In this Can We Start Over podcast episode, Britt and Lindsey are talking about their relationship again!
This time, what they learned about their relationship and needs after traveling with their three kids for nine months.
They highlight the importance of communication as a couple and as a family and how it has been the foundation for their growth and understanding. They also touch on the challenges they faced while traveling. Lindsey discusses the importance of letting go and trusting your partner. Additionally, they reflect on how incorporating spirituality into their relationship has brought them closer and allowed personal growth.
Lindsey and Britt share their experiences and lessons learned in navigating the ups and downs in the past year.
Want to know our three steps for staying connected and conscious in partnership?
Get the guide here!
Touching Into Creativity: re-awaken your creative essence from within. Join Lindsey on October 19th for this live workshop — you’ll learn how to connect with your felt sense, get curious and open to the creative flow.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lindsey (00:13):
Me and my girl No, let's do it like this, it's
funny.
Me and my girl No, you can't,you can't sing other people's
songs.
Got this relationship You can'tdo that.
We're gonna get sued.
I can do that much, I think.
Okay.
Britt (00:25):
Well, I hate, I can't stand Queen, so don't sing
Queen's songs.
Lindsey (00:30):
How dare you, Brit.
You're a Californian now.
Welcome everyone to yet anotherepisode of the Can We Start Over
podcast.
My name is Lindsay.
And my name is Brit.
And we are here with you on thisfine day.
Thank you for listening.
We're glad you're here.
We've been on a littlerelationship journey with you
guys for the last few weeks.
(00:51):
A couple weeks ago, we releasedan episode about what it's like
being married for 16 years.
And there was so much greatfeedback.
And then last week, we talked toour friends, Jamie Carpenter and
Lacey Dillmore, who are likespiritual relationship goals.
I think to so many people.
(01:11):
And people were asking us to doa part two of our relationship
episode.
That was focused more on likewhat the last year has been
because we really took a journeyon like 16 years.
That's a lot to pack into anhour.
So we wanted to talk about whatthis past year has looked like
because it's been so differentand we had to change so much
(01:33):
more together.
So that's what we're sharingwith you this week.
And
Britt (01:37):
shout out to Casey for giving us the extra push to do
Lindsey (01:40):
this one this week.
Yeah, this talk is a lot aboutletting go, especially for me
and really trusting the otherperson in your partnership.
That's majorly what I learnedthis year.
You're going to hear all aboutit as we talk, but I kind of
just wanted to take a moment toshout out Brit for like stepping
(02:00):
up when I felt confused.
Taking the lead and making hardchoices for our family that were
so right and gently pulling meout of, like, the sea of
confusion of not knowing what todo.
So, thanks, Britt.
(02:20):
Aw, you're welcome.
Yeah, and thanks for stickingaround with me long enough.
To let me release my grip ofcontrol.
Oh,
Britt (02:29):
wow, that's deep.
Thanks for sticking around withme through all this clowning.
Lindsey (02:36):
Brits been clowning, now he's ready to man up, baby.
Yep, yep.
It was a fun talk, I'm glad wedid it.
It always feels good, it's likeyou guys are just listening to
our, you're listening in realtime to our, uh, awkward
conversation, communicationthings that we talk about all
the time and that we urge youguys to do if you're in a
relationship.
(02:57):
And when it's an episode that'sjust the two of us, it's like
you're sitting down for one.
So thanks for listening.
Let us be your guides.
Let us be your guides.
Your awkward guides.
Well, I have you here.
I want to invite you listenersto my upcoming online workshop
touching into creativity It'snow open and space is limited.
(03:18):
So make sure you take your seatjoin me for a transformative and
experiential two hour deep divethat promises to dissolve any
pesky blocks to creativity andget your Creative juices flowing
on Thursday, October 19th.
We'll dive into somatic movementInner inquiry and source
connection.
(03:38):
It's not as complicated as youmight think, and I'll show you a
proven and potent process whereyou will connect with your body
and your felt sense.
Call in your personal guides andmuses and tap into that magical
source of creativity that livesbeyond.
All of us.
Spoiler alert, when you do this,it feels pretty darn amazing and
(04:01):
creativity becomes not somethingthat you do just to write a song
or a book, but it becomes partof your existence and how you
live each day.
Don't miss this chance toconnect with your inner
creativity and find your flow.
Join me for this evening oftransformation on October 19th,
and don't worry if you can'tmake it live because there will
(04:22):
be a replay.
Aren't you ready to stop justthinking about all the creative
projects you want to do andactually start doing them?
Reserve your spot now.
Reserve your spot now at thelink in the show notes.
I promise you won't regret it.
Britt (04:36):
All right, now let's get into the show.
Lindsey (04:41):
Sum up our relationship in one movie.
Britt (04:43):
One movie?
Yeah.
Oh God, that'd be hard.
I only like movies that havelike
Lindsey (04:48):
a lot of turmoil.
Nope, nope.
Just one movie.
Empire Records.
Good.
Uh, it's What's Eating GilbertGrape is the answer.
Britt (04:56):
Oh.
Oh.
Lindsey (04:59):
It's not that movie.
It's Mulan.
But, um.
I don't I don't, I don'tremember what happens in Mulan.
Do you remember what happens inwhat?
It's eating Gilbert Grape.
Britt (05:09):
No, I was a kid when that came out.
So our last episode, we had agreat conversation about our
relationship.
Lindsey (05:15):
Yeah, it was fun.
It was
Britt (05:17):
fun.
And people really reacted to it.
They said, you're helping us sohard.
You're
Lindsey (05:22):
helping us so hard.
I feel like I've seen this inWhat's Eating Gilbert Grape.
Or Empire Records.
Aw, Empire Records, that'ssweet.
Rory Cochran's character,whatever his name is, takes the
money to Vegas and loses it.
It's not Vegas either.
Is it?
It
Britt (05:38):
doesn't matter.
Why are
Lindsey (05:39):
we talking about this?
Because it's one of the bestmovies ever made, and we saw Liv
Tyler this week, y'all.
Britt (05:44):
That's true.
She smiled at
Lindsey (05:46):
us.
So that's the world we're livingin.
She had
Britt (05:49):
kind eyes.
She had kind eyes.
Isn't that a weird thing to sayto someone?
Someone said that to you once,right?
You remember it.
Or you had nice flanks orsomething.
That's
Lindsey (05:59):
totally different, but that someone did say to me once,
and...
That's supremely inappropriate.
It is, especially
Britt (06:07):
because you were at work.
And he was, you were servingthat man food.
Lindsey (06:12):
Serving that man food, and I was like
Britt (06:14):
Serving him a good look too.
Excuse me?
You were looking mighty nicethat day.
Apparently you had your flanksout.
Lindsey (06:21):
My flanks were exposed.
We have a relationship, y'all.
And we talked about it on ourlast Episode and we got a lot of
feedback and so we wanted todive into a part two about our
relationship But specificallywhat this year has done to our
relationship, right?
Because as many of you knowabout a year ago, we sold our
(06:46):
house.
We sold our stuff we startedtraveling with our three kids
and so our days lookedcompletely different than what
they looked like when we Livedin Texas, worked 9 to 5, took
the kids to school, all of thosethings, and we were like, we
don't want to do that anymore.
(07:06):
So we flipped it all upsidedown, and then we learned a lot
about our relationship on thatjourney.
And so I think there's like, thelast episode was really how,
what it was like 16 years ofbeing married.
And then this is going to belike, what it's been like in the
last year when we made a hugechange.
(07:28):
Together.
That's true.
So if you want, if you didn'tlisten to that last episode, and
you want to know first aboutwhat our relationship used to be
like.
The juicy bits.
The juicy bits of being married16 years, go back, listen to
that episode.
It's linked.
And then come back here or do itin reverse, whatever, listen to
this first and then go back andbe like, okay, what was it like?
Britt (07:50):
Yeah, maybe you just want the solution.
Maybe you just want to know howto make your relationship better
immediately.
Immediately.
You already know how it wasgoing.
You don't need us to tell youabout it.
Well, let's start with numberone.
The number one thing,communication.
It's key in every relationship.
Whether it's with your doctor.
(08:10):
Your children, your dog, or yourpartner.
Lindsey (08:15):
Learning how to communicate, we did talk about
it a lot in the last episode,but learning how to communicate
has been like the most importantaspect of starting over.
And so tell me about how itlooked for you in the last year.
So
Britt (08:30):
we went from spending a limited amount of time together,
living our regular lives, havingnine to fives, doing all the
work of just being planted inone place.
To being together 24 7.
Every waking hour as we weretraveling.
Lindsey (08:45):
Almost.
Like, we take breaks.
But like, most of the time we'retogether.
Britt (08:52):
Yeah, most of the time.
And with our kids too.
So there's an added layer thereas well.
So the most important thing thatI feel has been communication.
Making sure that we Sit down andtalk about what our next steps
are, especially because we weretraveling.
We need to plan where we weregoing, what we were going to
see, what we were going to do.
And it doesn't all need to beplanned, but we definitely need
(09:14):
to talk about everything beforeit happens.
To keep everyone happy,together, just logistically,
even to be able to getsomewhere, we got a plan.
So, it was good to keep thoselines of communication open.
We would sit down, we wouldschedule a time to sit down and
talk, not only about ouremotions, which we did, how we
(09:34):
were feeling, how the trip wasgoing, but just to communicate,
just about any old thing, tohave a talk, right?
Lindsey (09:43):
Yeah, and I think that that's such a, um, it's such
like a cliche thing to say,like, you to be in a
relationship, you need tocommunicate and coming from a
place of non communication ornot intentional communication to
then getting there, I'll say,like, In the last year, what's
(10:04):
been different is, it's likeanother layer of communication
because we're talking about,we're like bringing ourselves to
the table to be witnessed, whichis communication, but also with
an openness for the other personto exist.
(10:24):
You know?
Yeah, that's deep.
Like, because everyone says,like, you gotta communicate, and
then for someone who doesn'tknow what that means, it can be
like, okay, well every time Itry to communicate, my partner's
an asshole, or what, or I'm, orwhatever, which you know is
projection, and we do it.
I'm an asshole, I know, I know.
I'm talking about me, butspecifically practicing and man,
(10:49):
we have talked about this somuch.
So if you've been with us for awhile, you've heard us say this
over and over again, but likecommunication awkwardly.
Because I think there's thisthing about communication where
it's like, Oh yeah, and now Ijust do it.
And I just like say what I feel,and the other person receives
it.
(11:10):
But you have to just sometimeslike tumble it out.
You know, and we kind of, we'vehoned that over the last few
years.
But specifically in the lastyear when it was like there's so
much less noise.
Then we could come together andthere was like this space for
the other person to be.
That's like the real thing ofcommunication.
(11:32):
Because we could each just betalking and receiving ish.
But allowing the other person tobe is like this, ah, it's like
this other level.
And being allowed.
That's huge too.
Because what I noticed, I'mgoing to talk about, I want to
talk about this a little bitmore in a little bit, we'll get
(11:53):
there.
