December 17, 2024 • 29 mins
In this episode of the Captivate the Mic podcast, host Elaine Williams welcomes transformational guide Dr. Jen Casper. Dr. Jen shares her deeply personal journey through a series of challenging relationships— from short-lived marriages to living with a narcissist. Through these trials, one theme emerged: her need to truly love and value herself. By learning to honor her own worth, Dr. Jen discovered the key to attracting a healthy, relationship—one that exceeded her dreams.
Elaine and Dr. Jen discuss the importance of storytelling: how recounting our lives with and vulnerability can not only help us heal, but also inspire others to grow. They talk about the delicate process of refining a story for different contexts, the power of emotional resonance, and the importance of compassion toward oneself during the journey of personal transformation.
What You’ll Learn:
•How self-love acts as the foundation for attracting healthier relationships.
•Ways to break free from harmful relationship patterns.
•The importance of learning and integrating lessons from each relationship to move closer to what you desire.
•Tips on refining personal stories for maximum impact and emotional connection—whether you’re sharing as a guest on a podcast or telling your story on stage.
•Why storytelling is a timeless tool for healing, personal growth, and inspiring positive change in others.
Takeaways:
•Self-Worth Comes First: You can’t fully accept love from someone else until you genuinely love and understand yourself.
•Boundaries and Discernment: Learning to recognize red flags and trusting your inner voice will help guide you toward healthier connections.
•Storytelling as a Healer: Sharing your story can foster deeper connections, help others feel less alone, and strengthen your own sense of purpose.
•Continuous Evolution: Your personal narrative will evolve as you grow. Be willing to revisit and refine the way you present your story.
Action Steps:
•Reflect on the patterns in your past relationships. What recurring lessons can you identify?
•Practice self-love daily by journaling about what truly matters to you.
•If you’re sharing your story, consider where you can tighten the narrative to keep listeners engaged and emotionally invested.
Dr. Jen Casper is a “doctor of soulful transformations” dedicated to helping clients identify and shift limiting beliefs and patterns. Learn more about her: JenCasper.com.
Connect with Elaine Williams:
•Website: CaptivateTheCrowd.com
•YouTube: Captivate The Crowd
•Instagram: @elainewilliamsfun
Support the Show:
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Connect with your Host, Elaine Williams:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:18):
it's Elaine Williams here, andI'm really happy that you are
here and tuning in.
This is a really cool.
Conversation.
I had with doctor, Jen Casper,who is a metaphysical coach
guide.
She does many things, and thisis her story.
Of the self-love and thehealing.
(00:39):
That she had to do.
In order to attract healthy loveand the love of her life.
And she rambles a little bit,and then I give her some very
cool.
Coaching after.
If you've ever worried, if yourstory was a little rambly or how
to tighten something.
up, but still keep the power ofit.
(01:00):
This is a great episode.
It's one of my favorite thingsis to help tighten.
Stories up.
Please enjoy.
And if you love this, please.
Subscribe rate, review and sharebecause.
My mission.
One is to help heal the worldwith love and laughter.
After one story.
story.
one episode.
One talk at a time.
(01:22):
And you're part of that.
I'm so happy.
happy.
that.
We're connected.
Please.
Please.
enjoy and.
I hope to see you on the stage.
And screen soon.
Hi everybody.
I am so excited and delightedwith my guest today.
Welcome to the Captivate the Micpodcast, Elaine Williams.
We help you get better with yourpublic speaking, your podcast
(01:43):
guesting, and being confident oncamera and all the things.
And my guest today is Dr.
Jen Casper.
Dr.
Jen, thank you so much for beinghere.
Thank you for having me.
I appreciate this opportunity.
Yeah.
I'm so delighted.
And thank you, Dr.
Jin, we were just having aconversation before we started
(02:04):
the recording and I was tellingher like all the things that are
going on.
And so Dr.
Jin do you want to just say alittle bit to the listeners
about some of the work that youdo?
Sure.
Sure.
I am a doctor of soulfultransformations.
I help people transform theirbeliefs, their mindsets, their
(02:27):
life.
I am so grateful to be here.
It's really exciting.
Oh, thank you.
It's, I don't know about you.
I love transformation.
I love coaching.
I love personal development andI'm very clear.
I had not done the landmarkforum in November of 97 and had
a huge spiritual awakening andwas able to start to forgive.
(02:51):
I knew I needed tointellectually, but I did not
know how I could, I was, and soI had this huge awakening and
then I was like, Oh my God, Iwant more of this.
And I'm so grateful.
And at the same time, I've alsohad my heart broken by coaches
mentors who didn't keep theirword.
(03:11):
The personal development field,like any industry has good and
bad people, has good people thathave lost their way and, so this
is, just, I feel like you and I.
We are both so committed tomaking a difference with our
stories and the work that we do.
And sometimes the work that wedo is to help people have the
(03:34):
courage to come back and do morework.
I haven't really talked aboutthis, but clearly this is just
bubbling up for me as I have hadmy heart broken by people who I
thought really cared about meand my business who lied or who
took my money and ran.
(03:54):
And then I've come back andsaid, okay, what's the lesson
here?
Because the common denominatoris me, right?
If this keeps happening, okay,what am I supposed to learn
here?
Oh, practice more discernment.
Maybe do more research.
Maybe yes.
I want to sign up, but maybewait for a week.
There's, We can always dosomething to change the pattern
(04:15):
that we're in if we rememberthat we have choice.
And sometimes, it's so hardbecause we don't remember we
have choice.
Or maybe I'm the only one, butanyway I love that you do this
work.
I think so many times we feelstuck and it's really the
patterns and the habits.
And the triggers and how do youbreak those sometimes, and all
(04:39):
that being said, Dr.
Jin, I would love if you couldshare, how you came to the work,
how you created.
This amazing partner.
So many women I know have doneso much work and done all the
things and they're stillyearning for a true partner.
