November 27, 2024 • 23 mins
If you've ever wanted to work on your public speaking but the thought of being in front of an audience has freaked you out, listen to this episode. When you can think of your audience as your partner and realize that they WANT you to be good, it changes everything. You get your power back.
I learned this from improv, acting school and doing stand up comedy, but it doesn't have to take you as long as it did for me to learn the benefits of partnering with any audience.
No matter where you are in your speaking journey, you'll love these speaking tips and ways to be even more related with any crowd, fast!
Connect with your Host, Elaine Williams:
Check out Captivate the Mic Podcast on Elaine's YouTube Channel
Check out the Captivate the Crowd Website
Follow Elaine on Social- LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok
Want to schedule a free chat with Elaine? Click here to book a zoom date!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:07):
Hello, this is Elaine Williamswas captivate the mic.
Please forgive my, my voice, butI was committed to honoring my
schedule and dropping this.
I'm so happy that you're here.
This is.
An episode about creatingcollaboration with any audience.
And I learned this from doingstandup comedy in New York city
(00:29):
and improv.
I find what happens a lot oftimes speakers get nervous about
the audience.
They put them on a pedestal.
And instead of creating, Hey,we're in this together.
So we might as well have somefun, whatever the topic is going
to be.
It can be a super serious topicand you can still create
(00:49):
partnership because here's thedeal.
When you're speaking, theaudience wants you to be good
and you want the audience tohave fun and be leaning in
because that makes you a betterspeaker.
And a lot of times the audiencedoesn't know that.
And one of the things I workwith my clients and students on
is when you can createpartnership.
(01:11):
It goes so far and it can reallymake the whole experience.
Next level.
I hope that you like thisepisode.
I can't wait to hear what youthink about it.
I know it was really alife-changing thing for me on my
journey towards being a prospeaker.
I can't wait to see you on thescreen or stage soon.
(01:34):
Hello, this is Elaine Williamswith Captivate the Mic, and I am
coming to you live from Denver,Colorado, I wanted to talk today
about creating partnership withyour audience.
I know that when I first starteddoing standup, I was terrified,
how do you get to be better as acomedian?
You get on stage in front ofother humans and you try to make
(01:57):
them laugh.
And so you need an audience.
And so I started producing myown show right away.
And then I have to stand outsideand beg people to come in and
sit down and buy drinks and cometo the show.
And so sometimes I was secretlyhoping nobody would come because
I didn't want to feelvulnerable.
When we always ended up havingsome kind of show, sometimes it
(02:19):
was for five people.
Sometimes it was for 50 people,but then it'd be like, Oh my
God.
Oh my God.
The people are here now.
We have to do it.
That's what happens withspeakers sometimes.
You work so hard to get the gig,and then sometimes it's oh my
gosh, this is a really bigtheater.
(02:39):
Or, this is a really small,intimate room.
You never know what kind ofspace you're going to be in
until you get there.
And so one of the things thatI've learned from spending hours
and days and really years onstage is when I can create,
(02:59):
we're in this together.
I'm not going to do something toyou and you're not going to do
something for me.
We're already.
On the same team, that is justsuch a great thing to dive into
because No audience wants tofeel like you're doing something
to them or that you're speakingat them, right?
(03:23):
We don't like that and I knowwhat it's like as the recovering
southern girl to need to beliked You know when I first
started I was is this funny?
God, I hope you like me.
When I first started doingFacebook lives, I was I hope you
like me.
I don't want to take too much ofyour time.
Let's talk about being bold, butreally who I was being was,
(03:46):
please don't heckle me.
Please don't heckle me.
So I was giving all the power tothe audience or the perceived
audience when it's, on socialmedia or into a camera.
So instead of coming from thatplace of need, what if you could
create, Hey, we're in thistogether I want you to have a
(04:07):
good time and you guys want meto have a good time because then
we're all going to have morefun.
And the time is going to go bywhether we're doing comedy or
talking about the tax laws of1938 or.
Insurance or, sometimes we haveto talk about really tedious,
hard subjects, but if you canacknowledge it, I just was at a
(04:29):
conference and the woman said,Oh great, I'm the last speaker
of the day right before you allgo to dinner.
So you're hungry, angry, andtired, but because she
acknowledged what was in theroom.
We fell in love with her becauseshe was like, I get it.
(04:50):
I'm not going to be up here forthree hours and trying to
captivate you.
I'm going to get to my message,so you can all get to happy hour
or whatever it is you need todo.
Cause you've been sitting inthis room all day long.
So many times just acknowledgingwhat's in the space all right,
I'm the first speaker.
Anybody else feel like they'renot awake yet?
(05:11):
Anyone else?