But like what I notice in mewith communication is this block
of being vulnerable.
Like I don't want to,vulnerability is uncomfortable.
And really that's just guilt.
Like it's just some kind ofguilt that I'm carrying.
The real thing of that is like,can I be received?
(12:17):
You know, and when someone canjust allow you to be like, all
right, just spit, like, that'swhy, that's why there's so many
therapists.
Right, yeah.
Because it's like the only safespace we have to like, just
spit, man, roll it.
Yeah, go ahead.
I think the first
Britt (12:30):
step in that is sitting down and having a talk being
like, this needs to be a safeplace for both of us to
communicate whatever we need to.
And if you can agree to that,then the rest is easy.
It might not be easy, but it'swhat needs
Lindsey (12:45):
to happen.
Right, right, right.
Yeah, yeah.
Without putting your own layerof perception on it, which
really takes work.
Absolutely.
So, yeah, I think those, thatfoundation we already had of
like regular communicationbecause we were already
practicing it and then we weredoing it.
For all the like things likeselling our house, you know, all
the things before we left andthen it just kind of rolled
(13:06):
right in to traveling becauseit's like, where are we going to
go next?
What feels weird?
What do we need to do?
I don't know what's going on.
And everything or like, I feelamazing has just been this
beautiful space and now it's alot more natural.
I know you, you said that welike schedule, but we don't
really do that anymore.
Yeah, that's
Britt (13:26):
how it started, but now it is just second nature.
Lindsey (13:30):
Yeah, I mean, I will say there's like time carved out
or we notice when there hasn'tbeen right, so we'll be like we
need to like talk They used toscare me so much when someone
would say that hey, can you talkI would always be like, oh I
don't know.
What are you gonna tell me?
But but having that thing cuzusually um, I mean always when I
(13:51):
say hey We should, like, talk.
It's because, like, I feel funkyand wonky.
And again, it's just like youneed a place to be received.
Absolutely.
Receive me, baby.
Britt (14:03):
And another part that goes along with that is making
sure that we're communicating asa family, too.
We have to have our kidsinvolved with all these
decisions, too.
And we talk about that inanother episode.
And on parenting, keepingeveryone on the same page keeps
you as a partnership together as
Lindsey (14:22):
well.
Right, right, right.
Yeah, it's like, it really likesolidifies that team of like,
okay, everyone, it's like, it'slike having your daily circle or
whatever, if you were in aworkplace where it's like.
Here's what's happening.
How do you feel about it?
Which maybe doesn't happen inthe workplace, but good.
And really, again, receiving andbeing received even for little
(14:44):
people has been super crucialbecause then we are like more
tapped into noticing this kiddoesn't like this.
This kid needs this and we cannotice it more and then we can
talk about it outside of thatfamily circle.
And it just, it informs ourdecisions.
(15:05):
Even though we don't like let itrule the show,'cause then we
would just go to Disney Worldevery day, which sounds awesome,
But actually taking our kids'true feelings into consideration
is like another part of a deeperlevel of communication.
Absolutely.
Because what are, what is thepoint if you're not gonna
(15:27):
utilize some of it?
Right.
With discernment,
Britt (15:31):
another thing we do is we make sure that we have date
nights.
That's really
Lindsey (15:34):
important.
So before we left Texas, we werelike, always, always on the
regular date night tip.
Like, that was always a big partof our thingy.
Is that we love time together,one on one.
And we were never shy about,like, going away for a few days
together, and like, gettingcoverage for the kids.
(15:55):
And it's not easy.
I'm not being like, oh, it's sosimple.
It like, takes work to figurethat out.
But it, from the, from the likeparenting jump felt important to
us.
So we were like always doingdate nights.
They became like more and morefun as we started communicating
really like three years ago.
That's when we were like, Oh,like these are more, even more
(16:15):
enjoyable than they were.
But in the last year, I mean,like you said, we're traveling,
we're together all together as afamily, like 98 percent of the
time.
And I think there was like,Well, when we were in Baja, we
didn't go on a date until, like,the night, very last night we
were there.
Do you feel like those months inbetween where we didn't have
(16:36):
date nights, do you feel likethat affected our relationship?
Or do you, what do you feelabout that?
Britt (16:42):
Well, I needed some time away from the kids.
And that really helped when wegot some time away from the
kids.
I was able to decompress alittle bit and not be on edge.
Lindsey (16:53):
Okay, yeah, yeah, cool.
We won't, we went on like onedate.
In three months, which for uswas like, less than we used to
do, but don't you remember?
I don't know.
It just kind of felt, it feltlike, Oh, what do we do?
Did you, do you remember that atall?
Yeah, definitely.
We were like, what do we do now?
(17:14):
It took like a little, uh,reboot or something.
Yeah.
Definitely day nights areimportant.
And I think this last yearhaving less of them though, I'll
say like, I don't, for me, likeit didn't really affect.
My relationship with you and Itdidn't really affect my
relationship with the kids.
No, I
Britt (17:34):
think we got through that as we traveled, you know.
In the beginning it was hardbecause I went through, I went
from not having, not beingaround everyone every second of
the day, to being aroundeveryone every second of the
day, taking on everyone'sproblems as well, and that was
stressful.
And then as we slowly workedthat out, It wasn't as necessary
(17:56):
to be away from the kids.
That
Lindsey (17:58):
makes sense.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That makes sense.
And it's different because I wasmore used to being around the
tornado of what three kids islike.
And kind of doing it alonesometimes too.
When you'd go to Vegas for theweekend, Ricky.
Just kidding.
Britt (18:18):
Hey, some people do that and they're really good at it
and it's fine.
Lindsey (18:20):
And it's perfect.
Everyone should do their ownthing.
And, yeah, so that's been aninteresting layer in the last
year where we're like, before wewere like, we got to do date
nights and then we're like, andwe're going to go travel for a
year.
We're like, that's not really anoption for us as much.
We did it a little bit and nowwe're back in Ojai and we like
have access to some babysitters.
(18:41):
So we have been doing it more soyou can like, it's just brings
another spark to it.
We're like, Oh yeah, this isfun.
I do like doing this.
You know what?
A big thing that's beendifferent in the last year and
really since May is how we'vebrought this like spiritual
practice into our family dynamicand into our relationship where
(19:03):
it was used to be kind of likemore on the outskirts or more
just like me doing my own thingand you kind of like Letting me,
and then we would talk about ita little bit, but not really.
Right.
So let's talk about how thatkind of evolved in the last
year.
Britt (19:19):
Hmm, well for a while it felt very dissonant.
I wasn't, like, really into thespirituality thing.
And I think it was just, like,baggage, old baggage that kept
me away from it, you know?
And I'm like, what, what ishappening?
She's evolving in some way thatI, I'm not, and I'm
uncomfortable with.
(19:40):
But as it was going, it kept, itstarted making more sense to me.
And I was, became way more open,especially when we started
traveling.
I made it a point, I'm gonna beopen to anything.
Mm, mm hmm.
And then, you know, all theseRam Dass talks and then going to
Ram Dass house and hanging outwith all of his people really,
like, blew the doors open for
Lindsey (20:00):
me.
Yeah, it's so interestingbecause I think, like, if
nothing else, and not nothingelse because there's so much
else to it.
To be able to travel for ninemonths and see all these amazing
things and do all these thingswith my family, it's been
incredible.
But like, if nothing else, forus to add this new layer of
(20:21):
having a spiritual connection ina relationship has been...
Really cool.
Yeah, because it's we'rerelating on a different level on
a yet another different leveland again, we've been married
for 16 years and to get to bringsomething new in that is
(20:41):
nourishing is cool.
Yeah.
And like, I think not a lot ofpeople get to do that because
there's potentially there's likethe Like you said, if there's
dissonance, like you perceive itas dissonance and make the other
person bad for it.
Or you could just like perceiveit as dissonance and be like,
(21:03):
see where this goes.
And like that's kind of aspiritual practice.
It really is to be like, I'mopen to see what happens.
Right.
Britt (21:12):
I think me realizing that spirituality wasn't a
specifically religious thingkind of opened up opened it up
to where I didn't have thatbaggage anymore and I could, you
know, just kind of explore theoneness of all of us, you know,
how everything is really justthe same thing and we're all
working together and that openedit up for me and now we have so
(21:34):
much to learn together becausewe're both really into it.
We have all these new teachers.
And all this stuff to read andit's, it's like, it's, you know,
it could have just been, oh, anew gang star record came out.
Let's bond over this.
But now it's a whole world
Lindsey (21:49):
of everything.
Right.
That's like literally infinite.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And bringing the kids has intoit has been like, so cool just
to naturally not to force.
We're not, like, forcing them,but just to, like, be, like, see
what they're interested in.
And Eli, some evening, somenights, like, we always read a
(22:09):
book before bed, and he'll belike, Read Miracle of Love.
I'm like, what?
Are you sure?
And he's like, yeah, read thatbook.
Read that book about Maharajah.
Although at first he alwayssays, read that book about Ram
Dass.
Yeah.
It's very sweet.
And I think it's because we're,like, naturally letting it
unfold.
That's been the real key.
(22:30):
Kind of for everything in thislast year, but to add this new,
again, it's like this new partof our relationship is this
spirituality that used to justbe my thing.
And I don't mean my thing like,this is only for me.
But just something that I wasinto and I was kind of doing my
own thing.
It'd be like, if all of a suddenI was like, Oh, recording.
(22:54):
What if I was like, Brit, haveyou heard that mic?
You'd be like, what?
That would
Britt (22:59):
change my life.
Yeah, I know.
If we could nerd out aboutmicrophones.
So
Lindsey (23:03):
imagine how it feels to be me when you're like, you
like, I want to sing Kirtan and,uh, Interesting.
I guess I haven't thought ofthat.
Have a picture of Maharaji.
It's like one of, something thatbecame like the most, one of the
most important aspects of mylife that I hold very loosely
and I'm.
You know, I'm both and, I'm allof it, and then for you to be
(23:26):
into it, because it does feel,it's a little off topic, but it
feels on topic, where it's like,it can make you kind of feel
solitary, and it, when you comefrom a place or a friend group
that's not that.
You know, so it becomes like,okay, this is the thing I talk
about with like two friends or,or this other group of new
friends or only people on theinternet or only people on the
(23:49):
internet that they're than myfriends.
Right.
Right.
Sure.
They're my friends.
Yeah.
And then for us to have it, it'slike, Whoa, that's a whole
deeper level.
Yeah.
And I, and not everyone needs tohave spirituality to like find
that in a relationship.
I'm sure it does.
Britt (24:07):
It's like being, you could also just like both be
into philosophy, you know, andjust be talking about
philosophy.
Which I think we did when wewere younger, too.
It wasn't specificallyspiritual, but just, you know,
whatever.
Lindsey (24:25):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It could be lots of things.
That's true.
That's true.
But it's like the deeper seed ofwhat it is.
You're right.
Philosophy is a perfect example.
Or like, or art, but like areverence for it.
So it's not like, it's not likea thing people can bond over the
like, um, let's talk about howshitty something is.
