June 29, 2024 • 15 mins
In this inaugural episode of the 'Calm Your Grits' podcast, host Joei Allen introduces herself and delves into her journey. Joei opens up about her life as a homeschool mom, a DIY enthusiast, and a pageant participant. This episode provides a heartfelt discussion about personal growth, overcoming insecurities, and the determination to achieve one's dreams. Joei shares her experiences with pageants, the challenges she faced, and the invaluable lessons she learned along the way. Additionally, she touches on her advocacy for infant loss and postpartum depression awareness.
Watch & listen to episode on Spotify! https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mrsallen65/episodes/Its-happening-e2le4mb
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joeiallen
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090676779778
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/@JoeiAllen
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Joei (00:00):
Welcome to Call Your Grits podcast.
I'm your host joei Allen.
I'm just your average stay athome mom, homeschool mom and
wifey Who loves all thingssparkly and anything DIY from
party planning to interiordesign, Basically just a crazy
Pinterest Mom.
Oh, and I've also recently,Jumped into the pageant life
(00:21):
because why not I'm a selfproclaimed expert at nothing
other than hanging on by athread.
I am living my best life, duringwhat I can only describe as my
midlife crisis.
This podcast is about nothingand everything.
So whether you're here becauseyou can relate or for some comic
relief, my hope is that you'llwalk away learning something new
(00:44):
or at least feel a little lessweird about the voices in your
head and the decisions you'vemade in your life Episode one,
It's Happening.
So how did we get here?
I currently don't think I cananswer that with just one reason
other than I felt called to usethis medium to share my story.
Maybe hone in on some skills I'dlike to master before I'm 40.
(01:08):
Good luck with that and have fundoing it, why not?
I dove in and I started to doresearch and one of the things
that really stood out was totalk about something that I'm
currently really passionateabout.
At the moment, that would bepageants.
I'm just coming out of a five tosix month process of preparing
(01:29):
to compete in the Mrs.
South Carolina, america pageant,which was a dream come true.
I currently live in Fort Mill,South Carolina.
I was born in Ecuador and Imoved to Florida when I was
around two, then I moved back toEcuador when I was 10, and then
when I was 18 and I moved backto Carolinas.
(01:49):
So I've been here 20 years now.
I'm kind of aging myself, but.
The Carolinas is what I callhome.
I'm a Carolina girl and I'mproud of it.
Anywho, back to pageants.
What an experience.
I already said it was a dreamcome true, but I met so many
amazing inspiring women, allages.
(02:11):
You have to be 18 to compete.
So all ages from like 18 and up,some of them, this was their
first pageant experience andothers, they have been competing
in pageants for years and years.
All levels, all ages.
Talk about a wonderfulopportunity to just connect with
other women and realize thateveryone has a story.
(02:35):
So why not start a podcast, Andwhat am I waiting for?
At the end of the day, part ofwhy I got back into pageants or
why I even, went down that pathwas because I wanted to share my
story in hopes to reach morehearts, reach more people, bring
more awareness to my platformand things that are near and
dear to my heart.
(02:55):
At first doing a pageant seemedkind of not silly, but it, I
didn't think it was like thatbig of a deal, but like jokes on
me.
I had no idea what I was gettingmyself into and I didn't even
realize the things that I wasabout to get to experience the
(03:17):
growth that comes with pageantryis so real.
And if you've ever done apageant, you know what I mean,
and if you haven't, you're justgoing to have to take my word
for it.
Deciding to jump into theOlympics of pageants to straight
into the deep end.
I did all the things to prep,because if I was going to do
(03:38):
this, I knew I didn't reallyhave that much experience, or
recent or really relevantexperience because the pageants
that I did when I was a teen,completely different experience.
I worked with a pageant coachand interview coach,
professional makeup artists andphotographers for headshots, and
(04:01):
just even that was hard.
It doesn't like, Oh, what's apicture, but for me personally,
I had doing that.
So all of a sudden, you know,like, okay, the, the getting
made up and dolled up, thatwasn't hard, but standing there
and then being like, okay, giveme this, give me that look and
(04:22):
I, it just, it felt so awkwardat first, you know, and then,
it's like a sport, right?