I need five more cups of coffee.
That's a great way to start withhumor to acknowledge what's
going on in the audience.
And what I use, I call hookingquestions, which I'm going to do
a whole series on that becauseto me, that is the way to start.
Every video and every speech.
It's infinitely more exciting.
(05:33):
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm really excited to be here.
I'm really excited to blah,blah, blah.
That's all about me.
Who cares?
The audience is like, why areyou here?
Why are you talking?
Why do I have to listen to you?
What isn't it for me?
If you can start off right away,how many of you wish that you
(05:53):
were already at happy hour?
How many of you wish You hadfive more cups of coffee and
maybe a decent breakfast.
How many of you wish you didn'ttake that second helping at
lunch because now you feel likeyou need a nap, right?
Sometimes just acknowledgingwhat's in the space is a great
way to create instant rapportand basically tell the audience
(06:14):
Hey, we're in this together.
I want you to have fun.
You want me to have fun becausethen it's going to go by quicker
and better.
And if I feel like you're intoit, I'm going to give you my
best.
And so that is another thing Isometimes, depending on my
topic, I used to speak oncollege campuses about really
hard subjects like addiction,alcoholism and assault.
(06:38):
I would say, Hey, we're going totalk about some tough stuff
here, but I promise I'm going toleave you up.
We're going to do some comedytoo.
And you're going to learn somethings here that could save your
life or your friend's life.
So cool deal.
That's cool.
Or sometimes I would say, Hey,can this be a judgment free
zone?
I'm going to be sharing somevulnerable stuff and I really
(07:00):
want you to hear it because itcan make a difference for you.
And so let's make this space asafe space.
Now, obviously it depends on.
If you're speaking to all ofGoogle, you might not want to
say that.
It depends on the context andwhere you are.
But to me, that is a great wayto create context with your
(07:20):
audience.
So you're creating thispartnership from the very minute
you step on stage.
Also I was working with a clienttoday.
And she is a keynote for thiswomen's conference, and she's
absolutely stunning.
So I'm encouraging her to makesome kind of self deprecating
(07:41):
remark, because when she firstwalks on stage, It's Oh, she's
perfect.
She's tall and thin andgorgeous.
And there's a part of me that'sbut if she can say, Hey, I was
really nervous.
I felt like my inner dork washere a big time.
I felt like I was in thecafeteria in seventh grade
looking for a place to sitdesperate to not sit by myself,
(08:05):
but not sit with the nerds,anybody else.
We've had those moments, right?
That we're sharing our humanityand sharing that no matter how
much of an expert we are, nomatter how successful we are, we
still have these common humaninsecurities and traits.
And that is such an equalizer.
(08:27):
I love talking about humor.
If you've been following me, Italk about it a lot and I'm
going to keep talking about itbecause I need it.
I think we all need to laugh.
I know that when we laugh, werelease toxins, we burn
calories, we take in moreoxygen, we create the feel good
chemicals in our brain, and itcan, Release the walls that keep
(08:50):
us separate from that other,from that tribalism, that other
hey, we're all on the same teamhuman.
We may have different points ofview, but in the end, we're on
the same team.
So that's one reason I lovetalking about humor and starting
off with it.
Which can feel vulnerable, butthat's how people can relate,
(09:12):
when you come out, I've done allthis and I'm the expert or when
your bio says I've done, it canbe off putting for some people.
So obviously you havecredibility, but you also want
to have your vulnerability.
Those are two key factors.
And it depends on the group andwho introduced you.
(09:34):
As to how vulnerable or credibleyou want to be.
It really depends.
It's very situational.
I specialize in vulnerability.
And when I was speaking oncollege campuses, I was asked to
speak for a private college whoshall remain nameless in
(09:55):
Montana.
I'd never been to Montana.
I did not understand the cultureof Montana.
I did not understand the denial.
At this very religious, school.
I did not understand the cultureand I made a grave mistake.
I was way too vulnerable.
(10:15):
I still could have beenvulnerable, but in a much more
measured way.
So that was a great.
Learning lesson for me that I'llgo into deeper on another
episode.
So anyway, that's the power ofbeing vulnerable and being
credible, starting off and withthe intention that we're
creating partnership with theaudience.
(10:37):
The other thing I want to sayabout that is that you're coming
from a position of power.
But not from a cocky position,but from a position of I'm going
to give you some informationthat is the best thing since
sliced bread, right?
You are a gift.
You have been asked or paid orboth to go speak to a group of
(11:01):
people.
in person or virtually.
And when you come from a placeof, Oh, this is so juicy.
I love this content.
You're going to love it.
It's really going to help you.
That is such a fun place to comefrom.
