on? And it's like, you know, the
humiliation degradation, a lot of people love that.
But anytime I've come across people who love the humiliation
degradation, it's usually someone who endured some type of
kind of like a push back, you know, growing up as a kid, you
know, getting that, you know, you weren't, you weren't worthy
enough, you don't deserve this, blah, blah, blah, I feel.
(18:30):
Like it would be opposite. See I I the opposite way as
well. Yeah, to take and be like
smothered with that. You're awesome, you're great,
you're fantastic. And you're like, no, I'm not.
I have all these other qualities.
I'm trash. And he needs to be told that
he's trash because he knows thathe is trash when he's not trash.
But that's why you feel about yourself.
So you wanted somebody else to validate that for some reason,
(18:50):
and it releases it in your brain?
Yeah, yeah, like I said, I've already got so many negative
thoughts in my head already, I don't need another person saying
it out loud and validating that thought.
Yeah. Remember you saying that before?
It's just just something about, you know, that, you know,
embarrassing situations that's totally different.
That's just a a momentary thing where it's like, you know,
(19:13):
everybody laughs, that kind of thing, whatever.
But if it's true, like somethingabout my character that you're
pointing out, change. Oh, that.
I don't believe that anybody should be pointed out for things
that he can't or she can't change.
You can't point out something about their eyes, their nose,
their lips, that but their weight, the way that they're
talking to themselves. These are things that they can
change. You can work on things about
(19:35):
yourself, but things that you can't change.
I think it's just rude. Yeah.
And it's disgusting to just be mean to somebody.
We don't want to be mean, No. Like so if that's what you want,
power to you somebody. Support you can be mean.
I get it. I understand that those people
are out. That's why I leave that up to.
Yeah, she's good at it. What am I good at?
Being mean. Oh, like, you know, they want
(19:55):
that, you know? Yeah, they.
Want that? Yeah.
When they come in saying that they want it, yeah, you're like
game fucking on. Yeah, it's game on, isn't it?
Yeah, problems with that. I will say that the people that
I've always come across, especially local people coming
to events or whatever, submissives or people coming
into the dungeon that have been submissive, I've never
specifically said, hey, you havedepression.
(20:17):
But it's usually if they want humiliation, degradation,
there's obvious depression. There's obvious things that
they've experienced and basically ruined aspects of
their life that they regret because of addictions or, or
other things. So that was his question.
Do you think BDSM submission is correlated to depression or
(20:38):
mental health? You know, I don't think a lot of
people want to say yeah. Yeah, You know, I would say
mental health, not always depression.
You definitely have some traumasor something going on.
But I could see where he's coming from because if you're a
submissive, that means you're gonna get praised for, you know,
looking at somebody else's needsand supplying those needs.
And if you're not feeling too good about yourself, you can
(20:58):
look at how at least you're treating other people around you
and going, hey, I got a little bit of a high just knowing how
happy I made that other person. Yeah.
So I could see the correlation between the two.
It's proving yourself, yeah. It's proving yourself.
And being constantly validated, yeah.
I could definitely understand it, and you have someone who's
solely paying attention to you because you're meeting their
needs so well that how can they not solely have all their energy
(21:20):
and their mental focus on you atthat moment?
Oh yeah, I could definitely see where there would be a
correlation between. It and it's definitely needed.
I think it should be a talk about things throughout
anything. It doesn't have to be just like
a kink. I think BDSM is therapy.
No, definitely. It is very and very much so,
therapy. And that's part of his, man, the
emails that come back and forth,that's kind of what I, I sense
(21:43):
is he's trying to figure out howto release some of this negative
energy that he feels about himself.
Instead of looking at it as I need forgiveness and I can look
at it as the experiences that you experience here can actually
help you take back that power. Sometimes that power is not
going to be given back to you. You have to take that shit back.
Yeah, there's been some situations here at the dungeon
where I, I took that shit back. They don't get to have it
(22:03):
anymore. And by doing that, it allowed me
to be able to go OK. And there's a lot of things that
happened in the past that today I'm like, yeah, it happened, but
it doesn't affect me on a daily basis now.
So in a way, you kind of forgaveyourself.