Tell us the story.
In 2010, I had met my secondhusband and I learned many
(05:15):
lessons within meeting him.
Opening my business was one ofthem.
But.
I met, married, and divorced himin less than two years.
Shortly after I, I left him, Ihad a dream.
I had a dream about a man.
And I'm walking along thestreet, and I pass him.
(05:37):
And when I pass him, I feel allthis love.
I'm talking like heaven.
I'm talking like So much lovethat like the tears, it's very
emotional.
And beside me is my guardianangel.
And I said, who was that?
My guardian angel says, he'ssomeone you're going to meet.
I said, soon.
And my guardian angel said, verysoon.
(05:58):
And I said, that's great.
What do I got to do?
And my guardian angel said,just.
Soon.
You'll meet him in the perfecttiming.
When I woke up from that dream,I decided it was my mission to
go find this man.
I interviewed men for years.
I interviewed some of the Not sogood.
(06:20):
I've interviewed some that werepotential, but none of them
actually fit the bill.
So I met a man and we'll callhim Texan and I was with Texan
for seven years and I thought Ihad met the man that was in my
dreams.
I mean I had spent I spentweeks, months, Eileen, tracing
(06:42):
this man's face with myfingertips in a meditation that
I created.
And I'd sit on the man's lap andI would trace his face with my
fingers as if I was a blindperson so that I knew when I met
him, I would recognize him.
So I had the Texan for sevenyears.
And one night within that sevenyears, I heard the clock
(07:04):
ticking.
And in my previousrelationships, that let me know
that the relationship was aboutto end.
I didn't know when, but I wouldbe able to feel that the
relationship had ended.
I closed 2019 by letting go ofthe Texan.
January 1st, I sat God down andI said, God, I'm ready.
I want to meet the man I dreamtof.
(07:26):
I want to feel that love that Iknow exists.
Now, God said to me, Jen, areyou sure?
Now this should be you.
A red flag to anybody.
Okay, because if God says, areyou sure that you wanted to go
on this journey?
Okay, and God is trying to grabyour attention.
(07:49):
One would take a pause, but no,I signed up for the full tour.
Okay.
I said, yes, of course I am 100percent ready.
That's it.
Okay.
Within a matter of less thanthree weeks, I met a man that
we're going to call Beetlejuice.
He was a narcissist.
And I didn't know it at thetime.
I just thought he was, like, Ihad never been treated so well.
(08:10):
And when I say the man knew thatI liked Snappilies teas.
Okay, and in the first coupledates that we had, he'd bring
this Snapple iced tea that hehad purchased at a convenience
store for me.
And in my belief system, thiswas, I had never had to buy
anything from him.
It's an iced tea.
Okay, 1.
50 at your local conveniencestore, okay, and I am ecstatic
(08:33):
because a man thought toremember the kind of iced tea I
liked and brought that on ourdates.
My vision of myself and what Iwas worthy of was so minimal
that a 1.
50 Snapple iced tea lit me up.
It's the thought too.
It's the thought and the gestureand the time, but I get it.
(08:53):
Yes.
So it's bigger than a crumb.
It's bigger than a crumb, butit's not like the Taj Mahal.
So in a very short period oftime of less than a month, I
ended up moving in with a man.
We were both, I was living withmy sister and he was living with
his dad.
And so I thought it'd be a greatidea.
We'll get a place togetherbecause I thought I was in a
relationship with Beetlejuice.
(09:16):
I was.
Everything but.
I was his mom, I was hissecretary, I was his travel
agent, I was his caretaker, Iwas his housekeeper, I paid his
bills, I did everything but Iwas not considered his
girlfriend in his mind.
So for 15 months it was thelongest 15 months of my life.
(09:38):
The lessons that I learned hebroke me in places I didn't
realize existed.
Can I ask you how long it took,like within days you were like,
Oh, or was it weeks or months?
It was from the moment I met himto the moment I realized that I
had made a mistake.
(09:58):
It was six weeks.
Okay.
The day that we had signed ouryear lease was the day that
everything fell apart.
And I had gone to my mom's.
Okay.
And we hadn't moved stuff in thehouse yet, but I had signed the
lease.
I was committed.
And I said, I think I made thebiggest mistake of my life.
She said that I'd be that bad.
(10:20):
I said no, I really think thisone's going to hurt this one.
Over the course of those 15months, my first husband and I
are very close.
We have three kids together.
And he had helped me out and hetook me aside and he said, Jen,
do you know what you're doing?
He says, cause I'm actuallyreally concerned for you.
I'm scared for you.
And I said, I appreciate yourconcern for me.
(10:41):
I promise you the kids are welland fine.
I'm going to learn this lessonso well that I never ever have
to do it again.
And he patted me on the knee andhe said, Jen, I just want you to
remember that death ispermanent.
And he says, just to, so youknow I'm really afraid for you.
And I said I got this.
(11:02):
My, my parents and my sisteractually separated from me
because they couldn't help me.
Where I was something that I hadto do, and I had to get myself
out of it.
I put myself there.
It was a really bad morning.
It was in July.
And I took my shower to getready for my day.
And as the water started to comeout of the shower spigot, I I
(11:25):
called on God and I started tocry crocodile tears.
The nasty crying where it's thenose is a mess.
And I said how do I stop this?
How do, how, what lesson am Isupposed to learn right now that
I can get out of this situation?
And God said, love yourself.
(11:47):
I said, tears are gone.
And I said, you mean to tell methe only thing I need to do is
love myself.
And this all changes.
God said, yeah, you loveyourself more than anybody else
can.
And he will go away.
I showered.
I got dressed.
(12:09):
I had spark in my life that Ihaven't had in my life in
Decades.
And I decided to learn how tolove myself.
So this became a full time job,this isn't just read a book, and
then just go on with life.
No.
This was a full time job.