(24:47):
Right.
And that can be a lot of like,people can get stuck, man done
this so many times, but likecreative people can get stuck in
like the loop of being like,let's just like shit on music
that we don't like or whatever.
And somewhere in the last fewyears, I'm just like, that's so
boring to me.
I mean, I do love an occasionalshitting on session.
More for funsies, not even forserious.
(25:08):
Yeah.
But to just talk about, like,the way that something feels
good is so much better.
It's game changing.
So much better.
Yeah.
Britt (25:17):
Yeah.
And it's also, it's led to somany new, amazing experiences.
I don't know if we've talkedabout this on the show, but if
maybe a month ago or a littlelonger we were at the playground
and Otis, our two year old,walks up to a guy that had a
harmonium instrument sittingthere and he pointed at a
(25:38):
picture of Hanuman and Ram Dassand was like, Hanuman, Ram Dass,
and the guy that owned it waslike, oh my gosh, your two year
old knows who they are?
And the guy ended up being oneof Ram Dass friends since the
70s.
Yeah.
And we ended up hanging out withhim, he invited us over and now
we were hanging out with theLove Serve Remember people at, I
(25:59):
mean, it's crazy.
He just introduced us to thiswhole world of people we, we
knew about but didn't, didn'texpect to, to like run into so
quickly.
Lindsey (26:08):
Right, right, right.
Yeah.
And to be a part of like theirworld.
Yeah, yeah.
And to think about the opposite,to not be open.
to that possibility, just kindof feels like a bummer.
And that's something we'velearned together in the last
year is like.
Just like, open, open, open, alittle more, can you open a
little
Britt (26:28):
more?
Yeah, I could have been at theplayground just like, pointing
at some dude in a purple shirt.
And like, look at that dumbasspurple shirt.
That is the alternate reality.
That is the six or seven yearsago reality for me.
Yeah.
Like, why the fuck is that guywearing that shirt
Lindsey (26:46):
in public?
Yeah, yeah.
It's just like, let it be afreaking miracle, man.
That's what I'm about.
The miracles in the mundane, youknow, not like the big miracles,
but like the little miracles.
And then from that, we like,have been having these deeper
conversations.
But that are also light.
Britt (27:08):
It's like a whole new, uh, addition to our
Lindsey (27:11):
house.
Yeah, say more of that, say moreof that.
It's
Britt (27:14):
like physically if you were building an addition onto
your house, and it was a coolnew game room, and you spent all
your time there, or whatever.
Yeah.
It's like that.
Lindsey (27:24):
Yeah, it, it's a real interesting And you didn't have
to
Britt (27:28):
pay for it.
Right.
It only, it only gave you joy.
It
Lindsey (27:32):
just existed.
Yeah.
It's real interesting to just Belike things that we didn't yeah,
things that we didn't dotogether before it's like it's
like discovering pickleballtogether Haven't done that.
Yeah, but but instead ofpickleball, I'm like, hey, can
you get some flowers for thealtar?
It's like yeah Yeah, and justhow amazing that is yeah has
(27:58):
really been the Probably one ofthe best parts of traveling for
nine months is that that justhappened on its own.
Right.
And nobody tried to make ithappen.
And I didn't try to make you belike, That's true.
Go to church camp now.
Here, that
Britt (28:17):
brings up a great example of Where we were dissonant
another time in this trip thatwe were dissonant is that
towards the beginning Lindsayreally wanted to go to Maui,
Lindsey (28:29):
right?
Can I stop you and say towardsthe beginning like before we
left Texas?
Oh,
Britt (28:34):
yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely beginning atthe very beginning.
I didn't want to go which soundsweird Want to go to Maui, but at
that point we were like, let'sgo check out places.
We may want to live And alsoMaui is very expensive, is very
expensive.
So I'm like, how are we, wecan't start our trip off like
that.
First, you know, going somewherethat we, yeah, anyway.
(28:56):
But I went because I knewLindsey had a feeling.
She needed to go there, right?
And we went there, and we stayedat Ram Dass house.
Now, with his people, like Ialready said, you know, that was
life changing.
Yeah.
That kind of led to thisspiritual awakening.
Yeah.
You know, or solidified it.
I was, I was getting there overthe years, but that
Lindsey (29:19):
solidified it for me.
And talk about like followingthe string of being open,
because for some reason, yeah, Iwas like, oh, what if I just
book tickets to go to Maui onthis day?
This was months before, well notmonths, but this was like before
we even went to Mexico, beforewe knew how long we were going
to be in Ojai, all of thosepieces hadn't really been mapped
out yet.
(29:40):
And I was just like, what if Ijust book tickets to Maui from
L.
A.
on this day?
And you were like, not superinto it, but I think you said
yes, obviously, because ithappened.
Um, but then it took, then acouple months later, I was like,
Okay, I'm gonna email HanumanMaui and see if I can do a
(30:02):
personal retreat.
And when I did that, I was like,okay, I got it all set up.
You were just like, oh, I thinkI want to do that.
So, you, I mean, why?
Why did you, what, do youremember, like, what you felt?
What you were called?
Like, what, what told you, like,do that?
Britt (30:21):
I don't know, honestly.
But, like, I was, I've said, youhad been listening to Ram Dass
for a few years.
And it all made sense to me andI was like, well, you know, I
can go do this and just like sitin Ram Dass's library and read
his books and, you know, hangout and this sounds fun to me,
basically.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I didn't think it would be likelife changing.
(30:43):
Right.
You know what I mean?
I was just like, oh, I want tolearn more.
This sounds like fun.
Let's do this, you know?
Like, I have the chance to go toRam Dass's house.
And get away from the
Lindsey (30:51):
kids.
Get
Britt (30:52):
away from the kids.
For four days.
Right.
But I went there and I was, Iwas hanging out, reading his
books with his handwritten notesin them, laying flowers on his
bed, hanging out with Dasima,his caretaker, all of these
people that he was friends with.
I was doing service, makingflower arrangements for people
in hospice, I was cooking, likeI felt like we were, I was like,
(31:17):
helping, you know what I mean?
And it all just felt so magical.
Lindsey (31:23):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like that first taste of...
Devotion, and like really whatdevotion is, is like putting a
flower on, on someone's bedbecause you love them and you've
never met them.
And that sounds wild to someonewho hasn't experienced it, like,
what are you talking about?
(31:44):
Yeah.
But we can all find those waysto be devoted to something and
like, it is necessary.
It doesn't need to be, again, itcan be art, it can be the earth,
it can be.
Anything, but like, to bedevoted to something means like,
I love this.
And when you
Britt (32:00):
open up all those possibilities, when you stop
pushing things away, I don'tknow, maybe you meet a dead
Indian and levitate, you know?
Or what, there's like, you justlet, let life happen to you, you
know?
You're always pushing, pushingthings away.
Yeah.
Try bringing
Lindsey (32:17):
them in for once.
That's really good.
That's really good, Britt.
Yeah.
The...
I
Britt (32:23):
didn't levitate by the way.
Lindsey (32:27):
And, you know, you mentioned that, that example of
like me wanting to go to Mauiand so it just happening is
really a key thing that I havelearned in this last year is
like, Not always doing thatbecause I've kind of always been
the leader and naturally with myjob, I was the leader and then
(32:50):
you worked there.
It was like, you know, so itlike gets ingrained of like,
just be the leader.
And that's always been your
Britt (32:56):
personality too.
That's why you've beensuccessful as well.
Lindsey (33:00):
Part of the reason.
But it's also, it comes fromlike a lack of safety.
So it's really.
True.
Could be, can be, can be, isprobably trauma response of
being like, I got to figure itout.
So let me figure all this out.
But what has been so freeing forme, and major thing that I
learned in the last year, isjust be like, let, like, don't
(33:21):
figure it out.
And, and for me to just learn,To feel that urge to like chime
in or to say, what if we do thisand to just not and say, what do
you want to do?
I trust what you want to do, hasbeen so amazing for me to, to be
(33:45):
like, it's going to be allright.
I don't have to figure it allout.
And that is like, takes our, forme, it takes our relationship to
another level because we talkedabout this before, but like, we
are a good team, especially whenthings get.
hairy.
We can, we like get into like,like, we form like Voltron.
We figure it out.
We
Britt (34:05):
form like a Remington Shaver.
We form like.
To get rid of that hair.
Lindsey (34:11):
And to just be like, I don't have to.
I don't have to.
And that really became true.
As we, we went to Japan, we wentto Thailand, we're going to tell
y'all all about Thailand soon.
And then when we were inAustralia and we were just like,
it felt like we were kind ofslogging.
And part of me was like, keepgoing, because you said you were
(34:32):
going to keep going.
But you were like, No.
And instead of me, because Icould have laid out all the
reasons why, and I probably did,but not in a forceful way.
What, maybe I have a differentmemory of it than you, but to
just be like, let's followBrit's lead.
Let him lead has been.
(34:55):
So freeing.
Because I think inrelationships, there's always
going to be that leader, right?
Mm hmm.
So for the leaders out therelistening, like, don't lead
sometimes.
Or a lot of the time, just stop.
Britt (35:07):
Right.
I do remember that being one ofthe most, like, freeing days of
my life when we made thatdecision.
And we were, like, totally onboard with it.
And I was like, All right, thisis the right decision.
I had never felt so right in mylife.
Lindsey (35:21):
Mmm, that's
Britt (35:22):
so cool.
And then all of these worriesthat I had been having just kind
of melted away in that minute.
Lindsey (35:27):
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you remember what it feltlike?
Physically?
Britt (35:31):
Yeah.
I mean, I had relaxed a littlebit.
Yeah.
And I just, like, felt happy.
I felt
Lindsey (35:37):
good.
Yeah.
So.
So, do you?
Mm hmm.
Do you, can you like pinpointthe difference between how that
felt like as an intuitive pullversus like a worry mind pull?
Can you differentiate the two?
Only
Britt (35:53):
in the way that it felt more right than anything.
Usually when it's a worry thing,I just, I know that it's, I'm
worried about money or whatever,you know what I mean?
Yeah.
But this was like, this is justthe right idea.
This is what, I don't, like Idon't want to be here anymore.
Nothing kept me wanting to be
Lindsey (36:11):
there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like that magnetic pullthat just feels different.
And that is, in a relationship,I think we've learned, and I'll
just say, not we, me, learned tolike, let you get the intuitive
hit, you know?
And be like, that's an intuitivehit.
The other thing is not anintuitive hit for me because
(36:34):
it's, Wobbly, you know, and itcome, it's coming from the mind.
It's not coming from like, gohere, you know, maybe there's a
go here in the future, but itdoesn't have to be right now.
So being in partnership is likeholding space.
We're learning all this thisyear, y'all, we've been married
for 16 years, or we're likelearning it at a deeper level is
(36:55):
like, let the other person havethe intuitive hit.
And you're a, you're a group,especially when there's kids
involved.
So it's gonna have to be.
someone else's map sometimes.
And that was so freeing for meat that time to be like, I don't
have the map.
I don't know.