I think it's the opposite way. I forgave the other person
because I back at the power and I figured out that didn't kill
me. Maybe it was just because it
happened at a certain age that it's morphed my brain into
(22:24):
thinking, not necessarily that they weren't wrong, but it was
worse than it really was in a way.
And then when you recreate that situation and you choose to put
yourself in that situation, sometimes you can be like, hey,
actually kind of enjoy that here.
Again, not saying that what theydid initially was right, and it
may be one of the reasons why you enjoy it is because your
brain needs to rewire itself to be able to accept whatever it
(22:45):
is, but I guarantee that's when my pants look.
Yeah, well, like with my mom making me cut grass and stuff
and little tedious stuff, I feellike it kind of makes it funny
in a game versus kind of like a torture.
No, it was more of a mental torture because it's not, well,
I mean, you would get physicallyhurt, get little tiny scissors,
but it's more of mental because,you know, you're never gonna
(23:05):
finish. Little pair of scissors cutting
the grass, you're never gonna finish.
And then she would make fun of you to the other parents.
So this is what she does for herto a kid.
So you're just like. And be proud of it.
She was proud. That's the thing that they're
proud of that action. And then he just messes with
your mind to go, well, if they're so proud of that, maybe
they're they're great if they can boast about it to other
people and other people are like, Oh yeah, you did this.
(23:26):
It almost makes you feel like, OK, maybe it was acceptable and
maybe maybe I did do something that I do need to forgive myself
for that. I need forgiveness for him
because. Yeah, I look back.
I would be grounded for some dumb stuff.
So I don't think that I was, I don't think it was right.
But the other parents would sendtheir kids over and have their
kids get this treatment as well.Yeah, and like I said, and
(23:48):
that's just validating the the person who's wrong in this
situation. Yeah, same way.
I mean, I was, you know, whipped, spank, beat, whatever
you want to call it because I make bad grades.
But she never once tried to get me a tutor.
She never, she never put me on medication for my ADHD.
She never tried to give me any kind of counseling.
She never gave me any kind of outlet for it.
She never really studied with me.
So it's like, OK, you're gonna leave it all up to a 7-8 year
(24:12):
old to figure out you. Shouldn't be punished.
For it and you know it's not going to work.
I don't believe in punishment orunless you just latently like
not doing your work or something.
But to be struggling? No.
Yeah, but it's. Been a recent asked question.
But even if it's a thing about OK, they're not finishing the
work, OK, so I know for an hour after they get home from school,
an hour, an hour after I get home from work, we both, we need
(24:33):
to sit down at this table. I need to look and see what you
did that day. Look at your papers.
Make sure that you got it done because ADHD makes us have a
terrible memory. So it's not your.
Decrement in the bottom of your book bag that's.
How it was. There you go.
I'm. Homework.
Yeah, yeah. And you really legitimately
think you don't. Yeah.
But you know, then you, you know, at the end of the six
weeks, you know, or the 9 weeks now, you know, the teacher would
start right now, you know, namesand all the things that and all
(24:55):
the assignments that were missing for all the students.
Oh my goodness. Mine would always have like 16
check marks of just all these assignments that I was missing
and yeah so. How did we get on that subject?
What's that? Because you 2 are both
vocalizing your childhood traumawith your fucking horrible
mother. Yeah, well, I think we we got
because we were talking about, you know, how it past actions
can lead to making you think that you were wrong, whereas it
(25:18):
was actually not saying you weren't a little bit wrong, but
I'm saying that that age you don't even have a fully
developed brain. Therefore how can you really
hold yourself accountable? I mean, it's the same reason
that the judicial system that, you know, the 12 year old does
something wrong. We don't just put him in jail
forgiving, you know, there's, I feel like.
OK, so we talk about forgivenessand I want to say that I forgive
her, but when we talk about it, I still get angry about it.
(25:39):
So I'm like, and then she'll, you know, deny it.
But then she's such a great grandma, so she just assumes
that that's how she's always been.
And so it makes it a little bit harder to get a little bit more
validation that, hey, this maybedid happen to me.
I'm sorry, fuck her and I reallylike her even now less the more
you talk about it. You were the most selfless,
forgiving, kind person I think I've ever met.
