Jealous Minds - Overcoming Jealousy with Shanenn Bryant

Jealous Minds - Interview with Shanenn Bryant

Today, our guest is Shanenn Bryant, a relationship confidence expert and one of the select few who focus on jealousy in relationships. Many people have daily anxiety and mistrust of their partners, even without evidence of infidelity. This fear runs so deep from either childhood dysfunction or past infidelity that they’ve now developed insecure habits like checking their partner’s phone, text messages, and social media accounts for any signs of infidelity. Shanenn is here on Calming the Chaos Podcast to discuss jealousy, how it can hurt relationships, and how people can move past jealousy and into trusting relationships with themselves and others.

Key points and Timestamps:

2:42: Shanenn’s story of chaos and how she became a Jealousy Relationship Expert

4:50: Shannen – “If my own father doesn’t love me, then why would anyone else?”

5:50 Shannen – Jealousy is shameful for people to admit. “There’s a lot of time wasted when your attention is focused on your partner 90% of the time.”

Jealousy affects all major life domains: Home, work, family, etc.

7:27: Shanenn - The difference between jealousy and envy

9:07 Shannen - How Jealousy shows up (3 ways)

1. Projection – Have YOU cheated in the past, so jealousy is projected onto another person

2. Protection – Were YOU in a relationship before where you were cheated on, so jealousy is protective

3. Competition – Were YOU in a friend group where you were excluded or uninvited to events, so jealousy is competitive in nature.

11:46: Tracy asks Shanenn to describe some situations where people are jealous

Two buckets:

1. Family of origin is unstable

2. The adult experience of infidelity on you helped you to develop insecure habits of protection

“Jealousy isn’t a problem, it’s a solution.” “What is the jealousy trying to solve?”

13:47 Tracy presents Hypothetical Jealousy Situation #1 to Shannen and she responds about what she would do

1. No cheating is happening, but jealousy is happening.

Shanenn: The first step is you need to get self-aware of what you are doing. Then, realize that it probably has nothing to do with what your partner is doing, but how YOU are perceiving what is going on. Then, asking yourself, “Why do you have so much fear about this?” Look at the beliefs and thoughts and check the facts.

18:27 Tracy presents Hypothetical Jealousy Situation #2 to Shanenn and she responds about what she would do

2. Cheating has happened in the past

Shanenn: It’s important for the offender to come clean about the whole story of the infidelity one time, preferably in the presence of a professional. It’s also important to give the offended partner time to process it, and consider the information they REALLY want to know, and what information might hurt them.

21:46: Tracy – Do you work with the person who ISN’T the jealous person? Setting boundaries and limits to questions and requests for reassurance. Work toward not providing reinforcement to the jealous partner

24:40 Tracy – When is there manageable jealousy and toxic jealousy? How can we figure that out and take action? Consider whether the jealous person is seeking help or working on the problem, how much love they have for the jealous partner. Seek out therapy or coaching from someone like Shanenn.

27:38 – Tracy describes how she works with couples who struggle with actual infidelity

“I don’t know whether this couple will stay together or break it off, but I do know this is that through the process we will gain some clarity either way.

Shanenn describes getting “kicked out” of couples therapy

Tracy – Some therapists admit they are beyond their expertise, so they do need to refer couples on

30:38: We tour Shanenn’s website and the products and services she has to offer www.topself.com

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