So I could like make all thesedecisions out of out of like
(37:19):
Ego, because that's what it is,ego for me to like, keep going,
let's keep going.
Or I could say, help me.
You have an intuitive hit andthen you're like, I do.
Boom, let's do that.
Just takes it to this nextlevel.
Yeah.
Where then we're, it feels likewe're operating on that more,
more and more.
(37:40):
So another example, and I don'tremember if we've talked about
this on the podcast or not, butwith the boys school.
And like it's this and itbecomes this inexplicable and
there's and there's not a needto explain it.
Right.
Where we're just like, thisisn't right.
Let's do the other thing.
(38:00):
Yeah.
Let's do the other thing.
And then we're like, okay.
And then that's how, so whathappens or what I've noticed
specifically with that is latermy people pleasing little will
like click on and I'll be like,Oh, what if we don't?
And then I'm so glad I canbounce it off you.
And then you'll be like, no.
We already said the other thing,and that's what's right, and
(38:23):
then I'll be like, okay, good.
Again, I don't have to be, Ididn't have to make the
decision.
We may, I mean, we made thatdecision together, but it just
helps to be like, Relieve thepressure because my mind isn't,
my thinking mind, that ego partisn't in control.
Britt (38:38):
Also, another thing that's really brought us closer
in this last year is thispodcast.
Lindsey (38:43):
Right.
Creating something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So cool.
And we did that sorta kinda withbusiness before.
But also not really.
I mean, we didn't, we didn'treally.
It has so many aspects because,first of all, we're talking.
Which is really good.
And after every episode, we'llbe like, That was so great.
(39:06):
Yeah.
You know?
And then also we're like, but ithas this other layer of like,
we're working on a creativevision together.
It's just cool.
We're pouring in our creativeessence to something together.
Yeah.
Britt (39:18):
And going back to just us talking, we're coming up with
things that we're planning forthese episodes, right?
Which aren't things that weprobably would have planned to
talk about in regular lifebeforehand.
Like the relationship episode.
Because as we're talking aboutit, other things are popping up.
Like, oh yeah, oh my gosh,remember this?
(39:38):
You know how important that was?
And we're identifying thesereally important parts of our
lives and why they were helpful.
Lindsey (39:44):
Right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then also, like, putting itout there.
And being like, people can likethis or not.
And
Britt (39:53):
that's just proving that we're okay with it.
Yeah.
You know, that's kind of like areally nice form of letting go.
Right.
Lindsey (39:59):
And surrendering.
I want people to like it, butalso I like it.
So it matters the less someone'sopinion, which is just part of
like really actually discoveringwho you are, like you're going
to have to put yourself outthere.
And you're gonna have to putyourself out there in a
relationship, too.
Like, you're gonna have to be alittle vulnerable.
You're gonna have to, like, showup a little bit fuller.
(40:22):
A little bit more.
You're gonna have to be a littlemore selfless.
You're gonna have to not leadall the time.
You know?
Which also goes
Britt (40:29):
into the creative aspect of it, too.
Us collaborating creatively, wenever really did that before.
You know, we had our own work,and it was always our own work.
With this, we get to cometogether and work together in
ways that we hadn't before.
So we're doing art together,we're coming up with, we're
(40:49):
writing these together, it'sawesome.
It's a whole new part of ourrelationship that didn't exist.
Lindsey (40:55):
Yeah, and it's fun.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Britt (40:57):
Yeah.
New way to have fun, it's thatgame room baby.
We added that game room on andwe got a new pinball machine and
we're there.
Lindsey (41:05):
Really this last year has just been a, a deeper
exploration into like noticinghow I show up in relationships.
And then not being ashamed ofit, but like, course correcting
as needed.
It's so important because beforeI would just be like, Well, I
guess I'm a piece of shit.
(41:26):
You know, like the shame spiralcan be so real.
And that does no one any good.
It certainly isn't doing yourpartner any good.
I mean, all I, if I'm ever, if Iwas ever doing that, and I was,
all that really does is like,Put me as a victim in some weird
ass way where it's like, Oh, Idid this and now I feel horrible
(41:50):
about it.
Can you help me feel better ornot?
You know, it just, it's likethis weird victim soup, victim
mentality soup.
And one thing that I am reallyremembering in traveling is like
the way that I can want or needyou to feel a certain way about
(42:14):
something.
And now I can just notice it popup and be like, Oh, I'm doing
that thing.
And just like, ah, let it go.
Hopefully.
I mean, sometimes it's not thateasy, but like specifically when
we were in Thailand, And youdidn't want to, you weren't
feeling it.
Spoiler alert.
(42:34):
You weren't feeling it.
You were uncomfortable.
And there is a part of me that'slike, when Brit is
uncomfortable, it is my job tolike, make sure that he feels
comfortable.
And it is.
Britt (42:45):
Just
Lindsey (42:45):
kidding.
But, and I can notice, that goesback to like, that's like, some
kind of wound.
You know, like, make everyonefeel good.
If someone doesn't feel good,then it's like, it needs to be
fixed.
And how, actually, that's,again, some weird victim trap,
you know?
But whenever we were in Thailandand you just straight up didn't
(43:08):
really like it, I was just like,what does this?
It just made me uncomfortablebecause it's like, what does
this say about me?
Did I make a bad choice?
That's always a big one for me.
Did I make a bad choice?
Um, and then it'll, then likespiritual ego will come in and
be like, I should be, I shouldbe happy anywhere, you know?
(43:31):
So if Brit doesn't like this andI can feel that tension, it's
also probably cause I don'treally like it, but I don't
really want to admit it becausethere's that, that like little
bit of, man, it's so tricky theway all this stuff comes in, but
it'll come in and be like, Oh,you, you should be okay.
Be, just be content wherever youare, and that, like, word,
(43:54):
that's valuable, except for whenit's not reality.
Britt (43:59):
So true.
I totally feel you there.
So getting back here to Ojai,where we decided to settle down,
was a huge weight lifted.
It felt like we were bringingsome normalcy to our life, um,
more of a routine, but alsothere were still feelings of
(44:19):
like, what do we do now?
Lindsey (44:21):
Right.
Yeah.
So that was like an intenseperiod just a couple months ago
where, I don't know about foryou specifically, but for me, I
was like, I would.
I would be like riding thisrollercoaster of, Oh my god, it
feels so good to land.
To then being like, What thehell do I do now?
(44:43):
What was this last nine months?
Was that a fever dream?
And just, like, riding thisrollercoaster, and then when
that happens to me, I tend tojust, like, distance myself.
And that was a time when Inoticed, like, since that we
didn't, that we hadn't reallytalked in a little bit.
I'm like, oh, we need to, like,come back together and talk.
(45:05):
And just, like, how easily wecan, or more easily we can do
that now.
Well, what did you feel comingback?
Britt (45:13):
I felt the same thing.
I was, like, so happy to behere, but also, like, oh, now I
need to figure out what work is.
And where we're going to live,and does this make sense?
And I could definitely feel youpulling back because you do that
where you just kind of shut downand you don't talk and you're
just in your head and you'requiet.
And so now it's a lot easier forme to identify that and be like,
(45:33):
hey, we need to talk, we need tofigure out what's going on while
you're withdrawn.
Lindsey (45:37):
Right, yeah, and like, what I'll notice.
For you, and hopefully this istrue for you too, is like, it's
not personal.
Right.
Because before I would be like,why is Brit being weird?
Why is he being weird?
And sometimes I will still belike, you're being weird, but
maybe in a different way.
Like, why are you holding yourknife with your foot?
(45:58):
You're being weird.
Britt (46:00):
My knife, as if I would have a knife.
Oh, I meant like a I'm
Lindsey (46:03):
not a knife person.
I meant like a meal knife.
Like, like, not like a
Britt (46:08):
Will you make a meme of me with holding a knife with my
Lindsey (46:10):
foot?
Gotta figure out how to do that.
Britt (46:13):
But that's Somebody out there make that meme, please.
Yeah.
Lindsey (46:17):
Why are you being weird?
We'll repost
Britt (46:18):
it.
No matter what.
No matter what.
I promise you we'll repost it.
Lindsey (46:24):
But the tendency can be, again, it's all, it goes
back to projection, but like Whyare you being withdrawn, you
know, and now I'll just be like,even if I can feel myself being
like, why is Brit being weird?
I can like, like suck it backin, stop spilling my energy
everywhere, and just say, oh,Brit feels wonky, like
(46:49):
something's up, and then you'reexactly right, like going back
to What's up?
What do you need?
How are you feeling?
And letting the other personspill.
Spill.
Spill it, baby.
Britt (47:03):
And that brings
Lindsey (47:04):
us to today.
Right here, right now.
Right here, right now.
Where we are.
Feeling good.
How about you?
Yeah, yeah, feeling good.
Here we are.
Here's another example ofletting, letting you lead.
And I'm sorry if that just feelslike so assholey.
I don't know why I want to.
Because I know that, like,traditionally, men lead or
(47:24):
something, right?
I don't know, like, traditionalrelationships.
I've heard that.
I've read that
Britt (47:29):
in history
Lindsey (47:29):
books.
And that, and that's been a realproblem for me.
And I think it's a real, andthis is a whole other episode.
Let me tell y'all, but, like,but, like, the wounded masculine
and the wounded feminine.
And, basically, I, like, take onthese.
Since my early 20s have liketook on these kind of more
masculine roles as like hyperprotection because it's not safe
(47:52):
Bad things happen when you'renot in charge like all of those
old Stories and they're not evenconscious.
So then you're just playing itout for years and years
unwinding that And doing it withyou has also, I think, maybe
like let you see where maybe theopposite was true for you and
you were just following becausemaybe that was a safer bet, but
(48:18):
to let you lead is healing forme.
To be like, I don't have todecide, and an example of this
is we've been back and forth onwhen are we going to go to
Texas, and before I would belike, no, we need to go here, we
need to do this, it needs to benow, and I would just be like,
what do you think?
(48:39):
And really like leave it up toyou, and you made the decision,
and then I, it's just sofreeing.
Because that was very intuitivefor me.
Yeah, that's, I guess that's,that's what I'm getting back to,
and that's the real thing.
You can throw like, WoundedMasculine, Wounded Feminine,
whatever out the window.
It's like, when you are in tunewith your being, with your
(49:01):
essence, then the intuition isjust like, oh, we go now.
We, we go this way.
And when I'm in tune, I can belike, follow, follow him.
He knows when to go.
You don't, if you're not clear,we've already said it before,
but if I'm not clear and you'reclear, then we're going with the
clear.
That's so easy.
It makes it so easy.
(49:22):
Totally.
And it like takes the thinkingmind out of it.
I mean, there's thinkinginvolved, but it takes the like,
I don't know how many peoplehave experienced this, but
there's so many things that wecan like put on scales forever.
And put on the pros and conslist forever.
And be like, here's the good,here's the bad.
Which one is like, which one isit?
(49:44):
And you can do that until you'relike blue in the face.
Or you can just say, which oneof us is clear?
I'm not, you are, let's go withyou.