My friend calls it donut energy.
But just, I think of it as Oh,this is just yummy.
(11:22):
And I know it's going to reallymake a difference for you as
opposed to Oh, I hope you likeme.
Here's my presentation.
I hope it's okay, which is how Iused to be.
So that has taken a lot of stagetime and a lot of coaching and
mentorship to come from a placeof I'm about to give you the
(11:44):
bee's knees, so you want to leanin and listen.
And I hope you like me.
Of course I do.
I'm human.
But I don't need you to like me,because guess what?
I like me.
I like me.
I am imperfectly perfect.
It's not about being perfect,it's about being authentic and
giving your gifts, sharing yourinformation, but coming from a
(12:06):
place of this is so juicy,you're gonna love it.
Even if it's tedious, like taxthings, it's going to help you
in some way and your job andyour position and your
relationship with your body,with your health, whatever it is
that you're teaching andtraining about.
And that is infinitely moreengaging than somebody who needs
(12:29):
you.
We've all been there, right?
Have you ever seen the speakerwho walks out on stage and
you're are they gonna make it?
I start breathing for them.
Are they breathing?
I think she's gonna make it.
She looks like she's gonna passout.
We don't want you to be likethat.
And if you work with me, youwill never be like that.
But coming from a place of Ihave a gift to share and you're
(12:49):
gonna love it.
And if you don't, okay, some ofyou will get that on the way
home.
That's one of my saver lines.
All another episode so creatingpartnership With the audience
for the moment you walk on stageand not needing them to like
you, you can hope you can setthe intention, but you don't
(13:11):
need them.
You're here giving yourbeautiful information and some
people may not like you.
You're not everybody's cup oftea.
Can you be okay with that?
And as speakers, a lot of timesthere's a hundred people.
Smiling and nodding their heads.
And there's one personglowering.
And who do we focus on?
(13:32):
As a comedian.
Oh my gosh.
I could tell you the stories Iwas a keynote and it was a
blast.
It was a gorgeous stage and itwas 500 people.
And later on, this lady came upto me and said, I'm so sorry.
I was asleep in the first row.
I'm on some new medication.
And, and she was in her latesixties and I was laughing
(13:55):
because I didn't even notice.
And in the past I would havebeen like offended but you know
what, people are people.
You never know what's going on.
So it's you want to beconnecting with the audience.
You want to feel the vibe ofwhat's going on with them to the
degree that you can.
And you don't want to killyourself, twisting yourself into
(14:15):
a knot.
I worked with Debbie Ford.
She was my coach.
I got certified with her.
Master's essentials andspiritual divorce.
She has passed, but she was onthe New York Times bestselling
list.
She spoke to Oprah many times.
She worked with Deepak Chopraand she used to always say, half
of the room is going to loveyou, and half of the room is not
(14:36):
going to love you.
So would you rather, Twistyourself into a pretzel trying
to make everybody love you andthen you hate yourself or be
your true self and vibe with thepeople who are vibing with you.
And I always thought that wasreally freeing.
It's really freeing.
So create partnership with youraudience.
(14:58):
Don't need them.
Come out loving yourself.
So that means a good warm up.
That means spiritual practice.
That means probably a goodworkout, a good night's sleep.
Eating well, there's a lot ofthings for self care that you
can do to help you stay in ahigh state.
Avoid the news, avoid familymembers who stress you out, all
(15:20):
that stuff.
If you're not sure how to getthere, give yourself lots of
extra time because Murphy's law,construction, all the things.
Okay, we've talked aboutcreating partnership.
And then one of the other thingsI know when I first started
speaking, I started going toToastmasters because I had been
performing my entire life, butI, I didn't know how to speak as
(15:44):
Elaine, the expert.
So I started going toToastmasters and I went for
years.
And one of the things.
I learned was again, creatingpartnership and not being afraid
if somebody raised a hand orinterjected something or called
out.
(16:05):
Now, a lot of speakers are like,Oh, I don't like interaction.
That's another good reason youshould work with me or start
doing some improv or standupcomedy, because.
When you can dance with whatevercomes up in the room, you're
free.
It doesn't mean you have to knowevery answer.
(16:27):
If someone asks you a question,you can say, great question.
I'm going to get to that later.
Or, fabulous question, I'mactually going to be answering
that in blah, blah, blah, blah,blah.
Or, thank you for asking that,I'd like to talk with you
offline because that's veryspecific to your situation.
Or, you know what, that's agreat question I'm going to do
(16:49):
some research and I will getback to the whole group.
And as I was saying, let's go onfrom here with blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah.
So that's an example of yes,anding.
Okay.
So yes, anding is the first ruleof improv when you're on stage
with a partner.