The more you practice it, themore natural it feels and the
better you get at it, was fun, Ilove it.
I could take headshots, picturesfor a living.
I was determined to not care howstupid I looked in front of the
(04:45):
professionals, and I was open toall the feedback.
I knew I was at a beginnerlevel.
Part of the process alsoinvolved, designing ad pages for
the program book and for socialmedia, highlighting, my amazing
sponsors.
I went to workshops, I didappearances, I happily did all
(05:06):
the things because I reallywanted to grow and learn and I
didn't want to look like anidiot on stage unprepared.
I had to change a lot of mymindset too even social media
before I would just cringe atposting a selfie.
No big deal, right?
It's not like I never posted aselfie, but usually like when I
would go and post a picture ofmyself by the time.
(05:30):
I found a picture I liked andtry to come up with a, caption
or something like that.
I would just talk myself out ofit and not do it because it felt
so unnatural and it felt cringy.
I'm my biggest critic, right?
You look at your pictures andyou see, Oh, my hair looks like
(05:52):
that, my skin looks wrinklyhere, yadda, yadda, yadda, and
yeah, I had to get over that,I'm not saying I'm completely
over it and I can just postwhatever and I don't slightly
cringe, but I have a come along, long way.
Now I see it more as sharingabout my life, sharing myself,
(06:13):
letting go of that,"what peoplethink" crap because it's crap,
like you do you.
And that's the funny thing isI'd be the first person to tell
anyone you do you, why do youcare about what people think?
But then I would find myselfcaring what people thought, I've
come a long way from that andit's just me sharing me if you
(06:39):
don't like it, don't look at it,don't follow.
If it entertains you cool if itdoesn't fine, I'm not going to
let that stop me from sharingand straight up celebrating
myself for taking on this newsport.
And for anybody that wants toargue that pageantry is not a
sport, bring it, I'm happy tospend an episode or five
(07:01):
explaining why it's a sport.
It takes a lot to put yourselfout there and hit that stage, do
the interviews while showcasingwho you are.
I don't know, maybe it's just asport for me, but I swear it
takes a lot.
What I'm getting at is that forme at the beginning, it was
almost a daily battle where Iwould be like...
what am I doing?
(07:21):
Why am I doing this?
What am I, what was I thinking?
And then I'd argue with myselfand be like whatever, it's fine.
I'm doing it anyway.
I don't care.
I'll figure it out.
Just do the steps, do the work,do the things, no matter how
awkward it feels.
Because.
I knew I would get better at itand get more comfortable with
(07:42):
it.
What's the worst that canhappen?
Look like an idiot.
Who cares?
The realization that I've cometo is that there are still
things that I need to work on ifI really want this.
My motto has been, it's not thewill to win that matters.
It's the will to prepare to win,also mixed in with enjoying the
journey instead of being sofocused on the goals and, you
(08:05):
know, goal, goal, goal, andnothing else matters.
that's what I've been reallyintentional about doing is just
trying to enjoy the day to day,to make sure that I also enjoyed
the process.
And I did.
I absolutely did.
And full transparency, eventhough I am proud of myself, I
did have to give myselfpermission to go through.
The grieving process after thepageant.
(08:28):
I'm not trying to sound dramaticabout it BUT when you put your
everything into trying to reacha goal and the outcome isn't
what you expect Yeah, there'sgoing to be some level of grief.
Duh ask anybody! I'm here totell you that it's okay to feel
more than one way.
(08:49):
At the same time and one feelingdoesn't cancel out the other or
make the other one invalid, it'sokay to be bummed out but also
proud of yourself like I'm veryproud of myself but was I bummed
out?
I mean, yeah, that doesn't meanI'm not super proud of the
winners.
They're gonna do an amazing jobrepresenting South Carolina, but
(09:13):
I can feel that, but also feel alittle, you know, bummed out.
And, this is the other thing Godput something on your heart and
you assume, you know Where thatpath is leading you to all
right, like I'm assuming Well,if it's really on my heart, then
it's because I'm gonna win andall my dreams are gonna come
true That's not how it works.