I asked myself, what do youlike?
What do you like to eat?
What do you like to do?
(12:29):
What haven't you done?
What is on your bucket list?
I sat with a shadow book journaland I looked at life a whole new
way.
Now, I still had the narcissist.
Beetlejuice was still livingwith me.
He was living in a separateroom.
And he still was trying to dohis antics.
And the more that I lovedmyself, the less power he had
(12:49):
over me.
The more that I loved myself,the more my business grew.
The more that I loved myself,The happier I was, and it didn't
matter the people that werearound me that were unhappy and
miserable because I was lovingmyself.
It took me about six weeks, itwas August 10th of 2021.
(13:14):
I was at my computer and Godwhispered in my ear for me to
check Facebook.
Okay, so I go over and I checkFacebook and then God says, I
want you to look at your friendrequest.
Now I'm confused because there'sno, there's usually an icon or
there's a number or somethingwith you if you have friend
requests and I didn't have any.
(13:34):
So then God said, look at yourfriend's suggestion.
In my friend's suggestions was aman named Josh.
And so I said, okay, so nowwhat?
God says, befriend him.
So I did.
And I closed it out and I wentback to doing what I was doing.
And within eight minutes.
My friend request was accepted.
(13:55):
The moment that friend requestwas accepted, that love drunk
that they tell you about, whereyour head is like all foggy and
just you're like wobbly, likethe energy within me shifted and
I literally just felt a wrinklein time.
There's something happening thatI really need to pay attention
(14:15):
to.
And we started talking back andforth for a little bit.
And I really liked this guy.
So it took us a little bit aboutthree or four days, and I met
him.
And when he got in my car, myfirst thought was, so this here,
This is what you look like.
And so we dated for a very shortperiod of time and we got
(14:36):
engaged.
My relationship with Josh isvery amazing, but the reason why
it's so amazing is because Iworked on myself and I loved
myself and I created boundariesand I learned about myself.
Because I manifested the lifelessons of the husbands that I
had, it prepared me for havingthis.
(14:58):
Amazing relationship with myhusband.
I love myself more than enoughand because I love myself more
than enough, I can love him andI can feel the love that he has
for me because he loves himselfThe transformation part of it is
the fact that I had to learn whoI was in order to be able to
(15:21):
show up into the relationship.
To be in the place that I amwith him.
And how long have you guys beentogether?
We met in 2021.
We just celebrated our two yearanniversary in August.
Cool.
Awesome, and he's supportive andwonderful and all of it all of
(15:42):
the things all the things Thedream that I had, he's even more
amazing than the man that Idreamt.
He is truly a mirror image ofwho I am.
Everyone that I had met before,all the men that I had
interviewed before meeting him,were a mirror image of what I
(16:03):
lacked within myself.
They couldn't commit to mebecause I didn't commit to me.
I didn't even know who I was.
I had a name, okay, someone gaveme that name, and I fulfilled
everybody else's promisesbecause I was in people pleasing
mode, and since then I've goneinto people pleasing recovery,
and I have learned how to listento myself closer, and when
(16:26):
there's red flags, pay attentionto those red flags.
But the transformation part isactually about really doing the
inner work and listening to selfand recognizing that you're
constantly changing.
You're constantly shifting outof who you were and into who you
are to become.
I love it.
(16:47):
I love it.
Yay.
Dr.
Jen.
Awesome.
Thank you so much for thatstory.
Is it okay if I give you alittle feedback, please?
Okay.
And for everybody listening,like you want to have versions
of your story, right?
Because sometimes you're on apodcast and you need to have a
(17:07):
five minute version.
And sometimes if you're leadingyour own workshop, you have more
wiggle room.
And but, and I think of storiesis I'm on the train, I'm with
you, we're on the train.
And then if some detail,sometimes I'm like wait, I'm off
the train.
I, this detail, wait, what?
It's like when you're telling ajoke, you want, you need the
(17:27):
audience to be on the train withyou so that they can do the
punch.
And so when you said I had thisimage of me sitting on the guy's
lap, tracing his face.
I don't know, for me, that waslike, okay, it just was a little
woo.
So maybe.
Either cut that or set it updifferently.
(17:48):
Just suggestions, right?
And then when you said I met theguy, met, married and divorced
the guy in two years, so thatwas not the narcissist no.
Okay.
So when we're telling a story,every little thing is that an
important piece of information?
(18:08):
What's the point of that?
Is that you got the lessonquicker?
So you met, married, divorcedthe guy two years, so that's 24
months, right?
And then the narcissist guy was15 months.
So maybe if you have time for alonger story, you keep that in
the two year guy and then theBeetlejuice guy.
(18:29):
However, if you have shortenedtime, like my mind is going
which guy was this?
It's Beetlejuice, the two yearguy or is Beetlejuice the, so
just so I would take the twoyear guy out unless it's really
important to the, that thepattern you were still learning
this, you were learning thelessons and you were getting
them quicker.
(18:50):
I think that's what you weretrying to say.
And then you're with theBeetlejuice guy.
So did you start connecting withJosh while you're still with the
Beetlejuice guy?
I wasn't clear on thattransition.
Sometimes we give details thatwe don't necessarily need to
give.
Because we want people on thetrain, with us, the whole time
rooting.
(19:11):
If you were going to do ashorter version of that story,
like I was married, blah, blah,blah, and I still kept, picking
not the right guy.
And then, every woman I know hasdated a narcissist, thank God
we're talking about it more.
Anyway, the whole key is you'vehad all these lessons and the
(19:32):
biggest lesson was if you wantto attract the life of your
dreams, you got to love yourselffirst.
And how exactly, when you hearthe, the sign like love
yourself.
Okay, great.
What the heck does that exactlymean?
it's a process, right?
And for a lot of us, it's a verychallenging process.
(19:52):
Especially if we focus on otherpeople and their whole lives and
recovering people, pleaser.
