September 12, 2023 • 62 mins
In this interview starting over, Lindsey sits with Kayla Paradis, a manifestation coach and spiritual mentor. Kayla dives deep into personal development, spirituality, and mindset, emphasizing the importance of connecting with your body and incorporating it into mindset work.
Kayla explains her unique four-step manifestation method. She discusses the importance of working with guilt and shame, often indicators of moments when we give our power away externally. She explains how to use these emotions as a signal and work with them to create positive change.
She offers a gentle approach to reframing and channeling these emotions toward what you want to experience.
Kayla emphasizes the need to incorporate the body into mindset work. By involving the body in mindset work, you can create lasting change and become the bridge between your mind and your soul.
This interview is a must-listen if you're interested in personal development, spirituality, and mindset. Kayla's insights and strategies will help you build a strong foundation for your personal growth journey and empower you to create positive life changes.
We also talk:
moving across Canada
manifestation
personal development
spirituality
mindset
body
visualization
subconscious
positive change
Resources:
Kayla Paradis
@pathwaytoparadise
FREE GUIDE Learn How to use the Universal Laws for Manifestation
Lindsey's weekly creativity and self-love newsletter
FREE GUIDE How to reconnect with your body
FREE GUIDE How to start over in your relationship so you can do awesome stuff together
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lindsey (00:14):
Can I start this one?
Yeah, you can start this one.
Hello and welcome to the Can WeStart Over podcast.
My name is Lindsay.
And my name is Brit.
And if you're new here, welcome.
Come on in.
The water's fine.
We are a married couple.
We sold everything, took ourthree kids on an around the
world adventure to find a newplace to live.
And now we share it all withyou.
(00:36):
We share our own starting overjourney.
And we
Britt (00:38):
talk to other people that have started over in amazing
ways.
And today's episode is nodifferent.
Lindsey (00:43):
We have a great guest
Britt (00:44):
today, but before that, let's talk about our feelings.
Don't you?
Isn't that what You know what'smore important?
Our
Lindsey (00:50):
feelings.
And how we feel.
You know what I'm feeling?
What's been happening for you,
Britt (00:57):
Britt?
Well, our children have beengoing to camp and then they
transitioned into a school atthe same camp and it's not
really working out for them.
So we're kind of getting used tothat.
Lindsey (01:10):
Yeah, where it's we came back full force into real
life mode and I'm saying that inair quotes because anything can
be a real life mode, but wherewe were like we were basically
on a nine month vacation.
And now we're like, oh, school,oh, routine, oh, meetings, oh,
(01:30):
this, oh, that, and it'sactually like, I think it's
exactly the balance that I waslooking for because I knew I
didn't want to do a traditionalschool and then I wanted it to
be just three days a week.
Like all of these things arelike, oh, that's exactly what I
wanted.
That's exactly what I wanted.
But the school kind of just.
Instantly, I instantly knew thatit wasn't going to be the right
(01:52):
place, but I didn't listen tothat.
Britt (01:56):
Yeah, I think we've had a whole episode on that, right?
Intuition.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And we both
Lindsey (02:00):
ignored our intuition.
Sort of.
We did, but we didn't.
We, like, held off.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And that's okay, too.
I think it's okay to explore.
We recognized
Britt (02:09):
our intuition in the beginning.
Yeah.
We did, and we talked about it.
Yeah.
And we were like, you know what?
Let's just ride
Lindsey (02:13):
it and see what happens.
Right.
The thing is, what's differentis just having the full body
sensation knowing of like, Oh,we don't have to do this.
And it doesn't have to be, wedid spend money on it, but we
can shift, like, we don't haveto get caught in the, I can't do
this because, and we can dosomething else and feel good
(02:34):
about it.
Totally with no other story oflike, this is bad because of
this, like when we project ontosomeone else or say like the,
this school is wrong, it's like,nothing's wrong with it.
Everyone there's really nice,super nice place, kind people.
(02:55):
It's just, we can tell it's notgoing to be the fit for our
kids.
And then that feels so good.
And what I'm also real, like inreal time, I'm like.
Feeling it, knowing it,digesting it, and then using it,
and then it doesn't even feelbad to tell someone, Hey, this
isn't working out.
This isn't going to be the placefor me.
(03:15):
It doesn't, it actually feelsgood, because we're doing, I'm
doing this person a favor by nothanging around and resenting it,
by not building some resentment.
And, uh, we were talking aboutthis the other night, like, we,
people pleasing is such a hotbutton topic.
And rightfully so, because youdon't want to, like, live in a
state of doing things for howother people feel about you.
(03:38):
But like the real peoplepleasing is doing what actually
is in service for you.
So people pleasing shouldn't, weneed to find a new name for it.
Take back the tag, baby.
And we need to take back peoplepleasing because really, real,
real people pleasing wouldinclude yourself, your real
self.
And so it would just pleaseeverybody, even if in the
(04:00):
beginning it feels likesomeone's gonna get their
feelings hurt.
Right.
Cause to do the right thing.
Or whatever, highest and best,or whatever it is, is always
going to end up working out ineveryone's benefit in the long
run.
And that's what I'm figuring outwith this school thing.
The thing about it that's thehardest, honestly, is when
(04:21):
there's like a last minute, mykid doesn't want to go.
Yeah.
And everything, honestly, that'swhere like, I really realize how
human I am, because I'll just belike, oh, just please get in the
car and go.
And how.
How I still have, I mean, Istill have work to do, or maybe
not, that's just how I.
That's where it shows up for me,where I'm like, Oh, I really
(04:43):
want this to be different.
And I'm trying to force it.
Britt (04:46):
Same for me.
My wording wasn't as kind asyours, though.
What do you mean?
I really need to show up.
I was very angry with the boysand
Lindsey (04:54):
Oh, when they weren't wanting to go.
Yeah.
You were feeling angry.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And what good does that do?
I mean, it's just talk aboutreactivity.
That's just what it is.
Right.
What are we doing if we're just,I don't know, it's such an
interesting thing because as aperson in a family, like you are
going to have to do stuff orlike if you're in any
(05:15):
partnership, sometimes you'rejust going to have to go, but
also one thing that's importantto me is teaching my kids that
when they know that they're not,that something's not right for
them, that they should honorthat.
And I like teach them that andthen when they do it, I'm like,
not today.
Not today, kid.
I got a thing.
I already got tickets to thehorse races, you know?
(05:36):
Ah, yeah.
I already got 20 on Slinky DogRun show.
Is that, is that a horse?
Britt (05:44):
Popsicle donkey nards in first.
Lindsey (05:48):
Anyway, um, so it's been a really, honestly, it's
been a nice lesson even thoughit gets hard when Someone in
your when your kids don't wantto do the thing that you're like
need them to do But then you canbe like do I really need you to
do this?
Yeah And you know when it iswhen you do and you don't and
Britt (06:07):
we've got a new school that we're checking out this
week, too So we are intransition still
Lindsey (06:13):
Always in transition.
Always be, always betransitioning.
Transition.
That's the tagline fortransition lenses.
Light, dark, light, dark.
And that brings us to today'sguest.
Yes, we have an amazing guesttoday.
I sat down with Kayla Paradis.
You might know her on Instagramas pathway to paradise.
(06:35):
And we talked about her moveacross Canada with her husband
and her three kids, and how sheuses her intuition and
manifestation knowledge to cocreate her reality without
getting lost in perfectionism.
It was a really great talk, andKayla is not only a podcast
host, she's also a spiritualteacher who specializes in
(06:56):
energy work and psychicreadings.
She works with clients to shifttheir energy so they can reach
the results they desire bynavigating their own shadow work
and reclaiming their authenticsoul purpose.
She's teaching a completely freemanifestation course right now
that uses the universal laws.
(07:16):
to practice manifestation.
I've been doing this coursealong with her, and it's such an
incredible wealth of knowledge.
I can't believe it's free.
Find the completely freemanifestation course she's
offering, her Instagram, and allthe ways to work with her in the
show notes.
A few things that I want tomention before we get into this
(07:36):
talk.
I have a weekly newsletter atSunnyland and Co.
That is two parts creativeinspiration and two parts
reminding you that you arealready perfect the way you are.
I love writing them each weekand I love seeing the feedback,
so I hope that you'll sign up toget these short teachings from
me in your inbox.
It's also where you can find outabout my new services, about
(07:59):
upcoming workshops.
I'm actually teaching anupcoming workshop on tapping
into your creativity throughyour intuition, which will be in
October.
And if you're signed up for theemail list, you'll be the first
to know when it's announced andyou'll be the first to get any
discounts on enrollment.
You can sign up for thisnewsletter at Sunnylandandco.
(08:20):
com or by following the link inthe show notes.
Speaking of doing more of whatyou love, if you've ever wanted
to embark on the journey of alifetime through Egypt, we have
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Thanks again
Britt (09:41):
for listening to the Can We Start Over podcast.
Don't forget to subscribe to thepodcast so you get new episodes
as soon as they come out.
And sign up for our weeklynewsletter where we share more
in depth travel tips and realrelationship stuff that we don't
get to in the episodes.
Find the link to sign up in theshow notes with all of the other
links and let's start the show.
Lindsey (10:00):
Let's do it.
So tell me about since i'mstarting over again, I want to
hear about Your starting overhow long have you lived where
you live now?
Kayla (10:13):
Okay, so i've lived in new brunswick here in new
brunswick for going on fiveyears And before that, I lived
in Alberta, which is theprovince where I was born and
raised.
Wow.
Yeah.
And so coming here, it, itreally honestly felt like we
were pulled here.
(10:34):
We would come here often, likealmost every year for a little
bit because, um, my husband isfrom here, from New Brunswick.
So we would come to visit andone day we were here for a visit
and he just turned and looked atme and he said, Oh my God.
What would it be like if welived here?
And then, you know, a bunch ofthings were happening with like
(10:55):
real estate and the economy,like it was just starting.
Things were starting to changeat that point five years ago and
we could really clearly see it.
And then we realized, you know,we could sell our home and buy
one here for a lot less money.
And it just, It felt exciting,and we just kept feeling the
pull, and then once we startedto put it into action, it just,
(11:18):
like, happened.
Like, our house sold within amonth, and then we were packing
up everything, putting it into atrailer, traveling across the
country.
I flew here with the three kids,and my husband drove the truck
and trailer with our belongings,what we had, like, kept out of
everything.
And then we started over here.
(11:40):
Wow.
Lindsey (11:41):
What was, how far away?
It's the opposite side of the
Kayla (11:45):
country?
It is, yeah.
So Alberta is over on thewestern side, and then we are
like right up against the oceannow.
Amazing.
Right up against the AtlanticOcean.
So we literally traveled acrossthe country of Canada, yeah.
Lindsey (12:02):
Yeah, so five years ago, can you remember the
feeling of that pull?
Can you describe that sensation?
Kayla (12:10):
So I almost feel that it was originally my husband who
kind of almost like implantedthe seed within my mind.
But then it was, it was me whoreally took it and kind of
started to daydream andvisualize and like ruminate on
it.
And then that's when I startedto then emotionalize, like get
(12:31):
excited about it and feel itlike just his one little prompt,
like I said.
Literally planted a seed withinmy brain and then I was
unknowingly in that momentpracticing a manifestation
process.
I didn't even know that I wasdoing that, like starting with
sort of like the seed, like theconcept and then actually
(12:52):
thinking about how it wouldwork, daydreaming about it,
emotionalizing it, and thenultimately magnetizing it or
like attracting it into ourlife.
Lindsey (13:04):
Yeah, I love that you say that you didn't even know
that you were doing that, butyou were practicing.
Yep.
Yeah.
So how do you know looking back,Oh, that's what I was doing.
And how can you use thatknowledge
Kayla (13:16):
now?
Well, it's through the work thatI do now that I'm able to see
it.
And it's, Yeah.
Yeah.
It's funny because before, youknow, prior to moving, like,
that was really the time when Istarted to explore spirituality
and energetics andmanifestation, like I was just
really dipping my toes in.