(09:35):
You just have to do the nextright thing.
What's on your heart and justfollow and obey the things that
are pushing you and motivatingyou.
Will I ever be Mrs.
World?
I don't, I don't know.
I hope so, what I do know isthat everything that I'm
learning during this process ismaking me a better person.
(09:56):
It's pushing me to grow to putmyself out there.
It's pushing me to actuallyshare more about my platform,
I've allowed myself, to thinkthrough it all, overthink it,
feel all the feels.
I'm still praying about it.
Still trying to figure outwhat's next.
and that's okay.
I'll absolutely admit that goingthrough the process of prepping
(10:19):
for this pageant.
it's a big factor that led me tocreating in this podcast.
It kinda tipped the scalefinally got to the point where
the wanting to do this and notcaring what people would say and
that I can do this feeling itwas stronger than all the doubt
and all the negative I canpretty much do anything now, if
(10:41):
I could walk on a stage in abathing suit.
You know, that was hard, gotover it, took a lot of work.
I'll share more about that.
It's comical, but whatever.
I'm done worrying about it.
This body has been put throughthe damn ringer between the kids
and age and gravity andwhatever.
(11:01):
But I also remember feelingsimilar, in my teens.
There's that funny meme thatsomething like, I wish I were as
fat as I thought I was in highschool or, something along those
lines.
I'm officially done with puttingmyself down and calming my
grits.
Speaking of personal growth andstuff, that brings me to the
(11:23):
work I still need to do, to getthat freaking crown.
And one area that I know I havea lot of room to grow in
regarding pageants is theinterview part., I also have a
room to grow in my stagepresence and all of that, but I
feel like the biggest gap for meright now is the interview piece
of it.
I've been thinking a lot aboutwhat's missing, why do these
(11:45):
interviews trip me up so much amI giving off a vibe that I don't
think I'm worthy of winning?
Who knows?
I can say that I gave iteverything that I had up until
that day.
I did the work.
I'm proud of myself.
I showed up.
pageant weekend was amazing Ihad so much fun I love the
(12:05):
sisterhood and getting to knowother women that are also
putting themselves out thereit's probably one of my favorite
parts and that sisterhood isabsolutely real.
So what's missing?
What do I need to work on andhow exactly should I go about
doing that?
I don't know.
That's what I'm trying to figureout and why not document it so I
(12:27):
can look back one day and belike look, remember that?
My platform is infant loss andpostpartum depression survivor,
is it maybe too delicate of atopic for me still to talk about
I don't think so I'm very openwith my story and my struggles
and how hard it was one of thethings I remember was feeling
(12:49):
alone.
So I always make sure that Idon't sugarcoat it and say it
how it is and I'm verytransparent about the crazy
stuff that went through my headand it gets easier the more I
share my story and people arelike, me too.
I thought it was crazy Thank youfor saying that so that kind of
makes it easier but yeah, likeI'm wondering if it's still too
(13:11):
delicate of a topic or if I justneed to do more so I could get
comfortable talking about it,narrow it down.
I don't know.
I'm going to figure that out.
This past year I did push myselfto do more regarding my
platform, I currently lead anonline support group with PSI,
Postpartum SupportInternational.
(13:33):
it's a huge organization withtons of resources to help women,
families.
During that perinatal period.
So I'm leading online groups andit was harder than I thought.
It was very triggering hearingthese women share things and say
things that just brings back allthe feelings, all the triggers,
(13:57):
and I don't know that you everfully heal from it Personally
I've done therapy like I'm intherapy.
I'm still in therapy I still goto psychiatrists because I'm not
going to Ignore the fact that Istill get triggered but a lot of
times when you struggle withsomething and you stop making it
about you and you put yourselfout there and try to help other
(14:20):
people because it's one in fivewomen that are affected by it.
So, maybe I just need to getmore comfortable speaking about
my platform.
Who knows?
I don't know.