And it takes so much.
Then we're pretty soon we're noteven going to be communicating
anymore because we won't needto.
Britt (50:02):
Vibing on
Lindsey (50:02):
each other's emotions.
Yeah, we're just gonna vibe andeat soup and that's it, baby.
All right.
Vibe and eat soup.
Vibe and eat
Britt (50:12):
soup.
Thank you all for listening tothis vibe and eat soup special.
Me and my girl No, let's do it like this, it's
funny.
Me and my girl No, you can't,you can't sing other people's
songs.
Got this relationship You can'tdo that.
We're gonna get sued.
I can do that much, I think.
Okay.
Britt (00:25):
Well, I hate, I can't stand Queen, so don't sing
Queen's songs.
Lindsey (00:30):
How dare you, Brit.
You're a Californian now.
Welcome everyone to yet anotherepisode of the Can We Start Over
podcast.
My name is Lindsay.
And my name is Brit.
And we are here with you on thisfine day.
Thank you for listening.
We're glad you're here.
We've been on a littlerelationship journey with you
guys for the last few weeks.
(00:51):
A couple weeks ago, we releasedan episode about what it's like
being married for 16 years.
And there was so much greatfeedback.
And then last week, we talked toour friends, Jamie Carpenter and
Lacey Dillmore, who are likespiritual relationship goals.
I think to so many people.
(01:11):
And people were asking us to doa part two of our relationship
episode.
That was focused more on likewhat the last year has been
because we really took a journeyon like 16 years.
That's a lot to pack into anhour.
So we wanted to talk about whatthis past year has looked like
because it's been so differentand we had to change so much
(01:33):
more together.
So that's what we're sharingwith you this week.
And
Britt (01:37):
shout out to Casey for giving us the extra push to do
Lindsey (01:40):
this one this week.
Yeah, this talk is a lot aboutletting go, especially for me
and really trusting the otherperson in your partnership.
That's majorly what I learnedthis year.
You're going to hear all aboutit as we talk, but I kind of
just wanted to take a moment toshout out Brit for like stepping
(02:00):
up when I felt confused.
Taking the lead and making hardchoices for our family that were
so right and gently pulling meout of, like, the sea of
confusion of not knowing what todo.
So, thanks, Britt.
(02:20):
Aw, you're welcome.
Yeah, and thanks for stickingaround with me long enough.
To let me release my grip ofcontrol.
Oh,
Britt (02:29):
wow, that's deep.
Thanks for sticking around withme through all this clowning.
Lindsey (02:36):
Brits been clowning, now he's ready to man up, baby.
Yep, yep.
It was a fun talk, I'm glad wedid it.
It always feels good, it's likeyou guys are just listening to
our, you're listening in realtime to our, uh, awkward
conversation, communicationthings that we talk about all
the time and that we urge youguys to do if you're in a
relationship.
(02:57):
And when it's an episode that'sjust the two of us, it's like
you're sitting down for one.
So thanks for listening.
Let us be your guides.
Let us be your guides.
Your awkward guides.
Well, I have you here.
I want to invite you listenersto my upcoming online workshop
touching into creativity It'snow open and space is limited.
(03:18):
So make sure you take your seatjoin me for a transformative and
experiential two hour deep divethat promises to dissolve any
pesky blocks to creativity andget your Creative juices flowing
on Thursday, October 19th.
We'll dive into somatic movementInner inquiry and source
connection.
(03:38):
It's not as complicated as youmight think, and I'll show you a
proven and potent process whereyou will connect with your body
and your felt sense.
Call in your personal guides andmuses and tap into that magical
source of creativity that livesbeyond.
All of us.
Spoiler alert, when you do this,it feels pretty darn amazing and
(04:01):
creativity becomes not somethingthat you do just to write a song
or a book, but it becomes partof your existence and how you
live each day.
Don't miss this chance toconnect with your inner
creativity and find your flow.
Join me for this evening oftransformation on October 19th,
and don't worry if you can'tmake it live because there will
(04:22):
be a replay.
Aren't you ready to stop justthinking about all the creative
projects you want to do andactually start doing them?
Reserve your spot now.
Reserve your spot now at thelink in the show notes.
I promise you won't regret it.
Britt (04:36):
All right, now let's get into the show.
Lindsey (04:41):
Sum up our relationship in one movie.
Britt (04:43):
One movie?
Yeah.
Oh God, that'd be hard.
I only like movies that havelike
Lindsey (04:48):
a lot of turmoil.
Nope, nope.
Just one movie.
Empire Records.
Good.
Uh, it's What's Eating GilbertGrape is the answer.
Britt (04:56):
Oh.
Oh.
Lindsey (04:59):
It's not that movie.
It's Mulan.
But, um.
I don't I don't, I don'tremember what happens in Mulan.
Do you remember what happens inwhat?
It's eating Gilbert Grape.
Britt (05:09):
No, I was a kid when that came out.
So our last episode, we had agreat conversation about our
relationship.
Lindsey (05:15):
Yeah, it was fun.
It was
Britt (05:17):
fun.
And people really reacted to it.
They said, you're helping us sohard.
You're
Lindsey (05:22):
helping us so hard.
I feel like I've seen this inWhat's Eating Gilbert Grape.
Or Empire Records.
Aw, Empire Records, that'ssweet.
Rory Cochran's character,whatever his name is, takes the
money to Vegas and loses it.
It's not Vegas either.
Is it?
It
Britt (05:38):
doesn't matter.
Why are
Lindsey (05:39):
we talking about this?
Because it's one of the bestmovies ever made, and we saw Liv
Tyler this week, y'all.
Britt (05:44):
That's true.
She smiled at
Lindsey (05:46):
us.
So that's the world we're livingin.
She had
Britt (05:49):
kind eyes.
She had kind eyes.
Isn't that a weird thing to sayto someone?
Someone said that to you once,right?
You remember it.
Or you had nice flanks orsomething.
That's
Lindsey (05:59):
totally different, but that someone did say to me once,
and...
That's supremely inappropriate.
It is, especially
Britt (06:07):
because you were at work.
And he was, you were servingthat man food.
Lindsey (06:12):
Serving that man food, and I was like
Britt (06:14):
Serving him a good look too.
Excuse me?
You were looking mighty nicethat day.
Apparently you had your flanksout.
Lindsey (06:21):
My flanks were exposed.
We have a relationship, y'all.
And we talked about it on ourlast Episode and we got a lot of
feedback and so we wanted todive into a part two about our
relationship But specificallywhat this year has done to our
relationship, right?
Because as many of you knowabout a year ago, we sold our
(06:46):
house.
We sold our stuff we startedtraveling with our three kids
and so our days lookedcompletely different than what
they looked like when we Livedin Texas, worked 9 to 5, took
the kids to school, all of thosethings, and we were like, we
don't want to do that anymore.
(07:06):
So we flipped it all upsidedown, and then we learned a lot
about our relationship on thatjourney.
And so I think there's like, thelast episode was really how,
what it was like 16 years ofbeing married.
And then this is going to belike, what it's been like in the
last year when we made a hugechange.
(07:28):
Together.
That's true.
So if you want, if you didn'tlisten to that last episode, and
you want to know first aboutwhat our relationship used to be
like.
The juicy bits.
The juicy bits of being married16 years, go back, listen to
that episode.
It's linked.
And then come back here or do itin reverse, whatever, listen to
this first and then go back andbe like, okay, what was it like?
Britt (07:50):
Yeah, maybe you just want the solution.
Maybe you just want to know howto make your relationship better
immediately.
Immediately.
You already know how it wasgoing.
You don't need us to tell youabout it.
Well, let's start with numberone.
The number one thing,communication.
It's key in every relationship.
Whether it's with your doctor.
(08:10):
Your children, your dog, or yourpartner.
Lindsey (08:15):
Learning how to communicate, we did talk about
it a lot in the last episode,but learning how to communicate
has been like the most importantaspect of starting over.
And so tell me about how itlooked for you in the last year.
So
Britt (08:30):
we went from spending a limited amount of time together,
living our regular lives, havingnine to fives, doing all the
work of just being planted inone place.
To being together 24 7.
Every waking hour as we weretraveling.
Lindsey (08:45):
Almost.
Like, we take breaks.
But like, most of the time we'retogether.
Britt (08:52):
Yeah, most of the time.
And with our kids too.
So there's an added layer thereas well.
So the most important thing thatI feel has been communication.
Making sure that we Sit down andtalk about what our next steps
are, especially because we weretraveling.
We need to plan where we weregoing, what we were going to
see, what we were going to do.
And it doesn't all need to beplanned, but we definitely need
(09:14):
to talk about everything beforeit happens.
To keep everyone happy,together, just logistically,
even to be able to getsomewhere, we got a plan.
So, it was good to keep thoselines of communication open.
We would sit down, we wouldschedule a time to sit down and
talk, not only about ouremotions, which we did, how we
(09:34):
were feeling, how the trip wasgoing, but just to communicate,
just about any old thing, tohave a talk, right?
Lindsey (09:43):
Yeah, and I think that that's such a, um, it's such
like a cliche thing to say,like, you to be in a
relationship, you need tocommunicate and coming from a
place of non communication ornot intentional communication to
then getting there, I'll say,like, In the last year, what's
(10:04):
been different is, it's likeanother layer of communication
because we're talking about,we're like bringing ourselves to
the table to be witnessed, whichis communication, but also with
an openness for the other personto exist.
(10:24):
You know?
Yeah, that's deep.
Like, because everyone says,like, you gotta communicate, and
then for someone who doesn'tknow what that means, it can be
like, okay, well every time Itry to communicate, my partner's
an asshole, or what, or I'm, orwhatever, which you know is
projection, and we do it.
I'm an asshole, I know, I know.
I'm talking about me, butspecifically practicing and man,
(10:49):
we have talked about this somuch.
So if you've been with us for awhile, you've heard us say this
over and over again, but likecommunication awkwardly.
Because I think there's thisthing about communication where
it's like, Oh yeah, and now Ijust do it.
And I just like say what I feel,and the other person receives
it.
(11:10):
But you have to just sometimeslike tumble it out.
You know, and we kind of, we'vehoned that over the last few
years.
But specifically in the lastyear when it was like there's so
much less noise.
Then we could come together andthere was like this space for
the other person to be.
That's like the real thing ofcommunication.
(11:32):
Because we could each just betalking and receiving ish.
But allowing the other person tobe is like this, ah, it's like
this other level.
And being allowed.
That's huge too.
Because what I noticed, I'mgoing to talk about, I want to
talk about this a little bitmore in a little bit, we'll get
(11:53):
there.
But like what I notice in mewith communication is this block
of being vulnerable.
Like I don't want to,vulnerability is uncomfortable.
And really that's just guilt.
Like it's just some kind ofguilt that I'm carrying.
The real thing of that is like,can I be received?
(12:17):
You know, and when someone canjust allow you to be like, all
right, just spit, like, that'swhy, that's why there's so many
therapists.
Right, yeah.
Because it's like the only safespace we have to like, just
spit, man, roll it.