(13:38):
It was around that time Istarted to read books like The
Power of Now and by EckhartTolle and like Untethered Soul
by Michael, I'm forgetting hislast name.
It's Michael Singer.
Michael singer.
And so I was just starting todip my toes in like doing my
yoga practice and things likethat.
But now at this point, you know,looking back, and what I've
(14:01):
created, I've, I've got thisfoundation that I've been
working with.
And in the beginning, I didn'tknow what it was.
And I think that's what gets meso excited about Just like the
personal growth process andspiritual growth is that it's it
really builds It's like a anenergy or a pattern that builds
upon itself And so in thebeginning I would get these sort
(14:23):
of like downloads like when Iwould meditate or like do yoga
or whatever And it was reallyjust like the starting little
bit by bit little pieces, youknow, and now looking back, I
can really put it together andbe like, Oh, wow, you know,
that's what was taking place.
So it gets me excited for theyears to come, because I know
it's just going to keep buildingand growing, right?
Lindsey (14:44):
Yeah, yeah.
And you said something reallyimportant about that you didn't
know, you know, how can we usethat not knowing?
As, as someone who either wantsto practice manifestation or
maybe already has a practice,how can you use the not knowing
to guide you?
Kayla (15:05):
Well, with that, I would say that, like, we have, I
think, humans.
In general, we have a tendencyto want to control things to
control the outcome and so thatkind of can seep into
manifestation practice to wherepeople are, you know, maybe they
want something they desiresomething and then they kind of
(15:29):
maybe they'll fall down thetrack of trying to control it.
Into existence or likemanipulate it into existence and
then if you, if you are in theflow of like, let's say, just
creation or in the flow of life,you're actually opening yourself
(15:51):
up.
To the unknown and like creatingthis acceptance rather than
resistance of what
Lindsey (15:59):
is acceptance versus resistance.
How can someone use that energyand there's I know you talk a
lot about these like universallaws.
How can people use this?
To have their own starting over,to have an experience like you
did.
Kayla (16:17):
Yeah, so, with the universal laws, and if people
hear that and they don't knowwhat that is, just like a little
context, the universal laws are,they're derived from ancient
scripture, so they're thousandsof years old.
And, Um, from a book I've read,I don't even remember the title
of it.
(16:37):
I have a list of 12 that I'vebeen working with actively for
the last about three years.
And what I do is I take maybeone or two and then I just
meditate on it.
So I'll take one universal law,like say the law of divine love,
I'll write it down and then I'llsit down and I'll meditate on
it.
And what you'll find is withinthat sort of like law the
(17:02):
teachings come through and justlike I explained before with any
kind of growth process it'sgoing to build upon itself so
it'll reveal to you kind of whatyou need to know and that's the
that's the way that you can useit I would say is if you take
the laws of the universe and Idon't know if you if you have
(17:23):
something like that availablefor your audience I could even
share I've got a PDF that's umYou It's really easy to read and
you can look at what theuniversal laws are.
So if your audience wants that,maybe we could link that in the
show notes, but take onemeditate on it and allow it to
change you.
And that's really what it is.
It's like that allowing thatacceptance and it will create a
(17:47):
starting over just depending onlike where you need it in your
life, like which category Iguess, or area of life
Lindsey (17:54):
that you need it.
Hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So.
You'll kind of feel this likenatural call towards one, and
then you let it work on youdeeper.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Explain to me your...
Unique manifestation method thatyou've built over these last few
(18:14):
years.
Yeah,
Kayla (18:16):
so it comes back to what we were saying in the beginning
about me unknowingly, you know,practicing that manifestation
method through moving across thecountry.
It's like number one, it'sreally simple, a four step
method.
So number one, starting withlike an idea or a concept.
Typically this is going to comefrom.
(18:39):
Your higher self or maybe yourfuture self.
This is like your higherconsciousness.
It's like this download justdrops in right and it can be
introduced.
By other people like how ithappened for me with my husband
Can be external but anyway, itstarts with the idea with the
concept and then the secondpiece is the actual processing
(18:59):
of it so that looks likevisualization daydreaming
planning Kind of starting to putit into action.
And that's when you're usingyour conscious mind.
And then the third step, youbegin to work with the
subconscious.
So that's when you're actuallycreating the patterns to put
(19:20):
that manifestation into place orlike bring it into life.
So these are the habits, thedaily patterns, maybe like the
rituals or whatever you want touse to really like bring it in.
And then finally, the fourth oneis that emotion piece.
That's when you're working withthe heart center.
You're actually allowingyourself to feel what it would
(19:41):
feel like for that manifestationto occur because a lot of times
what happens when we block ourmanifestation, sometimes a lot
of it boils down to the heartbecause we're rejecting actively
rejecting or avoiding thatfeeling of that said
manifestation occurring in ourlife for whatever reason, maybe
as a form of like protectionfrom Uh, Past wounding or
(20:04):
whatever, but that's, that's itbroken down into four
Lindsey (20:08):
steps.
And why can you speak a littlebit deeper on why someone might
unconsciously protect their ownheart from something that they
want?
Kayla (20:22):
Well, it just depends on like what your manifestation is,
right?
But like Let's say you wanted tomanifest more money, but when
you were a kid, you grew up inan environment or in a family
that had certain beliefs or heldcertain beliefs around maybe
(20:42):
what people with large amountsof money do.
And so you might activelywithout even realizing it, you
might actively push away, say,the responsibility of having
more money or managing moremoney because you have that
maybe.
That fear or that pain or thatbelief that was projected onto
(21:02):
you that people with lots ofmoney are selfish or whatever
the that core belief might beand so that's a way that we can
kind of push it away.
It's like I don't want toidentify or experience the
feeling of being maybe a selfishperson.
So I'm going to actively pushthat away.
(21:22):
Right.
If, if I think looking at mybank account and like putting
money in certain spots and likemanaging my money, if I have
this like core belief thatthat's something that selfish
people do, and I don't want tobe a selfish person that I'm
actively going to like resistand reject that.
Manifestation from actuallyoccurring, even if I think it's
(21:45):
something that I really, truly
Lindsey (21:47):
want.
And so when that is a truth forsomeone, like when that is a
pattern that they have, how canWe work with it and not fight
against it.
Kayla (22:01):
Well, to me, one of my biggest lessons that I've been
processing myself and likeworking with, with a lot of my
clients is facing that shadow.
Like a lot of times when itcomes with comes to healing,
like we think we need to maybelike eliminate or eradicate that
false belief, like get it out.
(22:21):
Right.
And again, that's almost like aform of avoidance.
And I think like true healingand embodiment comes when you're
willing to look at your shadowand be like, okay, I see you
core belief that managing mymoney is selfish or whatever I
see you and I accept you as youare.
(22:43):
But are we open to experiencingsomething new to create new
patterns?
What could that look like?
It's like opening that door ofcuriosity and being willing to
expand and grow.
Because there's actually roomfor more.
So you don't necessarily have tolike push out those negative
thoughts and beliefs but it'salmost like through embracing
(23:06):
them and being like, oh I seeyou I accept you, I know you
come from somewhere and you'rehere for a reason.
That's when all of a sudden thislike higher self, voice of love
is able to pour through you you.
Then you kind of notice thatwill actually interject or
interrupt The spirals thosedownward spirals of anxiety and
(23:27):
like overthinking and all thatkind of thing That voice of love
will pierce through and saywell, wait a minute.
Maybe there's something elseavailable Maybe there's new
thoughts available new patternsavailable
Lindsey (23:40):
Oh, I love that because I think I I come across people
and i'm sure you do too thatthat Are feel like they can't do
any kind of work like this,like, you know, it's not for
them, or maybe they like havetoo much wounding or it's too
hard.
And so I love what you're layingout here, just that the
(24:02):
simplicity of it and reallyletting there's like there is
this aspect, like you said, ofletting go.
Not trying to hyper control thisprocess because then it just
becomes another, it is anotherform of avoidance.
Yeah, I love that you said that.
And that really makes me thinkabout when those feelings can't
(24:27):
come up.
Like, if someone's carrying alot of guilt or shame, how do
they work with that?
How can they go deeper intothat?
Kayla (24:38):
Yeah.
So guilt and shame is typicallyan indicator of moments when we
give our power away externally.
So we give it away maybe toanother person or a place or a
situation.
So when guilt and shame comes upfor me.
(24:58):
That's one of the first thingsthat I look at and, um, you
know, that chart of vibrations.
Do you know what it's called?
What's that?
I
Lindsey (25:06):
can't remember.
So there's things scale.
Kayla (25:08):
Yeah.
Yeah, there's a Emotionalfrequency scale.
So it's got all of the emotionson the scale And, you know,
basically has their frequencybeside them, like almost like,
um, a number of where maybe joyand happiness and bliss would
hit.
And then guilt and shame is likeright down at the bottom.
(25:30):
Like those are kind of lowfrequency emotions.
So not that we're not meant tofeel these things, but when we
feel that emotion, when it comesin, it's really important to
look at it and see it as asignal.
Yeah.
Because guilt and shame, becauseit is one of the, say, lower
frequency emotions, it canactually create, it's really
(25:54):
easy for it to kind of createthis inversion loop of downward
spiral thinking and behaviorsand things like that.
So the second guilt and shamecomes up.
What I like to do is I like tosee it as a signal.
First of all.
And then I start to work with itand ask myself, okay, in what
ways in this trigger, like,cause that's usually what
(26:17):
happens, we've, we've come up toa stressful event or some type
of change and something willhappen, a trigger.
And then we start to feel thosefeelings of guilt and shame and
working with that and askingyourself, okay, what am I doing
in this moment?
That's actually giving my poweraway to another person place or
(26:41):
situation and how can I reclaimit back and sometimes then you
kind of realize, oh, this isconnected to that time in the
past when I felt guilt or shameabout this thing and it's, it's,
it's making me feel the sametype of way, but yeah, using it
as a signal because if youdon't, if you remain unconscious
(27:03):
about it, then the same patternof behavior ends up playing out.
Yes.
Lindsey (27:09):
Yeah, and what do you say when the same patterns play
out with someone that does haveawareness?
Like, where do you see thatgoing?
Kayla (27:20):
So, are you saying, like, If someone has guilt and shame
and then they, they see thepatterns coming up and they're
like fully aware and it's like,wow, this is still playing out.
Is it kind of like, then what?
Lindsey (27:33):
Yeah, like, okay, now I'm aware.
Oh, I see shame popping up andhere's this pattern and maybe
I'm still gonna do the thing.
Yeah.
I'm still stuck in the pattern,but I can see it.
Can you like see what's next forthat person?
That might be in that situation.
Kayla (27:52):
So in that situation, if you're having a tough time, kind
of like rerouting that patternof behavior and it just keeps
playing out.
What I like to do with myclients is I actually will take
that and work with it.
So it again becomes a form ofacceptance of the emotion rather
than rejection.
So instead of saying, Hey,guilt, get out of here.
(28:14):
You're not welcome.
Right?
Um, we're going to do somethingdifferent, like kind of like
that alpha.
Energy, we kind of drop moreinto the feminine.
We drop into the heart and wesay, okay, you know what guilt
you're here.
I see you taking over mypatterns again.
You're trying to protect me.
Thank you.
Awesome.
Let's work with this.
So an example of this is likesomebody who has patterns of
(28:37):
say, like overeating and it'stied to some kind of like trauma
trigger or whatever.
And so every time they'restressed, they're overeating.
And so what I do with my clientswho have a hard time, instead of
replacing it with a differentpattern, they keep falling into
the same pattern.
What I do is I actually say,well take that guilt and, and
(28:59):
work with it.
So say, say to yourself, Oh, Ijust can't help it.
I can't.
I feel so bad, but I just loveeating healthy food.
So you take that guilt and justlike reframe it like, Oh my
goodness, I shouldn't, Ishouldn't be going on the
treadmill again, but I just, Ican't resist, you know, and so
you kind of just reframe or likerechannel that energy of guilt
(29:22):
towards what it is you want toexperience.