(17:09):
And in this case, if you're thespeaker, your partner is the
audience.
You always want to make themlook good, right?
Unless someone's heckling youand that's a whole nother thing
we'll talk about another time.
If someone says, Hey, but whatabout.
I can say that is a great point.
I love it.
(17:30):
And we can come back to that or,when you're doing improv, which
I highly recommend if you'reworking on your speaking, if
your partner says you're ayellow marshmallow on Mars.
You don't say, no, I'm not,because that would kill the
scene.
You say, yes, and you are anorange cow on Jupiter, and
(17:53):
somehow we're on this date onplanet Earth, or whatever.
The whole point of yes, and isthat you make your partner
great.
So when someone raises a handand wants to contribute, you can
say, that is a great point.
And I will come back to that.
Or thank you for bringing thatup, let's talk about that
(18:14):
offline.
You, that way, do you see howI'm not, like if someone raises
their hand or interjects and yousay no, or that's completely
wrong or whatever, then it'sdisempowering.
And then it makes the space,safe.
Not feel safe.
So yes, and is a great way.
It's a great way to live yourlife And it's a great way to
(18:37):
come from that place of yes Andwhen you're speaking and that
doesn't mean you're condoningeverything people are saying Or
that you're agreeing witheverything you can say it's a
way of being a gracious It'syou're the host of the party and
you're creating partnership withthis audience.
(18:58):
Yes.
Okay.
That is a, that's a, that is avalid point or that is very
interesting or what aninteresting opinion.
Okay.
Maybe we can talk about thatlater in the Q and a or over
dinner.
You see how you still made themgreat.
Even if what they said was maybepreposterous.
(19:19):
And so that is such a good ruleto live by.
Amy Poehler wrote a book calledYes, And.
She was on Saturday Night Liveforever.
I miss her.
She's so fun.
And it's just a great rule tolive by.
Of making whoever you're with,Great.
When I have a guest on mypodcast, I want to make them
(19:39):
great.
I would never want to knock themdown or hyper criticize them.
I might give them some feedbackon their story in a very loving
sandwichy kind of way.
The sandwich, I loved this.
Next time I would really love ifyou could give me a little more
juice with this or add somepauses or have some more vocal
(20:02):
variety or maybe do an act outand, I also loved blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.
That's the sandwich.
They give compliments and thenthe little bit of what they need
to work on in the middle, right?
Think about it.
For some of us who grew up indysfunction, it is very hard to
(20:23):
receive feedback.
I am I am so sensitive and I'vetried for years to not be
sensitive and I am so sensitiveand so I work on that on a daily
basis.
That's why I have a 12 stepprogram and I meditate and pray
and do all my spiritual thingsbecause that helps me be less
sensitive because I can be moresensitive.
(20:43):
Way too sensitive.
And my goal is to keep growingand learning authentically and
evolving.
And so that means I shouldwelcome feedback at all times.
I don't know if I can do it atall times.
I want to be able to hear thingsand not be a reaction queen.
And so that's why I do myspiritual practices.
(21:06):
And that's another reason.
I love improv because it helpedme lighten the heck up.
I was so intense.
I was so intense.
I was new in New York and I waslike, Gotta make up for a long
time! And the casting directorswere like you need to take some
improv, lady.
You need to calm down.
I was just so intense.
I hope that this is helpful ifyou are coming back on stage, if
(21:28):
you're thinking about becoming aspeaker, if you're already a
speaker, wherever you are inyour speaking journey, being
able to create partnership withany audience, whether it's two
or two thousand.
Is delicious.
It's true leadership, right?
Not needing them to like you,remembering to love yourself,
(21:51):
being super centered and selfcared before you put yourself
out there, whether it's two or2000 or on camera, and then The
yes, anding.
Yes, anding is such a great rulefor life.
Instead of saying or yes, but,try saying yes and see what
(22:12):
doors will open up for you.
I hope that you got a lot out ofthis.
My name is Elaine, if you'rejust tuning in.
And, I help female entrepreneursshow up powerfully on stage, on
camera, and when they're podcastguesting so that they can make
the most out of everyopportunity so that you can have
(22:34):
fun and have the most impactthat you know, you're meant to
make.
On this planet, we all arewanting to expand our reach and
help heal the planet.
I believe that I'm doing God'swork.
I help the helpers.
My mission is to help heal theworld.
One video, one joke, one storyat a time.
And I need a whole crew ofpeople to help me do that.
(22:57):
So if you know it's time, To putsome attention on your speaking
and we all know speaking is thevery best way to grow your
business so people can feel youand hear what you have to say
and say, yes, I want to be onyour email list.