Yeah, go ahead.
I think the first
Britt (12:30):
step in that is sitting down and having a talk being
like, this needs to be a safeplace for both of us to
communicate whatever we need to.
And if you can agree to that,then the rest is easy.
It might not be easy, but it'swhat needs
Lindsey (12:45):
to happen.
Right, right, right.
Yeah, yeah.
Without putting your own layerof perception on it, which
really takes work.
Absolutely.
So, yeah, I think those, thatfoundation we already had of
like regular communicationbecause we were already
practicing it and then we weredoing it.
For all the like things likeselling our house, you know, all
the things before we left andthen it just kind of rolled
(13:06):
right in to traveling becauseit's like, where are we going to
go next?
What feels weird?
What do we need to do?
I don't know what's going on.
And everything or like, I feelamazing has just been this
beautiful space and now it's alot more natural.
I know you, you said that welike schedule, but we don't
really do that anymore.
Yeah, that's
Britt (13:26):
how it started, but now it is just second nature.
Lindsey (13:30):
Yeah, I mean, I will say there's like time carved out
or we notice when there hasn'tbeen right, so we'll be like we
need to like talk They used toscare me so much when someone
would say that hey, can you talkI would always be like, oh I
don't know.
What are you gonna tell me?
But but having that thing cuzusually um, I mean always when I
(13:51):
say hey We should, like, talk.
It's because, like, I feel funkyand wonky.
And again, it's just like youneed a place to be received.
Absolutely.
Receive me, baby.
Britt (14:03):
And another part that goes along with that is making
sure that we're communicating asa family, too.
We have to have our kidsinvolved with all these
decisions, too.
And we talk about that inanother episode.
And on parenting, keepingeveryone on the same page keeps
you as a partnership together as
Lindsey (14:22):
well.
Right, right, right.
Yeah, it's like, it really likesolidifies that team of like,
okay, everyone, it's like, it'slike having your daily circle or
whatever, if you were in aworkplace where it's like.
Here's what's happening.
How do you feel about it?
Which maybe doesn't happen inthe workplace, but good.
And really, again, receiving andbeing received even for little
(14:44):
people has been super crucialbecause then we are like more
tapped into noticing this kiddoesn't like this.
This kid needs this and we cannotice it more and then we can
talk about it outside of thatfamily circle.
And it just, it informs ourdecisions.
(15:05):
Even though we don't like let itrule the show,'cause then we
would just go to Disney Worldevery day, which sounds awesome,
But actually taking our kids'true feelings into consideration
is like another part of a deeperlevel of communication.
Absolutely.
Because what are, what is thepoint if you're not gonna
(15:27):
utilize some of it?
Right.
With discernment,
Britt (15:31):
another thing we do is we make sure that we have date
nights.
That's really
Lindsey (15:34):
important.
So before we left Texas, we werelike, always, always on the
regular date night tip.
Like, that was always a big partof our thingy.
Is that we love time together,one on one.
And we were never shy about,like, going away for a few days
together, and like, gettingcoverage for the kids.
(15:55):
And it's not easy.
I'm not being like, oh, it's sosimple.
It like, takes work to figurethat out.
But it, from the, from the likeparenting jump felt important to
us.
So we were like always doingdate nights.
They became like more and morefun as we started communicating
really like three years ago.
That's when we were like, Oh,like these are more, even more
(16:15):
enjoyable than they were.
But in the last year, I mean,like you said, we're traveling,
we're together all together as afamily, like 98 percent of the
time.
And I think there was like,Well, when we were in Baja, we
didn't go on a date until, like,the night, very last night we
were there.
Do you feel like those months inbetween where we didn't have
(16:36):
date nights, do you feel likethat affected our relationship?
Or do you, what do you feelabout that?
Britt (16:42):
Well, I needed some time away from the kids.
And that really helped when wegot some time away from the
kids.
I was able to decompress alittle bit and not be on edge.
Lindsey (16:53):
Okay, yeah, yeah, cool.
We won't, we went on like onedate.
In three months, which for uswas like, less than we used to
do, but don't you remember?
I don't know.
It just kind of felt, it feltlike, Oh, what do we do?
Did you, do you remember that atall?
Yeah, definitely.
We were like, what do we do now?
(17:14):
It took like a little, uh,reboot or something.
Yeah.
Definitely day nights areimportant.
And I think this last yearhaving less of them though, I'll
say like, I don't, for me, likeit didn't really affect.
My relationship with you and Itdidn't really affect my
relationship with the kids.
No, I
Britt (17:34):
think we got through that as we traveled, you know.
In the beginning it was hardbecause I went through, I went
from not having, not beingaround everyone every second of
the day, to being aroundeveryone every second of the
day, taking on everyone'sproblems as well, and that was
stressful.
And then as we slowly workedthat out, It wasn't as necessary
(17:56):
to be away from the kids.
That
Lindsey (17:58):
makes sense.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That makes sense.
And it's different because I wasmore used to being around the
tornado of what three kids islike.
And kind of doing it alonesometimes too.
When you'd go to Vegas for theweekend, Ricky.
Just kidding.
Britt (18:18):
Hey, some people do that and they're really good at it
and it's fine.
Lindsey (18:20):
And it's perfect.
Everyone should do their ownthing.
And, yeah, so that's been aninteresting layer in the last
year where we're like, before wewere like, we got to do date
nights and then we're like, andwe're going to go travel for a
year.
We're like, that's not really anoption for us as much.
We did it a little bit and nowwe're back in Ojai and we like
have access to some babysitters.
(18:41):
So we have been doing it more soyou can like, it's just brings
another spark to it.
We're like, Oh yeah, this isfun.
I do like doing this.
You know what?
A big thing that's beendifferent in the last year and
really since May is how we'vebrought this like spiritual
practice into our family dynamicand into our relationship where
(19:03):
it was used to be kind of likemore on the outskirts or more
just like me doing my own thingand you kind of like Letting me,
and then we would talk about ita little bit, but not really.
Right.
So let's talk about how thatkind of evolved in the last
year.
Britt (19:19):
Hmm, well for a while it felt very dissonant.
I wasn't, like, really into thespirituality thing.
And I think it was just, like,baggage, old baggage that kept
me away from it, you know?
And I'm like, what, what ishappening?
She's evolving in some way thatI, I'm not, and I'm
uncomfortable with.
(19:40):
But as it was going, it kept, itstarted making more sense to me.
And I was, became way more open,especially when we started
traveling.
I made it a point, I'm gonna beopen to anything.
Mm, mm hmm.
And then, you know, all theseRam Dass talks and then going to
Ram Dass house and hanging outwith all of his people really,
like, blew the doors open for
Lindsey (20:00):
me.
Yeah, it's so interestingbecause I think, like, if
nothing else, and not nothingelse because there's so much
else to it.
To be able to travel for ninemonths and see all these amazing
things and do all these thingswith my family, it's been
incredible.
But like, if nothing else, forus to add this new layer of
(20:21):
having a spiritual connection ina relationship has been...
Really cool.
Yeah, because it's we'rerelating on a different level on
a yet another different leveland again, we've been married
for 16 years and to get to bringsomething new in that is
(20:41):
nourishing is cool.
Yeah.
And like, I think not a lot ofpeople get to do that because
there's potentially there's likethe Like you said, if there's
dissonance, like you perceive itas dissonance and make the other
person bad for it.
Or you could just like perceiveit as dissonance and be like,
(21:03):
see where this goes.
And like that's kind of aspiritual practice.
It really is to be like, I'mopen to see what happens.
Right.
Britt (21:12):
I think me realizing that spirituality wasn't a
specifically religious thingkind of opened up opened it up
to where I didn't have thatbaggage anymore and I could, you
know, just kind of explore theoneness of all of us, you know,
how everything is really justthe same thing and we're all
working together and that openedit up for me and now we have so
(21:34):
much to learn together becausewe're both really into it.
We have all these new teachers.
And all this stuff to read andit's, it's like, it's, you know,
it could have just been, oh, anew gang star record came out.
Let's bond over this.
But now it's a whole world
Lindsey (21:49):
of everything.
Right.
That's like literally infinite.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And bringing the kids has intoit has been like, so cool just
to naturally not to force.
We're not, like, forcing them,but just to, like, be, like, see
what they're interested in.
And Eli, some evening, somenights, like, we always read a
(22:09):
book before bed, and he'll belike, Read Miracle of Love.
I'm like, what?
Are you sure?
And he's like, yeah, read thatbook.
Read that book about Maharajah.
Although at first he alwayssays, read that book about Ram
Dass.
Yeah.
It's very sweet.
And I think it's because we're,like, naturally letting it
unfold.
That's been the real key.
(22:30):
Kind of for everything in thislast year, but to add this new,
again, it's like this new partof our relationship is this
spirituality that used to justbe my thing.
And I don't mean my thing like,this is only for me.
But just something that I wasinto and I was kind of doing my
own thing.
It'd be like, if all of a suddenI was like, Oh, recording.
(22:54):
What if I was like, Brit, haveyou heard that mic?
You'd be like, what?
That would
Britt (22:59):
change my life.
Yeah, I know.
If we could nerd out aboutmicrophones.
So
Lindsey (23:03):
imagine how it feels to be me when you're like, you
like, I want to sing Kirtan and,uh, Interesting.
I guess I haven't thought ofthat.
Have a picture of Maharaji.
It's like one of, something thatbecame like the most, one of the
most important aspects of mylife that I hold very loosely
and I'm.
You know, I'm both and, I'm allof it, and then for you to be
(23:26):
into it, because it does feel,it's a little off topic, but it
feels on topic, where it's like,it can make you kind of feel
solitary, and it, when you comefrom a place or a friend group
that's not that.
You know, so it becomes like,okay, this is the thing I talk
about with like two friends or,or this other group of new
friends or only people on theinternet or only people on the
(23:49):
internet that they're than myfriends.
Right.
Right.
Sure.
They're my friends.
Yeah.
And then for us to have it, it'slike, Whoa, that's a whole
deeper level.
Yeah.
And I, and not everyone needs tohave spirituality to like find
that in a relationship.
I'm sure it does.
Britt (24:07):
It's like being, you could also just like both be
into philosophy, you know, andjust be talking about
philosophy.
Which I think we did when wewere younger, too.
It wasn't specificallyspiritual, but just, you know,
whatever.
Lindsey (24:25):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It could be lots of things.
That's true.
That's true.
But it's like the deeper seed ofwhat it is.
You're right.
Philosophy is a perfect example.
Or like, or art, but like areverence for it.
So it's not like, it's not likea thing people can bond over the
like, um, let's talk about howshitty something is.
(24:47):
Right.
And that can be a lot of like,people can get stuck, man done
this so many times, but likecreative people can get stuck in
like the loop of being like,let's just like shit on music
that we don't like or whatever.
And somewhere in the last fewyears, I'm just like, that's so
boring to me.
I mean, I do love an occasionalshitting on session.
More for funsies, not even forserious.
(25:08):
Yeah.