(26:01):
You are very happy there's not amean bone in your body.
There's never a malicious thought.
You're always so kind and compassionate.
Don't make me cry. It's true.
You're so understanding, You're so understanding, You're so kind
and you're so good. And yet, God, you had a horrible
fucking mother who did somethinglike that.
And I just, I hate her worse. I really do.
I think that's just horrible. And you know, you don't have to
(26:22):
forgive her. Fuck her.
And I don't care if she's a goodgrandparent now or not.
Fuck her. I mean, you know, she's a poor
grandma. She was a horrible fucking
mother. And she knows what she did.
She knows it. She knows.
She knows she doesn't even like talking about anymore.
She's divorced about it and tellher friends and now she does not
talk about it of. Course so just like she don't
brag about how she used to be a stripper.
Fuck her. I'm sorry, Fuck that bitch.
(26:47):
I'm sorry. You know, I just, I have such a
hard time ever thinking about being horrible to a child, let
alone an animal, you know, because I they're like puppies
and kids are like right there with me.
You know, I just, I can't, I cannot imagine.
I can't imagine. I was just talking to my
boyfriend the other day and we were talking about my childhood
dog, which you were just asking me about if I loved another
animal like that. My curtain dog, yes, my
(27:09):
childhood dog. I don't remember what that
animal did because he's he's a dog, an animal, but my stepdad
kicked him out the door and he rolled down the stairs and I
always well, you know, I still heard about the squirrel.
There's a lot of things where I just don't understand how people
should be able to keep animals if they treat him like that.
Now, he wasn't abusive like thatwith him all the time.
(27:29):
It was just that one incident that it was like that, but it
really stuck in my brain where I'm like, wow, I would never do
that to that poor baby. He.
Probably did other things when you weren't around that you
probably didn't see he. Probably didn't even know I was
on the porch. Because I mean anyone to have
done what he did with the squirrel.
In itself. Oh yeah, The squirrel, that one,
that was, yeah, that affected mevery long term, yeah.
He's a horrible fucking human being, yeah, but him and your
(27:52):
mother deserve each other. So fucking.
I'm sorry. I hate both of them.
They're good. People now, I think.
I guess so forgive you. What you're saying though, there
are certain aspects of it and I think it's the same way with
with us as we had a certain development of our brain.
But time we get at this age, ourbrains have still continued to
develop and we learn lessons. Fortunately, they learn those
(28:14):
lessons. Later.
Later in life. Exactly and it just affected us
more. By the time that they have been
able to practice it with two or three kids and they get to those
grandkids, they somehow magically know how it works and
the magic formula algorithm. And then they get on you for
doing the same thing. Maybe that's exactly that, baby.
Yeah. But to bring it back, I guess
(28:35):
where I was going with it is that, yeah, there's going to be
stuff in your past that you're going to get depressed over,
that you're going to try to validate in your head.
You're going to think about it over and over again.
You're going to go, OK, well, this is it.
This is just, but use BDSM as a weapon to help you get over
those things versus an excuse for having to have a negative
(28:56):
excuse to tell yourself, oh, I just need this and it makes me
less of a person. If you go from the mindset of
no, I'm doing this as therapy, it's going to help me in the
long run. I think you'll be a lot more
successful and you'll be able toeventually take back that power.
Yes. So Tony, you probably need a
really good therapist who's in the lifestyle who understands
things more, or you need to see see a really good fucking
(29:19):
dominatrix like the one here in Pensacola Live and me.
Or you just need to associate with, you know, people who are
in the lifestyle more. And sometimes that comes at a
cost of having to be vulnerable and be open and actually take a
chance that you're going to be rejected.
And for people like himself and people like me have, you know,
(29:41):
to identify with that. Like I was rejected so many
times throughout my life that like when it comes to situations
like this, you're like, I don't want to reach out these other
people and see if we have a commonality and that type of
thing. So I'm just gonna keep it all
bottled up. And then you analyze and
overanalyze yourself. And sometimes, you know, it's
still jump frog, you know, experiment.
Tony, you are good enough. Yeah, yeah.
(30:01):
And we can't wait to see you. I'm telling you, I'm gonna show
you a picture of him. He is so hot it's ridiculous.