I would like to have a sessionwith you.
I would like to sign up for yourblah, speaking is the best way.
(23:21):
And we all can always be workingon being better at it.
So thank you so much for joiningme.
Please pass this on to somebodywho needs it and please
subscribe Rate and reviewbecause that's how people find
out about this And I want thisto go global and I cannot wait
to see you on the screen orstage soon Bye for now.
(23:45):
Bye
Hello, this is Elaine Williamswas captivate the mic.
Please forgive my, my voice, butI was committed to honoring my
schedule and dropping this.
I'm so happy that you're here.
This is.
An episode about creatingcollaboration with any audience.
And I learned this from doingstandup comedy in New York city
(00:29):
and improv.
I find what happens a lot oftimes speakers get nervous about
the audience.
They put them on a pedestal.
And instead of creating, Hey,we're in this together.
So we might as well have somefun, whatever the topic is going
to be.
It can be a super serious topicand you can still create
(00:49):
partnership because here's thedeal.
When you're speaking, theaudience wants you to be good
and you want the audience tohave fun and be leaning in
because that makes you a betterspeaker.
And a lot of times the audiencedoesn't know that.
And one of the things I workwith my clients and students on
is when you can createpartnership.
(01:11):
It goes so far and it can reallymake the whole experience.
Next level.
I hope that you like thisepisode.
I can't wait to hear what youthink about it.
I know it was really alife-changing thing for me on my
journey towards being a prospeaker.
I can't wait to see you on thescreen or stage soon.
(01:34):
Hello, this is Elaine Williamswith Captivate the Mic, and I am
coming to you live from Denver,Colorado, I wanted to talk today
about creating partnership withyour audience.
I know that when I first starteddoing standup, I was terrified,
how do you get to be better as acomedian?
You get on stage in front ofother humans and you try to make
(01:57):
them laugh.
And so you need an audience.
And so I started producing myown show right away.
And then I have to stand outsideand beg people to come in and
sit down and buy drinks and cometo the show.
And so sometimes I was secretlyhoping nobody would come because
I didn't want to feelvulnerable.
When we always ended up havingsome kind of show, sometimes it
(02:19):
was for five people.
Sometimes it was for 50 people,but then it'd be like, Oh my
God.
Oh my God.
The people are here now.
We have to do it.
That's what happens withspeakers sometimes.
You work so hard to get the gig,and then sometimes it's oh my
gosh, this is a really bigtheater.
(02:39):
Or, this is a really small,intimate room.
You never know what kind ofspace you're going to be in
until you get there.
And so one of the things thatI've learned from spending hours
and days and really years onstage is when I can create,
(02:59):
we're in this together.
I'm not going to do something toyou and you're not going to do
something for me.
We're already.
On the same team, that is justsuch a great thing to dive into
because No audience wants tofeel like you're doing something
to them or that you're speakingat them, right?
(03:23):
We don't like that and I knowwhat it's like as the recovering
southern girl to need to beliked You know when I first
started I was is this funny?
God, I hope you like me.
When I first started doingFacebook lives, I was I hope you
like me.
I don't want to take too much ofyour time.
Let's talk about being bold, butreally who I was being was,
(03:46):
please don't heckle me.
Please don't heckle me.
So I was giving all the power tothe audience or the perceived
audience when it's, on socialmedia or into a camera.
So instead of coming from thatplace of need, what if you could
create, Hey, we're in thistogether I want you to have a
(04:07):
good time and you guys want meto have a good time because then
we're all going to have morefun.
And the time is going to go bywhether we're doing comedy or
talking about the tax laws of1938 or.
Insurance or, sometimes we haveto talk about really tedious,
hard subjects, but if you canacknowledge it, I just was at a
(04:29):
conference and the woman said,Oh great, I'm the last speaker
of the day right before you allgo to dinner.
So you're hungry, angry, andtired, but because she
acknowledged what was in theroom.
We fell in love with her becauseshe was like, I get it.
(04:50):
I'm not going to be up here forthree hours and trying to
captivate you.
I'm going to get to my message,so you can all get to happy hour
or whatever it is you need todo.
Cause you've been sitting inthis room all day long.
So many times just acknowledgingwhat's in the space all right,
I'm the first speaker.
Anybody else feel like they'renot awake yet?
(05:11):
Anyone else?
I need five more cups of coffee.
That's a great way to start withhumor to acknowledge what's
going on in the audience.
And what I use, I call hookingquestions, which I'm going to do
a whole series on that becauseto me, that is the way to start.
Every video and every speech.
It's infinitely more exciting.
(05:33):
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm really excited to be here.
I'm really excited to blah,blah, blah.
That's all about me.
Who cares?