But to just talk about, like,the way that something feels
good is so much better.
It's game changing.
So much better.
Yeah.
Britt (25:17):
Yeah.
And it's also, it's led to somany new, amazing experiences.
I don't know if we've talkedabout this on the show, but if
maybe a month ago or a littlelonger we were at the playground
and Otis, our two year old,walks up to a guy that had a
harmonium instrument sittingthere and he pointed at a
(25:38):
picture of Hanuman and Ram Dassand was like, Hanuman, Ram Dass,
and the guy that owned it waslike, oh my gosh, your two year
old knows who they are?
And the guy ended up being oneof Ram Dass friends since the
70s.
Yeah.
And we ended up hanging out withhim, he invited us over and now
we were hanging out with theLove Serve Remember people at, I
(25:59):
mean, it's crazy.
He just introduced us to thiswhole world of people we, we
knew about but didn't, didn'texpect to, to like run into so
quickly.
Lindsey (26:08):
Right, right, right.
Yeah.
And to be a part of like theirworld.
Yeah, yeah.
And to think about the opposite,to not be open.
to that possibility, just kindof feels like a bummer.
And that's something we'velearned together in the last
year is like.
Just like, open, open, open, alittle more, can you open a
little
Britt (26:28):
more?
Yeah, I could have been at theplayground just like, pointing
at some dude in a purple shirt.
And like, look at that dumbasspurple shirt.
That is the alternate reality.
That is the six or seven yearsago reality for me.
Yeah.
Like, why the fuck is that guywearing that shirt
Lindsey (26:46):
in public?
Yeah, yeah.
It's just like, let it be afreaking miracle, man.
That's what I'm about.
The miracles in the mundane, youknow, not like the big miracles,
but like the little miracles.
And then from that, we like,have been having these deeper
conversations.
But that are also light.
Britt (27:08):
It's like a whole new, uh, addition to our
Lindsey (27:11):
house.
Yeah, say more of that, say moreof that.
It's
Britt (27:14):
like physically if you were building an addition onto
your house, and it was a coolnew game room, and you spent all
your time there, or whatever.
Yeah.
It's like that.
Lindsey (27:24):
Yeah, it, it's a real interesting And you didn't have
to
Britt (27:28):
pay for it.
Right.
It only, it only gave you joy.
It
Lindsey (27:32):
just existed.
Yeah.
It's real interesting to just Belike things that we didn't yeah,
things that we didn't dotogether before it's like it's
like discovering pickleballtogether Haven't done that.
Yeah, but but instead ofpickleball, I'm like, hey, can
you get some flowers for thealtar?
It's like yeah Yeah, and justhow amazing that is yeah has
(27:58):
really been the Probably one ofthe best parts of traveling for
nine months is that that justhappened on its own.
Right.
And nobody tried to make ithappen.
And I didn't try to make you belike, That's true.
Go to church camp now.
Here, that
Britt (28:17):
brings up a great example of Where we were dissonant
another time in this trip thatwe were dissonant is that
towards the beginning Lindsayreally wanted to go to Maui,
Lindsey (28:29):
right?
Can I stop you and say towardsthe beginning like before we
left Texas?
Oh,
Britt (28:34):
yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely beginning atthe very beginning.
I didn't want to go which soundsweird Want to go to Maui, but at
that point we were like, let'sgo check out places.
We may want to live And alsoMaui is very expensive, is very
expensive.
So I'm like, how are we, wecan't start our trip off like
that.
First, you know, going somewherethat we, yeah, anyway.
(28:56):
But I went because I knewLindsey had a feeling.
She needed to go there, right?
And we went there, and we stayedat Ram Dass house.
Now, with his people, like Ialready said, you know, that was
life changing.
Yeah.
That kind of led to thisspiritual awakening.
Yeah.
You know, or solidified it.
I was, I was getting there overthe years, but that
Lindsey (29:19):
solidified it for me.
And talk about like followingthe string of being open,
because for some reason, yeah, Iwas like, oh, what if I just
book tickets to go to Maui onthis day?
This was months before, well notmonths, but this was like before
we even went to Mexico, beforewe knew how long we were going
to be in Ojai, all of thosepieces hadn't really been mapped
out yet.
(29:40):
And I was just like, what if Ijust book tickets to Maui from
L.
A.
on this day?
And you were like, not superinto it, but I think you said
yes, obviously, because ithappened.
Um, but then it took, then acouple months later, I was like,
Okay, I'm gonna email HanumanMaui and see if I can do a
(30:02):
personal retreat.
And when I did that, I was like,okay, I got it all set up.
You were just like, oh, I thinkI want to do that.
So, you, I mean, why?
Why did you, what, do youremember, like, what you felt?
What you were called?
Like, what, what told you, like,do that?
Britt (30:21):
I don't know, honestly.
But, like, I was, I've said, youhad been listening to Ram Dass
for a few years.
And it all made sense to me andI was like, well, you know, I
can go do this and just like sitin Ram Dass's library and read
his books and, you know, hangout and this sounds fun to me,
basically.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I didn't think it would be likelife changing.
(30:43):
Right.
You know what I mean?
I was just like, oh, I want tolearn more.
This sounds like fun.
Let's do this, you know?
Like, I have the chance to go toRam Dass's house.
And get away from the
Lindsey (30:51):
kids.
Get
Britt (30:52):
away from the kids.
For four days.
Right.
But I went there and I was, Iwas hanging out, reading his
books with his handwritten notesin them, laying flowers on his
bed, hanging out with Dasima,his caretaker, all of these
people that he was friends with.
I was doing service, makingflower arrangements for people
in hospice, I was cooking, likeI felt like we were, I was like,
(31:17):
helping, you know what I mean?
And it all just felt so magical.
Lindsey (31:23):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like that first taste of...
Devotion, and like really whatdevotion is, is like putting a
flower on, on someone's bedbecause you love them and you've
never met them.
And that sounds wild to someonewho hasn't experienced it, like,
what are you talking about?
(31:44):
Yeah.
But we can all find those waysto be devoted to something and
like, it is necessary.
It doesn't need to be, again, itcan be art, it can be the earth,
it can be.
Anything, but like, to bedevoted to something means like,
I love this.
And when you
Britt (32:00):
open up all those possibilities, when you stop
pushing things away, I don'tknow, maybe you meet a dead
Indian and levitate, you know?
Or what, there's like, you justlet, let life happen to you, you
know?
You're always pushing, pushingthings away.
Yeah.
Try bringing
Lindsey (32:17):
them in for once.
That's really good.
That's really good, Britt.
Yeah.
The...
I
Britt (32:23):
didn't levitate by the way.
Lindsey (32:27):
And, you know, you mentioned that, that example of
like me wanting to go to Mauiand so it just happening is
really a key thing that I havelearned in this last year is
like, Not always doing thatbecause I've kind of always been
the leader and naturally with myjob, I was the leader and then
(32:50):
you worked there.
It was like, you know, so itlike gets ingrained of like,
just be the leader.
And that's always been your
Britt (32:56):
personality too.
That's why you've beensuccessful as well.
Lindsey (33:00):
Part of the reason.
But it's also, it comes fromlike a lack of safety.
So it's really.
True.
Could be, can be, can be, isprobably trauma response of
being like, I got to figure itout.
So let me figure all this out.
But what has been so freeing forme, and major thing that I
learned in the last year, isjust be like, let, like, don't
(33:21):
figure it out.
And, and for me to just learn,To feel that urge to like chime
in or to say, what if we do thisand to just not and say, what do
you want to do?
I trust what you want to do, hasbeen so amazing for me to, to be
(33:45):
like, it's going to be allright.
I don't have to figure it allout.
And that is like, takes our, forme, it takes our relationship to
another level because we talkedabout this before, but like, we
are a good team, especially whenthings get.
hairy.
We can, we like get into like,like, we form like Voltron.
We figure it out.
We
Britt (34:05):
form like a Remington Shaver.
We form like.
To get rid of that hair.
Lindsey (34:11):
And to just be like, I don't have to.
I don't have to.
And that really became true.
As we, we went to Japan, we wentto Thailand, we're going to tell
y'all all about Thailand soon.
And then when we were inAustralia and we were just like,
it felt like we were kind ofslogging.
And part of me was like, keepgoing, because you said you were
(34:32):
going to keep going.
But you were like, No.
And instead of me, because Icould have laid out all the
reasons why, and I probably did,but not in a forceful way.
What, maybe I have a differentmemory of it than you, but to
just be like, let's followBrit's lead.
Let him lead has been.
(34:55):
So freeing.
Because I think inrelationships, there's always
going to be that leader, right?
Mm hmm.
So for the leaders out therelistening, like, don't lead
sometimes.
Or a lot of the time, just stop.
Britt (35:07):
Right.
I do remember that being one ofthe most, like, freeing days of
my life when we made thatdecision.
And we were, like, totally onboard with it.
And I was like, All right, thisis the right decision.
I had never felt so right in mylife.
Lindsey (35:21):
Mmm, that's
Britt (35:22):
so cool.
And then all of these worriesthat I had been having just kind
of melted away in that minute.
Lindsey (35:27):
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you remember what it feltlike?
Physically?
Britt (35:31):
Yeah.
I mean, I had relaxed a littlebit.
Yeah.
And I just, like, felt happy.
I felt
Lindsey (35:37):
good.
Yeah.
So.
So, do you?
Mm hmm.
Do you, can you like pinpointthe difference between how that
felt like as an intuitive pullversus like a worry mind pull?
Can you differentiate the two?
Only
Britt (35:53):
in the way that it felt more right than anything.
Usually when it's a worry thing,I just, I know that it's, I'm
worried about money or whatever,you know what I mean?
Yeah.
But this was like, this is justthe right idea.
This is what, I don't, like Idon't want to be here anymore.
Nothing kept me wanting to be
Lindsey (36:11):
there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like that magnetic pullthat just feels different.
And that is, in a relationship,I think we've learned, and I'll
just say, not we, me, learned tolike, let you get the intuitive
hit, you know?
And be like, that's an intuitivehit.
The other thing is not anintuitive hit for me because
(36:34):
it's, Wobbly, you know, and itcome, it's coming from the mind.
It's not coming from like, gohere, you know, maybe there's a
go here in the future, but itdoesn't have to be right now.
So being in partnership is likeholding space.
We're learning all this thisyear, y'all, we've been married
for 16 years, or we're likelearning it at a deeper level is
(36:55):
like, let the other person havethe intuitive hit.
And you're a, you're a group,especially when there's kids
involved.
So it's gonna have to be.
someone else's map sometimes.
And that was so freeing for meat that time to be like, I don't
have the map.
I don't know.
So I could like make all thesedecisions out of out of like
(37:19):
Ego, because that's what it is,ego for me to like, keep going,
let's keep going.
Or I could say, help me.
You have an intuitive hit andthen you're like, I do.
Boom, let's do that.
Just takes it to this nextlevel.
Yeah.
Where then we're, it feels likewe're operating on that more,
more and more.
(37:40):
So another example, and I don'tremember if we've talked about
this on the podcast or not, butwith the boys school.