Lindsey (29:25):
Hmm.
Yeah, I love that reframe.
That's really gentle, but likein support of where you want to
go.
Yeah.
I think sometimes in, inspiritual practice or maybe in
personal development, there canjust be this, there can still be
a fear of challenge becausechange is challenging, right?
(29:48):
And We do, we talk so much aboutbeing in flow and being in being
easeful and all of those forsure, right?
We all want to experience that,but there has to be some kind of
challenge at first.
Or maybe continuously even it'sgetting in the ease and flow
(30:11):
with that challenge.
So when the pattern comes up,then you're like, okay, yeah,
let me reframe this and kind ofpush through that.
Yeah,
Kayla (30:23):
like how can I actually use this guilt to maybe help me
or like, how can I work with itrather than avoid it or reject
it in some way?
Lindsey (30:34):
Yes, yes.
And so that really makes, thatreminds me that I want to know.
How you work with mindset andthe body together.
Kayla (30:47):
Yeah.
So, um, a lot of what I do hasto do with the mindset has to do
with the energy, but all of thatis connected to the body as
well.
And it's, it's kind of, I guess,like depending on who you are,
it can be easy to get into ourhead.
(31:11):
To kind of go out of body and wedo this not just with the mind
But we also do this like withour emotions It's like easy to
go out of body but the changenever happens Outside of the
body.
So if you try to think or feel,if you're just trying to think
(31:32):
or feel your way out of aproblem or maybe into a new
result, you won't create thatlasting change.
Whereas if you learn how tobring it into the body and work
with the body, that's whenyou're actually becoming that
bridge,
Lindsey (31:48):
right?
Hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So then what does it look likekind of going a little bit
deeper to really connect thisspiritual practice or connecting
with your soul being in thisbody and using mindset?
Can you talk about that a littlebit deeper?
(32:08):
Mm
Kayla (32:09):
hmm.
So I'll use an example for that.
If somebody wanted to make moremoney or like achieve higher
levels of success within theircareer, they might think about
it.
They might daydream about it.
They might visualize about it.
They might even get like pen topaper and like maybe make a
vision board and all that kindof thing.
(32:30):
But if they don't know, Whatit's like to walk around as a
person who is maybe more wealthyor more successful if they don't
know how it feels, if they don'tknow how to hold their body in
that way, then the all that workthat they're doing within their
mindset isn't going to land,right?
(32:53):
So if a person wants to createthat lasting change, that's what
you have to practice.
That's that other piece, thatkind of emotionalizing and then
also patterning.
So actually moving the body,involving the body, you know,
getting yourself into rooms thatmaybe you'd perceive as like
more, more wealthy or moreluxurious and noticing how that
(33:17):
feels in your body.
Like some people, they, they'llsay that they want more money,
but you stick them in like afancy hotel or resort.
Every part of their somatic bodyand their energy body is just
vibrating, trying to get themout of there because they're
like, ah, you know, there's a,there's a disconnect.
(33:37):
And so when you learn to kind ofat your own pace, slowly
integrate those new experiencesinto the body, that's when you
can create lasting change.
Lindsey (33:48):
I'm so you used an example that actually that just
really resonates with me likebeing in a place that feels
above your experience of wealthor life and being like, Oh, I
want to be here and then gettingthere and being like, Oh, I'm
feel like I don't belong here.
(34:09):
And the way that the mind orthis part of the mind that wants
to keep you safe will tell thisstory.
Uh, this is not good, this,whatever, and, and judge it, and
really, then that's exactly whatyou said, then we're out of the
body.
Yeah.
Right?
(34:29):
The thing about being embodied,and I've heard you talk about
this, is so much just has to dowith feeling what the feeling
is, without trying to change it.
And I think that's maybe where alot of, where some people get
misdirected, again, is goingback to, okay, and now I, I
(34:51):
can't, either I can't feel this,it's too big, or if I feel this
and it doesn't feel good, I needto shift it.
Mm hmm.
And really, it's like getting inthere and just being like, all
right, this feels like shit, butI'm gonna, I'm gonna sit with
it.
Yeah.
And like stretch into it,because eventually.
(35:11):
It goes.
Kayla (35:13):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like what is this feeling?
Even if it's a not so goodfeeling What is it?
What is it teaching me?
What is it giving to me in thismoment?
Lindsey (35:23):
Yeah.
Yeah Mm hmm What what is itgiving to someone?
Is there something that usuallycomes up that you notice that it
is giving to a person if they'refeeling Bad in a situation.
Kayla (35:37):
Yeah.
So another like Example iscoming to mind Because a lot of
this I learned through My ownspiritual practice like a lot of
the things that I teach Wasbasically given to me or
explored through my ownspiritual practice.
And so if you're meditating andyou connect to say like a higher
(36:01):
vibrational spiritual being,like maybe it's like a guru or a
guide or God or angels orwhatever, when you connect to
that energy, if you feel thatyou are not worthy.
Of that experience or thatencounter, that interaction, the
(36:23):
mind will automatically kind oftaint it like almost paint it
black and make it into a scarything.
And I think this is where a lotof people stop when it comes to
spirituality and psychicdevelopment.
It's because there's that maybea lack of self worth or
whatever.
There's like this feeling oflike.
I am not worthy to have thisencounter and then it'll paint
(36:46):
it black and then they kind ofshut down and they'll close that
door.
And so that's the example that Ithink of in that moment.
So it's like if you're havingthat come up and you're feeling
like, Oh my gosh, I'm not worthyof this.
This is scaring me and the fearcomes in that that again becomes
a signal where you get to workwith it and be like, what part
(37:07):
of me?
Is so deeply afraid ofconnecting with God or my
guardian angels, or maybe mylost loved one and wants to turn
it into this like horrorHollywood movie experience,
rather than just opening up andbeing curious and surrendering
to whatever is coming through.
Lindsey (37:30):
Yeah.
So, over the last five years,how did you use your spiritual
practice to develop yourPsychic, psychism, and
eventually, when did you decidethat you wanted to offer it to
people?
Kayla (37:52):
So, you know, it's one of those things for me that's
always been there.
I actually got my first...
First oracle card deck when Iwas about eight years old and I
used that, you know, lookingback now I recognize that I was
using it as maybe a form of acoping mechanism.
(38:14):
I never did it as a, you know,for a planned outcome like to
maybe become more psychic or orto heal or whatever and like now
that I'm an adult, you know,maybe I use those kinds of
excuses for my Spiritualpractice, but when I'm willing
to actually encounter my shadowand really look at it, I was
(38:36):
using it as like a form ofcoping with sort of this feeling
of knowing that there'ssomething more out there and
trying to find my way to tappinginto.
That and so it started when Iwas young and then I was always
(38:57):
the The kid who would maybe likehave deja vu and it would happen
or like, you know Someone wouldpass away in the family and they
would come to me in the dreamslike that just had always
happened for me and then in myteenage years and up until about
I was 20.
It was kind of muted.
Like I didn't focus on that.
You know, it was obviouslyprioritizing other things,
(39:21):
social life and things like thatat that time.
But then once life started toslow down and I had my kids
because I had my first childwhen I was 21.
Um, once that started to happen.
That door started to open upagain and I started to get
involved in yoga was the firstthing and then through that I
(39:42):
was exploring Reiki, which atthe time I had no idea what it
was.
I went to a crystal shop and Isaw a flyer for Reiki and then
it just kind of kept popping upin my field and I had no idea
what it was.
I just signed up and We didmeditation that weekend, like we
spent the whole weekend inmeditation and that was the
(40:04):
first time I had ever done thatand it was at that moment after
we finished that first weekendthat my, let's just call it
extrasensory abilities startedto come online.
So I actually started to be ableto see energy and sense things
in a new way.
And, you know, that was myexperience.
(40:24):
It may not be everybody'sexperience when they do say like
a Reiki attunement, but that wasmy experience.
And then it just, I kept workingwith it and through working with
it and, um, playing with it, itgot stronger.
Lindsey (40:40):
Was the point when you became a mother, was that like,
do you feel that was a crucialturning point into this
expression?
Kayla (40:51):
Absolutely.
Yeah.
And again, I feel that it wascompletely divine because at the
time, I was feeling very sort oflike lost and confused with
life.
And I was with, who's now myhusband, a man who's five years
older than me.
And he was just veryindependent, very self assured.
(41:14):
He had his, his own things goingon.
And I was coming from a familyof like codependency.
I was, um, programmed withpeople pleasing and all that
kind of stuff.
And so when I would Be in thehome and I didn't have work.
You know, I was done work orwhatever.
And I'd be in the house bymyself.
(41:34):
I would have this like feelingof like, Oh, my gosh, you know,
this is like really confrontingbeing alone or whatever.
And I just I knew I had thissort of love and energy and
attention that I wanted to pourinto someone because I had that
patterning of not knowing how topour it into myself.
(41:56):
And so then I actually said aprayer one night and I remember
being like, if the timing isright and it's meant to be.
Please deliver me a baby and ithappened and and then from
there.
Yeah, it really was like a hugeTransformation within me because
then I was able to kind ofchannel that more repressed
(42:17):
energy of as a person Who's likea nurturer a giver?
I was able to pour it into mykids and now we're at this
moment where it's starting toturn and like come back full
circle and I'm starting to seethese moments where it's like,
oh, I actually need to like takesome of that and pour into me
too, right?
So, yeah, it's been a hugegrowth process having children.
Lindsey (42:39):
Yeah, yeah.
And You mentioned you're at thisturning point now where you pour
it back in to you.
What does that look like?
Kayla (42:49):
Yeah, so that has been huge because like I said so many
of my patterns and programmingum It has to do with looking
externally, putting otherpeople's needs before my own.
And I think a lot of women arelike that.
And I think systematically, likethrough the patriarchy, we've
been trained for that in a way.
(43:12):
And so really starting to, toconfront those patterns within
myself and like notice them andum, It's really come up a lot
for me in this past year becauseall three of my kids are now in
school They're all school agednow.
And so I have these momentswhere wow, I have the full day
(43:34):
You know Monday to Friday whereI have the privilege of being
able to design my day and dowhat I want to do And I would
find myself in those momentsSometimes not knowing what to
do, sometimes not knowing how toactually choose myself and how
in those moments of thinkingthat I'm choosing myself, like,
(43:57):
okay, I'm going to go do someexercise.
Okay, I'm going to go do somejournaling.
Okay, I'm going to book thiswith this client or whatever.
My mind and my patterning wouldautomatically kind of go into
these patterns of thinking ofother people and worrying about
other people.
And I had, I've really had toactively work on bringing it
(44:18):
back into me and like checkingin with myself and being like,
okay, what do you want?
What do you need?
And then even when I commit tosomething or decide to do
something, checking in again andbeing like, but is this really
what you want for you?
Or are you doing this?
For somebody else, right?
Lindsey (44:37):
Yes, yes.
Uh, I love that you said that.
For someone who identifies as apeople pleaser, and maybe
they're actually just realizingit now.
You're so right.
I think that it's huge formothers especially.
And we are kind of sold thatthat is the job.
(45:00):
And in some ways it is, but it'san act of devotion that also We
have to honor and devote toourselves.
How can someone begin to changethose patterns of people
pleasing?
Kayla (45:13):
Well, again, coming into acceptance, so not like
rejecting the idea or thinkingthat there's something wrong
with you, realizing that a lotof these Patterns are tied
together.
So like a person who's going todefault to people pleasing and
perfectionism and those kinds ofthings, usually they're going to
(45:39):
create bonds or partner up withpeople that are the opposite.
So I like to look at it asnervous system responses,
because that's usually like oneof the easier things to
identify.
So if you're a people pleaser,That's the FON response, you
know, always looking externallyover compensating over giving
(45:59):
over loving lacking boundariesAnd then with that there's also
the freeze response So to me FONresponse and freeze response
kind of tie together.
And so the freeze response isjust another form of like I
don't want to experiencewhatever it is.