The audience is like, why areyou here?
Why are you talking?
Why do I have to listen to you?
What isn't it for me?
If you can start off right away,how many of you wish that you
(05:53):
were already at happy hour?
How many of you wish You hadfive more cups of coffee and
maybe a decent breakfast.
How many of you wish you didn'ttake that second helping at
lunch because now you feel likeyou need a nap, right?
Sometimes just acknowledgingwhat's in the space is a great
way to create instant rapportand basically tell the audience
(06:14):
Hey, we're in this together.
I want you to have fun.
You want me to have fun becausethen it's going to go by quicker
and better.
And if I feel like you're intoit, I'm going to give you my
best.
And so that is another thing Isometimes, depending on my
topic, I used to speak oncollege campuses about really
hard subjects like addiction,alcoholism and assault.
(06:38):
I would say, Hey, we're going totalk about some tough stuff
here, but I promise I'm going toleave you up.
We're going to do some comedytoo.
And you're going to learn somethings here that could save your
life or your friend's life.
So cool deal.
That's cool.
Or sometimes I would say, Hey,can this be a judgment free
zone?
I'm going to be sharing somevulnerable stuff and I really
(07:00):
want you to hear it because itcan make a difference for you.
And so let's make this space asafe space.
Now, obviously it depends on.
If you're speaking to all ofGoogle, you might not want to
say that.
It depends on the context andwhere you are.
But to me, that is a great wayto create context with your
(07:20):
audience.
So you're creating thispartnership from the very minute
you step on stage.
Also I was working with a clienttoday.
And she is a keynote for thiswomen's conference, and she's
absolutely stunning.
So I'm encouraging her to makesome kind of self deprecating
(07:41):
remark, because when she firstwalks on stage, It's Oh, she's
perfect.
She's tall and thin andgorgeous.
And there's a part of me that'sbut if she can say, Hey, I was
really nervous.
I felt like my inner dork washere a big time.
I felt like I was in thecafeteria in seventh grade
looking for a place to sitdesperate to not sit by myself,
(08:05):
but not sit with the nerds,anybody else.
We've had those moments, right?
That we're sharing our humanityand sharing that no matter how
much of an expert we are, nomatter how successful we are, we
still have these common humaninsecurities and traits.
And that is such an equalizer.
(08:27):
I love talking about humor.
If you've been following me, Italk about it a lot and I'm
going to keep talking about itbecause I need it.
I think we all need to laugh.
I know that when we laugh, werelease toxins, we burn
calories, we take in moreoxygen, we create the feel good
chemicals in our brain, and itcan, Release the walls that keep
(08:50):
us separate from that other,from that tribalism, that other
hey, we're all on the same teamhuman.
We may have different points ofview, but in the end, we're on
the same team.
So that's one reason I lovetalking about humor and starting
off with it.
Which can feel vulnerable, butthat's how people can relate,
(09:12):
when you come out, I've done allthis and I'm the expert or when
your bio says I've done, it canbe off putting for some people.
So obviously you havecredibility, but you also want
to have your vulnerability.
Those are two key factors.
And it depends on the group andwho introduced you.
(09:34):
As to how vulnerable or credibleyou want to be.
It really depends.
It's very situational.
I specialize in vulnerability.
And when I was speaking oncollege campuses, I was asked to
speak for a private college whoshall remain nameless in
(09:55):
Montana.
I'd never been to Montana.
I did not understand the cultureof Montana.
I did not understand the denial.
At this very religious, school.
I did not understand the cultureand I made a grave mistake.
I was way too vulnerable.
(10:15):
I still could have beenvulnerable, but in a much more
measured way.
So that was a great.
Learning lesson for me that I'llgo into deeper on another
episode.
So anyway, that's the power ofbeing vulnerable and being
credible, starting off and withthe intention that we're
creating partnership with theaudience.
(10:37):
The other thing I want to sayabout that is that you're coming
from a position of power.
But not from a cocky position,but from a position of I'm going
to give you some informationthat is the best thing since
sliced bread, right?
You are a gift.
You have been asked or paid orboth to go speak to a group of
(11:01):
people.
in person or virtually.
And when you come from a placeof, Oh, this is so juicy.
I love this content.
You're going to love it.
It's really going to help you.
That is such a fun place to comefrom.
My friend calls it donut energy.
But just, I think of it as Oh,this is just yummy.
(11:22):
And I know it's going to reallymake a difference for you as
opposed to Oh, I hope you likeme.
Here's my presentation.
I hope it's okay, which is how Iused to be.
So that has taken a lot of stagetime and a lot of coaching and
mentorship to come from a placeof I'm about to give you the
(11:44):
bee's knees, so you want to leanin and listen.
