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July 14, 2025 24 mins

Is people-pleasing running your life? In this episode, I walk you through a powerful coaching process I used with a client named Liz who was exhausted from trying to keep everyone happy. We unpack the roots of her people-pleasing instinct, personify it using the lens of Internal Family Systems, and tap into the Wise Self to reclaim autonomy and authentic decision-making. 


You’ll learn:

  • Why people pleasing is ancient (and not your fault)
  • How to create space between you and the urge to say "yes"
  • What to say to your inner people pleaser—out loud
  • And how to choose actions from clarity, not fear


Timestamps
00:30 – Welcome + intro to Liz’s people-pleasing exhaustion
01:54 – Inside Out & Internal Family Systems (IFS) explained
04:30 – Why people pleasing evolved (and why it’s not all bad)
07:55 – Practicing what to say to your people-pleasing part
09:20 – The trap of reactionary rebellion vs. true autonomy
11:16 – Uncovering what really matters to you
16:03 – Intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation and anxiety relief
20:55 – Kindness Narrative: A professor committed to growing his students

Submit Your Kindness Narrative:
Share a moment of kindness that moved you or changed you. Email your story (written or audio) to calmyourcaveman@gmail.com or DM me on Instagram @CalmYourCaveman.

For full shownotes, including resources mentioned, go to: https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/taming-the-people-pleaser-within

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