And then the other thing is Doyou have a guardian angel and
God, is it two different voices?
Could it be the same voice justfor the sake of the story?
Just like something to thinkabout, right?
Because my brain goes, oh,guardian angel.
Oh God.
(20:13):
Okay.
How many voices are there?
And maybe there's some clarity,or for the sake of artistic
license, for the sake of thisstory, maybe we make them one
entity.
Does that make sense?
Yes.
And that's okay, it's obviouslyany story we tell, we need to be
emotionally connected to it, itneeds to be ours to tell, and
(20:36):
there's poetic license.
Artistic license for the sake ofthis story, right?
Because the sake of the story isnot yay, I have a perfect life.
It's no, let me tell you myjourney.
I kept picking the wrong men.
there was the ex-husband andthen there was the seven year,
there was the Texas guy, andthen there was the two year guy.
(20:58):
And so, maybe we tighten up theTexans part of it, but we we can
make it shorter, right?
You've got the less than sevenyears, then it was two years, it
was 15 months.
That's really the heart of it.
We're talking about the pattern,right?
Yes.
So I feel like that is some waysyou could tweak and tighten it
(21:19):
up.
And then, cause when you'retelling a story, especially
interview style podcast, it'salmost better if you can tell
this powerful story and thenhave people go, I want to ask
questions.
Or that's so inspiring.
What else did you learn?
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
So does that make sense, Jen?
(21:40):
It makes perfect sense.
Thank you for all of your tips.
I like it.
Yeah.
I think of storytelling.
It's like we have this beautifulpot of stew, vegetable base,
chicken base, however you likeyour stew.
And then we add a bunch ofstuff.
And it's simmering and we stirit and then we put it on the
back burner and then we go dothings and we come back and we
(22:01):
check on it.
Oh, it needs a little bit moresalt.
Oh wait, let's put some basil.
Let's put some, and ideally thestory comes out slightly
different every time cause it'scoming from your heart.
There's nothing I hate more.
And then seeing a polished,canned.
Story that's been overrehearsed.
You can see some of the Tedtalks.
(22:22):
You're like, Oh gosh, this wasso over rehearsed, right?
A lot of them aren't, butthere's a few.
So I would rather you speak fromyour heart like you did and have
it be a little bit messy orstumbling, but coming from your
heart than quaffed thing thatdoesn't land because memory is
(22:44):
information plus emotion.
That equals long term memory andI'll give you an example.
I had lunch with this womanprobably a year ago and we met
through a mutual friend.
We were just getting to knoweach other and she shared this
story how they were in Thailand.
They had two kids.
They wanted to adopt this otherkid, but Thailand has all these
(23:08):
weird rules.
Anyway, they're literallyLeaving to get on the plane and
there's crazy traffic and herhusband jumps on one of those
like motorcycle courier guysIt's like I'm gonna go get the
paper So to go get the paper andlike he did it He made it back
in time to get on the plane sothey could take the guy she told
(23:29):
me that story a year ago, but Iremember it and I just saw her
last week.
I said, I think about yourhusband jumping on the back of
that motorbike because you hadto get the paper from the
embassy in order to bring theboy that you were adopting to
America.
And it stayed with me becauseit's moving and it's, so we
(23:51):
remember things that move us.
And so ideally every story wetell.
Is educational, inspiring,motivating, transformational,
all of the above, hopefully, butat least a couple of those.
Right.
Yeah I just, I love stories.
That's how we learn, it's how wewere telling stories in the cave
(24:14):
before there was written word.
It is one of the most humanthings we can do, and we're
recording this in November.
Last week was the election and.
Half of the country is happy andhalf of the country is sad and
we're all still processing,we're all unclenching.
(24:37):
And one of the things I'mreminded of for the millionth
time is the power of story.
And, the Democratics went hardfor TV ads and the Republicans.
Shows to go totally differentplatforms, podcasts.
(24:59):
So a TV ad saw a few million andthe Joe Rogan podcast, 45
million views.
I'm not trying to be political.
I'm just trying to talk aboutthe power of platforms, the
power of storytelling and it'san exciting and overwhelming,
time.
(25:20):
And story will always be here.
Anyway, but thank you so much.
That inspires me so many womenthat I know, I didn't realize
Dr.
Jen.
I picked narcissist for years.
And I think the thing that savedme was I was so busy doing my
(25:41):
own thing.
I didn't totally surrender allof my life until I met the
Australian and I was in thishuge transition.
I'm quitting my corporatetraining job and going full time
as a coach.
And so he caught me at a timewhen I had, I was more available
(26:05):
than I ever had been.
And I chose to continue beingavailable because I was so swept
away by this man.
And then six months in, myfriends started getting worried
and all of a sudden he startedgetting really critical.
He had been so adoring, he hadlove bombed me.
I didn't know what any of thatwas.
(26:27):
I am very auditory.
And so talking on the phoneevery night for hours, it became
like a drug for me.
And having somebody adore me andtell me I could do it when I was
so terrified to quit mycorporate gig, I needed that, he
fulfilled this need.
(26:47):
And then he tried to break upwith me over a text and I said,
I don't accept this, but I wasdevastated, Jen, and I think it
has actually taken me years toget over this one.
Still learning, stillprocessing, still learning how
to love myself, right?
(27:08):
It's a journey.
You don't just go, okay, Godsaid, love yourself Elaine.
All good.
All right.
Like it's unraveling patterns,right?
It's undoing patterns.
It's lifting off the layers.
It's looking at the things we'veinherited that aren't ours.
It's looking at the things insociety that we're like, Oh,
that's not mine.
(27:29):
Okay.
Oh, I was born into that.
You know what?
You can have it.
Take it back.
Thank you.
You know what?
You can take this back too.
Oh, I need to be a size four tobe lovable.
Yeah.
I I've given up on that oneThere's so much.