All I know is I'm following whatI feel I should be doing now
which is sharing my storythrough this podcast.
having a little fun with it andI'm really excited to see where
(14:40):
this leads, hope you stickaround and be a part of it.
And that's a wrap guys.
Thanks for listening to episodeone of Calm your grits podcast.
It's happening.
I would love it.
If y'all would subscribe andfollow me on all the social
medias.
I look forward to sharing morewith y'all next time.
Thanks.
Bye.
Welcome to Call Your Grits podcast.
I'm your host joei Allen.
I'm just your average stay athome mom, homeschool mom and
wifey Who loves all thingssparkly and anything DIY from
party planning to interiordesign, Basically just a crazy
Pinterest Mom.
Oh, and I've also recently,Jumped into the pageant life
(00:21):
because why not I'm a selfproclaimed expert at nothing
other than hanging on by athread.
I am living my best life, duringwhat I can only describe as my
midlife crisis.
This podcast is about nothingand everything.
So whether you're here becauseyou can relate or for some comic
relief, my hope is that you'llwalk away learning something new
(00:44):
or at least feel a little lessweird about the voices in your
head and the decisions you'vemade in your life Episode one,
It's Happening.
So how did we get here?
I currently don't think I cananswer that with just one reason
other than I felt called to usethis medium to share my story.
Maybe hone in on some skills I'dlike to master before I'm 40.
(01:08):
Good luck with that and have fundoing it, why not?
I dove in and I started to doresearch and one of the things
that really stood out was totalk about something that I'm
currently really passionateabout.
At the moment, that would bepageants.
I'm just coming out of a five tosix month process of preparing
(01:29):
to compete in the Mrs.
South Carolina, america pageant,which was a dream come true.
I currently live in Fort Mill,South Carolina.
I was born in Ecuador and Imoved to Florida when I was
around two, then I moved back toEcuador when I was 10, and then
when I was 18 and I moved backto Carolinas.
(01:49):
So I've been here 20 years now.
I'm kind of aging myself, but.
The Carolinas is what I callhome.
I'm a Carolina girl and I'mproud of it.
Anywho, back to pageants.
What an experience.
I already said it was a dreamcome true, but I met so many
amazing inspiring women, allages.
(02:11):
You have to be 18 to compete.
So all ages from like 18 and up,some of them, this was their
first pageant experience andothers, they have been competing
in pageants for years and years.
All levels, all ages.
Talk about a wonderfulopportunity to just connect with
other women and realize thateveryone has a story.
(02:35):
So why not start a podcast, Andwhat am I waiting for?
At the end of the day, part ofwhy I got back into pageants or
why I even, went down that pathwas because I wanted to share my
story in hopes to reach morehearts, reach more people, bring
more awareness to my platformand things that are near and
dear to my heart.
(02:55):
At first doing a pageant seemedkind of not silly, but it, I
didn't think it was like thatbig of a deal, but like jokes on
me.
I had no idea what I was gettingmyself into and I didn't even
realize the things that I wasabout to get to experience the
(03:17):
growth that comes with pageantryis so real.
And if you've ever done apageant, you know what I mean,
and if you haven't, you're justgoing to have to take my word
for it.
Deciding to jump into theOlympics of pageants to straight
into the deep end.
I did all the things to prep,because if I was going to do
(03:38):
this, I knew I didn't reallyhave that much experience, or
recent or really relevantexperience because the pageants
that I did when I was a teen,completely different experience.
I worked with a pageant coachand interview coach,
professional makeup artists andphotographers for headshots, and
(04:01):
just even that was hard.
It doesn't like, Oh, what's apicture, but for me personally,
I had doing that.
So all of a sudden, you know,like, okay, the, the getting
made up and dolled up, thatwasn't hard, but standing there
and then being like, okay, giveme this, give me that look and
(04:22):
I, it just, it felt so awkwardat first, you know, and then,
it's like a sport, right?
The more you practice it, themore natural it feels and the
better you get at it, was fun, Ilove it.
I could take headshots, picturesfor a living.
I was determined to not care howstupid I looked in front of the
(04:45):
professionals, and I was open toall the feedback.
I knew I was at a beginnerlevel.