I'm experiencing.
So I'm going to stop.
I'm going to stop it.
(46:19):
I'm going to avoid it.
I'm going to disassociate.
I'm going to numb out.
I'm going to try and cope withit.
And so those kinds of people,they're naturally going to
partner up or sync up or getinto dynamic with people who are
dropping into the fight responseor the flight response.
Right, so these are people forthe fight response.
(46:39):
They're always on the defense.
They're always on the go.
They're ready to kind of fightliterally and then flight is
like abandonment.
So right there, they're gonnabounce if they're feeling
uncomfortable If you'vetriggered them, they're out
there bounce like that's it,right?
and so what happens is we willlink up and then kind of create
this perpetual loop of likealways experiencing those same
(47:01):
ego wounds Over and over andover so once you start to
realize okay, you know what?
Yeah, i'm a people pleaser I'veidentified that within myself
But I also accept that as who Iam and i'm not going to put all
the fault on me because againThe fond person is going to take
responsibility for things thatare not theirs Don't take full
(47:23):
ownership realize that you'relikely and dynamic with other
people Or even just likeexternal situations that are
dropping you into that responseand it's normal to have triggers
It's normal to have nervoussystem responses.
Like, if we were meant to be allenlightened 100 percent of the
time, we wouldn't exist withinthis dimension right now.
(47:46):
So, accepting that phoneresponse, as it is, and using it
as signals to be like, Oh, I'mchoosing other people again.
Time to choose me.
Lindsey (47:56):
Yes, yes.
I'm so glad that you mentionedthat you said if, if we're
enlightened, we wouldn't be herebecause that's, that's so true.
And to frame things like thatfor me, and I hope that other
people hear it this way, justmeans that everything is a
lesson.
And we don't have to hyperidentify, even if I am.
(48:18):
And someone who identifies as apeople pleaser, alchemize it,
use it.
You don't have to sink into itand just be like, well, oh well,
that's me.
It's like, this is, this is whatI'm going to alchemize and turn
into the next evolution of who Iam.
(48:39):
Mm hmm.
And, and not hyper identifyingwith, with whatever it is.
Which is so, Easy to do,especially when we're living
unconsciously, like in, in lackof awareness.
It's really easy to identify aseverything outside of ourselves.
Kayla (49:01):
Yeah.
And, you know, another thingtoo, is it's like, You might
recognize that your typicalpattern of responses like people
pleasing and fond responses, butwe have all of them within us at
all times.
It's just that whatever is inyour external environment, you
know, whatever you're inrelationship with is actually
(49:24):
causing.
That, that pattern to takeplace.
So if you, if you change the waythat you relate to the external,
whether that's other people orjust the environment itself,
then your response patterns willall ultimately change.
And there's moments and seasonsof your life where, you know,
(49:45):
the fun response might berequired.
Also moments and seasons of yourlife where the fight response.
Might be required and like indifferent relationships, too.
So they're not bad things.
They're things that you can workwith.
And I think, yeah, the gatewayto that is through awareness.
Lindsey (50:04):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I want to tie this up with usingthese tools, but also trusting
the flow of life.
What does trusting the flow oflife look like to you?
Kayla (50:20):
So trusting the flow of life would be allowing creation
to happen.
The opposite of that is theresistance, and that's where the
controlling comes in.
And a lot of times, life has agreater and bigger plan than
(50:40):
what we could ever imagine.
Like if you would have showed meor told me, say, seven years ago
that this is what I would bedoing and that this is what my
life would look like, I would, Iprobably wouldn't even know what
to say.
I think a lot of me would beamazed, like a big parts of me
would be amazed.
(51:01):
And then also very curious as tohow this unfolded.
And.
I think that that's a big pieceis just allowing life to happen
instead of trying to control itin some way.
Lindsey (51:18):
Yeah, you mentioned Michael Singer at the top and
that's I, I always like to askpeople about trusting the flow
of life because of his book, TheSurrender Experiment.
I'm not sure if you've read it,but I actually haven't read that
one.
It's, it's life changing to, tocome at life with this idea
that.
There is something that wants tobe created through me, and
(51:42):
there's creation happening allaround, and I don't have to have
the map, necessarily.
And I think that's reallyimportant for manifestation and
just for healing.
Healing ourselves is that Idon't have to have the map, I
can respond to what comes in andgo from there and trust those
(52:05):
little pings along the way thatsay move across the country.
Kayla (52:10):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
And yeah, knowing that that thatcan lead you to all kinds of
places and open new doors andallow you to experience things
that you didn't even know werepossible for you.
Lindsey (52:25):
Yeah.
So we always end with.
Well, two, two questions that weend with one is, is there a
starting over that you can feellike percolating for you right
now?
Kayla (52:40):
Yeah, the one that's really percolating a lot.
I kind of touched on it is likerelationships starting over with
relationships because it's onceyou, um, identify certain
patterns within yourself thatyou recognize, okay, this is not
serving me.
I want to change these patternsand create something new.
I want to start over in thisway.
(53:02):
You have to learn how to likerelate to others in a new way.
So for me Starting over inrelationships is the key for me
because I know that's going toimpact my own self image And
ultimately allow me to get towhere I want to be and
experience the things that Iwant to experience
Lindsey (53:21):
Hmm.
And is there something specificthat you're doing right now to
start over in relationships?
It's
Kayla (53:28):
really subtle and just like constant tiny baby steps in
conversation with other people.
Noticing those moments whenother people are actually trying
to maybe project guilt.
And shame on to me because as aperson who kind of defaults to
(53:49):
fond response and has thosepeople pleasing behaviors
normally, like as an empath, I'mjust going to take whatever
you're projecting onto me andlike, make it something I need
to fix or make it somethingabout me.
And so I've actually just beenreally practicing noticing when
people are projecting guilt andshame on to me.
It's like, Oh.
(54:11):
Wow, they just, they feel badabout this and in this
conversation with me, they'reactually trying to make me feel
bad and it has nothing to dowith me, so I'm actually going
to reject that projection.
I'm not going to accept it.
It's not going to enter myfield.
And just those tiny little babysteps or like and then went in
(54:31):
that moment kind of maybestanding up for myself in the
conversation or saying, Oh, Idisagree or no, I'm not okay
with that, you know, settingthose little boundaries, but the
baby steps towards that.
That's how I'm kind of bringingit about in my life.
Lindsey (54:48):
That's so perfect.
Yeah.
Is there a book that you areloving right now or?
Maybe just one that yourecommend to everyone
Kayla (54:59):
Yeah, do you know what I've been like if you've been on
my Instagram stories, and I knowthis is gonna air later but I
I've been talking a lot aboutthis book called when God was a
woman by Merlin Stone.
And, um, this is actually, it'sa really great book for anybody
(55:19):
who's interested in learningmore about the goddess, the
divine feminine, if you want toget more in touch with maybe
divine feminine practices andlike just that idea of actually
accepting who you are, not justlike the great things, but also
the shadows, Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
(55:39):
And, and also understandingwhere in ancient history, things
changed from worshiping thegoddess, which was actually
very, very prevalent thousandsof years ago to actually
creating this tradition.
Thank you.
Only male, uh, figure of God andlike all the patrilineal
(56:03):
Structures that followed thatand systems that followed that
that we're now seeing themchange dissolve shift All of
that crumble some of them evenright and collapse and so All of
that external stuff createschange within us, and I think
that that book, it's actually,it was ahead of its time because
(56:23):
it was written in 1975, and ifyou try to find it on Amazon,
it's actually, it's, it's alittle bit hard to find.
Sometimes you'll have to gothrough the used section and try
to find a used one, but it's,it's such a good read because
the author Is, um, she studiedarcheology and ancient art and
(56:43):
she used that to just create avery great presentation of how
things have unfolded and not ina way that's like overly
feminism, like, you know, kindof bashing down the masculine.
It's not that at all.
It's like very objective, veryfactual, but then also revealing
(57:05):
kind of like these spiritualtruths that we all know within,
right?
I want to read it.
Yeah.
Yeah, you should read it.
It's really good I was actuallyI was pulling cards for myself
this morning And the card thatcame through was um, I was
pulling from the divine feminineoracle And the card that came
through was lala the saint ofspoken words and In there, when
(57:27):
you read the guidebook, itspeaks about the idol, sort of
like God, or whatever you wantto, um, imagine there.
And then the temple.
And so you could think of, like,the idol as maybe like the more
masculine or, um, embodied form,material form of the energy.
(57:49):
And then the temple itself isthe feminine.
And the way I like to look atit...
Now is it's like, we've beenoperating with this kind of male
idol visualization of, of God,and also like how, how
everything's supposed to look aswe worship, maybe that male God,
(58:10):
but without that temple, right,without that sense of, of
safety.
And that's the feminine.
And I think with us.
Rejecting and oppressing andsuppressing the feminine, it's
created so much trauma withinour collective psyche because
it's like, if I sin, I'm, I'mnot accepted.
(58:32):
I'm rejected.
I am bad.
I'm not worthy.
And the feminine loves us withall our flaws.
You know, even if all of societyrejects us.
We still have that temple withinthe feminine that welcomes us in
with all of our shadows, right?
And I think that that's, like,the missing link.
So, for me, it's been a reallytransformative read that I
(58:54):
highly recommend.
Lindsey (58:55):
This is, it reminds me of something that you said to me
a few months back about moving,like, transitioning from this
maiden.
Energy like into matriarch.
Yeah.
And, and that is divinefeminine.
And I mean, really a lot of workthat we're like personal
development work that we'redoing here on earth is due to us
(59:17):
being stuck because of thousandsof years of trauma being stuck
like in that.
Maiden and and projecting thatout that like, oh i'm i'm
forever this Exactly.
This maiden.
And we need those rites ofpassage to move, to like, ascend
into the next
Kayla (59:34):
level.
Absolutely.
Like, we're seeing it so muchreflected in social media, so
much around healing and traumaand anxiety.
And it's like, but where doesall this come from?
And when you read about booksabout ancient history, it's
like, They did encounter trauma.
Absolutely.
But they didn't have to kind oflike go through the steps of
(59:57):
maybe like healing it becauseUm, it was different times back
then, you know, the the woundsand trauma were accepted, you
know And they were integratedwhereas now it's like there's
something wrong with me And sonow I think that that's what
we're learning how to do
Lindsey (01:00:14):
Right.
Yeah fix fix change changeversus integrate And use
whatever the pain or the woundis.
Mm hmm.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, I love it.
Yeah.
So tell us how people can findyou.
Kayla (01:00:32):
Okay, so go check out the Pathway to Paradise podcast.
You can find that on Spotify oron iTunes or any other major
podcasting platforms.
Um, you can also go follow me onInstagram, pathway2.
paradise and Maybe we'll put alink in the show notes for my
Facebook group.
I've got a free Facebook groupand I go in there and I do live
(01:00:55):
readings and drop some kind ofspiritual teachings and things
like that in there every once ina while.
Lindsey (01:01:00):
Amazing.
Yeah, we'll put everything inthe show notes, the books we
talked about, the, the freebiethat you have.
I'll find that scale.
We'll put it all.
It'll be a lengthy show noteswith everything everyone needs
to know because I know they'regoing to want all this
information.
Perfect.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, thanks so much.
(01:01:22):
This has been great.
Thank
Kayla (01:01:24):
you so much, Lindsay.
I've enjoyed this so much.
So honored
Lindsey (01:01:27):
to be on your show.
I feel like we could do a, anentire.
second episode that's just aboutDivine feminine and healing
Kayla (01:01:34):
that oh, I would love to absolutely we did talk a lot
about mindset in today's episodeSo I do have a really easy and
simple five page guidebook It'scalled the mindset makeover
guidebook and we could put alink for that in the show notes
But that would be a great placefor people to start if they want
(01:01:55):
to explore Maybe my perspectiveand some little beliefs.
These are just prompts, so it'sjust a guidebook of prompts,
different mindset prompts thatencourage you to think and
believe differently.