Thank you so much, Dr.
Jen.
Tell us if people want to knowmore about you and your work,
(27:50):
how can they find you?
You can find me at JenCasper.
com.
I do workshops, I do retreats, Ido classes that are online.
You can come and hang out withme.
We can do private one on onesessions in order to give you
the transformation that you'relooking for.
And it's J E N C A S P E R.
(28:14):
com for anyone who's driving andcan't write it down.
Jen Casper, like Casper, theghost.
So thank you so much for comingand sharing your story and being
courageous enough to receivecoaching like, whoa.
And for anybody listening,please share this podcast rate,
(28:34):
review, subscribe.
Love it.
It's going to be on my YouTubecaptivate the crowd.
It's going to be on Apple,Spotify, all the things.
Please share it, rate, review,subscribe, because that's how we
grow.
My mission is to help heal theworld.
One story, one video, onepodcast, one joke at a time.
And I need a whole crew ofpeople to help me do it.
(28:57):
Please help spread the word.
Thank you so much.
Dr.
Jen.
And we'll see everybody Soon, Ihope to see you on the screen or
the stage very soon.
Bye everybody.
it's Elaine Williams here, andI'm really happy that you are
here and tuning in.
This is a really cool.
Conversation.
I had with doctor, Jen Casper,who is a metaphysical coach
guide.
She does many things, and thisis her story.
Of the self-love and thehealing.
(00:39):
That she had to do.
In order to attract healthy loveand the love of her life.
And she rambles a little bit,and then I give her some very
cool.
Coaching after.
If you've ever worried, if yourstory was a little rambly or how
to tighten something.
up, but still keep the power ofit.
(01:00):
This is a great episode.
It's one of my favorite thingsis to help tighten.
Stories up.
Please enjoy.
And if you love this, please.
Subscribe rate, review and sharebecause.
My mission.
One is to help heal the worldwith love and laughter.
After one story.
story.
one episode.
One talk at a time.
(01:22):
And you're part of that.
I'm so happy.
happy.
that.
We're connected.
Please.
Please.
enjoy and.
I hope to see you on the stage.
And screen soon.
Hi everybody.
I am so excited and delightedwith my guest today.
Welcome to the Captivate the Micpodcast, Elaine Williams.
We help you get better with yourpublic speaking, your podcast
(01:43):
guesting, and being confident oncamera and all the things.
And my guest today is Dr.
Jen Casper.
Dr.
Jen, thank you so much for beinghere.
Thank you for having me.
I appreciate this opportunity.
Yeah.
I'm so delighted.
And thank you, Dr.
Jin, we were just having aconversation before we started
(02:04):
the recording and I was tellingher like all the things that are
going on.
And so Dr.
Jin do you want to just say alittle bit to the listeners
about some of the work that youdo?
Sure.
Sure.
I am a doctor of soulfultransformations.
I help people transform theirbeliefs, their mindsets, their
(02:27):
life.
I am so grateful to be here.
It's really exciting.
Oh, thank you.
It's, I don't know about you.
I love transformation.
I love coaching.
I love personal development andI'm very clear.
I had not done the landmarkforum in November of 97 and had
a huge spiritual awakening andwas able to start to forgive.
(02:51):
I knew I needed tointellectually, but I did not
know how I could, I was, and soI had this huge awakening and
then I was like, Oh my God, Iwant more of this.
And I'm so grateful.
And at the same time, I've alsohad my heart broken by coaches
mentors who didn't keep theirword.
(03:11):
The personal development field,like any industry has good and
bad people, has good people thathave lost their way and, so this
is, just, I feel like you and I.
We are both so committed tomaking a difference with our
stories and the work that we do.
And sometimes the work that wedo is to help people have the
(03:34):
courage to come back and do morework.
I haven't really talked aboutthis, but clearly this is just
bubbling up for me as I have hadmy heart broken by people who I
thought really cared about meand my business who lied or who
took my money and ran.
(03:54):
And then I've come back andsaid, okay, what's the lesson
here?
Because the common denominatoris me, right?
If this keeps happening, okay,what am I supposed to learn
here?
Oh, practice more discernment.
Maybe do more research.
Maybe yes.
I want to sign up, but maybewait for a week.
There's, We can always dosomething to change the pattern
(04:15):
that we're in if we rememberthat we have choice.
And sometimes, it's so hardbecause we don't remember we
have choice.
Or maybe I'm the only one, butanyway I love that you do this
work.
I think so many times we feelstuck and it's really the
patterns and the habits.
And the triggers and how do youbreak those sometimes, and all
(04:39):
that being said, Dr.
Jin, I would love if you couldshare, how you came to the work,
how you created.
This amazing partner.
So many women I know have doneso much work and done all the
things and they're stillyearning for a true partner.
Tell us the story.
In 2010, I had met my secondhusband and I learned many
(05:15):
lessons within meeting him.
Opening my business was one ofthem.
But.
I met, married, and divorced himin less than two years.
Shortly after I, I left him, Ihad a dream.
I had a dream about a man.
And I'm walking along thestreet, and I pass him.
(05:37):
And when I pass him, I feel allthis love.
I'm talking like heaven.
I'm talking like So much lovethat like the tears, it's very
emotional.
And beside me is my guardianangel.
And I said, who was that?
My guardian angel says, he'ssomeone you're going to meet.
I said, soon.
And my guardian angel said, verysoon.
(05:58):
And I said, that's great.
What do I got to do?
And my guardian angel said,just.
Soon.
You'll meet him in the perfecttiming.
When I woke up from that dream,I decided it was my mission to
go find this man.
I interviewed men for years.
I interviewed some of the Not sogood.
(06:20):
I've interviewed some that werepotential, but none of them
actually fit the bill.
So I met a man and we'll callhim Texan and I was with Texan
for seven years and I thought Ihad met the man that was in my
dreams.