Sorry, Tony, I keep focusing on that, but you're a hot
motherfucker. Jeez, you know, I just think a
lot of times when I've come across and it's usually like
submissive women in the lifestyle, a lot of the local
women that I see they, they've all done like self harm.
(30:22):
They have so much baggage. I mean, you can just see that
they have so much pain in their eyes and I just, I have a lot of
compassion for them. And and then I see, you know,
we're in the South and I see these guys who really can't be,
you know, weak. They can't be.
God, that's such a big one. It's true.
Yeah. Any, Yeah, them older people
will really push that on. On on the on the newer crowd.
(30:43):
They can't show vulnerability. And this is something
interesting too, when, you know,we've had this conversation
about my Sissy slave, OK, my my husband has grown.
I mean, we've been together for 13 years.
And you know, when he came to 1st see me, you know, he's a
virgin, you know, and I've helped him in so many ways.
He told me the other day and he's like, you know, you've
(31:05):
helped me grow so much. I don't even think you realize
it. And it was only because I was
loving and supportive and I, I never judged him and I, I
always, I always looked at him and said, I'm not looking at
your faults, but I want you justto see yourself to be the best
version of yourself. Don't ever change for me, you
know, do things that you want todo for your own self and and I
(31:27):
will always tell him, you know, don't change.
Just stay who you are, be you are be be happy who you are.
But umm, I did that session where I told you I was seeing my
Sissy slave and I just adore himso much.
But I see pain in his eyes and Isee the struggle that he has to
go through and I think about people like Tony and Justin and
people that have endured these things from fucking horrible
(31:49):
parents and that kind of thing. But I said to him as I'm, I've
had him shackled and handcuffed and everything and his anal hook
in his ass, you know, I gave hima hug and I told them I was
like, you know, you were perfectthe way you are to me, the way
you are to yourself. You have to find happiness
within yourself. And you know, and I think that's
(32:09):
I think that's what is really important is finding happiness
and what makes yourself happy. So instead of blaming yourself,
Tony, for, you know, watching intox videos and doing poppers,
I mean, it's not like you're snorting cocaine off of a
hooker's ass and. Even if you weren't, and even if
you. Were you know, it's like there's
worse things I. Mean it's not Well, there is
worse things. Yeah, it's you.
(32:30):
Yeah. Be OK with you.
Yes, yes, if you like Snorton and don't let other people tell
you. I was going to say in
continuation of my thought, I was basically.
Like you know what? I mean, you want to.
Watch that crazy porn and peoplewant to tell you that it's.
Wrong. In continuation of what I was
saying, both of you, you got caught up on the porn in the ass
(32:54):
and the cocaine in the ass and all that with the.
Clicker but. I'm just saying it's not as if
he's fucking a hooker with no condom and then taking it back
home to his wife. Yeah, this doesn't affect his
wife, right? You know, And if this part makes
him fucking happy, that's why wehave people come to see us,
because they need this outlet. They need things like this
(33:15):
because other people aren't going to understand it.
And personally, we'd be doing, you know, Tony's wife a favor
who can't deal with this, who doesn't understand it like we
all can understand the situation.
So we could do a nice session. You don't need this forever.
No, you don't. This is not something you keep
around. You take it with you.
Absolutely. Absolutely.
You know what I mean? You get here, you're able to let
(33:36):
out all these things and then grow with it, and then
eventually you're like a little butterfly and we let you go.
And, you know, I was recently told by a submissive he's like,
you know, I want to be a Sissy because of my mother.
Don't die. It's because of how she treated
me. I said, yeah, it is.
You know, so it's like, does it really matter?
Doesn't Nope. It.
(33:56):
Doesn't matter at all. Doesn't matter if it makes you
happy and that's what you want to do, you'd be the best fucking
Sissy you want to be. That's it.
So yeah, gonna go back to your mother on that statement.
Your mother is jealous because you're fucking awesome mother
and she sucks. She's a good grandma.
She's you keep saying. Honestly, there was, there was
good things. It's not like my my whole
(34:18):
childhood was trash. She was, she was good at a lot
of things. Yeah.
I don't think that she could. She needs something to take care
of. And she had to make me little in
order to take care of me because, like, making me feel a
little like I'm always on, like I have autism.