And like it's this and itbecomes this inexplicable and
there's and there's not a needto explain it.
Right.
Where we're just like, thisisn't right.
Let's do the other thing.
(38:00):
Yeah.
Let's do the other thing.
And then we're like, okay.
And then that's how, so whathappens or what I've noticed
specifically with that is latermy people pleasing little will
like click on and I'll be like,Oh, what if we don't?
And then I'm so glad I canbounce it off you.
And then you'll be like, no.
We already said the other thing,and that's what's right, and
(38:23):
then I'll be like, okay, good.
Again, I don't have to be, Ididn't have to make the
decision.
We may, I mean, we made thatdecision together, but it just
helps to be like, Relieve thepressure because my mind isn't,
my thinking mind, that ego partisn't in control.
Britt (38:38):
Also, another thing that's really brought us closer
in this last year is thispodcast.
Lindsey (38:43):
Right.
Creating something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So cool.
And we did that sorta kinda withbusiness before.
But also not really.
I mean, we didn't, we didn'treally.
It has so many aspects because,first of all, we're talking.
Which is really good.
And after every episode, we'llbe like, That was so great.
(39:06):
Yeah.
You know?
And then also we're like, but ithas this other layer of like,
we're working on a creativevision together.
It's just cool.
We're pouring in our creativeessence to something together.
Yeah.
Britt (39:18):
And going back to just us talking, we're coming up with
things that we're planning forthese episodes, right?
Which aren't things that weprobably would have planned to
talk about in regular lifebeforehand.
Like the relationship episode.
Because as we're talking aboutit, other things are popping up.
Like, oh yeah, oh my gosh,remember this?
(39:38):
You know how important that was?
And we're identifying thesereally important parts of our
lives and why they were helpful.
Lindsey (39:44):
Right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then also, like, putting itout there.
And being like, people can likethis or not.
And
Britt (39:53):
that's just proving that we're okay with it.
Yeah.
You know, that's kind of like areally nice form of letting go.
Right.
Lindsey (39:59):
And surrendering.
I want people to like it, butalso I like it.
So it matters the less someone'sopinion, which is just part of
like really actually discoveringwho you are, like you're going
to have to put yourself outthere.
And you're gonna have to putyourself out there in a
relationship, too.
Like, you're gonna have to be alittle vulnerable.
You're gonna have to, like, showup a little bit fuller.
(40:22):
A little bit more.
You're gonna have to be a littlemore selfless.
You're gonna have to not leadall the time.
You know?
Which also goes
Britt (40:29):
into the creative aspect of it, too.
Us collaborating creatively, wenever really did that before.
You know, we had our own work,and it was always our own work.
With this, we get to cometogether and work together in
ways that we hadn't before.
So we're doing art together,we're coming up with, we're
(40:49):
writing these together, it'sawesome.
It's a whole new part of ourrelationship that didn't exist.
Lindsey (40:55):
Yeah, and it's fun.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Britt (40:57):
Yeah.
New way to have fun, it's thatgame room baby.
We added that game room on andwe got a new pinball machine and
we're there.
Lindsey (41:05):
Really this last year has just been a, a deeper
exploration into like noticinghow I show up in relationships.
And then not being ashamed ofit, but like, course correcting
as needed.
It's so important because beforeI would just be like, Well, I
guess I'm a piece of shit.
(41:26):
You know, like the shame spiralcan be so real.
And that does no one any good.
It certainly isn't doing yourpartner any good.
I mean, all I, if I'm ever, if Iwas ever doing that, and I was,
all that really does is like,Put me as a victim in some weird
ass way where it's like, Oh, Idid this and now I feel horrible
(41:50):
about it.
Can you help me feel better ornot?
You know, it just, it's likethis weird victim soup, victim
mentality soup.
And one thing that I am reallyremembering in traveling is like
the way that I can want or needyou to feel a certain way about
(42:14):
something.
And now I can just notice it popup and be like, Oh, I'm doing
that thing.
And just like, ah, let it go.
Hopefully.
I mean, sometimes it's not thateasy, but like specifically when
we were in Thailand, And youdidn't want to, you weren't
feeling it.
Spoiler alert.
(42:34):
You weren't feeling it.
You were uncomfortable.
And there is a part of me that'slike, when Brit is
uncomfortable, it is my job tolike, make sure that he feels
comfortable.
And it is.
Britt (42:45):
Just
Lindsey (42:45):
kidding.
But, and I can notice, that goesback to like, that's like, some
kind of wound.
You know, like, make everyonefeel good.
If someone doesn't feel good,then it's like, it needs to be
fixed.
And how, actually, that's,again, some weird victim trap,
you know?
But whenever we were in Thailandand you just straight up didn't
(43:08):
really like it, I was just like,what does this?
It just made me uncomfortablebecause it's like, what does
this say about me?
Did I make a bad choice?
That's always a big one for me.
Did I make a bad choice?
Um, and then it'll, then likespiritual ego will come in and
be like, I should be, I shouldbe happy anywhere, you know?
(43:31):
So if Brit doesn't like this andI can feel that tension, it's
also probably cause I don'treally like it, but I don't
really want to admit it becausethere's that, that like little
bit of, man, it's so tricky theway all this stuff comes in, but
it'll come in and be like, Oh,you, you should be okay.
Be, just be content wherever youare, and that, like, word,
(43:54):
that's valuable, except for whenit's not reality.
Britt (43:59):
So true.
I totally feel you there.
So getting back here to Ojai,where we decided to settle down,
was a huge weight lifted.
It felt like we were bringingsome normalcy to our life, um,
more of a routine, but alsothere were still feelings of
(44:19):
like, what do we do now?
Lindsey (44:21):
Right.
Yeah.
So that was like an intenseperiod just a couple months ago
where, I don't know about foryou specifically, but for me, I
was like, I would.
I would be like riding thisrollercoaster of, Oh my god, it
feels so good to land.
To then being like, What thehell do I do now?
(44:43):
What was this last nine months?
Was that a fever dream?
And just, like, riding thisrollercoaster, and then when
that happens to me, I tend tojust, like, distance myself.
And that was a time when Inoticed, like, since that we
didn't, that we hadn't reallytalked in a little bit.
I'm like, oh, we need to, like,come back together and talk.
(45:05):
And just, like, how easily wecan, or more easily we can do
that now.
Well, what did you feel comingback?
Britt (45:13):
I felt the same thing.
I was, like, so happy to behere, but also, like, oh, now I
need to figure out what work is.
And where we're going to live,and does this make sense?
And I could definitely feel youpulling back because you do that
where you just kind of shut downand you don't talk and you're
just in your head and you'requiet.
And so now it's a lot easier forme to identify that and be like,
(45:33):
hey, we need to talk, we need tofigure out what's going on while
you're withdrawn.
Lindsey (45:37):
Right, yeah, and like, what I'll notice.
For you, and hopefully this istrue for you too, is like, it's
not personal.
Right.
Because before I would be like,why is Brit being weird?
Why is he being weird?
And sometimes I will still belike, you're being weird, but
maybe in a different way.
Like, why are you holding yourknife with your foot?
(45:58):
You're being weird.
Britt (46:00):
My knife, as if I would have a knife.
Oh, I meant like a I'm
Lindsey (46:03):
not a knife person.
I meant like a meal knife.
Like, like, not like a
Britt (46:08):
Will you make a meme of me with holding a knife with my
Lindsey (46:10):
foot?
Gotta figure out how to do that.
Britt (46:13):
But that's Somebody out there make that meme, please.
Yeah.
Lindsey (46:17):
Why are you being weird?
We'll repost
Britt (46:18):
it.
No matter what.
No matter what.
I promise you we'll repost it.
Lindsey (46:24):
But the tendency can be, again, it's all, it goes
back to projection, but like Whyare you being withdrawn, you
know, and now I'll just be like,even if I can feel myself being
like, why is Brit being weird?
I can like, like suck it backin, stop spilling my energy
everywhere, and just say, oh,Brit feels wonky, like
(46:49):
something's up, and then you'reexactly right, like going back
to What's up?
What do you need?
How are you feeling?
And letting the other personspill.
Spill.
Spill it, baby.
Britt (47:03):
And that brings
Lindsey (47:04):
us to today.
Right here, right now.
Right here, right now.
Where we are.
Feeling good.
How about you?
Yeah, yeah, feeling good.
Here we are.
Here's another example ofletting, letting you lead.
And I'm sorry if that just feelslike so assholey.
I don't know why I want to.
Because I know that, like,traditionally, men lead or
(47:24):
something, right?
I don't know, like, traditionalrelationships.
I've heard that.
I've read that
Britt (47:29):
in history
Lindsey (47:29):
books.
And that, and that's been a realproblem for me.
And I think it's a real, andthis is a whole other episode.
Let me tell y'all, but, like,but, like, the wounded masculine
and the wounded feminine.
And, basically, I, like, take onthese.
Since my early 20s have liketook on these kind of more
masculine roles as like hyperprotection because it's not safe
(47:52):
Bad things happen when you'renot in charge like all of those
old Stories and they're not evenconscious.
So then you're just playing itout for years and years
unwinding that And doing it withyou has also, I think, maybe
like let you see where maybe theopposite was true for you and
you were just following becausemaybe that was a safer bet, but
(48:18):
to let you lead is healing forme.
To be like, I don't have todecide, and an example of this
is we've been back and forth onwhen are we going to go to
Texas, and before I would belike, no, we need to go here, we
need to do this, it needs to benow, and I would just be like,
what do you think?
(48:39):
And really like leave it up toyou, and you made the decision,
and then I, it's just sofreeing.
Because that was very intuitivefor me.
Yeah, that's, I guess that's,that's what I'm getting back to,
and that's the real thing.
You can throw like, WoundedMasculine, Wounded Feminine,
whatever out the window.
It's like, when you are in tunewith your being, with your
(49:01):
essence, then the intuition isjust like, oh, we go now.
We, we go this way.
And when I'm in tune, I can belike, follow, follow him.
He knows when to go.
You don't, if you're not clear,we've already said it before,
but if I'm not clear and you'reclear, then we're going with the
clear.
That's so easy.
It makes it so easy.
(49:22):
Totally.
And it like takes the thinkingmind out of it.
I mean, there's thinkinginvolved, but it takes the like,
I don't know how many peoplehave experienced this, but
there's so many things that wecan like put on scales forever.
And put on the pros and conslist forever.
And be like, here's the good,here's the bad.
Which one is like, which one isit?
(49:44):
And you can do that until you'relike blue in the face.
Or you can just say, which oneof us is clear?
I'm not, you are, let's go withyou.
And it takes so much.
Then we're pretty soon we're noteven going to be communicating
anymore because we won't needto.
Britt (50:02):
Vibing on
Lindsey (50:02):
each other's emotions.
Yeah, we're just gonna vibe andeat soup and that's it, baby.
All right.
Vibe and eat soup.
Vibe and eat
Britt (50:12):
soup.
Thank you all for listening tothis vibe and eat soup special.
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