So that's something that I wouldlove to share with your
audience.
And other than that, I, I thinkwe're all
Lindsey (01:02:14):
set.
Cool.
Amazing.
All right.
Thank you.
Can I start this one?
Yeah, you can start this one.
Hello and welcome to the Can WeStart Over podcast.
My name is Lindsay.
And my name is Brit.
And if you're new here, welcome.
Come on in.
The water's fine.
We are a married couple.
We sold everything, took ourthree kids on an around the
world adventure to find a newplace to live.
And now we share it all withyou.
(00:36):
We share our own starting overjourney.
And we
Britt (00:38):
talk to other people that have started over in amazing
ways.
And today's episode is nodifferent.
Lindsey (00:43):
We have a great guest
Britt (00:44):
today, but before that, let's talk about our feelings.
Don't you?
Isn't that what You know what'smore important?
Our
Lindsey (00:50):
feelings.
And how we feel.
You know what I'm feeling?
What's been happening for you,
Britt (00:57):
Britt?
Well, our children have beengoing to camp and then they
transitioned into a school atthe same camp and it's not
really working out for them.
So we're kind of getting used tothat.
Lindsey (01:10):
Yeah, where it's we came back full force into real
life mode and I'm saying that inair quotes because anything can
be a real life mode, but wherewe were like we were basically
on a nine month vacation.
And now we're like, oh, school,oh, routine, oh, meetings, oh,
(01:30):
this, oh, that, and it'sactually like, I think it's
exactly the balance that I waslooking for because I knew I
didn't want to do a traditionalschool and then I wanted it to
be just three days a week.
Like all of these things arelike, oh, that's exactly what I
wanted.
That's exactly what I wanted.
But the school kind of just.
Instantly, I instantly knew thatit wasn't going to be the right
(01:52):
place, but I didn't listen tothat.
Britt (01:56):
Yeah, I think we've had a whole episode on that, right?
Intuition.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And we both
Lindsey (02:00):
ignored our intuition.
Sort of.
We did, but we didn't.
We, like, held off.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And that's okay, too.
I think it's okay to explore.
We recognized
Britt (02:09):
our intuition in the beginning.
Yeah.
We did, and we talked about it.
Yeah.
And we were like, you know what?
Let's just ride
Lindsey (02:13):
it and see what happens.
Right.
The thing is, what's differentis just having the full body
sensation knowing of like, Oh,we don't have to do this.
And it doesn't have to be, wedid spend money on it, but we
can shift, like, we don't haveto get caught in the, I can't do
this because, and we can dosomething else and feel good
(02:34):
about it.
Totally with no other story oflike, this is bad because of
this, like when we project ontosomeone else or say like the,
this school is wrong, it's like,nothing's wrong with it.
Everyone there's really nice,super nice place, kind people.
(02:55):
It's just, we can tell it's notgoing to be the fit for our
kids.
And then that feels so good.
And what I'm also real, like inreal time, I'm like.
Feeling it, knowing it,digesting it, and then using it,
and then it doesn't even feelbad to tell someone, Hey, this
isn't working out.
This isn't going to be the placefor me.
(03:15):
It doesn't, it actually feelsgood, because we're doing, I'm
doing this person a favor by nothanging around and resenting it,
by not building some resentment.
And, uh, we were talking aboutthis the other night, like, we,
people pleasing is such a hotbutton topic.
And rightfully so, because youdon't want to, like, live in a
state of doing things for howother people feel about you.
(03:38):
But like the real peoplepleasing is doing what actually
is in service for you.
So people pleasing shouldn't, weneed to find a new name for it.
Take back the tag, baby.
And we need to take back peoplepleasing because really, real,
real people pleasing wouldinclude yourself, your real
self.
And so it would just pleaseeverybody, even if in the
(04:00):
beginning it feels likesomeone's gonna get their
feelings hurt.
Right.
Cause to do the right thing.
Or whatever, highest and best,or whatever it is, is always
going to end up working out ineveryone's benefit in the long
run.
And that's what I'm figuring outwith this school thing.
The thing about it that's thehardest, honestly, is when
(04:21):
there's like a last minute, mykid doesn't want to go.
Yeah.
And everything, honestly, that'swhere like, I really realize how
human I am, because I'll just belike, oh, just please get in the
car and go.
And how.
How I still have, I mean, Istill have work to do, or maybe
not, that's just how I.
That's where it shows up for me,where I'm like, Oh, I really
(04:43):
want this to be different.
And I'm trying to force it.
Britt (04:46):
Same for me.
My wording wasn't as kind asyours, though.
What do you mean?
I really need to show up.
I was very angry with the boysand
Lindsey (04:54):
Oh, when they weren't wanting to go.
Yeah.
You were feeling angry.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And what good does that do?
I mean, it's just talk aboutreactivity.
That's just what it is.
Right.
What are we doing if we're just,I don't know, it's such an
interesting thing because as aperson in a family, like you are
going to have to do stuff orlike if you're in any
(05:15):
partnership, sometimes you'rejust going to have to go, but
also one thing that's importantto me is teaching my kids that
when they know that they're not,that something's not right for
them, that they should honorthat.
And I like teach them that andthen when they do it, I'm like,
not today.
Not today, kid.
I got a thing.
I already got tickets to thehorse races, you know?
(05:36):
Ah, yeah.
I already got 20 on Slinky DogRun show.
Is that, is that a horse?
Britt (05:44):
Popsicle donkey nards in first.
Lindsey (05:48):
Anyway, um, so it's been a really, honestly, it's
been a nice lesson even thoughit gets hard when Someone in
your when your kids don't wantto do the thing that you're like
need them to do But then you canbe like do I really need you to
do this?
Yeah And you know when it iswhen you do and you don't and
Britt (06:07):
we've got a new school that we're checking out this
week, too So we are intransition still
Lindsey (06:13):
Always in transition.
Always be, always betransitioning.
Transition.
That's the tagline fortransition lenses.
Light, dark, light, dark.
And that brings us to today'sguest.
Yes, we have an amazing guesttoday.
I sat down with Kayla Paradis.
You might know her on Instagramas pathway to paradise.
(06:35):
And we talked about her moveacross Canada with her husband
and her three kids, and how sheuses her intuition and
manifestation knowledge to cocreate her reality without
getting lost in perfectionism.
It was a really great talk, andKayla is not only a podcast
host, she's also a spiritualteacher who specializes in
(06:56):
energy work and psychicreadings.
She works with clients to shifttheir energy so they can reach
the results they desire bynavigating their own shadow work
and reclaiming their authenticsoul purpose.
She's teaching a completely freemanifestation course right now
that uses the universal laws.
(07:16):
to practice manifestation.
I've been doing this coursealong with her, and it's such an
incredible wealth of knowledge.
I can't believe it's free.
Find the completely freemanifestation course she's
offering, her Instagram, and allthe ways to work with her in the
show notes.
A few things that I want tomention before we get into this
(07:36):
talk.
I have a weekly newsletter atSunnyland and Co.
That is two parts creativeinspiration and two parts
reminding you that you arealready perfect the way you are.
I love writing them each weekand I love seeing the feedback,
so I hope that you'll sign up toget these short teachings from
me in your inbox.
It's also where you can find outabout my new services, about
(07:59):
upcoming workshops.
I'm actually teaching anupcoming workshop on tapping
into your creativity throughyour intuition, which will be in
October.
And if you're signed up for theemail list, you'll be the first
to know when it's announced andyou'll be the first to get any
discounts on enrollment.
You can sign up for thisnewsletter at Sunnylandandco.
(08:20):
com or by following the link inthe show notes.
Speaking of doing more of whatyou love, if you've ever wanted
to embark on the journey of alifetime through Egypt, we have
an exciting offer for you.
Dr.
Paul Hubbert, the founder of theInstitute for Holographic Sound,
whose name might sound familiarto you if you listened to our
(08:42):
previous episode with TressaVasquez.
is leading an incredible 14 dayjourney through Egypt.
This epic trip includes a fourday cruise down the Nile, a
private sound bath in the GreatPyramid, and a private visit to
the Temple of Isis.
Dr.
Paul has graciously offered afantastic deal of 400 off the
(09:06):
trip to all the Can We StartOver listeners if you book your
spot by Friday, September 15th.
This deal is so simple to get.
You just follow the link in ourbio, put down your deposit, and
then mention in your messagethat you are a listener of Can
We Start Over?
And they'll apply a 400 savingsto your balance.
(09:29):
Spots are limited for this trip.
Check it out atholographicsound.
com or at the link in the bio.
And remember, book by Friday,September 15th to save 400.
Thanks again
Britt (09:41):
for listening to the Can We Start Over podcast.
Don't forget to subscribe to thepodcast so you get new episodes
as soon as they come out.
And sign up for our weeklynewsletter where we share more
in depth travel tips and realrelationship stuff that we don't
get to in the episodes.
Find the link to sign up in theshow notes with all of the other
links and let's start the show.
Lindsey (10:00):
Let's do it.
So tell me about since i'mstarting over again, I want to
hear about Your starting overhow long have you lived where
you live now?
Kayla (10:13):
Okay, so i've lived in new brunswick here in new
brunswick for going on fiveyears And before that, I lived
in Alberta, which is theprovince where I was born and
raised.
Wow.
Yeah.
And so coming here, it, itreally honestly felt like we
were pulled here.
(10:34):
We would come here often, likealmost every year for a little
bit because, um, my husband isfrom here, from New Brunswick.
So we would come to visit andone day we were here for a visit
and he just turned and looked atme and he said, Oh my God.
What would it be like if welived here?
And then, you know, a bunch ofthings were happening with like
(10:55):
real estate and the economy,like it was just starting.
Things were starting to changeat that point five years ago and
we could really clearly see it.
And then we realized, you know,we could sell our home and buy
one here for a lot less money.
And it just, It felt exciting,and we just kept feeling the
pull, and then once we startedto put it into action, it just,
(11:18):
like, happened.
Like, our house sold within amonth, and then we were packing
up everything, putting it into atrailer, traveling across the
country.
I flew here with the three kids,and my husband drove the truck
and trailer with our belongings,what we had, like, kept out of
everything.
And then we started over here.
(11:40):
Wow.
Lindsey (11:41):
What was, how far away?
It's the opposite side of the
Kayla (11:45):
country?
It is, yeah.
So Alberta is over on thewestern side, and then we are
like right up against the oceannow.
Amazing.
Right up against the AtlanticOcean.
So we literally traveled acrossthe country of Canada, yeah.
Lindsey (12:02):
Yeah, so five years ago, can you remember the
feeling of that pull?
Can you describe that sensation?
Kayla (12:10):
So I almost feel that it was originally my husband who
kind of almost like implantedthe seed within my mind.
But then it was, it was me whoreally took it and kind of
started to daydream andvisualize and like ruminate on
it.
And then that's when I startedto then emotionalize, like get
(12:31):
excited about it and feel itlike just his one little prompt,
like I said.
Literally planted a seed withinmy brain and then I was
unknowingly in that momentpracticing a manifestation
process.
I didn't even know that I wasdoing that, like starting with
sort of like the seed, like theconcept and then actually
(12:52):
thinking about how it wouldwork, daydreaming about it,
emotionalizing it, and thenultimately magnetizing it or
like attracting it into ourlife.
Lindsey (13:04):
Yeah, I love that you say that you didn't even know
that you were doing that, butyou were practicing.
Yep.
Yeah.
So how do you know looking back,Oh, that's what I was doing.
And how can you use thatknowledge
Kayla (13:16):
now?
Well, it's through the work thatI do now that I'm able to see
it.
And it's, Yeah.
Yeah.
It's funny because before, youknow, prior to moving, like,
that was really the time when Istarted to explore spirituality
and energetics andmanifestation, like I was just
really dipping my toes in.
(13:38):
It was around that time Istarted to read books like The
Power of Now and by EckhartTolle and like Untethered Soul
by Michael, I'm forgetting hislast name.