It's like, you know, I'm not on the spec.
But she didn't, she would just be like, oh, she, she can't do
this because of this. She oh, she's struggling with
(34:40):
this because of this. Like it was always a reason
versus hell. So I'm like, I always think
like, now I have an excuse. I had this little crutch I have
to take with me and then I have to let it go be like, no,
nothing's wrong with me. I don't have an issue.
But yeah, I was really made to feel that way.
And once I told my sister that, like, I felt like the only way I
could get attention is if I was like that, That's the way I got
the attention from. Yeah.
She would tell our friends aboutit.
(35:01):
Jesus Christ. Was she like but like the
smaller version of the Gypsy scenario?
No, it's if it is exceptionally small.
No, I do not think it had. I don't think it had anything.
Munch Housing. Yeah.
She attention though, she. Loved doing like projects with
me and having things like that. I really liked that about her.
(35:22):
She was really good at doing that.
And if I wanted something, if I desired something or if I had
like this, this thing that I liked, like I liked monkeys, she
would shower me with monkeys until I was sick of it.
So there were things that were good about her.
Again, so forgiving. I'm just saying I was speak only
I'll on her. She was a good person, you know,
because she wasn't very good at handling things because like how
(35:44):
her parents work, you know, likehow they did it.
And then she was only going off of what she knew.
But you know and you know, everything follows through.
I get what you're saying. You know, that whole pizza can
be really great, but that one slice that has that Roach on it,
you know what I'm saying? Like it ruins the whole pizza.
Yeah, that fucking thing. Like, you know, they.
(36:06):
Just had pizza for lunch and that was now.
It's good helping, good helping.Who wants that last slice?
Sorry, this was a really like deep episode.
I need some laughter here. I ordered a pizza one time years
ago and I didn't eat it. It was kind of funny because I
(36:27):
just wasn't eating pizza at the time.
And of course it was my ex and he was eating it and I was like,
he was a horrible person. Just a fucking horrible person.
He still wants to call and talk to me.
I am telling you Tony, you're somuch better than so much of the
scum that's in this world and he's one of the those people
that just won't die like a fucking cockroach.
But I was looking. I was looking at this box, a
(36:49):
fucking pizza, and I opened it up and I see a fucking dead
Roach skeleton baked into the fucking crust and I was like.
No, you didn't. I don't think that's what they
meant by stuffed crust. I thought, what are you about to
say, woman? Please tell me.
The. 2nd to him, yeah. You.
(37:09):
Let him eat it. I wasn't going to touch it.
Fuck him. This is a man that was so
fucking horrible. He threw my shit out in the
front yard. I can't tell you how many times
if I was I was working a double shift mind you, and I would have
to drive a power to and from. Some people scrub their toilets
with a toothbrush and give it back to him, so I mean.
(37:29):
He attempted to do that to me aswell.
I'm just saying like he would. Pillow, I mean, he was, he was
next level crazy sociopath. I I can't stand him.
It's so crazy, so fucking crazy.And he and he texts me and tried
to call me. It was like 3-4 months ago.
Hey, can't we talk every day now?
Motherfucker, I divorced you. I don't want you in my life.
(37:51):
I didn't want to talk to you every day when we were married.
Well, it makes you think I want to talk to you every day now.
Exactly, you're like COVID timesa. 1000 I don't.
Want that? No, he's a butt rash.
Look, you can heal a butt rash. Still keeps coming back if it's
a fungus. That's right, he's like an
eternal itchy owl soul. Or a wart because they keep
coming back too. I got a wart on my finger
that's. Just a crazy sociopath that
(38:14):
there's no fixing him. You know your Rd. story.
Reminded me, and I think I've told you this story, I've
probably told the podcast, the story, but now that it's
following your story, it sounds a little bad, but it's always
been bad. But I'm ready.
For this let's. Hear it So me and my sister used
to share a room OK And I was sleeping in her bed for some
(38:36):
reason and me and her were sleeping right next to each
other. And I wake up we're all sweaty
don't know why it's hot in the room.
I turn over I look at her she has a big old Palmetto bug
sitting on her face. OK.