And I hope you like me.
Of course I do.
I'm human.
But I don't need you to like me,because guess what?
I like me.
I like me.
I am imperfectly perfect.
It's not about being perfect,it's about being authentic and
giving your gifts, sharing yourinformation, but coming from a
(12:06):
place of this is so juicy,you're gonna love it.
Even if it's tedious, like taxthings, it's going to help you
in some way and your job andyour position and your
relationship with your body,with your health, whatever it is
that you're teaching andtraining about.
And that is infinitely moreengaging than somebody who needs
(12:29):
you.
We've all been there, right?
Have you ever seen the speakerwho walks out on stage and
you're are they gonna make it?
I start breathing for them.
Are they breathing?
I think she's gonna make it.
She looks like she's gonna passout.
We don't want you to be likethat.
And if you work with me, youwill never be like that.
But coming from a place of Ihave a gift to share and you're
(12:49):
gonna love it.
And if you don't, okay, some ofyou will get that on the way
home.
That's one of my saver lines.
All another episode so creatingpartnership With the audience
for the moment you walk on stageand not needing them to like
you, you can hope you can setthe intention, but you don't
(13:11):
need them.
You're here giving yourbeautiful information and some
people may not like you.
You're not everybody's cup oftea.
Can you be okay with that?
And as speakers, a lot of timesthere's a hundred people.
Smiling and nodding their heads.
And there's one personglowering.
And who do we focus on?
(13:32):
As a comedian.
Oh my gosh.
I could tell you the stories Iwas a keynote and it was a
blast.
It was a gorgeous stage and itwas 500 people.
And later on, this lady came upto me and said, I'm so sorry.
I was asleep in the first row.
I'm on some new medication.
And, and she was in her latesixties and I was laughing
(13:55):
because I didn't even notice.
And in the past I would havebeen like offended but you know
what, people are people.
You never know what's going on.
So it's you want to beconnecting with the audience.
You want to feel the vibe ofwhat's going on with them to the
degree that you can.
And you don't want to killyourself, twisting yourself into
(14:15):
a knot.
I worked with Debbie Ford.
She was my coach.
I got certified with her.
Master's essentials andspiritual divorce.
She has passed, but she was onthe New York Times bestselling
list.
She spoke to Oprah many times.
She worked with Deepak Chopraand she used to always say, half
of the room is going to loveyou, and half of the room is not
(14:36):
going to love you.
So would you rather, Twistyourself into a pretzel trying
to make everybody love you andthen you hate yourself or be
your true self and vibe with thepeople who are vibing with you.
And I always thought that wasreally freeing.
It's really freeing.
So create partnership with youraudience.
(14:58):
Don't need them.
Come out loving yourself.
So that means a good warm up.
That means spiritual practice.
That means probably a goodworkout, a good night's sleep.
Eating well, there's a lot ofthings for self care that you
can do to help you stay in ahigh state.
Avoid the news, avoid familymembers who stress you out, all
(15:20):
that stuff.
If you're not sure how to getthere, give yourself lots of
extra time because Murphy's law,construction, all the things.
Okay, we've talked aboutcreating partnership.
And then one of the other thingsI know when I first started
speaking, I started going toToastmasters because I had been
performing my entire life, butI, I didn't know how to speak as
(15:44):
Elaine, the expert.
So I started going toToastmasters and I went for
years.
And one of the things.
I learned was again, creatingpartnership and not being afraid
if somebody raised a hand orinterjected something or called
out.
(16:05):
Now, a lot of speakers are like,Oh, I don't like interaction.
That's another good reason youshould work with me or start
doing some improv or standupcomedy, because.
When you can dance with whatevercomes up in the room, you're
free.
It doesn't mean you have to knowevery answer.
(16:27):
If someone asks you a question,you can say, great question.
I'm going to get to that later.
Or, fabulous question, I'mactually going to be answering
that in blah, blah, blah, blah,blah.
Or, thank you for asking that,I'd like to talk with you
offline because that's veryspecific to your situation.
Or, you know what, that's agreat question I'm going to do
(16:49):
some research and I will getback to the whole group.
And as I was saying, let's go onfrom here with blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah.
So that's an example of yes,anding.
Okay.
So yes, anding is the first ruleof improv when you're on stage
with a partner.
(17:09):
And in this case, if you're thespeaker, your partner is the
audience.
You always want to make themlook good, right?
Unless someone's heckling youand that's a whole nother thing
we'll talk about another time.
If someone says, Hey, but whatabout.
I can say that is a great point.
I love it.
(17:30):
And we can come back to that or,when you're doing improv, which
I highly recommend if you'reworking on your speaking, if
your partner says you're ayellow marshmallow on Mars.