I mean I had spent I spentweeks, months, Eileen, tracing
(06:42):
this man's face with myfingertips in a meditation that
I created.
And I'd sit on the man's lap andI would trace his face with my
fingers as if I was a blindperson so that I knew when I met
him, I would recognize him.
So I had the Texan for sevenyears.
And one night within that sevenyears, I heard the clock
(07:04):
ticking.
And in my previousrelationships, that let me know
that the relationship was aboutto end.
I didn't know when, but I wouldbe able to feel that the
relationship had ended.
I closed 2019 by letting go ofthe Texan.
January 1st, I sat God down andI said, God, I'm ready.
I want to meet the man I dreamtof.
(07:26):
I want to feel that love that Iknow exists.
Now, God said to me, Jen, areyou sure?
Now this should be you.
A red flag to anybody.
Okay, because if God says, areyou sure that you wanted to go
on this journey?
Okay, and God is trying to grabyour attention.
(07:49):
One would take a pause, but no,I signed up for the full tour.
Okay.
I said, yes, of course I am 100percent ready.
That's it.
Okay.
Within a matter of less thanthree weeks, I met a man that
we're going to call Beetlejuice.
He was a narcissist.
And I didn't know it at thetime.
I just thought he was, like, Ihad never been treated so well.
(08:10):
And when I say the man knew thatI liked Snappilies teas.
Okay, and in the first coupledates that we had, he'd bring
this Snapple iced tea that hehad purchased at a convenience
store for me.
And in my belief system, thiswas, I had never had to buy
anything from him.
It's an iced tea.
Okay, 1.
50 at your local conveniencestore, okay, and I am ecstatic
(08:33):
because a man thought toremember the kind of iced tea I
liked and brought that on ourdates.
My vision of myself and what Iwas worthy of was so minimal
that a 1.
50 Snapple iced tea lit me up.
It's the thought too.
It's the thought and the gestureand the time, but I get it.
(08:53):
Yes.
So it's bigger than a crumb.
It's bigger than a crumb, butit's not like the Taj Mahal.
So in a very short period oftime of less than a month, I
ended up moving in with a man.
We were both, I was living withmy sister and he was living with
his dad.
And so I thought it'd be a greatidea.
We'll get a place togetherbecause I thought I was in a
relationship with Beetlejuice.
(09:16):
I was.
Everything but.
I was his mom, I was hissecretary, I was his travel
agent, I was his caretaker, Iwas his housekeeper, I paid his
bills, I did everything but Iwas not considered his
girlfriend in his mind.
So for 15 months it was thelongest 15 months of my life.
(09:38):
The lessons that I learned hebroke me in places I didn't
realize existed.
Can I ask you how long it took,like within days you were like,
Oh, or was it weeks or months?
It was from the moment I met himto the moment I realized that I
had made a mistake.
(09:58):
It was six weeks.
Okay.
The day that we had signed ouryear lease was the day that
everything fell apart.
And I had gone to my mom's.
Okay.
And we hadn't moved stuff in thehouse yet, but I had signed the
lease.
I was committed.
And I said, I think I made thebiggest mistake of my life.
She said that I'd be that bad.
(10:20):
I said no, I really think thisone's going to hurt this one.
Over the course of those 15months, my first husband and I
are very close.
We have three kids together.
And he had helped me out and hetook me aside and he said, Jen,
do you know what you're doing?
He says, cause I'm actuallyreally concerned for you.
I'm scared for you.
And I said, I appreciate yourconcern for me.
(10:41):
I promise you the kids are welland fine.
I'm going to learn this lessonso well that I never ever have
to do it again.
And he patted me on the knee andhe said, Jen, I just want you to
remember that death ispermanent.
And he says, just to, so youknow I'm really afraid for you.
And I said I got this.
(11:02):
My, my parents and my sisteractually separated from me
because they couldn't help me.
Where I was something that I hadto do, and I had to get myself
out of it.
I put myself there.
It was a really bad morning.
It was in July.
And I took my shower to getready for my day.
And as the water started to comeout of the shower spigot, I I
(11:25):
called on God and I started tocry crocodile tears.
The nasty crying where it's thenose is a mess.
And I said how do I stop this?
How do, how, what lesson am Isupposed to learn right now that
I can get out of this situation?
And God said, love yourself.
(11:47):
I said, tears are gone.
And I said, you mean to tell methe only thing I need to do is
love myself.
And this all changes.
God said, yeah, you loveyourself more than anybody else
can.
And he will go away.
I showered.
I got dressed.
(12:09):
I had spark in my life that Ihaven't had in my life in
Decades.
And I decided to learn how tolove myself.
So this became a full time job,this isn't just read a book, and
then just go on with life.
No.
This was a full time job.
I asked myself, what do youlike?
What do you like to eat?
What do you like to do?
(12:29):
What haven't you done?
What is on your bucket list?
I sat with a shadow book journaland I looked at life a whole new
way.
Now, I still had the narcissist.
Beetlejuice was still livingwith me.
He was living in a separateroom.
And he still was trying to dohis antics.
And the more that I lovedmyself, the less power he had
(12:49):
over me.
The more that I loved myself,the more my business grew.
The more that I loved myself,The happier I was, and it didn't
matter the people that werearound me that were unhappy and
miserable because I was lovingmyself.
It took me about six weeks, itwas August 10th of 2021.
(13:14):
I was at my computer and Godwhispered in my ear for me to
check Facebook.
Okay, so I go over and I checkFacebook and then God says, I
want you to look at your friendrequest.
Now I'm confused because there'sno, there's usually an icon or
there's a number or somethingwith you if you have friend
requests and I didn't have any.
(13:34):
So then God said, look at yourfriend's suggestion.
In my friend's suggestions was aman named Josh.
And so I said, okay, so nowwhat?
God says, befriend him.
So I did.