It's Michael Singer.
Michael singer.
And so I was just starting todip my toes in like doing my
yoga practice and things likethat.
But now at this point, you know,looking back, and what I've
(14:01):
created, I've, I've got thisfoundation that I've been
working with.
And in the beginning, I didn'tknow what it was.
And I think that's what gets meso excited about Just like the
personal growth process andspiritual growth is that it's it
really builds It's like a anenergy or a pattern that builds
upon itself And so in thebeginning I would get these sort
(14:23):
of like downloads like when Iwould meditate or like do yoga
or whatever And it was reallyjust like the starting little
bit by bit little pieces, youknow, and now looking back, I
can really put it together andbe like, Oh, wow, you know,
that's what was taking place.
So it gets me excited for theyears to come, because I know
it's just going to keep buildingand growing, right?
Lindsey (14:44):
Yeah, yeah.
And you said something reallyimportant about that you didn't
know, you know, how can we usethat not knowing?
As, as someone who either wantsto practice manifestation or
maybe already has a practice,how can you use the not knowing
to guide you?
Kayla (15:05):
Well, with that, I would say that, like, we have, I
think, humans.
In general, we have a tendencyto want to control things to
control the outcome and so thatkind of can seep into
manifestation practice to wherepeople are, you know, maybe they
want something they desiresomething and then they kind of
(15:29):
maybe they'll fall down thetrack of trying to control it.
Into existence or likemanipulate it into existence and
then if you, if you are in theflow of like, let's say, just
creation or in the flow of life,you're actually opening yourself
(15:51):
up.
To the unknown and like creatingthis acceptance rather than
resistance of what
Lindsey (15:59):
is acceptance versus resistance.
How can someone use that energyand there's I know you talk a
lot about these like universallaws.
How can people use this?
To have their own starting over,to have an experience like you
did.
Kayla (16:17):
Yeah, so, with the universal laws, and if people
hear that and they don't knowwhat that is, just like a little
context, the universal laws are,they're derived from ancient
scripture, so they're thousandsof years old.
And, Um, from a book I've read,I don't even remember the title
of it.
(16:37):
I have a list of 12 that I'vebeen working with actively for
the last about three years.
And what I do is I take maybeone or two and then I just
meditate on it.
So I'll take one universal law,like say the law of divine love,
I'll write it down and then I'llsit down and I'll meditate on
it.
And what you'll find is withinthat sort of like law the
(17:02):
teachings come through and justlike I explained before with any
kind of growth process it'sgoing to build upon itself so
it'll reveal to you kind of whatyou need to know and that's the
that's the way that you can useit I would say is if you take
the laws of the universe and Idon't know if you if you have
(17:23):
something like that availablefor your audience I could even
share I've got a PDF that's umYou It's really easy to read and
you can look at what theuniversal laws are.
So if your audience wants that,maybe we could link that in the
show notes, but take onemeditate on it and allow it to
change you.
And that's really what it is.
It's like that allowing thatacceptance and it will create a
(17:47):
starting over just depending onlike where you need it in your
life, like which category Iguess, or area of life
Lindsey (17:54):
that you need it.
Hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So.
You'll kind of feel this likenatural call towards one, and
then you let it work on youdeeper.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Explain to me your...
Unique manifestation method thatyou've built over these last few
(18:14):
years.
Yeah,
Kayla (18:16):
so it comes back to what we were saying in the beginning
about me unknowingly, you know,practicing that manifestation
method through moving across thecountry.
It's like number one, it'sreally simple, a four step
method.
So number one, starting withlike an idea or a concept.
Typically this is going to comefrom.
(18:39):
Your higher self or maybe yourfuture self.
This is like your higherconsciousness.
It's like this download justdrops in right and it can be
introduced.
By other people like how ithappened for me with my husband
Can be external but anyway, itstarts with the idea with the
concept and then the secondpiece is the actual processing
(18:59):
of it so that looks likevisualization daydreaming
planning Kind of starting to putit into action.
And that's when you're usingyour conscious mind.
And then the third step, youbegin to work with the
subconscious.
So that's when you're actuallycreating the patterns to put
(19:20):
that manifestation into place orlike bring it into life.
So these are the habits, thedaily patterns, maybe like the
rituals or whatever you want touse to really like bring it in.
And then finally, the fourth oneis that emotion piece.
That's when you're working withthe heart center.
You're actually allowingyourself to feel what it would
(19:41):
feel like for that manifestationto occur because a lot of times
what happens when we block ourmanifestation, sometimes a lot
of it boils down to the heartbecause we're rejecting actively
rejecting or avoiding thatfeeling of that said
manifestation occurring in ourlife for whatever reason, maybe
as a form of like protectionfrom Uh, Past wounding or
(20:04):
whatever, but that's, that's itbroken down into four
Lindsey (20:08):
steps.
And why can you speak a littlebit deeper on why someone might
unconsciously protect their ownheart from something that they
want?
Kayla (20:22):
Well, it just depends on like what your manifestation is,
right?
But like Let's say you wanted tomanifest more money, but when
you were a kid, you grew up inan environment or in a family
that had certain beliefs or heldcertain beliefs around maybe
(20:42):
what people with large amountsof money do.
And so you might activelywithout even realizing it, you
might actively push away, say,the responsibility of having
more money or managing moremoney because you have that
maybe.
That fear or that pain or thatbelief that was projected onto
(21:02):
you that people with lots ofmoney are selfish or whatever
the that core belief might beand so that's a way that we can
kind of push it away.
It's like I don't want toidentify or experience the
feeling of being maybe a selfishperson.
So I'm going to actively pushthat away.
(21:22):
Right.
If, if I think looking at mybank account and like putting
money in certain spots and likemanaging my money, if I have
this like core belief thatthat's something that selfish
people do, and I don't want tobe a selfish person that I'm
actively going to like resistand reject that.
Manifestation from actuallyoccurring, even if I think it's
(21:45):
something that I really, truly
Lindsey (21:47):
want.
And so when that is a truth forsomeone, like when that is a
pattern that they have, how canWe work with it and not fight
against it.
Kayla (22:01):
Well, to me, one of my biggest lessons that I've been
processing myself and likeworking with, with a lot of my
clients is facing that shadow.
Like a lot of times when itcomes with comes to healing,
like we think we need to maybelike eliminate or eradicate that
false belief, like get it out.
(22:21):
Right.
And again, that's almost like aform of avoidance.
And I think like true healingand embodiment comes when you're
willing to look at your shadowand be like, okay, I see you
core belief that managing mymoney is selfish or whatever I
see you and I accept you as youare.
(22:43):
But are we open to experiencingsomething new to create new
patterns?
What could that look like?
It's like opening that door ofcuriosity and being willing to
expand and grow.
Because there's actually roomfor more.
So you don't necessarily have tolike push out those negative
thoughts and beliefs but it'salmost like through embracing
(23:06):
them and being like, oh I seeyou I accept you, I know you
come from somewhere and you'rehere for a reason.
That's when all of a sudden thislike higher self, voice of love
is able to pour through you you.
Then you kind of notice thatwill actually interject or
interrupt The spirals thosedownward spirals of anxiety and
(23:27):
like overthinking and all thatkind of thing That voice of love
will pierce through and saywell, wait a minute.
Maybe there's something elseavailable Maybe there's new
thoughts available new patternsavailable
Lindsey (23:40):
Oh, I love that because I think I I come across people
and i'm sure you do too thatthat Are feel like they can't do
any kind of work like this,like, you know, it's not for
them, or maybe they like havetoo much wounding or it's too
hard.
And so I love what you're layingout here, just that the
(24:02):
simplicity of it and reallyletting there's like there is
this aspect, like you said, ofletting go.
Not trying to hyper control thisprocess because then it just
becomes another, it is anotherform of avoidance.
Yeah, I love that you said that.
And that really makes me thinkabout when those feelings can't
(24:27):
come up.
Like, if someone's carrying alot of guilt or shame, how do
they work with that?
How can they go deeper intothat?
Kayla (24:38):
Yeah.
So guilt and shame is typicallyan indicator of moments when we
give our power away externally.
So we give it away maybe toanother person or a place or a
situation.
So when guilt and shame comes upfor me.
(24:58):
That's one of the first thingsthat I look at and, um, you
know, that chart of vibrations.
Do you know what it's called?
What's that?
I
Lindsey (25:06):
can't remember.
So there's things scale.
Kayla (25:08):
Yeah.
Yeah, there's a Emotionalfrequency scale.
So it's got all of the emotionson the scale And, you know,
basically has their frequencybeside them, like almost like,
um, a number of where maybe joyand happiness and bliss would
hit.
And then guilt and shame is likeright down at the bottom.
(25:30):
Like those are kind of lowfrequency emotions.
So not that we're not meant tofeel these things, but when we
feel that emotion, when it comesin, it's really important to
look at it and see it as asignal.
Yeah.
Because guilt and shame, becauseit is one of the, say, lower
frequency emotions, it canactually create, it's really
(25:54):
easy for it to kind of createthis inversion loop of downward
spiral thinking and behaviorsand things like that.
So the second guilt and shamecomes up.
What I like to do is I like tosee it as a signal.
First of all.
And then I start to work with itand ask myself, okay, in what
ways in this trigger, like,cause that's usually what
(26:17):
happens, we've, we've come up toa stressful event or some type
of change and something willhappen, a trigger.
And then we start to feel thosefeelings of guilt and shame and
working with that and askingyourself, okay, what am I doing
in this moment?
That's actually giving my poweraway to another person place or
(26:41):
situation and how can I reclaimit back and sometimes then you
kind of realize, oh, this isconnected to that time in the
past when I felt guilt or shameabout this thing and it's, it's,
it's making me feel the sametype of way, but yeah, using it
as a signal because if youdon't, if you remain unconscious
(27:03):
about it, then the same patternof behavior ends up playing out.
Yes.
Lindsey (27:09):
Yeah, and what do you say when the same patterns play
out with someone that does haveawareness?
Like, where do you see thatgoing?
Kayla (27:20):
So, are you saying, like, If someone has guilt and shame
and then they, they see thepatterns coming up and they're
like fully aware and it's like,wow, this is still playing out.
Is it kind of like, then what?
Lindsey (27:33):
Yeah, like, okay, now I'm aware.
Oh, I see shame popping up andhere's this pattern and maybe
I'm still gonna do the thing.
Yeah.
I'm still stuck in the pattern,but I can see it.
Can you like see what's next forthat person?
That might be in that situation.
Kayla (27:52):
So in that situation, if you're having a tough time, kind
of like rerouting that patternof behavior and it just keeps
playing out.
What I like to do with myclients is I actually will take
that and work with it.
So it again becomes a form ofacceptance of the emotion rather
than rejection.
So instead of saying, Hey,guilt, get out of here.
(28:14):
You're not welcome.
Right?
Um, we're going to do somethingdifferent, like kind of like
that alpha.
Energy, we kind of drop moreinto the feminine.
We drop into the heart and wesay, okay, you know what guilt
you're here.
I see you taking over mypatterns again.
You're trying to protect me.
Thank you.
Awesome.
Let's work with this.
So an example of this is likesomebody who has patterns of
(28:37):
say, like overeating and it'stied to some kind of like trauma
trigger or whatever.
And so every time they'restressed, they're overeating.
And so what I do with my clientswho have a hard time, instead of
replacing it with a differentpattern, they keep falling into
the same pattern.
What I do is I actually say,well take that guilt and, and
(28:59):
work with it.
So say, say to yourself, Oh, Ijust can't help it.
I can't.
I feel so bad, but I just loveeating healthy food.
So you take that guilt and justlike reframe it like, Oh my
goodness, I shouldn't, Ishouldn't be going on the
treadmill again, but I just, Ican't resist, you know, and so
you kind of just reframe or likerechannel that energy of guilt
(29:22):
towards what it is you want toexperience.
Lindsey (29:25):
Hmm.
Yeah, I love that reframe.
That's really gentle, but likein support of where you want to
go.