Part of the process alsoinvolved, designing ad pages for
the program book and for socialmedia, highlighting, my amazing
sponsors.
I went to workshops, I didappearances, I happily did all
(05:06):
the things because I reallywanted to grow and learn and I
didn't want to look like anidiot on stage unprepared.
I had to change a lot of mymindset too even social media
before I would just cringe atposting a selfie.
No big deal, right?
It's not like I never posted aselfie, but usually like when I
would go and post a picture ofmyself by the time.
(05:30):
I found a picture I liked andtry to come up with a, caption
or something like that.
I would just talk myself out ofit and not do it because it felt
so unnatural and it felt cringy.
I'm my biggest critic, right?
You look at your pictures andyou see, Oh, my hair looks like
(05:52):
that, my skin looks wrinklyhere, yadda, yadda, yadda, and
yeah, I had to get over that,I'm not saying I'm completely
over it and I can just postwhatever and I don't slightly
cringe, but I have a come along, long way.
Now I see it more as sharingabout my life, sharing myself,
(06:13):
letting go of that,"what peoplethink" crap because it's crap,
like you do you.
And that's the funny thing isI'd be the first person to tell
anyone you do you, why do youcare about what people think?
But then I would find myselfcaring what people thought, I've
come a long way from that andit's just me sharing me if you
(06:39):
don't like it, don't look at it,don't follow.
If it entertains you cool if itdoesn't fine, I'm not going to
let that stop me from sharingand straight up celebrating
myself for taking on this newsport.
And for anybody that wants toargue that pageantry is not a
sport, bring it, I'm happy tospend an episode or five
(07:01):
explaining why it's a sport.
It takes a lot to put yourselfout there and hit that stage, do
the interviews while showcasingwho you are.
I don't know, maybe it's just asport for me, but I swear it
takes a lot.
What I'm getting at is that forme at the beginning, it was
almost a daily battle where Iwould be like...
what am I doing?
(07:21):
Why am I doing this?
What am I, what was I thinking?
And then I'd argue with myselfand be like whatever, it's fine.
I'm doing it anyway.
I don't care.
I'll figure it out.
Just do the steps, do the work,do the things, no matter how
awkward it feels.
Because.
I knew I would get better at itand get more comfortable with
(07:42):
it.
What's the worst that canhappen?
Look like an idiot.
Who cares?
The realization that I've cometo is that there are still
things that I need to work on ifI really want this.
My motto has been, it's not thewill to win that matters.
It's the will to prepare to win,also mixed in with enjoying the
journey instead of being sofocused on the goals and, you
(08:05):
know, goal, goal, goal, andnothing else matters.
that's what I've been reallyintentional about doing is just
trying to enjoy the day to day,to make sure that I also enjoyed
the process.
And I did.
I absolutely did.
And full transparency, eventhough I am proud of myself, I
did have to give myselfpermission to go through.
The grieving process after thepageant.
(08:28):
I'm not trying to sound dramaticabout it BUT when you put your
everything into trying to reacha goal and the outcome isn't
what you expect Yeah, there'sgoing to be some level of grief.
Duh ask anybody! I'm here totell you that it's okay to feel
more than one way.
(08:49):
At the same time and one feelingdoesn't cancel out the other or
make the other one invalid, it'sokay to be bummed out but also
proud of yourself like I'm veryproud of myself but was I bummed
out?
I mean, yeah, that doesn't meanI'm not super proud of the
winners.
They're gonna do an amazing jobrepresenting South Carolina, but
(09:13):
I can feel that, but also feel alittle, you know, bummed out.
And, this is the other thing Godput something on your heart and
you assume, you know Where thatpath is leading you to all
right, like I'm assuming Well,if it's really on my heart, then
it's because I'm gonna win andall my dreams are gonna come
true That's not how it works.
(09:35):
You just have to do the nextright thing.
What's on your heart and justfollow and obey the things that
are pushing you and motivatingyou.
Will I ever be Mrs.
World?
I don't, I don't know.
I hope so, what I do know isthat everything that I'm
learning during this process ismaking me a better person.