And I closed it out and I wentback to doing what I was doing.
And within eight minutes.
My friend request was accepted.
(13:55):
The moment that friend requestwas accepted, that love drunk
that they tell you about, whereyour head is like all foggy and
just you're like wobbly, likethe energy within me shifted and
I literally just felt a wrinklein time.
There's something happening thatI really need to pay attention
(14:15):
to.
And we started talking back andforth for a little bit.
And I really liked this guy.
So it took us a little bit aboutthree or four days, and I met
him.
And when he got in my car, myfirst thought was, so this here,
This is what you look like.
And so we dated for a very shortperiod of time and we got
(14:36):
engaged.
My relationship with Josh isvery amazing, but the reason why
it's so amazing is because Iworked on myself and I loved
myself and I created boundariesand I learned about myself.
Because I manifested the lifelessons of the husbands that I
had, it prepared me for havingthis.
(14:58):
Amazing relationship with myhusband.
I love myself more than enoughand because I love myself more
than enough, I can love him andI can feel the love that he has
for me because he loves himselfThe transformation part of it is
the fact that I had to learn whoI was in order to be able to
(15:21):
show up into the relationship.
To be in the place that I amwith him.
And how long have you guys beentogether?
We met in 2021.
We just celebrated our two yearanniversary in August.
Cool.
Awesome, and he's supportive andwonderful and all of it all of
(15:42):
the things all the things Thedream that I had, he's even more
amazing than the man that Idreamt.
He is truly a mirror image ofwho I am.
Everyone that I had met before,all the men that I had
interviewed before meeting him,were a mirror image of what I
(16:03):
lacked within myself.
They couldn't commit to mebecause I didn't commit to me.
I didn't even know who I was.
I had a name, okay, someone gaveme that name, and I fulfilled
everybody else's promisesbecause I was in people pleasing
mode, and since then I've goneinto people pleasing recovery,
and I have learned how to listento myself closer, and when
(16:26):
there's red flags, pay attentionto those red flags.
But the transformation part isactually about really doing the
inner work and listening to selfand recognizing that you're
constantly changing.
You're constantly shifting outof who you were and into who you
are to become.
I love it.
(16:47):
I love it.
Yay.
Dr.
Jen.
Awesome.
Thank you so much for thatstory.
Is it okay if I give you alittle feedback, please?
Okay.
And for everybody listening,like you want to have versions
of your story, right?
Because sometimes you're on apodcast and you need to have a
(17:07):
five minute version.
And sometimes if you're leadingyour own workshop, you have more
wiggle room.
And but, and I think of storiesis I'm on the train, I'm with
you, we're on the train.
And then if some detail,sometimes I'm like wait, I'm off
the train.
I, this detail, wait, what?
It's like when you're telling ajoke, you want, you need the
(17:27):
audience to be on the train withyou so that they can do the
punch.
And so when you said I had thisimage of me sitting on the guy's
lap, tracing his face.
I don't know, for me, that waslike, okay, it just was a little
woo.
So maybe.
Either cut that or set it updifferently.
(17:48):
Just suggestions, right?
And then when you said I met theguy, met, married and divorced
the guy in two years, so thatwas not the narcissist no.
Okay.
So when we're telling a story,every little thing is that an
important piece of information?
(18:08):
What's the point of that?
Is that you got the lessonquicker?
So you met, married, divorcedthe guy two years, so that's 24
months, right?
And then the narcissist guy was15 months.
So maybe if you have time for alonger story, you keep that in
the two year guy and then theBeetlejuice guy.
(18:29):
However, if you have shortenedtime, like my mind is going
which guy was this?
It's Beetlejuice, the two yearguy or is Beetlejuice the, so
just so I would take the twoyear guy out unless it's really
important to the, that thepattern you were still learning
this, you were learning thelessons and you were getting
them quicker.
(18:50):
I think that's what you weretrying to say.
And then you're with theBeetlejuice guy.
So did you start connecting withJosh while you're still with the
Beetlejuice guy?
I wasn't clear on thattransition.
Sometimes we give details thatwe don't necessarily need to
give.
Because we want people on thetrain, with us, the whole time
rooting.
(19:11):
If you were going to do ashorter version of that story,
like I was married, blah, blah,blah, and I still kept, picking
not the right guy.
And then, every woman I know hasdated a narcissist, thank God
we're talking about it more.
Anyway, the whole key is you'vehad all these lessons and the
(19:32):
biggest lesson was if you wantto attract the life of your
dreams, you got to love yourselffirst.
And how exactly, when you hearthe, the sign like love
yourself.
Okay, great.
What the heck does that exactlymean?
it's a process, right?
And for a lot of us, it's a verychallenging process.
(19:52):
Especially if we focus on otherpeople and their whole lives and
recovering people, pleaser.
And then the other thing is Doyou have a guardian angel and
God, is it two different voices?
Could it be the same voice justfor the sake of the story?
Just like something to thinkabout, right?
Because my brain goes, oh,guardian angel.
Oh God.
(20:13):
Okay.
How many voices are there?
And maybe there's some clarity,or for the sake of artistic
license, for the sake of thisstory, maybe we make them one
entity.
Does that make sense?
Yes.
And that's okay, it's obviouslyany story we tell, we need to be
emotionally connected to it, itneeds to be ours to tell, and
(20:36):
there's poetic license.
Artistic license for the sake ofthis story, right?
Because the sake of the story isnot yay, I have a perfect life.
It's no, let me tell you myjourney.
I kept picking the wrong men.
there was the ex-husband andthen there was the seven year,
there was the Texas guy, andthen there was the two year guy.
(20:58):
And so, maybe we tighten up theTexans part of it, but we we can
make it shorter, right?
You've got the less than sevenyears, then it was two years, it
was 15 months.
That's really the heart of it.
We're talking about the pattern,right?
Yes.