Yeah.
I think sometimes in, inspiritual practice or maybe in
personal development, there canjust be this, there can still be
a fear of challenge becausechange is challenging, right?
(29:48):
And We do, we talk so much aboutbeing in flow and being in being
easeful and all of those forsure, right?
We all want to experience that,but there has to be some kind of
challenge at first.
Or maybe continuously even it'sgetting in the ease and flow
(30:11):
with that challenge.
So when the pattern comes up,then you're like, okay, yeah,
let me reframe this and kind ofpush through that.
Yeah,
Kayla (30:23):
like how can I actually use this guilt to maybe help me
or like, how can I work with itrather than avoid it or reject
it in some way?
Lindsey (30:34):
Yes, yes.
And so that really makes, thatreminds me that I want to know.
How you work with mindset andthe body together.
Kayla (30:47):
Yeah.
So, um, a lot of what I do hasto do with the mindset has to do
with the energy, but all of thatis connected to the body as
well.
And it's, it's kind of, I guess,like depending on who you are,
it can be easy to get into ourhead.
(31:11):
To kind of go out of body and wedo this not just with the mind
But we also do this like withour emotions It's like easy to
go out of body but the changenever happens Outside of the
body.
So if you try to think or feel,if you're just trying to think
(31:32):
or feel your way out of aproblem or maybe into a new
result, you won't create thatlasting change.
Whereas if you learn how tobring it into the body and work
with the body, that's whenyou're actually becoming that
bridge,
Lindsey (31:48):
right?
Hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So then what does it look likekind of going a little bit
deeper to really connect thisspiritual practice or connecting
with your soul being in thisbody and using mindset?
Can you talk about that a littlebit deeper?
(32:08):
Mm
Kayla (32:09):
hmm.
So I'll use an example for that.
If somebody wanted to make moremoney or like achieve higher
levels of success within theircareer, they might think about
it.
They might daydream about it.
They might visualize about it.
They might even get like pen topaper and like maybe make a
vision board and all that kindof thing.
(32:30):
But if they don't know, Whatit's like to walk around as a
person who is maybe more wealthyor more successful if they don't
know how it feels, if they don'tknow how to hold their body in
that way, then the all that workthat they're doing within their
mindset isn't going to land,right?
(32:53):
So if a person wants to createthat lasting change, that's what
you have to practice.
That's that other piece, thatkind of emotionalizing and then
also patterning.
So actually moving the body,involving the body, you know,
getting yourself into rooms thatmaybe you'd perceive as like
more, more wealthy or moreluxurious and noticing how that
(33:17):
feels in your body.
Like some people, they, they'llsay that they want more money,
but you stick them in like afancy hotel or resort.
Every part of their somatic bodyand their energy body is just
vibrating, trying to get themout of there because they're
like, ah, you know, there's a,there's a disconnect.
(33:37):
And so when you learn to kind ofat your own pace, slowly
integrate those new experiencesinto the body, that's when you
can create lasting change.
Lindsey (33:48):
I'm so you used an example that actually that just
really resonates with me likebeing in a place that feels
above your experience of wealthor life and being like, Oh, I
want to be here and then gettingthere and being like, Oh, I'm
feel like I don't belong here.
(34:09):
And the way that the mind orthis part of the mind that wants
to keep you safe will tell thisstory.
Uh, this is not good, this,whatever, and, and judge it, and
really, then that's exactly whatyou said, then we're out of the
body.
Yeah.
Right?
(34:29):
The thing about being embodied,and I've heard you talk about
this, is so much just has to dowith feeling what the feeling
is, without trying to change it.
And I think that's maybe where alot of, where some people get
misdirected, again, is goingback to, okay, and now I, I
(34:51):
can't, either I can't feel this,it's too big, or if I feel this
and it doesn't feel good, I needto shift it.
Mm hmm.
And really, it's like getting inthere and just being like, all
right, this feels like shit, butI'm gonna, I'm gonna sit with
it.
Yeah.
And like stretch into it,because eventually.
(35:11):
It goes.
Kayla (35:13):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like what is this feeling?
Even if it's a not so goodfeeling What is it?
What is it teaching me?
What is it giving to me in thismoment?
Lindsey (35:23):
Yeah.
Yeah Mm hmm What what is itgiving to someone?
Is there something that usuallycomes up that you notice that it
is giving to a person if they'refeeling Bad in a situation.
Kayla (35:37):
Yeah.
So another like Example iscoming to mind Because a lot of
this I learned through My ownspiritual practice like a lot of
the things that I teach Wasbasically given to me or
explored through my ownspiritual practice.
And so if you're meditating andyou connect to say like a higher
(36:01):
vibrational spiritual being,like maybe it's like a guru or a
guide or God or angels orwhatever, when you connect to
that energy, if you feel thatyou are not worthy.
Of that experience or thatencounter, that interaction, the
(36:23):
mind will automatically kind oftaint it like almost paint it
black and make it into a scarything.
And I think this is where a lotof people stop when it comes to
spirituality and psychicdevelopment.
It's because there's that maybea lack of self worth or
whatever.
There's like this feeling oflike.
I am not worthy to have thisencounter and then it'll paint
(36:46):
it black and then they kind ofshut down and they'll close that
door.
And so that's the example that Ithink of in that moment.
So it's like if you're havingthat come up and you're feeling
like, Oh my gosh, I'm not worthyof this.
This is scaring me and the fearcomes in that that again becomes
a signal where you get to workwith it and be like, what part
(37:07):
of me?
Is so deeply afraid ofconnecting with God or my
guardian angels, or maybe mylost loved one and wants to turn
it into this like horrorHollywood movie experience,
rather than just opening up andbeing curious and surrendering
to whatever is coming through.
Lindsey (37:30):
Yeah.
So, over the last five years,how did you use your spiritual
practice to develop yourPsychic, psychism, and
eventually, when did you decidethat you wanted to offer it to
people?
Kayla (37:52):
So, you know, it's one of those things for me that's
always been there.
I actually got my first...
First oracle card deck when Iwas about eight years old and I
used that, you know, lookingback now I recognize that I was
using it as maybe a form of acoping mechanism.
(38:14):
I never did it as a, you know,for a planned outcome like to
maybe become more psychic or orto heal or whatever and like now
that I'm an adult, you know,maybe I use those kinds of
excuses for my Spiritualpractice, but when I'm willing
to actually encounter my shadowand really look at it, I was
(38:36):
using it as like a form ofcoping with sort of this feeling
of knowing that there'ssomething more out there and
trying to find my way to tappinginto.
That and so it started when Iwas young and then I was always
(38:57):
the The kid who would maybe likehave deja vu and it would happen
or like, you know Someone wouldpass away in the family and they
would come to me in the dreamslike that just had always
happened for me and then in myteenage years and up until about
I was 20.
It was kind of muted.
Like I didn't focus on that.
You know, it was obviouslyprioritizing other things,
(39:21):
social life and things like thatat that time.
But then once life started toslow down and I had my kids
because I had my first childwhen I was 21.
Um, once that started to happen.
That door started to open upagain and I started to get
involved in yoga was the firstthing and then through that I
(39:42):
was exploring Reiki, which atthe time I had no idea what it
was.
I went to a crystal shop and Isaw a flyer for Reiki and then
it just kind of kept popping upin my field and I had no idea
what it was.
I just signed up and We didmeditation that weekend, like we
spent the whole weekend inmeditation and that was the
(40:04):
first time I had ever done thatand it was at that moment after
we finished that first weekendthat my, let's just call it
extrasensory abilities startedto come online.
So I actually started to be ableto see energy and sense things
in a new way.
And, you know, that was myexperience.
(40:24):
It may not be everybody'sexperience when they do say like
a Reiki attunement, but that wasmy experience.
And then it just, I kept workingwith it and through working with
it and, um, playing with it, itgot stronger.
Lindsey (40:40):
Was the point when you became a mother, was that like,
do you feel that was a crucialturning point into this
expression?
Kayla (40:51):
Absolutely.
Yeah.
And again, I feel that it wascompletely divine because at the
time, I was feeling very sort oflike lost and confused with
life.
And I was with, who's now myhusband, a man who's five years
older than me.
And he was just veryindependent, very self assured.
(41:14):
He had his, his own things goingon.
And I was coming from a familyof like codependency.
I was, um, programmed withpeople pleasing and all that
kind of stuff.
And so when I would Be in thehome and I didn't have work.
You know, I was done work orwhatever.
And I'd be in the house bymyself.
(41:34):
I would have this like feelingof like, Oh, my gosh, you know,
this is like really confrontingbeing alone or whatever.
And I just I knew I had thissort of love and energy and
attention that I wanted to pourinto someone because I had that
patterning of not knowing how topour it into myself.
(41:56):
And so then I actually said aprayer one night and I remember
being like, if the timing isright and it's meant to be.
Please deliver me a baby and ithappened and and then from
there.
Yeah, it really was like a hugeTransformation within me because
then I was able to kind ofchannel that more repressed
(42:17):
energy of as a person Who's likea nurturer a giver?
I was able to pour it into mykids and now we're at this
moment where it's starting toturn and like come back full
circle and I'm starting to seethese moments where it's like,
oh, I actually need to like takesome of that and pour into me
too, right?
So, yeah, it's been a hugegrowth process having children.
Lindsey (42:39):
Yeah, yeah.
And You mentioned you're at thisturning point now where you pour
it back in to you.
What does that look like?
Kayla (42:49):
Yeah, so that has been huge because like I said so many
of my patterns and programmingum It has to do with looking
externally, putting otherpeople's needs before my own.
And I think a lot of women arelike that.
And I think systematically, likethrough the patriarchy, we've
been trained for that in a way.
(43:12):
And so really starting to, toconfront those patterns within
myself and like notice them andum, It's really come up a lot
for me in this past year becauseall three of my kids are now in
school They're all school agednow.
And so I have these momentswhere wow, I have the full day
(43:34):
You know Monday to Friday whereI have the privilege of being
able to design my day and dowhat I want to do And I would
find myself in those momentsSometimes not knowing what to
do, sometimes not knowing how toactually choose myself and how
in those moments of thinkingthat I'm choosing myself, like,
(43:57):
okay, I'm going to go do someexercise.
Okay, I'm going to go do somejournaling.
Okay, I'm going to book thiswith this client or whatever.
My mind and my patterning wouldautomatically kind of go into
these patterns of thinking ofother people and worrying about
other people.
And I had, I've really had toactively work on bringing it
(44:18):
back into me and like checkingin with myself and being like,
okay, what do you want?
What do you need?
And then even when I commit tosomething or decide to do
something, checking in again andbeing like, but is this really
what you want for you?
Or are you doing this?
For somebody else, right?
Lindsey (44:37):
Yes, yes.
Uh, I love that you said that.
For someone who identifies as apeople pleaser, and maybe
they're actually just realizingit now.
You're so right.
I think that it's huge formothers especially.
And we are kind of sold thatthat is the job.
(45:00):
And in some ways it is, but it'san act of devotion that also We
have to honor and devote toourselves.
How can someone begin to changethose patterns of people
pleasing?
Kayla (45:13):
Well, again, coming into acceptance, so not like
rejecting the idea or thinkingthat there's something wrong
with you, realizing that a lotof these Patterns are tied
together.
So like a person who's going todefault to people pleasing and
perfectionism and those kinds ofthings, usually they're going to
(45:39):
create bonds or partner up withpeople that are the opposite.
So I like to look at it asnervous system responses,
because that's usually like oneof the easier things to
identify.
So if you're a people pleaser,That's the FON response, you
know, always looking externallyover compensating over giving
(45:59):
over loving lacking boundariesAnd then with that there's also
the freeze response So to me FONresponse and freeze response
kind of tie together.
And so the freeze response isjust another form of like I
don't want to experiencewhatever it is.
I'm experiencing.
So I'm going to stop.
I'm going to stop it.
(46:19):
I'm going to avoid it.
I'm going to disassociate.
I'm going to numb out.