(09:56):
It's pushing me to grow to putmyself out there.
It's pushing me to actuallyshare more about my platform,
I've allowed myself, to thinkthrough it all, overthink it,
feel all the feels.
I'm still praying about it.
Still trying to figure outwhat's next.
and that's okay.
I'll absolutely admit that goingthrough the process of prepping
(10:19):
for this pageant.
it's a big factor that led me tocreating in this podcast.
It kinda tipped the scalefinally got to the point where
the wanting to do this and notcaring what people would say and
that I can do this feeling itwas stronger than all the doubt
and all the negative I canpretty much do anything now, if
(10:41):
I could walk on a stage in abathing suit.
You know, that was hard, gotover it, took a lot of work.
I'll share more about that.
It's comical, but whatever.
I'm done worrying about it.
This body has been put throughthe damn ringer between the kids
and age and gravity andwhatever.
(11:01):
But I also remember feelingsimilar, in my teens.
There's that funny meme thatsomething like, I wish I were as
fat as I thought I was in highschool or, something along those
lines.
I'm officially done with puttingmyself down and calming my
grits.
Speaking of personal growth andstuff, that brings me to the
(11:23):
work I still need to do, to getthat freaking crown.
And one area that I know I havea lot of room to grow in
regarding pageants is theinterview part., I also have a
room to grow in my stagepresence and all of that, but I
feel like the biggest gap for meright now is the interview piece
of it.
I've been thinking a lot aboutwhat's missing, why do these
(11:45):
interviews trip me up so much amI giving off a vibe that I don't
think I'm worthy of winning?
Who knows?
I can say that I gave iteverything that I had up until
that day.
I did the work.
I'm proud of myself.
I showed up.
pageant weekend was amazing Ihad so much fun I love the
(12:05):
sisterhood and getting to knowother women that are also
putting themselves out thereit's probably one of my favorite
parts and that sisterhood isabsolutely real.
So what's missing?
What do I need to work on andhow exactly should I go about
doing that?
I don't know.
That's what I'm trying to figureout and why not document it so I
(12:27):
can look back one day and belike look, remember that?
My platform is infant loss andpostpartum depression survivor,
is it maybe too delicate of atopic for me still to talk about
I don't think so I'm very openwith my story and my struggles
and how hard it was one of thethings I remember was feeling
(12:49):
alone.
So I always make sure that Idon't sugarcoat it and say it
how it is and I'm verytransparent about the crazy
stuff that went through my headand it gets easier the more I
share my story and people arelike, me too.
I thought it was crazy Thank youfor saying that so that kind of
makes it easier but yeah, likeI'm wondering if it's still too
(13:11):
delicate of a topic or if I justneed to do more so I could get
comfortable talking about it,narrow it down.
I don't know.
I'm going to figure that out.
This past year I did push myselfto do more regarding my
platform, I currently lead anonline support group with PSI,
Postpartum SupportInternational.
(13:33):
it's a huge organization withtons of resources to help women,
families.
During that perinatal period.
So I'm leading online groups andit was harder than I thought.
It was very triggering hearingthese women share things and say
things that just brings back allthe feelings, all the triggers,
(13:57):
and I don't know that you everfully heal from it Personally
I've done therapy like I'm intherapy.
I'm still in therapy I still goto psychiatrists because I'm not
going to Ignore the fact that Istill get triggered but a lot of
times when you struggle withsomething and you stop making it
about you and you put yourselfout there and try to help other
(14:20):
people because it's one in fivewomen that are affected by it.
So, maybe I just need to getmore comfortable speaking about
my platform.
Who knows?
I don't know.
All I know is I'm following whatI feel I should be doing now
which is sharing my storythrough this podcast.
having a little fun with it andI'm really excited to see where
(14:40):
this leads, hope you stickaround and be a part of it.
And that's a wrap guys.
Thanks for listening to episodeone of Calm your grits podcast.
It's happening.
I would love it.
If y'all would subscribe andfollow me on all the social
medias.
I look forward to sharing morewith y'all next time.
Thanks.
Bye.
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