So I feel like that is some waysyou could tweak and tighten it
(21:19):
up.
And then, cause when you'retelling a story, especially
interview style podcast, it'salmost better if you can tell
this powerful story and thenhave people go, I want to ask
questions.
Or that's so inspiring.
What else did you learn?
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
So does that make sense, Jen?
(21:40):
It makes perfect sense.
Thank you for all of your tips.
I like it.
Yeah.
I think of storytelling.
It's like we have this beautifulpot of stew, vegetable base,
chicken base, however you likeyour stew.
And then we add a bunch ofstuff.
And it's simmering and we stirit and then we put it on the
back burner and then we go dothings and we come back and we
(22:01):
check on it.
Oh, it needs a little bit moresalt.
Oh wait, let's put some basil.
Let's put some, and ideally thestory comes out slightly
different every time cause it'scoming from your heart.
There's nothing I hate more.
And then seeing a polished,canned.
Story that's been overrehearsed.
You can see some of the Tedtalks.
(22:22):
You're like, Oh gosh, this wasso over rehearsed, right?
A lot of them aren't, butthere's a few.
So I would rather you speak fromyour heart like you did and have
it be a little bit messy orstumbling, but coming from your
heart than quaffed thing thatdoesn't land because memory is
(22:44):
information plus emotion.
That equals long term memory andI'll give you an example.
I had lunch with this womanprobably a year ago and we met
through a mutual friend.
We were just getting to knoweach other and she shared this
story how they were in Thailand.
They had two kids.
They wanted to adopt this otherkid, but Thailand has all these
(23:08):
weird rules.
Anyway, they're literallyLeaving to get on the plane and
there's crazy traffic and herhusband jumps on one of those
like motorcycle courier guysIt's like I'm gonna go get the
paper So to go get the paper andlike he did it He made it back
in time to get on the plane sothey could take the guy she told
(23:29):
me that story a year ago, but Iremember it and I just saw her
last week.
I said, I think about yourhusband jumping on the back of
that motorbike because you hadto get the paper from the
embassy in order to bring theboy that you were adopting to
America.
And it stayed with me becauseit's moving and it's, so we
(23:51):
remember things that move us.
And so ideally every story wetell.
Is educational, inspiring,motivating, transformational,
all of the above, hopefully, butat least a couple of those.
Right.
Yeah I just, I love stories.
That's how we learn, it's how wewere telling stories in the cave
(24:14):
before there was written word.
It is one of the most humanthings we can do, and we're
recording this in November.
Last week was the election and.
Half of the country is happy andhalf of the country is sad and
we're all still processing,we're all unclenching.
(24:37):
And one of the things I'mreminded of for the millionth
time is the power of story.
And, the Democratics went hardfor TV ads and the Republicans.
Shows to go totally differentplatforms, podcasts.
(24:59):
So a TV ad saw a few million andthe Joe Rogan podcast, 45
million views.
I'm not trying to be political.
I'm just trying to talk aboutthe power of platforms, the
power of storytelling and it'san exciting and overwhelming,
time.
(25:20):
And story will always be here.
Anyway, but thank you so much.
That inspires me so many womenthat I know, I didn't realize
Dr.
Jen.
I picked narcissist for years.
And I think the thing that savedme was I was so busy doing my
(25:41):
own thing.
I didn't totally surrender allof my life until I met the
Australian and I was in thishuge transition.
I'm quitting my corporatetraining job and going full time
as a coach.
And so he caught me at a timewhen I had, I was more available
(26:05):
than I ever had been.
And I chose to continue beingavailable because I was so swept
away by this man.
And then six months in, myfriends started getting worried
and all of a sudden he startedgetting really critical.
He had been so adoring, he hadlove bombed me.
I didn't know what any of thatwas.
(26:27):
I am very auditory.
And so talking on the phoneevery night for hours, it became
like a drug for me.
And having somebody adore me andtell me I could do it when I was
so terrified to quit mycorporate gig, I needed that, he
fulfilled this need.
(26:47):
And then he tried to break upwith me over a text and I said,
I don't accept this, but I wasdevastated, Jen, and I think it
has actually taken me years toget over this one.
Still learning, stillprocessing, still learning how
to love myself, right?
(27:08):
It's a journey.
You don't just go, okay, Godsaid, love yourself Elaine.
All good.
All right.
Like it's unraveling patterns,right?
It's undoing patterns.
It's lifting off the layers.
It's looking at the things we'veinherited that aren't ours.
It's looking at the things insociety that we're like, Oh,
that's not mine.
(27:29):
Okay.
Oh, I was born into that.
You know what?
You can have it.
Take it back.
Thank you.
You know what?
You can take this back too.
Oh, I need to be a size four tobe lovable.
Yeah.
I I've given up on that oneThere's so much.
Thank you so much, Dr.
Jen.
Tell us if people want to knowmore about you and your work,
(27:50):
how can they find you?
You can find me at JenCasper.
com.
I do workshops, I do retreats, Ido classes that are online.
You can come and hang out withme.
We can do private one on onesessions in order to give you
the transformation that you'relooking for.
And it's J E N C A S P E R.
(28:14):
com for anyone who's driving andcan't write it down.
Jen Casper, like Casper, theghost.
So thank you so much for comingand sharing your story and being
courageous enough to receivecoaching like, whoa.
And for anybody listening,please share this podcast rate,
(28:34):
review, subscribe.
Love it.
It's going to be on my YouTubecaptivate the crowd.
It's going to be on Apple,Spotify, all the things.
Please share it, rate, review,subscribe, because that's how we
grow.
My mission is to help heal theworld.
One story, one video, onepodcast, one joke at a time.
And I need a whole crew ofpeople to help me do it.
(28:57):
Please help spread the word.
Thank you so much.
Dr.
Jen.
And we'll see everybody Soon, Ihope to see you on the screen or
the stage very soon.
Bye everybody.
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