You don't say, no, I'm not,because that would kill the
scene.
You say, yes, and you are anorange cow on Jupiter, and
(17:53):
somehow we're on this date onplanet Earth, or whatever.
The whole point of yes, and isthat you make your partner
great.
So when someone raises a handand wants to contribute, you can
say, that is a great point.
And I will come back to that.
Or thank you for bringing thatup, let's talk about that
(18:14):
offline.
You, that way, do you see howI'm not, like if someone raises
their hand or interjects and yousay no, or that's completely
wrong or whatever, then it'sdisempowering.
And then it makes the space,safe.
Not feel safe.
So yes, and is a great way.
It's a great way to live yourlife And it's a great way to
(18:37):
come from that place of yes Andwhen you're speaking and that
doesn't mean you're condoningeverything people are saying Or
that you're agreeing witheverything you can say it's a
way of being a gracious It'syou're the host of the party and
you're creating partnership withthis audience.
(18:58):
Yes.
Okay.
That is a, that's a, that is avalid point or that is very
interesting or what aninteresting opinion.
Okay.
Maybe we can talk about thatlater in the Q and a or over
dinner.
You see how you still made themgreat.
Even if what they said was maybepreposterous.
(19:19):
And so that is such a good ruleto live by.
Amy Poehler wrote a book calledYes, And.
She was on Saturday Night Liveforever.
I miss her.
She's so fun.
And it's just a great rule tolive by.
Of making whoever you're with,Great.
When I have a guest on mypodcast, I want to make them
(19:39):
great.
I would never want to knock themdown or hyper criticize them.
I might give them some feedbackon their story in a very loving
sandwichy kind of way.
The sandwich, I loved this.
Next time I would really love ifyou could give me a little more
juice with this or add somepauses or have some more vocal
(20:02):
variety or maybe do an act outand, I also loved blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.
That's the sandwich.
They give compliments and thenthe little bit of what they need
to work on in the middle, right?
Think about it.
For some of us who grew up indysfunction, it is very hard to
(20:23):
receive feedback.
I am I am so sensitive and I'vetried for years to not be
sensitive and I am so sensitiveand so I work on that on a daily
basis.
That's why I have a 12 stepprogram and I meditate and pray
and do all my spiritual thingsbecause that helps me be less
sensitive because I can be moresensitive.
(20:43):
Way too sensitive.
And my goal is to keep growingand learning authentically and
evolving.
And so that means I shouldwelcome feedback at all times.
I don't know if I can do it atall times.
I want to be able to hear thingsand not be a reaction queen.
And so that's why I do myspiritual practices.
(21:06):
And that's another reason.
I love improv because it helpedme lighten the heck up.
I was so intense.
I was so intense.
I was new in New York and I waslike, Gotta make up for a long
time! And the casting directorswere like you need to take some
improv, lady.
You need to calm down.
I was just so intense.
I hope that this is helpful ifyou are coming back on stage, if
(21:28):
you're thinking about becoming aspeaker, if you're already a
speaker, wherever you are inyour speaking journey, being
able to create partnership withany audience, whether it's two
or two thousand.
Is delicious.
It's true leadership, right?
Not needing them to like you,remembering to love yourself,
(21:51):
being super centered and selfcared before you put yourself
out there, whether it's two or2000 or on camera, and then The
yes, anding.
Yes, anding is such a great rulefor life.
Instead of saying or yes, but,try saying yes and see what
(22:12):
doors will open up for you.
I hope that you got a lot out ofthis.
My name is Elaine, if you'rejust tuning in.
And, I help female entrepreneursshow up powerfully on stage, on
camera, and when they're podcastguesting so that they can make
the most out of everyopportunity so that you can have
(22:34):
fun and have the most impactthat you know, you're meant to
make.
On this planet, we all arewanting to expand our reach and
help heal the planet.
I believe that I'm doing God'swork.
I help the helpers.
My mission is to help heal theworld.
One video, one joke, one storyat a time.
And I need a whole crew ofpeople to help me do that.
(22:57):
So if you know it's time, To putsome attention on your speaking
and we all know speaking is thevery best way to grow your
business so people can feel youand hear what you have to say
and say, yes, I want to be onyour email list.
I would like to have a sessionwith you.
I would like to sign up for yourblah, speaking is the best way.
(23:21):
And we all can always be workingon being better at it.
So thank you so much for joiningme.
Please pass this on to somebodywho needs it and please
subscribe Rate and reviewbecause that's how people find
out about this And I want thisto go global and I cannot wait
to see you on the screen orstage soon Bye for now.
(23:45):
Bye
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