I'm going to try and cope withit.
And so those kinds of people,they're naturally going to
partner up or sync up or getinto dynamic with people who are
dropping into the fight responseor the flight response.
Right, so these are people forthe fight response.
(46:39):
They're always on the defense.
They're always on the go.
They're ready to kind of fightliterally and then flight is
like abandonment.
So right there, they're gonnabounce if they're feeling
uncomfortable If you'vetriggered them, they're out
there bounce like that's it,right?
and so what happens is we willlink up and then kind of create
this perpetual loop of likealways experiencing those same
(47:01):
ego wounds Over and over andover so once you start to
realize okay, you know what?
Yeah, i'm a people pleaser I'veidentified that within myself
But I also accept that as who Iam and i'm not going to put all
the fault on me because againThe fond person is going to take
responsibility for things thatare not theirs Don't take full
(47:23):
ownership realize that you'relikely and dynamic with other
people Or even just likeexternal situations that are
dropping you into that responseand it's normal to have triggers
It's normal to have nervoussystem responses.
Like, if we were meant to be allenlightened 100 percent of the
time, we wouldn't exist withinthis dimension right now.
(47:46):
So, accepting that phoneresponse, as it is, and using it
as signals to be like, Oh, I'mchoosing other people again.
Time to choose me.
Lindsey (47:56):
Yes, yes.
I'm so glad that you mentionedthat you said if, if we're
enlightened, we wouldn't be herebecause that's, that's so true.
And to frame things like thatfor me, and I hope that other
people hear it this way, justmeans that everything is a
lesson.
And we don't have to hyperidentify, even if I am.
(48:18):
And someone who identifies as apeople pleaser, alchemize it,
use it.
You don't have to sink into itand just be like, well, oh well,
that's me.
It's like, this is, this is whatI'm going to alchemize and turn
into the next evolution of who Iam.
(48:39):
Mm hmm.
And, and not hyper identifyingwith, with whatever it is.
Which is so, Easy to do,especially when we're living
unconsciously, like in, in lackof awareness.
It's really easy to identify aseverything outside of ourselves.
Kayla (49:01):
Yeah.
And, you know, another thingtoo, is it's like, You might
recognize that your typicalpattern of responses like people
pleasing and fond responses, butwe have all of them within us at
all times.
It's just that whatever is inyour external environment, you
know, whatever you're inrelationship with is actually
(49:24):
causing.
That, that pattern to takeplace.
So if you, if you change the waythat you relate to the external,
whether that's other people orjust the environment itself,
then your response patterns willall ultimately change.
And there's moments and seasonsof your life where, you know,
(49:45):
the fun response might berequired.
Also moments and seasons of yourlife where the fight response.
Might be required and like indifferent relationships, too.
So they're not bad things.
They're things that you can workwith.
And I think, yeah, the gatewayto that is through awareness.
Lindsey (50:04):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I want to tie this up with usingthese tools, but also trusting
the flow of life.
What does trusting the flow oflife look like to you?
Kayla (50:20):
So trusting the flow of life would be allowing creation
to happen.
The opposite of that is theresistance, and that's where the
controlling comes in.
And a lot of times, life has agreater and bigger plan than
(50:40):
what we could ever imagine.
Like if you would have showed meor told me, say, seven years ago
that this is what I would bedoing and that this is what my
life would look like, I would, Iprobably wouldn't even know what
to say.
I think a lot of me would beamazed, like a big parts of me
would be amazed.
(51:01):
And then also very curious as tohow this unfolded.
And.
I think that that's a big pieceis just allowing life to happen
instead of trying to control itin some way.
Lindsey (51:18):
Yeah, you mentioned Michael Singer at the top and
that's I, I always like to askpeople about trusting the flow
of life because of his book, TheSurrender Experiment.
I'm not sure if you've read it,but I actually haven't read that
one.
It's, it's life changing to, tocome at life with this idea
that.
There is something that wants tobe created through me, and
(51:42):
there's creation happening allaround, and I don't have to have
the map, necessarily.
And I think that's reallyimportant for manifestation and
just for healing.
Healing ourselves is that Idon't have to have the map, I
can respond to what comes in andgo from there and trust those
(52:05):
little pings along the way thatsay move across the country.
Kayla (52:10):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
And yeah, knowing that that thatcan lead you to all kinds of
places and open new doors andallow you to experience things
that you didn't even know werepossible for you.
Lindsey (52:25):
Yeah.
So we always end with.
Well, two, two questions that weend with one is, is there a
starting over that you can feellike percolating for you right
now?
Kayla (52:40):
Yeah, the one that's really percolating a lot.
I kind of touched on it is likerelationships starting over with
relationships because it's onceyou, um, identify certain
patterns within yourself thatyou recognize, okay, this is not
serving me.
I want to change these patternsand create something new.
I want to start over in thisway.
(53:02):
You have to learn how to likerelate to others in a new way.
So for me Starting over inrelationships is the key for me
because I know that's going toimpact my own self image And
ultimately allow me to get towhere I want to be and
experience the things that Iwant to experience
Lindsey (53:21):
Hmm.
And is there something specificthat you're doing right now to
start over in relationships?
It's
Kayla (53:28):
really subtle and just like constant tiny baby steps in
conversation with other people.
Noticing those moments whenother people are actually trying
to maybe project guilt.
And shame on to me because as aperson who kind of defaults to
(53:49):
fond response and has thosepeople pleasing behaviors
normally, like as an empath, I'mjust going to take whatever
you're projecting onto me andlike, make it something I need
to fix or make it somethingabout me.
And so I've actually just beenreally practicing noticing when
people are projecting guilt andshame on to me.
It's like, Oh.
(54:11):
Wow, they just, they feel badabout this and in this
conversation with me, they'reactually trying to make me feel
bad and it has nothing to dowith me, so I'm actually going
to reject that projection.
I'm not going to accept it.
It's not going to enter myfield.
And just those tiny little babysteps or like and then went in
(54:31):
that moment kind of maybestanding up for myself in the
conversation or saying, Oh, Idisagree or no, I'm not okay
with that, you know, settingthose little boundaries, but the
baby steps towards that.
That's how I'm kind of bringingit about in my life.
Lindsey (54:48):
That's so perfect.
Yeah.
Is there a book that you areloving right now or?
Maybe just one that yourecommend to everyone
Kayla (54:59):
Yeah, do you know what I've been like if you've been on
my Instagram stories, and I knowthis is gonna air later but I
I've been talking a lot aboutthis book called when God was a
woman by Merlin Stone.
And, um, this is actually, it'sa really great book for anybody
(55:19):
who's interested in learningmore about the goddess, the
divine feminine, if you want toget more in touch with maybe
divine feminine practices andlike just that idea of actually
accepting who you are, not justlike the great things, but also
the shadows, Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
(55:39):
And, and also understandingwhere in ancient history, things
changed from worshiping thegoddess, which was actually
very, very prevalent thousandsof years ago to actually
creating this tradition.
Thank you.
Only male, uh, figure of God andlike all the patrilineal
(56:03):
Structures that followed thatand systems that followed that
that we're now seeing themchange dissolve shift All of
that crumble some of them evenright and collapse and so All of
that external stuff createschange within us, and I think
that that book, it's actually,it was ahead of its time because
(56:23):
it was written in 1975, and ifyou try to find it on Amazon,
it's actually, it's, it's alittle bit hard to find.
Sometimes you'll have to gothrough the used section and try
to find a used one, but it's,it's such a good read because
the author Is, um, she studiedarcheology and ancient art and
(56:43):
she used that to just create avery great presentation of how
things have unfolded and not ina way that's like overly
feminism, like, you know, kindof bashing down the masculine.
It's not that at all.
It's like very objective, veryfactual, but then also revealing
(57:05):
kind of like these spiritualtruths that we all know within,
right?
I want to read it.
Yeah.
Yeah, you should read it.
It's really good I was actuallyI was pulling cards for myself
this morning And the card thatcame through was um, I was
pulling from the divine feminineoracle And the card that came
through was lala the saint ofspoken words and In there, when
(57:27):
you read the guidebook, itspeaks about the idol, sort of
like God, or whatever you wantto, um, imagine there.
And then the temple.
And so you could think of, like,the idol as maybe like the more
masculine or, um, embodied form,material form of the energy.
(57:49):
And then the temple itself isthe feminine.
And the way I like to look atit...
Now is it's like, we've beenoperating with this kind of male
idol visualization of, of God,and also like how, how
everything's supposed to look aswe worship, maybe that male God,
(58:10):
but without that temple, right,without that sense of, of
safety.
And that's the feminine.
And I think with us.
Rejecting and oppressing andsuppressing the feminine, it's
created so much trauma withinour collective psyche because
it's like, if I sin, I'm, I'mnot accepted.
(58:32):
I'm rejected.
I am bad.
I'm not worthy.
And the feminine loves us withall our flaws.
You know, even if all of societyrejects us.
We still have that temple withinthe feminine that welcomes us in
with all of our shadows, right?
And I think that that's, like,the missing link.
So, for me, it's been a reallytransformative read that I
(58:54):
highly recommend.
Lindsey (58:55):
This is, it reminds me of something that you said to me
a few months back about moving,like, transitioning from this
maiden.
Energy like into matriarch.
Yeah.
And, and that is divinefeminine.
And I mean, really a lot of workthat we're like personal
development work that we'redoing here on earth is due to us
(59:17):
being stuck because of thousandsof years of trauma being stuck
like in that.
Maiden and and projecting thatout that like, oh i'm i'm
forever this Exactly.
This maiden.
And we need those rites ofpassage to move, to like, ascend
into the next
Kayla (59:34):
level.
Absolutely.
Like, we're seeing it so muchreflected in social media, so
much around healing and traumaand anxiety.
And it's like, but where doesall this come from?
And when you read about booksabout ancient history, it's
like, They did encounter trauma.
Absolutely.
But they didn't have to kind oflike go through the steps of
(59:57):
maybe like healing it becauseUm, it was different times back
then, you know, the the woundsand trauma were accepted, you
know And they were integratedwhereas now it's like there's
something wrong with me And sonow I think that that's what
we're learning how to do
Lindsey (01:00:14):
Right.
Yeah fix fix change changeversus integrate And use
whatever the pain or the woundis.
Mm hmm.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, I love it.
Yeah.
So tell us how people can findyou.
Kayla (01:00:32):
Okay, so go check out the Pathway to Paradise podcast.
You can find that on Spotify oron iTunes or any other major
podcasting platforms.
Um, you can also go follow me onInstagram, pathway2.
paradise and Maybe we'll put alink in the show notes for my
Facebook group.
I've got a free Facebook groupand I go in there and I do live
(01:00:55):
readings and drop some kind ofspiritual teachings and things
like that in there every once ina while.
Lindsey (01:01:00):
Amazing.
Yeah, we'll put everything inthe show notes, the books we
talked about, the, the freebiethat you have.
I'll find that scale.
We'll put it all.
It'll be a lengthy show noteswith everything everyone needs
to know because I know they'regoing to want all this
information.
Perfect.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, thanks so much.
(01:01:22):
This has been great.
Thank
Kayla (01:01:24):
you so much, Lindsay.
I've enjoyed this so much.
So honored
Lindsey (01:01:27):
to be on your show.
I feel like we could do a, anentire.
second episode that's just aboutDivine feminine and healing
Kayla (01:01:34):
that oh, I would love to absolutely we did talk a lot
about mindset in today's episodeSo I do have a really easy and
simple five page guidebook It'scalled the mindset makeover
guidebook and we could put alink for that in the show notes
But that would be a great placefor people to start if they want
(01:01:55):
to explore Maybe my perspectiveand some little beliefs.
These are just prompts, so it'sjust a guidebook of prompts,
different mindset prompts thatencourage you to think and
believe differently.
So that's something that I wouldlove to share with your
audience.
And other than that, I, I thinkwe're all
Lindsey (01:02:14):
set.
Cool.
Amazing.
All right.
Thank you.
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