I lean over to her and I say heyhey I'm going to go ahead and go
back to my bed. I left her there.
(38:59):
With her face. And once I told her that when I
was an adult, she. Literally.
Brings it up every time she has a boyfriend and she says this is
the sister that left the Roach on my face.
Oh so you traumatized her for her whole life now?
Well, it traumatized me. What am I going to do with it?
One time I smacked her in the face because a mosquito and I
(39:20):
killed it and she still punched me.
What am I supposed to do? Fuck her.
What that Roach fighter? Who knows?
Roaches don't bite. Well, they're disgusting.
They are. They're a little bacteria.
Yeah, they're. Disgusting.
Lay eggs in your ears. I just don't like when you step
on them. They crunch.
Oh, gross. Nice.
Why didn't? You hear?
That what the fuck do you? Do it with shoes or or with your
(39:43):
barefoot with shoes. I'm just saying step.
It on no Roach in my bare feet. I don't know what type of nasty
you know. My husband does.
I swear he's fucking Buddhist. He takes and gets the Roach,
picks him up and goes and takes him outside.
With his toes. His toes with paper.
I'm gonna say I do that too. It's just it's off.
I had to scrape it off the bottom of my shoe when it's
(40:05):
outside. No, no, I don't need to do it, I
will. Just if there was a Roach I
would get my son to come get it.Now I have a boyfriend and we'll
probably both be running from the Roach, but look, I might get
anywhere. We're just not going in that
room for a while. Oh.
My God no. I want to see it dead.
I'm the same way with spiders soit's OK I get.
It Yeah. OK, so back on point on this.
(40:27):
Where are we? I don't know.
OK, Tony. You're great.
I had enough of a poet live. Never.
We love you. Forever.
Yes, Tony, we're all your we're your friends, and we are
certainly here to listen to anything you want to tell us
without judgment. Yeah, we will not judge you for
anything because we've all done some really freaky shit and some
(40:51):
of us have gotten paid to do some really freaky shit.
So it's true. Hey, whatever.
Freaky shit shit, there you go. And I'm very interested in where
he how this develops. Like said, he started on the,
the path of self self realization, self examination.
And I'd, I'd like to know, you know?
Is he planning to come well? You know, he lives upstate.
He lives up on the East Coast, so he's not going to come down
(41:11):
to Florida. But, you know, if you ever
vacations here, I tell him when I go back up to Connecticut,
I'll certainly go and visit him.You know, we'll meet up.
So yeah. What air paths will cross?
There's nothing but the best forhim and you know, keep, keep
going because you're on the right path.
Yeah, I told him oh, so long agothat we'd meet at a coffee shop
and then I would take his coffeecup and I would go and urinate
it. Excuse me?
I would take it into the bathroom and urinate in it and
(41:33):
then bring it back to the table and make him drink it for
humiliation, degradation. I think that got him hot.
You need to put it in a see through cup.
Everybody's gonna think apple juice.
Oh. Yeah.
See through cup, make him drink it in front of people.
Oh. Fuck.
Yeah. And he would.
Yeah. Yeah.
Nice and warm and not cold like regular apple juice.
Oh yeah. Do.
(41:54):
You think it's worse if it did, if it was warm or if you had put
like ice in it, it made it cold I.
Feel like if it had ice in it, it wouldn't taste that bad
because first of all it's watering it down.
Back to Tony. Sorry.
Yes, the outer I said it I. Tasted urine, but I will say
that mine is very clear so he'd be lucky to get mine and not
(42:14):
someone else's because there's alot of stinky urine out there.
Sometimes at the end of the day,mine's stinky.
And I said it, Liz does not wantto drink water all the time, so
we have to. Drink water on my boyfriend's
foot. It's the goal I have every time
I get out in the shower and. It kills his athletes feet like.
Yeah, that's why I do it. I do it for him and choose it,
(42:35):
you know, I'll be like, like, you gotta roll your eyes a
little bit just to try to get itout, you know, like that.
And then you pee and yeah. That's sexy.
Nice. That's true love right there.
Wow. OK, well, let's go rub one out
after that conversation. All right, Tony, we love you.
You're great. Until then, it's been the latest
episode of. Call me Mistress.
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